#id like to think that while he can die from enough physical harm for sure - the will to survive is so deeply ingrained in his aether that

[heaven-dope]

figured out ashen's echo ability :)

[whiteoutzz]

so this post... yeah i am having alot of fun. yeah nobody can stop me and once im done with the script i might just get to the longfic i have planned. yeah its fun

[id: drawing of Arctic and Darkstalker standing in front of eachother; both of them have pointy shapes, with darkstalker's mane being much shorter and covering only the neck, while Arctic's covers the whole chest. Both of them have tufts on their foreheads and are looking at eachother angrily, Arctic bit more reserved while Darkstalker's anger is louder. Arctic has his wings pinned down while Darkstalker's are standing up. Arctic has blue string tied around his snout, while darkstalker has blue stitches around his mouth. Behind them there is a blue web on top of a purple background; but what covers most of it is a silhouette of Queen diamond, pure white with blue eyes, her wings spread out, iron crown with blue gems embedded in it. / end id]

(putting the story under the cut; cw for torture)

the general story is; before darkstalker kills arctic, he gets a vision clear enough it makes him stop. he sees his mother foeslayer, knowing she is alive. arctic still confessed but isn't physically harmed yet; clearsight confirms the vision but looks bit sad and confused, like she is hiding something from him, but can't tell why. darkstalker rips out bit of his scroll, but rest is confiscated so he can only cast few spells (breaking it would have similar effect; his spells would be very limited and small). he lets arctic go but follows him to the ice kingdom, enchanting himself to be invisible. he follows him for a while before getting distracted and eventually finds the tunnels; he frees foeslayer but almost as soon she is gone (and protected; he made sure to word the spell so she can't be taken back. he put it directly on her after all) and is caught by queen diamond. arctic is forced to marry snowflake again, and both of them are very miserable about it. its horrible. meanwhile darkstalker gets tortured in the caves. first diamond couldnt hurt him physically, but quickly she figured that one; he didnt make himself unable to feel pain, and two; he forgot to enchant his insides too. spell loopholes and all that she enchants him so his organs regenerate no matter how damaged, so he cant die trough that type of injury then stabs him through the mouth. she figures out more and more creative ways to hurt him later. one day she brings arctic, thinking that would be his final push, to kill his own son, but she is almost surprised how little arctic cares about darkstalker. he stabs him trough the mouth but inside arctic feels bit weird about it, especially seeing his son bleed blue. but he does not think about that. or tries to atleast.

but he tries to figure out a plan, especially that he was allowed to visit darkstalker after that, seeing that care wasnt there and he could be used as a tool of torture. but maybe he doesnt want his life to end like that. he offers darkstalker to make a plan to escape, but first he refuses. also maybe tries to talk with snowflake and while both still hate echother and snowflake is still rightfully angry for what arctic did to her, maybe they have shred of solidarity for once. and you know the whole thing with both of them already having partners and you know. things look bad but maybe darkstalker at some point will want out enough that he will agree to the plan, but for now; to be continued

(also "oooh why arctic now wants to escape even if he came back willingly?" sometimes u forget how bad things were until you experience them again)

(meanwhile in night kingdom there is a civil war happening, but i dont have details about it yet. but its fun)

[phoenixyfriend]

The Naruto/Frozen Crossover

So I was planning on just doing an image ID thing for this post, but apparently the formatting on desktop is such a mess that it’s easier to just make a new post that’s text only. I can also like. Bulletpoint it so that it can be a little neater. All ideas were made with @firebirdeternal​‘s help, because they are the most efficient enabler I have.

Also I added some bits at the end.

Under a cut, because it’s Long As Heck.

I originally had two options: either Mid-teens Elsa and Anna being transported to ninja land sometime pre-canon and running into Haku and Zabuza... or just like. Born as a Daimyou's daughters.

Spoiler alert, we’ve got nukenin and I’m a sucker for an intrusive crossover, so transported to ninja land it is.

Suggestion from Birdie:

Mechanism for crossover: Elsa ices over a Wishing Well by accident after having Wished for someone else who understood her, Anna and her fall in and get Ice Mirror Portaled to Ninjaland, falling out of an iced over pond near a shrine that Haku recently prayed at for similar lonely child reasons?

Which I like! They don’t end up there soon enough to run into Haku, because I want a dramatic chase first, but I like it.

Obviously, Anna is forced to learn about Elsa's powers because it's the only thing keeping them safe

Or at least alive

(Elsa will do ANYTHING to keep Anna safe, and if that means she has to get her hands dirty...)

...neither of them knows Japanese, so, you know. There’s that.

I'm thinking that they end up in/near Kiri at first

And they aren't FAST ENOUGH to get away so Elsa panic-enchants a giant reindeer made of snow to run away across the suddenly-frozen ocean.

She and Anna have to ride and Elsa is probably crying the whole time.

Oh shit this is like. RIGHT after their parents die, I forgot. So that’s a thing! They are in mourning and all that fun stuff.

Point is, they use the powers for a Self Defense thing and BBY Haku is just !!! "Master can we rescue them for Ice Cousin reasons?" Zabuza: Yes, and only for those practical reasons and not because I collect endangered children like people collect pokemon cards.

I imagine that maybe they track rumors of a Yuki-onna down, or the Giant Snow Reindeer rides by and Haku’s just like Wat

The girls just tag along with Zabuza because. Like.

Do they like him? No. Do they trust him? No. Do they enjoy the fact that he considers them pathetic civilians? No.

However, Haku is Baby.

Zabuza is REALLY annoyed at them being Useless Civilian Royals “but Haku likes them so I guess they can stay.”

Age at meeting, three years pre-canon:

Zabuza - 23

Elsa - 18

Anna - 15

Haku - 12

Elsa is 90% anxiety/depression master combo BUT if Zabzua protects her then she's WILDLY dangerous so like. Whatever

Elsa's bingo book nickname options, uninspired:

Winter Witch

Winter Queen

Ice Queen

Snow Queen

Something about a Yuki-Onna maybe

She's Very Stately and kinda breakable but Winter is her Bitch

I mean like, the fact that, if protected, she can shut down the agriculture of a fucking country? That's an S-rank even if she's not that useful in a fight.

She's like. Jinchuuriki-level destruction. Generally speaking she wouldn’t. But she could.

Elsa: What the fuck is a chakra? Elsa: my snow monsters are self-sustaining. Elsa: I'm gonna build us a house.

Zabuza has NO idea how her powers work and it is INCREDIBLY frustrating but “there’s no chakra cost to keep these things going and we have shelters on demand” is too convenient to question after a while.

Haku: Delicate, deadly, incredibly fast ninja work. Elsa: I can't dodge a kunai but watch me wreck your entire country's ecosystem in under a day.

Elsa is a siege weapon.

Meanwhile, Anna is really, really into the physicality of ninja practice.

She's clumsy and she's not very good at ninja stuff, but she sure is determined!

Anna also gets on Zabuza's nerves because she keeps insisting that Haku get to be a kid.

Anna: Let's make flower crowns! Zabuza: No, he needs to train, not- Anna: FLOWER CROWNS

Consider: Haku saying Elsa-nee-sama and Anna-hime.

Or just calling Elsa “onee-sama.”

Anna is also younger than Elsa and way more Fun so she probably gets adjusted to Anna-chan or Nee-chan.

If Zabuza calls Elsa “Hime-chan” or “Elsa-hime” or, Sage forbid, “Elsa-sama/dono” then he’s VERY MUCH making fun of her and he’s probably getting his soup frozen that night.

At one point, Elsa... tries to like. Convince herself to have a crush on Zabuza or Kakashi or something until Zabuza just puts a hand on her shoulder and asks "do you even like men?" "...that's an OPTION?"

Zabuza urging her to try and ask out a Cute Kunoichi and Elsa's like.... I can't decide if she's bright red and a useless lesbian or uncomfortable and ace.

I am SO invested in the siege weapon thing.

SHE IS THE SQUISHIEST WIZARD.

It's not her fault that every single other combatant on the continent is Massively Dangerous in melee! She took a very traditional back-line build!

Enemy: Doesn't it GRATE to protect someone so pathetic, Zabuza? Zabuza: She literally froze an entire castle of enemies to death because they harmed her sister, so. No.

Most Ninjas: Sharp Knife. S-Rank Mega Ninjas: Gun. Elsa: High Yield Explosive Rocket Launcher. Literally loses fights to the Knife People, because she can't bring her power to bear on that scale. But if you can give her Time and Prep? No contest.

Long distance AoE

Like  you know how Nagato is literally dying of starvation due to illness and can't walk, but he's also capable of leveling powerful villages more or less on his own?

Elsa is the same Vibe.

It’s like sealing a bijuu in a civilian.

She's honestly both more and less powerful? Like it'd be hard for her to kill everyone in Konoha in the snap of a finger? But also, she could starve out the Country of Fire in a summer.

She WOULDN'T, but she could.

I always read Elsa as gay or ace but my brain keeps trying to ship her with dude ninjas and I have to yank it back on a child leash.

People insinuate that Zabuza is interested in Elsa and he's just "What? Ew she's like five."

"I'm eighteen."

"Five."

BUT

Elsa! Might mistake trust and companionship for a crush!

I can see THAT happening despite gay/ace.

Also like. I don’t think Zabuza is straight.

So mlm/wlw solidarity?

And Haku is probs genderqueer.

So Anna is THE TOKEN STRAIGHT.

Anna is like, the Straight Friend who will go to the mat for her queer friends. Like vicious. In-your-face barking like a mean dog at people who were being bigots.

You know how Elsa in the second movie uses her powers to make toys for kids out of ice?

Okay, so her practicing by making things with Haku.

But yeah, Elsa can't really do "throws ice senbon," but she can do Delicate Geometry Things since she apparently, canonically studies math for fun and loves fractals.

Haku: I can trap you in a prison of ice mirrors, and you are at my mercy. Elsa: LOOK AT THIS CASTLE I MADE???

Haku wants to do Pretty Things like Elsa

OH.

Elsa makes... snow bunnies..

For the ninja distraction reasons but also because it's a Soft Thing that makes her feel better about, uh, everything. And Haku likes bunnies.

Zabuza still takes The Dirty Missions but Elsa gets upset when he does something that hurts innocents and Nobody wants Elsa upset. Even Zabuza doesn't want Elsa upset.

When Elsa gets upset, overnight accommodations are suddenly Very Uncomfortable for everyone except her and Haku.

And then Anna gets upset, which makes Elsa even MORE upset.

And then things just keep getting colder.

Zabuza doesn't want Elsa upset for many reasons, not limited to: "Is actually capable of killing me from outside of Sword Range if she's mad enough, even if it’s not that easy" and "the Small Children would be unbearably sad if she died and honestly so might I."

She's more of a friend than a ward and he's not entirely sure he's okay with that.

Zabuza: "Ew, friendship."

He has absolutely no idea how to have a social interaction with people he isn't Bullying, Raising, or Threatening to Kill.

Elsa and Anna have no trouble convincing people they're related, at least. Different coloration with almost identical bone structure.

A tendency to burst into song when they feel emotions.

Identical weird accent that nobody can place.

FOOD

The girls are royalty, they don't know how to COOK.

But they also want food from HOME.

It's a lot of trial and error.

More error than not, since they have both no knowledge and also a language barrier to overcome. It probably takes YEARS before they can describe things like Unfamiliar Flavors well enough for people to say "OH that sounds like spearmint."

When they run into something they know that’s familiar, it’s life-changing.

Chocolate is more common in the elemental nations than in Arandelle and Anna may or may not cry about it.

Anna is loudly bossy, even at Zabuza.

Zabuza is gruffly commanding, to everyone.

Elsa doesn't actually like being in charge, but when she talks, people LISTEN.

(Haku is just happy to be here.)

Elsa radiates two things: Anxiety, and Natural Command, and she basically just fluctuates between those.

"I don't want to be in charge but also I'm vetoing this."

So, obviously, the main reasons that Zabuza keeps the girls around is that Elsa is a living siege weapon and he thinks she could be convinced to help him run a revolution in Kiri, and also that the Ice Queen schtick is like. Really good for Haku and Zabuza can’t really say no to the kid.

HOWEVER, Anna is clumsy and messy and all that, so Zabuza starts training her in Ninja stuff. Elsa joins in on the “I need to know how to Run Fast to get away from fights I don’t want to have in the first place,” but Anna’s the one that’s like “TEACH ME HOW TO SWORD.”

It’s honestly not that hard to teach her, she’s just really, really, REALLY enthusiastic.

Once or twice someone asks why she’s so bad at this yet running around with an A-rank nukenin and Zabuza’s just like “I’ve only had her for a year and a half, shut up!” because it’s not that he’s a bad teacher, it’s that she was a very pampered civilian until like a week before he met her.

He should get a MEDAL for even getting her to low Chuunin.

Zabuza: I'm taking a job from Gato Elsa, who has Training in economics and politics and bureaucracy: I have a better idea.

This is actually not entirely what I’d do but I wanted to make the joke first ANYWAY here’s an actual plot or something.

Oh, also by this point everyone is Canon Ages so Elsa’s 21 and Anna’s 18 and Zabuza’s 26 and Haku’s 15.

Elsa is getting paid to keep the water from interfering with construction, by way of....

ICE COFFERDAM

Elsa with Haku as her Guard while Zabuza is off running his own mission? Which Anna begged to go on because Cool.

Elsa also kind of keeps her involvement on the ice front semi-secret by claiming she’s there as an engineering consultant.

LISTEN canon made her like geometry, I can ENTIRELY believe she’d be excited about the bridge-building.

Gato has hired someone else on the danger level of Zabuza, who is Threatening to Team 7 + Haku? But then when things look bleak Anna and Zabuza arrive and then Scary Sword Man is on our side and oh dear that's a lot of blood.

Which, you know, fun!

Birdie suggested Raiga which I’m not feeling but I do feel the need to bring up as an option.

It’s also not Kisame BUT

Kisame: [giant lake dome filled with sharks]

Elsa: uhhhhhhhhhhh...

Giant lake dome: [is now a giant ice dome]

Anyway

Gato: I'm hiring an army. Elsa: [giant ice wall around his compound] Gato: ... these guys can walk up walls! Elsa: [adds snowman guards] Elsa: ... Elsa: [adds a ceiling]

Just puts Gato's entire mob in a fucking snow globe.

Zabuza shows up twenty minutes late with (Throwing) Star(buck)s just like "Oh, they dead? No? Want 'em to be? Okay cool I'm gonna go pick up Haku, I'll be back in like an hour."

Anna would... LOVE Naruto

ENERGETIC FRIENDLY GOOFBALL

"I found us a baby brother!" "No, we already have Haku." "BUT LOOK AT HIM."

Anna is only a year or two older than Itachi.

OH RIGHT

I wanted to make a joke about how Naruto also vibes with her because he's less judgmental that she can't really... talk properly.

Sasuke is Judgy and Kakashi is Paranoid and Sakura is Uncomfortable.

Meanwhile Naruto is just like "And I Shall Scream."

Anna, who learned Japanese from Zabuza (rude) and Haku (uber polite): WELL FUCK YOU, GOOD SIR Naruto: YEAH WELL FUCK YOU TOO, LADY Elsa, overly formal: I am... so very sorry.

Anyway, generic missing nin fights and all that.

Elsa gets injured in the process and after a variety of arguments, Naruto manages to convince them to take her to Konoha for medical attention.

Elsa is... usually the one getting injured.

Zabuza and Haku are FAST and Anna is at least learning (even if she’s only been doing it for three years), but Elsa is The Squishy Wizard.

If someone throws a kunai... she can’t... really dodge...

So yeah, gut wound.

Normally they find a nukenin medic to patch them up but Konoha is reasonably close and has some of the more skilled medics on the continent and they DID technically help the Konoha nin so like. Gah.

That’s Zabuza’s final thought. Gah.

Just “Fuck it, let’s save the ice queen.”

Elsa ends up in a half-literal-ice stasis state on the way there and it’s happened before (it is not the first time she’s been stabbed), but it’s always terrifying.

Especially to the Konoha genin who are just like WHAT THE HECK IS THAT.

So they get to Konoha, there’s a whole bunch of stuff about extradition treaties and “you are bringing a literal WMD of a woman into our town” and “we can’t just let MOMOCHI ZABUZA in.”

Anyway, it ends up being that Zabuza has to wait outside the village while Elsa is treated inside, and one of the Teenagers goes in. Obviously, it’s Anna, because Zabuza is INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE with letting Haku enter a village that’s known for having lots of bloodlines, and anyway, Anna’s the sister.

Bunch of stuff, she’s healing, etc, and then one day Anna comes in and is told “your sister had a bad reaction to the anesthetic, we couldn’t save her, I’m sorry, she’s gone.”

She flips out, gets shown the corpse, flips out MORE, gets escorted out to the village walls where Zabuza and Haku are waiting.

Horrified reactions

Zabuza doesn’t want to admit that it’s EMOTIONS because this is his FRIEND, he is clearly just upset about losing the living siege weapon.

Haku is just super confused and goes “But she’s not dead.”

“What.”

“She’s not dead, I can feel her, I can always feel her, it’s like sensing but just her, because we’re both ice. She’s alive, somewhere over... there?”

And points right in the direction of the Hokage Mountain, which for the purposes of this fic and also Drama is where ROOT headquarters is.

YEP we absolutely have that plot point.

Is Danzo overused as a plot device? Probably. Am I going to diabolus ex machina him anyway? Ye.

They kick up enough of a fuss that the Hokage gets called down.

He wouldn’t, normally, he’d leave it to a couple of skilled jounin and call it a day, except Naruto got involved so like. You can’t. Ignore that.

There’s lots of shouting.

Just like. A lot.

And then part of the mountain explodes!

AS ONE DOES

Elsa comes flying backwards out of the hole, catches herself on a spontaneous ice slide, gets to her feet.

Girl is swaying like MAD.

There are absolutely ANBU (both fake and real) coming after her.

At least one of them gets speared through by an ice spike.

Anna runs up to her, tries to hug her, gets batted away.

Elsa’s staring at her in sheer TERROR and starts muttering something about how Anna died years ago, this isn’t real, etc.

Nobody except Anna understands most of it, but Haku picks up enough to translate when Anna’s freaking out.

Elsa starts doing her Ice Castle thing in the middle of Konoha as a coping mechanism, mostly so she can get Up and Away and Shielded By Ice.

This is not a good look.

Especially because she’s singing, which Zabuza always thinks is a bad omen because it means shit is getting real and one or both of the girls are about to get a powerup or be beaten even harder than otherwise. When they start singing, things get More Dramatic And Extreme).

(Zabuza does not like Disney Musical Rules)

Danzo shows up.

There’s a bunch of arguing.

All the medics insist that nothing she was given at the hospital should have caused amnesia, psychosis, hallucinations, delusions, etc.

It’s. Not hard for Hiruzen to guess what happened.

Namely that Danzo, upon finding out that chakra dampeners didn’t do shit since none of Elsa’s powers come from chakra, decided to keep her drugged up and start using genjutsu to make her more malleable.

Because like. An injured WMD just showed up in your village. What are you supposed to do, not try to kidnap her and turn her to your side? Like, come on. What was he supposed to do?

Not that, Danzo. Literally Not That.

IDK how it gets resolved, probably Anna getting to her with the power of love, because Elsa is ultimately Super Disney.

I also don’t really know where to go from there other than “Maybe Jiraiya can get you home, but also I’m pretty sure Zabuza wants you all to get the hell out of here and take over Kiri” but who knows.

Also

IMAGINE ELSA MEETING GAI.

Imagine Ino getting a puppy crush on Elsa.

IDK that’s it for now.

[ladyanput]

Seeing Green Ch.11

I gave zero fucks this chapter. I promise I'll make up for it in the next one.

---

    Marinette stared down at her cell phone with a blank look, before she took in a deep breath, raising her gaze to Bruce, who was sitting across the table from her. She and the Waynes were seating in the dining hall, with the kwami from the Miraculous box flying around, exploring everything they could get their tiny hands on.

    “Mr. Wayn- um, Bruce? I was thinking, since you said you were going to get the Justice League in on the entire Paris situation, I want my team in on it too.” Marinette said firmly as Alfred set down a delicate china cup in front of her, filled with fragrant, flowery tea. 

    “You have a team? I thought you just had the pervy cat.” Jason rose a brow, his hand clenched tight around a mug of coffee. He had been tense ever since they had returned to the manor without Eva, but was holding himself together rather well. 

    “Oh, I have three other members in my team. Queen Bee, Viperion, and Ryuko.” Marinette sipped the tea, then hummed in approval. She motioned to Wayzz, who made his way down and indulged himself in some of the tea as well. “They are keeping Paris safe while I’m away. I find it odd, from what they’ve told me there has been no akuma attacks in the city since I left.”

    “Maybe the crazy butterfly man is taking a holiday?” Tim snorted as he downed his coffee as well, ignoring a glare from Damian. “Or maybe he left the country?”

    “Angel, are you sure Paris would be safe if you brought your team here and left the city unattended?” Damian reached over and gently took her hand, lacing their fingers gently. He smiled at her and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “I just mean that, I wouldn’t want anyone hurt.”

    “I’m sure. A lot of things need to be done now, thanks to all that’s happened.” Marinette got to her feet, a determined look on her face, her blue eyes sparking with a fierceness. “I need to find Hawkmoth, I need a stable team and I just want this all over. I mean, first I need to find a new Black Cat holder, then I need to introduce Lady Vixen to the team, and hopefully Alya won’t be akumatized, and-”

    “Miss Marinette.” Alfred quieted her by setting a hand on her shoulder when he noticed the girl had begun to tremble. The older gentleman gave her a kind smile and a gentle pat on the shoulder. “There is no need to fret for now. Just take a deep breath, your parents are on a flight over here, remember? They are due to arrive in a few hours, perhaps you should just take some time to collect yourself? You were just faced through many traumatic incidents in only a short week, so I suggest just laying low for at least a day?”

    “Alfred’s right. If you get too worked up right now, you’re going to overexert yourself, maybe even make rash decisions.” Bruce gave the girl a kind smile, then after a moment of silence, he nodded. “But once your parents are here and settled, you can bring your team here without issue, then we can contact the League. Hawkmoth has tormented Paris long enough and he needs to be dealt with before it gets too far out of control.”

    Marinette visibly relaxed, but then tensed when she heard the sound of someone running. Evangeline appeared in the doorway, clutching the Fox miraculous tightly in her hand and seeming visibly shaking.

    “Eva, what happened, are you okay?” Marinette took a step towards her, but Eva held a hand up, stopping her in her tracks. “Eva?”

    Evangeline was quiet as she went over and embraced Jason tightly, buried her face in his chest and trembled. Jason held her close, concern flickering across his features before he led her out of the room before anyone could say a word.

    Marinette stared after them before she hugged herself tightly. What on earth had happened?

    …

    When Marinette’s parents arrived and rushed to embrace her, the young girl let loose the tears she had been holding in. She wept and sobbed in her mother’s embrace, while her father talked quietly with Bruce, thanking the man for paying for their tickets to get to Gotham.

    “Well I know she would have wanted her family with her after facing such an experience. And the two of you must have been worried sick when you heard that Marinette had gone missing.” Bruce shook Tom’s hand, exchanging a look with Damian as a confused look crossed the parents’ faces.

    “We were never informed. We only heard about it when you called us, Mr. Wayne.” Sabine admitted, fury brimming at the edge of her tone as she spoke. She held her daughter tighter as realization settled in. “We had never been told about the incident with the other villain either.”

    “I-I’m so sorry, Mama, I should have called, I’m so so sorry..” Marinette hiccuped as she tried to wipe away her tears, her nose and eyes red from crying.

    “You mean to tell me Caline never called you? She never once informed anyone of what happened in Gotham?” Evangeline, in a much better state now, looked ready to take something heavy and go beat up one Miss Caline Bustier. “She should have called you the moment she realized Marinette was missing! The moment she knew that your daughter was being held captive with a gun to her head! Tom, Sabine, I’m sorry that I didn’t call.”

    “That’s enough, both of you” Sabine’s firm tone made any more apologies die off both ladies’ lips. “What matters is that Marinette is safe and that horrible boy is in jail. Honestly, I hope his foolish father doesn’t try to turn this around on her.”

    “Knowing Gabriel Agreste, he’ll get his secretary to handle everything while he stays back in his mansion and cries about his missing wife.” Eva commented dryly, crossing her arms and grinning when she heard a giggle leave Marinette’s lips. “Okay, enough of this sappy stuff. I am starving and I think we’ve all cried enough for one day. No one is dead, so let’s get some dinner and talk about our course of action from here, such as getting Marinette home.”

    “But the Wayne Gala!” Marinette blurted out the words before she could stop herself. She suddenly looked sheepish at all of the stares being sent her way, and shifted uncomfortably. “I-it’s in a few days and I was really looking forward to attending. Please? I made Eva and I dresses and everything.”

    “I don’t know…” Tom’s brow furrowed as he didn’t quite grasp why his daughter didn’t want to leave the city where she had faced such horrible things. But when he caught sight of how one of the Wayne boys and his daughter were looking at each other, it clicked, it was the same look he always gave Sabine. The two of them were in love, even if they didn’t realize it yet. “Well… One or two days couldn’t hurt, but afterwards we’re going straight home and contacting the school board about this entire incident. It wouldn’t have happened in the first place if your teacher had been more careful.”

    There were many hums of agreement and Marinette hugged her father tightly, squealing in excitement. She’d get the dream night, one last perfect night with Damian before she had to go home to Paris and deal with the headache that is her class and the torment that is one Lila Rossi.

…

Gabriel frowned as he entered the filthy, disgusting Gotham police station with Natalie. This is why he hated going out in public, people were so disgusting, so sloppy and uncouth. He had to get his son out of here before they all corrupted him.

"Pardon me." Natalie stepped forward towards the reception desk, her face a perfect blank slate as she gazed the woman at the desk now. "We are here to take Adrien Agreste home."

"Are you his legal guardian?" The woman behind the glass rose a brow, before Gabriel stepped forward and showed his ID. The receptionist nodded and pushed a button on the com. "Commissioner, Adrien Agreste's legal guardians are here."

Gabriel felt an irk of irritation as a gruff looking cop stepped through the doors, eyeing the duo before holding out his hand.

"Commissioner Gordon. I take it you're Gabriel Agreste? Sorry that we had to meet under these circumstances." Gordon kept his hand held out, but when he got none in return, he dropped his hand and guided the man back towards the cells, where Adrien was being kept. 

Adrien was found curled up in a corner, looking dazed, his left cheek covered in scratches from Lady Vixen's sharp claws.

"Son, what have you done this time?" Gabriel stepped forward, barely hidden fury being heard in his tone. Adrien raised his gaze and met his father's, allowing Gabriel to see the madness in his eyes.

"Father, I had my Miraculous taken away."

…

Marinette sighed as she stepped into the library and saw Eva sitting in one of the comfy chairs, staring down at her Miraculous with Trixx on her shoulder.

"Evangeline, what happened today?" Marinette stepped forward and nearly froze when Trixx's and Eva's eyes snapped up, both pairs of eyes the same shade of unearthly purple.

"I don't deserve this Miraculous." Eva blurted out, moving to unclasp the necklace, but Marinette quickly moved to stop her, her gut clenching at the sight of the shakiness in Eva's eyes. "Marinette, I'm a loose cannon, I attacked Adrien so easily, I-"

"Why did you, though? I've seen you angry, but never so ready to cause physical harm like that. I mean, it was so out of left field for you." She hugged her friend, giving her back a few gentle pats.

"... My ex boyfriend said the same thing to me. I was trapped because he had me in this horrible abusive relationship and I didn't ever leave because… Because he kept threatening to kill himself." Eva stared down at her trembling hands, before letting out a shaky whimper. "One day I did. And as I was shoving my bags into my car, he came out of the house with a gun. He called me name, put the barrel in his mouth, and-"

Marinette didn't need to know the rest.

"But I saw a therapist and I worked through that shit. He did that to hurt me, to spite me. It wasn't my fault, he would have done anything to control me or to hurt me. So that's why I'm so adamant on you seeing a therapist, sugar cookie." Eva took her hand gently, giving it a squeeze. "It wasn't your fault. It was never your fault, Adrien was bound to do this because no one ever told him no, no one ever taught him right. Yes, like Plagg explained, the Miraculous may have corrupted him, but that shouldn't excuse him from what he did."

Marinette was quiet for a long time, trying to digest those words as she left the library, allowing Trixx to talk to her newfound kit in peace.

Marinette wandered the halls of Wayne Manor, her mind just… Gone. Off trying to process all that had happened to her in only a few days. When she finally came out of her senses, she found herself standing in front of Damian's bedroom door. With a small smile, she knocked.

Damian answered the door, his eyes lit with concern as soon as he realized who it was. But before he could get a word out, Marinette reached up and pulled him down for a soft kiss.

"Thank you. Thank you so much for respecting me." 

"Angel, where did this come from?" Damian let out a surprised laugh as he gathered Marinette close, giving her forehead a soft kiss.

"Today just made me realize that if you find shut that treats you right, you should never let him go." Mari shrugged and smiled, pulling him in for another kiss.

Tim, who decided to exit his bedroom just at that very moment, made a gagging noise and went off to discuss with his brothers that he needed to stop coming across random make out sessions. It was getting utterly ridiculous.

…

Marinette set the Miraculous box down on the coffee table, as the Wayne family watched. She pulled out what looked like a pair of glasses, and smiled as Kaalki gave her a muzzle, then opened up a portal.

Out of the portal stepped Chloé Bourgeois, Luka Couffaine, and Kagami Tsurugi. The trio brightened at the sight of Marinette and rushed forward, old friends hugging onto each other for dear life.

"Are you sure the League will listen this time?" Kagami took a step back, wearily eyeing Bruce Wayne. "They've been ignoring our calls for years."

"They'll listen, we'll make them listen if it's the last thing we do." Marinette said firmly.

Soon the entire team was down in the Bat cave, facing the monitor. Ladybug stood with Ryuko, Queen Bee, Viperion, and Lady Vixen as the Justice League came onto the screen.

She forced a smile as she introduced herself, and fought back tears as she thought of the partner that would never be introduced.

If only she had been stronger, she could have saved him.

Taglist: @realrandomposts @interobanginyourmom @ladybug-182 @ladylb @zalladane @mochinek0 @persephonebutkore @urbanpineapplefarmer @vixen-uchiha @angelofmusickaterinapetrova @thewheezingbubbledragon @northernbluetongue @violatiger8 @thequestionablyhuman @ginamarie1512 @maude-zarella @2sunchild2 @saphiraazure2708 @ayuchan07 @virgil-is-a-cutie @thepeacetea

[daresplaining]

[ID: Excerpt from Lee’s Daredevil run. Jack Murdock is boxing with a blond-haired opponent in front of a large crowd. College-age Matt and Foggy are cheering him on from the sidelines.]

Jack: “The Fixer said I have to take a dive in the first round tonight! But my boy’s here tonight, to root for his dad! I’ve always trained him to do his best... I can’t disappoint him now!”

Fixer: “Murdock! You fool! Take it easy! What are you doin’?! If you’re tryin’ to double-cross me, you’ll live to regret it! You’re supposed to dive now... hear? Dive!”

Foggy: “He’s winnin’, Matt! Your dad’s pulverizing him!”

Matt: “(I know it! I can follow the fight perfectly, by hearing the sound of each blow, each footstep!)” 

Jack: “It’s my one chance! ...Maybe my last chance... to do something to make my son proud of me! I’m not gonna fail him! I’m gonna win... do ya hear... I’m gonna win!”

Daredevil vol. 1 #1 by Stan Lee, Bill Everett, and Sam Rosen

    This is unprompted by anything, but since it’s on my mind, I wanted to discuss it: 

    There’s a conversation that can be had about Jack’s decision to not throw his final fight, and whether or not it was a responsible thing to do. On the one hand, it was a powerful move that symbolically shaped the rest of Matt’s life. Jack makes the decision to stand up for his morals, and for himself, and with his son cheering for him, he does the impossible and wins a fight everyone told him he had to lose. This type of persistence against incredible odds is a major Daredevil motif. Jack’s decision to stand up to the Fixer and his cronies aligns with the bullying themes that exist throughout Matt’s origin story, and is reflected afterward by Matt’s decision to take that same stand and become a superhero. It’s also a beautiful, emotional depiction of a man who has struggled his entire life and finally achieves a sense of self-worth and empowerment. Jack’s final fight is a powerful picture of heroism, and this is why it is such a frequently-referenced moment in DD history. 

    But it also got Jack killed, and-- and this is the tricky bit-- he presumably knew it would. Jack was born and raised in a neighborhood dominated by organized crime. Whether or not you subscribe to the version of continuity in which he was blackmailed into working as a mob enforcer for a while, it’s a clear fact that Jack, having grown up in this environment, would have a sense of how gangsters operated, which means knowing what happens to those who anger them. While the earliest versions of the story (in Daredevil #1 and #53) gloss over the actual conversation between Jack and the Fixer before the big fight, Roger McKenzie spells it right out in his retelling in #164:

[ID: Excerpt from McKenzie’s Daredevil run. Jack Murdock is working out in a gym in nothing but short shorts (I swear...) when two gangster-looking men in fedoras come in. One (the Fixer) is short, the other is tall.]

Fixer: “Jackie boy, you been workin’ too hard. You ought’a take it easy. Real easy. So easy you lose your next fight, know what I mean?”

Jack: “Why, you lousy little--! I never threw a fight in my life! I sure as hell ain’t gonna start now!”

[ID: Jack tries to punch the Fixer, but the tall gangster grabs his wrist.]

Fixer: “Jackie boy, you either take a dive... or you’re a dead man!”

Daredevil vol. 1 #164 by Roger McKenzie, Frank Miller, and Glynis Wein

    Jack knows the stakes: if he doesn’t throw the match, he’ll be killed. Entering into this impossible situation is part of the tragedy of his story. He was previously aware of the Fixer by reputation, and avoided having anything to do with him until he had no other option. For Matt’s sake, Jack sacrifices both his morals and his personal safety by agreeing to associate with a manager who is known within the boxing community to be crooked and dangerous. 

[ID: Two panels from Thomas’s Daredevil run. In the first, Jack is walking down the street, away from the viewer, with his hands in his pockets. In the next he is in the office of a boxing manager, leaning over his desk. The manager is lighting a cigar.]

Jack: “I’m too old... haven’t been able to land a fight in weeks! But, I’ve got to keep fightin’... till Matt gets thru college! I owe him that!”

Matt (caption): “Finally, in desperation, Dad made a fatal decision...”

Guy: “Sorry, Murdock... but the only guy who’ll manage a has-been like you is... the Fixer!”

Jack: “The Fixer! I always swore to steer clear of a guy with his reputation! But now I’ve got no choice... I have to get a fight!”

Daredevil vol. 1 #53 by Roy Thomas, Gene Colan, and Artie Simek

    But in spite of this knowledge, Jack also shows a surprising degree of naivete in this situation. He’s a good person, maybe a little too trusting, maybe not quite as street smart as he ought to be. He is a victim, toyed with by people who are happy to prey on his earnestness and desperation. Despite being aware of how shady the Fixer is, Jack is still shocked to learn that his fights are being fixed, and affronted by the suggestion that he would agree to take part in that deception. But even so, once the situation becomes clear to him, he does know that the consequences will be dire for him if he refuses to throw the fight. For Jack, deciding to welcome those consequences and finding the strength to actually win the fight is a personal victory, but there’s an uncomfortable grey area within that decision, because by choosing to set a moral example for his son in spite of the risk, he is also choosing to abandon Matt. 

[ID: Excerpt from the Battlin’ Jack Murdock mini-series. Jack is in an alley, getting beaten up by several gangsters in fedoras. His face is bloody. One of the gangsters, Slade, holds a handgun to Jack’s head.]

Slade: “You ain’t scared, huh, tough guy?! Maybe after we’re done with you, we’ll go get your boy. Maybe we’ll make him deaf and dumb too! Whaddaya think about that, Murdock? You think we should go see your boy?”

Jack: “Heh heh. You... you do that. Ha. You go see my boy. Ha ha ha!”

Daredevil: Battlin’ Jack Murdock #4 by Zeb Wells and Carmine Di Giandomenico

    The Battlin’ Jack Murdock mini-series makes an effort to break down Jack’s mindset regarding this decision. Ultimately, it resorts to using a retcon (or at least, an addition to the canon not seen elsewhere) to justify Jack’s actions: Jack discovers Matt’s fighting abilities shortly before the match, and goes to his death safe in the knowledge that his son can take care of himself. I like this plot point just because the idea of Jack discovering Matt’s secret is fun to consider. But it doesn’t really work to smooth over this wrinkly bit of characterization, because a parent’s concern for their child’s wellbeing usually goes further than just “can my kid physically defend themself against possible future retribution stemming from my actions?”. Jack’s “Oh phew, Matt’s a badass!” doesn’t, I feel, go deep enough. Without Jack, Matt only has one other significant person in his life at this point: Foggy. And that does end up being enough-- Foggy’s support gets him through the initial anguish of losing his father, and Matt graduates college and builds a successful life for himself-- but it still looks a lot like selfishness. Jack may be trying to set a moral example for Matt by winning the fight, but what good is that when it’s a decision that ends up harming them both? Jack may be willing to die for the sake of taking a stand, but shouldn’t Matt, who is forced to suffer the emotional toll of losing his father, have a say in that decision too? 

    Jack wins that fight for himself and for the message it sends to Matt. This is firmly established. But what is also firmly established is that Jack would have done anything for Matt. He sacrificed everything to give his child the best life he could, and for a long time, the two of them only had each other. Jack certainly made mistakes, but it seems wrong to think that he would willingly choose to leave Matt alone. It is possible to read this moment as Jack deciding that Matt is ready to be left alone-- he was in college, well on his way to adulthood and independence, he had a caring best friend, and thus Jack felt safe in letting Matt go off on his own. I think that’s part of what Battlin’ Jack Murdock was trying to get at, and I do certainly think that was a factor. But I also believe strongly in the sheer emotional force of that moment in the ring when Jack made his fateful choice. 

[ID: Excerpt from the Daredevil: Yellow mini-series. Jack, in the ring, punches his opponent in the face while Matt and Foggy cheer him on from the sidelines.]

Matt: “Take him, Dad!”

Announcer: “Unbelievable! ‘Southpaw’ Jack Murdock has floored Creel with a hard right to the jaw!”

Daredevil: Yellow #1 by Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale

    I want nothing more than to give Jack the benefit of the doubt, and my personal interpretation of the decision is that there was no forethought involved. Jack goes into this fight angry and horribly conflicted, and then in the heat of it all he realizes he can win, he hears Matt cheering for him, and he just goes for it, unleashing a lifetime of grief and frustration, determined to behave heroically in front of the son who means more to him than his own life. Maybe, in the elation of the moment, he convinces himself that he’ll be able to handle the Fixer’s retribution, or maybe he no longer cares one way or the other. But it’s such a visceral scene that for me, I’m convinced that emotion was the main driving factor behind Jack’s decision. 

[apex-academy]

Chapter 5: Caring Is a Hazard to Your Health (#21)

The rest of the day is a blur. Some pool. Some Centipede. Some vapid conversations I barely remember as I’m having them. A cooking lesson that’s more lecture on Japanese sauces than actual cooking.

I don’t run into Aidan again. I’m not sure if I want to. Certainly I’m not going to try anything now, but... I don’t know. I don’t know.

I end up in the sauna dangerously late in the day. The only exit is to the bathhouse, which closes at nighttime... Would I be stuck in here overnight if I stayed too long? Punished? I bet I could stay awake. Wonder what happens in the restricted rooms at night. Cleanup and restocking or something. Maybe I should try staying in the kitchen. Eat some coffee beans straight up to keep from falling asleep and see how the heck Monochap sneaks in and out of there.

But for now, I’m just...

“...”

It is kind of pleasant in here. I may be bundled up a bit too much for a sauna, but it’s supposed to be hot anyway, right? As long as I swig plenty of water after this, I should be fine.

“...”

“After this” might need to be “right now,” actually. No use getting too light-headed. Or, well, I don’t mind having fewer thoughts, but I probably shouldn’t be taking health risks. I can worry about nighttime escapades later. I should... attempt to get some sleep.

After a cold shower. I don’t think I’ll be needing a warm bath after this.

...

"Um, hello! Good morning! It is now 7:00, so the off-limits areas have been reopened! I-I hope you all have a nice day…!"

I wake up again. That’s always good.

But when I make my way towards the cafeteria...

“Sounds like some kind of ruckus going on.”

I open the doors, but...

“.....”

No people, less noise. Uh.

I back up into the hallway and try next door. The gym. Sounds like maybe the hubbub is in here instead? Did I miss a summons to an early morning sports tournament?

Is someone...

“........”

No, that has too be too many voices. Right? If someone had been discovered, the jingle would have played...

“......”

It still takes me a minute to open the door.

People are still talking over each other, but I don’t see any bodies on the floor or fists flying.

Knives, maybe. But not fists.

A thud rattles the still-collapsed bleachers behind Kaichi’s shoulder. In true Kaichi fashion, he hardly flinches.

“Woooooow!”

“I’m next, right? I’m next?!”

“No way, dude!”

“That’s right! No one is going next!”

“What?! Nono I’m next!”

“Wh...”

“This is a completely unnecessary risk! Cease at once!”

“Risk? Surely you don’t mean to question my skill.”

“Seems pretty skilled t’ me.”

“.............”

I always manage to forget I should worry much less about these people dying than just being idiots.

Before anyone can notice I’ve joined them, the knife digging into the stands slowly tilts, then falls. Kaichi manages to pull his foot to one side before the blade clatters to the floor.

“Haha, whoopsie! You okay?”

“Looks like I still got—” he tilts his head down to check—”ten toes, s’. Yeah, sure.”

“That—”

“That makes it clear how dangerous this is!”

“Like, nothing happened, though?”

“That was a matter of luck!”

“Fool! You think any part of this is merely a throw of the dice? No divine weapon of mine will harm anyone unless I bid it.”

“Considering how consistently you threaten everyone, I don’t find that comforting!”

“So, anyway, it’s totally my turn, right?”

“It’s no one’s turn!!!”

I walk inside just as he’s about to blow a gasket. The door falling shut behind me is enough to get a little attention.

“I would ask what’s going on, but I think I have a good enough idea.”

“Ah, Kogamino!”

“If you understand, would you mind talking them out of it?”

“I’m afraid I’m having little luck.”

Another thud interrupts before I can say a word. Ichiriki starts laughing.

“Woooow, that one was super close! Ahahaha!”

Standing stiffly, Kaichi cranes his neck just enough to get a good glimpse of the knife now separating his face from his surfboard.

“Nice.”

“There.”

“Now the next wretch may step up.”

“I’m the next wretch!!”

It’s surprisingly hard to jump in and stop something when you can’t fathom why they started in the first place. Are we seriously that bored? Didn’t we just wake up? At least eat before you start throwing crap at each other, geez.

“Nuh-uh! I’m next!”

“How did this even start?”

“Well, like, Yuks was gonna make omelettes this morning? So we all kinda ordered ‘em or whatevs, and, like...”

“...”

“Amid the conversation as we waited, that one saw fit to issue a challenge.”

“I did?”

“And then things happened, and now we’re here!”

He finishes, as if he’s being the most helpful one here.

“I had been assisting with the cooking when I realized everyone had left, so I peeked out to see what had happened...”

“And you were met with a fun surprise, huh.”

“Yeah-huh! It’s super fun!”

“That’s great.”

“Actually, I just came over to see who got the first omelette? Because it’s finished.”

“Ah, first should have been... Riseiin, I believe?”

“Nice. ’m out, then. Later, brahs.”

“I don’t think the rest are far behind, so if you’d like your food warm, you can come back to this later.”

“I suppose that may be for the best...”

“Consider it a mercy to those of you bound to time, hmm?”

And just like that, the party dissembles to go for the door. Tsunyasha walks—like a normal human being—over to the stands to retrieve her mystical-whatever knives. Mahavir stays back, presumably to make sure she doesn’t kill me while we’re still here.

...I really hope Yuki’s almost finished. Maybe I don’t need to follow everyone over all that quickly.

Tsunyasha gets all her knives put away in quick order, but we’re still the last ones out. Mahavir, as usual, spares me from having to open the door.

As we cross into the hallway, I see Monochap opening the doors to the dorm area. Before I can wonder what he’s up to now, Aidan wheels himself out, with an uttered sound that I don’t think is actually a thanks. Upon seeing us, Monochap gives a little wave and a disturbing giggle before fleeing towards the Main Hall.

Aidan seems a little more pleased to see us.

“Good morning! I hope I haven’t missed anything?”

“Nothing worth mentioning.”

“...”

“Has Monochap been opening doors for you?”

The handicap buttons in this place haven’t been working since we woke up here. I hadn’t spared them a second thought, but now we actually have someone in a wheelchair. Guess that’s how it usually goes.

“When necessary.”

“Unfortunately, my student ID was reset to its original settings before they gave it back to me. But whoever did that also added an option to signal Mister Monochaperone for assistance.”

“It isn’t my favorite recourse, and I’m not sure why it’s necessary when it isn’t that difficult to summon him otherwise, but it can be useful.”

“Ah, to have a demon at your beck and call.”

“Quite fitting for a black-hearted sinner like yourself, hmm?”

“Don’t you start this again...!”

Aidan holds up a hand.

“Calm down, Mister Attenborough.”

“Miss Tsunyasha, I appreciate saving your comments for a more private discussion, but I’m afraid they are still highly inappropriate.”

“You’re entitled to your opinion of me, but I fail to see how repeating it does you any good. I cannot take back what I’ve done, so I would prefer to focus on what I can do at the moment, if possible.”

“Oh? Is this a sorely misguided plea for mercy, worm? You think I must gain something from this?”

“It is merely my job to ensure those of your corrupted ilk cannot walk away from their sins freely.”

He’s not doing much walking at the moment, in case you haven’t noticed.

“You call this walking away freely?!”

“Mister Attenborough.”

“.......”

Aidan turns back to Tsunyasha.

“Whether it’s sufficient for your tastes or not, I assure you I have most certainly been punished.”

“I can’t ask you to approve of my sins, as it were, but if you truly care about doing the right thing, your priority should be ensuring the safety of the other people here.”

I only see a flash before there’s a knife at Aidan’s neck.

“Then I should eliminate you now, yes?”

Aidan stares evenly back at her.

“Do you really consider me such a threat? I am incapable of physical combat, I am unarmed, and I would have severe difficulty engineering anything to kill another in this state. No one here has anything to gain from my death.” His gaze strains towards the knife. “This is nothing but a very rude gesture, and I would like you to stop now.”

“Oh? You still think I would follow a worm’s orders?”

“Why don’t you follow this?!”

Mahavir lunges at her. Aidan winces as the knife skirts along his jaw. Tsunyasha hops back an extra pace, and Mahavir tilts dangerously before catching himself on the wall. Huffing, he doesn’t seem able to push himself back up too quickly. I put myself between Tsunyasha and Aidan for good measure.

“So you’re relying on your little guard dogs, are you, whelp? You truly think they’re any match for a Holy Assassin?”

“I’m not a guard dog, you just need to stop?”

“I am not trying to rely on any physical enforcement here—” a pointed look at Mahavir—“nor am I giving you orders. I am merely pointing out that there is much more to being ‘righteous’ than harassing those you deem to be sinners.”

“So you question my judgment, worm?”

Your judgment is nothing if not questionable.

“More like questioning your ‘righteousness,’ or ‘holiness,’ or whatever else you’d like to call it!”

He finally shifts his weight back onto his feet.

“Regardless of who did and didn’t die, at least Doppler has done everything he can to help us!”

“What have you EVER done for anyone else here?!”

“Stir up trouble, mostly.”

“Hmph. Only just now I was providing you ungrateful whelps with entertainment, was I not?”

“And no one died, if I must remind you of that.”

“As a fluke! You easily could have injured Riseiin! It was only a matter of luck that he didn’t have any toes sliced clean off! And I shouldn’t need to tell you even foot injuries have the potential to be lethal!”

“...What did I miss here?”

“We can worry about that later.”

“The potential, certainly.”

“But a far less sure shot than firing a gun into someone’s chest, hmm?”

“But that wasn’t for amusement!”

“And yet it still happened.”

“I truly don’t understand how you could possibly favor that sinner’s actions, but I suppose your wicked ways are just that far beneath me.”

“It’s because you don’t understand that you’re the only threat here!”

“Oh, I’m quite a threat to those who would dare try taint my holy name. Would you like a demonstration, whelp?”

“No one would like any demonstrations!!”

“Of course you wouldn’t.”

“We get your freaking point, okay? You could stab a serious burn victim and a wheelchair-bound child to death with ease if you really wanted to. Congratulations.”

“You want to prove you’re such a great assassin, how about you wait until practically anyone here is in decent physical condition? You’ve held out this long. I’m sure you can handle a little longer. Or is patience suddenly not one of your holy virtues?”

“Hmph.”

“Don’t think for a moment you can understand the essence of a Holy Assassin, fool.”

“Oh, believe me, I don’t.”

She spins the knife once around the gloved part of her finger and sheaths it.

“Very well. I tire of these pitiful negotiations of yours.”

“I’ve a reward waiting for me, anyway.” 

She takes a few steps towards the cafeteria.

“Use this opportunity to think about what awaits you.”

Not an omelette on my end, I’m guessing.

“Any more of this and I assure you, whatever awaits you won’t be a reward.”

“Mahavir. That’s enough.”

“........”

Mahavir stares Tsunyasha down as she walks away. Even when the doors close behind her, he doesn’t turn away.

“......”

I hear a rattle and open my eyes again. Aidan’s started to wheel himself forward.

“Miss Kogamino. Thank you for stepping in.”

“No problem.”

“...”

“I’m halfway surprised you’re not upset about being called a child.”

“Well I don’t appreciate it, but I can understand it was for emphasis.”

“Right.”

He scoots himself closer to Mahavir.

“....................”

“Mister Attenborough?”

“.........”

“...I’m sorry. But she...”

“She can’t just...!”

“I know. She has no right to be making these sorts of threats, but pushing back like that will. Not. Help with her.”

“...........”

“So take a deep breath and come on. We have a meeting to get to.”

“........”

Aidan moves as close to the doors as he can, but Mahavir doesn’t follow yet. Guess it’s not that easy to let it go.

But everyone else is already in the cafeteria, right? No harm leaving him alone to cool down a bit.

I don’t want to think about what could happen if he ran into Tsunyasha again too soon.

[BACK] [NEXT]

[trialtribandtestimony]

His Mercy

A lot of the time we find ourselves asking, "is there really hope for that person?". Usually not thought aloud, but we can see someone so deep in despair it's almost impossible to imagine them any other way. When I look back on my life, that's how I view where I was at.

What was my life like before Christ? Well defining what that means is difficult. Honestly my story starts even before my birth. I was conceived out of wedlock and I was born to my mother when both of my parents were 19. A wedding was set in place before my birth but was canceled at the last second by the grace of God. My mother had been made aware of how disgusting a man my father, Michael, really was and didn't even want him in the room when I was born quite understandably.

Of course when I was born many a court case took place. My last name, custody rights, and etc. My mother was genuinely scared for my safety, along with my grandparents, because my father already was a drug user. The judge decided that, and he stated, my father would "grow out of it", and granted him visitation. The judge was wrong, and this decision has affected my life ever since. But I believe that this decision was not an accident, I don't believe God's plan is an accident at all. He works all things for good.

Despite the chaos of events when I was a baby, my early childhood years were not anything particularly bad. All of my special talents started emerging, I loved to act, sing, and paint. I had a vast inner world which still exists. I was quite outrageous and special to my family, out of a difficult situation I felt like a blessing. I would sing to strangers in the grocery store and capture the heart of everyone I met. I was saved at four years old, my grandmother genuinely believing I knew what I was asking for and I believe she was right. That's why my testimony really isn't about my life "before" Christ. He died on the sins for all of the world, my name was written in the book of life before the earth was set in motion, Jesus was always there because according to Calvinism (a philosophy I heavily agree with) he knew the decision I would make to follow him. Unfortunately tragic events would make me question that decision in a few years to come.

When I became about 8 years old it seemed like everything started hitting me at once from every possible angle. My mother would get divorced from her husband whom was the father of my sister. My third grade teacher noted to my mother that every-time id come home from Michael's house I would become extremely pale. I physically started to become extremely thin. At this age my father's controlling tendencies consumed him and increasingly became worse. He would force me to watch demonic horror movies, I'd cry because of how traumatizing it would be and tell my mom, but unfortunately she didn't have much control over those things which terrified me. My mom was always my superhero, and realizing that not even my mom could protect me rocked my world. I believe this is the time period he started using heavier drugs, but many memories are fuzzy and still blocked out to this day. This is when his behavior became worse, but the true intentions and twisted behavior started to appear. He pawned all of my Christmas presents, begged people for money on the street, stole children's bikes for drug money

How did I cope with feeling utterly powerless? I became obsessed with weather. I would check the weather on my computer every day before school. I recall writing a goodbye letter to my mother during a storm in third grade one day because I genuinely thought I was going to die. I was consumed in fear and weather was the only way my child brain could rationalize it.

Another difficulty at this age was that I had undiagnosed ADHD. I have type two, which is inattentive, which means I'm not hyperactive, just deeply consumed in my own world at all times. I have always felt I was on autopilot about 75% of my life. A combination of both adhd and anxiety meant I failed to thrive at school. I had to sit out during recess every day because I couldn't do my homework. That's when I remember first feeling depression in my life. So because I had to sit out, and visitation every other weekend with my father, I was not socialized at all. In fact, when I was at my father's house I wasn't allowed to even play with my cousins. I remember looking out the window crying and crying because I was not allowed to go into the backyard on the trampoline. Ever. I still suffer with social integration, I've always wanted many friends and to talk to people, and I know what to say but it always comes out odd to me. I missed out on fun adventures and bonding with kids my age, and that lead to me never really having any friendships, honestly to this day I'm still not sure how to make friends which is horribly embarrassing to me and always was. The one time I was allowed to have a birthday party at Michael's house, a few friends from my elementary school came to a pool party I had. We jumped on the trampoline in our bathing suits, as Michael pulled out a random camera to take pictures. My step mom told him it was odd but he wouldn't stop taking pictures of me and my friends.

This would continue into middle school, when the abuse also started to happen. At first in my elementary years it was psychological. "Always make sure to lock your doors, someone will break in and kill you", I can still hear my father say over and over. Forcing me to watch the lovely bones, a movie about a girl getting kidnapped and molested as I panicked watching it as a young child in absolute fear. Now he became physically and sexually abusive as well as psychological. What went along with this was people being invited to friend's sleepovers which I was NEVER allowed to attend, and watching other kids my age form groups as I sat alone for lunch every day.

Around this time I recall starting to self harm, I didn't even really know what it meant at that point. I would get a comb and scrape my arms with it just to relieve intense fear I experienced. I had frequent stomach aches, not knowing what the concept of anxiety even was. I was skinny, pale, and always felt sick. I barely ever ate. My two younger siblings were born and he threatened to throw them down the stairs, and often neglected them. When my stepmom would leave for work I had to change their diapers and feed them. If I didn't, Michael would let them sit in their filth all day. One of my brothers developed selective mutism from the abuse and fear caused by Michael. I tried to care for them as much as a 10 year old could.

In this time period, about 6-7th grade I remember Michael using drugs and alcohol clearly. He would talk to himself while intoxicated and make absolutely no sense. He would claim to see demons, which may have actually been considering his involvement with psychics and satanic movies and music and necrophilia he watched. This is when the actual event of molestation happened but I will save the gory details on that. He would often tell my stepmother at the time odd and inappropriate remarks about my appearance as I grew older, and that I would grow up to be a prostitute. One time I wore skinny jeans and he talked to me for hours about how inappropriate that was and what boys at school would think. I was not allowed to wear shorts that were above my knees or any colorful clothing.

At this point I found a youth group I loved. I was supposed to see Michael on Wednesday nights, but I told him I just wouldn't go. He'd have to move it. So he demanded I see him Tuesday AND Thursday instead. I said fine, because this feeling I got from God is something I'd never had before in my life. I remember listening to "How He Loves" and bawling my eyes out as my father sent threatening texts to my mom. I brought a friend that night, and somehow he found her parent's phone number and called them saying that my mother took us to church on his visitation time. Because of his psychotic actions she was no longer allowed to hang out with me. But just in that chaotic moment and listening to the song "How He Loves", That became God's love song to me, and he has played it during significant times in my life ever since. God gave me this comfort that I could cling to, a comfort of hymns and nursery rhymes and bible stories like I had as a child. I experienced His absolute precious love which is just inexplicable.

During this time the abuse increasingly became worse with the drug use. He would drive me and my siblings around drunk in the middle of the night. He would stalk me as I slept and never really leave me alone. He would walk into the bathroom and stay in there while I showered. At this point I had developed severe depression and anxiety. All I could think about was escape. I escaped with boyfriends and art and music. I had one boyfriend who my father found out was African American, and called his number leaving a message of racial slurs on my phone to his number. A phone my mother bought me that he stole from me when I tried to bring it with me to his house.

My mom called CPS (again) when I told her I'd kill myself, (at age 11), if I ever had to see Michael again. There was not enough evidence to support a case so it was dropped. I prayed and prayed, and mentors in my life had prayed for me as well. This may sound odd but I could feel certain times where they currently prayed for me. And then, a miracle happened. Michael signed over his rights.

My family on his side no longer talked to me. During this time my ex stepmom divorced Michael and took my two brothers and had a restraining order filed. My family on that side didn't support her, and I was not in contact with her yet, she was forced to live in a shelter for a while because of the absolute neglect on my father's side of the family. Luckily now we got back in contact and she is my absolute best friend and I get to see my brothers whenever I please. But back to the fact that they divorced- Michael had an arrest record made public online of his drug use. It was getting worse. He became homeless, voluntarily living on the streets, but still using payphones to harass my mother and ex stepmom. He would steal pictures from my mother's Facebook of me and say, "she has my eyes" and post them online, which still haunts me. He would threaten to break in or harm us, and he threatened to kill his own parent's dog. His mother tried to get in contact with me, she told my mom that he got into an accident, looking for sympathy or something. The accident was that he overdosed on drugs. They claimed he fell off a bridge, but later confirmed to me it was drug related

The one friend I did have was my cousin, who to this day has no communication with me. She was my only friend when I had none. Even after my mom trying to make contact, and seeing them at my grandfather's funeral, no one believed my story of abuse.

I thought my pain was over. I was FREE. I could forever live with my mom and go to church and have friends. Unfortunately it just didn't turn out that ideally.

I still had depression and anxiety. It didn't go away. I still didn't know how to make friends, I started to become bullied and changed schools frequently. Now the suicidal ideation would come to play at age 13-14. I still believed in God but I just felt so hopeless. I believe the only reason I never fully attempted suicide was because the Holy Spirit left this lingering light in my heart. It was inexplicable, but it was there. Something just told me to look up to the heavens, no matter how dim and dreary the sky may be.

Despite this hope my mind was broken. I started my 9th grade year in an outpatient school, where I met my therapist who has been a gift from God. This school was for high risk suicidal adolescents, no phones were allowed and we were patted down on the daily. It was quite dreary but here I learned about coping skills and boundaries which were crucial for me to learn, I still didn't get the concept for a few years and honestly I'm still improving on these things. I was quite codependent on boyfriends I had and didn't know how to talk myself down from panic attacks that produced frequent vomiting and dizziness almost daily.

After outpatient I went to high school, but not much changed. I felt so alone, even with the few friends I did have. I felt like no one really still understood me, I felt suicidal again and went to inpatient. This honestly didn't change much for me, and I had to go to inpatient again not long after. It's basically just 24 hour supervision for high risk patients.

I just couldn't cope with feelings of isolation and not receiving the love I would find in Christ. I hopped from relationships which made me feel even worse, although I regret nothing and I learned quite a lot, some of which as a teen produced lifelong friends. I started to hurt other people, something I NEVER wanted to do in my wildest dreams. I didn't even know who I was anymore.

I started experimenting with different things and engaging in risky behavior. I just kept trying to fill the hole in the pit of my stomach. On a bad trip I had with a drug I tried, I had to go to the hospital. I never was addicted to drugs but recreationally tried things at parties which I shouldn't have dabbled with, but God used it to bring me back to him. All I remember with this trip is feeling so far from God and so so scared. No thoughts went through my head and I thought I would have a seizure. My mind was completely blank. When the ambulance arrived I sobbed as I called my grandfather and family to meet me. Their disappointment was the worst thing I would ever face in my life. The still loved me, but they were heartbroken. In the ride to the hospital I cried out to the EMT, "is God going to forgive me?" It's all I could ask as I sobbed and violently shook. He told me God will always love me in response, and I will always be grateful for the sensitive nature of that man, I could almost start bawling while even writing this. The sedative they gave me was supposed to make me forget but I never forgot that man's kindness.

You would think this would revert me right back to God but not entirely. I faced YEARS of abuse, and it would take years to know who I even really was, being allowed to be myself. I never tried anything like that and will never again, but then codependency reared it's ugly face into my life. Luckily in this time period though I still searched for God and prayed to Him. I read a book called The Shack which forever changed my view on Him, (highly recommend it.). I felt the Holy Spirit in my life but I couldn't let go of the control I needed. So what did I do? I ran.

First I ran to a new school. It was an alternative school but you could go at your own pace. For once I could do work in the way my brain functioned and I made A's, and graduated at 16 years old. I then went to cosmetology school, swicthed schools again, and finished it out even though the environment there was extremely toxic and self-indulgent in an appareance and narcissistic way that I started to loathe. During this time my paternal grandfather passed away. I attended the funeral along with my stepmother and brothers, mother and sister. We weren't allowed to sit with the family during the funeral. My paternal grandfather was extremely racist and homophobic, and also a Baptist Sunday school teacher. The whole funeral they bragged about how godly he was. I just wanted to shout "if only you knew the vile disgusting secrets of this family!" But God gave me the grace to be respectful during this time, so I was silent. When my father was notified of his father's passing, he stated "I'm hungry. I want Arby's." Shortly after the funeral my paternal grandmother took me out for my 18th birthday to Chili's. I thought this was a time to reconcile, so I accepted trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. During the dinner she tried to claim it was my fault Michael turned out this way, and it was horrible of me to not speak to them before my grandfather's passing and not to see Michael after the "accident". She said a phrase I've heard all throughout my life. "You need to forgive and move on." How could I possibly move on from a thorn that grew with me as I aged? This pain had become who I was. But I told her the honest truth. "I did forgive him long ago. I wish no harm upon him. It's just unsafe for me to speak to him." She couldn't grasp the concept of forgiving at a distance, which is something very important to learn, and it helped me move on in a sense, but some tragedies cannot just be forgotten. After that she has tried to make contact with me, but I have not spoken to her. This decision was not because I have any ill intentions towards her, I really hope she gets help. I just can't be the one to help her learn about boundaries, and she shows no remorse for her involvement and defense of Michael. I don't need an apology but I feel that would be necessary to move on in a relationship with her, just so I know she wouldn't be toxic for my health and well-being.

I moved out of Texas to Colorado with my parents. I felt alone, so I ran to Chicago at age 18 with a man I barely knew. Then something just clicked. I will never get this love and attention I seek from a human being, it's just not possible. I moved back to Texas and jumped into another relationship even with knowing this information. I wanted to date around but on the first date I fell absolutely in love.

This person often ignored me and abandoned me for days, yet all I could do was try to make him love me for so long. I would sit in my room and sob. Who could help me? Not a hospital, not a drug, not even my own family or myself. After he broke up with ME, (thank God because I wouldn't have broken up with him at the time), I started going back to church and I found a job. I became a hard worker and just started to seek God and pray everyday. What's to lose? My skepticism and cynical heart started to burn off like deadwood.

This job became extremely stressful, so I sought God even more (along with returning to see my therapist who I saw for years). One night after a particularly stressful Wednesday afternoon a call was made to the altar, and something just told me to go. I asked my grandma to go with me though because I was too scared to go alone, which she did. I started sobbing because once again, God spoke to me. "Why don't you trust me like you did when you were a child? Don't you know I will hold you? Just lean on me, I won't disappoint you.". I figured hey I had nothing to lose, and decided to take that risk.

I met a pastor at my church named Dr.Marti, and started many amazing friendships as I was prayed over after a service of other's testimonies. Dr.Marti stayed many prophetic things about me that night and wanted me to take part in Bethesda School Of Ministry, which I desperately wanted to do, but was unable to because of my job. Then came a blessing in disguise- I was let go from the job. When I was let go I asked God "what am I supposed to do?, I know you work all things for good and this has some kind of meaning but what do I take from this?" , and I heard a clear voice state "remain in me". Odd. Not a way I'd word something in my head, quite frankly I didn't understand. The next day on my Bible app a scripture I didn't recall every reading was John 15:4 "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." Needless to say I was shocked. I see now I lost this job in order to take part in ministry school at Bethesda while I could. I learned not only how to minister to others, but these codependent tendencies were restored into learning about healthy boundaries and how to be happy AND alone with God. (Also confirmed by Dr.Marti who stated she had a feeling God wanted me to be like a nun for a while. I laughed because if only she knew how true I knew that was.) So many behaviors in my life started to change, along with perspectives. I became patient, enduring, developed a sound mind, and fruits of the spirit. I learned not how to be normal, but how to find my unique identity in Jesus. The raw, blunt yet sensitive, fighting-for-the-underdog, intellectual, philosopher, artistic yet gentle and kind person I was designed to be.

In the school of ministry one night I remember asking God to heal me, to make me who I was meant to truly be at last. I love God's sense of humor. Dr.Marti after giving a message on healing that Sunday night called all of the students to pray over anyone who needed it. I was shaking in my flats. I'd NEVER done that before. As soon as she called us, I heard a voice from God which made me laugh in awe. He said "You will be healed not by being anointed with oil, but by anointing others with oil." This symbolism showed that when I take the first step to seek God He will reward me and I will be made available to find His presence even more, which heals and delivers. I prayed for an elderly man, spilled a little too much oil on his face as it almost dripped in his eye, and smudged it in with my thumb sheepishly and cracked up about it later, but it was such a sweet moment.

So through God healing me, what's changed? Well, I still have depression and anxiety, and adhd. Could God deliver me from it? Yes. Will He? Maybe. But if it's in His will I carry these things so I serve others and am reminded to think about myself less and others more, than these things will remain until I'm given my new body and these illnesses did with my old body. However, my daily vomiting panic attacks turned into at most bi-monthly anxiety attacks, and suicidal ideations turned into bouts of random melancholy. After being told I functioned at a rate of 15% out of 100% at a mental hospital, and being told be a psychologist he's surprised I still function in society and haven't lost my sanity is pretty astonishing. When I told the psychologist my backstory he was amazed I was still standing, and quite frankly so am I. I believe with my whole heart it's only by the grace of God, and the help of my unconditional loving and supporting friends and family. I have a new job at the church daycare which I love, and I would like to pay off cosmetology school debt and start college soon to continue healing other's through Jesus's name and prayer like He called me to do in more abstract means like psychology, reaching every kind of person there is, innocent children or addicts and thieves.

I was promised life more abundantly and that promise was fulfilled more than I could ever imagine. God gave me impossible endurance, yet didn't make my heart cold and cynical despite all of life's circumstances, I give all glory to Him for always keeping me close and loving me no matter what. I don't know where we'll go together in the future, but as long as God is with me I will march on, praising Him for his one million "second" chances and grace. I feel that my "rebirth" was more of a process. It didn't happen overnight, but over a long stretch of time. I feel I have the freedom to actually chose who to be and what I want to do, and I am so grateful for this new chapter in my life.

[strangebedfellows-blog]

Miscellaneous nonsense dump-list of things pertaining to Skull K/ids in general: 

Skull K/ids are the result of Kokiri that get lost in the woods, or simply spend so much time hovering just on the periphery of the Deku Tree’s magic reach that they change without quite changing. ( Fairies tend to lose them before the process, or depart after transformation. )

They’re a very weird blend of human and plant, with skin looking and feeling closer to wood than typical flesh. They weigh a fraction of what one might expect -- instead of a full child, think more like hefting around a scarecrow. Their limbs typically lean more toward too long proportionate to their bodies than the inverse. Consequently they’re reasonably fast on their feet ( though their biggest advantage is their agility ) and incredibly adept climbers, but strong swimmers are rare. Not quite built for submersion. Fire Also Bad.

Eyes are invariably orange-gold, and due to what I’ll lazily call ‘magic tapetum’, do in fact Actually Glow at night if there’s any outside light source whatsoever.

Given the specific nature of how one comes into being, they’re...not rare, per se, but there typically aren’t very many of them. Additionally, while there are exceptions, they tend to operate solo.

They can subsist off of plant matter ( I’m talking ‘stare you in the eye and eat a pinecone’ levels ), but they vastly vastly vastly vastly prefer actual human food. Who could blame ‘em.

They don’t have or use names amongst themselves! They’ve long since forgotten all of their kokiri life and that half of their identity with it, and living out in the wilderness with so limited a pool of peers doesn’t demand their presence, really. They’re prone to forgetting other species use them, and rely primarily on faces / unique clothing / smell, particularly the latter ( and especially among their own as they all look nearly identical ), to tell things apart. 

Additionally, there aren’t any music teachers out there and they have no organized systems of their own, so it’s safe to assume nobody is teaching them all anything. Thus most skull kids only play improvised little tunes by ear, with no means of preserving or sharing save helping someone mimic their hands. Typically each individual will have one Signature Ditty they made themselves, which is another means of differentiation among their own.

‘Why would a skull kid ever have had the cash to buy the skull mask anyway’ The Minish! All their money is either looted or just found by lucky happenstance -- generally speaking, the Minish view the little hellions favorably enough to tuck cash away in a specific area if one frequents it. Nothing substantial, but your average forest-dwelling little nuisance has petty cash on ‘em.

They die as kokiri die, which is to say by basically just dissolving at an undetermined but probably predetermined point in time. Nobody knows why, or how. Though that’s just naturally - they’re mortal and can be killed like anything else. 

this one is just personal preference and silly but I largely discount the beaks? I just. Ignore the beaks. If they must be there en masse beyond the one individual’s use, I’d pretend they’re just very easily made and quirky and thus popular among them, like a fad.

Regarded warily among hylians; there’s a lot of folk tales about them spiriting kids away, and honestly more than a few are based on truth.

...And the specific miscreant I write:

He is absolutely, absolutely ancient. Old. Olllllld. Quite possibly one of the first, even.

Didn’t initially leave the woods themselves, but just wanted so desperately to explore and keep exploring....he can’t recall if he was lost, or if he was looking for something, or if he was enjoying himself -- he just knows he was, and was what he then was. Can’t question it much when any recollections of the past are just gone, as all frame of reference is just lost.

The one thing he did retain, however: a musical ability far beyond his peers. He’s unique among them because he can play just about anything by ear after hearing it, and as one of the only ones who doesn’t keep one signature identifying song in favor of cycling through new ones all the time. ( He got some mileage out of Saria’s Song, but eventually retired it so he could enjoy it privately. It was a selfish move, he just likes it That Much. )

Always mildly dissatisfied with his appearance? Wanted the skull mask to look tougher, made his little beak mask to look tougher without compromising his entire gottdamn face, by the time TP rolls around ( I wasn’t joking, he’s ancient and for as-yet-undiscovered reasons he’s not going anywhere anytime soon ) he’s taken to throwing feathers all over himself and painting any exposed skin, so on and so forth. Whether this is the result of insecurity, a survival tactic, or simple decoration for sake of differentiating himself is yet to be seen.

I do feel it’s a thing worth noting: I don’t think he’s a particularly awful little dude, and do wholeheartedly believe people overreacted to him and gave him plenty of reason to be as torn up during the events of MM as he was. Please note at no point does anyone in the village imply he ever physically harmed anyone, and even in-game once the mask has already started to take control over him he doesn’t kill Epona. He’s not violent by any means whatsoever ( excluding traditional skull kid hostility towards adults, which isn’t fully-aware malice or anything akin to it ) on his own. He’s relentlessly annoying once he sets his sights on something, absolutely, but he’s not out to actually HARM. Then they tattled on him to his old friends who did, in fact, ditch him, and they threatened to murder him if he didn’t stop........doing childish things, as an entity basically cursed to permanently be a mischievous sort of child. His mindset isn’t surprising, really.

Also as far as this blog’s concerned Termina is obviously and clearly a real place, but one magically sealed off and separate from Hyrule. He stumbled upon it entirely by accident himself, latent magic remaining from his kokiri days enough to earn him just one point of entry that he was sure to remember and frequent. ( Or possibly already knew of, as he was friends of the giants before Termina was created; there’s wiggle room here that I’ll probably iron out the more I actually write on him. )

I’m mulling on bot.w-era him, but rest assured he’s getting along FAMOUSLY with the koroks someplace and still making a nuisance of himself.

He’s kind of.....a trickster deity trapped in their youth? That’s the best way I can describe him personally, if I’m honest with you. Any trickster deity, but stuck in youthful stasis and unable to mature and truly reach his potential.

Incredibly.....................lonely....................boy Everything mortal..........dies before him................and he’s been around for so LONG

Good with his hands! Flute ability, he carves, he makes puppets ( TP ), etc. Probably whittles. Isn’t he cute.

[andavs]

For the "I wish you would write a fic where..." thing: In a canon setting, except Stiles is older, went to highschool with Derek and was friend with him. He can be a deputy at the beginning, trying to deal with a newly bitten Scott, whom he considers a little brother, and the return of Derek, his friend from school and old (current) crush. Do you think it's a good idea?

So, turns out I love this idea more than anything, and I have so many ideas about this and how it would proceed, but I’m not rewriting the first season, okay. I’m not.

Stiles was very cold, very wet, and very tired, because it was midnight, raining, and he was out in the preserve looking for a body.

Half a body.

They had the bottom half, they just had to find the part they could actually ID.

East side clear, the radio on his shoulder crackled, and his dad’s voice responded for the pair of deputies to head north to meet up with the K9 team. Everything cool was happening on the northside, and yet Stiles was stuck on the southside of the preserve, with Jordan Parrish.

Jordan Parrish of unending optimism and energy.

How he got paired up with the newbie, he’d never know.

Okay, he would, because technically he was also a newbie, except he really wasn’t. Sure, he might’ve been somewhat new to being employed as a deputy of the Sheriff’s Station of Beacon County, but he’d literally grown up in that station; not one person there could say he was really a rookie.

“God, this sucks,” Stiles muttered, sweeping his flashlight back and forth across the wet and muddy ground in front of him. So far he’d found all of two dead rabbits and some dog shit someone didn’t clean up, so, real thrilling night here. Great search.

“Could be worse,” Parrish responded lightly with a shrug, and Stiles rolled his eyes at the darkness in front of him.

“Don’t say Afghanistan.”

The audible smirk in the following pause told him that was exactly what Parrish was about to say.

“I’d rather be a little damp than have sand in my boots, any day.”

“Yeah, well you didn’t step in that puddle.” Stiles’ foot was still freezing and squelched even more than the muddy forest floor beneath it.

It sucked that a woman died, yes, but Stiles was also having a rotten time.

Time passed, there were more updates of nothing found over the radio, a couple dog barks in the distance, and still they found no body.

Given that it was almost one in the morning and everyone Stiles normally talked to was either at home asleep or out in the woods with him on the radio, it took a second for his ringing cellphone to register beyond a mild annoyance that Parrish would have his phone on that loud during his shift.

“You gonna get that?” Parrish asked, and Stiles frowned at him for a second before realizing that was indeed his ringtone, and if someone was calling this late, it was probably something serious.

He only glanced at the caller ID for the briefest second as he answered.

“Yo, Scotty, what’s up?” He was about to add that he couldn’t talk right then when Scott’s panicked babbling steamrolled through his mind.

“Stiles! Oh god, you have to come get me! You’re in the preserve right? Because I’m pretty sure I’m lost, and something bit me, and—”

“Wait, hang on, you’re where?” He was tired, he was struggling to keep up with everything, and Scott was breathing like he would be needing his inhaler in about five seconds. “Why the hell are you in the woods, you know we’re looking for a body right?” he hissed into the phone, glancing briefly at Parrish, who was watching with raised eyebrows.

“Problem, Stiles?”

He shook his head, trying to act casual as Scott frantically rambled out,

“I’m by the west entrance to the preserve, I think? Stiles, I don’t know what the hell it was, but it came out of nowhere, and I’m bleeding, and I can’t find Erica—”

“Erica’s with you?” Christ, it just got better and better. “Okay, stay where you are, I’ll come find you and I’ll tell everyone to keep an eye out for Erica.”

That didn’t calm Scott down at all.

“You can’t do that, her parents would kill her if cops brought her home! You know how crazy they are!”

Stiles rubbed at his forehead. He was cold and wet and tired and now he was getting a headache. “Yes, because she has epilepsy, Scott! She could die out here.” Parrish was coming over, looking concerned. “Just stay where you are, we’re coming.”

He hung up with a frustrated huff.

“Scott’s out here?” Parrish asked, already heading south, so clearly that phone call hadn’t been as discreet as Stiles would’ve liked. At least he seemed to be going with it—despite appearances, not a total stickler for the rules. Good to know.

“And Erica. They went looking for the body.” They must’ve heard the call on the old police scanner in Stiles’ jeep. He needed to stop letting Scott borrow his car. And Scott needed to learn to stand up to Erica’s insane whims, because there was no way this wasn’t her idea.

They walked in silence for a second before Parrish said, “You know you’d do the same if you were their age, right?”

“Shut up.”

*

It didn’t take long to find Scott; once they got close enough, they could follow the wheezing breaths until the light from his phone became visible through the trees. But it didn’t illuminate a reassuring image. There was blood all over his side, soaking through his red hoodie, and what wasn’t stained red was muddy or covered in wet leafs.

“Oh my god, holy shit, Scott! Are you okay?” Stiles tripped a little over a few branches now that his attention had shifted completely from watching where he was going and onto Scott.

Scott nodded, still looking a little shaken, clutching his phone tightly. “I think so. Erica still isn’t answering her phone.”

“They’re looking for her, they’ll find her, what the hell happened?” Stiles looked him over briefly, then lifted his shirt to see the damage while Scott explained that they got separated when a huge animal came out of nowhere and attacked.

“At least it got me instead,” he added like that was an upside at all. “I don’t know if this would trigger one of her fits.”

He was right, but Stiles was having a hard time feeling any kind of relief when faced with the bloody ring of punctures clearly made by the jaw of a massive animal of some kind.

“Dude,” Stiles breathed, and Parrish whistled behind him.

“Right? I think it was a wolf or something.” Scott sounded just a little too excited about that, probably angling for cool points at school.

Stiles shook his head. “Probably not, there aren’t any wolves in the state. I’m guessing a…mountain lion?” He was just pulling that out of his ass, he had no idea what kind of animal would make that bite. Did mountain lions even get that big? The thing had to be huge, it was probably a miracle that this was the only damage.

Scott’s face dropped to disappointment and offense. “Seriously? I work with animals. I think I know what a wolf looks like.”

“You clean out cat cages at a vet, you’re not exactly Steve Irwin,” Stiles corrected, because Scott was always trying to make that sound way more impressive than it was. He let the shirt drop back down to cover the bite. “You’re up to date on your rabies shot, right?” Scott nodded unconvincingly. “We’ll ask your mom. Come on.”

He started guiding Scott back towards the group of police cruisers all parked on the service road—he didn’t quite trust him with the jeep after this—but Scott twisted out of the hand on his shoulder.

“No! Mom can’t know I was out here, she’d kill me!”

“Well she will literally murder me if I let you get rabies.” And then his dad would murder him again for letting his fiancee’s sixteen year old son get hurt. “So I’m either taking you home and trusting that you’ll tell her yourself, or I’m dropping you off at the hospital where they can call her in on her night off. Your choice.”

Scott jumped further back out of his reach. “I can’t just leave Erica out here!”

“You’re not. You’re going home while the police find her.” He added just for emphasis: “Because it’s our job and also there’s half a dead body out here somewhere and we don’t know if whatever tore it in half is still running around.”

It wasn’t working. Scott had his stubborn I’m not going anywhere set to his jaw.

Stiles sighed. “Scott, your mom will actually do physical harm to me if I don’t get you safe right now.”

“You’re seriously scared of her?”

“Of course I’m scared of her, I’ve seen what she can do with a bone saw!” On his own bone at that, when a stupid broken leg from his misguided attempt at high school lacrosse didn’t heal quite right.

“Just let me—”

“Guys,” Jordan interrupted, and when they turned, he didn’t look happy. “They found Erica.”

*

Unsurprisingly, Scott was grounded for a month and had to go to the hospital for a rabies shot with an understandably pissed off Melissa McCall. Stiles would’ve been more sympathetic if he hadn’t somehow gotten dragged into it all and been ordered to be Scott’s chauffeur until his side healed enough for him to ride his bike to school.

Honestly, he was twenty-three and a deputy, he didn’t even live in the same house—how was this his life?

So fresh off a morning shift after spending half the night in the rainy preserve, Stiles found himself back in his jeep, sitting outside his old high school, waiting for Scott to get done with class. He was taking his sweet time, too, because there was already a steady stream of students flowing down the front steps.

Finally he spotted Scott, moseying along, accompanied not by the usual Erica—she was at the hospital for tests and observation after having an attack in the woods—but by a girl with brown hair that Stiles didn’t recognize. It was a cold move he hadn’t expected from Scott, replacing his best friend that quickly.

Or maybe not looking for a best friend, Stiles amended, noticing the dopey grin on Scott’s face as the two parted. He certainly didn’t look at Erica like that.

Scott stared after her for a couple seconds like an idiot, and then snapped himself out of it and realized there was a bright blue jeep right in front of him, and a soon-to-be-stepbrother behind the wheel, waiting with raised eyebrows. Stiles barely waited until he was settled in the passenger seat before asking:

“Who was that?” He nodded after the girl, who was heading towards a red SUV a few cars ahead.

“Huh? Oh, that’s Allison,” Scott said with a telltale blush. He kept trying not to look at her, but looking at her anyway.

“Allison, huh?” Stiles was so proud.

“Yeah. She’s new.”

“She’s cute.”

“She forgot a pen,” Scott said dreamily, letting his head fall back against the seat as he gazed after her. Stiles waited for him to explain how that was in anyway relevant, but he didn’t continue.

“Right. How’s the side? Your mom get you fixed up?”

Scott looked confused for a split second before he seemed to remember the fact that he’d been viciously attacked the night before. No big deal or anything. This Allison was doing a real number on him already.

“Yeah, it’s fine! Can’t even feel it.”

Stiles frowned as he threw the car into drive and pulled away from the curb. He pretended not to notice the way Scott turned almost clear around in his seat to get one last look at his new crush.

“Seriously? That was a ton of blood.” An absurd amount of blood. He hadn’t had the greatest morning shift after that, and kept a pretty close orbit around the bathrooms, just in case. Luckily Beacon County generally didn’t have a lot of gruesome murders, because Stiles would be a wreck, either fainting or vomiting left and right.

Scott shrugged it off. “It looked worse than it was. It wasn’t very deep.” Then he very subtly changed the subject with, “Hey! You’re done working for the day, right?”

“Yeah, just got off.” He thought the fact that he was driving his busted jeep and not a properly maintained cruiser with decent gas milage would give that away.

“Great, because I need to go back to the preserve.”

“No,” Stiles immediately shot that down. “You need to stay out of the preserve and stop trampling all over potential evidence.” The place was still crawling with deputies trying to find the missing body.

Missing half-body.

Scott looked at him like he was the one being unreasonable. “But I dropped my inhaler! Those things are expensive!”

“I’ll buy you a new one!”

He did not appreciate Scott’s scoff in the least.

“Come on, dude, I’ve seen your empty fridge.” 

Rude, but true. There was a reason he was working every extra hour he could squeeze in. That very morning he’d taken one look at the mustard and powdered parmesan sitting alone on the top shelf, and opted to try his luck with the fridge in the break room at the station—true desperation.

“I think I can retrace my steps,” Scott continued, “just let me try. And if I find any evidence, I’ll have a deputy right there with me!”

Stiles narrowed his eyes at him, glanced back at the road, and then turned back to glare some more.

“I hate how much you sound like me right now.”

Scott grinned shamelessly.

*

“Okay, we headed in this direction,” Scott was saying, leading the way further into the preserve. Stiles wandered behind him, keeping an eye out for an inhaler, but also for a dead woman in her twenties who happened to be missing everything from her navel down.

“Dude, seriously. I will buy you a new inhaler,” Stiles said. He was tired, he hadn’t really slept the night before, he just wanted to go home and go to bed.

“I don’t have time, I have to find it so I can get back to practicing!” Scott kicked at some leaves, then continued on when, shockingly, nothing was underneath them.

“You mean studying, right? Because you really need to be studying.” Stiles should know, he’d tutored Scott in more than a few classes, and the kid really did need to study.

Scott shot him a wounded look over his shoulder. “No, practicing! Lacrosse! I think I have a shot at first line this year.”

Stiles managed not to snort out loud, but he couldn’t quite keep his face from reacting to that. At least Scott was looking the other way at the time.

“I mean, yeah, keep hope alive, but I hope you’re not counting on any lacrosse scholarships.”

Scott turned around to glare, still walking backwards. “No, you don’t understand, I was awesome in lacrosse practice today. Like, I killed!”

“Good for you, man.” Stiles didn’t want to be a dick, but he’d seen Scott play lacrosse. There was no way he killed it, unless the thing he killed was the last shreds of his own athletic ability.

This time Scott stopped walking altogether. “Seriously, dude. I was—” he laughed disbelievingly “—I was incredible. I blocked Jackson’s shot.”

Stiles had to raise his eyebrows at that, because even he knew Jackson was the unbeatable star player of the team. He didn’t want to say lucky shot, he was trying to be supportive here, but—

“And not just lacrosse!” Scott continued before he could find anything to say. “I could hear Allison on the phone with her mom while she was outside, I knew she forgot a pen!”

He’d been wondering about the pen thing.

“I’m faster, I’m stronger, I can hear your heart beating in your chest right now!”

“Gross.”

“It really is!” Scott stepped closer. “And you know the weirdest part?” Stiles wasn’t sure he wanted to. “I checked my side before practice today and the bite’s gone. It’s completely healed like it never happened.”

That made Stiles pause.

“Scott, are you shitting me right now?”

“No.” 

Scott pulled up his shirt as proof and just as he said, the skin above his hip was smooth and bite-free. There was no trace of it ever being there, despite the very vivid memories of it Stiles still had floating through his mind and spontaneously making him a nauseous all through his morning shift.

“What the fuck…” Stiles poked him, and Scott jerked away like it was any other reflex. “Dude, what the fuck.”

“Right! Dude!”

Stiles was about to insist on going right back to Melissa when a shadow appeared in his periphery and he snapped to attention, shoving Scott’s shirt back down.

There was a guy standing not far away, silently watching them with a deep frown and a glare that could whither the crops of a small village in a single glance. He didn’t look like the usual old cranky farmers and hermits who usually called the station to complain about kids on their property either—in fact he looked like the kids the old people usually called the cops on: leather jacket, sharp cheekbones, murderous glare…

“What are you doing here?” he demanded, hands shoved deep in his pockets. “This is private property!”

Damn it, he was one of the old people.

“Sorry,” Stiles called with a wave. “We’ll be out of here in a couple minutes, just looking for a lost inhaler.” He turned a bit to show his uniform and the badge on his chest, hoping to silently assure this tool that they weren’t up to anything shady. There was nothing out in this part of the preserve, so clearly this guy just wandered through it regularly hoping to catch trespassers, and the last thing Stiles needed was to get his coworkers called on him.

He turned and made a bit of a show of searching the ground, Scott following his lead, and then a number of things clicked into place in his mind with a physical jolt:

The only people who owned property this far out in the preserve was the Hales

All but two of the Hales were dead after the big fire, and the ones who actually did hold some claim in this property had left town seven years ago, and were never seen again

Those were very familiar eyebrows glaring at him

He looked back up, and the man was still staring at them with impatiently raised eyebrows, as if it was their fault the inhaler wasn’t being found fast enough. Stiles had been on the receiving end of that exact glare before, the time he hesitated to pass the ball during a gym class basketball game and the other team stole it right out of his hands.

“Derek?”

Derek’s eyebrows raised even more.

“Derek Hale?” Stiles pretended it was a question, but there was no doubt. That was Derek Hale, and for some reason he had returned to Beacon Hills. With fantastic stubble.

“Do I know you?” Derek asked shittily, and Stiles really wasn’t surprised.

“Yes, dick, I was in your class. I kept you from failing chemistry?” That was one way to describe their private study sessions full of all kinds of loaded eye contact and snarky arguments with the spark of attraction behind them. And the massive bisexual awakening Derek kicked off in Stiles two months before he left town for seven years, never to be heard from again.

Good times.

No teenage heartbreak at all.

Derek stared for a long few seconds, his eyes raked over him briefly, then, “Stiles?”

Wonderfully timed, there was a ding and Stiles could see the movement of Scott digging his phone out of his pocket from the corner of his eye, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to look away from Derek.

And Derek didn’t seem to be able to look away either.

“Dude,” Scott said, slapping him in the arm and ruining the moment completely. He held out his phone for Stiles to see the text on the screen. “Erica found the body last night.”

Part 2

[danganronpa-hopes-final-stand]

Prologue - A Wonderland of Despair! [18: Let the Game Begin!]

“Ghhhk!”

Noodle removed the mask from his head. Gary blinks a couple times.

“…what’s with the fuckin’ furry?”

“I think I had my patience tried and tested enough by just the Bear.”

“While I may not be a killer myself, do not allow me to stop you mortals from your petty games of death.”

“NO, PLEASE, I DON’T WANT TO DIE! TAKE ANYONE ELSE! ANYONE BUT ME!:

“No! There will be no death to speak of! None of us would stoop to such levels!”

“Admirable as it may be, your optimism will only take us so far…”

“C’mon, don’t be like that! I even set up some nifty rules for everyone to make sure the game runs smoothly!”

Something in everyone’s pockets sounds off with a loud ping! The sound reverberated inside of me.

“Oh, who put that there?”

A compartment in the center of my build pops open and I pull out what seemed to be…a tablet handbook. If I remember correctly, they were electronic student IDs the school passes out. There was a message notification for me. Everyone else seemed to have a similar handbook. What I had now was a notification under the Rules tab.

Mutual school life Killing game rules and guidelines:

1. There is no harming Monotwoma in any physical way.

2. You may not destroy school property.

3. You may only leave the school by graduation.

4. You can only graduate by getting away with murder.

5. You cannot kill more than 2 people.

6. When a body is discovered, there will be a short investigation period followed by a trial.

7. Failing a trial will result in execution.

8. You may not stop participating in the killing game, so all activities set up by Monotwoma are mandatory.

9. Monotwoma may make more rules if he desires.

“I refuse to believe in this garbage! What’s your game here?! What are you trying to prove?!”

“So you still don’t get it, huh? I’m not trying to prove anything. All I want is simple…”

“I want despair! A Despair so deep none of you will ever find yourselves escaping it! It’ll consume you all and leave you in the dark, suffocating emptiness it creates!”

[PREVIOUS]

[NEXT]

[botanistlester]

Sweet Pea (15/34)

Summary: A nickname that goes bitter in your mouth. Cries for help that no one listens to. Gentle hands that make you quake on the ground you’re standing on. When Phil first met Nico, he thought he was a gift from the heavens. But behind the mask lies something daunting, something unnerving, that Phil never foresaw. Through his journey, he finds solace in Dan, the regular at his workplace, who seems to be the only one who sees through Nico’s mask to the darkness underneath. Warnings: Abusive relationship, violence A/N: warnings for this chapter are violence (a hole punched in the wall), slut shaming, verbal abuse, manipulation. this chapter went down a bit differently than it happened irl, but i did base this off of a real experience id learned about from a friend. The way this part of my story went down involved self harm and multiple people telling me to kill myself, and i really did not want to put that sort of thing into this fic because i dont think i could write about that in detail tbh. thanks to @snowbunnylester for editing this for me! The lyrics at the beginning of this fic are from the song The Summer by Citizen!

I have started a patreon account for those of you who would like to support me and my writing endeavors! You can find my patreon account here, and also find more information about perks of this here!

Previous | Masterlist

Read it on AO3 Read it on Wattpad

-

Chapter Fifteen

I watched you burn and I felt it. You're spitting words like you're someone else. And I watched you run, I was screaming and following you down.

-

“It’s been four days,” Nico told Phil, making him cringe and gnaw harshly at his lip.

“Yeah,” Phil agreed. He swallowed, tried again. “It has.” That wasn’t what he’d wanted to say at all. What he’d meant to ask was if Nico had found someone else in the meantime, if he’d found someone who was actually worth his while. If he’d found someone better.

He didn’t want Nico to have found someone better. He wanted Nico to love him and only him. He wanted to be Nico’s one and only, but- wait. Didn’t Phil want him to leave? Didn’t he want Nico to pack his shit up and never look at him again? There was a bruise on Phil’s cheek and a dull ache in Phil’s chest, and shit, what should he do? What should he do? What could anyone do in this sort of situation?

Nico let out a chuckle of disbelief, shaking his head. He sounded so mad at Phil, so disappointed, that Phil felt nausea raise in his throat once more. “I have to admit, I didn’t exactly think you’d find someone else so quickly. Or that you’d… change your appearance.” Nico grimaced at this, and Phil grimaced too. He didn’t think Nico had noticed his tongue piercing yet, but clearly, the nose ring had been enough.

“Dan is just a friend,” Phil told him. “I couldn’t replace you that quickly.” Phil froze, realising how that sounded. It sounded as though Phil had decided to break up with Nico, and that wasn’t what he’d wanted to come across as. He still was unsure of what he wanted, but he knew that he could never truly replace Nico. With anyone.

For a split second, Nico went completely silent. Phil held his breath, wishing more than anything in the world that he could just disappear. He couldn’t deal with this right now. He didn’t think he could physically handle this.

The second of silence was gone before Phil could blink, and then, it happened in a flash.

Nico had been standing completely still, but in the next moment, there was a fist colliding into Phil’s wall, leaving a giant hole in it’s wake.

“Wha-?!” Phil exclaimed, jerking violently backwards in fright, but also distracted by the fact that he now had to pay for that hole.

Nico silenced him by grabbing his jaw with that same hand that had just breached the drywall. Phil froze at the touch, his body on fire, confused and twisting this way and that. What did he want? What did he want?

Nico lifted Phil’s head until their gazes were connected and Nico’s green stare was burning a hole through Phil’s head. Phil felt more nausea raise in his throat, his stomach twist in agonizing pain. “I’m not a fucking idiot, sweet pea.”

That nickname. Was it even Phil’s anymore? Did he deserve such a nickname after everything he’d done to their relationship? After he’d lied and snuck around and bailed on the only person who’d truly loved and cared for him? After he’d hurt Nico in the one way he’d always promised he never would, by leaving him?

He wasn’t so sure anymore.

“I swear,” Phil whimpered, quivering in Nico’s grasp. His jaw was hurting slightly where Nico was gripping him, but it was nothing in relation to the pain he had felt in his chest since less than a week ago. He didn’t know if Dan had heard the way Nico had punched the wall, but judging by the way his bedroom door stayed firmly shut, he assumed that Dan hadn’t heard. “I swear I didn’t find anyone else. I couldn’t. Not when you mean so much to me.”

“Then how do you explain your piercings, hmm?” Nico hummed, and Phil had no explanation for that. In Nico’s eyes, tongue piercings were for sluts, and he had just gotten one out of spite. So what else could that make him other than a huge whore? “I thought you were better than everyone, sweet pea. But I guess I was wrong again.”

Phil inhaled sharply and flinched. He tried to control his emotions, to stand up for himself, but it was hard. He could feel himself crumbling underneath the accusations, underneath the mere proximity of Nico’s body to his own. He was sinking into a dark abyss, one that he didn’t know how to dig himself out of. “I- I am better than everyone,” Phil gasped out. “Ple- please don’t leave me. I can’t do this without you. I don’t…” his eyes welled up with tears. What was he saying? “I don’t want to be with anyone else.”

Nico leaned a bit closer so that Phil could feel his breath fanning across his face. His lips were so close that Phil could probably press his own against them it he wanted to, but he held himself back because he wasn’t sure he was allowed. Nico’s eyes were green fire when he replied. “It’s already been three days, though. Shame. I was ready to take you back, but you didn’t want me.”

“I do!” Phil said desperately, even though his brain was screaming at him to run away and never look back. “I do want you! Please, Nico. Please don’t leave me!” He was begging now, panicking. How would he be able to survive without Nico? Nico was the only person who would love him, the only person who made him happy.

These past four days had shown Phil that he couldn’t live without him.

“Prove it, then,” Nico told him. “Take out those dumb piercings and stop behaving like a slut. Stop talking to Dan. I want you to keep your eyes on me and only me.”

Phil was nodding along with every word, his eyes tracing the way Nico’s mouth shaped each sentence. His body was thrumming with nerves and adrenaline. He was high on it, his head all over the place. Truth be told, he didn’t know exactly why he had been considering leaving Nico in the first place. “Anything for you,” Phil told him, and Nico smiled.

“Good boy.”

Just then, Nico pressed his lips against Phil. His lips were rough and chapped, more so than Phil could remember. At first, he sank into it, relieved that he could have this once more after those four long days without - it was familiar and felt a little bit like home - but Nico was being harsh. He bit and pulled and tugged at Phil’s new piercing hard enough to make it bleed. Phil cried out a little bit, and all he could taste was blood as Nico tried to deepen the kiss. Suddenly, it wasn’t so nice anymore. The pain cleared his head a little bit.

His lips went numb.

His brain went into overdrive.

There was a hole in the wall. There was a healing bruise on his cheek. His friend was in the other room, worried for his safety. He was sobbing into the kiss, his tears staining his cheeks. The kiss tasted of tears and blood, when it should honestly be the happiest moment of his life.

Suddenly, Phil couldn’t feel a goddamned thing anymore.

Phil pushed Nico off of him with all of his strength without thinking, ignoring the fact that Nico had been biting him so harshly his lip actually tore as well. “Get the fuck off of me,” he said lowly.

“Phil, what the fuck?” Nico exclaimed, his voice raising an octave or two. His eyes were wild, angry, confused… scared.

In that moment, Phil didn’t give two shits about anything. He couldn’t feel anymore, couldn’t feel the blood dripping from his lip, couldn’t feel the usual tingles from the close proximity to Nico. All he could feel was emptiness, a numbness that wouldn’t seem to disperse no matter how hard he tried.

“Don’t touch me,” Phil ordered Nico, adrenaline rushing through his bones. He could feel a sob rising in his chest but he tried to hold it back, tried to stay strong for once. He couldn’t live like this. He shouldn’t have to live like this. “I can’t do this anymore.”

Nico sneered at him, and Phil dodged it just in time before Nico could grab at him again. He kept his gaze on everything but Nico. The wall, the floor, the ceiling. Anywhere but the man who had smashed his heart into pieces. “Make up your mind, sweet pea,” Nico growled, and his voice wasn’t warm at all anymore. Had it ever been? “You either want me, or you don’t. Is it really that hard of a decision?”

“Yes!” Phil said, and the sob escaped from his throat. He started backing away, shaking his head, although he didn’t know why. “Just- just stay away from me.”

“So what, then? You’re having trouble deciding if you want me ,but you want me to stay away from you? Is that how that works? You don’t make any fucking sense, sweet pea.”

Each time Nico used the nickname, Phil felt a little part of him shrivel up and die. He was hyperventilating at this point, unable to capture his breath or help himself try to gain some strength again. For such a long time, he had felt as though that nickname was a part of him. It used to make him feel whole, feel wanted. Now, it felt like a taunt. It felt like chains wrapping around his ankles, forcing him to submit, forcing him to lose his independence all over again. He didn’t want this. He felt nauseous and he didn’t want this anymore.

But he was scared. He was so scared that he couldn’t move. Nico’s gaze was terrifying, cold, almost like he didn’t recognise who Phil was at all. Instead, Phil was suddenly a piece of food that Nico had dropped and didn’t want anymore. He was used and impure and he felt so dirty, like he needed another hour long shower where his skin burned off and blistered under the heat.

He didn’t want this anymore.

He steeled himself, tried to swallow down the bile in his throat, tried to look into Nico’s eyes and not waver under the glare. He took a breath.

“I don’t want this anymore,” he said as firmly as he could, even though his voice was wobbling and he was terrified. “I’m keeping the piercings. I’m going to keep being Dan’s friend. You don’t own me anymore.”

For a moment, the room was completely silent. For a moment, Phil actually thought that Nico was going to leave. For a moment, it didn’t really hit Phil that the silence might just be that he’d pissed Nico off even more, but then, Nico spoke up through gritted teeth, his hands balled into fists, and Phil realised that maybe he’d acted a bit fucking stupid.

“You… fucking slut,” Nico growled, and he raised his fist in the air, making Phil cower into the wall behind him. He was going to get hit again, and he braced himself for the flash of pain.

It didn’t come.

Instead, Nico’s fist went through the wall again and Phil heard the door to the other room open.

“You worthless piece of shit. Do you think you’re better than me? Do you think you can just leave me like I’m nothing? After everything you’ve done to me? After everything I’ve done for you?” He pulled his fist back again and slammed it into the wall again, right next to Phil’s head.

“Stop!” Phil gasped out, ducking out of the way and trying to run around Nico, but Nico grabbed his arm, held him in place, and now Phil was really terrified. What was he going to do to him? What should Phil even expect when his perception of Nico had so drastically changed in only a few short weeks?

In that next moment, Phil thought he was going to get hit. He braced for the feeling of Nico’s fist in his face, of his hands around his neck, suffocating him the way he’d done with the pillow so long ago, when he’d pressed the sharp edge of the knife to his throat, but nothing came. Instead, Nico was being roughly shoved away from him, pushed so hard that he stumbled backwards and nearly fell flat on his face. Phil turned his head, and gaped at Dan who’d suddenly appeared in front of him, a wall between Phil and the man who was threatening him. Phil had always thought Nico was so big despite his stature, but now, next to Dan’s intimidating aura, he was small, so miniscule that Phil felt like he had to squint to see him.

“If you dare lay a hand on him, I will fucking kill you,” Dan growled, and never before had Phil found Dan actually scary before, but today all of Phil’s previous perceptions were being turned on their head and Phil found himself trying to hide the way he flinched at the dangerous tone to Dan’s voice, his blood roaring in his ears.

In only a millisecond, Nico was standing tall once more, squaring his shoulders as if he could make Dan back down. For a moment, they were the same height and Phil was just an ant on the ground.

“Oh really?” Nico laughed harshly. “I’d like to see you do anything to me. You mean nothing to me and I could easily crush you in my palm.”

“If that’s what it takes to keep Phil safe, then I’ll take you up on that offer,” Dan told him sincerely, never losing the threatening tone. He didn’t move from where he was standing strategically in front of Phil, his arms crossed over his chest, keeping a space between Nico and Phil.

Once again, Phil was reminded of how lucky he was to have Dan as a friend.

Phil watched as Nico’s hands turned to fists at his sides, his mouth curling into an angry grimace, darker and more terrifying than Phil had ever seen before. He watched as Nico took a step forward, and his mind flashed to the stories Nico had told him about his father. For a moment, just one moment, Phil felt bad for Nico, and then the feeling was gone and Phil felt his heart clench in fear for what was about to happen to him and Dan.

That’s when the sound of sirens exploded throughout the flat. Normally, Phil wouldn’t think anything of it, except now, there were flashing lights reflecting in his flat, on the furniture, the ceiling, and they weren’t going away.

Phil shot Dan a confused glance, and Dan shot Phil a shrug and a wide-eyed glance right back.

“Did you call the fucking cops?” Nico asked, faltering in his movements towards Dan, lowering his fists, and instead clenching his hands tight at his sides. Phil thought he was probably digging his fingernails into his palm.

His glare was on Dan, accusing him of something Phil wasn’t entirely sure of himself.

Dan shook his head. “No, but I fucking should have.”

An urgent knock came at the door, followed by a man shouting to open up, that it was the police, and that he’d break the door down if he had to. Nico kept his glare on Dan and Phil as he slowly backed away, inching his way towards the door, trying to reach it before either Dan or Phil could react, could say anything, or get it for him. Dan glared right back, and Phil looked at the floor, shaking like a leaf, and terrified of what was going to happen next.

He heard Nico open the door.

“What can I help you with?” he asked.

Phil glanced up briefly to see that he had wedged himself between the door and the frame so that the cops couldn’t see inside. Phil didn’t know why he’d done that. Didn’t that make him even more suspicious?

“We’ve gotten complaints about loud banging noises and screaming coming from inside. Is everything alright in here?”

“Everything is just fine, no need to worry,” Nico said sweetly.

The blatant lie made Dan laugh, and Phil’s head shot up so that he could give Dan a wide eyed stare, begging him not to do anything drastic. Everything was just fine. Phil didn’t even know why someone had called the cops. Didn’t they know nothing was wrong? Phil could handle this. They could handle this. They didn’t need the police to get involved. Nico wasn’t like his father. There was nothing dangerous going on… right?

But Dan spoke up anyways, taking a deep breath, and then shouting, “Help us, please! He’s trying to hurt us!” before Phil could do anything to stop him.

“Dan!” Phil hissed, but he stayed rooted to the spot, terrified, unable to speak up any louder and try to defend the man he’d once professed to love, the man he still loved. Didn’t he? He could feel Nico’s fury wafting off of him in waves, could feel the weight of his glare on his skin, and Phil wanted nothing more than to melt into the floorboards.

“Who was that?” the police officer asked.

Nico’s head snapped back around to the police officer on the other side of the door, and Phil watched as he worked a pleasant expression on his face and laughed so easily that Phil suddenly wondered if everything about Nico was a complete and utter lie.

“Nothing, officer. Just my mates having a good laugh,” he explained.

But Dan wasn’t having that. Phil’s eyes darted back and forth from Dan to Nico and back to Dan, watching as Nico tried to close the door more tightly against himself, as Dan’s face went a deep, angry shade of red, and then Dan was calling out all over again.

“He’s lying! Please! Help us, he threatened to kill us!”

There was a brief scuffle at the door, a muffled, “Step aside, son,” and the loud sound of the door banging open, but Phil had long since closed his eyes. His heart was in his throat, and all he could think was, if Nico hadn’t been planning on killing them before, he sure as hell was now.

Would he take the police officer down with him? Would they all be slaughtered? Some deep, dark place inside of Phil laughed and thought good, I don’t want to live without Nico anymore.

But nothing of the sort happened. Instead, there was the sound of static from a radio, the gentle touch of Dan’s hand on Phil’s arm, the voice of a confused police officer asking for back up, the movement of extra feet and boots on the floor. Phil’s eyes were squeezed shut in terror, and before he could even think it through of what it would look like, he was slamming his hands over his ears and cowering in on himself, shaking his head as tears started to run warm down his cheeks.

Everything was happening too fast. Everything was moving too quick. Phil could hear his head screaming. There was mutters of holes in the drywall, bruising on cheeks, blood dripping from lips, and then Nico was being read his rights. Phil opened his eyes just in time to see Nico being cuffed, and more police officers trailing into Phil’s apartment with steady footsteps and glares as they took a look around.

As Nico was being turned and led away, Nico turned to give Phil a nasty look. Phil watched in horror as Nico suddenly got a twisted smile on his face, how he let out a loud, booming laugh.

“I didn’t need you anyway, sweet pea,” Nico told him, and he was smiling despite the way he had to twist his body to turn and look at Phil. “Chandler was a much better fuck than you ever were.”

In just a single sentence, Phil felt himself break. He tore his eyes away from Nico and tried to calm the way his heart felt as though it were going to collapse. Dan came to sit beside him, putting a hand on his back and rubbing it soothingly, but it didn’t do anything for Phil. He couldn’t seem to wrap his head around what he had heard, what Nico had just disclosed.

Suddenly, everything made sense.

The text messaging. The way Nico wouldn’t hold his hand in public. Chandler’s jealousy. Sweet pea.

Phil was a fucking idiot, and maybe he did deserve what had happened to him after all.

One of the other officers came over to talk to Dan and Phil while they were getting Nico situated, and it was Dan who gave the statement, talking about how he had come out of the room to the sound of a loud banging noise, only to find Nico with his fist raised and his hand wrapped firmly around Phil’s arm to keep him in place. The man asked Phil for his statement, but Phil was too shocked, too upset to speak, so they told him that he would be able to do it a little bit later if he wanted to. The police officer's voice was soft and gentle, and he got down on one knee to tell Phil that he was not alone, that he could testify if he wanted to, that Nico wouldn’t ever be able to touch him again if he said so, but Phil was hardly listening. He didn’t know why the police officer was speaking to him like that; Nico had done nothing wrong, other than break Phil’s heart.

Phil just wanted to sleep. He was exhausted, felt as though the energy had completely drained from his body. He felt numb. His lips were still tingling from where Nico had kissed him, and he could still feel his tears dripping down his cheeks, but he felt as though he were a ghost, watching from outside his body as the police jotted down notes and Dan ran his mouth about Phil’s apparently unhealthy relationship.

He mentioned the word abuse, and Phil ended up puking on the floor.

Things happened. Phil was laid down on the couch by some paramedics, checked for bruises, checked for any sign of physical harm. They didn’t really find much. Just swollen eyes from crying and a faded bruise on his cheek. They didn’t find the mental scars that had taken over his brain and decorated his ribcage. He decided then that emotional pain was worse than the physical.

You could always have doctors patch up the bruises and the cuts, but no doctor would be able to patch up the painful memories that haunted Phil everywhere he went.

Chapter Sixteen

[sonofthecarver]

doin this trend for most of the main pcp deities i work with so heres my patron, The Carver

General Questions:

1. What is the name of the entity and what is their canon universe? 

The Carver, The King of The Infernous, Emperor Hash'bor'kanibal

The Arkn Mythos 

2. What drew you to this entity? What drew you to their world?

I was introduced to the Arknverse through my partner and I felt a strong pull to him. 

The series is one of my favourites, and, although it took me a while, I eventually csme to him and asked if I could worship him. 

3. Did you choose them or did they tap you? How?

A bit of both, as I felt a pull to worship him, and I wanted to myself either way. 

4. How do you typically communicate? 

I communicate with him through his designated oracle deck, or through what he likes to call "vibes". 

He radiates a very distinct energy for me, so I can feel his emotions and opinions on my choices. 

5. What role does this entity play in their universe?

Ooh, he plays the role of a chaotic grim reaper, in my opinion. 

He has no true side, he works for himself and his own amusement. 

6. What kind of relationship do you have with this entity?

He is my patron deity, and he has lovingly dubbed me his son.

7. What aspects does this entity reside over?

He is the Dekn Lord of Pain, Torment, Suffering, Torture, Cheese, and sometimes Lettuce, The King of the Infernous, the Arkn Lord of Power and Truths, and The Joy of Fear

8. What kinds of offerings do you/would you give this entity?

He's not picky, but he likes cheese, tobacco, booze (specifically whiskey or vodka), spicy foods, weed, knives, and bones.

Non physical offerings include smoking or drinking in his honor, inflicting pain, and drawing blood.

9. What kinds of animals, stones, elements, plants, etc do you associate with this entity? Why?

His symbols are knives, sickles, devil motifs, skulls, cigarettes, blood, crowns, his devil mask, cleavers, guns, and the Dekn Symbol. 

His sacred animals are predators, and his element is fire. 

He likes any darkly colored stones, especially red calcite and bloodstone.

10. Are there any songs, books, or quotes you associate with this entity? Why?

He enjoys Ghost and a lot of more folksy type of songs like "The Devil Wears a Suit and Tie" and "In Hell I'll Be In Good Company".

11. How and when did you first encounter them as an entity? 

I don't exactly remember, but I'd have to say the first time I properly felt his presence in my room was when I was sick, and he was floating above my bed where I was whining to my boyfriend.

He was teasing me about not being able to handle sickness, but he seemed genuinely concerned about me.

12. How are they particularly involved in your life? Do they teach you anything specific? If so, what?

He's decided he's my father, so he's pretty involved, he hangs around me a lot. 

Not really anything specific, more just tellinge when I fuck up or little bits of life advice. 

13. Do they have any identifying symbols in canon or otherwise?

His sickle, his crown, and his mask are the three I can think of. 

14. Do they have alternate versions, verses, or canons? Do you communicate with all or some of them?

I'm sure there are, but I don't speak to them. 

Compare & Contrast:

15. Choose an aleady-existing deity from our world that has similar traits to this entity. How are they similar, and how are they different?

My immediate comparsion is Ares. 

They're both associated with violence, and have shown affection for certain mortals that are good at just that. 

The difference is that Carver is much more interested in the one on one intimacy of inflicting pain on one with your own hands, while Ares is a war god, which id the broader type of violence. 

16. Choose 6 tropes this entity may or does fall under. Explain if you agree or disagree, and why. 

Alas, Poor Villain - Absolutely. He's put through some shit that a regular viewer of the series has trouble watching. I know he's considered a villain, yet every time he gets hurt it hurts me. 

The Chessmaster - He succeeded in an eons long plan to trick a literal god, and he always seems to have every piece in his corner in the games he plays. 

Fallen Angel - Within certain Arkn stories, he is considered a once-great Arkn who was corrupted and defected to the Dekn side. 

Laughably Evil - He's absolutely fucking hilarious. 

Body Horror - I've only seen his true form a few times but holy FUCK is it terrifying. 

Heroic Sacrifice - I'm going to say it now, him letting his body be destroyed to create the new universe wasn't done in heroics. 

17. What academic studies or professions do you associate with this entity, and would you study any of them yourself? Why or why not?

Anything with death, history, or psychology.

I would, but he's a been pushing me to persue something I would genuinely enjoy, lile tattooing or computer programming. 

18. What is something surprising you have learned about this entity when working with them? Why was it surprising?

He's honestly so nice if you're nice to him, which was a little surprising because he's very much not a nice guy.

He's extremely protective of his worshippers/children: I had an issue with Ellpagg (an arkn entity) coming after me for a good while, and Ellpagg finally backed off after Carver beat him into the ground and said he'd chuck him in the Infernous again if he ever tried to lay a finger on me. 

(I was in the middle of a math class while watching that happen lmao) 

19. Is there a common misconception about this entity? What parts are true, and what parts are wrong?

That he's evil and only ever seeks to harm people. 

Evil? Yeah basically I can't argue that away he's done some pretty henious shit. 

But if you respect him and his power he won't bother you.

If you taunt him or disrespect him it will not end well for you.

Especially if you try to hurt him. 

Gods help you if you're one of the people stupid enough to try and hex or curse him.

20. Has some aspect of your life, energy, emotion, or other changed since meeting the entity? What would it be like if you hadn’t?

I've gotten better at standing up to people and defending my loved ones (at the downside of my anger issues getting worse). 

I've accepted my anger and rage much better now, and my energy has become more offensive because of his influence. 

People tend to think that his protection his a negative or bad thing when they first sense something touched by him. 

Self & Shadow

21. What are things this deity is capable of helping you with, personally? How?

He helps accept anger, rage, and violent urges as a natural thing not to be ashamed of. 

He'll teach you how to stand up for yourself properly, and when to not take any shit from stupid people.

22. Has this entity ever refused something to you? If so, what and why?

I mean, he probably has but fuck me if I remember what. 

23. What do you want to learn from this entity? Why?

Everything he has to teach me. 

He doesn't exactly sit me down like it's a fucking school lesson, its a more in the moment teaching style. 

24. Is there an end-goal with this entity, or do you plan on continuing a relationship with them?

He's my patron, he's stuck with me until I die. 

25. Have you ever disagreed with this entity? Why or why not?

Oh, all the time. 

Usually he's right, and if I don't agree with him he just let's me do it my way and then when i fuck it up he smacks the back of my head and says "see, dumbass, i told you so."

26. What does working with this entity reveal about you?

That I'm a raging bitch and if you fuck with me or my loved ones I'm not afraid to fuck up your whole life? 

27. What do you think you should cultivate about yourself to better work with this entity? Why?

Should probably stop being so stubborn but that's not gonna happen, he likes the banter. 

Also need to work on my godphone smh. 

28. Do you have any fears or anxieties about working with this entity? Why?

Nope. Not a single one. I'm not afraid of him and he's made it clear I have no reason to feae anything that could come after me because of him. 

29. What about this entity’s canon has impacted you the most? Why?

Just, the philosophy of it all. 

30. What UPG/Headcanon do you have about this entity? Why?

This man likes FNAF songs. 

I am dead fucking serious. 

31. Choose 3 major differences between their world and this one. Do these differences affect how you interact? 

Too tired to do this fully but no, it doesnt affect how we interact. 

He understands me and why I do the shit I do and I understand him and why he does the shit he does. 

(stolen from @highpriestness )

[ayz8yf9q-blog]

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[princettegil]

I'm feeling like poop rn so I'mma ramble a bit