#id forgotten i can b fast when i want to im so happy ive still got it in me 2 finish a draws in a day
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hinamie · 12 days ago
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happy gojoday to all who celebrate
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wuvbug-kny · 5 years ago
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too late — kamado tanjirou
↬ tw!! suicidal thoughts
↬ tanjirou x fem!reader x inosuke
↬ genre: angst
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“i-i really do like you..um, it wasnt easy to confess b-but..yeah..”
my body shook. my head ached. my anxiety was over the roof. what was i thinking, why would i confess to him?! oh god. im going insane. what was i thinking..
i felt tears in my eyes start to form as my body got hotter by the second. my fists were clenches togethee tightly, nails digging into my palms as my heart raced at an unsteady pace. i gulped. why wasnt he saying anything? why is he just standing there? oh no.. my eyes remained stuck onto the ground as the knot in my throat got tighter. the tears that had formed in my eyes began to fall to the ground, and out of embarassment i lowered my head even more hoping he wouldnt notice.
tanjirou, please dont break me more than i already am broken.
“(y/n)..”
“y-yes?”
“im sorry.
i cant reciprocate your feelings.”
。゚•┈୨♡୧┈•゚。
i felt numb. i felt like complete, utter trash.
i felt worthless. i feel worthless.
of course it turned out that way.
why did i get my hopes up? why was i so dumb? to think someone like him would love such a lonely, miserable girl like me.
my heart ached. ever since i felt like the hole in my chest had gotten the biggest its ever been. it hurt, the pain was incredibly painful, i felt like i seeped even more into darkness than the darkness i was emorsed in before.
god, why am i so miserable? what is this life you’ve given me? what is my purpose?
sometimes, no, at all times i just want to disappear.
the knock on my door startled me, causing me to jump up from my laying position on my bed, in result of getting up too fast i had landed on my floor painfully. i grunted in pain as more tears began to spilled out from my eyes.
im miserable..
quickly sitting up, i wiped the tears from my tomato reddened face before sucking everything up as best as i could.
“y-yes?” i replied to the knocking coming from my door.
the knocking got even louder.
confused, i called out again. “y-yes??”
i jumped, shrieking slightly as the door was kicked open. am i under attack? but this is the butterfly estate! scrambling to my bed like the coward i was, i quickly pulled out my blade, pointing it towards the now beaten down door.
“w-who is it??” i shivered.
“(y/n), you bird brain! training has started and everyone is still waiting on you!!”
in came inosuke, wearing his boar mask as usual.
i lowered my blade and sighed shakily, before putting it away. “i-inosuke..you scared me. you could of just answered to me instead of kicking my door open..” i said, getting up from the bed.
“whatever! you should be at training! you’re holding everyone up, you stupid hag!” he huffed, crossing his arms.
i forcefully made myself laugh, even though i was in now way amused by his words.
hes right.
im a burden to everybody.
i shouldnt be here.
i should just die.
im so worthless.
everyone would be better off without me.
without realizing, i felt the warmness of my tears flowing down my face. i felt my heart ache so badly, my body shaking.
unable to hold my stance, i fall to the floor. sobbing.
because im so pathetic.
taking my bruised up hands, i quickly try to wipe the tears away but they just keep coming, and coming. i cant stop. i cant stop. my bubble has bursted, i have no more energy, i have no energy to keep it all in anymore, i cant control myself.
as i was too busy drowning in my negative, self killing thoughts, i was interrupted when my hands were pulled away from my face.
a little taken aback, but still having tears flowing down my face, i looked up.
inosuke..
“what are you, a baby? stop it.” he grumbled as he wiped my tears away with his thumb. his thumb glided across my cheek, flicking my tears away as gently as ever. for a moment i felt my heart warm. this is the first time ive ever been carressed so gently. i loved the feeling, but at the same time surprised as to who i was recieving it from.
“dont cry anymore. i dont like it.” his hands gently carressed my face now as his emerald eyes looked into mine. i felt my heart skip a beat, the empty deep feeling in my chest being forgotten at the very moment. i couldnt look away from his eyes.
for the first time ever, i felt like. i was okay.
i teared up again, but before i could let the tears spill i engulfed inosuke in a hug. an endearing, loving, grateful hug. i sobbed as i buried my face into his chest.
“t-thank you. thank you so much.”
i felt his arms wrap around my shaking figure gently, as he at the same time patted my head.
i was honestly surprised as to what was going on right now. out of all people, inosuke.
you’ve made me so happy. you’ve made me feel safe, okay, and wanted.
。゚•┈୨♡୧┈•゚。
two months had passed ever since tanjirou had turned me down.
honestly, i had nothing against tanjirou. i never expected him to like me, heck, love me back even. i never expected him to reciprocate my feelings. but at the same time, i felt like i still had a chance. i dont know what was going through my mind at the time.
i still loved tanjirou. maybe not as much as before, but i knew i still had the slightesy feelings for him. i try my best to talk to him as if nothing had ever happened. i really just want to move on from it.
as much as i hate myself for it, seeing him and talking to him makes me feel worthless. i hate myself for feeling that way. if i could go back in time and redo everything, i most certainly would.
what hurt me even more was to see how close he had gotten himself with kanao. it was no surprise to me, honestly. kanao is a very pretty girl, and she’s just way better than me in general in regards to demon slaying and skill wise.
no wonder tanjirou would take interest in her.
i was happy for him, i really was. i held no resent towards kanao at all. afterall, it would be petty and childish.
kanao was a dear friend to me and if they really did have chemistry between one another, i do really wish them the best.
i just cant help but pity myself.
“(y/n)!”
i squeaked in surprise as i was suddenly lifted off the ground by a pair of arms around my waste and twirled around. it took me a moment to realize that it was nobody but inosuke, before having a giggling fit.
“i-inosuke! put me down!” i laughed as he started to make plane noises. i felt myself blush as his eyes locked itself with mine, before averting my gaze to block him from noticing my face had turned into a tomato red.
ever since i broke down in front of inosuke and had him comfort me, we’ve gotten a lot closer. not much has changed between us personality wise, but he associated with me way more and always seemed ready whenever id ask him a favor, etc. he also now liked to pick me up and pretend to toss me, or making plane noises as he twirled me around.
he’s honestly like my best friend now. i can actually talk to him about how i feel deep down inside. he listens but doesnt really give much input on it, but i dont mind. its inosuke afterall, what can i expect? all im grateful for is that he listens.
inosuke grinned before setting me back down on the floor. he patted my hat before literally collapsing onto the grass covered ground, yawning and using his arms to rest his head on.
“im tired, (y/n). take a nap with me.” he grunted, patting the spot next to him. i smiled before laying down too, as i looked up at the sky.
“hey, inosu-“ i cut myself off after i had looked at him and noticed he was already out like a light. i giggled a bit. hes such a baby, honestly.
i stared at his face a bit more and noticed how pretty and feminine his features were. his eyelashes were curled and at a beautiful length, his lips slightly parted making him look angelic. his fair skin with no scars made him look like an angel.
jeez, god really do be picking favorites.
i sighed before laying back down on the grass, closing my eyes as i rested my head on inosuke’s chest. i felt myself sleeping into sleep and just let it happen.
this was one of the many times i felt at peace, always with inosuke.
。゚•┈୨♡୧┈•゚。
“im telling you, inosuke and (y/n) have a thing going on! have you seen how they are with each other?!” falling onto the floor, zenitsu started to sob. “why, out of all people, him?! a pretty girl like (y/n) deserves better! eUUugGNnN!!”
“what are you guys talking about?” tanjirou asked as he walked into the room, a smile worn on his face as he laughed at zenitsu obviously being overdramatic about whatever it was.
aoi and the other three girls sighed as they continued on eating their lunch.
“zenitsu thinks (y/n) and inosuke are dating and hes freaking out about it because he knows he’ll never get someone as pretty as (y/n).” aoi said, laughing at the last part.
tanjirou froze, before laughing nervously. “aaah, dont say that, im sure zenitsu will find someone one day!”
aoi shrugged, followed on by more giggles coming from sumi and the two others.
“are (y/n) and inosuke really dating?” tanjirou asked, sitting down.
“dont even mention it! agh!” zenitsu cried from his laying position on the ground, before burying his face in his arms again.
aoi rolled her eyes before moving onto answering tanjirou. “well..no, actually yeah, no, we dont know. i mean it looks like it. they’ve gotten a lot of closer and inosuke is always up on (y/n) now. i mean, they’d make a really cute couple! i see the way (y/n) lights up when shes around him.”
“a-ah. i see.” tanjirou said, letting out a slight laugh. “well, im gonna head out to train now. ill see you all at dinner.”
aoi and the three girls said goodbye to him as he made his exit.
tanjirou walked down the halls of the butterfly estate, before stumbling upon the garden. he sighed, walking out with the intention to take a look at the peaceful view of the garden meadow and for some fresh air.
his peace was interrupted, however, as his eyes locked upon two well known people cuddled up on the garden grass, taking a peaceful nap.
his fists clenched, and so did his teeth.
he felt jealousy over power him. he did not realize it, but it was there and he felt it. he just didnt know what it was.
but what he knew, was regret.
that he had let (y/n) slip past him.
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yeoldontknow · 7 years ago
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800 Followers Inspire Forever
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it has been three days since i hit the last hundred; i am still working on the drabbles from 600; and now it is barely mid morning and this glorious event has occurred. i know i say it every single time, but it’s true: i literally cannot believe this has happened or is happening. it’s happening so quickly and im overwhelmed every single day. i feel so truly honored and blessed that people are still arriving at my blog, deciding they want to see more PCY/Hoseok meltdowns, and me drunkenly waxing poetic about My Guys. i appreciate every single one of you to actual infinity, and i dont have any words to describe how happy this makes me, or how amazed it makes me. 
SO instead of blathering everyone’s ear off about how crazy this is to me or how blessed it makes me feel; instead of doing a follow forever like i did for the first 500, im going to do something different. 
i want to do a kind of inspiration post where i detail the people here who inspire me to be better, both as a creative person and a general human, and the people who, even if they don’t follow me, manage their time here with grace, aplomb, and wild creativity. for each person listed, i will rec my fave things. that said, i would like to make clear i am not a fic recs blog and i will explain why below. 
LETS GET INTO IT
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ive actually only been in the kpop world since april, so when i tell you this is all happening crazy fast to me - i mean this is bonkers. but i spent a solid month in april reading the hell out of the fandom’s work. i think there was a good three weeks where i did nothing but tear through some masterlists, and i even stayed up an entire saturday night until 8AM finishing a fic. i dont have that much time anymore to read, though i try to. it takes me longer, especially because i dont read on days im writing, and summer traveling + weddings makes it hard. but i still read and i still follow posts and even though it takes me time, im still there. for this reason, i am not an adequate fic recs blog and im sure there is tons of content i will be missing. 
but these are the people/writers to inspire me everyday to push, and continue, and world build until the only reality i have is one filled with beauty and joy <3
bold | mutuals / italics | non-mutual whose writing i adore
@kpopfanfictrash - my duchess. her fic One Shot was the very first fic i ever read in the kpop fandom, and from there she has moved swiftly into being one of my closest friends; a soundboard for my fantasy worlds, a demon who feeds me tae pictures even when i dont need (or want) them, and a sister who listens to me vent when i am stressed. she is supportive, genuine, and kind, and inspires me daily to give back this same loving, positive energy. her mind bewilders me, how full it is of characters, worlds, and words. she is second to none and that is why she is first here.  Fic Rec: literally her entire masterlist is gold, but Addewid and No Strings are must reads that not only will have you falling in love with every character and world, but will show you just how versatile of a writer she is.
@kollectionn - after i read One Shot, i found Charred. i read charred, struck, and then her entire masterlist - in two days. two days. i re-read charred on the third, and then sent her an ask because i couldnt cope with how good it was and wanted to cry at someone about it. i thought shed be whatever about it, but she was kind. and then we started talking. and now we talk everyday, and i get to call her one of my best friends. i get really emotional when i talk about C because, to me, she is the epitome of good-ness. the heart she has, the imagination she has - unprecedented. she pushes me into whole magical worlds i never thought possible and i am blessed to have her in my life. Fic Rec: Charred but like, read Struck and Roots too. the entire Other World series is published book quality and its been a while since ive read a fantasy this interwoven and connected and VIVID.
@daegusoftboys - the first BTS fic i ever read was Long Forgotten Sons. i’m really not sure how i found it, only know that after shan started launching me down the BTS rabbit hole i found a sort of oasis fever dream of a zombie au and i devoured it all in about an hour. and then i got to talk to jo, and my whole life brightened. jo is so gentle and sweet - soft, but subtle in her wit and makes me die with laughter. im inspired by her mind daily, im inspired by her sweetness. i would walk through fire for her just to ensure she got to wave at yoongi. so open and gentle and bewilderingly creative, im so, so happy i get to call her my Aquarius Sister. Fic Rec: Long Forgotten Sons - literally AMAZING
@the-porcelain-doll-xo - seems only fitting that i devoured her masterlist after i found her PCY smut. my sister wife, my chogihoe, a real sister whom i adore to pieces. i didn’t know her at all, had never talked to her, but felt a strong affinity to her - the magnetic poles of the universe saying ‘you are both hoes and really should be friends.’ i love that she has over 300 biases because it makes sense - fal has so much love to give, i can’t fathom ever wanting to restrict it. i love that she understands my passion for PCYs ears - because they are perfect and there is one for both of us. i love that she is unwavering in her honesty and her bravery and her kindness. the world needs more of her, and im glad i get this one <3 Fic Rec: Across The Hall, At Large, and Touch
@nunchiwrites - after the EXO NJ show, i was shook to death. and through my random searches here, i found her account of her time at the gig and, thus, her masterlist. id already had an idea for a vampire story in my head, so i didnt actually start reading Devil’s Advocate until about a month into talking to her - and i really think im blessed. i got to read everything else she wrote, got to get to know her as a person and as an angel - literally, an angel, sent from heaven to make this earth a better place. i got to see her for who she is - my tiny queen, my little sister. my first writer friend here, one of my first friends here in general. im lucky and blessed to have her <3 Fic Rec: Devil’s Advocate but also Of Lemon Grass and French Vanilla
@xhixtape - i read her entire masterlist on a plane in june. this was not long after i had just discerned that hobi was my bias and, unless EXO came back, he was gonna be fighting PCY for ult status (he lost, but like...eh still trying). her writing did not help. every story is unique in its characterization and every story is so believable and human. having followed her for a while, there’s a genuineness to the way she runs her blog and writes her stories. i admire this, how open and kind she is. and as a hobihoe, im really grateful that she keeps my ass well fed even if she doesn’t know it.  Fic Rec: View From 4-B - this entire universe is golden
@1honeypot - do you want me to wax poetic about Dépaysement for an hour? because i can? tbh, i started this because hobi and also i speak french, so i thought this was a francais kind of thing. stayed because 1) it’s literally amazing 2) the characters real, genuine, human, and hilarious 3) because the universe itself is filled to the brim with characters who are so unique and not cardboard cutouts of background scenery (lmao im not witty) that the world feels textured and rich Fic Rec: obviously Dépaysement - educate yourselves
@imdifferentshadesofpurple - a queen, a goddess divine. only recently have been lucky enough to call her a friend and collaborator (hello cartel, yes we see you!). mo is a literal, actual angel. someone i cannot believe is real. how she finds time in her day to do all the things she does PLUS be engaged, supportive, chatty, open, im constantly amazed. every time i talk to her, im filled with positive energy and a desire to push myself to accomplish more. shes a queen, a literal queen. Fic Rec: The Bone Witch - i binged this last week and im shaken to the core
other writers and people who inspire me and push me to live my best life include:
@pebble-xo (please read soulmate au alone because its iconic, and she also is a goddess made of kindness <3) @ellieljade @rapmonluv @kimnamwho (BABY GIRL YOU IS A WRITER NOW) @kpopandlock (you is an inspiration dont even pretend) @rudeboywonho (READ HER JINYOUNG TIME LORD OH MY HEAVENS TO BETSY, also she is a wife of mine and i love her so much i can hardly cope) @suhotrashanon (my OTHER wife, i never said i wasnt a hoe) @suho-mochi @chanyeolspout and @soobadnoonecanstopher
everyone listed here, plus more, inspires me every single day in some way. it doesnt matter if they are mutuals or not, they deserve recognition for their talents, their kindness, and their willingness to give their imagination to the world. creating content is difficult - remaining positive is even more difficult. if the only thing you get out of this long post is some great stories to read - hurray! but pay attention to the people behind the blogs, because they are incredible too.
i want to thank every single person (all 811 of you, two more arrived while writing this HELLO FRIENDS) for clicking follow on my blog. i hope i can continue to to keep your dash fun, positive, and filled with love. you are all special, meaningful, and beautiful. please treat yourselves with kindness, today and always <3
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