#icb its been months and this is the first thing i actually managed to finish

[dacialogansuperfan]

cywhirl fic under the cut

rated e

warnings for some violence! also edited and posted on ao3

“you still want to kill me,” whirl says, preternaturally casual even laced with static, vents roaring as he rolls his hips upwards, a sinuous movement that sends charge flowing up cyclonus’ valve and deep into his circuits. the arch of his slender hips is magnetic, a sin to write ballads about.

“no,” cyclonus gasps, claws digging furrows into the berth. “i just -” his vents stutter, voice breaking off as whirl’s spike drags across his ceiling node, “picture it sometimes. it doesn’t mean anything.”

whirl laughs, an utterly bizarre sound from a mech without a mouth. like his voice, it seems to come from everywhere and nowhere on his frame, lacking any of the depth and resonance that comes with funnelling the sound through throat tubing and out of an intake.

“it’s fine, y’know,” whirl’s claws at his hips, folded back into a mockery of a grip around his waist, but bearing none of his weight, “i don’t mind.”

cyclonus shutters his optics. of course whirl doesn’t mind. if it were any other mech, cyclonus might suspect them of lying to him to - primus forbid - spare his feelings, but whirl isn’t any other mech. he’s whirl, uniquely himself and still - despite what cyclonus fears is a genuine friendship forming between them - uniquely irritating.

whirl’s voice, pitched low and crackling with static, is likely meant to be seductive, but sounds to cyclonus’ ears like nothing so much as anticipation. “you should try it.”

“what?” and then, because he knows whirl, “now?”

cyclonus can feel the charge ripple through whirl, flaring his plating before surging through his spike to ground itself in cyclonus’ valve. for a second he forgets about the conversation entirely, gripping whirl’s forearm guard as he rides through the shock, arching his back to try and push whirl deeper. he just needs -

and then his chest scrapes whirl’s cockpit, a screech of metal on glass and he’s thinking about how easy it would be to push his fist through, grab a handful of whirl’s internals and pull.

whirl must see it on his face, certainly feels it in the inappropriate clench of cyclonus’ callipers because suddenly his optic housing is right in front of cyclonus’ face, his pace frantic as his claws switch from cradling cyclonus’ hips to curled loosely around his arms. cyclonus’ back slams against the berth and whirl follows, his stripped frame no weight at all but managing to crowd him all the same, cockpit to chest and slender legs bracketing his own, optic pressed to cyclonus’ forehead, goading.

“do it.” whirl is shaking, full frame rattling shivers that set cyclonus’ teeth on edge. whether from excitement or arousal cyclonus’ doesn’t know, is beginning to suspect that for him - for both of them, as cyclonus realizes he’s grinning, an expression that rarely makes it onto his faceplate outside of battle and now, interface - interface with whirl - the two inextricably linked in his processor sometime recently without his knowledge - it might be both.

(if he’s honest with himself, which he will be - when his fuel isn’t pounding through his lines, his thighs splattered with lubricant and transfluid, a burning desire to overload like he hasn’t felt in eons pushing all other processes but one, the one that lights up his combat protocols and strat-tac system and somehow manages to exist concurrently, perfectly with his interface array, to background processing - he knows exactly when the merge happened. when a helicopter, dripping in energon and full of an anger so incandescent it consumed even the planet cyclonus’ has loved above all else until it, too, faded into the background, launched itself at him and demanded to be noticed. and then, again, when whirl understood. he forced cyclonus to look at him and looked back, seemingly easily, like cyclonus’ was no more difficult to take apart than a simple clock)

cyclonus wraps a leg around whirl’s waist, one hand reaching up for whirl’s throat while the other leverages them into a spin. he manages to flip their positions and slam whirl’s helm into the berth without dislodging him from his valve, needing the contact, the feeling of some part of whirl inside him right where it is. the rough impact only drives whirl farther in, and cyclonus has to grip the side of the berth, the soft tubing of whirl’s throat to anchor himself through another wave of spiralling charge.

he doesn’t realize he’s still choking whirl until a sharp elbow cracks across his jaw and he rears back, nearly stumbling off of whirl completely before that same arm warps around his neck and pulls him back in.

whirl is laughing. his spike is still fully pressurized, hot inside cyclonus and pulsing with rapidly increasing bursts of charge.

his vocalizer must be stored somewhere in his throat, because his laughter is interspersed with bursts of static that only seem to make him laugh harder. his arm is still around cyclonus’ neck, optic housing resting on his shoulder in a way that feels strangely intimate, the sharp edges of it brushing cyclonus’ hollow cheeks.

“that can’t be all you got. come on,” whirl’s voice takes on a wheedling edge, designed to get under cyclonus’ plating as his claws scrape over his back, ineffectually, until he manages to force one into a wider transformation seam and scrapes it over the wires underneath. they catch, then pull, and finally snap with a fritz of electricity and a sharp, radiating pain in cyclonus’ back that shouldn’t be exciting except that it is. whirl’s claw is still tracing a destructive path through cyclonus’ internals as he whispers, “show me what you’ve been thinking of, cyclonus,” desperation in his vocals, almost, as his hips grind up into cyclonus’ valve.

he reaches back to yank whirl’s claw out of his back, heedless of the destruction it causes as it rips through a section of plating on his lower back, deforming it. it burns as cyclonus stretches himself over whirl to gather both of his spindly claws into one of his hands, slamming them down onto the berth above his helm. it will be tricky to hold if whirl fights, and whirl will fight, so cyclonus digs his claws into the berth to form a kind of clamp, burrowing them into the metal to the knuckle.

whirl tries to yank his hands away almost immediately and the clamp holds. there’s breathless laughter from under him, hips still driving into him and cyclonus groans, grinding down. just lets himself feel it, for a moment.

it’s an awkward fit with cyclonus stretched over whirl’s cockpit, but that is easily fixed. he brings his other hand up off the berth and lays it over whirl’s cockpit. whirl cocks his helm, optic unblinking as he stares up at him.

cyclonus keeps his optics on him as he slowly, slowly pushes down. it strains the servos in his arm, pistons leaking steam to billow out of the gaps in his plating but he manages to push in, crumpling whirl’s cockpit until the glass covering shatters, sprays shards of brilliant, sparkling glass over the berth. some embed themselves into cyclonus plating and it’s good, so good he starts riding whirl in earnest, as much as he can with his arm still stretched over whirl’s head.

whirl doesn’t scream when his cockpit crumples. instead, he moans, matching cyclonus’ pace and straining against his hold less because he’s trying to escape it and more because the power of his thrusts is jostling the entire berth.

“that’s it, that’s it,” he keeps saying, hips driving into cyclonus’ with more force than rhythm. cyclonus can’t remember it ever being this intense between them, but then he thinks that he was likely the one holding back.

overload crashes through him with enough force to nearly offline him. his optics flicker and die, sparks leap from his ravaged back to ground on the berth. he grips the edge of whirl’s cockpit through the aftershocks, and it’s only when his sensory net completes a full reboot that he knows whirl has overloaded too. his fans are still whirring where cyclonus’ are steadily ticking down, and at some point when cyclonus was knocked senseless, he’s managed to pry is claws out of his grip, although not without dislocating one of his servos. it hangs limply against the berth, a loose bundle of wires just visible under his armour.

now that it’s over, cyclonus turns away from him, leveraging himself up into a shaky kneel. he hadn’t actually wanted to hurt whirl. at least, he didn’t think he did, and now that he has it’s - hard. to look at him. to see the evidence that maybe some part of him did.

a loose, floppy claw slaps against his chest and forces him to do it anyway. maybe to make things easier for him, whirl’s optic light is curved into a facsimile of smile. it might be the first time he’s ever actively tried to make cyclonus comfortable.

“hey, stop that.” the claw slaps against his mouth this time, when cyclonus tries to open it. “no, don’t do that,” whirl continues. “don’t get all… mopey about it. it’s fine. this was good. it was fun.”

cyclonus opens his mouth, to argue the point, maybe, or to assert that he isn’t moping - whirl is good at that, misdirecting the conversation, and while cyclonus is usually better at ignoring his obvious attempts at dodging subjects he’s uncomfortable with, he’s still feeling… unbalanced. never a good position to be in, around whirl. he shifts his weight on the berth, closes his mouth again when glass crunches under his knees.

“you need to get to the medbay.” whirl scoffs, waving his limp claw around for emphasis that fails spectacularly when it flops against his forearm guard.

“yeah, okay, that’s fair.” he starts to push himself off the berth, stumbling only slightly. cyclonus considers offering him a hand, an arm around his shoulders to steady him, thinks better of it. he follows him out into corridor, leaning a hand against the bulkhead when his knees threaten to buckle. he’d almost forgotten about his own injuries.

whirl looks over his shoulder and scoffs.

“need a hand?” he raises his uninjured claw to beckon cyclonus over. cyclonus stares at it, wondering if that was, possibly, a pun. after a moment in which whirl waits for a reaction, letting him know that it was, cyclonus says nothing but moves to fit himself under whirl’s outstretched arm. it settles comfortably under his shoulders, supporting him, and cyclonus slings his own around whirl’s waist.

they manage to cross the rest of the habitation suite in blissful silence before whirl succumbs to the need to break it.

“it doesn’t always have to be like that, y’know.” cyclonus had been avoiding thinking about it. he needs time to process, to let the memory file compile and sort through his own reactions to it. he isn’t sure anymore, what he wants, but he doesn’t think it’s just this. he doesn’t even know if it’s this at all. it was good in the moment, almost cathartic, this intersection of interface and battle, but in the aftermath, with whirl’s crumpled cockpit in full view, it’s difficult to remember why he enjoyed it.

“and if i don’t want to do it again at all?”

whirl’s response is instant. “then stop thinking about killing me when we frag.” it isn’t a rejection. briefly, cyclonus has a sinking doubt that whirl only agreed to this to indulge him but then - then he is comforted almost immediately by the fact of whirl. simply being who he is - cyclonus is certain he wouldn’t have agreed to anything just because cyclonus wanted it.

“but seriously - it’s fine. i’ll get fixed up, good as new, and we both got a killer overload from it. stop overthinking it. besides,” here whirl’s arm trails down cyclonus’ back, one claw gently caressing his armour in a soft imitation of his earlier assault and cyclonus shivers, “i got you pretty good and you don’t see me crying about it.”

it actually startles a laugh out of him. cyclonus lets himself focus on whirl’s claw down his back, the spike of pure, uncomplicated want that it inspires.

“we’ll see,” is all he ends up saying. it’s all he has, for now, but whirl doesn’t seem to mind. he lets the silence sit, for once, his claw lingering over the edge of cyclonus’ torn plating his final say on the matter.

it’s shockingly convincing.

[mxnark]

the best version of yourself 

december 31, 2019

mina isn’t the type to feel ashamed of herself. everyone around her new that she was confident and outspoken. whatever she thought of inside her head, there would be a 59% chance she’d say it with a 41% chance she’d keep it to herself just because she had some manners. of course, she had some class by making a bunch of rant posts on her spam rather than on her main instagram or main twitter. some of her thoughts on real life would go on her stan twitter, but she’s tried her best to keep that mainly kpop and movies. but, to be honest, she wouldn’t have made a spam had it not been for her mutuals and her friends in real life. 

this time, however, she felt emotions that she was afraid to tell anyone else. 

she usually watched the gayos on her own, since she was the only one in the house who had an interest in them because her favorite idols were on that show. however, the one she always kept an eye on was mbc’s gayo daejejun because of the amazing stages that the idols would perform. not to mention, it was the gayo with the countdown to the new year. however, this time, she debated if she even wanted to watch it considering that this was the same exact one that she made a video audition for, only to not get in. 

when she saw the post on mbc’s page, she was disappointed, but not surprised. it was bold of her to assume she would ever get the chance compared to the other dancers. when she watched the other entries, she was already beginning to feel insecure. but seeing the announcement only supported her negative feelings. however, one name catches her eye and it’s the main reason why she watches the music show tonight. 

chungha isn’t the only reason why she’s watching this, but she’s the one mina looks forward to seeing the most. it’s weird how almost two years ago, mina became a fan from watching her on the fourth season of the mgas. now, she was watching her as not only a fan, but a friend. it’s only a glow up she can talk about on her spam, but she’s able to use her excitement for her tweets while streaming. 

she makes sure to tweet about her favorite idols and their performances before the awaited dance performance comes. when it begins, she quickly takes out her phone as she patiently waits for her friend to be shown on her screen. she manages to record the 30 seconds of chungha’s dance on her instagram story while whisper-screaming throughout all of it. “ahh!!! kim chungha is so cool!!!! she’s the coolest unnie ever!!!” and a bunch of “wow!”’s and “so cool!”’s. for the group performance, she kept all her excitement on her twitter with a few pictures saved for her spam later on. 

it’s odd. before watching this, she thought she was going to feel an overwhelming amount of jealousy just by seeing chungha for a second. but after the performance ended, she couldn’t help but feel inspired. perhaps it was because of the fact that this wasn’t the first time she’s seen chungha on national television, but mina didn’t feel too upset like she thought she would. what a relief. 

she posts the pictures on her spamsta (spam + finsta) once the countdown for the new year is finished and captions it with her thoughts. after she posted it, she locked her phone, turned off her tv, and went upstairs to go to bed, excited for what was to come in the future. 

notokmina: do you see her??/ that’s the coolest bitch in the world !!!! ever !!!!!

watching her tonight gave me so much motivation tbh. i remember i used to be so… starstruck by her when i first saw her on mga4 and now i know her in real life and we’re friends !!!! i’m so glad she got to audition for this and perform onstage in front of a bunch of idols. she’s so cool!!!! 

i’m gonna work hard with future covers so that i can hopefully be dancing on that same stage!!!!!!!!! it’d be cooler if it was w her!!!! but yeah. hopefully if i work hard enough, i can be on the stage like her (and my cousin and brother if theyre reading this who knows) 

she leaves a comment under her post. 

notokmina: unnie, if ur reading this, hi!!! very proud of u uwu 

… 

january 2nd, 2020

having been on stan twitter since she moved back to korea, she’s gotten to explore the many sides of the website. though she’s primarily a kpop fan account, she also keeps tabs on film twitter. it’s to the point where she even has mutuals who are apart of that community and she frequently talks to them about her favorite movies (recently, it’s been about it 2 because she loves her best boys richie and eddie). so of course, when she asked for movie recommendations on her account, she hoped that said mutuals would see it and give their insight. 

though there were many suggestions, she chose lady bird by the end of it. she knew about the movie years ago, but she never really got around to watching it until now. she’s read mixed reviews, so she was never really able to form a solid opinion on this movie. she told herself not to expect much, since this was a coming-of-age film. but, by the end of it, she found herself in tears. she goes on twitter and writes up a tweet as a response to the movie. 

michi @noplayboy_mp3: film oomfs is it weird to say that i kin w lady bird lol  michi @noplayboy_mp3: no but the film is so good i dont want to drop any spoilers but lady bird is like… so relatable? esp bc im kind of in her situation now.  michi @noplayboy_mp3: icb greta gerwig said “michi has rights”... perhaps i will watch little women when i get the chance

before she’s about to make a tweet about watching midsommar next, she hears her phone vibrate. putting her laptop to the side, she picks up her phone and sees an email from snu. 

dear mina, 

the admissions committee at seoul national university has re-reviewed all aspects of your application in its holistic review process, and you have an updated admissions decision. you may now view your updated admissions decision in your portal.

she gasps. 

as she clicks on the link to her portal and logs in, she was immediately welcomed by the site with a big “CONGRATULATIONS!” and if that wasn’t already obvious enough for her, she looks around to find the little “status: accepted” on her page. she sighs in relief and puts her phone to the side as she lies on her bed. she’s not necessarily excited that she got into a school. even now, she was still questioning if she wanted to go to school to begin with. all she knew was that at this point, she was going somewhere. whether or not this is what she really wanted to do, she at least has an idea of where she’s starting. 

maybe now her mom would stop badgering her. maybe now she can show her that she could do things without her. 

…

“i got accepted into snu today.”

it’s used to start discussion, even though she didn’t really want to talk about it with her. it had to come out somehow because even if she was nervous with how she was going to reply, at least her mom would be aware of it. 

her father was the first to say something about it and mina wants to verbally thank him for speaking before her mom does. “honey, congratulations! i knew you would be able to get into that school.” 

“thank you,” mina says with a small smile before she looks over at her mom to see what she will respond with because it was obvious she had something to say about it. 

“why did it take so long for a response?” she asks. “you applied for early decision, didn’t you?” 

it takes a lot for mina to not say something snarky in response. she’s not going to do that now. not so soon. “well, competition’s pretty tough. a lot of kids are applying for snu. especially in my class.” she wasn’t exactly lying, but it was a better response than “i was waitlisted for a month.” and even if she responded with that, at least she got into the school. wasn’t that enough? 

her mom lets out a small “hm” before eating more of their dinner. “well, good job on getting into that school. with how long the response took, i was starting to worry.” 

mina frowns. “i got into other schools, you know.” 

“but did you want to get into any of those other schools?” when mina’s silent for a response, her mother only continues. “you said that you were aiming for snu and it took long enough in order to get a response.” 

“can’t you just be happy over the fact that i actually got into the school?” mina asks, feeling her voice rise. “i thought you would be proud of me. is it that much of a surprise that i got in?” 

“all of your friends got accepted into their schools quicker.” mina feels her grip tighten on the chopsticks in her hands. “all i’m saying is you should’ve at least tried harder or at least recognize that you should’ve done better.” 

mina finds it hard to calm down after hearing that. it’s not like she didn’t expect a response like that, but to actually hear it from her makes her laugh bitterly. it’s sad to say she’s not surprised because this was what their relationship is at this point. even if she told herself that she just wanted to get into school in order to get her mom off her back, her words only make it seem like she was mocking her even if she reached at least the minimum. it made mina wish her mother lowered her expectations or at least make her own higher. 

she eats her food in a hurry, hoping to get out of this dinner as soon as possible. of course, her mother has an issue with it as she glared at her from across the table. “slow down. you look like an animal eating like that.” 

mina ignores her and she manages to empty her bowl, still trying to bite and swallow the leftover food in her mouth. she quickly stands up from her chair, puts her bowl and utensils in the sink, and runs upstairs, swallowing the last bit of her food down. she closes her door behind her even if she knows her mother was going to go up to her room anyways. when she hears the door open, she rolls her eyes before she turns to her mom. 

“can you knock?” the impatient tone was one she’s used frequently enough. whether or not she was proud of it, she kept that information to herself. 

her mother’s not afraid of it, though. in fact, if anything, she’s probably a professional at dealing with it. “you’re one to talk about manners,” she scolds. “what is with you?! at least try to stay for the entire dinner and not make it seem like you don’t like my company.” 

“why would i do that?” mina scoffs. “you’d yell at me for faking it, anyway.” 

her mom sighs. “why are you so selfish? why do you keep on doing this? do you understand how uncomfortable your father feels whenever we fight? how uncomfortable i feel?!” 

“i’m sorry for being upset over you not being a good mom,” she responds, crossing her arms as if to do the bare minimum of making fun of the woman in front of her who would do the same in their past arguments. “i got into a good school and all you can say is ‘i’m surprised they didn’t reject you straight up’? no ‘congratulations’ or ‘i’m happy you got into the school you wanted to get into’? shouldn’t you at least be glad over the fact that i’m going-” 

“how am i going to explain to the family that it took a few months for my daughter to tell me she got into snu after a few months since she applied?” her mom interrupts her, angering mina even more. “it didn’t take long for jaebeom to get his letter of acceptance. it didn’t take daniel long for him to know if he got in. do you know what they’ll say when i tell them you got accepted after countless times of me saying ‘oh i don’t know yet’, ‘she hasn’t received anything yet’? they’ll think i’m raising-” 

“what? an idiot?” mina laughs. “yeah. i’m sure everyone in the family’s already aware of the fact that i’m never going to be a lawyer living in america. at least i got into a school.” 

her mother then points at mina and she has to hold the urge to not swat the hand away from her face. “look at you! you’re already making yourself sound bad by acting like it’s a miracle they accepted you in the first place!” she criticizes. “you’re supposed to go to school. you’re supposed to get a degree in order to get a good job somewhere. after all your father and i’ve done for you and your brothers, why are you the only one who treats this like it’s not a big deal?!” 

“i am treating this like it’s a big deal!” mina asserts. “do you know how many nights i spent studying for tests that i knew i was going to fail? all the times i had to stay after school in order to make sure it wouldn’t affect my chances?! i worked so hard in the last few months to be accepted and i’m the only one in this room proud of myself for it! it’s like you’re actively trying to find reasons to be disappointed in me, even when i do something good!”

“maybe you should be trying to not constantly disappoint me, then.” her mother turns her back to her daughter and makes way for the door, but mina mutters something else that makes her stop in her steps.

“the one time i do something that i thought could impress you and you’re still disappointed in me.”

her mother doesn’t respond. all she does is stand for a moment before she leaves, not even bothering to close the door behind her.