#ic post. the wrench

[byeolyeou]

☠︎︎ ❝ —- i'm just saying , it would look a lot cooler if there were explosions . or fire —- explosions AND fire ! ❞

[commander-spaceboy]

Finished up a couple of bust commissions for @op3ra!

Did Rusty in their design (its so so so cute btw i love his claws n fangs sm), and wrench from the on ice production!

[op3ra]

barely discernable wrench

[toast1862]

eddie feels very different. i think in the original he was more like... pathetic, weak, someone you looked down on, maybe even someone to laugh at. in the remake he's more... disgusting. repulsive. i don't... really understand why he was eating melted ice cream with his hands except to make the player feel gross. the option that makes more sense is to drink it, like i don't know the human reason he is doing that. what was originally obliviousness to his surroundings has become just like. nastiness for the viewer's benefit.

[byeolyeou]

wrench's mask blinks a little before flickering into a smile , because even if he's been feeling a little down and alone lately --- marcus always lightens his mood , and he's missed the other hacker . ❝ means i did a good job making myself hard to find . ❞ his mask reflects the grin underneath as he tips his head , hands tucked into his pockets . ❝ gotta be careful with the grade-a psychopaths around here . ❞

Marcus tipped his head as he hears footsteps nearby, looking around before looking behind him to see someone running towards him. He let out a slow almost relieve breath as he held up a hand to wave before making his way over to him. "Bout time you came out of hiding." He said as he made a face. "Do you have any idea how long it took me to find you?"

[starlight-diesel]

Sorry not sorry for posting so many pictures of them but they are the only thing keeping me going rn. Anyways look at my beloveds once again being silly while posing for a photo.

[horrifichaunts]

Tom tag dump

[esotericdescent]

The left corner of Kaz's lips quirked upward with amusement — know-nothing. He didn't speak any other language than his own, but he'd picked up a word or a phrase here and there. It was impossible not to, when you surrounded yourself with people who were multilingual .... and especially when you loved someone with a different native language than your own. Perhaps someday he would take the time to learn to speak Suli fluently — but for now, picking up bits and pieces was good enough.

❝Your know-nothing," Kaz murmured teasingly. Similarly, it was a silly thing to say, but he'd missed their banter; now with a great deal of foresight, he could see how they'd often been skirting the edges of flirtation, not quite stepping over that line, but they'd come dangerously close many times over the years. Now there was no need to tread so carefully. It felt strange, yet exhilarating — perhaps he liked that idea. Being hers. Kaz had certainly never believed Inej would ever be his, especially given that she'd spent far too much of her life being trapped, being owned against her will. Inej didn't belong to anyone ... but he was more than happy to have her heart, just as she'd had his all these years.

When fear arrives, something is about to happen. Kaz had never asked her about that phrase she used, as she'd only said it within earshot of him once or twice. Dark brows narrowed just slightly, a clear indication of a silent curiosity, an unspoken question. He didn't have to wonder about it for long, however, as his own heart hammered against his rib cage. Tell me to stop. Kaz couldn't have stopped her, even if he'd wanted to. He'd never kissed anyone, nor had anyone ever kissed him and frankly, he had absolutely no idea how. He had instinct, which to him seemed to be the best way to go about it ... probably. He'd seen people kiss within his presence plenty of times and, while at the time he'd wanted nothing more than to evade it at all costs, he supposed it was good that he had some kind of visual aid to go off of.

He followed her lead, tilting his head, leaning in close, eyes fluttering closed. Kaz's breath was shaking, he couldn’t help it — but this time it was merely because he was nervous, excited, perhaps even a little giddy. If this was the feeling that people wouldn't shut up about, the feeling that made them act like fools, that sometimes clouded their judgement ... Kaz supposed could finally understand why. Electricity surged where their lips brushed and a small shiver ran down his back with the realization that Inej had kissed the scar that cut through his lips. It caused a swell of emotion so overwhelming and intense that Kaz almost felt dizzy with it — but he had no idea what half of what he was feeling even was.

It was only a brush of lips and yet his head was spinning, his heart pounding. He opened his eyes, gazing down at her half-lidded — and he saw her uncertainty, recognized it. Inej was trying to gauge whether she'd crossed a line she shouldn't have or not. Kaz shifted the hand still resting against her chest, slowly twining their fingers together, but remaining there all the same, still seeking the anchor of her heartbeat. He wanted to kiss her more firmly, but first ... his eyes briefly dropped to her mouth, then drifted back up to meet her gaze. ❝Inej, I want ...❞ Kaz swallowed thickly, struggling with his words. He settled on something simple, a question they now both understood the meaning of. ❝Can I? ❞

He made no further movement until she offered him a nod, giving him permission. Another shaking breath escaped him and he returned her nod with a faint one of his own — Kaz hesitated, however, feeling as though he needed to say these words out loud, for her. ❝You are in control, Inej,❞ he assured her, speaking with a firm certainty that conveyed experience .... despite the fact that he had none. ❝If you say stop, we stop, no questions asked.❞ He held her gaze, ensuring that she understood. Then ... it was his turn to lean in.

He started with that feather-light brush of lips, little more than grazing, giving Inej the time she needed to prepare herself. Then he gathered every bit of courage he had before he finally pressed his lips to hers. Electricity surged between them more vibrantly this time and suddenly, the world around them seemed to burst with something colorful and bright, something hopeful filling him to the brim in a way he'd never experienced before. The water remained beneath the ground where he'd banished it, the sound and the feeling of her warm breath alone more than grounding him in the moment.

Kaz was meticulous and intense by nature, but Inej drew something buried deep within him up to the surface; something tender and patient, gentle. Suddenly he was simply Kaz Rietveld, experiencing his first kiss with a girl he'd loved for years. A girl who was courageous and brave, who'd insisted on believing in him — whether it was believing that he could become the best version of himself, or believing he would always come for her, save her when she needed it or fight beside her when she didn't. The doubt he'd instilled in her that had taken root when she'd been captured by Van Eck still haunted him, but even despite that ... she'd believed him when he'd finally begun to speak the truth.

Inej had gone through her own hell, horrors he could barely fathom and somehow she'd made her way out fighting, keeping some semblance of faith intact despite everything, managing to balance her beautiful ferocity with her heart-wrenching softness. Kaz Brekker did not worship the Saints, but he would worship Inej in any way she desired it, any way he could manage without a moments hesitation.

The kiss only lasted a moment, but it felt like time had simply slowed to a stop — it felt like a lifetime before he was pulling back just slightly, eyes fluttering open again. Kaz was studying her features, trying to intuit she was okay ... and perhaps a tiny part of him was hoping his inexperience hadn't soiled their first proper kiss.

The moment felt paperthin underneath her fingertips, as if Kaz or herself could slip away at any moment and Inej was afraid to wake from a dream in the darkness of her cabin on the Wraith, never gathering up the courage to return to this city that held pieces of her impossible to put back together. Some of them would always remain broken, all sharp edges and cracked lines, other whole but no longer belonging to herself. Inej had given them away years ago and they would always lead her home.

As she felt his hands on her body it didn't cause the usual revulsion to pulse through her, even when skin brushed over skin. His hands felt cool against her heated cheeks, like a balm on her aching heart.

Silence stretched between them and after asking Kaz for forgiveness, a string insight her pulled taught, like a bow string ready to be released. Inej knew that she wouldn't survive a 'no' from him, not after she'd been missing him for so long, not after being held like this, after all the puzzle pieces finally falling into place. His coffee eyes were filled with a softness so foreign and familiar that it sent a wave of electricity cascading down her back. Inej shivered as she held herself together for him... no... with him.

They stood side by side on the battlefield that held their demons. She would never be able to drain the waters that wrapped around Kaz and threatened to drown him, but she would hold his hand and drown alongside him, just like he would disappear into her shadows with her. It was an unspoken agreement, the same they had held for years without ever adressing it.

'Unquestionable' It was a single word, but the relief it brought seemed to flood the room with light, banishing her shadows into a quiet corner of her eyes. He forgave her, even after leaving and not returning for what now felt like a small forever.

Inej held his gaze, warm tea eyes facing her. She stole the look of them, intended to hold on to it, to remember the was it made her chest ache in all the right ways.

They stood so close, her eyes trailed down to the wing of his pale lips and a new thought bubbled up inside her. How would it feel like?

A smile tugged at her lips. "Shevrati." Know-nothing. A different Suli word. It held all her warmth and matched his teasing tone. Her proverbs, the values her parents instilled in her, Kaz would have to live with them for as long as he wanted her near. "One day you will thank the Saints, Kaz. Mark my words. I thank them tonight that they brought me back to you." It felt so silly to say, but now that she'd passed through the door of keeping her words close to her chest and released them it felt easier, necessary even, to speak what she felt.

Her cheek leaned into his touch, almost longingly. "When fear arrives something is about to happen." she whispered, heart picking up it's pace against Kaz's fingertips as a new kind of fear seemed to gnaw on her.

Inej had been kissed before, roughly, with teeth, tenderly, without, possessively, hard, soft... she took a shakey breath. How would it feel to brush hers against his? Would they be cool and scarred like the rest of him? The thoughts scared her, but her actions suprised her. "Tell me to stop." She whispered as she leaned closer. "There is nothing left to forgive."

Slowly, carefully, her lips brushed over the scar that slashed hard across Kaz's own. Her heart swelled with something foreign, but it pitter pattered like a deer running for it's life. It wasn't a kiss, barely a touch, is what Inej told herself. She wasn't a girl anymore, dreaming of stealing kisses or a boy gifting her wild geraniums.

The Menagerie had taken all that from her, but there was another dream.

A dream she was finally willing to admit. She didn't want anyone near her, didn't want to let anyone touch her like that, but she wanted to kiss the scar on Kaz's lip, wanted to kiss every scar of his until he never thought of himself as a monster or unlovable and she wanted him to kiss hers too.

Her lips only lasted for a heartbeat, then a second, then she pulled back ever so slightly, warm eyes looking up at him again, scared she'd done something reckless and wrong... glad that she did it and a small voice igniting inside of her longing for stealing another moment like this, despite the shadows that were creeping in at her feet again.

[livefastdrivefaster]

My Other Half | CL16

Pairing: Charles x Reader

Summary: When Charles accidentally scares you, leading to him anxiously taking care of you. Complete fluff.

Word count: 900 words

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

An old Porsche was sitting in your garage. You managed to get it at a great deal, mainly because the car was close to falling apart. Almost every part needed replacing or some kind of work, and you were beginning to question if you should’ve just built a car from scratch at this point. But you weren’t opposed to the idea of a project, and you had been dreaming of owning this very car since you were young, so Charles stepped in to give you the best birthday present ever.

Because of how old the car was, the suspension was completely worn out. You decided to buy the necessary replacement parts and change it out yourself. You had worked on many cars before, so you weren’t afraid of the challenge, you just really needed to get this one right because the parts were astoundingly expensive. You were underneath the car, connecting the suspension parts to the undercarriage when Charles came home to your shared apartment. 

Not finding you in the main apartment, he knew you were likely downstairs working on the Porsche. Your boyfriend always told you there were too many things about you that he loved to count, but he especially adored your passion for your arguably unique hobbies, but how amazing you were at it all too. You always blasted music through your headphones while working, so you didn’t hear Charles come down into the garage to see you. Seeing your legs peeking out from under the car, Charles smiled to himself, lowering himself to the floor to surprise you. 

At the same time, you realised you had mistakenly grabbed the wrong size wrench for the bolt you were trying to loosen, and turned your head to look for the right tool lying somewhere near you. 

You weren’t expecting to find a face an arm's length away from you. You screamed and instinctively shot up, hitting your head hard on the metal framework above you. Recognising the face as Charles, your body relaxed and you lowered yourself back to the ground, placing your hand over the part of your head that made contact with the car.

“Ah! Y/N, are you okay?” Charles called out, reaching his arm out to you. 

You could only groan in pain as the initial shock of the hit wore off. Charles slides his body underneath the car to lie next to you, petting your head sympathetically. 

“Can you move? Can I get you ice? How much does it hurt?” Charles blurted out his questions at a rapid-fire pace, and you could tell his voice was close to breaking from worry. 

“I’m okay.” You say, giving him a weak smile before rolling out from beneath the car. He follows your movements, moving quickly in his desperation to get back to being next to you. 

You sit together for a moment in silence, backs against the evil, pain-inducing Porsche. You hear Charles mumbling about ice before he jumps up from beside you. 

“I’ll get ice, my love.” He says, darting off upstairs. 

“You don’t have to, Charles, it really isn’t that bad!” You call after him. 

It was. But you didn’t want to send Charles over the edge into a nervous breakdown. You hear some commotion from the kitchen, and the almost certain thud of Charles falling down a few stairs before your boyfriend appears next to you. He crouches down next to you, steadying himself with an arm placed beside your head, and gently places the cool ice on your forehead. You flinch from the harshness of the temperature, and Charles immediately withdraws from you. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. It’ll only sting for a moment, I promise.” He says quietly, slowly placing the ice back on your pain. You wince a little still, but forget about it all when he leans into you. The remnants of the cologne he applied this morning, mixed with the sweet smell of his post-gym skin filled your senses. You wish you could bottle his scent, and keep it in a locket around your neck forever. It was addicting, just as yours was to him. 

“Mon preux chevalier (my valiant knight).” You sighed. He smiled at you shyly, before dropping his arm beside your head to cusp your face. 

“I am no knight, I did this to you.” He says, concerned eyes darting between yours, rubbing circles into your cheek with his thumb. 

“Yeah, sneaking up on me was pretty stupid, huh?” You say, half-suppressing a cheeky smile.

“Oh,” he says slowly, catching onto your joke, “not my fault you get all jumpy around me, hm? Almost like you have a crush on me, yeah?” 

“Just a little one.” You say, giggling lightly.

His cool complexion breaks at this, unable to stop the soft laugh bursting up his chest, born from the heart you warmed with your mere presence. The moment is brief, but encompassing. Despite the years you had spent with Charles, every day felt like the first night of a young couple’s honeymoon. Giddy and loving. 

“Does it hurt still?” 

“Not at all.”

He tentatively removed the ice from your head, his green eyes glimmering in the golden light of the dying day. Slowly, ever so slowly, he encompassed your body in his own, leaning down to place the most gentle of kisses on your hairline. 

“Ma moitié” 

(My other half)

[byeolyeou]

Again, dude, it's not confirmed. Grain of salt.

...But fuck, man, I want it so badly. And I want it to be good.

❝ the biggest grain of salt there ever was , my dude . listen , if i catch wind it's gonna be not-good -- i'm not saying i'm gonna make it be good , but -- it'll be good . ❞

[djarincore]

— vampire!simon punishes you

warnings: noncon/dubcon, smut, angst, dark, jealousy if you squint, blood, sorta based off this post

You're stiff when he throws you against the sheets. A silk nightgown does nothing to shield the feeling of his body molding into yours, trapping you against the bed.

His hands leave trails of ice along your skin as they slide beneath your thighs to force them apart. His lips are on your neck; his tongue drags against your rapid pulse for a taste. You shrink beneath him when it becomes teeth—pointed canines scraping against your skin.

Your voice wavers, a thick lump swelling in your throat. Tears gloss over your eyes as you force the words out. “My Lord, forgive m-”

“Shut up,” he hisses, wrenching away from your neck. His nose meets yours as he looks into your tear filled eyes. “You’re lucky I don't fuckin’ drain you.”

“Thank you, my Lord,” you whimper, shutting your eyes. His gaze, so intense, is enough to make you feel like you're being swallowed whole. If he wants to bite you, fuck you, then he can. You just want to be free of his grasp and breathe again.

“What did you hope to accomplish tonight?”

“N-Nothing, I-”

“Look at me!” He roars. A hand clamps around your jaw and forces your face back to his.

When your bleary eyes open, Simon is still above you, holding a carved stake. The same one you tried plunging into his back.

“Thought you could stick me with this twig? Who gave you that idea, huh? You think that bastard wants to save you?”

You know you shouldn't be going back to him, but you can't help yourself. John makes you feel safe, wanted, more than a lamb for slaughter. When he takes you into his arms, they're warm. Pressed against his chest, you hear his heartbeat, reminding you you're still alive too.

When you're forced to return to Simon at dusk, you're hit with the harsh reality of why you no longer belong to the living.

Simon barks out a mocking laugh. “No one wants to save a pathetic, sniveling thing like you.”

Your chest aches and the tears you hold back flow down your temples.

“I should stick this in you to teach you a lesson. You'd like that wouldn't you?”

A new cold washes over you. When his hands push your nightgown past your hips, exposing your naked core, you grab at his wrists. He ignores your clawing fingers and you begin pleading instead. “Please, don't. Please.”

“You'll take anything in that greedy cunt. This won't be a problem,” he sneers, smoothing a hand down to your mound. “I'll even get you nice and ready for it.”

His thumb presses down on your clit and your legs lock around his waist as the sensation jolts through your body. Quick circles are all it takes for you to shift your hips forward.

“Look at you. Already asking for it.”

You bite your lip and hold back a moan. You hate the way he makes you feel used and dirty and breaks you apart with his touch.

When the stake’s tip touches your folds, you gasp. Luckily, it's dulled at the tip, not sharp enough to pierce you, and the round base is sanded down.

Simon bullies the stake into you, ignoring the way you squirm. He's met with resistance as he pushes deeper because you're not wet enough to take it.

“I can't,” you insist, shaking your head. Its pointed head prods at your walls and you wince. You resist shifting your hips and focus on his thumb still slowly swirling on your clit instead.

“That's not what this cunt’s tellin’ me,” he retorts. “Look at ‘er, takin’ it just like a cock.”

Simon thrusts the stake further. The head stabs deeper into you, forcing a pained gasp from you. Tears swell in your eyes once again and your finger dig into the sheets.

“I can't—I've learned my lesson. Forgive me,” you cry.

He pulls the stake from your cunt. It drags against your walls, making you wince, as it is pulled free, glistening with some of your arousal. Simon throws it to the side with so much force it’s embedded into the wall. To serve as a reminder for the next time you get any foolish ideas.

You take in a shuddering breath, hoping the worst is over, but yelp when his hands suddenly grasp your hips and flip you on your stomach.

Simon bends to your ear, chest pressed against you back and his hard cock against your ass. “Next time the two of you try to kill me, bring him along and I'll drain you last.”

You burrow your face into the pillow and nod your head in shame. You would be a fool to try anything like this again. And you wouldn't dare put John in danger.

“That’s a good girl,” he coos, grinding his cock against your ass. A hand sneaks between your thighs, returning to your clit.

You can't help but move your hips against his hand now that the stake is gone.

His nose brushes your bare shoulder and his other hand forces your head to the side, baring your neck for him. “Now, stay still for me.”

The pierce of his fangs is a cold sting at the juncture of your neck and shoulder. The shock is always first, rooting you in place and unable to even form a scream. And when that subsides, the pain comes hot like poison spreading through your veins.

You squirm beneath him, both the heat of his bite and your rising pleasure clash in you. But the pleasure always wins and the pain becomes nothing but an afterthought against his fingers. Instead of a scream, you moan.

You're so close, you can feel the knot in your belly tighten, but your vision is becoming blurry. You begin to fear he’ll make good on his threat to drain you.

He drinks and drinks, taking what he needs, but you feel yourself slipping between consciousness and your climax. You open your mouth but all that you manage is a weak, intelligible mumble and any pleasure you hoped for slips into a cruel darkness.

[eirianerisdar]

Top 20 Charlos Moments

Was talking to my twin @wafflesrisa about Charlos during Imola FP1 earlier and I decided to rank the most insane Charlos moments in order - ranked purely on moments that show just how much they're friends, not just teammates

This is just my own preference and it'll be different for everyone, but here a (non-exhaustive) list:

1. Bahrain 2024 crochet chili

"I want to gift this to you. From my fan to me, to you. So you will remember me for the rest of your life." "A chili!!" "For our post Teammate Era." "Ay we are only starting the season!" Carlos: "You will forget [the chili] there." Charles, softly: "No I won't." Also feat. nearly crying in the car afterwards

2. Miami 2024 Water flick

Carlos doesn't even look at the glass in the couple seconds before he flicks the water at Charles. He's looking at Charles and smiling. Charles gets a little overwhelmed with the affection and gets shy (bonus Ferrari team member being us looking at them)

3. Canada cotton ball lean

The cutest moment in this isn't Carlos telling Charles to admit that Carlos won. It's them both Zendaya laughing at each other when Charles gets caught cheating and Charles having this moment looking at the back of Carlos' head where he gets so overwhelmed with affection he collapses his whole weight into Carlos' side. Their caps bonk. It is cute.

4. Zandvoort 2022 headphone exchange -

Carlos, fixing Charles' headphones: "Put them properly eh? I know you very well." Lissie: "NO, YOU GUYS ARE VIBING TO DIFFERENT SONGS." Charles: "WE FOUND LOVE IN THE HOTTEST PLACE -" *C2 wheeze-laugh at each other and exchange headphones by placing them on each other's faces* Lissie: ...

5. Miami 2024 "I know you too well now"

Charles knowing he knew Carlos well enough to speak for him, and Carlos nodding silently in agreement. Then vice versa, Charles then having unshakable faith in Carlos' understanding of himself. Fist bumps. Fondness.

6. The kiss kiss saga: Charles' rayban kiss. 2023 Bracelet kiss kiss. 2023 music challenge kiss.

The first one especially gets me because it's a solid 5 seconds of Charles looking at Carlos, going FRIEND! MY FRIEND! and going *air kiss*

7. 2023 Abu Dhabi waist pinch and DTS Bahrain waist pinch

Waist pinches run in the Sainz family. Charles knows it's Carlos without needing to look by the time Abu Dhabi rolls around

8. 🎵Just the two of us🎵

Do I even need to say anything

9. Bahrain 2022 1-2 podium hug and butt pat

I can't find the video but Charles stepped up to the top step and instantly was like I HAVE TO HUG MY TEAMMATE I AM TOO HAPPY NOT TO HUG MY TEAMMATE AND SHARE THIS WITH HIM

10. Cookie decorating

So much happens in this video. The complete lack of personal space. The comfy sofa. The vocal stims. Twinning. Carlos sings "Dancing in the Moonlight," and Charles whistles it a bit later. Icing to the cheek. Teasing.

11. Zandvoort 2023 catch up

Charles forgetting they did spend the last bit of summer break further away from each other because they spent so much of the first part of summer break not far from each other. Also again. Carlos loves his personal space, Charles also loves Carlos' personal space

12. Carlos: "I'm not going to be here." Charles: *flinches*

13. TELL CHARLES TO COME CLOSE TO ME AND WE CELEBRATE THIS ONE TOGETHER/helmet pats/gentlest hug in parc ferme /podium champagne

I can't find the video of the hug but it's so gentle and Carlos leans his cheek into Charles' and I die

14. Love Honey Sweetie Baby Darling

They just pick up pet names and exchange them like lego

15. OG music challenge squishes/holding hands in OG quiz with wrenches

16. Abu Dhabi 2022 end of season message

Charles was plainly trying to smile for the camera but rightly upset with not having the championship year he wanted, but his smile turned genuine when Carlos hugged him and said Charles at least deserved P2 in Abu Dhabi for the great year he had driving incredibly well

17. Mexico separation anxiety Charles (Edit: posted initially with wrong link, updated now)

18. Zandvoort 2023 fond eye rolls

19. Carlos' 2022 birthday

They're insufferable. Charles' whinging is cute too

20. Carlos looking somft when imagining racing Le Mans with Charles

"With Charles," he says, while his press officer smirks

Feel free to add to this I just went down a wormhole of Charlos feels

[mixtape-racha]

boyfriend!park sunghoon thoughts

(a/n: this is for the anon who requested the first enha ver of this in my asks!) | sfw and nsfw below the cut

warnings:

sfw

boyfriend!sunghoon who always plans the most aesthetic dates and your instagram truly thanks him for it - whether it be an evening picnic in the sunset, or the aquarium, or even pumpkin picking

boyfriend!sunghoon who complains he might die if you don't have a matching/similar outfit !! like fr this man could be the other side of the globe and he's spamming you for outfit pics so he can match with you

boyfriend!sunghoon who looooves being your sous chef in the kitchen, even though most of the time he just ends up getting in the way :( he tries though, bless him

boyfriend!sunghoon who comes and sits in your home offices while you're working, usually reading a book or scrolling on his phone silently. he just liked being near you whenever he can

boyfriend!sunghoon who brings you bowls of fruit as a snack, and said fruit has usually been cut into cute shapes like stars and hearts - although, he ends up eating most of it

boyfriend!sunghoon who makes sure to stand the side closest to the road when you walk down the street together, like honestly he'll just tug you to the other side of him so you're not standing near the road, and its usually subconsciously

boyfriend!sunghoon who sends you the cutest, most heart-warming, gut-wrenching, soul-crushing selfies of his little smile when he's away on tour - and you keep them all in a folder called "hoon says :D" for when u miss him

boyfriend!sunghoon who enjoys doing your makeup for you !! and he tries so hard :( even going as far as to watch makeup tutorials so you can leave the house "not embarrassed that he's made you look silly"

boyfriend!sunghoon who takes you ice-skating with him at Least once a month <3 and he never laughs at you or teases you if you slip; in fact, he's rushing over to check you for injuries and pepper you in kisses to wash away the embarrassment

boyfriend!sunghoon who has a groupchat with your parents to swap pictures of you for pictures of your family pets <3 and he likes to surprise you by printing the pictures out so you can have new pictures of the pets even when you're away from your parents' home

nsfw

boyfriend!sunghoon who is so precise during sex, hands always in the right place, strokes always hitting your g-spot, and it honestly surprises you every time

boyfriend!sunghoon who refuses to cum unless you cum first !! and if you can't for whatever reason, then he doesn't want to either because its not worth it to him if he doesn't get to see you cum

boyfriend!sunghoon who won't cum anywhere but inside you, because he revels in the way your jaw drops at the feeling of it and your eyes cross

boyfriend!sunghoon who, although he adores fucking you raw, would wear a condom in a heartbeat if you ask him to - sex is all about your comfort and your pleasure to him

boyfriend!sunghoon who started imagining you all swollen and pregnant with his kids from the second date, and he always gets (nearly) unbearably horny when you're ovulating

boyfriend!sunghoon who brought up the idea of using a vibrator on you, and it shocked you because every guy you'd slept with before him had viewed toys as competition rather than a teammate

boyfriend!sunghoon who has a habit of biting down on your collar bone when he cums, almost as if to muffle his moans so he can hear you rather than himself

boyfriend!sunghoon who loves it when you take a bath together and it turns into riding him, even though jungwon always has a go at him for the amount of water that spills

boyfriend!sunghoon who enjoys lazy, half asleep sex more than anything !! laid tangled together, your legs over his hip as he shallowly thrusts, mixed with the sleepy kisses - its his idea of heaven

boyfriend!sunghoon who lost his virginity to you, because he knew you were the one from the moment you met, but has never told you that's the reason why

(a/n: scheduled post!)

-> don’t forget to reblog or comment if you like my works ♡ please refrain from modifying, translating, or copying my work. - © mixtape-racha

tags ✮⋆˙ : @pretty-racha @demetrisscarf @fluerz @bangtancultsposts @yevene

[fillinforlater]

Monday of Appreciation: Part 103

Hello everyone, Smite here!

It's award season, MAMA is literally right around the corner and there is a fuckton of snow outside right now. Hell yeah, what a time to come back and revive this series for another installment. Those of you who are still in NNN (respect, but also, you're lying, aren't you?), I dare you to read all of these smuts... not only those NNN themed, but also those quickies that make you -blast- just like that.

-1-

@capslocked: facesitting ft. Yujin

Caps to-go, what else could I say that describes the brilliance of this writer. He is the master of long form smut, mostly focused on one idol, intense interactions and build up and then so many fucking sex scenes, you'll lose your mind. There are rumors that a lot of people need a laughable amount of tries to get through the entire thing. Ehm.

Not for this one, like I said: Caps to-go, but the quality is still great. Also Yujin :floshed:

-2-

@ggidolsmuts: Post-match Activities ft. Heejin

My postmatch activities usually include turning off the TV in disappointment, rarely in triumph (LFG, T1), but a horny cheerleader right in my locker room would spur me on to do any sport, even fucking golf. Heejin in that outfit needed to be written and this Ddeun piece can be enjoyed even if you are short on time lol

-3-

@essentiallyleaf: belly bulge kink with Wonyoung

A very cute, heart warming set up for a big, fat finale right in Wony's pussy. God, to see her abs deform while you pound into her - good call though, to bulge her throat first. How tf do y'all do NNN again?

-4-

@oakparchment: No Nut November with Itzy

How would you fare if you desperately wanted to do NNN while being in a relationship with one of the Itzy girls? Well, this short "list" lays it out quite well, though I'd be a lot more pessimistic for you:

YOU WILL FAIL

-5-

@dnd-writes: Boulevard of Broken Dreams Pt. 1 ft. Kiss of Life (TW)

Eyo, I prompted that fic though I did not expect it to go so overboard and become this cruel, gut wrenching, yet eerily hot fic. All I wanted was to slap Natty's Na-titties, but it ended in ice dildos and overblown punishments. Not really complaining though. TW for non-con.

-6-

@sinswithpleasure: Hard And Fast, Just The Way They Like It ft. Dayeon, Hikaru

Did... did I write that? Really, that felt like a Maemi inspired BFH for Kep1er hotties, but it's out of the feather of Sins. Fricking Sins? Yeah, I'm so in, you have no idea how quickly I clicked on that and confirmed I wasn't in some fata morgana paralysis thingy. Very hot!

-7-

@capslocked: mutual masturbation ft. Wonyoung

This is Day 2 to Caps' kinkvember... but you probably knew that because it is fucking Wonyoung without really fucking Wonyoung, but it actually is and it is so hot.

Have a good week y'all, stay safe and be excellent to one another and every stranger <3

[sugarpea12345]

Remember My Name (Short story inspired by Saintobio)

Hello! This is a little thing I wrote inspired by @saintobio's work. This is directly inspired by they're sincerely yours and sincerely not .

To read and understand this, you must be caught up with sincerely not 's latest chapter (Chapter 8). I would consider this an AU, as I don't know what will happen in the next story. @saintobio 's is heart wrenching, so I had to write my own mini happy ending. Once they update, this whole thing probably won't make much sense lol.

I have received permission from @saintobio to post this

Again, this is directly inspired by @saintobio's work: Sincerely Yours and Sincerely Not.

Word count: 11.8 k

trigger warning: mentions of suicide, mentions of self harm, mentions of cheating, curse words used, angst

_____________________________________________________________

It had been a year since the coparenting arrangement. 

Via emails and business calls, you would arrange weekly pick up times. It was strictly professional. The way you wanted it. Right?

Wrong

You knew that you were being selfish. Maybe you always were. Everyone was right. Sera, Eula, Getou, Satoru’s mom, and Satoru. You were a black hole. You pulled people into your problems and destroyed them. You spent so much of your life fighting to be half the woman your mom was. And you could never be. You knew this now

“Mama!”

Bending down, you opened your arms. Hugging him tightly, you thanked the chauffeur for picking him up from school.

“Hi baby! How’s my little star?”

“Good! School finished early?” It was a statement, but you knew he was asking. Why did you take him out of school early? You really didn’t know. This whole day had felt strange. The air felt heavier. Your fingers felt numb. Something was going to happen and you didn’t want to be alone for it.

“What? My star prefers to be with teachers than with me? You’re making mommy sad!” You playfully nuzzled your head against his cheek and dramatically pouted. 

“I’ll never let you go to school again! Ha HA HA” You laughed evilly as you stood up and spun him

“Nooo!” He screamed between laughing.

After a good second of smiles and laughter, you finally set him down.

“Baby, I took you out of school because I wanted to spend time with you. Mommy is being selfish, so I won’t do this again. School is very important, ok?”

“Hmm… but mommy isn’t selfish. She’s a good mommy!”

You almost burst out in tears. He was too young to see how awful you were. His innocence and love for you blinded him. He would someday see you for the monster you are.

Allowing silence to fill the room, you stared into his eyes. God, those eyes. Your whole world could be found in them. Ruffling his hair, you grabbed the nearby scarf and wrapped it around him. Like any kid he grumbled at the added layers.

“Let’s go get ice cream and have fun today. Ok, baby?”

“Ice Cream! I love ice cream! My friend always, they always like laugh at me but not like mean laughing. But they say it’s so weird to eat ice cream when its winter. They think it’s funny. I think it’s funny too! Is snow different from ice cream? Because there’s like all this ice cream on the floor because it’s all snow. I just grab some sometimes and it doesn’t taste the same!”

As he got older, he has gotten a lot more talkative. He spoke incoherently and in run on sentences, but you understood him, nonetheless. You listened attentively when he would spend 30 minutes telling you about a funny thing his friend said. You listened when he would explain his entire school day the entire dinner. You listened the whole time.

“Yes baby, ice cream is yummy! I’m glad you and your friends laugh a lot. And no baby, snow is not the same as ice cream. Snow is made from the water on the earther getting colder, becoming clouds, and falling down. Remember I was teaching you about the water cycle? Ice cream is made from milk!”

At the mention of the water cycle, Sachiro excitedly launched into another spiel. He talked about the cycle, reexplaining it to you. He talked about how his teacher says he’s smart and how he got a toy. He talked about how his friends always ask him for help. He talked all the way to the ice cream parlor. As soon as you two ordered your ice cream, you settled down. Listening to him talk about his dreams. You always set your phone on Do Not Disturb whenever you are with him. He loved attention. If for one second you were to look away, he would immediately deflate. He was a carbon copy of his father. Sometimes you contemplated getting rid of your phone for this reason.

You spent the rest of the day chasing him through the park: pretending to be a dragon he fought, teaching him how to do cartwheels, looking for bugs. You took as many pictures as you could. Filming his smile, his voice, his eyes. 

The day came to an end, and you carried him on your back to the apartment you were staying in. 

After showering him and singing him a song, you finally took your phone off of DND.

Immediately, you were bombarded with millions of messages from everyone. 20 missed calls from Gen. 11 from Ian. 6 from your dad. 120+ text messages in total. 1 from Gojo.

Was everything ok? Please don’t let something be bad. Please. Please everyone be safe.  You heart beat increased. You were immediately transported to when you received news of Satoru’s accident. When the world learned about you running out of your wedding. When Satoru’s affair came out to the world. When you first got the calls of your mother’s sickness...

No. I can’t be selfish right now. If something happened, I have to be strong. Swallowing your fears, you opened the message you thought was the most important right now

Satoru: I’m sorry

No no no. He can’t do this again. He can’t! No please God no… You were almost about to call him, when you received another message from Gen. She was incessantly messaging you. Accidentally clicking on it, you read her last message

Gen: Please answer. Are you ok?

Now you were confused. Why was she asking if you were ok? You weren’t the victim. Doing some simple sleuthing, you looked at all the previous messages. Your eyes widened. You heart stopped. Tears filled your eyes. Looking over at Sachi, you took in a shaky breath. You had to be strong. Or at least strong enough to leave the room before you broke down. You had to do this for him. Stop being selfish Y/N

Shakily you walked out of his room. Looking back to make sure he was asleep; you closed the door gently. Before falling to your knees and letting all the tears fall. They pooled in the floor. You made sure to be quiet, but you were inconsolable. You hugged yourself tightly. You were being selfish right now. You knew that. But you were alone, and it was dark. It was ok to be selfish right now. Your heart was racing as you consoled yourself.

After half an hour of crying on the floor. You took a deep breath in and stood up. You went to the bathroom and stared at yourself.

“You need to stop being such a selfish monster, Y/N. You can’t keep ruining people. You can’t always be the victim. You need to make amends for everything you’ve done.”

You started your nightly ritual. Tears would occasionally mix in with cleanser or the water, but you didn’t stop. You had to be normal. You had to be happy. You owed everyone that. Sometimes it felt like you were caged behind your smile. Your joy had become a prison: a way to pay off all the bad things you’ve done.

Settling in bed, you grabbed your phone and responded to almost everyone. Finally, you reached Satoru’s message. 

Y/N: No worries! Congratulations! I expect an invitation lol :)

Satoru proposed to Akemi.

(Flash back to a year ago)

After that New York trip, you hated everyone. You hated your dad for pushing you into this marriage. You hated Getou for helping Satoru cheat on you during your marriage, but not understand why you wouldn’t want a baby with Satoru. You hated Satoru’s mom for projecting her self-loathing onto you. You hated your mom for dying. 

Above all else, you hated Satoru for what he did to you. He blamed you for a marriage he agreed to. He gaslit you into staying, knowing your selfless nature would do anything for his forgiveness. Even if that meant being a wife to a man in love. You hated him for taking you to the Bora Bora trip. You hated him for choosing your only friend to date. You hated that you had to go through months of emotional neglect and abuse for him to be kind. Just for Akemi to get it immediately. You hated that he became a better person only after using you. You hated him. You HATED him.

A spiteful part of your heart almost laughed. You were right! All the reasons he loved you, he found in her. You saw all the pictures he had of her. You saw the way he would caress her fingers. You saw him waiting for her. He never loved you! You were just convenient. And that’s why he loved her! Because she was convenient. Had you never sent her to meet him, they wouldn’t have fallen in love. If anything, he would be dating the nurse! Gojo Satoru doesn’t love. He just clings on to what’s closest. 

You spent a month marinating in these thoughts. In the week where you didn’t have Sachiro, you wouldn’t leave the office. You had begun sleeping there. You lost weight. Your face was pale. You were a walking corpse. You got assistants to pick up and drop off Sachiro. You never spoke to Satoru. 

This was to be your life now. After spending three days in the basement of the office creating, cutting, and sowing, Nobara finally convinced you to leave.

“Seriously Y/N, this is the 4th time I’ve had to get you gauze instead of bandages. I know you’re hurt, and I know you’re trying to distract yourself. But this is getting dangerous. Not only for you but for the clothes! We can’t sell anything if it has your blood all over it!” She tried to joke at the end

 As you finished wrapping the gauze around your forearm, you pitifully looked at her. She was so young and innovative. Despite being an intern, you had already set aside a permanent spot in the company for her. Stop burdening her with your problems.

Blinking away your sorrowful expression, you laughed. “Guess I gotta wrap myself in gauze and bandages before getting to work right?”

“Or you could just take a break. Jeez, I never thought workaholic millionaires existed.”

Ruffling her head as you walked towards her. “Thank you for waiting for me. You really didn’t have to. I promise, I won’t take advantage of your kindness. Go ahead and go home, I’ll lock up.”

Stunned, she took a second to respond. Your eyes were different right now. They were vulnerable and sad, but they were so kind at the same time.

“It’s no problem! Really! Thank you Y/N. Let’s work hard together.” Bowing, she made her way out of the store. Maybe you were going to get better?

After cleaning up, you placed the small stuffed bear you were working on in your small bag. Locking the store behind you, you headed towards your apartment. You had made the choice to move out. You were so filled with anger all the time. It would kill you if you were to accidentally lash out against the people you treasured. It was a tough conversation, but you needed space. 

As you walked, you decided last minute to head into a craft store. You needed a simple heart locket. Then you could gift the toy to your son.

With only one mission and energy drinks fueling you, you almost didn’t notice them. It wasn’t until you heard your son’s gleeful laughter did you perk up. Peering through the aisles, you saw him. No, you saw them. They both held your son’s hands as they looked at the toys. Letting go only when he would rush over to the loudest or brightest thing. Finally, he settled on a small plush. It had no lights and didn’t make any noise. They encouraged him to get something more expensive. Something flashier. But he didn’t. He wanted the light pink bunny. 

“It makes me think of mama!”

You saw Satoru and Akemi falter. It seemed that even the mention of your name silenced them. Your heart was beating so loud, you were sure they could hear it too. Leaning down Satoru ruffled his head. 

“Aren’t you a sweet little munchkin! Oh, but look at this!” 

You heart almost stopped. You saw Satoru redirect Satchiro’s attention to a cooler, bigger toy. As any kid would, he dropped the stuffed bunny and ran towards the huge toy. Gojo and Akemi exchanged relieved expressions. After purchasing the toy, they headed out. 

Walking into the aisle, you picked the bunny up. Holding it, you inspected its simplicity. Looking at the face, you realized why the bunny reminded him of you. The bunny had little tear dops in its eyes. Rushing to the cashier, you bought the bunny and the heart locket. It appears that you rushed too fast, as by the time you exited the store, they were still there. 

Sachiro, the spoiled child he was, was throwing a tantrum at having to be put in the car seat. As if he could detect your presence, Satoru immediately looked up. He saw you holding the bunny toy. His eyes filled with guilt and embarrassment. He knew that you were going to be upset. Of course you were. You were always angry at something. Nonetheless, he called you over. You were still the mother of his child.

After seeing the domestic moment in the store, you wanted to go up to them and give them a piece of your mind. You wanted to yell at them at the very least. But no, you walked over to them. Refusing to look up. 

At the mention of your name Sachiro perked up. Although he was already strapped into the seat, he did his best to peek out of the car door.

“Hi Y/N”. the tension was palpable. Choosing to ignore him, you approached Sachiro.

“Hi my little star! How are you? Did you have fun today?”

“Hi mommy! I missed you! Wanna go home! We did a lot of stuff-hmm mommy what are you holding?”

Remembering you were holding the bunny, you quickly hid it behind you back. “Just work stuff baby. I’m happy to hear you had fun! Mommy has to go, but I’ll see you this Sunday, ok baby?”

Giving him a big kiss, you did your best to hug him and said goodbye. 

Without looking up, you thanked Gojo and Akemi and began walking away. As soon as you got home, you set the plush down and pulled out your own. They both looked so ugly in your bandaged hands. Gently setting down the plush bunny, you tightly held onto the bear’s neck. Slowly, the pressure increased, and you were chocking the bear as tears streamed down your face. It was so ugly. This ugly bear in your ugly hands in your ugly home. Everything was so ugly. 

A beep from your phone broke you from this trance. It was from Satoru. 

Satoru: Hey

Satoru: Just wanted to let you know that we meant no harm in not getting him the bunny.

Then why? Why not get him that stupid toy! Sachiro is my kid! I am his mom! If he wanted that toy, then you should have gotten it! You almost wrote everything you thought. But no- no you were wrong. Sachiro wasn’t yours. Satoru had every right to get his son whatever he wanted. You kept Sachiro away from him for three years. You were the bad guy. 

Trembling you came to the realization. Rushing to the bathroom, you stripped yourself of all the clothes and the bandages. You looked at yourself in the mirror. You almost barfed. You were a monster. You were disgusting. Disfigured. Non-human.

Is this how Satoru felt?

The worst part of you were your eyes. They were so dead. Did you always look like this? How could anyone even stand to look at you? You were vile.

You had change. You spiraled into an abyss of anger and resentment. You lost yourself. Where was the sweet girl you once were. Growing a backbone didn’t mean you had to change. After a quick shower filled with tears, you got dressed and headed into the spare room. You spent the rest of the night making a light blue bunny. Unlike the store bought one, this one was smiling. It was happy. Sowing the heart locket onto the chest, you put in a small image of you and Sachiro. 

You had to be better. You had to be kind.

Grabbing the phone, you replied.

Y/N: Thank you for reaching out, but really, I didn’t mind! 

Y/N: Good night!

The next day, you didn’t go to work. Instead, you were at a café, waiting for someone to show up. You felt awful, but you knew this was the best thing to do. You had to be kind. Even if that meant being a villain. If being evil is the price you pay, then you will gladly pay it. Even more people would hate you. Everyone would. But you knew what you were doing was good. You had to be good. 

As soon as he walked in, you knew that he knew. His furrowed brow and tight jaw made it obvious that he was upset. And he had every right to be. Any anger and hate he harbored for you, you would accept.

“Toji, here’s your coffee. I’m so incredibly sorry for calling you at the last minute. I appreciate the time you took out of your day to meet with me”

He didn’t even sit down. He didn’t take the coffee.

Its now or never. Getting on your knees, you placed your hands on the floor and bowed. Your forehead was almost touching the floor. 

“Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for being a shoulder to lean on. Thank you for letting me join your family. Thank you for everything Toji. And I am so sorry for not giving you an ounce of it back. I am a selfish monster. I took everything you gave me and more. I was never a good fiancé. I wasn’t even a good friend. I took advantage of your loneliness. I will never forget the time we had together. But I ask you to forget about me. You deserve a more honest person. A person who can give you everything you deserve and more.”

People were looking and many taking pictures. Noticing this, he grabbed you by your arm, and headed out of the café. His grip was strong; it was sure to leave a bruise in your forearm, he nearly threw you into the passenger side of the car, slamming the door. He walked over to his side and began driving. The car was silent. You took refuge in it. You knew what he was going to ask. And you had to lie. You had to make him hate you. 

Soon enough, he parked in a desolate park. He refused to look at you. You didn’t want to look at him either, but you did. You had to. 

After minutes of harrowing silence, he finally spoke in a low voice

“Did you sleep with him?”

You knew he was going to ask this. A tear slid down your cheek. Your hands had begun to bleed as you kept them in closed fists.

“Yes”

He still didn’t look at you.

“Bullshit. You forget that I can see through your lies. I know why you’re doing this. You love him. You never stopped. Even after all the shit he put you through you still want him. Why now? Three years and I wasn’t enough for you. I defend you; I support you... all for what? For you to run back to your abuser. Every time I think your mine, you disrespect me. You humiliate me. You’re doing to me what that fucker did to you.”

“…Yes. I am. That’s why you have to leave me Toji. I can’t stand my reflection. I am so selfish-”

“Shut up. Don’t play the ‘pity me’ card. God, you really are something. The forever victim.”

You stayed quiet. In a perfect world, you would defend yourself. You would tell him that you aren’t trying to be the victim. You never were! You see that now. 

“You’re right.”

“All those fucking articles were right about you. I spent so much time, so much energy telling you they were lies. Turns out strangers know you better than I do. You are a two-timing bitch. You are selfish. You’re insatiable. Why couldn’t I have been enough for you. How the hell was I competing with the man who never loved you? And losing! You deserve nothing, you know that… You never left that room, did you?”

“W-what room?”

“That hospital room. Sure, you’re older now. You’ve been to a million places. But mentally? Mentally, you’re still in that hospital room. There is no cure for your loneliness. Face it Y/N, the problem has and always will be you. If you want to die next to your mom, be my guest. But you need to leave that room Y/N. If not for you, for your kid.”

He stayed quiet. It was your turn to speak. He didn’t want to hear you, but his patient nature told him to give you a chance. Not to defend yourself. But rather explain yourself.

“You’re right Toji. I think that’s why I always look for you. You always have the wisest things to say. And I know that. I’ve let the world pass me by. I have a void in my heart and its rotted me from the inside out. I’ll spend my entire life working for your forgiveness. And my lifetime might not be enough for that. You are everything to me. And that’s why I can’t let myself continue to poison you. I’ve changed you for the worst.”

You two sat in silence. You could hear his uneven breath. Reaching out you put hand on his shoulder. For the first time he turned to look at you. And there he saw it. Your eyes. 

Red and puffy with tears, your face for once didn’t look as haunted as usual. There was always this air of anger around you. Your shoulders were always tense. Eyebrows always furrowed. Not now. You looked younger. Instead of the anger that had clouded your eyes, he could finally see his reflection.

You didn’t look happy per se, but you looked aware. He looked at the hand on his shoulder. Even after everything he said, you were comforting him? This was the old you. The selfless to a fault Y/N. He couldn’t tell if this was a good or bad thing. 

He then noticed the mark on your forearm, already purple. In the shape of his hands. Reaching out he gently caressed the bruises, guilt settling in the pit of his stomach. You grabbed his hand and brought it to your lips. 

“Don’t worry about it. I love you Toji. Please, forget me.”

When the news broke out that you had ended your relationship, Ian did his best to remove a lot of the posts. It was hard since there were so many shots of you on the floor begging for forgiveness. If you didn’t look guilty then, now you did. Why else would you be apologizing? But you didn’t mind. Instead, you focused on removing any article that spoke badly on Toji. Especially after some pictures of you and that hand-print bruise were published. 

Fortunately, your brand had already been established. And while the coverage halted some planned promotions and runways, by the end of the month everything was normal again.

You changed your phone to a flip phone. You did your best to text Satoru about pick up times. Most often he wouldn’t respond. Instead, you would have to call Miwa. On the rare occasion that he did, you would spend the rest of the day crying. You cried so much. You couldn’t help but remember that way they both held Sachiro’s hands. The domestic life you would never provide for him. 

Often you would contemplate if you should have accepted him. Did you really love him? Or was it just easier to love him? You couldn’t trust yourself. Your mind was in ruins. You had no one. Since your change in attitude, people have become nicer to you. But you weren’t happy. And you stopped letting people get close. You even began to push away Gen and Ian. Monthly, you would meet with your dad and that was it.

Was life good? No, but it was better. You would be content if life stayed like this. But now, a year after your failed marriage, Satoru was going to prepare his own.

(Present time)

The day after receiving that message, it was published everywhere. It was the only thing articles were talking about. With the mentions of Satoru’s new marriage, you were put into the spotlight again.

The paparazzi swarmed you. Leaving your house had become difficult. They harassed you. Pushing you while demanding you answer questions. You smiled. You thanked them for their time. You would bid them farewell. It was too dangerous that you could no longer pick your son up. Not that you minded. You didn’t want to see how happy they were. Not until you were done healing at least.

You spent the weekend doing everything Sachiro wanted. Breakfast in bed? Of course. Quick trip to the local festival? Duh. Building a fort? Obviously. 

By the time Sunday night came he was so tired. All he asked was that you sing to him before his dad picked him up. Now you sat with Sachiro’s head on your lap. Normally, a bodyguard would meet you at your door and take your son downstairs as to not garner attention. 

As soon as the knock came, you gently laid his head on couch. Slowly you opened the door, expecting to see the normal guard.

“Thank- oh. Good evening, Satoru. Are you here to pick up Sachiro?”

He looked past you and saw Sachiro sleeping. Letting himself in, he sat on the couch and petted Sachi’s head. After moments of silence, he finally spoke up. 

“Yes, but I also came because I need to talk to you.”

Solemnly, you nodded. “I actually have something to say as well. I was planning to email it later, but if you’re here then we should discuss. Would you like anything?”

Satoru couldn’t help but stare at you. Just a year ago, he had buried the old you. It was his fault he knew that. If you were mean and angry, it was because he made you that way. The damage was irreparable. But here he saw her again. Or at least a glimpse of her. 

Even though he didn’t respond, you still handed him a water bottle.

“Did you want to go first?” 

“Um, yes. I just... I just wanted to apologize for not letting you know. I was planning on calling you, but I got distracted. I’m sorry you had to learn that way.”

“Silly. We all flub up sometimes. I would have appreciated knowing so that I could explain it to Sachiro. Thank you for apologizing.”

Even though you were smiling, he could tell you were sad. Your eyes were distant. It was like you had detached yourself from everyone. Somehow, he already missed that angry Y/N. At least he knew what you were thinking. Now, it felt like when you two had gotten married. How you smiled every time he yelled at you. He expected you would say the “I don’t care what you do with your life” speech and spitefully kick him out. He could sleep well knowing you hated him. But seeing your smile, it felt like he was cheating again. No. No, you asked for him to forget you. This is good. You’re getting better. But is returning to your selfless self better? That’s when you suffered the most. That’s what changed you. 

You didn’t give him much time to think as you started to speak. 

“Satoru, can I ask you for a favor?”

He knew what you were going to say. This nice act can’t last forever. This was the angry Y/N he knew. 

“Can you take care of Sachiro for a couple of months? I know it’s a lot, but I have some... business to take care of. I would take him with me, but I don’t want to separate you from him anymore than I already have.”

Oh? 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll take care of him. I can’t believe you had to ask. He’s my son, of course I will take care of him.”

His tone had changed. He had gotten angry at the mention of the three years. You didn’t react. You just thanked him.

Gojo enjoyed his week with Sachiro and Akemi. It felt like they had a family. This is what he wanted. Sure, you were Sachiro’s real mom, but Akemi was also kind of like a mom. He noticed how well the two got along. He sought comfort in her and laughed with her. Yes. This is good. 

Yet, he couldn’t help but think about you. 

Every time Sachiro offered the first bite of his food to him. Every time Sachiro defended the annoying people at the mall. Every time Sachiro smiled, Satoru saw you. Yes, Sachiro looked exactly like him, but everything about him was you. It was all you.

His heart almost broke when he saw Sachiro singing to his stuffed animals. 

“Hey munchkin. BedTIME!” He joyfully grabbed Sachiro and swung him around the room. Instead of laughing, Sachiro began to pout. 

“No playing at bedtime dada. No”

“Oh, my bad Sachi.” He was a replica of you. 

Satoru sat on the bed as Sachiro headed to the bathroom, pulled out his step stool and began cleaning his face. After finishing his regiment, he waddled back into the room and settled himself into bed. 

“Is dada going to read me a story?”

“Can I sing to you instead munchkin?”

“Hmmm… no thank you dada.”

“Aww you’re a meanie! Um, but actually I need to talk to you about something serious.”

“Mhmm”

“You like Akemi, right? Dada likes her a lot. But it’s very important that you like her.”

“Yesh! Akemi is nice!”

He knew that this was wrong, but he had to ask. “Do you ever think Akemi could be like momma?”

Immediately tears sprouted from the boy’s eyes. He started frantically grabbing and throwing some of his toys. 

“NO! Mommy is Mommy! No one else is mommy! I hate Akemi! I hate her! I want mommy! Mommy!!”

Sachiro was screeching. Gojo was thankful that Akemi was in another room. She really did love Sachiro, and it would have broken her heart to hear him say that.

He held Sachiro close, trying to console him. “Shhh, baby. Daddy didn’t mean that ok? No one will replace mommy. Mommy is all yours.” Sachiro cried until his tears tired him out. No, I can’t tell him. Not today. Maybe Y/N should tell him instead. Sorry Y/N. I’m using your selflessness again. 

Soon enough the week ended, and he passed him back to you. Instead of showing up in person, as he did last time, he sent the bodyguards to take him. He was being cowardly, he knew. But he couldn’t risk Sachiro hating him. It’s your fault their relationship is so weak. It should only be right that it’s your job to explain everything to Sachiro. Right?

Satoru: Hey, I tried to tell him about me and Akemi. He didn’t respond very well. Could you explain it to him?

You almost rolled your eyes at the message. You were being punished. You knew that. But you responded with a simple ‘Ok’ anyway. 

Switch offs happened at night to make sure that each parent spent the majority of the day with Sachiro. You and Sachiro headed to the bathroom and completed your nightly routine all while dancing and occasionally teasing each other. This is what you lived for. Yes, you were lonely all the time. But you weren’t lonely with him. He was your reason to exist. It was going to hurt you being away from him for so long. But this would be good for everyone. This would be your last act of selflessness. This would atone for every bad thing you did.  

By the time you cleaned up all the splashed water, Sachiro was already in bed ready for his song. Instead, you sat on the floor. 

“Hey star boy, I need to talk to you. It’s going to be serious, ok?”

As soon as you finished the sentence, he burst into tears. Hugging you close he shook his head in a no motion.

“NO! I hate her! I hate her! She’s not mommy! Mommy is mommy! Mommy is my star and I’m her star! Not Akemi!”

Confused you held him tight. You cooed and brushed his snow-white hair back. “No Akemi won’t replace me baby.”

He pulled away to look up at you. “Daddy asked me! He asked me if Akemi could be mommy! I said no!”

You sighed dejectedly. This is why it didn’t go well. Your son was naturally altruistic. He would have understood and accepted had Gojo explained everything normally. But it seems that Gojo had made a selfish request. Why is it always my job to clear up Satoru’s name? Why can he be selfish and be the victim, but I can’t? No! No, I can’t think that! I’ve been selfish my whole life! Satoru is a victim. This will all be solved soon…

“My star, he didn’t mean it that way. Listen to me Sachiro. Me and you are a family, right? Me and you were also part of Toji’s family. Sometimes, when you love someone, you can add them to your family. Mommy messed up with Toji, and I’m no longer part of their family. But Satoru has someone he loves. Is it ok for her to join our family?”

You had dumped a lot of information on him. It took a second to process everything. 

“So, we aren’t family with Toji?”

“I’m not baby. But you will always be, ok. That’s how love works. They love you a lot.”

“Are you and daddy family?”

“Yes, we are. You make us a family.”

“But does mommy love daddy?”

You were stumped. This is probably why Satoru didn’t want this conversation. So, you answered honestly.

“Yes, mommy loves daddy.”

“Then why does daddy love Akemi?”

“Love is strange, baby. Sometimes you love people more. And he loves Akemi more. Is that ok?”

He took a second to think

“I guess…”

“Thank you for being so selfless Sachiro.” You stopped to think. “But if you’re ever not okay, then you have to tell someone, ok? Its ok to be selfish too.” You were just projecting, but you knew it was important for him to hear that too.

“Ok?”

“Speaking of being selfish… Mommy is going away for a couple of months.” As expected, he started bawling. He started kicking and throwing. He was loud. He was angry. He was betrayed

“NO! NO! Mommy can’t go! Mommy can’t leave me! She can’t! I’ll be a good boy I promise! I’ll eat every veggie! I won’t cry anymore! Mommy can’t leave!! It’s Akemi’s fault! Her fault! That’s why mommy cries so much! Its daddy too! Mommy never cried!”

You started crying too. All those times you thought you hid your tears he saw. He saw everything. This was the worst-case scenario. You had to leave. You couldn’t let him see you like that anymore. You had to leave that hospital room. Toji was right.

You held onto him. Even when he began to hit you. Even when he rubbed his snot over you. You waited until he calmed down, Silent tears were streaming down his face.

“Can we go back to New York mommy? I hate it here. Daddy is mean to mommy. Mommy cries all the time. Mommy is lonely and sad while Daddy is happy. It’s not ok.”

You wiped his tears away. 

“Sachiro, don’t say that. Mommy is paying the price for being bad. Daddy deserves to be happy. He loves you so so much. Please forget everything bad, Sachiro. Daddy wasn’t mean to me. If he was, I wouldn’t let you stay with him, right? Mommy isn’t lonely. She has you. Mommy will never be sad as long as Sachiro is here. You’re like my superhero! Mommy is struggling and she needs to fix some stuff so she can be a better mommy for you ok, baby? None of this is your fault. I have to go, but I promise you, this will be better for you and for me. I promise with my whole heart. The second I get everything sorted out, I’ll pick you up. This hurts me too, baby. But I need to be a better mommy for you. None of this if your fault. Don’t you ever think that. Hey, to help my little star, I have present for you.”

You stood up and presented him with a white, sleek box. It had beautiful light blue ribbon on it. He held it but refused to open it. 

“I even got myself a present so we could match!”

You pulled out your own white box. Seeing that you both had a present, he was more willing to open his. It was a phone. You had a matching one. You really didn’t want another phone, as you were content with the flip phone you already had. It made ignoring all the evil things people said about you a lot easier to manage. 

“When mommy’s gone, we can call each other all the time. I’ll respond to every text. I’ll answer every phone call. I promise. I won’t be gone for long. But I’ll text you so much you’ll wish I was.”

This garnered a small giggle from him. 

“Don’t worry baby, we have the rest of the week. We’ll do everything you want.”

He nodded glumly. He wasn’t too happy, but he felt a lot better knowing he could reach out to you. 

You slept with him. Holding him close, you did your best to treasure these moments.

When Sunday night finally came, you asked Satoru to pick him up personally. This was a big change, even if it was temporary. You wanted Sachiro to be as relaxed as possible. You and him sat on the couch. You had packed a bunch of his valuables and even some pictures so that he wouldn’t feel so lonely.  He was again on your lap, fighting to stay awake as you ran your fingers through his hair.

The serene moment was disrupted by the loud knocks coming from the door. Expecting to see Satoru you opened the door, only to see Akemi there. You did your best to keep your smile. It wasn’t that you hated her. No, she was your friend at one point to. But an evil part of you knew you could never forgive her. Not for dating Satoru, but for choosing him over your friendship. You told her everything, but because she never experienced it, she could ignore it. That is selfish.  As if you can critique others for being selfish. 

You welcome both of them. Sachiro already stood up, holding the blanket closely. He refused to look at his dad or Akemi. His eyes were already brimming with tears.

Bending down to his level, you caress his face. “It’s ok to cry, my star. But before you do, I have a gift for you.”

Reaching behind the couch, you presented him the light blue bunny you had made. His eyes widened and he squealed in joy Running to hug it he struggled opening the locket. One he did, he looked at you with the biggest smile on his face. He ran and hugged your knees. 

“Whenever you miss mommy, give that bunny a big hug, and I’ll feel it. Have fun with Daddy. You must be a good boy. Call me whenever you want, but I promise to call you every day. Mommy just needs to get some work done and then everything will be back to normal ok?”

After a couple minutes of holding each other, he finally walked over to where Satoru was. He raised his hands asking to be picked up. 

“Thank you, Satoru. Thank you, Akemi. I trust you two will take wonderful care of him.” You bowed at a 90-degree angle. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, why are you leaving?” You hadn’t spoken to Akemi in a while. For a couple months, she stayed employed with you. Yet, after your official break up with Toji, she immediately resigned. You always wondered if she thought you did it because of Satoru. 

Smiling gently you respond, “I’m sorry, I can’t say. It’s nothing crazy, I promise! I just need some time.”

“It’s not because of…”

“Goodness no! I know I haven’t been the most supportive. I’ve been downright awful. I hope both of you forgive me for how I acted. It was selfish and attention seeking. I don’t expect any special invitation, but please know that I support this relationship. I’m glad you two found each other. Truly”

Satoru almost flinched at the words you used. The guilt of you actually believing all the nasty things he said to you weighed heavy on him. He almost regretted bringing Akemi here. If she wasn’t, he would have consoled you. Even if it only would have been a hand on your shoulder. 

The worst part about hearing you subscribe to all his insults was seeing the honesty behind it. You did think you were a terrible person.

Before either of them could say anything, you started ushering them out. 

“You guys must head out now! Sachiro still needs his night routine. He has school tomorrow, and he’s already stayed up so late. If you guys feel like he’s too tired, I don’t mind if he doesn’t go. It’s your call. Thank you both for everything!”

You nearly pushed them out of the apartment. As soon as that door closed, you broke down. This was going to be one of the hardest things you’ve done. But you had to do it. 

Nearly two months have passed. Satoru relished every second he had with his son. He has never felt more like a family than he did now. Everything was perfect. 

If it weren’t for the bunny he carried everywhere. Or the fact that Sachiro couldn’t do anything without having to send his mom a text. Sending a sleepy blurry selfie was more important than getting dressed. He would facetime you every night before going to sleep. There were times where he even ignored Satoru in lieu of sending you a selfie with a filter on top of it.

Satoru heard and saw more of you now, than he did in the last year. 

Even Akemi was getting a little frustrated. 

Yet, Satoru wasn’t just frustrated. He felt guilty. Your presence at the house had become so abundant, that he would often stay in Sachiro’s room just to hear you sing. He did his best to mind his business, but in the cases where he saw the silly selfie you would send back. It would plague his mind for the rest of the day. 

From the few glimpses he got, he could tell that something was changing. You weren’t in the office, or in any modern building it seemed. You were a lot livelier. You were happier?

How could a mom be happier away from her child? He would nearly scoff out loud at the thought. Maybe this was your way of giving him full custody? No there was no way. 

The next day, after sending Sachiro to school, he headed to the office. It was a usual day. He was glad he was able to save the company. He really was going to lose all this over you? No. He loved you. And you didn’t love him. But Akemi did. And his workers needed him.

As he continued working, suddenly Miwa and Nanami both presented themselves. Miwa was always easy to read. She was skittish and nervous. Nanami, on the other hand, was harder to read, but he could tell he was a little unsure as well.  “Nanami! Miwa! What bring you in here? I reviewed my schedule already. Is there something I missed?”

Miwa cracked first. “Um... Mr. Gojo, have you been in contact with Ms. Y/N recently?”

“She calls Sachiro nearly every day. Did something happen?”

“Well, have you been in contact in the last hour?”

“Miwa may you please get to the point?”

Nervously, she looked up at Nanami. Sighing and pushing his glasses up, he handed Satoru the iPad. “None of this means anything. And if something did happen, it is not your responsibility. It’s just rather strange.”

Gojo looked over the screen. In big bold letters there it was:

Y/N STEPS DOWN FROM HEARTS COMPANY. 

Y/N SELLS OVER A MILLION IN STOCKS

HEARTES INTRODUCES NEW CEO AND CREATIVE DESIGNER

Y/N RESIGNS FROM COMPANY

Y/N’S APARTMENT UP FOR SALE?!

Gojo looked at the headlines frantically. He knew what all this was implying. Yet, he needed verification. He couldn’t fathom the thought that you would have… No there’s no way. You have Sachiro. You wouldn’t do this.

“Um... what exactly does this have to do with me Nanami?”

“It means nothing. It seems that Y/N has done some irrational choices that garnered some attention from the media. That’s all this is. Unfortunately, you know how convoluted your history is with her. Some people might assume that since she’s acting out in such an illogical and hysterical manner, that she may be going through a manic episode. A manic episode that may precede…” Nanami couldn’t finish the sentence. 

His heart was beating. No, there’s no way you could be gone. No. No. You made a promise! You promised to return for Sachiro. Right Sachiro. That’s why Gojo is feeling so bothered and anxious. He’s worried for the mother of his child, that’s all. 

“I think… I think I’ll head home. If she has been in contact with anyone, it would be my son. Thank you for letting me know.”

As he made his way to the car, he couldn’t help but speed. He needed to make sure you were ok... for the sake of Sachiro.

On the way, he received a phone call from Akemi. Normally, he would have pulled over and answered her. But not today. He drove, breaking most speed laws all the way home. He barely turned his car off as he rushed the door. Yet, as he got to the door, he found a box. It was for Sachiro Gojo. Without hesitation, he looked at the sender’s address in the corner and typed it in. It was a two-hour drive, but he didn’t care. This box didn’t prove anything. You must have sent it days ago. If you had planned to do this all at once that meant only one thing. You were planning to commit. There was no other option. With only this one mission fueling him, he unknowingly kept ignoring Akemi’s calls

After an hour and a half of driving, Gojo started to notice his surroundings. This was an older city. There were multiple shrines and elders. There were very few cars. A lot of cats.  This was weird. He continued following the GPS. He passed the city and made his way up the mountainous region. By 5 pm. He had reached an isolated house on top of the hills. The land was relatively flat once he got up there. There was an impressive house. It looked new. The house wasn’t a mansion, but it was still large. The lights in what he assumed the kitchen were on. Hesitantly, he knocked.

Soon enough someone opened the door. No, not someone, you did

There stood you. You looked younger, happier, kinder. Unlike last time, your happiness didn’t feel like a mask. It felt genuine. He couldn’t marinate in his confusion as you grabbed his hand and pulled him in. 

“Hi Gojo! I’m shocked to see you here! Come in! Let me get you a lemonade. It must have been a long drive.”

You sat him down on your couch. He couldn’t help but think about that mansion. The one where you were supposed to start and raise a family. This one was a lot cozier, with the architecture of it being rounder in a way. It felt like a cottage despite its massive size. There were a lot of plants. On the walls were framed pictures. Mostly of Sachiro. A lot were ones he’s never seen. There were a lot of selfies of you two. And hidden between all of them was that Disneyland photo. It was when he had amnesia. When he thought you were cheating. Before he knew of all your lies. That instantly ruined his mood. 

Placing a coaster, you set his drink down. He couldn’t help but notice that the coasters were made with images of Sachiro’s drawings. 

“The lemonade is rather tart since the lemons are homegrown. So, I went ahead and added a bit of sugar. But here’s some more if you like. I don’t know if you still have the same sweet tooth. So, if I put too much sugar, let me know! I’ll get you another cup!” You set down a jar with sugar. You were so talkative. The last time you spoke this much with him was when you were kids. 

He didn’t move. Noticing his discomfort, you kept talking. “I was going to call you tomorrow. But I’m glad to see you. Did you come alone?”

“Y/N, I thought you committed suicide.”

You deflated slightly. Somberly you looked around the room. With a gentle smile, you looked at him. It was like you had puppy dog eyes. He could get lost in them. It had been a year since he was attracted to you, but he couldn’t help but want to lean closer to you. To breathe your air. He stopped himself in time

“It all happened kinda fast right? I was hoping that by doing it all at once, it would be like ripping the band aid off, y’know? People are bound to talk, so instead of doing it slowly and reigniting interest in my life every couple of weeks, I thought it would be easier if I just made one big splash and let the water settle from there.”

It felt like he was in a different dimension. You spoke so casually to him. It almost felt like he was the weird one. In disbelief, he stayed quiet.

Taking a deep breath, you continued. “Honestly, I did plan to. To commit suicide, I mean.  So, I guess you weren’t completely wrong.”

He stared at you. How you casually admitted to your suicidal ideations.

“What? You can’t be the only one to be suicidal right?” You joked, hoping to ease the tension. It did the exact opposite. 

“Y/N I need you to fucking explain everything. No jokes”

Your gaze hardened. “Gojo, you do not disrespect me in my house. I have welcomed you because you are my child’s father, but I will forbid you from coming here again if you speak to me like that again.”

He remained silent but nodded. It was weird. You definitely had grown a backbone since he last saw you in your apartment. Just a couple months ago, you looked like the submissive, docile, doormat you once were. But now? Now you confident and strong without sacrificing your trusting and selfless nature. You were a perfect blend of your youth and your experience. 

“This is my way of asking for forgiveness. From everyone. I’ve done a lot of awful things. Since that New York trip, I became vindictive. I became evil. I didn’t know why. How could I be jealous that the man I encouraged to move on moved on? I was changing Satoru. I had thought that being mean and cold was a way to protect myself. But in reality, I had gotten worse. I couldn’t stand my reflection. Then, I saw you Akemi and my star at the store. You remember right? With the pink bunny? You all looked so happy. It was the life Sachiro deserved. I went home and saw myself. Really saw myself. I couldn’t recognize who that person in the mirror was. Since then, I was determined to seek forgiveness from everyone I wronged. My first thought was to kill myself. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to my star. Even now, I find myself fantasizing about just jumping off that cliff… I even planted flowers there so whenever Sachiro visited, he would feel safe. But I can’t. That’s why I have all these photos and drawings of him. If I keep thinking of him, I’ll never have time to contemplate killing myself.”

Gojo couldn’t stop his eyes from watering. He almost reached out to grab your hands. He closed his hands harshly, forcing himself not to move. “But Y/N... you didn’t do anything wrong. I mean, you have done wrong. But we all have. You shouldn’t have to punish yourself for existing.”

Always and empath, you leaned forward and placed a cute octopus squishy in his hands. He quietly accepted it, showing the indents his nails made on palm “You don’t want to accidentally cut yourself. I learned that a little too late.” You laughed gently as you showed him your own palm. There were small scars in the shape of your nails. 

Holding the squishy in one hand, he used the other hand to inspect your hand. They were different. It was obvious that you still took care of your hands: soft, supple, perfect nail beds, trimmed nails. But upon further inspection, he could see multiple scars littering your fingers. His gaze drifted upwards to your forearm. There he saw some bigger scars. Some still scabbing. He could feel his own scar throb at the memory of the pain. Gojo couldn’t stop himself as some tears fell out. He couldn’t stop himself from tracing their outline.

“Why- why would you do this? You were alone the whole time? Then why? Y/N I don’t understand you? You were going to…”

He was interrupted by your melodious laughter. You pulled your hand away. “You’re too sweet Gojo. No. No these aren’t what you think they are. It’s just some office mistakes. I jumped into my work to fill that void of loneliness. But you know, it’s pretty dangerous to be handling sharp rotary cutters when you haven’t slept for days.” 

Grabbing his hand, you pulled him up. “Let’s go for a walk!”

Leading him to the back door, her couldn’t help but stare at your interlinked hands. The tips of his ears turned pink. He felt so young right now. No. No I can’t think like that. 

The back yard was like a Ghibli fantasy forest. It had plenty of lush green plants and flowers growing everywhere. In a corner there was a cute gazebo with two easels ready. One noticibly smaller than the other. There were plenty of trees a reasonable distance from the house. They provided a nice area of shade. Some grew peaches, others grew limes.  A stone path led to another corner where a sand pit was already set up. The entire perimeter was protected with a gorgeous white fence. Tall enough that Sachiro wouldn’t be possible to scale it. There was one exit. You headed there still holding Gojo’s hand. Typing in a security code, the door opened, and you headed into the forest. After a 5-minute walk, the forest cleared and presented a cliff side. Undoubtedly it was gorgeous. The ocean was beautiful. Flowers and clovers surrounded the area. 

He didn’t realize how much time had passed until he saw that the sun was setting. You let go of his hand and sat down, resting your head on your knees. You always had that curious habit of returning to a fetal position. Settling next to you, he couldn’t stop himself from looking at you. You looked ethereal. With the sun in your face, the wind in your hair. There was a gentle smile playing on your lips as you stared at the ocean. 

“Gojo…”

He couldn’t help but squish the little octopus. He didn’t know why it hurt him to hear you call him only by his last name.

“I disagree with what you said earlier. I should be punished for my existence. I’ve done nothing good. Born into a life of luxury, and I still managed to want more… When Toji broke up with me, he told me something very valuable. He told me that I was stuck in my mother’s hospital room. That I never left. And he’s right. Ever since my mom died, I became a walking corpse. I cursed myself with eternal loneliness. And yet, I so wanted to fight that loneliness. So when my father mentioned the marriage, I was ecstatic. Although we haven’t spoken in years and you refused to answer any messages I sent, my loneliness convinced me that you wanted it. I mean technically you did, but you didn’t really want it. I wonder, if I had never accepted that proposal, would you still be with Sera? Would any of this happened?”

The wind filled in for Gojo’s silence.

“My selfishness blinded me. I so badly wanted to be loved that I ignored any sign of resistance. Even when you told me that I would never compare to her, I wanted you to change for me. How pretentious. Had I just given up, then maybe you wouldn’t have thought that you loved me. When you couldn’t vanquish my loneliness, I searched for it in Toji. I abused his friendship just so that I wouldn’t be alone. When I figured out the real reason you married me, the reason you bought that house, the betrayal. That almost killed me Gojo. Imagine that. Even at my lowest I couldn’t stop seeking attention. I put myself over you, as usual. I lied and kept you from your child. I shouldn’t have been so selfish. It was okay that you didn’t love me. As long as you loved our child. But no selfish Y/N strikes again. Then, even though I knew I wasn’t ready, I still accepted when Toji proposed. I’m a monster. Just a year ago, I almost lost it. I was becoming unrecognizable Gojo. I couldn’t look at you and Akemi without getting angry. How was it fair, that I had to go through months of humiliation, which in hindsight, I did deserve, just for her to get the perfect boyfriend. I cried for months before you even held me. The first time we had sex, I had to beg you to kiss me. I hated her and I hated you. But that’s not your fault. Nor is it her’s. It’s mine. If I wasn’t so selfish and I didn’t think you loved me then none of this would have happened. I ruined so many lives because I couldn’t see past myself. If I didn’t use people to fill this abyss I have in my heart, I wouldn’t have caused you to almost commit suicide. I wouldn’t have taken Sera’s boyfriend from her. I wouldn’t have wasted Toji’s time. I wouldn’t have hurt your mom. None of this would have happened. I should have stayed in that hospital room. I should have asked them to bury me with her.”

You were crying now. Your hands shaky as they gripped tighter. You were curling in on yourself, wanting to disappear. 

“If I hadn’t been so awful, Sachiro wouldn’t have seen me cry so much.”

Gojo’s heart broke. All those lies. All those insults. You believed them. No. No you weren’t selfish. You were the opposite. You always put other above yourself, even if it hurt you. Of course, you’ve committed your share of sins, but never maliciously. You were too trusting, too eager to please. And to think he didn’t love you? That nearly shattered him. He may have moved on, but the love he had for you was real. Even though he may have forgotten how to love you: even though he may have abused you: even though he didn’t deserve to love you, he has never stopped loving you since you were young. 

He reached out a hand to soothe your back as you hiccupped through your gentle tears. You had a special charm that made everything you did look beautiful. But he paused seeing how stunning you were despite the tears on your face. He almost kissed you. But he didn’t. Not because he held himself back, but because he saw your eyes. 

As you stared into the ocean, your eyes changed from their vulnerable and kind state to a detached, disconnected gaze. Almost like you were hypnotized by the sea. The waves calling you. It was the same gaze he had when he was suicidal. 

“After seeing you at the store, I realized that I needed to atone for my sins. I needed to seek forgiveness. That night was actually the night I realized I needed to commit suicide. Not to ease my own pain, no that’s a selfish reason. I wanted to commit suicide so that everyone’s bad thoughts, everyone’s problems, and every bad thing I did could die with me. If everyone took turns spitting on my grave, I wouldn’t mind. As long as I was no longer causing problems, it would have been worth it. I spent the whole night making a new stuffed animal for him. I cut myself a lot by accident, but I didn’t mind. That was going to be his last gift. My existence is a mistake. Me dying would be a gift to the world.”

“And?”

“And I clearly decided not to. I owe my life to Sachiro. As long as he needs me, I will live for him. I want to die, Gojo. I want to give everyone the life they had before they met me. I want everyone to be happy again. But I can’t. Because I have my little star. I’m evil Gojo. I’m a black hole. I pull people in, only to destroy them. I’m afraid one day I might do that to him too.”

You turned to look at him, tears streaming down your face. 

“It kills me to know that one day I’ll hurt him too. But he loves me so much. He fills the void in my heart. I’m not lonely when I’m with him and I know its selfish, but the way he looks at me... The way he looks at me almost makes me think I’m a good person.”

Gojo continued staring at you. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you. Hearing you talk about yourself this way hurt him immensely. It almost felt like he was drowning. No, you didn’t get better. None of your problems were solved. You just learned to live with them. 

You leaned close to Gojo. The honesty in your eyes almost scared him. “Gojo, if you ever notice that Sachiro is suffering being with me, I need you to tell me. The second I start poisoning him, I’ll kill myself.”

The conviction behind your words paralyzed him. You two sat there for a minute. He didn’t know what to say. He knew what this felt like. He knew the exact emotions you were drowning in. But he couldn’t help but think that you were a lot worse. You have begun to hate your entire existence. You had no one. The amount of self-hate you had was shocking. 

After a couple minutes of silence, you wiped your tears away. Standing up you offered your hand to him. 

Looking at you now, it felt like he was in an alternate dimension. One where he confessed when he was younger. One where he never met Sera. One when he got on a knee and properly proposed. And he almost believed it. Just as he reached to grab your hand, he finally noticed how his phone was ringing. Looking down he saw Akemi’s number. He looked at you apologetically. You smiled kindly and continued to offer your hand. As his bigger hand enveloped yours, he imagined pulling you in close and kissing you in the sunset. Just like the romance novels you loved. As soon as he stood up, though, you released his hand. Walking past him you headed back to you house. 

You were giving him privacy. He was at crossroads; stay here and answer the phone or chase after you. All those times he didn’t. Maybe he should this time. No. He’s going to get married. He’s made his choice. And like usual, he didn’t chase after you. 

He spent some time with Akemi on the phone. He explained the entire situation to her. He omitted everything you told him, though. That was for him only. He calmed her down and promised he would be home by the end of the night.

Walking back to your house, he smelled the pasta you used to love so much. You only ever cooked it for him once. He saw you humming as you stirred the pasta with the sauce. 

“Y/N, I’m going to head out now. Akemi is worried. You should call your family too. They’re probably worried too.”

You turned to him. You looked like a picture-perfect housewife with the apron you had on. You hummed in agreement. 

“They already know, but thank you for the suggestion. It was nice seeing you. Would you like some food to take for the trip?”

He should say no. There’s no way to explain leaving work to spend the whole day with your ex-wife to your fiancé. Much less if he brought food with him. 

“Sure.”

You packed it into some cute tupperware. It had little duckies on the lids. He just realized how much you changed financially as well. Besides the large house, one would never assume you came from wealth. There was very little name brand stuff. A lot of the decorations were local. 

Noticing his curious gaze as you handed the Tupperware to him, you giggled.

“If we see each other again, feel free to ask any questions. We’ve both changed a lot. I hope next time you talk a bit more. I kinda hogged the whole conversation today huh?”

You walked him to the door and waved him goodbye. 

He spent the next two hours just re-living that time. Already he missed being in your house. He could already imagine you, him, and Sachiro painting outside or going to the local city for festivals. Despite all the heartbreaking things you told him, all the awful things you thought of yourself, you managed to make a sanctuary. It was always in your nature to find the silver lining in every circumstance. You obviously needed a therapist. But a selfish part of him was glad that he was your confidante. As far as he was concerned, only he knew of how you felt, where you lived, why you did what you did. It was like you were still his.

As soon as he recognized these thoughts, he pulled over. There is no way he can think like that. No that would be unfair to Akemi. He’s already hurt you so much. He pushed you to the point of trauma. He changed you. Even now, the scars of hos he treated you were present. Everything you thought was because he had told you it at one point. No. He couldn’t do all that to Akemi either. 

Grabbing the cute Tupperware with the pasta, he almost threw it out. 

Instead, he took a second to look at it. It was two big ducks and little baby one. You had used a ribbon to tie some utensils on the top. Everything your hands made had some care and love imbued into it. Opening it, he aggressively ate it all. It was delicious, as expected. While he ate, he started crying. Why? Why did seeing you like that hurt him so much? Why did he use Akemi’s name instead of calling her his fiancé? Why didn’t he hold you as you cried? Why do you use his last name? Why?

He drove home that night. He kissed Akemi before she could even greet him. She immediately melted into the kiss, even if she was still peeved at being ghosted the whole day. He playfully pleaded for her to forgive him. He smiled. He laughed. But for some reason her couldn’t look her in the eyes like he used to. A part of him wished it was you he was holding. 

He went to Sachiro’s room. It was messier than usual. He noticed a bunch of crocheted toys he had never seen before. I guess that’s what was in the box. He reached his son, and he stopped to stare at him. Sachiro was holding two things as he slept. The bunny, per usual, but also a note. In big letters Gojo could make out Momma’s Ready! Sachiro was still learning to read, so you hadn’t written much. Still, just seeing those two letters had excited Sachiro so much that he slept with it. On his little tummy laid the phone. Close to dead, Gojo picked it up to charge it. There he saw that Sachiro had been listening to a video you recorded of yourself singing to him. Oh right. Since you had spent the whole evening with Gojo, you couldn’t call Sachiro. 

For a reason Gojo couldn’t explain, he sent the video to his own phone. He plugged the phone in and walked out of the room. 

Akemi had already headed to their own room. Before Gojo could, he had to organize some stuff.

“Hello, I know its late. I’m just letting you know not to pick up Sachiro tomorrow. I’ll handle the drop off.”

Gojo had to see you. Just for answers. He just wanted you to explain yourself. That’s all

At least that’s what he told himself. But when he slept that night, he dreamt of living in that house with you. He dreamt of cooking breakfast for Sachiro and you. He dreamt of a world where you were his. 

[selfship-confession-box]

★ Hello my fellow selfshippers! ★

PR0SHIP/C0MSHIP/TERFS/ZI0NISTS/ETC DNI. THIS IS NOT A SAFE PLACE FOR YOU.

Box Status: open (CURRENTLY ON HIATUS, CONFESSIONS WILL NOT BE POSTED FOR A WHILE)

Confessions are queued, may take a while to post ^^

This blog is for selfship confessions of almost any kind. Whatever reason you don't wanna post it on your blog, or if you just wanna put a confession here for fun, you're welcome here! Selfship art is welcome as well ^^

Whether your f/o(s) is/are obscure, non-human, etc, this blog is welcome to all kinds.

Similar blogs (not owned by me!): @/selfship-vent-confessions , @/nsft-selfship-confessions

"How do the f/o tags work here if I want to filter them?"

I tag them as "f/o (character here)!" It sometimes depends if the user who submitted the ask included a last name/full name/etc, as I usually do not know which characters the user is talking about 0_o (hence why i don't put fandoms)

Feel free to tag me in your selfship art of you want me to reblog it! I know a lot of people don't get much attention on their art posts, so I'd like to help out with that :)

Do not use the word "simp" here, as the word is appropriated AAVE. Do not use slurs either, I think that should be common sense.

Blacklist/Banned Topics:

Character.ai / Ai things

The topic of aging up characters

Anything Harry P0tter related

Anything Hazb1n H0tel related

Anything D4ndy's Wor1d related

FNAFcraze19912

Fomybeloved or whatever they go by right now

Taken anon sign-offs below!

💉 Syringe anon

🩹 Band aid anon

🦄 Unicorn anon

🌻 Sunflower anon

🦐 Shrimp anon

⛅️ Cloudy anon

🍵 Tea anon

🛸 UFO anon

🌌 Night Sky anon

🐰 Hare anon

S anon

🎶🎀 Music Bow anon

🫧🎀 Bubble Bow anon

🫧✨️ Bubble Sparkle anon

🐶 Puppy anon

🦦 Otter anon

🦇 Bat anon

🩸 Blood anon

🎂🐈 Cake Cat anon

Blue Text anon

🎀 Bow anon

🪷 Lilypad anon

🪲 Bug anon

👾 Pixel anon

🧸 Teddy Bear anon

🌥 Cloudy anon

🕊 Dove anon

💙 Blue Heart anon

phonelover anon

🌷 Tulip anon

🥬 Lettuce anon

🎴 Japanese Card anon

🪶 Feather anon

⭐️ Star anon

⛸❄️ Ice Skate anon

Puppet anon

🌌🎶 Night Sky Music anon

⚡🗡 Lightning Sword anon

Sheep anon

🖊 Pen anon

☂️ Umbrella anon

⚰️ Coffin anon

🚫🎤 Blockmic anon

⌨️ Keyboard anon

🪽🪻 Wing Lavender anon

🍊⚙️ Citrus Bot anon

🎶🌨️ Music Rain anon

💫 Shooting Star anon

Phen 228

Nya anon

💌 Love Note anon

🪵 Log anon

🦈🌪 Sharknado anon

🦭 Seal anon

🛂 Passport Control anon

💜🪶 Purple Heart Feather anon

🍊 Tangerinefucker anon

🍀 Clover Lover anon

Kaiju anon

🍕 Pizza anon

🧽 Sponge anon

🧪⚡️Test Tube Lightning anon

🩷💌💛 Love Letter anon

NK 💚

☀️🎵 Sun Song anon

🌊 Wave anon

🩻 X-ray anon

🍞⚪️ Whitebread anon

🌌🛸 Night UFO anon

🥩🦴 Meat Bone anon

👽 Alien anon

🌼💮🌼 anon

🌱 Sprout anon

⚡️ Lightning anon

💥 Explosion anon

🐚💔 Broken Shell anon

🪞 Mirror anon

⌨️🌱 Keyboard Sprout anon

🍓 Strawberry anon

❤️🐈‍⬛ Lovecat anon

☕🥐 Coffee Croissant anon

🗡️💚 Green Heart Sword anon

💉🩸The Count anon

🎬🌸 Movie Flower anon

👓🎮 Gamer Glasses anon

Silly Billy anon

🧊🧊 Ice Cubes anon

🐌 Sluggy anon

AMnon

🩷💸💛 Business Failure anon

🔧💚 Green Heart Wrench anon

🪿 Goose anon

✨🖤 Sparkle Black Heart anon

🦈🍞 Sharkbread anon

🌌🔮 Nightseer anon

🎧🐾 Headphones Pawprints anon

🍋💀Deathlemon anon

🕳️🐸 Froghole anon

🌈🐀 Rainbow Rat anon

🌿🎤 Mint Idol anon

¤ ☎️🎭 anon

💚☕️ Green Tea anon

😨💤 coldsweat anon

🚬🐾 Smoky Paws anon

🥤🎶 Music Soda anon

🌫️🪽 Sky Flight anon

🪭 Fan anon

🪐🌙 Solar System anon

🌌🌊 Night Sea anon

🧠🗣️ Brainrot anon

🩵🌷 Blue Heart Tulip anon

💞🌀 Heartswirl anon

🔥✨ Sparks anon

🌻🌅 Sunflower Sunrise anon

🐍🔮 Seer Snake anon

🪻🍰 Lavender Cake anon

🍦🔫 Ice Cream Shooter anon

🍓🐶 Strawberry Dog anon

Anxious Rex anon

🌈🥁 Rainbow Drummer anon

🪼🐈‍⬛ Jellycat anon

🦉 Owl anon

🧡🧢 Orange Heart Hat anon

🎉🌀 Party Whirlpool anon

🌱⚙️ Sprout Gear anon

🍯🐰 Honey Bunny anon

🌑🌸 Moonflower anon

💿🍴 CD Eater anon

🤡🫠 Melty Clown anon

Despair anon

🫀 Heart anon

☀️🖌️ Sun Brush

🌊🪼 Wave Jellyfish anon

💛🎭🔫 Hjack anon

❄️🐱 Winter Cat anon

🐑💤 Sleepy Sheep anon

🐉☢ Nuclear Dragon anon

🎀🪡 Sewed Bow anon

🧛‍♀️👑 Vampire Princess anon

💜 Purple Heart anon

🪦🦌 Dead Deer anon

⭐️♠️ Starspade anon

🌞 Smiley Sun anon

🩵🌌⚙️ anon

♎♏ Vrisrezi anon

🌱⚙️ Sproutgear anon

🐮🐝 Cow Bee anon

🍊🍀 Lucky Orange anon

S'more anon

🥤🩹 Bandaged Milkshake anon

☄️💖 Red Comet lover anon

📖🐛 Bookworm anon

🎵🪽 Wing Song anon

🌟⬇️ Starfall anon

🟨🟦🟥 Primary Colors anon

🦉🐇 Owl Hare anon

💚🔧 Green Heart Wrench anon

🌀 Whirlpool anon

Midget 💚🌴 / 🌴💚🖤 anon

🚪🌀 Hallways anon

⭕️🎸 Geometric Guitar anon

🧀 Cheesy anon

🔪💻 Computer Killer anon

🐕🗡️ Chihuahua Guard Dog anon

🌻🐱 Sunflower Cat anon

🌠🐾 Starry Paws anon

🥀📜 Rose Scroll anon

💸💫 Star Dollar anon

🪚 Saw anon

☀️🌙 Eclipse anon

🐙 Octopus anon

:] anon

🦢🌊 Seaswan anon

🥩🦈 Meat Shark anon

🌌👻 Galaxy Ghost anon

Chaos anon

☎️🦦 Otterphone anon

💉🦷 Dentist anon

📸🧼 Soapy Photos anon

🏺🐍 Alex Fierro anon

💜🏹 Hawk anon

💌💻 Digital Lovenotes anon

🍬💫 Starcandy Anon

TVee 📺 anon

⚠️🤛 Dorito Fighter anon

⁉️‼️ anon

⭐️☎ Starphone anon

🚭 No Smoking anon

🦊🪡 Sewed Fox anon

🐱💋 Catkisser anon

🦪 Oyster anon

🎠 Carousel Horse anon

🧁 Cupcake anon

🌌👻 Galaxy Ghost anon

Purple Text anon

🌼✨ Sparkly Flower anon

🎂🐚 Cakeshell anon

❤️💻 Computerlover anon

🎪🎠 Carnival Horse anon

🦇💤 Sleepy Bat anon / 😐🎉 Yippee anon

🪦🪽 Mortis anon

💕🌅☄️ Golden Comet anon

👹 Demon anon

🌟🍻 Starbeer anon

🧛‍♂️🎪 Vampire Circus anon

🦇🎢 Batcoaster anon

🧛‍♂️🐇 Vampire Bunny anon

🪰 Fly anon

⭐️🎀 Starbow anon

🍯💛 Honey Heart anon

🐈‍⬛ Black Cat anon

📚🔪 Paper Cut anon

🌐🫧🌳 Frutiger anon

☢️🎡🧡 anon

📺🚂 TV Train anon

🍦🍈 Grapefruit Ice Cream anon

🖇 Paperclip anon

🎸🍊 Orange Guitar anon

🗡️💤 Sleepy Sword anon

❤️‍🔥 Burning Heart anon

💭💋 Basorexia anon

💜🦨 Purple Heart Skunk anon

🎷🐛 Jazz Bug anon

✨️🦞 Sparkly Lobster anon

🐺 Wolf anon

🍼🪐 Milk Saturn anon

🦋⭐ Moth anon

🧜‍♀️🔮 Merseer anon

💚💖🤎 anon

🗡️💿 CD Sword anon

📼🐇 Mixtape Bunny anon

🌷🔪 Sharp Flower anon

💚👻 Green Ghost anon

🧛‍♂️🎪 Clowny Vampire anon

💉🐈 Needle Cat anon

🎯🐸 Bulletpoint Frog anon

🧩💒 anon

☎️ Telephone anon

🌀🎯 Sniper anon

🍯💛 Honey Heart anon

🍰🥕 Carrot Cake anon

🃏🧵 Jester Thread anon

🚀🥤 Rocket Shake anon

🧟‍♀️ Zombie anon

🖋️ Dip Pen anon

🎭☎️ anon

🎩⚠️ Dorito Demon anon

🐜🍪 Ant Cookie anon

🐵🍊 Monkey Orange anon