#i. dunno i'm just kinda sad while trying to put up a positive front for the system. or acting like a singlet still ig

[the-scintillant-sys-sideblog]

hi, so today i got hit with another reminder of "ugh i hate being a source divergent fictive of friend's oc" and i. i wish i could stop feeling this way

or that i had someone to actually talk to about this, really

or that we were able to explain my discomfort with certain things without it feeling awkward or weird. but those things are generally always gonna be a negative fronting trigger for me so i can't say shit about it

and besides. none of our friends would actually believe us if i said who my source was would they. or if they did, they'd probably want us to go away because singlets are already weird enough when it comes to systems sometimes, even though those friends should be very aware that we're plural. and i really don't want to lose those friends. none of us do. we haven't been able to make genuine friends in a long time and we don't want to lose more over things we can't help

(which. sure. yeah i suppose that means they were never really friends in the first place. but it hurts so damn much to think about since we're pretty close and we haven't felt like we've had that with others in years.)

even though i. can't help who i am. i didn't ask to be introjected, damn it

and y'know what really sucks? i can tell that we never had a problem with any of those things that make me uncomfortable until i fully formed. i know it's solely a me problem and it's one i can't get rid of

and it's one i'm never gonna be able to really talk about in detail, ever

[echo-three-one]

Chapter 24

I should really put effort on summaries, right? Anyways... Enjoy! ❤️

Table of Contents

Going Dark - Part 3

Gary "Roach" Sanderson

MacTavish Residence, Glasgow, Scotland

Roach never would have guessed that MacTavish was a big time. Their 'old' house was already a mansion, complete with guest rooms, extravagant furniture and even an outdoor pool. Roach could stay here forever.

He was laying on a queen sized bed relaxing after a tiring chase earlier when Ghost knocked on his door and let himself in.

"What's wrong mate?" he asked, lifting only his head. Ghost leaned by the door and crossed his arms.

"You know how I got into a little argument with France back in Brazil right? Well, I still regret it ever happening…" he frowned, as shown by the way the fabric of his mask twitched.

"You regret which part? The fighting or the telling her what you feel?" Gary asked, cornering the ever vague Simon. He always does that when it comes to asking for advice.

Ghost ran a hand across his face and groaned.

"Bloody Hell, mate. Why do you have to ask those kinds of things?" he complained.

"So I could be clear as to which one I should recommend you to do." He replied quickly. He was very willing to help, but if Simon refuses to cooperate, then maybe he could handle it on his own.

"There's still one thing… I've been meeting with Alexandra not just for intel… " the tone of his voice was hesitant but he took a sharp inhale and continued.

"... we've also been sleeping together. No strings attached. For her it eases her tension from all the work while I try to forget about my feelings for Francine."

Gary didn't know what to say. Simon wasn't the kind of person to give up easily, and he fully understood the reasons for his latest actions.

"Well, it looks like Francine already made her choice, right?" Gary asked, trying to confirm from Simon that he already lost the battle.

"I'm not quite sure. Everytime I see her, she's physically distancing herself from Soap but later that night, they actually slept beside each other. She's making me confused and it still makes my heart beat for her…" Ghost admitted. As tough as he is on the battlefield, so was his admiration toward Francine. Gary pondered on how to help out his friend in this love triangle situation he caught himself in, but every direction he thought of would result in Ghost actually ending up sad.

The discussion was interrupted when a plane was heard from the distance, as it approached the nearby open area. It looked like the girls made it home.

"Looks like they're here." Roach sounded excited while Ghost looked worried.

~

It was impressive how they managed to bring most of their stuff from Brazil here in Scotland. It wasn't that much but the idea of packing things for six people in a hurry made Roach impressed.

"How did you bring most of this stuff?" Roach curiously asked Maxine as he helped her carry her stuff.

"Well, Samantha asked for help from his Dad and they immediately flew to Brazil." Maxine replied cheerfully, Roach loved how she managed to see the bright side of everything amidst the panic.

"So will Samantha-"

"No. They had a long talk with his Dad and she felt much safer back here with us. Her Dad wanted to offer help now that the New York Attack was over, but Samantha insisted, especially now that they're out hiding."

"Doesn't he have the power to like, pardon us for being wanted? That would make life much more easier for us."

"I thought of that too… but they're seeing Shepherd differently now. He's gone mad. And they want to corner him. Any action involving him may result in a global cripple. And I just heard all this on the plane ride here." Maxine frowned.

"Then that makes our job of locating him all worth it." Roach smiled giving hope to Maxine.

Maxine just nodded, her face was full of fear and doubt. She just wished all of this was over.

With Soap probably asleep, Roach had the liberty of touring the girls around the house, it was huge and spacious that each of them could occupy a room with about two more rooms to spare.

"Man, I could stay here forever." Roach mused as they walked the halls of the second floor. These four rooms are already occupied, most of the empty rooms are over there…" Gary pointed to the other end of the hall. Maxine looked at France and nodded as they both agreed to stay in one room.

"What about you, Miss Samantha?" Gary asked with sophistication, imitating a butler. Samantha giggled and blushed.

"I'll actually be sleeping with Alex, thanks Mr. Sanderson." she replied, playing along with Roach's role play. For a short moment, Roach felt relaxed. He hasn't felt like this for a while and it was too overwhelming. But while the enemies hid in the shadows, he was sure the team would be up for a tough fight anytime soon.

Despite being tired, Roach couldn't sleep. He felt that there was something or someone else he needed to consult. So, he decided to get up and get himself a glass of water down the kitchen. While he could hear himself gulping down a glass of water, he could also hear faint thumping from the basement. With high alert, he began descending down the stairs to investigate the source of the sound.

It was Simon. He was still up and doing sparring rounds with a red punching bag, each of his punches sent the bag swinging violently.

"You okay?" Gary finally asked, alerting Simon of his presence.

"Can't sleep." he said nonchalantly, giving the punching bag another mighty punch. Roach took a minute to admire the huge gym Soap had, each piece of equipment probably spent a fortune. He slowly paced to the small area filled with equipment and grabbed himself some boxing mitts and a protective helmet.

"So, why don't we resume our little talk?" Gary called as he presented himself to Simon on full boxing coach gear. Simon immediately positioned himself and Gary did the same as they began training with the intention of talking it out.

Simon's punches were heavy, Roach could feel a little emotion on each hit he made and it was starting to make him unstable.

"So, anything you'd want to discuss?" Roach initiated, his hands carefully met his punches as they circled around the area.

"I've been trying to ignore her, Gary. You see me try right? But the more I don't think of her, the more excited I get when I accidentally see her. It's frustrating." He explained in between his punches. There it was, the thing bothering him the most.

"What did she say back in Brazil? She probably said something that kept you from moving on. I can't think of anything else that might cause you to feel this way, unless you're lying." Roach tilted his head so he could see Simon's reaction. His punches stopped coming and he just stood there, his hands dropped to his sides.

"She… she didn't say anything… but she distances herself to John while I'm around."

"John MacTavish or John Price?" Gary interrupted, in an attempt to brighten up the mood, but instead all he got was Simon's 'are-you-kidding-me-right-now?' look.

"But when I'm not around, she finds time to see him…" Simon continued. Gary took off his gloves and tapped his shoulder.

"She… she was being considerate." Simon concluded. It looked like Gary did his job. He could feel Simon's shoulders relax upon realizing what was actually going on.

"Despite all that… she sacrificed a little just to not hurt you." Gary added, he had no intention of making Simon guilty but now that he realized it, he was making an impact toward the relationship that was blooming between Soap and France.

"Thanks, Gary. For being a great friend…" Ghost took off his gloves and walked out of the gym.

"... and the worst therapist." He joked with a grin as he walked up the stairs and left Gary in the gym.

"I hope you find your peace, Simon." Gary muttered.

The following morning, the team was already busy walking around the house. Soap was on the phone with a long list of things the girls ordered for their restock. It was planned that for the time being, the team was to stay in the MacTavish residence while Nero and Shepherd were off the grid.

Price and Jack started their own little command center inside Soap's father's office just by the living room. They began creating connections to their closest contacts to track activity from their enemies. Ghost seemed to be not around at the moment and Gary guessed he's still asleep.

Soap nodded a greeting to Roach as he walked by him on his way to the kitchen. Maxine and France were out opening drawers and anything in the pantry to clear up space for supplies. From the kitchen window, Gary spotted Samantha, Alex and Nikolai in front of a truck. Gary overheard that Nikolai wanted to go back home and he guessed today was the day he'd do so.

"I didn't know what kind of sugar you needed so I kinda ordered a bunch of em." Soap announced to the sisters and they laughed.

"The clerk kept asking me of brown, white, confectioners and some other and honestly I don't know which." he shrugged and scratched his head.

"Hey man, I was just wondering… why did you choose the risky life? When you had everything you ever needed here?" Gary asked the question that has been bothering him since he got here.

"I dunno Roach. It's just that I knew it was calling out to me… You also sound like my Mum when I told her I'm joining the force." he chuckled. Gary just nodded but still didn't understand his logic. But he dismissed the thought as soon as Maxine and France asked for his help reaching something by the cabinets.

The rest of the day was busy. Once supplies arrived, everyone else was preoccupied. Lifting boxes, arranging items, looking for intel. It was like they made their own 141 base inside the house.

By the time they're almost free, Roach and Maxine were already in the kitchen preparing for dinner.

"So, any new dreams lately?" Roach initiated as he sliced through the vegetables they're cooking.

"Piece by piece. Last night I remembered having gum stuck on my hair on picture day. I cried a lot." she giggled. Roach smiled, he was glad she's getting her memories back which made him remember of Samantha's case.

"Ow!" Gary winced as he accidentally cut a short scrape on his thumb. He was so busy staring at Maxine that he forgot he was chopping.

"Don't worry. It's just a small wound." Gary assured as Maxine pulled his thumb close to her mouth and blew air through it, just like when you're a kid and you do that to ease the pain.

Gary couldn't help but smile at her immediate action. She also looked concerned and worried about his welfare.

"Hey Max." he whispered, making the girl turn to him, her face was so beautiful in Gary's eyes.

"Is there something wrong?"

"Nothing… It's just that…"

"What is it? You're making me worried"

"I really really like you, Maxine Winters."

Maxine looked at him in the eye, the eye contact they were doing was starting to make the world fade behind them.

"Guys! I have bad news." Soap interrupted, causing everyone to form a small circle by the living room.

"Ghost left. With a note saying he'll try to gather more information on Shadow Company with Alexandra's help. He says thanks and that he'll see us all soon." Soap summarized the note. The room fell silent.

Next Chapter : Off the Grid

Notification Squad my Beloved

@samatedeansbroccoli @enderio @smokeywhalee @whimsywispsblog @beemybee @ricinbach

[ackermans-freedom-inc]

Hello again! I just wanna say real quick, I love your writing so much and I especially love the love letters you make!❤️ You keep doing you and don't stress ya self!

I hope the Valentine's love letters are still open, cause I would like to send one to Jean cause I love that man so much🥺 if you don't mind of course! (I'm not great at writing letters and the ending was quite hard to do but here it is!)

...

Dear, Jean

I wish we could speak together in person since I'm not quite a good writer, but seeing as you're on the front lines in Marley while I wait for you and the rests to return. It seems this is our only best option.

I do not know when or if you'll even come back dead or alive, or if this letter will only be sent to your dead body. But if it does and you aren't... Alive, I would want someone there to read this letter to you.

I vividly remember entering the scouts all confident in myself, yet skittesh on the inside, thinking that I could never make any friends or get close to anyone in fear that I'll lose them. Yet, even knowing the risk, I somehow became best friends with you when you made a snappy comment at Eren, which made me giggle like a crazy person. And because of that, you decided to stick by me from that moment on.

I remember our first mission together all those years ago. How you saved me from the hands of a titan. I glanced up at you with a glint in my eyes, as you practically glowed form the sunlight while we swinged through the buildings with me in your arms. I remember falling to my knees in front of you, thanking you with all my heart while you pulled me close to you, whispering in my ear that I didn't need to thank you. Yet, I did.

At the time, I always thought you had a thing for Mikasa, which I couldn't blame you. She's amazing in everyway while I was just a shy shaken person. Yet whenever you looked over at her, I felt a sting of pain and sadness strike into my heart. I thought that you would leave me cause I wasn't good enough or for how I acted when u saved me form the titan, but I never said anything about it. At that moment, right after you left the dinner hall, was when I realized I was in love with you.

When we went to clean out the stables, I couldn't hold in my feelings anymore and shyly told you that I liked you as more then a friend. The blush on your face at that moment still brings a good chuckle from me once in a while. After we both awkwardly confessed to eachother, we both leaned our heads into a sweet kiss, our first kiss together. Our faces glistened under the moonlight as it shimmered through the open windows.

You've always found a way to make me laugh or even get a smile from me. It seemed like a mission for you every morning to make me blush by telling me a compliment or a cheesy pick-up line. You knew I get flustered so easily from just a simply compliment, but yet you continued to compliment me, and I'm grateful for that. it's made me feel more confident and happy about myself whenever you flirted or complimented me, and whenever I returned the favor, I would always smirk at your blushing.

And I can never forget our first time together in bed before you left for Marley, where you showered me in compliments, and body praises. I've always felt insecure about my body for my rolls, love handles, and thick thighs. Since all the kids when I was young would bully me for not looking like them. But all of my worries went away that night with you. You pampered me like I was the most gorgeous person you've ever seen, which made me want to cry right then and there. You made me felt like a goddess in that moment from just prasieing and pampering me alone, that it still makes me tear up from time to time since no one has ever treated me like that.

And now here we are.

After you left for Marley, I started to think about our futures together, and like I said in the beginning if you would return dead or alive which makes me worried.

I wish this war with the titans and Marley will end soon so we can be together and start the life we've always talked about. Living far, yet close to the city in a nice house, with our children. I know we've talked about having kids and starting a family before. But I'm for certain that, hopefully, when you return alive that we can make that thought come true maybe, if that's alright with you of course.

However, I know that might not come about. But I'll still hope and wish that it will one day, my love.

Form your beloved daisy, Whitney

My love, 

Whenever the notice comes for letter pickup, I always volunteer. Hoping. Wishing. 

Sorting through Eren’s horribly handwritten letters day after day. I almost didn’t believe my eyes when I saw my name, written like it always is, just like it is back home. I miss you terribly, my love. This mission can’t end fast enough. Chalk it up to Eren being a dumbass as usual. Throttle him when we’re back. 

Now, now baby, what did we say about sad letters? I may be on Captain Levi’s squad, but whose hope and dreams do I carry? We can’t have you fearing for my life each time I leave. I made a promise, to come back, to put a band on that finger of yours and make true all your wishes.

Back when we were still wet behind the ears, what drew me to you was your easygoing nature. That day you had laughed at Eren and I, the mood lightened. We were able get back to work, stop the bickering. I knew from that day that you would be the saving grace of our little group. 

Before you mentioned it, I had forgotten completely about that incident with the titan. Leave it to you to think of such a moment. Did ya fall for me in that moment? When I came in to save you? As much as I would like to save you again, putting you in such a position is out of the question. I nearly lost you that day. Never, ever again. I promised you that day, and I meant every word. 

It is funny how you mention Mikasa. She is tending to Eren, as usual, and asking about you. Something about my ears turning pink and hiding the letter I’m writing from the others. She cares about you, as we all do. Even that blockhead Eren. They can’t wait to see you, Mikasa says. She asks how you’re feeling, and if you’ll be well enough to join us for missions when we’re back. 

I'll have to write the rest when I'm on guard duty alone. You mentioning that kiss, and the best, and worst send off you could have given me on that night is too mean. I can't see you, be with you, or see that blush for a couple more days. Hold out for me. I’ll replace that first kiss in the moonlight with many, many more. 

That night you cried in my arms, I’ll never forget. As I told you then, I’ll tell you again now. You are, the single most beautiful person I have ever met, and I will spend the rest of my days trying to get you to understand, and see what I see every single night as I sleep. 

Next time, I’ll make sure you don’t cry. At least, not for the same reasons. 

I.

I had to take another break after writing that line to you. I fear we must keep the rest of the letter tame, my love. If Connie throws another can of rations at me for having what he calls a “devilish” look on my face, I fear I might actually die. 

Don’t worry so much about us. We’ll be alright. We have the captain, Mikasa, the new recruits, and the commander with us. I’ll be back before you know it. Don’t miss me too much. I’m enclosing two of those kisses you love so much in this letter. That should last you until I’m back to give you real ones. Keep dreamin’ about that little house for me. What flowers would you grow? What colour is the gate? Tell me all about it when I'm back. 

I love you. Don’t forget it. 

I love you. 

Forever yours, 

Jean

((I DUNNO WHAT CAME OVER ME writing this to you! I felt kinda sappy?? I hope you like it!! you gave me so much to work with in terms of memories, and I loved reading it! Thank you so so much for sending this in, and so sorry again for the delay! much, much love, and please feel to send me anything you want in the future! You are, no bother. Ever <3)) 

Valentines Day Event - now closed - sorry for the late delivery!