#i've tried it once before and really didnt vibe with it

[foxstens]

tried super metroid. i don't think i like it

[myfairstarlight]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and in-depth answer to my question, re: Colin's portrayal in part 2! He's my favorite character in the show, and I love to read people's takes on characters, narrative arcs and themes, so basically, you're amazing <3

If you would humor me further, gentle author, having read a lot of your posts, I'm inclined to assume you've read the books as well? If you have, I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on Colin's portrayal as compared to the books overall, please?

I know you touch on this a bit in your original response, but to speak to my own thoughts, between the show and the book, I've personally, mostly enjoyed the show's overall portrayal. Predominantly, I felt like they handled his anger better, where in the book, his anger often felt a little out of left field or just positively violent, which was startling in a character who even personally touted himself to being not-prone to violent angry outbursts. Not to say he cant be angry or that it didnt make sense, but after three books prior (with admittedly bias narration), it gave me more Anthony vibes than what I would have expected from Colin, so it was a bit jarring. Though, I guess in a way, I make the same mistake as Penelope in my reading of him, hm?

As you have mentioned in other posts, I too appreciated that he held himself back while he was angry/upset at her. He was still around, he still wanted to help, but as you said, he'd finally discovered what he wanted all along--emotional and physical intimacy together, and I was glad for him to be so uncompromising to the conviction that THAT was the only way he wanted to be with ANYONE, Penelope included. Penelope deserves the world, but Colin does too. I'm glad they got things figured out so they could both have what they need and want and have found in each other.

Would love to hear your thoughts, thank you again :)

Oh dearest anon, how you flatter me!

So I suppose I shall indulge you some more, and I will request that you humour me as well as I embark on a little reminiscing journey. I am currently working on another post analysing part 2's love stories (plural yes), but you are giving me the opportunity to delve into an aspect I rarely touch on in my posts: Bridgerton being an adaptation and the often controversial differences between show and book.

Let's break this down in parts once more, shall we?

Colin's anger

Colin has always held a special place in my heart, ever since s1, I suppose in that regard I am much like Penelope. I immediately fell in love with the idea of them together before I even knew they would. Following s1, I immediately read The Viscount Who Loved Me and Romancing Mister Bridgerton (I skipped Benedict's at first like the show, sue me) back to back and what a surprise it was to me to find a Colin so... different from the one we see in the show (and that is without tackling the fact that apparently it was confirmed they took some of Book!Colin characteristics and gave them to Show!Benedict). In fact now that I've read most of the books, it is a startling issue so many of these men have in the books: anger issues and violent tendencies. Colin is one of the least guilty of that in my opinion, but that isn't saying much either.

In that aspect, I wholeheartedly agree with you, I think the show tackles his anger towards Penelope's secret identity much better. In the book, he can be aggressive (he bruises her for god's sake! And he's aware!), he's petulant, he refuses to listen to her and would rather pretend Whistledown doesn't exist, he expects her to just give it up after marrying him and then he doesn't tell her he plans to reveal her identity to everyone, and worst of all at the end he saves the day so he doesn't really learn anything. In the show, however, even if he is upset, he still listens, he still tries to understand. The one time he tries to do shit without listening to Penelope, he makes things worse and is humbled, which I think is a better outcome, narratively, than what happens in the book. Sure, he might not be physically affectionate with her, when his book counterpart had no issue with that, but emotionally? He is there for Penelope even through the hurt. With a look, with words of reassurance that he still wants to marry her and protect her. The difference between Show!Colin and Book!Colin is that Show!Colin asks Penelope to give up Whistledown and tells her it is for her safety, and when Penelope refuses, it pains him but he listens, he has to grapple with the fact that his wife won't suppress a part of herself for him. Book!Colin just expects her to give it up.

Show!Colin's anger is a quiet, but devastating thing, while book!Colin's anger is an explosion, and I very much prefer the former.

Colin's jealousy

Now, to give the book some points over the show, it handles Colin's writer struggles and his jealousy over Penelope's success much better than the show, and I love that it is Penelope calling him out on it, forcing him to reconsider. It does help we have his inner dialogue in the book whereas the show did not allow Colin those moments, we have to be told by Colin during an argument and then Cressida when she calls him out. Furthermore, in the book, ten years have passed, and Penelope as Whistledown has been successful this whole time, meanwhile Colin has just been running around the world, accomplishing, well, nothing really. In fact, it sort of explains his out of character bouts of anger as well (although it does not excuse when he gets a little violent).

Excuse the screenshot in night mode, dear reader, as I am writing this post at night after all.

"Would he be jealous of Penelope if he hadn't already sensed a lack in his own life?" I love that introspection. He is aware, he feels bad, he wants to do better. In the book, I did not feel like Colin was struggling to reconcile Penelope with Whistledown, he's accepted that fact pretty easily (too easily even I think), but what holds him back is his jealousy. And then we have scenes of Penelope reading more of his journals, reassuring him, reaching out even if he struggles to reach back.

This is one of my favourite scenes in the book, highlighting his struggles with confidence and worth, and though it goes on, I'll avoid posting screenshots of the whole chapter. In the book we have Penelope actively helping him and give him confidence, and he gives as much by supporting her writing as well. They mutually encourage each other in their business endeavours.

The show on the other hand is lacking in that aspect because of time restriction. We never do see Penelope read more of his journal so it feels a bit forced in when she praises his writing during their arguments when we did not see more of it ourselves. The show wanted to do a lot with little time. Colin still struggles to prove himself, but more in his relationship, not regarding his own dream of writing. I sort of wish they had kept writer Colin in the back burner for s4 and have him go through that arc and his envy towards his wife for that future season while for s3 they focus on his struggle to reconcile Penelope and Whistledown, as well as accept the fact he cannot always protect everyone but that he also does not need to be useful to be loved, but alas, I do wonder if people would have had the patience for that. Him being a writer is a big part of his book counterpart after all and it would have been odd to not include it.

Little bonus: the last ball

This one is just because I was thinking about the last ball where the public reveal happens, both in the book and the show. I've seen mixed reception.

I would like to concur that the show did the Whistledown reveal better, actually. And I say that as someone who still loves the scene in the book. As already mentioned, in the book, Colin makes the decision for her, and he also tells her secret to others behind her back (only to Simon and Anthony, but still), and thank God for him everything turned out alright. It is a declaration of love, and the scene itself is lovely, but the context around it always bothered me a bit, Penelope's agency was taken from her. In the show, however? Colin was willing to lie to his brother to keep the secret hidden, and when Penelope expresses her discomfort at the idea, he listens. She asks him to support her, and so he takes a step back and trusts her. I liked that he lets her step into the spotlight and choose to reveal herself. And when the Queen leaves and people start whispering, I'm convinced he would have done something to make everyone shut up if it wasn't for Philippa being quicker and releasing the butterflies to distract everyone.

(And sidenote, I liked that it's Penelope's family that saved her from humiliation. In the book, it was the Bridgertons clapping first, but since the show mended the relationship between all the Featherington ladies it was such a nice touch that they're the first ones to support Penelope there.)

Conclusion

Overall, if I had to choose, I think I like Show!Colin's portrayal much more after all (though again, I met him first so perhaps bias are at play) and I'm looking forward to seeing him embody Colin "My Wife" Bridgerton in future seasons, the way Book!Colin is an absolute delight in the epilogues and the other books. But I do mourn the way his journey to become a writer was rushed, because it was the strongest part of the book to me.

I do feel like with the Featherington heir plot in the show, s4 will most likely have Colin's arc be learning to manage the Featherington estate until his son is old enough to inherit it now.

I did probably forget to mention other stuff but oh well, this answer is already quite long.

I hope I have entertained you greatly, dear reader! And with these words, this humble author shall finally retire to bed at an ungodly hour once more.

[transfemininomenon]

who's your fav p5 character so far? or if you feel like it, what do u think about each of the phantom thieves?

aside from the forced in "im gonna become a cop" bit I've always had makoto resonate with me a lot going back Years to the other times I've played but never Finished p5. just her entire vibe of feeling like a burden to those around her & making rash decisions to try and proof them wrong on top of her having to really learn to let herself rely on others instead of pushing them away whenever she has a problem all just really Hits Different for me

truly i love em all though genuinely a delightful cast of characters especially once royal came out and actually like. let the cast be friends with each other lmao

joker: love this guy, think it's so funny that he simply can't meet someone and not have them a month later be like "so you're a phantom thief right" because they mentioned a problem person in their lives who then mysteriously changes their ways

ryuji: he Tries so hard constantly and even at his rudest i simply can't help but cheer for him, hes also simply SUCH a good friend to joker he loves his bro so much. let him say fuck

ann: man she's just. so sad. poor girl is just SO sad all the time. but it really does just make it so much better when she does stand up for herself & commit to things because you can tell its NOT easy for her to do and when she does you simply feel so proud of her. i think she's like a year away from realizing she's a lesbian

morgana: fuck the haters i love this guy. "ohhh he's so annoying not letting you go out" that's the game! not him! if he werent there joker would just be like "im too tired lets not do that". yeah hes annoying and selfish at first pretty much every character is he GROWS he LEARNS genuinely he has some of the best character growth in the game. im a morgana stan first and foremost

yusuke: ADHD/broke bitch representation we need & deserve. hes also SO funny and you can tell he isnt even trying to be. his dynamic with futuba is one of my favorite character relationships in the game. dumbass to dumbass communication

futuba: very VERY closely behind makoto for me as favorite. as someone who has spent her entire life dealing with several anxiety disorders who has also made a LOT of big progress with those over the last few years her arc really did hit so close to home for me. im eternally gonna be such a fan of how her change of heart didnt immediately Fix her and instead more gave her the chance to fix Herself because its simply so real to how recovery actually goes. shes also just so Weird and silly that you cant help but love her in such a younger sister kind of way, which on that exact note her sibling style relationship with joker on top of her arc of really learning to see sojiro as her father ? incredible. cried when when she first called him dad.

haru: im only really just now getting to fully experience her because my first time playing p5 stopped at the end of her introduction and other playthroughts before meeting her, but i gotta say shes so NOT the character i was expecting but in a good way. love that shes kind of fucked up. she loves to kill. love that she has a Big Axe. love that she's otherwise very sweet & she gels so well with the rest of the thieves that you forget how late she joins

[oshikiri-toru]

hi. im back !!!!

i didnt have anything good to say and i've been in a mental slump for the past few weeks, but i think im good now pfft

ive also come to say:

WHAT THE FUCK ??????????? THE PHILLIES LOST. THEY LOST TO THE ATHLETICS 18-3 ??????

ive not been keeping track of the phils (obviously), and when i go up to my brother because he had just watched the highlights, he turns to me and just. he just says, "the phillies lost to the a's 18 to 3."

truly devasted 😔

but im still thinking hard about a baseball au oh my. @/forestshadow-ghoap made a post that i accidentally x'ed out of, but i bet it was good 😌

well. im going to skedaddle now. i fare thee well. drink your water and sleep well !!!

-🪱 (im too lazy to go on my other account. sigh.)

Hey worm anon! Great to have you back <3

I hope you're feeling okay. I've been in a big slump too, so I know how you feel. Rooting for you and wishing you the best <33

The Phillies loss was crazy lmao. They tried out a new pitcher (the young man they brought up from the minors) and he sorta choked that game. It got so bad they sent Stubbs out for the final inning :^/ That's why it was so high honestly. I think they got a grand slam and another run from that inning alone haha. They got some rest during the all-star break (and lost twice) but they're back!! 5 runs up today which was good to see, finally.

But since you've mentioned it 👀 I'm taking this as a chance to ramble endlessly about my baseball au ideas

Okay! So, in my head it starts as a normal season, maybe a few weeks in. Soap is the only one not on the team, a young hotshot making waves in AAA. When one (inconsequential) member of the team gets injured so they bring up Soap.

In the beginning, he's learning to take on the new position (maybe he was DH or another infield position before) and really bonds with Ghost as his pitcher. I also like the idea of his going to a cocky, young up and comer to learning to be a part of the team and a real superstar. Also, some found family vibes because yes :)

Some other things:

I like to think Soap is a fan favorite. He's hot, confident, and loves engaging with the fans. The umpires hate him (hes always fighting them), and other teams are annoyed by just how good he is and how unhumble he is about it.

Ghost is well loved in the city with a contract keeping him there for years to come. He's quiet and has no real social presence outside of baseball, but the fans find him charming. I also think he's big into charity, volunteering, and generally giving back to his city. I think he'd do a lot for addicts and poorer families :')

I think it would be so funny for it to be a "everyone thinks their dating while they are clueless" scenario. I'm talking videos of Soap falling asleep on Ghost in the dugout, him spending time in the bullpen when he's on the IL (the camera men were desperately searching for him), him being micd up just to hear him shamelessly flirting or joking with Ghost on the mound, interviewers asking them about their friendship and all their answer sounding suspicious as hell.

(bonus angst, maybe Soap plays into it to gain more attention before realizing he actually does like Ghost)

I have some ideas about the getting together but that comes with some spoilers on how I want it to end (it'll go up to the World Series obvi, with them against their mortal enemies. The Bristol Shadows)

Also. My favorite scene idea rn is an interviewer asking them where they got the nickname Soap for Johnny-

Soap: "Och, it's because I can't stop hitting it clean out of the park"

Ghost: "Actually it's because he ate the decorative soaps at a hotel once thinking it was candy."

[swelling-feeling]

"A Shared Interest"

Inflation Story - Monster Prom AU - Starring Trifecta "Inky" (aka Maxim), and Susie (aka Spinel)

▽△ Story under the Cut △▽

"I dont think i've ever been to your place, now that i think of it…"

Inky muttered, looking around in a form of awe, curious by the sight around him.

It was a small apartment that his now-girlfriend Susie lived in, which had a nice old timey aesthetic, and her room, which the two were entering, was especially fascinating, as if taken straight from a dollhouse, and decorated with punkish posters and decorations.

"Really? Huh, guess it never came to mind to ask ya to visit."

She shrugged,

"I always just came over and crashed at your place."

"Yeah, heh. Suprised that Kiah just let us vibe in the first place."

Susie hopped unto her bed, which was nearly buried under a mountain of pillows, Trifecta quickly sitting next to her, before adjusting his position, still finding himself admiring her room.

Susie hummed, looking at her boyfriend be so lost in thought, as she scooted closer to him,

"Whatcha thinkin 'bout?"

"O-oh, nothing important. Just trying to get used to how… Spacious your room is."

"Well, mine aint as cluttered as yours, for starters."

She joked with a chuckle, watching the eldritch entity retort,

"H-hey, that's my order and im used to it, toots!"

He chuckled back.

"Well, i s'pose having everything on hand is easier than having it tucked away in a bunch of places."

She shrugged with a grin, amused.

"It's a lot more practical. But then again, everyone has their own order."

He nodded.

The two continued conversing about trivial and amusing topics, just whatever came to either of their minds - cartoons, favourite animals, lives, shared interests, the weather… It all was nice for the both of them. And yet, Trifecta had a feeling that something felt… off. Nothing too major, and he wouldnt want to pry, but still, something felt off, for the moment, at least. As their conversation began to reach it's end, trifecta found himself scooting a bit closer to Susie.

"…There's… another reason why i brought you here."

Susie muttered to Trifecta, her tone making him lightly furrow his brow, as he listened intently at what she was about to say.

"…It's about your doodles. You let me check through them while you were cleaning up your room."

"And you seemed rather flustered when seeing the two pages of doodles of you and i…?"

He finished her sentance, humming softly, not completely sure where this was going.

"…Well, it wasnt really that, that elicited the reaction from me… W-well, it did too, but something else caught my eye."

Trifecta's brows furrowed further. He felt uneasy as stress slowly rose within him. He wasnt sure what to expect.

"…W-what was it?"

He muttered, trying not to sound uneasy.

Susie was quiet for a moment, looking away. Trifecta's stress kept only growing.

His brows lightly furrowed, this time in confusion, when noticing that Susie was blushing.

"…I, uh… Didnt know ya thought i'd look good bein' t-that big."

It took him a moment, the oblivious boy that he is. When he realised what she said, his face became a mix of violet and green from his blush.

A few scared and flustered noises escaped him, as he covered his face in embarrassment, begining to feel himself melt. His girlfriend saw those doodles he drew of her, packing far more plush than usual, or being inflated with air or some magical mixture. The very thought made him melt faster, before his form stabilized once he felt Susie grab his shoulders. His Embarrassment was Legendary.

"H-hey, hey, Inky, i-its fine…!"

She tried to calm him, which lightly helped, making him stop melting, yet he still refused to face her from his shame.

"…I hoped y-you wouldnt have s-seen them…"

He lowly muttered, Susie moving closer to try to comfort him as she heard his ashamed tone.

"…'s'just a dumb… intrigue of mine… from… way before."

He murmured,

"…F-fuck, im sorry you had to see that, you must think i'm a… a freak, degenerate, some wretch-"

"Actually…"

Susie interrupted him, gently gripping his shoulders tighter,

"…I… s-share this… 'Intrigue', w-with you."

Her words made him stop, for a moment. Then her words began to sink in, and he blushed even more, his hands still on his face as he moved his head to meet her's.

"…Wh… what?"

He muttered, confusion, disbelief, and the smallest hint of joy in his voice.

"Y-yeah, uh…"

The doll hummed, blushing deeper as she looked away.

"…I, uh… never got to thank you properly for the… c-cotton candy thing ya made for me."

Trifecta takes a moment to process the information, suprise still growing.

"…Y-you… a-actually liked those…?"

He murmured, his hands slowly moving away from his face,

"…Y-you… liked them?"

"…Y-yeah."

She repeated, her blush growing as a small smirk appeared on her face,

"…You cant imagine how suprised i was that the guy im interested in… shared my interest."

Inky blushed deeper still… The realisation had fully set in that she really did share his intrigue as well. The very thought gave him… Comfort, some bit of Peace, even, as he more let the thought sink in.

"…O-oh, and, uh, n-no problem for the cotton candy… I, uh…"

He muttered quickly, before looking away,

"…it wasnt the main focus, obviously, but… T-the intrigue had a part in that idea, y-yeah."

"Had a small feeling it did."

She smirked.

Susie slowly seemed to get more comfortable, now that the secret's out. Trifecta was still lightly flustered about all this, but he was slowly getting comfortable as well.

Susie made herself comfortable against Trifecta as they continued talking, rather amused by his fluster, which was greater than usual, but also happy, seeing him be this shy, yet also a bit excited as he spoke, getting himself worked up over possible scenarios they could try, to the point that she got flustered, and excited, just thinking about them.

She hummed softly, tapping a finger to her chin in thought, just as Inky finished his sentance.

"…S-something on your mind, S-susie?"

He spoke, curious as ever, as she smiled warmly at how he made sure she was and felt fine.

"Hmm… Just got an idea on what we could do… If you wanna try it?"

She hummed with a grin, doing the same for him as he made for her, making sure he's fine and well.

"…W-well… D-depends on what it is ya wanna try…?"

He muttered with an audible smile, and a feeling that he may know what would be her plan.

She only hummed, before smiling at him, kissing the top of where his nose would he, before getting off of him, playfully swaying her hips as she makes her way to her closet, pulling out some kind of box, labeled with multiple scribbled on hearts and… Balloons?

Inky hummed, his blush lightly growing as he watched Susie open the box and rummage through it, still moving her hips to a melody she was humming, before stopping, patting something with a chuckle.

"A-ha! There it is~"

She spoke in a melody, making him blush a bit deeper, before she turned around, revealing a big hand-operated pump in her arms, as well as a long hose. His expression turned to absolute fluster, while her's held absolute excitement. Both showed absolute interest.

"Hold this for a tick, hun~"

She spoke, passing him the pump, as he fumbled it in his hands before holding it, inspecting it with interest with a hum. In the corner of his eye, he swore he could see Susie begin to undress, and so, being the gentleman he is, looked further in the opposite direction of her, as to give her privacy.

She giggled at his action, amused by his action, but not saying a word, only letting out a small noise as the hose was inserted in her… Nether regions.

The noise obviously made Inky blush harder, as Susie gently scratched his head to grab his attention, to which he turned around.

The two blushed while looking at eachother, stuck in eachother's gaze, before softly chuckling at the small awkwardness of the moment.

She made herself comfortable on Inky's lap with a hop, a grin, and a giggle, as his face was glowing with blush and fluster.

"…Come on? The reigns are yours~?"

She teased, tapping the pump with a finger, as inky quickly grasped the situation.

"…W-wh-wait, y-you want me t-to-?"

"Aint this somethin' ya wanted to try, at least once? Or do you want me to start the show~?"

She teased, making Inky make a flustered noise.

After a moment, it seemed like he made up his mind, taking the pump in his hands, pulling up the handle, before pressing it down.

The doll let out a noise as she felt the air enter her body, her face a deep pink from the sensation, as trifecta only blinked, placing a hand on her shoulder, flustered, and worried.

She smiled at him, showing she was fine, gently moving his hand back to the pump, as he slowly pulled it back up, and pressed down on it again.

The two were flustered at first, obviously - they both were new to this, they were experimenting with these new feelings, and the fact they shared a unorthodox interest… Yet, soon enough, they slowly managed to get to a steady enough rhythm. Trifecta kept moving his hand on the handle, pressing, and depressing, up, and down, so on so forth.

Both of them blushed once her stomach began to visibly round out.

Susie's hands hovered over her round stomach, hesitant to touch it, and in slight disbelief that this was happening, as she hummed.

Trifecta on the other hand simply couldnt help himself, his curiosity making his hand slowly move unto her belly. It let out a small crrk noise, as his hand gently sank into the felt surface, Susie letting out a noise of fluster and suprise at his touch, which made him move his hand away from her belly quickly.

"…D-… D-do that again… P-please..?"

She muttered, still trying to process the sensation, as Inky placed his hand back unto her belly, gently pressing into it to hear it let out a silent squeak. He quickly glanced at his beloved, catching her expression, which was a mix of fascination, fluster, and joy, as she tried to not let out another noise… And failed.

He pressed into her belly again, blushing furiously, as his hand, by sheer instinct alone, moved back unto the pump's handle, and began to press down.

Her belly continued to grow, her hands carefully laying on it as it continued to grow with each press of the pump… Which the rhythm of began to slowly speed up. Trifecta unknowingly winding himself up, as his hand began moving faster, sending more and more puffs of air into her tum, as it continued to expand like some balloon made of felt. Inky's eyes glowed with interest, brighter still with each press of the pump.

The doll carefully moved her hand to try to catch inky's attention, which worked - her stomach now was the same of a big basketball, which made inky's eyes glow, and shimmer, with great interest.

"…B-big…"

He murmured, as if entranced, letting the pump slip from his hands as he put them on her belly, making Susie stifle a noise at the sensation and pressure, as he lightly purred.

"…Y-yeah… Think i can go… B-bigger…?"

She muttered, trying to stay focused, as her mind was trying to get used to all the sensations.

"Oh, Totally."

He muttered, as if he was completely sure, completely focused on her bloated tummy. The soft squeaks and creaks it made, as if, entranced him, as he purred louder still with pure interest at the whole situation.

"…Soft…"

He murmured, with an audible smile, as he pressed gently against her belly, finding there was less give than before, as he lightly hummed in thought.

As his focus was slightly regained, he looked at Susie, silently asking on if they should continue, to which she gave a small nod. He hummed in thought as he took the pump in his hands again, and resumed the routine.

The noises her stomach made, albeit being made of felt, were akin to rubber, squeaking louder and louder, as Susie began to furrow her brows at the pressure - and Inky rather quickly noticed.

His hand's movements began to slow down, in worry that something bad might happen if he pumped too fast, as he hummed, watching with focus, and interest, as her belly slowly bloated onward with each puff or air, squeaks and creaks began rise in pitch as well, as the two simply slowly continued with care.

Eventually enough, the doll had her hands on her tight-as-a-drum belly, perfectly round, and at the size of a big excersize ball. Inky pressed down a few more puffs of air, before putting the pressed-down pump down beside him, looking at her with a mix of joy, pride, shyness, and worry, as he placed both of his hands, carefully, on Susie's tight belly. She softly hummed in a mix of joy and discomfort.

"…I think this might be the best time to… Stop."

He murmured softly, to which Susie looked at him with a warm, albeit strained, smile.

"…Y-yeah, best we s-stop there… oof…"

The high from the whole situation slowly began to die down, as he gently rubbed her belly with his hands, hearing the little squeaks as he did so.

He hummed in thought, before his face became lightly darker, his eye's glow being emphasised by it, as after a minute, there was a silent hiss, and Susie softly hummed, noticing the uncomfortable tightness in her stomach begin to dissipate, as she blinked, lightly confused on what was going on. She looked at him, relaxed, yet confused.

Trifecta hummed softly back, smiling at her, before chuckling, patting her belly, as if playfully.

"Feeling better, toots~?"

He purred with an invisible grin.

"…y-… Yeah… How did you…?"

She softly asked, before he smiled even wider, letting out a cheeky, proud snicker.

"Oh, darling~ With me, Reality is Optional."

Susie blushed at her boyfriend's confident tone, moreso when he chuckled and leaned unto her belly, making her let out a flustered noise and a squeak, as he admired her - he purred, enjoying seeing her be flustered for once, all blushy and adorable, as he kissed her cheek with a comedic 'Mwah', making her blush and giggle.

The two took the moment to admire eachother, enjoying eachother's presence, before both of their focus' went to her giant belly, as he tickled and pressed against it, chuckling when seeing how flustered she was at it all.

"…Well, love… Now that you've got more capacity… Wanna continue~?"

He asked, lightly poking her belly with a finger for emphasis, as Susie giggled and blushed,

"Oh, Gladly! Dont keep me waitin' now, Inky!"

Her enthusiasm made him outright laugh, as he pat her belly again, before grabbing the pump beside him, and depressing the handle.

This was going to be a long night… But neither of them cared, as long as they had eachother.

[bonesandthebees]

hey i was translating one of the tcfsv's chapters and got real curious about how you came up with names and/or superpowers of siren, jester, iceman/thanatos, arson (her powers), and 404 and why did you choose the name daedalus for sam and aurelion for foolish? i tried to split aurelion into aura and lion and it didnt make sense so i hope its fine to ask :D

oh man it's been a while since I've been asked this question. I'll just go in order of the characters you mentioned!

siren - I'd seen wilbur be given siren powers/the power to compel people with his voice in a few other fics before I came up with clinic, and in hush now specifically his villain name itself was also 'siren' so I straight up just took it from that lol

jester - because of how often quackity changes his minecraft skins for bits, I once saw a comic a longggg time ago about c!quackity on the dsmp being a shapeshifter. I always thought that was a really cool concept, so when I was trying to come up with his powers I thought shapeshifting would be really interesting! as far as the name I don't really know how I came up with that? quackity's just goofy and cracks a lot of jokes so I thought a clown/theatrical kind of name would be fitting, so I came up with jester and really liked it

iceman/thanatos and arson - I came up with iceman as jack's name after I came up with arson for niki's. I really liked the name arson for niki's initial villain name because I wanted to call back to c!niki burning down the l'mantree during doomsday, but I knew I wanted her to have water powers both bc of her merling origin on origins smp and also I just thought a waterbending kind of vibe fit her. so then I knew I wanted her and jack to be a duo, so I was struggling to come up with a name for jack until I thought "what if I made him and niki have opposite powers and I made a joke about iceland and greenland" and thus we got iceman lmao. then later on I decided I wanted both of them to switch their names after their near death experience (arson to nemesis and iceman to thanatos) so I thought thanatos fit jack because of how close he came to death, since thanatos is the personification of death in greek mythology. and I wanted him to have a greek mythology name because niki was changing to her syndicate name, nemesis, which is also from greek myth

404 - I'd seen 404 used for george before in other hero aus. it's a play on his user 'georgenotfound' bc 404 is a not found error you get with computers. I just thought it was fun. as far as his powers, I wanted them to be connected to sleep because of the running bit/eventual lore of him sleeping through everything on the dsmp, but I wanted it to be more creative than just him knocking people out. I've always been fascinated with dreams and the kind of fantasy powers you can do with them, so I decided dream manipulation could be really interesting to explore with him.

daedalus - in greek mythology daedalus is an inventor who is made to build the labyrinth by king minos to trap the minotaur, and is later imprisoned in the labyrinth by minos with his son icarus. during their escape with wings made of wax, icarus dies, leaving daedalus alone. I just thought the themes of being imprisoned by your own creation and losing the last thing you love during your escape matched a lot of c!sam's character on the dsmp especially with his warden role and how he's a redstone inventor. I wanted to tie it in a bit to his story in clinic, and overall I just thought it was an interesting connection to draw.

aurelion - yeah this is probably the most confusing name since it's not a real word technically. aurelion is a play on the name aurelia, and aurelia is derived from the word aurum which is the latin word for gold. c!foolish is often designed as being made of gold or close to it given his totem skin, so I just wanted to connect him to gold somehow because I thought it fit. so aurelia as a name means gold, and I just took that and made it sound more like a superhero name by changing it to aurelion

hope this helps!! good luck with the translation!

[philosophicalparadox]

Let's have fun with feelings!

Originally I was going to submit this for the 12 days of Casca event, but it just didn't seem to fit most of the prompts, and its really angsty, so eh 🤷

EDIT: it's been updated with what will probably be the final version of this scene, and the official title of the fic. I finally had enough chapters compiled to come up with a fitting title. :) I've also trimmed it down via line break so it's not wall-o-text on my poor followers feed. It's a few character-thought paragraphs longer though I must say.

Anyway, have a scene/chapter from the WIP I keep changing the name of - now officially called Never Sleep Alone. I've tossed around with a title for this for a while but that one's sticking for now. Sums up the theme pretty well. :p

Slightly NSFW; nothing too overtly sexy but there's a hurt/comfort-sex vibe and implications thereof.

Pairing: Griffith x Casca - Almost. :) Underpinnings of Griffith x Guts. Griffith is Confused with a capital C.

Context: this is a Griffith-stops-Guts-from-leaving fic, and this scene happens when Casca seeks Griffith out after events on the hill, before he can get into trouble with Charlotte...or anyone else, in theory. Buuuuut.....well. That's not quite how Griffith works, unfortunately.

NOTE: Braies are the medieval equivalent of underwear.

Enjoy!

Casca knew where he was headed; she didnt have to think as her feet studiously brought her before the Noble-quarters Griffith was staying in whilst in Wyndam on behalf of the king while his own manor received it's reconstruction. It was in a high-brow neighborhood of course, a light reddish tint to the White wash on Griffith's dwelling making it distinct from the other town-homes on either side of it.

Casca moved without much thought or consideration as she went through the motions of inviting herself inside. It had been a long, confusing, emotional evening, and if she was this strung out, she knew Griffith was at least twice as bad.

The housekeep were polite and understanding, though they seemed at once quite unsettled, though she could only guess at why. One of them, a swarthy, sun kissed old woman, did remark briefly that they had heard him "moving things about" upstairs, and that when he had let himself in earlier, he seemed very pensive and hadn't said a word to anyone. Casca wasn't sure she knew what they meant by "moving things around", but she wasn't sure of a lot of things right now, except that Griffith, despite successfully disarming Guts - and nearly taking his leg in the process - had to be hurting right now. In fact, she quite confidently knew he was struggling right now. How he was dealing with it, like so many things tonight, she was not sure of; but she recognised when her instincts were trying to tell her something, and right now they were telling her to go to him, before he did something he would regret.

If there was one thing she knew about Griffith better than anyone, it was his tendency to act out or become some flavor of weird and reclusive when he felt down. Often that manifested as shutting himself in his tent for two days, barely eating a thing; sometimes it meant he would take a long walk by himself or ride away to some unknown place for a few hours. Other times she would come upon him dressed down to his braies, shivering himself into sensibility by letting the cold numb him. She tried not to disturb him too much when he was like this, unless she thought he was hurting himself too badly; and she would have let him alone tonight. But she had a feeling, deep in her gut, that he would end up doing exactly that if she didn't keep an eye on him.

"Griffith?" She called, rapping her knuckles on his bedroom door. "It's Casca. I just...wanted to see how you're doing. Make sure you're okay." She struggled with the words in her mouth as though they were chewed fat, sticky and awkward. A few moments passed, and in the time there was not a sound to be heard from the other side of the door. She went to tap the wood again with the back of her hand, but stopped when he finally responded.

"Come here." He called back quietly, his voice surprisingly even, though he sounded a little raspy. Casca paused, her intuition finding some issue with the invitation. It wasn't the stunning formality she was used to, and though that made her happy on some level, that he would drop the ruse to invite her in, it also heightened her concern. She shook the nerves away and opened the door - to find a sight she'd of better assumed to be the work of a determined house theif than the man before her.

Papers were strewn about everywhere, his desk where they had presumably been settled was wildly ajar, it's fresh-scuffed surface betraying the violence with which it was put into that position, with drawers shuddered open and edges chipped and notched. A simple, long dagger stood glinting from its splintered top, and suddenly the notches and scratches in its leading edge made a cold kind of sense. Even the curtain on his bed was ripped from its stays and had clearly been mutilated by the very same blade. 'Moving things about indeed' she surmised - but the idea was far from amusing. Instead a heavy dread settled into her gut like a stone, recognizing the handiwork of rage and pain that she would have never presumed her commander capable in this disaster of a room; she hated herself for it, but she'd of been lying if she said it didn't intimidate her, on a subconscious level. She'd never seen Griffith lose his temper, not ever, so seeing such a wanton display - accentuated by the dagger, plunged so deep into the wood he'd of had to throw his whole weight atop it - definitely scared her.

"Don't." Griffith broke the stiff, heavy silence with a small plea. "Don't be frightened of me." He looked up at her from where he stood, braced against the window ledge with his hands, his body awkwardly slumpy and clearly tired - it wasn't until then that Casca noticed that, in spite of how level he sounded, he was just as much of a wreck as the room. Young bruises and a few scrapes of blood coloured his knuckles, vivid against his milky skin. He had on his neck the faintest flush of pink and a thin veneer of sweat, and his breathing was more ragged than it sounded. But it was his eyes that truly gave him away - fading signs of bloodshot eyes and a wavering, barely-focused view told her stories of tears that had since dried and retreated from view.

And she understood, in that moment, how deeply she had underestimated his attachment - and maybe affection - to Guts.

Her thoughts were swirling. 'I knew something happened between them. Guts was so determined - and, like it or not, he was always going to win that fight. He was always going to win - you don't have the strength to best him anymore, and you both knew that; hell, if I knew that, then so did you, right? But he didn't win - why? Was it the look in your eyes when he was making the final blow? Did you show him the depth of your feelings? On accident? On purpose? Why?' Casca didn't know. But she understood - and that is what he needed right now.

Someone to understand. Someone who wouldn't judge him for the sin of being in love with the wrong person. Someone who could embrace him in spite of it. Just like before, just like that time in the river after...that, had happened.

Or, at least that's what she thought he needed.

Casca didn't have time to offer words or gesture. "Oof! What? - " she was caught off guard when Griffith suddenly threw himself at her, gathering her tightly in his arms - so tight she could barely breathe. Initially she was frightened - but his embrace was too gentle to hurt her, however hard he was squeezing, and he wasn't making any moves to lay her open or some such.

On one hand, she was pleasantly surprised; but her gut, which had been very talkative this evening, told her something was very wrong here. Griffith never initiated things like this, not with her - not with anyone that she knew of, not even Guts. A slow, semi-painful squeeze forced the air from her lungs completely and distracted her from her thoughts for a moment; but it was over as quick as it started, and he let go of her just enough to lean back and look at her face, searching for something Casca didn't know how to identify. He was always so clandestine. Not for the first time, she wondered how much of that was innate and how much he did it on purpose.

"Please," Griffith pleaded, a vague, distant, and if Casca were guessing right, jaded look in his pale eyes. "Don't be frightened of me. I am far more dangerous to myself right now than you." Casca's heart dropped at the confession, still too breathless to form a response, or even think of one. Her breath then stopped completely, heart flying unceremoniously into her throat, when Griffith's hand trailed feather-light upon her cheek, his eyes taking a darker, more subdued hue. His long, pale lashes glinted in the lamp light, and Casca felt her whole upper body flush with what was no doubt a ruddy blush.

"I want you." He breathed, bringing their faces so close she could have counted the lashes on his half-closed eyes. His hand then rested, open palmed but still so light, so gentle, upon her warming cheek. "I want you to be brave, Casca. Can you do that?" He whispered, leaning toward her other ear. She felt their cheeks brush just barely and couldn't resist a gasp as her lungs gave out from their neglect. "Can you be brave for me?" His voice held an undeniably seductive lilt this time, and Casca abruptly realised the darkish look she hadn't then recognised to be one she'd seen easily a thousand times - just not on his face. Never on his face.

"I don't...understand?" She defended weakly, her breath suddenly returning to her in heavy gasps, pulling away from him on reflex. But his arms held her fast in place, and at once pulled her closer; he then buried his face in her shoulder and neck, breathing deeply. Casca was horribly confused, and habitually a little bit scared, but her reflex to push him away left when she felt him tremble. It was slight, and if she hadn't of been looking for something like that to offer explanation to the situation, she'd of probably missed it. But it was there, a tiny, barely perceptible shaking in his shoulders that shuddered through him to his nose and jaw where he pressed them to her skin.

She didn't fight him when they started moving, a cautious curiosity feeding strange ideas in her mind as he led her to the exposed edge of his bed. When the corner pressed into the back of her thigh, suddenly she felt sparks. Was this happening? She seen him draw back and pause for a moment, before bringing up his hand to guide her face to his, silently asking permission, she presumed. She did not deny him, and met his soft, warm and surprisingly dry mouth with a mixture of elatement and apprehension.

She knew then that he didn't mean her harm, and once that was established, it was like nothing else mattered. Her mind went peacefully blank, offering him whatever it was he was asking from her - she would be his anything if it meant he went back to normal. If it meant she could be helpful. If it made her more than a sticky thorn in his side. She knew - she could sense his annoyance with her at times, could sense the shift in his disposition when he was trying to shield his emotions from her. But this... this was new. This was different. This was Griffith, in his purest, rawest form. And she wasn't going to give him any reason why he shouldn't show her more of this side of him, a side he so desperately needed to share with somebody.

Or, that was the plan, anyway.

He reached down to twine his hands with hers, kissing her neck gently, cautiously. She had no idea where this was meant to be going, but she did not resist. It wasn't worth it to resist - though if it was fear forcing that feeling upon her, it didnt make itself known. She was both calm and restless. She was elated, but also felt defeated, somehow. Like he had just won a fight she had not realised they were having.

The speed at which the kiss escalated surprised but did not disappoint her - she had always wondered why it was men blathered on about the 'taste' of a person, but she kinda understood it now; as did she understand why the previously gross notion of having someone else's tongue in her mouth was such a celebrated win among the rookies. He seemed to have a degree of skill in this endeavor, winding and twining his tongue in hers, though she dare not think how he may have acquired such experience. Their soft tongues tasted and tested each other curiously, and Casca wondered for a moment if all men tasted like this or if it was unique to him. She'd of liked to prefer the latter.

Upon meeting, Casca suddenly felt his possible intention pressing into the hollow of her hip, and a flutter of anxiety struck her like a dull sword in the chest - but it was very swiftly overwhelmed by the excitement growing from below, which roared from a dull possibility into a very different sense of reality, of proximity, as her body seemed to instinctively know what that was and what she wanted it to do to her.

She did not get much longer to ponder though before a much firmer hand than had previously touched her found the crook of her thigh below her butt, and lifted her the short distance onto the bed. It was a jarring experience, enough to break their kiss momentarily, and in nearly the same motion, he gently leaned onto her, using the hand that had been cradling her face and neck to push her back by the waist until she lied down. Before she could mutter an utterance, their lips - and tongues - resumed their business as if there had been no interruption. His hands, freed of the need to prevent her escaping, apparently, now wandered to all but her most sensitive places, tracing gentle, sensual shapes up her sides, tracing dashed lines up and down her outer thigh. It was exhilarating.

He then quite abruptly used both hands on her buttox to move her upward, higher on the bed - bringing his own hips along with, and meeting her own with a small sigh that escaped somehow between them.

She could not resist a soft moan when he moved from her lips finally to her neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses to the corner of her jaw as he simultaneously held her arms down gently beside her head, pulling back so he could push his sex into hers, pressing just until the pressure seemed it might tear through their clothes. She reacted with a tremble, sliding her legs up his flanks before entwining them around him, pulling him closer, tighter, asking for something she had, to his knowledge, never known.

He stopped, then. Froze, to be more precise - a stiff statue of his formerly passionate self. Casca looked up at him, bitterly confused, but became concerned instead when she seen the ghost of pain on his face. It wasn't physical pain, though - no, he was still pressing into her, still stiff as wood - no, this was another pain entirely, and Casca honestly understood none of it.

"You don't want this." He said morosely, with a bizzare form of authority. He turned his face away from her then, trying to hide his expression, which nonetheless betrayed the key to this sudden interruption - shame. "You don't want me to treat you like this." He half-whipsered, jaw going tight and arms stiffened from restraint.

Casca was a little dazed. "Wh- yes, I do. I would have stopped you otherwise."

"No, you wouldn't, and we both know it." He said starkly. Those words struck something in her then, sending her heart racing with - what was that? Fear? No. Panic? Why? Because she was losing her chance? Because he was now backing away from her, moving across the room with hanging head to sit as unceremoniously as she'd ever seen him sit onto the chair beside his desk? Because he was rejecting her, again? Because she wasn't good enough, again? Why then? Why offer her a taste if he was just going to rip it away like that? For what? His pride?

"Griffith, I -"

Casca desperately wanted to cry, to scream, to be angry and hurt - and she was. But the words Griffith next spoke offered respite, first in the form of feeling doubly offended, making her anger overshadow her pain for a moment: "You don't want me to treat you like a whore." He said firmly, folding in on himself.

... and then in the form of feeling a wave of regret pass over her for it, for he uttered softly, a moment later, "...I would know."

His bruised and bloody knuckles tightened around his shirt on his upper arms, a familiar coping behavior that Casca immediately recognised - and understood precisely what he meant. And it shattered any resolve she might've had to be angry at him for rejecting her.

"You should go." He interrupted. It was not phrased as a suggestion. "I...need to be alone, for a while."

Casca felt lost. One minute, they were breaths away from taking their clothes off, then she wanted to throttle him, and now he wanted her to leave?

And yet she couldn't argue with his logic, as per usual. After all, what would they have been? A single night tryst made in the throes of a passion that wasn't made for her? A union made from the desperate trappings of greif and longing? For another man, no less. She was hurt - oh, was she hurting. But she couldn't find the will to argue. He was right - maybe it was better this way. He was always right.

But she had never before wanted so, so desperately for him to be wrong.

"Thank you, Casca." Griffith said suddenly. "For checking in on me. Believe it or not, I needed that. All of that." Casca fought off a wince. He gave her a small and tired but surprisingly genuine smile, though his usually clandestine eyes now poorly hid a vicious bitterness that Casca knew was not directed at herself - he would have hid it from her otherwise, or at least tried harder. He was funny like that. In spite of everything, his smile was like a soothing balm upon her temperament, and she managed to collect herself even for just a moment. "If you...need, anything else," she fought the tremble in her voice with all her might, forcing it into her shaking hands instead. "You know where to find me." Casca didn't have the strength to look at him when she said that, turning on her heel and walking out the door without a second glance. And yet, she could almost sense the frown behind her. Almost.

She only made it a few steps before her delicate resolve came undone in rivulets, deep breaths trying to disguise sobs as she prepared to go down the stairs. But the wave of emotions would not be held back this time, and so she resolved to escape as quickly as possible, before she was noticed.

Unbeknownst to her, a young and now very confused housemaiden watched her descend.

Feel free to ask questions or comment with suggestions if you have them. I won't be able to put this whole fic up on Ao3 for a minute yet since all the scenes are out of order still, with bridges yet unwritten, so here's a taste for you. :)

[msmarvelwrites]

Season Of The Witch

Summary: Your witchy abilities get you in quite a bit of trouble from time to time… But this time you don’t mind so much. 

Pairing: Bucky x reader 

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, honestly i think that’s it. Just soft boy Bucky.

Word Count: 2k

Author's Note: I had a lot of fun writing this one. Little bit of a witchy- halloween vibe for ya guys… Honestly I’m really in love with this idea, so who knows- if you like it I might write a part 2! 

Huge Thank you to @cutie1365 for editing this mess! Couldnt have done it without her!

“Okay, okay. What colour am I thinking of now.” Peter squealed, plopping himself down on your bed, staring at you like a kid on christmas. 

Being the Avengers personal psychic has its benefits, but this was certainly not one of them. You thought your party-trick of a superpower would have grown old on your friends, and yet it always seemed to draw a crowd of non-believers. You weren't the toughest or the strongest by any means, but you sure knew your way around a person's thoughts, which proved to be an advantage to the team. Mostly you were in charge of recon, but that didn't stop Natasha from dragging you to the gym every weekend and torturing you with super hero level workouts. 

“How many more times are we going to do this, Peter?” You sighed, but soon realised he wasnt caving. “Blue. Just like last time it was orange and the time before that thirteen. Can we please stop.” 

Peter scanned you over for a moment, before relaxing back on your headboard. 

Fine, but only because Mr. Stark said he was ordering Chinese and it's probably here by now. His voice echoed through your mind. 

“Actually, I heard Wanda say he’s getting pizza.” You corrected.

“How did you-?” He paused, eyes agape as your words registered. “That is seriously cool, you know that? I mean, I hang from the walls but that- that is cool! I can see why they coined you The Witch now,” Peter playfully shouted. “Can you do that with anyone, at any time?” 

You smiled sheepishly, remembering the times your wandering mind had gotten you in some pretty uncomfortable situations. You tried your very best to stay out of your friends heads, but sometimes that was easier said than done. Especially when it came to the former Hydra assassin. His thoughts seemed to creep into your mind, seeping through the cracks unbidden. Sometimes his mind would wander aimlessly, but that wasn't always the case. You knew about Bucky’s dark past, however hearing it in his own cruel words was something else entirely. Though he would never utter the words allowed they were seared into your mind. You had every sense to avoid the man and yet his voice, like gravel and smoke, drew you in, intoxicated on his every word as it clouded around your subconscious.

“Unfortunately” You sighed, easing back into the mattress and unconsciously biting at the corner of your mouth. Your gift didnt make you very popular when you were younger. You were honestly surprised it was so welcomed here. Most people consider you an invasion of privacy...  But Peter was different from the highschool kids you grew up with. Maybe it was due to the fact he was different too, but something about the way his mind wandered made you believe that radio-active spider or not, Peter would always be Peter. 

“What does Bucky think about?” 

That knocked you out of your thoughts. You snapped your head up and looked at Peter, who only seemed to have a curious look in his eyes. 

He’s so broody and mysterious. Guy gives me the creeps. 

“Bucky is a sweetheart deep down.” You faked a smile, concerned as to why you felt the need to defend him. From an outside perspective, it was possible to fear the former Winter Soldier. However, knowing what you did haunted your nerves. 

“I’m sure very, very deep down.” Peter chuckled. “I’m going to go grab some pizza before Sam eats it all. Are you coming?” 

You smiled softly, preparing yourself for the dinner with your friends. Though you enjoyed having a sort of family, dinners together would often grow overwhelming in your mind, voices colliding though your head, brewing into a storm in your thoughts. 

“I’ll be down in a few.” With that, Peter stumbled out of your room and down the hallway leaving you with your thoughts. You closed your eyes, concentrating on the many different voices faintly echoing around you. You could only make out bits and pieces as they vibrated through the walls and all around you. At first, it was hard to identify whose voice belonged to who, but soon after you moved into the compound it became easy. 

Natasha thought in poems. Her brain was always working on the next solution- the next verse. Her mind wandered in and out of trains of thought like a dancer, drifting back and forth with ease. It was always relaxing listening in. 

Tony was constantly listening to his music wherever he went. You had an inkling it was because he knew how powerful you were. ‘Like built-in surveillance,’ he’d often say. Though, you’d never deflate his ego in letting him know you could still hear his thoughts clear as day. 

But then there was Bucky. It took you a while to understand his thoughts. They always seemed erratic and chased- never one thought all at once, but it soon became clear why. Bucky was constantly correcting himself. When his mind began to tiptoe into the darkest corners, he’d change the conversation, ushering it back to what he thought was right. Listening to his internal debates became a favourite pastime of yours. He often reminisced about his time in the forties. You liked how easy it was, listening to him think. Though you had never said more than five words to him allowed, you were content with this little part of him. Pieces only you both knew. Like the beautiful woman he would lose himself daydreaming about. The way he described her made you feel flush all over. He never thought her name, and yet it stung all the more knowing his heart was stolen. His beautiful ‘ведьма’. Not that you stood a fighting chance. Not to mention the impending age gape you both shared. Often he would find you staring and a string of curses would follow as he realised he’d be caught. You never meant to intrude, but then again, that wasn't entirely true. 

With a huff, you swung your legs off the bed letting your feet hit the cold wooden floors, but before you could even open the door, you heard him. His voice was so loud you almost didn't know if he was speaking aloud or not. 

Just do it, you punk. Walk up there and ask her. What’s the worst that could happen?.... She could plunge a knife into your back- no…. She wouldn't do that and you know it. If you ask her, she might say yes… Honestly that might he worse than- 

You swing the door open, startling Bucky back a few paces as your eyes might his. Instantly his face blooms with pink as his mind races- his thoughts an incoherent mess. 

“Hi Bucky.” You spoke only above a whisper. 

“Oh jesus! I didn't know you were right there.” He mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck trying to steady his breathing. 

“Sorry…” You mumbled, breaking eye contact and suddenly finding the floor very interesting. “I didn mean to scare you-”

“You don’t- I mean, you didn't scare me.” He chuckled, his mind suddenly blank. “It doesn't matter right now because I, uh… I was wondering if you're coming for dinner.” 

You nodded your head, “Yeah, on my way now.” You smiled softly. 

“Great,” Bucky grinned, running his hand through his cropped hair and stepping aside. “I can walk with you.” 

You nodded, swallowing hard as you swung the door shut and began walking side by side with Bucky in heavy silence. 

“Know what’s for dinner?” Bucky finally spoke. 

“Pizza. Your favourite.” You affirmed, meeting his curious eyes. His strides slowed until he was at a full stop. 

“I never told you that.” He pried, looking at your in question. 

You froze, suddenly aware of what you had just said. There was nothing more you wanted than to sink into the floor and let the earth swallow you whole. 

“Uh,” You nervously laughed, “You must have at some point. Yeah, I remember now, it was-”

“How often do you listen?” he interrupted, making your mouth clamp shut. 

You thought about lying, though it didn't seem right. You knew all his secrets and all he asked was this one. Surely you could grant him that even if it cost a punch to the ego.

“All the time,” You started, your eyes never leaving the floor. “I don’t mean to. At least that’s the way it started. I really try to put you guys all on ‘mute’ when we're together, but your voice always comes through. I don't know what it is, but I like the way you think.” You admitted, feeling heat rising from your chest.

“You like the way I think?” He pried, taking a few steps closer to you. You could feel the tension buzzing around the hallway, ricocheting off the walls and exploding all around you. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so embarrassed. It's such an invasion of privacy. You must hate me. I promise I won't tell anyone about the things I hear. Especially her.” 

“Her?” He chuckled, taking another step toward you leaving only a few tiles between the two of you. 

“Ведьма.” You choked out. “You think about her all the time. She sounds beautiful, by the way. I’m sorry, that's overstepping… I just, I’m sorry. Really I’ll just go-”

Before you could turn on your heel and run for the hills, Bucky's hands were around your wrists, holding you still. His eyes were pleading as he opened he opened and shut his mouth trying to find the right words to say. 

“For a witch, you sure aren’t very intuitive.” Bucky signed, your eyes finally landing on his.  “My beautiful witch, don’t know by now?” 

You blinked at him, your mouth suddenly dry and words caught in your throat. Before you could speak, his thoughts broke through the air, tumbling around you. 

Are you listening, doll? His voice echoed around you sending a shiver down your spine. You nodded your head, watching as his eyes crinkled up as he a lopsided grin formed on his pink lips. 

It’s you. It’s always you. I've tried to stop, trust me. I just can’t seem to shake it.

You almost didn't notice the smile that began to pull at the corners of your mouth as you took in his words. They drifted in the air around you, echoing through your mind as Bucky’s thumbs rubbed circles into your skin. 

“Ask me.” You spoke up, a sudden confidence serging through your core. Bucky raised a brow, scanning you over until your words resonated with him. 

“Right, of course.” He cleared his throat, letting go of your hands and intertwining his own nervously. “Would you ever consider letting me take you out. To dinner, maybe?”

You bit down on your bottom lip to stop yourself from giggling as you listened to his internal monologue of nerves that followed his question. 

“Took you long enough.” You chuckled, watching as his smile lit up the room around you. Before you could stop yourself you closed the distance between you, draping your arms around his shoulders and crashing your lips onto his. Bucky froze, but almost as instantly melted into you, his hands finding their home on your hips as he pulled you in. You wanted nothing more than to melt into him but his racing thoughts swirled around you, causing a giggle to fall from your lips. 

Holy Shit. Kiss her back, you moron. Oh god she smells so good. What is that? Cinnamon? Citrus? Shit, she's so close to me. Don't panic. Don't panic. Fuck she feels good. Just relax, and- Oh shit. Can you hear me? 

You couldn't help but throw your head back, laughter bubbling out of your chest as his thoughts raced through his head. 

“I can tell you're going to be a lot of fun, Barnes” You mumbled against his lips.

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A/n: Nervous Bucky is my favourite can you tell? I loved this one, show some love if you felt the same! 

@cutie1365    @whateveriwant

@projectcampbell    @kalesrebellion

@calwitch     @hpandmcu177a

[mrs-mikko-rantanen]

Happy Hunger Games

Just the Renegade Archangels cast for now, I may do other WIPs later though! I've been hyperfixating a bit, so here you guys go. (Gonna pretend that they all competed separate years, unless otherwise stated)

Nyar

District: 2

Weapon of choice: twin hatchets, sword

Token: his sister's Signet ring

(She was a fallen tribute the year before. Made it to the final three, was expected to win, went out on purpose; giving the Capitol a big ol middle finger)

Volunteer

(To atone for his sister's blatant act of rebellion)

Victor

Typical Career tribute. Brutal, establishes his dominance as the alpha of the Career pack very quickly. Trusts no one.

Final three are all part of the career pack.

He makes quick work of it, and its brutal.

He quickly becomes a Capitol favorite. Not just as a returning mentor, but as a tribute before the Games.

Polite and Charismatic, not to mention attractive, sponsorships came easy.

Frequently interviewed in following Games, usually to discuss strategy and make predictions.

Carina

District: 1

Weapon of choice: caltrop

Token: Crystal hair clip

Victor

Fit in naturally at the Capitol, like most District 1 tributes.

Teamed up with the rest of the Careers until the last 5. She then slipped away while she was keeping watch (slit the District 4 boy's throat on her way out)

Set traps, lived off Sponsor gifts, mostly hid the rest of the Game

Ewan

District: 4

Weapon of choice: spear/trident

Token: mother's necklace

Volunteer

Victor

Was a little on the gruff/quiet side in the interviews. Calculating. Clearly sizing everyone up for a fight.

In the Arena, he fought through the blood bath for some supplies and a spear, then took to ...not exactly hiding

He just went lone wolf

Kept to himself mostly. Fought anyone who crossed his path, but didn't actively seek anyone out until the final three

As a Victor, he really just tried to stay out of the spotlight

Adair

District: 4

Weapon of choice: poison/bow and arrow

Token: doesn't really show it, but its a small, smooth stone that Peadar gave to him.

Won the year after his brother.

As soon as his name was called, he and Ewan knew something was up. The Capitol wanted a show, back to back family victors? Besides, Ewan hadn't exactly been...cooperative. None if their family had been.

Was a bit more personable than his brother was. Where Ewan had been raised eyebrows, calculating looks, and an occasional smirk; Adair was disarming smiles, friendly laughs, left the stage promising to "see you all again soon!"

Like Ewan, he didnt team up with the other Careers.

Like Katniss, he sorta stuck with a few of the younger tributes. He was almost like a Peter Pan. Fed them, Protected them. Cried when each of them got picked off. Was fully intending to get at least one of them to the final two, then slip away to take some nightlock so that the kid could win.

Once the last of the young tributes was gone, it was like a switch flipped.

He started acting more like his brother: cold, distant, calculating. A hunter. Began to hunt, poisoned the last tributes, except for the ones he had to fight.

Showed in his interviews after. He still smiled, he still cracked jokes....but They were darker. His voice harder, his eyes colder.

As a Victor? He joined Ewan in the early days of the rebellion. Waiting for a Mockingjay.

Did everything he could to make sure his little brothers would be ready when-if- their names got called

Avanda

District: 4 (I can't help it, District 4 just kinda gives off Keridwen Vibes)

Weapon of choice: glaive guisarme. (Check this out on Forged in Fire if you wanna see a dope af (and slightly unsettling) badass weapon. Tw: ballistics dummy, gore, violence) lowkey tho this may be her new canon weapon too

Token: a necklace given to her by her sponsor 👀 👀

Victor

Went a little...ya know

The Games hurt her. Bad.

She got a lot of pity sponsors, panic attacks, crying, didn't really seem like Victor material.

Well. Not always anyway. When she wasn't having a break down then she was scary. The scariest tribute the games had seen in a long time.

Made it out alive, a bloodbath on both ends of the games. They nickname her the Bookends Victor because of it.

She and Ewan are a little like Annie and Finnick.

For the most part, Ewan is able to keep her out of the Capitol's spotlight. Between he and Adair, the two of them keep her safe.

[5-seconds-of-fuck-me-please]

I Do. (Post 1/2) (part 1 of ?)

Ashton.

"I just want a nice, normal guy to sweep me off my feet, and support my carmel vanilla coffee addiction. Is that so much to ask?!"

My best friend gave me an amused glance before dropping her gaze back towards her phone. I swear, that girl could hold two conversations face to face, surf facebook, and hold a buisness Skype call, all at the same time. A.D.D., they name is Rae.

"I've set you up on five dates so far, and you havent lasted longer then ten minutes with any of them," she countered. "So how about this...you tell me your dream guy, and I'll work off of that."

I sighed, tapping my foot nervously against the metal rung of the coffee shop table. I was always fidgeting. Whether it was shaking my foot, drumming my nails along the table, or pacing aimlessly around, I was always moving.

"I don't know," I sighed out on a breath. Picking up my iced vanilla, butterscotch, and chai latte, I took a sip before responding. "Dont you know anyone that actually has a life?"

Rae glanced up at me, cocking an eyebrow. "A life? Like, the other 5 were dead?"

I groaned. "The first guy had the ambition of a goldfish. Second guy wanted me to move into his mother's basement with him. Third guy was perfectly content to be a cashier th erest of his life and didnt want to even think about making more than minimum wage or he would loose government assistance.....shall I go on?"

Rae gave a throaty chuckle, causing three random guys to stop their conversations and look her way. She just had that way about her.

"Tell you what," she mused out loud. "Since the last five was a complete disaster, and I thought they would have been perfect for you, the next guy I pick will be the one who I think you'll hate the most. So.... Here's what I want from you. You pick what you want him to wear. You pick if you want flowers or not. And you pick the place to meet for drinks, dinner, movie...whatever. deal?"

I thought about it for a moment, the shrugged. "Fine. I want to come here. This coffee shop. No flowers. No expectations. I'll even pay for the both of our drinks. But he has to have a job. A good job. Or at least have a goal in mind," I amended.

Rae nodded. "Tell me more. Actually, tell me your dream. What's your fantasy date for this coffee. Close your eyes and describe the guy to me. What is he wearing. What does he look like. What is he drinking?"

I laughed, but saw the amusement in her eyes. Deciding to play along, I closed my eyes and tilted my head slightly back.

"White button down shirt with the sleeves rolled back a bit. Nice jeans, probably faded with a hole in the leg," I laughed out. "Gorgeous smile because he laughs a whole lot and has an amazing sense of humor. Eyes that are kind and sparkle. Shaggy hair that probably falls into his eyes...." I trailed off.

"Sounds like quite the catch," Rae laughed out on a breath. She sounded amused, which kind of worried me a bit.

I opened my eyes and glanced at her. "Why do you sound like you just ate a canary?"

Rae's eyes sparkled as she tried to suppress a smile. "I know who would be perfect for you, and...he should be here in about two minutes."

My jaw dropped to the floor. "What?! Theres no way you could have called someone and set it up so fast. You had this planned!" I shrieked. Not because she set me up, but because she didnt warn me.

I was dressed in my -I dont give a shit, today is my day off- clothes. A pair of faded dark grey sweatpants with a hole in the left knee, dark green jumper with a faded brand logo running down the arm, and hair unbrushed and tossed into a messy bun. Plus I was still wearing yesterdays makeup which had faded to a lovely raccoon inspired look.

"This wasnt a setup," she argued lovingly, tossing her hands up to her side quickly. "Swear it. You know i was meeting a few friends here today. One of them would be perfect for you."

I eyed her warily. "The so-called friends that are mysteriously out of the country doing something tha you refuse to tell me, along with their names? The ones who you are best friends with...yet I know nothing about, and we have been best friends since middle school?!" I mused, scrunching my nose up at the thought.

Granted, my and Rae are best friends for over 15 years now, but there was a random 2 year period where were were heavily into the party and drug scene. We kinda split ways and didnt talk for 2 years, then both of us, separately, decided to get our lives in order and somehow reconnected as if nothing had happened.

Strange how life works out.

"They aren't...." I trailed off.

"They were, " she nodded. "Not anymore tho. I used to hang out and binge with them tho. They cleaned their lives up as well. Just took them longer."

I nodded, glancing down at my almost empty iced coffee as I dragged my nails along the styrofoam, making patterns on the cup. "I'm willing to give it a go I guess. Coffee never hurt anyone, right?"

"Right," she agreed, glancing down once again to her phone to resume whatever multi-conversation she was having.

I didnt realize until a few minutes later that I was humming and singing along the the songs playing over the cafe speakers.

"Do you like this band?" She asked randomly, not taking her focus from her phone.

"Love them," I remarked, not really paying attention. "I just got their new album yesterday actually."

She made a small chuckle. "Let me guess then...you were always a guitar or lead singer chick. So.... Luke?"

I grinned, breaking my gaze away from all the pretty little designs my nails etched into my now empty coffee cup. " Usually , yes you would have been correct. And while he is hot, as is the othe guitarist...my heart lies elsewhere in the band."

"Bassist?" She chanced, finally placing her phone down and looking up. Her eyes darted over my shoulder, then came back to focus on my face. A grin broke out, smile so wide it reminded me of the Cheshire cat.

"Um, nooo," I drawled. "I actually seemed to be drawn to.....why the hell are you staring a time like that?!" I asked, breaking the conversation. "You look fucking creepy."

Her eyes seemed to dart over my shoulder again to where the cashier counter was, then back to me again. "So the drummer then?" She mused, not bothering to hide the grin. "You have a thing for the drummer?"

I continued to stare at her, trying to puzzle out what the hell was making her act so weird. "Yeah...?" I dragged out.

"Hmmm, and why would that be? I'm honestly curious. Usually you always go for the guitar rock-God type for looks."

I cocked my head to the side. "You really want an answer?"

Rae grinned again. Nodding her head emphatically. "Oh yes. Please, by all means."

I shrugged, taking the last small sip from my coffee. "He always seemed the most put together. Knows how to laugh, but always seems polite. Has an amazing voice, but would rather be in the background playing his heart out. And he gives out total Daddy vibes," I joked. "Plus, he is seriously hot. They all are in that band actually."

Rae burst out laughing, covering her mouth with both hands. I swear, tears started to form in her eyes.

I just stared at her. "Seriously Rae, what has gotten into you today?! What's so funny?"

Her eyes darted behind me once again, but this time she nodded. I didnt even have a chance to turn around to see what she was looking at before an arm snaking over my shoulder, placing a styrofoam cup in front of me.

"You can call me Daddy if you feel the need to, but I prefer Ashton on a first date," a voice said.

I closed my eyes tightly, slowly opening them as panic filled me. My eyes traveled from the coffee, up to a bare forearm dusted in dark golden hair, to a shoulder and chest that had a white button shirt...sleeves rolled back.

Damn, but did Rae tell him how to dress?

He smirked at my dazed expression, while Rae finally got herself under control. "I didnt tell him," she rasped out, still trying to hide the amusement as she spoke. " He really was randomly dressed like that to come here."

Ashton raised a brow as he pulled up a chair, leaning over to give Rae a quick one-armed hug before sitting on the chair backwards between us.

He reached over, palm up while smiling at me. "She did however, demand that I randomly walk in and order you a vanilla butterscotch coffee without even telling me your name, or why I was buying you one. I'm being set up on a date, I take it?" He questioned again, glancing to Rae for affirmation before looking back at me, then down to his still extended hand. "Do I get a name? Or should I introduce myself again?"

I shook my head, trying to snap out of the surreal experience going on. Placing my hand in his, I cleared my throat. "You're Daddy, right?" I smirked, trying to fight the blush rising on my face. God, but do I hope he can take the joke.

His face split into a grin, laugh bursting out of his lips. "I like her," he chuckled, looking over to Rae. " This one actually knows what a joke is."

I grinned at that as he looked back at me. "I take it that Rae has tried setting you up before as well?" I questioned.

He nodded, a faint smile still gracing his lips. "One girl who decided living in her car way her dream goal. One who only ate foods that were yellow. And one who wanted to be a psychologist because she didnt understand how people laughed or why we smile at things."

My eyes went wide. "Wow. And here I thought I had it bad with the guy who only showered on days it rained cause that's how the bathtub got refilled."

Ashton let out another bark of laughter, breaking eye contact to speak to Rae once again. " You suck at setting people up. You know that?"

She raised a brow at that, stopping her cup of coffee in mid air before she could take a sip. "Oh, so should I not have introduced the two of you?" She asked, feigning a look of hurt. "And here I thought you were getting along fairly well."

Ashton shook his head. "Are you kidding me? this girl is horrible! Wont tell me her name, wont call me by mine, and she laughs at everything I say!" He rambled out. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, but he didnt stop looking at her.

"And he isnt the greatest catch either, " I added. "Eavesdropped a private conversation, assumed I wanted him to pay for something. I didn't ask for without asking me. And he wont let me go," I added, flicking my gaze down to our still entwined hands.

Rae nodded, a huge, fake sight escaping past her parted lips. " okay, I give up. Sorry to waste your time, Ash. I'll take her home and be back in a few minutes to catch up with you all. I assume the others are on the way?" She asked, standing up and motioning for me to follow.

Ashton shook his head. " They are on the way. But you cant take her."

Without warning, he turned and licked a wet line up my jaw. "I licked her. Shes mine now."

My jaw dropped open, but rae looked amused. "Are you gunna pee on her too?"

He turned to look at me finally, slightly swaying our hands back and forth. "Is that your kink?"

"What?! No! Why would you ask that?!"

He shrugged. "Well, I know you have a Daddy kink, just had to be sure."

"I do NOT have a Daddy kink!" I hissed out, trying to pull my hand out from his grasp. "And why the hell did you lick me?"

He was having none of it. Keeping hold of my hand, he slowly brought it up to his lips and kissed the back of my hand before finally releasing his hold. "Cause I wanted to see what you tasted like. Vanilla, I like it." He winked.

"You do have a daddy kink," Rae interjected, laughing through her words. "I'm going to go get another coffee and grab 2 other tables for the guys. You two enjoy yourselves."

Ashton glanced at me before looking at Rae. "If I did that, we would be arrested and barred from this shop."

I think my heart stopped. Was I breathing?

"Mind if I go grab myself a drink?"

I blinked, trying to focus on his face once again. "Didn't you just order one while you were up there?"

He shook his head. "Only ordered yours. I wasnt sure if I wanted to stay once she told me she had a girl with her for me to meet."

"And now you are sure you want to stay?" I questioned.

He smiled. A sweet smile that lit up his eyes. "I think you are fucking perfect."

I blushed at that. "Yeah, right. Cause messy girl with raccoon eyes in your kink, right?"

He gave me an amusing look. "Like a guy in jeans and a white shirt is yours?" He retorted. A small sigh left his lips as he pulled out his phone and scrolled through a few messages. Once he found what he was looking for, he stopped and put the phone down on the table in front of me.

Raelyn- her fantasy sounds like you, in a white button down and a pair of worn out skinny Jean's. Just get your asses here!

Ash-and you are so sure I would like her? I sisnt agree to another date with your wacky high maintenance friends. They just want a sugar daddy.

Raelyn- shes sitting here in pajamas, messy hair, and yesterdays makeup. And she insists on buying our coffees every week. Still wanna pass her up?

Ash- ....be there in 5.

Raelyn- get her a butterscotch vanilla iced coffee.

Ash- thought she didnt want people to buy her shit?

Raelyn- then get it for me.

Ash- do I have to buy flowers or anything?

Raelyn- only if you want her to hit you with them.

Ash- I like her already.

I glanced up at Ashton, a small smile gracing my face. "So I guess it's my turn to buy you a coffee?"

He shrugged, swinging his leg back over the chair to sit down backwards on it once again. "If you insist. Pick whatever you think I would like."

I grinned this time. " whipped cream, cherries, and handcuffs?" I joked.

He beamed at me. "Nah, that's the second date. And woulsnt you know it....you already know what to call me then," he teased.

I laughed, walking away to get him a drink. I slid up alongside Rae, elbowing her in the side gently. "Are the other three coming?"

She smiled at me. "Yeah, be here any minute."

The barista asked up for our orders, while I pushed Rae's card back towards her. "I got them."

"That's 7 drinks you are paying for today," she reminded me.

"Glad your good at math," I remarked. "You can get the next round. And if they like me as a friend and we hang out in the future we can all take turns. If not, then I get to say that they are forever indebted to me. Win-win I say."

She shrugged, but didnt argue. "Fair play, that. I'll go shove the tables together and be back to help you carry them all."

But it wasnt her who came back over when the order was ready. It was Michael.

"HI," he practically yelled, squeezing me in a tight bear hug. "I'm Michael. Or Mike. Whatever."

"You seem overly happy to meet a stranger, " I laughed out, hugging him back just as tight before letting go.

"You made ashton happy," he shrugged, a huge smile on his face. "Anyone who can make his smile in the first few minutes of meeting him...especially lately, deserves to be treated like the fucking queen they are."

My brows shot up at that. "I'm a queen now. High praise. Does that make you the court jester?" I asked, handing him a cardboard tray with 4 drinks in it.

He grinned. "Sure. Anything else you wish me to carry, m'lady?"

I laughed and gave a curtsey. "Not at this time, good sir. Go forth and conquer the bistro que!"

Michael laughed, draping an arm across my shoulder while walking back to the now full tables. He set his 4 drinks down, then took one out of my hand and gave it to Rae before distributing the 4 he had.

"They're marked, and we all drink the same shit every time we go out," he explained. "The one you have is the only one I dont recognize so I assumed it is yours."

I shook my head and resumed my seat next to Ashton, with Luke next to me on the other side now. Michael and Calum were sat across from me. "Its for Ashton actually. He bought me my coffee and forgot to get his own."

"Trying to ditch her," Calum asked.

"Nope." Ashton stated. Simple. Direct. One word.

"Finally found a girl that will put up with your crazy-ass for longer than 10 minutes?" Like remarked.

"Gunna marry this one, mate," Ashton laughed out.

"Shit, you move fast," Michael snorted. "And here I was being engaged for over a year already. What am I doing wrong?"

"You actually asked your fiancee," Luke answered. "Ashton will just be standing in front of the magistrate with a blowup doll."

Everyone laughed, including me Ashton fake pouted, poking me in the side before lacing his fingers through mine. My heart gave a little flitter, but I didnt pull away.

"Come on, Love, you're supposed to defend our relationship!"

I chuckled. "Yes sir. Would you like to get married now, sir? I think I still have my old bicycle pump in my garage if you need it. And some duct tape in case your fiancee gets a hole."

He threw his head back and laughed, tightening his grip on my hand. Not hard, but in acknowledgment that it was a good laugh. "Fuck the lot of you."

"Damn, already cheating on me. And with three other men no less," I crooned, pouting my lips.

That caused another round of laughter.

"I think I'm in love with your girlfriend, " Calum huffed out. "She knows how to give back shit we dish out."

"Dont be hitting on my wife," Ashton fake growled. "I worked hard on this relationship!"

"Oh yeah? What's her name?" Rae jumped in, bemused laughter lacing each word.

A slow silence fell across the table, followed by abrupt laughter for everyone.

"Oh. My. God. You didnt even ask her what her name is yet?!" Michael bellowed, tears forming in his eyes. "I can see it now. The priest standing there like do you take this girl for your wife? And you being like, who's that?"

"Fuck all of you," Ashton gasped out through laughter again. "I'm gunna marry her one day and then shes gunna kick your asses for making fun of me."

I grinned, reaching over to poke my finger into his dimple. "Yeah? I'll kick their asses for you if you ask, darling." I agreed. "Just as soon as you get my attention and ask me. Oooh, right. You can't. Dont know my name," I beamed.

He threw back his head and chuckled. "Fuck you too, sweetheart," he remarked, leaning over to place a quick kiss to my cheek.

"Only if you scream my name out while you do," I joked.

"Fuck, but do I love a smart mouth," he agreed.

The conversation flowed easily. Two more rounds of drinks were bought over the course of a few hours, until the cafe was getting ready to close.

We all agreed to meet up next weekend, have enjoyed each others company and realizing the six of us were going to be amazing friends.

"Can we bring our girls next week?" Luke asked.

"Hell yeah " I agreed readily. "Me and Rae need all the help we can get against you four."

[werewolfmagic]

So, here's my playlist of my life as it has been so far. I may update it, but this is what every song on it means to me as of what was on it 30 June 2020.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9_zyjXfClT3ymeEbJNz-a3oWHgs_isWM

1. Lalasweet- So, this first area of the playlist is themed to be my foreign songs. This first one I first heard in college at Radford University. I spent a lot of my time in college walking around listening to music. This one means a lot to me because I can still feel myself walking around campus when I hear it. I see myself very clearly walking in front of the gym, heading to my sociology class in the morning with my fruity tea from Starbucks. I felt so calm back then, the pain from high school just evaporated as I listened to this song.

2. PEEP SHOW- So, this song took a lot of effort for me to find after I first heard it in college. It was written in characters and I couldnt for the life of me get it translated so I could find it on YouTube. But hey, here it is. I sang this song and the previous song to myself a lot as I walked around campus. The same image appears in my head whenever I listen to it.

3. Crossing Field- This one is a trip for me. So, Sword Art Online was my first anime way back when in high school. This is the first opening song to it. This song also got me into listening to japanese music! Sword Art still holds a special place in my heart. I actually read nearly all the books that have been published, and I've seen so much of it. Another sword art song is actually later in the playlist, and it captures more of how the anime makes me feel. This song and this anime mean so much to me. A lot of good came from anime for me.

4. Kakumei Dualism- I've never seen what this is from. But, in high school while I had to wait on my dad to pick me up, this was the first song I learned how to sing in Japanese. So, I couldnt ride the bus because people were dicks to me. I wouldnt get a seat, people would push me around and generally be assholes. So I waited in the lobby for my dad to pick me up after work every day. He got off around 5 usually, and school ended around 3:30, so I had time to kill. This song got me into trying to learn Japanese and learning how to sing!

5. Bye Bye Yesterday- Ahhhh this anime omg! The ending made me cry so hard I would highly recommend watching it. I used to listen to all of the songs from it on my way to therapy in college, so I learned how to sing this as I walked the 1 and a half mile walk I believe it was once every week after I got out of the hospital. This song and this anime give me so many good feelings and good memories.

6.Masayume Chasing- Again, great Japanese song from an amazing anime I love! I listened to this in my room a lot after my dad picked me up. I remember crying a lot while this song was on, I felt so isolated and alone. This song was beautiful to me though, and it got me into listening to BoA. I spent so many hours listening to her music in high school and college!

7. RE:make- This band was just epic to listen to. I forgot I ever found them, I just remember like jamming out to their music once I found them, and when I lost spotify premium, I sorta stopped listening to a great band.

8. Bloody Mary: I got into two bands because if Noragami. Helli Sleepwalkers was one. I used to sing Bloody Mary so often I still think I have it memorized. I sang it to myself in high school and in college, it's practically a mantra now. More on Noragami in a bit.

9. Let me hear- This is from another anime, Parasyte. Great anime, but I honestly like the band more than the anime. Two of my closest friends in high school, Rachael and Maria, I showed this song to them. I still remember sitting in Rachael's room with them, showing them this song. More on both of them when we get to some association songs, there's a lot.

10.Wagakkiband- Great band, I discovered them in high school. I actually dont know what my favourite song by them is, I cant read kanji so I could never find it. I just cried a lot to their music in high school. I would turn it up so my dad couldn't hear my cry, and I would just sob for hours.

11. History Maker- I'm not sure why, but this has always been a hopeful more lovey song to me.

12. Everything- This song means a lot to me. I discovered this band through Noragami too, I loved that anime I read so much of the manga too because season 3 still isnt out. The oral cigarettes got me through a lot, and I mean a lot. I've always actually wanted someone to sing this song to. It's a love song, I've memorized it so I can sing with the song. I've always dreamed of one day singing this to someone who means everything to me. If you ever get the chance to translate it, this song defined how I viewed love for a while. I still hope one day i can sing this song to that special someone,I just hope I get the chance to.

13. Anohona- This is a real cry song for me. Whenever I felt worthless, i would listen to this. The anime is a real tearjerker too. The line "Something must be wrong with me" resonates with me to this day. People who love each other drifting apart, and blaming yourself for it. I cried to this song for countless hours, I really feel like it defined me for so long. I'm actually listening to it as I write this and I'm already crying because of it. It just always makes me feel like there truly is something wrong with me.

14. God knows- This is a song like Everything. I really want to sing this for someone who means the world to me one day, I've practiced it so much! I hope one day I get the opportunity to sing this to who I truly love. Honestly, this feels like a song for someone who is struggling. I wish i could sing it to my love when she truly needs it most. Because yeah, "I will follow you, no matter what we go through." If you listen to this song love, please know that I feel it could mean something to you too.

15. Catch the moment- this is the other sword art song. I got to watch the movie this came from with my dad. It's one of the last things we did together before we drifted apart when I came out. We went to a super fancy restaurant that night, i had vietnamese food for the first time, and i watched an amazing movie with my dad. I really treasure that memory, and I always will. More on my dad later on.

16. Bebe- Time to change themes. These songs relate to my music career in highschool. I was in marching band, jazz band, and concert band. I played Alto Sax. I always worked towards playing this song. I got the Jimmy Dorsey Sax guide as a Christmas gift from my aunt. And I used it to get better. I never could make it to this level though. I always worked towards it but I fell short. My best in this song was the first few lines of music with no mistakes.

17. String of Pearls- My sophomore year in high school, I played the sax solo from this. It's the performance I'm most proud of. It took a lot of effort, and I fucked up when I finally did it, but I'm really proud of myself for accomplishing what I did. It made me really happy to get to do this solo.

18. Law and Order- I learned to play this on sax too! I actually wanted to perform it in concert, but I was never allowed to. This show means a lot to me. Growing up, I used to sit with my dad and watch it with him. This was way back in elementary school when we did this, and I have a lot of fond memories of watching this show with him and talking with him. It felt like we never really spent enough time together.

19. Pink Panther- I would say this song is what I'm most proud of learning on my own. I never performed it, but I did show off with it during jazz band. I was so proud of myself when I managed to growl with the song! I feel like I really nailed the style of this song.

20. Your latest trick- This is another solo I'm really proud of teaching myself! I never played it, but damnnnn I fuckin nailed it when I played it.

21. Deacon Blues- I would always suggest this song to my band director for us to play in concert. We never did do it though. I love the solo, and I spent so many hours learning how to play this song and just vibing listening to it.

22. Zoor Suit Riot- This is the song I listened to a lot during band camp one year. Band camp was always an experience, I have a lot of stories from it, but this one hurt me, and this song I associate with that pain. My dog, Jake, he was an Autralian Shepherd. He was attacked by a pit bull. He died while I was at band camp. I knew he was sick before I left, and I wanted to stay with him, but my dad convinced me I should go because if I didnt I wouldnt have been in marching band that year. I regret going. I wish I spent my dog's last day with him. He was the best dog I ever had, I raised him. My family didnt even tell me he died until a month later, they just kept saying he was with my grandfather. I really miss my dog, and this is the song that reminds me I shouldve stayed home with him.

23. Centerfold- This is the song I associate with the good side of marching band! This was a stand tune we played during football games, and I really could like dance and jump around while playing it! It was a super fun experience!

24. Radioactive- Heres the bad side of band. My junior year, there was a solo in this song in marching band. We were allowed to audition for it. I tried so hard to get an audition with my band director. He kept saying to ask him tomorrow during pre camp. I said I could come in early, or I could stay late any day, but he kept blowing it off. He said I could do it first day of band camp. I asked when I got there, he said wait until tomorrow. The next day, he gave away the solo to his favourite person, and nobody even got to audition. He just chose his favourite. That really fucked with me. My senior year of highschool, the band director picked on me a lot too. There were so many problems in band, and he always blamed me. I was yelled at because I told the drum major we had to move because the susophones would run into a car if we didnt. I was yelled at for reporting drug use. I was going to kill myself because what was my life at that point was making me miserable. This is the first time i ever cut, this was the first time i wanted to die and i was going to act on it. Maria saved me, and i quit band. More on maria below. This song just reminds me of how fucked up the whole situation was.

25. Honeybee- This is the first of my people association songs! This one is for Maria, my sister. You aren't the first person I made a list of songs for and got one from love. Maria and I had the idea first. I felt it would help us get closer as sisters! This was when we were house sitting for rachael that we did this. The first time I didnt have nightmares was when we shared a bed and snuggled together. Honeybee was one of her songs. She saved me from band. She saved me from myself. She never really understood my depression, but she always helped. Shes also who I came out to first when I came out as trans. She helped me learn how to pass as a girl, and she accepted me for me. I've always loved talking to her, she'll always be one of the people I'm closest to. Shes family. Emily is too, that's my other sister. I dont have a song for Emily sadly, but she means the world to me too. Hell, if you want to know more about any of what I'm saying or more about these people, just ask me love and I'll tell you everything. You still have my number, and you can always message me on here.

26. Mona Lisa- This is my first of two for Rachael's songs. Rachael is the second person I came out to, and she helped me along with maria. I actually ran away from home on Christmas 3 years ago. My dad's girlfriend started yelling at me and I just ran away. I texted Rachael on Christmas Eve and she came and picked me up on the side of the road. I spent Christmas that year with her family and her. I spent next christmas there too. Rachael has always helped me through a lot. She also never really understood my depression, but shes always been a good friend.

27. Fox on the run- This is Rachael's other song. She used to pick me up every morning and take me to school. We would listen to music and chill together on the car ride, and this was one of the songs. I always treasured my time with her, and I often think back on those car rides.

28.Tattered Banners- This song is for Kris. I played dnd at a shop called Mishap Games while I was in high school. Kris was one of my friends there. One of the times I ran away, she got me. I spent the night at her apartment, and she introduced me to her dad, lastweektonight, and amon amarth. When I came out to her, we traded clothes. I gave her my old boy clothes cause she liked plaid, and she gave me the clothes that were too femme for her, and it's because of her I was able to dress the way I wanted to when I came out in high school. I'll always appreciate her for that.

29. Peace of Mind- These next 4 songs are associated with my dad. This one is a positive song. I would vibe with my dad and listen to his albums when we moved out. My mom cheated on my dad while I was in high school, and I chose to stay with him. He introduced me to so much rock music. Boston was one of my favourite bands of what he showed me. I still listen to them to this day and smile and think of the time I spent with my dad. It will always make me happy knowing he chose to spend so much time with me to make sure I was taking the divorce okay.

30. Paperback writer- my dad introduced me to the Beatles too. This song struck a chord with me because I wanna write books one day lmao. I love so many more of their songs too, i had a saxophone book of their music so i can actually play a lot of Beatles on sax too!

31. Pinball wizard- Yet another good memory with my dad. He got me hooked on music from the British invasion, so the who, the stones, the animals, the kinks, so many good bands he showed me! I love the time we spent together.

32. Cats in the cradle- Heres the negative of my relationship with my dad. I feel like he never really had time for me once he met deana and before the divorce. He spent more time with me when he and my mom split up,but then he just stopped. I really hope I didnt do anything wrong. Dad, if you ever read this, I'm sorry if me resembling my mom ever hurt or anything. I'll always love you dad, please pick up and call me back dad, please? I miss talking to you, I miss my dad. I know you're busy, but please? Just 5 minutes dad, please just call me if you ever see this I miss you. I love you dad. I learned a lot from you dad. I hope I'll make you proud of me, I hope I get to see you one last time before August 14th. It might be my last chance to see you. I love you dad, I hope you're proud of me.

33. Fireflies- This is my Gillian song. She fucked me up for years. She changed me. She wanted me to be her Ashe, and Ashe wasn't me. I didnt want to be Ashe but I loved Gillian. I let her change me as a person so that I could be good enough for her, but all she ever did was block me over and over, and unblock me and insult me. I dont know why I loved her so much but I did. She just tried to change me and I didnt want to change but I did for her. There's still a part of me that struggles to remember who I was before Gillian. I hate Ashe, I hope I never become Ashe ever ever again. I really never want to struggle like that again.

34. Imitation of Life- New theme! Let's talk about periods in my life. This was the song I listened to on an up. It gave me hope surprisingly. It taught me a lot about how to approach life. If you watch the video love, it keeps focusing on different scenes going on in a clusterfuck that is life. It just looks like a normal party at first, but there's so many little stories going on as the camera focuses on different parts. This song taught me theres a lot going on I cant see, and I should approach life assuming I dont know all the details. I need to focus on different parts, and then I'll see all the little things that make life beautiful.

35. Mr. Brightside- This is another up song for me! This song really helped me learn to smile and bear it. Like, this song helped me figure out how to smile again, and that if I smile more, life gets better and better the more I smile. It was just hard sometimes. I still struggle to smile, ya know love? You made me smile again though. You really helped me love!

36. Toxic- Fuck me sideways this song. I never have been in a good relationship, and this song kinda defines that. Everyone I've been with is toxic, and I shouldn't have loved them, but I did. I just was under their control. If any of the people that hurt me read this, I forgive you. You fucked me up, but I cant hold a grudge against anyone.

37. Monster- I truly believe I am a horrible person. A monster. I have never been able to do enough for anyone. I have never been able to make everyone happy. I have never been able to help everyone. I'm a disappointment. I'm a disaster who let's down her friends. I've never done enough for people and i can never go back and fix it. I can never save everyone. I can never help everyone. I wish i could help the world, but i feel incapable of doing that.

38. Kiri- This is another cry song. I spent hours in my room after school just with this blaring and crying my eyes out. I wished someone would save me. You have saved me though, love. You saved me from myself.

39. Bad Day- Lmao this song. Every time I had a shitty day I listened to this. I listened to this song every day for at least a year straight. Every day felt like a shitty day. Every single one. I just wanted to kill myself. I'm surprised I didnt. I still dont understand how I'm alive to this day. I dont know if I'll ever know how I kept going.

40. 11 minutes- This is one of the songs I associate with being ghosted. It feels like it always happened. I would make a friend, then a week later they just left me. I felt like I would always be alone. This was my college ghosting song. I made so many friends in classes, swapped numbers, then just nothing. I never heard from any of them ever again. I really felt worthless.

41. Telephone Line- My high school ghosting song. I had so many people promise me they would stay in touch. The only people from high school that talk to me are Maria and Rachael. Everyone else just doesnt care about me. And I get it. I'm worthless. It just hurts still. One person promised we would get together next summer, then when I texted her she ignored it, and posted not even a week later how happy she was to be back with everyone from high school.

42. In love with a killer- My first of 2 link songs. It's because of him I might go to jail, but more on that below. This song I associate with the abuse from him. He held me down, and cut his name into my back. He threw me on the floor and pissed on me and made me clean it with my tongue. He beat me. He stole my phone and texted people pretending to be me and made what few friends I had hate me. I lost everyone because of him. He just beat me and belittled me. He made me use my area even though I was uncomfortable. He made me give him head on his period, this he posted on his Facebook calling me a sissy. He only referred to me as his f*gg*t or his sissy or his fairy, he never let me have friends, and he cheated on me. He told me he only married me so he could own me. I fell for him though and I dont know why. He always said if I didnt mess up he wouldnt have to hit me and it made sense. If only I was better he wouldnt hit me.

43.Designed to Kill- my second link song. I tried to leave him once before we finally ended things. He had hickies on his neck. Since I tried to escape him, he said those hickies were strangle marks. I never hurt him. Hes a fucking bodybuilder and I cant open a pickle jar. I spent a week in jail and they put me with the men because of my area. Now I'm facing felony charges even though I didnt do anything to him. I was the one being beaten. If I go to jail, I'll be going to one where the guards dont patrol. I'll be killed. I'm so scared hes going to take my life from me.

44. Because of you- This is my rape song. When I was 5 or 6 (I cant remember what age) I was molested by a high school boy named Ryan. I never understood what he did to me and I still cant unpack it emotionally. When I went to college, I was raped in my ass with a toy by a trans guy, and I was raped by a nonbinary girl. When I went to the police, they called me the rapist since a penis cant be raped, it can only rape. Someone I was with threatened to post my nudes online. This song is about all of them, and about link too. This is the song I associate with all the pain I've felt because of it, and the fear I have whenever I walk anywhere alone.

45. Call me- this is my treatment song. When I was in college, I planned to kill myself on December 15th, at 3 am, exactly 3 hours after my birthday. I planned to jump out of the window of the 5th floor of muse hall on radford campus. I told my friend mary one day and she reported me to the police. I was put under EDO and sent to a residential home. There I met some really great friends I have since lost touch with. There was a Wii with just dance there,and this was the song we did most often when we played it. That treatment place was horrible. They held me for so long, promised one on one therapy sessions every day but we never got it, and I started the worst medication. It was supposed to help me with my eating disorder by giving me an appetite. Well, I never felt full. I ate until I puked because of it. But my friends helped me, and eventually I left. I'm not sure if that place really helped me or not, but the people did. After treatment, I spent a month at Rachael's house, then a month at Maria's, then I went back to school and moved dorms. It was after I went here I was raped.

46. Bo peep- fuck this animation just made me laugh. I love creepypasta so much, and the scp foundation. Seeing my fav creepypastas made me laugh so much when I needed it. I discovered this video and song and the next one while i was with link, and this made me smile at least for a bit.

47. Bad end- the other creepypasta song. This one actually inspired a book idea! I really hope I get the chance to finish it one day, but I'm not sure if I ever will. We'll see though, right love?

48. Intergalactic- This song I just really vibed with in college. Honestly this song and the next one are grouped together. I have a hard time thinking of why i like it or what it means to me, but it does mean something to me.

49. Echo- I love this band, they wrote my all time favourite song. This is just another song I felt needed to be on my playlist but there isnt any other reason for it.

50. Drake and Josh- omg this show. I grew up loving this show! It really helped define some of my childhood and listening to this song really makes me smile a lot!

51. Take a hint- Victorious was another of those shows for me. Honestly though I included this for another reason. So, you know I'm trans. This show sorta helped me realize it when I was growing up, but I never came out or rationalized it until I talked to maria my senior year of high school. Fuck, one time growing up I was on a fashion site looking at dresses because I really loved them and thought they were super pretty and I wanted them! My brother saw and told my parents I was looking at porn. I said I was because I was embarrassed I wanted to wear a dress. I remember in kindergarten being jealous of Jaycee for wearing this really pretty purple dress. I remember growing my hair out so maybe a girl would braid my hair randomly like they did to other girls. I remember playing dress up with Samantha in kindergarten and my grandmother walking in on it and I felt so embarrassed for enjoying it. I remember wishing I could he a Disney princess. I remember taking scissors to my area and wishing if I cut it off I would be a girl instead. I remember coming out to my sister and being so afraid she would hate me for it. I felt so ashamed for how I felt. I remember being bullied when I came out. I remember being cornered in the bathroom by a group of guys and they said they would make me inti a real girl. I remember screaming and fighting until a student came in and gave me the opportunity to run. I remember going to prom and leaving in tears as people were getting dared to kiss me. I remember being driven to therapy by my friend's husband. I remember him telling me I should go back to his place cause he knows what's tr*nn**s like me like. I remember being chased to my dorm from dnd one night. I remember everyone who's ever grabbed my ass or my chest. I remember being outed to so many people by a psycho old woman and I couldnt even go pee because of her. I wish life was easier, but so many people hate me because I'm a freak.

52. Cantina- New theme! This is how nerdy I am lmao. I've always loved stuff like star wars and dnd and star trek. Honestly this song hits weird. I remember watching the original trilogy with my dad and loving it. And my best friend, colton, could play this song on clarinet. He, Andrew, and I were really close. I kinda associate this song with them. Their mom died and colton walked in on her body. They moved away and I just felt so useless to them. I could never be there for them the way they needed me, I could never help them.

53. Doctor who- I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCHHHHHH. OMG I GREW UP SO MUCH WITH THIS SHOW. This was my escape in high school. I learned how to play the theme on sax too! I just always resonated with this show and it means so much to me.

54. Moonquest- This is my nerdy theme still, but now with youtubers. I've loved the yogscast all through college. Watching their videos really helped me after I was raped. It helped me take my mind off of things. This song really makes me smile to this day because of what the yogs did for me.

55. Diggy diggy hole- this song did the same for me what moonquest did, but this group is just so important to me. I love their content and they really did help me a lot. I got to escape through their videos.

56. All the way- I grew up watching jacksepticeye, he helped me get through highschool. My Irish accent is because of him too, I still like to try and do an impression. I loved growing up watching his stuff.

57. I'm back, baby-markiplier, omg markiplier. This was my first youtuber. I subbed to him I think when I was in 6th or 7th grade, and I didnt miss a video until I lost internet after I moved to the apartment with my dad. I still watch nearly all of his videos. Hes an escape that I really appreciate. He really helps me every day, and I really wish I could meet him so I could tell him his videos helped save me.

58. Fly like a butterfly- Markiplier also inspired me a lot. He made me believe in myself, and his message really makes me want to be the best I can be. I want to accomplish my dreams, and his videos made me feel like he believed in me. I really hope I can keep striving to be the best I can be. If you've never seen his videos love, I hella recommend them, same to his other channel unus annus.

59. Everybody wants to rule the world- NSP. Ninja Sex Party. Lmao this band. It's a rock comedy group. This song means a lot to me. It felt really inspirational when I heard it. NSP also has a really wholesome message behind them, and I believe in myself because of them too.

60. Party of 3- another amazing song by them. After I was raped, I really escaped into their music. And when I had a rough go of it in high school, I escaped to their music. They've always been a sort of relaxation band for me.

61. Baby, NYC- I actually got to see TWRP, Starbomb. And NSP perform in silver spring Maryland. It was one of the last things my dad and I did together, the other being watch thr sword art movie together. This band just means so much to me. I could've only used one song from them and gotten the same message across, but they're so important I felt like I needed more than one. I hope that makes sense love.

62. Smash- starbomb also means a lot to me. I remember the mornings my dad drove me to school I would listen to them on the way there with him. Their music was always really funny to me too, and I love the games they parodied.

63. Rivers in the desert- time for my nerdy videogame theme! Persona 5 royal is my favourite game of all time. The story is really moving, the characters are really well written (yusuke is bae), and it was just such a great experience to play. If you ever get the chance to play it love, I highly recommend it. Fuck I cried so much while playing it, it just means so much to me it's so good, in my opinion it's the perfect game for me.

64. Fairest one of all- This song I heard from SCGMD4! It's a rhythm game, and I've always wanted to show this song to someone I love.

65. Hollywise- this song is from Super Crazy Guitar Maniac Deluxe either 2 or 3. It also means a lot to me. This game series got me into rhythm games, and I spent so many hours on Kongregate just playing games like this. Before steam, this was my gaming website.

66. Cat- minecraft. Oh minecraft. I have so many fond memories of doing a LAN party at a friend's house or just playing modded with my lil friend group in high school. It's such a relaxing game, I can just mine for hours and just chill talking to someone. I love building villages too!

67. Zelda theme- I can play this on sax too! I loved watching the game grumps play the legend of zelda games, and I've always had a soft spot for them. I just kinda grew up with this series.

68. Evil woman- This song I remember from GTA IV. That game got me through some shit too, I honestly loved the story in it and it made me feel really good going through the story. It felt so real in a way. I played through it so many times.

69. Top secret- I watched patrckstatic play Maize. It's a really funny game and it made me laugh so hard! I still think of it whenever I listen to this song.

70. Skyrim theme- I sunk so many hours into skyrim. It felt a little samish after awhile, but it was still a great game!

71. Halo theme- Halo 3 was one of my first ever games after the gamecube. Now, why did I include so many short blurbs from video games? I didnt exactly write paragraphs about these like my previous songs. Well, gaming was and still is how I connect with a lot of people. I made friends in Britain, Lousiana, Portland, New York, I still keep in touch with some people through games, gaming has just always been a social thing for me and I grew up playing video games with friends. This music helps me remember that.

72. Wolf blood- this is my dnd song. In high school, I ran dnd club. I taught so many people how to play! I also went to a store I mentioned earlier, Mishap Games, and I played all day, every Saturday, for about 3 years. I played online and I ran groups. I played in college at radford. Dnd was my escape from life, where i could pretend to be some hero or villain character. I didnt have to be eden, I could just play a game with friends. I felt really good playing with people! If you ever wanna learn how to play love, or play together or anything, definitely let me know! I'd love to share a game I'm in love with with you!

73. Finally, Jump Up, Super Star- This is my favourite song. I've always wanted to show this song to someone and tell them how much I loved them. I've always wanted to show this song to someone who's more important to me than anyone else in the world. I've always wanted to show this song to someone who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and make them happy. I want to show this song to someone I'll always be there for. I wanted to show this song to someone I wanted to jump up with, without a care, someone I wanted to go on the odyssey of life with! My first ever post was me dancing to this song. This song means the world to me love. I really want you to know I'll always be there for you for as long as I'm alive. You mean the world to me. Come on, jump up in the air. Jump up because you know I'll be there for you. Everything will always be okay. I'm here for you. I know you're going through a rough patch love, but I'm here for you.

EDIT: 74. The Last Unicorn- This is the song from the movie the last unicorn. It's my favourite book of all time, it made me cry so hard! It's an amazing fantasy book that turns some tropes on it's head. It is a fantastic read I would 100% recommend so I dont want to spoil anything it's just amazing.

Now, why did I decide to post all of this today? Well I want you to know more about who I am, and what defines me. I hope I can get some explanations on the songs from your playlist too if you're ever up for it. I just wanted to share with you who I am. And I wanted a record of how I've felt to live on after I'm gone, if I do go away in August. Maybe you'll look back on my playlist and smile and remember me? Maybe Jump up will give you hope like it gives me. Maybe you can smile and jump up and just not have a care in the world. I really hope that songs has some meaning to you like it has for me, love.

Love always,

Eden ♥️♥️♥️♥️

[princessofthenight-sky]

I would like to start off by saying thank you for being so civil in this conversation! Even though we agree on a lot, we do disagree on a lot and its just so refreshing to be able to discuss without someone trashing your opinions and actually discussing.

I think it just depends on the reader for sure and how they interpret a story. Everyone is going to have different views on characters and stories. And I think of some of that has to do with age as you've said. I'm 27 and yes there are some flaws as you've said but I still enjoy the story for what is there.

I think it's funny that your ranking of the books is so VASTLY different than mine 😂 but that is gonna happen! I'm sure if we did the ranking for HP our might be different LOL

1) Emire of Storms

2) Kingdom of Ash

3) Queen of Shadows

4) Heir of Fire

5) Assassin's Blade

6) Crown of Midnight

7)Throne of Glass

8) Tower of Dawn

I never once got the "I'm the hero love me love me" vibe from aelin. To me it just felt like this girl who had to grow up real quick and she didnt really have much choice in her destiny so she did the best she could. I think the fact that so many people supported Aelin while she was still Celaena pushed her to do more. Nehemia pushed her to be more. I think if it weren't for all these other people she probably would have been content as Celaena and been with Chaol.

I do not disagree that in comparison Rowan's arc is much weaker than say Dorian's or Chaol's. But I still love Rowan probably for who he is to Aelin. But yes Dorian is a much better character with a fantastic arc. The fact that SJM could take a character I felt neither here nor there for in ToG and made me root for him by KoA is amazing. I honestly would love a Dorian spinoff where he needs to rebuild his kingdom after the events of KoA.

I agree that SJM focused more on romance than friendship. Those romantic couples got more scenes but I also dont think it diminishes the platonic relationships. I also think some of those romantic couples were best friends too. When I read Heir of Fire the first time, I did not think Aelin would end up with Rowan at all. I did not feel the pull or romantic charge until QoS. So I think it's important to show how Rowan and Aelin were friends first. I think Celaena and Chaol were also friends first before their romantic arc in CoM.

And I just dont like Chaol. I cant help it. I've tried to like him. Ive re read these books so many times and just cant. It's why the books where he is prominent are so low on my list 😂

Thoughts on the Throne of Glass book series by Sarah J. Maas

Warning: This post contains spoilers for the entire Throne of Glass series.

Recently, I finished the seventh and final book in the Throne of Glass series, Kingdom of Ash (KoA), and wanted to share my overall thoughts on this series. There’s no coherence to this, it’s just a bunch of my thoughts and feelings after finishing the series. I may be tempted to write something more structured, if anyone would be interested in reading, so let me know if you are. 

Because I’m lazy I’ll be using abbreviations for all of the books, so here’s a list for reference:

Book 1: Throne of Glass (ToG) Book 2: Crown of Midnight (CoM) Book 3: Heir of Fire (HoF) Book 4: Queen of Shadows (QoS) Book 5: Empire of Storms (EoS) Book 6: Tower of Dawn (ToD) Book 7: Kingdom of Ash (KoA)

Overall KoA was such a disappointment. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I still expected more. It felt like Maas played it very safe. 

I can’t believe I ever disliked Manon. She by far has one of the best arcs from the series and ended up being near the top of my favourite characters list. If she’d have been the main heroine instead of Aelin, I think I would’ve enjoyed the series 10 times more. 

Aelin, Dorian and Chaol will always be the original ot3. The fact that Maas actually acknowledged the important of them in KoA made me so happy (yes, I cried). 

On the subject of tears, I cried 3 times whilst reading this series all of them during KoA. They were - Dorian and Chaol’s reunion, Chaol and Aelin’s reunion and their final goodbyes. Like I said, I’m a sucker for this original ot3. 

ToD took me by surprise. I was tempted to skip it because I’d been bitterly disappointed by EoS and wasn’t that interested in Chaol by that point, despite him being one of my faves in the first 3 books. But boy, oh boy, I’m so glad I decided to commit to reading it. It actually ended up being in my top 3 faves from the entire series. It still saddens me when I see how many readers skipped this installment. Also, joke’s on you because if you miss ToD you miss vital character introductions and developments that are pivotal in KoA. 

I tried to like Aeidon, I really, really did. But I just don’t. Although I could sympathise with him, he consistently irritated and bored me. Lysandra deserved soooo much better. It still surprises me that Maas claims Lysandra is her favourite character from the series yet she forces her into this mediocre romance with one of the flattest characters in the series…

Let’s be real here - Maas knows how to write YA fantasy romance and she does it well. But why does every single damn romance read exactly the same? The only one that stood out to me as being unique and authentic was Chaol and Yrene. All the others were the same het relationships with the strong, possessive, jealous male and the spunky, sassy female that stands up to him but inevitably falls into bed with him because he’s so irresistable. Except for Aelin and Rowan and Chaol and Yrene, all of the other romances felt forced. 

Remaining on that subject for a moment, what was with Dorian and Manon? I love Dorian and I love Manon, but as a couple they just don’t make sense. They have an interesting dynamic and a unique bond, but I don’t see it as being romantic what-so-ever. I still can’t let go of my “Manon is gay” headcanon.

It was kinda sad that Maas gave so much focus to the romantic relationships in the book when she had so many amazing platonic relationships that were shoved into the background. Aelin and Nehemia; Dorian and Chaol; Aelin and Lysandra, Manon and Elide; Aelin and Elide; Aelin and Fenrys; Manon and Asterin; Manon and Abraxos (a personal fave); Aelin and Dorian; Yrene and Elide, and the list could continue. 

Yrene Towers is an amazing character. It took me by surprise how much I ended up loving her and KoA solidified that. I couldn’t have chosen a better partner for Chaol. 

Generally, ToD was so good. I know I’ve already said this, but it’s worth mentioning again. 

I didn’t like ToG and struggled to get through it, but I saw potential for the universe and the characters, so continued on to CoM and was blown away. There’s no doubt that CoM is the best book in the series for me. It was on a completely different level. 

I wasn’t particularly a huge Aelin/Chaol shipper, but the way that Maas disrespected them in QoS left a bad taste in my mouth. I understood the development of Aelin’s feelings for Rowan in HoF and I was even on-board with it, but to then pretend like her feelings for Chaol never existed or that she’d thought her feelings were real but then realised they weren’t was such a cop out. Aelin truly loved Chaol, and it was just retconning to pretend any different. I didn’t actually feel like we got resolution to the Aelin/Chaol relationship until ToD (one of many reasons why ToD is so great). 

Rowan had absolutley no personality after HoF. He essentially became an Aelin cheerleader warrior whose entire existence and purpose was Aelin. It’s a shame, because I really liked him when he was first introduced in HoF. 

Manon and Abraxos gave me all the feels time and time again. The fighting scene in KoA almost killed me. It definitley gave me Daenerys/Drogon feels. 

I liked Lysandra but she was just used as a plot device. Again, it’s hard to believe Maas considers her her favourite character. She suffered such a huge injustice. 

I can’t help but appreciate how much this universe developed from where it began. I didn’t have any expectations but it still went way beyond anything I could’ve imagined (even if I was disappointed with the ending). 

It still makes me sad and kinda angry that the only person that really sacrificed anything significant in the end was Manon. She deserved better. 

I like everybody else noticed the complete lack of representation of all kinds in this book. SJM tried to respond to these complaints, but they were pretty pitiful and felt very JKR-esque. But I love the fans for creating stunning fanart that captures more diversity. 

It also seems relevant here to talk about how much I loved the fact that the female characters were so strong and got so much focus throughout the series. 

It still bugs me that Celaena was kind of erased from HoF onwards in order to pave the way for the Aelin/Rowan romance. 

I appreciated how much effort SJM put into writing Aelin and how complex she was, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t like her. The incessant Aelin fan-girling within the narrative was overbearing. There’s only so much, “I am Aelin Gathyrius, Heir of Fire, Queen of Everything and I will not be afraid” before it gets repetitive and annoying. Not to mention the fact that every single character seemed to think the sun shined out of her ass no matter how much she fucked up.

Nesryn was the most pointless POV character in the series. I honestly don’t know why SJM wasted so many words on her. She had no personality, no development and added nothing of value to the story. If she’d have been removed the story would’ve been exactly the same. 

After QoS I feared that Dorian was never going to be fully utilised or appreciated by SJM, but she didn’t let me down. I loved his arc in KoA. I still feel that he had more potential but I was happy with how his story ended considering where it was in previous installments.

I could say more, but I think that’s enough for now. Overall this series was so flawed, but I can’t deny its entertainment value. I got sucked into the universe and became invested in the characters and their relationships. Even when I hit a bump in the road, I couldn’t give up on seeing it through to the end and I’ll carry these characters with me for a long time.