#i've spent the last 6 days like. paralyzed because I'm just WAITING
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my cat's surgery is scheduled and the recovery will be. pretty intense
#i have to do little physical therapy exercises with him three times a day#which. fine? i can do that#but he has to be confined to a small area where he cannot run or jump for 3 whole months#and that shit is going to be ROUGH#a week? sucks but i could handle it#THREE MONTHS?? of my little boy not being able to move and having to be in a cone?#i've spent the last 6 days like. paralyzed because I'm just WAITING#waiting and watching him in pain!!!!!#first i was waiting for the vet apt now im waiting for the surgery#and after that itll be 3 months of waiting for him to recover#maybe its the looming dread of how ALL of my routines will be out the fucking window#and i have so much shit to do the next few weeks#the body must survive to care for my cat (and it will) but the mind will tap out early i think#3 months of cold compresses and warm compresses and physical therapy and 2 weeks of cone and 8 weeks of limited mobility#and i have two finals due next week that i haven't even started uwu#i mean maybe thats good?#i can work on those on my laptop sitting in his little cage maybe#:(#at least my parents are paying for the surgery. i have to remember that#i am still on track to graduate. i can still get the goddamn hell out of here eventually#but i have been so nervous for the past week i can literally feel the cortisol in my bloodstream#(thats an exaggeration i know that isnt how stress or cortisol works)#he's going to have a nakey leg. like a rotisserie chicken#oughhgh i feel the anxiety eating me like bugs!!!!!!!#the deep breathing isn't working batman. or whatever that reference is
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I'm so angry. They told me to wait so Allister could pass things on his own and so little has come out of him they want me to come back but they want me to come in through an appointment in the afternoon instead of the urgent care and, they're literally having me come in 3 hours before they close.
That's not enough time for them to do anything, to monitor him, administer multiple enemas, anything. I'm not even sure the deobstipation is worth it because i guess I need to clarify, that's just a fancy word for "digging stuff out by hand so you can like only get so much out as far as your fingers can reach anyways despite how risky the procedure is"
They genuinely should've just done it like weeks ago if they thought he would need it at all. They kept having me come back over and over and over and over despite me literally telling them I had to crowdfund his veterinary care and now I'm going to be spending almost 2 grand in payment plans over the next year. They could've just spent one day giving him as many enemas as possible until he was empty but then we have to give them time to even work, so....
I kept telling them over and over that there was a risk I would spend so much money on vet care that I couldn't euthanize him and all of these treatments have almost completely drained my funds and then they tell me "oh jsyk constipation is like an extremely agonizing way to die uwu". I would have to forward money and completely empty out my savings account to afford rent and his treatment if they want surgery today. My rent might even be late and unlike my last landlord who was an individual unit owner, this is a management company that will charge you $75 late fees after so many days
Every appointment has been over 100, 200, 300 dollars and I've had like 5 or 6 of them at this point and he's still not pooping, at least not a lot; he's dropping marble sized pieces kind of, everywhere. I just. Jesus fucking christ if he isn't getting better like??? I can't??? Do anything else? I can't be homeless in this area; there are literally homeless addicts breaking into my locked apartment building to sleep in our laundry room and the stairwell. I cannot be homeless again.
I just also. There's trauma there too. I can't do what my mom constantly did and drive myself into debt over an animal and risk my housing if there's not a good prognosis. That abusive crazy cunt literally stopped trimming her aggressive dog's nails until the poor thing literally started becoming paralyzed and then she was working 12, 16 hour shifts and leaving this poor thing along in an apartment to pee on pads and her carpet. And SHE'S the one who has Allister's mom :(
I just. Have to see. Maybe I'll give them a phonecall and see if I can come in earlier. I'm just so mad. They never even gave me a quote for how much it would cost to euthanize him. I might have to put down my happy cuddly baby or wait for him to conpletely deteriorate. I can't wait to open up commissions no one will want or be happy with so I can financially recover from my cat dying.
#im just glad im away from my mom#every single day i remember some different traumatic thing she caused ne to experience#even walking outside this apartmsnt whenever i smell strong dog urine i remember her dog... wasting away#i couldnt even travel for my grandmothers funeral without her having to bring a dog literally collapsing and needing carried#humiliated in front of my cousins and extended family as they politely tell me in private that my mom has to put the poor dog down#not even being able to bond with my family because her dog has collapsed after getting out lf the car#my mom screaming at me in a public parking lot because shes literally forcing me to help her carry her dog and i was so stressed i left#she and my sister honestly deserve each other. ill never speak to either until the day i die
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Tokka Week 2020: Family💖💖
(just another one-shot)
It's been months since I've seen her, I left thinking it'll be a matter of weeks. The councils of both the tribes had agreed and even I didn't anticipate a resistance. I wondered from time to time how she felt when she got to know that I'll be kept longer and was in a civil war of sorts again,if she'll show up in her metal armour again. The thought of how that armour clings tightly around her upper body was enough to make a grown man day dream. He thought about how soft her cheeks and lips were,all he wanted to was kiss her, passionately. He thought about holding his baby girl in his arms and kissing her forehead,she was the brightest child in the world according to him. He hoped Toph hadn't been too hard on her.
By the time he reached the door step,his every muscle was torn from tiredness,his head hurt from the long hours of sleepless travel(troubles in the ship). But his heart was so full of happiness,his mind full of thoughts and activities to do with both of his girls. He knocked the door and one of his known servants opened the door, thankfully. "Bo, it's so good to see you. Can you get some guys to put all this luggage in my room?" Sokka said,he was the kind of guy who treated servants with more respect than anyone,water tribe had engrained these values of compassion for one and all in him well enough. However,Bo didn't match his enthusiasm,he looked rather flustered, uncomfortable. He didn't meet his eyes when he answered "Sure sir,welcome back. I'll get right at it. ". Sokka was a chief,a strategist and a warrior he knew damn well that something was going on,he raised an eyebrow at Bo,to which Bo replied "did the news reach you?". Sokka worriedly replied "what news?. Is Toph okay?. Is she gone for another dangerous case?. Is Lin-" ,he was then cut off by a "nothing, she's just in an important meeting and will be late,your daughter will be in the study as of now,you can meet her."
Bo then rushed off and Sokka knew something was off but he didn't care,he was seeing Lin after 6 months,he entered the study and saw her dedicatedly reading some book on the history of earth kingdom,when she looked at him,her eyes sparked up with excitement. She ran to him and hugged him,he picked her up. "You're getting bigger,young chief" he told Lin. She giggled and gave him the biggest kiss on the cheek. They spent the entire afternoon talking about how he had fought cleverly and bravely and stopped a civil war and how Lin had aced the basics of earth bending forms. They were laughing like two six year olds,one of them was and well the other was, let's just say not six at all.
Nonetheless they talked like equals,like a true father and daughter duo. They both were fascinated with each other's stories,proud of their achievements and blissful to be back together again. Sokka told Lin that she didn't have to go to any class today, she'll be home spending "quality time" with her father and Lin was more than pleased with this offer.
Sokka went to take a bath after his lunch with Lin and found the two servants who were supposed to bring his luggage up to his room chatting. "I don't know how it's going to be like when he finds out. He has no idea." .The other servant replied "only a matter of time before it all blows up in her face,the nasty attitude,the bringing a guy in the house a week after he left.". Sokka couldn't believe what he had just heard,his body was paralyzed. He felt like he could no longer function. When he had gotten together with Toph he knew it was real,she made him the happiest man on the planet,their comfort with each other was unparalleled. He had been gone longer and she too,why didn't she wait this time. He was no Kanto,he was Sokka,her long time friend,her colleague,her family. He immediately stopped the thoughts from going any further and consuming him. He believed in her and her love. After his bath,his distress had still not eased.
As much as he didn't want to involve Lin in this he had to. Reassuring and horrible thoughts kept gushing his mind,the thoughts had reached the brim of his mind. He went to Lin,she was in her room playing with some of the toys he had got from his home,her fascination with them lit up her face. She was the most adorable child he had ever seen and also the smartest,he took great pride in raising her.
Sokka taught her how to use some of the toys and after five matches of Pai-sho which he deliberately let her win,Lin was tired. Sokka sat next to her,he didn't want to involve her in this and get to know how insecure her father is being right now but he had no other choice. "Lin,has some man been coming home lately?." ,he asked. His tone was a semi-friendly one but it masked fear,a lot of it, nervousness and denial to believe anything other than no. "Yeah,there has been. He has been coming every week since you've left. He is amazing,he brings me these amazing gummies and-", before Lin could complete,Sokka got up and told her to go and play with some of her friends for a while,he had some work to do. Before Lin could stop him and cling to him,he stormed out of the room.
There was no servant in his sight or he would have beaten the truth out of them. His mind was now an utter mess ,"how could she?.We were so happy,we didn't give it the name of a marriage but we were one happy family. She couldn't. She wouldn't have. Maybe it was Aang,maybe he's in town. Maybe it's the servant who reads her notices and letters. It can't be, I trust her and her love for me." ,all these thoughts were enough for him to stop mid-way and rub his forehead that was still aching from the lack of sleep. He was angry at her,who was this man after all?. He was angry at himself,how can his trust in her be so fickle.
He entered his room,their room. And he saw her. Face turned the other side. She was in her armour but something seemed wierd. She wasn't standing in the attention position she had mastered,she looked fragile. He never thought a day would come when she looked…….weak. "Toph" his voice was full of emotions for a second his mind had forgotten all about this other man,his voice was soft, calming and on the verge of cracking. They both were always on duty,they spent months like these often,Toph would go off and Sokka would stay with Lin and vice versa. But every time they saw each other after their period of separation,they spent the whole night talking, hugging, being happy that they were safe, mocking each other and what not. These memories calmed Sokka down.
He heard a gasp,he could see that she had lifted one hand and probably put it at her mouth?,her face was facing the other side. "Wouldn't you turn around?" He asked her. It was obvious now,he was crying. He heard a muffled sob. "I'm sorry Sokka, I don't know what to do, I'm happy to see you, I am, I really am but I don't know how to say this to you",her voice was cracking after every five words. Sokka's heart sank,so there is another man,he thought. He took a step back,he felt devastated,angry, miserable, heart broken and it wasn't long before he would've started shouting at her,he couldn't handle it.
He did everything right,he loved her right,if she didn't want him home,she could have sent a letter. Hawkie was always here to deliver anyway. "Look me in the eye and say it,Toph.",his voice asserted dominance,she had only heard him talk like this on battle fields to the people who answer to him. But it was not only dominance,his voice sounded like he was repressing anger and pain,a lot of it. So he knew,she thought. She hated his reaction,as scared as she was,she didn't expect THIS.
"Oh, I'm sorry Sokka. It's all my fault,if it hurts you so much get out of here, I've done all this once and I'll do it a second time.",she turned around in fury. Sokka scoffed and was about to say something when he saw it.
Was it a baby bump?. He hadn't seen her in the nine months when she was pregnant with Lin but here she was, standing with one hand on her stomach and the other on her back. She continued in fury "do you know how it was like for me?. A week after you left I found out about THIS. But I thought it wouldn't be as hard for me because now you were here,you would look after our child,Sokka!!". She sat on the bed side and tried to continue screaming when Sokka came down at his knees and touched the baby bump. He kissed it,his touch was so gentle, she had missed it so much. Toph breathed sharply,the gesture came as a surprise to her. "What are you doing?" She said. "Why didn't you tell me Toph, I would've-" he was cut off by Toph,"come right away? That's why. I didn't want to put you in a situation where you had to choose between your duties and your family. Whether or not you would have liked this,you would've been effected by it. You were at war for crying out loud. I was so scared for you,so worried about you-". Sokka shut her up with a kiss that was filled with longing and love and an apology?. She thought. They both leaned in, losing themselves completely in this,cheeks wet from tears and eyes shut close. This moment lasted forever,they took moments off where Sokka stroked her hair and she kissed his hand.
They were then interrupted by a coughing sound and when they pulled away,Sokka saw a man at the door,he carried a small bag and had spectacles. "Sokka,this is my doctor. He makes sure of my health,my mom and dad send him in every 4-5 days because of their paranoia." Sokka kissed her nose and whispered "I'm sorry" in her ear. Before she could ask him for what,he bombarded the doctor with questions "is the child going to be healthy?. Is Toph fine?. Why is her bump still so small?. When is it going to kick?. Will it be a bender or a non bender,does it know that it doesn't matter?. Is it a boy or a girl?.". He spent hours getting filled up on her pregnancy months that he had not been a part of from the doctor, Toph just lay on the bed smiling and grinning. Occasionally saying things like "Meathead STOP,YOU ARE EMBARRASSING!!" and laughing at his replies that went like "then what are you?".
She adored him with all her heart,she finally was with the right man,this one would stick around,this one pushes her to be a better parent everyday,this one means the world to her. Her mind was at so much ease,sometime after the doctor left and Sokka had kissed her and hugged her and jumped around her in excitement and love and also explained what he had thought was going on and got scolded for it,Lin peeked through the door. She thought she was hiding properly but both Sokka and Toph knew she was here. "Lin!!!! Why didn't you tell me?!. You're getting a sister or a brother." Sokka exclaimed,"I'm sorry, I thought you already knew" Lin sounded overly apologetic. "No,no sweetie, it's fine,dad's here,come sit with us". He picked her up and placed her near Toph's belly.
There they were,three of them looking like a real family. No marriage,not even Sokka's biological child but he didn't care,Lin was hers and so was Toph. There was another baby coming and they were a perfect family. They spent the evening getting ready for a fancy dinner at Toph's favorite restaurant(cravings you know),Sokka kept obsessing about just how beautiful Toph was and she kept touching him whenever she could,brushing hands,nose rubs,hugs. Pregnancy had made her soft,she thought. No,it was Sokka,he always makes her this way and she loves it. As Sokka carried Lin on his shoulders,Toph brushed her hair with her hand. Sokka looked at her face with love and adoration, excitement for this new chapter of their lives and she knew he was looking. She even blushed a little. God,how Sokka loved making her blush. "Gonna stare at me all night meathead or are we ever gonna leave?." She smirked and they all went to have dinner. And so just an overly happy family at an overly expensive restaurant with an overly protective man who glared at every man who looked at his woman and kid who looked at his daughter enjoyed their meal in peace or their idea of peace.
#sokka#tokka#sokka of the southern water tribe#atla sokka#atla toph#tokka fanfic#toph beifong#toph beiphong#water tribe#otp ideas#tokka week#tokka week 2020#atla fanfic#atla au
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