#i've obv been going through a lot of shit but the stuff im working on in therapy is helping me remember nice things abt my past
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UPDATE TO THIS POST (TW FOR MENTIONS OF HARD DRUGS, SELF HARM AND SUICIDAL THEMES ON THAT POST)
also this post is QUITE LONG so if youre an "i aint readin all that" person (tbh me fr im just a yapper i cant listen for nothin) then maybe its best not to int w this post, cuz discussion will require you to read the entire thing for you to know what im on about.
TW FOR ( DRAWN AND MENTIONED) SH AND SADLY, MENTIONS OF ROMANTICIZATION OF SH, SUICIDE, DRUGS ETC.
ok so the prev post was about how much i realized menhera-chan was kinda like an inspiration to me, both in my art style and in the way i saw my own mental health. but honestly im way more detached from her now.
i've been clean for a good while since yk, its easier for me to distract myself from punching my own face now that i have wifey around. i honestly just dont think menhera-chan seems to encapsulate what menhera can be for me anymore, and knowing what type of person bisuko ezaki is i just don't feel comfortable knowing i used to look up to that work.
even with my recovery i still am going through therapy and potentially finding a diagnosis at the hospital, meaning i probably still have shit to work thru tho i cant predict the future
and with this i just dont relate to menhera-chan anymore, not just bcuz bisuko is a shit person but bcuz im more stereotypically masculine (obv, shes a girl in a sailor uniform what am i thinking), but bcuz even when some of the menhera-chan comic shorts seem genuine in the way they tackle self harm and mental health, but then i remember he made THIS ONE DRAWING (THIS IS NOT A CALLOUT POST. I HONESTLY JUST FEEL LIKE BRINGING THIS UP)
and apparently?? yamiko no seigi fetishizes girls who do SH, and even when im not a girl it all just feels less genuine bcuz of this. how u sexualizing SH yet still have comic shorts abt how you shouldnt upload your self harm scars bcuz ppl who romanticize SH could get to it.
(this comic short is the one im talking about btw)
it just feels less genuine to me bcuz of this, cuz if you really want to care abt mental health, spread awareness and share your struggle, then why make that shirt? thats just me tbh.
i've started liking the idea of making my own menhera mascot thing (menhera angel, who's kinda like menhera X by diy-menhera-blog in the way that they are completely genderless, also menhera angel is an angel ragdoll creature thing?? meaning they are completely raceless too.)
this image is also in a diff art post of mine.
my mental health has just gotten a bit better but cuz of therapy and school, and the stress of going to a gymnasium soon (yeah, SV system) i honestly just don't think im experiencing mental health struggles in a different way than menhera-chan is shown to be, and in a different way than most people who relate to menhera-chan/momoka sakurai do.
i respect those who are attached to her and can point out that ezaki bisuko is still a shit person but idk,, maybe when i can find community in the menhera space i can find others who are also not as attached to wrist-cut warrior manga like me.
just,, man. im really trying to find community w menhera people and in the menhera sphere so i hope i get welcomed with open arms but idk,,, (cuz a lot of menhera stuff crosses over w/ jirai and landmine and i feel like theyll see me as "too stable." n shit or just wont welcome me at all and will chase me out but thats just my anxiety talking.)
TL;DR: im more detached from menhera-chan's character cuz of bisuko himself and changes in my mental health, and i might find comfort in the menhera sphere if i get welcomed.
#ranting#M rated#rant#menhera#menhera boy#honestly i just dont know what to think.#im not as attached to menhera chan's character anymore#but what i found instead of menhera chan. was the menhera community (at least the part that was detached from her)
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ooo ok, im a 19 year old girlie :3 im in second year of game design rn and i love itttt.
< Skills include: shit code, drawing cute girls and hugging robots >
I have a cat and her name is nova (supernova long form cuz she is a superhero who saves the universe >:D ) I have blue eyes, pink hair that I dye frequently but its naturally dark brownnnn. I thrive in chaos and am pretty hyper most of the time. But I'm also really scatterbrained. That, and my various mental health issues like depression and BPD but I don't let it stop me from being happy and cool :)
I used to struggle a lot with mental health but have found a nice balance in life and think positively and optimistically a lot of the time.
In my spare time I like to make sci-fi comics, watch sailor moon (and I've been obsessed with Bee and Puppycat) and be a silly little guy.
This week I built an Arduino game thing for school in a week!! And I bought star lights from Amazon to hang in my dorm room (secretly for blanket forts)
I dont know what else to add here, so I hope this is enough ahh
fank uuuu
hiii, sorry for the long wait!!! and thanks for being patient! i hope you like your matchup!!!
i´d match you with Saeyoung!
Saeyoung would love that you have a love for computers and robots in common and would def. try his best to help you and give tips. those convos would probably often get derailed into how to get away with cyber crime, but ya know, its the thought that counts. also im sorry to everyone but that man is a genius and does not understand how other people learn. he has the patience and would try and gently help you, but he would absolutely suck at explaining anything.
would love to build robots of your game characters once you get to develop games (you might already be doing that, idk much about it and its been awhile since you sent in this ask :)). and would def build robots of your characters in your comics!!
(is supernova named after the book series btw?) would love to help you dye your hair and be part of the process of choosing colours. would help both you and saeran dye your hair haha.
its a good thing you thrive in chaos because that man has been without guidance since like age 14 and has no structure in his life, no proper sleep schedule or good eating habits either. obv. youre not gonna be his mother, youre just going to have to figure out something that works for both of you together!!
Saeran would be diagnosed with some stuff after getting out of mint eye too, and having you around, whos been through the system and sorta knows how it works would be a big reassurance. youd be able to support Saeyoung so well and he you, when you over extend yourself.
your optimism would be such a bright thing for Saeyoung. Saeyoung also tries his best to be optimistic and he also knows how sometimes youre being too optimistic to hide that youre struggling. Hed be able to recognize when your smile is a bit strained and reassure you that its okay to not always be happy and optimistic. no one is , and he and your friends wont tire of you for reaching out for help.
sci-fi is probably Saeyoungs favourite genre! hed never tire of you talking about the universe youve created and the stories within that universe. Bee and puppycat would be right up his alley haha.
knowing saeyoung the moment he discovers your love for blanket forts hed probably build one wayy too big for you to cuddle up together in.
i really hope you like your matchup and once again, sorry for the long wait!
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my mom's a therapist, and as a result I've grown up with stories of clients that got mad at her for being human; needing to reschedule appointments because she was sick, telling clients that they weren't a good fit and referring them to some other clinicians she knew, etc. it was a client, after all, that gave her covid back in December which consequently infected our whole family. throughout it all, though, my mother has stayed so kind and selfless in the face of most battles, and I'll never stop admiring her for that.
I think being a therapist is one of the bravest careers someone can choose, because I know that, at least for me, listening to other people talk about their ups and downs will just send me spiraling about my own. I took three years of psychology classes, and I loved the courses, but I don't think I'd ever be able to get myself into a psychology practice. I'm so amazed and in awe of you and everyone else that is pursuing that field. my heart is with you
(I want to first make it clear that I am in no way referencing the previous anon who talked about their therapist being out for a month and getting injured. I absolutely understand how difficult it is on clients when the therapist has to cancel or is out of the office - especially when you're going through something and really need them. This is a whole separate thing here, so if that anon sees this please know you're absolutely ok!!)
I completely identify with your mom on that. I have had multiple clients get very upset with me for days I've had to call out sick and their appts were rescheduled, or even when I go on vacation for a week and aren't able to see them at our usual interval. Trust me that I understand the magnitude of mental health and what this job requires, but I think it can be so easy for people to forget that I'm human, too. I get sick. I need time off. I have a whole world of my own shit I'm dealing with too.
and I know that the whole point of therapy is that the patient shouldn't carry the burden of knowing my own shit, but (speaking from my own experience with my clients) I wish sometimes there could be an understanding that I am not immune to the world either and my existence doesn't cater 100% to you. I cant tell if I'm sounding too harsh, and honestly this is about to turn into my personal vent about this and struggling with my job because I really need it right now, so feel free to tune me out and disregard.
I obviously want to help people. Im in this job for a reason. But sometimes it makes me wonder if I'm cut out for it at all because my own mental health has really suffered in the last year and even before that in episodes before I was officially a therapist. I have clients who will say stuff like "you could never understand how this actually feels" but like, I've been depressed. I struggle with anxiety. I have had significant issues with food and my weight. But I am often treated like I am a machine at disposal - required to be available 100% of the time to each individual client, despite the fact I have 70 people on my caseload.
There is never going to be a moment where I snap my fingers and make things better for my clients. Your mental health is still your own responsibility. My job is to help you navigate it, learn how to manage it, and make it smaller and smaller until it doesn't carry the same weight it used to. But I can't fix you. You have to actually do the work and it is so much work but so many of my patients can't see that so they expect me to have all the answers and make them better and I can't. That's the secret with therapy. You fix yourself. You help yourself. Im just there to guide you and help process shit along the way.
but anyway.
sorry idk how I got here but I've obvs been feeling very dehumanized at my job lately. You wouldn't believe the amount of times I sit there and nod casually as a client rants at me about how I'm bad at my job and they're not getting better nevermind the fact that they aren't actually willing to do the skills I'm trying to teach them. So many of them rely too much on medication or just blame me instead.
I'm so burnt out and I'm only 3 years into this job officially and I wonder a lot if my own mental health is going to be what takes this job from me one day. Idk. hell maybe it makes me a bad person for even complaining about this.
I should also say that I have tons of great clients who are very understanding and ask kindly about how my time off was and work really hard in therapy and are doing so well. The tough stuff just obviously weighs a little more.
It's scary to have someone put so much onto you, you know? So many of my clients treat me like I am the only thing keeping them together and honestly for a lot of them, I'm sure they really do mean that. It can just be heavy on me. Sinking, really.
Im not expecting anyone to still be reading by now because somehow this turned into a public diary post lol but if you are, thank you for listening. This is your reminder that therapists have big feelings too and struggle and should probably also see a therapist themselves lol.
anyway.
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danny phantom season 2, eps 1-5 thoughts! opening the new season with episodes like these kinda blew me away. we had multiple serious episodes INCLUDING a two parter!! also, valerie :)
see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3
-I don't know what I expected s2 to open with. but danny portal incident in more detail was not it. (also, I hate to break it to you, sam, but danny's parent's bigass ghost hunting rv def chugs more gas than those vehicles, lmao. unless it runs on ectoplasm or something...)
-WHY WAS DESIREE IN THE SEWER? HAVING TEA WITH IT DOWN THERE?? Her making the giant cow come alive is a boss move, we've almost had all of my fav animals as ghosts now <3 I also don't like how sam was expecting danny to just, haunt the place so the cars wouldn't get sold? I KNOWWW I know she's 14 (and I had a very annoying phase like this, I think I mentioned in a previous post, I GET IT) but they're HIS powers, and messing with (1) dealership will not really put a dent in sales overall because they can just move the cars to another sales lot, and it certainly wont change the industry anyway, it's more of a minor annoyance for (1) location. Also, usually people who work at car sales places work on commission, so if they dont make a sale, they don't have money to pay bills, or eat. sam baby if u wanna be an activist you need to like, actually look into these things. with as much money as her parents have, she could be doing a lot..more useful things for causes she cares about? it's frustrating to see someone with resources who doesn't know how to use them. but shes 14 so again. cannot be really upset :/
-IS THIS A PREDATOR VS TERMINATOR VS FREDDY KRUEGER MOVIE BUT THEYRE ALL WOMEN?? you know, sam is so right to be excited about this. /I/ want to see this movie. that rules
-paulina inviting danny and friends to her quinceañera, aw! even if it is just to get phantom to show up :') and there'll be a meteor shower, and we KNOW danny wants to be an astronaut!! there's not a meteor shower every night!! the tickets are non-refundable, but..she's rich? like. gotta agree with danny, they never get invited!! I KNOW it's the principle of keeping promises, but if she was that upset, she should've said something. directly. I hated how she was like, passive aggressive about it through the episode, like you SAID IT WAS FINE, THAT YOU'D GO TO THE PARTY TOO. MOVIES SHOW FOR A FEW WEEKS IN THEATERS. IF YOU HAD A REAL PROBLEM YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. WE'VE HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE, SAM. YOUR FRIENDS. ARE NOT. MIND READERS.
-MR. LANCER GOING AFTER THE GHOST WITH THE FIRE EXTINGISHER LMAO
-this outfit is everything . anytime the show does an over the top cutesty pink outfit i WANT IT. it looks like shit I wear JKASDHF I HAVE a bow like that and a pink sweater. I need leg warmers </3
-SAMS GOTTA RE-HALF-KILL HIM??? thats fucked up. but also, he finally got his logo!! it took until s2!!! this episode was lowkey very fucked and I felt like it glossed over a lot. does sam have guilt about like. kinda KILLING HIM?? I know, he also agreed and walked into the portal. but. she made the choice to redo it SO quickly (even if it was because someone had to beat desiree) and danny, during their fight, brought up a lot of stuff sam's done in the past, meaning he was holding onto those memories and resentment was building. (I KEEP SAYING HE LOWKEY NEEDS THERAPY, BUT I THINK MOST EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW KINDA DOES) which...is a red flag? and then they didnt even GO to the party URGH I know she tried to make up for it, but it really felt like Sam fucked up and barely faced any consequences and got everything she wanted in the end. I KNOW it's a kids show obv they aren't going to go too in depth, and she undid the damage, kinda, but...I DUNNO how to articulate it but it rubbed me the wrong way.
-but on a note about desiree, her powers of wishes were STRONG ENOUGH TO ERASE NOT JUST THEIR MEMORIES, BUT DANNY'S POWERS?! fuck, if I was danny I'd be like, trying to make friends with her. I know they always have horrible side effects as most genie-granted wishes do, but...c'mon, I'd at least TRY to be like 'I wish no ghosts would hurt anyone in my town' or 'I wish vlad would lose his ghost powers forever no matter What and also forget about my mom' LIKE. SHIT DESIREE IS SO POWERFUL. rewriting reality powerful, basically!! appreciate her. respect her.
-aww, sam helping tucker pass the nurse's office so he wouldn't see because he's afraid of medical stuff? very sweet. I also don't like medical stuff, I've gotten a lot better at handling it tho. but seeing blood and needles still makes me feel lightheaded x_x
-FOLEY, BY TUCKER FOLEY. I want to make my own perfume, that's so cool. even if his first attempt isn't good, he's pretty consistently shown to have an inventor/entrepreneur streak in the show, so like. I can see him inventing or making something (or several somethings) that make him $$$ when he grows up :) proud of my creative son
-I know the 'creepy abandoned hospital on the edge of town' is a joke and the creepy hospital trope is so Worn Out, but in my town we actually DO have a hospital like that! my dad was born in it, but its not in use and hasn't been for, like, 20 years! it needs to be torn down but I think the city doesn't wanna pay the money. the inside is horrible, spray painted and broken glass and shit everywhere. but there's still like, rusty equipment and fucking DOLLS all over the place. the cops drive by it pretty frequently to make sure no one is like, breaking in. (because of water damage, some of the areas really aren't safe. also, asbestos, but people still go in anyway) but also, some of my town was used in a filming for a stephen king show. So it's lowkey spooky all over. just a fun personal tidbit :) to lead into saying, any hospital abandoned for any period of time is NOT safe to quarantine these kids in JKSAHDKF like I KNOW it's a ghost trying to do this, but NONE of these parents are even like, 'well, why dont we keep them in the regular, working hospital'....YIKES. this hospital looks pretty accurate to the one in town. grungy and spooky.
-fentons are tax evaders confirmed by jack's fear of being audited, lol no one is surprised
-ghost sickness via ghost bugs. horrifying concept. I actually expected it to be a new villain, not dr. spectra again! this is a very elaborate scheme. her new form rules, love the new costume. the way none of the bg kids seem to recognize her as their old school councilor. did we just forget about that completely?
-dash watching romance movies in the fucked up ghost hospital. same.
-'oh please, you're ghosts, do you have any idea what YOU smell like?' no, tucker, what DO ghosts smell like? I genuinely didn't know they would even have a smell, I actually want to know now.
-it feels like a while since we've seen jazz!! i was happy to see her again, even if she was a head in a jar for most the episode. I want another jazz-focused ep!!
-we finally see danny doing space-related stuff!! him and his friends stargazing to open ep 3 of s2. cute :) until, GHOST PIRATES!!!!! ...ghost pirate captain is a small child?? VOICED BY TAYLOR LAUTNER???
-oh, the easy listening is ember's song instrumental slowed. 'vapor drone' THEY VAPORWAVED HER!!! ember in a pirate outfit tho >>>>. and the cruise being called m.bersback JKASDHJK. ember adopting a little pirate brother is also pretty cute. concerning this teen and little kid have such bad opinions of adults, like, who hurt you?? (how did you DIE ALSO?? im always lowkey curious about that. we know desiree died at an old age, but her ghost form is young, probably mid-20s, so I wonder how that sort of thing works...its a more mental thing, isn't it?) but ghost team-ups are always cool to see, even if ember bailed after danny took her guitar. I guess she probably thinks youngblood can handle it (which, he's been owning danny this far in the ep, so...fair)
-tucker got that sponsorship from nasty burger for their radio!!! again, opportunistic money maker king, love to see it!!!
-danny taking control of the kids SO FAST. he makes a pretty great leader. no one is surprised, im pretty sure I said I think he's the most mature of the trio, once again, correct, because he's taken on so much responsibility already. all the teens suiting up in the jumpsuits to go save the adults and taking the ship over with a BLIMP. OKAY LETS GO. this feels like it should be a mid finale or straight up finale.
-...speaking of finales. why is ep 4-5 of s2 combined into a 50 minute episode? I havent even clicked play and im concerned. weird placement, like, this season JUST started and we're getting a two parter? okay...why are the episodes placed like this? why not put this at episode 10 or something, for a mid-season thing?
-this is also a cute dress. possibly my fav dress so far. can her parents give ME cute dresses, I'LL wear them.
-it turns out the castle fright knight was in is called pariah's keep and there's something worse than fright knight in there! lovely! fuck off vlad wtf are you doing <3 your hubris <3 is going to literally get you killed <3 'ring of rage' and 'crown of fire' are great names tho. ...vlad turning into a super polite guy when he was scared of mr. pariah was hilarious. and fright knight doing the same...I mean, it makes sense, he's a knight, he serves a king? happy to see fright knight again either way :) vlad telling him to call him tho, lmfao. you WISH HE WOULD. (I wish hed call me, too. 😔)
-so...jack being genuinely concerned about vlad...maddie really didn't tell him what happened at the cabin, did she. damn. if I was her id immediately come home and be like 'YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS SHITTTT THIS CREEPY GUY--' like, I feel like that stuff you need to tell your partner!!! I know she didnt want Jack to think she was an irresponsible parent putting danny in danger at that time, but STILLLL. maddie spilling boiling tea on him. get his ass. how is jack this oblivious to his wife's discomfort with vlad!! ughhh
-fenton wipe (tm). trademarked toilet paper.
-DANNY AND VALERIE BEING FRIENDS??? :D that was a cute moment. 'hey val <3' and 'if you like him like him, make a move, or someone else will ;)' at sam...damn!! I love her. valerie go for it girl!!! I hate how sam and tucker treat val also, like I GET IT YOURE PROTECTIVE AND DONT TRUST but if anything him befriending valerie will help when she finds out or he tells her like I feel like she'll be more understanding that they think! ALSO I feel like her reason for not liking ghosts is valid, like you haven't really explained the full story to her anyway! she doesn't seem to have any other friends after being booted from the a-listers so im like :( but seeing them kick butt together again was nice <3
-the ghosts all RUNNING FROM PARIAH DARK IS NOT GOOD, I thought he sent them to attack or something, but no. why doesn't someone just tell desiree 'hey i wish pariah dark would die' lol. once again I think she can solve every problem <3 but seeing all the enemies in one place, being civil and hiding together? love it.
-you just know danny's gonna have to clean up vlad's stupid mess. also, jack being willing to put on the ectoskeleton pants to help maddie, as soon as vlad heard it could kill him, he suggested jack do it instead of helping maddie himself? this is why jack got the girl, my man.
-ghost skeletons. how do you end up as a skeleton ghost in your afterlife instead of a humanoid like most the ones we've seen? lmao
-the ghosts just making new homes in various stores. I'd totally be setting up in an expensive clothing store if I was a ghost.
-valerie's dad is possibly the most useful adult so far, with that ghost shield expansion!!! and valerie saving vlad and danny, even tho shes been thru it already, shes still so good!!! this family rules.
-danny: *gently caresses valerie* :)
-*then he immediately TELLS HER DAD ON HER. and his first response is 'are you okay?' :'( such a good dad...
-*me every time fright knight breathes* youre doing SO great sweetie :)
-the fenton suit thing is so silly looking. does anyone take this thing seriously
-ALL THE GHOSTS FIGHTING WITH DANNY <3 AAAAA. and the fact that pariah isn't perma-defeated, but just locked away again. yikes. he'll probably get out again, won't he? it wasn't too clear, but if vlad DID make a pact with fright knight, I am rabid. I will beat vlad to death with the fenton bat (tm). YOU DONT DESERVE A COOL KNIGHT.
-valerie being direct with sam and challenging her? kinda love that, even tho I normally don't like 'catfight' type situations. because sam has been very passive aggressive about it which is annoying. valerie knows wtf she wants and wasn't even embarrassed to tell sam, but she did tell her, giving sam time to make her own move! and sam denied it and got embarrassed/mad! and sam did have a chance when danny was about to go off and fight, and she hesitated and didn't tell him. I feel like she's hesitating because they're friends and it might make it weird between the trio (poor tucker would be third-wheeling) but if u snooze u lose, u gotta GO after what u WANT girl. smh this is a No Tsundere Zone. 😤
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More fanfic writing meme asks: 38, 39, 40 (for whatever fic you'd like to answer for!)?
sapphire ilu
38. Which writing project has been going on the longest? uh in terms of posted stuff, Yggdrasil is on an indefinite hold since oh god 2016
in terms of behind the scenes, the loosely connected Canticle of the Damned series, and the Bring Down the Sky universe, both for Gundam 00, are probably the ones that I came up with the longest time ago, even though I've only started posting both of them recently
Canticle was gonna be a super long grimdark fic and then, uh, i started taking mood stabilizers and decided i was Not About That so now "Canticle" is just a catch-all fic premise where people survive Fallen Angels and live on earth during the interim years
BDTS has been around in some configuration since my early grad school days, it mostly stemmed from "i love the dylandys too much" and now i have 40 "canon" oneshots planned for the AU as well as 14 spin-off AUs with different premises or plots. too much love for dylandys send help
39. Do you write for multiple fandoms or just one at a time? honestly just one unless i'm working on a gift for someone?? like, whatever Thing i'm hyperfixating on at the moment, i go through phases lmao. right now it's 00, the KH fic was a gift for a friend :D
40. What writing detail are you most proud of in ___ ? oh no now i gotta go pick a fic XD hang on
ok im gonna go with (remember when) a part of you still hoped for what could be, which is fic #2 in the BDTS chronology. the one where neil's going "i'm perfectly fine!!!!!!" and the rest of his family is like, "what the fuck no you're not!!!!!!!" except he refuses to acknowledge it so they're all just like. what
a couple people pointed it out but i really REALLY love in this one how he keeps referring to himself as Lockon in his POV scenes, while everyone else is obv calling him neil. like, neil's going into, uh, some sort of culture shock lmao where his goal is not "don't die on a battlefield" but instead "go to fucking high school"
and idk just in general in that fic, there's been a lot of character building for amy, lyndsay, owen over the years and like i don't explicitly say a lot of it but it factors into how people act. like, lyndsay's a very very impulsive person and so ofc she's the one who takes the dive and confronts neil about his past life. the fact that amy's part of an irish dance team. the way owen, who's worked for 30 years as a trauma surgeon, freaks the FUCK out if any of his kids are hurt
um, OH the bit in amy's scene where like, neil is sticking to them like glue while they're at a different mall, the day after, because amy insisted on going clothes shopping. because amy is just like what the hell and lyndsay has like, some understanding of what's going on. but neil's just high strung all day looking out for an attack that happens here, because he can't rule it out and he can't let his guard down -
and when amy and their mum go to the dressing room he can't go with them so he just like. stands guard in front of it. and is watching like a hawk for anything Weird or Dangerous, and then amy like, pokes him in the shoulder which is their family's usual way of getting attention bc of lyndsay's and amy's hearing loss, but it scares the shit out of him and he's immediately ready for a fight
also i know a lot of people have different characterization of lyle but the way i'm writing him here is like, he doesn't hate neil, he annoys the shit out of him, and it pisses him the fuck off that everyone likes him better, and he takes that out on neil. but like, then the news gets out about how there was almost a bombing at the mall that amy almost dragged them to for her birthday, and it's kind of a wake-up call, to him, because the idea of any of his family, even neil, dying is just. way too horrifying to consider. and so when neil comes in and apologizes and wants to start over, he's more than a little relieved himself
(he still thinks neil's weird as fuck though)
and idk just. i particularly like owen's section bc there's just this sense of creeping Wrongness that he can't explain and can't put his finger on. he honestly doesn't care that neil smoked, before. he's not even really that surprised by it. and, sure, he knows neil loved shooting, before, but the idea of that being, like, the first thing he wants to pick back up when he winds up fourteen -
also there's a line in there about 14yo neil hating coffee but adult neil like, wouldn't survive without it and it really throws owen off even though it's the smallest thing and i like that too
also also lyndsay (and amy) have progressive hearing loss, so amy's is like, ~mostly ok~ rn since she's a kid but lyndsay's is pretty bad at this point since she's in her 40s and she hardly ever wears her hearing aids, so they speak in ISL at home a lot
except neil hasn't used ISL since he was fourteen. he's forgotten the reflexes of make sure you get mum's attention before you say something, and if she's distracted flick the lights at her so she knows you're coming into the room, and don't talk at her with your voice unless you have to because she straight up can't hear it
like he knows these things but he forgets, and lyndsay doesn't blame him for it at all and laughs it off but neil feels horrible about it
#asks#ask games#oh my god this got long#i just love my fics a lot ok#bdts#mine#i queued the second one you sent but i love this one too much so im gonna just post it now
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