#i've never realised that and now im going insane in the best way | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

danileepearce · 2 months ago

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I share a plex server with some friends over where I live now and sometime ago someone requested and added Welcome To The NHK to the list of available shows on it. About a week ago i started to work my way through watching it and just tonight I finally finished it. I didn't really think to expect much from it, but it ended up a show, a world, a set of characters that im really glad i ended up spending my nights with.

Firstly, the show for a good handful of its duration is absolutely laugh out loud funny. I now understand in that way why it seems to have been at least a minor sensation in some corners of late 00s internet(i don't know exactly of the reach it had, but it was probably big). so many easily quotable/jokeable/memeable moments throughout, such a hilarious dissection of otaku culture and also really just like, early 20s life. satou is the most 22 years old any human being has ever been in their entire lives.

the show genuinely takes its sweet time really kind of slowly inching its true message on you; it front-loads itself heavily with its comedy and its stories about satou and yamazaki being complete ridiculous dumbasses over several episodes, with every episode ending with that insane ABABA BABA BA ODORU AKACHAN NINGEN song which, the lyrics are so well written and so relatable for 2006…i was only 11 when this first aired! ********************************************************************* [[MAJOR SPOILERS PAST THIS POINT, DONT READ IF YOU DONT WANT THEM, ALSO CONTENT WARNING FOR SENSITIVE SUBJECT MATTER]] *********************************************************************

but then you get to that point in the series where satou becomes This Close to committing suicide. its played off in a somewhat over-dramatic way and even that has humorous undertones to it, but the first true colors of the heart behind the show really begin to introduce themselves in a very visible way after that point. the end credits song changes to something a lot more grounded, and little by little from then on, the humor kind of falls away, the characters satou had to bounce off of in these ways depart from the main plot altogether (but they give satou and yamazaki that one last "snowball fight" lmao. how did those two never kiss) until its just him and misaki. i actually was stunned at how totally transformed the tone had become by the last few episodes.

When I finally got to the end, it was one of those endings….one of those resolutions….where i just kind of ended up going out for a night walk at 2 am, walking for almost an hour listening to music, and then sitting out on a lounge chair on my driveway staring up at the stars and just thinking.

The big lore reveal for misaki around the climax of the story made me realise just how much i had in common with her. Basically ever since i first became homeless, and honestly some time before that, I feel like i've basically just always dedicated myself to helping others as best as i can. i used to be pretty bad at it, but i was dedicated enough to making this a fundamental part of who i was it that it became a skill within myself i refined like a sharp blade over the years. i gave myself up to ppl completely, in more ways than one, often just to have a place to stay. to this day, i feel like i give so much to my friends. i try to give so much to whatever community i find myself in. because i think i too share a compulsion to give others the love and the kindness that i was never given when i most needed it. like misaki. i also have worried pretty heavily about if my usefulness would last to the people around me. ive also hinged my entire life purpose on that.

i dont think i have as tragic of a backstory as misaki's is framed to be, but my family life was in many ways as equally fractured as hers. my mom didn't kill herself, but it feels like she might as well have. she always seemed like there once was a human being there that just became completely consumed with hate, with christofascism, with this desire to have me constantly hurt and beaten by not just her but by just about every adult figure that graced my life for many years. my dad was just simply not present, and was consumed by this complete inability to ever have the relationship with me that i so badly needed from him growing up. at times he was an equal participant in the abuse. and additionally at times he was actually scarier and a lot more energetically violent. when satou is on the island and raises his voice and fist to misaki, her reaction was something i felt very deeply. it especially hit with the lore reveal.

additionally, i related to satou in a number of ways too. up until this year i had spent the last 9 years essentially living in this very open-wound self-exploitative way where i essentially kept no secrets and no part of me concealed from people until this spring, around my 29th birthday, and at some point in the following summer, everything just Slammed Shut on my fingers from the inside and has not reopened. i feel like ive radically transformed into being a much more private person. i hardly post anywhere on social media anymore and most times i just outright avoid it. ive unfollowed/disconnected from a lot of the ppl i knew in that time period. ive struggled lately with a very deep fear of the world and of nearly everybody in it, since many of the people i met after escaping home were also people that hurt me in pretty profound ways, both on and offline. i spend a lot of time just in my house, which i try to maintain as low of stimuli within as i can. sometimes i just lie down and i listen to music and get lost in a very deep currant of my own thoughts. sometimes i just spiral. i was spiraling pretty heavily over this last week especially. feeling like the world and everyone in it wants nothing to do but just hurt me. like ITS ALL A CONSPIRACY (OF COURSE! WHY DIDN'T I REALIZE THIS BEFORE!)to keep me always suffering and in pain.

And, like both characters, i have wanted to kill myself. many times over many years. sometimes for extremely silly and impulsive reasons like satou, sometimes for reasons based out of very real deep-seated trauma, fear, and a sense of never-ending heartbreak like misaki. the way she fixates on death and suicide leading up to her own attempts is something i've done more times than i can count. anyone who has known me for any length of time has learned this about me at some point. my most recent plan to do so was made at the end of july this year. its funny in that way how satou catches misaki before she falls, and how satou is caught by the chain link (lol) and misaki then helps him back onto the cliff. that to me very much analogues my friends catching me and me catching myself. maybe im also that chain link; where even in my most brazen and my most far-flung from a grounded feeling that a hard wall will always stop me short from going through with it. who knows!

and i mean, maybe a hikkikimori partially/subliminally fits my description as of present, but maybe without the negative connotations that seem to associate with that term. ive mostly become a lot more hermetic out of necessity. I've Lived So Much Life and a lot of life that no one should ever have to live, and i've finally arrived at a place of stability and support where i can finally just Withdraw from it all. i can live with a quietness and a control over my environment that i've essentially always longed for. i guess that ive lived the reverse life of satou; he seems very comically dedicated to Always Being A Hikkikimori and yet he ends up doing a lot of Living over the course of the series! and in the end it results in him kind of resurfacing properly into the world. thats what the series portrays as a happy ending but i'd like to think that my "reversed" version of that has a happy ending to it in itself. i can finally live how i feel i deserve to. i can finally find and feel my own happiness in the withdrawal from so many elements in my life that were hurting me, burning me, bruising me very terribly.

id like to think also that our overall attitudes towards ppl who quote-on-quote Don't Contribute To Society have vastly improved since 2006; on a few occasions the series seemed very mean spirited in a way that hasn't aged well. The brief focus on kobayashi's brother i thought was really touching though; seemed like a more sympathetic look at complete reclusiveness even though he too has another "happy ending" type resolution. some ppl are just most comfortable shut off and isolated from most things in the world, especially in a covid age.

but anyway, i really like that the way satou and misaki dedicate themselves to self preservation is a(nother) contract that basically binds them them both to stay alive together. neither one of them wants the other to die, so either they both have to or neither of them do. that's really cute and sweet. i think i would get a lot out of having that kind of agreement with someone. like really, the way that this series extrapolates upon what it means to live, what it means to keep going, is done in a way that is surprisingly very well handled and very affecting to someone like me. and i definitely am sure that im not alone in that. these subjects were always the series' secret weapon, they were always the CONSPIRACY. the series just wants us all to live, to take care of ourselves through everything as much as we can.

in all of this, im reminded of a memory of someone who long ago i used to talk to and message every day as an excited 16 year old who barely knew how to be an actual person and was only really just learning how to interact with people online. if memory serves, Welcome To The NHK was a series that was very close and dear to her at that time. i hope she's doing ok.

but yeah. i guess in its own strange way NHK has become one of my unexpectedly favorite anime of all time, something that is no secret to anyone who has reached this same sentiment about it. It was something that found me at the perfect place at the perfect time. i get it now. i feel like i now get so much. a lot of this feels written very messily and disorganized and complicated in my thinking and wording, but if you made it this far, thank you for reading. its been a minute since i felt this inspired to just write

#dani lee pearce #thoughts #rambling #prose #welcome to the nhk

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tomystars · 1 year ago

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raysand/sandray theories + analysis

(because im insane)

This is a little post where I'll be focusing on what's to come for raysand mostly based on the trailer (original trailer too) and what we already know from the episodes that have aired already. I'll be using pictures so the text doesn't feel too eavy.

Also want to mention I didn't think about all of this myself, it's mostly a compilation of me and my friend throwing ideas and thoughts at one another and I decided to make a post on this now because me and her predicted something that happened on yesterdays episode...

Before I begin, considering it's based on our thoughts, ideas and what we know of the trailer (which is often edited in a way where sometimes certain dialogue doesn't end up being the same one we see on the episodes) please take everything with a grain of salt. If you want to share your opinions, feel free to do so my inbox is open!

Let's begin!

Although this is mostly a theories focused posted, I do want to first talk a little bit about how Ray & Sand's relationship is at the moment.

We all know things are going to escalate more but for now both Ray and Sand consider each other as friends. I've mentioned this in another post before (that has recently been deleted because it wasn't very well written) but one of Sand's best qualities and what makes him, in my eyes, the best character in this series, is that out of everyone else he's KIND.

First episode we have him meeting Ray for the first time and the only reason he got mean was because Ray was being an asshole first. Yet, after all of that, he still understood Ray was drunk and he gave him a ride to his own home, let him puke on his toilet, gave him a place to sleep on... All of this to a complete stranger by the way! You can't with certainty tell me everyone would do something like this. In return, Ray acted like an asshole once again which lead him to being kicked out of Sand's place (later on I'll talk about why I think Ray reacted that way), and eventually Ray did end up apologising which I think was something Sand didn't expect.

Another thing that made it more easy for Sand to forgive Ray was when Ray said "Thanks for saving my life." which was a very honest thing to say and Sand realised that, he kind of got a little bit of an insight of what Ray truly is like. I often see people commenting about Ray being dramatic by saying that when he was not. He meant what he said and frankly Sand DID save his life. Had Sand left him alone, Ray would've driven while drunk which could've very well ended in an accident.

Fast forward, Ray keeps seeking him out (another thing that will come into play later on), hires him to be his drinking buddy, convinces him to leave a girl Sand was trying to take home to drive to drive him instead, they have a talk, seem to be on the same page, hook up and everything is fine. For now.

This is the first fight they have in the trailer. I think, at this point, they have already started to hang out more and being more close together, so Sand is starting to expect more from Ray, specially the way Ray acts around him, always being flirty, always saying certain things ("I care about your feelings. That's why I'm here." previews are always a bit deceitful so maybe Ray isn't even saying this to him but we move), always going after him, always wanting Sand to spend time with him, but at the same time saying they can never be more than what they already are, which will most likely give Sand a lot of mixed feelings.

Just like we saw on yesterday's episode, Ray will most likely keep leaving Sand for Mew, which I don't really mind considering that Ray is a girls girl and he will always put his friends above himself, but at a certain point I get why Sand would get upset considering they are friends too and it's just very horrible being the one left behind specially when you keep get mixed messages from this guy you're starting to like. He'll probably realise there's something between Mew and Ray too.

In this fight scene, Ray is probably once again leaving Sand for Mew which is why Sand says "Focus on me for once will you?". In return Ray says this:

"What are we to each other?" is a very key sentence in their relationship. The way I see it Ray will too start questioning their relationship, thinking "What are we?" because they'll both be floating around each other but no one will ever say anything. I'll get a little bit more into Ray's personality later on but Ray might be just as confused as Sand, he probably never had a relationship quite like what they both have and it's scary. At the same time, he could also just be saying that to be mean (I'm not trying to paint him as a villain, I love him and this all ties in with what I'll be saying later about his personality."

The second fight scene we see in the trailer. I don't know if any of you remember but in the original trailer there's a scene where they're both in the car and Sand says "I don't want to be in anyone's choices." (there's also a scene where Ray gets arrested but we won't talk about that), which could mean Sand doesn't want to be a choice, someone in a "competition" with someone else, but the one Ray would want to be with no matter what.

This scene we're seeing is most likely the equivalent of that scene in the old trailer. I think at this time in their relationship Sand has already confessed that he wants more from Ray, that he doesn't want to keep being a "choice" and that he wants them to be in a relationship which leads to them having a fight, and eventually to Ray saying this.

Now, I can finally get into Ray's personality and the reason why he acts defensively in both of these scenes with Sand. Ray is scared. I do think Ray has a crush in Mew but I don't think it has ever been more than a crush, Ray just hasn't let it go because it's safe and easy. He likes Mew, Mew doesn't like him back and that's it, he doesn't have to worry about complicated feelings. But then Sand comes along and he is unbelievable KIND and he treats Ray like a normal person, he's honest, he doesn't push back and even apologise for being nosy about Ray's mother, he worries about him when he's drunk, he talks back and he's FUN to be around, he never wanted anything from Ray even after taking him home when he was drunk, he refused to accept money from them hooking up, he gave up one of his nights to sing at Yo's bar just so he could sing at Ray's party...

I mean, since episode 1 we've been getting a look into Ray's self worth. He thinks he's worthless and a burden, probably because he's an alcoholic, and I'm sorry to say but his friends don't really help him when it comes to that. He doesn't want to keep burdening his friends with this so he turns towards Sand, hires him as his drinking buddy, to just listen to music with, have fun and relax, he even says "I just don't want to be alone." and even later on Sand sayshe can be his friend without having to hire him he even says "If you're my friend, you have to look after me in every way." and Sand does just that!

Ray is confused and he probably has never had someone to be this way towards him in his life, someone that wants to help him (with his alcoholism as well I'm fairly sure), someone that cares this much about him, but most importantly, confused as to why he's feeling this way thinking "Don't I like Mew? Why do I feel this way towards Sand?", so of course he's scared about what he's feeling and he's scared of being vulnerable and ending up being hurt, so he pushes Sand away by being mean. It's all too much for him.

What's worse is that Sand has been the only one setting up rules like the not sleeping with each other more than once, saying he'd never date someone like Ray and other less significant situations but Ray always convinces him to break those same rules (wonder why that is...) which Sand is at fault too like, my guy you need to be confident and just say no. Sand most likely set those same rules precisely because of an old relationship that started this way and ended up horribly so he's trying to not commit that same mistake again. This time I think Sand will fight back instead of just letting go like his old relationship, probably because he can tell Ray feels the same way as him.

Then we have this scene, It's a bit ambiguous because it's impossible to know exactly in what part of the timeline of this relationship this fits in but I personally like to think it's after all the fights Ray finally takes some time to think and get his feelings in order and realise what exactly Sand means to him and this is the scene where Ray goes and finds Sand to apologise and I guess 'confess'. It also fits really well with the last scene I'll talk about which is the bathtub scene.

In this scene we can clearly see Ray breaking down crying in a bathtub while Mew is hugging him from behind (in the old trailer Mew had clothes on so this doesn't really make me think much). Personally, this is probably a scene where Ray feels horrible for hurting Sand and might also be the moment he realises how he truly feels for him which of course has him feeling like this. Gut wrenching heartbreak. My friend thinks it might be a time where Sand has decided to stop talking to him, refusing to see him which could also make everything worse.

To end all of this I think it's very important to note that by no means do I think either of them are in love already but no one can deny they're clearly attracted to each other and that they have a connection, but most importantly they ARE friends and they consider themselves as such no matter what, they would do a lot of things for each other, Ray even as far as defending Sand's band to Top (it's Top we're talking about whom he hates, but nevertheless) so that's something to keep in mind.

#only friends the series #raysand #sandray #nyx speaks #really woke up and decided to type all of this out wow....

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brainisonfire · 30 days ago

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I really hope this won't come across as a way to compare different kinds of illnesses and struggles cause it's not, it's just stuff I thought about while listening to the great impersonator that I needed to share. at the end of the day, I'm just a mentally ill bitch lol

i still need time to process this record well enough to be able to fully put into words the amount of things that im feeling, but this whole thing about this album is bringing back things. so im sorry if this is going to be sort of a trauma dump.

in february one of my best friends lost her mother to cancer, and even tho it's not my trauma and my loss to claim it hit harder than i expected (and yes, i do feel like shit for expecting it to hit less). my friend and i grew up basically as one, we've been together since we were three years old, we spent so many afternoons in her room playing with her mum. i knew that woman too well to act like it didn't hurt me as well, but im not going to pretend it's my loss to grieve. she had a family i need to stay closer than ever now.

all of this was to say that when she died something in my brain snapped. i had the kind of reaction that makes you go 'life is short. i can't keep wasting mine. anything could happen at any minute. i dont want to go with these many things left unsaid'. which felt insane, and also kind of bad if i have to be honest, because years ago when my father died i didn't have the clarity of mind to act the same way and i wish i did.

it lasted a few months and then i fell back into my usual mental patterns and old habits, which I'm definitely not proud of, but i really do believe that even tho i keep telling myself that i went back to therapy because i needed an ocd diagnosis and someone to help me manage it (which is something that was and still is definitely very real), i actually needed to know i was working in a direction where i could, someday, be at least well enough to be there for my friends when they need me. because i fear that, right now, I'm not. and it's not fair to them to always have to second guess if they can call me or not when they need a shoulder to lean on, especially when tragedies like that happen. i want to be able to give them my undivided attention, not to have to fight against my brain to be able to barely have the energy to listen to them.

it was weird to listen to this album and realise that I can (in my own personal way, i dont want it to sound like i know the exact same pain h experienced cause i didn't go through the same things she did) relate to both of the points of view. my chronic illness is not nearly as debilitating as what she had to go through, but in my tiny way I've been both the 'heavy heart' that's 'too much to hold' and the one that wanted to try to be there for someone else and couldn't because of my own issues. and I swear im trying so hard to not repeat the same mistakes. im far from perfect, but I'm trying to show up more for the people that i love.

I'm not the kind of person that needs to do something big with their life or to give meaning to it etc, but i do need to know that it's worth it, that the bad parts are balanced by something positive. and, right now, i still dont know how to hope for things, cause a future is still not a concept i feel comfortable in yet. if i have to be completely honest i never pictured myself getting this far, but now that I'm here i might as well try to *actually* be here, at least for the people i care about. I can't do that if i dont start seriously working on things i avoided for ten years, and grief plays a huge part in this because spoiler: no matter how much time it passes, it still hurts.

i wish 13yo me didn't shut down completely and was able to process things instead, but apparently it's a job for 23yo me. i still need to fully accept that it is ok to miss my dad now even if i didn't let myself feel it for years, but i'm getting there. i have a million questions for him and I'll never get the answers. i still have to learn how to deal with it. this record hit like a ton of bricks.

so once again, after saving my ass with both badlands and manic at the most perfect time, h art came in at the right moment. i feel like something in me changed after listening to this album, exactly in the same way i felt in february. i felt my perspective shift again, for the better. I hope it'll last.

i might not be able to stitch my brain back together as fast as I'd like to, this shit will take time. i still have to fully convince myself that i can use the word 'will' instead of 'could' because i still dont really believe I'll make it lol, but one step at a time. I'm tired as fuck, but I'm trying.

i'm just so glad that i can do it while listening to the great impersonator. i needed this record so bad, it's unbelievable how someone who doesn't even know me is always able to give me exactly what i need when i need it. I'll forever be grateful for what she did and keeps doing for me through her music. this album means so much more than I'll ever be able to express

#halsey #the great impersonator #tgi

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reallyhatethiswebsite · 4 months ago

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im afraid the more i go into details, the less sense it makes😭

it started with my friends and i being in a regular house that quickly turned into a saw-style maze? then a guy, that later turned out to be Raphael in disguise, made us solve puzzles and things of that sort for apparently no reason except for his own amusement. it's worth mentioning that the house felt like what my european self imagines midwestern house to be like, crossed with ps2 castlevania, depending on which room we were in.

to be fair, i dont know how i realised it's actually Raphael, considering that he looked nothing like Raphael - he had short blonde hair and the weirdest nose ive ever seen somehow. it clicked around 20 minutes before i woke up, and my way of thinking was literally "who else would make us solve puzzles in a maze than Raphael, besides i dont know this dude so it has to be Raphael in disguise."

at this point he realised i know it's him and shifted into himself, congratulating me, which is when i went for it, as i apparently decided this is the best and the most appropriate moment to be horny for a devil. he laughed and proceeded to look genuinely disappointed with the fact that he can't dick me down. im going to cling to that thought.

unfortunately, my dream self isn't usually too critical when it comes to dream reality, so he didn't deem it necessary to inquire as to why we can't be split in half if the possibility presented itself. would the dick be too good? would i go insane irl? are there some weird cosmic laws against that? NOW WE'LL NEVER KNOW.

in general my brain loves cockblocking me and i woke up right after he delivered the news, so maybe another time.

and im actually so surprised you wanted to hear about this 😭 im happy i could share

Ok this is totally wild. I don't know what I find funnier, Jigsaw Raphael or "weirdest nose I've ever seen". Or that you immediately jumped on him the second you realised who he was (although to be fair, valid). Dick too good you go insane 😂😭 almost like he's some escaped SCP

I could actually see him making like a maze/mouse trap full of puzzles for his little mouse to run around in and solve, maybe rewarding them if they do good or punishing them if they fail. I find dreams (especially ones like this) super interesting so thanks for sharing it with me!

#asks

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starvity · 11 months ago

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so, im a very very new cravity stan. and i've been wanting to talk about serim in bAD HABITS IM GONNA SCREAMMM WHY DID THEY GIVE THAT MAN SO MUCH SCREEN TIME I HAD TO HOLD MYSELF BACK FROM THROWING THINGS AT MY SCREEN

the intro, the rap after the intro, his lines during the 'oh yeah yeah' part and him at that damn ending istg he should NEVER whisper in any other track or i will actually go insane

for now i think my bias is serim 😭😭 taeyoung and jungmo are my bias wreckers AND my fav song is bad habits (and groovy) its so damn underrated istg

also i need bside recs from their discography 😭 i wanna listen to all of their discography but uni is a bitch so :)

WELCOME TO THE LUVITY FANDOM!!! :D enjoy your stay cause there is no way out!

THIS IS SO REAL LMAOO serim in bad habits was a little warning for serim in megaphone like they wanted all of us dead. exterminated.

i realised that i don't listen to bad habits a lot (still know all the lyrics by heart lol), or at least i forget about it a little and then i remember it, listen to it once and keep it on loop for WEEKS!! serim's parts are the best ones they make me ascend every single time...

if you don't have the time to listen to everything (totally understandable) i'll just give you different options with different vibes :D :

if you liked bad habits i would suggest you: mammoth, get lifted, pow and boppin!!

for calmer songs i'd recommend: call my name (my all time favorite!!), realise and gogo

for more upbeat and refreshing songs: fly, vivid and a to z (omg i love these songs)

and for more... ig mature?? r&b idk???: flip the frame, automatic and vibration!!!

i hope that could help!! tried not to write down their entire discography because i just love cravity so much lol (failed lowkey)

#starvity.answer #scftharu

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svampira · 11 months ago

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🎯✂️🧠 per eden elias e brooklyn tripla combo

ask game

🎯 -What do they do best?

Elias, in spite of his horrible rancid personality, can be extremely charming when he needs to be, and his presence powers are op enough to be basically mind control at that point. <this does get him in trouble just as much as it gets him out of it. Physically he's very strong, but he only has 3 dots of melee and no combat disciplines, so he's kind of a flop for a vampire. When it comes to human abilities that carried off into his unlife, he's a great musician but that barely comes up and it's not why he was embraced.

Brooke can see the future👍🙏 she has way more control over her visions than the average malkavian, and her auspex in general is op as well because i love to cheat. Physically she's an extremely skilled acrobat, she was a gymnast her whole life and had just started teaching gymnastics before she died. She kills you then cartwheels out of the room🤸‍♀️

Eden's a sneaky guy👍 he can sneak in and out of somewhere without anyone noticing, eavesdrop on anyone and sneak out of most dangerous situations without having to resort to a fight (which he probably wouldn't win). He can hack anything 90s movies style but i literally don't know anything about that so im going to shut up

✂️ - What is one of your OC’s worst memories?

Elias' worst memory is his "first" day on this green beautiful earth👍i have a lot of thoughts on memory loss in general i don't think he just blacked out and instantly knew he had no memories it was more of a gradual panicking. Not recognising who the man in front of him was even though it felt like he should have, to slowly realising he doesnt remember his own name and all of his memories are gone > and not even getting 5 minutes to deal with it before the stranger forces him to drink his blood then subsequently drains him. Just a shitty first night😔 hes not the kind of guy that dwells on things though by the time he woke up his sire had been executed so he just pretends he's fine with the whole thing

[This got way too long so im putting the second part under the cut. Read my oc's villain origin story👇👇]

For Brooke i think it was a specific moment when she was around 16 and realised she had no shot of making it as a professional athlete, both because she was being overlooked by her coaches and because she kind of shot up to 1.75m all of a sudden (now idk a lot about gymnastics. But ive never seen anyone in the olympics that was taller than 1.50m). That's genuinely her villain origin story just a chaotic ball of repressed anger, bitterness and dissatisfaction that she carried over into her adult life and turned her into the gotham villain she's now. Her real name isn't even (obv) brooklyn it's literally her villain name LMFAO i just realised

For Eden i think it was the moment he realised Brooklyn WAS real. She spent the better part of the first year they were turned trying to convince him they had a fight club situation going on. I think he found the idea of brooke being a fragment of his imagination more comforting than anything else, especially since it's not very uncommon for the type of vampire him and brooke are to have delusions/strange manifestations of their powers. He found out he was 90% less insane than he initially thought he was but it still made him trust himself way less + he was "forced" into hating brooklyn now for what she'd done even though she's his only link to his human life and still cared about her. Now im just feeling bad MAN im drawing him a better girlfriend

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

Elias is my fave i cant even lie at this point... i love that he's so pretty i love drawing him💖 writing wise I've talked about this before but i love evil characters that still kind of feel innocent in a way. Like he has no lived experiences before turning into a blood sucking monster and even though he can be cruel and horrible to both humans and people he actually cares about, it's almost like he's never really had a chance to be anything else. Your honour he's just like that. I also like that out of all my characters he's the silliest ^^ he doesn't take things too seriously he loves slacking off and doesn't know how to hold a grudge. Also boobs

When it comes to brooke I loooove evil characters all my ocs fucking SUCK and she's the absolute worst. She kicks puppies for fun she steals candy from babies she engages in emotional terrorism she loves scheming and plotting. Yet deep deep down even though she links Eden back to her bitterness and dissatisfaction with her old life she does genuinely love him, and does her best to look out for him even when she's tormenting him. Also i looove drawing her with new hair every time she's so fun + i have lots of horror illustration ideas when it comes to her and eden (brain courtesy of a STELLAR gift art i got during artfight)

For Eden I like that he's the only one who's trying to rise above his nature out of all my ocs (this obviouslydoesn't work out, but there was an attempt). He has the highest humanity out of all of them, he tries to avoid feeding directly from humans most of the time, and he's the only anarch (which means in the la of my oc canon he's basically opposed to every one of my ocs) . I loove that despite everything she puts him through he still loves brooklyn, but i also love love love that later on as the war between the camarilla and the anarchs worsens he starts legit trying to kill her (while she NEVER would. She did straight up torture him a couple times tho so there's no moral high ground). I love horribly dysfunctional relationships I'm weak for fucked up heterosexuals

#i need to start tagging ask games. but i wont #/elias #/brooklyn #/eden #ask #oc lore #brooklyn lore #eden lore #elias lore

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theskyexists · 7 months ago

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Sad that theyre now milking the premise: ana is too competitive and literally an idiot for it

Also somehow the dude who doesn't know anything about babies and left the woman he promised to be with forever when an abortion was no longer an option gets to....? Be in the right? 'He's her dad! He gets to do whatever with her!' uh ......... No? He only got to see her bc Mariana wanted the best for Regina and hes so incredibly fucking dumb

It's getting old that Ana is always fucking wrong. Doesn't anybody else get to be wrong sometimes

And now it turns out that Mariana's dad was actually perfectly fine or something it was her mum who decided to keep him out or whatever

Come on....

Are we going to make the endless point that having a career as a woman and also having fun and having a husband and family is simply completely impossible. Jezus Christ.

I thought this was gonna be a pretty feminist show with interesting choices so far but now im like.... Come on

This is getting in the area of: this is too embarrassing.

God. The woman in a man's world shit. I've never seen Ana be actually good at her job. Can we please have Ana do some actual work.

Has anybody looked at that baby in the past hour.

Mariana had the cutest girlfriend who was willing to go all out who supported her when she was pregnant and giving birth and etc etc. and told her she's not alone yet she didn't want to call her a girlfriend. Elena get the HELL OUT LOLOLOL

So you hooked up with your best friend??? And then you were like: eh let's just be friends? Mariana what the FUCK. And then comes crying back for her friend. Ok well. Maybe just, don't date your lesbian friend and be completely unserious maybe.

'i came to realise he'd a good dad' IS HE THOUGH????? IS HE??? COS HE GAVE UP THE WIN ONCE? just because his intentions are good don't make him a good dad.

Huh??? So Ana just took the loss???? Shes not upset about missing the presentation????

Why the fuck didn't Mariana take him to task for breaking his fucking promise again. God he's so fucking dumb. I have no patience for that shit. He broke trust at least four times and horrifically. And yet you'll let him take your kid with him??? Come ON

All I want from this goddamn show is for them to show me Ana beating the fucking competition

Ana's work continues to be: standing around a room looking devastatingly attractive

I don't care about Pablo I don't care about Elena or ceci or the babies ALL I CARE ABOUT IS ANA WINNING. I care a little bit about Tere and Juan Carlos

He shouldn't care if she's just a throwaway woman. Or maybe he cares because it was fucking shitty

Ok so Ana just WON. THANK GOD.

Het ex gf is the front woman of a band???? Jezus Christ Mariana what are you DOING

Oh my god. The sexism at the table is insane. Oh my god. FUCK YEAH somehow it's like Ana won anyway

And fuck yeah! Somebody finally fucking told Mariana that wasn't cool. Girl didn't have to be so mean about it though I guess

Seriously, spying on the girls? Mariana come on....I mean I thought she might play it off as dropping her thing or whatever.

Oh ok. I wouldn't go so far as to equate being called a fake lesbian the same as sitting at a table full of sexist fucking colleagues

Well it's good Mariana got a wake-up call that she needed to be a littleeeee kinder to Elena

It's crazy that she's only 22

They're definitely hiding how ana and Mariana are growing closer and closer very naturally

Ana winning at work!!! Politics!!!!

How in the hell is Ana's mother like ten years older than her at most

If I didn't know that Ana and Mariana end up in a relationship somehow in some way for some time I don't think... I would even catch it? No I would. I mean the salsa dancing is really a step too far. No wait, it isnt. It REMAINS SO SUBTLE. that ana will take instruction from Mariana and NO ONE ELSE. BUT subtle bc no camera angles no nothing that suggest anything. And the narrative is so sincere in cheering on Juan Carlos and Ana

Ana....why r u an idiot

He's like: I love you! And she's like: I've moved on. She should maybe repeat that and say: you LEFT ME PREGNANT AFTER SAYING YOU WANTED TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER.

Ok Mariana is such a fucking idiot. What the fuckkkkk. Poor Pablo oh my GOD. WHAT!!!

Rodrigo said: hey I'll do your homework but you better be my girlfriend. And Paloma did that. What is this weird prostitution plot for grade schoolers

Why does Pablo suddenly have a brain and Mariana doesnt

These people are so unbelievably rich

Damn. Endlessly men misinterpreting shit again and again. Though Mariana and Teresa both have a problem with mixed signals for sure. The men sure like to go from: oh she put a hand on my leg - she must want sex!! despite clear verbal and sometimes years-long rejection or a context of formality.

I guess Juan Carlos and Ana simply want different things.

Elena, despite being thin as a rack, is really hot.

Teresa is such a fucking dick. Truly Mariana and Teresa are Soooooooo Selfish when it comes to people who like them. Oh i need you to do something so fuck your feelings!

Mariana trusting Ana almost without question. They're building this soooooo slow

WHY WOULD YOU SAY 'TERESA NO ONE MUST FIND OUT THAT WE WERE LOVERS' OUT LOUD WITH PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE!!!!

She's literally in the hallway!!!! Sjisodjdkjfkdnd

Jezus everybody doing so much adultery. This show basically normalises it as idk very natural. This sentiment is then verbally proposed.

Ana INSTANTLY tells Mariana that she cheated on her husband. The moment she sees her..dude....

Why would she do this thing with Anuar some more if Mariana already knows

Anyway somehow Pablo was super dumb in the beginning but later hes smart

Oh so they put in an 'i love you' and a kiss and INSTANTLY play it off for the character and the audience. AMAZING. AMAZING!!! I LOVE IT

Fucking sucks that i dont even ship the poly bait of Elena/Mariana/Pablo..because Mariana so clearly is not into them??

Juan Carlos blaming the break on Ana sleeping with someone else when she had the guts to tell him when he didnt is fucked.

Pablo proposes out of the blue. Gets rejected. Just leaves the babies. Losldbfldbfjf..i thought you were doing these things for the BABIES

Ah they're doing some sort of vows in the guise of a maternity ritual. Amazing

They keep putting in a shot to Elena when they have these moments. Like the resident lesbian going: Harold.....

AND NOW MARIANA ACTUALLY LOOKS AT ELENA WHOS LIKE LOL BITCH COME ON

oh no.... Seriously. Did she just pull the 'youre just confused' card on a fellow sapphic??? Or is she trying to protect her?

Pablo is such a selfish bitch. 'ive been trying so hard for something that I threw away like it was shit once already!!' somebody warn Cynthia about this man

Ok so now Ana is being a shit head and not mentioning she also cheated hello

I mean Mariana you've been such a piece of shit to your mother the whole time

Seriously? Doesn't Juan Carlos think to fucking say: this was BEFORE. Jezus Christ. Now its getting stupid. I hate that shit

Seriously. So she's going to ask the question and then Mariana is going to answer without explainin that it was BEFORE

Shut UP

Seriously he didn't tell the kids the reality either? Think this is damn unfeminist for the dude to get blamed now for eveything. Come ON

Hate when seasons end on everything being shit

And I bet next season it all gets spun even more into shit. Hate that

God.

Ana really in one day, instead of making it a good day for her daughters, actually blamed her husband for everything, alienated the whole family, and her bestest friend as well.

What the FUCK

Anyway season 2 really sucks

#i really enjoyed that first season #but now theyve separated ana and mariana and all the drama feels cheap and unearned #damn #really sucks #i enjoyed the fresh choices the optimistic take on family the willingness of the narrative to forgive characters and #most importantly the way the show builds the central relationship #one note: they must have used a hundred babies for these babies #vidi #anyway #madre solo hay dos #migh skip to season 3. might skip to season 3 episode 4 even #and read the wiki #its mothers day today #i cant drive because i stayed up all night #i am in a very bad state

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shixen · 2 years ago

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The Movie

Okay mugen backstory

Delinquents vs. Actual yakuzas vs. Some Big Bang wannabes vs. Also maybe the amamiya brothers

Smoky is fireproof, fitting on account of his name I guess

Japanese yell a lot. Very high pitched. Lots of vocal fry. Cant be good for the throat

Step into the Mighty Warriors Funk Jungle why don't you?

Oh shit I was joking about big bang but they're actually performing on stage

Its not very good

They got a girl so the clockwork orange rascals can't hurt them

A cop just literally tickled cobra

Why is Lala so clean? Not a realistic portrayal of homelessness

There is another Amamiya brother? A secret one, I don't even know anything about the 2 that already exist

Dan wants to work at tetsus bathhouse

The fact that a Japanese version of house of pain plays everytime we see Oya high is objectively hilarious

Is hyuga drunk? What does he do all day

Anti-gangster law. Just the one.

Iemura family is sucks

Kohaku's no good very bad life

"Donnnnnn sshhhhow yuh facccce againnn"

Gold cutlery is tacky

But the English is wild

Dad is angry with the kids

This motherfucker in a full-ass fur coat

All these dudes are like "punch off! Look tough" meanwhile a bunch of people are legit dead

Cobra really will just let anyone manhandle him, excessive baby girl energy

Smokey is not here to play, also extremely baby girl with his fluffy hooded jacket

This bitch brought a whole sabre to a punch off. Extremely cheating

Its an Amamiya! Here to save smokey from his extremely bloody anime mom cough

"I won't forget your face" thats gay brutha

Japanese, now English, now Korean, now mandarin, no wait back to English, syke Japanese all the way

"Aaaahhhhh BiKeu!" Relatable dude, Masaki is my fave Amamiya so far

The flow is wack as shit, like embarassing

This uncle has commitment issues

Take smokey to a fucking hospital bro, dudes not well

Run more fucking pathetically Lala for gods sake

That was the smoothest fucking snatch and grab I've ever seen

Yamato is going to cry again I can sense it on the air

Kohaku needs a therapist

I have no idea what the bleached bitch's name is but he has one of the most korean faces I've ever seen

Uncles name is tsukumo. Good to know

Why the fuck is smokey sleeping on his back

His recently cut open back

WHO IS THE THIRD AMAMIYA. I ONLY JUST MET THE FIRST 2

Noboru has prepared a presentation for us all with sick graphics and everything

We aren't even half way through the movie at this point

Naomi has started crying so you know damn well Yamato is also crying, he never sleeps on an opportunity to shed a few tears with the homies

Cobra has hairspray in now so you know its serious

"I'm prepared to die for this" bro how old are any of you???

Who let chiharu have his own motorbike, he's like 12 years old

Murayama graduated? Good for you girly

Best fucking believe Jump Around is playing

Where did they get trucks from?

Rocky looks like if Willy Wonka was blatantly evil

Hyuga you're gonna die if you sit like that. What if they need to break?

Quick movie note break cause I'm eating a sandwich and I didn't realise what an insane amount of lettuce I put in it like what's wrong with me on a fundamental level?

Rocky who the fuck shows up to a gang War in a white fur coat? Dry cleaning cant help you if you make choices like this

Daddy had the budget for camera rigs I see

Rocky don't call Yamato a baka in such a low voice, im gonna fall in love with your cringe ass

Where did all these grown men willing to fight children come from

Oh shit its the Amamiya brothers I GUESS

Daruma gang is straight up killing people. And they're correct about it

Just 2 dudes with styled hair and leather jackets having a fun time punching each other

Cobra really said "I don't know any English, and I don't care to" respectable sentiment

Tsukumo talk some sense into your boy

Oh shit I forgot that tsukumo actually got straight up hit by a car

Its crying hours again. It always is with these boys

Who fuck was it that hit them with the car?

AND WHO IS THE THIRD AMAMIYA

Your friend just woke up from a coma better punch the shit out of him

Pulling hair now are we boys

There's always a koren shit-stirring from the back

And his dress shirt is covered in rhinestones

Hell yeah cobra punch Kohaku in the face. He pulled your hair.

Cobra be flying

Slightly too far that time Cobra but thats okay baby girl

Cobra stronk

His baby-girlness is intensifying

Damn cobra is always getting choked though

Screaming makes the punch stronger

Yep more crying time

Yamato weeping like a child. Checks out

Get it together Yamato, not every movie has to end with you crying for 20 minutes

Okay everyone is crying now

Maybe a hug and some group therapy??

Screaming on your knees under a shower of sparks? Yas queen slayyyy the drama of it all

Where did rocky get a cigar from?

Murayama can sense babygirl energy, its like a gaydar, like calls to like

WHO WAS DRIVING THE CAR

WHO IS THE THIRD AMAMIYA

WHAT THE FUUUUUCK

Tsukumo for sure needs a hospital

I am watching every HiGH&LoW movie back to back and simply allowing my brain to drip out of my ears

Its how I want to go out

I am taking notes for introspection though, to report my findings

#spoilers #high&low

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causesharm · 3 years ago

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@modestmuses sent : ‘ prison is not an option for me, okay? i can’t pee in front of other people. ’

❛ that’s your only reason for trying to stay out of prison ? ❜ eyebrow raises in the others direction, an amused look tugging at features at the mans confession, truly she could think of several reasons why snufkin should stay away from government facilities, a ten paged list is already created in mind - not being comfortable with the bathroom situation is the last on the list, especially with how relaxed and uncaring he seemed to be most of the time, he had second place for that attitude ( joxter being the first, but coraline thinks snufkin could give the guy a run for his money ), so seeing him have an issue with what would be the easiest thing in a place like that is unbelievably funny to her ❛ i have several questions, starting with : don’t you shit in the woods, why would pissing in a cell be any different ? ❜ forty pages just got added to the internal list within those few seconds.

「 THAT 70′s SHOW | 𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐄𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 」

#OIHSDIOSHDOSIHDOSIDHSOID I LOVE HER... LOVE HER BLUNTNESS... THE GENUINE WANT TO STUDY HIM RN....#modestmuses #i will say #one of my fave things i realised between cora and the forest hobos #is how they all don't care in different ways. like it's the same. but its /different/#i've never realised that and now im going insane in the best way #𝐈𝐍𝐁𝐎𝐗 ⠀ ﹕ ⠀ 「 ANSWERED 」 … i've been living in the state of dreaming，living in a make believe land.

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moririki · 3 years ago

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⤷ MORE THAN YOU'D BARGAIN FOR

DENJI X READER -> 1.7K when it comes to a fool blinded by love, it sure hurts to have the short end of the stick

REQUEST -> ✰ CONTAINS -> angst, friends with benefits‼️, happy ending bc i'm weak like that, denji not knowing how to process emotions, very loose college!au cos i'm lazy, makima being slightly antagonised because fuck her, mentions of sex but nothing super explicit i don't think MORI'S THOUGHTS -> thinking about denji's hands. i want to learn how to animate manga panels now so i can do a csm edit. also the writing style got kinda boring im SORRY

HEARTBREAK WAS ALWAYS BOUND TO HAPPEN IN THESE SORT OF RELATIONSHIPS. anyone with a pair of eyes and ears could give a clear answer to the question "who does denji like?" and no matter how much you wanted that answer to change, it would never be you.

even when the blonde boy had been so insistent on his heart belonging to another, he still had urges. so under the influence of one too many bottles of alcohol, it was a fairly easy decision for both of you to fall into bed together. more than once. more than you'd care to admit.

being with denji was nice. he was funny, sweet at times and vulgar during the others, and you found yourself repeating a mantra of don't catch feelings for your friend during your time together. and truth be told, it was hard not to, even when you and denji had finished your business and the topic of conversation always seemed to make its way back to makima.

it left a bitter taste in your mouth when denji acted like nothing had happened between the pair of you in other settings. the bitterness turned sour when you realised that there was no reason for him to have to either, and you cursed yourself when you realised you had done the worst thing possible and gone and fallen for your friend who so clearly wouldn't like you back.

but there were times where you thought that you just might have a chance.

even though your cursed your heart for fluttering and rearing its head each time so willingly at denji's mercy, you couldn't help but take every offhand action of his as a ray of hope. with the way his hands engulfed yours to anchor himself as he thrusted into you, the way his lips left urgent kisses on your lips as you panted beneath him, the way he whispered sweet nothings into your ear as you cried out in ecstasy.

and even when you were lying next to each other in his bed, catching your breath. you would turn to look at his face sometimes, only to see him staring at you already with a look in his eyes that could only be described as wistful. but you were a fool to think that you could ever upseat makima in denji's eyes.

false hope could only get you so far.

with his breath tickling the back of your neck and his large hand rubbing patterns into your hip, this false hope really had gotten you somewhere. but all good things must come to an end. words that you dreaded to say weighed heavy on your tongue, but you dragged yourself along, lifting them just enough to feel them escape your lips before you could really stop them.

"denji, what are we?"

you felt the hand that rested on you go still, and the arm that was poised as a pillow for you went rigid. hell, the boy that was holding you so close to his chest had practically stopped breathing, and you felt your eyelids slide shut in a bitter defeat before you heard another word. it's not like you needed them to understand how he felt, anyway.

"we're friends, aren't we?" his tone was so controlled, so even and level and unlike the denji that you knew and, dare you say it, loved. it sent another shot tubneling straight through your heart, and you were glad that you were currently facing away from him. you wouldn't be able to handle seeing the look on his face as all of your tentative hopes were crushed under his heel. all you wanted to do was curl in on yourself and maybe try to cry away the numbness that was invading your body from the chest outward.

you raised a shaking hand to push denji's own off of you, and you felt the mattress underneath you creak as the boy shifted in confusion at your behaviour.

"y/n?"

your kept your back turned to him as you got out of his bed, pulling on your own clothed and scowling in frustration when you couldn't find your shirt anywhere. you were seconds away from letting the first droplets fall, and you did not want to let denji see.

you snagged some random material of a shirt off of the bedroom floor, yanking it over your head and turning to face denji with a face that you hoped wasn't too scrunched from holding back your tears.

"we're not just friends and you fucking know it."

you didn't have time to register his wounded facial expression or the pleading calls of your name that he cast towards your retreating figure, but you grabbed your shoes before leaving his dorm, shutting the door behind you a little too forcefully and storming off back to your own room.

you must look insane, padding along the halls with no shoes as angry tears streaked down your face and you tried your best not to audibly sob. by the time you had made it back to your room your eyes were streaming, and you flopped on your bed with little regard for anything else other than crying your eyes out.

truth be told, after that fateful night and the best cry of your life you felt much better. you knew where you stood, you had your feelings sorted out, and you knew that a little distance would really help you to finally move on from your friend.

now, if only denji would stop calling and texting you like nothing had happened.

you felt like you could scream when you saw a notification from him, asking if you wanted to study for the test that you had next week. you bit back the petty urge to ask him if he wanted to study with you as just friends, instead opting to turn your phone off and bury your face in your pillow once again.

matters of the heart take time, after all.

on denji's end, things weren't looking much better. he brushed off his confusion at your actions and words when you had left so abruptly the other day, only to find himself staring at his ceiling trying to decipher his feelings and what the hell you had meant.

he likes makima. and he has, for a while now. he could count on one hand the amount of times he had interacted with the girl who sat in front of him in the lecture hall, and every time had been met with this strange giddy feeling in his chest. though it was rare, he knew that feeling.

but the one he felt right now was so, so, different. when the door clicked shut behind you, it felt like a piece of him had up and left along with you. the very reason that he had accelerated things so far in your relationship was because of how right things felt with you. the slightest graze of your fingertips across his chest didn't light any fireworks in his mind, but it's like warmth perforated his skin and was injected straight into him from you.

truth be told, that feeling was the most addicting he had ever felt. and when he heard that air of finality right after the door shut behind you, it didn't take long for denji to realise just how cold everything felt without you.

but he still liked makima, right?

that giddy feeling in his chest he got from her was enough to fill the you-shaped hole, right?

you not talking to him wasn't what made his heart hurt, right?

he only realised just how wrong he had it when he talked to makima for the fourth time ever. she had turned in her seat, even smiling at him and asking for a pen, and all that came to mind was how much he missed your smile.

hell, he missed everything. the sound of your laugh, the smell of your hair. the way you fit against him and said his name. and that's when he realised this you-related feeling was.

longing.

there was a knock on your door. and another. you groaned, rolling over to check the time to see that it was three in the morning.

by the time you had cracked your door open you saw a flash of blond hair and a face all-too-familiar, you knew it was too late to slam your door shut. denji's face perked up, and you already knew that you were done for.

he lifted his hand, revealing a pretty albeit crumpled bouquet of flowers. you almost giggled to yourself, guessing that the mastermind of that romantic gesture was most likely denji's roommate aki. but it was appreciated, nonetheless.

"what do you want, denji?" you were painfully aware of just how much of a mess you looked right now- eyes still red around the rim from how many self-pitying tears you had shed over this entire situation.

denji's mouth and opened and closed, and you sighed against your barely open door which still had a chain on it.

"i'm not in the mood, denji."

"no, no, it's just that i wanted to say that i've finally figured out what we are." it appears tgat your friend finally found his voice. you looked him in the eye again, trying not to let the hope in your heart build itself too high. "we're way more than friends, y/n."

you felt any resistance crumble at those words, and the sheepish smile on your face grew.

"so, can i come in?" you smiled at denji, shutting your door to undo the latch before opening it again, wide enough to let him back in to your life. consider him a weakness of yours.

the first thing denji did when he crossed the threshold of your door was wrap his arms around you, dried tears and crumpled flowers and all, and bury his face in your hair. the only words he had to offer was a mumbled i miss you into your skin, and you felt your body melt against him like it had so many times before.

when you finally broke apart, you couldn't help but wonder.

"so, what are the flowers for denji?" the boy before you blushed, his eyes flitting off to the side. he raised a hand to the back of his neck, taking a breath to summon some courage.

"i was hoping... that i could take you out on a date. or be your boyfriend. something like that."

"what?" denji was still bright red, though his eyes were locked onto yours.

"you heard me." you smiled once again, taking a step forwards and effectively closing the distance between you two.

"i would love to."

take a look at the menu - ,, ⚖️ ·˚ ༘ ꒱

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transmutationisms · 2 years ago

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Hello Camille. Normally I wouldn't send this as an ask, but I feel like this might be of your follower's interests. I have just realised that there is an intersection in cannibalism, Roman's negative oedipal complex, his attraction to men and catholic rites, and that's holy communion. Why is he, as a man, on his knees consuming the flesh of another man? Maybe he's spent enuf time in the confessional and it's time for communion. Myabe eating dick really could fix him...

okay yes i've spent a lot of time thinking about this and to me it really does come back to "you eat me, i eat you." said to gerri, his father figure (business mentor, ticket up at waystar, turns him on by calling him disgusting, etc). conflating love with cannibalism with oral sex. like i think he really is offering to suck gerri's dick. could he go through with it? doubtful. does he know that, though? unclear.

if you wanted to go extra insane with this you could point out that one of the first things he says to mencken is calling him "the ghost pepper" ie, a food, but one that's too spicy. then he comments on mencken's christianity---presumed catholicism because of shiv's 'integralist' line and roman crossing himself in the mirror, which cements the association between catholicism and fucking-eating. mencken as the saviour figure, relative to atn; roman as the disciple come to ask him for salvation (roman phrases this as him "taming" mencken, but.....)

plus there's lukas's line about "reaming people; juicing them like oranges" which both echoes something shiv and tom said about logan at tern haven (so again, lukas as father figure) AND flips the dynamic: roman's partner now implying they'd eat him. and lukas is the guy asking roman for emotional intimacy and to talk about his weaknesses. roman perceives all of this as a threat, the same way he would someone literally cannibalising him.

and then of course the iconic line about eduard's neck smelling like cotton candy and roman wanting to lick it. both of them acting as their fathers, though eduard much more successfully than roman. so roman wants to eat him, but settles for drinking with him instead (im pretty sure he orders the same beer as eduard, though). their affair ending after logan disapproves of the football club in dundee (because they bought the incorrect, specifically protestant, team rather than logan's catholic one) and then eduard turns out to not really be the kingmaker in the hostage situation in turkey. a disappointing father figure for roman.

so yeah to put it all together. roman deifies logan. he also wants to symbolically fuck/marry logan. and he wants to eat of the body of christ (logan) and be redeemed. and so, when we look at his 'partners' and the way he talks about sex and domination, we do find this motif with him of talking about eating people as an act of communion. both communing With Them, and communion in its stricter catholic sense. wanting to eat as an act of taking another man (his symbolic father) into his own body, to have that man's flesh become his own flesh. terrified when lukas implies he'd do it in reverse, very obviously turned on by mencken's overt fascist masculinity and general aura of domination and power.

again, could he actually, in his heart of hearts, eat dick? certainly not while there's a logan in his head, telling him to get straightened out and to find kerry attractive and so forth. but. hypothetically. would eating dick Save him? i mean. it would certainly, at the very least, be a new opportunity for him to synthesise his food issues and sex issues. he needs to eat only the correct things to reach transcendence: fruit; the body of christ. if he could successfully convert his lover's body into the body of christ, and if he could confront his desire to symbolically marry his father without invoking the logan shame spirals that prevent him from actually fucking anyone......... well maybe it's best we just never find out............

#@dee i think ur teeth thoughts are relevant here dhcjdbxjd #you eat me i eat you

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the-girl-who-cried-wolf · 3 years ago

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I've been meaning to send you this ask forever, so here I am. Emma I found out you listen to The Cure??? For years, I've been only listening to like 3 songs by this band and only recently I decided to actually discover their music, and I don't need to tell you how amazing it's been!!!!!!! I used to listen to picture of you all the time in 8th grade and there's just so many good songs I can't stop listening!!!!!! Taking a walk with earphones blasting their music inside my head!!!!!! Listening to them in class, in the car!!!!!!! Basically all the time, it's ADDICTIVE!!!!!!! I find myself really going back to this kind of music and bands and I'm obsessed so if you have any favorite songs of them or any recommendations I'd love to know!!!!!!!! It's like you're my source of discovering new good music and @jochase is my source for watching addictive tv shows, my mutuals are wonderful people 🤧 Have I mentioned how much I love you, both? Because I very much do.

(This playing while I'm writing this ask).

hi mais!!! first of all, sorry this went unanswered for so long. life just insists on getting in the way apparently. anyways! im here now! thanks for sending this!!!

the cure. omg. tHE CURE!!!!!!!!!!! i've seen them floating around since like, forever, but never really listened to them for some reason?? the first song i really truly listened to was pictures of you, which was thanks to jo, and that made me realised that they're fucking amazing and i NEED to listen to more of them! even just over the last few weeks, i keep hearing them on the radio and on different playlists and its crazy to think that i've been surrounded by them this whole time and never even noticed??? its insane. i feel like im rambling, sorry.

i've been switching up through my Music Moods lately, which has meant that i haven't inhaled any albums by the cure yet - but not for lack of trying. my mind just isn't in the mood yet, though im sure it will be soon, and once it is i'll be throwing alllll my favourite songs at you. and ofc this goes both ways too! if you ever, ever think that i might like a song, then feel free to tell me!! the chances of my at least liking it are 100% if you like it, im sure. we have similar music taste. like yk,, everything else.

and yes have i ever mentioned how much i love you and @jochase??!? because i really. really do. you guys are the best <333

(also, this isn't the cure, but this is what i'm listening to as i write all this. i've been loving this whole album so fucking much lately. i feel like you might like some songs on it ?? lmk if you ever give it a listen, i'll be happy to ramble about literally anything with you. ily mais, hope you have an AWESOME day <3)

#i feel bad for having to leave this for so long mais #trust me i WANTED to answer it the second i knew it was there but yk #busy times. annoyingly #but thank you so so much for sending this in!!!! it made me incredibly happy!!!!!!!!!!!#mais <3 #ask #music things

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jeagerism · 5 years ago

Text

wish you were here

✒ word count : 4.2k

✒ characters : park jimin x reader

✒ warnings : sadness, like hella sadness im sorry, break up!au, reader just misses him lots, small amounts of fluff, cursing, seeing the person you love with someone new, first dates, moving on, crying

✒ summary : You're sitting in your bathtub eating marshmallows at 3 in the morning three weeks after the break up, and you're doing fine, you really are. But then, all of a sudden, you're crying and realising how much you miss him.

✒ author's note : as i wrote more and more i was like...hmmm. jimin. here is the completed fic im scared to post this didusissj but if i don't i might die so. hope u guys like dis one xoxo it's my first jimin imagine pls do not hurt me im trying :o

It's 6 p.m. on a Saturday when it happens.

The curtains are open slightly in the living room, rays of golden sunlight reaching just past where your feet rest on the couch. You're typing up an essay when Jimin slips through the door, toeing his shoes off. Five-fifty, just like clockwork. The coat he wears everyday goes on the same hook - third from the left. He shuffles over to the couch and presses his lips to the crown of your head, just like always.

It's easy to fall into routine.

Another episode of Sex Education plays in the background, long forgotten after an hour of staring at the same screen. You're pretty sure your brain is fried. But you'd made a promise to yourself that you'd finish this essay today, so you make due.

"Hey." The way your lips stretch into a smile is hard to control, even more so when he copies your actions. He falls onto the couch beside you, leaning into the cushions with a hum. He smells like the strawberries and honey body wash in the bathroom.

You let your eyes study him for a few seconds, then go back to typing, and it's quiet, just like always. It feels normal. Nothing's different.

Until it is.

"I think we should break up."

Of the five years you've known Jimin, you've been through a lot. And while most of it had been dealing with things much bigger than yourselves, bigger than romance and first kisses, you'd had your fair share of relationship issues.

But things were good. He would come home every day, smiling, press that same kiss to your forehead. Sit right beside you, leaning into your side, his warmth seeping into you. Sometimes he'd play with your fingers, a thing that kept him occupied and calm. You knew Jimin, you knew all his habits, what made him tick, how he acted when he was sad, or happy, or angry.

"Y/N?"

"I can't", you breathe out, so softly it's barely audible. And you wonder if he can even hear you. If he can hear the way you're trying to gather up everything you're feeling right now and trying to shove it down, down, down. "I don't understand? I need, can you-"

And as much as you know Jimin, he knows you all the same. He knows you're panicking, and normally, he'd grab your hands and help you breathe. In for three, out for three. In for three out for three. He doesn't do that this time. He doesn't even look at you.

"I'm just not...happy. I'm not happy and I don't think I make you happy anymore, either."

But you do. He does, Jimin makes you so happy that sometimes you forget how to breathe. He makes you so happy that you love everything about him, even the things that drive you insane sometimes. So happy that you pick up the clothes he leaves on the floor after his shower, or place his shoes back neatly, or cook his favorite food for him whenever he asks.

These are the things you want to tell him. You want to tell him it all and more, but the only thing that comes out is :

"Okay."

Because what else can you say? He's just said that he's not happy with you anymore, and he's so close but farther away than ever, and he's not even looking at you.

In for three, out for three. But you still can't breathe. And this time, as his words fall on near deaf ears - something about "my stuff" and "sometime later" and "you stay, I'll go" - and he slips his shoes and coat back on, and it's quiet, it's not because you're happy.

You can't breathe because it hurts. You're not sure of how long you stay on the couch, computer running hot on your lap, a "Are you still watching" message on the tv. But when you finally look up, it's dark.

And you take a breath. Dragging yourself to Jimin and your bedroom - your bedroom - takes more of an effort than you'll admit, but you get there. The pillow is cool against your burning cheek. You allow your eyes to close tight, because his side of the bed is never this cold.

All you can do is breathe. In for three, out for three. Something you'd learned from him, with him.

It's all you can do to keep yourself from breaking.

He takes you on your first date in September.

It's bowling, which is a stereotypical first date, but it's him, so you don't really mind.

Park Jimin is nervous. It's evident in the way he wipes his hands on his pants before he holds your hand. The way he gets quiet after laughing at one of your jokes, as if he's afraid of being too loud or happy.

"No fair!", you call, speaking through a pout. "You've got like, superhuman abilities or something. You're obviously gonna win." Crossing your arms, you shake your head. "I think we should label this as cheating."

Jimin chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm not trying, though."

You make a noise of protest. "That's even worse!" Leaning closer to him, a furrow in your eyebrows, you huff. "Are you saying I'm just plain ole bad at bowling, Park?"

"You said it, not me." It's the first joke he's made all night. You laugh, eyes closing just from the force. "I could, uh, I could help you? If you want. Since I'm so good and everything." The last part is said teasingly, and you can hear the smirk in his voice.

You stand, ruffling his hair with a smile. "Teach me then." By the time you've grabbed the ball you've been using the entire time, he's right behind you. Sticking your fingers in the holes, you twist it around lightly.

"I see why you're so bad now." You turn, opening your mouth to defend yourself. "You're not even holding the ball right, you know."

"Well, I'm sorry I was never taught bowling ball holding basics. I didn't even know you could hold one of these-"

He interrupts you with a hand on your waist, delicate and soft. His fingers rest just above the top of your jeans, brushing against soft skin. "Like this", he murmurs. Jimin's other hand adjusts your own. "And then this." He keeps his hand atop yours, and brings your arm back, helping you swing it forward. You're so focused on how close he is that you don't notice you still need to let go of the ball.

Lips brushing against the side of your cheek, Jimin hums. You shiver. "You know, this doesn't actually work unless you let go of the ball when you swing, pretty girl."

You feel like you're going to combust. Park Jimin just called you pretty. Park Jimin, the boy you've had a crush on for months. Called you pretty. Blinking, you swing your arm back with him again, and let it go when it comes forward. Not caring if the ball hits the pins or not, you rotate, until you're face to face with him. All soft, silky hair and lips that look as soft as pillows.

"What?" He raises an eyebrow, another pretty flush spreading over his cheeks.

"Can I kiss you?"

The noise that comes from him mirrors the shock on his face that quickly morphs into timidness. "Like you even have to ask, Y/N."

His lips feel even softer than they look. You've had a first kiss before, but this is the only one that's felt right. Something in you tells you that means something. When you pull away, you're smiling, breathless.

"Hey", Jimin whispers, nodding his head behind you. "You knocked down all the pins."

As he walks you home, he holds your hand.

"I'm glad we got to do this", Jimin says, and his eyes don't meet your own until you squeeze his hand tight. You think about how he'd wrapped you up in the extra sweater he'd been wearing when he'd noticed you were cold. How he'd pulled you closer when walking down the sidewalk because people were bumping into you, and had held you that way the entire way back.

"Me too." You grin, watching the pink on his cheeks spread to his ears and down his neck. His smile mirrors yours regardless.

Jimin sighs. "I'm, um, sorry if it was lame. I know bowling is kinda...well, kinda bland for a first date-"

"It was perfect." You let your fingers detangle as you back up. "Best first date I've ever had."

His cheeks swell with a big, boyish grin. "Next time I'll take you to the arcade downtown." A smirk. "Maybe that time you can beat me in something."

You always thought that if Jimin ever left you, you'd cry.

Not that you thought of it often, but it still came up once or twice. Every time it did, he was always right there, with soothing words and soft lips pressed against the tip of your nose.

So, the fact that you don't cry surprises you.

You don't cry, and a part of you thinks that, if you did, it would never stop.

Your sadness turns into anger at every reminder of him around your apartment. There's traces of him everywhere, a forced memory no matter where you step. So you keep breathing. You take a breath.

You take a breath when you see his lunchbox he took to work with him every day. When you visit your friends and they ask how plans for the yearly Halloween party you'd always throw with him are going. When you see a news article about him and the boy's album release. You breathe.

Because you are angry with him. Angry for making you waste your time, making you think that it was you and him. That he still loved you, and that you knew him.

Going back in your head, everything had seemed fine. The two of you hardly fought, you told each other I love you every morning and every night. You still had your weekly movie nights every Friday. You laughed together.

Nothing had changed, right? You knew him, right?

A week after he's been gone, it hits you that you never knew him that well at all.

You didn't even know him well enough to tell that he was falling out of love with you.

Two weeks after the breakup, and you no longer feel angry. You feel the dragging feeling of sadness creep up on you again. The anger probably would've stayed, but he'd come to get his stuff earlier in the week.

He forgets a few things, but you don't say anything. Why don't you say anything?

Getting used to life without him is a process. You forget that you don't have to buy those off brand crackers he likes. You never wake up in the morning to his humming in the shower. Things...change.

The bed was never this big, was it? It always seemed small, small enough that the two of you always crowded together, legs tangled together, arms around waists.

Now, it's massive. You pull the blanket up to your chin, and even though you probably shouldn't, you press your cheek into his pillow.

When you fall asleep, you dream of him.

His skin is bathed in moonlight, pale and soft. The two of you sit in the big clawfoot bathtub, the one you both loved, empty and fully clothed. He's quiet, and anyone else would think that's because it's nearing three in the morning, but you know him. You recognize the subtle shaking of his hands, the sweat beading at his hairline even though it was freezing inside the apartment, the way he taps his fingers together in rhythm.

You know him.

"Hey." It's the first word spoken since you'd sat down. He's facing you, curls going every which way from attempting to sleep earlier. Holding up the bag you'd snagged before you'd followed him in here, you grin. "Want some marshmallows?"

Jimin's lips twitch into a smile, and even though it disappears as quickly as it came, it's something. Massive hand plunging into the bag, he grabs a handful and proceeds to shove a few in his mouth. You settle for popping them in one by one; the small, colorful bits melt on your tongue.

The bag empties faster than expected, so soon you have nothing to occupy yourselves. As you start to suggest opening the other bag in the pantry, he speaks.

"It's happening again", his shoulders rise up to his ears. His hands rest in between his knees, tangled together, fidgeting.

With a heavy sigh, you lay a hand across his own. "I know." Jimin's eyes meet yours, honey colored and exhausted. The bags under his eyes are more prominent than they have been, and although it's not as bad as the last few times, it's still bad.

"I don't want it to happen again."

And well, you don't quite know what to say to that. Because you don't either. This feeling was always with him, always simmering underneath the surface. It never completely disappeared, but it did get easier to deal with. It was bearable, almost nonexistent at times.

You know it hurts him, and him hurting makes you hurt. He deserves so much good, he is too good, to have so much weight on his shoulders. To be plagued with so much anxiety and pain, and for what? You don't even know the answer.

No one is perfect, as living with him for this many years often reminds you. He's definitely not. He leaves his shoes in the middle of the floor. He forgets to replace the tissue when the roll runs out. He's never had a plant that's lasted more than a week, because he's either not here or just forgets.

So no, he's not perfect. But you know damn well he's the closest thing to it you have.

"I'll be here." You swallow, fingers slotting in between his. "I am here. No matter what, rain or shine, you know that." Jimin lifts the side of his lips into a smile. "I love you."

Switching in his spot, he turns, leaning back against your chest, rejoining your hands soon after. "I know." He brushes his lips across your knuckles. "I love you, too."

Your other hand combs through his hair, twirling curls around your fingers like thread.

The two of you don't retire to your bed until the sun begins to peak over the horizon.

You wake up with sweat beading at your hairline.

In for three, out for three.

You ignore the phantom taste of marshmallows on your tongue. A shaky hand pushes the blankets off of your body, and you're taking the familiar path to the kitchen before you can really think. There's a bag of mini marshmallows where they always are. You grab them, tearing a whole in the top as you walk towards the bathroom.

When your back meets the familiar chill of the tub, you can feel the way your throat begins closing up. But you push it away with a hand full of marshmallows, which distracts you from the aching burn settled deep in your chest.

You've never done this alone. Every time you've sat in this exact same position, marshmallows in hand, he's been here. But there's always time for change. At least that's what you tell yourself.

You'd spent all your time in this tub with Jimin. There weren't any more of those times. No more late night baths where you just talked about your days. No more pic nics on the living room floor when you didn't feel like going out. No more hugs or I love you's or simply just seeing him across the room.

And another. In for three, out for three. Focus on something else. Anything else but him. Your eyes switch from the wall to the bottle of soap on the ledge of the tub. Strawberries and honey. His favorite. Something else. The two towels hanging on the rack, one yellow and one red. You remember picking them out the night you moved in. It's getting harder to see with the tears in your eyes, but it's fine. It's fine.

Because you don't miss him. You can't, because the smell of strawberries and honey are fading from the pillow that's beside yours. The red towel hasn't been used in a month. There's never a box of off-brand crackers with his name on them in the cabinet anymore. And he's not here.

And you can't wish that he is.

September is different this time.

The streets are full of people, and you're filled with a happy sort of warmth as you wait outside of a coffee shop. Rubbing your hands together, you blow warm air on them to rid yourself of the numbness starting to creep in. It's the type of cold that sets in slowly. You nudge your nose against the scarf you're wearing with a shiver.

People around you pass by with smiles, arms full of bags or holding others hands. It's peaceful.

"You're going to drop them!"

Glancing up, your eyes dart around until they find the source of the noise. There's a part of you that wishes you hadn't. A part of you that wants to shove your nose back into the fabric around your neck.

Seeing Park Jimin is...weird.

There's a certain type of irony in the way that you see him during your first September without him. It twists and tears at you with bleeding fists.

"Jimin, let me carry some!"

The girl next to him is pretty. She's more than pretty. Jealousy ebbs in your chest for a mere moment at the smile he gives her, the way his eyes sparkle. Remembering how he used to look at you like that pours salt onto the wound.

His hair is blond now. He looks good. Jimin had always looked good, though. There's no doubt in your mind that he's one of the prettiest people you've ever met. But he looks good. He looks like he's glowing. He looks...happy.

I'm just not...happy anymore.

"I've got it", he laughs, leaning his head back with a smile. Turning, he regains his grip on the bags, switching his gaze over, over, over. "See, like…" His eyes are sparkling. He looks happy. Is this what he meant?

I'm not happy and I don't think I make you happy anymore, either.

"Y/N?"

You quickly avert your eyes, turning and stuffing your hands into your pockets with a huff of breath you can see in the cold air. For a second, you can hear his footsteps getting closer. Of all the ways you thought you'd bump into him, it was safe to say this wasn't on the list. Seeing him wasn't on the list at all. Avoiding the problem until it went away seemed like a good enough plan.

Just as you're ready to turn around and face him, even if you really do not want to, a hand lands on your shoulder. Gentle.

The endless run on thoughts of what you're going to say become muddled as you open your eyes.

"Sorry it took so long. Since someone wanted peppermint hot chocolate, even though they were obviously going to be running out, I had to wait a little longer." The corner of his lips lift into a grin. "Didn't mind though. Anything for you, I suppose."

You shake your head with a smile as he hands you the cup. "Thank you." The drink warms your hands, the numbness melting away.

"Ready to go?"

Jimin's behind you. Jimin is behind you with a girl who may not even be his girlfriend, but a girl who makes him happy. Makes him smile.

And you think you're a little okay with it.

You don't really have a choice, but. It's easier to swallow than you'd expected.

You've learned to live without him. And even though there's a piece of you screaming and throwing a fit like a child that just wants and wants, you don't break.

"Yeah. I am."

Pivoting, you walk forward. He's still relatively far away, but close enough that you can see him in your peripheral vision. Close enough that you make eye contact once more as he readjusts the bags in his arms. Close enough that you see the sparkle in his eyes.

You take a breath as your shoulders pass, mere inches of space between you. He still feels far away.

In for three, out for three. Breathe in.

It smells like strawberries and honey.

You smack your lips together as you continue on.

You're craving marshmallows.

Two Months Before

Park Jimin is scared.

Which isn't something he'd normally admit so easily. But, given the circumstances, he doesn't think too much of it.

Filling his cheeks with air, he gnaws on his bottom lip in thought. He's been chewing on it for so long he'll probably tear a whole in it, but he can't help it. Thinking back on the conversation he'd had hours before scares him. Leaves him with an unsettling feeling in his stomach. Anxious, deadly butterflies.

"How're things with Y/N?" Taehyung sits back, sipping from a stark white coffee mug. "Not that we don't see you guys every two weeks, but, you know."

Jimin laughs, shaking his head. "They're good. She's good, amazing." He's smiling so wide his cheeks hurt.

"God, stop looking like a lovesick fool", his friend teases. He tilts his head, scoffing. "Propose already." Jimin must look as lost as he feels, because Taehyung raises an eyebrow. "You okay?"

He blinks, rolling his shoulders. "Yeah, I'm good. I guess I just...never thought about it. Marriage and stuff. I mean, I have, I just…" He shrugs, eyebrows furrowed. "Never really thought about it too in detail." Why does his stomach feel like this?

"Do you want to marry her?"

"Yes." The answer is instant. Something hidden underneath, but something all known.

Taehyung smiles. "That was pretty fast. Are you sure you've never thought about it?"

Jimin wets his lips, clearing his throat. "Guess it just...doesn't make sense with anyone else. It makes sense with her though. It feels right."

The blue haired male across from him smirks, huffing out a laugh. "Guess you'll need a ring then, huh?"

Marriage had always been a far away concept. Something to be worried about later down the line. It seemed like, without even realising it, down the line had come sooner than he expected. He's known Y/N for five years, and while every moment has been one he wouldn't give up, it's sped by so fast.

But when he thinks about it, it doesn't make sense if it isn't her. Nothing makes sense if it's not her. If he closes his eyes and pictures his wedding day, no matter what, in every scenario, every way you look at it, she's the one walking down the aisle. Every time. It's her.

Jimin reaches into the dresser drawer beside the bed, feeling around until he finds what he's searching for. His fingers brush against the velvet box he'd shoved in there an hour earlier. When he brings it out, the butterflies in his stomach have friends.

He wants to marry her. He wants to do it right. He wants to put this ring on her finger and watch her eyes light up. And plan the wedding with her and discuss color schemes and where to seat guests at the reception. Wants to kiss her in front of a room of people as his wife for the first time. He wants to adopt a dog and buy a house with a backyard.

Park Jimin wants to do all of this, and he wants it to feel right, and it only feels right with her.

But if she said no. If she didn't want him the way he wanted her. Park Jimin is terrifyingly in love with her. The type of love that makes him crazy. That makes him wake up early just to pull her back into his arms, because he knows how she likes being held. Because he knows her.

So if she didn't need him like he needed her, he doesn't think he'd be able to handle it. Because she may be able to walk away and find someone new, but he won't.

She's it for him. This is it for him. He doesn't think there's ever gonna be anyone else.

He's loved her every day since the moment he met her.

The not wanting is what might tear him to pieces. Can nervous butterflies die?

The sound of keys turning in lock nab his attention, and he jumps to his feet, heart in his throat. Something in him aches. "Jimin? I'm home!"

Rubbing his thumb over the velvet box once more, he slips it back into the drawer, way in the back. He closes it, and breathes. In for three, out for three. Jimin looks up, and puts on a smile, even with this ache.

He loves her.

"Coming!"

✒ tags : @lysjeon @goldenlilyz @savageprince7

#park jimin imagine #park jimin x y/n #park jimin x reader #park jimin x you #park jimin #jimin #jimin x reader #jimin x y/n #jimin x you #park jimin imagines #jimin imagines #jimin imagine #bts imagine #bts imagines #bts x reader #bts x y/n #bts x you #bts #dej_writes

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0tivez · 3 years ago

Note

Hello hello! :D

I promise you did not make me feel like a poser! Its a me thing that I have to work in bc I get insecure very easily, so don't worry :D You don't have to apologise for hyper fixating, I do that as well lmfao and your opinions are awesome! I love spoiling myself stuff bc im not patient enough :p ig I did get a bit intimidated?? I think its the first convo in which I've talked about jjk more in depth (like character writing and plot lines, etc) compared to "haha Gojo is hot" WHICH IS FINE bc I do find him attractive and I'm not trying to shame anyone who only talks about JJK bc the characters are attractive that bc I do it too, way too often, to be fair 😅

I feel like im being insanely oblivious right now, but leave aot of what controversial classification?? did you mean the Yaoi ship exploitation or...? TT

DEBATING THROUGH DISCORD IS SO SCARY, TEACH ME YOUR SECRETS LMFAO

Yaoi cafes- I- I totally agree w/ what you're saying. I think there's a lot of fetishisation and tokenization (I hope this is an appropiate term) of mlm relationships.

"haikyuu is very much shipped cause the male friendships in there are so strong and healthy" I absolutely agree with this point. I think that's the part that bothered me the most when discussing shipping ig?? I've seen a lot of arguments to defend/explain people's ships and they kinda never made sense to me bc I saw a clear double standard between the friendship perceived between men and women. Like saying people like each other bc they "trust" each other and are honest with each other about their feelings its kinda absurd imo. I do understand that most shippers are pretty chill and most of the time their ships don't hurt anybody!

No, bc now that you mention tuskkishima/yamaguchi pairing I can actually kinda it. Mainly from Yamaguchi's perspective tho, tho I've only watched 7 eps of the first season and im sorry for saying this but I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE HIM IM SO SORRY I CANT- I find him to be annoying and just there during the first part of S1

Its probably bc he reminds me of myself growing up/right now :,) does that imply that I don't like myself?? Maybe! But that's not the point :D The way Yamaguchi was with Tsukki was kinda the same way I acted around my best friend back then and it was,, messy to say the least LMFAO. I have bnha tag blocked on Tumblr TT but I can see where you're coming from, I've heard a bit about the fandom but not much. I hate the way teenage girls are demonised for liking anything lol. It made me weary of the people around me.

I haven't watched YoI, are we even surprised TT, but I did watch clips of the skating routines when I was a bit more into ice skating! I really enjoyed them; I have the song of Yuri's routine saved on Spotify lol. I never thought of the concept of something not being openly canon but still canon?? I like the way you said it! but I understand why it is frustrating, specially when you know the people who write/direct/create the story are trying to appeal/please to another demographic so their work is more accepted.

Opening twitter is so dangerous no matter where you are.

One time I remember my phone automatically connected to the bluetooth in my dad's car while I was watching stuff. The sound of the video went off for like 5 seconds until I realised that it automatically connected and freaked out. I was also playing with the volume levels bc why did the video shut up???? I was so stupid TT luckily my dad didn't question me lol

I WANNA WATCH THE MOVIE SO BADLY FUCK. I think the first anime movie release we got was Koe no Katachi/a silent voice a while ago but only one theatre was playing it. It was very far from my house and in a dangerous area so my dad wouldn't have let me go TT I know watching the movie is gonna hurt like a bitch but im so prepared for crying my eyes out. Tho knowing im impatient as shit id probably watch the shaky-camera-poor-quality-cinema recording-thats-filmed-at-a-weird-angle-with-the-audience's-heads-in-frame version. I did that with Spiderman no way home bc I couldn't find tickets FOR WEEKS

Why does Gojo smelling like nothing not surprise me at all?? I imagine it being in the same way cats smell like nothing. Sandalwood and incense <3 watch me spritz that fragrance on all my clothes now. I am, in fact, a delulu fan :)

Junji Ito is gonna be the death of me. There's a book store close to me that sells a huge Junji Ito book and I want it so badly bc I wanna read his stuff but its so expensive TT He's drawings are terrifyingly amazing tho, do you have any recs??

NOT CUM LMFAO I got so excited explaining the meaning of csm ngl

My feed has also been flooded (in a positive way) with Yuzuru again, I missed him :,) I will personally sue the hole on the ice, idc what anyone says. At least his 4 axel got approved by the judges! I think he is the first male skater with a certified 4 axel now :D I WATCHED THAT VIDEO AS WELL!!!! It was very interesting and fairly easy to understand if you don't know a lot of ice skating terminology! (like me :p). I didn't know Yuzuru went to college until I watched that video as well, I don't know why I didn't see that coming. Anyway, he's such a sweetheart </3 I will not leave this earth without watching him live at least once. I refuse TT he skates without so much elegance and passion and his "stage" presence (is it still called stage presence in this case??) is amazing, one of a kind, incomparable, unique, stunning, breath-taking-

Everyone hates mappa <3 Just today I was thinking how Tokyo Revengers would've been better (in general) if it was animated by mappa...even though I've only watched clips and the op ;p I do wanna read the manga at some point, I just have to organise myself :,)

YES!!! You won't regret catching up I swear, its so good so far and the cinematography is beautiful!

BARKING AT THE GETO TIKTOK YOU SENT AAAAA WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MANIFEST IRL HIM TT and no pls bc I fall for Toji thirst traps all the time, and its specifically toji thirsttraps no less LOL I saw one of a girl cosplaying him and Jesus Christ- ✋ I can try to find it but it was a bit a god :,)

Thank you so much, you're gonna make me blush TT I hope you take care of yourself as well!!

Have a good night/day :D

haha yeah i get that too! i used to get that feeling a lot in middle school cause it was popular to call everyone a poser lol glad i got to overcome that. i'm still connected to toxic fandoms and shit but just don't care lmaoo i'm glad i am my own cringe, mainstream self <3

aah you'll love r/jujutsushi then! it's a pretty supporting subreddit where people discuss the manga in depth, it's so fun to read! the haha gojo sexy discussions are fun, i hate how toxic people on tw and shit call those people "cringe" or "posers that read it only to simp" those two can corelate??? thats a whole another vent conversation

aah no i knew i couldn't explain it lol i think i meant it as in your opinions aren't barely there it's just that i support the controversial opinions so mine are just too out there??? i think???

omg let me tell you about this one time, like the day after ch139, a couple people and i tried to explain this dude how eren is finally free and he just... didn't understand it. at all. there we were, 3 people telling the same stuff over and over again, explaining it to him like he was 5, and him being like "okay but why" needless to say, i left the server

i mean i haven't watched much of season 2 yet and i can tell you yamaguchi is still just there lol at least he's cute and he tries <3 man i keep forgetting these are real children lamoo well i mean i kinda relate to tsukki so that means we can be best friends too <3

aah it's so dramatic but so fun kdscflawkvm i don't really like herohei but the bnha videos make me chuckle a lil bit. unsupervised internet at best

yoi is so fun! it's like eating cotton candy. it's pretty short too, 3 episodes are up on youtube! it's so lighthearted. they are VERY canon btw, i would tell you why but it would be a spoiler sooo you should really watch it 👀 but also victor is extremely sexy

bestie..... what were you watching...........

i will absolutely watch the shaky version or maybe even the crunchyroll version if it gets released online before it does here. i want to watch in cinemas too, the action scenes seem incredible

aah it's been such a long time since i got to read manga tbh. i saw uzumaki 3 in a second hand bookstore in my hometown for cheap and got so excited, i couldnt buy it since they didnt have 1 and 2 :(

i taught csm to my spanish speaking friend and she said she had never heard of it before lol so two birds with one stone

yuzuru truly is an artist. wait i found another tiktokwlsaemflswkdmfclsmfr gurl same

i would DIE if mappa reanimates tokyo ghoul like the fans are asking them to, tho i want them to BREATHE for a bit. i enjoy the fast content but cmon man let the animators rest </3

nah cause i don't even feel bad for eating those thirst traps. you should see my fyp. im not even embarrassed anymore. i don't really like cosplays unless hakken does them but man you can't go wrong with toji cosplays (you can but yknow)

have a good one babe, talk to you later <3

#🥳-anon

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