#i've lost weight but i'm still gross

[jewishjunkie]

[visionofhope04]

Viper (Part 1)

Batfamily x Batsib!Reader

Part 1 (here) Part 2 (coming soon!)

Ages(probably not accurate, just go with it please): Alfred (Immortal), Bruce (45-ish), Barbara (30), Dick (29), Cass (26), Jason (26), Stephanie (21), Tim (20), Reader (18), Damian (16)

Warning(s): cursing, explosions (not detailed), speak of poison and poisoning, (very) minor violence

Part 2 of this headcannon

A/N: Sorry this took so long 😭. So in the preview I posted I said I'd try using third person and they/them pronouns. It hasn't been working out which is why I didn't post this sooner, I'm sooooo sorry :( I've switched it back to using you because I figured it's still inclusive. Hope you guys enjoy this tho! I’m ngl I had a heart attack bc I thought this draft got lost to the void and I was abt to post it.

—

Your boots pounded ferociously on the concrete as you ran and made a sharp right turn into another alleyway. He wasn't far behind you, it would only be a matter of time before you were caught. You had to lose him, fast. Your heart beat against your ribcage, your breaths came out in pants from your nose. You were sweating, and not just from the physical effort. Despite being a trained assassin, you were nervous. Getting caught would change everything, but you were confident in your abilities. However, that did little to stop the lingering feeling of dread you felt every time he got a little too close. You sped up and turned right again into a narrow alley. The Red Hood, who was chasing you, did not expect this and couldn’t slow down, and passed the alley. Frustrated, he backpedaled and ran down the alley he saw you go into.

He reached the end of the alley and slowed to a stop. The alleyway opened up to an empty street, and there was no sign of you anywhere. All he saw was the odd stains on the alley’s walls, a dumpster, and garbage bags strewn about. He lost you.

“Fuck!” He exclaimed, then kicked the dumpster for good measure.

You jolted in your hiding spot, hopeful he wouldn’t notice the extra weight when he kicked it. Your heart began pounding harder, as if it was trying to escape your body, if he found you, you honestly thought it might. Blood rushed in your ears as you waited with bated breaths. Would he open it? Find you? Compromise everything you’ve worked so hard for? You wouldn’t go down without a fight, but with the Lazarus pit in his blood and not much of it in yours, you doubted you’d be able to take him with strength alone. You’d have to be smart about it, as always. Though you didn’t know how your poisons would affect someone the Lazarus pit had such a strong hold on, you’d stupidly never tried it before. You doubt your mother or grandfather would’ve approved of it, as they would’ve been the ones you tested it on (never Damian, you’d never do that to your precious little sibling), but the knowledge would’ve been helpful at the moment. You desperately hoped that he wouldn’t find you, so you wouldn’t have to find out on him. You didn’t want to kill him after all, he’s a part of Damian’s new family. You couldn't ruin your little sibling's chance at a family, at least one of you could find happiness.

After agonizing moments that seemed like years with your overactive brain, you heard him mutter a few more profanities and his footsteps receded. You held your breath as you waited and observed the sounds you heard. Water dripped from somewhere, most likely a roof, and then rustling. Your heart began to pound harder, assuming he was searching, only for you to hear a quiet ‘meow’ and instantly relax. Once you were sure no one was there, you carefully lifted the dumpster lid and peeked. No one. Perfect. You slinked out of the dumpster and grimaced at the smell. Gross, yes, but it worked. It wasn't by far the worst place you've hidden in, but you'd definitely need to shower as soon as you got back to your hideout. The things you do for this job. You trudged in the direction of your current main base of operations, taking great care to stay out of everyone's sight, especially Oracle's.

—

That was your first run-in with Red Hood. It took him longer than expected to figure out what was going on. Took him even longer to find you. You didn't mind though, it gave you more time to work with. It wouldn't be long before Red Hood kept failing to catch you and decided to involve the Big Bad Bat, though. With Batman would come Robin, then Red Robin, and then Nightwing. If Robin found out, it would ruin the whole plan.

The plan was simple, really. Take over Gotham's underground unnoticed, gather members and create a gang, find a perfect time to cause a gang war to distract the Batfamily, and then Talia would initiate her plans to take over Gotham while the bats are busy. Well, that's what the agreed plan was. You'd always been a loose cannon. Since Red Hood had been so close to catching you, the "unnoticed" part had been foiled, albeit a bit later than anticipated. 

"Hey boss, what brings you in today?" Your loyal henchman, Hopper asked you.

"We've got a job to do. Grab some explosives. We're sending a message."

—

“These places feel haunted.” Willow, another one of your most trusted henchmen, said as she placed one of the four explosives into place. 

“It’s probably the Joker’s victims’ souls, he loves warehouses, like typical villains. Maybe they’re here to warn us, ‘Don’t go into the basement, that’s where we’re buried!’. Or maybe they’ll kill us, who knows.”

“This isn’t a joke, you’re scaring me Tina!”

“You guys done?” You ask impatiently, but reluctantly slightly amused.

“Yup.”

— 

"Seven simultaneous explosions have just been spotted around the perimeter of the city."

"Head to the site closest to your current location. If you're paired with someone, split up. Oracle, call in Nightwing and Red Hood if possible. Do not engage with anyone, survey the damage only. "

"Yes sir!" Chirped Spoiler.

— 

After two hours, at 3 am, everyone returned to the cave.

“I take everything I said about explosions back, I hate explosives.”

“Welcome to the club, Timmy! I’ve hated explosives ever since-”

A chorus of groans resonated throughout the batcave, “We know, Jason!”

“You’re not special Todd, most of us here have died in one way or another.”

“Yeah but have you-”

As Damian and Jason began bickering and the whole group headed to the lockers, Dick pulled Bruce aside. 

“B, I didn’t want to say this in front of the others, but I think something bigger is going on. I found these objects around the warehouse I investigated.”

Batman took the bag Nightwing offered and observed the strange objects. Metal letters. Two A’s, one I, one L, and one T.

“It spells Talia.” He observes.

“She would never do something like that if she was behind it, and she wouldn’t leave a calling card, especially not in that form.”

"I know. Hmm. The damage seemed deliberate. It only destroyed the warehouses on the edge of the city. It caused minimal to no damage to surrounding properties."

"You're saying whoever did this is sending a message, about Talia." Nightwing inquired.

"Precisely."

“But who would do this? And why would they warn us? And what exactly are they warning us about? They must be close to her to have an idea of what she’s planning.”

“We’re going to find out.” He says, then turns to Tim, who had just exited the lockers. "Red Robin, check all security footage at all explosion sites and around them, report back all your findings."

Red Robin nods and heads to the Batcomputer to get to work.

—

Dun dun dunnnnn! So how'd you like it? It's been a while since I've wrote anything and it's because I hit a MAJOR writing block. Hope you enjoyed! I was fighting with these tags fr

Tags: @shakespear-picaso-lovechild @rosemary1225 @azazel-nyx @chevelledahuman

@snowcatlove

@danonered @cantbecreative

[jestersfinaljest]

Could you write for the wonderful, amazing, beautiful, silly Ace Trappola? Like him falling in love with a male reader who isn’t the prefect and is just a normal student and is totally in denial that he’s gay? (Sorry if that doesn’t make sense)

｡.｡:∞♡*♥ ︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶┊┊❁ཻུ۪۪♡ ͎. ｡˚ °

‘Okay, I’m man enough to admit when a guy is pretty, I mean, Pomefiore guys have some pretty guys, I am confident in my sexuality to admit that!’ Is what Ace kept telling himself. He had quite literally bumped into a student, just a student from another dorm, just a normal student. A totally normal student who had made his heart pound in his chest. Ever since that encounter, Ace has been out of it, making up excuses in his head, saying things to himself like, “I’m not gay, I can’t be.” or “My heart was beating like that for different reasons!” But deep down, he knew he couldn’t deny it.

The student he had bumped into had very little thoughts about the ‘incident’, sure he thought about it a couple of times, seeing the ginger’s flushed face before he ran off, leaving him slightly confused with a newfound liking. He just stood there after the ginger ran away, questioning a little bit, but nothing he wouldn’t lose sleep over.

Ace, on the other hand, lost tons of sleep, waking up from dreams of kissing or cuddling with the student. 'I don't even know his name! And now I'm having dreams about him??? This is crazy, this didn't even happen with my girlfriend in middle school!!' The more he kept denying that he may have a thing for the student he bumped into, the more the student was on his mind. He had seen him around NRC, just peacefully walking around or chatting with a friend, and every time he did he made a beeline to the opposite direction of him. Now come on, Ace thought he did a good job keeping his little problem under wraps, but it's Ace we're talking about. The ginger got distracted during so many basketball practices that it got the attention of Jamil and Floyd. They didn't bring it up, yet, but time will tell when they would. Deuce and the Prefect had brought it up though.

"I'm just saying, you seem to be pretty distracted lately, we're just concerned is all." The Prefect had told him, Deuce standing next to them nodding full heartily. "Yeah, so what's got you like this? It's weird hanging out with you when you're not so loud and annoying." His arms were crossed over his chest, continuously nodding like he was only saying good things. Grim was too distracted with eating a can of tuna Prefect had bought him from Sam's store to even care what the topic of the conversation was about.

"I'm fine! It's just.." Ace felt hesitant to tell them about the feelings he had so desperately wanted to leave. He wasn't sure how they'd take it, I mean, in an all-boys school? What if they get disgusted by him and think he's weird or gross? These are concerns he'd never think he'd have to think about. "I think I might like the guy I bumped into a week ago, okay??! And I've been stressing with these feelings because I just can't be gay, can I??" Ace felt a weight being lifted off his heart, and then a heavier one dropped down. His heart pounded with anxiety and fear at their reaction.

"Well, why not? Being gay is normal. It's not necessarily a bad thing, you know." Prefect had said something first, shrugging their shoulders. "There's probably a lot of gay people in NRC, I already have a couple of suspicions..." They trailed off, looking away to the side. Deuce, once again, nodded in agreement before stopping himself. "Yeah, that's right--What, uhh, no. Not that last part, uhm, anyway...What me and Prefect mean is that we don't mind who you like because, at the end of the day, you're still our friend!"

A truly lovely and heartwarming scene for Ace, who was given love, support, and confidence to talk to the student! After sorting out his feelings and emotions, he went out and walked around campus for a bit, searching for the student. Around ten minutes passed and he finally found him, sitting on a bench in the courtyard, on his phone. He summoned all of his courage and sat down next to him, his leg starting to bounce out of nervousness. The student had heard someone sit next to him, and by Seven, did Ace feel something when the student clearly brightened up seeing his face.

"Oh, hey! It's you, the guy who bumped into me and then ran away!" He chuckled lightly and turned his head to face Ace, who was feeling extremely jittery and suddenly a bit aware. "Ah, yeah, uhm, I'm sorry about that...I just wanted to apologize for that. I'm Ace Trappola, freshman." The student nodded, "Apologize accepted. [Name]'s the name, also freshmen." Ace felt his heart skip a beat, he finally knew his name. They both stayed silent for a while, too awkward to say anything, maybe.

After a moment or two, one of them finally spoke up, neither of them knew who said it at the time, but one of the two knuckleheads blurted out,

"I think you're pretty cute...!"

Cue matching red faces and a pair of freshmen with no clue what to do now.

______________________________________________________________

a/n: i am so sorry if this is not what you wanted, i usually work better when i have thorough details, since i always want to give the reader exactly what they want so...but thank you for requesting!! this is my first time writing for someone who isnt a friend.

[fuwaprince]

To the welcoming, the caring, the accepting,

To familiar friends,

To anybody willing to listen,

It's 12 in the afternoon and I'm writing to you from a new low in life. I'm sorry for being absent. Please listen.

I've been homeless and hurting for a while again- still trying to do things on my own. Hopping from place to place all over the state while carrying a heavy shield. My belongings are only getting more scattered/lost over the weeks. It's hot in the back of this car (not mine) that I've been sleeping in. I'm sad and sincerely sorry if this sounds like a lot of complaining... Solutions keep falling through. I'm strong but admit that I'm gross because finding a reliable place to shower is practically impossible... I lost weight from not being able to feed myself properly... A LOT went wrong and I'm having a very difficult time regaining any sort of footing. I keep falling flat on my face, keep landing in risky situations around people who abuse me then crying alone. Things are all wrong.

The mental battle is another difficult one but most days I come up on top. Being grateful for what's left and looking forward to any good that may come are the only things I'm holding onto. I don't want to survive off of the kindness and generosity of strangers or even friends forever. This isn't anybody else's burden to shoulder but mine... But I figured there's no harm in asking for a bit of help to survive momentarily? Please don't abandon me. I want to call my desperate yearning for support a need, but won't dare because my self worth is so low. There were times I would beg saying I needed SOMEBODY'S support and good people misperceived that I didn't. Once because I was smiling in spite of it all. In the middle of crying hysterically while explaining the horrific details of my life on the streets to someone who didn't care much... They said it was justification for why I'm actually fine and not in need- that I could still manage to smile. I've been coldly told to run to Jesus and told ONLY I can be the one to get myself out of this. Compassionate company is hard to come by. It's easy enough to shrug someone else's pain off..

I've dealt with so much assault these past two weeks that I have yet to even address. Sexual abuse. False imprisonment. Verbal attacks on my character. Exploitations. Manipulation. Guilt trips and weaponized shame. I'm exhausted. Reaching out to resources and working with a recruiter is hopefully going to help/pay off soon. I'm hoping it'll repair my self worth.

This post had lots of feelings and hardly any explanation, so I'm sorry context is limited. I'm struggling. I could really use some support from anyone willing to call themselves a friend, or any kind strangers who may or may not happen to read this. I've been battling demons and dragons the size of mountains on my own. This can't be my final destination so I have no choice but to carry on. I'm traveling this path to independence no matter what. I hope someone out there is nice... I hope miracles happen. I'm crying and feeling so lost. I have no place to be!

[happysaddca]

You don't need a lot of context for this. It's part of the Constellations AU, before the virus, before you start dating the DCA.

There's bits of worldbuilding in here for the fic, but genuinely I just wrote this because I miss playing the soup game and realize Moon absolutely would torment you and Sun both with random soup "facts".

"Did you know that the ocean is technically soup?"

You roll your eyes, resisting the urge to groan. "Moon, please tell me you're not on reddit again."

"You're the one with an account." Its voice is coming from behind and above, and you know if you turn around, Moon will be lounging across the arcade machines while you sweep up random bits of popcorn and other debris. "I am merely enjoying the breadth of knowledge humanity has to offer. Cereal is also soup."

"There's the breadth of human knowledge... and then there's reddit." You grab the dustpan, noticing Moon isn't scrolling; it's watching you. "What?"

"What?" Its faceplate twists til it is nearly upside down.

You feel for something to throw at Moon, finding your to do list and crumpling it in your hand. Your aim isn't the worst, and you manage to smack the edge of its smile. "Ha, got you!"

"Ah! I've been wounded!" Moon's face untwists as it dramatically drapes itself over the machines, your phone safely clutched in one hand. "You've killed me Star. My and Sun's deaths are at your hands."

"I gave you my phone to listen to music, not be given dubious soup facts. If you're going to be a nuisance, at least help me clean." You poke at Moon with the handle of your broom, nudging its arm.

"I can't help. I'm busy being dead." Moon's wheezy laugh is soft and short as you giggle.

"So I'm talking to a corpse?"

"Yes." Moon's eyes were dimmed, but one brightens as it peeks at you. "Clearly. For shame Starlight."

"All right." You lean up to pat its shoulder, then stretch to reach its hand. "Then I'm picking the music."

"Ah!" Moon's suddenly up and in the air, its cable snapping taut with the sudden weight. "No, we are choosing the music tonight"

"We? You're going to put on Frank Sinatra again no matter what Sun and I want to listen to." You have to find where your to do list landed, uncrumpling it against your cart. A tick goes next to sweep the main arcade, and the sheet is tucked next to your coffee while you move on.

"We have listened to other things."

"Sinatra covers don't count."

"Beatles covers do?"

"I'll throw my coffee at you."

"Naughty. You'll make a mess." Moon follows close behind, floating overhead by the cable while playing on your phone. As expected, Sinatra's soothing voice plays, a little tinny from the terrible quality of your phone's speakers. Moon is humming along, and you can't help but join in for a bar or two. You start cleaning again in the party rooms, taking advantage of the peace from Moon to work. If you're quick, you'll be able to study before it insists on a nap.

"They do not make pools sound particularly pleasant."

"Huh?"

"'Pools are human soup.' That sounds unappetizing."

You've found an abandoned gift bag, flipping it over in your hand to check out the trinkets inside. There's a temporary tattoo of Roxy -- her official design, not the one that resides in this plex. "That does sound gross. I don't swim much anyway. Too many public pool stories about pee to want to try."

"Lost and Found." Moon's hand snatches the gift bag from your hands.

"Hey! It's just a generic bag. No one's coming back for it." You try to take it back, but Moon holds it just out of reach. Annoying, tall, stickbug of a bot. It just has to stand straight to best you. "Moon."

"Me."

You give up on trying to get the bag, dropping back on your heels with a huff. "You're being extra annoying right now." Its eyes narrow as its faceplate rocks back and forth. "Is something eating you?"

"Wouldn't be very tasty."

"Moon."

"Still me."

"Did something happen?" Silence, though its eyes and smile remain thin. "Did something happen to Sun?" Its eyes widen briefly. "Ah." You grimace. "The assistants again. They did seem off earlier during clean up."

"She didn't want to worry you." Moon's tone is apologetic, its smile all but gone.

You nod. It's not like you have been exactly subtle in your dislike of the daycare assistants and their treatment of Sun and Moon, especially Sun. You sigh, letting all the negative feelings that suddenly cropped up out with it. In three, two, one, you'll be okay and not wanting to call the assistants assholes. They are assholes. But neither Sun nor Moon particularly cared to hear it.

"How about you help me gather up the trash to take out and we can spend the rest of my shift watching movies together?"

"Don't you have to study? And rest." Moon's ability to remember the details of your schedule would be offputting if it wasn't a robot.

You wave away the concern. "I've studied plenty before." Lie. "I should be fine." Lie. "And I always fall asleep during our movie binges. Come on, help me out Moony. For Sun?"

Moon's face tick tick ticks ever so slowly around, unspinning right before it's made a full three sixty degree turn. "For Sun," it finally agrees, and you grin.

"Excellent. I'll grab the trash and replace the bags if you can run it to the dumpster."

"Ah, the worst job. Thank you." You ignore Moon, rushing through the end of your task list so you can put your cart away. It's as you're draining the last of your coffee that Moon speaks up again.

"Coffee is bean soup."

It's close enough that you hit its faceplate dead center with the now empty styrofoam cup even as it laughs in sheer delight from the look on your face.

[josephseedismyfather]

[WIP] Music (it's not) Monday (anymore)

I was tagged by @simplegenius042, @inafieldofdaisies, and @g0dspeeed for this week's post. Apologies for the delay!

Afflicted.

One big lie One big lie One stupid lie

I'm sorry for the way I treated you I'm stuck in my ways to just run In the opposite way when things get comfortable I'll keep on licking till your flavor is gone

But It's getting more impossible To keep a straight face And be trusted with I love you (one big lie) Yes, I love you

So don't trust my words when I'm in the bed with you I'll bring the message, but the message gets lost Yeah you opened your legs and baby And maybe I promised you Well you didn't notice that my ankles were crossed

But It's getting more impossible To keep a straight face And be trusted with I love you (one big lie)

Can you show me how to treat someone? I don't recall ever learning how 'Cause I keep fuckin' up Yeah cos I keep fuckin' up I keep fuckin' up

Parenesis.

Complicate this world you wrapped for me I'm acquainted with your suffering

And all your weight It falls on me, it brings me down And all your weight It falls on me, it falls on me

Hold me up to all whom you've deceived Promises you break you still believe

Untitled(shared) Johnny WIP.

So slide over here and give me a moment Your moves are so raw, I've got to let you know I've got to let you know You're one of my kind

I need you tonight 'Cause I'm not sleepin' There's somethin' about you, girl That makes me sweat

So how do you feel? I'm lonely What do you think? Can't think at all What you gonna do? Gonna live my life How do you feel? I'm lonely What do you think? Can't think at all What you gonna do? Gonna live my life

So slide over here and give me a moment Your moves are so raw, I've got to let you know I've got to let you know So slide over here and give me a moment I've got to let you know, I've got to let you know You're one of my kind

Tagging, with apologies for doubles and no pressure:

@wrathfulrook, @socially-awkward-skeleton, @trench-rot, @ladyoriza, @cassietrn

@redreart, @hotmessteaparty, @voidbuggg, @insanityofvaas, @malefiquinn

@strangefable, @noodlecupcakes, @chazz-anova, @aristomal, @ocdemon-747

@evilvvithin, @carlosoliveiraa, @la-grosse-patate, @omen-speaker, @grimmylover7

and anybody else who wants to share. Tag me! 😘

Opt-in/out of tag list here.

[thesoulesscollection]

Soul, I must have missed it, but what happened to Choc's mouth?

Ooh, I don't think I've ever explained this in posts about him so here it is. Also, I realized that Choc has a lot of mouth trauma. Though I'm still working out his entire design, it may not be the most accurate representation. 

If anyone else wants to know more about him I don't mind sharing some ‘lore’ of Choc. 

There've been a lot of unreliable stories that float around the clan about how he got them, how he got all his scars in general but those around his face are the one that drew in the most attention for people. Now it's relatively unknown which is the true story in the midst of the fabrication as Choc himself tends to play along. He's a good storyteller and can do so with a straight, poker face. 

Sometime in his late thirties it'd appeared to have happened during his long stint away from the clan. He offhandedly detailed it as  needing too serious other than having to help his sister and that stuff went down. But in his return came the fresh gnarly scars traveling up his face up his cheekbone like a mockery of a smile. It wasn't the only thing though as his teeth have been replaced with a gold set,  then both his tongue and gums were stained a permanent black color. Overall people find his smile creepily uncanny and grossly weird while others simply got used to it, finding him to be the same goofy old man.

Though over time, people did smarten up, to realize it's likely to be an illness that went to affect him. An ailment that affected his taste and overall hunger when he suddenly lost a hugely unhealthy amount of weight and muscle. 

Weird and gross fact; he can actually open up his mouth a lot like a snake unhinging its jaw with his tongue being abnormally longer than normal. 

[heartfucksmouth]

having a small breakdown/shutdown/idk what.

MIL keeps telling me I need to bite Aidan back (bc he's very bitey which is NORMAL for a 14 mo th old who is getting molars and also doesn't know how to tell me he's frustrated or hungry) and I'm gonna bash her in the face.

she also keeps laughing and saying "I hate to repeat myself but mothering is not for the weak" meanwhile I've been needing extra rest, I'm in extra pain, and I basically hate myself for being sick and not being "enough" of a mother to Aidan.

and she's fucked off thr last two days to go to the beach and go kayaking and they're talking about when she retires they'll be gone for a month at a time on vacations and they're gonna buy a tiny house in Maine but not selling this house (apparently) and I'm just LMAO you have us pay upwards of $800 a month and depend on our rent every week to pay your current bills WHAT are you fuckin on about?

and I'm just.

I think I'm gonna push her down the stairs. or at least tell her that the less that comes out of her mouth, the better we will get along until we move out.

(they still don't know we're moving out)

also she called her legs fat when her thighs are the size of my ankles and then has the nerve to be like "omg since I list weight the skin on my legs got saggy and it's so gross I look like an old lady" meanwhile I'm over here with my post partum stomach and thighs and arms and I gained over 50 pounds being pregnant and have now lost 35 of it.

I hate her. everything she says offends me or snakes into my brain to give me a complex and it's bc I resent her so much as the ignorant fucked up white trash Trumper that she is. ITS. BEEN. REALLY. HARD. LIVING WITH THIS.

[jewishjunkie]

So fucking miserable

[fadingbonews]

Summer break for me already started three days ago, the problem is that now my mother makes me kinda eat a lot and I've been feeling so gross. Even though I am still the same weight, I didn't gain nor lost in these days, but I wanna lose so much more. So now I'm planning to do breakfast late with a lot of protein so I have an excuse to eat less at lunch and I can easily skip dinner for more exercise

[running-in-the-dark]

I've got another colestyramin update.

so I've been taking the chewable tablets for a while, but I feel like maybe they don't work quite as well? either way, I don't like them that much - they're convenient for when I'm not at home, but they're still really annoying (and gross and it takes me forever to chew them)

I found a different version of the powder that comes in a big jar instead of individual packets. I asked my GP if I could try that (she was really weird about me taking this medication at all - asked if I want to take it forever and about how fast I eat and all that. which we already went over several times. and which... kind of... won't fix the issue which is caused by my non-existent gallbladder?! I could not possibly eat any slower, and changing what I eat didn't help at all. I guess I could just stop eating altogether, that would certainly fix this one issue :))) ).

anyway. she prescribed it to me, and I just had my first dose. oh my god it is so fucking bad. it's much more disgusting than the one in the packets, and the texture is horrible. there's two versions of this, one with more sugar and one with more of something else (can't remember the name). I asked for the one with more sugar, she prescribed the other one (and I noticed too late). maybe that's why it's so incredibly disgusting?

but. what's way worse than that. is that it.. had the absolute opposite effect of what it's supposed to do 🙃 tmi, but, it instantly gave me very bad diarrhea (which happens when I don't have this medication and eat for the first time in the day, and after most other meals too). that.. did not happen with the other ones. to be clear - I didn't eat anything yet. soo. I'm not sure what to do now. I guess I'll keep taking it for a few days, and if it doesn't get better I might ask if I can get the other version? but I don't know if she'll do that. so far she's always said I have to use up the previous medication first 🙃

what I really, realllly want. is the one that is just regular pills that you swallow. I don't care that they're apparently huge. I hate the texture of every version I've tried so far (the taste is horrible too, yeah, but the way it feels is the real issue). but that is apparently not officially approved for bile acid stuff in Germany, and I don't think my GP will try to help me get it.

she recommended I see a gastroenterologist (only because she thinks I shouldn't be on this medication long term), I just have to make an appointment. it'll probably be months until I get one, though.

ugh this is so frustrating! if I get the other version of this medication, I think I'll have tried all the ones that are available here.

my GP has zero interest in helping me figure this out. she said that it's bad if I keep taking this medication because it makes it so some vitamins can't be absorbed (as if having constant diarrhea after eating anything is better somehow?!), and when I asked if it would make sense to do a blood test to see if I have any deficiencies, she just asked if I had lost weight, I said not really, maybe a few kgs, and she said I should look into which ones can't be absorbed and that was that. cool. I get that she doesn't have time to look into everything for every one of her patients, but, I've been the one who informed her about everything related to this so far, and she won't even do a fucking blood test?!

I feel completely alone with this and I do not have the time or energy to figure this out right now!! I need to finish my thesis somehow, how am I supposed to research this at the same time?! and how am I supposed to do ANYTHING if I have to spend hours every day in the bathroom again, and be in pain the rest of the day?!

[possumcollege]

For the ask game: 8, 14, 30!

Old projects I've lost interest in:

I only really have two big projects, Crittertongue and Dinosaur Sheriff. I've been writing DS since 2008 and there are only 3 complete issues but my enthusiasm for it is still going strong. Crittertongue has just been more sustainable since they're shorter, and the narrative structure allows me to do more with it amidst my work and parenting duties.

If anything, I lose interest in themes. I grew up watching a lot of action movies and shows, reading stories with a lot of combat, explosions, gnarly kills, bizarre anime weapons, honorable or hyperbolic violence. While I still like dope fight scenes, action, giant monster fights (💚) in my media, I've lost interest in using it as a major fixture of my own work. There are more interesting forms of conflict than the kinds a character can address with a sword, and the guns in my life are quiet more often than not. A gun has more narrative weight for me as a threat, as a desperate thing. They lose their teeth when they become punctuation. So while my work does feature the odd scrap here or shots fired there, I try to keep it tailored more to the purpose it serves rather than engaging in it for spectacle.

Growing up as a boy, there was kind of an ever-present background of casual violence that really stressed me out. Like I was fucking up by not fighting more, but when I did get physical, I was overreacting. Fetishizing the capacity for violence feels gross to me. Anyway, that's about as close to an answer as I have there.

Motifs:

I try to keep my environments simple even when they're large and rambling, but I am mad for surface texture, patina, weathering, "beausage." I love when an artist can make something look hard or sticky, fuzzy or beaten up with linework. Environments where nothing looks new are like candy for me. Cam Kennedy drew a number of Boba Fett comics that I read to pieces in middle school and his line work created such beautiful texture, amazing eye-feel (gross), and visual interest that really tied characters into their environments. Learning how to balance out that kind of thing feels therapeutic for me. I hate the greebled massing of shapes and textures to make things look more dramatic or technical or interesting. It's very noisy. I really prefer more functional, practical shapes, and keeping things repeatable without turning my brain to soup or my wrist to dust.

I apply this most often to characters' clothes. Designs where a character is always covered in elaborately layered straps, belts, sashes, gear, armor... stuff give me a hot brain. Do they sleep in it? Where do they put it? Do they pile 3 satchels, a cape, a sword belt, two pistols, and a rucksack in the corner when they have to poop? Their pants are duct-taped at the ankles, do they re-do it every morning or just live in the pants? Is that an answer? Yes. Answered. I'm great at this.

A piece I think is underrated:

Dinosaur Sheriff is definitely under-utilized in my portfolio and the first art was done while I was a young, sleep-deprived college kid, but I'd still love more folks to get to read it. I think it's gotten better with every issue but havent had the resources to complete, print or distribute it. 😑Ffff... I'm working on it.

[fairyswg]

bunny <3

I love you very very much. I really hope you read this sometime. All the way through. I think you were wrong about me.

I wrote you an essay, this isn't it. I was going to hide it somewhere in a place only you could find. And then I was going to retire this account so it'd stay only for you. I thought you deserved a really romantic gesture, you still do, but not that one and probably not from me.

I still think I'll probably retire this account.

I want start by saying I'm really sorry for upsetting you over last weekend. Before that Friday I'd spent the past week closing myself off as I watched you get further and further away from me and once you came back it came rushing out and then it closed up again. I wanted to wait until I was open again, because that's what you deserve. I think I probably ended up making you feel the way I did that passed week. Opening yourself up for someone only for them to parade around talking to other people and still ignoring you. I hope you know I never ignored you. The same way I know you weren't ignoring me.

When you came back on Monday you were upset and I understand why. I really am sorry. You must've felt like I'd just left you out to dry after you'd tried to open back up for me and the mess I made outside of that couldn't have helped in the least.

But when you did come back I was still glued shut, and I'd been trying really hard to be me again. For the first time ever it became really hard to open up. You were rightfully upset but what you said in your anger was horrifying for me. I don't think you know the power you have over me, the total control you have over me.

You know I'm not full of myself, or self-centred. You know that I don't act a certain way or lie. You know that I've never tried to guilt trip you. But I can't know that. Not for certain. Not always. So when you said those things, just like in December, I couldn't help but believe you. I rarely ever stand up for myself, not with someone I love as much as you. You know - most of all - that I always do listen to you. I think that was the biggest problem. I trust your word so much that I take everything you say as the truth. Obviously I don't blame you at all, you were upset and I should've recognised that, it was me that put so much weight on the words you said.

I think I've only ever lost myself twice in my life. The first time in December, when I hurt you and you told me just how awful I'd been, I started to genuinely believe I was evil. I started questioning the intentions I had behind every nice thing I did, even the things I did unconsciously. It took me weeks to forgive myself for it. I still know what I did was horrible, I’m still so sorry. I swore I'd never let it happen again, but when I hurt you again last week and you called me all those things, the same thing happened. I went crazy, I'm really sorry for how I acted, I was completely hysterical.

I wrote you an essay on Tuesday, when I still believed I was some sort of gross sociopathic weirdo, but it didn't feel right posting it. It was only yesterday, Wednesday, in the afternoon that I finally talked to a friend about it and hearing myself cry, hearing myself talk about you, how much I love you, was enough to remind me how innocent my love for you really is. The love I have for you is the purest thing I’ve ever cultivated. All those times you hurt me and I forgave you. All those times you left and you came back. I was never confident at all that you'd come back, I'm not cocky or proud in that way. I mourned you every time you left. Even the very first time, when you were only gone for a morning. That was the first time I cried over someone leaving me.

And every time I let you back in it was because I really thought I could make you happy. I hope you know already that I really really tried to make you happy. The most beautiful thing you showed me was always your smile, the most beautiful things you said to me were always,

'You've changed me for the better',

'You're the best thing that's ever happened to me',

'You make it easier to breathe',

'You make me feel alive.'

I gave you everything, over and over again. I love you but when you called me what you did you made me question my intentions, to the point I believed I was insane. Those things you labelled me with, I almost let manifest in myself, because that's how sacred your word is to me. You say I don't listen but it's the exact opposite. You have always been everything to me. Over and over again you carved your name into my bones and now I’ll always feel you when I pick at my scars.

I don't think I'll ever post that essay now, parts of it are lovely and I wish I could show you those parts, but there are parts I despise. The little flicks of self-loathing and pity, it reads like a letter from a bad dog who'd disobeyed its owner. I love you more than anything, but you can't convince me I was a bad dog. I can say with the utmost certainty now that everything I did - I did because I wanted to make you happy, even the mistakes I made. Even the times I disobeyed you, I only wanted to impress you or make you proud of me in some way but all those times when you disapproved it felt like you’d slapped me in the face, and not in a good way 0_o .

I really hope this doesn’t hurt you at all. I let myself go and I’m the only one to blame. I promised you I wouldn’t let you ruin me, and you haven’t. I’m sure we’ll both be okay. I know I don’t really want to love anyone else for a long while. I know I’ll never love anyone the way I loved you. You’re still the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re still so perfect. I really wish we could’ve been better for each other.

The things I said about you in that essay are things you deserve to hear thousands of times, you deserve everything, but I think it should come from another boy now (or girl ^-^). You really are everything. I keep editing this because I want to say more nice things, I know I should leave it to someone else now but you really mean so much to me. You’re the kindest, warmest most loving person I’ve ever met. I remember everything we used to talk about, I always will now. You told me you wanted to be a teacher, I think you’ll be the best teacher there is.

You're already looking for another boy to love, I can't help but feel a little betrayed by that. But I love you more than anything. These past 5 months would've been the worst of my life without you, but you made me the happiest I've ever been. I'll always love you so much. I think I'll miss you long after you forget my name, but I don't mind. I still hope I'll be a fairy in your mind somewhere, the same way you'll always be hopping through mine.

I love you forever bunny <3

[harechasing]

Just venting about my history with ED things and idk TW for that and for CSA mentions and just like. Anyway.

My first th1/nsp0 blog is from 2010 and I made it and got enamored with the idea of extreme weight loss during CSA because my first abuser lost interest in me when I started having periods and I wanted to lose them and just like. Make puberty stop and revert to a childlike body because I felt like. My ability to receive/deserve love is directly linked to my body like. Having a childs body makes me eligible to receive any love.

But at that time my parents were in charge of my meals so I never got underweight and then when I got older and first moved out I developed bulimia, I was diagnosed in 2021 I think. I still purge sporadically but it's not as bad as it used to be.

But then last year two things happened that have seriously triggered me and I don't think I've ever relapsed this hard but like.

Firstly I was in an abusive relationship at the start of 2023 and my then bf had a huge madonna/whore complex and would constantly cycle back and forth between like.

Viewing me as an innocent little girl: Good! I love you! Affection!! Viewing me as a sexually mature adult woman: Whore, kys, disgusting, there is no reason for you to be alive

Which goes back to like. If I want to receive love I need to be a little girl. Reaching puberty and becoming a woman was bad and gross of me.

So then we broke up and some months went by and I met someone else and just like. He's a. Petite bar1ey/ l3g/al te3/n (i do not want like. any person who searched that type of shit finding my blog) enjoyer sooo that was kind of the final straw and I'm like. Progressively getting worse haha. Which is great!!1 I'm losing weight quickly and I just wanna be the best little girl in the world!!

Can anyone relate to this absolute hell.

[mjfsupremacy]

I love AEW but they need an infrastructure change immediately IMO. TK is great and his passion is admirable but he's too focused on trying to best WWE and has lost what AEW was about, its not about ex E guys and 5 minute wonders.

I'm genuinely fearful for AEWs future at this point, Tony's stronghold is gonna end up choking the life out of AEW. He needs to get rid of the dead weight stop hiring wwe legends and go back to basics AEW isn't WWE and it never will be and that's why we love it.

I completely agree.

I still trust Tony to do the right thing. He's made some big fumbles, but he's pretty good, usually at either showing us why or correcting his mistake. He has genuinely become too focused on trying to be a competitor for wwe rather than an alternative and he needs to take a step back and rethink. (Especially the ronda and flair signing cause jfc my guy what the fawk are you doing what do you mean? You don't get to fire people for saying gross shit or call Vince a sex pest and then HIRE ric flair and ronda rousey lmao like what are we doing here bestie this isn't aew)

It's all still there, things that make AEW, in my opinion, the best wrestling program. I also think the Hangman and Swerve match reminded them that this is AEW at its very best and the continental classic as well is very pro wrestling and I think that's going to give them the chance to get back to basics.

We are so lucky that aew is focused on the future of wrestling. Everyone on their roster is young and exciting, but I believe having legends is super important as well. I've never really had a problem with them bringing in old wwe guys because you need them just as much as you need the fresh blood. I've said this before, but that mentor role is critical in wrestling. These wrestlers have an opportunity to sit under the learning tree of people like Sting and Christian and Jake the Snake and Edge and the Hardys and Danielson and Mox and that is HUGE (I refuse to count Jericho because I hate him and he still only goes into business for himself and I find that infuriating. He's literally damaged multiple young careers while he gets to shine. It's a joke) I just think we have to make sure still that they know that's why they are coming in. The way to curb ego like Punks is to remind them who the future is.

I think Tony needs support backstage for sure, I think he needs a better, stronger team, if he ever has one. I think he needs more women in that team and I think he needs problem solvers who aren't afraid to piss off talent and remind them that aew comes first.

Having said all that, we also need to remember that AEW is still so new, this sort of stuff takes a really long time and I think we hold them to a really high standard because wwe has been running a tight ship for 20-25 years now. We forget it took them decades to get to The point that are at now and it feels unfair sometimes that we won't afford AEW the same courtesy because we hold them to such a high standard.

[dream-critical]

I've seen people say that Sapnap hates his audience and views them as a mistake, and overall a lot of general comments that he hates his fans and wishes they were teen boys instead. I've also seen where people say he seems to hate streaming as well. Do you agree with these opinions? cause I've been trying to figure out where this view stems from.

I think it's partly true yeah.

I've seen that same argument on Twitter a lot and honestly I do agree with it to a certain degree.

Like first you have the fact that when he first started he got shamed for his body and became didn't want to do facecam streams. That in itself probably would make a streamer bitter towards his viewers.

It did get better once he lost weight but it's still a shitty thing to do.

And then there's the fact that he *is* a toxic gamer and probably didn't grow up in an accepting environment. Like. He grew up in Texas and spent his childhood gaming with people he met online. That alone should say a lot.

And like. Idk. Streaming is. A lot. Especially when your best friend constantly is getting called out for his horrible and gross behaviour. He is associated with dream. Lives with dream. makes content with dream. Even if he genuinely does not give a shit about dreams actions and wholeheartedly supports him, he probably thinks all that's happening is annoying. And the fact that he can't just say whatever he want without people calling him out or questioning him.

Like they all get away with it in the end bc all the stans act like they forget about it after like 12 hours but I'm sure it's some sort of inconvenience for them all.

Then there's the fact that the majority of his viewers have very little in common with him. Most of them are queer and/or people of colour etc. And like. Idk. I guess it'd be hard to find a way to relate to them.

But there's also the fact that in general streaming itself is a very hard job and from what I've seen and heard other streamers talk about, honestly? Wouldn't really say it's worth it.

I wouldn't like. Say that he "hates" his viewers. Bc they're the reason he got this far and he knows that most of them would let him get away with most of the shit he does. But I do think that he probably won't keep doing this for long. Honestly from what I've heard from people on my tl none of the dream team members have made any content anyway. Except for the dream ice spice tiktok. people will not stop putting that on my tl istg

Anyway hope that answered your question anon!!!!!!