#i've linked to the two soundtrack themes for spock that feature that heavy bassline

[favvn]

Another scene dissection!

Turbolifts are for privacy and a great place to visually show how Spock is descending out of control.

Kirk stares at Spock before beginning. He understands something is terribly wrong with him, something far beyond stress and an overdue need for rest if he is ordering the ship to Vulcan and going against orders in doing so.

It looks as if it physically pains Spock to get the words out, and all he can do is parrot back the last three words Kirk says.

Spock does not deny that he changed the course to Vulcan, despite not remembering that he had done so. He accepts that he must have done it, that Kirk is not charging him with a falsehood. He accepts that his perception of reality is cracking and that the event that Kirk is asking him about actually happened, despite having no knowledge or memory of it. Call it the acceptance of the captain's authority or Spock returning the same trust that Kirk has placed in him earlier.

Think about it: Spock cannot recall his actions or the thoughts he must have had before taking those actions. A lesser person could take complete advantage of Spock at this time, could lie and manipulate him into believing whatever reality they wished. Yes, Spock has the strength of a Vulcan, has the ability to kill someone with a specific touch, but matters of perception are world-ending, regardless of physical strength. If Spock were to believe he killed someone at this time, with as unstable as he is, he would believe it wholeheartedly, without question.

The door to the turbolift opens--privacy is broken, light from the corridor shines on Spock--and Spock turns to Kirk, telling him, "Captain, lock me away. I do not wish to be seen." What a thing to do to set the scene for the line! And what a thing for Spock to say! He does not ask for help. He does not ask for time or patience or understanding or care. All Spock wants is to be hidden and locked away, as if he will turn into a gruesome monster that will destroy all he holds dear, either directly by his actions or indirectly by becoming something that is alien to even himself. This is a showing of vulnerability from Spock.

SPOCK: "I cannot--no Vulcan could--explain further." KIRK: "I'm trying to help you, Spock." SPOCK: "Ask me no further questions, I will not answer!"

Kirk says the word "help" and Spock moves closer to anger in his response. He is immediately shutting Kirk out over that one word. Again, it is a denial of need and a denial of the care and love that would see him safely through this time. To allow the care and love of another is to admit he needs, is to risk the unraveling of the pon farr and Spock cannot let go of his control and discipline for that. He must--to his own mind--be stronger than the need for love.

And now Kirk has exhausted all options. He has tried to meet Spock as a human who is mindful of Vulcan sensibilities. He has tried to meet Spock as a friend who cares. Now he will be the captain who will order his first officer to take a complete medical examination--to be seen by another and in the harshest light of science. (One could say the other layer of insult to injury in this is that Spock will be seen by McCoy, the very human he gets into arguments with all the time owing to their differences, but if anything, McCoy is finally getting his wish, which is to know what is going wrong with Spock because despite their verbal spats, he cares deeply for Spock.)

Spock looks as if he moves in a trance from the turbolift. He turns around and stares at Kirk, stares at the doors closing, before walking further. It is obvious that he cannot believe what Kirk has done--another subtle push towards what Spock desperately does not want, like a pawn moved to immediately be taken in a chess game. But the fact that the pon farr exists as something between life and death (sex can create life, death is self-explanatory), something that can end in life or death, something that feels like a death to Spock with how he is changing out of his control, suggests a weary Orpheus looking back upon love and a past life in the form of Eurydice. (I admit, this is a stretch. I don't believe it fits perfectly, nor do I believe Sturgeon had it in mind, but I want to connect them anyways / who would I be if I didn't indulge in a little madness for sanity's sake?)

Spock moves like a man lost in the rest of the scene. He is surrounded by other crewmembers going about their duties, but no one sees him wandering and looking so unmoored. The last time he looked like this, it was after Nurse Chapel unknowingly infected him with the virus in The Naked Time and Spock found himself apologizing for and struggling with love.

One last observation: the musical theme that is associated with Spock in this episode, that bassline that sounds so heavy and final at the end of this scene has the ringing of bells mixed in with it, the same bells that start the ceremony on Vulcan. The bassline has been heard prior to this scene, when Kirk enters Spock's quarters after he threw the soup, but the bells are notably missing in that scene. It is subtle, but like the thudding heartbeat of Poe's Tell-Tale Heart, Spock is haunted by a sound of a fate he cannot escape. (The musical themes surrounding Spock in this episode mirror his unraveling in general, especially in the track Contrary Order. The musical score sounds as if it might as well be asking, "Maybe? Maybe not?" or "To be? Or not to be?" with how discordant it is and how that matches Spock's inner turmoil.)