#i've just been feeling insanely drained lately and it is A Time

[se-agapo-skywalker]

me looking at just how many unanswered asks i have

[jupiterpilgrim]

The Secret Folders - Or Surprisingly Exposed

Seulgi x Male Reader

word count: 4.5K

The horror movie flickers across the TV screen, casting dancing shadows around Seulgi's dimly lit living room. But you can barely focus on the generic slasher plot - not with her sitting so close beside you on the plush leather couch. Your best friend since college is wearing those damn gray pajama pants again, the ones that hug every curve of her toned legs and petite frame. Combined with a loose t-shirt that's always sliding off her shoulder, giving a glimpse of her collarbone; she's the perfect mix of casual comfort and unintentional sexiness that's been driving you insane lately.

"Earth to spacehead," Seulgi says with a playful nudge, breaking you from your wandering thoughts. "That's like the third time you've jumped at absolutely nothing. The movie's not even at a scary part yet."

You force what you hope is a casual laugh, hyper-aware of how her half-bare shoulder brushes against yours as she shifts position. "Just tired I guess. Long week at work and all that."

"Bullshit," she counters with that knowing half-smirk that makes your stomach do backflips. "I've seen you marathon horror movies until 4 AM after double shifts. Try again."

"Maybe I'm just getting old and jumpy?" You attempt deflection, but your voice comes out higher than intended.

Seulgi pauses the movie mid-scene, turning to face you fully with her legs tucked under her.

"Or maybe," she draws out the words slowly, dark eyes studying your expression, "you're distracted by something else entirely. Or should I say... someone?"

Your heart rate kicks up several notches. There's a glint in her eye that you've never seen before - something predatory and knowing that makes your mouth go dry. "W-what do you mean?"

"Oh, I think you know exactly what I mean." She leans in slightly, her vanilla-scented shampoo filling your senses. "See, the other day when I borrowed your laptop to print those work documents? I may have accidentally stumbled across some... interesting folders."

The blood drains from your face as realization hits.

Fuck.

Those folders.

The ones you thought were safely buried in obscure subfolders with innocuous names. The ones filled with carefully edited split-screen videos - porn on one side, usually featuring petite Asian women who looked just like...

"Your face is doing that thing it does when you're panicking," Seulgi observes, seeming almost amused by your deer-in-headlights expression. "The same look you had that time we almost got caught sneaking into the campus pool senior year."

You open your mouth to speak but no words come out. How do you explain away folders full of porn videos meticulously edited to display alongside photos of your best friend? There's no platonic explanation for that level of obsession.

"I have to say," she continues casually, as if discussing the movie rather than your darkest secret, "I'm a little hurt you didn't just tell me you were into me. We've been friends for what, six years now? That's a long time to keep those kinds of feelings bottled up."

"Seulgi, I..." you start, then falter. "I never wanted to mess up our friendship. You mean too much to me to risk that. And I know those folders were fucked up. I promise I'll delete everything! I'm so sorry you had to see that-"

"Shh." She presses a finger to your lips, effectively silencing your rambling apology. "I'm not finished. Because while I was surprised to find those folders... What surprised me more was realizing how much they turned me on. Damn, I didn't know you were such a dirty boy."

Your brain short-circuits at her words, unable to process this turn of events. Seulgi takes advantage of your stunned silence to slide closer.

"Want to know a secret?" she whispers, her lips barely an inch from your ear. "I've thought about you too. All those times we've had sleepovers, sharing my bed... I'd lie awake wondering what would happen if I just rolled over and kissed you. If I told you how wet I get when you look at me with those hungry eyes you think I don't notice."

"Fuck," you breathe out shakily as her hand lands on your thigh, fingertips tracing idle patterns through your sweatpants. "Is this really happening?"

"That depends," she replies with mock thoughtfulness. "Do you want it to be happening? Because I saw those videos you like... all those pretty Asian girls taking it up the ass... is that what you want to do to me? Do you want me to be your anal princess?"

Your grip on the couch cushion tightens as arousal shoots through you at her blunt words. Hearing your best friend talk like this is driving you crazy.

"Don't worry, I always wanted this too," she continues, voice dropping to a husky whisper. "Do you remember all those times I'd sit in your lap for no reason? When I'd 'accidentally' grind against you while reaching for something?" She grins wickedly. "That wasn't accidental at all. I've been trying to make you hard for months."

Your mind races back through countless moments - Seulgi plopping down on your lap during movie nights, wiggling her tight little ass against your crotch as she "got comfortable." How many times had you gone home afterward to jerk off thinking about it?

"I could feel it, you know," she continues, her voice dropping lower. "How hard you'd get. Sometimes I could even feel your cock twitch through your pants. It made me so wet knowing I was affecting you like that."

You groan, unable to help yourself. "Fuck, Seulgi..."

"And you know what really got me hot?" She leans in close, her lips brushing your ear. "Sometimes I could feel your cock right against my asshole through our clothes. The way it would press right there... god, it made me want to just pull my pants down and let you fuck my ass right then and there."

Your cock is straining painfully against your jeans now as Seulgi's dirty confession pours out. She notices, of course, and presses her palm firmly against your bulge.

"You still haven't answered me: all those videos you picked - they were all anal scenes. Is that what you think about? Fucking my tight little ass?"

Unable to form words, you just nod. Seulgi's hand squeezes your cock through your pants.

"Tell me," she demands. "I want to hear you say it."

Swallowing hard, you force yourself to meet her intense gaze. "Yes. Fuck yes! I think about your ass all the time. Every time you wear that fucking leggings, I can see every curve, how tight and perfect it is. I go home and jerk off thinking about spreading those cheeks and burying my cock in your ass."

Seulgi moans, grinding the heel of her hand against your erection. "Keep going. Tell me more."

The dam breaks and all your pent-up fantasies come pouring out. "I think about eating your ass first, getting it nice and wet with my tongue. Spreading you open and licking you until you're begging for my cock. Then sliding into that tight hole inch by inch while you take it all..."

"Fuck," Seulgi gasps, her free hand sliding between her own legs. "I knew we had a connection. Want to know a secret?"

You nod eagerly, hypnotized by the way she's rubbing herself through her pants.

"I have toys," she confesses. "Butt plugs, dildos... I use them in my ass almost every night thinking about you. Imagining it's your thick cock stretching me open instead."

That confession breaks the last of your restraint. With a growl, you grab Seulgi and pull her into your lap, crushing your lips together in a desperate kiss. She responds immediately, grinding her ass against your cock as her tongue invades your mouth.

You grab her firm ass with both hands, squeezing and spreading the cheeks through the fabric. Seulgi moans into your mouth, rolling her hips to create more friction.

"Bedroom," she pants, breaking the kiss. "Now. I need you to fuck my ass properly."

You don't need to be told twice. Standing up with Seulgi still wrapped around you, you carry her down the hall to her room, hands firmly gripping her ass the whole way. She attacks your neck with kisses and little bites that make your cock throb.

Once in her bedroom, you toss her onto the bed and she bounces with a giggle that quickly turns into a moan as you grab the waistband of her pajama pants and yank them down. Her tiny black thong comes with them, leaving her lower half completely exposed.

"Fuck, look at that ass," you breathe, taking in the sight of her small, perfectly round cheeks. You've imagined this view countless times, but reality is so much better.

Seulgi wiggles her hips teasingly. "Touch it. I've been waiting so long to feel your hands on me."

You don't hesitate, climbing onto the bed and running your palms over the smooth globes of her ass. Her skin is incredibly soft and warm under your touch. You squeeze and knead the firm flesh, spreading her cheeks to reveal her tight pink hole.

"God, it's perfect," you groan, rubbing your thumb over her puckered entrance. Seulgi pushes back against the touch with a whimper.

"Taste it," she demands, arching her back to present herself better. "I want to feel your tongue in my ass."

You dive in eagerly, spreading her cheeks wide and dragging your tongue from her dripping pussy up to her asshole. Seulgi cries out, pushing back against your face as you circle her rim with firm licks.

"Yes, fuck, just like that," she moans. "Get my ass nice and wet for your cock."

You alternate between broad licks and pointed jabs with your tongue, gradually working the tip past her tight ring of muscle. Seulgi's whole body shudders as you tongue-fuck her ass, her pussy dripping onto the sheets below.

"More," she begs. "Stick your tongue in deeper. Get me ready for that thick cock."

You redouble your efforts, gripping her ass cheeks hard enough to leave marks as you bury your face between them. Your tongue pushes deeper into her hot channel while your nose presses against her taint. The musky, intimate taste of her ass only makes you harder.

Seulgi reaches back and spreads herself even wider for you. "That's it, eat my fucking ass. God, I've dreamed about this so many times."

You pull back just enough to spit directly onto her hole, watching it clench and relax. "Me too. Every time you sat on my lap, I wanted to bend you over and tongue-fuck this perfect little ass."

"I knew it," she pants. "I could feel how hard you'd get. Sometimes I'd grind back extra hard just to feel your cock pressing against my asshole through our clothes."

You press your thumb against her spit-slicked entrance, watching it slowly sink in to the first knuckle. Seulgi moans and pushes back, taking it deeper.

"Look how eager your ass is," you tease, working your thumb in and out. "Such a greedy little hole."

"Only for you," she gasps. "I've been saving my ass for your cock. Now stop teasing and fuck me already."

But you're not done exploring yet. You've fantasized about this too long to rush it. Pulling your thumb out, you replace it with two fingers, slowly working them into her tight channel.

"Fuck yes," Seulgi hisses. "Stretch me open. Get me ready for that big dick."

You pump your fingers steadily in and out of her ass, watching in fascination as her hole grips and releases them. Your other hand slides around to find her clit, rubbing the swollen nub in time with your thrusts.

"Oh god," she moans, rocking between your fingers. "That feels so fucking good. Add another finger, please. I want to be nice and loose for you."

You comply, working a third digit into her stretched hole. Seulgi's back arches beautifully as she takes it, a long moan escaping her lips.

"Such a good girl, taking it so well," you praise, scissoring your fingers to open her up more. "I can't wait to feel this tight ass wrapped around my cock."

"Please," she whimpers. "I need it. Need your cock in my ass so bad."

You continue finger-fucking her ass while your other hand works her clit, building her up slowly. Seulgi's moans get higher and more desperate as she approaches orgasm.

"That's it," you encourage. "Cum for me. Cum with my fingers in your ass."

Seulgi's whole body tenses as she crashes over the edge, her ass clenching rhythmically around your fingers as she cums. You work her through it, only stopping when she collapses bonelessly onto the bed.

"Holy fuck," she pants, looking back at you with glazed eyes. "That was so good."

You slowly withdraw your fingers, admiring how her hole stays slightly open. "Just wait until you feel my cock in there."

"Yes please," she purrs, rolling onto her back. "But first, get naked. I want to see what I've been missing."

You quickly strip off your clothes, your cock springing free rock hard and leaking. Seulgi's eyes go wide as she takes in your size.

"Fuck, you're bigger than my toys," she says appreciatively. "No wonder I could feel you so well through your pants."

She sits up and pulls her t-shirt off, revealing small, perky breasts with hard nipples. Your mouth waters at the sight of her toned body, tight abs leading down to her bare pussy.

"Come here," she beckons, reaching for your cock. "Let me get you nice and wet first."

You move closer and Seulgi wraps her small hand around your shaft, stroking slowly. Pre-cum leaks from the tip and she uses it to lubricate her movements.

"I've wanted to touch your cock for so long," she admits, leaning in to lick a stripe up the underside. "Every time I felt it getting hard under me, I wanted to pull it out and suck it."

Her tongue swirls around the head before she takes you into her mouth. You groan as she sucks you deeper, her hand working what doesn't fit.

"Fuck, your mouth feels amazing," you pant, threading your fingers through her hair.

Seulgi hums around your cock, the vibrations making your legs shake. She works you expertly, alternating between deep throat attempts and focusing on the sensitive head.

After a few minutes of this heavenly torture, you have to stop her. "Wait, I don't want to cum yet. I want to save it for your ass."

She releases you after a long suck on the tip. "Mmm, yes please. I want you to cum deep in my ass."

Seulgi rolls over onto her hands and knees, presenting her ass to you once again. "I need your cock in my ass so bad, babe. The lube is on the nightstand."

You grab the bottle and drizzle it generously over her hole and your cock. Using your fingers, you work it into her ass, making sure she's well-prepared.

"Ready?" you ask, lining yourself up with her entrance.

"God yes," she moans. "Fill my ass with that big cock."

You press forward slowly, watching the head of your cock stretch her tight ring of muscle. Seulgi whimpers as you breach her, her hands fisting in the sheets.

"You okay?" you check, pausing to let her adjust.

"Yes, don't stop," she pants. "Keep going. I want all of it."

You continue pushing forward inch by inch, groaning at the incredible tightness of her ass. Seulgi rocks back slightly, helping to work you deeper.

"Fuck, you're so big," she gasps. "My ass feels so full."

Finally, you bottom out, your hips pressed flush against her ass cheeks. You both moan at the sensation of being completely joined.

"How does it feel?" you ask, running your hands over her back.

"Amazing," she breathes. "Better than I ever imagined. Start moving, please. I need you to fuck my ass."

You pull back slowly until just the head remains inside, then push back in at the same pace. Seulgi's ass grips you like a vice, sending waves of pleasure through your body.

"God, your ass is perfect," you groan, establishing a steady rhythm. "So fucking tight around my cock."

"Yes, fuck my ass," she moans. "Use my tight little hole. I've been saving it just for you."

You gradually increase your pace, watching in fascination as her ass swallows your cock over and over. The sight of your shaft disappearing into her stretched hole is hypnotic.

Seulgi reaches between her legs to play with her clit as you fuck her ass. "Harder," she demands. "I can take it. I want you to really fuck me."

You grip her hips tighter and start pounding into her ass with more force. The sound of skin slapping against skin fills the room, mixed with both of your moans and gasps.

"Yes, just like that," she cries. "Fuck my ass hard. Make me your anal whore."

Her dirty talk spurs you on and you slam into her even harder, watching her small body jolt with each thrust. Your balls slap against her pussy, adding to the obscene symphony of sounds.

"You like that?" you growl, spanking her ass cheek. "Like having your tight little ass stretched around my cock?"

"God yes," she pants. "I love it. Love feeling you so deep in my ass. Don't stop, please don't stop!"

You can feel her getting close again, her ass clenching rhythmically around your cock as she works her clit faster. The extra tightness is bringing you closer to the edge too.

"Gonna cum soon," you warn, your thrusts becoming more erratic.

"Inside," she begs. "Cum in my ass! Fill me up with your hot load."

The combination of her words and her tight ass proves too much. With a final deep thrust, you explode inside her, painting her walls with rope after rope of cum. The feeling of being filled triggers Seulgi's own orgasm and she screams your name as she cums hard around your cock.

You continue pumping slowly, working both of you through your climaxes until you're completely spent. It's when you collapse forward, careful not to crush her smaller frame. Both of you pant heavily as you come down from your respective highs.

"Stay inside me," she murmurs when you start to pull out. "I want to feel your cum in my ass as long as possible."

You comply, remaining buried in her stretched hole as it continues to pulse around your softening cock.

"Fuck, that's hot," you groan, bringing your face closer to kiss her neck. Her tight hole squeezes you and you can feel your cum starting to leak out around your shaft.

"I can't believe we finally did this," Seulgi says softly, turning her head to look at you with those beautiful eyes that always drive you crazy. "I've wanted you for so long..."

"Really?" you ask, genuinely surprised. "I had no idea. I mean, I've always been attracted to you too but I figured I wasn't your type."

She lets out a little laugh. "Are you kidding? You're exactly my type. I've been fantasizing about you fucking me like this for years." She rolls her hips slightly, making you both moan as your semi-hard cock shifts inside her cum-filled ass.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" you ask, running your hands up and down her smooth back.

"Same reason as you probably - didn't want to risk ruining our friendship," she admits. "Plus I wasn't sure if you saw me that way. I mean, you were always so shy, never showing any obvious interest, despite your glances at me... It was hard to decipher what you really wanted."

"Well, now you know what I really want. Do you know how many times I've jerked off thinking about that perfect little ass of yours?" You give her ass cheeks a squeeze for emphasis. "Or those cute little tits? Or those fucking gorgeous lips wrapped around my cock?"

Seulgi moans softly at your words, her ass clenching around you again. "Mmm tell me more... What else did you think about doing to me?"

You can feel your dick starting to harden again inside her as you continue: "Fuck, everything. Bending you over every surface in my apartment. Watching you bounce on my cock. Filling all your tight little holes with cum. The way you'd look with my dick stretching out that pretty mouth..."

"God yes," she whimpers, beginning to slowly grind against you. Your cock is definitely getting hard again now, making her gasp as it swells inside her ass. "I used to imagine you just grabbing me one day and taking what you wanted. Pushing me up against a wall and shoving your big cock inside me..."

"Yeah? You wanted me to just use you like a little fucktoy?"

"Yes! Fuck yes," she confesses. "I wanted you to treat me like your personal cumslut. Make me take that fat cock however you wanted..."

Your dick is fully hard again now, throbbing inside her cum-filled ass. You can feel your previous load still leaking out around your shaft as she continues grinding against you.

"Well now we can make up for lost time," you tell Seulgi as you pull out of her slowly, laying on your back on the bed as you pull her on top of you. "I'm going to fuck this tight little ass whenever I want now. Fill you up with load after load of cum..."

"Promise?" she asks breathlessly, grabbing your cock in her hand as she slowly reinserts it into her ass, sitting on top of you. The new angle lets you fully appreciate her perfect petite body - those perky tits, flat stomach, and that incredible ass currently impaled on your shaft.

"Fuck yes I promise. But now I want to see your perfect little body riding my cock..." You grab her hips and thrust up into her, making her cry out in pleasure.

"Oh god! Yes! Let me ride you," Seulgi purrs. She starts rolling her hips experimentally, getting used to the feeling of controlling the penetration. Your previous load of cum makes obscene wet sounds as she moves, some of it leaking out around your cock and dripping onto your balls. The sight of your thick shaft disappearing into her tight little hole is fucking mesmerizing.

"Fuck, you look so hot like this," you groan, gripping her slim hips. Her ass clenches around you at the compliment, making you both moan.

"Yeah? You like watching me bounce on your big cock?" she asks breathlessly, starting to lift herself up and down properly now. The way she moves is absolutely perfect - she clearly knows exactly what she wants and how to get it.

"God yes, love watching this tight little ass take my cock," you tell her, giving her ass cheeks a squeeze. "Such a perfect little slut, riding me like you were made for it..."

Seulgi throws her head back and really starts going for it, bouncing enthusiastically on your dick. Her small tits bounce with the movement and you reach up to pinch her hard nipples, making her cry out in pleasure. The wet sounds of your cum squelching around your shaft get even louder as she picks up speed.

"Fuck! Your cock feels so good in my ass," she pants, grinding down hard against you. "Love feeling it stretch me open... Love having your cum inside me..."

You thrust up to meet her movements, driving your cock deeper into her tight hole. The way she's riding you is absolutely incredible - her ass is still gripping your shaft like a vice even after taking your first load. Every time she drops down, taking you balls deep, she lets out these perfect little whimpers that drive you crazy.

"That's it baby, ride that cock," you encourage her, running your hands up her sides to cup her tits. "Show me how badly you've wanted this..."

"Wanted it so bad," she moans, bouncing faster. "Dreamed about riding your big cock like this... Feeling you stretch my tight little ass..."

Her dirty talk spurs you on and you start thrusting up harder, making her cry out with each deep stroke. The sight of your shaft disappearing into her perfect ass over and over, still slick with your previous load, is absolutely incredible. Some of your cum is leaking out around your cock, running down onto your balls in thick white streams.

"Such a perfect little anal slut," you growl, squeezing her tits roughly. "Taking my cock so well, begging for more... Were you always this much of a cumslut or is it just for me?"

"Just for you," she gasps, grinding down hard. "Never wanted anyone else like this... Never begged for anyone else's cum..."

Her words make your cock throb inside her and you start really pounding up into her tight hole. The way she's moving her hips is absolutely perfect, grinding down to take you as deep as possible before lifting up until just the tip remains inside her. Her ass clenches around you each time she rises up, like she doesn't want to let your cock go.

"Fuck yes, ride that dick," you encourage her, gripping her hips tightly. "Show me how badly you want another load in this tight little ass..."

"Want it so bad," she moans, bouncing frantically now. "Want you to fill me up again... Want even more of your hot cum deep inside me..."

The sight of her riding you like this is absolutely incredible. Her perfect little body bouncing on your cock, her tight ass gripping and milking your shaft, the way your previous load is leaking out around your cock - it's all driving you crazy with lust.

"Gonna fill this tight hole up again," you grunt, squeezing her ass roughly. "Paint your insides white with another huge load..."

"Yes! Please cum in my ass again," she begs, grinding down hard. "Want to feel you pump me full... Want your hot cum deep inside me..."

You can feel your orgasm building as she continues riding you frantically, her tight hole milking your cock perfectly.

"Fuck, I'm close," you warn her, gripping her hips tightly. "Gonna fill this perfect little ass up again..."

"Do it! Cum inside me," she moans, grinding down hard. "Fill me up, mark me as yours..."

A few more bounces and you're there, groaning loudly as you start pumping another huge load deep in her ass. Seulgi cries out and clenches around you, her own orgasm hitting as she feels your hot cum flooding her insides.

"Oh god, yes! I can feel it," she gasps, grinding against you as you continue spurting inside her. "So much cum... Filling me up so good..."

You thrust up a few more times, making sure to deposit every drop of cum as deep as possible in her tight hole. When you're finally spent, she collapses forward onto your chest, her sweat-slick skin sliding against yours, both of you breathing heavily as your softening cock remains buried in her thoroughly fucked and cum-filled ass.

"That was fucking incredible," you pant, running your hands up and down her back.

"Mmm it really was," she agrees, nuzzling against your neck. "Best night ever. We definitely need to do this again. Like, a lot."

"Oh we will," you assure her with a grin. "I meant what I said - I'm going to use this perfect little ass whenever I want now. You’re mine. Officially. No take-backs.”

Her grin softens into something more genuine, and she cups your face, her thumb brushing over your cheek. “So we’re doing this? Like, actually doing this?”

“Hell yes, we are,” you reply without hesitation. “We’ve wasted enough time pretending we didn’t want this. And now that I know how good we are together, you really think I’m letting you go?”

She pulls you into a kiss, slow and deep. “Good. Because I don’t want to go anywhere. I'm stuck with you now.”

“Stuck with me?” you repeat, smirking. “Babe, I'm the one who'll have to deal with your insane ass from now on. If anyone’s ‘stuck,’ it’s me.”

“Oh, please,” she fires back, rolling her eyes. “You love my insane ass.”

“Damn right, I do,” you say, sliding a hand down to squeeze it for emphasis. “And I plan on showing you just how much, every chance I get.”

She laughs, wrapping her arms around your neck. “God, we’re so screwed up. Who the hell starts a relationship like this?”

You shrug, leaning down to kiss her again. “Us, apparently. And honestly? I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

The two of you stay tangled up in each other, talking and teasing until the conversation drifts back to the years of near-misses and unspoken feelings. It’s all out in the open now, and for the first time, it feels like everything’s exactly where it’s supposed to be.

—

You slowly open your eyes, still groggy from last night's intense activities. The morning sunlight filters through the curtains of Seulgi's bedroom, casting a warm glow across the messy sheets. Your naked body feels pleasantly sore as memories from yesterday flood back - how your petite best friend discovered those edited porn videos you made of her, and instead of getting pissed off, she got turned on. Who would've thought sweet little Seulgi was such a dirty girl?

The bed beside you is empty but still warm. You stretch lazily, enjoying the lingering scent of sex in the air mixed with her perfume. Your morning wood is already throbbing as you replay highlights from last night - Seulgi's tight little ass bouncing on your cock, her moans when you ate her holes, the way she begged for more...

The bedroom door opens and there she is - your best friend in all her sweaty glory. She's wearing a sports bra that shows off her perky tits and skin-tight leggings that hug every curve. Her skin glistens with perspiration, loose strands of hair sticking to her flushed face. Your cock instantly gets even harder.

"Good morning, sleepyhead!" Seulgi chirps, grabbing a towel to wipe her face. "Hope you don't mind, I always do my morning workout. Gotta keep this body tight, you know?" She strikes a playful pose.

"Fuck, you look incredible all sweaty like that," you growl, drinking in her athletic form. The way those leggings cling to her ass should be illegal. "Your body is fucking perfect."

She bites her lip, clearly pleased by the compliment. "Mmm, someone slept well I see," she says, eyeing your obvious erection beneath the sheets. "Still naked under there?"

"Want to come find out for yourself?"

"Actually..." Seulgi's eyes gleam with mischief. "I could use some extra cardio. Work up even more of a sweat..."

You throw back the sheets, exposing your rock-hard cock. "Get that sexy ass over here then."

Seulgi saunters toward the bed, her hips swaying. The musky scent of her post-workout sweat hits your nostrils and makes your mouth water. When she gets close enough, you grab her wrist and pull her down on top of you.

"Mmm, someone's eager," she giggles, grinding against your erection through her leggings.

You bury your face in her neck, inhaling deeply. The salty tang of her sweat mixed with her natural scent is intoxicating. Your tongue darts out to taste her glistening skin, trailing up to her ear.

"Fuck, you taste so good all sweaty," you growl. "I want to lick every inch of you."

Seulgi moans as you suck and nibble at her neck, leaving marks. Your hands roam over her toned body, squeezing her ass through those sinfully tight leggings. You've fantasized about her in workout clothes so many times, and now you finally get to live it out.

Your mouths crash together in a heated kiss. She tastes like mint - must have brushed her teeth before working out. Your tongues battle for dominance as you grind against each other. One hand slides up under her sports bra to pinch a hard nipple.

"These fucking leggings," you groan between kisses. "Do you know how many times I've jerked off thinking about ripping them open and fucking you in them?"

"Show me," she purrs. "Make those dirty fantasies real."

You don't need to be told twice. Gripping the fabric between her legs, you tear a hole right over her pussy and ass. The sound of ripping material fills the room as Seulgi gasps.

"Fuck yes, ruin them," she moans. "I love how fucking nasty you are."

You run your fingers over her exposed holes. Her pussy is already dripping wet, her asshole still slightly gaped from last night's pounding.

"I gotta admit, I'm gonna miss these leggings," Seulgi whines, but her pussy visibly clenches at the dominant display.

"I'll buy you new ones," you reply, tearing the hole wider until it extends from her lower back to her upper thighs. The torn edges frame her holes perfectly. "Now get to work on my cock while I eat this pretty pussy.”

She straddles your face in reverse, giving you a perfect view of her holes as she wraps her lips around your throbbing shaft. You groan at the wet heat enveloping your cock, the vibrations making her moan around you.

You spread her ass cheeks wide, admiring how her holes glisten with arousal. Her pussy is swollen and pink, cream already gathering at her entrance. Her tight asshole clenches invitingly.

"Such a pretty view," you murmur before diving in, dragging your tongue from her clit all the way up to her asshole. She shudders and moans around your cock, taking you deeper.

You alternate between broad licks through her folds and targeted flicks against her clit, gathering her tangy juices on your tongue. Her thighs start trembling as you suck her sensitive nub, her own oral efforts becoming sloppier as pleasure overtakes her.

"Mmmph!" she gags slightly as you thrust up into her throat, your hands gripping her ass to hold her in place. Tears gather in her eyes but she doesn't pull away, relaxing her throat to take you deeper.

You release her clit with a wet pop. "Good girl, taking my cock so deep while I eat this pussy." You punctuate your words by spearing your tongue into her dripping hole, tasting her deepest parts.

Her hips start grinding against your face as you tongue-fuck her, smearing her juices all over your chin. The torn leggings frame the erotic sight perfectly, the ripped edges emphasizing how thoroughly you're debauching her.

You pull back slightly to admire your work - her pussy is even more swollen now, her inner lips puffy and glistening. Her clit stands out prominently, begging for more attention. Above, her asshole clenches rhythmically, practically begging to be played with.

You drag your tongue up to circle her puckered entrance. Seulgi's whole body jerks at the contact, a muffled moan vibrating around your cock.

"Your ass is perfect," you murmur against her skin before diving back in, circling her rim with firm pressure. Her resistance melts away as you continue the rimming, replaced by breathy moans and hip rolls against your face.

You alternate between her holes - tongue-fucking her pussy until she's dripping, then moving up to tease her ass until it's quivering. Her own oral efforts match your intensity, her throat muscles massaging your cock as she deep throats you.

"Such a dirty girl," you growl between licks. "Getting your ass eaten while deepthroating cock... I bet you were planning this when you invited me to watch a fucking horror movie yesterday.”

She pulls off your cock with a gasp. "And it worked so we- Oh fuck, don't stop... feels so good..." She immediately swallows you back down, sucking with renewed vigor.

You focus your attention on her asshole, pointing your tongue to breach the tight ring of muscle. She practically squeals around your cock as you tongue-fuck her ass, her thighs shaking uncontrollably.

Her pussy is dripping steadily now, cream coating your chin and neck. You reach up to gather some on your fingers, using it to lubricate her asshole as you continue eating it. One finger slides in easily alongside your tongue, making her whole body jerk.

"Gonna make you cum just from eating your ass," you promise, working a second finger into her tight hole while your tongue continues circling the rim. Your other hand moves to her clit, rubbing quick circles on the swollen nub.

She's barely sucking your cock anymore, just holding it in her mouth as she pants and moans. Her hips rock desperately between your fingers and tongue, chasing her release.

"That's it baby, ride my face," you encourage, curling your fingers inside her ass while flicking her clit rapidly. "Want to feel you cum all over my chin..."

Her inner muscles start fluttering around your fingers as her orgasm approaches. You double down on your efforts, tongue and fingers working in harmony to push her over the edge.

She pulls off your cock with a cry as she starts cumming, her whole body convulsing. "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuuuuck!" Her pussy gushes, coating your chin and neck with cream as her ass clenches rhythmically around your fingers.

You work her through it until she's whimpering from oversensitivity, then slowly withdraw your fingers. Her holes clench around empty air, still quivering from the intense orgasm.

"I-I n-need your cock in my pussy," she pants. "You didn't even fuck it last night because you were so focused on my ass. Time to make up for that."

You give her holes one last long lick before letting her climb off your face. Seulgi turns around and straddles your hips, rubbing her dripping pussy along your shaft.

"Watch how easily your big cock stretches my little hole," she purrs, positioning you at her entrance.

You groan as she sinks down, taking you balls deep in one smooth motion. Her pussy grips you like a vice, so hot and wet around your throbbing member.

"Fuck, you're so tight," you growl, gripping her hips. "Ride that cock, baby. Show me how bad you want it."

Seulgi starts bouncing on your shaft, her perky tits bouncing in the sports bra. Sweat drips down her toned stomach as she works herself on your cock. You reach up to pinch her nipples through the fabric, making her clench around you.

"Your pussy feels amazing," you moan. "So fucking wet for me."

She speeds up her movements, slamming down to take you as deep as possible. Her pussy makes obscene squelching sounds as your cock pistons in and out of her soaking hole.

You thrust up to meet her bounces, making her cry out each time you bottom out. Her pussy cream coats your shaft and balls, making everything deliciously slick. You can feel her inner walls fluttering as she gets close to cumming again.

"Play with your clit," you command. "I want to feel you cum all over my cock."

Seulgi reaches down to rub her swollen nub while continuing to ride you. Her movements become more erratic as pleasure builds. You grab her ass cheeks, spreading them wide and teasing her rim with your thumb.

"Fuck! I'm gonna cum on your cock!" she screams. Her pussy clamps down on your shaft as her orgasm hits. You keep thrusting through her climax, prolonging the waves of pleasure.

When her spasms subside, you pull out of her drenched hole. Your cock is coated in her cream, making it perfect for what comes next.

"Get on your hands and knees," you growl. "Time to stuff that tight little ass again."

Seulgi quickly assumes the position, arching her back to present her ass, the torn leggings frame her still-twitching holes perfectly. Her pussy is still pulsing from her orgasm, cream dripping down her thighs. Her asshole winks invitingly, already loosened from your fingers and last night's fucking.

You kneel behind her and rub your slick cock between her cheeks, teasing both holes. "You want my cock in your ass, don't you? Such a dirty girl, getting off on having both holes used."

"Please," she moans, pushing back against you. "Fuck my ass! I need it so bad!"

You press your cockhead against her tight rim, watching it slowly stretch around you. Despite being fucked there just hours ago, she's still deliciously tight. You grab her hips and steadily push forward until you're balls deep in her ass.

"Fuck yes," Seulgi pants. "Your cock feels so good stretching my ass!"

You start with slow, deep strokes, watching your shaft disappear into her hungry hole. Her ass grips you perfectly, sending waves of pleasure up your spine. You reach around to rub her clit, making her moan louder.

"Such a good little anal slut," you growl, speeding up your thrusts. "Taking my cock so deep in your ass while I play with your pussy."

Seulgi pushes back to meet each thrust, clearly loving the double stimulation. Her pussy drips steadily as you pound her ass, adding to the lewd sounds filling the room. You give her ass a hard smack, watching it jiggle.

"Harder!" she begs. "Wreck my fucking ass!"

You grab her hips tight and really start hammering into her. Your balls slap against her pussy with each thrust as you drill her asshole. Sweat drips down your chest, mixing with hers where your bodies meet.

The sight of your cock stretching her tight rim combined with her wanton moans has you getting close. You increase the pressure on her clit, wanting her to cum again before you finish.

"Gonna cum again," Seulgi gasps. "Keep fucking my ass just like that!"

Her whole body shakes as another orgasm rips through her. You feel her asshole spasm around your cock as she screams in pleasure.

“Fuck, I'm almost there,” you moan. “This time I'm gonna cover your little body with my cum.”

You pump into her stretched asshole a few more times, savoring the tight grip before withdrawing with a wet pop. Her gaping hole clenches around empty air as she quickly flips onto her back, her abs glistening with fresh workout sweat. The torn leggings frame her lower half perfectly, her pussy still dripping from her previous orgasms.

"Fuck, look at you," you growl, furiously stroking your cock as you kneel between her spread legs. Your shaft is slick with her ass juices, making obscene squelching sounds as you jerk it. "So fucking hot all sweaty and messy for me..."

Seulgi runs her hands over her damp skin, pinching her hard nipples through her sports bra. "Come on baby, mark me up. Want to feel your hot load all over my abs..."

Your cock throbs harder at her words. She looks like a fucking goddess lying there, skin golden and gleaming with perspiration, hair messy from getting railed, lips swollen from sucking your cock. The contrast of her still being partially clothed in her workout gear while being completely debauched is driving you wild.

"Play with yourself," you command, stroking faster. "Want to watch you rub that clit while I cover you in cum..."

She immediately slides a hand between her legs, fingers circling her swollen clit. Her other hand pushes her sports bra up to fully expose her perky tits, rolling a nipple between her fingers.

"Please," she whimpers, hips bucking as she pleasures herself. "Need your cum so bad... want you to paint me with it..."

You can feel your orgasm building, pressure mounting in your balls. Your cock is angry red and leaking precum steadily. Seulgi notices and licks her lips.

"Are you gonna cum for me baby?" she purrs, spreading her legs wider. "Want to feel it hot and thick all over my sweaty body... want you to mark your territory..."

"Fuck... gonna cum so hard for you..." you grunt, your hand a blur on your shaft. The wet sounds of her fingering herself mixed with your jerking is obscene.

"Do it," she demands, her fingers moving faster on her clit. "Fucking cover me... want to feel it splashing on my skin..."

Your orgasm hits like a freight train. The first rope of cum shoots out with incredible force, landing in a thick stripe from her collarbone down between her tits. The second and third spurts paint her ribs and abs, hot white streaks stark against her shiny skin.

"Yes! More!" she cries out, her own orgasm hitting as she watches you mark her. "Cover me!"

You continue cumming, decorating her sweaty stomach with rope after rope of thick seed. Some lands on the torn edges of her leggings, soaking into the fabric. The final few spurts dribble onto her lower abs, mixing with the sweat pooled in the grooves of her muscles.

When you're finally spent, you sit back to admire your work. Seulgi looks absolutely debauched - covered in sweat, cum, and pussy juice, workout clothes torn and disheveled, hair a mess. Your cum is already starting to run down the sides of her torso in rivulets, mixing with her sweat.

She runs her fingers through the mess on her stomach, spreading it around like lotion. The sight of her rubbing your seed into her sweaty skin makes your spent cock twitch weakly.

"Mmm, so much cum," she purrs, gathering some on her fingers and bringing them to her mouth. She maintains eye contact as she sucks them clean, moaning at the taste. "Love how it mixes with my sweat... makes me feel so dirty..."

She continues playing with the cum on her body, alternating between spreading it around and tasting it off her fingers. Some has dripped down to her pussy, mixing with her own juices.

"Fuck, that's hot," you groan, watching her enjoy your mess. She gathers more cum on her fingers and offers them to you. You eagerly suck them clean, tasting the salty mixture of your cum and her sweat.

"Love marking you up like this," you say as she continues rubbing the cooling cum into her skin. "Looking all sweaty and used, covered in my load..."

"Mmm, me too," she sighs contentedly. "Want you to do this every time I come back from working out... mark your territory all over my sweaty body..."

The combination of the visual, her dirty talk, and the various fluids coating her skin makes your cock start to harden again despite having just cum. Seulgi notices and laughs.

"Already getting hard again? Such a horny boy..." she teases, running a cum-covered finger down your shaft. "Save that energy for the next workout... want you nice and pent up so you can cover me in an even bigger load..."

You spend the next few minutes trading lazy kisses and caresses, enjoying the afterglow. Seulgi's skin is still flushed and glowing with sweat. Her sports bra is stained with your cum, marking her as yours.

"I should probably actually shower now," she says eventually. "Want to join me? I could use help getting clean... or maybe getting dirty again."

"Lead the way," you smirk, admiring her ass as she heads to the bathroom.

—

After the shower, you throw on some clothes and head to the kitchen. While Seulgi makes coffee, you raid her fridge for breakfast ingredients. The domestic scene feels surprisingly natural after the intensity of your sexual encounters.

"I still can't believe this all started because you caught me making porn edits of you," you say, cracking eggs into a pan.

She laughs. "I mean, I was shocked at first. But then I watched them and... fuck, they were hot. Made me realize how much I wanted you."

"Could have saved us both a lot of sexual frustration if we'd admitted it sooner."

"True. But making up for lost time has been pretty fun," she winks. "Plus now I have a personal trainer who really knows how to motivate me."

Breakfast becomes less about eating and more about stolen touches. Her fingers graze yours when you pass her a plate, and your knees bump under the table like it’s on purpose. Each bite of food comes with a side of heated glances that linger too long. The energy between you is still electric, even after having sex twice just this morning, alive with the kind of hunger that never truly fades.

Seulgi reaches across the table, her thumb brushing a crumb from your lip. Her touch lingers, her gaze heavy with desire. "We’re really bad at pretending this isn’t gonna happen again in about five minutes, huh?"

You grin, pushing your plate aside.

"Who’s pretending?”

[the-sleepy-conductor]

Hot take that will probably earn me a ticket to the guillotine:

I've seen a lot of discourse going around all over the place about Blankshipping and Blankshippers in general, and after thinking about this for almost a whole year, I just have to get this out.

Can we please just stop the hostility and threats to Blankshippers?

If you do not want Blankshippers to interact with your content, you can say so politely, without threatening people we don't know behind a screen. Set boundaries in an intro post for instance, but don't attack anyone while doing so.

Lately I have seen literal death threats towards Blankshippers, with a good number of them being insanely graphic. I don't care if it's in a "joking" manner, that is never ok. So many people comment about how the Submas community has been growing toxic and problematic and such, and these same people are out here posting death threats to people they don't even know simply for just existing in the Submas community. In what world is that not toxic itself?

Are you allowed to feel uncomfortable about Blankshipping and proshipping? Yes. Is it ok to insult, threaten, and ridicule those who participate in making such content? Absolutely not.

If Blankshipping makes you uncomfortable or if the content is upsetting or triggering to you, block the tag and move on. Please do not harass or berate the original poster, it solves absolutely nothing. The internet is for everyone to use and it will not revolve around others' preferences. It is up to you to curate your own experience.

For example, I have the Submas Angst tag blocked because sometimes having gut-wrenching angst suddenly pop up in my face while I'm scrolling can make an already bad mood worse. So I filter the tag so I get a warning on a post with that tag, so if I don't feel like seeing it, it's as easy as that. Do I harass the original poster for posting content that could potentially make me upset? No!

Speaking of tags, I feel like as long as content is tagged appropriately, there shouldn't be a problem. As long as the original poster makes an attempt to tag things accordingly, then that should be perfectly fine. And again, as for interaction, kindly state your boundaries, everyone is human just like you and sending threats directed at certain individuals for what they take interest in is downright wrong. This applies to Blankshipping, as long as content is tagged as Blankshipping, especially if it's NSFW, then there is no problem. As far as I know, I've only had to block one Blankshipper and that was because they kept creating several different accounts and following me one by one, all of which had NSFW Blankshipping as the profile picture, and I repeatedly told them to stop. That being said, not all Blankshippers are bad.

That being said, do I enjoy Blankshipping or consume such content? No. In fact it makes me very uncomfortable but I have no issues whatsoever when it comes to Blankshippers interacting with what little content I have made. However, I have made it very clear I do not want my content tagged as Blankshipping. They can like and reblog if they want, but as long as there's no Blankshipping tags, we're all cool here.

Please understand that nine times out of ten, Blankshippers are not going to shove Blankshipping content in your face like you think they will. They most likely have a whole separate account dedicated to that ship, and a different account for whatever else they want. There's no need to act like folks who "secretly" have a Blankshipping account have committed a war crime. What harm is being done?

Long story short, can we please stop harassing each other? Not just over Blankshipping, but in general? Especially when it comes to gatekeeping the twins, I don't know why there's been so many people doing that lately. But my overall point is, can everyone please just stop fighting? I'm not trying to be a pick-me or whatever you may want to call it, it's just exhausting and draining seeing so many threats aimed at so many different people. I know this essay is technically controversial within this community but I can't keep my silence anymore.

[starleska]

bit of personal/mental health talk under the cut, just need to yell into the void a bit. tw for discussion of autistic burnout, depression, trauma, etc.

it feels a bit silly to be posting about this, but i haven't been doing too well lately. like many high-masking, late-diagnosed autistic people, a lot of my identity and worth is wrapped up in productivity and creation. when you feel like you're defective, you end up associating success with how well you can mask; how you can make people smile; how you can perform and do and solve until you're really nothing more than a machine. we take pride in that...but as it turns out, that's not too healthy. for a while now i've been in a state of autistic burnout, but now it's hitting in a way that it never has before. this time, it's real depression. in the past when i've been suffering, my coping mechanisms have involved doing. it's changed over the years...everything from heavy exercise, to rage-cleaning, to throwing myself into projects, to fixing other people's problems. when i'm resting, i'm not really resting: i'm 'optimising', thinking about all the things i need to do to make things easier for a future version of me that doesn't exist. the metaphorical muscles that have been working to hold up these impossible standards are failing, and i'm not...coping with that well. i'm sure many other traumatised autistic people here can relate to feeling like they're only human and worthy of care and affection if they are 'giving' something in return, because we feel like we're a drain on others or inherently repulsive. in the past, i've been able to 'justify' my CPTSD by creating a bit of an internal martyr narrative: soldiering forwards despite it all, continuing to push ahead, to not be defined by my neurodivergence, disabilities, or my past. but that in itself is an ableist narrative which demonises folks who are high-support needs. it's a neurotypical-borne urge because of how we're punished for existing as ourselves. depression and needing support isn't a moral failing any more than any mental or physical health condition is. when i was diagnosed, my assessor told me i was one of the strangest autism cases she'd ever seen, because i'd so successfully pulled off a 'perfect' mask and was letting my brain eat itself trying to perform neurotypicality. she'd seen a few similar cases, but none quite as severe...and it feels wrong that i take some pride in that. like, yeah, i'm unhealthy, but unhealthy because i try too hard. but the more i learn about myself and other people like me, the more i realise there are countless others out there suffering in the same way, and we don't get caught or provided support because we don't want to be a bother. we just kind of...waste away. i don't want that anymore. i don't want to live a life where i'm just constantly doing to fix some imagined internal defect. i'm struggling to admit after a long, long time that i do need support...even if that support just looks like saying 'i'm in pain and can't do this the way i used to'. this part is definitely the trauma-brain talking, but here's the crazy thing: every day, neurotypical, non-disabled people ask each other for support, and they receive it. and those requests aren't met with hostility, or ridicule, or assessments of character. they're just...supported. to me, that feels insane. if i take even an hour off to do something non-productive, it feels like i should be exiled. my impulse is to say i'm posting this here because i want other people to feel seen if they feel the same way, but that's just another way of justifying feeling sad and hopeless. the truth is, i'm really not well right now. and if anyone has any words of encouragement or support to offer...i'd be incredibly grateful for that. thank you so much 💖

[aishangotome]

[Gilbert] Choose Your True Love: Part 2

Part 1

♡———♡

Gilbert: You... might die?

The blood drained from my face at the outrageous announcement made with a refreshing smile.

Emma: W-Why?

Gilbert: Because you've caught the Emperor's eye.

Gilbert: Do you know about him?

Emma: ...I've heard rumors.

Gilbert: Then you should understand. That man's hobby is killing people.

Gilbert: I think they'll be here soon.

Before I could ask "What?", a part of the ceiling suddenly fell down.

(Huh?!)

Several men fell through the gaping hole.

They were all dressed in simple black clothes, their faces covered with cloth.

In their hands, they held swords with unfamiliar shapes, and they exuded a sharp murderous aura, though not as much as the Emperor.

Emma: I can't believe this, but...

Gilbert: They're the Emperor's personal special assassination squad.

Gilbert: While I was out of the room, they were busy doing some handiwork on the ceiling.

Gilbert: I'm amazed at how much free time they have. They should spend their time on something more useful.

Emma: ...Who are they here to assassinate...?

Gilbert: Us, of course. Who else could it be?

Emma: "Us"?

Gilbert: Heh... They're fast, aren't they? Did he give the order the moment we parted ways?

(...He's insane.)

Gilbert didn't seem surprised by the sudden visitors, and he drew the sword he had been wearing under his mantle.

(He used to carry a sword.)

Gilbert: If you run around like a chicken with its head cut off, you'll really die, so be prepared.

(Gulp...)

Gilbert: Roderich.

Roderich: I'll take care of it.

Roderich, who seemed to have been waiting in the corner of the room, rushed into the assassination squad with a sword in hand.

This might be the first time I've seen him, Gilbert's close aide, fight so seriously.

(It's like a small war.)

The opponents seemed to be quite skilled, as some of them slipped past Roderich and came towards us.

Gilbert dodged their silent attacks, swung his sword, and blood splattered.

Emma: ...Ah...

The Gilbert I knew used a gun, but he didn't seem to have one now, as he painted the room with blood using only his sword.

Neither Gilbert nor Roderich hesitated to kill.

I was reminded of something I don't usually feel - that we live in different worlds.

(...This is nothing like the Obsidian I know.)

The cruel scene drained the warmth from my body, leaving me cold and frozen.

As I hugged my shivering body, Gilbert suddenly put something over my head.

I realized it was his coat when I smelled the familiar scent of medicine.

Gilbert: I told you not to run, but you don't have to watch.

Gilbert: You'll break.

(............)

Only my vision was blocked; my ears and nose were still keenly aware of the battle.

I couldn't bring myself to take off the coat.

How much time had passed since then?

The sounds ceased, and an eerie silence fell over the place.

Finally, I made up my mind and tried to take off the coat, but suddenly my feet left the ground.

Emma: Wah!

Gilbert: Stay put.

(Am I... being carried somewhere?)

Gilbert: Well, that was a disaster.

Finally, my feet touched the floor.

-

Gilbert took the coat off my head and put it back on himself.

Thanks to his black military uniform, I couldn't see any blood, but he smelled the same as the Emperor.

Emma: ...Are you alright?

Gilbert: Hm?

Emma: Are you hurt...?

Gilbert: Oh, no. They were just inexperienced assassins in training, even if they were a special forces unit.

Gilbert: You can't survive in Obsidian if you can't kill at least that much.

Emma: ...

Gilbert: That look on your face... Was that your first time seeing something like that?

Emma: Yes... I live in Obsidian, but I've never seen an assassin before...

Gilbert: Really?

Emma: Is it... a daily occurrence?

Gilbert: Yeah, it's a daily routine.

(Daily...)

Gilbert: It's been happening especially frequently lately.

Gilbert: Maybe the Emperor is holding a grudge against me for voicing my opinion about the Rhodolite invasion the other day.

Gilbert: He loves to chop off the heads of people who oppose him.

(No way...)

It sounded like a joke, but after actually facing the Emperor, I understood.

He's a monster in human skin, and that fact has seeped into my bones in a short amount of time.

(...Come to think of it, Gilbert's mother and brother also opposed the Emperor...)

Gilbert: Heh... You blocked his path too, didn't you?

Gilbert: We're the same. That's why I think you were targeted.

Emma: ...

(I finally understand why Gilbert in the past is always on edge.)

(And also...)

When I looked up at his face from up close, I saw dark circles under his eyes.

It might be difficult for him to even sleep properly right now.

Emma: ...Gilbert--

The moment I reached out my hand, a deathly scream shook the window.

(What now?)

.

.

.

. Part 3 | YouTube SE in JP

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[crystalelemental]

I am poking my head back here, briefly, to explain the reason for the absence. Which will continue. Don't really know how long.

In case anyone was unaware: I live in the US. Things are. Not going so great over here. I'm in a generally progressive state, and it's still bad. Literally like every day is some new bullshit. And I cannot lie to you. I'm not interested in being around Tumblr culture for this one.

It was draining before, but with the severity we're dealing with, I just have exactly no tolerance for it. Getting blasted with post after post after post of "EVERYTHING IS FUCKED AND YOU ARE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER DON'T DO NOTHING ABOUT THIS (shares zero actionable steps or suggestions)" was always annoying, but now it's actively detrimental. My energy is needed elsewhere.

I've been making calls. I've even started drafting letters, which is a lot given how bad writing by hand is for me. I've gone to our city hall meetings, am looking into committees I can join, and have drafted statements to make demanding support for vulnerable groups in our community to present at later meetings. I've even stayed (a little) late at work to talk with colleagues earnestly about the state of things and am trying to build community that way. It is...fucking exhausting. I'm so tired.

But that's not even the end of it. I alluded to the same in posts around the holidays, but there have been Big Personal Things going on, which have taken a tremendous amount of personal time, money, and energy to sustain. It's rewarding, it's necessary, but this combination is exhausting. Also our house almost burned down. We managed to get our electrical upgraded before something went off, but they told us the light flickering was because a cable in the attic was starting to go so badly that a serious enough wind storm would've snapped a cable in a way that would have definitely started a fire with the insulation. So like. Silver lining.

I am going to be generally away for a while. I do not really know if I'll be back for serious. I may stop in to talk via messages, or answer asks and replies to posts. But despite the exhaustion...I feel a lot better about things than I did when I was here in a more serious capacity.

And hey! If you're in the US and feeling broadly powerless, here are some general recommendations:

5 Calls has been immensely helpful for minor action. They give you a list of issues to contact representatives about, will give you a script to follow to speak to the issue. Truth be told, they're more verbose than the calltakers care about, they tend to just want Name, Street Address (if voicemail), City and Zip Code (for all calls), and what your position is on the thing you're calling out. They don't care about your reasons, per se. If I get someone on the line, I never get to the mini speech, and tend to truncate for voicemails. Phones are so busy one of our Senators' DC office can't accept more messages, so I have to call the local branch. Give them short messages to quickly tally where you can.

Democratic Socialists of America is a recommended organization I have not yet joined with, so I can't speak to it in specific terms. The "local" chapter for me is still over an hour from home, and with all else going on, it's just too out of the way to be viable, I have to look more local. But they hold a lot of initiatives to get involved in, and seem pretty easy to contact. I can't vouch for every chapter, but my local one just has a button to fill out a four-question request to meet another member in person to discuss what you'd like to get involved with.

Legitimately, find out when your open to the public town/city hall meetings are. Local community vibes count for a lot, and you can find out a lot about what's going on and where people's concerns are just by attending. Also you get front row seats to insanely fun drama between angry old people who hate each other, it's great. 10/10, would recommend. All I did was look up "[area] town hall meetings" and it came right up. Called their office to confirm what was open to the public and how to schedule making a public comment, and just showed up. I didn't do or say anything the first time, but met some people and have a better sense for where things stand and what I can do from one (1) meeting.

[dorkynerd23]

The Nuzi Hate Is Ridiculous And Just Saddening/Defending Nuzi.

Alright, so...let me just start off saying that this'll be the last time I'm going to discuss anything drama related, especially what goes on in the Murder Drones Community. Honestly, at least over here on Tumblr, the fandom isn't that bad and awful and is not that much of a trainwreck as it is over on the toxic bird site, but this is something that just NEEDS to be discussed in general. This situation and just the insane amount of drama and fighting that's been happening with the MD fandom lately has honestly been tiring and has taken a toll on me. it honestly has, if I'm gonna be honest, it's been draining and I just don't wanna talk and deal with this anymore. I just wanna move on from this situation and continue obsessing over and watching my favorite robot show and not deal with any of this unnecessary and childish drama anymore!

Anyways, for those who don't know, there's been a lot of arguing and fighting in the Murder Drones fandom as of lately, at least on over on Twitter, but it's been happening over on things like Tik Tok, even YouTube and it isn't uncommon exactly, but it is something that's gotten worse in as the show continues to grow in popularity. The main discussion and arguments when it comes to shipping in the Murder Drones fandom are between Envy (N X V) and Nuzi (N X Uzi) there's other ships in the fandom people like, but Envy and Nuzi are two of the most popular ones and the ones who are often the topics when it comes to shipping wars. I've already discussed and talked about the craziness and drama that's been happening with the fandom with some fans harassing and going after the VA's, people getting on them for their opinions, trying to switch things around to fulfill their egos, ect. But, the main thing I'm going to be talking about with today's topic is Nuzi and the amount of unnecessary hate it's gotten and how I think it's unfair, because it's seriously gotten worse and worse. And if you don't know what the ship Nuzi is and aren't very familiar with the ship or MD itself as a whole, basically, Nuzi is the pairing between Serial Designation N and Uzi Doorman from Murder Drones, who are two of our main characters in the show. Now, people have been shipping these two since the pilot and have enjoyed their interactions and at first in the beginning of the show it seems the show was hinting at the two being just good friends but as time went on, the show started to develop and explore the two and things started to change and the show has started hinting at both N and Uzi starting an eventual romance down the line and hinting at some romantic tension going between them. Now with Uzi, it seems she's definitely starting to fall in love with N and gaining feelings for him, but she seems to downside her crush on him and it's pretty one-sided since meanwhile with N and his side of things, he seems clueless and isn't aware of Uzi's feelings and it seems that he only sees Uzi as a friend and nothing more beyond that and the show hasn't hinted on how N feels about Uzi right now..of course, it's too early to tell for where the relationship between these two will go and it's too early to have N and Uzi fall in love and start an relationship but there is potential and room for them to start a relationship eventually, there's room to dive more into their dynamic and relationship and potential to have a good romance between the two.

Now, as I've stated..Nuzi has gotten an extreme amount of hate lately, some misinformation and rumors have been spread around in the fandom to the point it's caused people to start attacking others who are fans/love the ship and started going after and harassing fans who make fanart of the two, anits and especially diehard shippers of both Envy and Thuzi, (but it's mostly Envy shippers) keep on throwing around and saying the excuses on how Nuzi is a "P*oship" and how N is an adult and Uzi is a minor and how they're siblings, or say how, "Uzi has a crush on Thad!" "N has a crush on V and even admitted it!!" And they'll just use EVERY excuse in the book..they'll turn shit around and do whatever they can to make people feel bad and shitty for simply even adoring and liking Nuzi and finding it cute, hell it's even gotten to the point where some fans started going after others for liking other ships in the fandom like Vizzy/Pink Lemonade, and just any ships involving WD X DD. I'm not kidding, I've seen fans and others argue that Nuzi wouldn't work out because both N and Uzi are different robot species and how on N has killed and slaughtered Uzi's people. Apparently because both N and Uzi can't make a good pairing because they're apparently, "boring and uninteresting" and one is a WD and the other is a DD, but because both V and N are DD's and because they knew each other in the past that automatically means something..? Seriously?? I'm not joking when I say some of these fans are downright ridiculous and childish, they'll do whatever they can to stop people from liking ships like Nuzi and shame people for even enjoying it and make childish hate posts on said ship constantly, and it's overall just so hurtful and ridiculous, Dude. And it's people like them that make this fandom look awful and downright toxic, it's people like them that make others think that everyone in the fandom is like this when that's far from the truth!

I'm honestly really sick and tired of how this fandom mistreats and bullies other people just for simply liking different ships, people have stated that they feel hurt and feel like they can't like certain ships without them being attacked and shitted on, they feel like they can't like something they enjoy without others dragging them down and being hated on. It's ridiculous how some of these fans see Nuzi as the most awful and horrendous ever made and it needs to be forgotten forever. It's ridiculous and laughable how some of these people point out and rant on how much they hate Nuzi, only to make it the only thing they talk about and mention 24/7, some of these people literally just whine and complain about how they're not a fan of said ship. I mean, it's totally fine and okay to not like certain ships and you don't have to love and enjoy the same things as others do, but you don't need to make hate posts all the time and bash others for finding comfort and liking the ship they like, you don't need to make rants 24/7 on how you despite said ship..it just makes you look so damn childish and just unbearable, like okay..you're not a fan of certain ships, okay? JUST MOVE ON!! WE GET IT, just stop harassing and making us feel like shit and horrible people, stop making us feel terrible for loving Nuzi, just move on and just don't interact with us if it bothers some of you so damn much. I mean, it's gotten so bad that some have left the MD fandom because of the toxicity and childish behavior from some of these fans. Just please stop and be nice to one another, it's not right how some of you will harass and do whatever you can to make people feel shitty for enjoying what they love and trying to paint them out as these awful individuals. Like seriously, I just cannot stand shipping wars and I really despise them, shipping wars are such a waste of time and are just an excuse to harass and cause unnecessary drama and it just results with people getting hurt. And I've said this many times before and I'm gonna say it again, shipping shouldn't be the ONLY thing to focus on when watching and getting into any piece of media. There's much more to love and look forward to, there's more to appreciate and shows have more to offer than just ships, SHIPPING AIN'T EVERYTHING.

One more thing I'm gonna add and talk about before we finish up is that..I don't even understand and get the hate Nuzi has received, I mean I'm fine and totally alright with people seeing them as friends and respect their opinions. But, what's with some of these people just disliking and harassing people for seeing the two more than just friends and wanting them to be something more? I've seen people argue and say that it's either too cliche and just call both Uzi and N, Starco 2.0. And it's just ridiculous how some of these fans and antis act whenever there's moments with Uzi and N together or when the show is hinting at a possibility of the two being an item someday. Is this seriously how these toxic fans are gonna act whenever Nuzi have any moments together?? Whether it's romantic or not? It just seems the idea of Uzi and N being something more just burns these fans up inside and just frustrates them to the core. Nuzi ISN'T what you guys think it is and it's more than that, nothing is being rushed and forced and nothing is being written poorly between them either, and they AREN'T another Starco. Also, Nuzi isn't just here for fanservice, these moments we've gotten with Uzi and N were already planned out and worked on, MD has been in the works and in production since about 2020, wayyy before the show even came out and before the fandom was even a thing. Uzi and N were already planned and hinted at being something more and having something special between them, they were always meant to have something deeper and important and the show seems to be going the route in wanting to develop further into Uzi and N's dynamic and their relationship as a whole. The scenes we've gotten for Uzi and N have always been planned out and if Nuzi happens and becomes a thing in the series, it's because Liam wants it to be and planned it that way, NOT BECAUSE OF FANSERVICE!! It's fine if you're not a fan of the pairing and just don't find any interest in it, you can love and like what you want. But please stop acting like it's a big deal and something to get angry about, because it's not..it's not worth it. It's not worth throwing tantrums and acting over the top about, just move on and ignore.

Anyways, this is all I've wanted to talk about when it comes to this Nuzi hate and the drama that surrounds the ship when it comes to the fandom, I've just wanted to give my thoughts. Also, everyone in the Murder Drones Community, just PLEASE be nice and kind to one another and respect each other's opinions. ♥️ You guys are better than this and getting into arguments and shipping wars aren't worth it and are just plain silly, doing any of this just results in people being hurt and affected, getting into shipping wars aren't worth it and they're are better things to do. Please, be nice to each other and if you aren't a fan of certain ships in the show then that's fine and alright. Just move on and scroll away and respect other's feelings and opinions, you don't have to like a ship that's popular or what many seem to like! Just don't be a dick and treat others like crap and make hate posts just because you're not a fan of said ship, just please move on and keep moving forward! Plain and simple, just ignore and move on with your day, mistreating and hurting others just isn't worth it.

[desmothene]

Would love to hear more about obikin dark !!

both you and @moucrow have asked for obikin dark for the wip ask game! i didn't have a lot actually written for this one, so i used your asks as a prompt to do some.

this is a more standard mustafar AU, wherein Obi-wan convinces Padme to let him talk to Anakin first.

--

The heat of Mustafar is just one more drain on an already exhausted body and mind. Obi-wan had spent most of the flight arguing with Padme, rather than sleeping.

He is so tired.

"Please, Anakin... I don't understand what is happening and I don't want to believe my own eyes. Our family is dying - I don't want to fight you. What are you doing? Please talk to me."

The words are rambling and vague; poorly controlled; his speech wanders. It's a far cry from the usual poise of the so-called Negotiator. But he doesn't want to draw his saber on Anakin; in this moment, there is not violence yet.

He is so tired.

Instead, he reaches his hand out to Anakin. It feels like all he has done in the last years is reach out, fruitlessly, to Anakin. Obi-wan just wishes that for once, Anakin would reach back to him. He has little hope that he will this time. He is so tired.

And yet...

Anakin takes his hand. When Obi-wan dares to look at his face, Anakin's eyes are still that spine-chilling gold, but he's smiling at Obi-wan.

"Of course we can talk, Obi-wan. I have so much that I need to tell you - everything has been insane lately and I've been so stressed..." Sudden heat flashes so fast that Obi-wan barely registers it beyond suddenly falling to his knees and - his left leg isn't moving, he tries to move it and all he gets instead is the deep agonizing sear of a plasma burn. Only Anakin's other hand curling around his throat stops Obi-wan from falling over.

Above the mounting rush of pain in his ears, Obi-wan can hear Anakin still talking.

"...but I know you're a wily man, Obi-wan. This way I can be certain you'll stay to hear me."

[moregraceful]

under a cut bc i am recreationally saying things, however if anyone has experience with nesterly pls dm me (do not send an ask)

i am glad the no sleep medication trial has been going well for the first couple of days after that first disastrous night but my god after going to bed at 9:30pm last night i have been up for So Long that i no longer know what to do with myself. or rather i do know what to do with myself, i just don't want to do it. hope this continues and work does not give me the insane late night shifts (they will.)(everybody cross fingers they give me a schedule next week, i cannot plan my life at the moment while they drag out giving me a schedule.)(i feel like they're either gonna give me 6 hours a week or 25 no in-between.)(also i'm BORED and i wanna learn COOL STUFF.)

went to target today to get a little gift for the neighbor kids who gave me valentines day candy in my hour of need (dying in real life after the eagles parade) and found this:

having the kind of relationship where this would be joyfully well-received must be awesome. someday lmao

went to the pizza place after talking about it for three days straight and hot pizza guy was not there but hot pizza cooks were AND they recognized me oh it is a gift to be known in a small part of the world

pondering housing at the grad school of my most-likely choice and it would be so much easier if i was willing to move out of philly but i am: not. it's hard!! i wanna respect the commitment the school is making to me and make full use of my time there but i ALSO am laying down roots in philly and i don't want to throw that all away after only a year!! so digging around this city looking for places i might be willing to spend a couple nights a week in for not very much money. i've been looking at short term in-home rentals like nesterly or [redacted local airbnb-type site if airbnb weren't for flipping houses and instead went to grad and medical students]. and there's also the whole dog care thing of like. Is He Going To Be Alive in august bc it's like...either get him certified as an emotional support animal (he isn't) and bring him with me vs dog care weekly vs no dog care at all bc dead changes things immensely...idk.

also went digging around for internships for [redacted field] and the one i am most 👀 about does not even have an application page, i think you have to email the director directly...this is not a problem for a year and it is also one of the most competitive internships of its kind in the region but i'm so. man i would learn so much. also getting into one of these schools made my ego huge lmao bc i'm like yeah i could totally get that if i got into [redacted university]...king r u sure 🧐

my dog has this new thing of if i don't sit on the floor with him he decides to be very annoying. this is why he isn't a support animal, he completely owns my shit. he realized i'll let him get away with anything bc he's circling the drain a lil bit and now he's like oh if i'm annoying enough i get can goose to sit on the floor. he's an emotional pain in the ass. when i think about my life without him for too long i get very upset... message to all keats, please survive

[frogofalltime]

day 4

last night i didn't get to sleep until past 2am because my headache was so bad and my eyes hurt and i just felt overall weird. i also had a nightmare. as a result i felt pretty awful and not well rested at all when i woke up.

this morning i had to go to a doctors appointment at 11:45 so my alarm was at 10am. i procrastinated for half an hour, then got up and ate breakfast and took my meds and got ready to leave the house

i got into a conversation about the word "normal" with my boyfriend which i normally (pun not intended) would've found interesting but today it made me slightly irritated (not your fault at all robin, i was just tired and stressed). anyway it got resolved quickly so there wasn't a problem, i just don't like how small things make me disproportionately annoyed when i'm tired

i was 2 minutes late for my doctors appointment but it was fine ! i'm getting a lot braver with going to the doctors by myself, i used to need robin or lucy to go with me every time, but now i am able to go alone.

then i went to the students union to buy some grains and seeds to feed the pigeons and my mother called me so i talked to her for a while. she was asking me about the doctors appointment and my adhd meds and stuff. it feels rude but i wished she didn't call me because i was overstimulated and wanted to go outside and see the birds.

after that an old lady asked me how the clothes swap at the students union works and i wanted to be kind so i helped her out with that and also bumped into my friend while i was there

i eventually got away from all the Humans so i went to the park and fed our flock of pigeons which was extremely fun like always. they kept pecking my fingers even when the food ran out because they were so hungry. and they are trusting me more and more every week, they let me pick them up and cuddle them now !

i thought i had a therapy appointment at 2pm so i rushed home but actually it was at 3pm so i had an extra hour to eat lunch and stuff (which is good because i was very hungry)

therapy was good but i felt very drained afterwards and did nothing for almost two hours. i just scrolled on my phone and felt bored.

i asked robin for advice because i was hungry again and it recommended me to cook a proper meal instead of trying to study while eating snacks and procrastinating dinner until 10pm which is what i've been doing lately. @etherealspacejelly you know me so well lmao

my flatmate was in the kitchen when i went to put my food in the oven. she was cooking a dish that has fish in it and the smell was really overpowering and horrible. i felt suddenly very overstimulated so after setting a timer for my food i went back to my room and turned off the light and did my prayers in the dark

then i went and collected my food and ate it while watching percy jackson which was Very fun ! i think i was a bit distracted but i mostly paid attention and went very insane about it (special interest go brrrr)

i considered doing some revision for my exams but it was already like 8pm and i was exhausted so i talked to robin for a while and then washed my dishes, took a shower, and got into bed.

overall i had an okay day, i did not study at all but i was really sleepy, irritable, and low on energy from both the doctors appointment and therapy, so i think it was justified

the headache has not been so bad today, and i'm still feeling thirsty but not as much, i guess i'm getting used to it

also i have been hungrier than usual, which is strange because they said Reduced hunger is a normal side effect, not Increased ?? but maybe it's because i suck at interoception usually, and the meds are making me better at interpreting my body's needs so i am more able to understand my hunger cues ? idk

i am extremely tired since i struggled to get to sleep the last few nights, so i'm hoping i will get more sleep tonight and feel more refreshed in the morning. goodnight :)

[fangswbenefits]

Hey Ruby! I know we haven't even been following each other for long, I've been lurking for a while (and let me assure you I *audibly* gasped when I saw you follow me back).

But just wanted to drop in and let you know that your one-shots are deliciously hot and have given me quite some confidence to become bolder with my own smut writing.

So uh - thank you for opening those floodgates 🫡

Hey, friend 🫂🩷 thank you so much for these words! Put a smile on my face 👏

I need to read more Astarion smut again (at one point, I had read every single on on Ao3.... it was a bit insane LOL), but time isn't my friend as of late 💔

And yes! Get bolder! Drain those balls and make him feel good 🫂 it's what he deserves!

[nomadsykrix]

Hi all, I'm really sorry for the unprompted hiatus. Under the cut so people don't have to see me ramble. I do plan to slowly come back.

The tl;dr: Work left me unable to have the energy to do anything. I have a boss that's insanely micromangey- and gets pissy when people don't do things exactly as he wants. And after he was gone for a month from his own medical issues, I understand. But It's draining the fuck out of me when I'm one of his few employees he can literally leave alone the entire night and not have to worry that I'm not doing my work.

I'm currently looking for new employment for daytime work because of a big life change is potentially coming up. My wife and I may be helping with raising a child that's a family member. It's not quite fostering, they're not living with us, but it's the closest label I can put on it.

I've also had some really, really bad spells lately from remembering a lot of shit that happened to me in childhood. Therapy has been bringing things up, other things have just been coming abruptly since the floodgates opened after she recommended a book about CPTSD. More things have also been coming up since the minor has been brought into our lives. I can't stress enough how overwhelming it's been. I kept a lot of things locked in a box up until about six years ago because I wasn't in a safe enough environment to properly heal.

I'm also on week two of recovering from top surgery, and it's super exciting to have it done, but the first week was absolutely miserable and I haven't had the spoons to talk to anyone but my wife and close family/friends so they knew I was doing okay. Right now I'm just slowly recovering and forcing myself to not do much so I don't accidentally cause more injuries.

I'm really sorry for just... not being here for a long time. Life has been a mess for me, and I'm at an age / point in my life where I'm not comfortable sharing things online unless I feel it's necessary. Especially with the current climate in the US. I appreciate anyone that's understanding through this. <3 You're all wonderful and deserve the best.

[ronacot]

January 23rd, 2025

Good afternoon. It has been over a month since I have updated my blog. I have been working and enjoying my winter break - kinda. It was a little tragic and I was mostly really unhappy throughout the whole break and I didn't know why. I think a lot of it stemmed from missing my sister and processing the fact that things are really really changing. I was working a lot so I didn't get to see her and when I did see her my bf was with me and when he wasn't there, it didn't feel the way it used to (for me at least) but not in a bad way. I think she just got lazy and was also on her period and slightly mad at me cuz my bf was there all the time, but I felt really guilty about it the entire time. I cried to my bf every night and he was like "hello are you good??" (obviously not actually like that) but I would be like "idk I just miss Tess" (Tess is my twin) but I would cry like more than I ever have in my life. I think I literally had a streak of 3 weeks. I'm a fairly happy person so it was confusing, I also really couldn't pinpoint exactly what made me so upset. I felt bad for my bf because it was a lot of me whining and not doing anything. And he felt bad for me cuz he felt like he couldn't do anything to help me. I know I should've spent more time with my sister but I didn't and I can't ever get that time back. I'm going to try to do that differently in the summertime. The break was about a month long for my school and I was going back and fourth between CT (where I'm from) and Long Island (where my bf is from) for work and to see my family. I didn't really hang out with my friends until the end so I was drained of social interaction and it killed me. I was dying to talk to people and I like don't really have many college friends either so I didn't have anyone to hang out with like that. I think that was another thing that killed me over break.

I want to talk a little but about making friends in the city. My first semester was hard for me because I tried the going out thing and I couldn't get into it. Everyone was screaming, singing songs I didn't really know, drinking, and smoking cigs every night and I just don't do that. I love weed, but on my own time. I feel like my roommates have abused weed, drinking, and cigarettes. Our dorm stinks, they are all always late for class, and they feel really distant now. Which in the long run doesn't matter for me, but I have to live here so its a lot. They aren't bad people either and I'll never be mad about drinking and smoking, but they are at the point of those things being a necessity and it sucks. They have massive groups of people here at night, they use a lot of my things and break them.... idk. I feel bad saying these things but I feel like my dorm isn't mine. But this is not my point. My point is, every time I feel like I want to be friends with someone, they just want to party. This is what I've realized about college in Manhattan. Where are the people who lowkey hate going out and drinking??? Everyone here vapes too. I thought it was 2025 and we were over that. People always pull out "Geek Bars" and I feel like I'm watching a weird fad happen right in front of me. And I know I sound like "oh I'm better cuz I don't blah blah" and I'm not saying I'm better. These just aren't my people and I wish there were a little more of the people who don't give into that at my school. I respect if you need to smoke, but the fact that a lot of these people that I see in groups are only friends with each other to get nic or weed from each other makes me sad. I feel like I am missing out, but a lot of times when I'm with people, they get into these insane conversations about their favorite geek bar flavor or whatever and I have nothing to say. I literally just get imposter syndrome in a group setting like that. It happens just a little too often at my school. Anyways... that's my rant of the day tysm for reading.

Love, Rona.

[bellofthemeadow]

Summer of '03 | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Chapter 2 - The Garden Party

Series Masterlist | Previous Chapter

Rating: M for Mature (18 + no minors allowed)

Word Count: 6K

Warning: All warnings on the Series Masterlists, will update if necessary (Re-iterating, no minors allowed! Thank you)

Chapter Summary: The annual neighbourhood garden party is the last place you want to attend as the new gal in town. But you spot Joel Miller in the corner who gives you a rather charming smile. Maybe things are finally looking up!

Notes: Hey everyone, its been a minute! I am really sorry for the delay for the chapter, but life has been insanely busy! Between work, preparing grad applications and the upcoming semester, I have not had a minute for me. Also, this chapter was really hard to write, I've been trying to make my interactions more natural and its SO HARD!

I hope you all enjoy the chapter and like always thank you to everyone who liked and commented previously, I live for all your feedbacks! If you wanted to be tagged, let me know and I'll be really happy to add you to my taglist :D Take care everybody!!!

Taglist: @brittmb115 , @bitchwitch1981, @kittenlittle24 , @casa-boiardi

As the morning sun crept through the curtains, you woke up completely groggy. The oppressive feeling was eerily reminiscent of your late teens when you'd sneakily raid your dad's liquor cabinet for a swig of that fancy cognac. You groaned and snuggled your head further on the pillow. Note to self: "Never again mix wine with emotions” The fight with Joel last night had left you emotionally drained, and the contradictory desire/hate combo that was swirling inside you further accentuated that hangover feeling you were experiencing. And on retrospect, mixing wine into the already boiling pot of emotional turmoil had not been a great idea.

Getting up slowly, you shuffled your way into the bathroom, urgently seeking relief from that awful pasty feeling in your mouth. With your teeth brushed and the unpleasantness washed away, you returned to your room. Feeling a bit daring, you cracked open the bedroom window. And what do you know? A wonderful gust of fresh air greeted you, like the universe had just dropped a perfect little slice of heaven right at your doorstep.

Your hangover momentarily forgotten, you dashed to put on your cutest co-ord yoga outfit – a playful pink ensemble sprinkled with little white dots that made you feel like your best Barbie self. You unfurled your yoga mat, eagerly anticipating the next 45 minutes of respite from thinking about one Joel Miller. As you were bending down in some stretches, your peaceful bubble was abruptly shattered by a relentless assault of knocks on the front door. Seriously, universe? Can't a person downward dog in peace?

Letting out an annoyed huff, you marched towards the front door and yanked it open, fully prepared to tear into any doorstep salesman audacious enough to disturb someone at 8:45 on a Saturday morning.

Your annoyance faded as soon as it appeared because right in front of you stood a very sheepish-looking Sarah Miller, dressed in cute white shorts and a purple cap-sleeve shirt. A broad smile lit up her face as you opened the door. You arched an eyebrow, crossing your arms playfully before teasingly asking, "I thought you weren't supposed to come around here from now on?" Sarah's response was an Olympic-worthy eye roll; the sass was strong with this one.

"I don't know what's up with my dad, he was so out of line last night! Uncle Tommy says that he's got a stick up his ass, and honestly, truth!" You burst out laughing before herding her inside.

"Ah well, men are from a completely different planet. I stopped trying to decode their language a long time ago" you giggled with her.

Sarah suddenly had a very vulnerable look etching itself on her face. "I was afraid you wouldn't want to hang out with me after yesterday. I would totally understand if you didn't want to; my dad can be a lot sometimes. Like I love him and everything, but he really needs to chill." You smiled and reassuringly bumped your shoulder with hers.

"Hey, don't sweat it, alright? I loved hanging out with you yesterday, and your dad's grouchy grandpa routine isn't going to change that. Now that school is over, maybe you could come around more, we could hang out and stuff. If you aren’t busy of course, I cant imagine that youd want to spend all of your time with your boring old neighbour!"

Sarah's smile could light up the whole of Austin with how bright it got. "I'd love that! I have a babysitting gig for most of the summer, but I'll be free every day after 3 pm, and Dad works late, so we can hang out then..." Sarah kept rambling about how excited she was, and you couldn't help but smile fondly.

"Still, now we'll make sure that Joel knows when you come over; don't want to give him another excuse to hate me, you know. He’s got a big enough list already" Sarah acquiesced quickly, "Don't worry, my dad's gonna come 'round. He likes playing the overprotective Texas man, but inside he's like a big mush of jello."

 You couldn't help but snort at her words; many words came to mind when you think of Joel Miller, but "mushy," "soft," and "jello" would definitely not be contenders. Words like "intimidating," "broad," and "grumpy" would more accurately describe the man. And the sneakier voice in the back of your head would go even further and kept traitorously adding explicit descriptives that you couldn’t take out of your mind; “sexy” “arousing” and “daddy” were just a few. But you would deny ever having those thoughts until your grave. It didn’t matter how hot and steamy Joel Miller was, he was first and foremost a Grade-A asshole.

But when you looked at Sarah, who was so sweet and lively, you found it hard to believe that Joel Miller could truly be as terrible as he appeared. After all, he was the one who had raised her, wasn't he? Just the previous day, Sarah had disclosed to you that Joel was a single dad, which might account for his long hours and the fatigued yet determined countenance he wore. Observing him leaving his house in the morning, you were reminded of an old drawing you had come about in your grandma’s library when you were a child. You remember spending hours overlooking the printed carving depicting Atlas shouldering the world's weight as if an immense burden rested on his shoulders. The roles of provider, nurturer, and protector seemed etched into his demeanor – qualities, you imagined, he sought to embody for his daughter. It couldn't be easy, day in and day out.  If only he was less of a dick, you would bequeath those qualities to the man: dedicated, protective, nurturer. A shame he had the personality of a constipated rottweiler.

You smiled at Sarah and gestured toward the living room. "I was about to do some yoga, you want in?"

"I don't have a mat," Sarah replied.

"Lucky for you, I have two," you winked at her. When you decided to move to Austin, you’d never be able to guess that your new best friend would be a 14-year-old girl.

"Come on, you can't miss it! It's going to be so much fun, and literally everyone will be there!" Sarah exclaimed, her excitement only adding to the throbbing headache you were developing.

You hesitated, trying to find the right words to decline politely. "Well, you know, big meetups really aren't my scene…" In truth, the idea of spending your entire Sunday afternoon at the annual neighbourhood cookout in Didi Roberts' backyard didn't appeal to you at all. The Robertsons' legendary BBQ supposedly marked the beginning of every summer and was the talk of the neighbourhood, but for you, it was more like an anxiety-inducing spectacle to avoid at all cost. As the new face on the block, you could already hear a million questions coming your way - something you'd much rather steer clear of. The prospect of being surrounded by a sea of unfamiliar faces, engaging in small talk, and participating in group activities made you feel slightly uneasy. After all, you had come to cherish the quiet Sundays you've enjoyed since moving to Austin, spending them with a good book, relaxing in the backyard pool with Sarah, or strolling through the nearby park.

“I don’t think I want to have a bunch of people asking me a bunch of questions, Sarah, you know what I mean?” Sarah clucked her tongue, putting a stray curl behind her ear as she turned toward you. Both of you were lounging in the backyard, savouring the last rays of the sun before Joel would be due home. “Nah, people won’t care. Didi’s husband left her like 2 months ago, and no one knows why!!! People are gonna be way more interested in that drama than you moving in, trust me!”

You chewed your lips as you considered Didi's new divorce proceedings being in full swing. You couldn't help but wonder why she would be so adamant to host regardless. Perhaps it was out of habit, an attempt to maintain a sense of normalcy in the midst of what you heard to be a complete shit show of a divorce. Or maybe it was an act of defiance, showing everyone that she was doing just fine despite her husband leaving her for his secretary. The jury was still out on that.

Despite your best efforts to stand your ground, Sarah's contagious enthusiasm was proving to be a formidable opponent, gradually wearing down your resistance. For every argument you put forth, she effortlessly offered a counter, until finally, your resolve began to crumble, and you found yourself giving in.

"Well, okay, I guess I could drop by for a little while," you finally conceded, a soft smile escaping as Sarah's triumphant expression lit up her face.

"Awesome! You won't regret it, I promise!" Sarah assured you, wrapping you in a tight hug.

This was how you ended up in a large backyard, full to the brim with the entire neighbourhood on a blisteringly hot Sunday afternoon. The sun beat down relentlessly, casting a golden hue on the lively scene before you. Laughter and chatter filled the air, accompanied by the tantalizing aroma of grilled meats and sizzling vegetables.

As you stepped into the midst of the gathering, you couldn't help but feel like a fish out of water. An outsider among the familiar faces, you took a moment to observe the different groups scattered throughout the yard. Kids were running around with playful abandon, their laughter like tiny bells chiming in the summer breeze. Their parents were scattered over the expanse of meticulously trimmed green hedges and professionally cut grass. The dads had for the most part congregated around the large bbq, while the moms were drinking rose and chattering on the patio chairs. And you were… there. Sarah had said that she and unfortunately Joel, would be there at 1h30 pm, well now it was 1h55 pm and they were nowhere to be found.

Suppressing a groan, you reached for your glass of sangria, lifting it to your lips and taking a hearty sip. You had arrived at the cookout armed with the special concoction, hoping it would somehow win over the crowd. Your culinary prowess might not shine as brilliantly as Gordon Ramsay's, but who needed Michelin stars when you had the “Boozy Book” written by your very own Granny Mabel? She had always sworn by the magic of adding 3 extra shots of triple sec and 2 shots of Jameson to a full bottle of white wine, claiming it made the whole thing pop. You could still vividly recall the sight of your relatives at family summer cookouts, gleefully imbibing Mabel's potent sangria, only to end up toppling over and snoozing on the meticulously manicured lawn. In your younger years, the adults' antics might have seemed far from impressive, yet your grandma's smug wink and her declaration, "Someone's got to add a little spice to these dull gatherings, my darling!" had stuck with you. Now, as an adult, you embraced the tradition with open arms. After all, people didn't have the luxury of being judging assholes when they were too intoxicated to even form coherent thoughts.

And apparently, your master plan to win over the neighbourhood ladies had worked like a charm. Initially met with unsure and haughty looks, their opinions quickly changed after just one sip of your sangria. Suddenly, you became their new best friend, and even the hostess, Didi, declared that you would be invited to every future cookout. Hip hip hurray, you thought, though a tinge of gloominess lingered.

As you sipped your drink, you found yourself trapped in a conversation with Bonny and Portia, neighbours who lived down the street. They were busy talking your ear off about their husbands and their brood of children. They were practically living novellas of family life, expressing their eagerness for the resumption of school to catch a break from their children's ever-present demands. A wry smile danced on your lips as you listened to their musings, "so much for motherly instinct," you couldn't help but snort into your glass.

As you tuned them out and Portia's voice began to fade into the background, your eyes wandered away from the endless chatter and scanned the gathering.

And there he stood, Joel Miller, the man who made your heart skip a beat. Time seemed to slow as your gaze locked onto his, and the air around you crackled with electricity.

He looked delectable in that tight blue t-shirt, his charm and charisma radiating effortlessly. Joel stood in the corner, sipping on a beer, the condensation forming delicate droplets on the bottle. The way he casually leaned against the fence showcasing his confident ease as if he owned the place. The world around you seemed to blur, and all that remained was him and the palpable connection between you.

A mixture of excitement and nervousness flooded through your veins, momentarily halting your breath. The fleeting eye contact said more than words ever could. He knew, and you knew, and it was intoxicating.

A mischievous glint danced in Joel's eyes, and a knowing smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. He raised his beer in a subtle salute towards you without breaking the locked gaze, revealing the underlying connection between you two. However, before the moment could fully unfold, he shifted his attention to a smaller man in round glasses who was chatting animatedly at him.

Joel responded with polite nods and occasional hums, but it was evident that he was merely going through the motions. His eyes, though looking at the man, seemed distant, as if his mind was elsewhere. And your eyes stayed glued to him, observing the mesmerizing bobbing of his Adam's apple with each sip he took from his beer, entranced by the subtle movements.

You felt yourself grow warmer and a throbbing ache slowly started to build deep within you. You rubbed your thighs together as subtly as you could, but the sight of Joel Miller, who, for once, didn't look like he wanted to rip your head off, was too much for you. So you indulged, taking your time to watch him – how good, strong, and wholly masculine he looked compared to everyone else. Your eyes roamed over his strong shoulders, stretching against the fabric of his checkered shirt. His sleeves were rolled up, leaving his powerful and hairy forearms on full display. With his arms crossed, his stern stance gave you the perfect view to appreciate the thickness of them. You couldn't stop looking at him. You close your eyes, feeling the pressure of the man from the other side of the backyard. Fuck what you wouldn’t give to have him bend you over the table in front of everyone at that party. To have those big strong hands hold you down, hold your hair. Maybe you’d see something other than resentment in those warm brown eyes for once.

A teasing smirk played upon your lips as you continued to indulge in shamelessly ogling the man who had been causing headaches for the past couple of weeks. Your eyes settled on his strong thighs, outlined perfectly by the well-worn fabric of his ever-present jeans. It was as if he had a personal commitment to denim, regardless of the occasion or the weather. But you weren't complaining; in fact, you were quite appreciative of this consistency. Those jeans offered you an unobstructed view of his muscular legs, each contour and sinew highlighted in exquisite detail.

The play of sunlight on his skin only intensified the appeal. The way his muscles shifted beneath the surface as he moved, the way his stride exuded confidence – it was all captivating. You marvelled at how he could maintain such an effortless air of strength and masculinity, even amidst this admittingly boring BBQ.

Your lips met the cool rim of the glass in front of you, and you took a tentative sip. The liquid provided a fleeting reprieve, its flavor momentarily drowning out the persistent tug of the dilemma that wrestled your thoughts. Should you muster the courage to wander over and initiate a conversation with him? The notion lingered, a prominent question mark dancing in the recesses of your mind, illuminated much like those incessant billboards on the highway. It was as if a colossal, bright yellow arrow was pointing directly at Joel Miller and his infuriatingly irresistible face!

But the memory of his all too recent antagonistic behaviour gave you pause. The last time you crossed Joel Miller’s path, his words had been laced with a sharpness that grated your soul raw, leaving you exposed and feeling like a misbehaving little girl all over again. Your palms felt sweaty when you were with him, and you were pretty damn sure that about 60% of that wasn’t due to arousal. Ok maybe more like 40%, but still!

When his piercing brown gaze fixed on you, warm and inviting for everyone else, it seemed to hold a different essence entirely, summoning a sense of learned powerlessness that you had vowed never to let anyone inflict upon you again. It settled deep within your stomach, a leaden weight that felt unshakable. Like an anchor, it connected you to the darkest corners of your self-destructive tendencies. It was astonishing how a devilishly handsome, middle-aged contractor from Texas had managed to raze the fragile castle of self-esteem you had painstakingly erected after you had left your parents' home at just 19-year-old.

But at the same time, shouldn't two adults be able to talk without making a big scene in public? You were twenty-six for God’s sake, not a toddler! And he was… well you didn’t know how old Joel Miller was, but he should be old enough to not throw a temper tantrum. At any rate, that smile he threw your way could have been a peace offering, maybe he realized he had been nothing short of a complete douchebag since the day you two met. And there was Sarah too. You loved the girl, and it would be really nice if you and her dad weren’t always going for the jugular like a pair of wildcats!

Just as you were lost in thought, Portia's loud voice snapped you back to reality:

“And then, Marie said that the lifeguard down at Millbrow public pool wanted to show her how he used his stick and… Hey you even listening?”

You turn your head sharply toward the woman who exchanged an annoyed look with Bonny who rolled her eyes at your blatant display of inattention. You smiled nervously before downing the rest of your full glass in one go to the look of horror of the two PTA moms. You tapped the edge of your glass for emphasis, “Empty, gonna grab a refill of the punch I saw coming in. See you two later.” Before either could utter a word, you quickly make your escape toward the large table on the patio where a large bowl of punch had been placed.

As you were making your way, you tempted a quick look towards where Joel was standing a minute ago to find… Nothing. You let out a sigh, probably better that he went somewhere else, gives you an excuse to not talk to him. As you reach the table you grab the oversized ladle and poured yourself a generous amount of the unknown concoction into your glass.

“I’d be careful with that if I were ya. Didi’s famous ‘round here for having a pretty generous pour.”  You dropped the ladle with a large splash from the shock of hearing the voice of the man that had been living rent-free in your mind right in your left ear. He was close… way too close for your heart to handle. Joel let out a sharp laugh as you felt yourself grow hot.

“Glad one of us is having fun.” You grumble, “Could you give me some space, I gotta…” you point in the general direction of the punch bowl and extend your hand to start a game of go fish with the ladle. But as your hand reaches for the bowl, Joel’s own larger, browner, and calloused hand reaches for your wrist and softly squeezes. “’tis my fault, I’ll grab it. If Didi saw you contaminating her punch, she’ll throw a damn fit.” You shiver as you slowly retract your hand, “Euhh, thank yo-” You inhaled sharply as you felt his other hand grabbing your lower back, gently nudging you to the side.

You turn your head and were met with the devastatingly beautiful side profile of your infuriating neighbour. You were so close, that if you leaned in you could probably kiss the apple of his cheek. “Won’t Didi be angry with you if she sees you though?”  Joel only smiles as he fishes out the ladle and puts it on the napkin next to the bowl before wiping his hand down. He turns his head in your direction and all of a sudden, your two noses are inches apart. You drew in a sharp breath as Joel Miller smiles his devil smile “Better me than you, trouble.”

You raised an inquisitive eyebrow at his taunting and dare you say, flirty word, “Trouble? Is that supposed to be me?”  Joel gave a shy smile at the playful tone behind your words, and slowly brought his face inches closer to yours, your nose almost touching. You could feel his warm breath on your face. His sharp woodsy aftershave invaded your senses, leaving you a bit dizzy. “Yeah, I mean you’ve been nothin’ but trouble since I met ya…” And just like that the spell was broken.

“Excuse me?” You drew your head back sharply and took a couple of steps back, clearly, Joel wasn’t expecting you to react that way because he levelled you with a lost and slightly panicked look.

“I don’t be meanin’ anythin’ by that. I just, ya know.” He was clearly scrambling for words, but you just stared him down putting your hands on your hips to make you look as unimpressed as possible. He squirmed under your hard stare. Good, you thought. Let him feel as small as he made you feel these past 2 weeks. After 30 seconds of this suburban recreation of a western showdown, Joel seems to remember who he was and who you were because his eyes narrowed, and his lips formed a thin line.

“Sorry to burst whatever little rich girl bubble ya been living in, sweetheart. But you’ve been a troublemaker since you set foot in this damn neighbourhood!” You refused to be intimidated, not this time. Not when you had been mere inches away from kissing those plush lips that now were disdainfully scorning you.

“I don’t see how I’ve been trouble at all actually.” You replied, fixing him with an angry glar.

 “What you want an itemized list or somethin’?” You felt your eyes narrowing further at his words, “I’ve been nothing but nice and friendly since the day we met! You are the one that’s been acting like a grade-A asshole!”

 “Come on kid, ya bein’ serious right now?”

“Do I look like I am joking?” you retort angrily. Joel deflated at your tone and looked sheepish for a split second. You could see the gears working in his mind as he was trying to stringed together an excuse that would get him out of this.

"I didn’t mean to be rude, but ya know you ain’t the most considerate…" You let out a loud gasp, looks like Joel decided to double down.

"Is it about me arriving a ‘day later’?” You made sure to emphasize the words with air quotes, “I told you that day, no one told ME I had a schedule to abide by. If I had gotten in late at night, I would have found a hotel to crash in, no biggie. Rich girl pockets, you know." Joel looked a bit reddish at your sarcastic words and a little frown settled between his bushy eyebrows.

"Well, then you should’ve used that big New York, fancy educated brain to know not to disturb people when they don’t want to be bothered!" God this man knew how to push your button! What was wrong with him and why did he love throwing you your life back in your face like a well-placed jab!

"May I remind you that it was 1 pm by the time I got to Austin? How was I supposed to know you'd be asleep at 1 pm? I am many things, Mr. Miller, but a mind reader is not one of them."

Joel was getting quieter with each answer you were giving him, but he was not a man with the habit of letting go. He had dug himself a grave and he was in too deep to reach the top, so the only way to go now was deeper.

"Well, you did have my daughter at your place without tellin' me! That was irresponsible and downright negligen…"

"And I already apologized for that. I apologized, but that wasn't enough, was it? Why exactly? I didn't do anything to Sarah! I would NEVER do anything to that girl, and I would NEVER let anything happen to her! For Heaven’s sake, you act as if I was taking her into a cult! And you treat me like a… Like a fucking nuisance! Like I’m a fungus under your foot. And for what? Because I’m inconsiderate based on your minimal assessment of me? Based on the fact that I didn’t abide by a schedule I didn’t know about? Because I woke you up in the afternoon when I should have known that Joel Miller would be sleeping? Or because I love spending time with your daughter? From the way I see it, one of us is acting like a kid and it sure as hell isn’t me. You need to grow the hell up, Joel!"

You catch your breath as you start to notice that you two have been attracting a crowd, and most people in your general vicinity have gone completely silent. Hypnotized by the free melodrama happening in front of them, no doubt.

Joel was not letting go, and although his voice was much more subdued than what you’d heard before, he kept going his accent getting thicker with each angry word he was uttering. But you were too angry for his charming southern drawl to have any effect on you “I told ya I didn’t want ya hanging out wit’ Sarah no more! She’s my daughter and I decide who she should hang out with!”

You rolled your eyes at his last-ditch effort to apparently stick it to you. What was it with men and their refusal to admit fault? You were so tired, and the day was so fucking hot. Fuck, things had gone sideways so quickly. You really didn’t want to fight with Joel, all you wanted now was to go home, crawl into bed and sleep for 12 hours, hopefully away from all the nosy neighbours. You cringed, you and Joel would without a doubt be the number one topic of gossip in the weeks to come.

You gave him a tired smile, “I don’t even know why I am arguing with you right now, since everything I say, you’ll just twist to fit whatever weird narrative you’ve got going on. Look, I like hanging out with Sarah, she’s just a lovely girl. She is funny and kind and just completely smart as a whip. She is the first person that’s shown me some kindness since I moved here. If you really don’t want her spending time with me, I won't push it all right. I just want you to please leave me alone now.”

Your words seem to placate Joel as his stance became softer as he finally seemed to realize that you two had amassed quite the crowd with your little display. “Look, I didn’t mea..” “It’s fine.” You cut him off, “I’ll get out of your hair, and I’ll stop causing so much trouble since that’s apparently all I am good for to you.”

“Now wait a min…” His plea went ignored.

“I said it's fine Joel! And now, I am going home.” You turn sharply and swiftly make your way out of the backyard, your blood ringing loudly in your ears and tears welling up in your eyes. From hurt or humiliation, you didn’t know. Now you could see things pretty clearly though, Joel Miller was a fucking asshole.

Joel's gaze tracked your hasty retreat from the garden party, his eyes fixed on your form as you disappeared from sight. The soft murmur of his neighbors' conversations reached his ears his. Your public spat was probably the highlight of their fucking month. Vultures the lot of them!

He shot them a withering glare, his frustration palpable, his words of sharp retaliation poised at the tip of his tongue. However, before the acerbic retort could find its voice, a broad hand landed with a hearty thud on his back, interrupting his thoughts.

“Alright folk, Show’s over! How ‘bout ya’ll go find something else to entertain ya lot?” Tommy’s voice was friendly enough, but the authority underlying his words was sufficient for people to start scattering like a bunch of barn mice.

Tommy's grip on Joel's arm tightened as he led him away from the chattering crowd, angling towards the neglected corner of the backyard. The hushed echoes of whispered conversations seemed to follow them, an audible shadow that gnawed at Tommy's nerves.

Something was definitely off, but he wasn’t able to put his finger on what was going on with his brother. As they reached the secluded spot, Joel's brows were furrowed, his features a mix of bewilderment and frustration. Tommy could sense the tension in the air, a palpable unease that crackled between them.

"What the hell is going on with you?" Tommy's voice mirrored the frantic thoughts racing through his mind. "I might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but even I can tell that whatever the hell just went down was a complete disaster, Joel! Seriously, for the love of God, ya made the poor girl cry!"

"I sure as hell didn't plan for that, Tommy, you gotta trust me on that! I was just messing around with her, and she took it way too seriously. Not my fault she got all bent out of shape. Those city kids, they can't handle a little ribbing..." Tommy shot Joel a stare that oozed complete and utter disbelief.

"Yeah, you and I both know that's a load of crap. Whatever went down, it sure as hell wasn't because of some harmless teasing. You were just dishing out your typical Joel jerk-face. I've seen that expression before, but it’s usually reserved for when the cement guys are running late, not for the cute girl next door!"

Joel's shoulders slumped as he let out a frustrated grumble in response to Tommy's words. He shut his eyes and agitatedly tousled his hair, as if trying to shake off his thoughts. "She's like under my damn skin, Tommy!" Tommy's mouth dropped open comically, momentarily resembling a fish caught on a hook. "It's like... I can't even explain it. I don't have the right words. But ever since I laid eyes on her, it's like an itch I can't scratch, and it just doesn't make any damn sense. We've had maybe three conversations since she moved here, and each one ended up in a fight. But damn it, Tommy, it's like she knows exactly how to push my buttons! Every time she walks outside in those shorts, it just gets under my skin 'cause I know every creep on the street is staring. And God, when she's with Sarah, she's incredible. Sarah adores her. I'm just... lost." Joel's words tumbled out in a jumble, an attempt to give voice to the chaotic swirl of emotions inside him.

Tommy fixed his brother with a blank stare, his voice tinged with incredulity, "So, if I'm getting this straight, you're attracted to her, and your grand strategy was to become the biggest jerk possible? Is this your mid-life equivalent of pulling the pretty girl’s pigtails in 8th grade?"

“Fucker! Ya don’t have to be such an ass about it!”

“I wouldn’t have to be if you’d get your head out of yours!”

"DAD!" Joel's eyes clamped shut as a loud groan erupted from his lips. "For crying out loud?" he muttered under his breath, the frustration evident in his tone. He pivoted on his heel, only to find himself locking eyes with Sarah, whose expression conveyed equal parts anger and disappointment over the scene that had just unfolded. She levelled a stern gaze at him, her hands planted firmly on her hips, a mirror of the very pose you had struck during your argument.

“What the hell was that?!” she shrieked.

“Don’t start with me Sarah, your uncle is already ripping into me so ya gonna have to take a ticket!” Joel grumbled unhappily.

“Yeah well, you were a complete dick..”

“Oy, language! I don’t care how angry you are, ya know better than not mindin’ your manners!” Sarah took on a sullen look and angrily exhaled a puff of air through her nose, “What like you minded yours with her? I invited her you know, the least you could have done was to be cordial!”

Joel took a step toward Sarah and grabbed her into his warm embrace, he could feel her tears wetting his shirt, “I really like her dad, she listens to what I have to say and she doesn’t just pretend to like other adults do. She took me shopping last week, and we looked at makeup for hours, because we couldn’t decide on the right shade. I’ve always wanted to have that.”

A pang shot through Joel's heart as he absorbed his daughter's words. He knew that Sarah had borne the weight of her mother's absence in silence, and now, with stark clarity, he understood the nature of the bond that you shared with her. Regret surged within him as he recognized the depths of his own blindness, the emotional whirlwind he'd been trapped in that had blinded him to the very essence of Sarah's needs. The realization hit him square in the chest: he had been a jerk, a self-absorbed fool, but now, he was determined to make things right.

“I know babygirl. I am so sorry for how I acted; I’ll make things right ok. Daddy will make everything right.” he murmured, his voice tender as he continued to hold her close. Sarah had reached an age where grand displays of fatherly affection were met with a facade of maturity. She had declared herself "too grown up" for such things, yet beneath it all, her heart seemed to welcome his words of comfort.

After a moment, they released each other from their embrace. Sarah wiped away her tears, her determination shining through. "You promise?" she questioned, a mix of vulnerability and longing in her voice. Joel reached out, his touch gentle as he brushed away a stray tear from Sarah's cheek. Offering her a warm, reassuring smile, he answered, "I promise, sweetie. How about tomorrow, you head over there and invite her for dinner next Friday?"

Sarah's face lit up like a child on Christmas morning. "Really? You mean it? I can invite her for Miller Friday?!"

Joel nodded, his own smile matching her excitement. "Yeah, it'll be a good time."

Sarah's enthusiasm didn't stop there. "And Uncle Tommy can still come? So, it’ll be like all of us?"

Joel chuckled, his eyes twinkling. "Of course. For better or worse, we're stuck with him."

Amidst the playful protestations coming from Tommy, who had been observing from the sidelines, Sarah managed a chuckle of her own.

Her gaze turned serious once more. "And you'll apologize?"

Joel's expression softened. "Yes, babygirl, I'll apologize."

"Promise?" Sarah pressed, her eyes searching for his assurance.

Joel's smile broadened, before spitting loudly in his hand and extending it toward Sarah. "Promise!"

"EWWW, DAD, GROSS!"

Next Chapter

[dervampireprince]

Hiii again 😅 (I've uh. I've been relistening to a lot of your audios lately sorry for how many asks I've sent lmao)

I just wanted to say that I adore the way you put so much research & care into portraying mental illnesses/coping mechanisms and stuff like that, it makes me feel so warm inside when I hear something that I've experienced explained and cared for so succinctly. Like the Ambrose puppy comfort audio where he just... Accepts that the listener/Arden might be regressing or in a different headspace and he's so calm and sweet and respectful and aaaaaa it's so so so nice

Also with all your Moon Knight audios, those ones hit me in particular. I mean, I bawled my eyes out when I watched the show proper so I probably shouldn't have been so shocked to do the same with your audios, but by gosh did I cry like a baby when I first listened to that "we've got you" audio because wow. It's so realistic it made me feel so insanely warm. It's so easy to mess up representation of DID and with moon knight being one of the few medias that does it really well I'm so sensitive about it and it felt so good to have that validated. Steven dissociating or talking about switching or them switching in audios or being cocon is just so well done and it's obvious that you care about making people like me with DID and OSDD feel seen and it's working and I appreciate it so so so much. I know you've said that other people's audios have helped you feel seen in similar ways, so I guess I just wanna say thank you so so so much for doing that for other people as well 💖

(Also tangentially related, that scene in the marc confession audio where Steven is co-con and he's just chanting "kiss them! Kiss them! Kiss them!" And Marc has to tell him to shut the hell up is SO REAL the amount of times I've done that is incomprehensible atp and I got a good chuckle out of it haha)

- Dahlia 💖💖

thank youuu.

the way ambrose is in that audio and similar things is just basically how i would want to be treated in those situations.

season 2 of moon knight wheeennnnnn. :( but no i'm really glad people are okay with my portrayal of them, i've had requests sometimes that ask for certain things with them and i turn them down because i really want to do a good job at portraying them and their DID as accurately as i can. when i get requests to have marc and steven switching during nsfw audios i always turn them down, switching's not some fun thing, it's tiring and stressful and draining and doesn't feel appropriate to portray it as some sort of threesome when if eg steven and the listener are having sex and marc switches in... he'd have no idea where he was or what was happening and would not have had the ability to consent to the sex before he's suddenly in it, you know? i hope that makes sense. i try my best to do right with the representation as someone who doesn't have DID nor OSDD.

[evangelical04]

i don’t want to be that person but WHEN ARE WE GETTING NEW CHAPTER😭😭😭 i love your story so much. and fourth chapter was my fave so far(i love how she makes yoongi questioning himself lol) plus, can we also have more of yoongi pov maybe? but its your story not commanding just asking. have a great time, love you🩷

Hii!! I'm so glad you're liking the fic! Unfortunately, it might be a bit before the next chapter, probably another week or two because a lot of stuff has been happening in my life (the wheel popped off my car while I was driving!! And also I'm out of town for the next week)

I'm so glad you like the yoongi pov's!! I like keeping them at the end bc they feel like a little bonus and you get to see what he was thinking throughout the chapter and some secret stuff he did, kinda like clips after the credits in shows that have Easter eggs but rest assured, we'll be getting more of his perspective at the end of the chapters as he reflects

Again, sorry about the delay on the new chapter, my life has been insane lately and I've been really emotionally drained (turns out almost crashing my car makes me cry uncontrollably) but I'm hoping to get it out by the 31st!