#i've improved i've gone this far i've made friends i've made so much memories. but i'm so afraid that i'll fuck up again n

[for-dramas-sake]

The Starry Love ep 37, 38 thoughts

Yetan IS the Void Devil now. She is the most dangerous thing for the Void. Everyone is legit scared of her and her powers, but she wants to use them to get revenge. I love the twist.

Everyone is so uncomfortable with the new leader situation. There's conflict of feelings and fear everywhere, even Chaofeng is uncomfortable. Then there's Yetan who is just pissed.

That was sweet of Yetan to give the tree root to Chaofeng (a sentence I didn't think I'd ever write). Their relationship has improved for the wrong reasons.

Sending the memory-wiped husband to kill his now devil wife? Sounds like a good plan to me.

This drama continues to break my heart. Just when I was moving on from Qingkui's death, the drama has this sad scene with Yetan imagining her in the Void clinic!This girl needs a hug, but her husband is on the way to kill her. And her best friend is also dead. Yetan's life is so miserable. She had a terrible childhood, had a short-lived romance, and now she's back to having a miserable life. Can she ever get a break?

Omo! I was half-joking about the heavenly divorce and now the empress just did it! (gasp) That emperor….grrr.

The Immortal twins are playing mahjang! Their inability to play is adorable. But then again anything they do is adorable.

My emotions! Youqin and Yetan meet but he's forgotten her! She has not forgotten, however, how to dispel his star formation! So glad that was called back! And then she attacks him because she can help him remember her.

Their fight dance was so beautiful and that music too! He can't kill her. Good news for now and more good news the calvary is here with Ziwu, Qingheng and Di Lanjue! Yay!

I just realized how many burdens Yetan has taken on. She tried to save her sister from marrying Youqin, tried to save her sister from the Void, brought Youqin's soul shards together to bring him back, took on the Void Emperor for revenge, plans to take on the Immortal Emperor for Chaofeng's revenge, plans to bring back Suzhi's parents through the Soul Gathering Lamp. Then the girl has the gall to want to save her husband? She wants to do so much for so many people. I admire her for that.

Thank God that Yetan's dad shows up (did he just walk into the Void?) and gives her an encouraging pep talk and that hug she needed. He still isn't my favorite dad in this series, but he's getting better.

I hate to say it but I've given up hope for Qingheng and Suzhi. She's shot him down so many times and then she's on a mission of her own which is directly against his dad. They could have been cute but we may have gone too far for them.

Uh-oh. Immortal Emperor is worried about Youqin remembering the unsavory parts of his past. Why the heck hasn't anyone told Youqin earlier about Yetan?! Hints aren't going to be enough. A good to slap to the head should do it.

Yes! He's starting to remember! And it wasn't a big show or even a slap to the head! It was the Rooftop Swallow star, HER star.

When he returned the star to her, freaking loved that scene! And then she's just welcomed back as the consort of the Empyrean? Ha! Sticking it to the Emperor!

These Heavenly Emperors are such dicks. Their hard-hearted natures make them slaughter many lives and push their family members away. Where is the remorse, the regret, the realization that being a dick isn't the way?

Shit. Yetan killed another emperor. Oh no, wait. She just killed his powers off for good. And then marched out of Heaven like a boss!

Yetan and Youqin are couple goals. I could do without the meddling evil parent, but the "I'll stick with you to the end" commitment they have I want that. And Youqin now takes care of Yetan because she can barely take care of herself. She's like a ghost wandering around with no purpose and he has to take care of her.

I'm done crying for this drama! Can we please stop with the tears? But we have 2 episodes left.

If you made it this far and want to continue, I thank you. Here are more episodes:

35, 36 / 33, 34 / 31, 32 / 29,30 / 27,28 / 25,26 / 23, 24 / 21, 22 / 19, 20 / 17,18 / 15,16 / 13,14 / 11, 12 / 9, 10 / 7, 8 / 5, 6 / 3, 4 / 1, 2

[ray-book]

Hey, I'm glad you made it!

I need a place to put this where it will remain untouched so that people (friends, family, and even strangers) will know that, through my trials and tribulations, I have braved the storm, reconditioned myself, and I did not give up so easily. I molded my faults into my strengths. We've been here before, but this time I promise it's different. I walked a path that I didn't know I'd make it out of. A path in a world that was dark and void. Come on this emotional rollercoaster with me.

Based on my interactions with people in addition to my personal experiences, I can say with confidence that we do not take mental health seriously enough. I have encountered an unhealthy number of occasions where the temptation was greater than the thought. These past four years have been nothing short of humbling. I had to dig deeper than the center of the earth for this one. I have gone through many phases in such a short span of time that I can only hope my next life will be a little more forgiving. You might think four years is a long time in itself. No, try ten ten years (subtle foreshadowing). It took ten years to truly get a grasp on life. It took enough work to realize I was trapped inside this world, and I want you to see firsthand what it looked like.

I’ve always had a big heart and everyone’s best interests in mind. But heaven forbid you get too close to me. I spent years at complete standstill, existing among my peers, completely lost in trying to figure out what my purpose was. I spent the majority of my time with people who were proud of me when I wasn’t even proud of myself. I had the nerve to believe I was ready to start a family of my own. But due to years of neglecting my mental health, ignoring signs, and making poor decisions, it took getting hit with a harsh case of reality to help me realize I wasn't ready at all. It's almost like I was a shell of the person I've always wanted to be. Does that make sense? Don't misunderstand me. When I said "existing," know that I truly enjoyed the people I've had in my life. I was blessed with the opportunity to experience many different paths and have made great memories with so many wonderful people. We're talking good, kind and genuine people. On the other hand, I've also hurt people who were very important to me and pushed people away who didn't deserve it. I gave up a lot of myself without actually taking care of myself. The only person I can blame is myself. And, the more I reflect on my experiences, the more the signs I ignored makes sense.

To give an example, there was a period in these past several years where I treated my own mother terribly. I was extremely disrespectful towards her despite her doing what any mother would do, which is simply being a mother. Through all of my aggression and anger, she still loved me through it. I made a real ass out of myself. Passively blaming her for my own mistakes, she could've cut me off at any point. I wouldn't have blamed her if she did. And, in case you made it this far, fast forward to today, I want you to know that I have been giving her the respect she deserves. DESPITE MY UPBRINGING. She did her best with what she had. I see it clear as day now. I am sharing this because anger and resentment are not things anyone should carry. You are hurting yourself more than you think. It took a substantial amount of work to get over this hump with more room for improvement.

This would explain my past relationships and how I am finally coming to acknowledge it. I did not handle my anger management issues very well. I did not understand how to properly address my lows and invested more energy into my highs. Pushing people away was easier than addressing an issue. Hiding and pretending the problem didn't exist was the safest option. On many occasions, it was always easier to be alone. It felt safer to be alone. It still does. But for some reason, I didn't want to be alone? As much as I didn't want people getting too close to me, I still tried. Still trying. I always meant well and had everyone's best interests in mind. I guess this is what my dad always meant when he said, "a kid in a grown man's body." But it's also the same dad who stood in my face and downplayed every single one of my goals and dreams for a long time. I guess he was trying to "save me?"

Anywho, It's okay to be alone when you're at your lowest. But you have to come to an agreement with yourself that nobody's going to do the hard work to pick you back up. Ignoring the problem won't solve the problem, trust me.

I've always wanted to be the guy anyone could come to and not feel judged. Not the popular guy; just the cool and easygoing guy. But heaven forbid when confrontation presented itself, I wanted no part of it. Because I was afraid of being hurt myself, I didn't realize the scars I had been developing over the years. So, it begs the question of how many times I would hurt myself and others? When do I get my head out of my ass and take care of myself first so others don't have to suffer the repercussions of trauma and my mental health?

2024 is the year I take care of myself. Even though I didn't want to be here, didn't think I would still be here, and struggled with doing the work, I couldn't just give up either. Anger and resentment heavily influenced my decision-making these past several years. I've come to terms with it.

That is why mental health is so important. If it goes unchecked, you'll end up in a world where it almost seems impossible to escape from. Sometimes, you won't even realize it. It gets to the point where it almost feels normal. An example of normal could be someone calling you out, and you make the choice not to accept their criticism because you don't think anything is wrong. That's why it's crucial that you check in with yourself and with someone else. Take it from me, I know why I'm here. I just don't understand how. In the last four years, I've made an excessive amount of mistakes, gone through enough therapists, taken many different "medications," talked with many different people, experimented with multiple coping mechanisms to end up here at peace. There's calmness in the storm. You just have to find it.

A lot of people remain content knowing there's an issue. It hurts, especially when you only want the best for them. Be patient with them. They are no lesser of a person than you are. There's already enough negativity in the world. Be the real change that this world is so confused about. Be kind first.

I'll leave you with this: no matter what you're going through, you're going to be okay. No matter what he/she/they/them/we/be/y'all may say, never forget that you're still breathing for a reason. It doesn't matter how big the issues you face. It's going to be okay. Try to be okay with not being okay. Be okay with not having a good day. Accept that people will say and do whatever they want regardless. Understand that it's going to require a ridiculous amount of work. There will be many days where your patience was tested more than yesterday. You'll get to the point where you're exhausted. When you're tired, shed your last tear for the day; these are the moments that are most critical. These are moments where you're vulnerable. Your mind might be racing, striving to figure out how you're going to do it. But you must stay strong and remain vigilant in your journey during the moments of thinking that you aren't making progress. Stop, pause, take a breath, and ground yourself. Find someone you feel safe with and confide in them. Talk to someone. I'm willing to bet that there are plenty of people in the world who want the best for you, and I'm sure somebody will listen. Acknowledge it. Talk about it. Get it out. Stop dwelling on it. Don't go to bed holding onto baggage that will more than likely catch up with you later. Find your peace. Maintain it. Build on it. Fortify it. Surround yourself with things that will help motivate you to get better and keep that peace.

If you made it here. Thank you. Don't give up. I'm rooting for you. I hope you have the good day you deserve every day. Take care and be safe!

I love you 😘

[crownshattered-arch]

|| So I've mentioned this stuff before in previous posts, but I thought that having an actual headcanon post with all the information in one place would be a good idea~ My NRC ocs (Kira, Lia, Kristian) all have their own event SSRs. They don't have made up events but I decided to put them each in one event and have them be showcased, thus getting an SSR in that event. So below I will say what event they have an SSR card in, why they're so important to the event, what the vignette is like, and kind of what the card looks like~

Keep in mind these are just their event SSRs. I'm sure they have SR and R cards in other events, but they're only featured in one each~

Kira: Glorious Masquerade

If you know about Kira's backstory, it's kind of obvious just why she's so important to the Glorious Masquerade event--it takes place in the City of Flowers, where she lived for almost half of her life.

She doesn't contribute much to the actual storyline of the event. Unlike the other SSRs, she doesn't reach the top of the belltower. Instead, she stops with Silver and Sebek to hold back the flowers. The most she contributes is when everyone is looking around at the town (by default, she's in Malleus' group, but this can change depending on the interaction). Since she's actually from this town, she gives a bit of information and explains some things when Rollo doesn't. She also does a lot to calm Malleus down when he gets so angry. I think I'd have her sing at the end as well...

What's most important is her vignette. I haven't determined much about it yet, but I know the premise is her talking about her past. I think Malleus will be with her for most of the vignette (unless we plot otherwise in an interaction). This isn't necessarily a shippy thing either--if they aren't being shipped together, they are simply friends. Depending on the interaction, someone can be put in Malleus' place (like if she's being shipped with Riddle, maybe Riddle is with her instead).

This takes place the night after the meeting (the day after the whole fire flower thing). She can't sleep, so she walks around the town at night. Maybe someone sees her leaving and follows her (if so, it's the person she does the vignette with, most likely Malleus). At some point she realizes she isn't alone and addresses the other person. After realizing who it is, she explains that she couldn't sleep so she wanted to walk around and see how the city has changed.

She goes into more detail about how she used to live here (since she didn't really mention the circumstances of her living here during the event) and how her memories are far from good. She mentions that, even though years has gone by, the ghost of this city still haunts her. That's when her partner (if there is one) suggests her go to her old house to face the demons and move on.

The last part of the vignette takes place at her old house. It's an abandoned manor, and it doesn't look like it's been inhabited since she left. They go inside and wander the halls before she takes her partner up to the attic where she lived. Her old makeshift bed is there, as well as a long-dead flower she picked years ago. She touches a bit more on how she was treated in the past (not fully explaining just how bad it was, just that it was bad). But then she talks about how much her life has improved since she left. She says she has overcome this place and those who looked down on her. The vignette ends with her wiping the wetness of her eyes away and thanking her partner for convincing her to come here. She says that she feels better now and can finally put this place to rest.

Her card features her in her dress (I need to find the picture I have of the dress...) standing profile to the camera with her back to a wall. In her hands is a bright red rose as she looks up at the sky, which is mostly orange.

Her groovified card, like the others, is of her dancing at the party. She's shown smiling and looking up at the camera as if she is actively dancing with someone taller than her.

Lia: The Phantom Bride

Given Lia's job of having to take care of Idia, it isn't very surprising why she's important to this event. I haven't gotten the chance to fully watch this event (I know, I write Idia, I need to watch it but I'm so busy.....) so I can't give the specifics of what she does, but I have a general idea.

Like everyone else, Lia tries to woo Eliza to get her to leave Idia alone. Lia isn't part of the "main group" because she isn't immediately eliminated. Actually, she almost doesn't get eliminated. The whole purpose of her in this event is that she is exactly what Eliza wants. She is above 180 cm (just barely, but still), definitely has an air of nonchalance (she doesn't seem to care about anything), healthy (well, deathly pale but so is Idia's) and lustrous skin, lidded eyes, a very charming smile (if you can get her to smile), beautiful hair (not sparkling, but with her strand of white it's very unique and special), and with perfect lips. She's Eliza's perfect dark prince.

So, Lia ends up dressing as a man to woo Eliza. And she almost succeeds (since Lia actually fits the description even better than Idia does.!!). However, Eliza eventually realizes that she's a woman and rejects her with a slap.

Maybe that ending will change once I watch the ending of the actual event, but you get the gist. Lia crossdresses and almost ends up getting married instead XDD

I don't really know what her vignette would be ngl... I've only seen a tiny bit of Idia's, after all. But I'm pretty sure it will be her getting prepared to "woo" Eliza (which is basically someone, likely Vil, dressing her up and making her look like a man).

Her card is for all the lesbians out there KJSDHJDSHKJDSHKJSDSDS It has the exact same vibe as Idia's: dark suit, dark makeup, nonchalant expression while staring directly at the camera. Thinking that she's running a hand through her hair too. The thing is, even though she's dressed up like a man, if you know her, you can easily tell that she's a woman--she isn't wearing any cosmetics that makes her look like a guy. So she ends up just looking like this badass goth girlfriend in a suit XDD honestly, her card is just eye-candy for those out there who like a goth gf in a suit KJSDHJDSHKJSDHKJDS

I'm not exactly sure what I want her groovified card to look like... It might be her introducing herself to Eliza. So you can see Eliza kinda swooning as Lia has on a dark yet charming smile, holding one of her hand's up to her lips. It's all SUPER fake, of course, but she has to do her job so...yup XDD

Kristian: Fairy Gala: Operation Steal The Show

I know a good amount about the ghost marriage event from hearing things about it, but I really don't know anything but the basics about this event. I know a lot about the second one, but Kristian is in the first fairy gala event. All I know is that they're trying to sneakily trick the fairies......I think.

So, naturally, I can't tell you what Kristian does to contribute to this event. I will revise this post once I do the event in the next few weeks. But until then, I decided Kristian has an SSR in this event because he's perfect for this kind of thing. If this event is anything like the second one, the basic goal of the main group is to be beautiful and elegant, which is very hard to do if you have fragile masculinity.

However, Kristian doesn't. He has already mastered the art of being beautiful and handsome at the same time. He's already created this "prince charming" persona about him, so he's ready for this.

Again, I will fill this out more once I do the event. I have no idea what he will do in the event, what is cards will look like, nor what his vignette will be. But I'll add it to this post once I do know!!

[adroitaoife]

stream of consciousness for public judgement? hell yes. “I’ve always prided myself on my ability to remember the past. My love for reading helped me so much with my long term memory. I think life is different then the books i read though. I could remember the events in the novel, the analysis, the character growth and setting. But here I sat stunned by the scent of nostalgia. The human brain forgets to protect itself, to not let itself be held back by the past. I was scared. Scared of the past reforming before my eyes. Had I run far enough from it? If I looked hard enough I could see glimpses of it in my relationships. Why do I apologize? Why didn't I see? Was I dumb? I thought self criticism made you perfect, made you learn. analysis brought perfection. Drafts on top of drafts created works of art, created the books I so loved and treasured. The books that taught me. Maybe the past isn't chasing me but I was following it looking for the right answer. The key to all my conversations and experiences. What did other people do? What was I supposed to do? Would I really be the highschool student that ignored all impulse? All unfiltered thought? Teachers looked at me with admiration but was all this self censoring stopping me and my life right in its tracks of growth? I’ve decided to stop thinking of who I was supposed to be. What was supposed to be perfect. Who cares if I laugh and it sounded like a snort? Who cares that I fling my arm in the air because I was excited about the question? Who cares if I tell a boy I like him? My job wasn't to be a perfect version of everything, an all encompassing perfect brown girl. My job was to be me. To live my life and contribute to others lifes. Was I losing the natural satisfaction of firsts? Was I already losing the excitement of silly, ugly, raw life? I’d look at the mistakes of my mother, my family, my friends, the greats. In a chase for perfection was I really living? Was I becoming this apathetic robot? And why? Why was I always on the hunt for being better, for impossible exponential improvement? Whos approval was a searching for. Who was I begging to validate me? It certainly wasn't my peers or my friends. It definitely wasn't the boys at school, well. hmph. I did want this one boy to like me but that’s a natural part of being young. And this extreme race for perfection started well before his existence and importance in my life. He mattered but the craving of his approval was a symptom of this mind boggling ailment. Was it bad of me to try and figure this out by myself? I’m smart and I've done all the workbooks, gone to all the therapists, and had all the uncomfortable talks until now. I could continue to learn, just by myself. I know that for sure. Maybe this blog was all my familial issues wrapped in a big pink bow of pseudo intellectualism. I thought reading was supposed to make you smart god damnit!”

[crazy-loca-blog]

Hey there! In honor of Thanksgiving in the states, can you tell us three things your MC is grateful for this year? What about their LI?

And if you want to tell us three things your thankful for too, go for it!

First of all, happy (belated) Thanksgiving, dear!! I really, really love Thanksgiving, it’s such a shame we don’t celebrate it here (even though I've personally celebrated it twice, a long time ago).

Casey is grateful for:

Her family (proceeds to pinch herself, and then she says, “when did this happen?”): Sometimes, she still can’t believe how far she’s gone in her personal life. Even if she was open to the idea of having her own family, she never lost sleep over it, things just happened because they were meant to be that way. And she never thought they would be that good.

Being alive: she never took her life for granted, but things were never the same again after the attack.

Her job: it’s because of medicine that now she’s surrounded by the best friends she could ask for; she met the love of her life, and she performs a job that makes her feel that she makes a positive impact in other people’s lives. Her work doesn't define her, but it sure helps her feel complete.

 

Ethan is grateful for:

Casey: he still wonders how she managed to break his walls and “convinced” him to do so many things he said or thought he wouldn’t do in life. She helped him become a much better version of himself, one he thought it didn’t exist.

His dad: the fact that Casey’s parents were out of the picture made him completely reconsider the relationship with his dad. Even if they will forever be like oil and water, he’s thankful for having an opportunity to develop a real relationship with him, no hard feelings anymore.

The little things in general: big achievements are good for the ego, but it's the little moments that leave the best memories. Dr. Ramsey 2.0 (aka "after Casey") has become a fan of those little moments.

 

I’m thankful for:

My fur baby (the best colleague a girl can have)

My family (still a sensitive topic, but things are slowly improving)

Surviving the madness that have been the last (almost) three years

[beingdreeyore]

Last night he told me that my fears were correct - he didn't block me because of his feelings for me, he blocked me out of fear she would find out and that would damage their relationship. She monitors his phone usage now. He tells me we can be friends again - she says it's okay! - once their relationship is more stable.

(Because that's obviously what I'm dreaming of, right? I'm ready with a pink glitter pen in hand to excitedly mark our first brunch date as a trio in my calendar...)

And I probably said that to him too because I was an unedited version of myself. I wasn't the kindest person. I was angry at him because he is so miserable right now and he's adding to his pain. I was angry with him because I just want to help and he won't let me. Which is an odd reason to be angry, but I suddenly fully appreciate how angry my dad gets when I have a problem that can't be fixed. You just want to improve things for the other person and it's made worse by knowing that if they weren't being such a dumbhead you actually could help in some way. So I was angry. And I'm beating myself up a lot for it this morning.

Listening to him, it was one contradiction after another, one jumbled thought that randomly jumped to another. It was a bit like watching a ship being tossed around on rough seas. But it would be so easy to course correct. So easy to steady the ship. There are still going to be some rough seas to navigate given what his family have been through, but it's the choices and actions he's consciously engaging in that are making a tough situation even harder than it needs to be. He doesn't need to be in as much pain as what he is creating for himself.

And at times it seems deliberate. I don't understand it.

I held true to what I believe though and that is that he isn't allowed to be that awful to me. He is allowed to grieve and maybe act out, but he doesn't get to rope me in and drag me down with him when he has no intentions of keeping me around.

If he needs a friend from a distance, I can be that. If he needs me to fade away into a memory, I can do that too. If he needs to schedule in a talk for a limited time each week to process stuff, then I will pick that pink glitter pen back up and grab my calendar. What I can't do is be the person he reaches for to save him and then get treated like some sort of criminal for checking if he's okay after. My ability to tolerate bullshit and my capacity for forgiveness are not infinite.

I thought I would feel worse today than I do, but I mostly feel numb. That usually means tomorrow will be the harder day. Tomorrow when I have my next specialist appointment... It's okay, I'm just so disappointed in it all. I sometimes wonder if there's a part of him that wants me to hate him. If maybe he thinks that will be easier. If all of this is intentional.

It's only 11am and I've had to remind myself on repeat that I can't eat my feelings. The reason I got fat last year was because we were always "breaking up" and I was eating my way through it. No one can survive that many "break up" binges in a single year. This year can't look the same. So I'm mostly deep breathing. I'm drinking tea, which I hate. I'm practicing Loving Kindness for both of them. I'm grateful today is an ADO and I don't have to deal with anything I don't want to.

I hope it's easier to navigate this time. I hope it isn't as ugly and messy for me this time. I hope he's okay and he gets the help that we both know he needs. I just want him to be happy and even without what his family has gone through, even if you remove that, right now I think he is so far from happy.

[fansofvow]

Interview with Eve Golden Woods!

Many of you know who is Eve is. She's a writer and artist, a part of Dreamfeel studios whose beautiful game If Found won Best LGBTQ Narrative and Best LGBTQ Indie game at the first ever Gayming Awards presented by EA games. I am really excited I had the chance to ask Eve some questions about herself, her time at Lovestruck and her creative process.

Congratulations on the two Gayming Awards (Best LGBTQ Narrative, Best LGBTQ Indie Game) for "If Found" from your game studio, Dreamfeel. What was the inspiration behind making the game?

If Found... was a game that emerged out of a collaboration between Llaura McGee, the founder of Dreamfeel, and artist Liadh Young. Liadh's background is as a comic artist, and so when they started working together Llaura had the idea of showing off Liadh's art by making a diary game, and using an erasing mechanic she had previously developed to let the player move through the diary in a fun way. By the time I came on board at the start of 2019, the game had already been in development for a while, so in some ways my work on that game was similar to the work I did for Voltage, because it was taking existing characters and concepts and writing a lot of scripts for them. Unlike Voltage, though, my work for Dreamfeel was a lot more collaborative and I had a lot more creative input. I really enjoy taking something and helping to make it the best version of itself that it can possibly be, but I was also really happy that I got to reflect a lot of my own experiences in If Found. Llaura and I both grew up on the west coast of Ireland, and although If Found... isn't autobiographical for either of us, it was definitely really meaningful to be able to tell a story that reflected our own experiences of growing up as queer teens in a similar kind of environment. Since the game came out we've had fans reach out to us and tell us that they also connected to the experiences of the main characters, and as far as I'm concerned, that makes me feel like I achieved everything I wanted to.

You are a writer and a visual artist. Does one come easier to you than the other?

I used to think of art and writing as talents, and I always felt like my art was at a very mediocre level (that's probably still true, lol). So when I was younger I focused a lot more on writing. It was only later that I started genuinely trying to improve as an artist, but when I did, I think I had a much healthier mindset, and approached it as a skill I could learn with patience and effort. Because of that, even though I still have a lot more confidence in my writing, I find art more fun and relaxing, and I don't stress about it as much.

Did you always know you would follow a creative path?

Kind of? Both my parents are artists, and I grew up surrounded by artists and writers, so it was something that was always very familiar and accessible to me. On the other hand, I didn't exactly have a clear idea of how to make it into a career, or what kind of work would be involved. But there's never been a point in my life where I wasn't doing something creative, even if it was only writing fanfiction.

What did your path to working professionally as a writer/artist look like?

I did a creative writing masters in college, but after that I spent years teaching English as a second language. That was really fun and I got to live abroad, but it was so busy and tiring that I didn't have time to do any writing outside of the occasional fanfic. I only started to take art seriously again when I became interested in games and comics as ways of telling stories. I did some critical writing, which led me to speak at a few local events and get involved in zine fairs. That was how I met Llaura, the director and lead of the Dreamfeel studio, and it's also what gave me the confidence to start applying for actual writing jobs.

Is there any work of art, visual or written, that you look to for inspiration?

So many! I try to read and watch as widely as I can, although there are touchstones I always return to, like the works of Ursula Le Guin and Terry Pratchett. Right now I feel very passionate about the actual play podcast Friends at the Table, which manages to combine really thoughtful worldbuilding and storytelling with cool, fun characters and great action scenes. I'm also reading a book called The Memory Police by Youko Ogawa, which has extremely beautiful prose.

Do you have a favorite piece of your own art, whether it is something you’ve drawn, a screenshot of something you’ve written or something else?

My favourite piece of art is usually whatever I finished most recently (I think that's true for a lot of people). Especially with visual art, once a bit of time has gone by you look back on it and start to notice all your mistakes, which is very annoying. But actually I do still really like the first piece of Fiona fanart I did last year. I managed to use some effects to give it a kind of nineties anime quality that I find really fun, and I think it conveys an emotion pretty effectively. That's always one of the hardest things to predict with visual art, whether the different parts will come together to create the exact mood you're looking for.

I also really like the compass I did for Bycatch. Krissy (@xekstrin) was the one who suggested filling it with fingernails, which was such a good, gross idea! As soon as I heard that I knew it was perfect and that I had to try and draw it.

Many people who read this blog know you as a writer for Lovestruck. When you look back on your time there, what stands out in your mind?

Lovestruck was very important to me when I first started because it was my first ongoing, regular, paid writing work. It gave me a lot of confidence and helped me to get into the habit of writing consistently and rapidly, which is a really useful skill to have. I know I was right to leave when I did, though, because I am just brimming with energy to work on my own projects, and channeling that power into something that you can't control will always end up disappointing you. Also, I made a ton of incredible friends, through Lovestruck itself but then even more so through VOW (@vowtogether), and that is more than worth all the difficult parts.

Is there any character that you would have liked a crack at writing?

Oh gosh, what a fun question! There are so many, but one I do sometimes think about is Axia, just because I know there are a bunch of fans who want her route, and because I had fun writing her as a villain in Zain's route. I can see in my head the shadow of a storyline that takes place after Zain's route is over, where she's in prison and trying to understand how she lost the battle with Zain and MC. I think there's, like, a gap there, where you could see her downfall forcing her to reconsider her assumptions about power, and that could build into a very interesting redemption story. But maybe it's for the best I never got to do that, because I would have wanted full creative control over it, and also I think the story in my head is very different to the sexy, in control, menacing version of Axia that her fans enjoy.

Do you have any upcoming projects you can talk about?

Most of my current work is under NDA, but I will say that I'm doing something very exciting with other VOW members that we should be able to talk about soon(ish). Maybe I can even give a little teaser... It's not a game, but it is something you can read, and my part involves cakes, swamps, and a museum.

Do you have a favorite quote or song lyric?

It's a big long, but there's a section from The Dispossessed by Ursula le Guin that has stayed with me ever since I read it:

"For we each of us deserve everything, every luxury that was ever piled in the tombs of the dead kings, and we each of us deserve nothing, not a mouthful of bread in hunger. Have we not eaten while another starved? Will you punish us for that? Will you reward us for the virtue of starving while others ate? No man earns punishment, no man earns reward. Free your mind of the idea of deserving, the idea of earning, and you will begin to be able to think."

It's such a profoundly radical way of imagining the world, so different to everything I was raised with, but whenever I think about it I feel like I can see something very beautiful and powerful that I hope to come closer to understanding some day.

And of course, "Solidarity forever, the union makes us strong."

I was a big fan of the show Inside the Actor’s Studio. Host James Lipton asked every single guest the same 10 concluding questions. I’ve picked 3 of them:

-What is your favorite word?

My favourite word: for sound, I like words you can really roll around on your tongue. Chthonic, alabaster, insinuation. For meaning, I think simple words that encapsulate big concepts have a kind of power to them. We use them so often we forget how big they are, how much weight they really have, but they give us the space to imagine new possibilities. Love. Freedom. Revolution.

-What is your least favorite word?

I've heard that "moist" is a lot of people's least favourite word but it doesn't actually bother me. My least favourite word is probably one where I feel like the sound doesn't match the meaning. One of the Irish words for rain is báisteach, which I feel has a much weightier and more onomatopoeic sound than rain. Rain is just very flat and uninteresting.

-What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Oh, so many! I love history, and I think being a historian/archaeologist would be fascinating. Or something that had a physical component to it, like being a potter or a carpenter. I don't think I'd be any good, but I'd love to take the time to learn.

What would be your advice to anyone who wants to pursue a creative career?

All the work you do matters. Even the failed experiments, the things you hate when they're finished. It all helps to make you better. Also, creative career paths are often really unexpected, so chase any opportunity that seems remotely interesting. Don't work for free for anyone who can afford to pay, but work for yourself and put it somewhere. On a blog, twitter, whatever. You'd be amazed how many people get noticed and get offered opportunities because of something they made in their spare time. You'll probably have to work another job for a long time, so don't be hard on yourself if you're too tired to devote much energy to creative work. Try to make art consistently, but don't feel like that has to mean every day. Don't chase after celebrities. Make friends with your peers.

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Dangerous Love (Pt. 05 of 13)

Pairing: Bruce Wayne (Batman) X Harley Quinn's sister!Reader

Word count: 2.5K

Summary: You're Harley Quinn's sister, Havoc, one of the many villain's of Gotham. But you've been caught, and has been tortured constantly for an year in Belle Reve. But when your think your life can't be anything else than the nightmare you find yourself into, Bruce Wayne, the Batman, takes you in for a project. He has a program to rehabilitate villains, and you're his lab rat. But soon enough confusing feelings start getting in the way. You know falling for Bruce is stupid. But can you keep your heart under control?

<- Previous part (04)

Next part (06)->

{Justice League - DC Masterlist}

You just finished the book. Four days must be a world record. So you put it down on the nightstand, going to the window. Your heart starts beating fast when you see Bruce down there. He told you he'd have a busy day today, so Alfred will be bringing the meals. Bruce looks good, suit and tie. A small group of people is with him, with cameras and microphones. Another interview.

×

Dreams Are Better Than Reality

He suddenly looks up, straight at you. The smile that comes to your lips can't be controlled. And... There's a small smile on his lips too. Hesitantly, you wave at him, placing your hand on the glass. He nods, slightly. But his attention is claimed by a woman. She comes walking, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek. She's beautiful, blonde hair and a dark red dress.

There's a knot on your stomach, and you quickly step away, closing the curtains. A man like Bruce is never alone. He can have anyone he wants, and many women want him, you're sure. It's stupid to feel this way. Bruce is a free man and you... You're a criminal.

Deciding not to think about it, you take the book, reading some parts again. Hours later, after dinner, when you're curled up in bed, you take the drawing you made of Bruce. It's hard to see the details in the darkness, but you already memorized his features. But you force yourself to put it away, back inside the book. Closing your eyes, you try to get a little bit of sleep.

• Bruce's POV •

The reporters follow me, and I tell them to choose a place for the interview. Today had been a hectic day, and it's far from over yet. Guiding them through the gardens, I look down at my feet. Did she eat something already? Did Alfred remind her that I won't be able to visit today?

“By the pool seems like a good place.”

“Maybe over there.”

Nodding, I don't pay attention to the chattering. I suddenly realize I'm by her room, and something makes me look up, at her window. My heart starts beating faster when I see her face, looking down at me. (Y/N) seems so different from when she got here, more innocent. Even though the distance, I take in her beautiful eyes, and her lips, breaking into a smile. I'm smiling back before I can notice, admiring her delicate face. She waves, her hand laying on the glass.

“Bruce.” Angela, today's interviewer, gets my attention. Our long term friendship gives her the opening to hug me, and place a kiss on my cheek. But as I loosely return her embrace, I'm aware of (Y/N), looking at me. At Angela and I. What will she think of it?

“Angela. I hope you're having a good day.” I tell her, my eyes quickly going back at the window when she pulls away. But the curtains are closed. She's gone.

The interview is the same as many others. I smile politely, answering the same generic questions. Hours later, I'm at the gala I'm forced to attend. The music, the people, nothing makes me stop thinking about her.

My mind starts wandering, and I picture her here, with me, in a beautiful dress, with her hair rolling down her shoulders. I would have her by my arm all night, show her around this place. Something tells me she would like it.

I can't think of (Y/N) like that. I've been telling myself over and over again, but it doesn't seem to work. I even considered the possibility of stop visiting her for a while again, but I couldn't. I have to see her.

It's past midnight when I'm back home, after leaving the gala earlier than usual. I go straight to my room to shower and check Gotham streets before deciding if I should go out today. But on my way to the cave, I walk by her room. Stopping on my tracks, I look at the closed door. Maybe she's awake.

Careful not to make any noises in case she's asleep, I unlock the door. (Y/N) is lied down, curled up. Slowly, I walk in. Her book is opened beside her, and a piece of paper is coming out from among the pages. Walking closer to the bed, I bend over to take it. The paper is from the book, folded. Opening it, I hold my breath to see a drawing of my face. She's talented. But why is she drawing me?

Putting the paper back where I found it, I walk around the bed so I can see her face. She's not peaceful. It looks like she's in pain. The nightmares. (Y/N) must be having another one. Carefully, I sit on the bed, trying not to move the mattress too much. I need to give her something for a dreamless sleep. She furrows her eyebrows, clenching her fist. She's scared.

I want to tell her I'm here, that whatever is happening in her head, it can't hurt her. What haunts her? And how can I chase it away? Reaching out my hand, I touch her cheek, softly. Her skin feels so delicate under my touch, so fragile. It kills me to imagine everything they did to her. The image of Belle Reve's guards beating her is too much to handle. Rubbing my thumb on her chin, a smile comes to my lips. I was right. (Y/N) is improving, and I meant what I said when I promised I'd never let her go back to that prison.

My eyes wander through her face. The roots of her hair, and all the rest, in a light shade of lilac. Her eyebrows, nose, and lips. When I look at her eyes, I find them open, innocently looking at me. I freeze, unable to move my hand away from her face.

• (Y/N's) POV •

In your sleep, you're drowning in darkness. You're struggling to breathe, but suddenly, you feel something. Whatever it is, it brings you back, slowly returning into consciousness. You feel something on your face, so softly, that it can only be a dream. It must be a good dream this time because when you open your eyes, it's Bruce you see.

Not Joker, or Harley, or some of the guards... Bruce. You're finally having a good dream. His touch feels so delicate, like it's not even there. Smiling, you take his hand.

“Bruce,” you say, pulling him. “Stay with me.”

He doesn't resist, so you keep pulling him until he's lying down, your head on his chest. You know this may turn into a nightmare any time soon, but for now, you can enjoy it. It feels so good... So peaceful. You hold onto him as if you could force the good dream to remain for a while longer.

“If you stay here I won't have nightmares,” you mutter, taking in his scent. You love his cologne, it's familiar. You wish it was real. You're listening to his heartbeat, feeling his chest moving as he breaths. You wish it was real, that this was really him. But it's ok. At least in your dreams, you can have him this close.

“I think I could fall in love with you.” It comes out, as you close your eyes again, bracing yourself for whatever may happen next.

“Me too.” His illusion answers and you giggle.

You really wish this could be real.

•••

You're happy. Beyond happy. Maybe, whatever Bruce is doing is actually working. Brushing your hair, you need to tell him about last night. He will be happy, right? To know his project is going well. You hear the door opening and run out of the bathroom, as fast as you can despite the pain, smiling to see Bruce.

“Hi.”

“Good morning, (Y/N). How do you feel?”

“Good.” Taking the cup of juice from the tray he's carrying, you take a sip.

“We need to talk about something.” He sounds serious, and whatever is it, it might just ruin the mood.

“Sure. But I need to tell you something first.” You sit on the bed crossing your legs. “Yesterday, I had a good dream. A really good dream.” Of course, you would never tell him what it was about. How you held on to him, your head on his chest... That he can never know. “It started bad but... It changed and then it was good. I can't even remember the last time I actually had a nice dream.”

Bruce seems confused, thinking. You watch as the puts the tray on the nightstand, as usual. He doesn't seem so serious anymore, just... Different. “That's very good to know.”

“What is it that you wanna talk about?”

“Nothing. Let's begin with your therapy session, as you like to call. Eat.”

Weird to say the least. Shrugging your shoulders, you eat the sandwich before sitting on the armchair before him.

“Alfred told me you went to a party yesterday. How was it?” You take a blanket with you, wrapping it around your shoulders.

“Boring, as usual. But the place was beautiful, I think you would like it. The Hall had high walls, with a huge crystal chandelier and its light reflected through the place as if starts had fallen to Earth.”

The image fills your heart and you smile. It sounds amazing, but... The people there would make you nervous, you're sure. “Did you dance?” You ask him, and the memory of that woman comes back to your mind. How she hugged and kissed him. “With that friend.”

“I didn't dance at all. I had a lot in my head. By the way, I'll be hosting a gala next Saturday. So Alfred will be the one to bring you dinner.”

“Alright... So... Batman does know how to dance. That's impressive.” Smirking, you tease him.

“You must be a great dancer too, to speak like that.” A smile crosses his face.

“Not really. Someone like me doesn't get the chance to go to parties like that... All we have are the night clubs. And I never enjoyed night clubs.” Every passing day, you take less pleasure in remembering your life. Before coming here, before Belle Reve. The adrenaline of some moments still get to you sometimes, and you find yourself missing it. But sometimes... You feel embarrassed to tell Bruce those things. You're starting to see that what you used to do wasn't right. But then again, how were you supposed to have anything in life? You're supposed to be graduated from college, and maybe be in a good job. But the truth is that you don't have anything but the money you stole. Being a villain is the only thing you know how to do.

“You're different from the others. It gets more clear every day.”

“Then you must be proud of yourself for choosing me.”

“No, I'm proud of you. When I first got in touch with the direction of Belle Reve and exposed what I wanted to do and who I wanted to try it on, they told me I'd fail.” Bruce's stare is intense, like fire. Not the type that burns, but the type that keeps people warm... Or maybe you're just cold today. “That you fight and run, constantly, never allowing any human being but those you command to approach. Never would open up, because they think there's nothing in you.”

“Maybe they're right.” Looking down, you pull your legs up, hugging your knees. “When nobody believes in you, you stop believing too. So that's what I did. They treated me like an animal, so I became an animal.”

“I believe in you.”

Your eyes meet his again, and you can't control the smile that comes to your lips. “I did give you a hard time, didn't I? In the beginning.”

“You definitely did. But I'm glad I didn't give up on you. It would be a huge mistake.”

Nervously, you run a hand through your hair. It's hard to admit, even to yourself, that you're glad too. “Well, Bruce Wayne. What is it we'll talk about today?”

“Harley.” He simply says.

“My dear sister. Is she still out there?”

“Yes, but I'm closing in. How's your relationship with her?”

You wanna tell him about the dream... The last thing you want now is to talk about Harley. What the hell is happening to you? Why did you dream of Bruce in that way in the first place? Was it because you got jealous of that woman? A beautiful, normal, mentally healthy woman Bruce could fall for? Wait, were you jealous? Is that what jealousy feels like? Like you want to punch that woman in the face until she's bleeding mess? No, you shouldn't do that. How do normal people deal with jealousy?

It doesn't really matter because you can't feel this way towards Bruce. It's like emotional suicide. Focus on Harley, focus on the therapy. “Harley cares about me. In her own way. She just cares more about herself. We...” Closing your eyes, you can't shake the image off my head.

Bruce's fingers caressing your cheek, so delicately. Your head on his chest, his arms holding you. It felt like... Home. How can someone feel like home? It's illogical.

“(Y/N)?” Bruce's voice gets your attention and you open your eyes again. “What are you thinking about?”

“The dream, I... It was good to have a nice dream, that's all.” His expression softens as if he's remembering something too. Maybe he remembered a good dream he had. “Harley and I were close when she started taking me out with her. As I learned things for my own, we eventually parted ways. It didn't help that I was in constant war with her beloved Joker.”

“Don't you have anyone who's a friend? Someone you would trust?”

“Boomy is like my best friend, I guess.”

“Boomy?”

“Captain Boomerang. We're rarely in touch, but whenever we bump into each other, I know he'll have my back.” You smile to remember him. He's a nice guy. At least to you. “Deadshot too. He's the one you look for when you need some actual advice.”

“Do you miss them?”

“Yeah, a little...” Why is he asking that? “It-It doesn't mean I want to go back–”

“You're not going back to Belle Reve,” Bruce reassures you, reaching out his hand, which you're quick to take. “Never doubt that.”

His touch is warm, and it burns like pure electricity. You don't know why he doesn't let go, his fingers caressing the back on your hand. “Thank you for... For not believing them. For... Everything. Everything you did for me, I... I never thought anyone would be this kind to me.”

“You deserve it. You deserve more than being treated like...”

“It's ok. I get it.” Smiling, your eyes fall on your hands, still together.

You have to be careful not to misread the signs. Careful not to confuse gentleness with something else... Bruce would never look at you differently. He needs a woman like the one you saw. Elegant, beautiful... Normal. You're too much of a trouble, and you always will be.

×

@redwolf-7 @glitterypinkkitty @mybabyboytony @chipster-21 @agustdpeach @yaakimoon2 @chloe-skywalker

[straydawg]

when the rain stopped.

summary: killua's tears are the rain that falls. (or, a short fic where killua can't live on with gon dead.)

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

Rain was falling.

You didn't know what moved you to come so far out, only to lay with your back saturated against the cold concrete as the rain washed over your body.  It bruised your face with every shard of ice-like rain. There was something so violent, so excruciatingly heart-rending about the downpour. The sky was thundering in wails of misery. Raindrops surged from the sky, crashing into one another, plunging onto roofs and cars. They held no consideration for where they would land. They only poured down.

It had been like this for hours now.

Your hair was matted and soaked. You reached your hand up to the sky, feeling the pounding rain crush it. Tears, indistinguishable from the rain, streamed down the sides of your face and mingled with the rising puddle beneath you.  'Were those your tears? When had you begun crying?'

You could no longer see the sky above you, as the rain kept falling down with such fervent and passionate intensity you were forced to squeeze your eyes shut. There was no reason to cry or even be there at all, but you could feel the sky mourning.

No.

Someone was grieving.

This had to be a real person. This was desperation, heartbreak, and loss all in one.

A deep cry of thunder lamented around you, so deafening the buildings shook. Perhaps you would drown here- if you didn't die beneath the sheer pressure of the storm first.

Just what happened to cause a thunderstorm charged with this much grief?

The cries turned into whimpers, short bursts of lightning illuminating the black sky.

It was radiant.

With every fluoresce of lightning, you saw another's life flash before your eyes.

"Gon!" He shook the lifeless boy in front of him.

"No no no no NO! Please Gon," Killua screamed, holding Gon to his chest and rocking the both of them.

Tears splashed onto Gon's eyelids, but they weren't his.

"Idiot, wake up! You can't die here. You can't die yet."

"You're meeting your dad for breakfast tomorrow. Mito is planning for you to come back home in the summertime. You're just a kid...we're just kids..."

Killua clung onto him tighter with every word, but Gon fell limp in his arms. He clenched his fist into the dirt, shoving sharp debris underneath his fingernails.

Killua refused to believe it. The person he had spent years adventuring with, the one who had helped him see his worth, the one who had saved him. He couldn't be gone, just like that. No, Gon was not the type to give up, and he would never back down in a fight even if he were outmatched. He would always come out with a smile and a, "hey don't worry about me! We did it, didn't we?"

But not this time.

Killua's sweat was sticking to Gon as he tore himself away to gaze at his friend. The bright moonlight shined on Gon's face, wet with Killua's tears. It was too bright for a night like tonight. He smudged the dirt off the boy's cheeks.

"Gon. Please wake up. D-Don't be so selfish. I.. you're the most precious thing to me. You're my dearest friend. The world.. it can't turn if you aren't there." He sniffed.

A tear escaped from the corner of Gon's eye.

"K..K.."

"Gon!"

"Killua.. thank you..." Gon coughed, cracking open his eyes. "From the day I met you and everyday I've been alive since...I knew I'd never find someone else like you. You made me li-"

Killua couldn't hold back the hailstorm of sobs that wracked his body as he heard Gon's words. He was still alive. He wouldn't let him die.

"Gon, don't talk like this is the end! I'm going to save you," he began scooping up Gon's body, ready to take him somewhere- anywhere that wasn't there.

"Let me finish. I want to hold onto this last moment...with you. Please."

Killua reluctantly set him back down on the dirt, laying him gently against a wall. He never let go of his hand, in fear that Gon would fade away from him in front of his very eyes.

"You made my life worth it. Ging said.. He said to enjoy the little detours in life because those are the moments you treasure the most. You never were just a detour, Killua. You became my purpose," Gon's eyes glistened. His light was fading fast.

Those few words were apparently too much for him, as it sent him into a violent fit of coughing. There was blood oozing out from his mouth. Killua quickly wiped off the redness with his fingers and grabbed onto his friend again.

He held Gon's forehead to his.

"Don't leave me."

No response.

Killua felt an exhale of breath touch his face. He didn't dare move.

After a few moments had passed, Killua found the strength to lay Gon onto the ground, and place his own longsleeve shirt over the boy for warmth.

Gon only wore a tank top. He'd be chilly without it.

Taking some steps back, Killua stared at the boy laying on the floor. Gon looked like he had shrunk, so weak and devoid of life.

There was nothing left in Killua, but a throbbing pain and emptiness.

Falling to his knees, he let out a series of gut-wrenching screams. His sobs filled the night just as much as the stars in the sky did. He beat the floor until his hands were bloodied and mangled, unleashing strikes of lightning to the earth with every devastating blow. Hopefully, the lightning would ruin him too.

What even was the point anymore? There was no longer any light left to illuminate the dark.

Once Killua had bled himself dry of all tears and every emotion there was, he weakly looked upon Gon's form.

Hadn't he said that the world would not turn if Gon wasn't there? But why was it still going? Why was he the only one suffering this cruel loss? Why were there people who were going about their lives right at this very moment, not knowing Gon had just died?

His world could not go on without Gon, smiling him on. Pushing him on. So— he had made his decision.

Memories of all their priceless times together played in Killua's mind like a movie, as if he were experiencing each one of them again for the first time.

The time they first met—

Gon hadn't even questioned Killua's line of work. He had become his first ever friend without a second thought. No one had ever put that much faith in him before.

The time Gon brought him to Whale Island—

Killua had been shocked at Mito's generous hospitality. He had learned what a real home was like, and Gon had asked him to continue travelling with him. It made him feel special, although he had never admitted it out loud before.

The time they began Greed Island together—

He never did tell Gon the real reason he followed him there. It wasn't just to find his dad. Maybe he was embarrassed, or scared too, but the truth was obvious. He loved Gon. That's why he stayed.

The time he saw Gon lying in that stupid hospital bed—

Killua wasn't sure if he felt hurt, angry or betrayed, but the one thing he knew is that he was being torn apart. He was breaking to pieces seeing Gon dying slowly in front of him. He swore he would save him, and he did.

But he couldn't save him today.

Sitting up a little straighter, Killua took a deep breath. Turning his nen against himself, he sent the electricity force of 900,000 volts straight to his heart. Enough to kill a tortured assassin like himself.

Killua fell to the ground next to Gon, and shakily reached for his hand. Once he had made contact, he sighed and closed his eyes.

He hoped and prayed that this would count as Lover's Suicide. Maybe, if the universe cared at all, and if some force out there pitied these tormented children enough— they could have a chance at life together. Souls forever intertwined in the afterlife.

Then the rain stopped.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

❝ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʜᴀꜱ ʟᴏꜱᴛ ɪᴛꜱ ᴛᴏᴍᴏʀʀᴏᴡ

ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴡ ɪꜱ ᴡᴀɴᴅᴇʀɪɴɢ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴇᴛᴇʀɴᴀʟʟʏ

ᴀʟᴏɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴍᴇ

ᴡʜᴏ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴜɴᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴀʏ ɢᴏᴏᴅʙʏᴇ ᴏʀ ᴍᴏᴠᴇ ᴏɴ

ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴅ ᴛᴇᴀʀꜱ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ꜰᴀʟʟ

ꜰʀᴇᴇᴢᴇ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴋʏ

ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴋɪɴᴅ

ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ, ᴛʜᴇʏ ꜰᴀʟʟ ᴅᴏᴡɴ ᴍʏ ꜰᴀᴄᴇ

ᴛᴡᴏ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏꜱ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ ᴀʀᴇ ᴛᴏʀɴ ᴀᴘᴀʀᴛ

ᴛʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ɪꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ❞

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

author's notes: hello! i'm new to tumblr and hoping to improve my writing here and make new friends! :) this blog will be multifandom, (bsd, hxh, aot, etc.)

requests are open!

[fashournalist]

I realised Netflix stopped letting me take screenshots (using my laptop) so let me just put this screenshot of RT ratings here. I just finished watching The Good Place's finale and boy, there was so much emotion. I get now why my friends said they cried during the last episode :( It's good how they can make you fight back your tears with good laughs. How do they do that simultaneously? Thank you for creating this show, Michael Schur!

It's Schur-ly the best sitcom ever (and Fleabag is second). I can see why critics have the following rating:

The Good Place consistently did great. And I'm grateful I had the experience of watching it. I started the series last year when my colleagues at Isentia recommended it to me, and it's one my ways of coping as I'm still dealing with my Mom's...flight to the real good place. Watched Coco, etc. Shows about the afterlife that somehow make you smile even though death is a sad theme.

I had to wait for one whole year to watch season 4 because it just arrived a week ago on Netflix. Well, The Good Place was worth the wait. Chidi's speech about the waves returning to the ocean touches your core. It's really a good show to watch regardless of what you're going through, but I think it hits differently when you're grieving.

I wish this series hasn't ended yet but as it tells us, isn't that what makes everything special? The fact that things come to an end? : ) That we're not here forever, and we have to make everyday count.

This moment really got me, too. It reminded me that remembering my memories with Momi can be almost the same as living in them. She's not gone. She's always here with us, in our hearts.

I got really sad when Jason left, then Eleanor cried as she let Chidi go, then Janet became emotional and worried as Michael had a one-way trip to the Earth. It's so beautiful how they all loved each other. I'm proud of Tahani for becoming a Good Place architect! It's great to see her family improve their relationship, too. What a beautiful finale that touches the soul. Though, I get it when people say they had existential crisis after watching the show. But as for me it made me appreciate the life we have more. The struggles, the work we must do to achieve our goals, the process. It's all part of what makes life beautiful. If we could all get what we want anytime, we'd soon lose our interest in them, just like what the people in The Good Place felt before they realised they could end their existence.

This is not related to anything that happened in the series but, the show also made me really all the more grateful that we have a Savior in real life, Jesus Christ, because we didn't have to earn our salvation.

Thank you, The Good Place for not overly extending your show just to make money, which is what several shows have done. Thank you for the laughs, the lessons, and the feels. Thank you for your brilliant characters that are hilarious and at the same time adorable from the beginning until the end. I love how they've grown—if I continue this sentence, I might write hundreds of words and I don't have the time now.

And I wasn't prepared to hear Spiegel im Spiegel! I've loved that since I heard it from About Time, another hilarious but emotional movie that hits home. That instrumental score is just special. I've listened to it while studying, journaling, reminiscing, working, solo travelling, etc...in the past seven years. I still do now (along with other great scores). I'm glad that this music has been used in two heartfelt shows.

The Good Place is funny, special, dark (but in a light way), and sentimental. I tried watching other sit coms, they're good but I haven't felt the "I can't wait til I see the next episode" feeling. I'm still in season one of HIMYM, same with Brooklyn Nine-Nine. So the only sitcoms I've finished watching so far are The Good Place and Fleabag, which is also well-written.

Anyhow, this post doesn't even tell 10% of what's on my mind right now but it's time to get a good night's sleep. A new week is ahead, so let's slay and well, take it sleazy! Everything is fine :)

(I'll briefly react to Godfather and #Alive next time. I say react because "reviews" sound intimidating and that's clearly not what I'm doing. I'm just reacting haha. I'm really grateful to have Netflix now. I stopped it for a long time. I had an on-and-off relationship with it, starting in November 2017. The Crown made me sign in, Mom and I both love that show. My subscription ended in July 2018. The only time I subscribed again was January-February 2020 (to binge my grief away—it didn't go away though but the binging still helped) then I stopped the subscription again. I just renewed in September, so yes, feels good to reunite with you, Netflix :) )

[yourcreepyneighborhoodelftwink]

As the Hero fell upwards through the sands of time, the days rewinding like the gears of a clock, he landed calmly on the cobblestones of Clock Town Square, at the dawn of the first day. He had been through this many times before, and had grown accustomed to reliving the same 3 days, helping the same people with the same schedules, slowly making more and more progress each time. At least he didn't feel an enormous time crunch, even with the threat of the moon hanging above him, he was always able to rewind the days, and could take days to rest, to sleep or ride Epona or play with the inhabitants.

He rarely did, but it was nice that the option was there.

He was pulled from his thoughts by Tatl getting his attention with a soft tinkling sound, looking over at the stand near the Deku flower, and the note pinned to it.

"That's certainly new…" she said cautiously as they approached, Tatl reading aloud to Link.

The pair exchanged a confused and frightened look. It wasn't signed, but they knew exactly who left the note for them.

BEN sat on the edge of the field, their boots hanging over the barrier where the grass turned into sand, looking out at the canyon leading to the beach. It had been so long since they had entered their game, only playing it from the outside. Perhaps they had been showing too much love to Breath of the Wild lately and not enough to the dark masterpiece of their former prison, or perhaps it was the only world they could enter that felt truly real, where the sun was warm and the wind blew. They HAD become a bit spoiled, learning that adding weather effects and random wind blowing did wonders to immersion when they entered a game.

They closed their eyes, speaking up before looking behind them.

"You didn't have to rush over here. "as possible" doesn't mean "instantly", you know…" BEN said gently, lowering their ears with a guilty smile.

Link frowned softly, keeping his distance from the elf. He couldn't draw his sword AND sign, after all, so he would have to make due. "You didn't specify. I've learned better than to provoke you."

BEN couldn't exactly blame his caution. It's why they were here, after all. "My bad. I'll be more specific next time. But I suppose it's neither here nor there now…"

"...is there something you want, BEN? " Link asked, clearly a bit anxious by being asked to meet.

"...a few things. I won't lie and say there isn't a favor I'd like to ask the both of you-"

"Like you have any right to ask Link for anything, at this point!" Tatl quickly interjected, turning red in anger. "You've terrorized us for no good reason, revealed truths we didn't need to know, and then just left us alone one day!"

"-BUT," BEN continued, "that isn't my main reason for being here. First and foremost... You're long overdue for an apology from me."

Link and Tatl looked at each other in confusion. "...pardon? " Link questioned.

"...I've been doing a lot of thinking and self reflecting lately. Especially because I finally have reason to want to improve myself. And I think I've gotten pretty far in trying to right the wrongs of my past, and try to change as a person. But I still never gave the both of you a proper apology, or even an explanation for how I treated you…" BEN sheepishly said.

Link looked down at the seated person, absolutely dumbfounded. All the times he had been attacked by BEN came instantly into his mind, only to not even be able to so much as scratch them in return, even the might of a Goron doing nothing to them. All the times he had been followed and told he was insignificant, worthless, a joke of a hero, told he was nothing more than a bland, boring conduit for the player of a game in a world far grander than his own. Only for BEN to just... Disappear one day. Gone. Vanish into thin air, and only return occasionally, seemingly at their leisure. Something... Didn't add up to him, and he wasn't sure what on Earth made them suddenly stop tormenting him, and now want to make things right.

"...I'll hear you out, at least," Link finally said, stepping forward to sit next to him. If nothing else, were he going to harm Link, BEN would have done it by now.

"Not that it makes us all hunky-dory yet," Tatl offered, settling on Link's shoulder.

BEN smiled softly, letting out a relieved breath. They stayed quiet for a moment, deciding their words carefully. "I'm not... Sure where to start. So much has happened to me. I guess I should start when we first met. When I first entered this game. It was my favorite game, and with me when I died," they started.

Tatl interrupted, jingling softly. "...when you died?"

BEN nodded softly. "When I died. I was just about your age, Link, about 12. More specifically, when I was murdered. Father simply... Got tired of me, I suppose. He tricked my religion's leader- we refer to him as The Father- into thinking it was my time to Ascend when it wasn't. The whole explanation of my belief system isn't important in this, just that I was robbed of something very important and sacred to me because of it."

"That sounds horrible," Link signed.

"It was... And I was only 12, and not the greatest at understanding or expressing my emotions... I was so angry, absolutely furious at losing that chance, as what had been done to me. I've always had a strong sense of justice, if you can believe it. I don't easily stand for people wronging me. But when I died, my spirit was trapped in this game. All that rage bottled up, with nowhere to release it... Until I started releasing it on you. Very unfairly."

"I'll say," Tatl said, though there wasn't much bite behind her words.

"Eventually, someone played the game, and I was able to break free, find someone else to torment. And after that, start lashing out at everyone who had hurt me, making them

PĄŸ,"

BEN continued, their voice glitching out just a bit at the final word.

"...i moved on to more innocent people after that. I was out of control. To the point where my goddess, Luna, intervened. She stopped me herself, gave me a new body, made me into a young adult so I wouldn't be trapped as a child forever, and I carry the souls of everyone I hurt in my blind sadism, until I join her again one day. And I've worked hard to be a better person now. I've found so much to make my life wonderful, and to make the most of my second chance…" BEN trailed off.

"...but you still want to make amends to everyone you've hurt," Link finished for them.

"...I don't expect you to forgive me. I don't think I can be forgiven. But I really AM sorry for how I treated you. Both of you. Of everyone I've lashed out at, you're the least deserving of it. No matter WHAT'S happened to me, it's NO excuse for how much I've hurt you. And even if you never forgive me, I would love the opportunity to make it up to you…" they finished softly.

"...would you excuse us for a moment?" Tatl asked, flying a slight distance away. Link glanced over at BEN before rising to his feet to follow, and speak with the fairy alone. BEN politely stayed looking forward, allowing them the privacy.

"...do you believe them?" Tatl asked.

"...yeah. They seem genuine," Link admitted.

Tatl nodded softly. "I do, too. There's much simpler ways to trick us or convince us if that was their intention. Even if they said they wanted a favor, this is a lot of lengths to go to for just that…"

"I wonder what they want," the hero mused, glancing over at BEN.

"...maybe ask? Perhaps you can also ask a favor of him, test his sincerity," she said.

"What would that be? " he asked.

"Well, you've said you're curious about his world, whatever it is that our entire world is only a game in, a small part of. Maybe you can ask to explore his world. It'd give you the opportunity to spend more time with him and let him earn your trust, anyway," she offered.

Link nodded softly, then whistled to get BEN's attention. "Alright, BEN, we've talked it over. First, I want to know what favor it is you want…"

"Actually, it's a favor specifically from Tatl," they explained.

"Wait, me?" she questioned.

"...my daughter has watched me play this game a lot. And she's absolutely fallen in LOVE with you, she ADORES seeing you on screen. Her first birthday is in a few months, and there's... Circumstances about my life, and now hers, that will make her very different from other children, with so many secrets to keep. She could really use having a companion by her side, a friend to offer wisdom and company and help when she needs it. A copy of you, like how I copied Epona, to watch over her and make her feel less alone…" BEN said.

"...you have a daughter?" Link asked.

"And a boyfriend. Soon to be husband," BEN explained, holding up their hand to show off their ring.

Tatl let out a soft chime at this. "Well... I'm certainly flattered you think I'd make a good companion to her…"

BEN smiled softly. "I don't expect an answer today, don't worry. There's still a few months before her birthday. And I understand if it's not something you're comfortable with…"

"...we have a proposal for you, in that case," Link began. "You want to make amends to us. We're admittedly curious about this world outside of our own. So, let us explore. Show us your life, and what lies outside this "game", and earn our trust. Then we'll consider it."

BEN thought this over. They'd have to be careful, but this wasn't impossible… "...I can't completely remove you from the game. I'd have to copy you, then merge the copy and your true self after. It's basically the same thing, though, you'd keep the memories and everything. And you'd have to do EXACTLY as I say, I... REALLY can't have attention drawn to myself or the people I live with. If there's something that catches your attention, you can't gawk, just stay calm and ask me. And there's going to be a LOT, the real world is nothing like this one. Hylian sign doesn't match up with any sign language in my world, so you'll at least be able to speak freely. But if you can do that, and trust that I'm keeping us both safe when I tell you to do something... I'll happily show you around."

Link considers this, then nods. He holds out his hand to BEN, who shakes it.

"Then we have a deal."

[stroni-bomb]

Siren!Taeil: Eye of the Beholder {1}

CHAPTER ONE // NEXT 

❃ Taeil didn’t know which was worse: being a male in a family of purely female sirens or being a rare phenomenon in a group of ‘normals’. He never had it easy growing up and going against everything which makes a siren didn’t make it any easier. He would always be thankful for that fateful day when Angel!Taeyong saved him. However when a certain individual puts all of N City on their toes as they’re a risk to another citizen’s life, why can’t Taeil feel nothing except sympathy towards her instead of the hatred the other’s hold? ❃

؂۵‗✩⑈

"Taeil," Taeyong gently shook the older brother and gave him a warm smile as his tired eyelids fluttered open. "You can go to bed now. Y/N's asleep, I've got everything under control."

He quickly checked on your sleeping figure in the infirmary bed. He didn't know how long he was out but he was certain that you were awake the last time he saw you. Slowly he stood up, giving a small thanks to Taeyong before leaving the infirmary room. He wouldn't go to bed, he didn't need to, all he did need was some fresh air and thinking time.

Quietly, avoiding waking up any of the other residents, he made his way through the dimly lit corridors until finding the back door. Sliding it open carefully he tiptoed out, allowing the cool midnight breeze to blow on his face. It was a quick walk to the lake. Well it was more of a stream really.

As he reached the water's edge he finally sat down with the grass underneath him, occasionally the wind would move the grass in such a way that it'd dance in between his fingers, lightly tickling him. He had an urge to shift into his siren form but decided against it, knowing the younger boys they're probably spying on him right now from their bedroom windows.

He brought his head down to the grass and lay there, silently. The grass moulded underneath him, leaving his temporary mark into the land. He could hear the lake gently lapping against the bed, running further and further upstream. There was probably a river somewhere nearby, acting out as a branch into the wide and vast ocean.

Ocean. That word alone reminded him of...home. Could he really call it a home though?

It always surprised him how he even managed to survive. No one had realised he was different until he was six, when sirens get their human form. His once loving family turned on him just like that. Why? He was a young boy, not a girl.

He had loved where he lived. The small, grassy cove reached out onto the beach. The grass had a different feel to the one that grew at N City, it was more...rough. Pretty much summed up his whole childhood. At first it'd start with the girls his age, pushing and shoving. As soon as Taeil retaliated though that's when the older sirens began to torture him.

They left scars but they were easy to hide with clothes, he couldn't say the same for his siren form. That's why he refuses unless necessary, he doesn't need his friends to see him like that.

"Taeil hyung!" A young voice yelled out, his feet flattening the grass beneath each stride. This was someone who didn't care if he woke others. Donghyuck. "What are you doing out here?"

Taeil quickly wiped a stray tear and lifted himself up from the ground. Donghyuck bounded into him, wrapping his arms around his elder brother. He awkwardly returned the affection, he himself wasn't much of a skinship person.

"It's cold out here," Hyuck shivered as he pulled away. Taeil noticed he was barefoot and only wearing shorts with a thin, white shirt.

There was a moment of silence between the two. A chilling breeze blew passed them both, pinching their revealed skin. Hyuck quickly brought his hands to his upper arms and rubbed in a sad attempt to warm himself up.

"You didn't need to come out," Taeil eventually smiled and brought an arm around Hyuck's shoulders. "I was just getting some air before going to bed but let's get inside now. You're right, it's freezing."

Maneuvering back into the mansion Hyuck looked up in awe at Taeil. He didn't say anything, he knew Taeil wouldn't talk about this stuff with him but he had so much hurt in his eyes, so much pain, yet kept it inside and kept being his jokey self. Much like himself. He admired Taeil for that.

After walking Hyuck back up to his room which he shared with Jaemin and Renjun Taeil finally collapsed into his bed. He had to resist the urge not to run back to your infirmary room and go to bed in the chair again, just so he could be there for her when she woke up. Maybe he was being too attentive though so he decided against it, he didn't want to give others the wrong idea.

Settling down under his duvet and forcing his past memories out of his mind Taeil was finally able to sleep. Before he was completely gone a small smile sketched onto his features as a quick image of you fluttered through his mind. You were sleeping, safe and sound in the infirmary two floors below him, a smile which mirrored his own blessing your delicate features.

؂۵‗✩⑈

"TAEIL GET UP WE NEED YOU!" A series of knocks hammered at his door as various voices yelled his name. As of yet he was in no real hurry to get up, usually when this happened -and it tended to happen a lot in a house with the devil himself in it- there ended up being no real threat but instead a cream pie waiting to smack him in the face.

"TAEIL IT'S Y/N!"

Now he was up. If his fate did end up being a cream pie then he can bet that whoever the pranker was would soon become the prankee.

Dashing into your infirmary room with a sense of urgency he immediately went to your side. You were out cold, pale and seemingly unresponsive.

Taeil's eyes scanned the faces which accompanied him in the room: Taeyong, Doyoung, Jaehyun and ... Mingcheng. Quickly doing a body scan of the latter he released a sigh of relief- she was carrying no weapons and she didn't seem triumphant. Always a good sign.

"Taeyong what happened? How did her vitals drop so drastically you told me she was doing fine!" Taeil questioned, he knew he should have never left your side, screw the attentive nonsense he would've been there for you when you needed him most.

"Her heart and breathing rate dropped after another... episode. We've put her on oxygen but we aren't medics Taeil, this type of healing is beyond my powers. I heal bones. Not curses," Taeyong said sternly, not appreciating Taeil's seemingly ungrateful tone.

He took note of the oxygen mask and evaluated your chest movements, not quite how he'd like it but assumed it was an improvement.

Suddenly a pang of realisation hit him, how he had forgotten the most important piece of information he didn't know. "Episode? Is Nev okay, what happened?"

"About time grandpa. She's fine, shaken up but fine. Your little friend here tried to kill her she's lucky she-"

"She tried to kill her Taeyong? But I thought she was bed ridden," it was more of a observation than a question, although he failed to observe the very obvious glares which Mingcheng was shooting through him.

"Did he just interrupt me?" She hissed to her mate, Jaehyun, evidently pissed off.

"He's on edge babe-" "He'll be on the edge of my foo-"

"Jaehyun. Mingcheng. Please go check on Nev and Leon, shoot I should really check on Leon...Taeil, could you give me a second? Come on you two," Taeil just nodded, not watching the three of them leave and not giving Doyoung much of his attention either. His full focus was on you, this wasn't the secure figure he pictured last night, no this was the exact opposite.

There was a gentle silence which occasionally was interrupted by the sound of the heart monitor. Every time a sharp 'beep' pierced through the air Taeil would look up and check your heart rate, noting down if there was an improvement or not every time mainly for his own sanity. He was so absorbed in...You, that he forgot about Doyoung who was sat on the chair opposite the bed, checking out his older brother's behaviour and gentleness regarding you.

"Why do you like her so much?" He suddenly questioned, cocking on eyebrow in a way which Taeil couldn't stand, as if Doyoung had just figured out his entire life story by watching him for five minutes.

"I have no clue what you're on about," Taeil dismissed by shaking his head. "Who's Leon?"

"Just some Lion girl who's been stabbed or shot can't remember the exact details, brought some half wolf dude with her or something too. Now answer my question." Doyoung leaned back in his chair now, his long legs outstretched across the floor.

"You should really pay attention to the people Taeyong saves. Maybe then people will like you?" Taeil sniped back, mimicking his younger brother's actions as he leant back in his chair. Debating whether to stretch out his legs too he decided against it, he was much smaller than Doyoung and didn't need to prove it.

"What's the point? They looked like a total mad show anyway. I don't waste my breath on obviously crazy people."

"Yet you ended up living with sixteen of them, now more if you count the mates. You should loosen up, you're stressed," Taeil smiled as Doyoung chuckled to himself. He had got him there, the residents at N CITY were far from sane.

"I should say the same for you hyung, you should let us in and not push us away when we ask you stuff," now Doyoung had evened out the score. Taeil couldn't think of a reply and the sharp 'beep' of your machine left him unable to think straight anyway as he quickly noted down the results.

"I'm gonna check on Lion Girl and Wolf Boy, call us if anything happens okay?"

Taeil just nodded in response, "see you wizard boy," he smirked as the door clicked behind Doyoung as he left him by himself with you by his side.

He liked the thought of that, you standing by his side, just the thought of you standing without needing support made him happy.

He wanted you to be happy but this was just the sympathy talking... right?

--------------------------------

That's chapter one guys 🤪 hoped you enjoyed and give my boy Taeil some love 💝 -Stroni-

[leonawriter]

Strength Among the Flowers

Read it on AO3

Fandom: Final Fantasy VII

Characters: Angeal, Aerith, Zack.

Pairings: Zack/Aerith

Summary: Angeal knows how to find Zack when the time comes for the trip to Modeoheim because he’s been to the slums often enough by that point. It's only afterwards that Zack finds out that they both have someone in common now.

Notes: I’d been wanting to write Angeal and Aerith interacting for the longest time, really? And then today I saw art of them together and my brain just gave me these scenes. When I should’ve gone to bed already, of course.

...

Zack isn't there, the first time Angeal visits the slums in search of him. 

He'd looked, after Zack had fallen down through the plate, belatedly worried. Too late, of course - just like everything else, it seemed. Too late to find out what was going on with Genesis. Too late to realise it had gone too far already. Too late to realise he couldn't help, and he was part of the problem. Too late to realise that taking his issues regarding his own problems out on other people - people he cared about - was only going to get them hurt.

Zack could have died, from that fall, he realises well after Zack would have hit the ground. Not even mako could save you from a broken neck.

He wouldn't have been in danger if he hadn't refused to fight back, a sharp, snide voice said that sounded too much like Genesis for his liking.

He wouldn't have been in danger if I hadn't attacked him, he thought in response. Because it was true, of course it was true. He was the one who had created his own suffering, and Zack's, as well.

So he'd looked, silently and as invisibly as he'd been able to, flitting between the shadows for just long enough to reassure himself that Zack was alive, that Zack was okay, and long enough to realise that he'd met a girl, too.

He sees them laugh together, smile together, and part of him hurts, because Zack shouldn't be involved in all of this, he should be free to do whatever he wanted, live his own life - but this was the life he'd chosen, and he was too mixed up in things now to back out, whether he wanted to or not.

But when he comes back a few days later, Zack isn't there. He really thought he would be, after the way he'd seen him making eyes at that girl, but instead it's just him and the church and-

-the flowers?

"Oh! Hello?"

And the girl in the doorway.

...

He finds out that her name is Aerith, and that she likes helping the flowers to grow, and that they also grow at her house. That she's never seen the outside sky. 

He tells her that he's always had a fondness for gardening, and plants in general, as had his best friend - and though it hurts to think of Genesis as such, to think of everything that had happened and that was gone, never to return, it hurts even more to think for even a second to cut that tie entirely - although Genesis had mainly enjoyed what plants could do, not able to simply appreciate them for what they were.

She told him how there was someone who'd fallen through the roof the other day, who'd almost walked through the flowers before she'd told him not to - he's shaking his head before she even finishes, muttering something to the effect of that sounds just like him.

He doesn't miss the way her eyes harden for just one moment, or the way that, gentle but firm as the mountain, she tells him that this person she'd met, he'd been worried over a friend, who he didn't know how to help. 

She doesn't push or pry or assume, just states what she knows as blunt fact, makes him feel just uncomfortable enough that he leaves - not that he should have stayed as long as he had in the first place, when he was only supposed to be finding out information regarding Genesis' whereabouts and passing them on, or at the very least... making sure that Zack was doing well.

...

The next time he sees her, he hadn't even planned to land in the slums, hadn't even planned to encounter anyone at all. But he's just spent several hours in flight, and for the last half hour or so - he hasn't checked his PHS yet to know exactly how long - he's been flying with a fried wing, after something electrocuted him mid-air.

Angeal settles himself in the rafters of the church, grateful that he doesn't share Genesis' fate of degradation, and guilty that he feels grateful that it's happening to someone else, someone he had grown up with and loved like a brother, and not him.

He idly wonders if that makes him any more of a monster, or if that was just human. And if it were just a human trait, then he still wanted none of it, no matter how hard it wished to stick.

He doesn't realise he's shedding feathers - some of which are somewhat scorched and burnt feathers - until he hears a familiar voice calling up at him, saying hello, hellooo...?

The wince he lets out at realising that he's outed himself as inhuman, as something far different from the ordinary SOLDIER the girl had met before, just makes his body cry out in pain, and he grits his teeth against it. For something that could disappear and that he hadn't even been born with, these wings of his could feel pain just like any other part of him could.

"You can come down from there," she continues, "so long as you don't land on the flowers."

It's more like a controlled fall than a true landing, but he does land somewhere other than on the flowers - he'd mess the plants up, and that wouldn't do.

Aerith gasps at the sight of him, and he doesn't know if it's because of the fact that the feathers belonged to him, or because of the state he was in.

"I have a Cure," he says after she shows signs of starting to fuss over him, "I just didn't have a chance to use it until now. It's been... a long day."

He hasn't dismissed his wings while they were injured yet, and he isn't about to start. He notices her watching him as he works the magic on his body, now sat on one of the pews.

"You're... you are the friend that Zack talked about, aren't you," she says. There's more hesitancy there than when she was being circumspect, but Angeal sighs. He doesn't deny it, though.

"A... lot of people are suffering because of things that I've just stood back and let happen. Things I've done. I've hurt Zack," he says, and he wonders what it is about this girl that makes it so easy to open up, so easy to say things he really shouldn't.

She gasps, and backs away a step or two. 

But when he looks up, she's still there - just looking down at her feet, and vaguely sad.

"Zack... I think he's stronger than you think," she says at last.

He laughs, at that - Aerith's only known him for what, all of a few days? Less, given they'd hardly kept in contact from what it sounded like. Compared to the months that Angeal had trained Zack... only to have him show little sign of improvement, only to walk out on him in the middle of enemy territory. 

Perhaps she was right. And perhaps he really didn't know Zack as well as he'd thought.

...

"Did you know that there are Turks following you?" he asks the next time he drops by - literally, and this time without injuries, so his landing is far more graceful. Not as graceful or anywhere near as dramatic as Genesis would, but it suits him just fine.

Aerith purses her lips, and says that yes, she knew. And then her expression shifts, into something more relaxed. She seems to contemplate something for a moment before she speaks again.

"They want something from me," she says with the air of a well-guarded secret. "They want me to go with them. But I've- I've always said no. I... you understand, right?"

Angeal feels uncomfortable in the strange feeling that he knows something that he doesn't think Zack is aware of, regarding his girlfriend - and whatever this was between the two of them, it did seem to be more serious than the girls Zack had always just chatted up whenever he could - but the way she appealed to him, wanted him to-

It rubbed him the wrong way, reminded him of things best left forgotten, memories of Genesis and hard, cold truths about himself and you cannot live on that side any longer.

"At least you're still human," he says bitterly. "I don't even have that much left."

Aerith looks at him sharply, and for a split second it almost looks as though something he'd said had struck a chord with her, had brought up some painful memory, but that didn't make sense, so it had to be his overactive imagination. 

"Zack- Zack said... that, 'normal is overrated', or something like that. I don't think he meant this, but... he was so worried all the time I saw him, I don't... Zack doesn't seem like the kind of person who'd care about things like that."

I think he's stronger than you think, he remembers her saying, but she doesn't know what's going on, can't understand-

And that, he starts to think to himself as he flies further into the city some time later, might even be why she can see more clearly than most of the ones who did understand.

...

It's a few weeks until he sees her again, and when he does she isn't happy to see him.

In fact, if he had to make any comparison at all, he'd say that she reminds him of the way Sephiroth had looked at him, upon his first time seeing the man after his... desertion, he supposes. Full of hurt, and a sense of betrayal that was fully earned in all its entirety.

"You made him cry," she says, full of hurt herself. 

He can't really blame her. She treasures Zack so much that anything that hurts him, hurts her, in its own way. 

"He'll recover," he says, and flinches from the angry look she sends him. "Better this than that he wound up dead," he adds, unable to look her in the eye this time.

In some ways, Zack would wield that sword far better than he ever had; he had never been able to bring himself to swing it around enough to get in practice, often preferring to use his fists rather than the family heirloom. Zack, though - Zack never went anywhere without a heavy sword, so it wouldn't be so strange to use when he most needed it.

"I don't know what you did, but... never do it again. I can - I can only pick up the pieces of his heart so many times, you know. And... he isn't the only one who cares about you."

He nods, and he's fully prepared to leave - but she lets him stay a while longer, lets him watch as she tends to the plants.

...

Angeal flinches - again - when he hears heavy SOLDIER-issue boots on the church's floor, and when he turns around he sees Zack coming down the middle toward the flowers, his hair styled differently and the Buster Sword on his back.

It's odd, he thinks - odd, how that sword that had belonged to the Hewley family looked so right on Zack like that. 

"Aerith? Is this- this is... Angeal."

He had expected Zack to shout at him, to rail at how unfair this all was, to push the Buster Sword back onto its previous owner, or to tell him to get out, get away from Aerith, but none of these things happen. Even if he deserves them.

Zack collapses to his knees in front of him, ruining the more mature image he's somehow managed to cultivate in just a few short weeks, tears streaming from his eyes already.

"Angeal," he says again, voice thick with some sort of emotion, or some mix that he can't even begin to pick apart, "don't you ever- ever do something so stupid again. Ever."  Zack sniffs, and wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand like some kid who's never heard of tissues or handkerchiefs. "I... I always thought you had the answers to everything. Then this started. And now - I don't even care, man. Just... I don't want to lose you like that."

In all honesty, Angeal wondered who was actually the stronger of them, now - and he can't help wondering if it isn't him, who'd contemplated something so awful, or the one crying in front of him, who he had given his honour and dreams to, even if he were still alive to see Zack carry them.

[sethescalante]

"It's been a long journey for this smile to happen"

Looking at a picture that someone took of myself while with my significant other on Valentine's day made me think about the journey I have travelled so far in my life to reach to having smiles like these constantly.

"Never take things for granted"

I never have. For as long as my memory can recall, I have always been very grateful for everything in my life, the good and even the bad. I know the band has it's purpose, such as to learn.

"The stages in my life leading up to now"

CHILDHOOD

Happiness. I remember lovely memories and loving people around me. I remember really appreciating my loving parents and watching my brothers and sisters with admiration especially Shay with whom I grew up closest with. I was exposed to a lot of activities, sports, and cultures. I was fortunate to travel to different countries in my childhood as well. I remember being a disciplined and respectful child. I remember being quiet but talkative to my family. I remember being aware of myself and how my actions affected other people. I wanted to do good in this world. One of the most important memories included me wanting to have a family (despite not knowing what that meant), I wanted a wife to love because I loved watching my parent's love. I loved watching my parents together.

I was worried to ask my parents if all what I remembered waa true. Thankfully, they confirmed my childhood for me, saying that I was a quiet child who gave no trouble.

TEENAGER TO YOUNG ADULT

My childhood ended as soon the concepts of romantic relationships were discovered. I was about fourteen years old. From fourteen to twenty four was a time of trial for me. I had many questions, there were so many battles and doubts. At any moment, my life could have gone differently. This time shaped me.

I categorized the major parts of this time in my life.

- spirituality and religion

- relationships and culture

- reality and society

- Spirituality and Religion

I stopped going to Church every Sunday. Every so often I would. I experienced in depth, many different religions. Buddhism peaked my interest the most. I needed to understand why do we have suffering. I was baffled by the various powers that various religions claimed to have. I saw it consume people. The congregation the victim of the leaders and the leaders the victim of unclean desire. I remember becoming angry with these various religions and the people in them. Peace and quiet became my only sacred place.

- Relationships and Culture

Raging hormones was direct competition to my moral compass. Many times I was tested but thankfully I made in through to a good place, not perfect, but good enough. Patience, faith and willpower were the main factors why the modern day culture of infactuation, promiscuity and unawareness didn't consume me.

It bothered me that one street away from another street meant a different world, a different culture and a great rivalry around them.

- Reality and Society

Unfortunately, you cannot give someone happiness, no matter how hard you try. If someone isn't aware if their own personal happiness, nothing you do will ever really be good enough... This was learnt with great despair, false hope and useless but immense willpower.

If i want to help, if i want to positively make an impact, I need to be sound and aware in myself first. Without understand comes useless effort.

CURRENT STATE

I'm aware and knowledgeable of who I am and understand that although I can always keep improving, there may be times when I fail and I must learn from it for it to be meaningful. I understand the value of the people in my life and how much they mean to me especially friends and family. My moral values is set and life has been kind to me to point me in the direction of someone who constantly improves me to things I've not known or experienced.

I'm happy to find out what the next chapter unfolds.