#i've honestly been kinda hiding in a completely different fandom for a year now and i'm too embarrassed to admit what it is so lmao

[kanamidos]

i have gotten way too many notifs today that this account is indeed an account on the internet that i own and post to, allegedly

[mental-health-advice]

Hey.

For a while I feel like my friendship with this person has become inherently codependent.

I didn't realise how much I needed to be needed by him until recently. I put a lot of my self worth on him and in the process put him above everything else. And I felt justified because he was going through a tough time. And I don't want to judge him, but he isn't exactly the best person. He can be extremely cruel to other people and selfish. But I never questioned anything he did because I wanted him to like me. I didn't neglect any other things like school and stuff. I kept on top of it, but most of my free time was taken up for him, having conversations that I really didn't want to and I enjoyed myself most of the time but sometimes I felt like I outgrew his company. I made up versions of him in my head that were so much better than real life. This was aggravated because we were all in lockdown and I couldn't meet other people. I've only ever known him through phone calls for a while and the two months we actually met in in person school were spent with him feuding against my other friends in his quest for power. I always found it impossible to pick a side in these situations, because the others were right but I wanted to please him too. I was incapable of refusing anything he said. I always had to hide away a part of me because I was afraid he wouldn't like me then. And he could be very controlling too. He thought he was above everyone and the school director kind of favoured him too, so he had a lot of plans for a very unsafe event. But then schools shut down again and he became really depressed and was suicidal and tried to pin everything on me at one point, just because I respected my mother's words. I tried to be there for him, and this went on for four months. I agreed to everything he said because it was easier than fighting with him. Now stuff hit rock bottom and the director has shut him out and told him to just get back to academics. Schools are opening this week and now he's really scared again.

I don't know what to say when he tells me his life sucks and that he doesn't want it. He's out of the extreme phase now and he expects everything to be handed to him without working hard for anything.

I knew he was someone who didn't care about other people and took joy in the sorrow of others but I always excused his behaviour. When things got too bad I stepped aside.

But apart from all of this, I always craved for him to call me. My happiness depended on his. I needed him to talk to me. And me only. I got insanely jealous and beat myself up inside. I worried so much about him but he didn't seem to care about me at all. When I tried to talk about my feeling it resulted in us fighting continuously, with him saying I didn't deserve him. I never needed him to respect me or my boundaries because I knew he was incapable of caring about someone else and that it wouldn't be worth my time. But now I can't take him just using me anymore. At first I just thought that I had feelings for him which caused my jealousy, but then he came out to me, but these still seem to persist. I just need him to come to me for any problem that he has, but that took a hit today, when I couldn't deal with him at all. I've read up codependent friendships and I think that's what is really going on in my head. I don't like him romantically I think, I'm just really insecure.

I don't want to be that person anymore. He doesn't respect my boundaries, my family or my interests. I'm not allowed to have an opinion because anything that he doesn't agree shouldn't be said in his presence. I feel like I'm stuck in the same place and unable to truly be myself. We are so different and my beliefs directly contradict his but I've never been able to express them to him. And he calls himself my best friend. Our other best friend, is kinda in between. She regularly argues with him and demands respect, but he doesn't even consider it. But when he has a problem we have to drop everything for him. And he accuses me of not trusting him. And he tells me not to say things that make him angry rudely but he doesn't do the same for me when I tell him calmly that I don't want to talk about something. He's really condescending too, and acts as of nothing matters but him. And because of the lack of going out, he was the only solace I have.

Despite this I still deeply care about him. This morning he was groaning continuously, and I told him that everyone had problems, he completely turned on me and said that I didn't get to say anything because my life was fine and that his was way more difficult. He acts as if he knows everything about me and assumes that I will be fine no matter how hard his words are. And he's kinda right, because I always come back to him. This same person told me a few minutes ago that everyone one in our grade was fine and that nothing was wrong and that someone should die, so that their life sucks. So he'll be fine if someone died and if they shut the school and the state, so that he doesn't have to deal with the consequences of his actions. He even has the nerve to whine about how he doesn't deserve any small hardship that comes his way. But life's hard and he doesn't seem to realise that there is life after your senior year in high school. He seems to think that this is all that matters. We're just sixteen and he acts like this is all we ever have. I don't know how to help him. He says he has a bad home life, but I don't know how that excuses him being a horrible human being to others for no reason. And he is privileged. I tell him to work hard this year, and next year in college he can do what he wants. But he says he wants the life of a film star without lifting a finger.

I feel like it's my responsibility to fix his issues, but he's the only one who can. I can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves.

Moreover he doesn't even care about anything that other people are going through stuff too. And he called me selfish for implying that the world doesn't revolve around him. I've always tried to be there for him, and I still want to, but I don't think it's good for both of us. We're toxic to each other. Sometimes I wish his problems were magically fixed so that we could go back to being normal friends instead of the complete wreckage we both are.

He says no one understands hima s if he was accusing me of not caring enough about him. But I felt like I hit a breaking point and that I couldn't just nod my head anymore. I'm human being with issues of my own but he doesn't give a damn.

I can't even talk to him normally, I have to thread around eggshells to keep him happy, but I'm never happy with him. He says I don't act enthusiastic to his ideas. I hate his ideas but I'm always nice about it. I don't shut him down. I hope he gets the things he wants even if they aren't to my liking. And today he calls me boring and attacks me for not liking marvel. I mean come on can't I even have an opinion on a movie? I said I liked a ship in it ( it was a comfort ship that helped me escape) and he said I didn't have a right to have an opinion because I hadn't watched all the movies. Fandom is something that gives me joy and keeps me grounded and today he attacked something that I thought no one could. My imagination. My ability to create worlds in my head. The worst part, we met because we were both Harry Potter fans. And now he doesn't even feel like that. I helped him edit and write his debut novel. I feel like that person who believed in something is gone. He even admitted to just using me for my knowledge in the beginning.

I still feel sorry for him though. I'm really sorry if I've rambled on for too long. This has become more about him that it has about me.

I still really like him and feel that we can be friends if he starts to try to help himself and if I get rid of my insecurity and jealousy when he talks to other people. My brain is illogical. I don't want to have to deal with all of his issues all the time with no regard for myself, but I don't want him to confide in some else either.

I hate this person that I've become. Who cares about no one but him. I tried to use his issues as a shield against the problems going on in my own life. I try not to let anyone see that I don't have my life together either, because I feel bad about bothering others with my issues, when they have a million struggles of their own, but isn't that what he's doing to me? He disregards my feelings but I'm still very much obsessed with him.

I've lost my sense of self respect completely, and I pushed away other people for him.

I need to stop being codependent on him, and start at least liking myself.

Please help me. I'm sorry if this is too long. I seriously needed to get this off my chest.

And I apologise if I bothered you with my silly problems. I know there are more important things in the world but I seem stuck here. I don't want to appear ungrateful for anything so I pretend that everything is fine. And honestly I feel like I can never be not okay with a wonderful mother like mine. Oh and he hates her too. I just can't seem to win with him. My dad though is a whole nother issue.

This guy gets on my nerves, but I still need him to be happy too. But I shouldn't have to carry that burden. Right?

Hey there,

Due to your Ask being so long, we kindly ask you to resend your Ask and try to keep to our new 700 word limit if at all possible. Long Asks are very difficult for us to answer as there is just way too much information for us to take into account which means that often the Ask will be in our inbox for a lot longer as we don’t always have the capacity to answer them.

We hope that you understand and we are sorry for the inconvenience!

I hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

[hshouse]

heyyy, how are you? im sorry for the rant and hope u don't mind, i really need to talk about this, just get it out of my chest, yk? so, i started to follow you yesterday, i think so? so, i've been here in the fandom for a couple years, since 2013 to be specific but just went really into larry in 2015 (what a blessed year to became a larrie, innit?)

then, i stayed here until early 2017 when i took a break, lost hs1 era and all that came with it, even lost harry coming to my country, that's how much i was far from the fandom lol.

i came back in september/october 2019, and then, as you can see, i lost a lot of drama on the fandom and got so so confused to get into everything again but okay, i searched and saw everything happened during these years. im kinda ashamed to assume but lol i even had a weak crisis because of hamille, thought they broke up and stuff. (like cmon girl, i went through babygate and was weak for that? 😭) in my defense, i wasn't on tumblr so much so my source was twitter when i came back and there is a hell as everybody knows, but yeah. nowadays i'm okay about everything but i'm feeling a litte bad today. (if u can like, idk, hide this part if u post the ask, i don't want some people to know who i am lol). my friend received some asks about harry×rob stringer and okay, i went to reply it for her because she was busy and stuff. i full well know they have a professional relationship and harry's one of the biggest artists sony has nowadays, so i said this, explained that he isn't the evil that rads try to make him look like and i really believe that. that probably will seems contradictory since i defended him and now i'm like 🤯 about some things. anyways, idk, it just makes me uncomfortable, yk? i know he works under sony and they are independent artists, that harry is making a lot of money for sony/rob know and that's why rob will move the world to promote harry if needed but like, idk, i completley agree that louis would never ask harry to give up his dreams and work, and that he knows how to separate things but it's just weird to me that harry doesn't seems uh? idk the right word to say but like, he's not bothered at all about this while rob is putting so much for him and louis was being sabotaged by the same person, yk? i get now we don't even know if he still under sony since syco is dead but yeah, it's just weird to me... i think part of this feeling i have rn is just because of some gross comments i saw from antis today on twitter and that makes me feel bad, normally i really don't care and imlike bulletproof about them but today it's hitting me (as if it isn't enough, im also brazilian and i think you saw about this guy named fiuk, don't care about this at all lol, but the antis comments started bc of what he said 😂 honestly...)

i choose to send it for you bc i saw you are more on harry's lane although you are also a larrie, and im kinda identify with you because of that so i would like to know how you think about this whole situation and if that maybe can help me to organize my thoughts... im really sorry about this lonnnng text, hope u have a nice day.

hi bby,

I’m good and yes 2015 was iconique. (gonna try to address everything you said)

I personally found Hamille harder to deal than other stunts, I feel you.

Let’s get our ducks in a row first. 

Rob Stringer is not involved in Harry, or anyone’s, promo. That is not his job at all. He is the CEO of a huge company, he is most likely in meetings making sure Sony has money and the shareholders are happy. What I said, and I absolutely fucking maintain, is that Stringer knows Harry is one of the biggest artists on his catalogue and is going to make sure he is treated well and receives what he wants (within reason). 

Harry and Louis are completely different artists and there is a very limited way they can interact business-wise in the way people want it. A label will not, and an ethical artist would never ask, please one artist by giving help to an artist they personally are not working with. They are not even on the same label so it would be like “hey can you give my boyfriend a multi-million dollar deal? can you fit that in the budget?”. He is not asking for a signed vinyl from Miley for his cousin, this is a big deal. I don’t really understand what soap opera moment people expect to happen in the background? Any couple that has millions on the line in their job works to make sure their finances and opportunities and everything is separate. This is not weird? A husband lawyer will not quit because his wife was fired from the firm? That’s not like spicy. 

I’m fairly confident Louis is still under Sony, since changing majors is a huge thing and I doubt Sony would be willing to just give him away and not negotiate further. He probably got a better deal in another Sony label. 

I will say this. Out of all the reasons to not believe in Larry this is a dumb fucking one. It’s business AND we have no idea about what is actually happening. At all. So like to again make all these jumps just to say Larry isn’t real? There way less messy ways if that is your end goal yk. 

Also I want to say that I understand, feel and agree with the frustration over Louis’ career. I don’t think anyone doesn’t? Just because I don’t subscribe to this one narrative it does NOT mean I am suddenly thinking he has the best team and promo and everything is rosy and perfect. I just don’t think this is the story and I think it is way more complicated than we even think.

[voltronramblings]

May I have a match-up? I'm a 5'5" straight female, and I'm a Gemini/Phlegmatic/INFJ/Hufflepuff. I have brown ombré hair (dark to light) and brown eyes. I've got seasonal allergies, which can act up from pollen, dust, smoke, or after rain. Personality-wise, I'm very much like my zodiac- two-sided. Around larger groups of people or anyone I don't know too well, I'm extremely shy and awkward, probably to a fault. Once I'm around my friends or family, I grow more chatty and open. {1/4}

Either way, I’m a cheerful, kind girl with an optimistic outlook on life, but I’m also pretty emotionally sensitive. Unless it’s from a sad movie, though, I always try to hide my sadness if something reduces me to tears so I don’t worry anyone. I care deeply for my family and friends. I’m a huge dreamer, so I often zone out, imagining scenarios or writing stories in my head. I’m an avid music lover, currently at an arts school for vocals and taking piano and guitar lessons. When it comes to favorites, I can never seem to pick, whether it be colors, animals (though I do like dogs, but I’m biased since I have two corgi/boston terrier mixes), food, etc. I’m a total fangirl (duh), and love nothing more than being able to relax with a good book or show in front of me. I’m really lazy, but what can I say? I like my chill time! When talking, I’m typically all over the place, as seen by my writing style, and I can get really into a subject if I’m passionate about it. Though I’ve never actually been in a relationship before (my love life is a mess tbh), I’m a huge romantic, and I love any kind of affection, especially cuddles and hugs (I’m quite the hugger lol). Anywho, I think this has gone on long enough by now (sorry). Thanks in advance for doing this! OwO

ten thousand years late but better late than never (are you even still in this fandom bc i don’t really know why I am lol). I ship you with Hunk!

Personality reason: ah yes, my little ray of sunshine. Honestly, Hunk’s personality works well with a lot of different people, and he’s definitely the type to be able to bring out that more chatty side of you because he knows how to make people feel comfortable! He’s good at reading people, so feel free to rely emotionally on him whether that be by being your cheerful self of revealing your more sensitive side. He’s a soft, sensitive boy so he’ll completely understand you.

Music reason: my boy loves music so much, so he’ll be !! ecstatic !! that you can sing and play piano and play guitar, and he may ask one too many times if you’ll play something for him but he’s just really excited that you’re so amazing because wow, that’s his bABY.

Hobby reason: your hobbies, at least how I perceive Hunk’s hobbies, are honestly pretty similar! Low-energy, relaxing activities that allow you two to just spend some time in quiet together. And who doesn’t love a good book or show with good food? Whatever you’re feeling, Hunk’s got the food covered!

Romantic reason: Hunk is SUCH a physical touch person, honestly probably the most out of the gang. PLEASE give this boy cuddles and hugs and hold his hand every day, every time you can. He will quite literally just melt. He’s also quite the romantic dreamer type himself, so y’all just kinda ✨ blend ✨ really well. 

Random reason: he’s the worry-type so he will constantly be checking on you because of your allergies lol. Expect him to carry around medicine for you constantly and tissues and all of that.