#i've had a raging headache all day and no energy so i wanted to make smth simple that didn't require detailed linework

[katherinegenet]

Not Your Average Ambition

When I was young - around 11 or 12, my ambition in life was to be an exorcist. I read the one lonely but graphic book my local library had on the subject (no Internet in those days, folks) and was even more convinced. Being an exorcist was what I wanted to do. I could be a priest too; that would be fine if it was necessary, and I brought up in a spiritual but secular household, thought from my reading that it probably was.

I was quite devastated when my mother explained gently to me that you could only be a priest if you were a man, and since we weren't Catholic, the whole thing looked a little tough to break into.

I considered being a nun, next, as seemed logical, although since they didn't get to do exorcisms, I wasn't sure of the total benefits. I was drawn, despite my lack of practice, or anything resembling knowledge, to a life of dedication to the spiritual, but I really did want to serve in more adventurous ways.

My raging desire to be an exorcist persisted for quite a while, despite the technical difficulties I was encountering. In fact, it continued unabated until I was home alone one evening, with unfettered access to the Sunday Night Horror movie on TV. I watched The Exorcist wide-eyed, horrified and appalled. Apparently reading about it didn't do it enough justice, and I decided that maybe being an exorcist was a bit beyond me. I didn't want to encounter things that damned scary.

So, it's almost amusing to sit here today, and realise all of a sudden, that I am actually fulfilling that vision 12 year old me had.

Fortunately, not being either male or Catholic has made any difference in the end, and like most shamanic healers, I call this aspect of service depossession, rather than exorcism. Moving on spirits who have latched on where they don't belong is an important part of things.

I think it was on reading about Daskalos that I first came across one of the most important points about possession. This was long before I began working as a healer, but it has never left my mind.

'Possession, Daskalos said, could be of three types: by ill-disposed himan spirits, by demons and by elementals. However possession can only take place if the vibration of the victim is identical with its own.' (Colin Wilson, Beyond the Occult)

Interestingly, Daskalos goes on to explain that elementals are 'throughts and desires of human beings which have come to have a life of their own. This may be either subconsciously of consciously. When human beings brood on any strong desire, 'psychic (or noetic) matter' is created, and this is the basic stuff of the universe. The 'elemental' is an inner mental picture. If the thought-desire is a negative emotion, like envy or hatred, it takes on a life of its own and moves towards the person at whom it is directed: but sooner or later it returns to its creator.' (Colin Wilson, https://amzn.to/2xdKaJ3 Beyond the Occult).

This brings up all sorts of incredibly interesting things, but for right now, we'll just concentrate on the one. Most of the depossessions I do in the course of healing, are detaching and moving on these elementals. It makes perfect sense to me that they are psychic manifestations of thoughts, because I see them most often on those who are suffering from mental illness, and who have turned their distress, disappointment, and loathing inwards. These feelings, which can be both very profound and very dark, do take form, a life of their own, and they cling to their hosts in a self-perpetuating misery.

I had an unexpected encounter of this sort once, on a visit to help someone with protection in the middle world. She was feeling threatened by her neighbour, who was in a violent state of distress, a frequent occurrence for him, fueled unfortunately, by alcohol.

On my way to help her, I had to walk right past this man's flat (apartment) and I stopped a moment to place my hands on the walls of his place and surround it in the golden light of compassionate energy. Here's how the journey went, from my journal:

I looked in his window and saw him sitting at the table, his head surrounded by a mass of black scribbles.

As Snake and Bear and I went to walk past his flat to our destination, the soul essence of the man bolted out of his door and into my arms. He was young, and blond, and somehow golden. He was also sobbing, falling to his knees. I sank down with him, arms around him, listening to him babble. He was feeling terribly guilty about something, although I couldn't quite make out what. How badly he was doing, I think, and some family matter.

We talked for a while, and his tears died a little. We talked about forgiveness and other things, I think, me still cradling him like a child. He said there was something wrong with his heart, that he couldn't forgive himself for. I laid my hand against his chest, my hand of gold. He marvelled over it. I pulled a tiny piece of coal from his heart and held it in my palm for him to see. Then I squeezed it and held it out again - a diamond.

This provoked quite the reaction, and he was on his feet, attention directed back at the part of himself still inside. Bear went into his flat and slapped a huge paw at the man's head, then came back out again. The man went in and slipped back into his body, and the scribbles writhed and seemed almost to explode. Something, a small dark entity, went flying past us and out into the night. I swear I heart it mutter as I went. When I looked in the window again, he was lying down, tired, with a headache. But I knew he would feel better for a while at least."

As you can see, this poor fella's mental state had produced an elemental attachment, which served only to make things worse. Unfortunately, our healthcare services do little to alleviate both the suffering that can give rise to such attachments, and the elementals and possessions themselves.

That's one type of depossession I do that my 12 year old self would be proud of. Perhaps I'll talk more about the spirit possessions I've seen in another post. In the meantime, realise that your thoughts and mental health are of paramount importance, and that what you think and brood upon, can and does take on a life of its own. Seek help, if you need it, and as all of us need to do no matter who we are, take care of your thoughts - sort them with care, only giving space and energy to those that really serve you to your highest ideals.

Be blessed, everyone.

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Photograph is by Camadian artist Stev'nn Hall

[suchawonderfullife]

Challenges ahead, heavy metal toxicity, thyroid & hormones

Today was a challenging day. I woke up ok, but once I had breakfast and took all my remedies it went downhill. My dosages were obviously too much for my body to bare. This is normal, as initially my body may cope with a dose, but days or weeks on that dose slowly accumulating in my body becomes too much. It really sucked. I became so fatigued I felt as if my whole body was made of cement. I didn't even have the energy to keep my eyes open or speak for a while. It's usually my ammonia remedy that causes this.

My anger was bad too. Imagine a time in your life where you were absolutely fuming and ready to destroy anything that got in your way. You wanted to scream, smash things or hurt those who caused your immense anger. Maybe you even did those things. That's how angry I get simply from treatment leeching stuff out of my body. Some people have seizures, headaches, nausea, fatigue, pain etc. I do get some of those, but I go into severe rage episodes too. I'm not an outwardly angry person though, I harbour it, often becoming passive aggressive and this is why my liver is so bad (liver stores anger). My rage is most likely from working on my thyroid. We discovered my thyroid is a priority due to it being toxic with heavy metals.

Leeching heavy metals from any tissue in the body is dangerous and can make you very sick so it has to be done slowly and in small amounts. I have a remedy to pull the metals only from my thyroid and no where else and my dr said to stop taking it immediately if I notice any odd symptoms. I'm disappointed to have to stop it because of my symptoms today but I'm hoping he can just alter the dose. I also had a wave of feeling like I was sea sick and wanted to vomit. With that symptom added to the mix I quickly got my essential oils and placed some on my feet to try and relieve my symptoms. I then went outside and sat in the grass for half an hour to do some grounding.

These 2 things helped a lot. Grounding has always helped my fatigue and overall symptoms for some reason. Every time I've felt exhausted and crap and have gone and sat on the grass, my symptoms improve to the point where I no longer feel like I'm suffering.

Im feeling sad and lost today too. The person I am closest to, my partner, is back on the other side of the world. The time difference and him working long hours makes it difficult to talk. Because I don't have that main support that I can be open with, get reassurance, love and affection from and I am suffering a lot today, I just feel alone. I have my mum here, which I am of course very grateful for. But it's not the same as your partner. We've also never been a part this long. There's also this feeling of disconnect on bad days, because even though I may have support around me, they're not going through the treatment. There's no way of truly getting how it feels unless you're doing it.

In the last 2 days of treatment we worked on other things in the appointment that didn't require remedies. He did adjustments on my back and hips, aligned my top energy point with my bottom one, my parietal lobe came up as over active and he treated that and we did some colour therapy to work out which emotional states my body struggles with.

Next week we are going to work on emotional clearing, at my request. I feel that's very important to my total healing as I have started to address this through EMDR therapy. I have had significant trauma in my life including car accidents, sexual assaults, deaths, abandonment, bullying and chronic illness in itself becomes a trauma as well. I don't always work through my emotions in healthy ways, most of us don't. I realised I can be very black and white in my thinking.

If I had positive feelings about a person or hobby or experience and at some point things go bad (say they don't treat me fairly, I get kicked out of a group or I hurt myself doing something), I become so turned off it and even hate it. I tend to harbor resentment and bitterness on a deeper level and I don't know why. I remember people from primary school who weren't nice to me and I still have a strong disgust and dislike for them. How stupid is that? I guess it's like when you eat a food that makes you sick, your brain protects you from eating it again as you create a strong dislike for it. My brain has done the same with experiences or people. I hope my dr can help me work out how to change that or at least shift what I'm harbouring already.

I'm on over 20 tinctures & supplements now to get things either flushed out or built back up. I'm so grateful to be here, but it's hard. I'm allowed to be sad or frustrated or communicate that I'm struggling. Some days you feel like your body is slowing dying or out of control and you don't know when it's going to get better. It takes a very strong person to endure treatment of this magnitude that requires this much work and long term commitment. Nothing worth fighting for comes easy and even on hard days I am hopeful for my future, knowing this is building me a better life.