#i've cried like 30 times today for difficult to discern reasons
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One thing about me is that I am full of deep-seated, caustic shame. Other than that I think I do pretty well. Sucks that it seems to bleeding all over me now tho.
#i've cried like 30 times today for difficult to discern reasons#like i walked outside saw the trees and the nice blue sky and went 'it's a beautiful day' and started crying#pulled it together#got in the door said something to parents and almost cried again when my dog came over#I dunno man#I just don't want the people to know that I don't think I'm actually loved#cus that's like incredibly hurtful#but i do feel that way sometimes and it's been more frequent lately#probably never going to voice this tho becausr i think its some projection of me not thinking i deserve it ig#I'm just tired of this#and I feel like I'm running out of time to be a person before my dad dies#i don't want my joy too late to share it#fuck. crying again.
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