#i've been wondering why this show's ending felt so sexist to me and i think i finally get it

[dollypopup]

Penelope treats Lady Whistledown as an identity

I think this is the reason why i have felt so displeased with it, and why so many people have instead resonated with it. Because Lady Whistledown is arguably the most polarizing aspect of this show, and certainly within Polin as a couple, and I believe it boils down to belief: Are you of the mindset that Lady Whistledown is WHAT Penelope DOES, or is it that Lady Whistledown is WHO Penelope IS?

and in recognizing which side of that line you fall on, I think it gives a lot of clarity as to how you feel about her as a character, and how happy or unhappy you are with the ending of Season 3

If you view Lady Whistledown as who Penelope is, that makes it an intrinsic part of her identity. She is a woman, she is a Lady of the Ton, she is a Featherington, she is straight, she is Lady Whistledown. It forms the fabric of her existence, and as such, to release Lady Whistledown is to give up a part of who she is. In the same way my giving up my love for women as a queer woman would be a denial of who *I* am.

However, if you view Lady Whistledown as what Penelope does, then the idea of her giving it up is considerably less dramatic than that. It does not make up her existence, but is a portion of the embroidery that embellishes her as a person. Losing that thread does not compromise the fabric of you, if we want to keep the metaphor. She is a straight woman, a Lady of the Ton, a Featherington, and she WRITES Lady Whistledown, is much different of an identity breakdown.

And I argue that the show should have treated it as such. For many people, they view Lady Whistledown as a direct correspondence with being a writer, but I don't think it is. I think viewing it just as a career is a bit of a disservice, so bare with the comparisons, but claiming being a teacher as an identity and claiming being a third grade math teacher are two completely different beasts. Because then it behooves the question: who are you if you change a grade level? Are you not still a teacher?

Let's take this a step farther, because creatives often see their art as being an intrinsic part of who they are, and not just a career. I know I do. Being a writer and a musician IS a part of my identity, but being a fantasy or a poetry or a spoken word writer is NOT. Because it becomes stifling and limited. 'I'm an author/writer' is an identity, 'I'm a fantasy author' is a specification. Are you not still a musician if you change from piano to trumpet? Are you not still an author if you change from poetry to short stories?

And I think this is where the real disappointment in Bridgerton for me came in. They put Penelope in a box, and told her there was no room for her outside of the walls they planted. And a box can be a comfort, a house turned home, but it can also be a prison. When Penelope told Colin that she could not compromise who she is, and that he would not understand because he is a man, and thus could be anyone he wanted to be- I had to ask. . .why do we view her as being right, here? Would it not have been considerably more radical and beautiful if she came to the realization that viewing herself as Lady Whistledown strangled her growth and creativity? Lady Delecroix spoke of the joy she received in making beautiful clothes for the ladies of her community, but she did not constrict herself into only finding happiness in making wedding dresses, or lingerie, or pelisses. Why push Penelope into a corner and claim it freedom?

To be an author IS an identity. To be a writer is. I won't deny that. But as Penelope came to the understanding that Lady Whistledown IS her, I wish she also came to the understanding that Lady Whistledown is not the EXTENT of her. In truth, I think Colin was right to ask her to give it up, not only for the lack of safety it provided, but predominately because it is not a place of healing and happiness for her. Lady Whistledown grew from Penelope's feelings of being unheard, and it feels as though the show itself did not listen to her.

If you view Lady Whistledown as WHO Penelope IS, then the idea of compromising with her husband on it is asinine. But if you view Lady Whistledown as an aspect of what Penelope does, Colin's pain and desire to see it go to the wayside make a lot more sense: at no point in their relationship did he ever ask her to stop writing. In fact, Colin *loves* Penelope's writing. He has praised it more directly and openly than anyone else has.

Because he has always loved her letters. Colin knew Penelope was who wrote them, and he spoke of how he looked forward to them, and how well written they are. I think, in part, that made it easier for him to forgive her for having read his journal. She'd been gentle with his writing in the past, and that makes it easier for him to open up to her in that sense, as well.

But Lady Whistledown had been cruel. Call it justified or otherwise, call it true or otherwise, but he never asked for her brutal honesty. No one did. Colin asked for Penelope's empathetic honesty, her clever honesty, her poignant honesty. That article she wrote of him at the start of the season was one even SHE disparaged. Colin was not wrong for telling Penelope that he couldn't accept that she was Lady Whistledown, because to him, it is not her identity. It is her craft, yes, but it is not HER, not to him, not until the end.

The problem with this season's ending is that it lacked nuance. It wanted to wrap up in a neat and tidy bow all the complexities of these characters, and I feel it did them a disservice in doing so. Because you could truly argue that, in a way, Lady Whistledown IS Penelope and is ALSO what Penelope does. But in doing so, you would have to acknowledge that Lady Whistledown is a source of pain and a weapon Penelope has wielded, and that intertwined with her very deeply, and that she has to heal from it. What's so frustrating is that, whilst she puts to bed Lady Whistledown as a name, she does not put to bed the gossip she spreads.

And we as a fandom have seen the negative impacts of gossip in our own communities. Just look at how cruel people have been to the actors of this show through petty drama and gossip. Now consider Penelope as the facilitator of such. Lady Whistledown as an identity then changes to Gossiper as an identity, and then latches onto the truer identity of Writer to grant it legitimacy.

I think what the show has done in having Penelope own up to being Lady Whistledown, and then cling on with an iron fist, is a true disservice to her growth. But it was one of the only ways people could easily forgive her. Because in saying 'This is WHO I am' it is an absolvement: there is no blame in being who are. However, saying 'This is what I've done' ensures there is agency in your actions, and thus blame. The show could not hold Penelope accountable to the pains she has orchestrated, and she HAS orchestrated it, so they had to wave it away. Sure, you can argue that she caused a lot of good, but lying to your friends, airing out their secrets, and trash talking them to your entire community is not a painless action. But if these are byproducts of who you are, there is no justification in feeling that hurt. For example, being upset your partner broke up your marriage is valid! Being upset your partner broke up your marriage because they realized they were attracted to a different gender. . .less so.

Penelope treats Lady Whistledown as an identity, because the show thought that was the only way she could be forgiven. But it isn't. Colin could commit acts that harmed others, apologize for them, and be forgiven. Anthony could commit acts that harmed others, apologize for them, and be forgiven.

But this show, through wanting to appeal to a female gaze, also treats us as lesser than. Penelope fucked up. She says so herself. But when it comes time to change, instead of treating her equally, the show says she does not have to. She does not have agency in her actions. It is simply WHO she is.

And that's just not satisfying to me.

[bubsub69]

Entry 1

entries 1-13 were written pre-tumblr

12/05/2023 4:08

4am what better time to start a diary, who knew waking up for 9am classes and then at noon on the next day and then 9am etc could fuck up your sleep schedule.

But yeah… why start a secret encrypted diary now? the first one i've ever made? idk, im just tired and afraid and sick of being lonely and touch starved and all the other stuff

Definetely didnt help to scroll through r/niceguys and seeing the I'm 21 kissless virgin that was bullied and ignored by girls that isnt sexist and racist and doesnt do drugs and thinking wow its literally me and then it being followed by females owe me sex the post: https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/comments/12n0m5q/ngvc_im_not_a_sexist_but_females_owe_me_sex/

cause you know… what if i become like this, what if i become an even bigger nuisance than i already am and/or fuck up my chances of ever finding someone, it's especially worrysome that i felt bad for some of the guys, you know simpathizing with the kind of people that call women whores for not wanting the nice guy, cant believe i went to the subreddit because of the omoriboy soy parody (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahPdX90_6jg).

And then there's the someone i found ish just gonna call her D She replied to my post on the femdompersonals subreddit and it was pretty close to love at first sight, but probably very one sided, i mean shit she was now moving from the us to porto what better luck could i want. But she's been very busy, especially with the moving, it took from her texting me on the 26 of april to the 7th of may just to have a 1 hour call.

And boy that call was something, i literally think it was the only time i was genuinely happy in like.. i dunno a month? a year? more? i couldnt even sleep that night, i really needed that call cause i thought she was just fucking with me at that point, you know pretending to be interested and catfishing me for something but no i got a 1 hour call and she even showed me her face at the end, i was kinda expecting something sexual but no it was just getting to know each other which is fine for a first call, she's a really cool and interesting girl, i did think it was weird she just went to walk her dog mid conversation but i guess its something that cant wait, it probably had to pee as well.. maybe it was actually nice of her not to hang up on the call while she was walking the dog.

But yeah i'm kind of back at square one, shes not busy with moving but she has a million hobbies apparenly that she balances with her work and learning a new language and all that stuff, shes had a non specified workshop and a ceramics class as excuses which.. yeah im doubting if shes actually doing, i even commented wow you have a lot of hobbies which i was scared of doing cause i didnt want to imply shes lying even if i have the gut feeling she is, and it makes me feel awful to not trust her, but honestly i think i'd be fine with all that if she just put some initiative in texting, literally the only time she texted first was for a link to a game that she didnt even comment on, really makes ya wonder is she doing some 'woman games™' or just fucking with me or just seeing how far she can push me.. fuck i am becoming an incel, cause you know its the classic i have a life outside of you, you cant just expect me to make time for you everyday but fuck maybe the first call was a bad ideia cause now i just crave more, i seriously think theres some potential here but not if she doesnt have time for me, which im obviously not entitled to but ofc i still want it.

im just so scared of texting her, if i do it too often i might annoy her, if i dont do it enough she might forget about me.. i dont even know whats worse, i tried texting every other day but that also seems like too much, i dunno do i just wait for her to text me and make a call appoinment, it also kind of doesnt help i dont even know her name or age, granted she doesnt know my name either but yeah its another layer of anonymity that i want to get rid of, maybe i should try on the weekend, its when we had the call and she might have time, we'll see

She did kind of mention meeting up one day, dont know if she was just being nice of something, but i just wish i knew how she feels about me, or just get some advice with texting her, i dont want to be disingenuous either and write what someone else tells me to, how do i balance being needy and not annoying.

and theres also the voice.. i'm honestly starting to worry im losing control to the self degrading voice i have inside me, that thing is real mean, its whats making me distrust her and shit, i even thought i 'defeated' it with the call but it just came back same as before. The youre useless and an annoyance and all those thoughts are kind of starting to worry me a bit, especially since the suicide thoughts are becoming a bit too common, im still far from it, im too scared to do it, but the first step of commiting suicide is having the reason to do it, and i also think im kind of becoming a psycopath, not in the edgy way its just ive become so apathetic lately, the 'mom would be sad' strategy doesnt work at all cause im so sick of her, between being annoying and not trusting me and being dumb and the shit she did to my cousin and kind of being blamed cause shes getting unknown disease cause of stress, ive kind of grown to hate her a bit i did cry a bit when i got my cousin's graduation ribbon (its a thing here, you write shit like good job and good luck), reading the only ribbon that i got that wasnt just generic garbage made me tear up a bit, not immediately just when i got home, and it didnt help when she hugged me and said if you ever leave pls take me with you, so yeah maybe im not apathetic i just hate my mother

There's also my cat, im kind of getting… idk sick of him too angry, it just feels like he doesnt like me sometimes, which is absurd he comes to greet me and only me when i arrive and hes actually been sleeping a bit with me tonight and yesterday, but the biting when i pet him is really annoying.. what am i saying its just cat stuff its normal. I am feeling kinda weird when i pet him and think damn i wish i was the one being petted (not by him ofc), you know just lying on girls lap and being petted, r/cuddle_slut really made me realize how fucking touch starved i am.

Or maybe i should just move on from her.. maybe she doesnt want that kind of relationship, i really dont want to start talking to someone else while im talking with her tough, feels real scummy, i kind of did that with someone on skype, i had a couple of sessions with her but she kind of stopped texting me as i was talking to D which was lucky, but in those sessions i had full video on and she didnt even use her voice so i guess its kind of fair, she was also the one that took the initiative texting so who knows maybe shes doing what im planning on doing, letting her text first which didnt really work out for her cause i didnt and now our last message is from the 28th. typing this really discouraged me from the let her text first and see what happens strategy, i guess ill settle for trying on the weekend tough this saturday i have the ribbon party so hopefully i have time and energy to call her

Maybe ill just try some keyholding, just to do something sexual that isnt just showing my junk and locking it or putting my finger in my ass for the skype girl, but the problem with keyholding is that it might take some time.. what if while im locked D wants to do something and i reveal i've been """unfaithfull""" i think im gonna wait a bit more for her i really want things to work out with her she just seems like a really cool person but im worried im too much of a loser for her, the very busy woman who managed commitees has a million hobbies and her boyfriend who's a stay at home gamer

I guess that's it for first entry, hopefully when I'm rereading this im in a better state, or maybe im showing this to my therapist or hey maybe even D or whatever her name is, overall not bad for a first diary entry i think, i got to rant a bit even if it was just on a keyboard, i think im gonna start writing here a bit, some non sad stuff as well hopefully

maybe ill dump this on some ai text and see what happens (garbage pretty much)

See you on entry 2 i guess.

PS wow its 5:15 was not expecting to spend an hour writing this

[thotsome]

Tell Them

Harry Potter x Fem!Reader

Summary: When Harry sees you getting a little too comfortable with his friends, he realises he doesn't want to keep you a secret anymore.

Warnings: Dom!Harry, Sub!Reader, nsfw, smut, penetrative sex, oral sex- female receiving, master kink, choking and size kink if you squint, angst start and fluff ending because :)

Word count: 1.4k

~♡︎~

As you sat on Seamus' lap and laughed at his stupid, sexist jokes, you spotted Harry Potter fuming about 15 feet away. You smiled.

Tonight was going to be fun.

"You're so funny, Seam" you said as you ran your hand up his arm. Seamus looked delighted

Harry looked furious.

His bad, you thought. If he doesn't want to tell people we're dating I'm going to act like we aren't.

Him and his stupid hero complex. He insisted that being the chosen one's girlfriend was going to make you a target. What he didn't take into account was that you could look after yourself just fine. You were a Gryffindor through and through.

And today you were wearing a Gryffindor red dress. It was working.

Poor Harry.

"Hey, um, you wanna come to my dorm to see my...uh... chocolate frog cards?" stammered Seamus.

Oops. You hadn't foreseen this. He obviously wanted to show you more than his cards.

But it would make Harry jealous. And if Seamus tried anything you'd just shoot him down.

"Sure", you said, getting off his lap and taking his hand, but not before you saw Harry glaring at you two.

As you reached the boys' dorm and sat on Seamus' bed, he began frantically hunting for his "prized collection". He was such a liar. You almost didn't feel bad for leading him on.

"I'm sure they were here, Weasley must've nicked 'em-" he said

You gave him a reassuring smile that said take all the time you need.

He sighed and went back to "searching".

Just as you were starting to regret coming upstairs, the door was flung open.

And there stood Harry.

"Get out", he said to Seamus, in a dangerously low voice. Seamus looked over his shoulder at you and left the room.

"Well?" You asked.

"I've changed my mind" and then he stode over the room and his mouth was on yours.

He tasted like butterbeer and wind. Like Harry.

You could never get enough of him.

His hands roamed all over your dress. You wanted them below the annoying material. But you couldn't let Harry get away with this so quickly. You pulled away.

"Changed your mind about what?" You asked.

"About telling everyone"

"Why?"

"Y/n" he breathed. His hands pressed your waist gently.

"Tell me, Harry."

He didn't answer. Instead he kissed your neck and snaked his way behind you. You couldn't bring yourself to think rationally when he was nibbling at your soft spot like this. Before you could turn around he picked you up from the back and set you on the bed on your knees while he positioned himself right behind you.

You could feel his hard on pressing against your ass. You moaned. Harry took that as an invitation and unzipped your ridiculously tiny dress and threw it aside.

He raised his eyebrows once he saw what you were wearing underneath it. See-through red panties and a push up bra.

As he ran his fingers lightly over your body, you shivered.

"You little slut," Harry said "Who's your master?" You didn't reply. You couldn't let Harry get the better of you. You pursed your lips.

"Is this how it's gonna be?" Harry asked "Y/n? You're not going to tell me who your master is?"

You shook your head. Not today.

Harry tutted and chuckled. You were such a Gryffindor. He bit your shoulder lightly as he unhooked your bra. You could feel his hunger even from behind you. He took your breasts in his hand and squeezed them.

You swallowed, trying not to moan.

Harry cupped your breasts and played with them, making them bounce and pinching your nipples lightly. You couldn't help it. You whimpered. You wanted him inside you so badly you could feel your walls clenching.

Harry growled at hearing the sound and ripped your panties off you. He wrapped his fingers around your neck lightly and pushed you face- first onto the bed, your ass in the air, your back arched, as he stood at the edge of it.

"Mm, so wet already" Harry said "you're such a good whore, y/n, tell me who your master is and I'll give you what you want."

And you did want. You wanted it so bad.

But all this was to teach him a lesson. You held your ground.

"All right then, if this is how you want to act"

Harry split your thighs with his hands and touched his lips to your now slick opening and you moaned. Very loud. It was so damn good. You pushed your ass onto Harry's face to create the friction you so desperately needed. Harry complied, tracing circles around your clit with his tongue and eating you out. You couldn't stand it. You gripped the sheets with your fingers tightly enough to tear them.

As Harry's tongue slipped inside you, an almost primitive sound left your mouth. . You could feel the knot in your stomach tightening, so close to your release. You were going to cum.

Before that could happen, Harry removed his mouth. You let out a frustrated whimper. Damn this. You were going to get what you wanted.

"Harry," you said in an innocent tone, your voice muffled by the sheets, "you're my master" You prayed to Merlin it would work.

And it did. Harry groaned at hearing those words finally come out of your mouth. He flipped you over and pinned your wrists to the bed as you opened your legs wide for him, your feet on the ledge and your knees in the air.

He removed his pants and underwear with his free hand and allowed you to admire him freely. He was really so gorgeous. You inhaled when his member sprang up, now free. He was huge. You'd done this with him before, but you always wondered how you could fit all that inside you. You weren't complaining though.

Harry smiled at you before lining himself up at your entrance. That smile still made your stomach flip.

As he penetrated you, you screamed and arched your back. It was so amazing every. single. time.

Harry went slow first, attempting not to hurt you. But you needed him to go faster and deeper. "Harder, master" you managed to speak between moans and gasps.

Harry released your wrists and hooked his thumb into your mouth. You sucked at it greatfully. He used his other hand to knead your breasts and you couldn't have been more euphoric.

But then Harry hit your g-spot, causing your eyes to roll to the back of your head. As he continued pounding you into the bed, you moaned and panted and gasped. This man owned you. You'd let him do anything to you. He took his now wet thumb out of your mouth and stimulated your clit. You closed your eyes. You could pass out of the pleasure.

"Open your eyes y/n", Harry said, "I want to watch you fall apart"

Your eyes fluttered open and you looked into his

Harry gave a particularly deep thrust and you could see stars as you moaned his name. After a few more of the same, your walls squeezed Harry's cock as you came over it.

"Oh fuck, y/n you're so beautiful" Harry continued thrusting into you and you felt his member expand. He fucked you through your aftershocks and made your orgasm last longer.

A few moments later you could feel his hot cum fill you up.

Heaven.

As you both lay panting on the bed, Harry turned your face upto his and said "You know why I changed my mind y/n?" You looked at him expectantly as he stroked your hair.

"Because I can't let anyone else do that to you. I love you, y/n."

"I love you too, Harry."

"Reckon everyone already knows that by the way you were screaming my name. I didn't use any silencing charms, you know."

As you mock punched him, you knew that it didn't matter if everyone heard you. You were together, and from how much you loved each other, you would be for a while.

[flying-elliska]

Okay, I'm reading Chap18, and I really hope this comment won't hurt your feelings because I love your fic and I really just want to understand why you wrote it this way, but I have to tell you that for the first time I've been disapointed with Diamants AU. I already felt it was going this way with Daphné, Arthur, Vallès, Emma and Alexia being LGBT, but I kind of felt betrayed with the Yann/Alex thing, and now I'm sensing Manon and Daphné will be together at some point too and ...(1)

...I don't understand why you made all your characters LGBT. I get that they are under-represented in most of the books and shows, but with Diamants I'm kind of feeling like being staight is a bad thing, like it's either boring or you're juste an asshole. I've always loved Skam because it shows that very different people can be friends and help each other no matter their religion, sexuality... and this kind of felt like the only reason they stand together is they're all LGBT (2) and I guess this comes from personal experience but that would have been so much more powerful to have straight people being as much invested in this war as the others. Honestly I don't see the point of Yann, Alex, Emma, Manon or Arthur not being straight, for me it doesn't bring more to who they are. This really feels like they would be nothing if they were straight. So I juste wanted to ask you why you decided this? Again, really hope this won't hurt you... (3/3)

hey anon. So, I’m going to assume this comes from a place of good faith and a sincere desire to understand, and explain my choices. That said, I do have to say that even though it didn’t really hurt me (it mostly made me laugh), it did make me a little angry too, because there are a lot of harmful implications in your messages.

1) First of all, about you “not seeing the point” of making certain characters LGBT. This functions under the assumption that there needs to be a reason for people to be gay, bi, trans, etc - and that straight people are the default. That is...really not great. People are gay in real life, for no reason whatsoever. If you don’t go to writers asking why they made their characters straight if there is no reason in the story, you shouldn’t do this either. Characters can be queer without it being a big part of the story - it’s just a part of them, and the idea that they have to ‘deserve a place’ in the narrative through their gayness (often through a deeply tragic arc full of suffering to Educate Straight people) is deeply heteronormative, and fucked up. LGBT people are not in a story to make a point, they’re there because they exist. Yes, some of my characters have arcs that are deeply entangled with their sexuality and struggles with it. Some are not. When it comes to Yann and Alex, I didn’t think too much about it, I thought it would be funny and unexpected and give some good shenanigans. Sometimes that’s all you need.

2) As for turning a majority of the canon straight characters LGBT : listen, in the end, this is my fic, and I do it because I want to. I’m bi and my life is full of queer people. This is my normal, this is what comes naturally to me, and what I find interesting to write about. I set out to write a James Bond parody with some deep character exploration, it’s meant to be a very transformative fic. I have no obligation to stick to any Skam ‘guidelines’. I am also not aiming to write a particularly realistic story, if the secret mobster conspiracy didn’t tick you off already. The ethos of fic is to make canon your playground and to let your imagination go wild. That said, this trope you’re probably used to, of having one or maybe two queer characters and not more in any given story, I would say is the less realistic one. In real life, LGBT people often tend to cluster together, often before they even realize their sexuality, especially as they get older. But a lot of mainstream media is afraid of that because they don’t want to alienate their straight audience, so they don’t show it. I have no such compunctions. Your message seems to imply that there is a limit to how many gay people there should be in a story and I find that deeply offensive. There is incredible relief, peace and power to be found in community, especially after being struggling so much with your sexuality, like Lucas did for instance. I wanted to show that joy in this chapter, and how it plays a part in him slowly letting his walls down.

3) I notice you don’t mention Imane. She’s straight, she’s super invested in this war, she’s neither boring or an asshole, in fact she’s probably the most important character in the fic after Lucas and Eliott. She’s badass and amazing and complex and if you don’t feel she counts as ‘good straight representation’ I find that slightly odd. Is she too ‘other’ for you that you would dismiss her like that ? Also, Basile is straight lmao. There’s plenty of straight people in this fic. And plenty of people who have incredibly different life experiences ; sexuality not being the main one doesn’t change that.

4) I do find it sort of silly that you reduce the characters’ reasons for fighting to being LGBT after I spent like 400k words proving otherwise. Like - Lucas wants to avenge his mother, Eliott wants to take down his father, Imane wants to avenge her father, Daphné wants to steal jewels, Alex and Emma are bored, Alexia’s a good friend (and also bored lol), they’re trying to stop horrible people from doing horrible things, their trajectories are layered and complex and if you tell me that can all be boiled down to ‘they’re gay’ I kind of wonder if you’ve paid attention to what you’ve read at all.

5) All that said, a majority of my characters being LGBT does have a symbolic point. It’s an opposition to the world of the Shadow, which is deeply sexist, heteronormative, homophobic, and macho. It represents how questioning your sexuality can be deeply liberating and often put you at odds with the general structures of power and oppression in society and lead you to question a lot more and find people who want to fight with you. Being LGBT can (but not always) make you more politically conscious and that’s a beautiful thing that deserves to be celebrated. And in general, being a minority makes you more aware of inequality because it’s simply your daily life. So it makes perfect sense that most of these characters who fight against symbols of horrible systemic oppression would be marginalized in some way or other. Straight/cis/white/rich/abled/etc people simply have less reasons to question the status quo. I have sat through so many action movies where all-straight heroes save the day ; I’m sure you can sit through the opposite for once. If you can’t, maybe it’s a failure of empathy or imagination on your part.

6) Imagine growing up and never seeing, around you or on TV or in books or movies, someone who shares your sexuality. Or if you ever see somebody like you, they will be a joke, a punchline, deluded, instable, doomed, or worse, a predator. Imagine the sort of damage that does. Imagine that when you finally find some correct representation, you have to make do with crumbs for years. Imagine it gets slowly better, but it’s still overwhelmingly tragic, or incorrect, or stereotypes, or only told after the story is over, or you’re always the best friend, always the minority, the point of interest there to educate, always there to struggle, never the epic breathtaking romance, never centered, never allowed community and to see yourself as the norm. In the best of cases, your identity is more or less ignored. In the rare cases where you find good representation, shows get cancelled prematurely, or your faves never get as much screen time as the straight ones, or storylines get botched because somehow writers think showing queer characters happy has no value. Imagine then you decide to take matters in your own hands and write the sort of queer utopia that makes you truly happy - the one where you’re surrounded with people like you and you don’t have to constantly feel isolated and otherized and you’re badass and don’t have to take any shit and your love story is the epic one that gets centered and you have friends who understand and share your experience. And then imagine someone, instead of taking a deep breath and going back to like, 99% of all media ever made, randomly comes to you and tells you they feel ‘betrayed’ because in this one paltry little fic you wrote, their mainstream experience is not centered like usual. Tell me, how would that feel ?

Again, I don’t bear you any ill will, but your message comes across as ignorant and very entitled. I am open to feedback and criticism but writing a story full of LGBT people is one thing I will never feel sorry for. There are a shit ton of fics out of there where those characters are straight, not to mention canon. If you feel ‘betrayed’ by the amount of queer characters in my fic, then I’d say you have some biases you need to examine. It reminds me of all the times I’ve heard people say that they ‘like gay people but only if they’re not too in your face’ (lol that was my sister, so fun) - this implication that queer people should know their place, never show their difference too openly, accept being a minority in all spaces, need to ‘deserve’ their spot, center straight people’s needs, etc etc...is deeply harmful and toxic.

If you can’t understand all this, then my writing is probably not for you.

[ghostofbambifanfiction]

Hi Sarah. I've been thinking a lot how to phrase this and whether to send this at all since this is kind of a sensitive and private subject. But have you ever experienced a strain in friendship with friends you made in one fandom but who are of a radically different opinion in another? I'm asking because I'm sort of experiencing it now and it's hard and feels horrible :/ Also because I've seen the old Jily gang in drastically opposing camps with several TV shows and wondered how they survive (1)

this. This is a touchy subject so it's totally fine if you don't want to answer this or publish the ask publicly or if there's private matter I don't know about, so feel free to ignore this, I'll understand, it's totally cool! :)

Hi anon! This isn’t a sensitive subject, worry not! I'm probably going to word this response poorly because I'm sneakily writing it at work, but here goes.

From a personal standpoint, I don’t let fandom preferences affect my opinion of a person I am friends with. If I consider someone a friend, I already know them well enough--in a richer and more rounded sense--to believe that they are a good person and want them in my life. (Also, who is the old Jily gang??? I’m curious)

Just as an example, I have a couple of friends who thought that the new series of Stranger Things was sexist, and I didn’t, and that’s fine. I can see where they’re coming from. They can see where I’m coming from. I have some friends who love Daenerys Targaryen while I can’t abide her, and that’s fine. I have friends who love Snape and I obviously don’t. And it’s fine! We’re just looking at things differently. None of my Snape-loving friends support the ideals that drove the Death Eaters, or stalking their female friends, or bullying children, they’re just captured by the complexity of the character. None of my friends who love Daenerys support burning people alive, but she was a victim of abuse who became a strong, confident and principled leader, and they identify and empathize with that narrative. Ten years ago I would have been less accommodating, but as I’ve aged I’ve learned see past my own opinions and not judge other people for theirs.

There's a certain severity in the way some people approach fandom that I really can’t stand and honestly, it runs rampant on websites like Tumblr. At the end of the day, fiction is a form of escapism, and liking what you like should not be taken as a reflection of the entirety of your deeper nature. There’s a difference between “I love Snape because he’s fascinating and tragic,” and “I love Snape because kids deserve to be tortured.” These characters are not real people, so there shouldn’t be real-world consequences for how we choose to view them. When it comes to fiction, we should be allowed to pick and choose what we like and dislike about those characters without restraint or shame. That’s rarely a luxury we get in real life, and for good reason. Your relationships with real people are where you should be actively applying your moral code.

The only example I can think of in terms of what would affect a friendship would be if my friend had a negative opinion of me because of an opinion I held in a particular fandom, in which case I would want to talk to that friend and ask them why they felt that way. I experienced that recently, but a conversation with that person set it all straight, and we’re good now. If someone you know thinks poorly of you because of how you feel about a work of fiction, I would suggest that said person is being judgmental. Which is definitely something I’ve been guilty of in the past, but in becoming aware of it I learned to get past it.

Sorry if this sounds preachy in any way, anon, and I’m especially sorry if you are being viewed unfairly by a friend because of a fandom opinion you hold. That sucks, and you don’t deserve it.

[thenovelist101]

Wandered

Chapter Five

    If Vincent was told to recall his memories of education, it would be a mush of vivid memories out of context. Him getting a 100 on a test he thought he would fail, scribbling down his homework before class started, people using his paper to scribble down their homework before class started, trying not to fart too loudly in a quiet class, dozing off, laughing at a stupid remark a classmate made, making paper cubes when class went slow. All the little stuff.

     Of course it always stuck out to him that he was the only one knowing of Magic. He never told, because he would feel very much better if the class had been taught the lesson first. There had to be a lesson, right?

    School was one big building with two floors. The first floor was for all the younger classes and the top was for the older classes. Next to the building was the preschool which Mirai would have went to.  

    That was something which saddened him. It was always "If Mirai could have-" or " Mirai would have-" She was magic, and for him that was fine. Now if only everyone felt the same way...

     Vincent avoided home for one very specific reason: home was hollow. He felt a feeling of tension that was so unbearable that he would stay out as long as possible until he could come home, have a curt conversation with his parents, and talk to his sister. Then he would go to bed and do it again.

     What he would do with his outside time was make things.

     A part of Vincent's craftsmanship skill was that he could continue getting dirty and work on his little business of handing out free toys. To him the slingshots were the easiest.

     He would take four strong branches that were broken. One would be longer than the other three. He used tree sap to stick it all together. One small stick would be laid on top of long stick horizontally (the handle) and the last two sticks sat vertically on the two ends (poles) of the horizontal stick. Then he would get a stretchy fabric and cut off a strip and glue it to the two sticks that acted as poles. One dried, Vincent would do a quick test: put a small pebble into the fabric and pulled it back. Then he aimed. If it worked he tossed it with the rest and never played with it again.

      The children were all impressed by this. The Vincent Rowan Merger had a special talent. It was something people starved to have. People always knew where to find Vincent for a repair or an amendment. After age 11 he was tired of making rock slingers (more so the teacher slapped every one who was in on the atrocious behavior with these toys).

       "Who's in charge of this foolish black market?" The teacher called, holding up a broken puppet made of tree bark and strings. Everyone was more than happy to point at Vincent.

       Vince felt the heat rise in his cheeks as he slid down into his seat, trying to be invisible. "Well then, Rowan Merger, what do you have to say for yourself?" "Please don't tell my parents." He mumbled. The class laughed.. Vincent felt ashamed at himself. The teacher told them to settle down while she took a seat down on her chair.

        Vincent watched her as everyone was reading the poems from the red book, but could feel hopeless. He wasn't upset that the class ratted him out, but that puppet was now gone.

       He made it for Mirai. Since she was only six, he knew she wouldn't care about how disgusting and appealing it looked.

Now it was confiscated with every other thing he made that were found in children's knapsacks. Probably going in the trash. He thought, and after class went to dig it up to not find it in any trash bin.

         When he walked outside, he sat on the bench wondering what to do. His legs were swinging back and forth and watched the younger children play hop-scotch and rockfalls. He could see the kids setting the rocks up, all different shapes and sizes.

      He saw a group of girls from his class dissembling out of the building. He could easily overhear their conversation. "I've got to throw this doll away, it's driving me mad." Vince could immediately head the distinct voice of Lana.    

"Yes, you should." said her henchwoman of a friend. "But, it's really cute, you could give it to your sister." A girl with pigtails and growing chest added thoughtfully. "Not a chance," Lana said. "I'm a woman now, bleeding and everything."

       Vincent grimaced at that. Bleeding? What was that about, he did not know.

       "Whatever, I'll just leave it on the floor and hope for the best." Lana propped it next to the pole of the school gates, and her group left.

       Vincent audibly laughed at the situation and went over and picked it up. It was a light pink bunny with a loosened eye button and slightly torn ear. "It's perfect." He mumbled under his breath. "What is?" He turned around to see a girl with freckles, light skin, and sea-green eyes.

      "Nadia, hi." He said awkwardly. Nadia was a very quiet girl, she hardly ever spoke and usually read a book during lunch. Her family was from Seasen, which the teacher thought was lovely when she moved in two years ago.

      "Um, this doll." He found this slightly embarrassing— his parents taught him how to talk and act rich, yet here he was scouring the streets for an old doll.

      Nadia clenched here books and scanned the doll for a quick second. "It looks nice." She said. Vincent shrugged. He didn't know how to talk to girls. "Where are you going?" She asked. "Um, home. Want to walk?" She shrugged.

      The two walked him together, and talked about cookies.

       In school, the teacher came back inside the classroom to grade papers. She put the puppet she showed the other teachers inside a drawer with all the other items. She had not thrown them away. They would be quite handy for later.

—————————————

   Like a modern nerd, Vincent looked for a safer way to play. Turns out it was easier than he expected and it took a few years to see it. On the year he turned 14 the teacher had them go on a trip to play around in the wood workshop nearby. This was the year where students would be looking at different fields of work, to see what they would want to do.

     The experience was charming for the men but the women simply just stayed to the side whispering about fine bodies and  how concentrated the boys were. Vincent was most likely not on this list, he wasn't born with good looks, he'd earn them when puberty came.

     Vince he cut his finger and a small drop of blood leaked. He wiped it on his trousers and turned to the women talking with the teacher. He looked around him and saw four saws and plenty of tools and wood to be used.

     He shrugged to himself and walked over to them. He wasn't the type to 'talk', but he knew how to be social when the time need it. "Hello." Vince said. The girls looked at him confused and awkward. "Ooh, what's this? My buddy Vincey talking with the ladies."

     That was Lowry, a bright red headed boy that was not as sexist as everyone else. He was awfully friendly and weird so it was hard not to like him.

     He softly punched Vince's arm as he walked by. Vincent rolled his eyes.

    "There's plenty of tools and stuff to play with. Give it a try. You can't have all the males do all the work can you?" "...but we can." said Lana.

      As the leader of the pact, not the richest, the girls followed her statement and started laughing.

     Vincent felt the embarrassment crawling into his skin. So in agitation, Vince gave them a couple of words. "That's not funny.  There's plenty of women complaining about sexism and I know very well it bothers all of you. It bothers me too, but how are you going to change anything if you're going to be so stereotypical right now?" He felt there would also be people reserved and had no interest, and internally scolded himself for. "Well, it's always open. No ones judging... except for Orion."

    Orion was the fattest jerk on the block. Even he knew, but he didn't stop to change anything about it.

    When Vincent went back to his station he tinkered with the few blocks he had on his desk. Something simple... he thought. He had Mirai specifically in mind. Something that was easy to play with and pick up, but also can be used for creativeness. He snapped his fingers and wrote the diagram down. Then he heard the an extra pair of saws swishing back and forth. He turned around to see Lana and her crew trying to saw a big piece of wood on a visor. They were all laughing about how absurd this was and confused on what on earth to do. Even the teacher looked apprehensive while laughing. Vince smiled to himself.

    Vincent found his new toy—to put in technical standpoints— a series of levers that were made by small polished rectangular prisms.

    He brought them to class one day and the whole class simple stared. "Are they building blocks? Because that's not very innovative." Lana said. "Well I don't think it would be, considering Vince made it. He makes a lot of simple things interesting." said Nadia. Vince tried to hide the small smile from that comment. "Watch your tongue." The teacher said softly. "Sorry." She said.

Here's a concept: It's considered rude to call a man or woman that isn't in any special relation to you, their first name. No one understood this rule, but it was how they were taught nonetheless. Vince never understood this. Sometime's he'd always slip up and say their first name, then get a dunce cap.

He remembered when he accidentally called out Lowry's real name. Why he called attention to him was that he dropped a piece of paper on the floor. The class was quietly working, and he called out to him walking back to his seat. "Hey Sebastian!" He blurted. The red head turned around and stared at him, along with the everyone else in the class. "Erm, you dropped you paper..." "Thanks." He said quietly.

He got the dunce cap— as expected— and thought long and hard about why everyone was so paranoid when formalities were broken

"I'm sorry." Vince said after school. "It's alright. I don't really mind. I don't like my name. It's, eh." Vincent smiled."Whatever ever you say Lowry."

     Resuming back to the copyright dominoes, Vincent cleared his throat. "Watch." He stood them up vertically next to each other in a straight line, then tipped one over. The class gasped and awed in astonishment, as if they were five year olds again. "Can I take these for myself?" Orion asked. "No, you mashiman. There for Vincent." "Sam, don't say that." Lowry urged. Vincent's smile turned into a faded frown. 

       A few weeks ago, they had a lesson on magic. It's origins and how it was unethical and people with it were sent to destroy humanity. For a split second through it, he felt embarrassed. Then he quickly discarded and was washed over with regret.

     "But like, what if you're born with it and like, you don't want to be bad. Can't you be good?" The class muttered in agreements with the boy's sentiments.

"Well put it this way. Who's scared of a rat king?" Everyone's hands shot up. "Well then, the rats may be doing it for a good cause, but you're still going to hate it, because it's a rat king." "Ooooh." The class went to immediate side conversations for a few seconds until the teacher pulled them back into class.  

    Vincent was quiet and slouched in his seat, drawing different shapes to pass the time. That answer didn't fulfill his inquiries. Why? Mirai's not bad. You didn't even meet her. She's just a normal girl that likes chocolate chip cookies. Who also just so happens to have abnormal abilities.

    The next day, the term was made into a use of slang. It was first with Orion —it was always Orion— who blamed it on a child in class that supposedly made Orion's books topple over. "It was like he had magic!" Orion sputtered. The kid's face reddened in embarrassment.

      Orion got the dunce cap and wore it in the corner during class.

      Soon everyone was using the word like a normal swear, and continued getting the dunce cap. The teacher swore she drove them crazy. "I'm going to turn you all to the Mayor!" She snapped. "Unless any of you are hiding magical people in your basements, there is no reason for you to be saying such devilish things!"

       "Well, Vincent never had said anything this past month. I doubt he has ANYTHING to do with the mayor." A girl named Tina said. "Yeah, but that's probably because him and his mayor are pretty tight, y'know what I mean? Goin' to those rich dinner parties. Must be nice to be friends with the government." Another boy said. The class roared with laughter while Vincent stared out the window.

    Vince made a swift smirk as if he were bored but amused.

     "Vincent is probably the whitest, richest, and least magic person to ever exist." Lana stated, closing her textbook. "If you didn't get that right." a girl answered.

     Vincent said nothing, and only starting to look out the window again. If only they knew, he thought If only they knew.

     So after their teacher's warning, they mushed the words together into an unruly term. "Mashiman."

     Vincent had guiltily used this word as well, to go along with the crowd. He would never tell this to Mirai. It was an unfathomable secret he could never tell. It was like telling someone else that your best friend was an inconsiderate slut behind their back.

——————-

    At age 16 he got his first apprentice letter. It was the beginning of class that day and Vincent was a little late. While everyone was doing their own thing, he sat down on his wooden desk. He peered over to see the white letter sitting on his desktop. He could see the thin strokes of black ink on it. It was meticulous and articulated. It was from a blacksmith. He started to scrape off the wax cover.

    The intense scraping attracted everyone's attention, all eyes to the boy who had something they didn't.

   "Look what Merger has!" A black youth cried. "It looks like a letter." Lowry said. Lana rolled her eyes. "Obviously." Everyone started huddling around Vince as he carefully opened the envelope.

    "Why is it here?" Asked a girl. "Applications?" Lowry suggested. "That's impossible! No one's supposed to get those until next year!" "Shut up Orion." said a boy with tan skin. "Everyone please sit in your seats and leave Vince alone." The teacher scolded.

    No one paid attention. Vince unfolded the paper to see messy and sloppy penmanship on it. Definitely from a blacksmith, Vincent thought. The letter was assigned to him by a blacksmith in Collins. He asked if he could come to Collins to work with him. Vincent's hairs shot up on his arms.

     It took him a second to think this over.

    Collins.

     .

     .

     .

     What?

     The Blacksmith whose name was Monroe, liked the machines he rebuilt and modeled. There were several gasps and cheers of congratulations in the back. Vincent's heart was pounding.

     "Holy crap!" He blurted. It was like getting accepted into an ivy college at the age of starting high school. He looked up at the teacher and she winked. His jaw dropped.

    She actually sent his models to people. "Yeah Vincent!" Lowry said shaking his shoulders. Everyone was chanting his name— except Orion. Then the teacher cursed at all of them to sit in their seats and the class quickly quieted down.

      Well, not everyone. Some stayed to the side and gave him mean glances. They probably thought he got the letter because he had money, or maybe his parents did bribery.  

      Vincent would love to prove to them that he got the letter fair and square, but he wouldn't. It wasn't his problem, or more so he didn't like speaking.

     Vincent slumped in his seat rereading the words over and over again. He was sweating and fidgety. His pinched himself several times to make sure it was real. For a moment he felt more than happy to show the note to his parents, get the praise, and have them throw another annoying party filled with aristocrats.

      His eyes were stinging, and he rubbed them. No tears came out. He hadn't cried in a while, the last time he did was when Grandfather died.

         While class was going, he didn't really pay attention. His mind was too focused on the possibilities of today happening. 

    Grandfather, oh my god. Did you do this? Did you change the teacher's threats of throwing my stuff away? Oh my god. I miss you.

      Vincent's inaudible conversations with his always ended like that. With an I miss you.   

        He clenched the note tightly and went up to his teacher when school was done for the day. "Ma'am, thank you." His voice was shaky, and a little awkward.   "Thank you Vincent. For being, well, a good kid with... weird quirks. Make sure to behave at Collins." "I will!" He said nodding his head rapidly. The levity of the situation made him feel light in his toes.

    After school he flew out of the classroom, the apprentice letter rolled and encased inside his closed fist. The sun was shining and the street was wet for yesterday's rain. He felt a little uneasy, but he was sure everything would be alright.

    In the meantime that day, a girl with abnormal powers was on the purge of stealing.

[quinnmorgendorffer]

I've just recently in the past few years gotten more into musical theater, so I have a lot to learn. I'm not a singer or anything, but I like to watch and listen. Also, I have to randomly ask something. Why the heck did " Glee" have Brian Stokes Mitchell on the show and not let him sing more? What a waste. Ha ha. What are some really underrated musicals?

That’s awesome! Nah man, you don’t have to be a singer to get into/like musical theater! We actually need more people to appreciate musical theater who don’t participate, honestly. Same with opera, but that’s another story I know no one here wants to get into lol.

Who knows, man? I mean, they had Victor Garber on and didn’t have him sing and fucking Cheyenne Jackson!!!! Even The Real O’Neals had Cheyenne sing!!!! And he was on one ep of that unlike being in several episodes like he was for glee.

Okay, so as I said, I’m a bit of an MT hipster. So I like a lot of weird shit lol. A not very detailed list is below, with some notes by yours truly lol. Sorry that this got so long omfg

Bat Boy - based on the Daily News articles, this chronichles the story of a bat boy found in a cave in West Virginia. He’s taken to the local vet, and while everyone in town just wants the doctor to kill him, the vet’s wife wants to take care of the teen, who she names Edgar, and teach him how to behave. The doctor kind of goes crazy and their daughter, Shelly, falls for Edgar. A lot of the parts in the show outside of the family are double casted, and it’s honestly hilarious and also makes me cry by the end, poking a lot of fun at “Christian Charity” (that’s the name of one of the songs that also gets a reprise) and the like. It’s extra loved by me for featuring the impeccable Kerry Butler (the original Penny in Hairspray, female lead in Xanadu, Catch Me If You Can...the ageless girl wonder)Reefer Madness - the Off-Broadway production opened the weekend of 9/11, which definitely effected its possible success. It’s, of course, based off the ridiculous propaganda film of the same name, though it takes it a bit farther and pokes fun at all of it and even more of the racist/sexist attitudes of the 1930s. While all/most of the others I’m talking about here only have CDs and maybe some bootlegs, this one has a movie version!!!! That actually is almost 100% like the stage version (at least based on what I saw). The movie features Kristen Bell as Mary Lane, the part she originated, and also features Alan Cumming and the forever under-appreciated Ana Gasteyer and Amy Spanger. Side Show - you can debate which version is better, but whether you prefer the original cast or the 2014 revival that changed some of the story to make it more accurate, it’s absolutely amazing. A musical based (loosely) off the true story of the conjoined Hilton twins who made a career of their oddity by working in freak shows, vaudeville, and even a few movies, though they were all critically panned. Features some of the best duets for female voices (most famously “Who Will Love Me As I Am?” and “I Will Never Leave You”). The original has Alice Ripley as one of the twins (Violet, and while I still think she screams a lot, she does a great job), and Norm Lewis as Jake. If you ever want to cry, just listen to his big song “You Should Be Loved” or the above duets. Or just read about the Hilton’s lives because it’s so depressing and the musical doesn’t even touch on that. I’m forever sad this never gets awards or the long runs it deserves. It should also be noted that Alice and her fellow twin, Emily Skinner (Daisy Hilton), were nominated together for the Tony.[title of show] - okay, this show is just...fucking........hilarious. “It’s a musical about two guys writing a musical about two guys writing a musical...” Just a lot of silly fun and also some great quotes, like “I’d rather be nine people’s favorite thing than a hundred people’s ninth favorite thing.” It also points out a lot of flaws in Broadway, like the lack of original musicals and how there are waaaaaaaay too many musicals based off movies lol. It’s a four person cast, all of whom are named after the people who originated the roles, and it manages to be just so funny and still inspirational and such a joy to listen to.Zanna, Don’t! - okay. so I get why most “oppressed group written as oppressors” stories are awful, like that whole “save our pearls” book or w/e that happened a few years back. But Zanna, Don’t was written by a gay man who just wanted to write some musicals with fun, catchy love songs for gay couples. So, in this world, being gay is the norm and straight people are the hated group. Zanna is an actual fairy (in high school) who matches up everyone in his town and never actually remembers to pair himself up with anyone. So when a straight A student and the quarterback of the football team fall in love...well, it finds a way to be cute, funny, and poignant all in one. Features Queer Eye “culture vulture” Jai Rodriguez in the title role and the show should get extra points for the line “what kind of world would this be if the football star wasn’t the lead in the musical??”In the Heights - not necessarily underrated so much as it’s just forgotten in Hamilton’s success. This tells the day in the life of people in Washington Heights. It also features a completely diverse cast and, imo, has some catchy songs that outdo some of Hamilton. If you don’t bawl while singing along to “Breathe” while stressing about failing at college/your dreams, what do you even do with your spare time? That used to be my most common activity.The Unauthorized Autobiography of Samantha Brown - Idk if I can truly say it’s underrated since it really hasn’t been on Broadway so it’s never had a chance to get known...plus I think it’s popular among actual theater performers, but not enough of musical fans know about this. A lot of theater kids probably know “Freedom” and “Run Away With Me”, as the duet is a great choice for two women and shows a ton of depth/vocal prowess, while the solo can show a very tender male voice, but the show is more than those songs or “The Proposal” or “The Girl Who Drove Away”. The story starts with Sam sitting in her car. She’s supposed to be driving to college, but she’s fantasizing about driving away. She conjures up her best friend, Kelly, in her mind, and Kelly convinces her to relive her senior year and figure out why she wants to leave. You eventually find out Kelly died that year, and along the way you learn about Sam’s college applications, her boyfriend, and how lost she felt all year, all while still trying to learn how to drive. It’s so moving, and, honestly, “Freedom” is still a jam and probably does deserve to be one of the most famous songs from the show. The show might also inspire you to run away so...watch out for that. The bootleg I have is what inspire my love for Melissa, quite literally, since I had stopped watching g/lee at the time. The Boy from Oz - one of the better done jukebox musicals, since it focuses on the writer of those songs, and also is the best role Hugh Jackman will ever have. I’m sure a lot of people on my dash are familiar with Chris’ version of “Not the Boy Next Door” on g/lee. If you like it, you should check out Hugh performing that at the Tony’s. Anyways, it tells the life story of Peter Allen, whose songwriting credits include the above song, “I Honestly Love You”, and “Don’t Cry Out Loud”. He met Judy Garland and, of course, then met and married her daughter, Liza Minelli. I will never praise Stephanie J. Block’s Liza enough, she is perf. And, again, Hugh is flawless, and he originated the part both in Australia (Peter Allen’s home country) and then on Broadway. Getting to see the original cast in this was one of the highlights of my life.

That’s it for now. I’d also suggest checking out some classics. I didn’t put it on the list since it’s not underrated, but the original cast of Sweeney Todd is the best thing you could ever listen to - Victor Garber in his prime and Angela Landsbury is the forever best interpretation of Mrs. Lovett, #notsorry Patti. The movie version directed by Tim Burton and starring Johnny Depp is truly a disgrace compared to the actual version which has a legal taped version available for your viewing pleasure! You can see why it’s performed in opera houses nowadays!!! Though the video sadly doesn’t  have the original Anthony (Victor Garber) and the Johanna is bad...not that I’ve heard a Johanna I truly like. Rodgers and Hammerstein should at least be somewhat known, though a lot of their stories are like...gross. But Sondheim is pretty damn solid -- and if you didn’t know, he wrote the lyrics for Gypsy and West Side Story. A lot of people seem to not know that, but like he was making some big strides long before Company was a hit. Which also deserves a listen

[demonofthelight]

Life stories: Simon Clarke

Joanne (presenter): What keeps you awake at night, like what do you regret the most?

Simon: I don't know if I regret anything because everything teaches you something. Everything we go through is a lesson in life.

Joanne: That's the diplomatic response. What's the real response? If you could change something what would be?

Simon: There's this girl, anyone that listens to this podcast regularly probably knows all about her. Well, I can't regret us ending, because she's getting married in, what's the date? She's getting married in less than a month and she's meant to be happy so I don't regret us ending. I regret being so unimportant in her eyes that we don't still speak. I regret that, more than anything. I don't know if she was the 'one' but she was a friend. A friend I will forever adore.

Joanne: Does that keep you awake at night.

Simon: I wouldn't go that far but there are days I wonder about her.

Joanne: If she was watching this show, what would you say to her?

Simon: I'm sorry I never made her happy and I'm sorry she felt pressured by me. There's this story where a mutual friend once told me, this girl who I don't want to name Joanne, I really don't. You've shown pictures there but she doesn't look the same anymore not even the same coloured hair. Anyway this mutual friend told me she 'hates me for bringing her up'. Honestly, I'm sick of talking about it but I was always taught there's no taboo subject.

Joanne: Do you wish you two stayed in touch?

Simon: Mixed. (looking uncomfortable and shifting) I wish we never drifted so apart into two different circles but the circle she mixes in aren't compatible with the circle I drift in. I don't want to sound like an arrogant asshole. I mean it's nothing to do with superiority or a god complex. The circles I drift in are quite intellectual. Political debates, university alumina, professional jobs, e-sports. The circles she drifts in are more materialistic or hobby orientated. Motorbikes, sports etc. I mean some of those people think I'm literally the worst thing to happen to her, while some of the people in my circle find those who can't debate infuriating. The reality is the person she is now and the person I am now are completely different.

Joanne: Moving on to the death of your mom. Can you remember the day you found out?

Simon: Like it was yesterday. I got woke up in the morning while the paramedics were in my kitchen. I got told that my mom had died in her sleep and as you can imagine my father was in bits. I didn't know how to process it initially so I stayed in my room for about an hour. As time passed, I just wanted to be hugged and told I wasn't as alone as I felt.

Joanne: I'm sure your sisters and brother were by your side.

Simon: Of course, but they were trying to come to grips with it too. To be entirely honest, I reached out to a friend the following day or within the next few days. It became a blur that week but I remember distinctly that the one female who I loved and depended on to that level other than my mother was my ex. I spent the time up until the funeral genuinely believing she would pop over and check up on me even after we broke up on bad terms.

Joanne: How did your friend react , how did they support you?

Simon: As we've touched on, I was a loner in school. Until near the end of high school, I was a bullied shy kid. I didn't have any true friends. But this moment, this terrible event, Matthew made me realise I would never have to go through a travesty alone. He took time out to go for a drink with me during that week and he took the day off work to go to my mom's funeral. He's a complete atheist. He think's my philosophy on the afterlife is closer to Stephen King than history textbooks but he literally walked probably a few miles to and from the funeral just to show his support. I've never told him how much that meant to me. But I'd like to think he just knows.

Joanne: I'm sure he wasn't the only friend over that time?

Simon: No, I have another fantastic friend called Andrew. I had a very bitter falling out over him trying to get me support and honestly anyone else would have knocked me out for the abuse I gave him over it. He just laughed it off. One of two friends that I can depend on, hopefully and as far as I'm concerned the rest of my life.

Joanne: You mentioned the girl again (picture of 2011 as a couple goes on screen), her family is your neighbour right so they knew about what happened with your mom but didn't she text you or call in?

Simon: Her parents lived opposite the street, but she never asked or showed concern on my wellbeing. I have no entitlement of that care. It's her right to feel or act in any legal way she wishes. I'll respect her freedom to do that for as long as I can.

Joanne: How does that make you feel?

Simon: It made me realise our perspectives on the 18 months we were in a relationship were different. For me, it was a fantastic period and I imagine for her it's best to forget it.

Joanne: Does that bother you?

Simon: Should it? People change, circumstances change. Can we move on?

Joanne: OK. We'll go to a break... Welcome back. I'd like to talk about university and is it true that you were warned before you enrolled?

Simon: As a 18 year old child. I made a stupid comment about a friend publicly on Facebook. My friend found it hilarious and it's the sort of dark humour we say to each other over voice chat and in person but someone twisted what I said to imply someone who died in my local area. Well implied the post was about them. I never met and couldn't care less about them. I apologised and thought that was the end of it but a formal police report was filed and the individuals informed my university who at this point had just provided me with an offer to enrol that I accepted. I mean top business college diploma in the county, they ripped the hands off for me. So that was interesting. The university was great about it. The police were as incompetent as you can imagine but it did teach me that don't say anything on social media that can't be literally taken. Like this will go up on YouTube and Tumblr. So anything I say can be proved.

Joanne: How did you emotionally react to this event, where what you said was taken out of context?

Simon: Betrayed by others but I was stupid and naiive. You can't be those things especially as a successful businessman. At this time a lot of falsehoods and rumours came around ranging from me being a drug addict to committing sexual assault. It was obvious at this point those who had ever had a conversation with me knew that I had traditional moral values so the accusations were as ridiculous as they sound. Childish rumours spread to squash what I had to say. My friends just ignored them, and the people the bullshit influenced were better off not in my life anyway.

Joanne: I've only met you twice and you're quite outspoken about some controversial subjects but its obvious to me morally your the other way. Severely punish criminals, probably too far in my opinion.

Simon: I agree, my opinions can be quite controversial but I'm as against illegal drugs as I love a cup of tea. Even my critics would tell you that.

Joanne: You've gone from a social media account with 50000 followers overall to less than a tenth of the size. Why do you think this is and does it bother you?

Simon: I used to be a depressing blogger with poems, and writing that was soul crushing but honest about my thoughts or feelings about myself. I then started to feel less lost so naturally started writing about facts not emotions. Politics was always a topic I found fascinating. I've always been debating since I can remember. I get off on a debate, which is why it's hilarious to mock those that call you names because they can't debate the facts of the topic. I started looking at things like the wage gap and white privilege economically and they don't hold up to the scrutiny expected in academic work. They just don't. Those that believe either of those things are either stupid or lied too.

Joanne: I don't want to go down the rabbit hole of politics because it's become who you are but if I can, I want to touch on 'getting off' of those that call you names in other words 'Trolls' can you elaborate on that?

Simon: I'll give you an example. I'm quite camp just look at what I'm wearing so I got an anon message on Tumblr once that read 'you are a gay homophobic sexist Nazi that should just kill yourself'. How hilarious is the stupidity of that statement. If I was gay, I couldn't be homophobic and gay people aren't allowed to be a Nazi. It shows the idiocy of these people that are probably children.

Joanne: Does these kind of hate messages matter to you?

Simon: Of course it matters, everybody wants to be liked. Those that claim otherwise are lying. But the opinions of people I've never met who are so ashamed of themselves they hide through anonymous, do not matter to me. The opinions of friends and parents of friends matter to me.

Joanne: You once said you were 'bad with women'.

Simon: Oh God, yea. I really wish I hadn't had said that. It was on an emotional post at 3am. It was a spur of the moment thought. I don't think I'm naturally bad with women but I am a marmite figure. I'm not universally liked. Most people I meet are probably intimidated by me. I think the women that I find attractive clearly don't normally find me attractive.

Joanne: Why is that? What type of women do you find attractive?

Simon: I'm probably a 6 out of ten, if I could lose the acne probably a good 7. I tend to fall for either the tall slim blonde or the short petite unique person. I'm quite simple like that. Then if they are able to debate or disagree with me brilliantly, I just adore them.

Joanne: (laughs) So you see yourself as just above average?

Simon: In looks, I do. In style, I'm quite unique and some people hate that I stand out. In personality, I am extremely demanding but I also expect that from myself.

Joanne: Do you ever think about children?

Simon: I did. I thought about marriage and kids but I've only ever found three people in 21 years that I could see having a life with. I do think about children's names though, I have top three for both genders. For a boy: Constantine, Excalibur or Arthur. For a girl: Katherine, Kate or Kathleen.

Joanne: Do you think it's fair when some people refer to you as egotistical, arrogant or psychotic?

Simon: It's no business of mine what other's perceive me to be. I can only concentrate on who I am and I'm none of those things.

Joanne: Do you like being the centre of attention with someone claiming you 'have to be seen to be the most overdressed person because you need the attention?

Simon: I don't mind it, but I don't actively pursue it. I don't really mind whether someone outshines me. I love a challenge and I think demanding the best from myself constantly while can be quite exhausting to see, is who I am whether that's monopoly, gaming or dressing.