#i've been thinking about characters and themes and such all day for uni and i cannot stop thinking about it

[irisbaggins]

Honestly, yeah! I think B2 was really that nail especially because it kind of shattered any chance for Evan to be "peaceful" about his mission, where he defaulted to violence because it made sense to him. He feels like, as you said, there's an authenticity to violence not found anywhere else and therefore refuses to see evidence to the contrary. I think it also might have something to do with the part he had to play (whether it was actually his fault or not) in the breaking of magic; in a sense, he was a figure of evil for doing so. I think that's what makes it so interesting that Evan's a Mind character; he's incredibly smart and clever, but he has not extended this to internal smarts and intelligence. Because, being emotionally intelligent requires him to examine himself in a way that will shatter his worldview, and I think that's also what causes his clashes with K (someone who is very emotionally intelligent). He's brilliant, but not when it concerns himself. And very few people actually challenge him on it, which allows him to continue to delude himself and pretend he's correct.

And I find it really interesting that Brennan has not only managed to portray this in Evan where you can barely see the seams of self-delusion, but has also managed to convince the audience of said delusion. Evan is, as you said, very good at building mental walls of half-truths and logic, and I think it's very interesting to pick at said walls and seeing how he ticks. Evan pretends to be in control and to he an intelligent and smart wizard, but at his core he's insecure and lost. He's never processed his trauma, and I think Brennan's mention of the fact that Evan's copied a lot of the behaviour of his friends post Gowpenny really showcases how Evan is less of a developed person, and more a patchwork of different personalities and characteristics he thinks others would appreciate and like him for. And when he himself doesn't think he deserves said appreciation and people liking him? It creates tension and conflict that we're seeing now.

Your tags are just really neat, and they really made me think! I hope I made some sense, here, because I just really enjoyed your take and wanted to build on that idea. I just think Evan is just an interesting character to analyse, as he's really a prime example of a character who uses words and intelligence to hide his actual flaws and insecurities. And I also find it fun to look at Evan in the context of K, especially since the two of them are both very similar and also foils to each other.

I hope I'm not rambling or being annoying, here. I just really enjoy talking about these characters, and your tags really spun my very sleepy brain into gear. I also really agree with your take on Evan's usage of his trauma and objectivity, as it's something I've noticed too but never really delved too deeply into. It's very interesting, and might be fascinating to ponder upon at a later date.

This isn't going to be as in-depth as my other meta (I am too tired after Uni and thinking about different literary theories), but I've seen some folks point it out and wanted to add my own two cents:

From the way I view Evan's behaviour since the killing of Philtrum, I read it as him becoming defeatist towards his own nature. He truly believes he's a bad person, who doesn't deserve love nor happiness. He chafes against any assertion that he's loved or cherished, and he clashes with anyone attempting to assert that he's valuable and loved just the way he is. The only person who he doesn't outright clash with is Sam, and that is - I believe - only due to the fact he saw and experienced her emotions and feelings, and therefore cannot quite dispute them. With Jammer and K he can, because he doesn't have that insight into their true feelings. He can make assumptions, then, and run with that idea.

Why does this matter, then? Well, I've noticed how Evan pushes back against the three, and how it differs with each person. Because he does clash against all of them, just differently depending on the person. With Sam, he doesn't outright deny her claims, but it's clear he doesn't believe her fully. He just doesn't say it because it makes her sad and, after every kindness she's shown him, he doesn't think she deserves to feel like that. With Jammer, we've seen him either outright challenge him - how he's mentioned to Jammer's teammates and the lack of talking about his inherent magic - and we've seen him doubt and distrust Jammer's overt affection - not believing they're family, despite Jammer's insistence that they are. And with K, Evan has never truly believed himself worthy of love, but he doesn't quite understand that that's the issue K has with him, and therefore thinks K just wants to "change him" to fit their worldview (instead of being that K wants to "fix him" in terms of his self worth etc.).

Evan clashes with all of them, and I argue that it's because he doesn't see himself as worthy of their compassion. I would have to re-watch the first few episodes of the season to be sure, but I have the distinct feeling that Evan's refusal to believe in his friends' compassion started after killing B2, something he did without hesitation and without direct remorse. And I think that's the core issue, here. I believe that's why Evan is so adamant in his position, in his belief of his unworthiness, in his desire for power and control; he truly believes he became what he always feared, and he's both accepted this and is also denying it. He pretends everything's fine, yet he also cannot escape the feeling that he's doomed. He called himself heir to the evil house, something he's always denied. I think that alone is an insight into Evan's mindset; he thinks himself evil, which places him in direct opposition to his friends who he believes to be good.

I talked about K and control, and how they can - in their attempt to pretend - be hurtful in what they say. I argue the same is true with Evan, but instead of being directly self-sabotaging with his speech, he's doing it indirectly. He's placing himself as someone they shouldn't trust, and he himself might not be consciously aware of it. He's self-sabotaging, at least from the way I read his actions, especially in light of K's conversation with Tabby. He doesn't trust that the affection of others is genuine, and therefore will treat it as if it weren't. And he's only gotten worse, I think. Yes, he can throw out affection and "I love yous", but receiving them? He doesn't know how to handle that, and will either just go along with it quietly, or question it directly.

Evan's trapped within a negative feedback loop, and I think this is only heightened with his conflict with the Qohlye, and his conflict with him. Specifically, I'm thinking about the ways in which Evan refuses to actually understand why he was given the book, and why it's a horribly sad thing to happen to him. Not because the Qohlye thinks Evan is only meant for sadness, but because the Qohlye understands and knows that the book will only lead Evan to a darker place in a desperate attempt to keep control. The Qohlye is sad, I think, because he knows Evan will happily walk a path he himself doesn't want just to keep his friends close - something that will, in the end, only lead to great sadness. Just take his near sacrifice when saving K from death in the first season, or killing B2 in this season. Evan is a self-fulfilling prophecy, and the Qohlye sees this, and sees Evan refusing to attempt to understand it. That's the sad part, I think. That's where that grief comes from. It comes from seeing a bright and kind kid destroy themselves because of them believing themselves unworthy of love.

I could go on with this topic, but I think I'll end my rant for now by concluding with this: Evan hasn't acknowledged the demons directly since he discovered they had returned, and I am very worried with what's going to happen in the last two episodes. Especially with the references to "kill your dad" and all. Evan is such an interesting character to analyse, especially since he's such a flawed and complex character. Often, what I've noticed with him, is that it's what he doesn't say that leaves the most impact. And him not acknowledging his own emotions and his own fears regarding his nature is quite telling. Especially as he's positioned himself as a wizard killer. I'll probably write some more meta at a later date regarding him - as well as meta on K, Jammer, and Sam, as I find all of them so incredibly fascinating. But I shall end the post now before I fall asleep typing, because I am dead on my feet. So, if this post makes no sense, really sorry about that! Will probably refine it later when I'm dodging writing about my thesis.

Also, just wanted to add: If anyone has like, any points, disagreements, or just general thoughts about this post and my takes, I'm happy to hear them! I'm always up to hear what others think of my takes, especially if you disagree. It always fascinates me to hear what others think about characters and a story, so please do not hesitate to interact if you have your own two cents!

[pseudowho]

hi haitch, i never really thought i’d be doing this but oh well.

i’m scared of dying. every second of the day, i expect that the world will end, and that i will die. i can’t sleep at night anymore, then i sleep all day and feel horrible about it. i’m going back to therapy for it at my uni, and i’ve recently gotten back on my medication.

i suppose in sending this, i’m asking for reassurance, or merely an alternative point of view? i’m 18, 19 in 2 months, and i’m terrified that i have done nothing, and will die having done nothing. from a woman who has achieved quite a bit in my eyes, how do you approach these fears?

i feel silly sending this, but thinking it too. you and mr haitch are, in my opinion, quite intelligent. so i appreciate any thought or feeling you have on the matter. (mr haitch is more than welcome to add on any bits of wisdom he has too. the more the merrier)

hope everything is going well in your little corner of the world, much love from australia :)

A fear of mortality is, I think, part of the normal, healthy human psyche, but when it engulfs you to the point where you live in abject terror, you need some help. I'm really glad you've accessed it.

At the moment, it seems you're hyperfocused on *what you haven't done* in a way that I've noticed as a recurrent theme from 18-24 year olds who have Inboxed me here.

From a Millennial perspective (1993 here), one thing I can say I've noticed in Gen Z, is that your extreme youth has been hyper fetishised by the media, to the point where a lot of you genuinely, genuinely seem to think that you're 'getting old' as young as 20, and that you need to have done all of these incredible, huge, 'life affirming' things before 'real life' (BAD LIFE) starts after Uni/College.

I've seen it to an extent in my youngest sister, too; this really, really fatalistic feeling towards ageing out of your teenage years. It's worrying, and frankly unfair that you've all been left to feel this way. I have to say, despite the 'demands' of adult daily life, you also generally have more freedoms, and you're currently paralysed by this fear of dying that's crippling you.

The way you need to approach this fear, aside from getting help; start viewing self-growth as 'doing something'. Learn more about your character and yourself and trying to push your lean towards your best traits. Also...do University, and enjoy it. Try to build yourself towards a life and career that will let you do the fun things you want to. Have fun.

Having fun and being happy IS AN ACHIEVEMENT.

I have to say, despite all of these 'achievements' I have throughout my twenties, I have had significantly less fun than a lot of my cohort.

While yes, I have a lot of career notches, three children and a husband that I adore, I never had long lazy mornings in bed, going out to restaurants, big fun holidays, and utter freedom to be myself for myself and only myself. So, swings and roundabouts. I wouldn't change what I have for the world, but I'm fully aware that there are things I was never able to do, and may never be able to do in the same way, now.

You're doing great. Get help, stop focusing on dying when you're just a baby, and start focusing on living. Having fun, slowly growing the core of you (which should never stop growing, even when you're 80) and taking the time to learn how to balance work and life, IS LIVING.

I personally measure my success by the positive impact I have made on others. It's why I love bringing people joy through writing. It's why I love being a midwife, and helping someone through one of the most difficult things in their life. It's why I love pestering @mrhaitch every hour of the day.

How do you measure success?

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

[ao3-softwarecorruption-exe]

📖 Writer Interview

Tagged by @writing-for-soup!!!! (unoffically lol) Defo go check out her interview, it was a blast 2 read! :D For my own answer- please continue reading after the cut!

When did you start writing?

Technically I've been trying to write ever since I was a kid. Doing small comics and writing the first pages of stories to never be finished. I loved the idea of making my own characters come to life, and to manage to write something of my own, but the task was always so daunting for me.

Then sometime during middle school I discovered fanfiction, and that made me want to writ fanfiction, though I never dared until Uni lol.

During middle school was when I started actually getting married to the idea of one day exploring writing. We had a lot of creative writing assessments during English class, and my English teacher was a wonderful lady who gave me such wonderful feedback, and she always, every single assessment, said she hoped to see me as an author one day. I hope I can tell her one day that she was the biggest reason that I never gave up on writing.

Then during Uni I finally managed to write. I found writing to be a great way to destress, and it was fun, and when I posted and got nice comments I started to lose that beginning anxiety that my words were awful and it became easier to actually get words on the page instead of just dreaming up ideas in my head.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

Perhaps Sci-Fi? I do enjoy Sci-Fi, but I don't think I could ever wrap my head around all the sci-fi-y terms and rules haha. It requires so much thought to world building and at least a basic understanding of science to start with before you start making up your own science lol.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

My favorite author might be K.A Applegate when I read all her animorphs books, and I've always enjoyed her blunt way of storytelling. I like getting to the point. But I wouldn't say I am only emulating her writing style.

I steal and take from authors everywhere, be it published authors of fellow fanfiction writers. I see a style, I consider how to mesh it with my own, until I have something a mix of all in some Frankenstein's Monster creation.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

My main writing space for max productivity is the gas station right down the street of where I live. Free wi-fi, barely any people, cheap sausages, and free refills of coffee. It is my ideal environment for calm of mind, though it can get quite freezing during the winters.

Other than that there is, of course, the mess that is my room. And sometimes I will treat myself to write at a café after my lectures, or else write during my lectures. (not a good thing for my grades lol).

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Probably songs. I've found that if I have a song I really like, and also connect to a certain piece of media I like, listening to that song on repeat will make me think up ideas and concepts and scenes for the characters or media that I connect it with.

It can truly be random. It's very rarely a song actually connected to that piece of media. I just decide by a whim.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I've found that I enjoy writing characters who use denial as a defense mechanism. Avoiding problems, or more often the truth of their situation or their own emotions, is something I think I force upon many a character.

I asked my fantastic friend @lily-alphonse for help with this one, and she mentioned that I also use loneliness in a lot of my works. Which I believe is true. I do adore loneliness as theme or something to have a character suffer with.

What is your reason for writing?

It is fun, and I get a lot of enjoyment out of the art of creation. I love consuming art, but sometimes I need to scratch an itch that no-one can reach but myself. I am my own dumb scratching stick haha.

I've always loved the idea that when you write, you create actual little universes. Like there's a power in it, in creating, and having others see that creation and get something out of it. Art is so wonderful, so beautiful.

Also it's just so goddamn human. We can explore so much that we can't otherwise, we can get a better understanding of ourselves, the world around us, people so different or so alike. It makes me so insane, the way art can surpass us. I mean art has been around since the most early humans! Drawings, and architecture, and later writing. The earliest goddamn written story that we've found explores the same human concepts that we still ponder about today!!! Gilgamesh's intense existential dread, his fear of dying after his closest friend dies. Hello?????? Insane, wild, fantastic. Its fucking crazy, honestly, and it has brought me many spirals of existential dread and wonder at the same time.

And I mean- have you thought of how fun it is to see the same concepts shaped by the time they were written in? When I was reading Frankenstein in High School I was so fascinated by how Frankenstein acted when stressed and anxious, and how it was always explained away by him coming down with a fever. He did not have a complete mental breakdown that left him unable to leave his house for weeks due to how stressed seeing certain things would make him, no. He was sick with a fever. This was used multiple times. I found it so absolutely intriguing.

And I also just cant bare the thought of dying one day and having contributed nothing to the endless, beautiful wonder of art. I get to make things, I am so so lucky I get to make things, and I get to share what I make, and that's just. So fun. So fucking great.

Stopping myself from ranting further lmfao.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

God comments, I love you so much. Anything from a single emoji to a multi paragraph essay. I love you. It brings me so much joy, makes me so flustered.

The comments that have always made me fawn in utter appreciation, are those that have pointed out things I do in my writing which they enjoy. Especially concerning characterization, which tends to be the thing I'm the most anxious about when writing. When someone tells me they feel I've captured a character's personality/vibe, I feel so warm.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Someone who made them feel something, if only for the duration of the read. Even if it's just momentary contentment. :)

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Again I had to run to @lily-alphonse for help! She says that it's probably introspection, which might be true! It's something I really do love writing. God, to get into the head of people- its so fun. I love writing the way characters rationalize and think and decide on things.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Hahahha, my friends @lily-alphonse and @writing-for-soup will know that I am never at all consistent with how I feel about my own writing.

I've learnt during my journey of posting what I write, that I often love my work up until it is posted. Then I will go through a cycle of barely daring to touch it or read what I've written, and when I eventually force my gaze upon my wretched creation, there's a high chance I'll suddenly decide it is wonderful and the best thing I've ever made and wow look at me I'm such a genius I can't believe I wrote this.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

I mostly write for myself, though writing completely in self indulgence is something I have to work myself up to! I still write the ideas I want and daydream about, but some ideas, often of the darker and more dead-dove-do-not-eat designs, I must hype myself up for.

And I am of course influenced by trends and popular headcanons in the fandoms I am in haha.

Tagging (with no pressure); @steamyearlgray @vilukissakakskaks

[felgueirosa]

i was tagged by @speculatives for 9 people you'd like to know better! so here goes!

top 3 ships

hella x adelaide x adaire (but hella x adelaide in particular): ugh i've talked a million times about how i love hella and how the way that ali played her changed me as a person, but i just can't stop listening to hieron over and over again because i can't escape the dynamic of hella murdering adelaide, being haunted by her, and then falling in love with her after death and that being a factor in her changing her ways. like what if you are evil and you kill someone and then fall in love with them as you are haunted by them and your decisions. and also you're both girls. evil lesbian awakening.

idk i really like certain characters and am invested in their relationships because we have relationships with everyone, positive or negative, and they define our lives, so of course i'm invested in their relationships, it is their relationships to other people that helps create who they are as a character and also forms the plot but i don't really consider myself a shipper and also i can't think of any more right now and also i'm kind of a little bit drunk so if i think of more i will add them, hella adaire and adelaide just came to mind. idk like i said hope this makes sense i had some tequila.

most recent song: boadan nuppi bealde by mari boine (i started listening to my sámi playlist last night and then i was like. i should go to bed. shameless promotion of my sámi playlist. it's one of my great masterpieces)

first ship: spock x kirk. no comment.

currently reading: the traitor baru cormorant by seth dickinson. listen. i've been reading this book for months. i love it, it's my girlfriend's favorite series and she's gotten drunk with seth before, but it's very heavy and has some very personal themes to me so it's been taking me a while to read it. and i had to put it on hold for a bit bc some things happened in my life and i got super depressed and had to read something a bit lighthearted for a bit. but i love it and am still reading it.

last watched: derry girls. it's a comfort show and i still hadn't seen the most recent season(s) so i'm like now i have to watch it all over again.

currently craving: yuca frita. for days. i need to go buy some yuca and make it myself bc my sister came home from uni and brought the air fryer and the yuca frita at my fave venezuelan restaurant doesn't travel super well.

tagging: @bisexualmoses @librarycards @transboydororo @stenchblossoms @loveydoveykirk @minglana @misspickman @shadeslayer @discworldwitches if yáll want to and also anyone else who wants to! hope im not being annoying i love talking about myself

[namjjuice]

I've never made a post like this, so please bare with me 😭😭

Introduction

Hello, I'm JJ. I'm 18 (will be 19 soon) and I've been doing literate roleplay for about a decade. I've had a couple of different roleplay partners over the years, but for the most part, I've had a singular consistent partner this entire time (my now boyfriend). I'm in my first year of uni for a medical degree, as well as working a job, but I usually roleplay 5+ times per day, even more if we're both actively typing and I'm really into it lol. I'm in EST, and I tend to go to bed around midnight, but again, I often force myself to stay up to get a few more responses in if the plot is really good ^_^.

Requirements

I do request that you be at least 18, as I do like nsfw plots! I understand that if you're under that age, you may also like that (as i did), but I just personally don't feel comfortable role-playing that with someone underage.

My second requirement is that you are at least somewhat literate. I usually roleplay on Instagram, but I'm definitely more open to discord until we develop more of a friendship due to it offering more anonymity. I usually write ~600 words per response, but it can and will vary based on your responses. What I will not do is a 10+ paragraph response. I just personally feel that a lot of the aspects of role-playing that I enjoy, like playing off of one another, gets lost really easily like that.

My RP Interests

NSFW (we can talk more specifically in private 💔)

Horror themes (gore, horror movie killers, body horror)

OCs

Fandom

Any opportunity to include medical terminology :3

I usually do MxM, but I'm trans, so my characters often also end up being trans. I'm also willing to do FxM and FxF if the plot is good, but I think it's important to keep in mind that I AM a gay man, so take that as you will.

Some Fandoms I'm personally in include:

Valorant

BTS

Hannibal NBC

DSMP (literally only pumpkinduo I got into it this year)

Hazbin

I will say that I have gotten into fandoms specifically because someone wanted to roleplay it T_T so even if it's not here, it may just be something that I don't rp in as much or something you could suggest if you're really wanting it.

Feel free to message me on here and we can talk to see if we're a good match! I don't check Tumblr that often, but I'll be on the lookout :)

And in case you didn't read it before, IM A MAN. I know some people aren't comfortable with that, so I'm making sure it's absolutely seen. That is all.

[which-hospital]

And Another One - Casualty Hiatus Thoughts - 2/?

I'm still ill but I went into uni anyway like the brave little soldier that I am! (Every night, I decide that all the work that I need to do can be done “tomorrow” but we’re rapidly running out of those until the deadlines. I have lost my train pass and student ID. All I’ve listened to all day is the demo version of Geyser by Mitski. Vague sense of doom.) I got myself some Tesco Finest cookies on the way home. I’m just complaining here. 

I'm back for more already, seems like I've opened the floodgates but this one won't be as lengthy as the other one was. Genuinely sorry I can’t shut up. I thought I was done for a while but I put an episode from series 36 on in the background thinking that I'd be able to do stuff while it played but got distracted by my opinions.

Potentially all over the place again, though this one does manage to be mostly about the series 36 mother-hell storylines. So there's a theme. Warning - I started going off about Dark Room which has a lot of transphobia in it and that’s part of what I talked about.

I really don’t know how I feel about the resolutions of Sah and Teddy’s storylines with their mums. Okay, we already know I'm about to be going on about Sah and Teddy's mother problems storylines but I'm sure there are other characters who this is/isn't applicable to - feel free to let me know about it. As a recap: it’s kind of hard for me to figure out how to describe exactly what happens at the end of Friends Like These, but if anyone has ever seen that quote that’s like “I tried to ask my parents to leave the room, but not my life”, Teddy asks Gaynor to leave the room and she leaves his life. A couple months later a patient situation causes Teddy to call his mum (and that is not brought up again when he gets trapped in a mine in the next episode) and also we are left to assume that all is fine now. Pretty simplistically, in Enough, Sah and Jools talk it out after Kevin has another stroke and then they are also just portrayed as being okay forever by the end of that episode. 

I can absolutely believe that these characters, sad and work-stressed and not always the most emotionally mature, would forgive their mothers. I don’t even disagree with it happening on a story level because I think it could make for a really good development in those stories, or even just a less-than-happy ending. What I don’t enjoy is how these endings are presented as being happily-ever-afters and that everything is supposed to be fine now because they’ve forgiven/reconciled with their mothers who haven’t really done anything to deserve it. Jools is objectively neglectful, and telling Sah they were always enough does not make up for that. I think Gaynor’s behaviour is emotionally abusive; she’s controlling his life, emotionally manipulating him, she’s trying to even limit his contact with people other than her (and she has been doing this, he “wasn’t allowed friends”). Unless I'm wrong, we don’t see or hear from Gaynor at all between Friends Like These and We Need To Talk About Ollie. I don’t doubt they love their kids but that doesn’t make them good parents, and it’s not on their kids to be doing the work to improve the relationships. If we’re getting these forgiveness endings then Jools and Gaynor need to put more effort into proving they’ve changed. Or (and I'd probably find this more interesting cause I'm mean). Forgiveness needs to be presented as something that isn’t this simple happy ending because it doesn't feel like that in these circumstances. I respect the potential misery of the undeserved forgiveness, I love misery for them, especially when they’re both in mother-hell together, I am mean. But if you want to give them a happily-ever-after, keep them away from their mothers or make their mothers do the work. 

They make Sah be the bigger person way too much, actually. In Dark Room, why does Sah have to be nice to Scott when Scott deserves to get re-beaten to a pulp? I don’t care that his mum is also terrible. Not only did he bully them when they were teenagers, he tried to ruin their whole life as a fully grown adult. Their mum is terrible as well and you don’t see them acting like that. They don’t need to be the bigger person and try to help Scott and his also terrible mother, they need a weapon of mass destruction. Also, why is Sah’s deadname used so excessively in series 36? Or at all? Ever? I’m sure there were ways around the audience ever needing to actually know what it was, even if they felt like the story required the implication of characters using it. Another potential Casualty hot take, maybe? I don't think Sah's dad is all that great of a parent either. Obviously it is entirely Jools' fault that Sah has to be his carer at such a young age, he had no control over that and Jools is definitely the worse parent, but getting back with Jools without telling Sah, cancelling plans with Sah to go on dates with Jools, excusing Jools’ pretty transphobic remarks and acting like Sah has to forgive Jools because he has really isn’t great. They were right when they said “it’s not just you she left”. IT’S! NOT! JUST! KEVIN! SHE! LEFT! It annoys me that Casualty is like ‘this action will have consequences’ about that scene because Sah is right. The only person I truly like from Sah’s pre-joining-Casualty life is Bill Phillipsen (and his dead wife) and he died. I knew you very briefly/not at all but I miss you Bill and Jean <\3

This post is absolutely the post for me to start getting into the connections between the mother-hell storylines but I won’t in full. They are kind of this pair of opposites, not just on this wider level of overinvolved mother vs uninvolved mother, there are a lot of patterns I’ve noticed in the episodes and the dialogue. I’d find them all now but it's 2am and I need to be awake at 8am at the latest so I’m putting off compiling that list for another day. Some faves that I can remember off the top of my head: opposite Jan advice scenes, Gaynor really struggling to say she’s proud of Teddy even though he really wants her to while one of the first things Jools tries to say to Sah is that she’s proud of them and they tell her not to, “you won’t see me back if I go” vs “I’m back now if it’s not too late”. I really like these connections, that's why I'm so passionate about what I don't agree with in these storylines.

I didn't mention this in my last post but I got my hands on a bootleg of The Play That Goes Wrong with Milo Clarke as Max and it's very enjoyable. I've been meaning to watch TPTGW at least since I watched both series of the show, probably longer, and I succumbed to the Casualty brainrot and and had to see his version. All I'll say: He really knows how to play aunt based nepotism and situations that could be solved with polyamory.

Based on when one of the episodes is set to air, I don’t think we’ll see Casualty back until about December 30th, unless we are gonna have another break between episodes once it comes back. I don’t really care that much and also, Christmas/New Years episode? The most recent Christmas episode was that one where they were like “what if it was last year?” back in 2021 and that’s always been a weird choice to me. I just want a silly little festive one, normal Casualty episode featuring carol singing and tinsel and the implication of a really intense staff party (we will never get the Sah/Teddy Christmas party of my dreams, not this year cause they’re in the current situation, not last year cause no Christmas episode and also the stuff with Jan was happening then, not the year before…). The only thing that bothers me about the hiatus is the inevitable time skip, so much time will have elapsed in universe by the time it comes back so I feel like we will have missed a lot of the immediate aftermath of stuff that happened at the end of Driving Force.

[sflow-er]

✍️ 🚀 📗 for the ask game!

Hi 💙 thank you so much for the ask!

✍️ What’s your ideal writing setup?

Ideally, I would like to have a whole day off with no obligations or chores to do (not even cooking). Nice weather so I can go for a walk when/if I feel like taking a break, and of course it should also be a day when I don't have any physical ailments or feel too tired or stressed. In terms of the actual setup, I always write on desktop, and I never listen to music, for example (I either get distracted by the music or, if I'm in the zone, don't even register it at all).

🚀 Do you like to outline your fic first or create as you go?

I always outline first, but I don't make it too specific. I'm the kind of person who likes to plan ahead (in fic as in life haha). Jotting the ideas down also helps to get them out of my head so I can focus on the scenes I'm actually writing instead of thinking three chapters ahead, but I do like to leave plenty of room for the story to breathe. Sometimes I end up scrapping entire scenes that were in the outline if they simply don't work at all when written out, other times I decide to expand on something that was just meant to be a passing detail when it suddenly feels more meaningful in context. Also, I never pre-write much dialogue because it feels more organic if I write it as I go.

So in summary, I like to have a framework, but it's never a rigid one.

📗 Do you want to write something outside of fanfiction? If so, what about?

Yeah. I do. I've already got a document where I've been putting down ideas for an original novel. Some elements would be lifted from my longfic, but it would be its own story. Examples of the themes include asexuality (incl. ace/allo romance), friendship, personal growth, parental/societal expectations, and of course finding one's people and place in the world. There's a social commentary side to it as well, but I don't want to talk much about that yet.

Anyway, it would be set in my own country, and the characters would likely be in their first or second year of uni. The main couple will remain MLM because I already have such a strong idea of them, but the OCs I've been developing as a replacement for Wilmon are WLW.

Thank you again for the ask, these were fun! <3

[Ask list for reference]

[stupidcupidsposts]

my first impressions of gmmtv 2024 pt. 2 shows (and judging them by how likely I'd tune in to watch them)

Us The Series - i am not really familiar with the main leads but from what I've seen their chemistry is really good. The film style is giving artsy and indie but the production quality seems high. The plot looks interesting to me, it's the only one that really speaks to me. I have faith that the actual show will be amazing! It is the only gl drama of Pt. 2 😭 but at least it will be a good one! 1000/10 will definetely watch!

Ossan's Love Thailand - this is only so high bc I love earthmix. The plot is interesting and I love that earth plays a more loser like character hahaha. I know it's a remake and I want to watch the og before the remake, but where can I watch the original?? 10/10 will watch

Hide & Sis - a family/mystery drama where women are the main protagonists? Count me in. 10/10 will watch.

Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist - markohm finally get their own series!! I know many wanted a heavier theme but I'm still satisfied with a cute one! And Jimmy plays the love rival?? It's a last twilight reunion hahaha. 10/10 will watch

The Ex - Morning - I've never watch a KristSingto BL before even though they're one of the og's. 😅 Plotwise this might be the most interesting bc it's about rekindling a relationship. I plan to watch sotus before the new series comes out. 10/10 would watch

Break Up Service - This show is going to be so funny I just know it. Tbh I don't think I've watched a straight gmmtv drama before but this one got me hooked! 9/10 would watch

The Heart Killers - we got the mafia comedy that we wished for. Problem is that I really love firstkhao but I've never been interested in joongdunk (or their series) at all. I'll still watch ofc, and maybe this influences me to get into joongdunk. also first is a tattoo artist in this one 👀 8/10

Revamp The Undead Story - it's gay vampires with bounprem. I am interested. I am also interested in how bounprem are doing in gmmtv. Hopefully they get promoted well. 7/10 would watch

Thame - Po: Heart That Skip a Beat - I don't know any of the actors and the plot didn't immediately catch me. But the leads to look cute together so I'll probably watch. 7/10 would watch

Every other series, I am too tired and too lazy to think and rank them lol. But they're not sing special imo. Leap day has a kinda interesting plot but I don't think that makes me want to watch the series. I am afraid that it will be boring and or the actors won't deliver. Perfect 10 liners is kinda disappointing. I like forcebook so I might tune in to see more of them together. But why are they in a uni setting again after a show like only friends?? The other pairs seem fine, but tbh I would have preferred just one couple (and that has to be forcebook) i tend to overlook dramas with a big ensemble cast. Friendship forever might be the biggest disappointment of the year. They should've just made the show gay. Tbh when I first watched the trailer the subs weren't working and till the end I thought maybe they'll turn this into a gl always though the series then I opened twitter /tumblr and my optimism flew out the window. The dark dice - I love gemini but the plot is something that I've seen in multiple dramas and rn I have enough of survival games. Sorry buddy, I'll probably won't watch. Leap day was kinda hard to understand for me but whatever. Scarlet heart Thailand made tu tontawan look so pretty. But I snooze. What's even the plot? And too much men, even though I like some of them.

[our-transmasculine-experience]

hi, i just saw your prompts for asks and the journey to my name is kinda funny, so i might as well share.

context: i am an afab nonbinary person and i went through the femme nonbinary, trans man and masc nonbinary phases in this exact order. i also came out very recently, but i've been out on tumblr since day one (my mutuals have seen it all xd).

the journey: i went by Fae on my art account so it felt only natural to go for that name when i realised i was nonbinary. then, i came across the concept of William as a girl name, so i started going by William. "as a joke", y'know. and then i somehow started using he/him pronouns accidentally and realised it felt better than they/them (at the time). so i started questioning my gender, which led to me changing my name like twice a month or so. we went through Felix, Virgil, Remy, Shadow, Void, i believe Leaf or Moss or something similarly themed, Sáva (that's a czech one), Onyx, Lynx, Tea (in no particular order). then i came to the conclusion that i am, in fact, not a trans guy, and my name crisis stopped at Nyx. but when i was ready to come out, facebook refused to accept that as a name for some reason. so i picked out Ezra as a substitute, which was a very rushed decision and didn't last long, because before starting uni, i had another crisis. i've been Neo now for almost three months now and since Neo from Matrix was one of my favourite characters while i was in my teens, i think the name is here to stay. but i do think that if i wasn't limited by my primary language, i would go by Leaf and i'd be absolutely thrilled about it.

that’s a lot of names! thanks for sharing, neo

[onlyswan]

Hi arttttt❤️🫶❤️🫶❤️🫶

How are youuuu??? I missed you sm😭❤️😭❤️

How have you been omg!!! I feel like I missed on a lot of stuff lol

I LOVED THE NEW DRABBLE😭 it’s so fucking cute ahh jungkook and oc are the cutest!!!

AND???? THE END ??!??!??!!!!! ART???

What the fuck is going on!!!!!😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I am so excited for whatever that beautiful mind of yours will bring next!!

I’ve been busy with uni (when am I never busy with uni smh) and I finish this long ass term on the 28th of December ugh I’m so excited to just be done with these 6 courses that I am taking.

As for the year-end survey I’m going to answer the questions (even if they’re a bit hard😠)

what is your favorite/s from the drabbles i've put out this year (second in which collection)?

I’ll give you my top 5 drabbles from this collection:

1. in which jungkook wants you all to himself (and bam) and you buy him flowers

This one never fails to make me smile

2. in which jungkook is giving up on you but you have so much love left to give

This one^ killed me but I love it

3. in which you make jungkook’s world spin and you tend to… make him a little too dizzy.

I read this like 1000 times I love it so much

4. in which jungkook can’t sleep, and he can’t stop kissing you either.

This one made me giggle and kick my feet

5. in which a shameless ex-lover makes your bad day worse and jungkook can’t help but to go wherever you are.

me 🤝 oc

themes, lines, paragraphs, or scenes that stood out to you?

art i’m not gonna lie to you these type of questions are the ones that I get on my exams 😭

For the themes ? Idk I just like soft fluffy things 🫶 so soft it makes me wanna throw up

and I like angst (ONLY SOMETIMES PLEASE)

I think this line from in which a shameless ex-lover makes your bad day worse and jungkook can’t help but to go wherever you are. is cute

“aigoo, why are you so messy?“

for scenes I think this one is funny

“ow- ouch- baby! what the hell? what was that for?”

with doe eyes struck by headlights, he gapes at you in surprise as he rubs his poor shoulder that was slapped without warning.

and if it is not too much to ask- who is your favorite character, oc or jungkook?

Not answering because I love them both DONT TRY ME😠

which year/s would you like to see more of from 2017 to 2023?

I really dont mind anything! But I feel like 2019 jungkook is just ❤️‍🔥 and 2022 too oof.

and which season (spring/summer/autumn/winter)?

I’m a winter girlie so obvi winter

I think that’s all of the questions! I had fun answering them haha (even though they reminded me of my literary criticism course 🥲) I am so excited for what the new year is going to bring!! I love you art I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a happy new year!!!! I hope that 2024 will be an amazing year for you!

Love, 🥨

PRETZEL ANONIE MY BABY LOVE I MISSED UUUU SO MUCH 🥺🥺🥺

i’ve been doing much better since my break from school started !!! i really needed this for the sake of my sanity. hehe this is why i love the holiday season :P

AND THE NEW DRABBLE YESYESYHDJSHDFJJD IHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LOVED IT 🤭

as for the ending… no comment for now bcs it’s so fun seeing y’all freak out <3

goodluck with the rest of your term plssss don’t forget to take care and enjoy your well deserved break after 🥰

OOP YOU SAW THE SURVEY

your top 5 i loveeeee 🥹 also you’re so real for the #5 i think this is the first answer it was mentioned. i’m blushing and giggling just thinking about it rn likejsjdhsjdf

i had to search for which drabble is the scene with the ouch and IM LAUGHINGDHDHFH I FORGOT ABT THE LIP PIERCING DRABBLE. oc’s humor >>>

Not answering because I love them both DONT TRY ME😠

i’m sorry for my fault 😞 i bow my head down again

I had fun answering them haha (even though they reminded me of my literary criticism course 🥲)

this is so funny i’m sorrydhdhsjdhjshf 😭😭😭 i’m a literature girlie through and through i fear. but fr thank youuuu so much for answering i had fun reading your answers too :") hehe you made me smile a lot. i love you sm and i hope 2024 treats you well and brings you an abudance of everything nice in life 🩷 happy holidays!!!! please eat lots of yummy food too hehe :")

[sarcasticdolphin]

For writer ask: 3, 10, 11, 17, 18 <3

(I'm answering these somewhat specific to Elisabeth fanfic, but they generally would be true about all my fanfic with a few asterisks)

3. Are there any specific themes you enjoy exploring in your fics?

Fates worse than death. The conceptual idea of a Lucifer-esque character - it's no accident that I describe Tod as angelic but have him act my devilish quite often. Those tend to show up quite a bit, but I will also dive into others at times.

10. What's your favorite part about the fic writing process?

The part when I'm fantasizing about the fic before I get down to the nitty-gritty of actually writing the thing. (Or getting comments - they're like a drug sometimes. But I'm not sure that counts as part of the writing process).

11. Are there any tropes that you particularly enjoy writing?

I live for corruption arcs (poor Rudolf). Light is not good is always a fun trope, as is more than mind control.

17. What's the most memorable comment or review you've received on one of your fics?

Hmmmm. (I feel so bad for picking, but if you are making me then I would have to say the comment that I got from a fic review exchange on Addendum: Elisabeth, Part the First. I had heard the fable of the four-paragraph comment, but I never imagined in my wildest dreams I would get one myself). (There's also some real-life context to this one). So, thank you frozenfountain. <3 I don't think I can thank you enough.

That being said I adore all the comments I get, and they always make my day. <3

18. Are there any fics or authors that have been particularly influential or inspiring to you?

(All of these are on Ao3 and most of them are in my bookmarks if you want to track them down)

When it comes to Elisabeth fics, The Bond by vindobonensis, any and everything by @fitzrove, nightverse by honeyedgold, and any and everything by Ollie_Mor (@yallemagne) are the big ones, but I mean I think I've literally read everything in the fandom (in English, at least), so everything to greater or lesser degrees.

Additionally, I've also taken some inspiration from the following non-Elisabeth fics: a series called Shattered Dreams by quantum_leek (specifically part 2), a series called Morning Star by Kurenaino (specifically part 1), and A Case of Falling from Grace by sailorgreywolf.

That being said, I read _a lot_. 100k+ a night was typical while I was in uni, though I wasn't writing nearly as much then as compared to now. And to some degree, I take inspiration from everything that I read to greater or lesser extents.

[crushed-starlight]

ok !! yall need so many updates from me aaa i'll try to speedrun them n not give u too much junk to read hehe

the main thing is, today i took a huuuge train ride home from uni !! i was on the road for a super long time but i got tons of reading done :3 but for about a month , i won't be seein any of my uni lore people in person ;; it's gonna be weird for sure since i've spent so much time around them recently, but i think in some cases (ie meadow lol) the distance will be good to help me rly evaluate what i'm getting out of that closeness n whether it's worth it.

plus, i'll get to hang out with my friends from here more too !! theres TONS of interesting stuff goin on with them too, so i'm sure there'll b more of that !!

anyway, here's a mini recap of some stuff that's happened since my last entry !!

i had a big night out with a bunch of people !! my first stop was an indie music night with odie and jiji, then after that down to a queer club night where we met meadow and one of their friends !! we also ran into another classmate who we didn't know was even queer, n he ended up joining us for the night :D

i also ran into a bunch more people i know !! specifically winter and (new character time) wave, who i'll add to the masterlist sooon :3

overall it was super fun n they played a bunch of my favorite songs :3 i love gay people <3

remember how i said 'as per jiji's advice i'm gonna try n keep some distance from meadow'? yeah i for sure did not do that. we explored a retail park n saw a movie on one day, did field work in the city another, n kept walking to class together almost every day !! i am ,, so tired !!

honestly, the crush might be beginning to fade, or just shapeshift into a friendship. i'm becoming more n more aware of potential red flags or just reasons i might not personally want to date them.. mainly, we're just really different in terms of personality. compared to when i'm hanging out with jiji and odie, i just mask around meadow a lot more. i overthink a lot, they tease me over my silly cringe interests n traits (of which there are a lot lol) instead of hyping me up , and i know they don't mean anything of it but i'm tired of being constantly reminded of how Different i am from them ,, and by extension from most people.. ok but wait there was last night .......

we went to a candlelight concert !! to any pair of people other than us, it probably would've been super romantic. what a waste of a perfect night, right? but it was still nice. we dressed up extra pretty, the music was nice, we sat right at the back of a beautiful church and listened to basically a classical music concert. i drank mulled wine in the intermission, there were about 20 christmas trees all decorated and themed after different charities and local organisations. crush thoughts aside, it was a really magical experience for what it cost (15 pounds yippee) :3

but , of course , since i knew that if i got home after that i'd have the most miserable yearning-filled night, i helped set up a pizza party with my flatmates (and odie) instead !! so jiji, comet, and our fourth roommate chipi !! i'm surprised i haven't mentioned him yet, at some point he should get a loredump post of his own since there's a lot to unpack with him lol

anyway the pizza party went great , save for the worlds worst phonecall with the pizza place which i foolishly volunteered to have. that pizza place employee in particular encompasses all the reasons i get anxious about phone calls.. yikes!

ok i think that's everything interesting that's happened so far !! here's to hoping i can have a nice relaxing (but still productive !!) month off. well , aside from the 6 giant essays i need to research and write >< but it's fine, i'll cope :,) bye for now !!

[schnozzbun-art]

I hope this is okay to ask, but any potential drop times for the next chapter? so excited for it!

Short answer: soon-ish!(?)

Long answer: Have you ever heard about Zeno's Paradox of the Dichotomy? I learned about it in a vsauce video when I was a teenager. Basically, a runner in a solo foot race is presented with a track she must run across, except there's one rule: she must always run half the distance she has left to reach the finish line. So after she reaches half way she has to run a quarter of the way, then an eighth of the way, than a sixteenth, a thirty-second, and so on and so on and so on. And due to there being an infinite amount of subdivisions, theoretically, she never crosses the finish line.

That's a little how it's felt writing this upcoming part 😅 Just when I see the end in the horizon, I get struck by a new idea I really want to include. I've managed to come up with at least four brand new 250-1.5k word ish scenes that weren't in my last full draft of From Parts Unknown that I've included to expand on character interactions or deepen themes I want to explore (this also includes a BIG chunk of writing that was like, 500 words at least that I ended up deleting wholesale because I was extremely bored by it and realised I could just skip entirely to get to the interesting bit, but unfortunately I sank a lot of time writing it).

It's both very fun and very annoying. I'll think I'm close, then suddenly come up with an idea for a new scene that has me like OHHHH BUT THIS WILL MAKE THE THEMES RESONATE SO MUCH BETTER or THIS WILL FILL IN THIS PLOT HOLE THAT'S BEEN NAGGING ME or OH THAT WORKS SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT I ORIGINALLY HAD. It ended up being so much I've had to split this upcoming part in half, which will make FPU 10 parts instead of 9. All these additions has also made me jump a lot between Writing™ mode and Editing™ mode, the prior tending to take a lot longer than the latter unfortunately.

Currently I've been chipping away at this new quite ambitious scene that was originally summarised in two paragraphs, and which I always got the sense I was glossing over too much. For around a week I was very blocked on how to expand despite having researched the topic on and off for close to a year and a half. So after doing a lot of research by watching a ton of youtube videos and buying a memoir exploring that Certain Topic i've felt a lot more confident in the scene's trajectory. I'm in the second draft of that scene now, and am pretty confident that once that's done, all that's left is editing a few parts, showing it to my betas and gammas for feedback, and then I can post the thing. And again, I'm always trying to work on the fic in bits and pieces, and I also dedicate a two-hour block per week where I do my best to do focused writing dedicated to the fic (if I don't have uni work taking precedent).

Again tho, I appreciate these check ins, as its nice to know people are still curious about the fic. Know that its pretty much constantly on my mind, and I post about more granular bits of process on my Twitter. I hope you have a nice day!

[jaedreaminn]

At War or In Love?

Word Count: 2.5k

Pairings: Haechan x Reader.

Theme: fluff, crack, hurt, comfort, angst, enemies to lovers, collegeau.

Characters: Donghyuck, Jeno, Mark, Taeyong, Ten, Renjun, Jaemin, Jisung «mentioned» Chenle.

Words Count: 2.5k

~~~

Donghyuck knew he was a cheerful boy. His cheerfulness was given to him by his mother who he lived with for the first five years of his life. He couldn't remember her face but he did remember her smile and bubbly attitude and it stuck with him even after he was seperated from her to live with the Lee's. To live with his father.

He's always been social and good with people so he couldn't understand why Mrs.Lee hated him so much. Nor could he understand why his brothers who he was so excited to meet never spoke to him, so he had simply assumed that talking inside the Lee house was forbidden. He barely remembers his early childhood, just glimpses of memories passed through his head. Memories like Mrs.Lee's glares and awful words, memories of yelling and crying but he wasn't sure where the crying was coming from, memories of being stuck with an awful Maths teacher who really didn't like him.

But those were just distant memories because the memories that stuck with him were sitting at the dinner table and eating with his brother's, his elder brothers taking care of him and pampering him, Marks red face when he would annoy the boy who no matter how mad he was would never push Donghyuck away.

He remembers growing up protected by Taeyong, Ten, Mark and Jeno from his awful step mother. She was the only person Donghyuck ever despised, he remembers how she was drunk and angry one day and she grabbed him by his arm and yelled at him, told him he wasn't supposed to exist, wasn't supposed to be loved. But she was also told him something that broke his eight year old self, she told him his birth mother had died.

He remembers crying into Tens arms bitterly and all of his brothers joining him, huddling together on Tens small bed to console him. That night when he had fallen asleep in his brothers arms he dreamt of his mother, his mother who smiled at him and told him he was loved and that he was ment to love and to always be happy and cheerful. And so he believed her.

He lived his life quite happily, shielded from his parents by his brothers, which he would grow up to appreciate.

He was cheerful and friendly and loving and got along with everyone. So he couldn't for the life of him understand why you made his blood boil so much.

"Y/n you're messing it up!" He yelled, frustrated but you only ignored him poking you tongue out from the side of your mouth as you concentrated on lining the border of your assignment with decorative tape.

"Do you think we're still in kindergarten?" He mocked you and without wavering your attention from the task at hand you spoke, "If we were in kindergarten I would be at peace and you wouldn't be here." And that angered him even more.

"Why did you follow me to uni" he grumbled under his breath sitting down next to you.

"Please you followed me here" you scoffed, handing over the assignment to him.

"Why did you even waste time decorating the first page of the script. It doesn't make sense and doesn't even add to our marks"

"One. It makes our script original-" "but isn't the story in it origna-" "TWO. It looks cute" you said with a grin plastered on your face and he looked at you and wondered how anyone could be so irritability adorable.

"Well if you're only going to stare at me weirdly I'm leaving" and you were gone before he even got a chance to say anything. Haechan sighed, looking at the cutely decorated cover page to the script the two of you worked on together. You really were stupid.

Before he knew it he found himself at lunch seated in between Mark and Renjun.

"Ugh I swear if this one doesn't turn our right I'm quitting" Renjun grumbled to no one in particular as he continued to work on his art assignment. Haechan sighed feeding the busy boy a sandwich and Mark rolled his eyes.

"What are you losers upto" Jeno asked, approaching the table with Jisung trailing behind him.

"I'm still in shock you're studying music and dance" Mark said taking a bite of his food.

"He says that everytime" Jisung rolled his eyes as he sat down.

"At the pace at which Jeno was going at I'm pretty sure Mark expected him to get into crime" A voice spoke and all the boys looked up to be greeted by a smiling Jaemin.

"Aren't you supposed to be on my side?" Jeno asked Jaemin with a pout and the other just laughed handing him a bottle of water.

"Please I love Mark more" the grinning boy said and Jeno being his dramatic self visibly deflated.

"Calm down there casanova Marks already got someone" Renjun said, eyes still on his painting.

"Where's Chenle?" Haechan then asked. "He's still stuck in the practice room, said his partner is being annoying" Jisung answered after he realised no one else was going to.

"Pft I know a thing or to about annoying partners" Haechan scoffed and everyone at the table sighed.

"Here we go again" Jisung said rolling his eyes and digging into his food.

"Again?"

"Oh please Haechan this happens everytime it's either y/n this or y/n that. You're obsessed" Renjun said banging his paint brush onto the table.

"What! That's not true" Haechan started to get defensive.

"Please the amount of tension between the two of you is crazy! Like just date already" Jeno laughed and now Donghyuck was very embarrassed.

"You're single ass should date first you've still not dated anyone after-" Donghyuck stopped himself immediately realising the words coming out of his mouth.

"That's my fault isn't it" Mark frowned.

"No!" Jeno said and then glared in Donghyucks direction, "No. I gave you my blessings it's okay I had to get over our relationship and I'm so happy for the two of you right now" Jeno said quickly and Mark frowned.

"But what if you had a chance.."

"Mark Lee you foolish fool if Jeno said he had no problem and literally encouraged you to date his ex then don't question it. Plus he's giving his all to music right now" Jaemin said patting Marks back.

"Hate to say this but Jaemins right, like Jeno could have easily killed you in his sleep of he had a prblem with you, we live in the same house remember?" Haechan added grinning and everyone faceplamed.

"Anyway moving on I've got a buisness class right now I'm going to run" Jaemin said getting up and leaving and Renjun jumped up cheering.

"Geez I didn't know you hate Jaemin hyung" Jisung the ever sassy said and Renjun looked at him confused before realisation dawned on him "Ahhh no I'm done with my drawing and I need to run too" Renjun said eyes widening as he noticed the time, grabbing his stuff and running off. They watched with a laugh how Renjun who was usually calm and graceful tripped as he ran out.

"Wait when did Jisung even leave?" Mark asked pointing to the empty seat. "Ungreatful brat" was muttered by Jeno.

"Are you guys secretly hanging out with y/n and lermimg disappearing trick from them?" Haechan asked and Mark and Jeno just gave him a look. "what?"

"Y/n again? I'm telling you you're obsessed" Jeno chuckled and Haechan chocked on his spit as he quickly got up and hurried away from his brothers teasing.

He was on his way to his locker when he spotted you laughing rather fakely to something a very attractive boy was saying. You laugh was a pitch higher than normal and Haechan almost snorted loudly. Almost. And you were most definitely flirting with that guy.

He approached you with a smile from behind, tapping your back and watching with utmost pleasure when you frowned.

"Is that a new laugh y/n weren't you snorting like a pig just today morning" he asked with a cheeky grin and you frowned.

"Shut up and leave" you said throught gritted teeth trying your best to keep calm.

"Oh c'mon I was just kidding" Haechan smiled and was about to wrap his arms around your shoulder when the boy you were talking to stopped him. He glared at the hand stopping his.

"I don't know who you are but you're making y/n uncomfortable so you got to leave" the boy said pushing Haechans hand away and grabbing onto your hand and pulling you away from Haechan.

Haechan stood there shocked at the boys actions for a second before snapping and pulling you back with so much force you fell onto his chest.

He glared daggers at the boy, his eyes threatening him. "Y/n and I have known eachother all I lives and now we've got a project to work on so don't suddenly interfere in the life of someone you know nothing about." Haechan said coldly, venom hidden behind each word of his and he dragged you away.

He was fuming, not realising where he was going until he was at the garden with you.

"Can you believe the nerve of that guy?" He scoffed but you didn't say anything head hung low. He immediately took notice of that.

"Y/n what's wrong?" He asked worried and thats when you looked up at him, eyes tired. "This has to stop" you pleaded and he didn't understand what you were saying.

"You did this back in school too. You were awful to me and hated me but the moment I was with someone other than you you'd make a big deal out of it and end up fighting with that person" you said said, voice breaking and tears glistening your eyes. Haechan was about to defend himself when you spoke again. "I'm so tired of whatever crap you're pulling Haechan, you were always sending me mixed signals in school and I let you take me for a ride but not again. I liked you but hated you. You made me angry but so happy. You pushed me away only to pull me back and I'm sick of it" the tears now made their way down you face as you cried and Haechan stood there feeling so guilty for making you cry.

"Y/n I'm so sorry I didn't mean to.."

"Of course you didn't mean to" a dry laugh escaped your lips, "but tell me, did you ever like me? Was this just entertainment for you? For when you were bored?" You asked with spite.

And suddenly everytime someone hinted at his weird obsession with you came back to him, "Look I don't hate you... Atleast I think I don't. Not that much I-" You scoffed cutting him off.

"It's either you like me or you don't stop playing with my heart this isn't funny" you said rather calmly but the anger visible in your eyes.

"I don't know...I don't think so" he could hear your heart break and somehow he felt like maybe, he was wrong.

"Then leave please leave" you said agressively wiping away the fresh tears falling down your face. He tried to comfort you but you raised you hand stopping him.

He sighed in defeat and began to walk away, head hung low. He felt bad for making you cry and wanted to see you smile. Just then the thought of you crying in that pretty boys arms crossed his mind and he felt and awful feelin at the pit of his stomach. Jealousy. He was jealous, he wanted to make you happy and he wanted to hold you as you cried, he didn't want you to look at other people lovingly, and he hated the thought of you kissing someone else so he immediately turned to you and grabbing you by your shoulders.

"Look y/n I want to believe I hate you but at the same time I hate when it's not me that makes you happy because I love making you smile, I love making you laugh, I love annoying you." He said eyes serious as you blankly stared at him.

"All I know is whatever is going on in my head, you're at the center of it and you're the only one that can help me figure out what my fixation with you is."

"That's stupid." you mumbled, looking away from his intense gaze and he smiled.

"Nothing's stupid in love and war y/n and right now I don't know if I'm at war with you" he paused and you looked up at him and he smiled at you fondly, "or in love with you."

You looked at him awe struck and he couldn't help but chuckle at how cute you looked, with eyes still shining from all the tears and your face flushed.

"Will you help me figure which one it is?" He asked, his tone hopeful and you thought for a while and nodded as he grinned happily. And you smiled.

"This might just be my own downfall" you started with a frown and then a very small smile made its way to your face, "But atleast then I'll know more than I know now."

Bonus:

"This is stupid he's in love with you" Jeno said with a frown and Haechan pouted as he watched you laugh.

"Ah y/n run away while you can, our hyucks really stupid to even think he hates you" Mark added and if you weren't holding his hand right now Haechan would have punched his brother.

"Oh so this is the infamous y/n" Ten said walking into the room with a smirk on his face and Haechan silently cried inside.

"We really need to leave" he said but you were at your antics again and said "no we don't we have plenty of time don't we" he swears he hates you but at the same time it was impossible to hate you when you smiled at him like that.

"Ohhh is this y/n Donhyuck?" Came his eldest brothers voice and this time Haechan did cry.

"Oh c'mon don't pretend to cry you love me"Taeyong said patting his back and you chuckled.

"No I love Mark" Haechan said glaring at the eldest who only chuckled, "What's with everyone's fixation on Mark?" Jeno asked and Ten rolled his eyes "You just don't see how adorable our Markie is because your Taeyongs pet"

"Hyuck this is your fault the name stuck!" Mark growled and you stood there watching the brothers argue with eachother, amused at their antics.

"Ahh this is what you'll be getting into if you associate with this family" A voice said behind you and you turned around to meet the person who was your senior in high school and the one that stole Tens heart.

"Wouldn't I be lucky if that was the case?" You asked but another voice spoke "Try being stuck babysitting five grown men" you turned to see the person you recognised as Marks partner.

"I will hit you!" Haechan yelled charging at Mark who had run behind Ten who was yelling at Taeyong for help who who was being held down by a sulky Jeno.

You shared a look with the two people beside you as the three of you broke out in laughter.

~~~

Lee brother's- A mini series

Previous Part: Lee Ten

Next part: Series Finale

[florbelles]

Full clear or any you haven’t answered for the fanfic writer asks! 💜

lici you’re wrong for this

—  ✨❌💞 here,  🛠 🙋‍♀️🍦 🍷 here,  ⛔🌞🤩🤲⌛ here xx

😅 what's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?

none i am without shame

🥺 is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

mmm i've lived with my Themes and Narratives for so long i've become highly desensitized BUT. everything about lyra & joseph's grand bunker adventure, lyra x john's grave, the post-war fitzgerald sister reuinions.

🤡 what's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

everything about shaggy's all consuming dread from day one

😈 has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

nooooo if there's one thing i hate it's manufactured or convoluted moments intended solely to get a reaction from the audience because they never come off. the stakes are never there. it's cheap and it shows. (this is not the same as taking malicious glee in the suffering of your characters and readers by extension, i'm specifically talking about the "just" bit where there is absolutely no narrative or character purpose or justification for something)

✍ do you have a beta reader?

hell no baby i die like a woman

🛒 what are some common things you incorporate in your fics? themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

the horror of the feminine/terror of beauty, fighting-destiny-as-causation (yeah yeah hubris oedipus blah blah), merging mythologies, generational trauma, feminity-as-a-weapon, the monstrous & the divine in the mundane

🎢 which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

uhhh by definition almost all of them are a Wild Ride, in terms of completed/published pieces it's probably gonna be this one (successor of the shaggy suffers link above)

💋 first kiss fics. love em or hate em?

completely indifferent, not something i'll seek out but if it's something that happens in the greater narrative then fine. i can get the ick a bit from fics purely about how clueless and inexperienced one partner is while their partner is incredibly skilled and experienced, not because that's not a possibly dynamic to write between two consenting parties in a way that isn't predatory or groomy, it's just that i find that, or a madonna complex, is often the Vibe, and that simply doesn't appeal to me, personally.

🎶 do you listen to music while you write? what song have you been playing on loop lately?

sometimes, generally just instrumentals on low volume for background noise. i like classical piano comps, oldies radio, or if i’m going for a specific album/feel my favs are jessica curry, flowers for body snatchers & peter gundry

🍆 do you write the spicy stuffs? if so, what's your most popular nsfw fic?

i write explicit content, but i wouldn’t say i write smut, and i don’t plan to start. my deepest darkest secret is that i simply don’t particularly enjoy it. there. you can throw me in unhorny jail now ig

💖 what made you start writing?

i have simply written all my life, and before i could write, i would tell or act out stories. i can’t remember a time that it hasn’t been both a major part of who i am and what i do. in terms of fandom, specifically, my first flirtation with it was the way i think it is for a lot of us — i had friends in shared fandoms who sparked the idea of also recording my own canon (the first was dragon age, for me, so. late in the game). that was in about 2016-17, i was inactive for a few years, and then rejoined fandom in the active platform participant/fic writing sense in late 2019 (moving over to this blog in early 2020) solely because of lyra. i felt a compulsion there, partly because she was a repurposed character from a discarded original project (and a completed short story that made the writers’ workshop rounds in uni, which still exists and i will not be posting here since it exists outside the fandom realm but would be happy to send to anyone who wishes to read it in doc form).

💌 how do you feel about comments and feedback?

always appreciated :’’)

💲 would you ever open commissions?

no, i’m not personally comfortable with it!

🧐 do you spend much time researching for your stories?

well my other open tabs are footage searches for the amalfi coast in the 80s so that’s that on that i guess 

the simply answer is not with everything. if it’s something that pertains to an existing culture or place which readers would recognize, yes. if it’s something more abstract that readers are unlikely to have experience with, i worry a bit less with the technicalities and take my creative liberties. haha. right fbi. right. i’m sorry that i searched for how to prolong life during disembowelment but i can explain i swear you have to believe me i really really thought i might have a reader who’d been disemb —

🏆 what's your most popular fic?

uhhhhh based on notes it’s looking like this one i linked in a previous ask, second is this prompt from the same series

🎃 do you write fics for certain holidays? which is your favorite holiday inspired fic?

i have not, but i wouldn’t be opposed to trying my hand at it. probably halloween for most of them, christmas for the fitzes, etc.

🎯 have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? care to share which?

i have literally never not just aired out all of my plot points on main at all times so. no. not much opportunity there when i won’t shut my mouth

🎨 how do you feel about fan art of your stories?

an HONOR

📈 how many fics do you have?

one main fic, one fic that precedes the main fic, many prompts scattered both in that universe and others. so. a mess, really.

🦅 do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

neither and both. i rarely have a formal outline that i rigidly follow because i like to allow myself flexibility, particularly in terms of structure, but i also have never opened a black document and had no idea where it’s headed. i suppose i’m a mental outliner, because i know everything that’s going to happen and how, and will often already have certain phrases associated with certain scenes, but i rarely commit them to a document (i’m too unorganized for this to be particularly useful, anyway). i guess that’s my answer; i know enough to allow myself the flexibility to play with chronology, i have all the information so that i can choose how and when to share it with the reader, but i’m more likely to commit the scene to paper and file it away than have an outline dictating that it’s going to be written. this is one of the reasons that i virtually never post longfic; i am never writing chronologically. never. the very first scene i wrote of lyra’s canon was the collapse, followed by the aftermath of john’s death, followed by her arrival in hope county from shaggy’s point of view, followed by harassing burke leading up to the arrest, followed by. you get it.

👀 tell me about an up and coming wip please!

italian woman marries american playboy, has regrets. may or may not have just brought a biblical eldritch horror in human skin into the world. has decided to sleep it off indefinitely.

🤗 what advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

going to second @roofgeese on this one. read. but read broadly, read widely. read books. read outside the genre you write. that’s the most important advice i can give any writer, fic or no; expand your horizons. of course there’s value in reading within your own genre to see what others have done, what works, what doesn’t, but the trouble with only reading within those parameters while seeking inspiration is that invariably it begins to cannibalize itself and become a rehash. the best way to expand your abilities, the way you think about characters, worldbuilding, plot, what have you, is to read outside your comfort zone, read stories you would never write, let those inspire and shape you. take things from other genres and implement them in your own work. that’s how things are made original and new. that’s how you learn new vocabulary, are exposed to different writing patterns, meet new character archetypes. horror taught me how to write family domestic dramas. high fantasy taught me how to write american gothic.

and, obviously, simply write. reading is all well and good, but you’re also not going to discover your own voice if you’re not getting words down. it doesn’t have to be typed out, it doesn’t have to be written down. you can daydream words as much as anything else. do that. sometimes it’s gonna be bad. great! you know what doesn’t work for you now. knowing what you enjoy reading and what you write well are, ultimately, two very different things; it’s simply about broad exposure to ideas. 

😬 which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?

uh. none specifically, honestly. i do like to keep it separate because of the nature of my work, and i don’t really want to merge my writing-for-leisure with my writing-for-work audiences, but there’s no specific fic that instills terror in me at discovery. i wouldn’t post something that i wasn’t ultimately fine being tied back to me, honestly. i grew up with the internet too much for that.

🎉 what leads you to consider a fic a success?

this is going to sound like a non-answer, but. legitimately. if i’m enjoying it. this kind of ties back to some of my other answers, because here’s the thing, most of my writing is not fic, most of it is not just “for me,” most of it is voluntarily subjected to ruthless peer review, and i enjoy that, but if i’m writing fanfic, the great advantage is that there are no stakes. literally the only stake is that i’m unwinding, having fun, telling a story i want to tell. completion is, i guess, the best measurable answer i can give to this. i would still like to complete fic and become frustrated when i don’t have the time or energy or motivation to do so, like any other sort of writing. so. yes. a fic is a success if i wrote it successfully. aren’t you delighted i teach others to word good

✅ what's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

i already answered this in the “common incorporation” question, whoops!

📚 would you ever want to turn writing into a career?

reading, writing, analyzing, and helping others to do all three is quite literally my life’s work. in terms of being published, yes, that’s definitely a goal of mine. i don’t know that would ever be, or would ever want to be, commercial and prolific enough to have that be my sole day job in this economy, though (not because i’m allergic to success or pretentious, i’m just realistic about my turnover rate without torturing myself and losing my grip of reality, so no, i don’t necessarily want the pressure of writing to fend off starvation).

🤯 what's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

hm. i don’t believe i struggle with romance by my own definition of the word, but i suppose in terms of fic fluff is my worst nemesis. it’s challenging for me for me to fake that and get into that headspace in a way that i don’t experience with angst-related emotions.

💔 is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?

not that’s published! i’ve already mentioned that the writing that did the greatest number on me emotionally mostly pertains to post-collapse lyra (ft. joe). 

💥 how do you feel about criticism?

i welcome it, but context matters; i’m used to it, but that’s because i intentionally enter spaces to gain and give constructive criticism. unsolicited criticism on the internet regarding the quality of work is often unhelpful and given in bad faith. (i specify quality because there are other types of commentary that can be classified as criticism/critical that i absolutely don’t feel that way about, such as generally encouraging fandom at large to analyze its reinforcement of racism, misogyny, queerphobia, etc., but i do not believe that’s what this question is asking).

🤭 do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?

uhhhh i haven’t posted any work on ao3 so. no. it’s usually either wip tag/prompt tag.

🥰 how do you feel about reader interaction? are you open to receiving questions about your fics?

always very greatly appreciated, love you all <3

[voicefromthecorner]

14, 15, 17

14. In what ways has this series inspired you: life lessons, creative works, whatever else?

I'm not sure I've picked up many life lessons from TWEWY, if I'm honest, in spite of how much I love the way TWEWY communicates its life lessons and the lessons themselves. However, the message of letting people in and expanding your world in order to better understand it is a journey that inspires me. I've never been Neku levels of loner, probably, but sometimes I get a bit too content with my bubbles. It's humbling to remember how much other people matter and to not let chances pass you by.

Creatively, I'm massively inspired! The incorporation of the game's themes into just about all of its game design, the way a real city is used as a major part of the game's environment, the many grey areas and ambiguities of both the game's story and lore that never go too far from what we need to know, just some of the exact lines/quotes in general and the character writing! Neku's an obvious example, but also Beat! The fact that Beat seems like this typical almost cliche shounen meathead who's a nice guy but has a quick temper, only for literally everything about him to be explained in such a complex way that gives him way more depth while also making him far more tragic and sympathetic than you ever would have expected.

I'm already putting some of the game's influence into some of my own creative works. I wrote a story as a narrative project for uni that had to follow the hero's journey and I made the protagonist a loner with a heart of gold who hates other people, partly caused by past trauma, pretty much directly as a tribute to Neku. I have a bunch of story ideas that I may one day develop with various bits of inspiration from characters like Kariya and Uzuki's dynamic, Beat's surprising depth, Megumi's misguided attempts at salvation and Joshua's duality. I'm also writing another little narrative project at the moment that lightly modified Hanekoma's "darkness has always been husband to light" quote from secret report 21 (I think), though I put a little comedic spin on it.

This got long, but yeah, The World Ends With You inspires me a fair bit.

15. Put together an outfit you’d like to wear, only from in-game clothing options!

Agh, flip! I've lent my copy of Final Remix to a friend so I won't be able to do this for a while. I'll definitely do this at some point when I get the chance! I'll do it in NEO as well, but I'll hold off until I've collected at least most items of clothing. It'll be fun!

Off the top of my head, I wear beanies a lot so I'll likely nick Beat's, assuming I'm not tempted by Sho's bandana. Not sure what brand I'd favour, but I'm not formal, so not Pegaso for sure. I'm guessing Wild Boar and/or J of M will appeal to me most. I'll have a hard time choosing between Rhyme's Pendant and Mr Mew as an accessory.

17. What character(s) do you relate to the most?

Man, this is a good question. I already mentioned needing Neku's lessons to inspire me from time to time, so largely him, I suppose. I relate to other characters in smaller ways, from Kariya's lifestyle and Hanekoma's casual friendliness to Shiki comparing herself to her friends and Beat's struggles with self-worth. But Neku's exasperated sarcasm gives me life, his (growing) respect for other people is a great virtue, his constant analysis of every situation he's in is so incredibly me and his inability to see past his own point of view sometimes is something I'm guilty of. So I'd say Neku is the one I see myself in the most.

If we're talking NEO, I swear I'm not just fixating on the protagonists, but Rindo's a quiet dude with a lot to say and he's the one I'm most relating to so far.

Ah, wait. Fuya loves puns. Ah, but so does Fret. Hmmm....