#i've been spending too much time on my phone ever since I accidentally dropped my tablet on my bathroom floor and the screen shattered

[thefairywithboots]

Hi, Tumblr friends! So I am making this post to let everyone know that I am going offline for the weekend. I need a couple of days to detox my mind from social media because I have been spending more time on my screen than I would normally deem mentally healthy. So if you send me a message or mention and I don't answer, please don't think I'm ghosting you; I am simply not getting any notifications. I love you guys, and I'll see you again on Monday. ❤️🌻

[ichigoromi]

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚 | 𝐌𝐢𝐲𝐚 𝐀𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐮 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧 | 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐩 | 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐲𝐮𝐮 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧

Timeskip Atsumu is conscious of his public image and what if his private life accidentally gets exposed to the mass media? I wonder how will he handle this...

As always, please do enjoy reading this headcanon! I do accept requests! If you have any specific requests, I'll try my best to write it!

Miya Atsumu

Atsumu is very conscious of his public image, but he is known for changing his girlfriends quite often.

You and Atsumu were childhood best friends, along with Osamu.

He always had feelings for you, but you unintentionally friend-zoned him to the point that he gave up any hopes that you would reciprocate his feelings.

However, it all changes when you shared a kiss with him on new year day and confessing your feelings to him.

And, from then on, you two have been official for a year now.

You have started working and furthering your studies as well.

Although Atsumu doesn't like you tiring yourself out, he wanted to pay for your tuition fee so that you can focus on studying. But you are an independent lady that wants to achieve your dreams by yourself, so the final answer was still a no.

Your relationship was so secretive that even his teammates do not know; only Osamu and your younger sister knows about it.

During his break from all the games and practices, he decided to visit you in Kyoto.

You two had fun; even though you were busy with work and school, he enjoyed it a lot since it has been a while since you two have met.

When he left for Osaka to go back for training, you were obviously upset that you two couldn't spend more time together, but you were going to surprise him next month by showing up at his game.

While preparing for all these, lots of mass media gathered information on Atsumu's girlfriend and prepared to release it soon.

The taxi driver wished you luck as you hopped off the vehicle and rushed to the arena entrance. Your flight from Kyoto got delayed, and there was a traffic jam on the way to the game.

You missed more than half the game, but there are still two more sets to go.

"Oh my gosh, I need a break." You sat down next to Osamu, catching your breath.

"Where were ya? I was busily textin' ya, and yer phone was dead." He flicked your forehead, and you rolled your eyes at him.

It was dead because you accidentally dropped in the swimming pool, and now it would not work.

"I dropped it in water. It's dead." You sighed, showing him your dead phone.

"Hmm, Tsumu does not know yer here. But he's annoyin' me bout ya." Osamu showed you Atsumu texting him about how you were not replying to him or answering his calls.

You focus on watching your boyfriend play. It has been a while since you have watched him play.

"I'm so tired~! The flight was alright, but I was panicking so much that I almost puke mid-flight." Osamu frowned at you, and you gulped the bottle of water that you have.

While you minded your own business, people were staring at you and murmuring among themselves.

"Why are they starin' at me? I'm part of the audience too." You pout and watch the players play.

It was an intense match for sure; most of them have played against each other in high school and are friends from high school.

You watch intensely, focusing on the plays made by the players, ignoring the increasing stares you were getting. Osamu noticed that more people were staring at you but just ignored it too.

Soon, the game ended with MSBY Black Jackals winning.

You and Osamu waited for Atsumu to finish interacting with his fans, and when the press talk to him, his face fell, and he pushed through them, looking around.

Then he spotted you.

He pushed his way through the crowd and pulls you to the team's private lounge.

It seems like the press has caught wind of you two.

"Tsumu! Slow down, would ya? What's goin' on?" He did not say anything and pulls you into his chest.

"I'm sorry. It's all my fault." He mumbled, and you frowned and shook your head.

"Did someone discover that we're datin'? Tsumu, don't worry. We can figure this out together." You pat his back, and he nods his head.

"You can take the bus with my teammates and me. My manager has already informed the guys." He pulls you along with him.

Atsumu was by your side, with his arm wrapped around your waist securely and the other trying to feed you. Hinata and Bokuto was the most interested in how you and Atsumu became a couple.

The other guys were melting over your Kansai accent, which made Atsumu scowl at them. Osamu raised a brow at his brother's clingy side.

"Now everyone knows that ya datin' the popular and hot volleyball player, how does it feel?" Atsumu asked you with a teasing smirk on his face.

"Meh. Tsumu, get off yer high horse. Be more humble." You pinched his cheek and he pouts in response.

Osamu was glad that you were the one that his twin ended up with. The girls that he used to date, he disapproved before he even met them.

"Where's ya luggage? Do ya have any clothes on ya?" You nodded your head at his question.

"What about yer phone?" You looked away from him and he sighed.

"We have a few days off before we leave for the next game. We are goin' on a shoppin' trip." He declared and you know he is serious about it.

No matter how long you guys have known each other, you are still uncomfortable with his spoiling you.

"Don't worry, it's my duty as yer boyfriend." He reassured you.

"The hearts I've broken because I'm dating~." Ah, still ever the same Atsumu.

Was it a long one? If you noticed there were some changes in the line divider, that is because I've written this in two different parts and got rid of my old line divider. Hence I'm using the new one in later parts.

This was quite fun to write about! Thank you for reading!

Stay safe and healthy!

With love,

Rosalie🍓

[uwua3]

if it's ok 😳👉👈 i really love your writing and i've had this idea in my head for awhile but i can't get myself to write it on my own 🤔 i wanted to see how your spin would be on it- so can i request a prompt where reader gets jealous of tenma's co-actress in a romance and tries to mimic what she does to him in a show they're in?? ty!!! 💕💕💕 i look forward to your interpretation

thank you so much for requesting~ ♡ i love you sososo much; i hope this lives up to everything you’ve dreamed of! ♡ ～('▽^人) i LOVE YOU!!! <333

summary: when tenma lands a role in your favorite drama, he had one goal: to become your favorite actor

warnings: envy/jealousy, food mentions, rivalry (all covered briefly!)

author’s note: after learning everything there is to know about the k-drama, true beauty, on tik tok, i’ve decided to write this! for context, the only thing i recommend watching before reading this is watching the “roar” scene!

this is also the first time i’ve introduced made-up characters with names! please enjoy jun, the first character who isn’t canon to the a3!verse :D

word count: 3,768

music: like a movie – b1a4

pretty u!

🌻☀️ sumeragi tenma

what the heck was love, and why did he have to be in it?

sumeragi tenma, future “world’s best actor”, was suddenly... seeing why he hadn’t won that award yet. with a script in his hand and confusion in another, tenma read the title of the next drama he landed the role for

“PRETTY U...” it was japan’s next major love story, advertised on every social media platform possible with the all-star cast in the spotlight already. although it had already been out for a season, tenma was entering as the up-and-coming newest character of the series

tenma was boyish, young, and much too confident for his age—perfect for the role of a second-lead bad boy who was going to steal the heart and test the protagonist’s commitment

except... he didn’t actually want to take up a new project so soon. he only did because—

“what?! you’re going to be chan on PRETTY U?!” he proudly nodded and watched as you began ranting about how much you loved this show. there was only one reason he came to the audition: tenma wanted to star in your favorite television series

you always went on and on about how great everything about PRETTY U was. after hearing so much and pretending not to listen (even if he could practically explain the entire plotline now without watching it), tenma let himself become a fan, too

after all, how could he not be a fan when you loved PRETTY U so much?

tenma didn’t respond to his manager’s pleas until one day, you revealed another reason why PRETTY U was your favorite production: the main lead

“he’s so handsome~ i love him so much!” “do you know him? could you get me his number?” “look at him... he’s the most perfect actor in the business right now—ah, sorry ten!”

tenma scoffed every time, claiming he could most certainly do better than that hotshot. although the boys typically didn’t do the same type of television, he had become tenma’s #1 rival without even knowing it

besides... what did that guy have that tenma didn’t? he was just nice! sure, he held open the door for the lead, bent down to tie her shoes, bended over backwards just to be the perfect boy-next-door. yeah... even he couldn’t pretend anymore

tenma pouted at the thought, skimming over his next pilot episode for rehearsal tomorrow. he was too good to be real, after all, he was meant to end up with the lead girl anyways (spoiler alert!)

but, it didn’t matter how perfect that actor was! because tenma had gotten the role of “chan”, the leather-jacket wearing mystery with an actual heart of gold, and he was going to make the entire audience swoon

(though, tenma just wanted to make your heart skip a beat when he ended up on the big screen)

tenma would never admit how fast he checked his phone when he felt it buzz in his pocket. sure, it was unprofessional during rehearsal but he knew it was you. however, his smile dropped the moment he read what you sent

you: remember to tell him how much i love him!

tenma: hah... no good luck for your new bad boy?

you: you know i’ll always root for you, ten!

tenma: but, i’m better than that actor, right?

tenma watched his message get delivered and was about to keep bothering you until someone called his name like they were friends. speak of the devil...

that actor’s straight, white toothy smile made tenma stand a little straighter (damn it, tenma was shorter), eyes wide as the actor gracefully introduced himself as his co-star for the next month or so (how did his voice sound even better in person?!)

“good morning, tenma! my name is jun, i’m so honored to meet a fellow actor on set! let’s work together well!” were they... really the same age? tenma barely registered the fact he was suddenly shaking jun’s (right, that’s his name) hand. why did he have such a manly grip?

tenma quickly (to his dismay) found out that him & jun had entered the industry around the same time but often had different projects, so they were never featured in the same production before. apparently, that was creating quite a buzz in the media that two childhood stars were competing against one another

a competition that tenma couldn’t lose. he was going to be your favorite actor, not his rival!

jun, like the perfect gentleman everyone described him to be, showed tenma around the PRETTY U set. jun had nothing but good things to say about the crew and vise versa. that only reinforced how tenma was oddly much more quiet than he usually was. luckily, one of the talents of being an actor was improvising, so jun was doing just fine

when they had reached the dressing rooms, jun shot a bright smile at tenma and gestured to the rather large room

“we’ll be sharing a dressing room together, tenma! we’ll be spending a lot of time together!”

tenma suddenly regretted his decision to become chan of PRETTY U. you couldn’t have had a different favorite show?! anything but... this

there were now three main characters for PRETTY U: hoshi, yuri, and chan, creating a love triangle for millions of viewers to watch every week

nakamura jun, leading role, played “hoshi”, the boy-next-door. this is the popular boy at school with the best grades and an even greater reputation amongst everyone. next, uedo ren, one of japan’s rising female actresses of this generation. she is adored as “yuri”, the perfect girl. she is the typical nerd who suddenly transformed into the prettiest girl at school from learning make-up

last (but definitely not least!) is sumeragi tenma, playing “chan”, the bad boy. it was nothing like tenma’s done before, since the character was much less expressive than he was used to. chan is a traditional rebel who is revealed to have a soft side for yuri. but, chan (ironically enough) has a secret history with hoshi, causing tension in this already confusing love triangle

(embarrassingly enough, jun had to explain to tenma the complications and ties between each character. tenma, unfortunately, found it to be extremely helpful)

even with this newfound knowledge of the characters in season 2, tenma couldn’t help but absolutely ruin the first day of rehearsals. even with a decade or so of acting as his experience, one thing kept him from being chan: his lack of chemistry with “yuri”

“cut!” the director called out again for the nth time, sighing as their eyes landed on tenma, who was not enjoying being the center of attention this time, surprisingly

“take 5, kid. once you come back, i expect you to actually go through this scene without messing up your lines.” tenma nodded and exited quickly, feeling flustered from the looks of sympathy directed his way. usually, it was one-and-done. it didn’t take a hundred tries just to do another romantic and cliché scene

tenma exhaled loudly once he felt the fresh air upon his face. without the fear of cameras in his face anymore, tenma ran his hand through his hair with a frustrated kick at the concrete. come on! he was renown child actor sumeragi tenma, why was he so in his head now?

tenma was about to yell into the sky before he heard someone close the door, standing beside him with their usual silence. tenma didn’t even have to look to know it was jun (probably with the most pitiful look ever)

“tenma? are you okay?” jun waited as tenma tried to not say anything he’d regret, shifting his weight on his foot back and forth before relenting, shrugging as if it couldn’t be helped

“i don’t know... i just, i can’t see yuri that way. how am i supposed to flirt with someone i don’t even like?”

jun pondered the thought for a moment, before tilting his head, a boyish smile overtaking his features. tenma unwillingly relaxed; jun finally looked his age

“who do you like then?”

tenma froze, a blush even foundation couldn’t hide blossoming on his cheeks. jun let out a teasing “oooh!” as he nudged tenma with his shoulder, who pushed back with an eye-roll

“i-it’s not like that! don’t be so—ugh!” tenma cut himself off, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding jun’s knowing eyes. damn it, they barely knew each other. why was he getting so comfortable with his enemy?!

“well, whoever you thought of, imagine yuri as them.”

“is that what you do?”

jun shrugged, not giving a clear answer for once. before tenma could ask for more information, their break was over

when tenma returned to the scene, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. when he opened them again, he watched as yuri transformed into the one person he’s been trying to impress this entire time: you

when “you” smiled, tenma couldn’t help but follow along. his first-take after break made the cut for the final product

“you must really like them, tenma~” — “stop!!!”

filiming afterwards became easy, especially when he imagined all his romantic words were directed towards you. he could feel the clamminess of his hands, the rapid beat of his heart, the intense blush across his face, all at the thought of you

(the only time he had to start over was when he accidentally said your name instead of yuri’s)

tenma was sure he’d become your favorite actor now! after all, you were his favorite person

“will you watch the first episode of PRETTY U’s season 2 with me?”

you had never said yes so fast in your entire life. when tenma learned there’d be a cast-viewing of episode 1 after finishing the season, he knew his +1 invite could only go to the biggest fan of the show

throughout filming, you were always the person who got him in trouble when the text tone wasn’t put on silent. you liked spamming tenma with a bunch of supportive and encouraging messages when you were available, meaning tenma always had something to look forward to after each scene

in return, tenma would send a selfie of him with his castmates or the set (or, what he was allowed to show under his contract). yet, despite your constant pleas, there was one co-star he’d never take a photograph with: jun

(“tenma! we’ve worked together for months~ shouldn’t i be called your friend now?” “no—” “huh?! don’t pretend you don’t like me!” “who said i was pretending?” “tenma!”)

at first, tenma was apprehensive about inviting you to an event where jun’s picture-perfect face would be on display everywhere. but, whenever he saw you, the weight of the tickets suddenly felt much heavier in his pocket. he couldn’t deprieve you of such an exclusive event just because of his jealousy (even if he was this close to doing so)

when tenma impulsively asked three days before, it felt worth it when you threw your arms around him (he hugged you back and pretended this meant something to you)

“i love you, ten!”

tenma felt like he was on set again, with yuri’s arms tightly holding onto his heart

“i love you, too.”

even after saying it so many times, tenma meant it even if he didn’t say it to your face every time

you looked like the star of the show

tenma fixed his tie as his blazer suddenly felt too tight. you appeared in your most formal attire, looking like a million bucks as you two sat across each other in the limo

“ten, look at all of this!” you pointed out every little thing of preparing for a professional event. the little glasses of champagne neither of you two could drink sat to the side as the leather seats molded to fit your posture. as the night lights of tokyo blurred by, tenma couldn’t help but think you sparkled more than this diamond of a city

“i can’t wait to go see the first episode! thank you for inviting me.” you bowed your head, as if suddenly overcome with gratefulness. tenma lightly kicked your shoe with his, fondly rolling his eyes as he tried not to smile (mission failed)

“don’t worry about it, who else would i bring? you’re my favorite pe—friend. friend, yeah...” tenma trailed off, suddenly finding something very interesting outside of the window. you only nodded, seemingly more interested in the fact there was enough room to walk around

when tenma caught sight of the infamous red carpet laid out in front of the theatre, he cleared his throat and put on his best face for the cameras. after stepping out of the car with his bodyguards nearby, tenma turned and gave you a genuine smile. not his typical arrogant smirk the news source ate up, but a type of smile only reserved for you

when he held out his hand, the flashing lights behind him seemed like a real celebrity, something you had never considered him to be before. it was like seeing tenma in a new light (both literally and figuratively)

“shall we?” you took his hand and wondered if you could ever have your own j-drama. perhaps, tenma could even be the main lead...

before you could step off to the side, tenma already had his arm wrapped around your waist with his unchanging expression (however, underneath it all, he was internally freaking out. what was he going to do now?!)

“you’re my date, right? walk the red carpet with me.” tenma winked (you swore it sparkled) as he gestured towards the carpet ahead. suddenly, the line seemed much longer

“t-ten... you’ve never brought a date before...” you mumbled, acutely aware of how soon it was to walk down together. tenma’s arm stiffened, but nothing else exposed the revelation as he looked down at you

“you’re my first, then.” and my last, tenma thought to himself. before you could change your mind, it was showtime. tenma put on his movie star face and introduced you to familiar interviewers, smiling away as if you two weren’t panicking on the inside

while you were focusing on the fact you were going to be going viral as tenma’s first “date” to the event, tenma was trying not to blush from how close you were. you felt... right besides him

tenma was a natural in front of an audience waiting for him to make a mistake. he flawlessly answered every question with swaggering confidence, his stride easy and poses photogenic

you did your best to follow his lead but it all ended when tenma took you into the theatre, staring down at you with a bright smile

“we did it! see, told you we’d be just fine.” tenma let out an exhale of relief, glowing with joy from the adrenaline of everything that came with being a superstar. as you looked up into his excited eyes, you saw him lean down before—

“your arm is still around me.”

silence, then a hurried separation as tenma put too many feet between you two. it was suddenly as if you two were strangers. you regretted the words the moment they left your mouth; you didn’t mind at all... why did you say something?!

“um... so, food?” tenma spoke up after an eternity of making excuses. you two quickly moved to the line of movie snacks, using candy and popcorn to substitue the suddenly awkward silence

when tenma ordered all your favorites without even asking, he turned around with the selection only to close his eyes and internalize every single thing he was feeling because there he was, his worst enemy

jun entered from a side door, most likely finishing up helping the crew with set-up (and 30 minutes early as usual) before catching tenma’s iconic bright orange hair, a grin lighting up his face

“tenma! it’s me, jun!” he said, as if they weren’t the two main leads of japan’s most famous drama so far. immediately, your smile matched jun’s as you watched as your favorite actor of all time make his way towards you two

“jun... of course you’d be here.” tenma said through gritted teeth, forcing a pleasant smile even with an armful of junk

“ah, still keeping the bad boy attitude? we’re off set now, you can stop method acting now.” jun joked, bringing his attention to you with a dazzling smile that would absolutely make any fansite’s career

“oh? who is this, a friend of yours?” tenma tried not to sigh so loud when you couldn’t help yourself and burst into a long rant about how amazing jun was. tenma waited until you reached your midpoint and stopped you with a quick nudge, trying not to scream (could jun stop being so... perfect? could you stop being so cute?!)

when tenma introduced you, he stood a little closer as he tried to maintain his jealousy. “they’re my date, by the way.” no one had asked, but tenma was clearly telling anyone who was around you two had gone together

jun’s eyes lit up in recognition as he let out a noise of surprise. “ah~ so this is who you—”

tenma didn’t regret losing his giant popcorn so fast to a co-star who could only be silenced with food. his wallet could afford another one, anyways. his pride on the other hand? could not let you know his acting secret already

“what was jun going to say?” you asked after you two departed for the viewing room. tenma nonchalantly pretended like everything was okay as he guided you to front row

“probably something about the fact you’re the one who always interrupts our scenes.”

“hey! my texts make your day, don’t lie!”

“go sit down and eat already, jeez.”

when it began, your eyes couldn’t leave the screen. it was better than you could have imagined. everything was perfect, it exceeded the standards of even the toughest fans out there. you loved every second of it... except...

tenma was too good at being chan. even with his bright hair, the dark clothes he wore made him appear intimidating, with his sharp eyes and even sharper smirk. chan’s appearance was tough, rough, and mean, everything tenma wasn’t

yet, you still couldn’t help but feel your heart sink when chan was clearly in love with yuri. yuri was one of your favorite characters by far, but she ended up bothering you for the entireity of the episode

especially every time she shared a scene (which were many times) with chan. chan was revealed to be a bad boy with a heart of gold, all with a special soft side for yuri

what was this feeling? were you... no, you couldn’t be! after all, you had never seen tenma that way before, right? yet, every time chan made an exception for yuri, you felt sick to your stomach

was it possible that tenma liked the actress who played yuri? you snuck a glance at tenma, only to see he was looking at you already (he’d never admit it, but he was watching your reactions to see if he made you proud. yet, every time you saw him, you subconsciously frowned)

were you not proud of him? did you not like his performance as chan?

before tenma could ask you, the scene changed into one of chan’s. he was standing outside in the school uniform, his head ducked as he swiped through yuri’s social media. before he could look up, yuri jumped in front of him with a teasing smile

“roar!” she called out, referring to their inside joke earlier in the episode. yuri cutely bounced back with another roar, holding her hands up like paws. chan watched, his typical rock-hard expression breaking to reveal his developing feelings for yuri

later on, chan stopped yuri in the hallway, other students watching as the school’s bad boy and goddess interact

“do that again.” chan demanded to which yuri innocently tilted her head, confused like a little puppy. “do what?” “that... that thing.” when chan roared, tenma sunk into his seat with an embarrassed defense and explanation ready. but, when he looked, you finally cracked a laugh at his little roar

your smile only fell when yuri roared again as a joke, but chan smiled for once. tenma wondered why... he thought you would be so happy to be here with him. maybe, he’d never be better than jun...

when the episode ended, it took a moment before you stood up and clapped. tenma followed along, but all he could think about was how he let you down. not only as chan, but as your boy, too

when you two left the room, you two hung back to watch as everyone congratulated one another on the success of the production. in the midst of the cheer and celebration, tenma felt small as he watched your blank expression

what did he do wrong? he put his best efforts into every scene; he might even say it was his best work yet. before he could apologize, you did the unthinkable: you roared

you jumped up into his face, holding your hands up like yuri did. when yuri did it, tenma didn’t feel a thing. but, when you did, tenma felt it. the butterflies fluttered in his stomach as he stared at you, frozen in place

“this is the part where you ask me to do it again.” you shyly trailed off, about to put your hands down before tenma weakly put his hands up, knowing he was about to regret his next move (if the embarrassment didn’t kill him, he didn’t know what would)

“roar!”

that was too loud, wasn’t it? the room suddenly went a lot more quiet as they turned their attention towards a teen actor roaring at his date

“yah! why didn’t you ask me the next line?”

“b-because... i know i like you even without you doing, that, again.”

you paused, taken back by his honesty. as tenma contemplated just falling onto the floor right then and there, you suddenly hardened your expression, standing up straighter with your arms crossed

“do that again.”

“do what?”

“that thing.”

when tenma roared again, much quieter this time, you nodded as you finally smiled genuinely for the first time ever since that episode started

“good, i know how chan feels now. i like you, too.”

“does that mean i’m your favorite actor now?”

(when jun released a video of tenma roaring online, he captioned it with “ROAR = ILY!!!” tenma realized maybe he wasn’t all that bad, but still)

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

Seeing Their Crush Half Dressed

Kim Hongjoong:

Hongjoong was lost for sure. He didn't understand why. As an idol, he should remember his way backstage where they hold the Music Bank performances.

"Fuck......where is it?"

He scratched the back of his head, trying to remember where Ateez' waiting room was. He kept walking until he finally reached a door that he felt was familiar. Without thinking too much he opened it and widened his eyes. It definitely wasn't his waiting room. It was your group's waiting room and you were currently in the process of putting on your stage outfit. You both just stood there, too stunned to say anything.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry Y/N-shii! I was looking for my dressing room!" He finally found his voice.

You simply chuckled and quickly threw on your shirt.

"Stop the formality, we're friends you know. I'm glad it was you and not someone else who bursted in."

Hongjoong let out an awkward laugh before saying sorry again and closing the door. Once alone, he face palmed himself and dragged it down his face.

"Hongjoong you stupid idiot!"

Park Seonghwa:

Seonghwa just wanted to watch his currently favorite drama that he was hooked on. Except the 99 liners decided to hog up the tv and he was mad. Then he remembered you lived right next door. Why not just go over and watch it with you? It gives him time to spend time with you as well. Win win situation if you asked him.

He texted you and you of course told him to just walk in. You underestimated how long he'd take though, and he came faster than you thought. So when he walked into your living room, you were still in your workout attire, and it wasn't exactly much either.

"I brought you the gummy bears you-"

Seonghwa sucked in a breath when he saw what you were wearing, his mouth dropping as he stared at your body.

"What?" You asked as you took in his reaction.

He simply pointed to your clothes.

"I was exercising. Geez no need to make a big deal out of it." You rolled your eyes.

Seonghwa snapped back.

"Oh no! Don't take it the wrong way! It's just.... your body...."

You raised an eyebrow at him. "What about it?"

"It's just.........Wow! Amazing!" He giggled.

Jeong Yunho:

It was Yunho's day off and he decided to spend it at a sauna to relax after working for long hours. Mingi decided to join him as usual. It was all fun between them, just laughing and joking amongst themselves. Mingi was definitely teasing him about his crush on you, which Yunho could only blush at his comments.

After a bit, they decided it was time to leave. Yunho walked out of the sauna room first, Mingi staying for just another minute. Upon walking out, the door to the sauna room next to his opened as well and you walked out.

"Yunho?" You asked, surprised to see him there.

"Y-Y/N?"

He was shook to find you there, and even more since you were wearing nothing, only towel draped over your body to cover you. He felt his face getting hot and then he remembered that he himself only had a towel tied around his waist.

"So nice seeing you here. Maybe I'll see you some other time." You smiled and waved goodbye to him.

Yunho chuckled nervously and waved to you, not knowing what to say. Right at that moment, Mingi came out and took in Yunho's state.

"What's with you? You're acting stupid. Like the kind of stupid you get around Y/N, but 5 times worse"

Kang Yeosang:

You often spent time at Ateez' dorm cause of Wooyoung, he became your friend and he loved having you over, partly because he enjoyed your company and partly cause he knew of Yeosang's crush on you. So of course, he liked torturing the poor boy by making him flustered by your presence.

On a particular day, you accidentally spilled your drink on your shirt and Wooyoung offered you one of his shirts, and left you in his room to change. Except Yeosang didn't know about this, and it was his room too. So he went looking for something and found you topless.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry!"

He didn't wait to see your reaction. He just covered his face and slammed the door behind him, too shocked to say anything. He ran into the living room, where Wooyoung was and judging from his friend's face, he could guess what happened. Wooyoung started laughing at him.

"Warn a guy you imbecile!" Yeosang threw a cushion at him and made his way to the kitchen.

Once alone though, he replayed your image in his head and giggled softly. He's not totally regretting it.

Choi San:

By no means was this an accident, coincidence or simple unfortunate circumstance. Nope. San knew what he was doing and he was not regretting any second of it. He simply saw the opportunity and decided to take it.

The boys were spending time at your place. You were all planning on watching movies the entire night. Sometime during one of the movies, you got up and decided to change into something more comfy. That's when the light bulb switched in San's brain.

"I'm going to the bathroom." He announced, not that anyone was paying attention.

Instead of the bathroom though, he curbed his way to your bedroom door before smirking to himself. Putting on an innocent expression, he opened your door and walked in on you in just your underwear.

"Choi San!" You exclaimed as you covered yourself.

"I thought you were done!" He said while faking a shocked look.

"Get out!" You yelled as you threw the nearest article of clothing to him, which he dodged.

"Ok ok!"

He closed the door and walked back into the living room, a tiny smirk on his lips.

"You're a perv." Seonghwa told him.

Song Mingi:

This day could not get worse for Mingi. First he woke up late for practice, then he kept messing up at said practice, which resulted in him having to stay extra time at the studio to make up for his mistakes. And now he's lived one of the biggest embarrassments of his life.

It wasn't your fault. He didn't know your plumbing was being fixed and San offered to let you shower in their bathroom. He also forgot to mention that to Mingi when he came home. So naturally when he walked into the bathroom, he was not expecting to see a half naked you in front of him.

"Aaaah!"

You both yelled. Mingi slammed the door closed and ran back to where San was, who upon hearing the commotion, realized he messed up.

"Ooops. Forgot to tell you about-"

"Yeah I noticed." Mingi cut him off.

Mingi sighed and slumped his tall body next to San, feeling so embarrassed.

"How am I ever going to be able to look at them in the face after I saw them half naked?"

San patted his friend's back. "Come on, it's not so bad..... I've seen them completely naked and I can still look at them."

Mingi whipped his head up at San's confession. "You what?!"

Jung Wooyoung:

Feeling bored and wanting to go out, the boys dragged you to the mall with them. They were so excited to get out and enjoy the world, not to mention they all wanted to buy things for themselves. So there you were, watching them all try on clothes and endlessly asking you for your fashion input.

Hongjoong couldn't stand to see you sitting there though. He picked out a few things for you to try on as well, secretly hoping you'd get them so he could customize them for you. So you went inside one of the dressing rooms to try them on. Wooyoung had been looking for his jacket though, which he misplaced.

"Maybe you left it in one of the dressing rooms." Mingi suggested to him.

Wooyoung thought that everybody was done trying on clothes though. That's why he didn't know you were currently in the one he just casually walked into.

"Holy Jesus!" Wooyoung screeched when he saw you half naked.

"Haven't you heard of knocking?!" You yelled as you pushed him out and slammed the door.

Wooyoung walked back to where Mingi was.

"What happened?" Mingi asked, noticing how awkward Wooyoung looked.

Wooyoung looked at the taller male and smiled. "Nothing that I regret."

Choi Jongho:

You were planning a trip to the beach with your family. You were so excited to see them after so long, and even more to see your favorite cousin, whom you were currently texting. Both of you were swimsuit shopping and trying to get each other's opinion on what to get and what looked better on you both.

Unfortunately for you, you weren't really paying attention when you sent a picture of yourself in a very revealing swimsuit to Jongho instead of your cousin.

Y/N: So what do you think? Do you like it?

Jongho dropped his phone when he saw your text, fanning his face that was getting hotter by the second.

Jongho: I mean..... I do?

You screamed when you realized your mistake.

Y/N: Oh my God! Jongho I'm so sorry! I was trying to send that to my cousin! :(

Jongho: It's ok. Don't worry :)

Out of respect for you, he quickly deleted the picture, only thing left was the memory of your body now engraved in his mind.

"Damn are they hot though." He said to himself.

Gifs not mine, credit goes to their respective owners.

[sally-mun]

Ever met a celebrity or anybody famous? The most famous person I've met was a former pro boxer, by the name of Ray 'Boom-Boom' Mancini at a charity dinner at the banquet center I worked at 4 years ago. Nicest man you'd ever meet and he even sent me a signed autograph picture in the mail. I'm a Star Trek fan and I'd love to meet the cast of TNG, but autographs and conventions are so expensive. Of course there's the chance you could catch one of them on a bad day and get the brunt of it

If we’re including conventions, then yeah I’ve met several famous people before. I’ve met and gotten autographs and/or selfies from voice actors and screen actors, and I’ve occasionally met some artists too! Outside of that, though, I can’t really say I have. Even my best and most extensive meeting was still at a convention. You could even argue that Mario Marathon was kind of a convention in a sense, albeit a super limited one!

I wasn’t sure if I should include a list or not, so as a compromise I’m going to do so below a cut!

Voice Actors:

Sonny Strait (voice of Krillin) -- Got to spend basically an entire day with him! Unexpectedly encountered him at a convention waaaay way back in the day and he just kind of adopted me and the other handful of fans that were hanging around. He gave us all free DBZ CCG t-shirts, let us sit in the DBZ hummer, and signed anything we put in front of him!

Christopher Sabat (voice of Vegeta) -- I brought him a set of cookies made to look like dragon balls, and brought my favorite Vegeta card that I’d been saving for something like 17 years or so on the off-chance I could ever get it signed. He was so moved and impressed that he gave me two other autographs for free~

Todd Haberkorn (voice of Jaco) -- This was the same convention where I got to meet Chris Sabat, and I also brought him a box of cookies. He was so excited that he dug into them right then and there, and then when signing my card he even wrote “Thanks for the galactic cookies!”

Chuck Huber (voice of Android 17/Hiei) -- I’ve gotten autographs from him a couple of times for different characters. One of the items I got signed was one of the original Hiei action figures back when Yu Yu Hakusho first debuted in the US. He was impressed that I had it at all, let alone that it was in the box. (Amusingly, the only reason I did was because I had one previous to it that was out of the box on display and whose sword had broken. I got a new one intending to replace it, but just never opened it.)

Chris Rager (voice of Mr. Satan) -- SUCH a nice guy! We had a nice little chat and I offered him some dragon ball cookies I’d been handing out that day. He signed my trading card and took a selfie with me! I caught him at a panel where he told some absolutely amazing behind-the-scenes stories that I still tell to other people to this day.

Chris Cason (voice of Tien) -- Not much to say about this encounter, I didn’t get to say much more than a hello and thank you before he had to go. I’d missed the official signing session and just happened to catch him after a panel.

Team Four Star -- I catch these guys every opportunity I can manage, and every time I bring them some DBZ-themed treat. I refer to myself as “Snack Girl” when I come to get autographs, and at my last encounter Lanipator mentioned that I looked familiar when I came to the table, so I guess I’m making an impact! I have several stories concerning these guys, way too many to list here.

Little Kuriboh (YGOA voice of Merik, DBZA voice of Freeza) -- Amusingly I met him the time I was at a convention in my Piccolo costume, and that ended up being a whole conversation by itself. It then immediately turned into a conversation about Fallout because someone had brought him some New Vegas playing cards, lol. He was enamored with the trading card I had brought him to sign, and we had a discussion about a fund raiser he’d hosted to raise money for disaster relief where I’d won one of the auctions he’d held.

Kevin Conroy (voice of Batman) -- I found out very late that he was going to be in town, like maybe a week or two before, and dropped EVERYTHING to be able to meet him. When I was in line for an autograph I was so worked up that I kept getting light headed and having heart palpitations. By the time I actually made it to the table I was so starstruck that I could barely say anything. I’m pretty sure I said “I can’t believe you’re here” (??? wtf past-me) and something about him being so talented. He thanked me and didn’t really say much. I had also paid for a photo with him, and in the photo you can see my hand gripping the side of my leg REALLY tightly because I had a very strong instinct to hug him and I WAS NOT ABOUT TO BE THAT FANGIRL.

Charles Martinet (voice of most of the Mario cast) -- Holy shit, this man is playful! He was an absolute delight to talk to, and even just to watch with other people while I was in line. He was very open to whatever sorts of fan requests each person had and was just so warm and gracious with each person that came up. I mostly just wanted to shake his hand and tell him that Mario games basically set me up for the person I grew up to be today. The thing that amused me the most is that if you had him autograph one of the prints at the table, which had all the Mario characters on it, he’d do the voices of each character while doodling little word balloons for them~

Screen Actors:

John Barrowman (Captain Jack Harkness in Doctor Who/Torchwood) -- This was one of the first times I’d gone to a convention specifically to meet an actor. He was a lot of fun and did his best to be chatty, but his handlers were kind of hurrying people along. He was especially tickled by my name (I guess he doesn’t sign too many autographs made out to “Leda”), and he even signed a second item that we happened to have for free!

Cary Elwes (Wesley in The Princess Bride, among other things) -- This was another one of those moments where the weight of just WHO I was meeting got to me and I completely lost my voice. I think I said something about having grown up watching Princess Bride ever since I was a little kid?? I honestly don’t remember what I said, it’s kind of a blur. All I know is that I was so struck by the moment that I didn’t even remember to say that I also love him in the Saw movies.

Billy Boyd (Pippin in Lord of the Rings) -- Not a lot I can say about this one because it was a very fast-paced, conveyor belt sort of affair. We exchanged greetings and he thanked us very much for coming out to see him, and we all agreed that Pippin is totes the best hobbit.

Robin Lord Taylor (Penguin in Gotham) -- One of my favorite interactions meeting a celebrity, for sure! He was actually really interested in knowing about -me-, which completely threw me off-guard. He wanted to know where I was from and what I did for a living, and when I said I was a manager at Spencer’s he got really excited and squeaked “I LOVE Spencer’s!” While he was signing my doll I explained that Penguin is by far my family’s favorite character in Gotham and that we had a joke where, anytime the show switches back to him, we say “Meanwhile, with the REAL main character...” He got a big kick out of that~

Khary Payton (King Ezekiel in The Walking Dead) -- So I don’t watch a huge amount of Walking Dead, but I watch enough that I wanted to come along when my mom went to go get an autograph from him for my brother. He’s definitely the friendliest celebrity I’ve encountered -- so much so that he wouldn’t stay behind the table! He spent the entire time in FRONT of the table so he could hug every single person that came to see him! It was a nice strong hug, too, and he was just so welcoming and pleasant. I told him that, if I had to choose one of the communities in The Walking Dead, I’d absolutely choose The Kingdom. He threw his hands up to his sides and said dramatically, “You will always have a place in my kingdom!”

Penn & Teller -- This year my mom took me on a surprise trip to Las Vegas, and while we were there we got to see Penn & Teller perform, which has always been a dream of mine! After the show they came out into the lobby and they did autographs and selfies with anyone that wanted one, and I got to meet them each. It was a little disarming hearing Teller talk, and Penn was as funny as ever because he’d loudly comment whenever someone’s phone wasn’t working. During this trip I also had my Boris plushie as my “traveling doll” and asked if they’d take pictures with him as well, which they both obliged. Teller seemed particularly amused by Boris.

James Rolfe (the Angry Video Game Nerd) -- So I actually have kind of a long history with him, which originated with me contacting the show to donate a fairly odd peripheral accessory. I given a green light and provided an address, and since I was going to be mailing him anyway, I basically just got a big box and threw in any video game related stuff that I didn’t want anymore and didn’t feel like putting the effort into selling. It ended up being a HUGE box, so much so that I included an inventory list to make sure he didn’t accidentally throw something away. To my surprise he actually mailed me back an autographed AVGN print thanking me for the donations! I thought that’d be the end of it, but he’s actually since featured that peripheral several times on the show, and even included an Easter egg that I asked for twice! This year I got to meet him at Too Many Games and introduced myself as the one that sent the item in. He mentioned that they had a lot of fun messing with it.

Mario Marathon team -- I’m known as one of the regulars since I’ve been around since the first year, and a couple of years ago I was actually invited to the marathon itself as a player! It’s definitely one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and I only wish I could do it all over again! Everyone was just... wonderful~ I was there for several days so there’s obviously way too many stories to tell, but at least in this case you can always go watch the videos on Twitch.

Artists:

Steven Butler -- This was particularly amusing because I was the one that caught him by surprise. I happened to be making my way through the Artist Alley when I realized he was there, and since no one was at the table at the time I went over to talk to him. We had an awesomely long chat about his work (I was going through a sample book on the table) and his time drawing for the Sonic comics. He tried to bring it up as a talking point, and I told him “I know, I own some of your pages!” which REALLY threw him for a loop! He showed me some art for a new Sonic-style story he’s been working on, and I completely fell in love with a character that was clearly inspired by Sally (and I’m not just assuming, he confirmed as much). I then started talking about @fini-mun and how it’s only a shame he couldn’t meet Deebs too, and was talking about Deebs’ history with art and almost getting recruited to be in the Archie art stable as well and how they now do art streams. He was particularly interested in the streams, and I was like “Oh yeah, that’s actually why they aren’t here now, they have a stream today!” so he gave me a free print to pass along to Deebs as a show of interest and support!

Veronica Vera (from the Not Enough Rings comic) -- This was another chance encounter in Artist Alley. I was just kind of poking around to see everyone’s work, and I realized I recognized the comic she was selling. I commented that I loved that comic, and she said she was selling hardcover copies of the entire series. I love the comic and I wanted to show my support, so I bought a book and she signed the inside cover! Unfortunately Oliver Bareham wasn’t there at the time, so no autograph from him. Maybe one day if I’m incredibly lucky, I suppose.

Rich Koslowski -- This was at one of my very first conventions ever. He was an inker of the Sonic comics at the time, and I was only.... 12, I think? I mostly was just excited to be meeting someone that works on Sonic stuff, and I can’t remember much about the encounter aside from just babbling about liking Sonic. I remember him being very kind.

And unfortunately... Ken Penders --  This was at the same convention I just mentioned with Koslowski. As stated above I was only 12, and I was just excited to meet someone who works on Sonic stuff. I believe I was there because of a post on Archie’s Sonic website. Anyway what strikes me as the most surprising about this encounter is how -normal- it all was, at least as far as I remember it. I’ve heard some horror stories of Penders being horrible to fans at conventions, but at least way back at this time (like 1997 or so), he was passing for a normal human. He didn’t say anything mean to me (that I noticed), and he actually gave me some free Sonic loot, which I can’t imagine him ever doing nowadays. I still have the comic book he signed, and I legit consider burning it on a regular basis.

OKAY this ended up way longer that I thought it would. I think even -I- forgot how many people I’ve met before. If I think of anyone else I’ll add it to the list later!

[duanecbrooks]

Black Being Beautiful      It's another old-time flick, having been made an entire year before The Grasshopper, specifically in--hold on to your hat--1968.                Its female lead is a woman who has long, long, long since devolved to Trivial Pursuit-question status, namely Diahann Carroll (Its male lead, Jim Brown again, has, as has been pointed out before, a very successful career as an entrepreneur, not to mention considerable visibility as a rather simplistic, indeed, flat-out shrill Black Spokesperson).                Having been made in 1968, its cinematic style and sensibility, not to mention the makeup of most, if not all, of its characters would likely be considered mightily passé, even, considering the fact that these days, political correctness is running rampant, prehistoric.                Yet be that as it may...      The fact is, The Split, which, thanks as usual to my greatly-cherished DVD player I've seen several times, is a quite gripping, very well-paced heist flick, easily carrying you along on its wavelength, easily causing you to accept its reality. And not once, not once, while watching it does your attention flag or you lose interest in its characters.                Let's specify...            Split kicks off with a wide-angle shot of a dirt road. Before long, it hones in on this car conking out, carrying this majorly hunky black dude, who, as we'll come to discover, is said picture's central character, McClain (Brown). He tries for a while to fix the car but eventually opts to riding a bus, which we see stopping in front of this rather ramshackle motel. McClain gets off and goes inside and is (in time) joyously greeted by its proprietor, Gladys (Julie Harris). He first asks about his ex, Ellie--whom we'll soon meet--and is bluntly told: "She moved. I haven't seen her." When asked about his future plans, McClain gives an answer that in sum tells the point of the entire picture: "Just one big job. That's all I want." We then see the aforementioned Ellie (Carroll) on the phone, enveloped in shock, obviously being told that her ex is back. Next we see the former couple in bed, lying warmly up against each other, obviously having Done The Deed. We quickly get the message that their history being together was far from happy (Ellie: "I kept on dreaming. And one morning I woke up and you weren't there. That was one morning too many." McClain: "If I'm not here, what the hell were you just doing [in having sex with me]?" This causes Ellie to angrily slap McClain's face). There's further dialogue between them (Ellie: "I'm weak with you...That's my problem...You want to see me crawl. You want to see me so weak I can't stand any more"; interestingly, given that, as has been mentioned, this was 1968, Ellie in time calls McClain: "You black son of a bitch!"), and then we cut to McClain casing the place the latter intends to hit, namely a football stadium where there's scheduled to be a face-off involving the Rams and the Packers (Gladys: "There's 80 thousand seats in the place." McClain: "And that's a lot of money").                 Let's continue. Following are scenes wherein McClain "tests" the fellows he wants to include in the upcoming heist, namely Clinger, Kifka, Marty, and Negil (Ernest Borgnine, Jack Klugman, Warren Oates, and Donald Sutherland, respectively) by putting them through various paces--dropping in on Clinger and initiating a fight, initiating an open-road car chase with Kifka, et al. When the team McClain wants and Gladys are gathered together, we discover that there's  certainly, definitely no love lost between McClain and the guys (Negil: "[McClain is] a big black idiot." Marty: "If there's one thing I don't have time for, it's a smart-ass nigger!"). Yet when our hero at last finally shows up they all fall into line and it's agreed that the money will be stashed at Ellie's place (Gladys: "Ellie's clean. And the cops have nothing on McClain"). Next up is a rather engaging montage wherein McClain and Ellie are walking side-by-side along different places, including the beach with Ellie carrying her heels (McClain: "I'll be with you [after the heist] because that's where I want to be"). At last finally the day of the heist arrives, with McClain and Co. seizing the take while holding several guards and several stadium employees--among them the longtime comedic actor Jackie Joseph--at gunpoint and getting away with the help of McClain and Kifka masquerading as ambulance drivers. Then, as Ellie is lying on top of her bed reading, she, and we, hear a knock upon her door. Upon opening it, in comes McClain with the stolen gains, making it clear his intent to stash them at Ellie's. After her expressing understandable consternation ("You're using me, Mac"), we see McClain seduce Ellie by first taking her up in his arms, then throwing her upon the bed and having his way with her, with her (lovingly?) caressing the money that McClain has thrown upon her bed. Following are McClain and Ellie (obviously) fully under the covers and the phone ringing. Ellie gets it and hands it to her ex, as it's for him. Next we see McClain and Clinger, while playing pool, making plans to get together later with the rest of the gang and divvy up the cash.             Next: We see Ellie's ever-horny landlord Sutro (James Whitmore) sneak into her apartment and, while our girl is combing her hair in front of the mirror, approach her, supposedly about the rent. Yet, as time goes on, it becomes abundantly clear that what Sutro really and truly wants is not rent money but Ellie herself--as evidenced by the frequent close-ups of her bosom area and her upper-thighs area. Before long Sutro gives in to his lust and grabs Ellie. There's a struggle, she manages to knee him and she opens the lower shelf of her drawer, where, we find, there's weaponry stashed. Yet Sutro catches her, throws her upon the bed, and himself gets hold of a machine gun lying inside the drawer. Sutro winds up fatally machine-gunning Ellie, seizing all the money, and throwing a sheet over her dead body.                      Split goes on. When McClain arrives at Ellie's apartment and discovers her corpse, he is of course devastated. Then he opens the drawer and sees that the money, all of it, has been taken, which also knocks him for a loop. The police--having been called by Sutro, who has alerted them to Ellie's murder--show up, McClain manages to get away and, upon re-uniting with the gang, discovers, along with us, that they are in no sense happy campers (Gladys: "You've humiliated me, McClain." Marty: "As you can see, you're on the spot, boy"). We then see that the police detective Walter Brill (Gene Hackman) has been assigned to investigate Ellie's murder (and also see a newspaper headline that fully reflects the fact that this was 1968: "LANDLORD SLAYS NEGRO BEAUTY"), McClain is for a while tortured by the rest of the gang--while his arms are being held down, Clinger smacks his exposed stomach with a soaking-wet rope--McClain manages to escape--with Gladys getting accidentally and fatally shot in the process--and winds up cornering Brill in his home. At first Brill resists McClain's pressure ("the former to the latter: "There isn't a man in the force who will rest if anything happens to one of their own"), yet comes to bend under McClain's prodding (McClain to Brill: "You curl up pretty fast for a cop, don't you?"). Brill comes to throw in with McClain, the latter assuring him that he's the best bet to getting the dough ("There are three others [in the gang], but if you deal with me, you might live to spend that money"), there's a shootout in a deserted area between McClain/Brill and the other gang members, said team winds up killing them all, and the ending of the picture is genuinely unusual. It's comprised of McClain being about to board a plane and stopping upon hearing...Ellie's voice.                So there's The Split, in all a marvelously taut, marvelously absorbing crime flick. Whitmore chillingly embodies the ever-lustful, ever-creepy Sutro. Hackman lends his monumental presence and his monumental acting skill to the role of Brill. The two white chicks of Split--Joyce Jameson as Girl-Girl, a jolie laide whom Oates's character hooks up with early on and Joseph--are, respectively, enticingly sexy and enticingly charming. All the backup gang members come through magnificently in the acting department; there's never, ever a false note concerning any of them. As scenarist, Robert Sabaroff comes up with many meaty, pithy exchanges for McClain and the principals in his life to engage in. And director Gordon Flemyng consistently keeps the action moving, never allowing anything to flag (Said scene between Sutro and Ellie deserves special mention, being an entirely blood-curdling combination of adroit camera placement and adroit editing. Also: Apparently Brown and Flemyng didn't exactly click as work colleagues. In his through-the-roof-selling personal/professional memoir, Borgnine reported that the latter, on the final day of shooting, went up to the former and--according to Borgnine, echoing his own feelings--told him: "If you were the last actor on Earth, I would never work with you again").               And now we come to Brown and Carroll. While their acting in The Split, frankly, leaves much to be desired, their stylish good looks, their forceful sexiness, and their awe-inspiring physiques save the day. Their scenes together are aflame with their physical spice and their physical grace. The fact is, The Split is further proof of a point I (I hope) have made before: that theatrical films were at their best when they were a visual medium, when they wholly put aside aesthetic considerations and simply presented gorgeous, muscular/shapely performers whose physical beauty and unyielding sexiness majorly turned us on (To make another point I hope I've made in the past: While television is up to its neck in intellectual and creative barrenness, it shines as a visual medium. There's no blah about the director or about any of its products' Importance. All that's needed is to get whatever Baywatch Babe on-camera showing skin or get Kerry Washington on-camera, period and the winning score is made).                    It was a 1970s writer who asserted that Carroll and her then-Julia-co-star Fred Williamson (remember him?; I didn't think so) "embody perfection." With regard to The Split, it is Carroll and Brown who are the real and the true embodiment of perfection. And are added proof, assuming any more is needed, of the sanctimonious guilt-bingeing and the complete meaningless of the "issue" of "looksism."

[duanecbrooks]

Gabby and Hodie: You're Number One     You may recall that, in a past article, I laid out what are my all-time favorite literary creations. You my also recall that I said that the books that I picked as my all-time etc. are those once and for all categorically and for all time. Well, what's happened is, upon further reflection--and upon my dear, warm, sweet,loving cousin Emily's words to me (surely I don't have to tell you what they were) further coming to fruition--I've come to realize my real and true all-time favorite literary offering. And it's a tie between the women's-beach-volleyball sex boat Gabrielle Reece's ("with" Karen Karbo) life-lessons guide My Foot Is Too Big For The Glass Slipper: A Guide to the Less-Than-Perfect Life and the Today-show's-Fourth-Hour gal Hoda Kotb's ("with" Jane Lorenzini) personal/professional memoir Hoda: How I Survived War Zones, Bad Hair, Cancer, and Kathie Lee.               Allow me to say here that in coming to said realization, I had to dump quite a lot of weight. At first I thought that the former television-morning-show host Rene Syler's ("with" Karen Moline) parenting guide Good-Enough Mother: The Perfectly Imperfect Book of Parenting deserved to make the aforementioned list. However, further pondering has caused me to realize that, as humorous and as charming as Syler's tome is, in the final analysis it has to do with the doings of children and with the raising of children--and as much as I love kids and love reading/seeing what it is kids have to say, an entire book centering on them is simply not my aesthetic. For a while I sincerely believed that How to Lose Everything In Politics (Except Massachusetts), the then-journalist Kristi Witker's inside-the-1972-McGovern-presidential-try memoir, merited making the cut. Yet in time I remembered that, ever since 1976, when Carter won the White House and kicked Ford and all those other Nixon-era Republican third-raters out on their asses, my consistent interest in politics has majorly decreased--indeed, in the main I've come to sympathize with what the master TV interviewer Dick Cavett once told the 1960s/1970s far-left activist Jerry Rubin: "Politics bores the ass off me." Thus I've arrived at the conclusion that Witker's book, while it's chock-full of lively wit and penetrating insight, when all is said and done involves an area, namely politics, that on the whole has long stopped being my thing.                       OK. Now I'll go into why Reece's and Kotb's tomes have seized my heart.             .The front and back covers of both books are damned enticing. Both the front and the back covers of Reece's tome picture her with her intensely attractive offspring, both times sporting an insanely appealing bathing suit and both times showing off an insanely appealing pair of bare feet (The back cover of Reece's book clearly shows that she has an equally alluring stepdaughter). The front cover of Kotb's tome displays her dressed in a quite stylish blue pullover blouse and adorned in the kind of slacks that fully exhibit what her Today cohort Kathie Lee called her "long Egyptian legs and toes." (The fact that Kotb is wearing red toenail polish slightly takes away from her dazzling visual appeal, but only slightly) And on both the front and back covers there are the sort of endorsements that easily pull you in. On the back cover of Reece's tome the former television Friend Courteney Cox is quoted as asserting: "I read My Foot Is Too Big For The Glass Slipper in one sitting...Everyone who is married--or thinking about getting married--should read this." On the front cover of Kotb's book there are words from People Magazine ("Bubbly and engaging, just like its author") and from the greatly-lauded novelist Adriana Trigiani ("This book is a manual for overcoming obstacles and living life with passion and purpose...Hoda is the working girl's Cleopatra. She rules!").               .The prose of both tomes is colorful and lively. Both Reece's and Kotb's books feature the kind of writing that, upon seeing it, immediately rivet your eyes to the page. Upon seeing any page, its wording has you absolutely hooked, positively pleased to be in the company of such charming, sprightly gals, gals who obviously love life and do not hesitate to embrace it entirely. And, again, that feeling comes no matter what page of theirs you're on (Kathie Lee in her super-bestselling compilation of essays Just When I Thought I'd Dropped My Last Egg at one point said: "I love my new co-host Hoda Kotb. She is an absolute doll and so much fun to work with." The writing style of Hoda causes you to fervently agree with KLG's every syllable).               .Both women in their tomes have greatly witty and greatly incisive things to say. In both Glass Slipper and Hoda there's sparkling humor and eye-opening observations, whether Reece in her book is discoursing on how cathartic it can be for a parent to swear ("[A] little bit of cussing does wonders. The later in the day it is, or the earlier in the morning, the more important this is for your sanity, and to help you feel less like an underpaid servant and more like the sassy teenager that is still lurking somewhere inside your bill-paying, car seat-purchasing, sleep-deprived self") or her regular almost-all-women's exercise class ("Sometimes someone comes up to me after class and wants to pay me, or otherwise do something lavish to show her gratitude. I tell her, she's already doing it, by inspiring me with her commitment...When my women show up, day in, day out, with their great attitudes and their great energy, they don't realize that that's their gift to me") or her parenting style ("[Excessively spending time with electronic pleasures] messes with your head, and I don't want it for my kids...So I say no. A lot. And tell me I don't feel like a shit mom when little Brody, who's been cooperative all day, has a meltdown in the afternoon and sobs miserably, 'I. Just. Want. My. Electronics'") or whether it's Kotb in her tome telling of her lifelong struggle to establish her own identity (I will always be asked [as this one "older black woman" did while Kotb was in a phone booth making a call during her early days as a television journalist, taking Kotb's face in both hands and looking into her eyes] 'What is you?' And while I'll proudly explain I'm Egyptian...again, the answer in my head will always be: I'm just me") or acknowledging her refreshingly non-high-minded, purely self-serving motivation for going into and staying in TV news ("Procrastinating to me is simply a way to create a time crunch...After I phone in a takeout food order, I'll stay at work as long as possible, then race home to my apartment to meet up with the delivery guy...[T]elevision news is the perfect career for me. I need to know that my work day has a start and a fight to the finish. I'm competitive, persistent, and not afraid to risk being the hero or the goat when airtime hits") or the near-overwhelming thrill she felt when the Today show's Fourth Hour hosted the always-and-forever-bootylicious Queen Bey ("When Beyonce walked into the room, [Kathie Lee and I] were blown away by her beauty and her presence. She's about 5 feet 7, but her red heels added several inches. She wore a gorgeous short dress, designed in her favorite color, red. She was a knockout. Her frame is sexy and solid and she carries herself with confidence around every curve...Her words were laced with a touch of Texas twang (Beyonce was born and raised in Houston). As her people began touching up her hair and makeup, all I could think was, There's absolutely nothing wrong with her! Bring that stuff over here!"). After reading these books, you effortlessly feel invigorated because you spent quality time with two insightful, funny, considerably observant ladies who have, to quote a line from the classic 1960s song, "looked at life from both sides now" and are bright enough and centered enough to retain the lessons such observing has taught them.             Also: Both Reece and Kotb conclude their tomes in grand style. The former closes by assuring her readers that should they choose to assume the role of "queens" of their household, "[y]ou will live interestingly ever after." And she ends her "Acknowledgements" section by lauding her hubby, the professional surfer Laird Hamilton: "I cherish the gift of knowing you, your love, and your partnership. Oh, and when our girls [their daughters] are difficult, I do blame you for those traits." The latter, for her part, ends her book with a forward that itself finishes with her naming her "special wooden box" inside of which is the "letter that lists the three most important traits in my man" and assures us readers that "there's a chance it will end up accidentally buried by books, an over-sized tote bag, a plaque, or other random crap." Kotb's own "Acknowledgements" portion winds up with a fond shout-out to her "co-author," Jane Lorenzini, "the most brilliant writer I have ever known...Your dad was right. It has been an adventure...Your name should be bigger on the [front] cover. Oh, well...next book."           During the 1980s, it was Barbra Streisand who famously crooned, concerning creativity:                                                     "The art of making art                                                     is putting it together, bit by bit,                                                      Beat by beat, part by part,                                                        Sheet by sheet, chart by chart,                                                              Track by track, bit by bit,                                                          Reel by reel, pout by pout,                                                      Stack by stack, snit by snit,                                                          Meal by meal, shout by shout,                                                              Deal by deal, spat by spat,                                                          Spiel by spiel, doubt by doubt.                                                      And that is the state of the art."           To read the books of Gabrielle Reece and Hoda Kotb is to bring about enormous gratitude that said authors--and their ghostwriters--took the time and the trouble to put them together, employing every "bit," "beat," "part," "sheet," "chart," "track," "bit," "reel," "pout," "stack," "snit," "meal," "shout," "deal," "spat," "spiel," and "doubt" so that "the state of their art" would make them such eminently satisfying reading experiences.