#i've been on tumblr too much recently i think it's getting super unhealthy maybe i should disappear again lol

[boytransmission]

Idk if you would answer something personal like this but I thought I’d shoot my shot!

For background I’m 20, queer/enby and just starting to get into bdsm/kink this past year or two. I also prefer a submissive/brat role and your page has helped me a lot in feeling a community and understanding.

How did you learn about this side of yourself/explore it, have you found community that makes you feel validated in it and can share it with, and how do you work through shame if you experience that?

I hope you have the best day I appreciate you!

-🫀

Heyy howdy! i'm so happy to hear my little corner of tumblr has helped you out at all, that's really cool :) I don't feel super qualified to answer your questions, but i'll do my best under the cut

I learned about this side of myself very, very early on lol. I was extremely hypersexual as a child (didn't know what a sexuality was so i just fantasized about everyone) then got scared of myself from like 9-14 (came out as bi at 11, lesbian at 12), then got back to it as a highschooler (13: trans & bi; 15-18:gay ftm). I never got with anyone (didn't start screwing till i was 18), but i poked around 20th century queer art and history and photography (mostly from the u.s., and mostly gay male), and by the time i joined in on the grindr scene at 18 i had an idea of how i wanted to be thrown around. I explored it all in a pretty horrible, unhealthy way through grindr. I fell in love with a transfem who was my first for everything but was secretly using me as "the other man" the whole time, i was always too scared to actually deny sex to anyone who i wound up meeting in person which did a horrific number on my body, and i was obviously chased all over the map by cis male fetishists, and i got with several of them and dated one who was extremely... i don't know. Manipulative? Violent? It's more confusing than that. I was having sex as an addict running away from my real life issues and emotional struggles, and i fucked myself over so much worse than any one hookup or short-term relationship possibly could've. I realized i needed to cut it all off, and i did, and it forced me to seriously think about where i stand sexually. I was right when i was a kid- i'm a dyke. As imaginitive as i was when i was younger, i haven't been 'hypersexual' since i was maybe 13, and i am definitely demisexual. The trauma i experienced from august 2022 to july 2023 has caused extremely intense bouts of sex-repulsion fluctuating against sex addiction which has been... tough. But with all that said, coming back to my dyke roots and listening to my younger self and pursuing butchness and fagdyke bullshit has helped me heal so, so much. It was rough realizing that what i was doing was a twisted version of comphet, something i stupidly thought i was more or less immune to. This community and all the art and people and ideas that come out of it are so insanely incredible and touching to me. I've always been part of the trans community, but the trans dyke community is so much stronger together than the gay trans community was for reasons i don't know.

I currently live in a small town in florida with no nearby major cities, and even if there were, i can't afford a car (let alone gas or insurance) and i'm stuck at home when i'm not at work. It's miserable, and all those issues combined mean there's no community here for me to engage with, not queer and definitely not kinky. I've been wanting to move to a bigger city, and when i was visiting Seattle i got my first real ticket into a trans kink community that was so warm, welcome, open, and i was so, so floored and beyond happy i got to experience it, even if it was just one meet up at a cafe. Finding community in smaller areas is excruciating.... even if you take initiative to build it, it's likely there's no one actually There to join in.... i mope about it a lot. But online i feel like i have recently found a good circle of people/mutuals/etc to share in butch/dyke/trans sexuality and leather kinks and pretty much everything i've talked about on this blog, despite how badly it's lacking for me irl :,,)

Something that ties the two paragraphs together: i really don't struggle with shame in any bit of what i do or who i am, unless i'm going through a paranoid fit of sex-repulsion, in which case the only thing i'm really shameful about is having an online presence at all. Sometimes i get paranoid and scared off my ass that i'll never be separated from these fantasies and images, that i'll always be seen as a little, young fucktoy, or that i'm still in addiction and punishing myself and this is all self-harm when i know (in normal states) that it isn't.

Also sooooo glad you're a brat, isn't it so much fun? How am i not supposed to be a bit snarky from time to time and how am i not supposed to obsess over the punishments i'll get? It's always a win win i fucking love being a little piece of shit lollll

[latejulys]

omg 💀

[keverbloom]

Tag Game

I was tagged by @theinternetismylyfe and I figure with as often as I beg for interaction in the tags that I should actually do something with the interaction I do receive XD

Rules: Answer the questions and tag 20 people you want to get to know better

Name: Kat

Gender: Female

Height: idk. Last time I actually checked I was 5'9"

Star Sign: Cancer

Sexuality: Pan

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw

Favorite Animal: I honestly don't have one? I love them all? (Some from afar tho lol)

Average Hours of Sleep: I honestly try to get 8 every night but there's some nights where I just have too much homework and get 6-7

Dogs or Cats: ALL (gimme all of em and I will love them and feed them and love them more and I can have all of the new best friends)

How Many Blankets I Sleep With: typically 2- a quilt I made that's probs honestly more for looks than warmth bc it's partially made of denim and doesn't keep me all that warm so I put a real fuzzy blanket on top and it's great

Dream Trip: honestly? Going to Canada (Vancouver area. I love it there.) and never coming back would be amazing

Dream Job: I'm currently studying music ed which is great! But I have this problem where I want to teach elementary music ed but in America they don't pay people to do that (it's barely better pay than fast food, even if you have a degree) so I'm focusing on upper level choirs instead

When I Made This Account: Too Long ago. I don't even remember man, I've been on hiatus a few times... Idk man, it's been a hot sec

Why I Made This Account: so. I used to be a pinterest hoe but I kept seeing pins that were screenshots of tumblr and was like ayyyy looks like a party and then I made a terrible decision and probably a huge mistake (but also I have made friends and I don't regret it one bit) and made this tumblr account

Number of Followers: 458 :D love you all! <3

Reason For URL: so I know I talked about this in my tumblr accent challenge which I am now realising was forever ago (4 years I think? Maybe?) But basically I needed an email address and was reading a book series where the main character's name was ever bloom (super cliche. I recently re-read them and was like yikes unhealthy relationships! Why did I ever enjoy these?) And since my name starts with a k, I did k ever bloom but no spaces so keverbloom and then my friend group started pronouncing it different and it caught on so yay! Backstory unlocked!

I tag: @liver-baby @im-ray-and-gay @carryonmywaywardpineapple @penguinmaster425 @maisie-mousey @thesarcasticgoldfish @stunticonscott @teabuddies @psychoticsherlockian @none-tadashi-left-hiro @angeredfangirl @celloaquarius @piningforpearl @cloverbrooks @bluegrass-and-brownbears @sassy-xelor @sass-over-teacup @sbeetacular @musicbeeme @mayeangel8