#i've been meaning to do that for a week but i just can't bring myself to do so bc he doesn't like it
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damnfandomproblems · 3 days ago
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Agreed with most of #6472 until the race, mental disability and height thing.
1. As a POC woman, just do your research if you're making a POC character. I'm not personally offended, but I don't speak for everyone.
2. As someone with autism and anxiety; DO YOUR RESEARCH. PLEASE. Like as long as the portrayal is accurate and research was done, I think a lot of disabled people would appreciate representation but idk. I dont speak for everyone.
3. SHORT PEOPLE EXIST. JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE IS SHORT, IT DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE A MINOR OR "MINOR CODED" HEIGHT DIFFERENCES SHOULD NOT BE AN ICK.
I think the last three could be rage bait, but idk. Just my opinion.
Posting as a response to a previous problem.
Going to include a few more responses to the same problem below:
Anon:
...is this a parody?
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Anon:
"If your ocs looks young, they are a child." I am 25, last week someone asked me if I was in high school. Some of us just look young idk what to tell you.
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Anon:
Bait used to be believable
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@theofficialkai517:
I'm not a regular OC maker, but I feel like there will be some mixed-bag responses. But in most cases that I've seen "actual [way older than teenager] looks to be way younger than they are" has been a canon thing, not an OC thing. Aang from Avatar and Elena from Elena of Avalor instantly come to mind. It's not just teenage-appearing characters, either, there are several adult characters that don't appear to age past their 30s despite being millenia old, or can change their age and appearance almost as they please. The gods from Percy Jackson (though some of them may not be the best examples to prove a point against you, LOL), many dragons from fantasy & sci-fi novels, vampires, so many different archetypes... I am not standing for or against this-- though the specific ones that I mentioned were trapped at their ages and don't remember much of anything during their times of not aging, and I do ship them both with teenagers they are friends with in their shows; and the archetypes/character designs I listed... Is a mixed bag, to be fair-- but it's not just about OCs, and you can't fault OC designers for following a pattern that has been their for a long long time, whether or not that character has a romantic bond with another character, or has friends who are all the age that the character appears to be.
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Anon:
what the hell does that mean, anyone 5'7 or under is minor-coded and shouldn't be shipped?! lots of adults, females especially (and including myself) aren't anywhere close to that height in real life. and it's okay to ship minors with other minors; there are millions of high-school love stories out there. besides, are we supposed to know a character's height right off the top of our fucking head or something? even if it's an oc. like, most of my ocs if i ever were to create more would probably be closer to my height because that's what i find "normal," or i just want somebody to dump all of my struggles on. it's literally not pedophilia to ship fix-it felix and calhoun together (first ship to come to mind, sorry), despite him being very very short. not much of this shit even happens with ocs, i've seen most of what you're bringing up in the media that's actually put in front of us.
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Anon:
re 6472, specifically this line: "Anyone under 5'7" is minor coded and shouldn't be shipped." What the metric fuck are you smoking? I swear I'm gonna short-circuit.
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Anon:
Okay, so many things. And I am sure others have probably brought this up too, but hey.
The "1000 year old dragon/immortal being with the body of a child trope" isn't just used by fans and makers of OCs. It is often a "trope" used by creators themselves; if it makes you look like a creep/has inherently pedophilic tones/only creeps are okay with this kind of thing, then call me a fucking creep. So many wonderful medias have characters who are older than they look, even going to J.M. Barrie with Peter Pan. Not many people seem to mind that they don't know how chronologically old Peter is, they just find whimsy in the fact that he will never grow up. The same goes for Avatar: the Last Airbender's titular character, Aang, who is chronologically 112 but has the appearance and mannerisms of a 12-year-old. It is meant to portray his redemption and his friends' hope, not to be creepy or pedophilic.
I can't quite help you there. There are some executions of that trope that work, and some that don't. But please know that most of this was perpetuated by actual creators and authors than us fans and our OCs. If you want to raise a fuss, try and go to Stephanie Meyers first before pointing your finger in our faces.
"if your ocs looks young, they are a child [...] it is simpler that way. You do not need to overcomplicate your ocs." First off... Completely false. I cannot be the only person who still looks 14 but is actually far older than that... If it happens in real life, it can happen in fiction and with OCs. We are not children, those characters are not children. It is not "overcomplicating" an OC. Besides, some people don't want simple with their OCs, they are putting their hearts and souls into them and just having fun.
Nobody should have to ask "approval" to write a character that is a different race than them. Yes, it can end disastrously... But it also couldn't. If people had to ask approval to write a character who is Latino or black or East Asian when the writer is white, or any other variation of one race creating a character of another, there would never be any diversity in anything ever.
There was need for you to elaborate on that. Some of the best ADHD/autism representation I have seen in characters has come from neurotypicals. I have a loved one who has never had anxiety or depression before but can spot-on name most of the signs and symptoms just from watching me live through it. As long as you're not adding harmful traits to one mental disability or another, I have no reason to be offended. Maybe just try and do your research, but even then, nobody is allowed to police you. Again, nobody should have to ask approval or be worried that they're not writing a character good. Also, it's easy for signs of one mental disability or other to slip through in a character without it being openly stated. Sometimes things happen unintentionally, it was never meant as a slight towards someone who has the mental disability strongly hinted at.
"Short characters are basically minors"... Ex-fucking-scuse me? What the fuck? "Anyone under 5'7" is minor coded and shouldn't be shipped"... Just stop. Stop it right here. 5'7" is a major ask, especially in a fictional world where heights often aren't known to viewers/readers, and your OC can be whatever height you wish on them. It's a major ask even in the real world. Because why the fuck are only tall people allowed to be shipped? When hobbits exist, dwarves exist, elves (like, Christmas elves) exist... Some fictional species aren't designed to grow taller than, like, 4'10", let alone 8 inches taller than that. Half of the females I went to school with didn't make it past that height; it is unreasonable to tell people that they cannot create characters to be shorter than a certain height if they want to be able to ship them.
Sorry for the long rambles, but most of that was BS and needed to be called. Yes, there is room for a lot of moral ambiguity when it comes to characters who are coded one way or another... Especially when it comes to age/immortality/disguising oneself as another age/etc. But if someone is doing any of these things and it drives you nuts, either block/mute/ignore them or, in the cases of 4 and 5, maybe gently message them with "hey... I wanted to let you know that I have/am [insert mental disability or race here] and that [character] doesn't quite match up to what they're supposed to be. Can I offer you some guidance in writing them?" and if they say no... Just leave it be. This is fandom, not politics.
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deoidesign · 6 months ago
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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rainbow-burst · 10 months ago
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I being so fucking normal about this fit on him rn I'm beingsofuckingnormal I'm beingsofuckin nor-
#you have no idea how fucking long I've been drooling crying begging and just screaming for them to do a Lost boy kill count#like I just watched the podcast maybe like a week ago and I'm just like rocking back and forth on my bed like they're going to post a video#<--real soon#and oh my God I watched the video of the kill count in there's so many things I wish they talked about on there but I'm grateful to get it#they did talk about the sequels and.....ekkkk... I mean it's only based off of high demand so let's hope to God no one talks about it#or send any emails for them I mean if they talk about the remake that's fine I haven't really seen that one I know Sebastian stan is in it#oh my God I feel like I'm about to be so fucking annoying about the movie again I think I'm going to just start posting random shit about it#also lately I've been more happy to be posting and drawing again than usual#so I might be back on doodling and drawing random shit or actually I've been having more confidence in myself to start posting doodles#why do I bring that up because oh I don't know...wink wonk 🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤗🤗 😉😉😉😉😜😜😜#my laptop kind of sucks now so I'm going to buy a new one probably this month or next month so I'll be drawing and posting doodles#I'm also thinking about posting some of my recent sketches I have in my notebook but don't expect any Picasso or Vince Van Gogh for me#I know I'm good but like I'm not that good lol im jking kinda sorta maybe not relaly okay yeaj am BUT!!!#I feel like I'm back on my drawing shit again and if I don't finish your drawing I'll just still post it because why the fuck not I'm young#let's fuck around and have some fun why not huh#man I can't believe I'm actually really rambling here but yeah I'm happy to say that I'm going to be back on my stupid shit ❤️#kill count
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Uni lecture is making me think about my future for a minute and auuuggghhhh the agonies
#personal#taking a brief break from it bc the feeling hasnt quite overwhelmed me yet but i dont think I'm going to be okay by the end of it!#its asking me to consider what my strengths are. what kind of role I'd like to have in the industry when i graduate#these are questions that i SHOULD certainly have answers to but they kind of just make me not wanna be alive yk? bc i have no answers#I'm not really good at much. like the things I'm best at I'm still completely unexceptional#what are my strengths? don't have any. next question#what job do i want to have in the industry? well that requires an answer to the first question doesn't it#not to mention it requires me to think about graduating and having a job and I've simply never imagined myself getting that far#and i can only give this so much of my attention span bc I'm also thinking about how hard i failed my modules from last semester#my best grade this year has been a c#one of them is a marginal fail meaning i do the reassessment this year (i think)#the other is a hard f. what does that mean? do i resit the entire course next year? maybe#and i can't look it up just yet bc i need to make it through the lecture bc I'm really far behind this other module already#and it's only week 3 and i have a presentation tomorrow#and if i stop watching it im not convinced I'll bring myself to start watching again!#so instead i was just sitting here trying not to get overwhelmed by all of the things i should be thinking about!!!#that's why I'm making the post tbh. just to organise my thoughts and get it out of my system and give myself time to breathe#and my phone keeps buzzing while i type and if it does that one more time i will launch us both out of the window I'm so fucking done#semester has barely begun and im so fucking overwhelmed already#I've joked about being the token nt mutual before but honestly the past few years I've just been getting gradually more convinced I'm not#this can't be how everyone else is experiencing life. surely#like dude I'm so out of fucking touch w the concept of being a human#so in summary: augh the agonies
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mooodyblue · 1 year ago
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i hope y'all know i haven't forgotten about any day now 🥹
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danny-likes-sharks · 1 year ago
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i've got 3 dogs, one of them is deaf and epileptic, he's such a sweet and smart little guy and it breaks my heart to see his seizures and seeing him like that just really makes me reconsider a lot of things
should i put him down? is there anything i can do to make his life easier? would he be better off with someone else, someone with more resources maybe or someone who can just take better care of him?
idk, it's 4:21 am and i'm just getting back to bed after trying to help him through and after his seizure, it's a bit cold and he gets cold a lot so i put some hot water in a bottle and wrap it around one of his blankets to keep him warm
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slippery-minghus · 1 year ago
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#really struggling with treating myself with any sort of respect right now. let alone the gentle care of my bedtime routine#i thought about putting myself to bed without my adaptive devices so i'd intentionally get a bad night's sleep but it isn't worth it#lmao and i've slept so badly the past two nights anyway i doubt tonight will be different#i really wanted to go dig out a razor but the marks from a month ago are still really obvious and it's gonna be hard enough hiding those#on my stupid fucking trip next week that i DONT want to go on#i'd so much rather spend those two weeks at home sleeping off burnout#but it's a stupid fucking Once In A Lifetime trip that has been something we've wanted to do for a fucking decade#and now that we're both real adults we can finally go but I DONT WANNA#i don't wanna be away from home that long!!! and miss the colors change outside my window!!!#and i don't wanna be away from maple!!! and i don't want my mom in my apartment stinking it up even though she's the best catsitting option#i don't want the disruption to my routine especially after how hellish work has been and how wrecked my routine already is#i dont wanna go spend two weeks so far away from home i can't even take my damn meds with me#and i cant fucking SIT WITH the hurt that the thing i FUCKED UP ON means *i* can't bring my fucking adderall EITHER#i don't even fucking know if A relies on taking it as much as i do#but i can only fucking feel the shame of letting them down!!!#i can't look past it and even begin to feel how MUCH I HATE MYSELF FOR LETTING *MYSELF* DOWN#BECAUSE I FUCKED UP#i just wanna sleep. forever.#i'm just gonna go away#personal#self harm tw
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choking-on-roses · 2 years ago
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Just found out I don't have to call the bank tomorrow because I left it so long the problem resolved itself!
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barcaatthemoon · 2 months ago
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too good to be true || barcelona x teen!reader ||
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you learn not to meet your hero the hard way.
all that you had ever wanted since you were old enough to have ambitions was to play for barcelona. every single day and night that you could spend on a field was spent there getting better. that hard work didn't go unnoticed by those around you, and your community rallied around you to get you to la maisa. and from there, you kept your head down and worked hard to make it to barcelona's senior team with your idol, alexia putellas.
the video package and media done when you were announced to the senior squad played heavily on the fact that you were playing with your idol. pictures of you dressed as alexia for halloween or hero days at school were all over barcelona's social media pages. the country seemed to fall in love with you, and they all rooted for the mentorship and possible friendship they hoped would blossom between you and alexia.
the bubble of happiness and excitement was quickly burst when you met alexia. the few interactions you had with before signing with the team were wildly different than the first time you met her as an official culer. the alexia from before had been warm and friendly, even if she was a bit awkward. this alexia was mean, and didn't try to hide the distaste she had for you one bit.
"hi pequena, what are you doing out here?" mapi asked you. the nickname had been bestowed upon you early on, despite you being one of the tallest members of the team. whenever you were little, your parents had teased you about having to buy a skyscraper if you continued to grow the way you had. you stopped around 13 or so, but by that time, you felt like a giant.
"practicing. they told me that i could start in the game against levante if i bring my conversion rate up a bit more at practice," you said proudly. mapi knew the way that you played well, so she knew who you'd be replacing in that game. alexia didn't want to sit games out for rest, not when she felt like she had finally come back from such a devastating injury. still, this was great news for you, so mapi would celebrate with you even if alexia would hate you for it.
"that's great, pequena. i'm so proud of you. i can't wait to see you walk out as a starter." mapi grabbed your head and pulled you down to press a kiss to your forehead. "don't hurt yourself. no pressure, but i'm counting on you."
"i've got this. i know i do. playing with alexia has made me the best version of myself that i can be."
"what is this bullshit! this is an easy win, why aren't you playing me?" alexia was on a rampage. several of the girls looked around the locker room until irene and marta stood up.
"alexia, you said it yourself, it's an easy win. you don't need to be out there for a game like this, so just take the rest day and relax. look, it's pequena's first game, let her have this," marta said. it was reasonable, and that only seemed to aggrevate alexia even more. she didn't want to be reasonable about this, she wanted to be angry. it was like she was being replaced by you, which she absolutely hated.
"of course it's about her! it's always about your precious pequena. she'll never amount to anything if you all continue to baby her," alexia huffed. you watched her storm off, unsure of what to do. alexia was your hero, and for her to speak or think so poorly of you was absolutely devastating.
"don't listen to her. you know what, don't even think of her. come on, let's talk strategy," pina said as she pulled you to sit down. you didn't want to talk strategy or do anything. all you wanted to do was run away and never come back. maybe your legendary barcelona run would have to wait until alexia had retired and wouldn't be there to bring you down on yourself.
"i feed you and caro the balls when i can, and if you're tied up and i have room, i run in myself. it's not rocket science, the same play we've been running all week," you said shortly. pina looked taken aback by your tone, but she didn't mention it. she understood what alexia meant to you, and a part of her felt guilty that alexia hadn't ever snapped at her like she had with you. you had done absolutely nothing to deserve alexia's wrath, and yet, the older midfielder seemed to absolutely despise you.
it was hard, but you didn't let alexia's feelings towards you completely ruin your excitement about the game. you could see your family in the stands, everybody cheering loudly for you when they called your name. the hugs from ingrid and pina definitely helped to lift your spirits, both women whispering how proud they were of you before you all took your positions.
you had the support of the majority of your team, but it was easy to get hung up on what you didn't have when it was constantly dangled right in front of your face. alexia was there for the other girls, but not you, never you. it always loomed over you, threatening to make you cry without a moment's notice. and yet, you still worked hard for her approval. extra training sessions, extra workouts, and more effort than you had thought possible all for nothing to show. you decided as you looked at alexia chatting happily with some of the younger subs that you'd give her a reason to hate you if she was so set on it.
"what a goal! i can't wait to see you in a spain jersey," cata said as she pulled you in for a hug. you blushed at the compliments that poured in from your teammates. despite the fact that you had just scored on cata during the scrimmage, she had come up to you to congratulate you.
"you might just have the best left foot in the game." you shrunk back as ona put her arm around you.
"careful, she might get cocky," frido teased. she knew better than anybody how unlikely that was. frido swore that she could give you a million compliments, but you never acted like you deserved any of them. you thought that you were just doing your job, even if your teammates thought it was amazing. you wanted a compliment from one person who was very unwilling to give it to you.
"can we get back to the game now? how do you expect to win a champions' league final if we're all just standing around talking all training?" alexia asked. her tone was harsher than normal. you immediately put your head down and started to walk away when cata spoke up.
"we'll win because we're the best. we have the best players in the world here, and despite what you think (y/n) is one of them. she's part of the squad, and you should act like it," cata said. mapi moved in between the two women as they shifted towards each other. it was very obvious that a fight was on the verge of breaking out, which you didn't want at all.
"it's fine. alexia is right, we should get back to practice," you mumbled.
"no, no it's not fine. pequena, how does the way that alexia treats you make you feel?" mapi asked as she shifted to hold alexia in front of her. she forced the midfielder to look at you as you answered her question.
"i don't understand it. she's nice and friendly with everyone else, but she's cordial at best with me. i try to work hard for an ounce of what she gives everyone else. i don't like it, and i don't think i want to play here with her," you admitted.
alexia looked incredibly guilty as mapi let go of her. still, she didn't even try to apologize. she just walked away with her head hung as mapi and a few of the others yelled at her. a part of you wanted to feel good about your teammates standing up for you, but instead you felt like you had caused a lot of useless tension in the team.
that guilty feeling followed you along for weeks. you let it absolutely exhaust you before you realized that it wasn't really your fault. most of your teammates loved and accepted you, and running from alexia wouldn't garner you anything close to respect. she had just walked away from you whenever the team brought up her behavior, and that seemed to be the last straw for you. it wouldn't be easy, but you had to make yourself stop caring about what alexia thought.
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lyrefromthesea · 4 months ago
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oh! Since you also do requests with hybrids, could I ask for wolfhybrids (or fox) hashiras x reader? Like hashiras see the reader as the perfect mate material, so they try to get closer to them by courting them in their own ways
Male Hashira x Reader - Prey tell?
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author's note: the title is a pun, my humor is dry. i fell down the stairs and sit in a hospital since yesterday.
pairing: Tengen x reader, Obanai x reader, Rengoku x reader, Sanemi x reader, Giyuu x reader, Gyomei x reader
content warning: wolf!hybrids, a/b/o, kny!au
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i've been thinking a lot about this idea now, especially which rank each hashira would have. alpha? beta? omega? it was quite hard, but i allowed myself to create a little au for better understanding.
to not mess things up, i decided that the reader will be an omega in this au. all the hashira are considered alphas, which of course has a reason too.
i've went through the a/b/o thing over the past two or three days and to put it simply: alpha is the equivalent to strong, omegas are weak in comparison.
the hashira are the strongest swordsmen in the corp, it would only be right to rank them as an alpha (or a beta).
you, on the other hand, have been fighting your way to the top. omegas are weaker than most, but you possess a strong mind, which helped you work your way up.
naturally, the day will come that you catch their attention, if only for the fact that you're an omega. i also imagine omegas to be more rare than alphas and betas, since they take on a weaker role in this au.
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Tengen:
• he's smitten since day one - an alpha different from any you've met yet. smug smirk and tall body towering over you the minute your scent hits his nose.
• your scent gives him the same feeling the scents of his three wives do. you're so small, perhaps not physically, but your weak omega presence makes his protective instincts flare up.
• just another day or two and three women are by your side, two betas and another omega looking at you with happiness and a feeling of finally coming home.
• you'll learn to love all of them - courting one is courting all. Tengen's not surprised to come home and find all of you nuzzled together in a cuddle pile.
• and if that isn't enough to turn you into a proper mate of his, shiny presents and lots of time squished between four other people will surely do it.
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Obanai:
• small and weak. how did you end up near the alphas? he's suspicious when he heard of you, no omega would be able to turn into a hashira. he needed to see that for himself.
• nearly falls off his spot in the tree when he sees you and a comforting scent hits his nose. he's almost embarrassed by the way his fluffy ears are twitching, trying to listen to your conversation with Rengoku.
• he follows you around for a few days, mustering up the courage to talk to you after nearly a week. you looked up when the man sat in front of you, another bowl of food in hand.
• he doesn't talk much, only telling you that omegas should eat more than you do. you awkwardly look at him for a while, taking the bowl after another minute and thanking him.
• the action alone got him blushing under his mask, bringing you food for the next month when he finds you eating somewhere around the training grounds.
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Rengoku:
• he's one of the calmer ones when he hears about your rank as a hashira. an omega got ranked this high? what incredible talent you must possess!
• he's by no means against your way of living, but he can't keep his mouth shut about how "you should stay home and get protected by a proper alpha!" it's no insult and you can sense that much, but you find yourself disagreeing.
• once he's sure that you're the perfect material for a mate, he'll court you the proper way, just like his mother once told him.
• it's just that his "proper courting" nearly has you running away in embarrassment.
• "dear [name], allow me to show you my interest through the traditional ways of courting one's future mate!"
• your agreement only came a day later, after you survived his booming voice right behind you in the midst of a forest's silence. next time he shouldn't sneak up on you like that.
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Sanemi:
• hah? ridiculous. a small thing like you is supposed to work midst the likes of him? don't make him laugh, he could eat you up for breakfast.
• with that attractive smell reeking from your body, you wouldn't survive a day. he would see you become a demon's snack sooner than later.
• his jaw nearly hits the ground when he sees you outsmart the lower rank demon in front of you with speed and flexibility instead of strength.
• he grumbles about your stupid cute presence, sweetly roaming around him. you're truthfully just going on about your day, but it's enough to make his mind go blank.
• you're the perfect mix of strong and obedient for him, listening so well to him, because "he's done this job longer than you and you were happy to learn."
• internally smacks himself when he tries signalling his courting intentions by gifting you clothes heavily drenched in his scent.
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Giyuu:
• he didn't voice his worries, but an omega living this kind of life? any alpha would be worried, right? especially since omegas have gotten so rare these days!
• but, oh, you're so sweet and nice. you once cooked him some soup and he swore you needed an alpha's protection - his protection.
• if he could just steal you away and ensure your safety, but he knew that would make you unhappy. so he makes sure to keep you safe by following you like a lap dog.
• it's not uncommon to see the new omega and the gloomy hashira take a walk together. people tend to avoid you, feeling unwell because of the intense stare the alpha behind you gives them.
• some of them swore they have seen the two of you nuzzle against each other. a hint of his scent had previously started lingering on your uniform too.
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Gyomei:
• is it just your imagination or have you been joining missions with the stone hashira more often? no, it's definitely true.
• ever since he has taken a liking to you, he had started courting you by ensuring your safety and happiness.
• he doesn't know a lot about proper courting, mostly because it didn't interest him for most of his life. his courting is really special, but you don't mind.
• instead of bestowing gifts upon you, he takes you to special places he has found, most of them with a unique smell - a waterfall or a meadow full of flowers.
• he tries to gouge your reactions, mostly trusting his ears and tail, because he sadly can't see your beautiful face.
• you find yourself blushing with the way his ears often twitch around you, trying to listen to your every breath and laugh.
• your favourite times are when a protective tail brushes against your back, inviting you into a long session of cuddling.
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muniimyg · 3 months ago
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⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ bbydaddy!jk (16) ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹
series m.list // taglist request closed
note: please prioritize your mental health and peace if the following content is too heavy for you. this portion of the plot has a lot of angst, and arguing. overall contains sensitive topics. thank you all for waiting so well for the break-up reveal!
tw: mentions of anxiety/stress/insomnia/ and postpartum depression,, early pregnancy loss (5 weeks), and self-neglect.
🏷️ permanent taglist:
@joonsjuice @pamzn @defzcl @maryy1300 @whoa-jo @taetaecatboy @jksusawife @un06 @firesighgirl @rrosiitas @butterymin @parkinglot-nights @musicjournalsjdb @kissyfacekoo @jkslvsnella @vampcharxter @bloopkook @somehowukook @bbystarcandykoo
//
"so... jungkook moved back in, he bought you a new car, and this entire time you've been broken up—you've been sleeping with him?"
it feels stupid to confess everything to your therapist.
you’ve been avoiding this for 9 months now. 
today it has to be settled. 
it has to be over. 
this feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you want to throw up over and over again until you have nothing left inside of you. your lips tighten at the way your therapist blinks at you. you've never really been able to read her, but maybe that's what you like so much about her.
sometimes, it's nice not to know and just to take what people say as they are.
"he's not actually moved back in... he just has more closet space."
your therapist notes something down on her pad. then, she looks at you and simply comments, "i see... is that all you think it is? more closet space?"
"y-yes? n-no... no. okay, it's not like we're not back together though..." you begin to explain yourself.
"but you've been sleeping with him the entire time you guys have been broken up?"
you make a face.
your therapist tilts her head and lets out a light sigh. 
"i'm not judging. you two are adults. you both have needs. you both need each other. you both love each other. i'm just clarifying that—"
"okay, yes," you yield. "i have been sleeping with my babydaddy but haven’t gotten back together with him... i mean—we kind of are? to be fair, the break-up wasn’t a real break-up... it just grew into one. i take the blame for the dumping because i was the one who pulled away. so inevitably, i can't help but feel like a villain in all of it... am i? am i the villain? zion had this whole thing about what family is like, a home with another kid from his daycare, and it... it made me feel so guilty. jungkook and i talked about it and worked on it... i know he doesn't blame me, but every time i bring myself closer to... what do i even call this? ... forgiving him? forgiving myself? i d-don't know... all i know is that... every time i want to move on and just be happy—with him. with zion... with my life—i can't find it in me. i pull away, and it hurts everyone around us. sometimes, i wonder if they know it hurts me too."
"what does that mean?" she asks, her tone soft and curious. "good job getting that off your chest. you're doing great, ___."
mumbling a 'thank you,' you sigh and shrug your shoulders. honestly, you can’t think. your mind goes blank. she then sits up, fixing her posture. leaning forward, she makes her observation.
"___, you broke up with jungkook 9 months ago because of the circumstances. sure, he was supportive and understanding, but sometimes, when everything gets too much, the only person who can fix you is yourself. ___, it was a lot. it was heavy. one thing I've noticed about you is that you think and speak as if everything has to be this big thing. you know your emotions are bigger than the problem, yet you suppress them. it's okay to feel them because when you don't, you start to lose yourself. sometimes, it sounds to me like you want to burn the room down for people to empathize with you... for people to see you. for you to see yourself even."
"i don't want to burn anything down—"
"it's an analogy," she explains. "the truth is, for you, being burned out isn’t a thing until you can’t get out of bed. burnout is as simple as not wanting coffee anymore. sometimes, it's losing yourself to stress and anxiety... and people see that. jungkook, your friends, and your parents saw it. you don’t have to prove it. ___, you can’t keep pushing yourself until you can’t run anymore. you have to slow down. you have to let yourself be tired and learn how to rest."
you nod, agreeing with her take. then, you make another confession.
"i understand that," you take a deep breath. "but it’s like… before i knew it, i was upset and unfit for our relationship. i screwed up too early. that's why i broke up with him... but now... i don’t know. the guilt and blame keep pointing in different directions. i don’t know what i'm doing, and i can't do that. i can't not know when it comes to the father of my child and the love of my life."
your therapist purses her lips and offers you a small smile.
"then, ___... is it possible that things are better now? that it's more than his clothes in your home? that the room isn’t burning anymore? is it that maybe... finally, you’re realizing that being tired and burnt out is a part of life? ___, you’ve done nothing but get everything right since your childhood... to let your feelings—good or bad—be true and big isn’t a flaw. it’s you being human."
her words hit you, but not enough to stop your insecurities. with shaky eyes, you ask her, "w-what if i do it again?"
"do what again? burnout?"
"what if i fuck up everything about my life again? my career? motherhood? jungkook and i’s relationship? it hurt so bad... to wake up next to my family and not feel anything. it was so fucking hard... i couldn’t even pretend that i was okay. a-and when i asked for some air... he wasn’t even mad at me. he packed his bags and lost his breath from crying so much. at the door, he asked me if i was sure... and even though i wasn’t; i said yes...." you explain, your voice growing quieter with each word.
suddenly, everything feels so heavy. 
if there was ever a time to understand and relate to the feeling of the world being on your shoulders... this would be that moment. taking a breath, you compose yourself.
"i can’t do that again," you vow. "i can’t change my mind."
"you can’t change your mind again or you can’t hurt like that again?"
you pause.
"9 months ago, my mind kept going back and forth whether or not jungkook cared about me," you confess. "but i recently realized he does. he has. he always will... i just don’t know if i can trust him the same as before... i think i’m a horrible person for thinking that. weird, right? especially with how fucking horrible i am to him now."
"that’s not true." your therapist disagrees. "___, it was traumatic. you went through a lot—"
"—and i will never understand how he held himself together. when he was accused of plagiarism at his company, i took those accusations and sued until jungkook’s name was spotless. it was hard on both of us. he didn’t want me to go that far because they were his coworkers—his ‘friends’—but why... why was he so pathetic then? those people were out to ruin him. they quit the company and went to jyp. they proposed work that belonged to jungkook... it was a conflict of interest! when jungkook launched his work with hybe, jyp accused him of plagiarism. hybe cut ties with him and his company gave him so much shit for losing hybe. and i, his girlfriend and mother of his child, risked my career to focus on his case instead of my clients. i chose him. i did everything to fight for him. then, he told me he wanted to settle and stay at the company... i couldn’t believe it... he had his reputation on the line—his career! mine was too and all for what? because he didn’t want to embarrass his friends? because he didn’t want to cause the company more trouble? then, what about me? what about us?"
your therapist looks at you with sincere eyes. she nods, taking your words in. 
"___, does he know you’re still upset with his decision?"
"yes," you sigh, recalling how betrayed you felt. "w-we don’t talk about it. how do we? it felt like i wasted 2 months of my life and we lost our—we lost."
your therapist reaches over and offers you the tissue box. you didn’t even realize you were crying... but the silence between you two and the ache from the words that you just said begins to sting your chest.
after a few moments, your therapist softly tells you, "___, i don’t think you left him because you didn’t love him... i think you left because, despite everything, you did. that hurt because it meant loving him and putting him before yourself... on top of that, you were at a state where you should have been put first."
you gulp.
she purses her lips and makes her hit.
"___, do you resent yourself for the loss?"
you clench your fist as your therapist rubs salt into your open wounds. "the self-neglect? the stress? the post-partum depression? the insomia—"
"i resent myself for the loss," you admit. "... and i resent jungkook for losing me."
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when you arrive home, jungkook is in the kitchen cooking. 
you didn’t expect him to be home. he was supposed to be picking zion up at this time and you were looking forward to some alone time. clearly, you have a lot to think about. as you take off your shoes, jungkook turns his attention to you.
“hi honey,” he smiles brightly. 
truth be told, he had a long day. he was running late this morning and had rushed out the door. as he drove to work, he got annoyed with himself. 
he forgot to kiss you before he left. 
so you can imagine just how excited he is to see you now… especially with all he has planned for tonight. 
“we had a meeting today and it ended early. it went really well so i have some news! also, i picked zion up right after my meeting. took him out for a little father-and-son afternoon... then, i dropped him off at your parents—”
“why would you do that?” you snap, putting your things away.
jungkook chuckles. “uh, maybe because i wanna ask you something tonight…”
your body stiffens.
“but we’ll get to that later! do you want to eat first? i’m cooking your favorite—”
“please stop,” you shut your eyes and take a breath. “jungkook, i had a long day. i’m glad yours was good and you got to bond with zion. i appreciate the effort—i just don’t… i don’t like that you dropped zion off at my parents after picking him up early from daycare. why didn’t you just take him home? and thank you for cooking... but i had a late lunch today, so i’m not hungry.”
“is it so bad i want to spend time with you alone?” jungkook asks, his smile fading. 
jungkook isn’t stupid. 
he knows you’re not in the mood, but he can’t help but push your boundaries a little. besides, communication is always good, right? at least, that’s what he’s been told. 
“it’s okay if you don’t want to eat... as long as you ate today. what did you eat?” he attempts. 
you move past jungkook as he asks you the question. taking out your phone, you check for any missed messages. jungkook’s eyebrows furrow as you ignore him. he catches your waist and guides you against the kitchen counter. grabbing your phone from your hands, he puts it aside.
“woah,” he pouts. “what’s up? why are you acting like this?”
you look at jungkook and hate yourself. his eyes are so kind and full of love. 
you know it. 
you feel it. 
it hurts so bad.
“what’s with the mood?” he asks, more gently this time. 
jungkook moves his hands from your waist to wrap around you. he nuzzles himself into the crook of your neck and hugs you tightly. “if you’re mad at me about something, that’s okay... but be angry here. don’t ignore me. being angry together is better than not being together at all.”
his plea makes your eyes tear up.
this isn’t easy for you either, but to be honest... it’s now or never. tonight, your heart feels especially heavy. you can’t blame it. some people say time heals all wounds—perhaps, this is it. 
this is the time limit.
“can i tell you my news?” he asks, partly trying to stall the conversation and partly because it was good news. 
“sure.”
“i got a job offer,” jungkook says. “i’d have to do an informal interview but it’s basically mine if i want it. they’re setting up a branch in new york. they want me to go there for 3-6 months and help start everything up. guide and mentor the visual director there—”
“that’s amazing—”
“i don’t want it,” jungkook chuckles. “they told me to sleep on it and make my decision in a month. until then, they offered me a raise! isn’t that great?”
your smile drops. 
all of the feelings you’ve been trying to regulate since you stepped out of your therapist's office today feel like they’ve gone out the window. was he serious? he declined such a big step in his career—for a raise? 
“jungkook,” you croak. “do you know why we broke up?”
he pulls away. 
what a fucking switch up. he doesn’t understand. 
for a moment, he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. does he reach out to hold yours or keep them by his side? he’s caught off guard. he doesn’t know how to answer you and frankly, he fucking hates this question.
“uh, why are you asking me—”
“what was the other thing?” you ask, already suspecting it. “are you going to ask me to marry you tonight?” you blurt. 
he shoves his hand in his pocket. 
“jungkook, are you asking me to marry you tonight? yes or no?”
he blinks at you. 
his heart is prepared more than ever; “yes.”
“don’t.”
jungkook’s heart drops.
“don’t because you’re saying no or don’t because you want a better proposal?” he attempts to lighten the mood with a smile. he takes his hands out of his pocket and reaches for yours. you don’t let him take it. instead, you shake your head.
“don’t because you don’t even know why we’re broken up.”
instantly, the tension between you two increases. it’s through the roof, actually. it feels like one wrong word, one wrong move, one wrong recalled memory—everything crumbles.
everything fails.
everything faces the end.
“___, i can’t answer your question because i’m not prepared to. honestly, i wasn’t prepared for the break-up. it just happened. it grew into one. ___, you never said, ‘jungkook, it’s over. we’re broken up.’ ... no. you said, ‘jungkook... i can’t breathe anymore. i need air. i need space from us,’ — that’s what you said. but to hell with that, right? we’ve been sleeping together and it’s not like we hate each other. you love me. i know you do... so i really don’t understand why you won’t marry me despite knowing the simple truth—”
you move away from him.
god, it’s so hard to be next to him sometimes. 
heading to the cabinets, you take out a glass and pour yourself some water. drinking it, you hear jungkook sigh and groan in frustration.
“are we really going to fight tonight?” he asks, annoyed.
you shrug and put your water down. “shouldn’t we? it’s kind of overdue.”
jungkook scratches the back of his head. his lips tighten and his mind is already dizzy as he asks;
“___, why did you break up with me?”
a beat.
“i wanted more from you.”
he looks at you confused. “the fuck does that mean? sex?”
you shake your head.
“jungkook, i was moving up with my career. you were constantly annoyed that i was overworking myself and that i only cared about zion. you were always mad at me when i brought up work—especially about yours. you didn’t want more. you refused the promotions and all the different leadership roles. you refused more hours—you refused to grow… just like now.”
jungkook huffs. “is this about money again? we’ve never had issues providing for zion and this lifestyle.”
“again?” you chuckle. “honey, it wasn’t about the money. at least to me, it wasn’t. i love you and would have married you regardless of my career path and yours—”
“then why won’t you marry me? you always say you will but you say shit like this. you know it fucks me up, right? this isn’t fair. you can’t keep changing your mind.”
“it’s not that i don’t know what you are to me and what i want,” you take a deep breath. it feels painful to be right. “it’s that marrying you isn’t going to make any of this easier. at least, not right now.”
his eyes are filled with hope. 
hope that maybe the reason is childish and not what he knows it really is. he hopes it’s because he left one too many socks inches away from the laundry hamper in your bedroom. he hopes it’s because you got tired of him always queuing his karaoke songs in the car before yours. he hopes it’s because (not really) you actually took an interest in nam joon or something.
most of all, he hopes it’s not what he knows it is.
“jungkook, we were disagreeing on everything. you thought i was greedy for wanting more for myself—for our family—”
“so it’s about whether or not i accept the job offer? i still have a month to think about it. i can’t just leave you and zion. you get that, right? i don’t just leave.” jungkook scoffs in disbelief. “and you act like i didn’t just get promoted. i accepted it, didn’t i? i did so to impress you because i love you. i did it to win you back because i love you.”
“but why didn’t you do it for yourself?” you fuse. “why can’t you want more for yourself?”
“___, i love you—”
you hiss, taking a step away from him. “stop saying you love me when you—”
“when i what?” jungkook steadies his tone. “when i made a decision that you didn’t like? ___, i made a practical choice back then. what other option did i have?”
“you chose wrong,” you cry. “is that what you’ve been waiting for me to say? jungkook, you chose wrong because you were afraid! it wasn’t practical. it was safe. you took the settlement, forgave those friends, and looked stupid while doing it. meanwhile, i risked everything. i fucking fought for you! for what? jungkook, it ruined us.”
jungkook shifts, taking a step closer to you. he runs his hands through his hair and groans.
“___, they have a family too. they fucked up and they apologized. i didn’t go through with the lawsuit because regardless if they deserved it—their families didn’t. their children didn’t. for fucks sake, one of them has a daughter zion’s age—”
a sob escapes your lips. 
jungkook’s shoulders slump as he lowers his head. you lower yours too, feeling your tears roll down your cheeks.
“jungkook, i love you,” you weakly admit. “i swear to god, i have never loved anyone more in my life than i have ever loved you. you’re the kindest man i’ve ever met. you empathize with others and put them before your needs. you chased me around like a fucking dog for the last 9 months, completely disregarding any self-respect. truth be told, you gave me a purpose to live. you made me zion’s mom and the love of your life. in so many ways, i don’t deserve you… but i also don’t deserve this. it feels like even when i can't trust you—i still do. it ruins me, jungkook.”
angry, jungkook disagrees.
“what are you fucking talking about—no. don’t say shit like that.”
“you kept me together for so long that i don’t know how to fall apart if you’re not around. jungkook, i had to fall apart. i was so tired then. i was so unhappy and everything you did to hold me together only angered me. it lit this fire inside of me and i felt like i couldn’t touch anything or anyone… why couldn’t you just be sad with me?”
“you fell apart before i could even process what happened—” he recalls, tears threatening his eyes. “___, i was devastated beyond belief. i was sad too. i was afraid too. you don’t think i wanted to cry in bed all day with you? i had to get up. i had to take care of zion and i’m sorry if i held onto you tighter than i should have—but i had to. there was no other way i could’ve lived if i didn’t hold on to you like that. you’re my air. i love you, ___ and in case you didn’t know; it hurt me too. losing our—h-holy fuck. i love you. ___, i love you. please, i love you so much—”
you sob.
you don’t even try to hold yourself together. a heavy cry escapes your lips and jungkook instantly lifts his head and comes to you. he wraps you in his arms as you cry into them.
“i love you,” you whimper. “i don’t blame you for it—really, i don’t. b-but why did you stay? i worked so hard and you chose to stay. i stressed myself out and couldn’t sleep. i felt so betrayed and i wasn’t eating—”
“i know, i know,” he murmurs, holding back his sobs. “i hate myself for it. it was my fault—”
“don’t—”
you pull away and hit his chest. 
your eyes sting from all the crying and your throat feels dry. yet, every fiber inside of you feels like it’s on fire. it feels like you’re burning down the room and all jungkook wants to do is slow dance in it.
“jungkook, when you settled, it took something from us. something beautiful—our second—our time.” you slow your breathing to gather the courage to say it. 
to say everything. 
to say it all and maybe, save it all.
“honey, i d-destroyed and hurt more than you did... and i know you don’t blame me; but am i ever going to stop blaming m-myself?” you sob. “i’m pushed into t-this... corner where it’s all my fault—and it is, you know? if i hadn’t stressed myself over your case and just f-focused on making partner at the firm—if i had just i-ignored the f-feeling of the knife you twisted—it was supposed to be this time around.”
jungkook’s heart breaks.
“9 months...” you say, voice trembling.
“don’t say it like that,” jungkook begs. “my love, i didn’t forget.”
that’s just it.
he hasn’t forgotten either.
yet, his body doesn’t ache like yours does. as much as your heart wants to forgive and find beauty in this tragedy—your body hasn’t healed. all those months ago, when you focused on jungkook’s case and stressed yourself to the bone—you made a mistake. you neglected your health to prioritize everything but yourself.
your breath hitches as you recall everything. a part of you feels relieved to have said it all aloud, but inside, it feels like something has burnt up—like a part of you has died.
you reach for him, cupping his cheeks in your hands. jungkook’s tears spill over, and you gently wipe them away with your thumb.
his body collapses into yours. his sobs wrack his chest as he buries his face in your arms.
jungkook cries for the break-up.
for the hurt that’s grown between you two.
he blames himself even though deep down he knows it’s not his fault.
the ache in his chest feels unbearable. you tighten your hold on him, bracing yourself for what comes next, but before you can speak, your body gives in.
everything does dizzy and you hold your breath.
suddenly, your knees hit the floor, and you collapse in front of jungkook, the weight of it all too much to bear.
“i’m s-sorry,” you choke out. "i can't—fuck. i'm so heartbroken, jungkook. i can't—"
jungkook drops down beside you, pulling you into him. as you cling to each other, you feel his heart racing, his breath catching in his sobs, mirroring your own. he holds you tighter, as if he could take all your pain into himself. if he could, you know he would.
and somehow, in the midst of this overwhelming pain, you feel the strangest thing.
this has to be the most painful moment in your entire relationship, but it’s also the most healing.
after nine months of distance, you finally grieve together.
the grief overwhelms you two.
after what feels like an eternity, you manage to compose yourself, pulling away from his embrace. meanwhile, jungkook is still crying heavily. you reach up, cupping his face in your hands again, wiping the tears from his swollen eyes. he leans into your touch, his lips pressing softly against the palm of your hand, his breathing slowly calming down. but then, he moves closer, and you know what’s coming next.
jungkook tries to kiss you.
you push him away gently, your heart breaking all over again.
“... i think you should go home,” you whisper, your voice tired and cracked.
"___, please—"
"we fought enough tonight. i don't have anything left in me, jungkook... just go."
for a moment, silence hangs in the air, thick with everything left unsaid. there's still more. he swears it. he knows it because his heart races with so many more confessions. so many more things he has to tell you.
like the fact that when you cleared his name, he never felt so loved in his life.
like the fact that when you stressed yourself over him and got upset with his decision—he wanted to take everything back.
like the fact that when he let you cry in bed all day over the loss, he cried as he held and fed zion in the living room.
but now is not the time.
now, the hurt aches and he has to let it. he has to let you fall apart. he has to feel this too because if he doesn't—then he misses it all. he misses everything and he can't do that.
he needs to know.
he needs to learn.
he needs to love.
jungkook swallows hard, his voice barely a whisper. “okay… whatever you want.”
you both stand, your movements slow and heavy. you watch as he gathers his belongings, guilt and disappointment twisting in your stomach. at the door, he pauses, eyes closed as he takes a deep breath.
“what about me?”
his voice breaks the stillness. you feel your heart sink.
“what about you?” you ask softly, though you already know the answer.
“___, i don’t want to go,” he pleads, desperation creeping into his voice. “i… i can’t do this. not again.”
“what do you mean?” you force a weak smile. “this is our first break-up.”
“for real?”
you let out a sad laugh, though it holds no real humor.
“for now.”
jungkook takes a second to compose himself.
“i’m gonna pick up zion and have him sleep over at mine... and it’s okay if you’re still full… just eat a late dinner,” he murmurs softly, eyes cast downward. then, turning toward the door, he looks back one last time, his voice soft but filled with emotion.
“for the record, i thought i was home… but if air, space, and time is what you need, so be it. just know, i hope i’m it in the end. i hope i’m what you need.”
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they say the 3-year itch is when the sand timer runs out. it takes two people to flip it over and restart the clock. at your 3-year itch with jungkook, suddenly your careers were where you two scratched.
then, the plagiarism accusations came along. as horrible as it was, you thought this was the perfect opportunity to show jungkook how much you love him. how much were you willing to do for him, and how much could your career benefit you two? at the peak of all this, you didn’t know it.
you were carrying more than just work.
at 5 weeks, 1 week after jungkook settled—time was up.
jungkook sits in his car, crying and staring at the ring that should be on your finger. he can’t help but feel all the sides of it. he shoves it back inside the box and opens the glove compartment. throwing it in, he continues to reflect. 
was he insensitive? was he so wrong about not wanting to take the job? the proposal was ill-timed, but was he crazy? weren’t you two doing better? … were you hurting all by yourself this entire time? of course, he hurt too. he was just grieving differently… does that make this his fault? he doesn’t know. he doesn’t care. in the end, losing something is still losing something. 
truth be told, it’s no one’s fault. 
yet, jungkook hits his steering wheel and continues to sob. he wants to blame something. he needs to. as he searches, his heart screams out;
time.
621 notes · View notes
homestylehughes · 7 months ago
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shower sex
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pairing(s): luke hughes x fem!reader
summary: after a terrible day, luke knows just what y/n needs. because what's a better relaxation than shower sex?
wc: 1.7k
warnings: smut 18+. little plot, mostly smut! pure filth, no use of y/n. cussing, pet names, dirty talk. oral, fem receiving. unprotected sex, p n v. hints of some angst, and cute fluffy boyfriend luke.
authors note: hiiiii!! luke smut! luke smut! luke smut! i loved writing this, i love luke, going through a luke phase rn badddd. i got this idea when i was writing the headcanons for him earlier. so here it isssss. i loved writing this. like and reblog if you enjoy<3 as always much love<3
happy reading<3
I've actually had the worst day ever. Everything. I mean everything is going wrong today. I was late for work today because I missed my alarm, even with me sprinting throughout our apartment, and speeding to the office. I was still late.
Then, I spilled my coffee all over me. That was my second straw. The worst part about it was that I had to work in my coffee-covered clothes the whole day, not being able to afford to leave work, which would cause me to be even more behind than I was.
I had so much work to do, i stayed 3 extra hours over, not pulling out of the parking lot until almost 8 p.m. everything hurt, each part of my body was exhausted. To make things worse, if they could get even worse, I haven't seen Luke in almost a week. 
The hockey season is wrapping up but Luke has been busy with spending time with his family, after Jack's surgery and training for the worlds. 
We both had hoped that I'd be able to get time off from work to spend time with him and his family, taking a little break for myself. That obviously didn't happen. 
So now, im driving back home to our apartment, in coffee cover clothes, with a pounding headache and empty stomach. The tears are threatening to fall over my waterline. 
Parking quickly in the lot, I get out and grab my things, making my way through the lobby to the elevator. The ride to the 8 floor feels like 30 years before the door opening signaling its floor. 
I slowly trudge down the hall to our door, pushing my key in and turning the lock, the refreshing smell and sense of being home felt in my body. Immediately I drop my things by the door, kicking off my shoes as I do. 
There's three things on my mind right now: shower, eat maybe, and bed. Luke is also on my mind but I'm so exhausted I can't even bring myself to message him back from earlier. 
Making my way to the bathroom, turning the water on to the highest it can go, wanting to burn and wash away the aftermath of the day. Peeling off my clothes, my body quickly relaxes as soon as the hot water hits my body. Leaning my head back letting it run all over my face. 
I can't tell if the wetness on my face is just water or a mix of tears, at this point I'm not sure I care. 
After five or so minutes of letting the water run along my body I reach for the shampoo, starting to wash my hair. The scrubbing on my scalp and the smell of my shampoo is enough to send me into a daze. Wash and rinse and wash and rinse again, the same action repeated with conditioner. 
As I'm rinsing the last bit of conditioner out of my hair, my back turned away to the door of the shower, my eyes closed in relaxation. I feel a hand slowly trail around my waist, my eyes quickly open in confusion, my body fast to move away from the person behind me.
“Hey baby its just me” luke chuckles from behind me, pulling me back into his body from behind, his hands circling my waist rubbing small circles on my hips. 
“You scared me '' I say as I lean back into his body, “sorry baby didn't mean to”, he says, breathing into my neck, his warmth on my neck is enough to make my knees weak. 
“How was your day?” he says, face still nuzzled in my neck. I sadly laugh before i speak “my day was terrible so fucking terrible.” I can feel my eyes begin to fill with tears again. 
Luke is quick to turn me around, grabbing my face in his hands holding it to look at his. “Hey baby, don't cry, it's okay. I'm here now, i'm sorry i haven't been here recently” he says while his eyes are locked with mine, wiping his fingers under my eyes where tears have now fallen. 
Feeling stupid for crying i mute out a small “sorry” to Luke, feeling bad he has to watch me cry like a baby. 
“Hey no, don't feel sorry. It's okay to cry". I don't deserve him, I say to myself. Not knowing what else to say, I push my face to his, locking our lips together. It's been almost a week since i've kissed luke, i missed the feeling of his lips, i've missed the feeling of him around me in general. 
Luke is quick to respond by pulling my hips closer to his body, his other hand on the back of my head. Taking control of the kiss by pushing my lips harder against his.
His tongue pressing against my lips, begging to be let in, opening my mouth slightly against his, lukes hot tongue slides into my mouth. I don't even try to fight for dominance, I just let him take control.
Our bodies moving together against the stream of hot water, the glass door fogging up around us. My body feels like it's on cloud nine just from that. Lukes the first to pull away, his pupils blown with lust, lips swollen and pink. 
“Fuck i missed that” he says, hes hands begin trailing up my body grabbing at my hips, tracing his hands along the under neath of my breasts, the action alone causing me to shutter. 
“Luke” I breathe out, now looking up at him, “what baby” he smirks down at me, now trailing one of his hands to my left nipple, rolling it in between two of fingers. 
“I need you now” I say quietly, “what do you need baby?” Luke says, bringing his face close to mine.
“I want you to fuck me, please” luke wastes no time smashing our lips back to together, walking us backwards and turning us around. My back hits the cold tile, the sensation causing me to moan into lukes mouth, our tongues began to move against each other again. 
Luke suddenly pulls away from me, I whine at the loss of contact. “Be patient baby” he says, as he tails his hand between my legs, pulling my thighs apart, caging me in by putting one of his legs between my thighs and the other on the outside of my other leg. 
I gasp as a feel his fingers slide in between my folds, “fuck baby, who got you this wet?” “you luke, you.” I say trying to push my hips to meet his fingers, my body craving some type of release. 
“Youre a needy little thing tonight arent you baby” he says to me in a teasing tone, “yes i am, and i need you to fuck me now please luke, stop teasing me” i say finally finding my voice. 
“You want me to fuck this little cunt huh?” Luke rasps back to me as he begins to slowly enter two fingers inside of me, I'm so wet, that they just slide right in. 
“I think i might just tease you for a little while longer baby” still slowly moving his fingers in and out of me. My body is rocking against the motion of my fingers thrusting in and out of me.
“Fuck i need more luke, please” i say moaning out to him, hoping he can see how desperate i am for him right now. 
  “Since you asked so nicely” he says, quickly removing his fingers from my pussy. Grabbing one of my legs pulling it up against his hip. 
I pull his face against mine, my hands finding his hair tugging and pushing his mouth against mine, our teeth and tongues clashing against another.
Luke takes a hold of his cock, giving it a few quick pulls before he pushes into me completely. “Oh fuck luke” i moan against his mouth, “you feel so good around me fuck baby” he groans out from above me pulling our lips apart, as he begins thrusting in and out of me.
Each roll of his hips feels like a gift sent from god, his grip on my things hurts so good. I begin to roll my hips to meet his thrusts. 
“Fuck yeah right there baby” luke moans out “keep fucking yourself against me” he says dropping his face into my neck leaving bites in his wake. 
Luke brings my leg higher against his hip, the new angle causing my vision to fog over. “Luke fuck. Oh my gosh,” “right there baby please”. My hands running over the landscape of his back, my nails definitely leaving a trail of red hot marks in their wake. 
The sound of the shower running, and the sound of our skin slapping together fills the shower. I can feel the sweat forming on my body, as luke continues to fuck me. His hand sliding inbetween our bodies, to my clit. 
“Fuck luke, yes right there” i moan out loudly. “That feels good baby, right there yeah? You want me to rub your pretty clit as i fuck you?”. Fuck him and that dirty mouth, “yes luke please, dont stop im close” my eyes falling shut in pleasure. “Fuck baby, i can feel you squeezing against me”
Luke's thrusts began to speed up, I can feel my high approaching. “Fuck luke, dont stop” “im almost there” i say, pulling our lips back together, moaning into each other mouths. 
One last snap of Luke's hips hits right against my clit, causing my whole body to start shaking. “Im coming fuck” i can barely get out as waves of pleasure taking over. My vision is completely white, as my climax racks through my body. 
Luke drops his face against mine, as he comes his moans filling my ears, his hips still snapping against mine, as we both ride out our highs. 
Luke's hips stop moving, trying to catch his breath, as he pulls his face from my neck, I open my eyes slowly to see Luke looking back at me with a slight smirk on his face, our chests still rapidly falling. 
“I think the shower is cold ”Luke says to me while smiling, “I don't care.” I whisper back, pulling our lips together once again in another kiss. Already forgetting about the terrible day, once his lips are back on mine. 
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am-i-the-asshole-official · 11 months ago
Note
AITA (I don't have time to unpack everything into a single question)
First things first, I am a supporter of consang AKA consensual sanguinity AKA consensual incest. I'm not interested in practicing nor is it a kink thing, I just believe there's nothing wrong with two consenting adults in a relationship, related or not. Any relationship can be abusive and some are more prone to abuse than others bit that's not an excuse to condemn all of them, blablabla, all arguments against inbreeding are literal eugenicist talking points.
Anyways, disclaimer aside.
I'm in this moderately big server where I chat once a week or so. But I do check the blacklist whenever it updates. And this new person had added incest to it. Which, well... I'm not against because I know for many its a triggering topic. But I still believe being against it is a form of bigotry and I can't necessarily just bring it up to anyone, so I try and determine who in the server I can bring it up with.
There's this other girl in the server I've chatted with once or twice, and I know the country she's from has comparatively high rates of incest compared to other countries. I send her a DM asking how she feels about the new person in the server, totally neutral. She says she hasn't talked to them before and asks why I'm asking and I just say (again, trying to be neutral) that I'm wondering what her opinion on their "stances" are. She catches on that I'm asking about how they hate incest, and ask what that has to do with her. I admit that I thought that she'd understand given where she lives. She doesn't respond, and the next day I discover I've been banned from the server.
I mean it when I say I handled the conversation as respectfully as I possibly could, and I wasn't asking out of ignorance because it's right there in the statistics. I myself am a westerner, but that doesn't mean I think the beliefs surrounding consangamoury in western countries are correct, and I thought she would understand that. AITA for approaching her?
What are these acronyms?
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girlkisser13 · 4 months ago
Note
hiii!! could you please write an angry love confession with jason todd? i love your writing by the way. <33
a/n: hey girl! the way i literally had this idea in my drafts already??? anyways i hope you like it. <33
the streets of gotham were as unforgiving as ever, shadows lurking at every corner. you and jason maneuvered through the night with practiced ease, your senses on high alert. the two of you had been tracking a particularly dangerous gang for weeks, and tonight, you planned on ending their reign of terror.
"stay close, y/n," he whispered, his voice barely audible through their comms. "this gang isn't to be underestimated."
you rolled your eyes, your stubbornness shining through even in the heat of the mission. "i can handle myself, jason. i've done this before."
jason suppressed a sigh, knowing that arguing with you would only waste time. the two of you had been tracking this gang for weeks, and tonight was your best chance to bring them down.
as the both of you moved deeper into the abandoned warehouse, the sound of muffled voices reached your ears. jason signaled for you to stay back, but you ignored him, slipping ahead with your usual reckless abandon. you moved swiftly, taking down a thug silently and moving towards the main group without waiting for backup.
jason's heart raced as he watched you. he admired your bravery, but it was your lack of caution that terrified him. he followed you, keeping a close eye on your movements.
suddenly, chaos erupted. gunfire rang out, and you found yourself surrounded. you fought valiantly, but the odds were against you. jason sprang into action, his guns blazing as he fought his way to your side. but it was too late; a bullet grazed your side, and you cried out in pain.
"y/n!" jason shouted, his voice filled with panic. he took down the remaining thugs with brutal efficiency, his rage fueling his attacks. once the area was clear, he rushed to your side, his heart pounding in his chest.
"i'm fine," you gasped, clutching your side as blood seeped through your fingers.
"like hell you are," he growled, scooping you up into his arms. "we're getting out of here."
ignoring your weak protests, he carried you to his motorcycle and secured you before speeding off towards his apartment. the ride was silent, the tension between the two of you palpable.
once inside his apartment, he laid you gently on the couch and hurried to retrieve his medical supplies. he returned to find you attempting to sit up, your face pale from the pain.
"stay still," he ordered, his voice rough with concern. he knelt beside you and began cleaning your wound with surprisingly gentle hands.
"you didn't have to carry me," you muttered, wincing as he applied antiseptic.
"yes, i did," he snapped, his frustration evident. "i can't leave you alone for one second without you hurting yourself, can i?"
you winced in pain and said, "i mean, i'm fine so it's okay—"
"no, it's not okay. not when i feel like i'm going to go batshit fucking crazy, thinking about you getting hurt." jason's voice rose, his anger boiling over. "you could have been killed, and for what? to prove you can handle yourself?"
your eyes softened slightly, your stubbornness giving way to a rare vulnerability. "i can't just stand by and do nothing, jason. i have to help."
jason's hands stilled, his expression torn between anger and something deeper. "i know," he said quietly. "but it kills me to see you hurt. you mean more to me than you realize."
you looked at him, your breath catching at the intensity in his eyes. "what are you saying?"
"i’m in love with you, y/n," he said, his voice breaking. "and it terrifies me because i can't protect you from everything. i can't lose you, y/n. not like this."
tears welled up in your eyes as you reached out to touch his cheek. "i didn't know you felt that way," you whispered. "i love you too, jason. i just didn't want to be a burden."
he shook his head, his anger melting into a mix of relief and tenderness. "you're not a burden. you're everything to me. just... promise me you'll be more careful. for both our sakes."
you nodded, your tears spilling over as you pulled him into a gentle kiss. "i promise, jason."
as he held you close, your hearts beating in sync, he knew that despite the dangers of gotham, the two of you would face them together.
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signedkoko · 10 months ago
Text
Signed with Love - Helluva Cast
What is this? - A valentines gift to my lovely readers! Its valentines/love letters from your favourites 🖤
Characters - Blitzo | Fizzarolli | Loona | Millie | Moxxie | Stolas | Striker | Verosika | Wally Wackford
Series Parts Hazbin Cast - Here! Overlords & Sins - Here!
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Dear, Hey, Whats up
Oh what the hell, just be my valentine, we both know its about time I just fuckin ask.
I can't promise anything lavish, but what I do have is a kitchen and a comfortable couch. Maybe you can try showing me how to bake and we can eat what we make while watching some shitty romcoms.
Whatever makes you happy,
Oh come on, you know who wrote this.
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Heeellloooooo!
I know you are usually the one to ask, but this year I wanted to change things up a little! Be my valentine?
While we could go somewhere crowded and wait forever for food, I thought maybe this year we could stay home, order a bunch of takeout, and spend time together?
And of course, I love you,
"Froggie"
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Don't freak out,
I swear this isn't a ransom note, I just wasn't sure how else to ask you to be my valentine.
You know how we both wanted to go to the lovesick festival but ti was sold out? Well, don't ask how but I got tickets. Now we can go watch idiots get drunk and pass out in front of their girlfriends, and enjoy a bunch of our fav bands.
Outfit theme: Hot as fuck?
X Loona
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Hi sweetie!
I know technically it's your turn for valentines this year, but I know you've been busy and I wanted to surprise you!
My parents called and told me they need someone to house sit while they are away for the week, so we could enjoy valentines on the ranch and I can show you my home! Especially the food and festivals I always tell you about.
Happy Valentines ❣
Millie
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Hi dear ❣
Maybe it's getting old by now, but for yet another year I would love to have you as my valentine.
I don't know where I'd be without you, you make my hellish work at least a tad bit bearable and inspire me every day. I've already had to erase several rambles, so I'll save the rest of the sweet talk for the date. Just be ready in formal attire for 6, because we have a show to catch!
I'm sure you'll look amazing ❣
— Moxx
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To the sweetest one I know,
I've been inspired by the books I've been reading to handwrite a letter to you, so you have something to keep for memory sake.
To have you by my side for another valentines is a dream come true, last year you pulled together such an amazing evening that I can only hope to outdo tonight. I would like to take you to see the stars, I know you've always asked and I believe it is about time.
Thank you for being mine,
Prince Stolas
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Howdy darlin'
While originally I wasn't going to be home on time, I made sure to finish up this mission early so I can be there with ya for valentines. I'd call, but I know you swoon for romantic gestures, dontcha?
I'll handle all the details of our outing, just relax and don't worry your pretty head about a darn thing.
Can't wait to get home and see you again,
Who else?
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Miss me?
I had to head out for a gig early, so sorry I couldn't catch you at the door before I left! I hope this note will suffice in the mean time.
Since I can't bring you, I have a limo headed to pick you up around five, that should give you time to get ready for the concert! Your pass is with the driver, and you've got front row seats, kay? I better see you cheering for me ❣
Happy valentines day,
Mayday 💋
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Greetings, I say I say,
It's not everyday sheepish imps such as myself get such a heavenly opportunity to court a sweet thing like yourself!
For you, and you only my dear, I will spend such a lucritive holiday with my one and only. Should you accept, I am pleased to inform you that we have been invited to Ozzie's! Isn't he the kindest?
x x x x x x x
W. WACKFORD
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Authors Note - Okay be honest with me WHO ARE WE ACCEPTING A LETTER FROM?? I gotta know,,, This is the last of the valentines series, I hope you all enjoyed!
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yesimwriting · 1 year ago
Note
okay but after the whole lucy gray thing we know coryo was done with “love” and everything BUT what if during the following year of thg he ends up falling in love with another tribute also from district 12 and he’s just going through it bad (again) however he somehow ends up actually getting the girl in the end, maybe even buying her way into the capitol
A/n I've been thinking about a very specific part of this since i first read it but i told myself no more fic writing until i finished at least one of my essays for finals seasons 😭
also ik in the book (and it's implied in the movie) that after the events of the book he lives with the plinths, but let's pretend he lives on his own with access to the plinth fortune for privacy
ik that makes it sound like it's smutty, but it's not lol
----
Proximity aggravates distance. The closer you are to something, the more damage any remaining space causes.
The few feet dividing the two of you have no right to jab at something inside of him the way it does. It's bad enough that instead of going to bed after a long night of fulfilling his apprenticeship duties under Volumnia's watchful eye, he stopped by your apartment. Only one floor away from his.
For months, the only thing holding the two of you together had been memories of those few nights before the Games.
Coriolanus's attempt to remain indifferent towards you had quickly failed, and his backup plan of learning to loathe you had proven to be just as useless. So he settled on letting you unabashedly take his hand whenever fear overwhelmed you and committing the way your kind eyes watched him to memory.
You're looking around the room--his room--openly, eyes darting from the mahogany surface of his desk to the details elegantly carved into his bed frame.
His fingertips itch with the uncertain desire to reach for you. You've only been in the Capitol for about a day and a half. Less than 48 hours. But the move, the beginning of a program for certain, qualifying victors and their families, had been planned for months.
You shouldn't feel like a phantom that'll vanish if he lets go for too long. "What are you thinking about?"
The question grounds you the same way it did last time he asked. You do your best to hide it, but you're still adjusting, still surprised that he managed to find a way to bring you together again. Just like he promised. Your doubt isn't personal, a fact he has to remind himself of.
"I'm just..." You tilt your head slightly, gaze retreating from the royal blue wallpaper and silver trim of his bedroom walls, "Analyzing."
The comment is followed by an easygoing smile that pinches at something in his chest. His new apartment, the penthouse of one of the largest buildings in the city, another gift from the ever flowing well that is the Plinth fortune, still reeks of former poverty. The few things that hint at the personal are hidden behind layers of desperate wealth so thick the items might as well be standard.
A lifetime spent in 12 means that there's no way you can read between the lines. He can't decide if your perspective will make this room look worse or better. It's a nice bedroom, definitely grander than any bedroom you've stood in before...but it's understated. Maybe even disappointing to someone like you.
"Analyzing?"
You turn fully, "A bedroom says a lot about a person."
"You might get more out of analyzing my study," an oddly school boy worthy partial truth slips out before he can stop himself, "I think I've been spending more time there than here recently."
You shake your head once, eyes landing on the crimson red vase filed with crisp white roses his grandma'am had gifted him on his last visit. Her pride and joy now more than ever. "I'm seeing all I need."
A hint of a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. It's the most genuine expression that's slipped past him in weeks. When he first worked out a way to bring you here, some doubting part of him wondered if the draw he felt towards you would still exist in person.
Less than two weeks after your victorious departure from the Capitol, he had searched through your files and found your address. He had written the letter in a moment of weakness and only sent it after deciding that writing a letter to never be sent is the only thing more pathetic than writing to you in the first place. He had spent the week following that wallowing in self loathing until an age-stained envelope arrived at his door.
"And what are you seeing?" He keeps his tone light. This is ridiculous. He dragged himself and his family out of a gutter clogged by the casualties of war. Coriolanus is stronger than fleeting emotion now. Your opinions on his room can't possibly affect him.
If he were to simplify what brought you here, to the Capitol, to him, he could blame it on his bedroom. The urge to see you, to figure out some way the two of you closer together before your undeserving district could swallow you whole in an attempt to make you like them, would flare up whenever he received one of your letters.
Those urges, however, had never burned him. Not until you wrote about wanting to see him out of the most curious nostalgia you'd ever felt. You wanted to see him in a way that'd let you know what his room looked like, in a way that'd let you guess at his favorite color.
He takes a few steps forward, making the conscious decision to not reach for you. You've never rejected his advances, not even when he instinctually intertwined your fingers after picking you and your family up from the train station. You had scolded him after, telling him that you'd hear no end of it from your mother. It took a lot of focus for Coriolanus to not smile at that. You spoke of it like it would've never occurred to you to just pull your hand away.
Your eyes shift from end of the room to the other. Coriolanus moves carefully, passing you before sitting at the edge of his crisply made bed.
"Before you make your decision..." You turn instinctually, expression so polite and expecting he almost doesn't know how to bear it. His hand briefly pats the space beside him in a silent invitation. "So you can see it from all perspectives."
Your head tilts slightly, and for a moment, Coriolanus can practically feel your rejection. Then you move, sock clad feet treading over smooth white-gray marble. You sit next to him so assuredly, anyone else would have taken the way you neatly fold your hands in your lap as politeness instead of a display of nerves.
Your family's presence makes you less pliable. It's a factor he's willing to work around considering that you would've never left them to come to the Capitol. And even if he had managed to talk you into it, your nostalgia and homesickness would've made you more of a ghost to him than before.
At least the position your family's in is uncertain enough to allow for some leeway in the social norms that you cling to. However, every once in awhile it hits you that at the end of the day, he's still a boy that you're close to, which means that it's your duty to create the distance necessary to keep everything proper. Leaving your bedroom in the middle of the night because said boy knocked at your door and then entering his room in his empty penthouse is something you would've done under normal circumstances.
But your connection isn't that black and white. If it was something so simple, he would have been able to sever it the night before your Games.
"It makes all the difference," you agree warmly, and only somewhat sarcastically. You give yourself another second to take in the space, "I like it."
He can tell that you mean it. "I haven't fully settled in yet."
You shrug, paying him little mind, "There's something about it that just feels like you."
Coriolanus shifts his focus to the ground. You can't possibly mean it in the way that he sees the room, as a reminder that he still doesn't fully fit into who he's become.
"I've been meaning to pick up a few things," he says, "Tomorrow, after my classes, I was thinking about browsing some paintings." Another half truth. He had been meaning to. Mrs. Plinth had instructed him to visit her art dealer whenever he had enough free time to pick out a few pieces to demonstrate his taste. He'd been putting it off as a dismissable task, but it feels like a safe way to give you your first taste of life in the Capitol. "If you'd like to help me pick some out."
You smile, eyebrows pinching together in a way that's just barely noticeable. You're as interested as you are puzzled. "I'd like that." Relaxing enough to let your hand rest between the two of you, you beam, "I don't know if I'd be much help, but I'd like that."
He'd be willing to get anything that caught your eye. Paintings and vases already with such an exclusive art dealer hold more or less the same level of standing, anyway.
Coriolanus moves his hand slowly, careful not to startle you before his fingers can settle against your own. You instinctually turn over your palm, intertwining your fingers. "I trust you."
You stare at him with wide, understanding eyes. Sometimes when you look at him, really look at him, Coriolanus is struck with the feeling that you can see right through him. It's an irrational feeling, that every good action and cruel deed is reflected in his eyes. Moments like this make it hard to be near you. They also, however, make the thought of adding distance between the two of you unbearable.
"I have an early class."
You dip your chin forward in an attempt to accept what you're considering a dismissal. "Right, you must be tired." The words sit between you for a long moment.
Your free hand presses into the silk of your still new pajamas. You shift like you're going to stand. His hold on your hand tightens before you can move away. You still.
He's being ridiculous. There's nothing about this situation that warrants his inability to look at you. "Stay here." His thumb runs across your knuckles. "With me."
The words are soft enough to be a request, but there's not enough space between them for questioning. He cautiously lifts his head enough to take in your reaction.
"What?" It's a display of shock more than an actual question. Coriolanus squeezes your hand even tighter. You don't try to get him to let go, but you do shift away just enough to create the reminder of distance. "You know I can't."
His other hand reaches forward, settling against your wrist. "Why not?" He doesn't mean for his voice to come off as raspy, as desperate as it does.
You swallow, attempting to straighten your spine in an attempt to offset the instinctual urge to hide your face. This isn't a topic you're even comfortable implying. "My mother would kill me if she so much as found out that I came up here so late, let alone..." You trail off, head dropping to your lap. "Stayed here."
He envelops your hand between both of his. "She knows we're friendly."
You look up just long enough to imply a pointed not that friendly. "It's--" You blink, eyes darting from to your joint hands and then finally to the ground. "You know it's..."
Coriolanus leans forward. The shift is small, just enough for his knee to brush against yours. "It's what?" He keeps his voice low, a barely there whisper that comes off as so innocent it nearly circles back to anything but.
You glance up, so wide eyed and flighty he's reminded of a rabbit. The level of precaution you're exuding can't just be about your mother's opinions, can it? He studies your expression openly, taking in the set of your eyebrows and the way you steadily press your lips together to avoid speaking without thinking. At least some part of you believes in your mother's concerns.
The realization strike shim so quickly he has to focus on keeping his expression neutral. Your bond is so much more than just coming together on a random night where exhaustion's already clouding his focus.
It will happen between the two of you. Eventually. But not yet. You've barely entered the Capitol and every aspect of your life has become vastly different than what you're accustomed to. If he were to attempt to cement any relationship between the two of you like that now, you'd be too overwhelmed or you might think that that's the only reason he brought you here.
He learned early on that it's best to introduce adjustments to you slowly, giving you enough time to hold onto ideas before enacting them. Anything of that nature would work that way too.
"I haven't been able to see much of you." He focuses on your hand, still resting safely between both of his. The words came out too quickly, a flash of some genuine sort of emotion that claw at him on the way out. With you, sometimes a glimpse of feeling works wonders.
Your thumb draws gentle patterns against the side of his hand. "You're busy." He relaxes his hand, turning over his palm. You place his hand on your knee, fingers tracing the natural creases etched into his skin. "You're important."
The way that last word comes out makes an uncertain warmth crawl up his neck. "I--I've wanted to see you more." Another thing he means so much it turns his stomach to admit it.
Your nail drags down a line that cuts across the length of his hand. "Me too."
He bends his fingers slowly, moving in until he's trapped your pointer finger against his palm. "Then stay." You twist your finger enough to express some lighthearted irritation, but not enough to count as a real attempt at escaping. "If your mother says anything, I'll explain it to her." You glare at him without any true aggression. "She likes me, doesn't she?"
Coriolanus already knows the answer. She credits your survival to him. You had mentioned that in a letter once, telling him that she insisted you pass along her gratitude after discovering that the two of you had started to correspond regularly.
He also saw the way she reacted to realizing that she had made it to the Capitol. Your mother's family had once been part of the wealthier side of 12. You're part of a recently fallen line of mine owners, a fact that your mother has only pretended to let go of. He saw a hunger behind her eyes that reminded him of a warped version of his own.
Coriolanus gave her back the pride the war had stolen from her family name tenfold. He owes her this much.
"She'd trade me for you in a heartbeat." He hears the grin in your voice more than he sees it. Your family means the world to you, which means he's subjected himself to seeking your mother's validation and winning over your two younger sisters.
It's not the way he'd choose to spend his limited free time, especially with you standing right there, but he's endured worse for less of a pay off. "Then she'd be a fool."
You fight to hold his gaze. "I doubt that."
Your eyes are pools of honest, unfiltered affection. The care that you're watching him with makes it hard to swallow. The instinct to press, to dig and claw and tear anything that could be hiding an ulterior motive into shreds makes it hard to take a full breath. You've always worn your heart on your sleeve. You're not a flighty songbird that uses its charm to distract its prey from its fang-like talons.
"Stay." Again. So breathless he almost doesn't recognize the word as his own.
The deliberation is transparent behind your eyes. You're considering it, but you're still not convinced. The hesitation stings in a way he doesn't understand. "I don't want to give her a reason to not like you."
So softly spoken he's shocked by the way the words manage to feel like a nail being hammered into his chest.
"She's let you stay with other people before." The response is too sharp, too sudden. He should refocus and think through what he's about to say. Coriolanus knows that it's easier to get you to agree to something through the use of honey sweetened words and displays of patience. "You wrote about him."
The confusion that briefly etches its way into your expression threatens to quell the uncomfortable swell of jealousy tightening his chest. "Warren?" The name makes tints the air between you with something acidic. "That was--different."
Your explanation adds an edge to the pressure in his chest. "Why?"
"We weren't--" You cut yourself off, the instinct to placate him and your desire to not start a conversation you can't finish battling each other oddly. "We were never alone." You squeeze his hand as best as you can. "He's a family friend and I only stayed over when my mom had to work late and I was too young to be alone for so long, so I haven't stayed over in years. And--and he shared a room with three of his siblings and his parents checked on us constantly."
He frowns, unconvinced. The lack of approval has you clinging to him, adjusting your hold on his hand as you gently trail your knuckles against the inside of his wrist. "I do miss you." You stare at your hands. "I know it's weird because we're--y'know--closer than before, but I-I do miss you."
The expanding wave of tension in his chest begins to deflate. You're good at that, at redirecting and soothing without even realizing it. A talent that had contributed to his original desire to loathe you. "I understand that." He runs his thumb over your knuckles. "Things aren't going to get less busy. That's why I want to use all the time we have."
You nod slowly, a hint of understanding making its appearance in the set of your brow. "I know."
"What you wrote," he begins, too aware of how much he means the question that follows, "Did you mean it."
"Of course I did." Not an ounce of hesitation, of uncertainty.
He turns your hand over before shifting his fingers up the inside of your wrist. "You wrote about wanting to see me."
"I did..." The pad of his thumb gently makes its way up your forearm. Your even breathing falters. "I do."
Coriolanus lets himself look up just enough to take in your expression. "Then stay." He swallows, too aware of the sudden dryness of his mouth. "Please."
You glance up at him through your lashes. There's a softness there that jabs at him. "Okay."
He lifts the back of your hand, carefully brushing his lips against your skin. "You mentioned wanting to see a library."
You wrote about it once. A brief mention in one of your letters of the small room in your school's office that served as a sort of communal study space with a few books stacked on a small shelf. Your longing had been clear.
Nodding curiously, you agree, "Yeah?"
"I could leave for my classes a little earlier tomorrow, you could come with me." The proposal comes out slowly, his own suggestion taking him by surprise. "My driver could bring you back, that'll give you time to meet the tutor that's being sent over for your sisters, and then when I get back we'll look at the paintings."
You immediately grin, "Really?"
He finds himself smiling back, pulling your arm closer. "Whatever you want."
You beam. "I'd really like that."
"Good," he affirms with a nod of his head that's a touch too forward. He regrets it almost immediately. "If you like it, I might be able to get your own tutor to meet you at a library."
Part of the still uncertain victor program relies on setting up the victor and their family with a new life. Education plays a role in that. Placing any one of you in an actual Capitol run institution is far out of the question. For everyone's sake. Even if the thought of sharing a classroom with someone from 12 didn't horrify the Capitol parents, you and your siblings wouldn't be able to just jump in. It's not that he views you as unintelligent, but District 12's education system isn't exactly on par with the Capitol's.
"That sounds nice," you sit up a little straighter, excited by the prospect, "A part of me kind of misses school."
Another aspect of your personality that he had learned about after your Games. You like school for the sake of it. "I'll check on the arrangements tomorrow."
He clears his throat before you can do more than just nod, "It's getting late."
Coriolanus carefully sets your hand down on the comforter. You awkwardly shift, now more aware of what you agreed to than ever. "Right," you push yourself to stand, "You need your sleep."
He pulls back his sheets before you can think about it even further. You crawl into the provided space without looking at anything in particular. He's quick to join you beneath the safety of plush bedding before leaning over and turning off the bedside lamp.
Darkness floods the space. There's something about the absence of light that makes things feel heavier. The potential intimacy of the situation sneaks up on him with no warning.
This isn't a loss of control. It can't be. It was his idea, he had pushed and convinced you to stay here. He's aware of everything that's led up to this moment, but that's not enough to stop him from wondering if this is something than he should have known better than to embrace. He had accepted the familiar, fickle knotting of his stomach once before.
Steady warmth presses itself against his arm. He blinks, head turning a second too quickly. Your hand has found his. Coriolanus relaxes, allowing himself to fully relax against his pillow. You pick up on his shift, reflecting it by laying down as well.
For someone that had been so hesitant, you seem to know what to do better than he does. You pull his arm towards you, gently trailing your fingers against the exposed skin. Heat crawls up his neck.
"Goodnight," you mumble, voice already drowsy.
Coriolanus lets out a long breath. He grasps your hand, bringing it back to his lips before settling back into the position the two of you were in before. "Goodnight."
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