#i've been in a situation where a friend assumed i was tma and i didn't realize (i never said i was but we met in a game so like
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the thing about the dudebro discussion, the aita post, the willingness to just take at face value any accusations directed at a person you don't know, is that it's all so painfully transparent, it's so obvious that those conversations are happening at this scale specifically because it's about trans women. maybe it's just me, but you generally shouldn't be using certain terms for people unless you know that they are comfortable with them, and if you fucked up then apologize and move on (if we pretend for a second that the majority of dudebros weren't feign ignorance or just actively malicious to begin with). you should be aware that some things don't affect you the same way they affect other people, and you definitely shouldn't be giving those people potentially dangerous advice on topics that you personally aren't familiar with, this is the baseline, at least don't fucking put other people who were misled into trusting you in danger. and if an anon barges into your inbox with some wild accusations then you should stop and think "hey, why are you coming to me anonymously with no evidence to back any of this up, and in such a way that i have to reply to you publicly so more people get to see this" regardless of who it's directed at. like, those are all pretty simple things, or they should be at least, but because the targets are trans women and transmisogyny is so fucking rampant everyone has to bend over backwards to come up with excuses as to why treating trans women this way is perfectly normal and justified.
#transmisogyny#i'm not going too much into the aita thing because i've seen trans women express different opinions and i don't feel like it's my place#to talk over any of them. ik how i feel but i'm focusing on the part that i feel more confident about. which is don't give people advice#when you have no idea what you're talking about. like. those people trust you and turn to you for help and the least you could do is to say#“hey i'm sorry but i'm not the right person to ask”#i've been in a situation where a friend assumed i was tma and i didn't realize (i never said i was but we met in a game so like#minimum info outside of pronouns which were they/them at the time + some assumptions based on little things she knew about me like height)#and when she asked me about something that is not my lived experience i cleared things up. so the idea of just rolling with it instead#is so baffling to me. it's so irresponsible and disrespectful. it's hard enough already for transfems to trust people and you pull this?#the dudebro thing too. i hate being called a bitch (has nothing to do with gender) and ik that if i said so people would be like “yea ok”#could throw some completely genderless term in here as an example as well. people are usually fairly reasonable. but nooo not with dude#can't have the right to casually misgender a trans woman taken away from you. gotta make it look like that's not what you're doing either#infuriating and exhausting#benvey tag
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