#i've been going back and forth on this forever tbh

[forest-hashira]

if i decided to write my rengoku princess bride fic as an oc fic instead of a reader insert would you guys hate me

[bittersweetastoria]

sooo, i'm curious.

anyone actually waiting for / looking forward to my next fic?

[deathbringerdragon]

In a specifically goober mood today so time to info dump about my second monkey wrench oc that yall haven't heard about yet.

This is them. They don't have a name yet. Tbh idk if they're fully/truly osteon or not. But since there's so little info on osteon biology, I just call them an osteon.

The pictures are just a hosposh of all of the in work progress screenshots I've been posting in the oc fan servers I'm in. So some of these have sections that are out of date to the current version with the rest up to date

Now for some of the lore that ive posted in said servers.

so i've had the idea that my osteon oc was friends with JB before either of them became infected.

what their relationship was like exactly im not sure. since we know literally NOTHING about jb was like or what he did or Anything before infection, other than what he looks like.

alls i know is that they were at least close.

and- like-

pretty much my oc has been there since Day One for JB since becoming infected and a pirate.

JB went off and became an infected pirate first. Then came back as asked my oc if they were willing to take the chance and go with him.

Cuz right before JB had left, my oc had told him that they dont care what he does, they'll chase him down and find him no matter what so they can play video games together. And then while JB was gone, some incident happened with him that made him question if what his friend from before said was actually true. Maybe some cruel pirate or the like broke JB down emotionally and more or less said "Someone like you is going to die alone, abandoned by everyone you thought were your friends, and betrayed by those closest to you" because he was infected.

So thats why JB went back to find my oc cuz, he just needed the confirmation that what the other pirate said Wasnt true (cuz remember, this is like, Right after jb became a pirate. so he's still somewhat in the "normal dude" mentality)

Wanted to more or less test his closest friend to see if they would be scared of him or not cuz of his infection/how he looks.

And so anyways he pretty much corners my oc and is like "*You said you'd chase me down wherever i go. So, now that ya see what im like now. Are you still willin' t' keep that promise?"*

And after a long beat of silence, my oc just goes "You should know what the answer is. I dont care what you become. A monster, a killer. I'll just become the same thing so we can still be together"

and HHFHGHDNNFDGH they're just friends i swear-

ANYWAYS SO-

after that whole situation (cuz like, the actual scenes in my head were, intense. like. Serious character moments)

my oc joins JB and becomes a part of his crew, and pretty much right-hand man.

the OTHER idea i had, and the original idea. Was that my Oc was actually originally a rival plague walking pirate, who after several encounters with JB and his crew, and having the whole "Are they/arent they flirting" type of rivalry with him, they decide to join his crew, and become close but volatile friends. like. both of them are like "I never gotta question if they have my back in a battle. But i dont trust a single fucking piece of food they give me cuz idk what they might've put in it" kind of friends. and its hilarious.

For a long time i was really unsure which idea i wannted to go with cuz like. on one hand, i absolutely love the back and forth these two dumbass assholes would have if they became friends after being rivals forever.

but at the same time i also really like the undying loyalty/closeness of the idea of the two having been friends since the Start.

in the end, I decided to go with them being friends from the beginning. But since my original idea was for them to meet after, they still have bits of that original idea mixed in to their relationship.

BUT EITHER WAY-

no matter what.

Yall see how broke open their skull is in the sketches i've been posting?

Yea.

their skull wasnt broke open like that in the beginning

[this-loser]

Silent Prayer

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Author's Notes: So, I actually haven't written in a while and for those who liked my previous stories I apologize. I deleted them from the account and forgot that I didn't have them saved so they are gone forever. Recently I have been hard on myself about that plus my writing. I ended up going inactive and recently going into the DC fandom, especially because of my love for Jason Todd, I got back into writing again. This is the first time I've written for Jason, bunch of scrapped ideas before this, so if it feels out of character I must apologize. Anyway, enough of my talking. Please enjoy!

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「WC: 863」

「Summary: He's unable to sleep but maybe a little music will coax him into sleeping」

「Warnings: I don't use Y/N, This might be a little sad tbh, Nothing explicit just wholesome fluff, This is shorter than I originally thought it would be but I'm okay with this」

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「Song name: "In Dreams" by Roy Orbison. In case you'd like to listen to it while reading look it up on either YouTube or Spotify.」

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It was never silent. Not in Gotham City. From the police sirens to the neighbors or the people outside the apartment building going on about their lives. No one pays any mind, depending on where you're looking, to the fact that this place was one of the biggest shitholes. No one could tell Jason otherwise.

He'd lived on the streets. Did things that he shouldn't have done, but he needed to survive and witnessed firsthand how god-awful the people in the city can be. All of that had been seen through the eyes of a child.

Was he proud of his past? Depends, but for the most part, no.

Reflecting doesn't help.

He knew that. It only made things come back, and the emotions left him sour. Especially when the original point was to sleep, something he was having trouble doing. Again.

Jason sat up, the blanket pooling at his hips as he ran a hand through his hair. The sound of a vehicle honking caused him to lift his head, looking at the window blinds. A few seconds pass by before he relaxes.

"Hmm..." The softness of your voice drew his attention, along with the blanket moving as you turned over onto your left side. "Jason," "Go back to sleep, baby." He crooned, stopping you from continuing your sentence and then leaning down to you, his hand pushing some of your hair out of your face as your eyes fluttered open. "Shh, just go back to bed. Everything is alright."

He was bullshitting, but not to worry you. Jason knew that you'd be up without another second if you knew his insomnia was bothering him again. "Just sleep." His hand gently cupped your cheek as he kept whispering coaxing words to ease you back into sleep, blissfully unaware of his suffering.

"Jay," Through tired eyes, you look at him. The darkness hides his face; however, you can make out the look he gave you. A soft reassurance that would have fooled anyone if they didn't know him well enough. That is, if they ever broke past that permanent scowl he always had. The look alone drew a huff from you. "Liar." He froze, the look quickly morphing into a disappointed frown. "Please, sleep. Don't worry about me. I'll be okay." He brought forth a weak smile, his hand caressing your cheek. "Trust me, you need more sleep than I do, I'll be alright." "Jason..." He shook his head, stubbornness kicking in as he leaned closer, pressed his lips against your temple, then pulled away. "You're gonna go back to bed. No arguing about it." You whined at his stubbornness, and although that made him chuckle, he didn't let up.

You pulled a hand from under the blanket, lifting it and grabbing his arm. "No. I'm not giving up that easily, Jason." He bit back a groan at your stubbornness, internally kicking himself for hoping that you'd actually give in to his demand. You sat up slowly and let go of his arm as you reached over the end table on your side, grabbing your phone.

It was still early morning, and Jason clearly wasn't having a good night. "Jay, it's 4:37 A.M." He groans at the observation and leans back against the headboard. "I know, Genius..." He grumbles, looking away from you. "You're welcome." You mumble, now going through your phone. A few seconds of silence go by before the room is filled with soft music from your phone.

"I softly say, a silent prayer like dreamers do,"

He glances at you, the song playing as you set your phone back onto the end table. "Music?" You nod, looking at Jason. "Why not? Might help you sleep." "Not really my type of music." "Too bad. You've got to deal with it since it's my choice." You lay back down, moving over to him and throwing an arm over his hips, burying your face into the side of his thigh. "Who's the artist?" "Roy Orbison." He nods his head slowly, the name not sounding familiar to him. "Melancholy as hell, though." He added, looking down at you and resting his hand on your head. "Mm." Your eyes flutter closed, the soft tempo of the song starting to lull you back to sleep.

"In dreams, you're mine all of the time,"

He leans his head back. Taking in the lyrics and how melancholy they are. "Actually, they are kinda peaceful." He whispers, his fingers running through your hair. "Except for the "Candy-colored clown" bit... That part doesn't sound all peaceful to me." A light scoff comes from Jason as he stares at the bedroom door and feels his eyelids become heavier as the song continues to play.

"In beautiful dreams"

He blinks a few times as a wave of sleepiness crashes over him, but he pulls himself back and gently pulls your arm from his hips. You make a noise of protest as he lays down, pulling you into his arms once he's lying on his right side. You sigh in contentment, relaxing again and peacefully resting as Jason's eyelids close. The melody of the song coaxes him into a dreamless sleep.

[blossomajesty-archive]

What to do what to do

Tldr; before I become consumed by the Monhun brainworms again come Wilds I want to move operations to a proper sideblog because:

1) tumblr never implemented account switching and it’s mad annoying to log in and out

2) I'm not allowed to make my real account an admin of this blog and operate that way bc this is a “main” blog. Lame.

Otherwise, just tossing up the question of if I should delete this blog (bc I dislike having an unused account) or keep it up as some sort of archive, since I know people hate when somewhat popular blogs go deactivated. Original post got long so under the cut it goes;

It's been awhile as you can see, but tbh I haven't been "present" much on social media in general. I closed out my last semester of college (yay) so it's been rough for the better part of the past year as I went through the torture gauntlet that is exams and graduation, and another internship. Anyhow this blog is 5 years old woagh, but I haven't actually posted anything related to the story or characters introduced here in like, 3 years.

For this blog in particular, a decently-sized conundrum is that it's not a true sideblog but a separate account, and since Tunglr never made it easy to switch between accounts, its really annoying to log in and out so much (the rest of my blogs are attached to my main account now). Aside that, i've had enough of Wilds' marketing (i'm already sold and don't need to see more tbh) so I haven't been engaging a ton with monhun news and posts recently. In the meantime I was thinking of just making a MH sideblog of the same name for its original purpose of a place to spill my dumb thoughts/screenshots/ocs/whatever (one that's not so out of reach).

The question is what to do with this one; I tend to keep as few accounts as possible so I have no issue deleting it, but i'm also not normal when it comes to art and sure some would be opposed to this blog vanishing. I could compromise and make this one one of those "-archive" blogs for now if that's the case? (For more clarity I never abandon my fanfic stories/ocs if you're thinking you'll never see Surah and the like again. I tend to rotate between a couple casts of characters as my vidyagame interest shifts, bc making fanart and stories for the same series forever is a fast track to boredom and burnout. That also means No, you still can’t repost the art here or use the characters, those are still mine).

One last thing I guess is that the old "ask-a-monster" blog community/phenomenon actually went extinct a long time ago, this blog was set up the way it is for nostalgia mostly. I was planning on making note of all my unanswered asks here for prompts/inspo, but I don't see myself leaning as heavily into in-character asks ever again (with MH characters and anyone else).. It's been fun for character-writing purposes but as the fate of all the ask-blogs tells, building around it is a lot of work and always tends to fall off after a couple years. Heck, it wasn't even supposed to have so many ask posts in the first place (but don't get me wrong, it was still fun and I learned quite a bit). I’ll probably get around to posting the actual writing I’ve done that fills in some of the story gaps, but elsewhere (or in whatever new side location) as I’d rather put the blog to rest as-is than try to revive/reboot it when I'm not too keen on jumping back and forth.

No idea how many people are actually gonna read all this so I'll add this old Surah wip as compensation

[bellybiologist]

Having Sad Winter Thoughts

So wanted to reminisce about an event that I've always kept close to my heart concerning my late mother (tho she didn't play much of an active part, tbh!)

She was a collector (hot wheels, barbies, Peanuts merch... and a variety of collectable trading cards that circulated before I was born), and she always encouraged my brother and I to keep what we had in good condition because "it could be worth something later". And back before we could make our own money and when she'd buy us anything collectable, like our Pokemon cards, she'd ask us for any Repeats to keep for herself.

I always remembered the old Lego-like wipes box (Chubs Stackables, its called) that she used to keep her Pokemon cards in because of a story that I never forgot.

Pokemon came to America when i was seven, and Cards came out shortly afterward. Us kids were understandably nuts about it, so much so that I still remember an announcement in my elementary school that was banning them outright on school grounds, stereotypically pronouncing them as "Pokey man cards."

We lived in a cul de sac at the time with a bunch of other military families (dad was in the airforce). It was very Ed Edd n Eddy where we knew and interacted with a lot of the kids, and their parents were more a Concept than a reality. So of course, when fads hit, it swept through the street like wildfire. We all were into pokemon.

Even as a seven year old, baby Verzi had her "White Whales" when it came to collecting, cuz the thing I actually want is never easy to get apparently!

For those who were there, you'd remember that the first 151 pokemon were released in 3 sets (Base, Jungle, and Fossil). And in Jungle, my favorite pokemon ever and forever, Butterfree, was released! It was uncommon, so surely, it wouldnt be too difficult. find, right?

Incorrect!!!!!

It took me a good year or so to find, and it drove me fucking insane because when you're little, any small amount of time feels like an eternity!!! But the point of this story takes place earlier. One of the neighborhood kids, an older one who was probably 10-12ish. had an extra butterfree. I coveted it and wanted to trade. He asked for my rare, non-holo Nidoqueen (some rares had holo and non-holo versions. Just to be extra mean. Always remember trading cards are an evolutionary stepping stone to bad gacha games!).

But!! I only had one of those.

But x2!!! I remembered I pulled a duplicate and gave it to my mother.

So i had one of those moments after-school specials had. "Am I gonna steal from my kind and hardworking mother to fulfill my Greedy Little 7/8 year old fantasies??" The answer was yes, though it took a lot of back and forth because back when my mother was younger, she had eyes like a hawk for anything out of place. This woman made sure no one went into her shit in her room. Luckily, she kept her card box in a place that was easily accessible outside (the kitchen counter).

So i went into her blue, little box and took the Nidoqueen I had given her, and made the trade.

I was happy for a good bit, and the butterfree looked so beautiful in my 3 ring card binder! but then the guilt set in. It was crippling.

It only took a couple days before I couldn't take it anymore. So I went back to Older Neighborhood kid. Luckily, Older Neighborhood Kid was cool and let us trade backsies.

Then I secretly slipped the Nidoqueen back into my mom's collection box.

I am 95% sure she never found out, as she wasn't keeping a detailed log of the cards, but I always felt this was a character defining point for me. 😏

I thought about this recently, because in another fit of I Miss my Mom, I had actually found her old card collection box and spent some time going through it.

Unfortunately, the Nidoqueen of my Memory was not present. It could've disappeared for any number of reasons, as it has been ~25 years, several moves, and other events that caused a lot of my mom's stuff to disappear or be thrown away...

But at the very bottom, i found this.

So either I or my brother was able to get her butterfree at some point. 😌 (actual jungle set too! look at the little flower at the bottom right of the card art~)

I honestly have no idea where my own pokemon card collection is. My younger cousins raided and stole a lot of them back when i was in high school, and it never recovered. But I do not know where the remnants are. I'm still in the years-long process of getting through all of the stuff in my apartment and I'm hoping I come across it.

But I'm happy to know i have this card though. My mom's butterfree.

[bloodpen-to-paper]

Heya, I don't plan to talk about it much but due to what happened with forever, who was my fav and really the heart of the project for me, I'm probably not going to post about Qsmp much anymore. Or if I do, it'll take a while. But please read if you're in the same boat as me, its kind of a ramble and you can skip certain parts but I'd like to hear your thoughts. The last couple of paragraphs touch on some stuff that I hope can help be worth your while, whether you're here for the Qsmp stuff or the mental health part.

Now this is absolutely not to say the rest of the project doesn't matter or that people should give up on it. The Qsmp is incredible and should be known for what it has achieved: breaking language barriers and uniting communities. Its wonderful, unique, and still has so much to offer in terms of content creation, so please don't let the whole of it be tarnished for what happened with one creator (we've seen that before already and it sucks). Personally, it got me back into streaming content/mcyt and I'd like to stay more present this time, its so much fun and its nice knowing I can sort of drift back and forth when new things pop up. If you're in the same boat, I encourage you to not feel like its all over immediately if you still feel a passion for this kind of work, maybe you won't get back into it but maybe you just need a bit of time. Whatever you feel, as long as you're happy and having fun you're doing it right.

So, personal feelings (which I suck at but its better than bottling my thoughts and I encourage others to do the same). I'm fucking devastated lmao. His character was my absolute hyperfixation, I'm talking 24/7 brainrot for months. I haven't felt this passionate for a character since dsmp, I honestly didn't know I could still do it. But there's another layer. I live in the U.S., and I'm Brasilian-American. In the U.S., you don't hear anyone saying shit about Brasil. You hear a lot about Mexico, but nothing really south of that, and if you do its usually about sexualizing Brasilian women or narcotics and gang stuff. Not the best representation for little me, admittedly. When you-know-who won the Qsmp Election, y'all I felt something in me spark to life that I hadn't felt since we won the Olympic soccer tournament in Rio in 2016. I'm proud to be Brasilian, I've always been proud of it, but its a pride that's been limited to sports and my own personal experiences. To see myself represented, to see Brasil naturally enter the conversation for a piece of media I loved that I didn't know would have us, and to see us win something, phew, shit got me higher than my wisdom tooth removal. We Brasilians banded together to secure the win, and what's more, my fav cc on the project was the one at the center. I felt so happy, for my country, my community, and for myself. And I know recent events might taint that memory for some of us, but I refuse to look back on my feelings from back then negatively. That was one of the best damn moments in my chronically online life, and I will always remember it with pride and joy, along with the many other moments when this wonderful server made me proud to be me.

So, naturally, when the news hit I was pretty fucked up over it. Still am tbh, but better now that I've had sleep (though it took me a while to fall asleep because of course my sleep gets ruined by bad feelings, bleh). All this to ultimately say it sucks. Like, it really fucking sucks. The anxiety, the disappointment, the sadness, and the uncertainty of "what now?". Might be sounding dramatic but again, 24/7 brainrot/serotonin supply for months that connected me to my culture abruptly cut off because of pedophile allegations. C'mon Satan, I already have to go to therapy, you didn't have to kick this horse while it was down. Joking aside, if you feel as absolute dogshit as I do and have that kind of anxiety where the world feels like its about to end because moments like these leave you with the rug pulled out from under you and the uncertainty leaves you not knowing what to do with your life after this... well, welcome to the boat, bathroom's on the lower deck and snacks are in the lobby. And also I'm here, and everyone else who's been left in the same crummy place emotionally. We're here together, and I hope that can help you, cause I know for me the worst part is feeling alone in it all, but I'm not, and neither are you. We're here, holding hands and cursing existence for putting us here and making us so sensitive and giving us something great only for it to end up hurting us. We're here, and if you wanna say anything, my DMs, comments, asks, whatever you'd want to talk through, are all open.

Now comes the hardest part: acknowledgement and playing the waiting game. Like I said, if you're feeling like me, this kind of anxiety and disappointment has you feeling like its all over. So now's when you gotta remind yourself that the only thing that's over is this moment in your life when you enjoyed a Thing. That Thing can have meant a lot to you, it could have gotten you out of really dark places, and it could be something you'll still think about down the line. It can be something like minecraft cube people that you (I) got way too emotionally attached to. And for whatever reason, that Thing could have meant the absolute world, whether other people would've understood it or not. Its not your fault it ended the way it did, life just does that sometimes, as unsatisfying of an answer as that is. But its true, and its an important lesson. The Thing is over.

You know what's not over though? You. You're life. Whatever the hell you are doing and will do in the future. If this was the best thing in your life you had going for you, I am so fucking sorry. You deserved to be happy with it, we both did. But I promise you, this Thing is a moment in your story, not the whole story. This really was the source of my joy for the past few months, and if its the same for you, I see you. We can feel like shit together, along with the rest of this wonderful community who understand it too. And you know what else we're gonna do? Live, and move on. Not now, maybe not for while, but we're human beings, we persist (sometimes that might look like you're dragging your battered self out of a trench smelling like depression and expired cheese, but you'll get out of the trench, we both will). There's too much to life for this to be what stops you from finding the rest, whether that's some dramatic life change that completely changes the world as you know it for the better... or just figuring out what comes next. Taking a shower, watching that movie you were waiting for the right moment to watch (I'd say this qualifies), setting up a therapy appointment maybe. Whatever you do to feel like a person again, you have that to do, and later down the road you'll have new Things that give it all meaning. So keep yourself going, hit up me or others who would get it, and do what you gotta do to let it pass. Because it will pass.

Deep breaths friend, I'll be cheering for you when it does

[cat-heelies]

re night shift

im trying so hard to pinpoint which verses are loumand vs loustat vs lesmand and i CANT it's just SOOO. YOU KNOW. YOU SEE

hiiii delilah . ok so i've been thinking about this a lot and fundamentally they're so intertwined that it's hard to properly distinguish which could be which! but there are someee that speak out to me.

unfortunately this is about lestat it's true. i'm going back and forth because there's a louis perspective here and Also an armand perspective and both are so so crazy insane to me

ok to MEEEE this can be about anyone but i'm kind of intrigued by thinking of daniel... sorry i am a danlou girl forever and ever and ever. dubai trio perception of this in my head is like: armand pov because of his nature and then daniel is literallyyyyyy the other in the apartment. and then he turns him. and well. anyways

this is soooo louis return to nola idk....

lestat and armand to me tbh. the last time they communicated with each other was in the daylight btw. and well the kissing.... i shan't continue

i WISHHHHH this was louis. girl get up. get off the ground. kill those men. but i fear it's others perhaps

and we're ending out with louis and armand.... i see the lestat louis interpretation but it's soooo dubai to me. they don't see each other there is that performance of intimacy ALREADY. and well..... if he can help it.... anyways. the dedicated to new lovers... ah well.

ok. anyways. genius idea delilah <3

[fiprobsreblogsalot]

You know what's a fic idea I've been brewing but can't start for my own sake?

Delacroix bi-monthly cookout with Sambucky and Shuriri

Like I can't get it OUT of my head. Shuri, Riri and Okoye and Nakia and Toussaint going from Wakanda to Louisiana after the events of Wakanda Forever, like some sort of getaway for a few days. Bucky invited them, and they just kind of. Have a fun week there

I have some dynamics in mind with the characters tbh

Shuri and Bucky being friends/brother-sister (obvious). Shuri teasing Bucky relentlessly about finally dating Sam ("I knew you liked that cute Air Force vet")

Sam and Riri bonding over flying and being Cap?? (Riri is a MASSIVE fan)

Nakia and Sarah and Okoye with the kids

Because Toussaint would have SO MUCH fun playing with Cass and AJ

Maybe Sam and Okoye quipping back and forth. Imagine the combined sass

Sam and Riri on what it's like dating a superhuman

Shuri wanting to see Sam wear the suit and to make improvements and just generally them being friends

If anyone was to write this fic, I owe you my firstborn. Actually, I owe you all of my children

[arcane-vagabond]

Would that mean then that when Petal dies eventually after a long, fulfilling life, Angel!Jake flies her up to Heaven where they are young again and live together forever, or does Jake lose his angel qualities after a while?

Hmmmmm....This is something I've been going back and forth on tbh

I'm picturing like an Elijah type deal where she doesn't even die, she just gets carted up to heaven to live out the rest of her existence or something. Maybe she becomes an angel herself? Or maybe she was an angel who chose to be born as a human?

Or Jake gives up immortality to live out the rest of her life with her? Does Jake become human by the end? Or does he part from her so she can have a normal life?

What do y'all think?

[parksprout]

Sprout Journal 12/17/24

Hi Tumbie <3 how are you today? Are you doing well? Are you hanging out, working on yourself, but still having fun in life? I hope you're having such a great time, seriously :3 anyone who reads this

Myself? I'm doing alright I think. For the most part I've hit emotional equilibrium these days, which is like ... fine I think? I wouldn't say I'm in a happy phase, but net neutral is a lot better than what I had before. My low's still happen, I still cry some days, but I'm never feeling as depressive as the early days of the breakup. My highs are actually a little bit less frequent than they were even post-breakup? I think it's because a lot of those days during the early to middle period of the breakup me and Aaron were having a lot of conversations where it felt very much like we might've started dating again quickly after that, so I would ride that high a bit delusionally for the day.

There's not a whole lot to talk about right now, but it's still important that I talk about what I do wanna get out so it doesn't fester methinks. So first I wanna get into some general life updates, then I wanna talk about my family, and then just... some more of the usual thoughts about Aaron, is that okay?!

Also, I haven't had very good relationships with my friends recently. Not that I'm falling out with any of them, but they've got other stuff going on. I think that a lot of them balked at me when they heard about the breakup, it was kinda a "oh not this again" reaction from a couple of them. Only my two closest friends have been fully receptive. I have made a couple of new friends lately! Or gotten some old ones back! I've gotten a lot closer with a mutual friend of me and Aaron's named Liv, we talk basically every day lately. Then there's Sarah and her boyfriend Aidan, both of which were great to meet up with and hang out with!! I also reached out to my old friend Hana who I had actually cut off forever ago because we had a kinda hot-cold almost dating thing before I met Aaron, BUT I obviously am super taken (even if I'm not technically dating them I really do consider myself off the table, I'm not interested in dating otherwise), and I actually saw that Hana is moving in with a boyfriend!!! So we caught up recently which was nice. We both kinda laughed about the way our friendship ended the last time, we had both been in relationships that went south then entered a strange friendship together and lost interest in hanging out because we fell for people aklsjdfh it's funny. But none of those friendships have been super like... active? We've had a few conversations and hung out here or there in Sarah & her bf's case but honestly no aspect of my social life is really feeling as fulfilling as I would like. I think that... in a lot of ways, I'm just ready to move on from a lot of the relationships I have at the moment? Not necessarily in a cutting them off sort of way, but in the like... I wouldn't mind being far from them for a while kinda way, I wouldn't mind leaving it all behind. I want to leave it all behind, actually, and that will be a returning theme of the journal today.

One piece of good news it that I officially passed my semester two days ago and became a junior in college. I'm entering the final stretch if you think about it, isn't that wild? I've been in school since summer of 2023 and in that time I've gone from nothing to a junior. I'm feeling very proud. I didn't maintain my 4.0 GPA into this first semester at an actual University and tbh I'm not even that mad about it. I got a B- in Archaeology, a B in Spanish, an A in Anthropology and an A+ in creative writing. That's still a damn good performance for someone who has literally been back and forth with suicidal ideations since late October, like I did a third of the semester under intense depressive episodes??? It's no small feat. But yeah now I'm on break and sooooo happy about it ugh.

I visited my family yesterday. It was mostly to hang out with my little brother and his girlfriend because they're both chill as hell and we're close enough in age that we understand everything the other's do. I was also there for two other reasons. My sister who moved to NY forever ago was in town and I decided it'd be okay to see her, and I wanted to see how my dad's recovering. We really didn't do much of anything while I was there lol it was so boring aklsjdhfasdf my brother his gf and I did go to a restaurant to get some food!! Then when we got back I was talking with my family about my plans and I mentioned that I'd probably be moving away in the next couple of years. Now, I wasn't expecting them to be like... dragging me away from the idea, but I was expecting either more questions about the idea or at least a bit of curiosity, but they almost universally responded with shrugs or a lack of reaction entirely. I don't particularly like my family, but it would still be nice if like... I mentioned wanting to move away for school 2,000 miles away elicited some kind of reaction. Really, their reaction just solidified my decision.

I really don't feel like I belong anywhere these days as depressive as that sounds to say. It's not bothering me that heavily, but it's like... a square peg and a round hole. I don't think this city, this state, this place is right for me. I don't fit in with most of these people, I'm not making any meaningful connections here and... I keep cutting one string at a time tying me to this place. I'm here because I love my best friend Sammy, I love my other closest friend Jordan, and I love my sister Kimmy, but... Sammy plans to leave eventually anyways, Jordan and I could always be friends no matter the distance and Kimmy usually has too much going on in the first place AND she has openly stated that she supports me leaving because she always wished she had. I'm feeling ready to go, but there's a huge problem.

I don't know where I'll go.

I'm in a moment of standby still. Aaron and I are still up in the air, and for me it will be until either they tell me they're moved on forever or we start dating again. That relationship is a MASSIVE factor in where I decide to move to. If we work out? I'm there in their city as soon as I possibly can be, it'd work out really well too. Before the breakup I had reached out to an account my job has there inquiring about jobs and they are always accepting people for positions there especially if they're transfers with management experience, so I could have a job in their city day one. I was looking at apartments and had some really good areas in mind too. And then there's schooling. I don't wanna dox their location so I won't say the University but theres a state University basically in their city (it's technically a town over but I have a car lmao) that offers the masters degree program that I want to pursue and I'm 100% confident I could get accepted there. Literally every aspect of it works out except for me and Aaron for now. WHICH IS DRIVING ME INSANNNEEEEE!!! I wish that they would be okay trying again, because I would be there so soon. I don't even feel comfortable visiting their city unless we're together, let alone applying for school nearby ToT I've had crazy ex's who have shown up at my house, I don't want to ever give Aaron even a glimpse of a feeling like that because it's frankly terrifying.

MANNNNNN this wasn't supposed to post like this, I was working on adding a bunch more and then my phone crashed!! I'll just edit it from here and then add the pictures I was gonna add on my phone.

One of the things I appreciate the most about my current relationship with Aaron is the honesty of it all. I can be 100% honest about how I feel, I can share basically every thought I have about them, us and myself with them and Aaron seems to feel comfortable doing the same. Recently I've had some moments of genuine anxiety. Some people have consistently whispered in my ear that after I send Aaron their christmas present they'll have no reason to talk to me, and while I know Aaron and trust them whole heartedly to never do something like that the fear was honestly welling up so... I asked Aaron and they reassured me otherwise. Also, I asked if they were okay with me texting them so much still and especially with the posts I was sending and they said yes to that, too. I'm just happy to know I'm not annoying them, that I'm not pushing them further away through my flirting, yearning, constant yapping and inescapable need to share myself 100% with them. Really, I've been doing better about being overly attentive towards them, but better in that department with me is still a lot alksjdf. I'm happy they're patient with me and okay with the amount of attention I give them, though. Gosh. This was supposed to be a diferent kinda entry once I started editing it, but the exhaustion is just fucking smakcing me right now. Why am I so tired???? Ough. I'll just write another journal soon that'll be more comprehensible, I think that this entry has been basically nonsensical from the start askljdhfaskdf. Anyways, love you tumbie. I'm gonna go read a book ab out lesbians killing dragons together., Baiiiii

[cali-forlorn-yeah]

Family is Forever

{This is my original work, flaws and all. I've had a very emotionally challenging day. The following came to life in my mind as I washed dishes and cried. It stops where it does because I kind of broke down, TBH....}

Sebastian sits in the overstuffed armchair and leans onto his elbows toward his old friend. “I’ve missed you both so much. I’m so glad to see you.”

Nodding, Ominis subtly smiles. “I’m glad to see you, too.”

“What’s going on, Ominis? You might be able to fool my wife, but I grew up with yours and she can’t fool me. I know there’s something.”

A small smirk hints for a half second on Ominis’ lips but fades quickly. “We have to go.”

“What do you mean, ‘go���? You both just got here.”

“Sebastian…” Ominis sighs deeply. “My branch of the Gaunt family tree must end.”

“What?!? What are you saying?”

“My family has been involved with all the wrong sorts of wizards for … for generations. The name is practically cursed. My parents, my brother Marvolo… They, and their enemies, will not leave us alone. No matter what, they always find us. We had to sell our home. I can’t keep putting Anne through this. She’s been through too much as it is. I swore to protect her until death us do part… .”

Frowning deeply, Sebastian’s gaze quickly moves between his best friend and his sister sitting on the sofa with his wife several feet away. The pit of his stomach knots and an all-but-forgotten anxiety creeps up the back of his neck. He’s suddenly five and being taken far away from everything he knows, everything except his twin sister. He’s fourteen and watching her writhe in uncontrollable pain with no known cure.

He feels his body subtly rocking back and forth with growing tension, and his hands twist tightly together in his lap. “What… what are you going to do?” The steadiness in his voice surprises him.

Ominis draws a slow, deep breath and gently sets his hand on Sebastian’s knee. “Say goodbye.”

“What?” Sebastian is in shock. “No… .” His voice is so low, anyone but Ominis wouldn’t have heard it.

“Neither of us want this,” Ominis says lowly. “We’ve been trying to figure all our options, and the only way is for Ominis and Anne Gaunt to fade from history, cease to exist.”

“No… .”

“I can’t give her the life she deserves under my name, Sebastian. Your sister is stubborn, in case you didn’t know, and she won’t leave me for a easier life. I’ll keep my vow, and I’ll love and protect her to my last breath. But I can’t do it as Ominis Gaunt.”

“What… where… who… No!’ Sebastian insists. “Stay here. Our grounds are secure. I’ll build your home, myself. I’ll keep us together and safe… .”

“Sebastian… I can’t bring this trouble onto you and Maggie, and your kids… . We won’t take that risk.”

“It won’t be a risk. You’ll be safe. We all will be. It will be…”

“Sebastian,” Ominis interrupts, gravity deep in his voice. “You… you have to say goodbye.”

Sebastian just shakes his head. “I can’t.”

“I don’t want to either.”

Sebastian stares at his hands. This can’t be happening. This can’t be the only option… . They said there was no cure for Anne, and it took some time but… .

“I won’t say goodbye,” Sebastian finally says lowly, a concrete, definitive tone in his voice. “You’re my family. I won’t give up.” Beside him, Ominis inhales sharply, a shaky breath full of time-worn emotion. “I don’t care what name you have the next time I see you,” Sebastian continues. “I won’t give up. I’ll know my sister... my brother anywhere, even if it’s the on other side of the world. Nothing will keep me from my family.”

///

Potter Wiki says there's no Gaunt family other than Marvolo, Morfin, & Merope by 1925. I can't accept an early demise for Ominis. They moved far away and changed their names, and you can't convince me otherwise. Now excuse me while I sob my heart out... .

[tuzesdays]

Hi!! :] I had a couple questions!!

- First, are you alright with people bookbinding your fic? Not for commercial use, of course, just for personal copies!!

- Second!! If you are, I've been trying to work on a design for the cover, but the title is... pretty long, so I've been trying to figure out alternative titles/stuff to put there!! I was thinking of making it look like a to-do journal in reference to the to-do list that shows up repeatedly throughout the fic, but I wasn't sure if I'd just put, like, "to-do" or something more specific (it's been a little bit since I've re-read the fic, so I wasn't sure if the mc called it something different or not). If you had any other suggestions, I'd also love those!! Any alternative titles you had for it, or just something you think would fit well/be cool :) thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and for writing your lovely story!! It really means a lot to me, so I'm really looking forward to binding it (if that turns out to be okay!!) :]

QUESTIONS!! I love questions lemme see...

First, I would be absolutely honored. Bookbinding is something I've been wanting to get into for FOREVER but haven't had the time (or funds tbh...) to try my hand at it yet, but yes!! Go forth!! As long as you're not selling it, I fully approve.

Second-- oh man an alternate title would probably be best, yeah. I didn't even intend for dayshift to go for as long or get as much attention as it did, I honestly just spitballed a title at it after writing the first chapter and didn't look back. My friends and I use the nickname 'Dayshift' or 'Dayshift (go figure)' in convos, so those names are perfectly alright! I don't want to say I'm too attached to the title (I'm not the one making the cover after all) but considering the whole thing *starts* by Sunbite/Viper/You getting pushed to dayshift, I'd say having that word at least would be best. I like the to-do idea though!! I think it's super cute and don't want to turn you away from using it!! As long as the word dayshift makes an appearance, I won't complain!!

It makes me so happy to hear that you like it enough to bind it ; ^; I swear I say it every time I get an ask but dayshift is such a labor of love and i'm so glad that people like reading it as much as I like writing it. AND I'D LOVE TO SEE ANY PROGRESS PICS YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE!! I'M ALSO EXCITED!! (no worries if not <3 ) (see you around <3 )

[avemstella]

so that archon quest, huh. Would be absolutely thrilled to hear what u have to say about fontaine act V :] i love all your takes on furina & neuvillette & fontaine as a whole, and of course childe [pretty much an honorary fontanian with how he unintentionally got wrapped up in everything whoops]

Oh boy, I have so many thoughts. To start with some non-spoilerly stuff: I loved it so much. I'm not sure if I'll say it's my favorite Archon Quest yet (I think I would have to go through some of the older ones), but I think it's safe to say Fontaine overall as an arc is my favorite. Even its weakest part (the prison stuff, tbh it was a pacing issue) was still really solid and the ending, while not perfect, really landed. Genshin continued the trend from Sumeru of having the playable characters really take the stage and god there were some great standouts (Navia/Neuvi/Furina to name my favs, but I also loved my fatui and there really isn't anyone I've disliked). And well, the quest (and Furina's chara quest) made me cry like a baby, so that's a win.

Tbh, I think my biggest issue, wasn't even really an issue with the story but just a case of I had a very clear idea of what I wanted out of it (the woes of writing speculative fic pfft) and when it wasn't that I'm like "awww darn". Thats on me, and I genuinely really loved what we got, but it do be like that sometimes haha.

Spoilers below, oh boy (also my Furina fic spoilers too lol).

Eldritch abomination Furina I'll mourn u forever. I can't complain because Furina splitting herself in two to go fuck u to the heavens is such a boss ass move I can't haha. Okay, but I will say, even if I'm probably the only one, I do wish they brought some Remuria stuff up in the main quest. They had the perfect set up with Ajax being there with his Greek myth references and just ahhhh, one can hope they do something with it later. But yes, just know it's my silly headcanon that Focalors just lied about being an Oceanid to Neuvi and is one of King Remus's fucked up Primordial Sea experiments that maybe caused the Abyss rift at the fall of Remuria.

But yes, Furina, Furina, I'm crying. She really destroyed the girl failure accusations in the most glorious way possible. She literally didn't fail once (either of her), she plotted out a plan to trick the heavens, give back what was stolen, and save her people and she did it perfectly. As you're probably well aware, I'm a big fuck u Celestia gal, so it was just so satisfying to see her just obliterate the throne (even when I was crying haha). And honestly, super relevant to the state of the real world, but her giving back sovereignty to Neuvi in my mind is a very clear decolonization metaphor. Ages past descenders came to Teyvat, killed the dragons and created their own order, and now Focalors is returning that power back to said dragon (or well, the dragon's heir, it's a bit vague if Neuvi's literally the old dragon's soul reincarnated or just the body).

The entire scene between Neuvi and Focalors was great, though I will admit I have one issue with it (and even then I go back and forth on it haha). Neuvi in that scene doesn't have a big attachment to Focalors. What I mean is that ultimately Neuvi only ever knew Furina (which side note I'll get into this next, but I do view them as the same person, but still), and with Focalors' 'death' he's not technically losing anything, the person he's sad over will still be there. Like don't get me wrong, he's very empathetic and can be sad over this person who is dying for them, but I feel like it could have been even more heartbreaking if he had met Furina/Focalors before the split, or he had interacted with Focalors somehow in the past, and so in this moment he wasn't just watching Furina's sacrifice, but the sacrifice of someone he shares memories with. But that's me being picky haha and not really a critique on the writing.

But yes, Furina! Focalors! As I previewed before, I'm going to come out swinging with a possibly hot take. They are, and always were the same person. Yes, Focalors is the divinity, but as we see after Furina is allowed to rest her persona, Furina is also super mature and knowledgeable. In Neuvi's flashback quotes of Furina, it's her softly giving important advice about living with humanity, which is what Focalors was all about. And much like Furina, Focalors loves preforming, she loves humans, she gets all excited about Furina and her future, and is sad she won't get to experience it.

Not to remotely downplay Furina's suffering (because holy shit my poor girl), but Focalors too played her role. Unlike Furina who had Neuvillette and all her friends post this, Focalors was all alone in the Oratrice, waiting for the day she had to kill herself. Furina, has the promise of a future, despite all the suffering she endured to get there. She gets the reward of a happy life as a human surrounded by people who love her, and while it was touch a go for a bit, she was told one day her play would end. In contrast, while Focalors didn't have the same anxiety that Furina had, Focalors knew from the beginning she would never get to see her people saved. Technically she, like Furina, didn't even know if it would even happen. She put her faith in Neuvillette to follow through, and while she had the utmost faith in him, she could never know for certain. But much like her mirror Furina, Focalors weighed her suffering over the people of Fontaine's, and never once faltered. Furina was willing to possibly kill herself via primordial seawater in order to keep up her ruse, whose to say Focalors wasn't the same. Smiling at Neuvillette until the last moment because she couldn't risk him interfering, hiding away her anxieties and sorrow, so he wouldn't look so sad. Furina's performance ended, Focalors' never will.

Focalors was so certain she couldn't be human, but as we see from the Oceanids it was totally possible. And even more vitally, we see from the other Archons it's possible. They might fumble around a bit (some more than others, looking at u Ei), but they are learning and immersing themselves with their people. While not an Archon, it's the same with Neuvillette. Focalors should have had the same opportunities as Furina and the rest (mostly because she is Furina), but the world isn't kind, and that's why her sacrifice hurts.

If u can't tell I have a lot of feelings about Focalors/Furina and while I can appreciate a joke about Focalors giving Furina anxiety, I'm also like, they are literally the same person working together, she deserves the world (all of her).

But yes, I can go on and on about Furina, but for now I'll move onto our boy Childe. To get it out of the way, a little disappointed that we really got no answers about him. Poor guy didn't really have any lines. Also, not big on Skirk's design, mostly the outfit. Putting her next to Dain and uh, yeah (like don't get me wrong don't mind the color scheme and all, but could she not have gotten some kind of armor. Or look more like Foul Legacy or something idk).

But onto more happier notes, I'm so happy to see Childe finally getting to do well in a fight. I know it's a meme for him to get beaten up, but my dude is the Vanguard, let him win sometimes (he doesn't technically win here, but he was fighting an eldritch whale monster for ages and helped save Fontaine, I'm giving it to him). And Skirk, while her design is mostly less to be desired, I'm winning on guessing her hair and eye color haha. Also, while I'll always love my version, I'm liking her personality so far. Her yeeting Childe, while I admit took me out a bit (I thought she threw him farther into the Abyss and was like, "uh guys, yall worried about my poor boy here???" and then was a bit baffled at them saying he was fine) was so fucking funny. It's cool to learn "Foul Legacy" refers to a literal person, and I found the fact that Skirk's relationship with Foul is basically the same as her relationship with Childe very amusing. And it seems she's Khaenri'ahn, maybe? Also, I thought she was listing off her master's other names at first, so when she said Gold I got super hyped that I guessed correctly about the narwhal being Rhine's in my fic, but then they were like nope pfft. I'll take it as a win.

Sidenote, Alice and Rhine where are yoooouuuuuu.

Ultimately, while I enjoyed the Childe and Skirk stuff, it really just feels like a set-up for later stuff. Which isn't really a problem, but I was hoping we'd get something a bit more concrete. Like, I thought we were going to get answers about the "it" that Skirk saw in him, and it would have to do with the Narwhal, but now it seems those were mostly unrelated??? While I did find baby Ajax accidentally waking up a big world eating monster up kind of hilarious, it did feel a little incidental, if that makes any sense. Like, Fontaine's doom was an accident and not the result of anyone's choices. But that might just be a me thing. (and the quest needed more Arle, where was she??? my not really based on anything theory is that whenever we get Furina (or maybe Nevui's) 2nd character quest, Arle will be the boss fight. A reverse of the normal final Harb boss fight during the Archon quest)

Okay, because I really don't want to end on a downer (as I said uptop, I genuinely adored this quest haha), here are some minor spoilers from the Narzissenkreuz Ordo quest that have me by a chokehold.

I wasn't ready for a sudden Ajax. What does this mean??????

And this one just makes me laugh. Whichever Ordo member wrote this, I vehemently disagree with u and am on Khaenri'ah's side with this one. I'd much rather have bread then some higher power nonsense. In my fic I tend to write Khaenri'ah more akin to a modern nation than a fantasy one, and its nice to see me vindicated pfft.

Other random notes, enjoyed that the Fatui weren't just cartoonishly evil in both the main and world quests. I like some nuance. I saw that Sandrone hint, that was fun. Though it makes me wonder when we'll get Columbina lore (especially because if the theory about Harbinger boss fight order based on the Constellation circle is true, she should be showing up soon. Though also I half think that order will break because if it doesn't, it means Sandrone will probably be the final Harb boss which is an odd choice.) As revealed on Furina's weapon, Egeria being around during Remuria raises so many questions around the timeline of events. Genshin pls tell me when the Archon war takes place in all this pls (if they tell us in some lore I haven't read yet, whoops). (also on egeria, I mourn my version but hey, she exists in my heart and in my fics pfft. I can't wait to write her in smfwtwd and venti fic, though she's getting a new name for confusion and better symbolsism)

the contrast between Neuvi and Furina after the quest is so funny and sad. Neuvi "Furina is the best, I want her to be happy". Furina, "Everyone hates me, Neuvillette most of all, I can never face him again." And the other Archons, they are all like Furina, wow u are so cool (which just highlights Neuvi's utter disdain for them other than Nahida haha).

And most vitally, Furina and Venti should be best friends. Musically inclined performers who definitely aren't plotting to overthrow the heavens. I think they are neat (they also both have Latin names!).

[wollfling]

🎀 lolita sales post 🎀

A little mix of styles, I'll post below the cut. I'm open to offers and whatever doesn't sell I'll probably list to lacemarket? Prices in usd, I will provide photos to anyone interested! I just didn't want to go through the hassle of photographing everything. I'll state the condition and notes I have on each piece~ everything has been purchased secondhand.

I've linked lolibrary entries for sizing and release info. Feel free to make offers!!! I based my prices from quick searches on other sites, but I'm flexible. Depending on the item and country I would estimate 20-40$ shipping (im in canada)

I dont really have formal feedback for selling clothes anymore since I haven't in forever, but I do have an online shop where I sell art prints, so I have experience selling things online and whatnot.

Metamorphose Sailor Short Sleeve OP in ivory (2011) - $100

Missing bow (left photo), but still has the tie (like right photo) this dress is so lightweight and perfect for summer, I just don't like how the sleeves fit on my arms. No noticeable damage. I washed it but i havent worn it out!

Btssb Tartan Check Jacket in green (2005) - $180

No damage, only tried on by me. Another wonderful piece but too tight in the arms for me. It's soft, but polyester. I'm honestly so sad about letting this piece go I adore it, but I need to stop holding onto things I won't wear!

Btssb Ribbon Sherbet Skirt in pink (2010) - $40

Really adorable skirt, it's shorter and perfect for casual wear. You can't tell in the stock photos, but the fabric is woven with glitter! Again, washed but I haven't worn it besides trying on.

Aatp Sylvester vest (2011 or 2013) - $80

I think its the women's size, as there is so spider tag. I had forgotten and then realized upon inspecting while writing this that one of the back panel buttons had come off and I must have stored it somewhere to keep safe. I'll look for it (I know I have it somewhere lol) on the offchance I can't find it though I will discount accordingly. Worn by me and washed, there is no other noticeable damage.

Aatp Justin pants in red (2018) - $100

Only tried on by me- I'm going to keep it real with you I'm just too bottom heavy. The waist is full of room but the leg measurement (in average clothing sizing proportion) is really small. I don't understand why they would add so much extra room in the waist and not make the thighs adjustable at all. The sizing doesn't match up with the lolibrary entry, the waist can stretch up to 90cm, and is about 76cm not stretched... the inside measurement of the leg cuff is maybe 46 cm (the fabric is thick so measures 50 on the outside if that makes sense) when wearing this, the top of the waistband was floating around but made a sharp ^ down the back, these shorts will not be flattering if you have wider hips. All of that said they are really beautiful, I adore the fabric, but the lolibrary entry is very misleading!

---

I've run out room for photos in this post and need to locate the second blouse, but I have 2 white bodyline blouses and the strawberry gingham skirt I might bundle all together for idk 50$? I'll have to find them all first, but in case anyone is interested.

---

Other pieces I've been going back and forth on selling are:

victorian maiden velveteen frill bustier in wine (2002)

Metamorphose velveteen high waist ribbon jsk in red (2004) (missing detachable bust panel)

But tbh I can't come up with a reasonable price I'd be willing to sell them at. On the off chance they are someone's #1 dream items and you'd like to make an offer I am open for it but I might turn it down. I would be open to trades for similar items too though! Such as another vm bustier or old meta velveteen op/jsk of the era.

[rexscanonwife]

Ok I feel a bit unwell tonight (gee I wonder why ._.) So since I can't do much else I gotta spew my thoughts and be a little insane about this song for a while

Ramblings under the cut ofc

OUGGHGHH OKKK this whole song is so fucking good but I'll start with this bit for now but my god the whole song has this theme of someone singing TO Achilles, begging him to come away from some edge or precipice. Ofc there's lots of ways to look at this but I choose to think of it as Anakin teetering on the edge of falling to the dark side, thinking that he has no choice.

'The self is not so weightless; nor whole and unbroken' UGHH Anakin carries so many heavy things in his heart. His pain, his grief, his GUILT, his conflict. Yet he's not ONLY these things. I'll never be an Anakin apologist PER SE (except when it's funy) but every bad thing he does can usually be tracked, and so can his deterioration THATS THE WHOLE POINT. Despite all this he's been a great friend and brother, he has love and hope and faith in his heart as well as all these bad things.

'Remember the pact of our youth' the unyielding loyalty and affection that Brea and Anakin have for each other!! But it's true, she'd follow him anywhere, not only because she trusts him and knows what a capable leader he can be but she literally wouldn't be who she is today WITHOUT him. Without his friendship and without the ways they've encouraged or allowed each other to grow 😭😭😭

I'VE SAID NUMEROUS TIMES ON THIS BLOG THAT LOVE TORE ANAKIN APART. More accurately his inability to keep holding it inside him, his fate not letting him express it properly, the fear that he'd lose it and the grip he has on it eventually crushing it UGH MY GOD and I didn't screenshot it but the first verse has 'all of us, some of us love you/it's not really much but there's proof' BUT HE COULDN'T SEE IT 😭😭😭

And maybe the second part of the chorus is more Brea being OPTIMISTIC, maybe in a state of denial.

OK so the song does this cool thing where it switches back and forth in a couple verses to the 'inner voice' of 'Achilles' that berates and criticizes him, but obvi in my narrative I'm choosing to see it as literally Palpatine 😂😂 and ofc the parentheses would be both Brea reaching out to him, but ALSO everyone who loved Anakin, and the tiny glimmer of him that still remembers who he was. I love also that while trying to ease him with words of encouragement the parentheses also just like...basically tell the other speaker to shut up 😂 like yeah Brea WOULD straight up just tell Palpatine to go fuck himself!!

Ok and this bit gets me SO hard. Cause if u listen to it (which I highly recommend but it's ok if u don't 🫶) the opposing voices harmonize and then sing in unison, and to me it gives me a really strong visual of Anakins inner turmoil!! And not only that, it makes me think of my AU where instead of fleeing the temple during Order 66 in the confusion she sees that its Anakin leading the attack and decides to try to confront him!!! And I can see it being something she says to him, and their one on one fight that would ensue 😤😤

Ugh and not to mention how brilliant an Achilles comparison is, as I've mentioned I'm a sucker for religious and mythological imagery. Achilles. The PERFECT warrior, powerful, and NEARLY flawless. Emphasis on nearly. His end being brought upon him by that one thing.

I could go on and on about EVERY verse and little bit about this song tbh but this post would be forever long but my god. My fucking god. I've been thinking about this a lot today as u can see 0_0