#i've been building this in my head for days now and i thought maybe i'd share with the class

[bizarrelovetriangel]

distance

angst with comfort. brief jealous reader/mc and jealous zayne. slightly ooc zayne just bc you know he'd always put you first no matter how hectic life can get. but just for this one, he gets a little cold...

as insecurities take over, you distance yourself from zayne and zayne realizes how empty he feels without you.

Being a doctor can be stressful. It takes a lot of energy, and Zayne, no matter how perfect he seemed, isn't an exception.

Lately, his work has been taking a lot of his time, and it's starting to take a toll on his health. You've been trying to help him to take a break and relax for a while, but it hasn't been easy.

And your relationship was put to test.

You brought him food in his home office, and it had only gone cold and untouched.

You wanted to get his mind off work for a bit, so you took him out for plushie hunting at the claw machines after dinner one night, though he only said a few words as he watched you play, eyes looking like they're ready to close at any minute.

You encouraged him to join you in bed to get some sleep, hoping to get rid of the tiredness in his eyes, and he told you to go first and he'll join you in a few minutes, only for him to take hours, when you were already in a deep sleep.

You asked him to watch a movie with you, he said he wasn't in the mood, so you ended up falling asleep on the couch all alone until the movie's end credits started rolling.

You offered to give him a massage, gentle hands squeezing the tensed muscles of his shoulders, only for him to move away and say, "I'm sorry... I just need some time alone for a while. I need to finish this."

Of course, you understood. He is a doctor who has to do paper work along with treating the patience at Akso Hospital. Things can get pretty stressful, and even Zayne can be overwhelmed.

It's normal to want space.

After all, you admit that you might have seemed like a pesky buzzing fly to someone who just wants some silence.

"Okay. I'll head home, then. Good night, Zayne. Please, don't forget to eat and rest." Not wanting to annoy him any further, you resisted to give him your usual parting peck and embrace. Instead, you gave him a soft smile and a casual wave of goodbye before leaving his house.

In the following day, you sent Zayne a good morning message, reminding him to take good care of himself, and he responded with his favorite good morning sticker. You weren't able to see him at all, since the Wanderers you dealt with had been a handful. By the end of the day, after eating dinner at a ramen shop with your coworkers, Xavier and Tara, you just had enough energy left for shower before crashing on your bed.

The next day, you had a day off so you decided to stop by Akso Hospital to drop off lunch for Zayne, knowing that he's most likely just eating cafeteria food. You even got him some macarons as a treat for working so hard, so you're certain he'll choose your personal delivery than the cafeteria.

The moment you arrived, you were greeted by Yvonne, whose eyes lit up as soon as she spotted your figure. "Hey! It's been a while since you visited!"

"Haha, I know! Work's been crazy, but apparently not as hectic as yours!" You laughed as Yvonne pouted in agreement.

"Tell me about it!" Greyson appeared as well, clutching a few sheets of paper in one hand. "So many people are getting injured these days! Luckily, things are starting to calm down now though."

"That's good. You guys really need a break after all the hard work you've been doing." You then held up the light blue tote bag that contained the lunch box and started to walk towards Zayne's office. "Anyways, don't let me take anymore of your precious time. I just stopped by to give Zayne - "

Within several feet away from his office, you froze.

The door was partly opened, and inside you could see him. Zayne was already eating lunch, and he wasn't alone. He's with a woman, another doctor, based on the snippets of phrases you caught as she spoke elegantly.

You couldn't tear your eyes off Zayne's bright eyes and his lips slightly curled into a smile.

The smile that you haven't seen for days.

You were glad to see it.

You only wished that it was directed at you right now.

"Ah, never mind. I guess he's busy at the moment." You turned around and retreated, giving Yvonne and Greyson a smile.

It was the kind of smile that had them exchange a look of concern.

"I'll just get going then. It was nice seeing you two!"

Greyson's eyes followed the tote bag in your hands that were lowering with disappointment. "Ahaha! Well, you know.... I haven't had lunch yet..." His left hand scratches the back of his head. "How about I trade some coupons with you in exchange for whatever you got in there? I'll treat you next time we have a group hang out too."

You grinned as you caught his drift right away. Someone wanted free food. "The coupons will suffice. I hope you enjoy!"

Greyson managed to drop a quick thank you as you practically ran out of the building.

Later that night, you didn't send a goodnight text, and you did not receive one either.

The next morning, you woke up to a good morning message from Zayne, along with a snowman sticker that said, 'Awake?'

You replied a quick, 'Good morning' before continuing to eat your breakfast while scrolling through social media.

A couple of minutes later, you received a follow-up text, with Zayne asking if you're feeling okay, sensing that something was off with the way you replied to him.

You always send him multiple texts, sometimes paragraph-long, but never just a couple of words that lacked your usual charms.

'Just feeling a little tired, been busy at work'

It wasn't a lie. Wanderers have been kicking your ass, though you always make sure to kick theirs thrice as hard.

You weren't even really upset with Zayne. He didn't do anything wrong that would warrant a cold shoulder.

It's just that something has been forcing you to distance yourself from him. Something deep in your stomach was making you feel weird, about yourself.

You started to wonder.... if you were too much for Zayne.

Too loud, too energetic, too draining, too....childish.

What if, maybe, he preferred to be with someone who's more calm and collected? Someone who didn't waste his time getting plushies at claw machines? Someone who matches his interests and intellect and energy? Someone mature? Like that woman that he was having lunch with.

After all, she was able to get him to smile, while you failed for days.

Maybe Zayne was getting tired of you.

And so, you stayed away from him, not wanting to pest him with your presence any longer.

He deserves better.

/////////

Busy. Busy. Busy. He'd been asking you if you were available to go out on Friday, Saturday, then Sunday, but Zayne hasn't had any luck.

The good morning and good night messages stopped, too. Usually, you were the one that sent them first. Sometimes, he'd send a text first, and you'll reply with multiple messages. This time, it's just been silence. All calls have been missed. He hasn't seen your face nor heard your voice for days.

He doesn't like it.

The distance. The silence.

Something was wrong, and he had a feeling that it's not because of your job.

You've been together for a while now, and he had seen you in your busiest and most exhausted days. No matter how much work has taken from you, you always made time for him. Even if it's just to shoot him some messages and a quick video call to let him know what you've been up to.

You always find time and energy for him.

That was something he hasn't been doing lately. He knows that he'd messed up and pushed you away when you were just looking out for him.

Zayne wanted to apologize properly in person, but now, he realizes, that might not happen anytime soon.

In his office at the hospital, Zayne quietly ate his lunch that was purchased at the cafeteria, forcing his eyes to remain at his computer screen even though they keep darting back to his closed door, hoping that it would open and a certain hunter will give him a surprise visit with food she prepared just for him.

The food wasn't settling well in his stomach.

Zayne couldn't find it in him to enjoy the sweet drink he bought at the cafe. He didn't want any of it. What he wanted was for you to show up so he can hold on to you and never let go.

It's been days and he misses your warmth.

Sighing, Zayne stood up and took a folder that had been sitting on his desk. He had unfinished paper work to do, he might as well just focus on that now, since he didn't have the appetite for lunch.

"Greyson, I have a question about yesterday morning's patient from the pediatrics." He entered his colleague's office, which wasn't too far from his own.

"Doctor Zayne, what do you need?" Greyson looked up from his book.

"About the antibiotics they were prescribed. How many - " Zayne's eyes shifted to something familiar that demanded his attention. A light blue tote bag sits on Greyson's desk. "That looks just like...."

He then spotted a familiar snowman sticker at the bottom left corner at the front of the bag. He knows that sticker well, because he was the one that put it there.

"Actually, that's.... Why do you have that?"

Greyson tensed up at Zayne's suddenly raised voice. Not angry, but more...accusatory. All he could do was laugh nervously.

"She visited a few days with food meant for you, but she saw that you were busy, so....I figured, instead of letting it be wasted....."

Zayne nodded his head. "I see." He then picked up the tote bag with the clean and washed empty lunch box inside. "I'll be returning this to her then."

"Y-yes, please! Thank you!"

Zayne didn't even finish his question for Greyson. He just walked out of the office immediately after taking the bag.

Greyson sighs with relief. He didn't die.

///////

Zayne returned home with his stomach feeling worse, and it's not because he hasn't eaten much. Now, he's certain that you really were upset with him.

First, he neglected you, pushed you away and acted cold when you were just caring for him, then you saw him having lunch with another woman - which wasn't wrong, and you've seen him have lunch meetings with other women before and expressed no concerns, but this time was different. The timing was bad, and the fact that you didn't barge in or talked to him afterwards meant you felt upset.

After giving you a few more calls that had all gone to voice mail, Zayne called it a day, hoping he'd have better luck tomorrow.

But he wasn't gifted with sleep that night.

His mind couldn't stop thinking.

He worried that you might've been so hurt that you'd want to leave him, and the thought of losing you made his chest tighten.

The thought of having to live without you by his side, just like all those years ago, hurt a lot. Now that he knows what a life with you feels like, there was no way he could go back to the days without you next to him.

Zayne sat up and looked at the time.

11:20 p.m.

It started to rain, and the coldness has entered his lonely home.

He can't waste another day.

Zayne needed to see you. Now.

And so, he quickly changed his clothes and went to his car and drove to your apartment.

/////

Your mouth dropped as soon as you saw who rang your doorbell.

"Zayne?! What the hell - it's almost midnight and it's raining!" His hair had gotten wet from the rain, black buttoned-up shirt also catching cold droplets, yet he didn't care at all. "Are you crazy?! What are you - "

You couldn't even finish screaming at him as he suddenly dove into your arms, burying his face against your neck as he pulls you close to him.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, warm breath tickling your skin. "I'm sorry."

Your throat tightened and words failed to leave your mouth. The coldness pricked your skin, so you rushed back inside your apartment with Zayne still latching onto you.

You took him to the kitchen and sat him down on a chair. He kept his arms wrapped around your waist while his face rested on your stomach.

Your fingers brushed against the wet strands of his hair. "Zayne..."

"I'm sorry." He said again. "I'm sorry for pushing you away when you only meant well. I'm sorry that you had to distance yourself from me, because I made you feel like... like you weren't important. But you are. I need you by my side. Please, don't leave."

"Zayne..." Your chest ached at the desperation in his voice. "Zayne." You got on your knees so that you can look at him in the eyes and hold onto his hands. "I'm sorry, too."

His eyes looked at you with confusion.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted. You weren't at fault for wanting space. I'd respect your wish anytime. It's just, at that time, my insecurity got the best of me."

"Insecurity?"

"I started to think that I might be too childish, and that maybe you'd prefer to be with someone more mature and someone who matches your interests, someone who could help you out when you're stressed about work, instead of getting in your way." You confessed, feeling embarrassed now that you're saying it out loud in front of him. "I'm sorry."

Zayne shook his his head and brought your hands to his lips for a lingering warm kiss. "I never thought that, and I never will. I'm grateful for you, and I love you exactly the way you are. You don't get in my way. I shouldn't have pushed you away. I truly am sorry for making you feel that way. I promise I won't do it again."

You rested your forehead against his.

"....you're still wet from the rain." You clicked your tongue and got up to get a towel, only for him to grab your hand. "Come on."

You brought him to the bathroom so you could help him freshen up from the rain. After he changed into the pajamas that he'd keep in your house, he joined you on your bed, and his arms wrapped tightly around you.

His head rested on your chest, arms on your hips, legs tangled together.

Just then...

"Shit. I forgot to turn off the lights in the kitchen."

You attempted to get up, but Zayne only held you tighter.

"Don't go."

"It'll only take a second." You poked his cheek, suppressing a smile, enjoying his clingy side that rarely comes out.

"It'll be fine. It can stay on for the night. Just let me keep holding you."

"Okay. Good night, Zayne."

"Good night."

[writingwithciara]

across the hall; part 5 -quinn hughes-

summary: y/n moves in across the hall from quinn and in an emergency, she leaves her five-year old daughter in his care

word count: 2.2k

pairing: quinn hughes x reader, toxic ex-boyfriend x reader

notes:

it was just after 2am when y/n finally got off of work. she had worked for over 12 hours and she was exhausted. all she wanted to do was go home, take a hot bath and put abby to bed.

but then she remembered that quinn had texted her during her break and informed her that abby wanted to stay at his place for the night. so when she got home, she would be alone.

she loved her daughter but there was not a whole lot of time she got to herself since becoming a mother. this was just one of the many reasons why she was thankful to have quinn in her life.

when she pulled into her parking spot, she spotted a familiar car a few spaces away from hers. and suddenly, she was hesitant to enter the building.

she did promise andy she would talk to him later, but in her mind, later meant the next day or maybe days from then. but he was persistent. so she headed up to her apartment.

just as she predicted, andy was sitting outside her apartment. when he saw her, he stood up and dusted off his pants.

"i was starting to get worried about you." he looked at her, seeing if there was any damage to her body. when he concluded there was not, he let out a sigh of relief. "quinn told me you would be home around midnight. so i've been waiting."

"yeah i figured." she sighed. "look, andy, i've had a really long and stressful day and i know i promised that we could talk later, but i just don't have the energy for that right now."

"that's what i thought was going to happen. but you don't have to do any talking. just listen, please?"

"3 minutes. that's all i can handle."

"can we go inside?"

"no. because if we do, i'll be too exhausted to make you leave and we both know that will not turn out well."

"i've changed, y/n. i really have." he took a hesitant step closer. "i know you may not believe me but i've been going to therapy and i've been making a ton of progress in making myself better. into a man who actually deserves someone as great as you or abby in my life." he looked at her. "i know it'll take some time but all i want is for you to give me one chance to prove it. please?"

"i'm tired, andy. can we talk more about this tomorrow?"

"can i take you out for lunch?"

"if that's what it takes to get you leave right now, then fine." she unlocked her door. "i'll meet you at the cafe that's 10 minutes from here."

"okay. thank you." he went to walk away. "can you bring abby?"

"i will not allow abby any time with you until you have proven to me that you're a changed man."

"okay fair enough. see you tomorrow." he walked away and y/n fought against her will to go inside. the logical part of her brain wanted her to go across the hall and see quinn but the tired part wanted her to just get some rest. she would see quinn tomorrow.

by the time she climbed into bed and got comfortable, the only thing on her mind was the man across the hall.

the next morning, y/n woke up earlier than she wanted. even with the 8 hours of sleep, she was still exhausted. but she had promised to meet andy for lunch so she had to get ready. she did it slowly but the end result was fine enough.

she went across the hall and knocked on quinn's door. he was rubbing his eyes when he answered but when he saw y/n, he smiled.

"good morning."

"good morning." she smiled back. "would you mind watching abby for another hour or two?"

"why? what's going on?"

"i stupidly told andy i'd meet him for lunch today to hear him out."

"oh." was all quinn said.

"yeah." y/n looked at him. "will you watch her?"

"of course." he smiled. "go hear him out. we'll be here when you get back."

"oh you're the best." she leaned up to kiss his cheek and headed towards the elevator.

that was twice in less than 24 hours that y/n had kissed his cheek and left him frozen in place. things continued to get confusing.

he shut the door and went to the kitchen to make abby some lunch. it was a good thing he was an excellent chef who was good with kids or else he wouldn't be doing this.

he chuckled when that thought crossed his mind because even if he wasn't either of those things, he would still keep an eye on abby because y/n asked him to. at this point, he would do anything she asked him to do.

-----

y/n looked at the coffee and sandwich in front of her as she mindlessly listened to andy explain how he wanted to be better for her and abby. she wanted to believe him but there was so many factors from her past that contradicted what he was saying. stuff that caused her to lose her trust in almost everyone.

"do you hate me?"

"why would you ask that?"

"you've been zoning in and out of this conversation for the last 10 minutes. either something is on your mind or you hate me."

"can't it be both?" she cracked a smile.

"i understand why you hate me, but please, don't deprive our daughter of a life without her father."

"it's not really entirely up to me, andy. i'll talk to abby and get back to you."

"if it helps, i brought presents for her for every holiday and birthday i messed up on. and i have stuff for you too."

"keep it. i don't want any of it."

"but what if abby does?"

"that's up to her." y/n sighed. "i'm taking her to the park later. if you happen to stop by, i can't stop you from seeing her, i suppose."

"so what does this mean then?"

"you're on probation, andy."

"fair enough." he stood up and paid for everything. "thank you for this chance."

"yeah yeah. it's your only one so if you screw this up, you won't be getting another one."

"understood. i'll see you later."

y/n sighed and waited another 10 minutes before heading back to the apartment. she walked into quinn's apartment without knocking and froze when she heard abby's giggling coming from the hallway. seconds later, quinn was running out with abby in his arms, guiding her around like an airplane. when he spotted y/n, he slowed down.

"we have arrived at our destination." he smiled and set her down on the floor. "go get your stuff, abby."

y/n watched her daughter run down the hall before turning to quinn. "i may have made a mistake, quinn."

"i'm guessing the talk didn't go well."

"no. it went better than expected, honestly." y/n looked at him. "i told him i was taking abby to the park later and that if he jut so happened to be there too, i couldn't stop him from seeing his daughter."

"oh."

"tell me if i made a mistake."

"i don't think you did. it's important for a girl to know her father. and it's up to you to set those boundaries." he smiled. "also, i've noticed that you've never made a mistake in the time i've known you. you always think every decision through before making one."

"thanks, quinn. i truly appreciate you and everything you do."

"i appreciate you too." quinn pulled her into a gentle hug. one that she melted into without a thought.

"can quinn come to the park with us today, mom?"

"i would love to, but i got plans with some of the guys from the team. maybe next time, sweetheart." quinn bent down to give abby a hug.

"okay, quinny." abby smiled and headed across the hall. y/n turned to quinn with a grin.

"quinny?" she giggled.

"she started calling me that last night." quinn smirked. "think she likes me."

"dude, she loves you. you're great with her and i appreciate it."

"anything for you." quinn touched her shoulder gently and left her in the hallway. y/n blinked for a few seconds before going to her apartment and grabbing abby.

an hour later, the girls sat down for a picnic when y/n saw andy approaching them. she gave him a signal to stop for a second before she turned to abby.

"hey. um, your dad wants to visit you. would you be interest in that?"

"i guess. he's gonna come around even if i say no, isn't he?"

"yeah i guess so." y/n waved her hand towards him, telling him to move slowly.

"hey. mind if i join you?" he looked at abby. she nodded and looked back at her food, not wanting to engage with him.

andy took a seat next to y/n and set his bag down. "remember the gifts i mentioned?"

"mhm." y/n looked at her phone, wanting nothing more than to text quinn.

"well i brought a couple of them with me and was hoping you girls would accept them."

"presents?" abby set her food back on the plate and turned to face andy as he pulled out 3 gifts. he placed them on the table and abby began opening them.

"i told you i wasn't going to accept any gifts from you, andy." y/n eyed him for a second and went back to her phone.

"i know. but i was hoping you would accept this one." he placed a small jewelry box in front of her, finally catching her attention.

"you really think this is going to make me forgive you, andy? it's going to take a lot more than a necklace." she opened the box and she felt her eyes begin to water. inside the box was a locket with abby's name & birthday, while inside the locket was a picture of the sonogram & a picture of abby when she was 2. y/n's favorite picture. "i'll accept this one gift. but that doesn't mean you're forgiven."

"that's okay. it's a start, right?" he smiled his trademark smile and picked a piece of cheese off y/n's plate.

he ended up being so good with abby and everything he was doing was proving he really was a changed man. y/n hated that she was starting to fall back into his orbit so easily.

later that night, y/n actually let andy into her apartment for dinner. he even joined her in tucking abby in for bed. it felt like they were a family as andy put his arm around y/n when they walked out of the room. she walked him to the door and before he left, he turned to her.

"i just want to thank you again for allowing me to have this day with you guys. i know i've been a terrible person in the past but i hope today was proof that i'm really trying to change. and not just for abby. i'm trying to be a man that deserves someone as wonderful as you."

"you're still on probation, but if i'm being honest, your behavior today has shown a lot of promise."

"i'm glad you feel that way." he slid his hand down her arm and gently grabbed her hand. "i missed you, y/n."

"goodnight, andy." against her better judgement, y/n leaned up and placed a kiss on andy's cheek before he left. just as she was about to shut the door, quinn came out of his apartment.

"hey. how was your day?"

"it was surprisingly good. i think andy may actually be a changed man."

"well, be careful with who you give your heart to. i'd hate to see you get hurt, y/n."

"i appreciate you looking out for me, quinn. but i promise not to get too invested in this, just in case."

"you know i'm only saying this because i care about you, right?"

"i know. and i appreciate it." y/n touched quinn's arm the way andy had touched hers earlier. "thank you."

"you're welcome." he smiled and looked at where her hand was placed. "are you and abby free tomorrow? i have the day off before we have to go on the road for a week and i wanted to spend the day with my favorite girls before i go."

"i'm sure abby would love that, but i won't be able to make it. i work in the morning and i don't know when i'll be home."

"oh." quinn looked at her. "i totally understand. your job is important."

"i'll let you spend the day with abby tomorrow and the first day you get back from the trip, we can spend the day together. i'll make sure to book it off. i promise."

"okay. i would really like that."

"i'll drop abby off before i go to work, alright?"

"sounds good. i'll see you in the morning."

"good night, quinn." y/n kissed his cheek and headed back to her apartment.

quinn was never going to get used to the way she could freeze him with just one simple action.

----------

tags: @alwaysclassyeagle @justagingerliving @marroonwitch

[w2soneshots]

Oh Haz -W2S

words: 0.8k+

warnings: angst, commitment issues.

summary: Harry freaks out and bolts when you tell him that you love him, so he has to figure out a way to make it up to you.

notes: hello loves! I have a few requests to write but I thought of this fic all by myself🙊 (for once😅). I hope you enjoy!!💘🫶🏼

"So you told him that you love him and he just... left?" Talia asked in disbelief as we ate lunch. I nodded. "What a prick! Did he say anything?" "No. He stuttered for a second then got up off the bed, grabbed his coat and made a b-line for the front door." I replied. Me and Harry have been seeing each other for almost four months now and I've known that I love him for over a month. I decided to wait a little while because I didn't want him to freak out but it seems I should've waited even longer.

That night, after talking things over with Talia, all I could think about was him. Worried in case I'd completely fucked everything up. Eventually I decided that it wasn't my fault. If he wasn't ready to commit after a whole four months then maybe he didn't like me as much as I thought he did. I just wanted him to text me because I wasn't sure what was going on. The last time I spoke to him was the night he left, I've heard nothing since then.

The next day I got up and got ready for work. I took a shower, brushed my teeth, pinned my hair back, applied a little bit of makeup then got dressed into a matching skirt and blazer suit along with tights and some black heels. After quickly eating some breakfast I grabbed my bag and drove to the building in which I work.

The day dragged on and so I couldn't wait to get home, get into my pyjamas, order a takeout and watch some trashy tv. Once I was finally finished I said good night to my boss and headed home.

My heels clicked on the tiled floor as I walked towards the front of my apartment. My brows furrowed as I noticed something on my doorstep. Once I was a close enough I realised what it was. I picked up the bouquet of white flowers then unlocked my apartment door and went inside.

I set the flowers on my kitchen counter and walked into my bedroom to change into some comfy clothes. Once I was finished I took a closer look at the roses. A note was placed inside. I pulled it out then opened it. The note read: "I'm sorry about the other day. Can I make it up to you with dinner tomorrow night? -Harry x" I smiled. He could've just sent me a text but this was way cuter and meant a lot more.

I sent him a quick message: "thank you for the flowers. Do you wanna meet at our usual spot at 7 ish?" He replied quickly, "yeah, that's perfect. See u then." I set my phone down and enjoyed the rest of my night but not before I called Talia to tell her about what had happened in the past twenty minutes and she also thought that the flowers were adorable.

After getting a good sleep I woke up in a great mood. Thankfully it was also my day off so I went to run some errands before I came back and began getting ready for mine and Harry's date. I took a warm shower, took time to do my hair and makeup then slipped into a cute dress that I had brought earlier that day. Once I was finished I left my apartment and drove to the restaurant me and Harry always go to; since we both love it and it's where we had our first date.

I parked my car then headed inside. I was quickly met with a waitress who took me to a quiet table at the back. Harry hadn't arrived yet so I sat patiently on my phone while I waited.

"Hey." I looked up to see Harry. "Hi." I stood to greet him. We shared a quick hug before both sitting down. "How are you?" He asked. "Good. You?" It was awkward, which is what I expected. "I feel awful, you know- because of the other day. I owe you an explanation." He began seriously. I smiled lightly at him since I could tell he was very nervous.

He took a deep breath. "I uh- my last relationship was really fast and it ended quickly as well. I think I freaked out because I um- I didn't want the same thing to happen with us 'cause... I love you, like a lot." He didn't look me in the eyes until he said the last sentence. My features softened. "Oh Haz, I understand. We can take it as slow as you need. And I'm really relieved that you feel the same." I replied.

The mood changed quickly and we enjoyed our night like nothing had even happened. Harry invited me over to his apartment afterwards and as we lay together on his bed, my head rested on his chest and his fingers gently playing with my hair, I felt so happy.

[me-loving-woso]

The day after tomorrow

As promised here is Part 2 of Today. Tomorrow. You can find Part 1 here: Today. Tomorrow

As soon as you reached her building, you sent her a text.

**Y/n**: Are you home?

**Aitana**: Yes, I am. Why?

**Y/n:** Open the door.

You entered the building and quickly reached her door, knocking. After a few moments, she opened it, looking surprised, both at your presence and your new bald look.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to apologize," you said shyly, waiting for her to let you in. She widened the door to let you in, then closed it again. "I'm really sorry about how I treated you today. It wasn't fair to you, and I'm really sorry."

"It's okay, really," she said without much thought.

"You can be mad at me; I deserve it," you told her.

"You're going through something really tough. I get it if you want to lash out or not be vulnerable around me, even if sometimes, I'd like it if you'd let me be there for you more," she softened her gaze, showing her sincerity.

"Maybe that's the problem," you came closer to her. "Aren't you going to get tired of waiting for me?"

She was taken aback by the question, surprised at your acknowledgment of what was happening between you. The last time that happened, you were drunk.

"Well, I don't see it that way. We are already kinda acting like a couple. We cuddle, we sometimes sleep together, we are there for each other, we communicate, and we both care for each other in a way that friends wouldn't," she pointed out. Those past weeks, she had been there for you like a girlfriend would.

"Well, you can say that, but is it enough? Do you really think we could go on like this for more than another month?"

"What are you trying to say, Y/n? Do you want this to end?"

"No, no. What I'm trying to say is that I don't think I've given you a proper chance. I pushed you away multiple times because I was scared. And I really don't want to anymore."

A smile crept onto her lips as she tried to suppress it. "So you're saying—"

"Yes, Tani. 70% of relationships fail in the first year, so let's be that 30%."

"Are you sure? Like 100%? Because if you're doing it for me, you really don't have to. I'm happy being what we are currently," she rambled.

"I'm doing it for myself. So now, just shut up and kiss me.”

She gently placed her hands on your cheeks and pulled you close to her lips. The kiss was so sweet that you both couldn't properly kiss each other because you couldn't stop smiling.

"Be serious! I can't kiss you properly," you told her, giggling.

"I'm trying!" She took a breath to keep her smile from creeping in and kissed you again, this time properly.

She took her time, making sure you both fully enjoyed kissing each other for the first time. You slowly pushed her until she was seated on the couch, while you surged forward, sitting on her lap. There, she held you tight by your waist, while you had your hands on the sides of her jaw.

When you finally pulled away to breathe, you began to pepper her cheeks, jaw, and forehead with small, quick kisses, making her giggle. You wished to hear that giggle for the rest of your life if you could.

She took a closer look at you. "You have to change your beanie!" she said, taking you off guard.

"Why? You don't like it? I'm not going for a wig if that's what you're asking."

"You're bringing an Adidas product into my home! Nike is better! Wait. I'll give you one of mine." She patted your leg for you to move, then got up and left for her room.

After a couple of seconds, she quickly came back to you, sat down on the couch, and urged you to get in the same position as before.

"Can I take the beanie off?" she asked you. It was going to be a big step for you, showing this kind of vulnerability to her. You knew she knew about your illness, but it still scared you that she would look at you differently.

You lightly nodded, and she slowly took the beanie off you, leaving your bare head on display. She gently caressed the back of your head. "How is this so smooth?" she stated jokingly. You smacked her head in response.

"You're an idiot. That's the same thing Ciro said to me," you chuckled.

"Joking aside, this right here is proof that you're one hell of a fighter, Y/n. Never forget that. The hair will eventually grow back, but your spirit and your will through this tough illness will make you even stronger." She picked up her Nike beanie and gently placed it on your head. "There you go. Definitely better." She gave you a soft kiss on your forehead and gently embraced you.

"I don't know how I got so lucky with you," you said gratefully.

"I'm the lucky one, believe me."

That night, you both remained awake until 2 AM. You told her everything about you—your first girlfriend, uni life and your relationship with Ciro and your mom. You wanted her to know everything about you and why you were the way you were.

In return, she told you everything about her life, why she loved football so much, and her deepest insecurities and fears. You both listened intently, deepening the bond that you had with each other. That conversation made you fall for her even more than before.

--

--

The next morning, Aitana headed to training with a newfound happiness. The night before had left her feeling incredibly content—words couldn't quite capture the depth of her emotions. Seeing you give her a proper chance filled her with immense gratitude.

Patience wasn't her strongest suit, but for you, she would have waited for years. In her mind, the connection that she felt with you wasn’t something that you could find with the first random person. It felt unique, but maybe all the new couples felt like this when they finally get togather.

As she entered the physio room for her session with Ciro before practice, she immediately noticed his new haircut.

"Whoa, new haircut? Looks sleek and aerodynamic!" she teased lightly.

"Is it that bad?" he asked, seemingly unfazed by her teasing.

"Just because you did it, and why you did it, it's perfect. I would've done it too if Y/n let me," she remarked.

"She would never. She'd be so mad!" Ciro chuckled.

"I know, right!"

His expression softened as he asked, "Y/n didn't come home last night. You guys talked?" Aitana felt a blush creep onto her cheeks, silently confirming his question. She sat down on the physio bed, and Ciro began working on her ankle.

"Should I give you the brother-in-law talk?" he asked, turning to her seriously.

"Whoa! A little too early for that. Give us at least a week!" she exclaimed, widening her eyes.

"Joking aside, I'm glad you didn't give up on her. It might not seem like it, but you've been helping her so much," Ciro remarked.

"You keep saying that, but in reality, I'm the one who needs her, not the opposite," Aitana admitted shyly.

"You're such a suck up!" Ciro joked, prompting Aitana to playfully push him off her ankle.

"That's not true! Without her, we both would be lost! Who would keep us in line?" Aitana retorted as Ciro finished taping her ankle. "You're good to go now."

-

During training, Aitana couldn't wipe the smile off her face, which caught the attention of her teammates, who were accustomed to her serious demeanor.

"Why are you so smiley?" Mapi asked, coming closer to her.

"No particular reason," Aitana lied.

"Does it have something to do with the art restorer?" Mapi pressed on.

"Maybe…" Aitana couldn't suppress the smile forming on her lips.

"She'd better treat you right," Mapi said protectively.

"She is."

"So when are you going to let us meet her properly?" Patri jumped into the conversation.

"I'll talk to her about it tonight," Aitana replied, thinking of the plans you two had after your chemo treatment.

"You never hang out with us anymore!"

"I do! It's just, I've been busy with—"

"Y/n, we know. You should take her out with us," Patri suggested.

"It's not that simple. I'll talk to her about it," Aitana said vaguely, refocusing on training.

-

After training, Aitana quickly showered, put on some sweats, and headed to the hospital to see you. As she entered your room, she found you surrounded by some friends, mostly middle-aged women with breast cancer, gossiping about the hot doctors in the oncology department and trying to set you up with their sons.

"Who's the lucky man?" Jimena, one of the women, asked curiously.

"Jimena, I'd rather not talk about my love life with chemicals running through my veins," you replied, trying to change the subject.

"I get it. Young love!" Jimena teased before Aitana came to your rescue with snacks. As she sat next to you, Jimena and the other women left you two alone to talk.

"Thank god you saved me, Tani. All these women were trying to fix me up with their sons," you whispered, greeting her with a kiss on the cheek.

"Were there any hot, rich contenders?" she asked playfully.

"Yeah! They were all rich entrepreneurs with abs of steel. One of them I think was an Espanyol player? He looked really hot," you teased her. Aitana was momentarily taken aback, but she quickly recovered.

"What? You thought I'd profess my undying love for you and tell you that you're my one and only," you joked, poking her side teasingly.

"I play for Barça and have abs of steel," she replied childishly, trying to one-up the fake contenders you'd invented.

"You're such a child, Tani! None of these fake contenders would stand a chance with you!" you smiled, finding her playful pout endearing.

"Say that I'm your one and only," she playfully prompts.

"You are my one and only," you humor her, lightly moving your body to give a kiss on her cheek. "Today." Another kiss. "Tomorrow." Another one. "The day after tomorrow." Yet another. "And all the days after that." One final kiss seals your declaration, and you see her satisfied look with a slight blush on her cheeks. "You just wanted a cheesy confession," you shake your head, smiling. "You're one little scrounger," you pinch her nose.

"You love it," she retorts.

"I do, but I'll be waiting for a cheesy love confession too."

-

As soon as you were done with the treatment, you decided to take a small walk, as the doctor advised. You headed to a nearby beach, deserted in January, leaving just the two of you.

"So, the team wants to meet you, like properly," she says, slightly nervous.

"Don't I meet them at your birthday party? In like a couple of weeks," you remind her.

"Well, yeah, I didn't actually think about that," she admits shyly.

"Why are you so nervous for me to meet your friends?" you ask, then realizing. "Is it because I have can—"

"Oh, god no! Never think that, okay?" She stops on her feet, turns to you, and gets shy again. "It's the first time I'm bringing a girl to meet them. I've always focused only on football until a couple of months ago—well, I ran into you. So now they're just really curious and they want to meet you."

"I'd love to meet your friends, Tani. You met Eva, so now it's my turn to meet your teammates."

"They can be a lot," she warns you.

"I think I can deal with it. Do they know I have cancer?" you ask.

"It's not my business to say."

"You should tell them. They'll probably call you crazy since you decided to get with a cancer patient. And they would be right," you giggle.

"You call it crazy. I call it just a shift of events. In the beginning, we'll live out the hard times, then we'll have the best times of our life. I'll take you to Japan, like you always wanted to, and you'll take me to Italy, and show me all of the art you restored there," she says hopefully. "And here's the cheesy love confession: I'm not very good at math, but I'm pretty good at figuring out that we belong together." Her unexpected pickup line makes you burst out in giggles. She then turns serious. "I really believe that we work out really well together, Y/n. Today. Tomorrow. The day after tomorrow. And all the days after that, I'll still believe that. So will you be my girlfriend, officially?"

"Damn, you actually are good at cheesy love confessions," you put your arms around her shoulders and pull her in for a hard kiss. She replies with the same kind of intensity and emotion.

"So it's a yes?"

"Yes," you say excitedly, going back to kiss her.

-

-

Aitana's birthday didn't start as you hoped. It was her first day off in a long time, and you wanted her to have a wonderful day. However, your plans were interrupted around 5 AM when you felt your mouth water, a sign of what was to come.

You rushed to the toilet and emptied your stomach, a common side effect of chemo but a first-time experience for you. After quickly brushing your teeth, you returned to bed, hoping it wouldn't recur. Aitana rolled over to your side and cuddled into you.

"Good morning," she whispered with a raspy voice.

"Good morning, birthday girl. Why are you up so early?" You kissed her scalp. "Go back to sleep." She relaxed against you, or rather, on top of you.

You didn't mind; you loved her cuddliness. Your hand found its way inside her shirt, soothingly rubbing her back until she drifted back to sleep.

She properly woke at 8 AM, and with some coaxing from you, you both headed to the kitchen for breakfast.

"What's the plan for today?" she asked.

"It's your birthday; whatever you want to do," you replied.

"I just want to spend it with you," she smiled goofily.

"You're such a sweet talker," you rolled your eyes.

"Since it's my birthday, you'll have to indulge me in everything," she said excitedly. "Even the most absurd things."

"What do you want?" You handed her a cup of coffee, relishing the domestic moment.

"I want a puppy," she said eagerly.

"Tani, mi amor, mi vida, mi alma, we are not getting a puppy."

"A kitten?" she suggested.

"Even worse."

"Okay, worth a shot," she said sadly, making you giggle.

"I'll give you all the kisses and cuddles you want?" you suggested.

"I think I can be satisfied with that," she said, pulling you onto her lap. "Starting with now." You shook your head amused, wrapping your arms around her shoulders and leaning in. "So I was thinking, let's have a lazy morning, then you'll take me out to lunch at that place we love so much, then in the afternoon, we'll go to the pet store and get a puppy."

"Aitana," you warned her.

"In the afternoon… we’ll figure it out then," she said.

"I have to go to the office for a couple of minutes this afternoon," you lied. You needed to get her present—a small bracelet— at home. You also had to call your doctor about what happened that morning and whether you should be worried.

Honestly, you weren't scared to meet her teammates; what scared you most were her childhood best friends. They knew her since elementary school and were extremely protective, those were the ones you really had to impress.

-

After lunch, you quickly excused yourself and got to your house to get Aitana’s bracelet, and then as a way to apologize you bought her some flowers before you got back to her.

As soon as you got inside her apartment, you heard so many voices, that you never heard of. Her friends were here. Fuck. You were not ready to meet them, you subconsciously fix your beanie, and walk through the door. You are quickly met with Aitana, who meets you at the door, wanting to greet you. As soon as she saw the flowers, her smile widened. 

“Hi, Tani. I wanted to apologize for not being here in the afternoon, so I bought you these.” You explained. Handing her the flowers, while she admired them.

“I love them, thank you so much.” She stands on her tippy toes to give you a kiss, which you gladly prolonged.

After a couple of seconds, she whispered, “My friends are here, they wanted to come earlier to say hi before the party. I’m sorry I should have told you.”

You swallowed hard, and tried to keep on a smile, you weren’t ready to meet them.

“Aitana? Is Y/n here?” A voice interrupted you from replying to your girlfriend.

“We are coming!” She tells him, while she takes your hand. “They are going to love you, just as much as I do.” She reassures you casually saying the last part without even realizing it. But you did.

Before she could drag you to her living room, you drag her closer to you, placing your hands on each side of her face, lightly caressing her cheeks, and give her one final lazy kiss. “Now we are ready to go.” She gives you one last reassuring smile and showed you to her friends.

“Pepe, Juan and Maria, I want you to meet Y/n.”

“So this is the girl who has been making our Aitana talk non-stop about! For a moment I thought that you were fake!” A guy offers his hand to shake. “Hi, I’m Pepe. Nice to meet you.”

“Y/n.” You shake his hand smiling. “Nice to meet you too, Pepe. I assure you, I’m very much real.”

“Good to know! Aitana’s been going on and on about you. I was starting to think she’d invented the perfect partner in her head.” The other guy Juan interjects.

“Well, I am far from perfect, your friend is the crazy one for keeping up with me!” You chuckle, smiling gratefully to Aitana

“I think you are the crazy one to keep up with her! She can be a hassle sometimes.” Pepe, teases you girlfriends, earning a death glare from her.

“Tell me about it! She’s competitive down to her bones, she never lets me win at anything!” You follow Pepe, making Aitana turn to you. “Don’t look at me like that! You got mad because I was better than you at doing my own job.” You reason.

-

After a couple of minutes, the teasing subsided, making Aitana little more relaxed, she hated when people teased her, something that you always did, because you found her pout to be extremely cute.

You knew that probably Aitana told them not to say anything to you about you having cancer, and even though you loved that she wanted to protect you, it wasn’t something to hide or to not talk about.

As soon as Aitana left to go to the bathroom, you turn to her friends, “I know that Aitana told you not to talk to me about my cancer. But if you have any questions you can ask.” You could see that they were surprised. 

Pepe exchanged a glare with his friends, “Nah, don’t worry. We are good. I know it must be hard for the both of you. But yeah, whatever you need, we are here. My mom had cancer, so I know how it feels like.”

“Plus, I’ve always known that Aitana had somewhat of a Nightingale Syndrome!” Juan joked, making you chuckle surprised.

“Its the only possible reasoning for her to get in a relationship with me.”

“Or maybe it’s because you make me really happy and feel supported?” Aitana walk to from the bathroom and finds her place next to you wrapping an arm around you waist, waiting for you to peck her lips, which you happily oblige.

“I still think it’s the Nightingale syndrome.” You chuckle. “Let’s hope you won’t forget about me when I’ll be cancer free.” 

“You should tie her down, so she’s stuck with you.” Pepe jokes.

“I can’t get you pregnant, I’ll just have to find another way.” You think. 

“I hate this coalition against me. A I don’t have Nightingale syndrome. B, today is supposed to be my birthday, NOT tease Aitana day.”

“We are so sorry.” You give her a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll never tease you again.” You lie. “Now if you let me, I’ll steal away Tani for a moment.” You take her hand and drag her to her bedroom, where you had her birthday gift.

“So I know, you told not to buy you anything, but I wanted to give you a little present. And no it’s not a puppy.”

You give her a little box. “So I know that you can’t have bracelets on you, because of football, so I found a knot that you can easily take off and put on.” She opens the box, it was a red string bracelet, which was thought to bring protection and luck. “I know you don’t like ostentatious stuff, so I went with something simple.”

“I love it. Thank you so much.” She hugged you tightly, filling your necks with small pecks. “I can wear bracelets, I’ll just have to cover it when I have a match. Can you put it on for me?”

You gently put it on for her, while she happily admires it. 

“Is it okay? I didn’t know what to gift you.” You tell her. “You have some pretty difficult taste in stuff.” You chuckle.

“I love it, really. I’ll wear it on, so that I can have a reminder of you, whenever I’m away.” She beams.

“Always so cheesy.” You kiss her lips. “I like you really really much, you know that?” You tell her.

—

Her birthday party was set to be at her house because going out was too risky—you couldn’t afford to get sick. Despite your insistence that she do whatever she wanted, she said if it were up to her, she’d spend her birthday just with you. Everyone would be coming over at 8 PM, so you had a couple of hours to get ready.

Your whole body was aching: your joints, your head, your throat—everything. But you promised yourself that it was Aitana’s day, so you’d endure the pain for her happiness. You took some painkillers, but since you weren’t used to them, they made you drowsy.

You decided to wear something simple: jeans and one of Aitana’s shirts. You loved wearing her shirts because they smelled like her, and you loved her reaction when she saw you in them. Today was no exception.

“Comfy?” she asked, emerging from the bathroom into her room where you were changing. Even though you’d been together for over two months, you hadn’t taken the next step in your relationship. Since you started chemo, your sex drive had plummeted, and you’d stopped having periods.

Aitana never brought it up, knowing it should come from you. You appreciated that she never pressured you or made you uncomfortable, but sometimes your mind would twist things, making you think she didn’t touch you because she didn’t want to. This insecurity often resurfaced at the worst times, especially when meeting people from Aitana’s life and presenting yourself as a fragile cancer patient.

“Yes, very much, thank you,” you chuckle. She rounds the bed to get closer, wrapping you in a big hug from behind.

“It’s annoying that you look better in my clothes than I do. We should swap closets,” she says, giving you a sweet kiss on the cheek that makes you blush. “You look beautiful.” She turns you around and gives you a searing kiss, making your knees nearly give out. You open your eyes to see how she’s dressed.

“Even though I’m sure you could make a trash bag look hot, you look stunning tonight,”  you reply, smiling proudly. She wasn’t wearing something that elaborate, a simple dress, but it was more than enough for her to look even more beautiful than she already was. Sometimes you couldn’t believe you were lucky enough to have a girlfriend like her.

“I didn’t overdo it, right?” she asks, sounding insecure.

“Tani, it’s your birthday. Everyone else should adjust to how you dress,” you reassure her. “Ready to go to the living room?” You offer her your hand.

She takes it but swiftly throws you onto the bed, making you squeal in surprise. She giggles and plops on top of you. Thank God for those painkillers. “No, I want to stay here with you! You’re comfy, and you promised unlimited kisses and cuddles,” she whines.

You chuckle, gently scratching her scalp. She loved head scratches.

After a while, with Aitana rambling about the upcoming weeks, she suddenly stops and looks at you seriously. You tilt your head, curious and a bit worried.

“What?”

“Can I feel it?” she asks.

“Feel what?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.

“The lump on your neck,” she whispers. You pat her side to make her sit up.

“I don’t think it’s the right time. I don’t want to change your mood,” you argue weakly.

“You never let me kiss or touch that side of your neck,” she says, looking down at her hands.

“Because it feels worse than it looks, and I don’t want you to freak out.”

“I want to be able to touch all of you.” You raise an eyebrow suggestively. “Okay, that sounded bad. I apologize,” she chuckles. “But you know what I mean.”

You nod, gently taking her right arm. “Are you sure?” She nods. You guide her hand to your neck. Your eyes twitch as she touches the lump.

“It feels... different than I expected,” she murmurs, her fingertips lingering on the lump, exploring it with careful curiosity. You watch her, your heart heavy, knowing she’s grappling with the reality of it.

“Yeah, it’s not just in our heads,” you say softly, trying to keep your voice steady. Her eyes meet yours, showing a mix of fear and determination.

“It’s real,” she whispers, her voice catching. “I mean, I knew it was, but feeling it... it makes it so real.”

You nod, feeling a lump forming in your throat. “Yeah. It’s real.”

“But we’ll fight this, okay?” she says, a determined spark in her eyes giving you hope. “I’ll be by your side.”

You nod, feeling the lump in your throat tighten. “Mark my words, if we get through this, I’ll be the most supportive, fun, and grateful girlfriend you deserve. You make me so happy. I just want you to have some happiness, Tani,” you say, feeling deflated.

“I don’t need anything else,” she replies, her voice soft but firm. “Your happiness is my happiness. We’re in this together. You’re stuck with me, and we’ll come out stronger on the other side. Together.”

You squeeze her hand, drawing strength from her unwavering resolve. “Together,” you echo.

She smiles, a mix of determination and love. “Every step of the way. And when this is over, we’ll take those trips to Japan and Italy we planned, and then we’ll have our happy days, cari. But for now, we take it one day at a time.”

You nod, feeling a sense of peace settle over you. “One day at a time.” You pause. “You’d tell me if it’s too much, right?”

“It’s not too much, cari.” Sensing your distress, she reassures you. “But yes, I’ll tell you if something changes.”

You give her a final hug, trying to pour all your gratitude into it. “Now, why don’t we go downstairs before one of your friends starts thinking we’re hooking up,” you say, lightening the mood as you pull away.

You head downstairs, and as you pass her friends on your way to the living room, you catch their suggestive smirks, making you blush lightly while Aitana rolls her eyes at them. You help her get everything ready and wait for the rest of the guests to arrive.

You figured her teammates knew about your cancer because when they arrived, they weren't shocked to see you without hair and visibly more tired. Aitana vividly remembered how that conversation went down.

-

It was three days before her birthday, and Aitana was in the changing room, telling her team about the small get-together she was planning at her home.

“If you want to come, I’m having a small party at my house for my birthday,” she said, inviting everyone. She knew most of the younger girls, except for Pina, Jana, and Bruna, probably wouldn’t show up.

“At home? Don’t you usually do it at a restaurant? Did you have trouble booking a place?” someone asked as most of the uninterested teammates left, leaving Aitana with her captains, the Norwegians, Mapi, Patri, the youngsters, and Rölfo.

“I’d rather do it at home. It’s quieter and we don’t have to overpay for drinks,” she said, making up an excuse. In reality, she knew you couldn’t risk going out to crowded places because of your condition. She preferred to spend her birthday with you.

“I think this has something to do with Y/n. Is she making you stay at home? Is she really jealous or something?” Patri asked, sounding more accusatory than curious.

“Y/n? She’s not that jealous. Why do I get the feeling you don’t like her?” Aitana asked, her tone a mix of curiosity and concern, shifting uncomfortably on her bench.

“We know she must be great, but since you got together, you never hang out with us anymore. You don’t stay after training or join us for breakfast. We’re just worried about you getting too wrapped up in the relationship,” Alexia said, her voice full of concern and care.

“She’s not making me stay home. I basically force her to hang out with me. If she knew I was skipping hangouts, she’d force me to go out with you guys,” Aitana defended your intentions, trying to make them understand you weren’t restricting her.

“Then why don’t you hang out with us anymore?” Patri pressed. “Did we do something wrong?”

Aitana sighed, feeling the weight of her friends' concerns. She knew they meant well but didn’t understand the full picture. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not about you. It’s just... Y/n has been going through a lot.” Her friends’ confused expressions spurred her on. “Y/n has cancer. And before you say anything, I knew before we got together.”

The room fell silent. Mapi’s eyes widened with shock and empathy. “Aitana, we had no idea. I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell us?”

“At first, I thought it was Y/n’s right to tell who she wanted about her cancer, but then she said it was best if you knew, since you’d probably meet her properly someday.”

Patri nodded, her skepticism replaced with concern. “We’re sorry if we made you feel judged. We just miss you and want to be there for you. How can we help?”

Aitana chuckled. “Well, unless you can find a magical cure for cancer, there’s not much you can do. But if it’s not too much to ask, just being there for us would mean the world.”

-

As soon as they saw you hand in hand with Aitana, two girls approached you. One was insanely tall, and the other had tattoos all over her arms.

“Hi, you must be Y/N?” the tall one said.

“Yeah, that’s me. You must be Ingrid and Mapi, right?” you asked, shaking their hands.

You noticed Mapi’s tattoos and recognized some of the designs. “I love your tattoos. Do you go to Javi?”

“Yeah! How did you know?” she looked surprised.

“We went to school together. He’s one of my best friends. I helped him out with some designs.”

“Oh, that’s awesome! He mentioned a friend helped with some designs, but I never imagined it was you,” Mapi exclaimed, her eyes lighting up with excitement. “Javi is amazing. He did this sleeve for me,” she said, showing off the intricate designs on her arm. “It’s one of my favorites.”

You recognized some of your own designs. “I did the skull with the lightbulb and the squirrel!”

“Oh, that’s so cool!” Mapi said excitedly. “The skull with the lightbulb is one of my favorites. And the squirrel is such a fun piece!”

You smiled, feeling proud. “I’m really glad you like them. It’s always nice to see my work out in the world.”

Aitana turned to you with a surprised smile. “I didn’t know you could draw!”

You shrugged modestly, feeling bashful under Aitana’s gaze. “It’s just a hobby. Javi and I used to spend hours sketching together before getting busy with work.”

Ingrid looked impressed. “A hobby? You’ve got real talent. You should definitely do more with it. I know for sure that Mapi would love a few more tattoos.”

“Do you have any tattoos?” Mapi asked curiously.

You blushed lightly. “I have three.” Aitana's head snapped towards you, her eyes wide with surprise.

“What?!” she exclaimed. “I’ve never seen them.”

“Don’t act too surprised, Tani. They’re well hidden.” You turned to Mapi and Ingrid, who were waiting for you to continue. “I have one that’s a one-inch line from my favorite movie, *V for Vendetta*: The second one is a quote, and the third... well, it’s a bit more hidden. Let’s just say that.” You winked at Aitana.

You got your first two tattoos when you were 18. The first was significant to you, a permanent reminder of something important. The second was more cheeky, known only to those who’ve seen you naked and your friend Eva. It was a small outline of a heart on one of your ass cheeks. Your third tattoo was one of your favorite quotes from the painter Artemisia Gentileschi: “You will find the spirit of Caesar in this soul of a woman.”

Aitana looked like she wanted to say more, but as soon as you saw Ciro come inside, you quickly excused yourself to greet him.

“I’m going to say hi to Ciro.” You turned to Aitana, giving her a lingering kiss, not too long to draw attention. Then you turned to her teammates. “It was lovely to meet you guys. I hope we can talk more about some tattoo ideas.” You walked away, hugging your brother.

Mapi and Ingrid turned to Aitana, who was still looking at you, smiling to herself.

Ingrid chuckled at Aitana’s state, making her turn her attention to her teammates. “Sorry.” She bowed her head, her cheeks turning rosy. “You really love her, don’t you?”

Aitana’s blush deepened, and she couldn’t help but smile even wider. “Yeah, I really do,” she admitted warmly. “She’s amazing. I’m still finding out new things about her every day, and I love it. Plus, she’s so strong and fearless.” She glanced at you, laughing with your brother. “I can’t believe she’s my girl. She’s just incredible.”

“And so hot!” Mapi said without thinking, earning a death glare from her own girlfriend.

“She is! It’s so frustrating sometimes,” Aitana agreed, laughing.

-

Meanwhile, you were grabbing drinks with Ciro when the nausea hit again. Not wanting to make a scene, you excused yourself and headed to the bathroom to throw up. Ciro quickly noticed something was wrong and followed you.

He knocked on the door. "It's Ciro, can you let me in?"

You sighed and unlocked the door. Another wave of nausea hit, and you doubled over the toilet, trying to keep quiet. Ciro crouched next to you, rubbing your back soothingly. Once the wave passed, you leaned back against the wall, exhausted.

"Y/N, this is serious," Ciro said quietly, concern on his face. "You need to tell Aitana."

You shook your head weakly. "Not tonight, Ciro. It's her birthday party. I don't want to ruin it."

"How long has this been going on?" he asked, continuing to rub your back.

"Since this morning. I took a painkiller because all my joints are killing me. Why did it have to be today?" You looked up at the ceiling, exasperated.

Ciro sighed deeply. "Y/N, you can't keep pushing yourself like this. You need to take care of yourself, even if it means taking a step back tonight."

You nodded, feeling the weight of his words. "I know, Ciro. But I just want Aitana to have a perfect night. She's been looking forward to this for so long."

Ciro gave you a sympathetic look. "I get it. But she loves you and would want you to be okay more than anything else. Let's get you through tonight, and then you need to rest. Promise me."

"Okay," you agreed reluctantly. "I promise."

Ciro helped you to your feet, and you steadied yourself before brushing your teeth. You tried to put on a brave face, but the exhaustion and nausea were hard to hide.

As you reentered the party, Aitana immediately noticed something was off. She walked over, concern on her face. "Hey, are you sure you're okay? You don't look well."

You gave her a reassuring smile, even though you felt far from it. "I'm okay, just a bit tired. Don't worry about me, let's enjoy your party."

You went to the kitchen for some water and then stepped outside for fresh air. Ciro followed, keeping an eye on you.

Outside, you lit a cigarette, something you hadn't done in years, and slowly inhaled, feeling a calming effect. You knew it was wrong, but you needed some relief.

“You must be the art restorer?” one of Aitana’s teammates asked.

You turned to her. “That’s me.”

“I’m Alexia.”

"Tani’s team captain. I’ve heard about you… Please don’t tell her I smoke. It’s my first in years."

“Do you have another one?” she asked, surprising you with the request.

You hesitated before handing her the pack. Alexia took one and lit it, taking a slow drag before exhaling. The two of you stood in silence for a moment, the cool night air providing some relief.

"Thanks," Alexia said softly. "I won't tell Aitana. We all have our vices."

You nodded, taking another drag. "Yeah, we do."

Alexia studied you for a moment. "So, how long have you been an art restorer?"

You smiled, grateful for the distraction. "About six years now. It's my passion, bringing old pieces back to life."

She nodded appreciatively. "That's really cool. Aitana talks about you all the time. It's obvious how much she cares about you."

Your heart ached at her words. "I care about her too. More than anything."

Alexia smiled, taking another drag. "It's great to see. She's special, and she deserves someone who loves her as much as you do."

You nodded, feeling the weight of your secret pressing on you. The night air, mixed with the cigarette smoke, made you slightly dizzy, but you steadied yourself. "Thanks, Alexia. That means a lot coming from you."

The two of you stood in comfortable silence for a while, just taking in the night and the muffled sounds of the party inside.

"So, what brought you out here, really?" Alexia asked, breaking the silence. "You don't seem like the type to sneak out for a smoke."

You hesitated, the truth bubbling up inside you. "I hate meeting new people. I have to charge my social battery." You chuckled.

“Tell me about it. I have to endure hours of media every week.”

You both finished your cigarettes. Alexia handed you a mint chewing gum, and the two of you headed back inside.

Everyone was mingling in small groups. You were about to speak when you felt a body collide with yours in a hug.

“Damn, Tani, you still have energy at 11 PM!” You chuckled, pulling her into a tight hug.

She shrugged. “I was searching for you everywhere. I missed you!”

“I was with Alexia, getting some fresh air, Tani,” you reassured her. You could see in her eyes that she wanted some attention, so you quickly said your goodbyes to Alexia and focused on the birthday girl.

She took your hand and led you to the living room, where some friends were chatting. She sat down on the couch and pulled you onto her lap, circling her arms around your waist.

"You know, I think I missed you more," you teased, leaning in to kiss her softly.

Aitana laughed, her eyes twinkling. "That's impossible. But I'll let you think that."

The warmth of her embrace and the lively chatter around you made it easier to forget about everything else for a moment. You nestled into her, feeling the steady rhythm of her heartbeat against your back.

The room was filled with laughter and light, and for a while, you allowed yourself to relax and enjoy the festivities.

“So, tell me more about this art restoration,” Fridolina, one of Aitana’s friends, piped up. “I’ve always been fascinated by that kind of work.”

You smiled, grateful for the distraction. “It’s incredibly rewarding. There’s something magical about bringing old, forgotten pieces back to life.”

“That sounds amazing,” Ingrid chimed in, her eyes wide with interest. “Do you have a favorite piece you’ve worked on?”

You thought for a moment. “There was this old Renaissance painting that came into the studio a few years ago. It was in terrible shape, covered in grime and with a lot of damage. It was from Artemisia Gentileschi, a very particular painter. She was one of the few female artists of her time, and her works are incredibly powerful and brutal. Restoring her painting felt like reviving a piece of her story.”

Aitana’s friends listened intently, clearly captivated by your passion. Aitana squeezed your hand, her pride in you evident.

"Which painting was it?" Fridolina asked, leaning forward with interest.

"It was 'Judith Slaying Holofernes.' The details, the intensity in Judith’s expression, and the dramatic use of light and shadow—it’s breathtaking. Bringing that piece back to its original glory was one of the most fulfilling experiences of my career."

"Wow," Ingrid said, visibly impressed. "It must be amazing to see the transformation up close."

"It is," you agreed. "There’s something almost intimate about it, like connecting with the artist across centuries."

The conversation flowed easily, with Aitana’s friends asking more questions about your work and sharing their own interests. The night wore on, filled with laughter and joy.

As the party began to wind down and the majority of the guests left, you found a quiet moment with Aitana on the balcony. The city lights illuminated the ambient below, and a gentle breeze rustled the leaves around you.

“Thank you for tonight. I know you were feeling sick and kept going for me. Next time, please don’t do it.”

You gave her a reassuring smile, taking her hands in yours. “I wanted to be here for you, Tani. You mean the world to me. But I promise, I’ll take better care of myself. I won’t push it next time.”

She sighed, leaning her head on your shoulder. “I just worry about you. I want you to be okay.”

“I know, and I appreciate it,” you said, kissing the top of her head. “I’ll be more careful. I don’t want to worry you.”

Aitana looked up at you, her eyes filled with love and concern. “I just don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t,” you whispered, pulling her into a tight embrace. “We’ll get through this together, I promise.”

The two of you stood there for a while, wrapped in each other’s arms, finding solace in the quiet night and the love you shared. Despite the challenges ahead, you felt a renewed sense of strength and determination, knowing that you had Aitana by your side.

After a few moments, Aitana pulled back slightly and looked into your eyes. “Let’s go inside and get some rest. You need it.”

You nodded, feeling the weight of exhaustion settling in. “Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

As you walked back into the apartment, you couldn’t help but feel grateful for Aitana and the love you shared. It gave you the strength to face whatever lay ahead, knowing that together, you could overcome anything.

You both went to the bedroom and got ready to sleep. You wore one of Aitana’s joggers and a shirt you brought for the sleepover. Aitana came out from the bathroom after getting into her sleepwear and sat on the bed, taking off her earrings.

After a couple of minutes, she turned to you, seeing you already sitting on the bed, setting your alarm clock. She rolled over to you with a waiting gaze, clearly wanting to ask you something.

“What?”

“You could have told me that you had three tattoos.” She pouted slightly.

“Well, you never asked.” You smirked playfully.

“Now I’m asking. Can I see them?”

You hesitated. Your first tattoo, the line, was right under your breast, the second one was on your side, and the third... you definitely wanted to wait for her to see it.

You were nervous about showing her your body, as she had never seen you without a shirt on. The changes from cancer and seeing Aitana’s teammates tonight had made you feel inadequate. 

Aitana noticed your hesitation, her expression softening. “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to show me if you’re not comfortable,” she said gently, reaching out to take your hand.

You took a deep breath, deciding to take a step forward in vulnerability. “It’s not that I don’t want to show you… it’s just, you’ve never seen me without a shirt, so I guess I’m a little bit scared?” You tried to be honest with her.

Aitana’s eyes widened in surprise and concern. “Why would you be scared? I think you are beautiful, both in and out.”

You looked down, feeling a lump in your throat. “My body… it’s changed a lot because of the cancer. I don’t look the same as I used to, and seeing your teammates tonight just made me feel… inadequate.”

Aitana’s grip on your hand tightened, and she pulled you into a hug. “Y/N, you’re beautiful to me. You’ve been through so much, and I admire your strength. I don’t care about how your body looks; I care about you, the person I fell in love with.”

Her words were like a balm to your anxious mind. You took another deep breath and decided to trust her completely. “Okay. I’ll show you.”

You raised your shirt, stopping just before your breast, showing her the first tattoo. She lightly traced the ink with adoration.

“The second one is on the side, it’s a quote.” You revealed it. “Troverete lo spirito di Cesare in questa anima di donna.” You repeated the quote. “Which means: You will find the spirit of Caesar in this soul of a woman.” She lightly caressed your side where the quote showed.

“They are all beautiful. Damn, I didn’t think you’d be someone who had tattoos.”

“I guess you don’t know everything about me then.”

“What about your third?”

“Well, that one I got on a whim. Not many people have seen it.” You smirked suggestively.

“Well, now I’m curious.” She was intrigued.

“I won’t show it to you now if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Okay, okay, I respect that. I am a very patient woman; I’ll wait. Can you just tell me where it is?” She pleaded curiously.

“I’ll tell you this, the only people who have seen it are Eva, because I was with her when I got it, and the people who have seen me naked.”

Aitana's eyes widened with curiosity and a hint of playfulness. "Well, now you have me even more intrigued," she said, chuckling. "But I can wait. It’ll make it all the more special when I do see it."

You smiled, feeling a warmth spread through you at her words. Her understanding and patience were just a few of the many reasons you loved her so much. "I promise you’ll see it when the time is right," you said softly.

Aitana leaned in and kissed you gently. "I look forward to it. Thank you for sharing this with me tonight. It means a lot.”

As you both settled into bed, you positioned yourself on top of her to give her one final kiss. “Good night, Tani. I hope you had fun tonight.” You rolled over to your side, getting into a comfy position to sleep, while your girlfriend was already half asleep.

She replied lazily and almost unconsciously. “I had fun, good night Cari. I love you.” You widened your eyes as a smile crept on your cheeks.

-

Three months into your relationship, you couldn’t be happier. Your cancer was receding, and you were nearly finished with your fifth cycle of chemo before discussing the next steps with your doctor.

Three days before Aitana was set to leave for Bilbao for the Copa de la Reina semi-final, you visited the doctor’s office. Ciro took a day off work to accompany you. Your oncologist, who was serious but supportive, greeted you.

“So, Y/N, I have good news and bad news.” Your heart skipped a beat. “Good news: your cancer is receding. The treatment is going great, and I think we should operate, perform a thyroidectomy as soon as possible. Thursday would be ideal.”

You sighed in relief, almost at the end of this ordeal.

“The bad news is the position of the cancer. We might be able to remove it completely, but there are risks. Your cancer is very close to your vocal cords. You might lose your voice.”

You had never considered that possibility. “What’s the probability it might go wrong?” you asked fearfully.

“30%. I know it’s a significant risk, but it’s the best solution. We can fully remove it. No more chemo, no more suffering.” Seeing your hesitation, he added, “I won’t ask you to decide right now. Take some hours to think about it. But the sooner we act, the better.”

Your doctor left the room to give you some privacy.

You turned to Ciro. “I don’t think there’s any real choice, is there?”

“No, there isn’t, but that doesn’t make it any easier.”

After informing your doctor that you agreed to the operation, you headed home, while Ciro had to return to work for training. 

Thirty minutes later, you heard a knock on your door. Knowing it was probably Aitana, you opened it to find her holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers that hid her face. She peeked out, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “Surprise!” she said, handing you the flowers.

You hugged her. “You really know how to make a girl swoon, Tani.”

“Only for you.” You took the flowers and kissed her in gratitude.

You led her inside and prepared a snack for both of you. She sat on the couch, waiting. As you sat down next to her, she leaned in for another kiss. “What was that for?” you asked.

“Can’t I kiss my beautiful girlfriend?”

“Anytime you like.”

“How was the doctor’s appointment?” she asked as you cuddled up.

You sat up. “The treatment is working, and they want to operate. My cancer is receding, and it might go away completely with the operation.” Your tone wasn’t as optimistic as your words.

She sensed there was more. “That’s great! But why do you look so worried? Is there a but?”

“Two. First, the surgery is on Thursday during the Copa de la Reina semi-final. And before you say anything, no, I won’t let you skip it. You’ve already missed two matches because of me, without even telling me.”

“And the other?” she asked, defeated.

“I might lose my voice.”

Aitana’s eyes widened with concern. “But if it’s your best shot at beating cancer, wouldn’t you take it?”

“I’ve already agreed, Aitana. But that’s not the point. Promise me something?”

“Anything,” she said seriously.

"You'll leave me if I lose my voice, okay?"

She blinked, taken aback. "What?"

"I don’t want you to be with someone you have to constantly take care of. You deserve so much better."

"No, no, no," she said, shaking her head and taking your hands. "You can’t ask me that. I won’t leave you. You’re stuck with me, okay?"

You chuckled, feeling a lump in your throat. "I’m doing this for you. This is an out. Why can’t you take it?"

"Because I don’t want to!" she said, almost angrily. "Don’t push me away, please."

"I’m not pushing you away. I’m doing this for you. You deserve better. You deserve someone who can give you everything. And right now, I can’t. For god’s sake, we’ve been together for five months, and I can’t even take my shirt off in front of you!" you reasoned, your frustration mounting.

She looked shocked, almost taken aback. "Is... Is this about sex?"

You hid your face in your palms. "No... I mean... I don’t know," you stuttered.

"No. No, Cari, sex has never been an issue for me. You’re going through cancer; it’s normal that you don’t want to have sex."

"I know, but what about your needs?"

"My needs? I’ve waited eighteen years of my life without sex. I can deal with waiting for a while," she reassured you. "Plus, the wait will make it even better!"

"You know, I’d get it if you wanted to find someone else to be physical with. I wouldn’t blame you."

"And kiss someone else? Touch someone else? Make someone else feel good? Never," she reassured you. "You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. You make me so happy. Why would I jeopardize that for some fleeting pleasure?"

"You always say that I’m beautiful. But... Do you find me hot?" you almost whispered the last part.

Aitana's expression softened, and she cupped your face gently, her thumb tracing your cheek. 

"Y/N, you are the most gorgeous person I know. You’re beautiful, inside and out. And yes, I find you incredibly hot."

You still looked unconvinced, so she quickly made you sit on her lap and unzipped her hoodie, remaining in her shirt. She took your hand and guided it inside her shirt next to her heart. It was beating fast.

"Do you feel it? This is what you do to me. Whenever you sit on my lap or nibble that part of my ear that you know is so sensitive, you make my heart race out of proportion. And so fucking wet that it hurts sometimes." You chuckled, feeling her heart pounding. "Don’t ever doubt my attraction or my loyalty towards you," she told you firmly, making you believe her. You nodded. "And don’t you dare think for even a minute that I’ll leave you if you lose your voice. We’re in this together, and we’ll find a solution together," she said resolutely.

-

-

On Wednesday, the day before the game, Aitana brought you to the hospital and helped you check in. 

You sat on the hospital bed, waiting for your doctor. "I’ll be here as soon as the game finishes, okay? Tell Ciro to send me updates, or else I’ll kill him." She kissed your temple and was about to leave when you took her hand to stop her.

"I want to tell you something. Maybe tomorrow I won’t be able to. I know I’ve never said it; I’ve always waited."

"You’ll tell me when I get back."

"No, please, Tani, let me say it. I wouldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t tell you right now." She nodded. "I love you, Aitana Bonmatí. Today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and all the days after that."

"I love you too, Cari." She rubbed her nose against yours and kissed you on the lips. 

"Go and beat Athletic’s club ass, okay?”

--

Needless to say, until she saw you again, Aitana couldn’t keep her mind off you. Her teammates noticed she wasn't focused on the game, and Mapi pulled her aside during the warm-up.

"Hey, Aitana, are you okay?" Fridolina asked, concern evident in her voice.

Aitana sighed, running a hand through her hair. "No, not really. Y/N is having surgery right now, and I can't stop thinking about it. I'm worried."

Frido placed a comforting hand on Aitana's shoulder. "I get it, but you have to try and focus on the game for now. She'd want you to give it your all out there. Besides, we're all here for you. If you need anything, just let us know."

Aitana nodded, taking a deep breath. "Thanks, Frido. I'll try my best."

As the game progressed, Aitana pushed herself to concentrate, channeling her anxiety into her performance. Every time she made a play, she thought of you, imagining how proud you'd be. Despite the distraction, she played one of her best games, driven by the desire to make you proud.

When the final whistle blew, Barcelona had secured a resounding victory. Aitana immediately checked her phone, finding a message from Ciro: “Surgery is done. We don’t know anything right now.”

Fear washed over her, and her hands started to tremble as her mind filled with what-ifs. She looked down at the bracelet you had gifted her, seeking comfort. She couldn’t lose you. Most importantly, she needed to get back to you.

She got on the first plane and left for Barcelona.

[roosterforme]

The Younger Kind Part 2 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: You aren't surprised when Bradley asks you to babysit Noah so he can go out. But it throws you for a loop when he comes home from his date early and gets a little flirtatious with you instead. 

Warnings: Angst, swearing, fluff, and age gap (eventually 18+)

Length: 3300 words

Pairing: Single dad!Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x babysitter!female reader

Check out my masterlist for more!

You weren't too surprised to get a text from Bradley a few days later asking if you could watch Noah on Saturday afternoon for an hour or two. But as you read the message, your mind drifted again, as it had been doing since you met him.

Bradley was so attractive. Like honestly one of the best looking men you had ever seen in person. It was everything: the way he looked, his big hands, his voice, his mustache, how much he loved his son. 

When you ran into Penny yesterday, you told her that you'd met the boys, and that you really clicked with Noah right away. She seemed happy that you would be watching Noah for Bradley occasionally. 

She also told you that Bradley was getting back into the dating scene, and that's why he needed someone to watch Noah in the first place. How someone as good looking as Bradley Bradshaw ever managed to fall out of the dating scene was beyond your comprehension. 

He would probably be a gentleman on a date. Pay for everything, open doors, lace his fingers through yours, maybe even kiss your cheek. You could imagine him waiting until the third or fourth date to invite you back to his place. Then he'd probably rock your socks off with his huge hands, amongst other things. 

Oh, you felt a little warmer every time you thought about him. At least you'd barely see him when you were at his house. Just a quick hello when you got there, and then a quick goodbye when you left. You'd get to spend most of your time coloring dinosaurs and building castles with Noah. And that was just fine with you. 

You agreed to be there at noon on Saturday. Noah usually went down for a nap after he ate lunch, and Bradley didn't want him to start his nap before you got there, and then potentially be confused about why you were there instead of his dad. You packed up a bag of snacks and a few things to read for your classes. Then you pulled on some leggings and a tank top and headed out. 

You hoped Bradley had a coffee maker. Shit, you should have asked him if it was okay to use the stuff in his kitchen. Should you be bringing your own coffee with you? You'd find out all of this information and be better prepared for the next time. There was absolutely no time for you to stop for coffee now.

You parked in the driveway next to his cool Ford Bronco, grabbed your stuff and knocked on the door. When Bradley answered the door, he had Noah in his arms, and you smiled at both of them as they smiled at you.

"Come on in," Bradley told you, pushing the door open wider. "We just finished lunch, and someone is getting sleepy."

You watched Noah yawn and then promptly tell his dad that he wasn't tired at all. 

"Maybe we can play blocks or color before you take a teeny tiny little nap? I brought you another coloring book," you said, rummaging in your bag. "This one is safari animals."

"Okay," Noah agreed with another yawn, and you led him into the kitchen. 

You could feel Bradley's eyes on you as you turned to look at him over your shoulder. His eyes flicked up to meet yours. "You don't have to stay. I've got him," you promised, but Bradley followed you into the kitchen.

"If I leave now, I'll get there too early," he said, pouring a mug of coffee. "Want some?"

"I'd love some," you sighed, and he met your eyes with curiosity. 

He got a second mug out of the cabinet that said Top Gun, Top Dad and handed it to you. You laughed, and he grinned at you. "There's sugar in the cabinet, and I've got milk and fancy hazelnut creamer. Please don't judge me."

"I love fancy creamers," you promised, opening the refrigerator and pouring a healthy amount into your coffee. Other than that and the milk, the refrigerator was pretty empty. 

"I realize there's basically nothing to eat here, but if you see it and you want it, by all means, help yourself," he told you before sipping his coffee. "What's your favorite flavor of coffee creamer? I'll buy it next time so it's here for you."

"French vanilla. And thanks," you said, meeting his gaze again. His hands were so big, they dwarfed his oversized mug, and his eyes were the exact shade of your favorite iced macchiato from Starbucks. 

You quickly turned away from him to sit next to Noah, and you helped him color a zebra orange and green. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you watched Bradley fidget with the dishwasher and then finish his coffee before messing around with the stove burners. When he turned back to face you, he caught you looking at him.

"I'm just nervous," he muttered, huffing out a laugh. "I'll get going. Get out of your hair."

He kissed Noah on the top of his head and promised you he'd be back in about two hours. "No rush," you replied with a smile. "I'll put this little guy down for a nap soon, so really, take your time. Enjoy your date."

Bradley paused and looked at you with surprise. "How did you know I'm going on a date?"

"Oh," you said, suddenly afraid you had overstepped. "Well, Penny told me you were starting to date again. I didn't pry for more information though. Promise." 

But he just shrugged and ran his fingers across his lips and mustache. "It's okay. I just haven't been on a date in years. And right now.... I am dreading this," he said with a laugh, his eyes silently pleading with you. 

You nodded and handed a purple crayon to Noah. "Yeah, well, at least you're not going out with a twenty three year old guy," you told him. "At least I don't think you are?" you asked, giving him side eye.

He barked out a laugh that made you feel fuzzy inside. "Worse. I'm going out with a woman in her thirties who probably expects me to have my life together. As soon as I mention him," Bradley said, nodding at Noah, "it will in all likelihood result in a zero percent chance at a second date."

You scoffed. "Well, then at least you'd know up front that she's an idiot." You watched his eyes widen as he smiled. "Sorry. That was mean. I'm sure you must like her if you're going out to lunch with her."

"No, no. You're not wrong. And I barely know her. Plus she's a coworker. We're just getting coffee."

You looked him up and down, noting the nice fit of his gray chinos and fitted black shirt. "Well, you look really nice. If all else fails, you can probably just flirt with a barista and score a free drink." 

He laughed again, but this time it was accompanied by a pink flush to his cheeks. Were you seriously making this huge, sexy man blush. Your heart was absolutely racing now as you absentmindedly colored a hyena. Bradley was running one large hand along the back of his neck and reaching into his pocket. 

"Here, I made you a key for the front door," he said, handing it to you. His fingers felt warm and sturdy as they grazed your palm, and you just looked up at him for a few seconds. "There's always cash behind the TV if you need it. I'll leave my phone on if you need anything else."

"Sounds good. Try to have fun." You watched him nod and kiss Noah one more time before he left. But as soon as Bradley was gone, the house felt too big and too quiet as you sat in the kitchen.

Noah was absorbed in the coloring book, but he was also clearly sleepy. When you eventually suggested he just lay in his bed while you sang a song about going on a safari, he agreed. And soon he was fast asleep. 

--------------------------

Bradley didn't know how to do this. Grace was really pretty, but talking to her was tedious. She was his age, but she seemed immature. She was smart, but she didn't seem to understand his humor. 

For every positive, there was at least one negative, and he just couldn't see how there would possibly be a second date. 

"You know, Rooster," she said smiling at him across the table, "I'll only be down from Lemoore for the month. If you want to just make this casual, I wouldn't mind that at all."

So she just wanted to hook up with him. He could probably handle hooking up. He'd done it in the past with no problems. But then why was he even sitting in a coffee shop, trying to find someone who could love him and his son? He was actually lonely, and he was getting too old for this shit. 

"Rebel... I'm not really into that anymore. I'm looking for someone who wants to meet my son and spend time around him, too."

"Oh," she said, clearly startled. "You have a kid."

"I have a kid," he confirmed. "Noah is three years old. Almost four."

She leaned away from him. "I didn't know that."

He just shrugged and played with his empty cup. 

"Well, the hookup offer still stands. You can call me if you change your mind."

And then she was gone, and Bradley was sitting at the table alone. He checked the time. He'd barely been gone for an hour. He could just go back home to Noah. And you. Maybe just hang out for the rest of the afternoon. That really didn't sound half bad to him as he stood up and got in line again. 

Once he had the to-go cup in his hand, he made his way back to his Bronco and drove home. He parked next to your car in his driveway and carried the cup with his name scrawled across it into his house.

He closed the front door quietly behind him and followed the sound of soft music coming from the kitchen. Noah must still be sleeping if you were listening to something so softly. He paused in the doorway; you were reading what looked like a textbook at his kitchen table and eating one Skittle at a time. He watched your fingers dip into the bag of candy and raise a purple one to your mouth. Your fingernails were painted blue. You had on that same lipgloss you were wearing the other day. And you were singing along to a song that he just so happened to love. 

"How do you know this song?" he asked, and you jumped out of your chair with your hand over your heart. "Shit, I didn't mean to scare you." He took a step closer to you as you tipped your head back and sighed.

"I didn't hear you come in!" you said, pressing your glossy lips together and looking at him. "You were barely gone an hour."

He took a step closer to you, inhaling that wildflower scent that had taken over his kitchen. "Yeah... turns out my date was kind of an idiot."

Your eyes went a little wide. "She had a problem with Noah?"

Bradley shrugged. "Figured this whole dating thing would turn into a fiasco. Just didn't know it would happen so soon. Here, this is for you."

You eyed the cup in his hand, a confused look on your face. "For me?"

"Yeah. It's French vanilla. I flirted with the barista until they threw it at me in self defense. You were right, worked like a charm," he said, and you took the cup from him as your face softened while you laughed.

"Told ya," you whispered, looking up at him with such innocent eyes. Oh god, that feeling was back again. He didn't want to stop looking at you. You understood his humor, and you weren't boring to talk to. But worst of all, Bradley really liked the way your body looked.

He cleared his throat as you sipped the coffee and smiled. "You didn't tell me how you know this song."

"Everyone knows this song."

He shook his head. "Nobody knows this song. I love this song, and nobody ever knows what it is. It came out when I was a kid, way way way before you were born."

You giggled and said, "You're not that old. You couldn't be."

"Guess," he said with narrowed eyes. 

"You want me to guess how old you are?" you asked, licking your lips. "What's in it for me? Because if I guess too young, you'll laugh at me. And if I guess too old, you'll be mad at me."

He shook his head. "Promise I won't laugh or get mad."

You bit your lip. "Thirty-three?"

He pointed up with index finger. 

"Thirty-five?"

He pointed up again, and you looked surprised. 

"You're older than thirty-five?"

"I'm thirty-six."

"You look younger than your age," you told him, picking up your coffee for another sip. You seemed to like the drink. He would probably get you one next time too. 

"You look younger than your age, too," he said before he could consider his words. He already felt borderline inappropriate for looking at you so much, and saying you looked young would probably just make it worse. But he couldn't help himself. Your leggings were tight. Your tank top was his favorite color, and your skin looked so soft.

But you just smirked at him when he finally met your eyes again. "I look young? Then I guess it's a good thing I'm not younger. Or else you might be getting in trouble for where you're looking."

Bradley froze in place, lips parted and cheeks rapidly heating up. "Shit," he gasped, turning away from you. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," you said quickly. "I was just messing with you."

"No," he said, swallowing hard as he headed for the hallway. Oh, he was so fucking embarrassed. He was twelve years older than you. He had clearly been checking you out. You were the babysitter. "I'll go check on Noah."

Bradley made a beeline down the hallway to Noah's room. When he peeked in, he saw his son's brown eyes starting to peek open. "You awake, bub?

Noah just nodded and reached for Bradley to scoop him up. He held onto Noah's warm little body and gave him a few kisses, carrying him to the kitchen to get a snack.

You were still there, packing your books up into your bag. "Hey, Noah. Did you have a good nap?" you asked, stroking his cheek and making Bradley's insides melt. "He really is such a sweet kid. We had fun right?"

"Yeah, we colored and read a book about the muffin man," Noah said. "Can I have the snack you made?"

"Of course," you told him, and Bradley watched you open the refrigerator and pull out a plate of carrot sticks with peanut butter and raisins on top. "There you go. Ants on a log."

Bradley set Noah down on one of the kitchen chairs and watched him eat the healthy snack you made. Now that Bradley looked around, he noticed you had cleaned up a bit. 

He cleared his throat and forced himself to meet your eyes. At least you didn't look upset with him. "You didn't have to clean up in here."

"I don't mind. You're already paying me more per hour than I make at my work study," you replied, ruffling Noah's hair with your fingers. "I'm gonna go, kiddo. Maybe I'll see you again soon?"

Noah hugged you around the middle, and Bradley realized he was going to have to go on another date in order to get you to come over and watch Noah again. It didn't seem like a possibility to just invite you over to hang out with the two of them.

You picked up your things and headed for the living room. "I realize you're probably not going on a second date with her, but let me know if you need me again?"

"I will," he replied, taking one more good look at your lips. 

"Thanks for flirting so hard that the barista made you my favorite kind of coffee," you told him with a smile. "Bye, Noah. Bye, Bradley."

As soon as you were gone, Bradley was eating an ant on a log and scrambling to open the dating app on his phone. He'd line up a date right this minute if it meant getting you to come over to his house again. 

Then he froze as his fingers hovered over the photo of a woman who's entire bio was dedicated to her seven cats. He wasn't suddenly interested in you for any other reason than the fact that he'd had a shitty date and he was craving attention from a woman. He really just needed to connect with someone his own age and then get laid. 

You weren't anything special. And you were way too young anyway. You just happened to be the only one who had really looked at him and joked with him in such a long time. No wonder he felt all mixed up. 

He'd find a date on the app for real. Not just to get you to come over again. 

"Let's go play outside," Bradley told Noah after he finished messaging three different women.

------------------------

You had two problems. The first one was the fact that you had so much fun with Noah, you wanted to babysit him again. But Bradley hadn't texted you back in the last few days and asked if you were available. 

Your second problem was the fact that you actually had a gigantic crush on Bradley and wanted to see him again, too. Even if it meant he only needed you to sit with Noah because he had another date. 

He had been checking you out. You were so sure of it. He was so flustered. It all made you feel silly inside. But Bradley was really funny and witty, and you really enjoyed being around him. 

And how flattering, a thirty six year old man softly flirting with you in his kitchen. 

Every time your phone went off, you checked to see if it was Bradley. But it never was. It was always Greyson trying to get you to drive out to his place and hookup. It was Thursday evening, and you were just bored enough to take him up on the offer. You were in the middle of texting him back when you got a message from Bradley. 

Bradley Bradshaw: Any chance you can come over again tomorrow night?

That meant he had another date. Unsurprising. The man was hot, funny, and liked good music.

What time do you want me? I can be there around 5 at the earliest.

You texted Grey back and told him you'd stop over in a bit. You started tossing some things into an overnight bag, along with your books for class the next day, just in case you fell asleep there.

Bradley Bradshaw: Come at 6? I'll have dinner ready for you if you want to eat here.

You replied to Bradley with a simple thumbs up, letting him know you would be there tomorrow. Then you sighed and walked out to your car, making the drive to Greyson's apartment. 

As you watched him drink and play MLB The Show, ignoring you despite having asked you to come, you couldn't help but think about how your semi-employer treated you better than your on-again off-again hookup did. But you ended up passing out on his couch for the night after a few minutes of making out, because you knew nothing would ever happen with Bradley, no matter how much the idea enticed you. 

------------------------

She had equally flattering first impressions of Bradley...and now she has a crush. Enjoy your Daddy Rooster and babysitter fic @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 3

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[latenightdaydreams]

Hi hi! Hope you don't mind that I have another request eheh... 🥲 I'd like to request smut with some build up before it, if you don't mind of course ^^; I've just been recently obsessed over those tropes of s/o(s) being apart for too long. And then thought of a reader who happens to be an intelligence officer working for KorTac. She and König aren't together yet per sé, more like have fallen for each other but never got to voice it out. Now, reader is chosen to carry out espionage against their enemy. However, it lasts for a year or two. Which is risky af. Anyway, those feelings they had for each other never left and they only grew within time. Plus they really miss each other hjshjs- And then when she finally comes back, cue the reunion. Cue the confession. Andddd cue whatever happens after that. Sorry if my request is more lengthier than before 😭 feel free to decline

So uh yes. That's basically it. Stay safe and take care of yourself 🫶 just gonna drop this gigantic special delivery package to this wonderful writer over here (you ofc) of... Oo what's this— BOOM. LOVE ✨💓💞💕💖✨

OMG this is such a sweet idea🥹 Never feel bad sending in a request! I love reading them and I love the challenge of bringing your idea to life! Thank you for all of the love you send my way, it is very appreciated and it makes my day to see your messages and comments! I hope you have a fantastic day and enjoy the story!

Reunion (fem)

MDNI🔞

Master List

>cw: fem/afab, p in v, oral

2.3k word count

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You stand in your room packing your suitcase as König sat at your desk chair. His eyes slowly going up and down your body, taking in how beautiful you look doing something so mundane. His mind flushed with thoughts of you, your mission, and his feelings. He has so much to say, but now isn’t the right time.

“Are you nervous Maus?” König bounces his foot nervously.

“I- no.” You lie. “It will be easy.”

“You’re definitely the best person for the job.”

You turn and smile at him. You want to say how much you’re going to miss him while you’re away. You’re aware that this mission will be long, maybe a year. It hurts your heart to think he might meet someone new while you’re away. What if you come back and he has a whole new life? A lot can change in that amount of time. Your heart sinks, but you continue to fake a smile for him.

You turn and face him. König looks up to meet your gaze, his pale blue eyes look sad behind his mask. The mask hiding the frown on his lips. He stands and walks to you, wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug.

“I’m going to miss you Maus,” he whispers as he rests his head on top of yours.

“I’ll miss you too.” You wrap your arms around him and hug him back. “Don’t forget about me.” You say with a giggle in your voice to hide the pain in that statement.

Your giggle doesn’t work because König notices. His arms tightening around you, “I could never forget you, y/n.”

König has the overwhelming want to lean down and kiss your soft lips, but he can’t. You two are just friends. Military code forcing him to shove his feelings for you aside to not cause any issues. Yet, underneath his uniform, he is just a man in love; desperate for a chance to touch you in a more intimate way and express his love for you. He settles for friendly hugs and breathing in your scent instead.

He pulls away from the hug and looks down at you. Your beautiful eyes looking back at him. His heart pounds in his chest, he is already starting to miss you and it hurts.

“I’ll carry your bag to the garage for you.” He says closing your suitcase and picking it up.

“Thank you, Kö.”

The last time you two see each other you spend 20 minutes hugging, breathing each other in. Words hanging on the tips of both your tongues, yet no one brave enough to cross that line. Both of your hearts break as you know this could be your last time together. All you can do is hope that life brings you both back together.

The mission went on longer than expected. Two years and seven months, König has been counting the days; marking off the calendar waiting for the day you finally return. The only sign that you’re alive is the intel that KorTac occasionally gets from you, but it’s been three months since the last message. He is use to a life of solitude, but without you he feels a new level of loneliness.

He walks past your room every day before returning to his own. Your room remains vacant, everything left exactly how you left it. Every night he looks at a photo of you he has tucked under his pillow, gently kissing it hoping you’ll return to him soon.

It was another day of mundane tasks and paper work for König. He sat at his desk with your file pulled up on his screen, your photo attached. He marks off another day from the calendar, another day without you.  Not even intel from you.

Around 12pm, König sits with his mask off, eating his lunch he packed for himself. He wonders where you are and if you’re safe. What if you’ve been captured and murdered or worse, fallen in love and decided to run off with the enemy. Being alone with his own thoughts is torture.

Just then there is a knock at his door. He rolls his eyes and lets out a sigh. He was in the middle of eating. Putting his sandwich down, he picks up a napkin and cleans his mouth before pulling his mask down over his face. Again, a knock.

“Alright, come in.” König says as he straightens himself out. He minimizes your file that he has still pulled up on the computer screen.

The door opens and closes, he looks up to see…you.

König’s jaw drops and he just sits there staring at you for a while, as if he can’t believe that you’re real and standing in front of him. You look just as beautiful as you did the day you left. Nothing has changed other than your hair being longer now, and it suits you.

You stand there quietly waiting for him to say something, do something. He just sits there looking at you in complete shock.

“Hey Kö,” you break the silence as you take a few steps closer.

Hearing the nickname, Kö, makes his heart flutter; only you and his mother have ever called him that. You’re really here. He isn’t hallucinating. It’s you. Quickly he stands to his feet and walks towards you, pulling you into a tight embrace. He takes a deep breath, breathing you in. He’s missed your scent so much these last few years, he had forgotten what you even smelled like. Forgotten just how perfect your warmth feels against his body.

Your arms quickly wrap around him, you’ve been dreaming of this moment for so long. Being away from König was harder than you thought it would be. Especially for almost three years, you weren’t sure if you’d be returning to the same man. Yet here he was. Your König. He waited for you.

König pulls away from the hug and moves his hands to grasp you face and turn your face so you can look into his eyes. His eyes glossy, tears threatening to fall. He doesn’t speak as he just looks at your face, taking in your beauty. He hasn’t seen you in the flesh for so long, it’s like he is seeing you again for the first time. His beautiful love.

Without thinking, König pulls his mask off; revealing his face to you for the first time ever. He leans down and gently presses his lips against yours; slowly out of fear of rejection, yet once your lips touch, you don’t pull back or turn away. You kiss back with even more passion, making König melt inside.  He grips your face a little tighter as he begins to kiss you harder, matching your passion.

Breaking away, he rests his head on yours, tears now falling down both of your faces.

“I was scared I would never see you again.” His voice breaks as he speaks to you.

“I know,” your breathing shutters.

He pulls away slightly as you look up at his face. You take in all of his features that have been hidden all these years of friendship. He’s…beautiful. You’ve thought of what he might be hiding all this time, it’s just scars. They only add to how attractive you see him.

“Kö, I’m in love with you.” The words flow out of your mouth as if it’s word vomit.

Your heart begins to pick up and you swallow hard, waiting for his response. Your hand reaching out to wipe tears away from his eyes as they fall.

“I’m in love with you too, y/n. I always have been.” His voice cracks.

He leans down and his lips meet yours again, his tongue licking your lips as they part to accept him. He lets out a soft moan as he tastes you for the first time. He’s wanted this for a long time, since the day you stayed behind with him after a failed mission. That was the day he fell in love with you.

His hands drop down to your waist as he begins to push up the hem of your shirt, his warm hands caressing your soft skin. You don’t stop him; your body has always craved him. You’re his now, in this moment, and forever. Slowly pulling away from your lips, his eyes drop down your body.

“Is this okay?” He seeks you consent before continuing. His hands continue to caress your waist, moving up slowly.

You nod your head, closing your eyes as his lips come back to meet yours. You continue to make out as his hands move up your body. He begins to pull you shirt up, breaking the kiss to take your shirt fully off. He looks down at your breasts cupped in your bra. He brings you closer to him as he can wrap his arms around you and unhook your bra. You let the bra drop from your body.

König quickly drops to his knees, his lips finding your breasts and kissing all over, his lips grazing over your nipples giving you chills. His hands fumble with the button of your pants as he undoes it. Pulling down your zipper, he looks up at you. His hands wrap around the top of your pants and pull them down with your underwear.

His eyes look at the soft bush between your legs before he kisses your stomach and hips. You lean back against the wall and he lifts one of your legs over his shoulder. Slowly he kisses down your thigh that’s resting on him. He finally begins to kiss the soft hair covering your sacred area. He takes a deep breath, taking in your scent completely. He has always wanted to be graced with the privilege of giving you pleasure, and here he is finally.

He sticks his tongue out and licks from the bottom to the top, his tongue making small circles over your clit. He can’t believe just how sweet you taste. The small moans leaving your lips mixed with the smell of your arousal making his cock rock hard in his cargos. He begins to suck lightly on your clit, flicking his tongue over it as he does. Your legs begin to tremble and jerk.

You look down at him as he eats you out, your fingers gently combing through his blonde hair. You could have never imagined that he would be this good as he begins to focus in on your clit. Legs shaking you moan out, calling his name. You feel a rush, a build up of pleasure.

Knowing that you’re about to cum, König keeps his rhythm. You push his face into your cunt, forcing him to only breathe in your sweet natural musk. His face covered in your arousal; he can’t take it anymore.

He moves your leg off of him gently as he stands up. He begins to quickly undo his belt and take his pants off. He pulls his shirt off, revealing his Greek god like body to you. You just look at him, in awe. The same way he looks at you.

You both stand there looking at each other’s bare bodies. König just can’t get enough of you. He walks closer to you and scoops you up in his arms. He walks to his desk chair with you. He sits slouched in the chair as you sit on his lap, your wet pussy rubbing against his erection. You lean in and kiss his lips as he moans softly feeling a tease of what your warmth will be like.

With no regard for safe sex, you lean forward, reaching down and grabbing his cock to guide it into your pussy. Once the tip squeezes in you both let out a harmonious moan. Your eyes studying his face as he is focused on watching you stretch around his cock.

Your hands on his shoulders for balance, you continue to sit down until König bottoms out inside of you. His hands squeezing the supple flesh of your thighs as he submits to you and lets you take control of your shared pleasure. Your tight cunt squeezing around him, breasts bouncing in his face as you move over him. His muscles flex as he assists you in your movements.

“Oh Scheiße, Maus. You feel so fucking good.” He moans out as his head falls back against the back of the chair; eyes closed. He has never felt this level of pleasure before with another partner. The sound of your wet cunt filling the space between your shared moans and panting.

“Kö,” you whimper out as your hands move to his chest, fingers digging deeply into his skin.

König opens his eyes and looks down at your cunt eagerly trying to milk him. A creamy white ring circling the base of his cock, and he can smell the sex in the air. He can’t hold on anymore. He wraps his arms around your abdomen and holds you close to him while he begins to quickly thrust up into you, his balls slapping against your ass. You begin to moan out loudly, definitely loud enough to be heard from the hallway, but he couldn’t care less.

“I-I’m going to- ah,” König couldn’t even speak as he begins to sweat from his rapid movements. His hands grasping your ass as he begins to roughly push you down on his cock. You can feel him throbbing deep inside of you as he cums. His cheeks turning slightly red from embracement of not lasting longer.

Your lips meet his with desperation as you both kiss. His hands still gripping you tightly as you rest on him, as if you might leave again if he lets go. Breaking the kiss you both look into each other’s eyes. One of his hands leaving your body and moving up to caress your face gently.

“Are you mine?” König sounding so submissive and gentle, a side no one ever sees of him.

“Of course.”

[greynatomy]

dazed & confused

leila ouahabi x reader

it’s your bday @sleekswosobession !!

———

You’ve been dragged to go out by your friends after a stressful day. Declining at first, they insisted, so you were now at the bar, drink in hand.

The bass was thumping in the dimly lit club, tension radiating off of everyone. Watching everyone let loose, your eyes lock on a mysterious figure from across the room.

You came in swinging like Apollo I'll be feeling it tomorrow No, I ain't seeing straight, hyperventilate Knees begin to wobble

Igniting a spark of curiosity and attraction, your feet began to move, pushing you through the crowd of people, with determination in each step.

You cut my brakes and hit the throttle I couldn't stop it if I wanted Dizzy silhouette, makes me break a sweat I'm in trouble

“Mind if I join you?” you shouted, over the music, giving her a charming smile.

She glanced at you, lips quirking up in a grin. “Depends on whether you can keep up.”

It was a challenge that you willingly accepted. The club was dark, bar from the little spotlights all over. You matched her movements, bodies syncing as one in a dance of seduction and intrigue. Tension growing with each beat.

“So, what’s your name?” You lean in closer, lips brushing against her ear.

“Leila.”

“Leila, hmm.” You smirk, leaning back, face still close together. “I like that.” Leila shakes her head, flustered, but trying not to make it obvious. “So, what brings you here?”

“Maybe I’m just here to look for a dance partner.” She shrugs, a look of mischief on her face.

“Well, you certainly found one.”

Your bodies moved in perfect symphony, Leila could feel your breath against her neck as you moved to the beat. As you lean in closer, Leila pushes your face out of her neck and puts you face to face.

“It was nice dancing with you, but I gotta go.”

With that, she bids her goodbye, leaving no trace of her. Days turned into weeks and Leila was someone who you couldn’t get your mind off of.

People would call you pathetic, but you’ve been back to that same club every few days hoping to catch a glimpse of her again.

Oh, I've been dazed and confused From the day I met you Yeah, I lost my head And I'd do it again

Nursing on a drink, the ice began to melt as you swirl the glass around. Sighing, you look up, eyes scanning the crowd for a second before they’re back staring down at the glass.

“Who’re you looking for?”

Your head shoots up, eyes widening at the sight of her.

Either I've seen the light Or I'm losing my mind There's something 'bout you That's got me dazed and confused

“You look like a lost little puppy.” Leila jutted her bottom lip out in a pout.

“Leila.” You manage to get out.

“That’s me.”

I bet you know just what you're doing You're not the type that's used to losing First, you build me up, then with just a touch Leave me here in ruins

Her eyes meet yours and you swear that time stopped.

Something 'bout your eyes I can't even walk in a straight line Under the influence

You felt your knees buckle, barely able to keep yourself upright. The world around you is spinning while Leila was the center of it all.

She grabs your arm, dragging you to the dance floor. You forget about everything else, focused solely on her. The whole night felt like a blur.

You’ve picked up where you left off, the heat between the two of you was undeniable. You’ve, once again, surrendered yourself to her, following the way her body moves against yours.

I don't know if this is real life, real life What happens if I open my eyes, my eyes? Will I ever get my head right, head right? I don't know if this is real life, real life

You wonder if all of this was just a dream, that once you open your eyes, everything disappears. But it wasn’t a dream. You have this beautiful girl in front of you, dancing with you. You are in euphoria.

“Hey.”

A whisper breaks you out of your thoughts. Leila pulls you in by the neck, noses touching.

“Why don’t we get out of here?”

Goosebumps littered your body, words getting stuck in your throat. She grabs your hand, leading you out of the building.

It was a question that never needed answering.

[entities-of-posts]

I found a staircase when I was in middle school. Maybe 11, 12? I can't remember. I remember the staircase, though. It was shiny new and I knew it was bad news, but… I don't know.

I started going up them. Only sometimes. I'd go up a few steps and then come back down and leave. Not like they were going anywhere, and I think I might've just been hoping someone would stop me. Eventually someone did; they told me the staircase seemed dangerous, and I agreed with them.

I don't know why I'm telling you this. Exposition, I guess? Context?

I saw the stairs again. They looked different, polished wood replaced with concrete, but I recognized them immediately. This was a few days ago — maybe a few years? I'm not sure. I wasn't in a great place. But I saw them, and I decided… what the hell, right? I mean, it's just a staircase. And I never did get to see what was at the top.

There were so many steps. Sometimes it feels like there were hardly any.

I could feel my sanity slipping the higher I got. I didn't trust anyone. I didn't trust myself. I remember thinking, quite a lot, why am I still climbing this staircase? And the more I thought it, the closer I got to whatever horror was waiting for me.

Are you sure we're still going the right way? I mean, I know this one's going down now, but sometimes they loop around and — okay. You know, it's sort of nice to let someone else take the lead for once.

It was a door at the top. A big, black door. Heavy. I don't really know how to describe it, but looking at it… it was just so obvious it would swallow up everything about me, and it wouldn't matter, because once I opened it I wouldn't be able to tell anyways.

I… I wanted to open it. That sounds horrible, doesn't it? I mean — I knew what was behind it. Sort of. I could hear the incoherent screaming through the wood and — like, I knew, okay? I'm not some idiot that sees a terrifying door and thinks "oh wonders! A mysterious door! Maybe there's a tea party on the other side!" I'd just… sunk cost fallacy, right? I'd made it so far that I didn't want to turn back without knowing.

I opened the door — just a crack, a tiny amount — and I swear to you, behind it was death. Not the grim reaper, I know how this sounds, but it was just… nothingness. A true and total absence of everything. And I realized that all the screaming I'd heard must have just been an echo, seeped into the doorframe by everyone who'd ever walked through it, because past the boundary was just silence.

I closed the door. I mean, obviously, I closed the door. And I started trying to get back down the stairs, and that's when I saw you. I've just been wandering around, trying to figure out which stairs lead down. Every so often my feet just start carrying me up again? Force of habit, I suppose. It's easier now that I have someone to follow. So, thank you, for that. Not sure I'm convinced you know the way out, but it's nice to have someone to talk to.

Statement taken directly from subject, in the staircase of my Archives. They had not entered the building, and did not leave it. When I attempted to get them to come through the door to the first floor with me, they sunk into the hardwood step by step, phasing through it with no contact, still descending on stairs that were not there. Their head disappeared through the floor, and I lost sight and Sight of them.

Ever since the Incident, the dimensional instability of my Archives lends itself to such tricks. The Spiral sometimes seems convinced the building is still part of it.

[lucifersresources]

RØRY // restoration rp meme. edit/alter/change pronouns etc as you see fit!  

if pain could talk, what would it say.

why aren't you listening to me?

i got a story.

the tremor in your bones? that's me.

won't be very good if you ignore me.

i tried whispering, but you ain't fucking listening.

you didn't give me a choice.

you should've heard me out.

i'm screaming, but for some reason you still don't believe it.

you can't drink me or drug me or fuck me away.

i ain't ever fucking leaving.

i'm here to stay.

i'm not going anywhere.

i'm not going anywhere until you look me in the face.

when you find someone to love, i won't let you trust it.

build a life you love: watch me destruct it.

together forever baby, that's you and i.

sorry, i just had to get your attention.

if you'll have me, i'll be your greatest protection.

this is the start of your story.

in the bible.

you didn't see me coming, did you?

i hit rock bottom.

my demons, can't stop 'em alone.

i learned my lessons.

turned my curse to my blessings.

i ain't lived a righteous life.

just an addict on their knees with their face towards the light.

everything you lost will be restored.

everything you lost is still yours.

when the light is gone & you're barely holding on, everything you lost will be restored.

i was drinking everyday to numb the depression.

i don't need to be told that i could live forever, i just needed a little bit of hope.

i just needed a little bit of hope.

i don't need to be told that i could live forever.

i just needed a little bit of hope, you know, that maybe things could get better one day.

things could get better one day.

i know that hell's real, i lived there for twenty years.

i know that heaven's real too, it's right here.

i know that hell's real, i lived there for twenty years; i know that heaven's real too, it's right here.

not broken, not hopeless.

you're meant for something more.

you will be restored.

WOLVES.

you told me i would forget you.

if you could see my now...

there's a bullet in my chest in the space you left.

hope you don't hold it against me.

hope you don't hold it against me, these things that i've done.

time is coming, can't outrun it.

all the things i never said, the things that i can't forget.

gonna bring you back to life.

take my soul, take my bones.

i hope you know i'd throw myself to the wolves.

i'd fight god if i could.

i'd get high, wreck my life, for a second of your time.

i hope you know i'd throw myself to the wolves to bring you home.

i'm in an ocean of anger & that's how i'll drown.

missing you is the anchor that's dragging me down.

now i'm screaming, begging jesus in my head, take me instead.

hold on.

i'll use you as a warning sign.

i miss you more than i thought i would.

not got the strength to hold on.

all i got is this wasted potential.

i'm sorry, i'm leaving.

you don't know me, but i swear i know you.

all of the things that you've been through, well i've been through them too.

i know every battle that you fought and lost in your head.

i've seen you become someone else.

you got a future with things that you do.

you gotta promise me you'll never give up.

you ain't fighting for you, you're fighting for us.

i broke the heart of somebody who was just trying to love me.

she was screaming, i was leaving, so detached from my feelings.

i've been lied to by everyone, but i can't be by you.

there's a family pattern, a reason it happened.

you were only a kid when they did what they did.

you weren't protected.

it made you feel like you don't matter.

it made you feel like you don't matter, but it ain't true.

re-enacting patterns of attachment, ain't your fault that it happened.

ain't your fault that it happened.

you gotta promise me you'll hold on.

BLOSSOM.

you buried me alive, you left me there to die.

you buried me alive, you left me there to die, now you're gonna watch me breaking through the dirt.

a death becomes a birth.

you're gonna watch me blossom.

there are dark places here.

do not be afraid, for salvation is near.

you took everyone i ever loved.

you took everything i needed.

it was you that had me by the throat, i was barely breathing.

you thought that i was gonna choke.

i'm still here.

i'm six feet down and screaming.

i will feed, i will wait.

bury me & i'll bloom.

i'll tower over your lives.

bury me & watch me bloom.

sherlock holmes.

is it trauma, did childhood play a part?

is this just who you are?

maybe i'd find the answers.

i've been through the evidence, but i can't make sense of this.

i can't make sense of this.

i need to know how you don't miss me.

i'm sherlock holmes & you're the greatest fucking mystery.

you were threatening violence when i heard from you.

this deafening silence is my only clue.

you will see me fighting but you won't call it brave.

you'll call me the problem child so you can walk away.

i know you were broken & that's why you broke me.

we repeat the patterns that we're just too blind to see.

i won't have kids, won't pass it on.

this rage won't live after i'm gone.

i'll fight myself at every turn, i'll build a stake let myself burn.

one drink away.

i'm happy & sober.

but what if i told you i'm only one drink away from 2am mistakes.

thank god i changed.

i got somebody waiting on me.

i got somebody waiting on me & i haven't ruined it yet.

i've been going to meetings, i've been keeping it clean.

i've been waking up scared i got high, but it was only a dream.

i thought it was over.

people change.

i walk with my head held high now & i call that grace.

who knew a wreck like me could be saved?

MORALITY $UICIDE.

i think that maybe there's a problem on this planet.

when did war become our universal language?

there's profit in disaster.

you took your faith & you burned it alive.

who cares who lives when you've already died?

they're up in arms when someone's son becomes their daughter.

i'm tired of this torture.

i'm tired of the lies.

this ain't democracy.

this ain't democracy, this is hypocrisy, this is atrocity.

SORRY I'M LATE.

let me tell you a story.

they tell you it's over, they write you off as if you're nothing.

you know you're something.

i know it's hard not to feel bitter.

i know it's hard not to feel bitter that it took you longer.

but all of the shit you've been through only made you stronger.

it made you stronger.

sorry i'm late.

sorry i'm late, i fucked my life.

been busy trying to stay alive.

sorry i'm late, just fucked some guy.

did i let my whole life pass me by, or am i right on fucking time?

am i right on fucking time?

i'll make you a promise.

when you think it's over & you think you lost it, it's still right here if you want it.

are you ready?

are you ready to stop waiting for someone to change it?

are you ready to stop waiting for someone to change it, to come back for your life & be the one that saves it: you're the one that saves it.

you're the one that saves it.

the atheist.

you turned an atheist into a prayer.

you turned a patriot into a traitor.

you turned the person that love you the most into a goodbye on a handwritten note.

i can't wait for you.

this is me letting you go.

this is me letting you go, rip you out of my bones.

leaving you out in the cold with everything that you broke.

you turned a family home into a crater.

you turned your own flesh & blood to a stranger.

the words that i wish you spoke turn into glass in the back of my throat.

i can't pray for you.

this is me letting you go, tear you out of my soul.

i woke up with this voice inside my head & it said 'everything you lost will be restored'.

was it a delusion?

i clung onto it as if it was truth, like some kind of life raft.

things started changing.

so much joy came back into my life.

i don't know whether it was some kind of prophecy, or some kind of delusion that became truth simply because i believed it.

maybe that's what faith is.

[morroodle]

Everyone I'd like you to meet my wife the Source Dragon of Motion

She is absolutely HUGE and has a lovely weight to her. She now sits high up on my shelf watching over the whole room and she looks absolutely magestic up there. Please excuse my garbage lighting it does not do her justice.

hello wifey :D

Oh and I guess she came with this lame stupid overdramatic throne thing too. I refuse to put it on her.

I dont know how to explain how absolutely HUGE she is. She's so fuckin big. She competes with the movie version of the destiny's bounty, and makes the bounty from s5 look kinda payhetic. Minifigures are like bugs to h3r. Big Man, what I call the 6 legged ice dragon and who I previously thought was massive, looks small to her. She cannot be held in one hand. She barely fit on my shelf, and I am so glad they made her wings so posable . She is 25 inches long and has a wingspan of 29 inches (63 and 74 cm).

I understand now why yall have been drawing her as a big buff beautiful woman. Yall were RIGHT. I wanna draw her now too

The set itself is also just an absolutely wonderful set, she has great articulation and is incredibly sturdy, with pretty thick joints. The windage especially I think look great, even from the underside, which is a problem I've seen in other sets that have these fabric/vinyl wings. It was a ton of fun to build and took me maybe 5-6 hours though I didn't time it. 10/10 use of my day. A cool trick they did with her feet is to have these kind of silicone pieces on the bottom of her feet that stick out just a little, providing for much better grip and which I think is a wonderful idea. The other odd but nice thing they did was instead of one massive instruction book it was actually divided into 5 books, for the body, front legs, back legs, head wings and tail, and the saddle. There were multiple bags for each book but it provided really nice pausing points. Good job lego. Good set.

[vioartemis]

Mine

(Wednesday Addams x fem! reader)

Summary: Recently Enid and you started dating. Wednesday isn't happy about it. Part 1 || Part 2 Warnings: manipulative/toxic Wednesday, Enid x reader, suggestive themes at the end (English isn't my first language, I'm sorry if there are mistakes or if something doesn't make sense TvT)

Wednesday was walking in the school's corridors, seemingly looking for something, or someone. And she found you after a moment, walking a few meters away from her.

"Y/n." she called out to catch your attention

Hearing her voice, you turned around and stopped walking.

"Hi Willa!" you greeted her with a soft smile

If it were someone else calling her that, she wouldn't hesitate to take out the knife she kept in her boot. But it was you.

You had been best friends for years, since you were little children. Wednesday liked being with you, loved, even. But just being your best friend wasn't enough for her. She wanted more.

"How are you doing?" you asked once she got closer

"I'm doing well. What about you?" she replied with a neutral tone

"I've never been better!"

"Really?"

"Yes! Things are going so well with Enid, she's the sweetest!"

"... It seems that she is, yes."

Wednesday tried her best not to show she was jealous; she hated that your relationship with Enid was going 'so well', as you said.

"You know what? She even bought me flowers the other day, my favorite ones! It was so cute!"

"How sweet of her."

She spoke quietly, her anger building up at your total obliviousness.

"Right?? I'm just so happy I have her! Maybe we should try to find you someone too, what do you think?" you asked with a gentle smile

"... A girlfriend?"

"Yes! I know you're not really into that, but maybe you'll like it! You just have to find the girl of your dreams"

"'The girl of my dreams'...?"

You nod, visibly excited.

"What would she be like?"

"... Well, someone just like you, actually..."

"Someone... like me? Are you sure it's a good idea? I mean... one me is already a lot to deal with, do you really want your lover and your best friend to be the same, haha?" you asked jokingly

A part of herself was grateful you didn't get the hint. She knew she would lose you if you learnt about her feelings right now. And even though she was desperate to be with you, she couldn't take the risk to lose you.

"I was just kidding, I'm fine on my own. I'm not looking for a partner."

That was, obviously, a lie. She was looking for a partner, just not for someone that wasn't you.

"Oh, really? Well... if you ever change your mind... I'd be happy to help you with it"

You smiled and gave her a gentle hug. She hugged back, although she knew this hug was only platonic on your side. But she couldn't tell you, not now.

You were not ready to learn that you were her true love. If you asked, she would be forced to deny it all.

You pulled away after a minute, still smiling.

"I have to go now, but we'll see each other tonight! Movie night, like we said, right?"

"That's right, indeed."

Wednesday was looking forward to this moment with you, only the two of you.

You smiled again and placed a soft kiss on her cheek, before waving goodbye and walking away.

She said nothing as you walked away, but deep down, she was bitter. She wanted you to kiss her lips, not just her cheek.

While you were god knows where, the ravenette thought of a plan to make you hers.

She couldn't be too direct; she was pretty sure it'll make you run away. She had to be more subtle. But to have a chance with you... she needed to get rid of Enid first.

Murder crossed her mind, but it would affect you too much. Her only option was to make you leave her. But how? According to what you told her, Enid was the perfect girlfriend.

If only she was an asshole, if she had cheated for example, it would've been so easy...

A twisted smirk formed on her lips as an idea popped in her head. It was the perfect plan. She just had to make sure you'll never learn about it, or you would hate her forever.

After spending your day away from the dorms, and the school in general, you knocked at Wednesday's door, ready for your movie night.

Not even five seconds later, the ravenette opened the door, inviting you to come in. She was delighted to spend the night with you. She had even prepared some snacks for the two of you.

You smile, seeing the snacks she prepared, and gave her a gentle hug.

Wednesday hugged you back, feeling a rush of emotions as your body was pressed against hers. But these emotions soon disappeared, replaced by less pleasurable ones.

"... Why do you smell like Enid?"

"Oh uh... we spent the day together. She took me out on a date"

You were so clueless. It enraged Wednesday so much. You had spent the whole day with Enid. She hated that. It was supposed to be her, not Enid.

"What movie do you want to watch?" she asked, hiding her anger, changing the subject

"What about a horror movie?"

"Alright, horror movie it is then."

She sat on her bed, waiting for you to come beside her.

"Great!" you started "I'm just gonna have a quick shower first, if that's okay"

"Sure, go ahead. You can use my bathroom."

She couldn't help but feel a little spark of joy as you said you wanted to have a shower. You wouldn't smell like Enid anymore, you would be hers only for the night.

She only had to wait a few minutes before you walked out of the bathroom, hair still wet, only wearing a towel around your body.

"I uh... kinda forgot to bring extra clothes... Would you mind if I borrowed some of yours...?" you asked hesitantly

Wednesday couldn't help the slight smile that spread across her face at the thought of you wearing her clothes.

"Of course not, take whatever pleases you."

"Thanks, you're the best!" you replied, relieved, before looking in her closet and grabbing her oversized hoodie

You went back to the bathroom to change.

When you came back, Wednesday couldn't resist to the urge to look you up and down. Seeing you in her hoodie made her feel things. It was as if you were a bit more hers now.

"You look adorable..."

<><><><> ♡ <><><><>

Since the past few weeks, you had been receiving anonymous texts telling you that your girlfriend isn't a good person. Recently, pictures accompanied the texts.

When you opened the first picture, you immediately went to Wednesday for advice, not knowing she was the one sending you these.

Photoshopping pictures of Enid and other people was the only way she found to make you leave her. It wasn't the most complicated thing to do, even for her; Enid had always been touchy, everyone knew it.

But she was never close enough for these touches to be suspicious.

All Wednesday had to do was bring them just a little bit closer to each other, and the illusion was perfect.

"What should I do..?" you asked, after you explained everything to her and handed her your phone for her to see the texts and pictures

"I think it's pretty obvious that she's cheating on you. You can't let that slide, she's clearly playing with you and your feelings."

"Are you saying... I should break up with her?"

"Yes."

"But I- maybe it's just a scam or something like that..."

"Y/n."

You looked up to her as she took a step closer.

"Why would anyone want to ruin your beautiful relationship with her? It's certainly not a scam. She's just... not who you think she is. It's going to be hard, but I'm here."

Wednesday almost gagged calling your relationship with Enid 'beautiful'.

"... I guess you're right..." you say quietly "Should I... go now...?"

"Oh, dear, no. Don't tell her in person."

"What..? Why?"

"She would try to gaslight you, telling you she didn't do anything wrong, and blaming it on someone else."

"But it's not... correct... to break up by text..."

"She doesn't deserve 'correct'" Wednesday said, maybe a little too quickly. She's a cheating, lying wh- "She's not a good person. After what she did to you, it's only fair you treat her that way."

You nodded at her words. She had always been wiser than you, she certainly knew better than you. So you decided to do as she said, and pulled out your phone to... do what needed to be done.

You cried in her arms all night after that. She hated to see you like that, crying, but it was for the greater good. You'd be so much happier with her... It would be worth the suffering.

Having you in her arms for a night, in her room, in her bed, made her so happy.

<><><><> ♡ <><><><>

The next six months after you broke up with Enid, you spent almost all your time with Wednesday. She was delighted about it, feeling that you were finally were you belonged: with her.

But right now, your other friends had suggested you accompany them on a little trip, to help you think of something else. And of course, you said yes.

Wednesday was enraged. She thought getting rid of Enid would be enough, but clearly it wasn't. She would have to get rid of your friends as well.

Just as she was about to smash something in her room in annoyance, she heard a knock at her door. She sighed and rolled her eyes, wondering who it could be.

She certainly didn't expect to find you on her doorstep, just as you were supposed to be with your friends on a trip.

"Y/n?"

You seemed mad. Wednesday felt her stomach twist at the thought that you might have found out for her plan.

"Aren't you with your friends?"

"No"

"Why is that, if I may ask?"

"They tried to turn me against you. They said you weren't a good person, and a ton of mean things about you. I'm not staying friends with people like that"

The ravenette gestured to you to come in, and you gladly obliged. She suggested you took a sit and tell her everything your 'friends' said about her.

She listened carefully while making tea for the two of you.

According to what you were saying, your friends were... well, they were right. Obsessed, jealous, possessive... three adjectives that described Wednesday pretty well, when it came to you.

Apparently, you were the only one not to see it, and for once, your obliviousness was a relief to the ravenette.

"And what did you tell them?" she asked, pouring you a cup of tea

"That I didn't want to be around them until they change their mind about you"

"Dear I... I don't think they will ever stop saying such things about me." she replied, looking almost ashamed to say it

"What? Why?"

"Well... I heard them talking about me when you were not around... They started those rumors about me, and about you too."

"They... talk about me behind my back...?"

"Yes. I should have told you sooner, you don't deserve 'friends' like that."

"Does everyone secretly hate me or something...?" you asked, tears in your eyes

"I could never hate you, dear"

Wednesday sat beside you and put and arm around you. You took the opportunity to hug her tightly.

"So it's just the two of us now, hm...? I guess it should have stayed that way, just me and you..." you said quietly "It has always worked, I don't even know why I tried getting close to other people... You're the only one I need"

Your words made Wednesday's heart pound in her chest. She had dreamt to hear you say that so many times. And now you were actually saying it.

You pulled away from the hug to give her a bright smile, dried tears shining on your cheeks as sunrays hit your face.

You truly meant what you said; you felt like you didn't need anyone else beside her. Or that's what you had been manipulated to think. Because that was her plan to keep you all to herself.

You that you didn't know.

At this moment, you knew she would be the only one not to betray you or hurt you. You knew she would stay by your side. She was all you wanted.

Maybe it had always been like that, you didn't know. All you could think about was how kissable her lips looked.

Before Enid, you had caught yourself wondering what it would be like to kiss Wednesday. Later, you figured it was because you never had kissed anyone, and so wanted to know how it felt.

But now you were reconsidering it.

"... Can I kiss you...?"

You were yourself a bit surprised by the words that came out of your mouth.

But it was nothing to the surprise that hit Wednesday. She was euphoric. She wanted your lips. Needed your lips. To know how they would feel like. How they would taste like.

But she couldn't let that show, no. If she did, you would understand she had always wanted you.

She tried to compose herself, and stay as calm as possible, feigning surprise.

"You want to kiss me? On the lips?" she paused for a second, but quickly continued before you changed you mind "I wouldn't mind if you kissed me..."

You felt your cheeks heat up at her words.

You leaned in, lips now only a few inches away from hers. Impatient, Wednesday closed the gap between you two, pressing her lips to yours.

It took her all her might not to show you how much she wanted you in that kiss. She took her time, kissing you softly, yet with passion, hands holding your waist maybe a bit too tightly.

But you don't mind. Don't care even. You felt safe, loved.

You kept the kiss going for a while, enjoying the feeling of her lips against yours, before finally pulling away.

Wednesday thought the kiss was amazing. Way better than what she imagined it would be -and she imagined it millions of times.

You thought it was amazing too. Not like when you kissed Enid at all. It was... different. Better.

"How was that, dear?" the ravenette asked you in a whisper

Her heart was pounding in her chest. If you said you didn't like it, she would be devastated. She would have to use means she would've preferred not to use on you.

"It was... wow... I- I don't know what to say I... It's so different from... what I experienced before..."

At the mention of previous experience -which meant Enid, Wednesday felt a wave of jealousy. Why would you bring her up now? It was your moment, just you and her.

"But I..." you continued "I liked it... And I think... I think I like you too"

She was delighted to hear you say it. But she needed more. She needed you make you hers.

She pulled you closer to hug you, burying her face in your neck. Your scent, your body against hers, it was driving her crazy. She couldn't control herself anymore.

She pressed wet kisses on your neck, a smirk forming on her lips as she hears your breath hitch.

"W-Wednesday..."

She continued her assault on your neck, kissing, licking, biting the soft skin there, leaving marks as a sign of her possession over you.

"Mine..." she all but groaned against your neck, her hands snaking under your shirt

"Wednesday we shouldn't-"

She cut you off by biting your neck a bit more, eliciting a moan from you.

The sounds almost made her moan too. She loved it. She was the one making you moan. She wanted to hear more. But she knew she had to stop here, or she would make you run away.

She pulled away from your neck, planting another kiss on your lips.

"Mine."

You started to notice her possessive side now, but you didn't care. She loved you. She wouldn't abandon you, betray you, lie to you, cheat on you, like the others. You needed her.

"All yours"

[Next part]

[thankskenpenders]

And now for something new

So, here's something I was never planning on doing, but I just couldn't shake the idea... Thanks Ken Penders is gaining a sister blog featuring an entirely different comic franchise!

Introducing... Thanks Steve Ditko, a blog where I read the Earth-616 Spider-Man comics, starting all the way back in the '60s! It's gonna be much more casual and less thorough than how I run things here on TKP, though, which I'll explain in a sec.

If seeing me post weird bits from old Spider-Man comics sounds fun and you need no further info, then just head right on over to Thanks Steve Ditko. But for longtime TKP readers, I know you probably have questions...

Number one: Why?

Spider-Man's always been my favorite superhero, and with the Spider-Verse movies kicking ass and my excitement building for the new Insomniac game, I've been in a Spidey mood. Inevitably, a thought occurred to me: Maybe I should actually read the comics that everything else is built off of and see the wildly varying contributions of all the original creators, rather than filtering them through big budget adaptations. If I can power through One Piece and all these other manga with hundreds of chapters, it can't be that hard... right?

And, well, after a few issues I quickly realized that my options were to either clog up my other accounts with random Spider-Man panels for years, or to just make a side blog. And so the side blog was born.

Two: Will this blog replace Thanks Ken Penders?

NO!!!!!!!!!

Okay but prove it

To allow the two to exist side-by-side, Thanks Steve Ditko will have a different format than what Thanks Ken Penders developed. Rather than an in-depth guided tour that critically analyzes every story beat of every issue, TSD will just be a place for amusing panels and brief thoughts as I casually read the comics at my own pace.

If you've seen me make a few tweets about reading Spider-Man recently, I'm basically just moving that to a dedicated Tumblr. It's a place for me to dump these things so that it doesn't fill up my media tab on Twitter for the next decade. (You know, assuming Twitter is still around in a decade.) There will be many issues where I only post two panels that I thought were funny. There will be issues where I don't have anything to say at all. Maybe I'll reach a run that I just cannot get into, and I start skipping around more. Who knows!

This may sound similar to what I thought this blog would be before it blew up. Aside from the simple fact that there's already mountains of Spider-Man commentary out there and therefore less of a void for me to fill, one of the main steps I'll be taking to avoid repeating the past is not enabling an ask box on TSD. I do not need people to ask me to go into ten times more detail on everything. I do not need to write seven essay-length responses to questions about Spider-Man minutiae every day. I do not need a place for people to chide me for not covering certain scenes, issues, or ancillary series.

It also won't have any kind of update schedule. I'm trying to keep it very casual. I'm reading these comics at my own pace, and if I feel like sharing a moment or commenting on something while doing so? It goes there. That's it.

(On the subject of format changes, I'm also listing the issue, writer, and penciller in the body of every post. This is a thing I wish I'd done on TKP so that people didn't misattribute every weird Archie Sonic panel I post to Penders.)

Three: So when will TKP come back from hiatus? You said it'd come back after you finished SLARPG!

I don't know! Sorry. I have a couple things on the backburner right now for TKP, but I'm not sure when I'll get back to proper updates where I read more comics.

I wanted to bring TKP back this year, and that's still possible. The main hurdle is that I want to reread my own archive (again) as a refresher, which is, uh. A lot of posts. I've developed a high standard for myself on here, and I feel like I wouldn't be doing my job right if I forgot half the ongoing subplots and character arcs and didn't bring them up in my analysis. Especially when I'm discussing the work of an author as obsessed with continuity as Ian Flynn. Unfortunately, the nature of this blog means that every time I go on another long hiatus for Life Reasons I have even more comic continuity to catch up on than last time.

(This is a big part of why I'm making Thanks Steve Ditko an extremely casual blog instead of promising to become a Lore Expert on 60+ years of Marvel.)

Mostly I've just been very burnt out this year after having finally finished a video game that took almost eight years to make. I haven't really had the energy for any creative projects, including TKP. But I feel a little bit of a spark here with Spider-Man, so I'm chasing that feeling to try to get back into the swing of blogging about comics - no pun intended.

So, basically, bear with me on this as I start this low-energy side project. But hopefully folks will enjoy Thanks Steve Ditko as its own thing, too.

Look forward to goofy shit like this

[neptunes-sol-angel]

Alright guys! I finally got that tingly feeling that I should do this kind of love reading. I still didn't want to make this a future spouse reading because I honestly overthink the concept, like "um divorces happen!" or some people just don't believe in marriage, but I thought I'd do something adorable and Christmas related. I hope that you guys enjoy!

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Pile One🎄

Their letter to Santa

Dear Santa, For so long I've been in the darkness, alone with the glass pieces of my heart, thinking that it's better this way for me to be on own. I don't believe in fairy tales anymore and my ability to imagine a world where I can be in love with someone and in that same way be loved back. My mind is splintered to where I flinch the minute someone to me gets close or when they mention a promise, that I without a doubt know they won't keep. Socially, I feel numb, meeting allegedly new people, seems to be a broken record in different physiques. If you could grant me any present in the world, would you change my definition of what I know to be love? Falling away from the stranger(s) that used to be who I knew from head to toe, has damaged my beliefs that I'm worthy of something more. And should you succeed in bringing my love, may they be my most divine contradiction in my life. My love will be someone new, yet possess familiarty in which I'll take pleasure in spending the rest of my lifetime finding all of the ways that we just understand each other. The sound of their voice and the words that they speak will be the fire that warms instead of scorching me. They'll be my rock that I won't have to tip toe around. Right now, I ask for their forgiveness for the person that I am right now, but for every tear that I currently shed to release the pain of my troubles in romance, builds my strength to be the person that really loves again, and the confidence to give my all despite my mistakes in giving it to the wrong people. Don't let my reserved aura fool you, deep down, I'm a hopeless romantic, that will work hard to find any and every single way to give you the world to prove the depth of my feelings for you. The same way that I'm learning my lessons, you are too, we both share that agony of why this has to hurt so much, but it's the bitter that goes along with the sweet to lead us to each other in the end.

Your Christmas Traditions:

Life with your partner could already be luxurious, meaning they gift you with presents on a regular basis that are both as an expression of love and desire to get the things that you want, so Christmas, traditionally, will feel like a normal day. What makes it stand out to you guys as a couple is how you guys seem to always unlock a new level of intimacy around this time of the year. For you or them, Christmas could make some not so good feelings resurface and put someone in a mood. Whatever that may trigger this, it usually leads to a peaceful resolution that doesn't just prolong the tension for another day. It's like getting to the root of the issue that'll eventually lead you and your partner to a place of comfort, understanding, and confirmation that this relationship isn't based on surface level things.

Pile Two 🎄

Their Letter to Santa:

Dear Santa, There's this ethereal figure in my dreams that I keep seeing. Without a doubt, I know that this is my person. And maybe it's not realistic to ask for you to make the time go faster for us to encounter each other in real life, but I really want answers, I'm craving to know this person. Their face alone, is enough to put me into hypnosis. Not knowing what their voice sounds like, ignites my obsession. I've never been a believer of the supernatural, or even a big fan of religion, but this sensation of the person of my dreams that makes me desire to stay asleep, has to be an indication that we're spiritually connected. I know this person doesn't say a word in both their presence of visions in day and night, but I have this clawing feeling that you're what home feels like. To the lover of my fantasies, I  know you spiritually, but emotionally, with you, I'll finally have someone that doesn't think my expression of feeling is a foreign language. I could talk to you for hours without getting bored and your nature in every capacity makes me feel that you're out of this world with a love that I'm determined to study and reciprocate. I'm already amazed by how gorgeous you are but indubitably I know I'll be stunned everytime I'm by your side watching you prove to me that magic on Earth is real. You're the breathing proof of it and I can't help but be adored by you and the way that you perceive making the most out of the challenges that you face and conquer.

Your Christmas Traditions:

You and your life partner BREATHE for Christmas. Valentine's day may be special but Christmas is the time that you guys will be all over each other. You guys could go all out this holiday, by buying and wearing matching pajamas, playing board games with each other, watching marathons of Christmas themed movies, maybe you guys have a specific drink like hot chocolate, egg nog, or cookies that you love to stock up on. You guys could also be the type to take a vacation around this time by renting out a cabin, or taking a trip to Disney World. This is normal for you guys and you aren't aware of this jubilant vibe that you have together but it makes others wanting to share the joy you have. Your public presence as a couple during Christmas is the type that will make a person want to use you guys as their mood board or inspiration to daydream about the love that that they'd kill to have. You guys are the power couple in terms of playfulness, affection, and how unique you guys embody your partnership. You could also experience people asking you for advice for how to liven up their own relationships. You guys are just that cute with each other.

Pile Three 🎄

Their Letter to Santa:

Dear Santa, I have a good feeling that the person that I will view as my everything is currently contemplating if there's something that they should change about themselves, but do me this favor homie and give my sweet firecracker this message. You. Yeah you. You know who you are. You are a boss! Walking royalty in this world that's meant to take up space, of course there are gonna be some jerks that want to dim your light, but the people who can't handle how bona-fide and wealthy your aura is, are people who are uncomfortable with the fact that they don't possess the tools to handle the blessing that you are. You were never asking for too much and don't let the grinch or scrooge convince you that you aren't enough. Believe me, I wish that fate would allow me to show up in your life right now, but you're meant to learn how precious your attributes you are. You're a damsel that can save yourself, who is meant to climb into power and achieve many things. I'm currently healing my tendencies of being codependent so that I don't distract you from your prosperity or project my insecurities onto you and make you think that it's you, it's not. Be patient, but don't get rid of how bold you are love or choose sides in how you're capable of being silly and someone with authority. Your strength isn't in your silence, but in your intelligence and maturity to express to others your feelings and what your needs are. You'll always be on top, even on days where you feel like you're at rock bottom. Keep pushing, things will make sense soon. You won't just find me in your happily ever after, you'll find your soul tribe too. And we will ALL match your energy. Trust me. Everything that you think is complicated about you is why we're grateful for you.

Your Christmas Traditions:

You and your life partner share a common tragedy and belief. You guys may have experienced toxicity in your family that inspires the both of you to do things differently with your own family. Christmas time is pivotal for you as a couple, because it influences you to reflect but also to take action on how well you guys do as a household. Your Christmas Traditions could be about trying your best to make sure that there's peace, openess, but most importantly your presence if guys have children together. You could go all out with making sure that they have the best presents, that they have the best indication that they're safe with you guys as parents, and that you make the most pleasant and fun memories that will symbolize how much that not just you and your life partner love each other but making sure that your children know how much they're loved by you.

[blueicequeen19]

Don’t Run

Warnings: primal kink, loss of V, nerdy/innocent reader

I never thought I'd be chasing down a girl. Not me. Never. Girls practcially fell down at my feet for just a scrap of attention but no, here I am chasing down the cute, nerdy, insecure, virgin who's got my head in such knots I can't think anymore.

I've searched for her for days and I only just recently found out that she works evenings closing the tiny local library we have. Now, she's running from me as I slip in through the door before she can lock it and I lock it behind me instead. We weren't leaving until I was done.

"Y/N! Don't make me chase you!" I shout, making my way through the stacks of books and towards the sound of her retreating footsteps.

"Just go away! I don't want to see you!" She yells back. Her voice is thick with emotion and I can almost bet she's been crying.

"I'm not leaving! Either come out or you won't like what happens!" I call back. "Or maybe you will." I mumble under my breath as I move up the end aisle, checking each one for where she might've decided to hide.

I pictured her eyes wide and frightened behind her glasses, her tits bouncing as she runs, and that perfect bubble butt peeking out of her school girl skirt. Fuck, I was hard. Maybe I did chase girls after all.

"Just go. You have plenty of options so go find one!" She yells from somewhere to my right.

"I don't want them." I snap. I spot the top of her head just as she ducks behind the large information desk but she hears me coming and takes off running towards the back of the building. She throws the door open to a storage room but I'm quicker as I catch the door before she can slam it shut. She squeals in terror as I slam the door shut behind me and I advance on her.

"I. Don't. Want. You!" She cries, slamming her hands against my chest then slaps me across the face.

"Then why are you upset? Why are you upset and crying over someone you don't want?" I demand, advancing on her in the tiny room.

"Because you show up at my work and chase me like some psycho!"

"You were mad before then." Her back meets the wall and she sucks in a breath, her body trembling from adrenaline. She's trapped. "You saw that girl kiss me but you didn't stick around long enough to see me shove her off me. I told you that you were the only one I want and I meant it."

"I don't believe you." She pants, shuddering against me as I brush the hair off her neck and stroke her pulse point with my thumb. Her pupils are dilated and I can make out her nipples through her shirt.

"I could've had any girl at the party suck my cock but I only want you to do it. I could've fucked probably two or three girls at the same time at the party but I only want you. I could've--." Her hand slaps over my mouth as she glares up at me.

"Shut. Up." She growls, narrowing those defiant eyes at me. Her jealousy turned me on too. I lick her hand and she gasps, yanking away from me but I wrap my arm around her waist, tangling the other in her hair before slamming my mouth against hers. I devour her mouth until she sags against me, her lips mimicking my own until I suck her tongue into my mouth and she moans sweetly.

"You won't listen to nice me so this is the version you get. If you don't want to believe the words coming out of my mouth then listen to what my body is saying. What yours is begging for from mine." I snarl against her lips, dipping my tongue in her mouth to taste her again as my hand dives between her legs. She squeals, trying to pull away but I cup her pussy and moan over what I find. She's so wet it's running down her thighs and her panties are sticking to her.

"You don't want me, huh?" I taunt, palming her clit as she trembles, baring her teeth at me.

"Fuck you."

"Filthy mouth." I pull in her for another kiss and she bites me. I smile as I yank her panties down her legs and slide my middle finger inside her tight walls. She's so tight that I can barely move my finger, let alone add another. She moans loudly, practically melting against me as she clings to my shirt for support.

"Cum on my fingers. Let me have it so you can take my cock." I urge against her panting lips.

"I'm not losing m-my virginity in a s-storage closet." She bites out, widening her legs to give me better access.

"You shouldn't have run from me." I press my thumb hard against her clit, curling my fingers until I reach that sweet spot that has her eyes roll back as she cums hard, gushing all over my hand and onto the floor. I have to hold her up as the orgasm wrecks her, leaving her breathless and drained. I free my cock a second later, coating it in her juices as her eyes track my every movement.

"That is not going inside me." She pushes against me, her eyes widening in fear but I can't help but laugh as I scoop her up and sit her on a stack of totes.

"It'll fit." I bring her in for another hard kiss, slapping my cock against her clit and making her whimper. I take her hand and wrap it around my length, making her stroke me. Her hand immediately feels so much better and I moan, leaning into her touch.

"JJ, we can't do this here." She whispers, letting her thumb swipe over my leaking slit.

"You ran. We could've done this in my bed but you ran." My spit lands between us and I work it down my length as I smear more of her arousal. I need her as wet as possible to keep from hurting her too much. I look up so I can see the look in her eyes as I push the tip in. Her eyes widen and her lips part in surprise.

"Relax. Let me in." I murmur, using my hand to guide myself in another inch while keeping ahold of the back of her neck. She releases a whimpered breath and I push in more.

I let out a choked moan, fighting off the urge to slam into her and fuck her until she’s leaking cum all over floor. I should get a medal for the amount of restraint I’ve shown, especially when she looks up at me with big pleading eyes and whimpers my name. This was going to be over before I even get started. Her pussy was literal heaven and I was never leaving.

[ginaluvr]

rating the changes between tmr book and movie

anyone who read the books first knows that the movie trilogy ended up telling a completely different story. i've been a big fan of the books forever so i thought i'd rate the significant changes made in the first one since it's generally the same plot. scale is 0-5 with 5 being good change.

the gladers initially not remembering their names: 3/5. maybe it was done to raise the stakes and make it more disorienting.

there are no real buildings in the glade: 1/5. this implies they had to start completely from scratch when they first arrived, which makes the maze seem like a test of survival rather than willpower and psychology.

leading on from that... the maze is actually outdoors: 0/5. you're telling me they had rain and lots of greenery in an outdoor structure in a desert climate? and the gladers had no real shelter provided? it also makes the test of their determination less powerful, because in the books, the maze was an indoor structure. the fact that they could technically climb the walls and see the outside world in the movies removes some of hopelessness and frustration for me.

ben is a runner: 4/5. makes sense! especially since we never learned how he got stung as a builder in the books.

the gladers are allowed to have a bit of fun: 5/5. i love the bonfire scene. i think it's a realistic change that a bunch of teenage boys would want to let loose every now and then.

they were there 3 years instead of 2: 4/5. i mean, sure.

no one has ever seen a griever before and survived: 0/5. makes no sense at all because the gladers are aware of the changing as a process! if no one has ever survived encountering a griever, where did they get this precedent from? how did they recognise that ben was stung? perhaps this info was just newt being dramatic since it comes from his dialogue.

they don't have grief serum until teresa arrives: 1/5. again, doesn't make sense. the changing being a process they're familiar with which brings back memories after they get the serum is entirely destroyed in the movie. this is the catalyst for a lot of the events in the book and it loses all its function.

several of the characters are different in personality: varies. thomas is more typically 'cool' in the movie and less curious and, to put it bluntly, less annoying. i don't like this change much, his constant curiosity and eagerness to learn and discover was a huge part of who he was in the books (if you know mbti, all i have to say is he was an INTP in the books and an ISTP in the movies). then we have minho, who was way less brash, hot headed, and reckless in the movies (he was also made into an ISTP while he was an ESTP in the books). i think alby is a bit different. i like both portrayals of alby, but i think he seemed nicer and more chill in the movie, probably just because the actor was very charismatic. this works because he can easily be charismatic as a leader. but him also being a stressed out kid with too much responsibility in the books, leading to him lashing out more and being less calm and collected, makes sense! gally is a bit nicer, actually rational at times, in the movie. he's also not, like, pathetic and embarrassingly petty. these are all traits in the book which emphasise the fact that he's a scared kid, so this also isn't my favorite change ever.

thomas gets memories back in his dreams: 1/5. unnecessary and completely removes the high stakes of him having no recollection of his involvement with WICKED.

minho doesn't find a dead griever: 3/5. at least they still accounted for why alby had to go into the maze. i still wish they did it.

alby was alone in the glade for a whole month: 1/5. it is not logical that someone would be able to run a whole farm and build shelter all alone at 15 years old without any help. it also doesn't make sense that he wouldn't have gotten killed in the maze on accident.

teresa doesn't come up one day after thomas: 2/5. i guess it doesn't really matter, but this is just one element of the timeline being quite different that wasn't necessary to change.

minho helps thomas save alby in the maze: 0/5. this is thomas's first big act of heroism and the thing that makes minho respect him. they should've kept thomas doing it alone.

the grievers are completely different: 2/5. i understand that this is probably a design issue for the movie, but the book concept of the grievers is better.

the maze is completely different: 1/5. i don't like the movie maze... why is it a circle. the idea of the 8 square sections that are repeating and consistent makes the maze so much more frustrating and bewildering! also that part in the movie where the walls start to fall and the floors come up... why. there's also no code hidden in the walls, which was a very cool element.

no cliff/griever hole: 2/5. not terrible because this would be hard to show on screen. but the fact that instead, in the movie, there is just a visible section that the runners never found before is a bit unrealistic.

gally never went through the changing: 0/5. gally's hatred for thomas in the movie is baseless, while in the book it's clearly about suspicion and fear. he's an understandable antagonist in the book.

thomas and teresa don't have telepathy: 3/5. would've been hard to portray on screen. takes away from the depth of their connection, however.

the gladers give up too easily: 0/5. this one bothers me! when all the other runners in the movie randomly quit their jobs. the whole point in the books is that they'd never do that.

thomas is looked to as a leader: 0/5. when he starts giving orders in the movie and leads the charge into the maze.... ughhh. again i think they tried to make him a more cool and admirable protagonist, but i think a big part of the books is that thomas never saw himself as particularly special, or a leader. he couldn't have done anything he did without minho's, newt's, alby's, teresa's etc skill, authority, support. they were a team and a family. instead, in the movie, they start to follow him without question when he was barely there five days.

the grievers don't only kill 1 glader per night: 2/5. adds tension but also takes away from the fact that the maze again wasn't a test of survival.

alby's and chuck's deaths were essentially swapped: 0/5. i really dislike this change. they took away the fact that alby's fear changed him, and that his last act was both selfless and scared. in the movie he just died on accident. then i think chuck actually chose to sacrifice himself in the movie, when in the books he was forced to as a variable by WICKED. this absolutely takes away from the utter pointlessness of chuck's death, and it's also ooc for a scared 12 year old to choose to die when he so badly wanted to escape.

thomas had no real reason to sting himself: 0/5. he already had memories coming back in dreams and they already believed they had found an escape in the maze. he literally had no reason to go through the changing in the movie and it's a bit overdramatic for no reason.

people take gally seriously as a leader: 2/5. this only happened because alby got killed off early in the movie.

this is one of my least favorite changes so i saved it for last. nalby erasure: 0/5. the movies definitely take away that alby was newt's best friend and the person he cared for and protected most. likewise, in the books, thomas's favorite and most prioritised glader (along with teresa) was actually always minho. although thominho wasn't erased as much in the movies, the fact that those two pairings were the strongest bonds we ever got between the boys in the books isn't really there in the movies. i think the movies allowed people to forget that newt being canonly gay actually means alby is his most likely love interest!

[4dkellysworld]

hi! wanted to start of by saying thank you for all that you do. you are the only one who's active that i follow out of the 4dbarbie 'universe' (lol i can't think of another word than that 😆)

there is something i wanted to ask that i've always been battling in my head. to practice surrendering/detachment, one must let go of circumstances and outcomes, but sometimes i feel like it's impossible to do that. idk if it's because of the lack of trust that i have in this knowledge or the fear of doing so and losing control leading to a worser outcome. maybe a combo of both aha. but this becomes very prominent when it's during deadlines or important work functions. sometimes i think if i didn't work or if i wasn't a student id have an easier time detaching.

but that's where i am at now. ive read loads of books, blogs, reread them but idk why i just fully put the pedal on it. i tried to go for a day without thoughts and letting that sense of doership but i think i was so stuck on the outcome that i was instantly out of this detachment phase. eeek so sorry for this long rambly ask but what is your advice on this if you don't mind me asking 😅 i just feel so lost 😵‍💫

Thanks but I'm not really on here all that much so I don't know if I'd call myself 'active'. I find it helpful to have periods where I'm less engaged with social media in general but I basically come back when I feel a spontaneous 'calling' lol so here I am now!

My advice would be to firstly, just try observing or noticing the thoughts/feelings/experience whenever 'strong attachment' comes up, don't force yourself to detach or fight it, simply just observe/notice it for what it is without adding any dialogue/labels/stories to it or engaging with the mind. This can be enough at times. You're just noticing you're already detached and it's just the thought/story itself that makes you feel like you're attached. If this doesn't help, then consciously choosing to let go of that thought/story should do it (see next step).

Secondly, start small with things that feel more achievable when it comes to letting go - you don't have to be perfect at it from the start. E.g. when you barely miss the bus/train on the way to work, when you're running late and run into another obstacle, or someone in public was rude to you for no reason - things like that where often there's a knee-jerk reaction but if you bring yourself back to present awareness, it's easier to make a conscious choice to let go of it all compared to things that have more deeply rooted attachments to. It's having an acceptance that you can't do anything about it (it is what it is), it's out of your control so you're willingly choosing to just let it go and there's a real freedom in that. It gets easier the more you practice and live this way. Drop all expectations. Just try practicing this for a while before you try to go all in.

Third, this isn't something I learned from reading but something I came intuitively to practice. It helped me personally and blu-ora also talked about it. Yes it's all about trust. This helps if you already have some working intuition/knowing or faith in a greater intelligence that all of Life operates on, it doesn't matter what you call it.. God, Universe, Self etc. Basically it's easier to let go when you trust that it will be taken care by God/Universe/Self. And it's easier to trust when you already do trust, not because you have to but because you genuinely choose to. If this isn't something present yet, you can build it up by focusing on practicing the previous step, as you let go of small things and decide to trust that things will be okay, as things turn out to be okay, the trust will build. The key is to not have any expectations, just have an underlying trust/knowing/understanding that things will be taken care of without your active involvement/control even if you don't know how things will unfold and you don't need to worry or fear it so it's okay to let it go and move on. Again, start with small things that feel available and then as it builds, the trust will serve and allow you to let go of more and more, including things that previously felt impossible to let go of. Be like Dory!! I recommend watching Finding Nemo and Finding Dory because besides being fun stories, it's about having trust and faith even when things feel lost and hopeless (I find spiritual meaning in most things I read/watch now lol).

Fourth, let go of all the 'it would be easier if ______' thoughts, it is what it is. It doesn't help having thoughts like that, we all work with what we are dealt with (which is just what we chose for ourselves on some level).

Lastly, this was mentioned in step 3 but let go of all expectations. I was watching part of a video on a summary for the book Atomic Habits and it mentioned something that I felt could be applied to spiritual practices too. See this handy graph below. Basically, most people have expectations on progress being linear when they start something new while most often progress when starting out is more like that curved line, and at the start it often feels like no progress is made at all, it's almost imperceptible. This is what leads to most people quitting before they see any substantial progress, because their expectations don't line up with actual results which leads to the valley of disappointment, and they falsely believe they're not getting anywhere or won't get anywhere. Even the masters said to let go of all measuring of progress and results and just focus on the practice itself in the present - the results will take care of themselves. It's the expectations and constant measuring of progress that hinder progress.