#i've been able to finish some since 2020/2021

[homosexualcitron]

I finished half of my silly project.. good for me

[maybankiara]

okay but i'm working on phone swap again and i had to read the full thing to remember all the details and man. the way i was squealing like i was 14 again, reading some cute shit. the way i woke up in the morning and my boyfriend was trying to get me out of bed but i was just like 'no i can't i have to keep reading it's so tense these characters just broke up' and he was like. okay. aren't you reading your own story. and i was like yes i am sir and that is precisely why i need to get back into it because holy shit phone swap is so good in some aspects and i just. i can't wait to start sharing it with the world again, whenever that may be

[yanderenightmare]

since u have a large following, i wanted to ask about the first few months when u started. How many followers in the first few months do u think is good for a blog that js started? Is it natural to not attract ad much as others?

I get demotivated when i see other people have big numbers in following while I only have a few 😅 ik i probably shouldn't be dumpin this in ur ask box but I think I need advice, so feel free to ignore tis if u don't wanna answer.

Anyway, love ur work SO MUCHHH

My Tumblr Journey

Hmm, well, you know, your following increases based on how often you post and what you post, so it's going to be very different for everyone.

But I'll explain what I've done, starting from the very beginning, and maybe it might give you some insight and help you out!

In the Beginning!

I made my first post on June 22nd, 2020, and got my first thousand followers within 113 days after that, then another thousand in the following 69 days.

Back then, I only posted fandom works, solely yandere BNHA.

It was a time when BNHA was extremely popular. Season four had just finished airing, and the anime-only fans had been introduced to Hawks for the first time. So, my popularity really rode on that wave.

Part Two of The Beginning!

Shortly after that, in 2021, BNHA had its fifth season featuring Deku getting his additional quirks, and on top of that, the villains got their very own arc. My Hero was really popping off and coming into its own as one of the best animes of all time. And you know I was continuing riding the wave.

Simultaneously, season one of Jujutsu Kaisen finished airing in March of that year. And, of course, I jumped on the trend and made my first JJK post in May when it was just starting to heat up.

After that, I also started branching out into other fandoms—though still kept mainly to BNHA.

♡ 2021 COLLECTION FULL

Crappy New Year!

2022 was a really shitty year for my Tumblr. I was busy in my final year of high school, then went straight to University and got busy making friends and all that stuff.

And yet, despite all that, this is the year I made 10k! Woohoo!

♡ 2022 COLLECTION FULL

The Year of JJK!

Ever since watching season one, I'd bought all the manga and was fully caught up. Then, season two started in July, and you know I and every one else was eating it up.

Satoru Gojo had fully become my new favorite character, often joined by Geto, knocking Bakugou out of the number-one slot—while Mahito challenged Shigaraki for second place.

All in all, it was a really good bounce back from 2022.

♡ 2023 COLLECTION PART ONE ♡ 2023 COLLECTION PART TWO

The Year of Inserts and My Best Year Yet!

This is the year I started writing primarily inserts.

Fanfic writing had become a little stifling and repetitive, so I found it really liberating to be able to write what I wanted without needing to cater it to a specific character.

And I couldn't be any luckier how well you all responded to it. I made a ton of new followers, reaching 20k and almost 30k in the same year!

The response was, in fact, so good that I even published a book with only OCs—Marie's Collection of Erotic Thrillers.

However, with that being said, I think writing for a fandom really helps you get started. Because you'll be able to use the fandom tags, which in turn will help people find your writing.

That's what I did, though, so I can't really speak on what it would have been like if I only wrote inserts and OCs from the beginning. However, I know of other authors here on Tumblr who've taken that route and have blown up almost overnight!

So, there really isn't any right or wrong way here.

♡ 2024 COLLECTION PART ONE ♡ 2024 COLLECTION PART TWO

Hope it helps!

[coraniaid]

Tagged by @jannacalendar.

Rules: give us the links to your fics with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the fewest words.

Fic with the most hits (and also most kudos, most comments, most bookmarks, most words, ...) is Coexist, my Season 3 Buffy AU. Jenny Calendar survived Season 2, but not everyone did. Angel never got his soul back before Buffy sent him to hell. Now Buffy has a new Watcher, and she's brought another Slayer with her to Sunnydale.

I started writing this in late 2020 and posted the first chapter in February 2021. I wouldn't be finished for twenty-six months, twenty-seven chapters and about a quarter of a million words. It's easily the most popular thing I've ever written (just checking now, it doesn't just have the most hits of any fic I've published, it has the most hits of any Teen- or General-rated Fuffy fic published on AO3, which is wild), and I think it's probably the best, too. Will I ever write a sequel? Well, one day, maybe ...

Fic with the second most kudos is another Buffy AU, Last Year's Rain Didn't Fall Quite So Hard. Faith wakes up from her coma in the middle of Season 4, but she's forgotten everything that happened since before Allan Finch died.

I wrote this as part of a gift exchange at the end of 2023, and I think it's best read alongside @bodytoflame-ao3's trying to drown in the fountain of youth. Without meaning to, or really coordinating in any way, we ended up writing a pair of stories that explore some very similar ideas (we both even named our respective fics after songs about water).

Fic with the third most comments is Residuum, my long dormant -- I guess it's probably fair to say 'abandoned' at this point -- Mass Effect AU. How would the galaxy be different if, shortly after humanity finding the Charon mass relay and settling their first interstellar colonies, Earth had been cut off from the rest of galactic civilization?

I originally started posting this on fanfiction.net in 2018. It was the first fanfiction I'd ever written (as an adult, anyway), and in hindsight I was ludicrously optimistic about just how much I'd be able to write (I managed 19 chapters of a planned 67). I think I learned a lot by trying to write it but I just wasn't able to keep up the energy I needed and in hindsight I suspect I never would have been. (If anybody ever wants to message me and ask about it, I'd be more than happy to talk about where the story was going to go: I had a huge amount of notes and timelines and ideas and half-written chapter fragments and the plot was going to eventually bring together ideas and concepts from all three games of the original trilogy.)

Fic with the fourth most bookmarks is another Buffy one: Mixed Signals. Fuffy, again, to nobody's surprise.

This was originally written as a prompt-fill on Tumblr (the prompt was "I've got you"). I couldn't work out which season of the show I wanted to set it in, so I went with ... all of them?

Fic with the fifth most words is The Choice. Back to Mass Effect for this one. Two different takes on the end of the second game, as two different Shepards lead their crews on a last desperate assault on the Collector Base.

I think this was the first fanfiction I ever actually finished? A bit of a Sliding Doors style experiment on my part: one Shepard's story is told in the present tense and the other is simultaneously told in the past tense, and the two versions of her are dimly but not quite aware of one another (in the way one is always aware of choices we didn't make and lives we might have had as a result). Rereading it now for the first time in -- well, years, I assume -- I think it holds up okay.

Fic with the fewest words is the only real work in progress on this list: Take Me Somewhere Nice, another Buffy Season 3 AU, this time a Kendra & Faith story. To paraphrase the AO3 summary: "Kendra never dared to ask her Watcher what would happen when she died but, deep down, she'd hoped the world would be kind. That when whatever was going to happen had happened, when she'd fought her last fight, she'd open her eyes somewhere better.  But the world isn't kind. After Kendra died, she found herself in Boston."

Stalling quite a bit on this one at the moment -- only chapter published so far is from September -- but I'm excited to try to get back to it this month. I've talked on this blog previously about some Kendra headcanons and plot concepts, and I'm keen to actually try to explore some of them a little bit. (Think this should end up being about a dozen chapters long when completed, give or take.)

Tagging: @bodytoflame-ao3, @explosionshark, @juanabaloo, @finalgirl1984, @quillbard and anybody else who wants to try this.

[buddhamethods]

10 BL Characters I Want Carnally

AKA I'm just a person with two keen eyes and dubious morals when it comes to enjoying media so don't take it seriously, I'm here for a good time.

Thank you @sndrys for tagging me! This was an eye opening experience putting this together. As it turns out I might have a type (ew).

1) Guy from Bake Me Please (2023)

The sole reason for me creating this list! Look, I dropped Bake Me Please almost immediately because it just wasn't for me BUT I've been lowkey watching through my dash. And let me tell you, my fingers gain consciousness and hit reblog everytime this baby's face pops up because...well...LOOK AT HIM. He is beautiful and he should get the guy (hehe get it) in the end idc.

2) Yok from Not Me (2021)

Yok is such a beloved character and for good reason! He is sexy, he is gay, he sets buildings on fire and steals cops' wallets on accident because HOW WAS HE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT GUY HE WAS STALKING WAS A COP??? I love you Yok, never change.

3) Palm from Never Let Me Go/ OurSkyy2 (2022-23)

The anger I felt for all the injustice and mistreatment our beautiful Palm had to face in this show took literal years off my life. It's rare for me to get this passionately protective over a character and yet here we are, in the Palm Protection Squad headquarters. Even Nueng is on the watchlist!

4) Tonhon from Tonhon Chonlatee (2020)

Not to out myself as an enjoyer of silly goofy times , but I did have fun watching Fish Upon The Sky and Secret Crush On You, so OFCOURSE I thought I would like this one too but GOD was it rough. Did I still finish it? Yes. Did I fawn over PoddKhao pairing and have been quietly praying for some kind of reunion ever since? Also yes. Was I foaming at the mouth barking everytime Tonhon AKA Podd was on my screen? I'm not gonna comment without lawyer present.

5) Tew from My Dear Gangster Oppa (2023)

Speaking of Tonhon Chonlatee...AH! Ai Long Nhai (TC's spiritual prequel of sorts) was sure...something. And by something I mean I saw Meen and decided I will never speak ill of men ever again, feminism quite literally left my body. And then a year later My Dear Gangster Oppa came out and guess what??! MEEN IS THE GANGSTER OPPA! Dreams really do come true, kids.

6) Wen from Moonlight Chicken (2023)

(or Tian from ATOATS or Mueang Nan fron FUTS). Mix...I will eat you. Always so dewy and healthy and sparkly-eyed. But Wen from Moonlight Chicken is something out of the realm of my imagination. The sex appeal? The maturity?? The gentleness??!! Somebody sedate me before I say something I will not be able to justify in court.

7) Vee from Love Mechanics (2022)

He is a pretty bisexual who makes the most abhorrent stupid decisions known to men and then weeps and suffers for them WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED? Once again, is the show flawless or even remotely coherent? Absolutely not. That being said Vee brought me so much joy by being stupid I'm forever grateful.

(also YinWar are so back GO WATCH JACK AND JOKER TRAILER)

8) Prapai from Love In The Air (2022)

To a certain extent I've enjoyed every MAME show I've watched. To do that you need to possess the rare ability called "I abandoned every shred of moral integrity to gawk at hot men". And Prapai? MAN is this bitch hot. Tall dark handsome? Check! Bisexual on a bike? Check! Stubborn and annoying? CHECK!

9) Xiang Hao Ting from HIStory3: Make Our Days Count (2019)

*incoherent wailing and sobbing* IM NOT EXPLAINING SHIT ABOUT HIM LEAVE ME ALONE

10) AlanJeff from Pit Babe (2023)

My newest obsession! I refuse to separate our local senior citizen and his favorite prophetic mechanic. Both of them are hot as shit in their own way. Alan is a sexy dilf with so much weight and responsibility on his shoulders it's a miracle he retained his optimism and youthful awkwardness. And Jeff is a prickly baby-cow-baby-deer eyed baby that is so touch starved it's actually a little funny. SO I GUESS ALANJEFF SANDWICH IT IS.

(don't be shy tag yourselves besties <3)

[kozachenko]

A Retrospective Analysis on Touhou 17

So it's finally here, and even though I know for a fact that I am not going to be able to get the Keiki drawing done by this time (I'm having trouble with the eyes, for some reason it's always that aspect of drawing her that's difficult for me, I can never really capture the essence of her character no matter what I do) I still wanted to post something about this game today since it's the game's 5 year anniversary. I have a lot of thoughts on it, and my views on the game have changed quite a lot throughout my time being a Touhou fan. This is going to be very long so I'll put the rest under the keep reading tag.

So for some background, Touhou 17 was the first Touhou game I ever played, I got into the series during 2021 shortly after my Hunter X Hunter phase ended (since the manga was still on hiatus at the time) and I remember playing 17 during that time as well. I'm pretty sure that the reason I played it was because of that one nitirushh animation where Keiki disses the animal spirits so hard that they die (still my favourite fan-depection of Keiki tbh, it's just really funny to me) and that set my interest in the game itself. It was also the newest Touhou game at the time and none of the other games interested me as much. Then I actually played the game and at the time I found it insanely fun. I remember feeling so excited playing the stage 1 of the game and thinking to myself "Holy shit I'm actually playing a Touhou game" and having a lot of fun with it. Even though the game itself is the easiest out of all the Touhou games, it was still a challenge for me at the time since I had never played a bullet Hell before. For this reason, the game as a whole struck a chord with me. Funny Touhou animation aside, I don't know if it was because I had only recently gotten out of my Hunter X Hunter phase after finishing the whole 2011 version of the anime and had caught up with the manga during 2020, but maybe some aspect of 17 kinda scratched a similar itch in my brain and it really stuck with me IDK.

As for what I think of the game itself now.... gameplay wise, it could be better, it's still fun but there was so much potential for the game to tell it's story through the medium it chose to present itself in. Why did we not have more similarities between Eika and Keiki's danmaku styles to show their connection? Why did we not have a moment similar to what happened in TD during the final boss fight where Mayumi comes back in to take over during the fight in a last ditch effort to protect Keiki? It's the final boss so go all out! The animal spirits could also be balanced a lot better as well, especially with Youmu becoming incredibly overpowered with the wolf spirit, and visibility is a bit of a problem in this game. Some of the tracks could use a bit more polish too, I commend ZUN for being experimental with his newer tracks but the stage 3 theme and staff roll theme are both kinda eh, and while the boss themes have a lot of good punch to them and can be really good, it still feels like some extra spice could've been added to really make them stand out (which is why I love the theme remixes Saki and Yachie got in Touhou 19). I also wish the Animal Realm got explained better within the lore of the series, mainly because it raises a lot of questions about how Hell was founded and it kinda needlessly complicates things. I would've rather it be introduced as it's own region of Hell rather than being a separate thing entirely that just so happens to be located next to it. I also wish that we got more stuff with this setting that explains how it connects to the rest of the worldbuilding a lot more, I definitely feel like actually having it explained more in the mangas would definitely help to make it feel less convuluted, but unfortunately the closest we're getting are cameos in Lotus Eaters and very brief mentions of the games themselves. I still like the game though, as I've mentioned I do love a lot of the music and I love all the characters we got introduced to in this game. I've been appreciating Eika a lot more recently, I do like Urumi but she's neat and I like her design a lot, Kutaka is a fucking shithead who kept FUCKING UP MY 1CCS IN BOTH 17 AND 17.5 THE FUCKING BITCH- who is very funny and I love seeing more insight into Hell's management. Yachie's great and I find her relationships to the other characters in this game very interesting, Mayumi is awesome and the more I think about her the more I like her, and I love how Saki contrasts Yachie in her strategies. That being she has no strategy and just goes "fuck it, we ball" with no hesitation lmao.

I'm pretty sure you all noticed the absence of one character in particular, that being Keiki. I've made it no secret on this blog that Keiki is my favourite Touhou character, and a lot of that is because of her role as an antagonist in Touhou 17. I always found it really fascinating how ZUN created her as an allegory for AI (I don't know if Apollo just randomly blessed him with the gift of prophecy because MAN does that statement hit harder now more than ever) and the fact that she's portrayed as a very morally grey character in the game itself and Reimu's reaction to her, stating that she can see an "evil aura" in Keiki. I've already talked a lot about Keiki on this blog and I don't know what there is that I haven't said, but I wanted to start off with her because it ties into a big part of why I still find this game's story interesting. That main aspect being it's parallels to Gensokyo and Touhou's overarching them of humanity's relationship with nature.

So to step back from 17 for a second, I feel like we should look at what the Youkai represent in the story. Youkai in Touhou are created from humanity's fear, and back before science was able to properly explain anything, this fear very often manifested into a fear of nature. Natural disasters would end up wiping out villages, dangerous animals would often lurk in forests and end up killing anyone who would go in them. Overall nature isn't very kind to humanity, and humanity knows this. This is why humanity would often try and find reasons as to why these things would happen. This brings us back to the Youkai in Touhou who are the embodiment of the unexplainable. In manga like Forbidden Scrollery and Lotus Eaters, we often see how the humans in the human village are at the mercy of these Youkai, the only reason that they aren't being slaughtered is entirely for their own benefit so they don't run out of resources. The only hope the humans in the village really have is to turn to the gods, another product of man's desire to explain the unexplainable, to potentially save them. The survival of the people in the human village will always be in the hands of beings beyond their comprehension. No matter what, humanity will always be at the mercy of nature.

Coming back to Touhou 17, we can see that the relationship between the human and beast spirits isn't exactly.... pleasant. The beast spirits all see the human spirits as slaves essentially and they gain strength from their torment. The only way that the human spirits are even able to stand a chance against them is to submit themselves to a god and pray for their protection. And even then there's no way in Hell that they're getting out of this situation since the god they're praying to views them the same way as the animal spirits (whether they are aware of it or not).

So if you haven't noticed by my word choice, there are quite a lot of similarities here with the dynamics of the Animal realm and Gensokyo. That's not even mentioning the fact that in both places we have at least 3 different parties fighting over control of the humans, whether it be animal spirits or Youkai. Hell, this race for power in Gensokyo is a plot point in Lotus Eaters and Forbidden Scrollery, so it's not like this is a new concept for the series to explore either.

There's also something to be said about how Keiki and the technology she brings with her are seen as a threat to the order of the animal realm. Throughout human history, humanity's creativity and ingenuity have always been major factors in our survival as a species. We created tools to use the nature around us and make it work to our advantage, we created weapons to more efficiently hunt and find food to survive, and we created art and literature to document our histories and make sense of the world. Going back to 17, Keiki is the epitome of humanity's evolution and creativity and she is the one who responded to the human's cries for salvation. Another thing to think about is that in Gensokyo, the best the villagers are going to get in terms of technology are old computers that are very limited in their use, and even then barely anyone will have any idea how to use them. The reason that Gensokyo even exists in the first place is to preserve the Youkai and Gods that would become forgotten by humanity's technological advancement. In both of these places, technological advancement is seen as a threat to the natural order and must be suppressed at all costs.

Of course in Gensokyo it isn't as extreme as the animal realm. The Kappa, the Tengu, and even gods like Kanako are all quite technologically advanced and/or are introducing new technologies to Gensokyo (those are just the ones I could list off the top of my head, but please tell me if there are more that I forgot). But here's the interesting thing, notice how none of the examples I listed there were humans. The only way for the humans of Gensokyo to have these technologies introduced to them is if the powers that be, nature, let them have those technologies. Going back to the animal realm, even after Keiki is defeated we can see that the beast spirits are still using the technologies she (most likely) introduced, i.e. that one chapter in Lotus Eaters where one of the otter spirits introduced what is essentially a GameBoy to the Kappa and Nitori saying stuff like, "oh yeah the animal realm is actually pretty technologically advanced nowadays" as well as that one story in CoLA where Ran and Yachie deal with the AI Sumireko made. Once again, the only times when the use of technology goes unprotested in this series are when it's kept out of the hands of humans and back into the hands of nature. Even when humans are able to fight back and create their own technology, nature will always win in the end, no matter how hard humanity tries to defeat it. The way Touhou 17 ends is indicative of this, with Keiki being defeated and the Animal Realm returning to it's status quo.

However, Gensokyo has never had this kind of issue before.... or so it may seem. Yes there's never been any technological uprising by the human villagers and with the way things are there most likely never will be, but when you take away the potential for technological advancement from humans then the next best thing would be magic. And when humans in Gensokyo use magic to find a way to gain power and be more than just fodder for the Youkai, they end up being punished. This is most prevalent in Forbidden Scrollery when Reimu kills the fortune teller. I don't think I need to go too in depth about this moment since I already did so in my Forbidden Scrollery review but this once again shows a parallel between Gensokyo and the Animal Realm.

So what am I trying to say with all of this? I've been bringing up a lot of the similarities that these two places have but similarities can just be chalked up to coincidences that don't mean anything. What I've been trying to say with this whole thing is that the Animal Realm represents an extreme version of Gensokyo, one where every ugly aspect of it is dialed up to 11 and the law of the strong eating the weak rules all. It's a Gensokyo without a spell card system to level the playing field. I do want to say that I don't believe Gensokyo is a grimdark setting, sure some parts about it are bleaker than others, but there are also many good aspects of Gensokyo that I feel like I should bring up. It's a safe-haven for the forgotten, and if we continue viewing the Youkai and Gods from the lens of both of them being allegories for nature, Gensokyo is a place where nature can fluorish outside of humanity's hands. Unlike the Animal Realm, Gensokyo was never established with the intentions of harming people. Nature is both beautiful and terrifying, and where Gensokyo displays the beautiful sides of nature, the Animal Realm displays all the ugly sides of it. Even then, there is some overlap between the two, Gensokyo does have a nastier side to it and the Animal Realm is a place where nature can exist unrestrained by humanity (even if the place is still a shitshow overall). Now that I think about it, this sort of duality between the two realms is kinda fitting for Touhou, and I can't stress enough that when I say that Gensokyo and the Animal Realm have some parallels I am not trying to say Gensokyo is a grimdark dystopia. Hell even going back into the Lotus Eaters manga, the otter spirit that escaped from the Animal Realm even said that Gensokyo was a better place to live.

So yeah, I don't really have any good way to end this aside from saying happy 5 year anniversary Touhou 17. You are a flawed game but god do I still love you. Oh yeah, and if there's anything I missed or any mistakes I made, please correct me/let me know.

[whoregaylorenzo]

do we have any idea what happened between mavio? oh fellow mavio lover please tell me you have an idea 🥺

oh bestie....*pats seat next to me* we're really in it now aren't we..😭😭

okay there's definitely better ppl to ask this since I've only been here for a few months but I'll tell you what I think I know

disclaimer: a lot of the gaps of my knowledge (so a lot) are filled in with dramatic exaggerations and my own headcanons so don't take it too seriously

1. maverick comes into motogp with one championship under his belt (moto3) and a third place in moto2, from what I've gathered he'd been seen as one of the real next talents, I'm not 100% sure of the timeline but I know I've heard vale mention him as well as marc as someone who could be quick/has a lot of talent

2. he starts off at suzuki (with aleix), gets some good results even a win and a couple podiums and after two years moves to yamaha in 2017 after coming 4th in the championship im 2016

3. he fucking wins his first two races with yamaha, talk about an entry to a team. oh and his teammate was valentino rossi. enough said.

4. mav having a grand time at yamaha, finishing 3rd and 4th and 3rd again (2017,18,19) in the championship. then shit starts going downwards.

5. in 2019, fabio arrives on the motogp stage with the petronas yamaha. he has an amazing first season, getting like 7 podiums and finishing 5th overall.

6. 2020 (ooh getting spicy) so there's a lot of very friendly interactions between mav and fabio from this time, it really seems like they were good buddies, n then preparing to be teammates in 2021, being excited about it!! looking at results tho - even though fabio only finished 8th that year, he won three races, meanwhile mav got one win plus two second places - both behind fabio...

7. so going into 2021 the situation is basically - fabio, boy wonder replacing motogp legend and maverick - not quite being able to fulfill the potential ppl said he had, getting this new teammate, a fast young guy - [threatening music starts playing]

7. and then the season starts off not too bad for mav with a win but after that - forget it. mav getting worse, fab winning and winning and winning. mav starts thinking yamaha have clearly moved on from him and are backing fabio, casting him aside a bit (in his perception, I can't really speak on what really happened I simply wasn't present in the fandom and I've not dove that deep yet), and then ofc it culminates in the whole debacle with mav just having enough of the frustration and doing sth rash, leading to the yamaha fallout and him leaving the team - well being fired really - and going to aprilia

8. as far as I know, it wasn't this alone that broke mavio? I think fabio said sth to the effect of he doesn't really care about mav leaving the team, and then there's a mav quote I think of him saying he's surprised to hear that from fabio

9. and then ofc there's fabio on that podcast this year answering the question "who's the rider you have the worst relationship with" with maverick.

IN CONCLUSION I think a culmination of fabio riding high on success, mav spiraling and lashing out, all that lead to the sorta icy relationship they have now....*sob*

anyway at the bottom of this I gotta add these tags from vic @distinguishedfifty to lighten the mood bc I simply love them uwkfjfkd

if any motogp mutuals have more to add here or maybe wanna correct me on things pls feel free!!

[im-immortal]

2023 Writing Wrap-Up

I'm a little late this time around since it's already 2024, but I haven't done a writing wrap-up since 2021 and I thought it would be fun to bring back!

So this year, I was on quite a roll for the first half of the year. And then July rolled around and I started slowing down until it came to a screeching halt. Not sure what happened. Maybe it's my ADHD and constantly shifting hyper-fixations to blame. But I gradually managed to come back around just in time to post something for Christmas, which I'm still working on finishing. However, my hiatus doesn't take away the pride I still have for what I was able to write during the year. And I look forward to writing more in 2024! So here's all I managed to finish/get a good start on and post during 2023.

A Kiss For A Drink: 6,740 words; one-shot I actually started writing this back in 2020 or 2021, intended to be posted on Valentine's Day. And then I got a point where I couldn't finish it and let it sit for about 2 years. I finally came back with some inspiration and motivation and finished it just in time to post for Valentine's Day 2023! I'm really happy with how it came out. It was a fun idea that turned into a fun fic with a few laughs included, even if it is one of my least-viewed fics lol I had fun writing it too, which is all that really matters!

Lunacy Fringe: 62,690 words; 8/8 chapters To say this fic suddenly came out of nowhere would be an understatement. I literally got inspired out of the blue while listening to an episode of the Therapy Gecko podcast and the next thing I knew, I was balls deep in a psychological thriller. I actually managed to write it in just over a month or so!! Which is really incredible for me, especially considering I didn't step away from it at all or lose inspiration before it was finished. I'm really proud of how it turned out, and I haven't really told anyone, but I am working on converting it into an original story and possibly self-publishing. It could end up being my very first original novel :) the feedback I got was far more positive than I'd expected, especially considering how I portrayed Beth. I'm overall so so happy with how it turned out!!

Longer Than A Heartbeat: 157,289 words; 29/29 chapters Now this... this fic is one of my proudest pieces by far. I'll never get over how happy I am with how it turned out, and how I was actually able to finish it. For the last few years, every time I rewatched "28 Days Later," I couldn't stop thinking about how it would make such a good Bethyl fic, and how I wanted to convert it into a Bethyl fic that included Rick and Judith. I finally did it!! Technically, I wrote it in 2022, but I didn't completely finish it and post it until 2023. When I say I write for myself... this fic really proves it, because I go back and read chapters from it all the time just because it's so fun and I love how I wrote it. I was also pleasantly surprised by the reception and how people who hadn't ever watched "28 Days Later" enjoyed it! Not to mention, @boltthrutheheart made some incredible custom manips for me that I can never get over!!

hot girl summer (playing by the rules); 167k+ words, 16/30 chapters Ah yes, here she is... the companion piece to the first 3 fics of "in for a penny, in for a pound" that I've been planning/contemplating ever since I did that first fic from Beth's POV for the series. I always wanted to show Beth's POV for all the major moments in the series, and then once I got started, I figured why not go all in and just do her POV for the entirety of the series thus far? It gives a little more insight into how she's feeling, why she does the things she does and says the things she says, and we also get to see exactly what she was doing all those times that Daryl couldn't help wondering about her (because I already knew in my head, but I thought it might be fun to share with everyone else). I also thought it would make the set-up for the next fic a little better, so we could try and understand Beth's motivations better and where she's at in her head. Of course, I got pretty into it and then hit a speed bump and then suddenly, lost all ability to write. It'll come back soon, though. I can't wait to finish this fic and move on to the next in the series, and eventually conclude Beth and Daryl's tumultuous journey in this fun little AU.

Small Miracles; 39k+ words, 6/10 chapters This is the fic that finally pushed me back into being able to write. I had no plans of writing for BHF 2023, and then I suddenly had this strike of inspiration for a very weird idea and decided to go with it and try and finish it in time to post for Christmas. I did manage to finish about 1/3rd of the fic in time, but I'm still writing it and haven't lost motivation yet, so that's a good sign! It's also just really fun and kind of cathartic to do a new exploration of Beth's journey through the eyes of an older Beth who survived Grady, with that fun little supernatural twist added to it. I can't wait to finish this one, because I've had a lot of fun writing it and really look forward to seeing what people think of her entire journey and the way it will conclude.

To everyone who's read my fics, left feedback, kudos, bookmarks, or even helped me bounce ideas off and come up with plans for fics... thank you so much! I appreciate everyone in this little fandom so, so much. Y'all mean the world to me, and I am so grateful that we have this wonderful community in our own little corner of the internet. Happy New Year to you all, and I hope 2024 brings you nothing but blessings!

[sassybluee]

Dramas in 2023 roundup!

It's midway thru January, but it's never too late to reflect on the year before. I think I watched the most dramas I've ever had this past year, so I wanted to write a little roundup with my thoughts.

Here's an overview of the ones I completed!

Unchained Love (2022) ⭐️ 7.5

I've Fallen for You (2020) ⭐️ 8

Miss the Dragon (2021) ⭐️ 7

The Rational Life (2021) ⭐️ 9

Till the End of the Moon (2023) ⭐️8.5

A Romance of the Little Forest (2022) ⭐️ 7

Back from the Brink (2023) ⭐️ 8.5

The Starry Love (2023) ⭐️ 7.5

The Wolf (2020) ⭐️ 8.5

My Journey to You (2023) ⭐️ 8

Never Give Up (2023) ⭐️ 8.5

Ancient Love Poetry (2021) ⭐️ 9

Destined With You (2023) ⭐️ 7.5

Here are the ones I placed on hold/dropped

Legend of Anle

Love You Seven Times

Love in Flames of War

Only for Love (dropped)

The Snow Moon (dropped)

More detailed thoughts below the cut!

Unchained Love (2022) ⭐️ 7.5

Part palace drama, part comedy, this was a fun ride. I really liked watching the relationship between Bu Yinlou and Xiao Duo develop from friendship into romance. The comedy moments were really well done, and had me actually laughing out loud. The fight sequences were also really well done, and I liked the costumes. However, the last five or so episodes had such an abrupt tonal shift, and there were some questionable decisions made by otherwise smart characters, so it kind of fell flat at the end. BUT I would still watch it again, just maybe just skip the last eps.

I've Fallen for You (2020) ⭐️ 8

I didn't expect to like this one as much as I did. The basic concept is: childhood sweethearts try to find their way back to each other, end up married after a strange series of events, but they aren't sure their spouse is the childhood sweetheart they're looking for. It's silly, cute, and very good fun. I really liked the secondary couple as well. The ending managed to make me very emotional, which surprised me. And I enjoyed that the heroine was a fan of doing autopsies (something that does occasionally become plot-relevant).

Miss the Dragon (2021) ⭐️ 7

Okay, first off, I know this one has a reputation of being a bad drama. And tbh, I agree! Objectively, it's not very good. HOWEVER! The viewing experience? Was so fun. The characters? Very entertaining. The frenemy dynamic between the ML and 2ndML? Hilarious and also a bit gay. The FL is a bit flat, but she does develop more personality through her various reincarnations. My fave life of hers was the 3rd, I believe (the lady general arc). Wang Hedi's acting is not the best but I still think he's very cute lol and he's watchable! It's just maybe not what you'd expect from him if you saw CLJ or The Rational Life first.

The Rational Life (2021) ⭐️ 9

Yes, this was for a bit of a palate cleanser after the overall ride that was Miss the Dragon. I wasn't sure if I'd be into the modern cdrama genre cuz fantasy/historical is more my preferred vibe of media, HOWEVER, I wanted to give it a shot because I'd seen some cute gifs. I really loved it, far more than I expected to. Every character was really well done, and I really liked how the story was centred on women's experiences in various workplaces/times in their life. It also gave me age gap brainrot, I won't lie. I loved the gradual build from coworkers to friendship to romance with Qi Xiao and Shen Ruoxin. I will say tho... I would like to know what whoever dressed Wang Hedi in this show was thinking. Some of those outfits were... a choice lol.

Till the End of the Moon (2023) ⭐️ 8.5

Everyone has seen or at least heard about it at this point. Dare I say it's iconic? I won't lie, my rating upon finishing it was lower. I had issues with the pacing in parts and I found the last episodes difficult to get thru because they just didn't capture my attention the way the beginning of the drama did. However, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. Plus, the performances by Luo Yunxi and Bai Lu are amazing. And I really feel they embody the "enemies to lovers" trope better than anyone!

A Romance of the Little Forest (2022) ⭐️ 7

Tbh... this show deserves less than a 7, but I rated it as such because I love my queen Xinxin, and her chemistry with Zhang Binbin was good. I think this would've worked better as a 24-episode drama, as the last couple plot arcs felt kind of tacked on. It's great if you want to see Yu Shuxin in various adorable outfits and a fun fake dating plot, but maybe stopping midway is good enough. Fair warning, the second couple's storyline was awful on several levels. Essentially, the man lies about being in a wheelchair to garner sympathy with his crush, who herself is partially Deaf. Yeah, it's BAD. Just skip all their scenes.

Back from the Brink (2023) ⭐️ 8.5

I really enjoyed this, especially how silly it could be. They really amped up the humour, and to me that worked well. At the same time, there were also some very heartfelt moments that made me tear up. I really liked the side couples as well, they were all quite likeable. It was just a really fun show from beginning to end.

The Starry Love (2023) ⭐️ 7.5

I really enjoyed this, up until the last arc. I found after that, it dragged a bit. To be honest, it dragged a bit in earlier parts too. What saved it for me was the humour, the relationship between the two sisters, the Void Realm subplots, and the adorable Di Lanjue. Unfortunately, Yetan/Youqin didn't really do much for me, but I still found them enjoyable at times.

The Wolf (2020) ⭐️ 8.5

This was a surprise for me. I didn't expect I'd like it much going in, but I still wanted to give it a try for my guy Xiao Zhan. I'd tried watching it before when it first aired, but I found the first couple episodes too cheesy. I still found them incredibly cheesy this time, but after about midway through episode 3 when the main plot kicked off, I found myself really invested. Fair warning, Xiao Zhan only shows up in episode 11, so if you're watching it just for him, you may be disappointed. Fortunately, I found myself invested in all the characters quite a bit. If you like messy toxic bitches, this is the drama for you. Warning: there was an attempted rape scene I found quite uncomfortable (though it's not played as being romantic, thankfully). There are a couple other dubcon incidents I wasn't a huge fan of, and one character has a miscarriage. Just things to keep in mind before viewing.

My Journey to You ⭐️ 8

Where do I even start here? Once again, I probably should rate it lower, because the story itself is a mess. HOWEVER, the characters, aesthetics, and cinematography are all excellent. The characters are really what stayed with me the most, and the episode focusing on Yun Que was devastating in all the best ways. The beginning episodes were also fantastic, the way the story unfurled. It just became clear in the latter half of the series that the writer had written himself into a corner and didn't know how to get out. Frustrating, but I don't regret my journey with this show (heh, get it). It's for that reason I'm not sure I can ever rec it to anyone, but I'll gladly talk about it to anyone who will listen.

Never Give Up (2023) ⭐️ 8.5

This was a fun office sitcom-style drama that I really breezed through after the horror show that was MJTY. Lighthearted with short episodes, it was very enjoyable. If you've ever worked in an office, you can probably relate. Once again, I'd like to speak with whoever dressed Wang Hedi cuz they made some interesting choices lol.

Ancient Love Poetry (2021) ⭐️ 9

Another surprise for me. I had tried the first episodes a while back and found it a bit dense, but restarting it this year I found it a lot more interesting. Maybe having more xianxia general knowledge helped me out. It was a really beautifully done drama. The CGI and sets were all superb. There was a whole host of characters to get invested in as well. It was a truly epic story from start to finish.

Destined With You (2023) ⭐️ 7.5

The one Kdrama on this list! I really loved the two actors, their chemistry, and the plot in general, but the pacing in the middle took me out a bit. I would still recommend watching it, as there was lots to enjoy. The modern with magic elements were really intriguing, as was the concept of past lives. I also like that the ML and 2ndML work together instead of constantly butting heads once it becomes clear who the FL will pick. The flashbacks to the past life were also really interesting--I wish we'd had more of that tbh! I'll definitely be looking out for both actors in other dramas!

As for the shows I placed on hold, I will likely stop lying to myself and drop them. But I might give them another shot before doing so. I'm still really disappointed by Only for Love, but I couldn't bring myself to finish it. Not even the power of Didi and Bai Lu could make me do it. It just got too frustrating.

Now, I'm currently watching Story of Kunning Palace, Royal Rumours, and The Last Immortal. I'm not super sold on the last 2, but SOKP has really grabbed me by the throat (just like Xie Wei to Jiang Xuening) so I'm glad to be starting the year off strong!

[oddmawd]

How about 2, 4, 6, aaaaaaand 14 :P

two people asked me for 2 and 4 at the same time, so i'll answer 4 here and 2 in the other ask!

4 - what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

of the works i've published, i've carried around The Sight Unseen since 2019, so that's definitely a big one!

as for my unpublished works...i have been sitting on MULTIPLE My Hero Academia fics since 2018 (Kurogiri/OC, All Might/OC, Gang Orca/OC), a Sukuna/OC fic since 2021, an Oni/OC fic (Dead by Daylight) since 2022, an Alucard/OC fic since 2020, an Armstrong/OC fic since 2021, and a Jigen/OC fic since 2020...and in more recent months i came up with ideas for multiple BG3 OC and/or reader fics...

these are the ones i've actually put time into outlining, and most are fully outlined to the point it's feasible i could write them someday! i have more ideas that are older and less well-formed though...i have some VERY old story ideas from before those dates (mostly for Yu Yu Hakusho) but i've determined i won't be writing them...just kind of outgrew the concepts

there's also a DMC story i came up with in 2004 (i was one entire teenager) that i've attempted to write multiple times LMAO so i think that one takes the Old Plot Bunny cake, but idk that it'll ever get finished AND YES I EXPERIENCE EXISTENTIAL DREAD OVER EVERY LAST ONE OF THESE FICS HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

6 - do you have any kind of consistent writing schedule or just hoping for the best?

i try to write daily, but life often gets in the way

i definitely don't only write when i'm "inspired" though, you'll never be able to write consistently if you wait around on that kind of thing...so i try to write even when i'm not feeling it, though obviously it's not always possible due to ~life reasons~

adulthood is great because you have your own money, but damn does it come at the cost of your free time!

14 - what’s your worst writing habit? 

probably not being able to cut content or trim down...i am bad at "killing my darlings," so to speak, so my stories end up being way longer than necessary...general wordiness i guess

also em-dashes, i love those little shits way too much LMAO

find the fanfic writer ask game here!

[ultraviolet-ink]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

I was tagged by @aawrightworth, thank you so much for this!! <3

How many works do you have on Ao3? 117, but I have four more on the roster due to @aaholidayrare!

What's your total A03 word count? 427,315 (OH WOW???)

What fandoms do you write for? Ace Attorney/Great Ace Attorney!

What are your top five fics by kudos? 1) Once Upon a Christmas (2019)- NRMT first kiss prompt 2) 12:26 AM (2019)- Forbidden Hospital Scene 3) The Talk (2020)- Greg notices that Baby Miles has a crush 4) Oh Shirt! (2019)- Phoenix can't find his shirt at Miles' place 5) Litigation in the Streets... (2021)- Miles and Phoenix become the subjects of tabloid gossip NGL, I'm not surprised that my top rated fics are NRMT, they're oldies but goodies! I've definitely grown as a writer (not to mention grown UP since these were all written when I was 18-20), but it really is lovely to see that they're still getting love! <3

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? OMGOMGOMGOMG!! Yes!! I love doing it because it lets the commenter know that I've seen their comment, and that I really do appreciate them! No matter how old a fic is, I will comment back as soon as I get that email, haha! In all seriousness, it's my way of giving back a kudos, a sort of "kudos to the reader" if that makes sense. They really do make me smile and I like to print out some of the comments that made me cry happy tears and save them in a scrapbook so that I can read them when writer's block hits me. Also, commenting brought my some of my greatest friends <3

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Ohhh DEFINITELY I Dreamed A Dream (2022)!! Not only is the title from the Les Mis song of the same name (where Fantine's life is just absolutely ruined), but I did the one thing I never thought I would be able to do... I KILLED one half of the otp!! It's a RyuuSusa fic, and of course, Major Character Death, proceed with caution!

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Oooohhh this is a really hard one since I'm such a sucker for happy endings! I think the one that makes me the happiest now is from The Caterpillar Man (2022). It's a fic I wrote to sort of conceptualize Yujin and Susato's relationship when the former came home from the original study trip, and it takes place over a year and among other tragedies and growth. It's from the perspective of Susato, and I think it's one that still makes me tear up (and I got fanart based on it once!!)

Do you get hate on fics? I've never been John Phoenix'd which is very rude, am I not GOOD enough for you DaKoolGuy?? but in all seriousness, I don't really get hate on specific fics, but because I'm so vocal about a certain pairing (being Ryuu X Susato.... if I'm not supposed to ship, why game make so cute?)

Do you write smut? Not on Ultraviolet_Ink, but I do on Infrared_Quill! Fun fact, Infrared got put on a blacklist when I only had one work, and Ultraviolet wasn't on it, I found it quite funny XD

Do you write crossovers? The Journal of Dr. Yujin Mikotoba (2022-????) is just one giant crossover with ACD canon, and I'm planning on having Raffles and Arsène Lupin making an important appearance in the future! It's very self indulgent XD

Have you ever had a fic stolen? God I hope not

Have you ever had a fic translated? Not to my knowledge, but I do have a blanket statement saying that I am a-okay with a translation of any of my works!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? It's always been in the "omg we should totally do this" phase, but given how I am with my own works, I feel like I would be a nightmare to work with XD

What's your all-time favourite ship? Honestly... It's between HomuMiko and RyuuSusa, especially since that's just what I've been writing recently XD

What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? That's a good question that I don't have a single answer for XD I have a notepad full of a WIP list, but I think one that intrigued me when I first started off was this sort of continuation of the JFA 2-4 bad ending, just kind of coming from the ashes and then De Killer eventually kills Phoenix for betraying Matt Engarde (just because of the principle). It's really interesting to think about, but I honestly don't know how I could workshop it, and I remember stopping because It made me too sad haha! If you come across this and like the idea, please feel free to adopt this bunny, no credit needed! I'm not the first person who came up with a continuation of Miracle Never Happen, and I'm sure I won't be the last!

What are your writing strengths? I think I'm getting a lot better at dialogue, especially since I have a very good friend who helps me workshop them through a sort of RP! I would say that I'm also good at making a sort of vibe/ambiance, I know how to dress a scene B-) (Yes I was a theatre kid)

What are your writing weaknesses? Dialogue is also something I struggle a lot with, but I would say I get into my own head too much, and I over think and try to over explain to cover up "holes" (Cracked.Com owes me reparations for this)

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I'm a linguistics nerd, I love writing dialogue in other languages! I even wrote a fic entirely in Latin because I wanted to practice (Miles et Phoenix Romae Sunt (2021)). That being said, you have to use more than Google Translate, I've studied and majored in Spanish, so I'm confident enough in my own skill to write, but I don't really know German despite English being Germanic! So, while I do use Google Translate to get a base understanding, I try to run it by a native speaker, or at the very least, someone who has studied the language, to see if it makes sense haha. Or don't, I'm not your mom, and we're all just doing this for shits and giggles XD

First fandom you wrote for? ...... Oncest Those journals filled with Oncest have been burned since 2014 in the traditional "middle schoolers host a bonfire at the end of the year" that my friends hosted, and they will never see the light of day XD But then again..... how ba-a-a-ad COULD it have been? Tbh, I do regret getting rid of them, not because they were actually lost Great American Novels, but they were something I created and I could look back on and see how I've grown and what I've just stuck with over the years XD

Favourite fic you've ever written? It's honestly a tossup between The Journal of Yujin Mikotoba and The Caterpillar Man! I just love playing around with the empty playground canon left me haha

[daily-whistlebreeze]

No way ur on day 1296

yes way I am

(And I could go on with even more screenshots of my folders, that's a lot of files and probably a good part of the reason my laptop makes more sound than an airplane)

I carefully number them all and yes I have been at it for three years and a half by now. If you scroll down this blog you will see them all day by day.

Daily whistlepaw began early 2021 (january 10th to be exact), but I had been thinking about it since late 2020 and was mostly inspired by daily squirrelflight. I too had a thing I wanted the authors to do and after some careful consideration of if I'd actually be able to do it and not have it be a short stint, I just began.

You will see that my early art is quite different because I grew A LOT while drawing Whistlepaw every single day (with a few misses that I caught up as soon as possible, that's why sometimes you'll see a few drawings posted the same day when I was too tired or swamped with schoolwork the day prior or so). It's been a long project so far and I am spiteful and will not stop any time soon. Daily whis is my silly obligation of the day, the One Thing I know I will do in a day, no matter if it's a detailed piece or the hastiest class doodle. I do not like missing days and will often make a traditional piece on the spot with other people around if my daily quota hasn't been reached and I manage to find even the smallest opportunity.

Honestly a big reason it ever go so big was that I had a lot of time in those early years of daily whis. the schoolwork wasn't as heavy and I was just freestyling this all for funsies and I got attached and it led to three and a half years of daily whistlepaw, some very nonsensical or half batshit ideas/headcanons (gotta use those starphones more), a whole google docs to try and keep things more organized that I began working on a little while ago and should finish, and just a lot of fun. Usually I keep these sappy rants for the big day celebrations, but Whistlepaw has genuinely become a huge part of my life and the one thing I default to doodle whenever I'm bored. Most of my profile pictures and even my phone background are all drawings I did for daily whistlepaw. My friends know that cat as ME; When I draw something for a silly joke of ours, it's Whistlepaw I use and I don't see myself stopping anytime soon.

The Erins have acknowledged my existence (at least in an oblique way) in that article about Whistlepaw they did a little while ago and new material for Whistlepaw is actually being written in the books. Whis is a relatively major part of ASC and Ivypool's Heart, and even then I have my own entire world with this little blue cat. Heck, I began an original little story that's been posted as part of the daily drawings on occasion now and it is just very fun to be doing all of this and that's the main part of this. I enjoy this. I love this actually. Whistlepaw is my silly character, mostly divorced from canon, yes, but what does canon have to offer? I like the Whistlepaw I draw every day, I like drawing every day, I like the years-long effort I've put into this and how much I've grown because of daily whis and how much daily whis has grown with me.

Sometimes it feels like a chore, but that's the rare occasions when I am tired or dealing with a bad case of artblock and daily whis, when pushed a little harder, is often a good part of what drags me out of artblock again, and it is good exercise to draw every day. You only becomes good at something by doing it regularly and the massive improvments I made with my art here are quite good proof of that.

So to finish an answer that truly shouldn't have been this long, but I like talking. Yes way I am at day 1296 and I'm aiming for day 2000 and more!

[thereallivingded]

8 months

Nearly 8 months have passed since I blogged. Damn.

I apologize profusely if anyone was interested in my ramblings. I have zero excuses other than life got hard. Full time job. Which I hated profusely - not that I'm not going to be working full time again soon - tends to bring on crushing depression when I feel stuck in it. Which I did, and I was. When you are paid bi-weekly and you see that entire paycheck go to your cost of living.. well. It doesn't do good things to your psyche. Energy levels get low and all that extra you had energy for before gets used up with day to day survival. Getting out of bed. Getting to work. Feeding yourself. Cleaning your house. Squeezing in workout (a thing I do now).

It's not all bad I suppose. I've finally been able to interview for and obtain a position that will not only net me a raise but be closer to home. Hopefully, that should get me more free time to pursue the things I actually enjoy.

I'd like to say that in this time I've been able to tackle my backlog of Steam games. But. Well. BG3 happened. And I spent even more time in the game than I had in early access. It's maddening how much time I've sunk into Faerun. I have no regrets though.

The only thing really that's kept me from finishing my campaign - as I am in Act 3 - is my computer. I haven't upgraded the beast since 2020 or 2021-ish. And it's starting to show. My mobo is acting extraordinarily peculiar. Sometimes I'll walk away from my computer to come back a couple hours later and find it stuck in bios. Super fun. The connection to the mobo gets wiggled a little and everything pops back on. Super. However, anything heavy to run - like BG3 - tends to get very crash-y.

Again. Super.

T.T

AND. Due to my financial constraints because of the job I recently left, I was completely unable to fix this. I'm hoping with the advent of the new job, getting a few paychecks in to stabilize, I can rectify the problems. Hopefully.

I started a couple of fanfics for the first time ever. I am ridiculously shy about them. My writing skills have become so sodding rusty. The stories came to me while I was playing BG3 and I was compelled to write them down. Note now, that the frequency of updates directly reflects the time I have to invest in them. So keep that in mind.

Be gentle on me here lol!

I have been able to get some gaming done. I have ceased playing Back 4 Blood, as it became no longer supported by its dev team. A sad move really. The gaming industry as a whole has become this parasitic beast. Devs work on a game for an extremely limited amount of time and abandon it the moment it becomes less lucrative than their board of directors care for.

There is a trend towards monetization of minutiae and online play in inappropriate genres, that has become an insidious infection in the game industry. It robs us of good game development. There's this mentality of more, more, now that's just slow poison to the whole beast. It makes everything very same-y and boring.

Which is why I strive at this point in my life, to not give money to the companies which I feel are most guilty of this. The only way to make these corporations listen is to hit them in the $. As such I will probably be carefully curating any games I discuss or mention on this blog from here on. My next post will likely be discussing a visual novel I've spent some time in that I equal parts enjoyed and became frustrated with. So that's in the pipeline. Until then keep to the lights lovies. <3

[revilleaj]

Art update & 3D Robodi model images

It has been quite a while since I've last really done anything online. I've been heavily burned out and tired constantly since at least December or so (I have done drawings in months prior, but I have never posted them publically). I still do not have a new computer, even though I have enough money (about £1k) to buy the parts or even an entire computer, but there are other factors in life that need more attention being put towards right now.

I'm still in the midst of trying to get a job (damn required experience and driving license listings!), and drawing right now is bottom priority. It feels like a chore and it's not fun when I have rusted from not drawing in so long (making so many mistakes really sets off my anger problems). I really do not like being pressured into trying to do things, and I have been experimenting with 3D, but only to an extent.

So, with that said, I am going to put making newer drawings on hold for an indefinite amount of time until I feel motivated enough to draw. I'm not done with art entirely and I never will be, but I think I really shouldn't pressure myself as if art is some kind of requirement in life. I've been also having drawing tablet issues, and I noticed there's a small crack in my Huion that I haven't been able to use almost ever since I had it (thankfully the thing still works, and the crack is near the top, only half getting on the drawing area).

I may also finally add some images to my empty DeviantArt account. As much as I do not like that website nor its community, I think it would work if I just put my favorite drawings I've worked on there, specifically ones up until the end of 2023. All of the really old and weaker art (mostly from 2018 and 2020, and anything from 2017) I won't be reposting, as they no longer reflect me, and have not done so for a very long time.

-----

Now, for the second topic of this post, and in a much better light; the 3D Robodi model. I'm sure I've talked about this years ago on Twitter. Back in 2020, when I was still in my first year of university, I worked on a 3D model of one of my characters named Robodi, using Cinema 4D. It was never finished, but I did learn quite a bit when working on it. Here's some newer screenshots of him, now that I've managed to pick back up an older version of C4D (I do not like the 2022 UI layout change):

This is the last version of the model to not be animated, from May 2020. The image is rendered using the Sketch & Toon shader with the Standard renderer. A few options were altered to remove unnecessary outlines.

The model in the renderer itself; right is the objects list, bottom are the materials (vertex colors and textures, some with C4D specific features).

The last ever version of this specific model from September 2021, with the FOV heavily reduced to improve the depth. A single black thin cube was added between the eyes to create a fake extra outline. A bit of a hacky effect; I did not know how to do inverted normals, in fact I don't think I knew that was how most computer games handled outlines.

The very first saved version of the model, in Cinema 4D's editor, made earlier in May 2020. The pieces have default names and are not parented, some materials are not added yet, and the shapes are noticeably bigger, especially the base of the head and the torso.

I once experimented with "realistic" materials and shading (including the dreadfully slow Global Illumination), which doesn't make the most sense for a cartoon character. Here you can see the unit plate on the back of his head, which I don't think I have ever shown before. The camera may look close here, but it's actually extremely far away with a very low FOV (dubbed Super-Telescope). Some textures are no longer in the project files, so this looks slightly off from how it did back in 2020.

In October 2021, I went back to the older May 2020 model and decided to try and remake it. I realized that using one mesh and extruding it works a lot better with the Sketch & Toon shader, as it does not create unnecessary outlines when the default shader options are left the way they are. The lines in the middle of the eyes and nose are from the shader, rather than a black material cube. Of course, it would be more wise to just duplicate each mesh, enlarge them and invert the normals while applying a pitch black texture to them. I abandoned the model shortly after the progress I made here, and I am not sure why. Maybe I was burned out and lost interest.

I should probably try to attempt making a 3D model of him again and some others, now that I know a lot more than I did nearly 4 years ago (yeah, can you believe it has also been nearly 6 years since my Reville character was created? Robodi was first created in mid-2019; almost 5 years ago! Good things take time and care). It will be a difficult task, but I'll make sure to export whatever I make to a .FBX model, so that it doesn't get lost to C4D licensing Hell. Hopefully, that would make the models work in Blender and such (the materials will have to be baked into textures however, instead of being separate C4D ones. At least .FBX doesn't use an external material file unlike .OBJ, which I and others have had issues with). Maybe I could use them for rotoscoping or somethin'.

Here's hoping to me eventually finding motivation, losing my tiredness, and getting a job with stable income alongside continuing to work on my passion projects, no matter how much time has past since the day I first thought of them. I want to keep doing things, not resting in bed most of my days. Too bad winter is freezing cold where I live, and I suffer from mild hypothermia...

[yakool-foolio]

this is just a loser finding ways to partially vent but my story it's cringe, undeniably funny, and related to Danganronpa in ways So, uh yeah, if you want to read that'd be nice but if not I understand. When I say Danganronpa is the most impactful media I've ever consumed in my entire life I'm not joking.

I got into Danganronpa after GameGrumps played the first game in 2020, when they finished it I loved it so much I went on to watch someone else play Danganronpa 2. At the time my life was pretty awful, I was sort of becoming numb emotionally everything felt the same day after day, and it's stupid, but when Nagito Komaeda made me feel something after feeling so numb during that time I kind of got obsessed. It was so bad not only did I make myself so much lonelier, but I had to research hyper fixations to know I wasn't insane. So you could say Nagito caused me learning and acknowledging i'm autistic! Which sounds like a big impact until you hear the biggest one.

It was 2021 now, I was still obsessing over Nagito Komaeda and the fixation was so bad that I joined the fandom early before playing v3, Danganronpa on the Nintendo Switch was announced and I was eager and excited so I looked up a ton of reactions on Youtube. A day later Youtube recommended me a live stream, two guys were just joking and playing Danganronpa. My humor was changing but I knew that I laughed at their streams and videos so I stayed, I watched every stream I could and every video uploaded. Eventually I joined their Discord Server, I edit videos so after a while I asked the main owner of the channel for advice on videos and such, and then we bonded over some videos and songs like the v3 hated by life itself animation. After that I always thought of something to text to him every day, as a matter of fact we talked so much that I became behind on School because I'd be talking to him instead. After a while we started calling every day, and then we started face timing, and after that he had confessed to me. At the time I wasn't sure about my sexuality and I had repressed any attraction I felt for anyone out of "respect" So when he confessed to me I was able to think about it finally. It took me 3 days to think about my life and myself and I said yes and we started dating. We met in person 2 times, and dated for 2 years before he broke up with me a few months ago just because life has been hectic I suppose. The channel doesn't have any of its videos public anymore, the server is somehow barely alive for now despite one of the owners already leaving and the other just not talking much, and basically anything that came from all of it no one will know about other than the small group of mutuals that keep in touch and me making these. Most of those mutuals still don't even know that we ever dated. The channel is Emigc btw I think the only thing ever left public is someone reacting to a video he made on Danganronpa S.

anyway boohoo story sad ending but yeah that's how Nagito Komaeda helped me experience my first romantic love and know that i'm autistic, that's it. he's still funnily enough one of my favorite characters of all time i'm normal about him now at the very least Lmao. I finally got into Rain Code after the breakup since I got it for Christmas and it's stupid but it really does feel like the next step? if that makes sense? Danganronpa was the impact to my life, Rain Code is what I'm loving in the aftermath of what Danganronpa has done to my life. I honestly have loved Rain Code somehow even more than I loved Danganronpa, maybe not to the insane extent of Nagito though Lmao. Oh yeah, I also completely skipped over how Danganronpa helped me bond even more with my best friend who feels like a brother to me now but this is already long enough! I've just been making messages about what happened because those were the happiest years of my life and I miss it.

thanks for reading if you did

Goes to show that media really does have a grand effect on our daily lives. From my personal experience, I wouldn't have met any of my friend group, aptly named Ding Dong Bing Bong, without Danganronpa. Long story short, I started playing the first game after watching Game Grumps' playthrough of the 2nd game (and proceeded to spoil myself about the entire trilogy), and I did so in a Discord server. Someone ended up joining me during the start of the prologue, and we shared in voicing the characters. After a few days, another person joined, then another, then another. And now we're a tight huddle of ten after more than a year of playing games together!

It's interesting to hear how the Dangan series, Rain Code, and other media has affected other people as well. Meeting new people, discovering new things about ourselves, and watering our creative roots! Looking back on the moments can boost our spirits, too! I hope the future bodes well for you as you continue to enjoy your interests!

[missoblaine]

extra rambling that didn't fit in the AN for Phantom Ch 9

heyy thanks for coming to read this giant AN that's just me rambling about myself. it's all below the cut 💜

Link to Chapter 9 is here in case you somehow saw this first haha.

so. it's been a while huh? i don't want to say the phrase "i took a break" because well, that implies i'm going to return to the way i used to write and honestly, i don't think that's going to happen. (Eva, you were right earlier this year ahhhh i had such unrealistic expectations of myself).

writing is something that has always been with me my whole life. And ever since starting SNS fanfic it's been a rather large part of my life, my main hobby behind board games. It has always been my main creative outlet. but in 2024 especially in the 2nd half of the year, I was really struggling to find time, motivation or energy to write. nothing particularly bad was happening, my life was just subtly changing. taking up more and more of my time and energy just to get the basics done. it felt silly and it still kind of does because nothing has changed externally, but i feel like so much has changed for me internally.

i see in retrospect that of course it was completely natural that i wouldn't feel like writing when my life - even if it was just inside my mind - was demanding more energy. but when weeks turned into months and then ticked over into 2025 I was starting to feel really bad for not writing, for not nurturing this creative gift I have and for not telling the stories I have in my mind and expressing the parts of me I want to express.

I worried that I was losing part of myself.

but I've been doing some thinking this year and I realised writing has always gone in cycles in my life, usually years long. There are years when I don't write at all and years where all I want to do is write. I remember now, after uni, how I didn't write for 2 years, from 2020-2021. And then how, I discovered Naruto and how I started reading again and then writing again. Perhaps that cycle was 2 years, mid 2022 to mid 2024. And then I reflected on TGWP, how that story explored everything I learned about life and love and myself from my early 20s. It was my life lessons from 2017-2022, filtered through my hobbies and perceptions from 2022-2023 (board games and Naruto).

but phantom is different.

I have this noted down in my potential end of entire story AN (yes i know that sounds silly to start writing that before finishing the actual story) but phantom is a very different story, not just on the front end and in the final product, but in the back end, which I think you will have gleaned from my updates and ANs thus far.

The crux of it is, I am writing a story about lessons I am still learning and processing. I am younger than the characters I am writing about. So if this story is slower to present then, well, maybe that's how it's meant to be. Maybe this story is not meant to be a crafted reflection upon finding myself, upon the lessons i've already learned (like TGWP). Maybe this story is meant to help me process the life I'm living now. Maybe it is teaching me to take my time. I don't know. I won't know until it's finished and I don't know when that will be. But it will be.

I have many ideas for SNS still, I don't think that part of my writing process is changing. But I think for my personal life, the place and space that writing occupies for me, is going to change. I have these ideas. I have the creativity and the inspiration. Thats something life cannot take away from me. I have to remind myself of that. But stressing over what something was or what I think it should be / how I want it to be, that DOES take away from me.

I wrote out most of this AN while I was trying to sleep back in Feb but i couldn't fall asleep and maybe it's kind of like that. If you keep stressing out about trying to sleep and being unable to then you won't be able to sleep. Maybe writing's like that. I just have to let go and trust that it will be here when I need it, that it won't leave me for good. Because I have the data, I have the history. Its always with me, it just ebbs and flows.

upon rereading this chapter for posting, i realise that these thoughts and musings were here already. you will see (hopefully) some of these ideas more explicitly in Chapter 10, which is perhaps why it has been such a mental mountain to conquer, not even writing or even planning but just, conceptualising. (i have not started writing it and i finished writing this chapter in July 2024, literally it's been 9 months).

so i guess in conclusion, I am finally allowing this story to be what it so clearly needs to be for me—a way to process, in real time, life as it is going into the latter half of my 20s. A piece through which I can recontexualise the chaos of everyday life through a chaos I have lived through and enjoyed in performing.

I have heard the words forgiveness and kindness in my writing communities this year. The importance of showing kindness to oneself and being forgiving of the pace at which we create. I think my key word is trust. I've done this for long enough, lived through enough of these cycles, that I just have to trust that what I'm doing is right. Whether that's living my life and not writing for a few months or years, or writing under a pace and process I have never experienced before, I have to trust that it is all part of the grander ebb and flow.

so basically, this story is for me but I am grateful that you are here for the ride. It is validating to know that my resonance resonates with you. Thank you for reading and I hope that, no matter how long this story takes, you can see your growth through reading it similar to how I can writing it.

so most of that i wrote in Feb—what's happened since? well as Eva put it, i've been branching out into other skill trees. i've started playing Rinabow Six Siege again, i've been baking desserts, i started listening to Lana Del Rey, and Deep Regrets is a cool board game. i am feeling better overall. i am starting to understand that i don't have to document my life or my thoughts for them to be meaningful. but i admit i do miss it, i miss the perspective writing gives me and i miss creating something and being proud of it and seeing what new things come out of my mind.

basically, i guess i'm just living my life. and i finally wrapped up edits on this chapter and am doing a little bit of writing (at least tonight) and it . . . it feels good.

I think I just forgot that, like, writing can be fun? I am like Sasuke in the sense that I will always be my own worst enemy.

but i'm working on it. and i'm okay. and i hope to start sharing my mind with you again, whenever the seas of my life guide me back here.

if you're reading this, thanks for reading all that. I really appreciate it and i hope you're wearing the chaos of life okay 💜

I'll leave you with some music that's really been resonating with me:

Albums:

Negative Spaces album by Poppy (i think if there's one album to capture my life since i mid 2024 it's this album. listen to it in order. I want to say that last chapter, i was around the 'push go' mark, and now I think i'm at the 'surviving on defiance' mark

Norman Fucking Rockwell! by Lana Del Rey (god what a gorgeous album)

Songs:

Chemtrails Over the Country Club by Lana Del Rey (i feel this one deeply)

Off to the Races by Lana Del Rey (this one is just fun, this makes me want to paint my nails red and curl my hair and dance)

What Was That by Lorde (i get Green Light vibes from this but older and grittier, ya know? where that was like dressed up sleek artistic longing, this is like desperate dancing through the mess longing)

orange show speedway by Lizzy McAlpine (no individual song better represents 2024 for me)

ok bye thank you for reading i appreciate it so much