#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term

[suffercerebral]

me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects

[tlonista]

A whole mess of Astarion hurt/comfort fanfic recs

OK fine I've read so much Astarion hurt/comfort-adjacent fic that I should really put together an incomplete rec list. Be warned that with Astarion's canon backstory there's a lot of abuse and assault references of varying explicitness, so check the AO3 tags. I'm also limiting myself to one fic per author because otherwise I'd end up with several pages of Asidian and FlowerCitti. In case you're wondering, my personal contribution to the field is Seducere.

Ongoing Fics:

innocence died screaming by FlowerCitti

Comprehensive pre- and in-canon Astarion character study. Contains possibly the most heartwrenching post-Astarion-locked-tomb-era turn I've ever read. Very good.

Another Path by Asidian

A sweet Wyllstarion monster hunter x monster no-tadpole AU in which Astarion gets captured/rescued by Wyll straight out of a year in a coffin and navigates basic human kindness for the first time in a couple centuries.

Seen by ayvaines

Modern Bloodweave AU where Cazador is Astarion's cruel, controlling boyfriend and Gale is the kind D&D GM who's hosting them both in a game. As makes sense for a modern AU, it's a more-understated-than-canon take on Astarion coming to terms with the fact that he's in an abusive relationship, working out his feelings about Cazador through tabletop roleplaying, including some clever scenes dealing with the bleed of intense RPG sessions.

Heartbeats by LadyRagnelle

Canon-divergent Durgestarion fic where Astarion was recaptured by his siblings, memory-wiped, and then rescued by a team of companions he no longer remembers. A lot of well-executed (and sometimes surprisingly funny) angst around Astarion, charlatan that he is, trying to pretend he hasn't forgotten absolutely everything including how to be a non-level-1 rogue and have friends.

The stars began to burn by peregrinefeathers

Gale is trapped in fantasy nullspace and gets Astarion free of Cazador's clutches, after which they navigate an odd-couple relationship while trying to kill Cazador and pull Gale back into the physical world. Another classic "Astarion learns what human decency is" no-tadpole AU.

Memoir by IzzyIzGay

An Interview with the Vampire-style fic in which Astarion tells Gale about his time under Cazador, playing with that series' trademark unreliable narration and an unusually literal version of Cazador's creepy family dynamic.

Starved by neo7v

A modern non-magical Bloodweave AU featuring Astarion and the lonely degradation of a precarious service industry job! Only a few chapters so far, but seriously, it takes the "vampiric starvation" theme in a direction that's very mundane and miserable and compelling and it's one of my favorite recently started fics.

Unexpected Guests by Erandir

Another "get loved and cared for, sucker" no-tadpole AU featuring a non-Tav druid OC taking care of a lost Astarion who's escaped Baldur's Gate. Astarion and druids, the perfect foil.

Through The Night Dark And Drear by JJJSchmidt

Astarion is accidentally bargained off to an archfey by Cazador and taken to the palace of infuriatingly confusing fair folk magic! There's still a lot of story left to be uncovered, but I love the worldbuilding and fairy-tale premise.

snare by parsnipit

A Halstarion fic where Astarion never got tadpoled and the gang ends up rescuing him from Cazador, post-game, with his compulsions very much intact. Which leads naturally to hissing wet cat Astarion reluctantly learning to trust Halsin while they plot to take down Cazador.

One-Shots:

Quick Step by starkraving

starkraving's another person who could have made up a big chunk of this list, and this character study plays really well on the classic "how the hell does Astarion know how to be a rogue anyway" fandom conversation. My favorite entry in a good and growing series of Astarion-centered fics.

Gifts by Feena_c

Astarion gets caught by Cazador before the confrontation at the palace. Impeccable "Cazador doesn't realize Astarion didn't just come back to Baldur's Gate, he came back loved" vibe, as Cazador tries to break Astarion by taking away the gifts the tadpole gang gave him along the way.

What is Affection but the Absence of Cruelty by Aztec24

One of my favorite tropes is "Astarion tortures himself by obsessively imagining how awful these perfectly nice people will be to him," and this very much delivers. Featuring a rare two-Tavs-plus-Astarion throuple!

The Mimic by ForsakenFlyingCircus

This is really hurt-no-comfort, but I'm including it because it's a good super sad take on dehumanization with an awful Tav confirming all the worst things Astarion thinks about himself and the world, touching on the whole problem of sentient monsters in D&D.

Peel the scars from off my back by WitchyBee

A Spawn Family fic in the aftermath of Astarion getting Cazador's contract on his back - lots of antagonistic but grudgingly caring sibling interaction and Astarion being satisfyingly ambivalent about it all.

Complete Multi-Chapter Fic:

Just A Taste by NightmareGiraffe

The tadpole gang gets imprisoned at Moonrise Towers and Astarion accepts an offer from Araj Oblodra in exchange for their freedom. A very dark yet totally in-character elaboration on the canon blood merchant encounter, plus a cool dragonborn Tav.

The Accountant’s Guide to Taking Down an Evil Vampire Lord (and maybe bagging Astarion while you are at it) by Cinnamontails

A charming f!OC-who-isn't-Tav/Astarion longfic that combines hurt/comfort with het romance novel conventions, which I feel like is rarely pulled off.

And I know there's a ton I missed here -- god this fandom is big.

[evreeone]

a vent that seems tonally inappropriate in spots but if i give it the appropriate tone i think i might lose my mind (also i would recommend skipping if specific talk of Ways of Thinking When Mental Health Is at Its Worst and some physical health anxiety are something you'd like to avoid) ((also some political talk))i think i'm sort of on the cusp of a nervous breakdown and i might delete this later i just feel out of my mind

i have been extremely on edge lately and i noticed i'm starting to have heart palpitations with more regularity again (last time it wasn't anxiety but this time i think it is) and migraines and i think i've sort of shoved it into the background for the most part but in sort of checking in with myself today i realized i'm dealing with a sort of…background Ideation again. which--it's been a while since my mental health has been this low, but here we are.

i think a large part is the upcoming election. like, to be blunt, i do not think i will live through another trump presidency if that's the path things take. i don't Want to, so there's a chance i just Won't.

with the increase of struggles with what i definitely now (in the recent year) acknowledge as agoraphobia, my world has gotten…really fucking small. and whenever i stop to think of how little i am currently capable of as an adult and how i don't know if things will be changing any time soon i start to feel That line of thinking start to creep in, and compounding that with the fact that the world may became an outwardly hostile place for me to navigate again is just. i can't mentally come to terms with it.

covid sparked a lot of the agoraphobia, but trump's first presidency and the empowerment it gave to dogged right-wingers definitely contributed. (i mean, trump's response To covid also did just. compile things.) i live in a red city with no way out. i stopped feeling safe leaving my home, and then covid was a nail in a coffin so i just. stopped.

my brain is so fogged and scrambled right now i can't even properly articulate myself here because everything Bad is too loud for me to think, but i do think i will be taking a break from tumblr over the next month (and kind of already have been pulling away for a bit) because as much as i've tried to unfollow the people spouting the "i'm not going to vote" type posts i keep seeing it and seeing a pro-trump joke (don't care if it's a joke. shut the fuck up.) from some big tumblr account has sort of pushed me over the edge. to be blunt tumblr feels like it's mostly populated by white people who don't take trump seriously as a threat because they ultimately didn't have to deal with the threat he stirred the first time around. (i had a friend who voted for him as a joke the first time and now he gets anxious whenever he talks to his dad because his dad was so radicalized by trump he openly and vehemently talks about wishing he could kill all democrats. he now takes trump as a threat seriously, not just because of what trump himself can do but because of the way he encourages others to be just by being in power. he fucked around and found out, i guess, as much as a white person could.) i feel like no one in the 'won't vote' side actually had to deal with the uptick of racism and the threat of violence that came with trump's presidency. people see Not Voting as an option because they don't think a rise of fascism will Actually touch them. my mom has always said, growing up, that white people see options in situations like these where there are none because they don't see the fight because they've never Had to fight--they've never been at risk and believe they never will Actually be. it's easy to hem and haw in the face of fascism when your rights and treatment as a human being have always been pretty secure.HI HELLO HI this is evree from the future i deleted the majority of this post because i felt the anxiety of having a Hot Take opinion start to crash into the already existing anxiety and i feel now more out of my mind than prior when usually shouting into the void is a Boon tldr the upcoming election makes me want to kms but i am not an active at-risk risk! just the thoughts and feelings! i have resources saved for if the risk becomes active so do not worry about me! i will be Okay!

[purplesurveys]

1840

When was the last time you were sick? How incapacitated were you by the illness/ailment? End of November. A nasty flu had been going around, so even though I just had Covid the month before I still managed to catch the bug and had a 40-degree fever. It wasn't nearly as bad as Covid, but with that high of a fever I still felt very weak and very very cold. My skin felt like glass, and I was too lethargic to eat which didn't feel good.

Do you often reflect on your past in terms of "eras" or “milestone” time frames (eg, looking back and saying, “it’s been 10 years since X”, etc.)? Sure. It just makes things easier to remember that way, and in some ways a wholesome reminder of how far I've come.

Is there something you would like to do or be, but have pretty much accepted it won’t happen because it’s just “not the kind of person you are” or is otherwise incompatible with your personality, character, etc.? I doubt I will ever make it to the WWE just because it's such a huge, HUGE company with highly selective employment (only 800 employees, and that's including their satellite offices worldwide), plus the fact that I am not an American citizen already kills off any chance I'd have. It's a dream I'm not necessarily killing but have nonetheless accepted that it has little to no chance of ever happening.

Such is life.

When was the last time you experienced cognitive dissonance? Not sure when the last time was exactly, but the sample scenario I thought of is whenever I have a short temper at work. I need to remind myself that it, in the words of Gen Z, "it's not that serious." lol

If you use Letterboxd, what causes you to “heart”/“like” a film? I don't use Letterboxd and I don't really watch movies anymore.

Do you like people watching and is it something you do often? If so, where are your favorite locations to do so? Yeah, but I have to be in a certain disposition or location to do it. I like people-watching in foreign countries, or in my university which is open to the public.

Whether you want to have children or not, what do you think has had the greatest influence on your views of children/childrearing (eg, your parents, your own upbringing, your interactions with children as an adult, etc.)? It would be my experiences and realizations so far as I navigate being an adult. What I mean by that is in the time that I've been on this 'journey,' I've been learning that I like being alone. I'm also very focused on my career and, quite selfishly, I like keeping most of the money I earn for myself and for building my life and doing the things I'd love to experience for my own, like traveling. I don't see myself as the type of person who would go for juggling both career and family.

Is there anything that you enjoy that you simultaneously find intensely cringey? Is it so cringey that you wouldn’t normally admit to actually enjoying it? No. Life is too short to be overly conscious of things you like, and lbr people hardly give a fuck as we have our own lives to deal with.

I just spent four days straight spamming the shit out of my Instagram stories with extremely wordy reviews of the first 17 Wrestlemanias - 15-year-old Robyn would have talked herself out of doing that, worrying that people would think she is a loser lol. But I went ahead and did it anyway regardless if people would read it or not, because in the first place I did it for myself thinking it'd be lovely to have an archive of my experiences watching the shows.

When was the last time you felt someone was being dishonest with you — not necessarily downright lying to your face, but acting or responding to you in a way that seemed false or did not feel like their true self? It's been a while since I felt like this.

Similarly, when was the last time you saw a side of someone that made you question your preexisting perception of them? It's an ongoing process currently. Ange was recently transferred to my team, but I was warned that she didn't have the best reputation in her previous department as she was known for being condescending and bossy, especially towards her juniors.

I don't have a final verdict on her yet as we've only been working together for all of two weeks, but it's something I actively have my eyes on.

If you were a doll, what outfit(s) and accessories would you come with? Purple hair, a t-shirt tightly cropped just right above the belly button, denim jeans, white sneakers, and a cute lil handbag hanging on my shoulder. And an Army Bomb hehe.

What was the last bit of praise you received? People complimented my lipstick a few days ago, I guess that counts? Hahaha.

When you hear or see your name written out (as in /your/ name, not someone else who shares your name), do you immediately recognize it as your own, or is there a moment of disconnect before that recognition? Good question. There's definitely a bit of a disconnect, mainly because my name is relatively uncommon and there's that moment of "hey that's me" when I see my name spelled out hahaha

[vivacia-18]

This was getting to long for the tags, hope you don't mind me commenting directly!

asdlkjaada The freaking Dondon quest - I totally did that one by accident, and all of the reveal was totally overshadowed by the fact that I felt equal parts bad and annoyed finding out that they were unkillable NPCs when I just spent the last 10 minutes trying to murder the herd for meat X'D

But yeah, overall while I don't look for much depth in a video game (if I want it I'm cool to come with a shovel myself later) totk really lacked cohesion overall. Certain parts of the story and characters were enjoyable, but it definitely didn't pull itself together very well.

One thing I wanted to see way back in botw, and that I think could have tied in well to this game - and maybe even the Dondon quest! - was having the monsters actually be part of Hyrule. As in like, people that are meant to be there. Its stated multiple times that the blood moon summons lost spirits who are cursed to wander the land and fight and die in eternal cycles of damnation. We also know that dead/undead and transformation into other species is a thing in Zelda (the Stals in OOT anyone?) completely unrelated to Ganondorfs whole deal. What I wanted SO BAD was for post game after getting rid of the blood moon, the curse would be lifted and the monsters would be normal again. So you could barter for stuff (bokoblins, etc), or battle for prestige but not to the death (Lynels), or like sneakily harvest things (Hynox, Talus) but you wouldn't be killing them anymore - because they're among the people you were trying to save, they're a part of Hyrule too. And now the warrior dead can rest in peace once more.

Until we accidentally bring the blood back in totk and they're summoned/cursed again, whoops! But anyways, I felt like that would have been both good gameplay and good depth, and now I kinda like the tie in of the Dondons only being known as they were cursed under the blood moon, and it's only recently that they've shown to be naturally pretty docile, or something along those lines.

I also think that could have tied in well with explaining Gan too, and how the fuck he was still around when the Calamity was supposed to be banished and they made an explicit point of saying he had chosen to forgo the chance of reincarnation, so shouldn't he have been gone forever? Finally broken free of the cycle and allowed to rest?

I haven't thought this part through quite as much, so bear with me. The blood moon reads as a curse to me, but not so much one cast BY Ganondorf, so much as it is the manifestation of the curse UPON him. It truly seems like in this game duo especially Gan is destined to fall to madness, and one headcanon I've gotten rather fond of that ties into the Light and Darkness thing is that its because the power of Light is incompatible with him long term, just as the power of Dark is incompatible to Zelda (if we really want to reach we can link it back to the schism between Hylia and Demise in SS, but that's optional).

Any long term exposure to their opposite will have detrimental mental effects - basically a magical autoimmune reaction. I think he can interact with certain aspects - note that both he and Zelda seem compatible with Sheikah tech/magic, which is fun conceptually as they are a people/Sages of Shadow - but not pure Light. I think Zelda would go equally mad should she ever try to use Dark magics long term.

Fortunately for her and unfortunately for Gan, Light being the magic of the main ruling family makes it much more prominent and easy to find for someone who is naturally driven to seek Power. And when he does his magic becomes... sick, for a lack of better terms. This culminated into terminal illness upon bonding with the soul stone - cruel in the way of tuberculosis, granting a flush of power and vibrancy before death, this created the blood moon - a warped representation of death and rebirth, light and dark, twisted into something foul. And contaminated magic is what we see manifested as the blight/gloom in later years. The Calamity was his spirit, broken free of Rauru's seal, yearning to be reunited with its body. And in totk we see his flesh revived, though his spirit was thought slain and the curse of the blood moon broken. It wasn't though, just briefly contained once more, because the source of the blight - the soul stone - was still bonded to him, and he couldn't rest until it was removed.

...Wow, this got far longer than I was intending, guess I really brought that shovel afterall X'D

tldr; I agree with OP that totk had the potential to be much deeper and more narratively satisfying than it was, even within the realm of what one would generally expect from a mainstream video game (which is not too much). And a big part of that for me would be a tweak to the monster mechanics post-game, and a little more actual backstory to Ganondorfs backstory to they actually make narrative sense.

The Dondon Post (or: the bizarre TotK's side content counterpoints to its main quest's immuable binary morality)

Speaking of strange TotK Choices, I think I have one singe post left in me about this game; and it's about the Dondon quest, "The Beast and the Princess".

(and about other stuff too, you'll see, we'll get to them)

More specifically: about how... strange of a thematic point it feebly attemps to make in the larger context of the storyline, and how it seems to be yet another mark of a world that, perhaps, once tried to be more morally complex that it ended up becoming.

Buckle up: it's a long one, and it gets pretty conceptual.

(good gem boys notwhistanding)

The Princess and the Beast

So, a couple of things about the setup. We are investigating potential Princess sightings; but at this point, either because we have already completed a bunch and know the general gib, because we have met a couple of wild Fake Zelda shenanigans, or through the simple fact that we are completing a side quest, we know there's a good chance it won't lead to an actual Zelda information. So when we ask Penn about what is going on and he replies with the ominous "we saw the Princess riding some kind of beast --a frightening one with huge, brutal tusks-- that the princess seemed to control", we get Ideas. Then the sidequest is registered: "The Princess and the Beast".

So. You know me. And if you don't know me, here's what you should know: my brain immediately flared up with the thought there was no way in hell this wasn't some kind of wink towards Ganondorf's renowned boarish beast form, especially given tusks were given so much focus.

My first assumption was: that's a miniboss right? I will get to fight some small boar-like thing that Fake Zelda rides sometimes. Cool! I didn't hold too hard onto my hope that the relationship of Zelda and/or Ganondorf to the natural world, or to each other would be expanded upon, since I had already been burned before, but my interest was piqued.

You have to understand how starved I was for any hint of complexity or mystery or ambiguity at this point. I was extremely eager for the game to throw anything at me that would surprise me, enlighten something pre-established, make the exploration lead to a meaningful discovery or deepening of characters, world or themes (and not just slightly cooler loot, or a bossfight, or a puzzle devoid of emotional context --cohesion and depth is what motivates my play sessions, especially in an open world game that I want to believe is worth losing oneself into). This was about the most intriguing task on my to do list at the moment, and so I plunged in immediately.

After really REALLY misunderstanding what I was supposed to do (I stalked every corner of every forest surrounding the tropical area at night or during blood moons in hope to see something --which was very much the wrong call), I arrived to the other stable, then was guided to the other side of the river where Cima awaits and explains that these creatures are actually a new species discovered by Zelda; that they are gentle and kind and not at all scary ("Dondons aren't beastly, they're adorable!"), and even somehow digest luminous stones into gemstones. They like the company of people and liked Zelda in particular.

I was... I felt two different ways about this conclusion, and I think it's worth to explore both: disappointment and some sort of... "huh!" Hard to describe this emotion otherwise.

I'll get the disappointment out of the way first, because it's the least interesting of the two. While I think the little emotional arc I was taken on was not devoid of interest --I was indeed taken on by the rumor and intrigued by its implications-- I wanted, well. A little bit more. And if the creatures were to be Zelda's pet project, I would have loved for them to be actually terrifying and feisty, and for her to develop an interest for these creatures in particular regardless. It could have been very interesting characterization that veered out of the perfect princess loving the perfect world floundering around her, always bringing her clear, practical benefits from the interaction.

(I have made another post that speaks of my discomfort that Zelda does everything everywhere and everyone loves her for it --I get what they were trying to go for, but it either lacks conflict for me to buy into that dynamic at the scale of several regions, or they went on too hard for my taste, as she is, at once and in the span of a couple of years at most: a schoolteacher, a gardener, an animal researcher, a scholar, a traveler, a military expert, a knower of landscape, a painter, a horse rider, an infrastructure planner, a [...] princess --at some point it begins to sound made up, "Little Father of the people"-esque to rattle the hornet's nest a little bit, especially if it's not shown as either a clearly godly characteristic or, even more necessary imo, a negative trait; another expression of her killing herself at work to compensate for a perceived flaw she's trying to earn forgiveness for, like she did in BotW. But that's another topic, and the clumsiness of her character arc has been well threaded by basically everybody disappointed in the story already.)

But, if I decide to be a little graceful, I'd like to explore my "huh!" emotion, and take it apart a little bit.

I think there's something interesting to have such strong parallels to setting up a story about the relationship between Zelda and Ganondorf ("The Princess and the Beast", like come on guys that's the conflict of over half the series), or at least Zelda and the concept of Evil since Ganondorf pretty much represents it in this game, and then have it go: actually, there was a horrible monster that everyone was afraid of, but Zelda was wise and patient enough to approach it and realize its potential beyond the tusks, what beauty can be brought upon the world if one makes the effort to look for what exists underneath. It says something a bit deeper about the world and about Zelda in particular. It intrigues, at the very least.

Is it a reach? Probably! Is my first interpretation that the quest is actually about "eww you thought Zelda would be interested in *disgusting vile monsters* and not sweet and gentle and human-loving animals that literally shit jewlery when cared for? jokes on you, she never would feel any ounce of sympathy for anything that isn't Good and Deserving" uhhh definitively truer? Probably! But I also don't want to dismiss that the quest made me think about it. If I had completed it earlier, I might have even felt like it was (very clumsy, not gonna lie) setup about the main conflict.

But that's also a good segway into my next section: the arbitrary limitations between the animal and the creature, the monstrous and the human.

And the fact that TotK points directly at it.

A Monstrous Collection

(these two guys are just. doing So Much and being So Valid despite being massive weirdos the game wants us to be slightly repelled by. I, for one, respect the Monster kinning grind and their general Twilight Princess energy.)

So. These two guys. There is so much to say about these two guys. I don't think I have seen the Trans Perspective on Kolton on tumblr, and I would love to get it because. I feel like it's a worthwhile discussion (just, how gender and identity is handled in TotK overall, I feel like it's a very complicated conversation and I have not seen super deep dives and I'd be very interested in hearing more).

Beyond the throughline of voluntary consumption of magical objects to turn into less human creatures being a weirdly prevalent plot point in TotK (Zelda, Kolton and Ganondorf casually transing their entire species for funsies --Ganondorf being particularly relentless with Fake Zelda, mummy/phantom shenanigans, Demon King and then literal dragon), I want to focus on Kilton a little bit.

Kilton is genuinely the only NPC in the game willing to acknowledge the inherent personhood that monsters have (the game does showcase them picking up fruits, mourning their boss if you kill them, being cutesy and happy to identify you as one of their own if you wear the appropriate mask --and that's not even getting into creatures like the Lynels, who seem to really edge on the limit of being a conscious creature with a system of honor and property and many other things). He does encourage us to think of monsters as more than a species whose only worth lie in how fun it is to eradicate them; even more, gameplay-wise, he does give us a reason to interact with them in other ways than just our sword with his museum. He does encourage us to see that beauty for ourselves and then select what we think is coolest/most intimidating/cutest/eight billion ganondorfs in every pose imaginable

The fact that Ganondorf is considered a monster was a great win for this feature in particular, and is very funny, but it's also... A lot, if we dig at it a little more than warranted. Beyond all of the Implications and all of the things of representation and political conflict and values already discussed ad nauseum: when did he stop being considered a human? What does that mean about the flimsiness of what is a monster and what is a creature and what is an animal and what is a person and what is even a hylian, as sheikahs got absorbed into the definition in this game? Especially with the stones taken into account, how profound changes in nature are a huge part of the plot (even when reversed and ultimately pretty meaningless): how easy it is, to make that slip? Who decides when that slip has been made? What is acceptable to hurt without remorse? What is beautiful and worth preserving? What is both at once? What is neither?

And again, in a classic Zelda conundrum (appreciative(?)): who the fuck gets to decide that, when, and why?

The Bargainers and the Horned God

(major shoutout to these big guys for being the sole and only providers of actual depth to the Depths, and for looking cool as heck)

So. Let's move the conversation to the Depths.

Conceptually: what an interesting idea!! And so well executed (initially)!! A mirror world to the surface, dark and hushed and full of unknown creatures; haunted by gloom and sickness and the unknown. Not a first in the series, far from it: from ALTTP to ALBW, and even taking the Twilight world of TP into account, this idea of a Dark World acting as a deforming mirror to Hyrule and revealing many interesting aspects as we get to explore both is always a very interesting take on corruption and envy and fear/weakness and/or some sense of darkness looming under the perfect exterior. I'd argue even the Lens of Truth of both OoT and MM's serve a similar function, both gameplay-wise, but also in terms of theme: not everything is as it seems. In the world of Light, darkness must hide itself; but darkness also possess its own beauty, its own hardships, and will stare back at you without blinking if you go seek for it. It's, in my opinion, one of the series' most compelling conversation about the cyclical nature of fate, the coldness of godhood, and how small one feels in the face of a universe that is more complicated than it initially appears --which is why Courage must be invoked to push forward regardless.

The Depth's otherworldly ambiance is truy wonderful, whether in the plays of light and shadows, the creatures native to the environment we meet there (wish we met more!), the soundtrack, the strange aquatic/primordial plants, the fact that the dragons visit this place and connect them to the outside --invoking ideas of balance and interconnectivity, that the tree branches look like veins. The coliseums, the mines, the zonai facilities and the prisons do seem to poke at many things about what the relationship to the past was to this place; was it ever truly a place? Did it look like this back then? Why was it buried? Why did it come back? But in spite of it all, I think the Depths struggle overall to question or reveal anything about the surface that we couldn't already assume going in (that the only thing congealing there is Ganondorf's gloom, his lonely domain of Wrongness, only shared by Kohga and the yiga --the only naysayers of Goodness and Light, contemptful and blinded by self-importance and rage). The zonite is mined by gloomy monsters --why, what for?-- so any notion of greed and over-expansion that could have been associated to the zonai is now reabsorbed into Ganondorf's general evilness, since it needs to be reminded he is everything and anything bad with the world: darkness and conquest and greed and capitalism and pollution and bad weather and sickness and darkness and violence and war and death and betrayal and fakeness and lies and patriarchy and exploitation. No matter that he never does a single thing with zonite in the game; rather set up elements of conflict that never go anywhere than, for a second, let the foundations of absolute goodness and absolute evil risk becoming shaky --and you coming to this unwelcoming dark place that hates you, killing the miners and taking their resources for yourself is, on the other holy, royal fur-covered hand, utterly legitimate. The resources were once Rauru's after all, were they not?

And this is what I would say, except... except for the dead. The fallen warriors, the poes, and, most important of all: the Bargainer statues.

The Bargainers are, in-universe, godly creatures guiding the fallen to a place of final respite, regardless of moral alignment. The poes are all, fundamentally, cleansed of judgement: they are lost souls whose past reality does not matter anymore, and all deserve that peace regardless. In spite of the heavy paradise/hell parallels drawn in that game, with Rauru/Zelda/Sonia as the guardians of Light where Ganondorf gets to become a Devil-like figure, it is confirmed here that no such thing exists when you actually die in this universe.

It almost feels as if the fabric of Hyrule itself, in a brief moment that refuses to elaborate on its own point, goes: "yeah, whatever is happening here between Light and Darkness, it doesn't actually matter. This conflict is futile and doesn't understand the real nature of being alive, dead, a god, a person, a monster, an animal. The truth lies elsewhere --but you will never be told what it is."

It's: wild.

One of the game's most striking traits of narrative brilliance in my opinion --to the point where I'm wondering whether it's there on purpose or was effectively an oversight since every other aspect of reality breaks its own back trying to reassure us that everything is at its correct place, receiving the appropriate treatment by the universe in a way that is never to be questioned.

Another case of that ambiguity being allowed to exist without being immediately crushed and repressed is the case of the Horned God (interesting parallel to Ganon's actual horns that he develops in this game in case the hellish parallels weren't clear enough already): a demon Hylia sealed into stone and pushed far from humans in a clear case of questionable behavior since, while the Horned God isn't exactly nice, does propose a different philosophy you are not punished for exploring; and yet, a proposal that has seen itself persecuted in a very real sense by the goddess of absolute goodness, patron of hylians, Zelda, and many more. Pushed away from view.

Interesting.

And Yet, Light Must Prevail

Okay, so, after all of this, we're left to ask... What the fuck is up with morality in Tears of the Kingdom?!

What do we trust? These half-breaths in the occasional sidequests that Light and Darkness is just the wrong frame of reference, that nature cannot be this simple, is ever-shifting and can be recalled or reaffirmed by arbitrary forces, and might even not matter at all in the universe's fabric, despite having so much of its lore soaking in the dychotomy? Or... everything else about the game, this insistence that Good must not only be assumed as whatever tradition the kingdom has passed down for thousands upon thousands of years, but remain utterly unquestioned the entire time? That Bad is without cause, graceless and unworthy of investment?

Are the Bargainer's statues the only thing worth listening to, that morality is a fable the living tells themselves --or should we be moved when Darkness destroys Light, when Light suffers to preserve itself and the world --but not when the Other is rightfully slain?

Was Kilton correct to see beauty in the monstrous? Was Kolton onto something when he let go of his previous form because there is no clear distinction between what should receive an arrow to the face and what shouldn't? Or should we rather focus on Zelda losing her human form as a beautiful and tragic sacrifice --but something that never actually altered her nature as a hylian, the descendant of a lineage of Good Kings meant to rule forever?

Is the Dondon good because it always was, or was it worth Zelda's love in spite of the fear it initially provoked?

Either way, at the end of the game, evil is slain. Ganondorf is, not killed, but --like his angry BotW boar counterpart-- destroyed, as monsters tend to be. He explodes over the lands of Hyrule, freed from Darkness; freed from everything wrong, since the foreign menace that embodied it all was wiped out in one fateful sweep of a holy blade cradled in sacrificial love. Nothing wrong remains. The Sages reaffirm their vows to protect the kingdom forward, and a very human --hylian-- Zelda smiles: Hyrule now forever and ever basked in eternal Light.

[williamaltman]

Yes I "can excuse murder but not domestic violence" on a TV show.

No one cares about random extras or minor characters that Lestat uses to feed. We care about Louis. Actually, it's not even just that. I wouldn't care if he did that to Armand. We care about it being done to Louis because he's someone Lestat loves and is in a relationship with. The fact that the term "domestic violence" even exists already shows violence against a partner is seen as different (and possibly worse) than to a random person.

On a story where the main characters are vampires, creatures who naturally kill people because they need/want their blood, the detachment from that kind of violence and the difference between that VS hurting someone they love for no good reason is even bigger.

This a relationship that people are supposed to care about. Yes everyone knows it's a toxic one, but we're still supposed to care about it, and dare I say, root for it, since they are endgame in the books and the show is focusing on their relationship even more than the source material. To an extent, you can see that even the writers somewhat understand this. Lestat doing that to Louis is a huge emotional climax. Lestat killing randos to feed is not. Obviously they did not think they went too far and that the scene shouldn't have happened while I do, but they do understand the difference between it vs killing random people. So can you PLEASE try to understand that instead of making those "I cAn ExCuSe mUrDeR bUt NoT dOmEsTiC aBuSE~ jokes and shady comments as if people who don't feel the same as you are idiots?

When it comes to just my own emotions, if it was "just" Lestat punching him I wouldn't be as mad. It would still be domestic abuse but it wouldn't disturb me. To see him drag Louis who's already beaten to a pulp and bloody in the ground was disturbing. Mostly the fact that he held him so up in the sky (like seriously, that's not just one/two floors, it was HIGH) and threw him was disturbing. Claudia's reaction seeing that happen to her father was disturbing. If you can easily brush that off and go back to happily shipping them again the next minute, that's good for you, but it's not so easy for everyone.

"Yeah but it's a dark roman-" I have read the damn book. I've seen the movie. I've read interviews before the show started. I saw the trailers. I saw the promos. I didn't just randomly play the show blind and got shocked with what I got. I had perfectly appropriate expectations. This feels like when people say the graphic rape in GOT was all justified because ~that's just how it is~ in Westeros.

The fact that their relationship was already toxic is just another reason why I didn't want that. Because I thought it was already toxic enough and they didn't need to taint it even further. The show portrayed their relationship in a much more romantic way than the first book (the "original tapes" where Louis is just dissing Lestat is probably even a reference to that!), so the fact that they also made it even worse than it ever was there did surprise me.

I didn't want to make a post talking about this, cause I wanted to just say literally everything I think about the show in one big post, and cause I managed to mostly stay quiet when the episode aired. But back then I wasn't caught up and got spoiled/spoiled myself after seeing the discourse. Now after I've seen it in context, and more recently saw more comments about it, the emotions came back.

If you have a bad reaction to people criticizing a piece of media you enjoy, that's because you care about it. So try to understand how it feels for other people when it's not just a fan's bitter comment upsetting them, but this very content that they care about itself.

[friedloverballoon]

hi I followed you recently, saw your post about how LGBT terminology shouldn't be losing it's meaning.

I don't have any big beefy intellectual arguments about this, just personal experience and observation.

As someone whose lived experiences have been very much shaped by certain aspects of who I am, having precise language to describe those experiences is important to me. I see this language appropriation happening in more spaces than just LGBT (mental health is the first that comes to mind).

The word "trans" is a great example... I am starting to feel almost a sort of disconnect with the term trans/transgender - which frustrates me, but it's happening anyway. Because like... you go into "trans spaces" and most people in them now are not living a transsexual experience. People have told me I'm a terrible person for saying that hormone therapy is not something to "play with" in response to someone spreading the idea that you can "microdose" T to get specific changes and not others... like I'm sorry, no, your sexual characteristics are not fun, customizable traits in a video game character creation. Health issues related to hormones are very, very common whether you are trans or not. I have chronic health issues and I have had to take transition very seriously and carefully. Like... no, I don't want there to be an "us" vs "them" mentality but it's almost like they did it for us. They started ostracizing trans people in trans spaces. Those who didn't conform got labeled transmeds and whatever else. Clearly they don't see themselves as trans as in transsexual (and made that a dirty word) but take over our spaces, spread misinformation about medical treatment we need...

sorry that's all kind of rambling.

Re: the word gay... I mean yeah I've seen people literally say "no gay is an umbrella term! everyone who is queer is gay! anyone can use it!" I mean... idk how do you think that make gay men feel you guys? to take the ONE word they have to describe THEIR experience and dilute it?

I have seen older lesbians (like, in their 60s) who are uncomfortable with the word lesbian, so prefer to call themselves gay... I don't know if there is maybe a historical reason/trauma attached to that.

then, you know, the "queer community" was like "well now queer is the umbrella term!" but it's also a bunch of different identities...

it took be a long time to be okay with calling myself bisexual because of these, what I consider, regressive behaviors in the "community" that I was sort of... idk. I feel like I was indoctrinated as a young person. I never wanted to call myself queer. I was called that when someone tried to kill me in a hate crime. I don't need to reclaim it. It doesn't describe anything about me. I'm not queer. I'm bisexual. I'm transsexual. That's it.

Now this is the type of discussion I love. I don't know if I'm supposed to post this or not, I usually just post the stuff I receive, so here it is anywaysss

I also see the appropriation you're talking about, mental health mixed in there too. It's very entitled, especially considering the positions they take as "inclusionary".

I don't want to add that much to your thing, since there's nothing more than really needs to be said, (and I don't want to take away the attention from you), although I did have a related confusion because of this type of stuff. I'm sure I've said it on here before, but when I was still questioning, I hopped from sexuality to sexuality, settling on "omnisexuality" for the longest time (I got really swept up in the different types of sexualities and all that, which is why looking it up online is probably even worse now), until the mere fact that omnisexuality didn't have an article on Wikipedia led me down the path to just letting myself be bisexual.

I honestly don't know how younger LGBT people can just erase the history and labels of their own community and then wonder why so many people who have been there longer than they have are basically just "opting out" of the community in its entirety. It feels poisoned by identity politics too, this whole "make 'gay' the new 'queer'" type of thing. Either way, I'll leave it there, I'm grateful for the follow, and it's kind of like a mystery. Like who could the anonymous follower of mine be 👀

[letsbeoutoftouch]

Back in December 2016, during a sleepover, my friends and I decided to watch EXO's Chanyeol's most recent movie, "So I Married an Anti-Fan". It effortlessly became one of my favourite movies, so much so that I rewatch it —at least— once a year.

Therefore, when it was first announced that South Korea was going to produce a drama based on the same story, I was thrilled. The feeling only increased when I found out that the male lead was Choi Tae-Joon, whom I loved because of Suspicious Partner. Later (to be more precise, this year), I discovered that the other lead was the one and only Sooyoung from SNSD!

The drama was filmed back in 2018, and it was supposed to air a loooot sooner, but it had a few problems and it finally came out this year. Since I don't like waiting for episodes to come out each week, I waited until it finished airing to watch it... And, today, I finished it!

So, here's my review, fresh out the oven!

· · ·

So I Married an Anti-Fan is a 2021 South Korean drama, featuring Choi Tae-Joon, Choi Sooyoung, Hwang Chansung and Han Ji-Ahn. It's based on the novel "그래서 나는 안티팬과 결혼했다" (So I Married an Anti-Fan), written by Kim Eun Jun and published in 2010.

· · ·

♡ PLOT:

The story revolves around Hoo Joon (Tae-Joon), a well-known idol, and Geun Young (Sooyoung), a magazine reporter. They meet during an event, where a series of misunderstandings leads them to have a bad impression of each other.

For this reason, when Geun Young loses her job, she's under the impression that it was Hoo Joon's doing and is therefore keen on "reveal" Joon's real character. However, her retaliation backfires, and she attracts a lot of attention as his "anti-fan".

Later, a TV producer approaches them both to star in a reality show. Geun Young and Hoo Joon accept and think to give each other a hard time on set. But, as time goes by, they get to know each other better and better.

· · ·

♡ EPISODES:

It's made up of 16 episodes, running for an hour each (i.e., your typical k-drama).

· · ·

♡ CHARACTERS:

-Geun Young (FL): She's the best character, hands down (I swear I'm not being biased because I love Sooyoung).

For some reason, I've seen a lot of bad comments about this character. I don't truly understand why some people said that she didn't stand up for herself or that she was so-so, when she dealt really well with everything that had happened to her. I'd like to see all those people in her shoes—I bet they'd have cracked up quickly.

Also, she's like the least toxic character I've ever come across in a drama. She waits patiently for Joon to deal with his problems and doesn't jump to conclusions regarding his relationship with In Hyeong and Jae Joon. She lets him do his thing, is an independent woman, and tries to be as little of a burden as she can to the people she cares about. So, props to her!

▫ ▫ ▫

-Hoo Joon (ML): Although I overall liked his character, I admit that if I hadn't previously watched the movie, I'd probably be wary of him at the beginning. But, don't worry: as the story progresses, you get to know him better. He's patient and thinks of other people's feelings and well-being a lot (sometimes, a little too much for his own good, but he's a good boy).

I felt the need to include that there was this one scene where he acts... In a way that I didn't find appealing. Fortunately, he isn't like that all throughout the drama. Also, he isn't toxic like a lot of the male leads in drama-land. If you're wondering which scene I'm referring to, here's a spoiler: *SPOILER ALERT* When he and Geun Young start dating, they are requested to film an advertisement together. In the filming, he acts all "jealous" because the dress she was wearing was too short for his liking. I'm sorry, but she's the only one who has a say on how short a dress she's wearing is—not you, not even if you're her partner *END OF SPOILER ALERT*.

▫ ▫ ▫

-JJ/Jae Joon (SML): Jae Joon is the second male lead, and he was portrayed by 2PM's Chansung.

I'm sorry, but I never could come to terms with this character, not even during the last episodes. If the writers' intention was for me to hate him, they (and Chansung's acting) totally achieved that purpose.

He is incredibly selfish and keeps this attitude up to episode 13/14. Towards the ending, the story tries that the audience feels some sympathy towards him—it is shown why he acted the way he did. Nevertheless, in my opinion, while his past may explain his actions, it doesn't justify any of them. That's why I couldn't bring myself to feel sympathetic or empathetic towards him. *SPOILER ALERT* In fact, I think Hoo Joon was too nice to be there for him in the last two or three episodes. *END OF SPOILER ALERT*

He's also outright abusive. *SPOILER ALERT* I mean, he slapped In Hyeong and broke her laptop ¿?... Even though I didn't like her that much, nothing justifies that kind of violent behaviour. *END OF SPOILER ALERT*

▫ ▫ ▫

-In Hyeong (SFL): She's the second female lead, portrayed by actress Han Ji-Ahn.

Oh, man. I had a hard time trying to wrap my head around this character. I was just going to say that I couldn't stand her because she was always purposely putting a spanner in the works, making everyone's life difficult.

However, as I was drafting this review, I began reflecting on the character and felt sympathy for her. She was in a vulnerable place—leaving aside that she felt abandoned by her first love, she had trouble trying to make her career take off, and she was in a really abusive relationship. It could be argued that JJ and In Hyeon were both toxic to each other, but it was clear that he was the one with the upper hand (he was the CEO of her new agency, which brings a real disbalance of power).

Moreover, it was hinted several times that all she went through took a toll on her mental health (*SPOILER ALERT* she was always taking pills to calm down, and she freaking tried to kill herself!!!!!!! *END OF SPOILER ALERT*). I believe she needed professional help to put herself back together, so she could let go of her past and finally leave that abusive relationship.

· · ·

♡ COUPLES:

Since this drama mostly gravitates towards romantic relationships, I'm including this section.

▫ ▫ ▫

-Geun Young x Hoo Joon: They are your typical enemies to lovers.

In the beginning, their relationship was tainted by a lot of misunderstandings, which led them to hate each other's guts (but, where's the charm in a k-drama that isn't filled with misunderstandings, am I right?). Once they started to spend more time together, they began understanding each other better. In time, they were able to leave their pride aside and got rid of their prejudices (yes, the story gives Jane Austen-ish vibes, so much so that "Pride and Prejudice" is mentioned a few times).

Their chemistry was alright. I would have changed some parts of the script that made a lot of scenes to be super cringey—especially, before some of their kisses (like, what a way to ruin such an awaited moment!).

The thing I liked the most about them was that neither of them was toxic, and they knew how and when to give the other person space. They were sweet, but not unbearable sweet—just the exact amount.

▫ ▫ ▫

-In Hyeong x Jae Joon: I don't know if they can be considered a true couple, but I'm adding them here just to repeat that I HATED THEM TOGETHER.

· · ·

♡ SOME PERSONAL INTERPRETATIONS AND THOUGHTS:

For me, the story tries to show the two sides of the same coin: things that may seem completely different, but are essentially the same. You can see it with Hoo Joon/Geun Young, their friends, and even with Hoo Joon/Jae Joon. Of course, this could be argued—it is just my personal impression.

Also, while the drama condemns some of the toxic fan behaviour, it sometimes romanticises it. *SPOILER ALERT* one fan freaking kidnapped him, and everything was suddenly alright ¿¿ Nuh-uh *END OF SPOILER ALERT*

· · ·

♡ DRAMA VS. MOVIE:

As I mentioned above, there's a prior Chinese movie from 2016 that was based on this novel. It features EXO's Chanyeol, Yuan Shan Shan, SNSD's Seohyun, and Jian Chao.

For obvious reasons, the story is shrunk down in the movie. There are a lot of things that weren't included in the movie, other things were overly simplified, and some stuff was missing and/or changed.

If you want to have a good laugh, then I recommend you to watch the movie. It's filled with non-sensical comedy that, in my opinion, China excels at. However, if you are more inclined towards drama, then the South Korean version is the one for you (you'll laugh, too, don't worry).

· · ·

♡ SUMMARY:

This is, basically, a sweet enemies-to-lovers, famous-person-and-normal-person story. If you like any of those troupes, then you're in for a treat.

It's a really lighthearted story that will make you laugh. Don't expect a complicated plot because there won't be one. It's ideal to have a break from all those dramas where you can't miss a single detail because you'll get lost, or from those dramas which plots are so heavy they end up tiring your mind out.

I loved the cast, and their acting was great (especially Chansung's, because he made me hate his character with a passion, lmao).

ALSO, if you like Sung Hoon (My Secret Romance, Oh My Venus) like me, then WATCH THIS DRAMA, lol. He has a guest role in some episodes!

· · ·

So I Married an Anti-Fan is available on VIKI!

· · ·

If you read the whole review, thank you very much! I hope you liked it.

[doubleddenden]

Well I said I was going to have to figure out how to work out the team shot and trainer card, but it turns out I didn't need to do much, so it all went about as planned.

All of these Fakemon are not made by me, and in this case are made by Watertrainer from DA. I did do another lazy splice and rearrange of my own trainer sprite though. I wanted to sort of give myself a similar vibe to the protagonist design, and I think I'm okay with the design, although I am a bit too lazy to resize my head lol.

Anyway, my team from Solar Light and Lunar Dark.

more under the cut

I actually played a demo a few years back that went about to Rassic City, but got stuck due to a bug that stopped me around gym 4 or 5. The game's creators are (or were at the least) pretty cool, with one even offering to fix my bug for me (and he probably did, I just didn't know how to implement the fix). I said it in my review, but I really like the fakemon concepts and designs, and there was so many that I wish I had room for about 4 more Pokemon. Apparently a lot of the designs were conceptualized pre gen 4, and that's just fantastic.

I've been trying to do some unique things with my regional cards, but SLLD is actually somewhat unique among the fakemon games I've played because it's pretty unique in that its more traditional without a regional gimmick. So, I improvised a bit with sort of a clipped design and some zig zags at the corners. I also made a new background design by making a grid out of a series of circles, so hopefully that looks good too. Plus, I used pentagons instead of my usual stuff to try and account for the bigger sprites, and I had space between them, so I did a little sun and moon mural for the Solar and Lunar title thing

As for how Poke Den got to Rikoto, well, how does he get anywhere other than by accident? I feel like he probably went for a boat ride in Tandor or something, took a nap, and found himself in Poke New Zealand Rikoto. The stakes weren't really as high as other regions, so I imagine he just kinda went "fuck it" and decided to explore and take in the beautiful scenery. And as usual, for some reason he pisses off just the right people and ends up babysitting some kids that keep claiming they're his rivals.

Gonna be real, I liked the fact that I stumbled across the New Zealand map in the game because I wasn't able to tell before, but now its super obvious. Rikoto is a beautiful region and probably my favorite in terms of diversity in the recent fan games I've played, not to mention I would KILL to live in the tropical areas.

this is my team

1. (Mega) Salaslam: Water/Poison: Our starter for the region, and funnily enough, just like my first Pokemon ever, a Typhlosion in Silver, I didn't realize she was a girl until like, 7 gyms in. She's strong boi, and I relied on her a bunch especially in late game after I acquired her mega. I think I like water types in theory the best, so I imagine it was a very obvious pick for me, especially when its baby form is so adorable. Probably went from the rambunctious baby to friendly but dangerous monster as it evolved.

2. Aeroma: Flying/Grass: One of the earliest caught Pokemon on the team, and I almost replaced him, but he's honestly very useful and comes in clutch when I need him to the most. I imagine ours sings a lot since it learned Sing and Grass Whistle at some point in our journey

3. Lunape: Psychic: A traded monke boy that I loved so much as a Moonky. I just loved saying his name. Moonky. It awoke something primal in me. Its funny because I accidentally over trained him at first, so he initially wouldn't listen to me until until like gym 3. I imagine we're good friends now. He's actually pretty good for capturing Pokemon, not so much for battles, but he comes in clutch sometimes. In fact, he pretty much carried my team in the champion battle.

4. Werehide (Shiny): My favorite of the bunch I believe. Apparently there's a bug that makes it easier to find Shinies in this game, which I believe since I found 2 of them, but this one was my first and I decided to keep her. She spent the longest time as her previous form, Beopup, until like level 53 so she could learn Play Rough. I imagine she was my shoulder buddy for the longest time because of that, and despite being theoretically the "weaker" of the team, she kept up just fine as Beopup. After evolving, she became SO much stronger, I actually solo'd the ice gym with her, I think. The only issue is that Werehide's ability is Hustle, which makes her hit like a fuckin truck, but she's about as accurate as a broken clock. I do imagine she's like my dog and is a good doggo that likes pets, but goes feral in a fight.

5. Dinopion: Fighting/Dragon. I almost replaced him too, but there was really no reason. As a Dinomite, he was kinda weak and kept getting KO'd a lot, but once he evolved he started kicking ass and didn't ever stop. His Moxie ability, monstrous attack, and diverse move pool make him such a MONSTER to deal with for my enemies, but he is kinda frail. But if he outspeeds you and knocks out one of your guys, you've basically already lost the battle. My Dinopion was basically able to Solo Rick's Elite 4 team. I gotta imagine he's a rough and rowdy but good dino boy with a hankering for power and glory. I think my guy likes him a lot now because he's a DINOSAUR, and we like dinosaurs in this house.

6. Natoron: Ground. I LOVE DINOSAURS. And this guy is a heckin' dinosaur!!! He had a tough time at the beginning, but once he evolved once, he started kicking ass. There was an awkward time towards the last few gyms where after he evolved again, he started losing a lot more, but he's been very reliable as a wall and tank. By the end, he had both Earthquake, Head Smash, and Stone Edge, so he could dish out a SHIT ton of damage. I gotta imagine he's a bit slower, usually tries to eat grass when he sees it, and he's a gentle giant that my Poke self adores because he's a DINOSAUR

Anyway this was fun to make. I'm gonna be looking for more fakemon games to play through because I just love em, and I love making little trainer cards for my playthroughs.