#i'm. actually. mostly proud of how i'm handling this. hdfkajsdkfl wish i cld do so much more but..
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woah i. wrote a lot.
#to me friend ^^ yk the. that one. i ended up writing several paragraphs . I'M RLLY GLAD W MYSELF WAHHH 😭😭#there's sm i don't know yet though but i managed to. say at least a lot of what i've been meaning to say for a long time#i think i managed it maturely !!!! i reached out i'm so happy.#i want the best for my friend. n. yeah there's so much communication lacking but for now i think she needs space for herself#hopefully. sometime when all four of us r free we can. be direct w each other? yeah.#i'm. actually. mostly proud of how i'm handling this. hdfkajsdkfl wish i cld do so much more but..#yeah. this isn't enough. but i've taken a step at least. know i cld still do better but.#there's. rlly a lot i want to say. but. i think when we're all not quite as busy i'll try to yk. set a time where we can all talk#irl hopefully. hdjafsldf i rlly hope my words reached out to her tho :c#wish i cld still do more but i have my limits too n though i rlly try my best to be kind bcs i really mean it unconditionally#i have my boundaries.#i can't emphasize enough just how important it is to be able to do things for your own self so you can apply it to the rest of the world.#so.. i'll. say it outright here. i can't handle this on my own. all four of us have to put effort in it.#so. this seems a bit clearer at least. thankfully. aghhh i wrote a lot but i want to comfort her more directly too#i want to do. so much for each person in life i think i need to set more boundaries for myself or i'll get overwhelmed#n then it's not like every friendship has to have everything yk? but.#hdjaflsdfs no bcs for this. specifically rn. i care a lot for her she's one of my best friends after all n. for nearly 7 years#i know at least one of the things i rlly need in those sort of close friendships is. yk we can open up to each other n be honest#being honest at least. when it comes to venting i know i can just do that more on social media or. online friends#like when i say online friends btw 😭 i basically consider them irl friends n i value them very very much but#for the sake of. yk. we don't know each other irl irl so just difference in label. not the value n meaning it has for me.#so. yeah w ^^ we don't rlly share similar beliefs n views which is honestly pretty draining for me#so at the very least. hopefully sometime this/next month we can at least be direct abt that? to communicate so we can understand#i can understand ppl well enough like. uh. i'm good at piecing things tgther but there's so much gaps without direct communication#i can't guess all the time. but yk one thing abt myself that i'm. at least happy w is that. yk. i. can open up when needed#okay like it's hard when i have to do it directly to another person for my own sake but in this context w my friend. yes i can. 👍#that said though oh dear other than this. friend stuff rn there's also more i'm worried abt bcs. school. assignments. yeah#which i'll be able to do but i'm still a bit. stressed. n then for prom 10 per table but we're only 9 n we're all stags 😭😭#wanted at least to have my ^^ friend w me bcs. despite these stuff yk we're still friends :c but she's going w a partner yeah#n then there's more personal stuff too.. there's. a lot. too much to write. but i'll manage.
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