#i'm working on organizing my drafts and figuring out what i owe

[bomberqueen17]

ow

lol so. i'm at home after the farm season right. i have so much writing i have been wanting to do, and i have succeeded at doing some of it! i had a brief "ah chicken season is over" hiatus before The Dread Deturkening, and spent that whole thing writing frantically, hence the solarpunk tall ships idea which is still in progress btw-- I did finally start a for real draft version to solicit feedback and now I realize a bunch of people's tumblr handles is not a great way to actually connect so i need to figure out how to do that-- which is beside the point of this post--

anyway. now that it's For Real Hiatus From Farm Season I'm trying to actually get my life in order and not succeeding very well.

Dude's company laid off a bunch of his team and therefore shut down the local office, so he, being the last man standing, had to go in and clear the space out. As part of that, his former desk is sitting in our garage, and I'm trying to clear out space for it in the basement. The basement is a black hole of fuckery because one year ago, some of you may remember, we had our kitchen remodeled, and we had contracted to do it in February but they called us the last week of November and said can we do it now instead, which sure but it meant I had to haul seventeen years' worth of stuff out of the kitchen into Literally Anywhere Else and then they needed me to clear out part of the basement erroneously believing they were putting in a new support pillar, which they weren't, but then they needed me to clear out a path to the back wall of the basement because the electricians needed to install a whole new panel there, so like, ok cool but it just meant a lot of things got haphazardly hauled from one corner of the basement to another in tremendous hurry with no time for keeping track of what's what. So that's a disaster and now's the time to fix it.

I have also been hauling some of it to the attic. I had been using the desk in the spare room for sewing on the days when Dude was working from his office. Since those days no longer happen, I have no access to those machines now, which are stacked in a corner. The basement is now too crowded for me to resume using the little space I'd carved out down there, so I have put some sewing stuff into the attic, which isn't insulated and is rather drafty now. But anyway. I'm rearranging a lot of things and can't make progress on any projects while that's happening.

I got a ton of reorganizing done on Monday evening in the basement (having spent the whole morning hauling shit out of dude's former office, which is now surrendered and locked and all set), and yet more Tuesday, and was hoping to finish it yesterday but Tuesday evening I fucked up my back, it felt all crunchy, and I was really worried until I woke up Wednesday in just torrents of gore, which I realized is my new perimenopausal normal-- I've started to realize that menstruation does fucky shit to all my connective tissues, so I shouldn't actually worry about my lower back destroying itself if it's also Cramp Time. So I spent yesterday absolutely immobile, dosed up on ibuprofen and just like that scene out of the Shining except wrapped in blankets and drinking herbal tea.

I also spent much of yesterday just. Unconscious? Which was weird. I don't know why I'm so fatigued but at least I'm sleeping.

(I also cleaned the oven. Do not recommend, especially not when one's lower back is doing mysterious rice krispie impressions.)

So today I was hoping to get back to work but I do feel like I've been beaten with sticks. Maybe instead I will finish working out how to get people who've expressed interest in beta-reading into a google doc.

A not so hilarious side note is that if I do not have a desk to sit at I have trouble organizing my thoughts?? IDK it's very weird but there are several tasks I need to do where I'll need to have my laptop and a sheet of paper in front of me I think, and my brain is like "illegal unless At Desk" and that's tough shit since I don't have a desk. I had started noticing it over the summer in the cabin where I also don't have a desk. How do I organize my thoughts if I can't Sit At A Desk to do it????? One would think I'd figure it out since i've spent most of my life without a desk of my very own, but. Not so far!!! Not currently.

Also a major thing my brain is Not Allowing me to do is finish preparing for Christmas. I'm not seeing family for Christmas, for the like tenth year in a row because every year we arrange to do it together my older sister fucking flakes out, and this year it was the off year but she flaked out of thanksgiving instead-- i'm not saying she doesn't flake out for good reasons, one of her kids was real sick and i'm not mad, but the fact remains, we're not seeing that bit of the family and she's not letting us make any contingency plans, so my brain is like Fine No Christmas Then and won't let me figure out what to get people for gifts and it is actually a problem because some of those people are kids and are expecting me to figure it out anyway.

argh.

my beloved godfather, my Type A mom's little underachieving alcoholic gay probably ADHD depressed college dropout brother, never was good at christmas presents for us kids either, and still managed to hold it together better than I am despite being in a relationship with a man who wouldn't allow him to tell us nieces about him and so he just showed up to all our family events and was my uncle's "friend" and we all figured it out anyway so there was no point hiding it from us but ugh they still did and i remember us at some point in the 90s, all us sisters sitting together ranging in age from high school down to elementary school and my older sister being like "we all know they're gay right" and us all being like "yeah why can't we just say it" and the oldest sister looking at me, who even then everybody knew was the gay one, and i was like "man i don't know" and we all just solemnly agreed to not mention it...

anyway

he did better than this but he died of lung cancer in '08 so I can't ask him how he managed it. (what i have in my favor is that my dad's side of the family gave me asthma so i never could have taken up smoking, so at least that won't kill me.)

He never got an ADHD diagnosis tho so I can't find out what meds he took. Well, he took whiskey, we know that. It didn't work though. and he wasn't really a loser, i've met so many people who knew and loved him now that i'm an adult and sometimes go around in the city where he lived. even now so many people remember him so fondly. and he bragged about us, his nieces, all the time, all these people know who i am as soon as i mention him. boy i miss him!!!

this is the miracle of the ADHD brain I was fretting about house cleaning and now i'm grieving my long-dead uncle, who of course I knew mostly through the lens of my mother who literally never understood him in the slightest.

[peachymilkandcream]

Can you do a oneshot with Mafia Levi and civilian Evelyn who is in debt with him :)

Payment|Levi and Evelyn AU

(A/N: I'm honestly surprised we haven't done a mafia au yet but I'm glad this request came in. I love the idea of another power imbalance. To the other request in my inbox, you've been moved to my drafts don't worry and I'll try and get the oneshot out later tonight. (I must really like you guys to be working on my day off XD, just kidding, I love all your requests.) If someone requests a part two I probably will do it this was a lot of fun! Hope you enjoy!)

WARNINGS: implied noncon/dubcon, yandere themes/behaviours, misogyny, domestic violence, forced marriage, forced pregnancy, etc.

===============================================

What kind of a stupid fool makes a deal with a mafia boss? She could have just let her business fall flat on its face and she wouldn't be in this situation.

The deal had been that Levi Ackerman, the one man who singlehandedly ran the city from the shadows, would give her a sizable loan to save her business and keep her afloat. It was such a stupid deal to make, but Evelyn was desperate to find a way not to crawl back to her parents as a failure.

In her defense, she didn't know he was a mafia boss, just a generous investor who took pity on her and chose to help her out. So once she had made the deal only then did he reveal his true self and she realized how deep in shit she really was.

Evelyn shook her head to clear her thoughts, no need to get upset, payday was coming and her business did end up making enough to pay him back. Within the week she'd be done with him.

The thought helped her swallow the ramen noodles she'd had to eat for the last week to avoid unnecessary expenses.

================================================

Payday arrived, and with it came the man who haunted her dreams at night for what he'd do to her if she couldn't pay it back. Images of being killed and then dissected to sell her organs constantly filled her mind and made her work harder.

But that was all over today. Today she'd be free of him and hopefully never see his face again. And besides, while scary looking, he wasn't a bad guy to her at least. Even though that meant she still couldn't show fear to him.

"Mr. Ackerman, you look well." She ventures with a friendly smile.

"Levi." He spits out, seeming bored as he looks around. "So I see you made use of my money."

"Yes sir I have," Pride shone through her voice now. "I've worked and saved and scraped together all that I owe you." She slides an envelope towards him.

Without much more than a sideways glance at her Levi takes the envelope and silently counts before looking at her with annoyance.

"This isn't the full amount."

"What do you mean?" Panic rises in her. "I counted it this morning-"

"This covers the loan for the business but not your other expenses."

Evelyn's stomach dropped, looking into the faces of his smug bodyguards, clearly this wasn't the first time they witnessed their boss crushing the hope out of a person. "What expenses-?"

Levi snaps his fingers and is given what seems to be a receipt. "Business loan, paid. Interest, paid. Disposal of persons count one, unpaid. Disposal of persons count two, unpaid."

She shakes her head in disbelief. "Wait, disposal of persons?"

"You know, like a hit?"

Her mouth hangs open. "You killed someone? I didn't ask you to kill anyone."

"Of course you did, I have clear record of one of my guys overhearing you reference to two customers that you hoped they fell in a ditch and died."

Evelyn can hardly believe her ears, the two in question was an old highschool bully named Petra who used to torment her, and the other was one of her lackeys who did as she said. The event was the two had come in to harass her and her business since apparently some people don't grow up after graduating.

"It was just a figure of speech- I didn't want them dead-"

"Then you should have clarified, it's not my fault you're unable to explain yourself."

While the idea of Petra being dead didn't exactly upset Evelyn, the idea of causing it was a little unsettling. "Okay fine, how much do I owe you then."

Levi says nothing but writes out a for her to sign, the amount making her eyes widen.

"I could never pay this back-"

"Then it seems we have a problem don't we."

"Look if you just gave me more time-"

"I've given you plenty of time." He nods and before she can react a cloth is placed over her nose and mouth.

Panic sets in and she can't stop her sharp breaths, each one making black edges come into her vision as Levi's leering face fills her unconscious.

================================================

Evelyn awakes handcuffed to a bed pole in a room more luxurious than anything she's ever seen. It was clean and neat and expensive, everything there probably cost more than all her organs combined.

She tugged on the cuffs, but as expected it was useless. She was alone in that room overlooking the city from the huge window. HOw she had gotten there no one knew, and when she'd be set free was just as certain.

The door opens and in walks the man of the hour, shred of his thick wool coat from before and just in a vest and suit. In his hand was a whiskey tumblr and a cigarette laced through his fingers.

"Good morning, although it is more like good evening."

"Look, Levi, please, I'll do whatever you want to pay it off, but please just don't hurt me- I'll work until I'm a hundred years old-"

"The amount of pain you receive is entirely up to you."

"What do you mean?"

"Well." He sets down the glass and puts out the cigarette before facing her. "If you're good, and do as I say and don't act like a bitch then I guarantee you'll have a great and long life. The best money can buy." As he stalked towards her his hand reached up to loosen his tie.

"And if I don't?"

"If you don't-" He climbs on the bed over her, a sadistic and twisted look in his eye.

"I'll make you wish you were never born."

[memento-morianon]

Happy STS! Who is your favorite antagonist to write? What makes them so special? (Also, bonus question, would you give them a Disney villain song? Which one?)

aha, see thing is, I don't actually have any proper antagonists/villains in my stories. there are some vague figures who have done or are doing bad things. Morianon's abusive parental figure from early childhood, who died in the hurricane. some terrible politicians in another country neighboring the main setting country. that sort of thing. I haven't had a chance to write any of them yet and flesh out who they are and what they're doing. (the terrible politicians will be important for book 3, so i ought to flesh them out)

the closest thing I have to an antagonist in the first book is actually the personification of Death itself. I wouldn't call them a villain, but they are the source of some very big struggles for Morianon and he is justifiably angry and annoyed at them for it. Death is fun to write as a character, though it will be a while before they actually show up on page!

I'm kinda keeping their presence a secret until the climax of book 1, having Morianon finally tell his wife Evarin about them and the problems he has because of them. It's not easy to tell other people your soul is all tangled up with Death, who is an immortal being but not any of the particular deities your local cultures view as death gods.

and since I'm still working on and posting my WIP draft, I'll just put the extra details under a cut for spoiler reasons.

I don't think I would give Death a villain song, but I could see them having some solo numbers if this was a musical. maybe have a leitmotif for them anytime they're secretly present in a scene (like when the old orc He-esh dies, Death's leitmotif would be there quietly beneath Evarin's song)

they could have a solo number after their reveal, explaining their identity to the audience. and an argument duet with Morianon. that would be a lot of fun.

Death has been around so long, they often try to tell jokes that no longer make sense. they're socially awkward, moody, and a little pathetic. Morianon owes his very life to them, but he hates them for it. He's alive, sure, and he loves the life he has gained as a result. but Death only prevented him from dying, they're not the rescuers and doctors and adoption organizers who ensured his full recovery and placed him with a good family. Death's manner of saving his life also did irreparable harm to his soul. he can't interact with magic the way most people do. and the reason Death saved him was a petty, selfish, impulsive action done with no thought for the future of the poor dying half-quetzalin boy.

though the offer Death has made him in their attempt to right things without killing him is certainly a tempting one. (it's not great to deny a dying child the mercy of release, tangling their soul in a power they can't handle. but it would be undeniably worse to then correct the matter by murdering the child after you prevented their death.)

unfortunately, the nature of the spell Death used (forbidden and lost to mortal memory) means Morianon's soul is stuck to Death's and cannot be released unless Death personally kills him. the most normal option he has is just to live to old age and then let Death finish him off so he might have a chance at a normal afterlife. if he dies by any other means before that, even Death doesn't know what would happen to his soul.

(image description: an entity whose body resembles a heavy cloak of fur and feathers, with a gold collar at the top. Above the collar, a canine skull is floating. There are ragged lines etched beneath its eye socket, and a few smaller decorative lines along the top of the skull. it is also wearing a plume of feathers attached to the back of the skull. end description.)

[gunnerpalace]

Thanks for being kind to my wallet man. Anyways, I'm sorry if I offended you in anyway by saying "you Ichirukis". I just came by your blog and you seem to be a pretty knowledgeable dude and thus I asked you a question. Hostile little shit? Really? I'm being called a godamn hopeless imbecile here. Maybe you've just read my msg in a different tone as there is an absence of non-verbal communication here. I didn't say anything about you owing me shit man, you just interpreted that way.

And when you are referring to normal people, there tends to be cross cultural differences sometimes. So whatever you consider as being a normal person might not be the same for somebody else. In your terms I sound and act like a hostile IH so I’m not considered a normal person right? I wasn’t paying too much attention to the Bleach media from start to finish so I don’t know all the nitty gritty details such as sales and such. But yeah you’re right. If you don’t want explain you don’t have to.

Oh my god, an apology. Well, now I’ve seen everything.

Alright, look. I’m having a bit of an experience at the moment, perhaps most accurately summarized by Jules from Pulp Fiction going “The truth is…you’re the weak, and I am the tyranny of evil men. But I’m trying, Ringo. I’m trying real hard to be the shepherd.” So I’m going to accept your apology, and take it for granted that you didn’t mean to come across nearly as condescendingly as you did. 

Given that, I too will apologize for my behavior. When I see aggression, I get aggressive. It’s just habit. Trigger-happy IFF. So, I’m sorry for insulting you with gratuitous ad hominem. Let me advise that you consider your tone more carefully in the future.

With that said, let me attempt to answer your original question sincerely in a compact fashion without writing a goddamn thesis, because I still don’t want to put in the time to do that. Bleach had exactly three things going for it:

The uniqueness of the IchiRuki relationship and their individual characters. Ichigo and Rukia are unique because they are somewhere between being deuteragonists and Rukia being a supporting protagonist. I would say that she is a “hidden deuteragonist,” in that her influence is constantly felt, even when she isn’t present. Ichigo is not a normal shounen protagonist, like Gintoki, Luffy, Naruto, Goku, or Kenshiro. He doesn’t have a vision or a goal, and he’s a terrible tsundere. Rukia, however, does. Rukia sets Ichigo on his way and enables him to do what he does, and she repeatedly keeps him in check when he flounders. She is what enables him to function. He is what enables her to influence things. They are two parts of a whole, and neither is operational or very effective without the other. This “split soul” phenomenon is unique to them, was a hallmark of the early manga, and echoed on throughout. Although its promise was by no means always lived up to, it was there, and it’s a major part of why IR is a thing.

Character design in general. I’ll give Kubo this: he’s usually good at fashion and drafting relatively memorable characters. (Even if he starts to recycle faces after awhile; it’s not like Dragon Ball/Z/GT/etc., One Piece, and so on don’t.) They tend to have unique designs, if not wholly unique or fleshed out personalities. He’s very good at creating the illusion of depth using them. Over the run of the series, pretty much everyone was able to find a character they liked, if not several.

Mystery. A lot of the shit that happens in Bleach is unexplained, or was kicked down the road for as long as possible before being explained. A lot of it was never explained, stuff like “What was Yoruichi’s bankai? / What was her zanpakutou? / Why can she turn into a cat?” “Who were the other two Great Noble Houses?” “What was the deal with the Soul King?” “How did Soul Society really get started?” “What was up with Komamura?” “What was up with Don Kanonji?” “What was up with Ururu and Jinta?” The list goes on and on. Mystery is alluring, as the writers of Lost quickly figured out.

You will notice what I didn’t mention: fighting, worldbuilding, and plot. So let’s go over those quickly.

Fighting: Bleach’s fights suck. Someone dramatically teleports behind someone else leading to a shocked expression. Someone slices someone else’s arm off. Whoever reveals how their powers work first loses. Everybody gets new, “hiddener, worser” powers. It wasn’t so bad through the Soul Society arc because it was still fresh, but the more power-creep set in, the worse it got. Bleach doesn’t use powers in interesting ways like One Piece or JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure. It doesn’t handle a constant ramping up of the stakes as well as Dragon Ball/etc. It doesn’t have the technical interest of Naruto. It’s extremely boring and repetitive. As a battle manga, it’s shit.

Worldbuilding: Bleach’s worldbuilding is a shadow puppet show. It’s literally Plato’s Allegory of the Cave: the illusion of depth and meaning which you only process as such because nothing calls it into question. This isn’t to say Kubo didn’t plan some things (I would say that the theological essence of Soul Society and its cycle of reincarnation makes more sense than most organized religions, since it answers a lot of basic questions like “Where do new souls come from?”) but there were many things he simply couldn’t be bothered with.

Plot: It’s rather apparent, and has been for a number of years, that Kubo reshuffled the plot on the way to the conclusion of the Soul Society arc. That said, the plot was still good up until then. The Arrancar arc was serviceable, Hueco Mundo was bad, and things went downhill from there. The reappearance of the Quincy in Thousand-Year Blood War was a massive retcon and plot hole that makes no real sense.

Now here’s the thing. The Mystery aspect of Bleach was bound up in the Plot and Worldbuilding. The more the latter two fell apart, the more the former became threadbare and could be clearly seen as an effort to string readers along. So much of Bleach’s “promise” turned out to be a polar bear on a tropical island.

The Character design also became wrapped up in Worldbuilding and Fighting, as characters often had no other means to advance, grow, or define themselves, and were relegated to bit parts other than to turn up every two years in some insignificant tussle. The continuing cast bloat only made this worse, as did the dramatically skewed nature of fan favorites.

What didn’t change was IchiRuki. I would argue it didn’t advance as it should have, and rather more objectively, every effort was made to push them into the background in favor of the other five elements, but they were at least consistent throughout, which is why so many people looked forward to their interactions, no matter how fleeting. It was solid all the way up until the final 5 or so chapters, once Kubo had clearly decided to implement his subversive “ending” (what with Tsukishima taking Rukia’s primary role, and so on).

Anybody who wasn’t around for that reason was holding onto vain hope about the Mystery, because of sunk cost fallacy, or were just trying to support their favorite characters or other ships. That’s the god’s honest truth. Bleach’s numbers started to tank after Soul Society and were abysmal by the time of Lost Substitute Shinigami. The sudden end of Bleach was Shueisha finally pulling the plug and disconnecting life support.

Now, you can say that nothing I’ve said here is proof, and that would be true, this is all summary. The proof is out there though (although I cannot be bothered to assemble it all for you), and I think any honest reader would admit the truth of my analysis even without it.

tl;dr IchiRuki is the only consistent positive of Bleach, which is otherwise a subpar fashion manga which never deserved to be counted among the big three on any other merits.