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linkspooky · 1 year

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Hi there!! I really enjoyed reading about how you approach writing and characterising characters like Nanako, Mimiko, Nobara or Gojo so I’ve been wondering how do you go about writing someone as angsty and downright violent yet soft and childish at times like Megumi? Boy really had a cursed life for someone named blessing… so I feel there’s a lot to unpack when it comes to his character. Do you have any headcanons for him or do you mostly base his characterisation on what we’ve been shown in the manga? And how difficult or maybe easy you find writing him?

Megumi's actually the most complicated and well-written character in the manga (this is the part where @theanimepsychologist appears to high five me) so it's understandable you might have trouble writing him.

You don't really need to fanonize Megumi, because everything you need about him is already there in the manga. He's a jungian character who literally uses his shadow as his weapon to attack people, so the story delves incredibly deep into his inner world probably moreso than Yuji the main character.

To begin with though, this is my favorite way to describe Megumi:

Fushiguro had intended to just pay and leave but with his serious personality, his idea of leaving was dismissed by Itadori’s reasoning. However, his eyes that were as deep as the night that peeped out from the bottom of a deep ditch became even more lifeless. Fushiguro tried once more to switch off his self-awareness. Numbness was the safety feature of life. If he did not think of a way to protect his spirit, it would not be strange if a curse was born.

"Numbness was the safety feature of life", every behavior Megumi exhibits is an attempt to suppress his emotions, to numb himself down and feel nothing.

This is what makes him a Jungian character. His primary personality trait isn't being grumpy, or serious, or anti-social, it's being avoidant. Which is why it's funny people often compare him to the other black haired rival characters in shonen jump, because he's nothing like Sasuke.

If you wanted a character to base your Megumi characterization on, the closest comparison is Killua. The abused child who ran away from a family of assassins, who thinks absolutely nothing of himself while describing his best friend in the gayest way possible as pure light. Killua's primary character trait is also avoidance. He doesn't really want to be a better person at the start of the story, he has no problems with killing people, he just wants to RUN AWAY. Which is also why he takes the one sibling he likes from the abusive household and kind of just leaves the rest of them behind like it's none of his business.

Megumi's primary character trait isn't anger, or violence, even if he's both of those things it's avoidance. He wants to avoid both the people in his life and his problems whenever possible until it's too late. He doesn't want to analyze himself or his own actions, which is why I made the banner image of this post Megumi straight up saying "I don't care if I'm right or wrong." This is how you get the contradiction that is Megumi, someone who self-righteously lectures Yuji in the first few chapters that he doesn't care if a prisoner died because they hit someone with their car by accident, then one hundred chapters later in the culling games blatantly says "I'll totally kill people to score points."

Megumi's simultaneously extremely strict and lawful, but also does not think those laws apply to himself because he doesn't want to think about himself. He has no image of himself. This is where you get to the childish aspects of his character. His second biggest character trait is that he's basically an eternal child. He can't handle any of his emotions in a mature way like an adult would so he just doesn't. The reason he hides all of his emotions in the dark and ignores them is because he doesn't have the tools to deal with them. His own feelings are the leaky roof that he can't afford to fix so he just has to pretend it's not there.

Megumi also isn't really trying to grow up or grow past his mistakes, because he is stuck in survival mode. Megumi's a child because he has no proper adult role models in his life. Yes, this is including Gojo. If you want a real life metaphor for the way Megumi behaves, he's like a foster kid passed from house to house until he's eighteen who never connected with any of his parents and was probably treated as a renter by them instead. Megumi himself in story is kind of treated like he's more mature than others too, just because he has a more serious personality, and has been forced to carry a lot of responsibility at a young age (by Gojo).

Which finally, you have to look at the two adults in Megumi's life who are responsible for a lot of his behaviors. Toji is someone who abandoned Megumi, and not only that he took the money he gained from his jobs, and selling Megumi and practically gambled it away and blew it on stupid shit. He failed in his responsibilities to Megumi every step of the way. Yet, there's a strong resemblance between father and son. Toji is the way he is because he was abandoned by his family his entire life and cast out, and wound up doing the same to Megumi. Toji also, seemed to use Megumi's mother as the only good thing / the only good influence on him and when she died he practically gave up. It's the same for Megumi, he basically used Tsukimi the same way as the person who inspired him to be good. Without Tsumiki, look at the despair that Megumi falls into and how he stops fighting Sukuna entirely.

Then you have Gojo, who let's just ignore the child soldier aspect of the way Gojo treats Megumi for now. I think the worst influence Gojo has on Megumi, is he expects Megumi to be exactly like him. Gojo and Megumi were both born with their clan's strongest technique, they're both natural geniuses who learn whatever they try to learn quickly. My friend Psycho had this to say about it.

Isn't it ironic how Gojo is the one telling Megumi he doesn't know how to bring out his best? Megumi is your class "I'm so naturally talented everything comes easy to me, but I don't know that I don't know this, so I don't try or strive hard for anything."

Gojo and Megumi are similiar in a lot of ways, but if Toji represents Megumi's violent side and the worst of his trauma, then Gojo is Megumi's avoidance. Gojo is also someone who doesn't want to form connections with people, who is stuck isolated in his own little world and never really changes or adapts to circumstances because he's always been perfect at what he does.

Gojo tried to raise Megumi into another Gojo, but failed because Megumi is different in ways that Gojo doesn't understand. Megumi doesn't really want to strive to be the best sorcerer in the way Gojo does, because Megumi was forced into it by circumstances. Gojo was like, Megumi if you don't come with me and do sorcery jobs for the school then your sister will be abused by the Zen'in. THis is totally a choice I'm giving you. Gojo doesn't understand why Megumi would have so many mental hurdles that would prevent him from reaching his full potential. And I think the biggest reason for this is because Gojo basically treated Megumi as a miniature adult from the day they met onwards, instead of treating him like a child. Gojo didn't have to raise Megumi, but the bare minimum he could have done is realized that Megumi is a child and not an adult and can't handle the responsibilities or an adult and doesn't have the emotions or maturity of an adult.

Gojo doesn't realize that however. He expects Megumi to deal with the crushing responsibility of being an adult, because that's how Gojo was raised and look at Gojo he's doing just fine he's the strongest.

So, like to cap this all off Megumi is a character with a pretty deep internal world made up of all the emotions he's repressing.

I'd say to other people he comes off as quiet and unpleasant. He also keeps interaction with others down to as minimum as possible. If he's interacting with strangers, he tends to be respectful, because he's projecting the personality of someone more mature than he really is. He's also the one who by default tries to act responsible and make the plans for other people even if he's the youngest one in the group. All of these things are because Megumi 1) feels a crushing responsibility to be the adult in these situations, and 2) also wants to avoid that responsibility hence his quiet and antisocial behavior as a default.

Megumi is also a male tsundere, which is how he deals with even the people who's closest to him. A lot of his dialogue in regards to Yuji is just some version of "Shut up, Baka" whereas with Nobara he tends to just kind of ignore her when she's being annoying and let her tire herself out.

Megumi also has incredibly low self esteem so when you're writing his internal dialogue, you should have him basically describe people like Yuji in the gayest terms possible much like Killua, while at the same time insulting and belittling himself. He props other people up to make himself look smaller in comparison.

Megumi's also in general pretty self-loathing. That's another reason why he represses himself so much, because he just sort of hates himself. He thinks he's a shitty brat who can't do anything right. When Megumi tends to pull more morally ambiguous things like advocating for murder, or getting too violent in a fight, he tends to justify it as "I'm not a good person like Tsumiki and Yuji so it's okay if I get my hands dirty". Which isn't a good excuse but it's very sad that a sixteen year old boy is unable to see the good in himself and is constantly comparing himself to others and finding them to be better.

Finally, Megumi's kind of like a parentalized child, at least in the fact he's been treated as a mini-adult by the biggest adult caretaker in his life and is expected to function like one. Therefore, Megumi has an image of himself that he's more mature than the people around him and knows better when he doesn't. He also doesn't really seem to grasp when he's being childish or angry or immature because he doesn't see himself that way, he's the adult, he'a always forced to be the adult.

Okay, I hope that helped you even a little bit Megumi is a pretty complex character to grasp, if you want even more inspiration then just read Hunter x Hunter.

#megumi fushiguro #toji fushiguro #askspookies

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befuddledcinnamonroll · 9 months

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BL Wrapped 2023

A little bit late, but I wanted to make sure to do this for my own records! I've watched so many shows now, it helps to have something down more formally to remember stuff.

A few notes:

This includes shows that started in 2022 and finished in 2023.

No shows that are currently still airing - how the ending lands is too critical for me.

There's some shows I know I'm going to love that I just haven't had time to see yet, so if there are any shocking absences, that's probably why.

Total # of QL watched: 37 (35 BLs, 2 GLs) (really looking forward to more GL offerings next year)

Favorite Thai shows:

Bed Friends

I was not the biggest fan of Cutie Pie, so entered this one with a fair amount of skepticism. But what a lovely surprise. Uea was such an incredible lead and so well-characterized, his trauma was handled seriously, and though there were occasional hiccups due to drama, overall King was such a respectful and supportive partner. And let's not forget the cat ears.

Laws of Attraction

What a ride this show was! I had not watched To Sir with Love, so had no familiarity with Jam or Film, but they were amazing here. The side couple of disaster muffin + loving bodyguard were pitch perfect, there were fantastic women characters who actually had significant roles in the story, and who can forget our wonderful chaotic Nawin? The story was compelling, the emotional points hit, and even when it leaned towards the ridiculous, it always remained aware of what it was.

My School President

I still remember watching the trailer for Our Skyy 2 and noticing two random dudes I had never seen before. Little did I know!

I don't have much to say except that this was pure charm from start to finish, and Fourth & Gemini were a delight. Pure comfort watch.

Unforgotten Night

I SAID WHAT I SAID! (and yes this aired in 2022, I was late)

Look, I know a lot of people thought of this purely as a trash watch, but it's so much more than that. I wrote a whole post on it. It was fantastic. I apologize for nothing.

Favorite Korean shows:

Our Dating Sim

I adored this show from start to finish. I could understand the motivations of both characters, I was deeply invested in their relationship, and they felt so utterly natural once they got together. 10/10, no notes.

Jun & Jun

This was a little messy at times, and missed an opportunity to lean more into D/s dynamics, but I really liked all the characters, the leads had great chemistry, and it was refreshing to see a Korean BL be more open about sexual desire in a relationship.

Favorite Japanese Shows:

The End of the World With You

This one could have easily gone off the rails. End of the world stories can be very tricky to pull off. But there was such a solid emotional core to the storytelling, and it kept such a hold of my heart.

My Personal Weatherman

One thing I think Japan does extremely well is stories about people who have extremely deep internal lives, but don't show much on the surface. As someone quite introverted, who keeps a lot of things on the inside, I relate a lot to this. This show did such a good job of showing how challenging it can be to communicate with those we love, and the rewards once you are able to break through and really understand each other.

Favorite Taiwanese Shows:

Kiseki: Dear to Me

Of course it's Kiseki. This series was amazing. I don't care we never really understood any of the mafia stuff, that was all set dressing for some of the best couple work ever.

Honorable Mention:

Midnight Museum

I will never stop calling this a BL. Some day GMMTV will realize that Gun has too much chemistry with other people to keep him only with Off. Also, we got Nanon playing evil, which was so sexy.

#bl wrapped 2023

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bil-daddy · 5 months

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Salutations Mr Bildad, Bildad the Shuhite, Bildaddy sir.

I'm so so sorry to bother you, or be a nuisance, but everything is getting on top of me lately and you give excellent advice.

Basically, the last 12-18 months have been awful - I'm acutely aware that in terms of what's happening in the world I'm pretty blessed 🙏🏻 However within around 12 months experiencing; a miscarriage, 4 bereavements, one parent being rushed into hospital, the other needing surgery (both are doing Ok now thank God 🙏🏻), two surgeries of my own within six months - neither of which have improved what they should have, chronic pain, multiple diagnoses - most of which were unexpected & should have been diagnosed a looonnnnggg time ago, reactions to any& all medications, finding out physio will be necessary for the rest of my life, a very upsetting break up, discovering people who were supposed to be friends can't be trusted...... Let's not forget financial issues due to being unable to work as result of illness etc .... I am losing hope that things are ever going to get better 😔

I'm so so sorry for offloading all this on you but work said they could no longer offer counselling which is infuriating because the counsellor was amazing! Sadly she isn't taking on any private patients for several months so we had to discontinue sessions for the foreseeable 😔

I'm so sorry but I don't really have any other people to talk to right now, my fiancé was my best friend so in a sense it's almost a double loss? Sorry this is pretty pathetic 😪

Yikes. And here I thought @blameless-job had it bad.

So, first off, let me tell you how sorry I am for all your losses. Any of which on their own are extremely painful, but all at the same time? Nobody should have to weather a storm like that. I am so proud of you, just for being here. You're incredibly strong for what you're surviving, even though you shouldn't even have to survive it in the first place.

So don't apologize cause there's nothing pathetic about reaching out for help when you're going through something--or multiple somethings, in your case. In fact, it's exactly the thing you need to do. A lot has been dumped onto your plate, so it makes sense you need to offload it.

I know your former counsellor isn't able to help you at the moment, but maybe they can refer you to someone else, because you deserve a professional (in psychology, not shoemaking and obstetrics) to help you through these tragedies. They might be able to get you a referral.

(If you want to try to find a counsellor on your own, there's NHS Therapy Services in the UK, and SAMHSA National Helpline in the US.)

In the meantime, though, I'll do my best.

If you're worried that things are never going to get better, you shouldn't be. I mean I understand why you are, but the fact is, as dark as this is to say, you might actually be at your lowest point right now. Which means, as awful as things are right now, things can only go up from here.

You got some new diagnoses, which suck to have, especially when they should have been caught earlier, but now that you have a diagnosis, you can start getting treated.

You're six months out from two surgeries and haven't gotten better, but in six more months, or even six weeks, you might start to see some improvement. Plus, once you start the phsyio therapy you now know you need, you can troubleshoot with the physical therapist on how to make more improvements on the issues you had surgery for, as well as the chronic pain. The physical therapist might also be able to refer you to a counsellor as well, if your previous counsellor isn't able to give you one.

But that's just the physical stuff.

It's the emotional stuff that hurts more. Losing loved ones, be it to death, breakup, or just realizing your friends aren't really friends. That kind of pain is even more difficult to deal with.

For the bereavements, it might be helpful remember the good times you shared with these people and the things you loved most about them. They may be gone now, but those memories aren't and they're even more valuable now that they are the parts of your loved ones that are still with you.

And when you're living your life, and you see or hear something that reminds you of them, like a favourite song, or the kind of car they used to drive, that's another way they're still with you.

You might cry the first few, or few hundred times you remember them, but after awhile you'll start smiling more and crying less when you think about them.

For the miscarriage, it's a bit tougher, since you're grieving what could have been, rather than what was. But it's still a loss as valid as any other loss of a loved one, so you have every right to grieve it as such. You have my deepest sympathy for the loss of your child. And the miscarriage is why your fiancé and you are no longer together, you have my deepest sympathy for that, too.

It would be easy for me to say "the trash took itself out" when it comes to ex-fiancés and fake friends, but much harder for you to actually feel that way.

You have the right to grieve the friendships and your relationship ending. To miss them even though they hurt you. To feel hurt, and betrayed, and angry, and still love them anyway, even if you can't be around them anymore. It's okay to hate them, too, if you need to. Not forever. But in the short term, it can be cathartic and exactly what you need.

It'll take time for all these overwhelming and conflicting feelings to fade, and it's possible they'll never completely be gone. But you will learn to live alongside them until you forget they're even there.

You will feel better, I promise you. Een if the light at the end of the tunnel looks like a distant star right now, you'll reach it.

So have an ox rib (platonic) for the journey

Hope this helps, even just a little. Mutuals, feel free to send good vibes @ashbunny2027's way

#bildaddy answers #counselling from Bildaddy #results may vary #bildad the shuhite #bildad the shuhite army #bildaddy #have an ox rib (platonic)#oh bildad we're really in it now #oh bildad the shuhite we're really in it now #bildad my beloved #bildad nation #bildad brainrot #bildad #bildad the shuite

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charturnus · 2 years

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Diversionary Tactics pt. 1

Ships: Wanda x Female!Reader - Natasha x Female!Reader

a/n: For Magda, here's to your 25th, and another year of growth, happiness, laughter, and love. I would have given you the world, but you won't let me so here is some smut instead. I'm so grateful to be your friend, and I cannot wait to watch you grow in the next year. Remember that I love you to the moon and to Saturn. @stonemags you did ask me to post it at the end of the day, doesn't get more the end of the day than a few minutes before midnight.

Summary: Everybody is pretty sure you're on a path to destroying yourself. You're pretty sure all you want is your strap down Wanda's throat. Opinions differ.

Warnings: 18+, top!reader, bottom!Wanda, face fucking, throat bulge, strap on, degradation, honorifics, vaginal sex, self loathing, angst. No beta we die like men.

Word count: 5k

‘’Alright kids, now remember, stick to plan,’’ Tony says severely, rising from his seat on the quinjet, ‘’no improv, no games, no funny business.’’ His eyes sweep across the room, and I feel his gaze lingering on me. I don’t look at him, instead pretending to be very interested in the map of the hydra base we’re about to invade. ‘’I want you all back here safe and sound, ready to be tucked in by Rogers and Hill at the end of the day, capiche?’’ From my periphery, I’ve been watching him move closer and closer, but now I can no longer feign ignorance. I look up slightly, Tony in his shiny red and gold suit, ready to close the armour over his face. When he speaks, it sounds like he’s addressing the whole group, but his eyes are locked firmly onto mine.’’

‘’And remember, don’t play the hero.’’

***

One by one, my colleagues jump from the jet, after they don their suits, and grab their parachutes if necessary. I watch as Steve checks Sam’s suit before allowing him to jump. Sam has barely disappeared from view before Tony grabs me by the scruff of my neck, pulling me away from the opening in the floor.

‘’Why aren’t you in your suit?’’ Annoyed, I bat his hand away, my bone hits the metal of his armour, and pain shoots up my arm, but I fight to keep my expression neutral. ‘’It’s not really my style, you know, with all that colour.’’ I’m well aware that I’m being difficult, but I can’t put a stop to it. I’m so exhausted that I’m ready to burn a whole city to the ground, myself along with it. The suit is incredible, but also flashy and extremely heavy. And maybe I enjoy making things harder than they need to be, so what? Tony stares at me incredulously, before turning to Steve as if to check if he heard my comment too. Steve just holds up his hands in defeat, ‘’I’m not getting caught up in this, Tony, handle it yourself.’’

Coward.

‘’Not your-’’ Tony halts, breathing sharply in utter annoyance, ‘’you know people have committed murder to get a hold of one of my suits.’’

‘’I’ll pour one out for them.’’

‘’Romanoff, help me, before I duct tape the kid to the wall,’’ Tony grumbles, pinching the bridge of his nose with his shining red fingers. The last thing I need right now is Nat with her lectures about what’s good for me, and while I know she means well, and I love her so much, I want nothing more than for her to just shut up. Both of them, actually.

Before she gets a chance to speak, I hold up a finger in the air. ‘’Actually, you know, this thing has been really bothering me lately.’’ Nat looks genuinely interested and concerned, and I almost feel bad for fucking with her. ‘’There’s this little bone in your jaw, apparently, I never knew about it before.’’ I use my fingers to pretend like I’m looking for something in my jaw. ‘’There,’’ I say, stopping near where my wisdom teeth once sat. ‘’Can you feel that?’’ Nat goes along with it, trying to mimic where I’ve placed my own fingers. ‘’I think I can feel something, yeah.’’

‘’Yeah, right there. Turns out, that bone allows you to shut the fuck up.’’

Both of them look furious, and I decide that this is my cue to get out. I hold up my hands in an imitation of Steve, walking backwards like I’m retreating and admitting my defeat. The parachutes are now right behind me, ready to be snatched up by my willing hands.

‘’Nat, I love you, I really do. And I respect the hell out of you, Tony, but it’s not going to happen.’’ Quick as a flash, my fingers secure one of the chutes, and with two quick steps, I’m at the edge of the open floor. ‘’I don’t need your suit, I’m feeling brave.’’

Nat and Steve both dive at me, but I’m too fast for them, letting myself fall backwards into the open sky.

Falling…

***

The fight was a disaster, to say the least. The mission was accomplished, but barely. Clint and Bucky both got wounded pretty badly, and everyone else has seen better days. I myself would have been crushed to death along with Peter and Natasha if Wanda hadn’t kept the bricks from falling just long enough so that we could make a quick escape. Still, one of the Hydra agents got me in the head with the but of his gun, causing blood to stream copiously from the wound, coating my face. I shot him in the foot for his trouble, though.

Tony has called us all to the medical bay, no doubt to lecture us all on our performance. Even I can’t find a reason not to obey this command, so I slow down my pace deliberately in order to fall behind the group.

Jumping from the jet without my suit wasn’t my best idea, but I made it to the ground in one piece. The landing was rough, though, and I seriously hurt my left leg in the process. My knee and ankle are still killing me now, but I try not to show too much of it. The injury seriously impedes my ability to run, slowing me down enough to be an easy target for the hydra agents. Nat and Tony had to save my ass more than once, and the thought of facing them after that show I put on in the jet is beyond embarrassing.

I need some way to recover from this bruise on my ego. I wouldn’t say I have a God complex per se, but I put a lot of stock in my fighting ability, and my performance today was severely lacking. I need a reminder that this is not who I am.

Instantly, my eyes find Wanda in the group of people walking ahead of me.

It’s almost accidental. Almost.

Her hair is in a ponytail, and she looks to be amongst one of the most unscathed team members. Wanda’s magic has been growing incredibly strong recently, and she most certainly doesn’t need a suit to keep herself safe. Still, her attitude doesn’t reflect her powers. In battle, Wanda is fierce, throwing around grown men like they’re rag dolls. Back at the compound, it is she who prefers to be thrown around like a rag doll.

I think that’s just what I need. Wanda gagging on my cock so loudly that the voice in my head calling me a failure finally shuts up.

‘’Hey,’’ Peter calls from behind me, breaking me away from the images in my head. The poor kid looks pretty beaten up, but he’s smiling in spite of it all. ‘’That was a tough one, huh? I almost thought Mr Stark was gonna call off the whole mission.’’ Peter’s limping, his right leg clearly too tender to stand on. My own leg feels like absolute hell, but I can’t let Pete struggle his way over to the med bay without help. ‘’Yeah, it was a tough one for sure. You got your leg hurt? Here, let me help.’’ I scoop one of his arms over my shoulder, helping him take some weight off of his leg. In turn, that puts extra weight onto mine, sending tendrils of pain shooting up all the way to my hip. This is no time for weakness, though, no time for pain or tears. I just grit my teeth and help Peter over to a bed in the medical bay, while he chats to me about how he saw a guy’s shoes get blown off his feet by the force of an explosion created by Strange.

To everybody’s surprise, and horror, it isn’t Tony giving us the lecture. Once we’re all grouped in the medical bay, surrounding our hurt team members in their beds, Maria Hill emerges from the side entrance of the bay. Behind me, I hear Scott curse, and Peter gives me a concerned look from where he’s sitting with his leg elevated.

‘’She looks really mad,’’ Wanda whispers, and a few of us who heard look over to where she stands with her back to the wall, nervously picking at the hem of her dress. Wanda is always so self-assured in battle, making seasoned warriors lose their minds with her magic. But out here it’s like she draws into herself completely, always needing reassurance and protection.

So, naturally, I go to her. Compared to me, Wanda looks like she just got out of a spa. There isn’t a spot of blood or dirt on her. Her knees are dusty, and she has a scrape on her forehead, but there’s no sign of it breaking the skin badly enough to actually release any blood. She’s just a little dusty. Meanwhile, the whole right side of my face and hair are covered in my own blood. Head wounds always bleed like they’re going to end your life, even if they’re not so serious. This one certainly doesn’t feel too bad, but that might be the adrenaline talking.

‘’You’re okay, dove.’’ I tell her, ‘’Hill might be mad, but she didn’t see what it was like out there. And besides, you did so well out there.’’

‘’Really?’’ She looks up at me with those pretty green eyes, full of innocence and disbelief, as if she can’t remember how she single-handedly saved three of her colleagues’ lives. I wonder how much of it is an act, but then, even if it is, do I really care? She gives me those same eyes when she sucks me off, and I certainly don’t care then.

For the most part, I manage to tune out Hill’s shrill voice as she lectures us like a bunch of naughty school children. I’m too occupied with Wanda trying to cuddle up to me, moving to stand with her back against my front, pressing her ass into my crotch.

She’s always desperate to be fucked after a fight.

‘’And next time, remember. Playing the hero doesn’t pay off, if I hear of anyone going into battle without a suit, you’re getting pulled from the team.’’ This most certainly catches my attention. She has enough grace to not address me by name, but everyone is looking at me anyway, so I decide to make use of the stage provided for me. ‘’Will you kick out Tony if he keeps making those ugly suits?’’ The reaction is a real mixed bag. Shuri doubles over with laughter, and Scott and Strange are fighting their smiles. Hill looks furious, and so does Nat, but I think the latter has something to do with my hand being placed firmly on Wanda’s midriff.

***

I act like Hill’s commentary doesn’t bother me, like Tony’s disappointment doesn’t sting. Fake it until you make it, right? I know I was wrong for doing what I did, but I seem to be rapidly losing control of any and all rational decision-making skills. I’m not trying to get myself killed, like my teammates are probably thinking. I don’t want to die, not yet, there’s still so much for me to see and do. But barely scraping the edge, coming face to face with it and walking away alive, that is a feeling like no other. It makes me feel untouchable, godlike even.

It’s almost as good as having my fist in Wanda’s hair as she tries to take my cock down her throat. She’s so desperate to please and be comforted that it’s almost laughable. The promise of getting tucked in at night, and fucked how she likes it, is enough to turn her into a desperate little whore.

She’s on her knees for me on her pretty white rug. My boots flank her on either side, some enemy’s blood visible even over the black of my combat boots. I can see my own face in the mirror on the opposite side of the room, the whole front of it is covered in my own blood, now dry and flaking off. Wanda didn’t even let me wash myself first, insisting that she likes me fresh from the fight.

She’s a pretty sight, kneeling between my feet like this, but she’s slacking off on taking my strap. I’m not in the mood for niceties today. I need to remind myself of the power I wield, before I allow myself to become overrun with weakness.

Wanda has one hand at the base of my cock, and she’s suckling prettily on the head. ‘’That’s cute, dove.’’ I say, leaning forward to grab her by the throat, ‘’but you know that’s not what I want.’’

I lay her down on her desk, so I can stand up instead of hunching over undignified on the bed. Her head hangs over one side, and her open mouth, wet and waiting, is much too inviting. The sound of her gagging is like music to my ears. This isn’t wholly selfish either, I have to remind myself. Poor Wanda, so tired of having to be a big girl all the time, just needs someone to put her in her place. Who am I to deny her?

She lays there so prettily, mouth wide open and willing, her legs spread and her hips bucking up in search of non-existent friction. I’m obsessed with the way my cock bulges in her throat, bobbing up and down along with my thrusts. I could cum just from the sight of this, and the noises Wanda makes below me as I take her. This harness has a soft silicone grinder that is made especially to sit snugly against my clit, and with the combined friction from the strap, and the sight of my cock deep in Wanda’s throat, it’s enough to put me right on the edge. I won’t let myself fall though, it will take me right out of this high and then the self-hatred will settle in. I’m not ready to face that. Even just the thought of it makes me shiver, and I have to ground myself in the moment to push those thoughts to the back of my mind.

I place first one, and then both of my hands over her throat, feeling the movement of my strap. My hands are large enough to cover her whole neck, and it’s nothing short of satisfying to be so utterly in control. At least with Wanda, I’m always the one standing tall. Her face is all red and saliva is running down her cheeks, gravity pulling it dangerously close to her eyes, where tears are dribbling steadily into her hairline.

Still, the strap isn’t all the way down her throat. We’ve been working on it, but she’s not quite there yet. I try to push her a little bit every time, and she’s been doing better and better. But it’s still hard for her. She lets out one gag so bad that I have to pull out completely for a second, allowing her to spit out a mouth full of saliva onto the floor. I’m not phased by this. Once you’ve seen men die in the worst ways possible, a little spit is nothing.

I squat down, holding back the stream of swears I want to let out at the horrible pain in my leg. I use my thumbs to wipe the saliva and tears away from her eyes, and I give her a kiss on her sweaty brow. ‘’You’re doing so well, princess. Can you try again for me? Just a few seconds, I want you to take all of me. You can do that for me, can’t you pretty girl?’’ She catches her breath slowly, her mouth still open. Already fucked dumb, and I haven’t even gotten to her cunt yet. She nods at me blearily, ‘’wanna make you proud, daddy.’’

Something in my chest contracts at that, but I couldn’t name the emotion if my life depended on it. For now, I try to focus on how wet the sight of her like this makes me. ‘’Good girl,’’ I say as I stroke the strap lightly, rubbing the head over her luscious lips. ‘’Just a few seconds, and then I’ll let you cum, okay?’’ She nods, and obediently opens her mouth further for me. ‘’Good, now relax your throat and let daddy do the work.’’

I hold her head securely, making sure it’s tipped back enough, before sliding my hands back over her throat, I’m going to want to feel this. I’m not gentle, and I really can’t find it in me to be sorry about that, not when this feels and looks like complete and utter euphoria. I fuck my cock into her with one sharp thrusts. She gags instantly and sputters, her hands reaching for my thighs trying to push me away, but I don’t let her. I reassure her softly that she’s doing great and that it won’t take long, which seems to make it easier on her. I push against the last bits of resistance, sliding the strap all the way in. I rut into her mouth, as deep as I can. The sounds coming from her are obscene, but I cannot bring myself to pull back. In the back of my mind, I’m counting seconds. I’ll allow myself to stay here and soak this in for 20 seconds. With my fingers, I press lightly on her throat to feel the bulge of my cock inside of her. The zip of my trousers digs into her skin, and I know it’ll leave a mark there.

The pressure against my clit threatens to undo me, and I let myself get dangerously close. I even grind my hips, fucking her throat lightly. One day, I’m going to hook a cum reservoir onto my strap and cum down her throat, along with my own orgasm. But not now. I have to control myself, so when the count in my head reaches 20, I pull out.

Wanda is back to spitting out saliva and gasping for air. She coughs a few times, and it sounds pretty rough. I help her up, cradling her in my arms. The hard work is done now, I assure her. For a few minutes, I sit with her draped over my lap on her bed. I cradle her head into my chest, petting her hair and whispering praise to her. ‘’You did so beautifully, dove. You’re getting so much better, do you remember how you couldn’t even take half of me when we first started?’’ She’s gone too far into subspace to really speak, but she’s still responsive, and I feel her nod.

‘’One day I’m going to be able to fuck you like that for 10 minutes straight, princess, and you’ll love every second of it.’’ This seems to stir something in her, because she mewls into me, spreading her legs slightly. We’re both still clothed, and I must say it’s a thrill to fuck Wanda with her dress still on. But not today. I strip her of everything except for her thigh highs, as they make her look like the slut I know she is.

She’s incredibly wet, her cunt swollen and red, moisture running down between her cheeks. I consider for a while if I should make her wait, but I don’t want to deprive myself of watching my cock disappear inside of her.

Instinctively, she tries to get on her hands and knees, but I’m not having that. I grab her by her waist and lay her down underneath me. I could almost laugh at her pained expression. She’s moaning already, and I haven’t even touched her yet. Using both of my hands, I part her thighs and push them up to her chest. Her breasts bounce slightly as I manhandle her into position, and my mind has already skipped ahead to watching them move in time with my thrusts as I fuck her.

I keep both hands steady on the backs of her thighs, folding her almost in half. I look down to where my strap stands at attention, teasingly I slide it over her slit, enjoying the way she writhes when the slightest pressure is applied to her clit.

Who’s going to tell her this is for me, and not for her?

In sharp contrast to how I fucked her throat, I slide myself in gently, allowing her some time to adjust. She’s gasping, and clawing at my clothed back, and I’m slightly upset that she’s not leaving deep red marks all over my bare back. Oh, well.

After a few short minutes of light teasing

She’s trying to move her hips against me, but I have her in such a tight hold that she’s getting nowhere. ‘’Tell me what you want, pretty girl,’’ I goad her. She huffs and puffs, her face still bright red, her hair sticking to the sweat on her brow and the semi dry salvia on her cheeks. ‘’Please, please, please,’’ she whines breathily, ‘’ruin me, daddy.’’

How am I supposed to deny a request like that?

I take my chain necklace into my teeth, so it doesn’t hurt her by smacking into her face, and I set a punishing rhythm for us both. My leg is killing me, but Wanda underneath me like this is such a captivating sight that I cannot stop myself. She holds me against her tightly, like she’s afraid I’ll let go. In her defence, I’ve left her like this multiple times, so the poor girl probably has trust issues.

Tears are falling freely from the corners of her eyes now, and I’m so focussed on that, that I don’t notice one of her hands leaving my back. She snakes it in between our bodies, so she can reach her clit. When she moans sharply and her body seizes up, I realize what she’s doing. Quickly, I reach down to snatch her hand away.

I pull my strap out in one swift movement. With my free hand, I squeeze her cheeks and force her to look me in the eye. ‘’That’s a shame, I was going to let you cum, but now you’ll have to work harder for it.’’

I decide to make her ride me.

It’s hilarious to watch her try to mount me with her shaky thighs. The poor thing is actually crying now, her tears dripping down all the way to her chest, along with her salvia. With one hand I hold both of her wrists tightly, with the other I rub her spit over her hard nipples, enjoying the way her hips twitch when I rub them in just the right way.

Once she manages to sink herself down on my cock, she thinks she can get away with grinding her way to an orgasm, but I disillusion her of that idea quickly. ‘’Nuh uh, baby, if you want to cum you’re going to have to work for it properly.

After a small fit of crying and whining, she gets down to work. Fucking herself until her already shaky thighs are on the verge of giving out. She has let her head hang forward, absolutely exhausted. All that I can hear now are the obscene, wet, sucking noises that come from between her thighs, and the exhausted little moans and pleas to relieve her of her ache.

She holds out for a heroic 15 minutes, until her thighs quite literally cannot keep her upright any longer. I had taken pity on her about 7 minutes into it, but it’s still impressive to watch her fight for it so hard. I take her face in both of my hands and kiss her forehead tenderly. ‘’Alright baby girl, you took that so well. Are you ready for your reward now?’’

In spite of her exhaustion, she nods, a soft whimper coming from her red and puffy lips. I put her on her elbows and knees, but within the first few thrusts she collapses under me. I hold her upright easily, fucking into her like it’s the last time I’ll be able to. She’s a bit too loud, and I know the others will have dirty looks for us tomorrow, but I really don’t care.

I place a sloppy kiss on her back as I finally reach down to rub her clit. ‘’You can cum whenever you need to, princess.’’ I grunt, as I use all my focus to keep up with the thrusts and the rhythm of my rubbing fingers.

Thankfully, it doesn’t take long. It’s impressive, really. In less than ten seconds, she’s cumming all over my fingers, her cunt clenching so tightly around my strap that it makes it hard to move as firmly as I would like. I fuck her right through her peak, and I’m prepared to push her into another, but Wanda is clearly done.

She’s shaking and shivering, her muscles weak and tired, she still tries to push me away. I’m tired myself now, so I don’t need any more incentive. I pull out of her and cover her tenderly with a blanket. She wants to go to sleep, and I don’t blame her. But I force her into a shower, sitting on the lid of the toilet, I watch over her to make sure she doesn’t pass out.

Once she’s freshly showered, I tuck her in. I lay on top of her sheets, which feels wrong in my state, covered in dust and dried blood as I am. Wanda doesn’t seem to mind, though. She begs me to stay, and I don’t have the heart to tell her I won’t. So, I comb my fingers through her fair, and kiss her slowly, telling her how good she’s been for me, and that it’s time to rest now. It doesn’t take her more than 15 minutes to fall asleep.

Once I’m sure she’s out, I tip toe my way across the room, and out into the hallway. Stupidly, I have my back to the hallway as I close the door. I try to shut it as softly as possible, not wanting to wake Wanda. I’m so tired after all of that, that my eyes feel heavy. I’m ready for a hot shower, and bedtime, before the thoughts of the mission can overwhelm me.

My room is next to Wanda’s, so I don’t expect any trouble, but really, trouble always shows up when you least expect it. In this case, trouble comes to me in the shape of Natasha Romanoff.

***

Nat corners me as soon as Wanda’s door is closed.

‘’What the hell have you been doing?’’

I narrow my eyes at her, not sure if she’s serious. I look down to the harness and strap in my left hand, and then look back to Nat. ‘’What do you want me to say, that we were braiding each other’s hair and talking about boys?’’

She crosses her arms over her chest. ‘’I don’t care what you get up to with her.’’

That’s debatable.

‘’I mean the mission today, and every mission we’ve been on this past month. What the hell has gotten into you?’’

I try to sidestep her, to get to my own bedroom door, but she blocks my path. ‘’You were out there trying to get yourself killed.’’ Nat hisses.

At this point I’m too tired to deal with this, so I snap back at her, ‘’Well, I’m clearly still alive’’

Nat’s eyes are boring into mine with such intensity that I would shrink away if I didn’t have a reputation to uphold. ‘’You going out there without a suit on? What do you call that?’’ She fumes.

I shrug, a genuine half smile creeping into my lips in spite of the dire circumstances, ‘’an adventure?’’

‘’That was attempted suicide,’’ Nat says severely, clearly not as amused as I am. I just snort, unable to keep myself from cracking a joke ‘’I’m going to show you attempted suicide’’

Her mouth forms a hard line, ‘’that’s not funny.’’ I know it’s not, and I can tell she’s upset, but I can’t wipe the stupid smile off my face.

She’s on the verge of saying something when the sound of a door opening makes us both turn around. Peter is standing in the doorway of his bedroom, wearing only a Captain America branded shirt and a pair of boxers. I quickly hide the strap and harness behind my back. ‘’Hey guys,’’ he says cheerfully, in spite of the limp in his step. ‘’I was going to make myself a freezer pizza, you want anything?’’

Nat gives him a tight smile and shakes her head. ‘’No, thanks, Pete,’’ I tell him, ‘’I still haven’t cleaned up, I’ll get something after.’’

Seeming to pick up on the uncomfortably loaded energy, he pulls an awkward face and shoots a pair of finger guns at us. ‘’Okay, well I’ll hide a margarita pizza for you underneath the ice cubes, so you won’t get stuck with the Hawaiian.’’ Peter really is a good friend, I decide. ‘’Thanks, kid, I owe you one,’’ I say, watching him limp clumsily towards the kitchen. Once the door has fallen shut behind him, Nat grabs my upper arm and tries to pull me towards her own bedroom. I shrug her off.

‘’I want to shower, Nat, I’m covered in blood.’’

‘’And Wanda’s cum.’’

‘’Jealous it’s not yours?’’

Her eyes are ablaze with fury now, and there’s no hiding it. ‘’You’re trying to kill yourself, and I’m not going to sit here and watch you lose yourself.’’

‘’Nat, I’m fine.’’ I say, slowly losing my smile.

‘’You don’t look fine.’’

‘’Then stop fucking looking at me.’’

It comes out much louder than I had intended for it to, and it startles me slightly. I can see Nat is taken aback by it too, but she’s not afraid. Her expression shifts from anger to concern in a matter of seconds. ‘’

‘’Can you just listen to me? Please, if not for your sake, then for mine. I’m not your enemy’’

I can’t argue with this, not when she looks so upset and my conscience is screaming at me after that outburst. I weigh my options in my head, I can go to the kitchen with Peter and god knows who else, and face all of their questions about why I went into the fight without a suit, and why I haven’t showered yet. Alternatively, I could try to barricade myself in my room, and ignore Nat, but I have a nasty feeling that this won’t take me very far.

‘’Fine,’’ I say, deciding this will be the least painful option in the long run. ‘’Fine, Nat, whatever, but I’m tired, so please keep this short. And don’t lecture me any more about the suit, Hill already did that plenty.’’

‘’Just put that thing away,’’ she says, waving vaguely at my strap.

‘’And here I was thinking you wanted a round too.’’

#char writes #diversionary tactics #wanda x reader #natasha x reader #c: wanda maximoff #c: natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff fanfiction #natasha romanoff fanfiction #top!reader

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whatsk-poppinhomies · 2 years

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"Please tell me I'm wrong." Pairing : Lee Felix x F!Reader TW : general angst ; nothing else really ; Word Count : 1.5k

It was only natural, right? Things become mundane, boring… What was once exciting and new becomes just as boring as going to work every day. There was nothing wrong exactly, it’s not like you didn’t love him, it’s just that every single day began to feel like a repeat of the day before.

The relationship was beginning to feel like Groundhog Day. You wake up in the morning, and there he was. A shared morning kiss before climbing out of bed and having breakfast together at the small breakfast nook in the kitchen. Then you’d both go to work, short texts asking about each other’s day were sent as you sat at your office desk and he practiced for the next concert or album he was about to put out. After work, you’d come home with carry out, the both of you too exhausted to have a home cooked meal and he’d look at you with love and adoration and you’d try your best to mirror the look.

Every day was the same, eat, work, eat, sleep, repeat. The weekends weren’t much different, instead of going to work, you’d both spend the day inside watching movies or going about the chores that had been backed up from the busy work week. It was always the same thing, and while he was happy with the way things were, just waking up in the morning had you drained.

You tried your best to be happy, you tried your best to adapt to the constant repetitiveness of your days, but it wasn’t possible. You used to love the surprise dates he’d take you on, or the spur of the moment late night visits when he’d miss you so much and just wanted to spend the night.

The worst part was that you had always wanted a relationship like this, you had always dreamt of living together with the one person you loved the most. What you hadn’t expected was for that dream to be ruined by none other than yourself. You didn’t want this life, and sadly, living it was making you fall out of love with him.

“Hey..” Felix whispered out the greeting as he walked out of the bedroom. The sun shone high in the sky this morning, casting its rays through every leafless branch along the sidewalk and through windows. It was Saturday, one of the days that the two of you spent the most time with each other, one of the days that you looked forward to the least. You had to pretend that you were happy much longer, you had to keep up this facade that everything was alright when he was around you, and he managed to be around you the entire day.

You had slept on the couch the night before, hoping to avoid the redundancy of the morning ritual, and he had obviously taken notice of the lack of you being there by the way that he spoke. “Morning.” You responded as cheerfully as you could, but the only thing you heard behind you was a soft sigh before he appeared around the arm of the sofa, dropping down onto the loveseat that was across from you. “Did you sleep well last night?” It was better to make some sort of small talk instead of letting the awkward silence fill the space around you and him.

“No, I didn’t…” He responded, a tang of bitterness in his voice that was rare with him. “You never came to bed… It feels like you’re growing distant.” His hands were folded in his lap and his thumbs rolled over one another, something he only did when he was extremely nervous. Why wouldn’t he be though, he was under the assumption, or at least, you had tried to keep him under the assumption that everything was perfect because you didn’t want to hurt him, but he had figured it out anyway, he had caught on.

“Lixie…” You whispered out his name, your stomach twisting into knots as you thought about how he might feel. You might not love him the way you used to, but you still cared about him, and you never wanted to hurt him. You thought that you might have been able to break it to him softly, but he was already well aware it seemed of what was coming next. “I’m sorry… I-”

“Is it something I did?” He cut you off, his head whipping up but his hair curtained his eyes, casting a shadow along his features that made him look even sadder. “I’m… I’m starting to feel like… This might be the end of us… Please tell me I’m wrong.” The lump that had began to form in your throat only got thicker and thicker until you couldn’t swallow it down anymore, it cut off your airways, you couldn’t breathe, it felt like you were choking on the words that you wanted to say.

“You’re… You’re not wrong…” You said it quickly, breathlessly, sinking down into the couch as you felt his eyes burn into you. “I wish you were… But, this just isn’t for me. It’s not something you did though, I swear it’s not… You’ve been perfect, you’ve been amazing…” You tried to explain but his head only shook as you heard him sniffle quietly, his head hung low and his hair curtaining his face in an attempt to block out the tears that were falling.

“Don’t give me that… That It’s not you, it’s me bullshit… I had to have done something wrong.” The sound of him gulping thickly let you know that he was struggling with the same blocked up throat from trying to hold back his tears for so long, but it was all for nothing as you watched them drip from his chin and land against his gray sweatpants, the droplets creating perfectly darkened circles on the material. “Is it because I’m not here enough… Do I not love you enough? What is it? Please, tell me… I can do whatever it is that you ask me to do. I love you.”

It wasn’t fair that you had to do something like this to someone like him. He was a ray of sunshine, as bright and as heart warming as the sun that was shining bright in the sky this morning. You didn’t deserve him, you never did, and now to know that you were causing him this much pain, this much heartache, you knew that the hurt you felt was nowhere near close to what he was feeling right now. “You do… You do love me enough. You are here enough… You’re perfect in every single way… Too perfect for me. I just wasn’t ready for all of this, I thought that I was but I wasn’t. I was so scared to hurt you because you’ve been nothing but amazing to me… That’s why I didn’t tell you sooner… And that’s my fault.”

Every intake of breath was shaky for him, his entire body was shaking with sobs as he ran his hands through his hair. “So… you never… you never wanted to be with me?” He practically whimpered, his face bright red from crying. “All of this was… just all… pretend? You let things go on this long… and you didn’t even think how that would hurt me?”

Your bottom lip trembled as you tried to control your own crying, you felt like you didn’t deserve to cry, not in front of him. “It wasn’t all… I wasn’t pretending at first… I loved being with you… It just all became too much of the same… Everything was the same and… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry Lixie…”

He sniffled loudly, his head nodding slowly as he tried to take it all in, his hands slapping against his lap as he got up, standing still as stone in front of the chair. “I think I need to be alone right now… You don’t… You don’t have to leave the apartment… I’ll just… I’ll be in the room. I need to think.”

And what were you supposed to say? No? You weren’t going to tell him to stick around just so he could cry in front of you, and you were sure that the main reason he wanted to be alone was so that he could cry, so he could let it all out. You had delivered him the biggest blow, you had broken his heart, and why? Because you were bored. And you didn’t even have the common courtesy to tell him when you had first started feeling that way. You hadn’t given him the opportunity to even try to fix things. And maybe… Just maybe…

That was what had hurt him the most. Knowing that you didn’t give him a chance, that you had been feeling this way for so long, and instead of trying to fix things, you had just let them continue to fall apart until it came to this. He loved you so much, and he had come to the final realization that you just didn’t love him enough.

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69misato69 · 2 years

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Are You Praying to Me? (Zhongli x Childe) ✦ 7k, smut and aftercare

archive of our own ✦ twitter

masterlist pinned on my profile !

childe's job is to keep zhongli safe during his transition into mortal life, though he can't help but grow fond of the ex-archon over time. zhongli is a bit ooc (aggresive lmao) this is an AU where the fatui are not evil, zhongli peacefully gives up his gnosis and childe is chosen to ensure his safety during the transition process.

cw: blood, degrading language, mouth fucking, anal and oral sex, spanking, part dragon transformation, rough sex, unprotected sex, consensual but non-safe and non-sane sex

Top Zhongli x Bottom Childe

writer's note: explicit +18 content, please view at your own risk. thank you, have fun !

Childe rushed into the funeral parlor, swiftly discarding the paper plate of the Mora meat he was stuffing in his face moments ago. Ferrylady kindly greeted him at the counter: "Good evening sir, you're here for Mr. Zhongli, correct?". Childe wanted to answer, that was until he started choking on the mouthful of meat. "Tartaglia, you are late, again." After he was done coughing, Childe found the consultant standing in front of his office's door staring at the young man in a calm yet slightly annoyed manner. "Yes, hi! Terribly sorry to keep you waiting." he said and ran through the office door. Zhongli sighed and shut the door as they both settled on the sofa.

The office was tastefully furnished with earth tones dominating the walls and windows as pleasant smells of oaky osmanthus wine and freshly brewed tea mixed together harmoniously. Childe was catching his breath as Zhongli poured both of them a cup of tea with his slender fingers coated in a pair of brown silk gloves. "Might I ask why is it so hard for you to comply with a very reasonable meeting hour every single time?", the archon parted the silence.

There was no judgment or mockery in his tone, there usually never was. Childe chuckled lightly, "I am so sorry our mighty Rex Lapis, but Signora wanted to see me regarding the visits I have with you. I'm afraid she is concerned about me being too useless, so now I have new orders for when I see you weekly." he explained. Zhongli had settled back on the couch and was calmly taking a sip of his tea. "Interesting. What are these new orders then?" he inquired with one brow slightly raised.

Childe had already chugged the tea before the consultant was even done talking. "Well, nothing too extreme. I just have a list of questions I need to ask you regularly. I also now have the right to question you about some of your actions and people around you if the Fatui finds any suspicious intel about or against them. Keeping you safe is my primary order, after all." Zhongli was mildly annoyed at the feeling of being treated like a child, but he enjoyed Tartaglia's company, and quite frankly, his life was pretty ordinary after giving up his Gnosis alongside the matters of Liyue to the Qixing.

He already did not have anything to hide and was aware that Childe or someone else was constantly tracking him from a non-threatening distance during the day to make sure he wasn't targeted. It was still a sensitive period of transformation, both for Liyue and Zhongli.

After this consideration process, he decided to cooperate. "Well then. Ask away."

Childe took out a folded, crinkled piece of paper from his pocket. "Oookay, number one: For the past week, have you noticed anyone other than friends and acquaintances around you frequently, or had the slightest impression that someone was following you? Don’t think that you may be exaggerating, we care about every detail that may prove useful". Zhongli laid the teacup on the table, "Do you mean other than you?". Childe chuckled: "Yes, obviously other than the Fatui."

Zhongli stared through the window for a second, contemplating. "No, not that I have noticed." he finally answered. Childe nodded and noted that down. The rest of the questions were also along the same lines, about how safe the ex-archon felt in his estate and workplace, and how smooth his transition was into becoming a standard citizen of Liyue. After the procedural questions, Childe stated that he will be moving onto the specific ones regarding the course of this last week. Zhongli cooperated once again, not saying anything more than necessary and sipping his tea.

"Where were you two nights ago after dinner and why did you not inform us that you would not be returning to your estate?" Childe asked abruptly. Zhongli froze in place for a second. "I do not like how this question is phrased. What is this, an interrogation?" he protested. Childe ruffled his hair, "No, of course not. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. It's just that we scouted the position of your house very carefully and...we cannot ensure your safety when you spend the night somewhere else and...with someone we have no intelligence on. You can tell me, even if it is personal. I am not obliged to disclose all sensitive information to the Fatui." Childe explained, offending Zhongli was the last thing he wanted to do.

The older man was sitting in silence, staring out of the window. "Fine. I was with an old friend. We had dinner to reminisce about the old days and continued the night with drinks at his house. It was quite late so he offered that I spend the night at his guest bedroom. Does that explanation suffice?" It was very obvious that Zhongli was getting annoyed. "Is it just a friend?" Childe knew it was wrong to ask that but the words had left his curious mouth almost involuntary.

"Tartaglia, that is extremely out of line? I cannot possibly be expected to disclose such personal details." Zhongli had slightly lost his composure for the first time in ages. Deep down it was bothering him to constantly be monitored like a helpless child, he was no longer a god, true, but he was far from weak. Even without his Gnosis he could take on an entire army. Childe stuttered, "I--I'm very sorry, it's not that...I mean I'm not supposed to ask that. I'm sorry, I got nosy, Zhongli."

The archon's face relaxed again, hearing Childe say his name was so pleasant, and it turned out that the Fatui did not care about his personal affairs after all, aside from this hot-headed man sitting across from him, of course. Zhongli spoke up to mend the situation: "It's okay. I feel that I have overreacted. Might I ask why you were so curious in the first place?"

Childe didn't know how to answer that. His palms were sweating and he was very unsure about what to tell Zhongli. Eventually he decided to be honest but also downplay how much he actually liked the archon. "It's just that... Please do not get this the wrong way, I expect nothing in return and it is probably nothing at all anyways, just this thing I feel but it is just…" he stopped dead in his tracks when he felt Zhongli's hand lightly rest on his leg.

"Why don’t you stop rambling and tell me?" Zhongli asked calmly for him to continue. "Just a... crush. I think." Childe finished his train of thought. "A crush on me? Elaborate." Childe was so embarrassed that his cheeks were completely flushed red. The consultant had already noticed, he was thinking about how beautiful these rosy cheeks made him look paired with the baby blue eyes and fluffy ginger locks.

Zhongli was taken out of his thoughts when Childe started talking shakily again: "What do you mean elaborate? There is nothing to elaborate on... It just means maybe I kind of like you." Zhongli had zero emotion in his expression, which was making Childe even more nervous. Was he genuinely trying to understand what the young man was feeling, was he judging him, mocking him, or maybe even laughing at him on the inside? Childe could feel his stomach twisting, cursing himself in his own head for even saying anything in the first place.

He was pulled out of his own thoughts when Zhongli followed up: "What do you like about me, Tartaglia?" Childe had a thousand answers to that, which one to even begin with? The man was the Geo Archon. He tried to gather his thoughts and not give in to this anxious state as Zhongli started moving his hand on Tartaglia's leg up and down at the worst possible moment, lightly brushing against the young man's pants with his clothed fingers to encourage him to speak up. Childe took a deep breath, "I just like the way you carry yourself and... how everyone shuts the hell up to hear what you have to say whenever you open your mouth. A-and not to even mention how you literally know fucking everything from combat to flowers and... tea and... history, rocks... And, well...You always look so-" Childe couldn't find a non-vulgar word to end the sentence with.

Zhongli's eyebrow was raised. "I always look so what?" he smirked.

Childe got up and headed toward the door. "I won't say it okay? I know you are making fun of me for all this and I won't give you the satisfaction. Forget I even said anything." he sounded genuinely hurt. Zhongli was actually surprised at how much this man feared his rejection, but he was not planning on rejecting anyway, so with an agile move he made his way toward the door and put his hand on Childe’s waist, sending an intense shockwave to every single cell in the harbinger's body. "I am not making fun of you Childe. All I wanted was to hear your thoughts about me. I can’t do that if you're not being honest, can I?" Zhongli called him out. His hands were still lingering around the young man's waist, caressing his hips and lower back.

Childe finally mustered the courage to look up and finish his thought: "What I meant to say is that you always look so handsome." he couldn't help but lower his gaze again. Zhongli hummed in a deep voice that sent a tingle into Childe's stomach. "Is that just an observation you made during our time together or do you think about me when you're alone as well?" the tables had turned and the ex-archon was the one conducting the interrogation now.

Childe could feel a drop of sweat run down from his forehead when the consultant caught it swiftly with the tip of his glove. Childe swallowed the lump forming on his throat before opening his mouth to answer: "I sometimes do." Lie. It was all the time. Zhongli's face was stiff as a rock throughout this interaction, but at that moment Childe could have sworn there was a spark burning in the archon's honey-coloured eyes. Zhongli was in fact getting riled-up as he asked again, “Do you think about me when you touch yourself?”

Flushed wasn't even enough to describe how red Childe was turning at the unchaste, unexpected inquiry. He knew he did not have to answer any of these questions, but he was feeling this intense yet calm aura from Zhongli, reassuring him that it is okay to play along. A weird "ngh" sound escaped from his completely dried up throat and he slowly nodded yes.

Zhongli pressed Childe even closer to the wall as he placed his lips onto the young harbinger's. There was very little movement as if the archon was waiting for Childe to become ready to respond, and he finally did come out of the initial shock to move his tongue inside Zhongli's mouth eagerly. He regretted that immediately though, thinking that it came out so sloppy and inexperienced. The thought of it bothered him so much that he could not even focus on the fact that they were kissing.

Zhongli’s hands were wandering around Childe’s hips and waist gently, his lips guiding Childe deeper into the kiss. They had spent enough time for Zhongli to know that this was not Childe’s usual self, he was never this unsure and startled. He always thought he was the wittiest and smartest person in the room, that nothing and no one could surprise him. But there he was, smushing his face into the archon’s like it was his first time.

It was rather cute to Zhongli actually. The harbinger suddenly lifted his hand to brush against the older man’s cheek in an attempt to gain some dominance, he was now moving his tongue more skilfully, exploring Zhongli’s mouth and pulling him even closer with every kiss, he was already getting hard and rubbing his crotch against the archon’s thigh shamelessly to let him know how much he wanted to be under him, moaning and screaming, melting to his touch. Zhongli was so perfect, Childe had never seen him slip, ever, which is why he wanted to see him break so badly. He was still pressed up against the wall, letting out small moans in between kisses into Zhongli’s mouth.

The hands around his waist had gotten more aggressive, squeezing his ass, nails digging into his thighs. The archon pulled away from the kiss and directed his mouth at the harbinger’s pale neck, leaving small kisses behind his ears, under his chin and around his collarbones. Childe could feel his flesh burning even from that, then Zhongli introduced his tongue and teeth as well, sucking, biting and leaving temporary red marks, almost as if he was painting a landscape on the young man’s skin. Childe’s heart was banging out of his ribcage.

Zhongli lifted up his head to glance at the ginger, eyes closed, lips slightly parted and puffy from all the biting and sucking. His left hand wandered around the harbinger’s groin, rubbing his now very hard dick over his pants as his other hand grabbed the ginger locks, tugging lightly.

"You're making me lightheaded, Morax." Childe whispered while he held onto Zhongli's chest for support. The archon's eyes glowed as he couldn't help but let out a sigh: "It has been a while since anyone has called me by that." Childe felt all fuzzy inside, he knew saying that would rattle Zhongli and he was very satisfied with the result. He met the archon's gaze with a playful smirk: "Well, you are my responsibility for the time being and that includes making a thorough research. I take my job very seriously." The corners of Morax’s mouth curved upward as a “hmph” escaped his lips, he resumed leaving kisses around the younger man's neck and collarbones, nibbling at the skin and biting lightly to tease him.

Not being touched at this point was starting to drive Childe crazy, he really wanted Zhongli but begging for anything at all was simply not in his nature. He started grinding more roughly against his thigh to signal that he wanted more stimulation while allowing his hands to wander on the older man’s back, tracing his fingers over his silk jacket and toned muscles. Zhongli slowly pulled away from Childe’s arms and stared deeply into his beautiful blue eyes. “Would you like for me to do more, dear?” he asked, Childe’s heart was fluttering at the sound of him finally calling him something else than his code name. He nodded eagerly trying to hide his blushing cheeks. ”Use your words while you can, your mouth will be full soon.” Zhongli asserted. Childe nodded again and stuttered a “yes please”, still too shy to look up.

Zhongli had already noticed how desperate he was becoming so he wanted to have some fun and test Childe’s boundaries. He looked into the harbinger’s eyes again, only this time less sweet and more demanding: “Very well, then, on your knees.” Childe chuckled, “HA, buy a guy a drink firs-” he was cut off by Zhongli grabbing his hair from the top, slamming him on his knees down to the floor. Childe lifted his head to look up at Zhongli in shock to find the archon staring down on him with a humiliating smirk on his face: “It was an order, not a request at your unmatched wit.” he knew very well that Childe was thoroughly enjoying being degraded like this.

The harbinger got over the initial shock and his usual self was back in a second. “Never seen you this harsh with anyone Xiansheng, you must really be desperate to fuck my mouth.” he smirked back, without breaking eye contact. The intimidation and the anticipation were sending lightning bolts to every single nerve on his body. Zhongli was impressed at how he didn’t budge, he tightened his grip on Childe’s hair when he tried to go for his dick and pulled his head a little back as the young man hissed, he bent slightly from the waist to bring his face closer to Childe’s face: “It seems to me that you are the overly-eager one. Don’t you worry, Tartaglia. I’ll be sure to take care of your pretty mouth.”

He dragged Childe from his hair toward the couch while the young man complied by crawling on all fours. Zhongli unzipped his pants and laid the clothes he was getting off on the couch carefully as a very curious and enthusiastic set of eyes studied him closely. He sat on the couch wearing only his unbuttoned white shirt and underwear. Childe was mesmerized at the sight of his toned body and glowing skin, even in his human form he didn’t look human. Humans had imperfections, Zhongli was perfectly sculpted, too good to be true. The harbinger moved closer to place his body between the archon’s legs, his nose brushing up against Zhongli’s abdomen and groin like a puppy eager to play.

Meanwhile Zhongli was running his fingers through the younger one’s hair and caressing his broad shoulders lightly. Childe could feel how hard he was through the thin fabric, Zhongli’s manner was patient and calm but Childe knew he wanted it too. He lifted his head buried in the archon’s groin and stared into his eyes asking for permission. “What is it?” Zhongli asked. “May I?” Childe was hoping he wouldn’t have to say it out loud. “May you what?” Zhongli was insistent. Childe took a deep breath, “May I suck you off, please?”. He hated asking for it, yet enjoyed the smug expression on Zhongli's face making him feel inferior.

“Take whatever it is you want from me, Ajax.”

A gasp exited the harbinger's mouth at the sound of hearing his real name. It felt so intimate coming out of Zhongli's lips, his deep voice tickling Childe's insides. He looked up at the older man with a curious look. "You are not the only one who has done their homework." Zhongli smiled. Childe chuckled, "Apparently." he dove back between Zhongli's legs and started to leave kisses all over his groin and thighs. The kisses soon turned into bites, earning light groans from the archon as Childe’s hands started to slide off the underwear.

His eyes widened when he realized that he was huge, and not even fully hard yet. “Is something wrong?” Zhongli asked with a smirk on his face, though the harbinger couldn’t see it as his eyes were still locked on Zhongli’s dick. He cleared his throat, “Nothing is wrong…It’s just--Um. I mean you’re big.” his cheeks were turning red.

Zhongli leaned forward to lift Childe’s chin, “You can take it, I’ll help.” he assured the young man. Childe started running his tongue up and down Zhongli’s shaft, occasionally stopping and sucking around spots he guessed to be sensitive. He was getting more comfortable as he was hearing Zhongli moan softly and feel his pretty, slender fingers tug on his ginger curls. With one last lick from the base up he started to roll his tongue around the tip, working his way down again at an extremely slow pace. Now it was his turn to test out how patient Zhongli was.

The archon was very satisfied with how much Childe wanted to please him at first, but now it felt like he was playing him. “Take it seriously before I pierce your throat, Tartaglia.” Zhongli warned him with his head still thrown back. Childe froze for a second as his cock twitched at the sound of that threat. He lifted his gaze to meet eyes with the older man for a second and continued at the same pace. Within a second, Zhongli leaned forward, tightly grabbed Childe's hair and pushed the young man, his mouth still open with shock from this sudden turn of events, all the way onto his cock till he felt the back of his throat with the tip.

Childe looked up desperately with eyes filling up with tears, unable to swallow or move his mouth at all as Zhongli slid him forward and back viciously. After a few minutes, the archon paused for a moment to let the boy on his knees breathe. The sweat and rolling tears were illuminating Childe’s cheeks while he caught his breath without breaking eye contact. “You look absolutely pathetic, it’s very pleasing.” Zhongli praised him. Childe’s eyes lit up with gratitude. Morax started running his thumb on the harbinger’s cheeks to wipe away the tears as he asked, “Would you like me to stop?” Childe nodded no, he held the older man’s hand that was caressing his cheek and lowered it to place kisses on his palm and fingertips. Pleased with the answer, Zhongli hummed as he pushed Childe’s parted mouth along his cock again.

The harbinger’s vision was getting blurry from the fast-paced movement while Zhongli’s now deeper moans and groans were bouncing off the walls like music to his ears. Childe decided to completely relax his neck and face allowing the archon to fuck his mouth however he wanted until he thrusted deep into him to pour his cum down the young harbinger’s throat. Childe swallowed in delight and looked up to find Zhongli with his head thrown back, trying to catch his breath as his hands tangled in Tartaglia’s hair slowly loosened their grip. Childe rubbed his cheeks and hair against the older man’s thighs, leaving tiny kisses to help him come down. Zhongli leaned forward to grab the younger man from his waist and pulled him onto his lap with ease.

He traced his slender fingers along the ginger’s jaw and neck as he spoke softly into his ear: “I thought you would be more rebellious than that.” Childe was getting really needy but did not give it away. “Let’s say I didn’t feel like resisting you.” he smiled innocently as he started grinding slowly against Zhongli’s cock, his right hand found its way to the back of the older man’s neck, unrestraining his beautiful golden brown locks from the shiny, diamond-shaped clip that held them in a neat ponytail.

Childe had figured out by now that Zhongli was good at keeping composure when aroused but he really did not know how to react to affection. So he kept the grinding to a minimum for now and started running his fingers through the archon’s hair, leaving kisses on his forehead, nose and cheeks, occasionally nuzzling into his chest to feel his heartbeat and breathe against his beautifully constructed collar bones sticking out of his pale skin. Zhongli normally would have taken over a thousand times by then and send whoever he was fucking on their way, but instead he sat patiently, watching Childe curiously.

For once, he actually wanted to know how his counterpart wanted to touch him as well. He finally resumed observing and reacted by pulling the young man closer, feeling his boner on his stomach and disrobing him from the gray and red work attire.

The archon hummed as he eyed the broad shoulders and toned muscles patterned with small freckles covering the harbinger’s upper body. Childe smirked, “Like what you see?” Zhongli lifted his gaze to meet the harbinger’s baby blue eyes with his glowing golden pupils, “Indeed, you are very pretty, Ajax.” Childe’s smirk vanished as his heart skipped a beat and his cock twitched on Zhongli’s stomach. “I…” Childe was once again embarrassed to say. “Tell me.” the archon encouraged him while lightly massaging his back. “I’m really…hard and… it really hurts.” Childe scratched his head and used it as an excuse to break eye contact.

Zhongli nodded, getting up from the couch with Childe’s legs wrapped around his waist. He supported him by cupping his ass with both hands as he carried the young man towards the door near the desk. Childe wrapped his hands around Zhongli’s neck as the archon opened the door, revealing a bedroom furnished with dark and tasteful colors with a fully mirror ceiling. Zhongli lightly placed Childe onto the bed to shut and lock the door. The harbinger had already slipped out of the rest of his clothes. Zhongli laid down next to the ginger and turned towards him as he glued their lips together passionately. His hand slid down to stroke Childe’s dick that was begging to be touched.

The harbinger held onto the archon’s shoulders as his beautiful, pale fingers massaged his shaft gently. Childe mewled into Zhongli’s ear, his breathing getting more unsteady as the archon’s movements got harsher, but never sloppy. He was very much in control, carefully calculating how Childe would react and how long it would take to make him crack. He kept going with the same pace until Childe started writhing and his mewls turned into outward moans. “You’re going to cum already?” Zhongli teased. “I—ngh…I sure would like to.” Childe spoke through moans.

Zhongli stopped for a second and grabbed Childe’s hair, pulling him away “You won’t until I say you can.” The harbinger’s rolled back pupils came back to look up at the archon, he wanted to reply but all of his blood was pumping to his dick and he literally couldn’t think of anything to say. Zhongli tightened his grip even more as his brows furrowed, “Do you understand me? Or are you so fucked out already? I barely even touched you.” his tone was harsh and demanding. Childe finally came down from his temporary high and panicked, “Y-yes Xiansheng…Only wh-when you say so…Understood.” Zhongli’s face relaxed again, he let go of the harbinger’s hair and pet it gently, “Good boy.” That interaction alone was enough to send Childe over the edge but he held himself.

“Be a doll and sit on your knees for me.” Zhongli ordered. The young man quickly got up and sat on the center of the bed with his back turned to the archon. Zhongli sat behind him, leaving kisses and marks along Childe’s neck and shoulders while his nails scratched his lower back, leaving red lines. The harbinger shuddered at the sensation, resisting the urge to direct Zhongli’s hands lower. He knew that would not result in a desired outcome, he just had to trust him and be patient.

The archon took his time exploring Childe’s body and easing him into it, eventually pushing his index and middle finger into the harbinger’s mouth. “Suck.” he ordered while Childe had already got to work lubricating the fingers sloppily. Zhongli took them out and played around the young man’s entrance, his other hand roaming around his chest and tummy. “Calm down and don’t hold your breath, I won’t hurt you just yet, okay?” the archon asked with a warm tone. Childe nodded yes.

“Do you trust me, Ajax?”

Childe turned his head to give the older man a kiss on the cheek, “I do.” Zhongli smiled and kept petting the harbinger’s tummy to calm him while he slowly pushed his index finger inside. Childe twitched for a second at the feeling and then relaxed into Zhongli’s arms while the finger started exploring his insides. He threw his head back to rest on the archon’s shoulder and let out lewd moans as Zhongli inserted his middle finger as well. “I can’t tell if this is your first or not. You look relaxed but you’re extremely tight.” Zhongli stated.

Childe chuckled, “I used to fuck arou-Ah…Fuck around a lot but lately I just…mmh…wanted someone special to touch me.” Zhongli smirked and shoved Childe’s face forward onto the pillow, adding a third finger. “So I’m the special someone?” The harbinger was dumbfounded as he suddenly found himself bent over, a muffled “yes” escaped through the pillow. His legs were trembling and it felt amazing but it just wasn’t enough anymore. “I see. Don’t you worry, my dear. I will personally make sure you never go this tight again.” Zhongli said as he stretched the young harbinger wider and wider.

Childe was too flustered to answer, he kept moaning and squeezing whatever he could to keep himself from orgasming. Zhongli slowly dragged out his fingers and scraped Childe off the bed. “How would you like me to fuck you?” Zhongli asked. The young man thought for a second trying to measure up what the archon wanted to hear. Or maybe he just really wanted to know what Childe wanted. He replied hesitantly, “Uh... This was fine, me bent over.”

The archon chuckled, most men he was with usually wanted to face him, which he did not quite understand. To him, sex was carnal, it could be intimate without eye contact and pet names too. He had realized how pleased Childe was when he was degraded, his choice of position wasn’t really surprising, but it was refreshing for Zhongli. “You really are a slut.” he teased. Childe suddenly looked up at him slyly, “Well make me yours then.” Zhongli’s expression went feral for a moment as he grabbed the young man’s throat, choking him from the sides of his neck. “For your sake, I really hope that wasn’t an order.”

Childe unintentionally grabbed Zhongli’s hand to pull it away but it was a futile effort. “It was j-hgh just a-mhm—a request.” he tried to speak.

Zhongli let the harbinger breathe. “Bend over before I change my mind.” Childe caught his breath while he got into position, not wanting to waste a second more. The archon lined up his dick with the young man’s pale buttcheeks, lingering near the entrance and neatly lubing himself and Tartaglia. “If you are genuinely hurt, you will tell me to stop. You, under no circumstance will keep tolerating it to please me. Understood?” Zhongli warned. “Understood, sir.”

“Very well then, relax and be good for me now.” the archon said as he slid gently into Childe’s hole, he could not help but hiss at the stinging. It really had been long since the last time he was penetrated, and Zhongli wasn’t exactly average in size.

The older man ran his fingers on Childe’s back, leaning down to leave gentle kisses on his hips as he eased his way into the opening further and further. “You’re doing so well.” Zhongli said as he started thrusting with almost all of his length. Childe’s hisses began to turn into moans induced by the full-body tingle forming under his burning skin. When Zhongli realized that they were out of the woods, he grabbed Childe’s hips and started pounding into him more roughly. A small scream escaped the younger one’s lips at the sudden change of pace but he adapted rather quickly, moving his hips with the rhythm of the archon in an effort to take him deeper, but Zhongli was insistent on avoiding the harbinger’s prostate. He smirked as he realized Childe’s motive and spanked him across his left cheek.

“Hold still if you want me to give you what you want, Ajax.” The young man groaned with pleasure, enjoying every second of it as Zhongli left his handprints all over his bottom till his eyes filled up with tears. The archon grabbed the soft ginger locks, pulling Childe’s head back to look into his eyes. “Crying for my dick so soon? We’re just getting started.” Zhongli teased. Childe grinned, “Don’t go easy on me, Morax. Promise I can take it.”

The archon pulled out slowly and sat on the bed, pulling Childe onto his lap. He swiftly settled and started sinking down along Zhongli's shaft when the archon's skilful hands grabbed his hips and started thrusting into him, brushing against his prostate slightly this time. Childe bit on Zhongli's shoulder to prevent himself from screaming, the older man was bouncing him on his lap as if he weighed nothing, all Childe could do was hold on for dear life while he fought the urge to cream all over Zhongli's stomach. He was being topped by a man literally sitting under him. Childe lifted his head buried on Zhongli's shoulder to come face to face with him.

The archon looked otherworldly, drops of sweat were glistening on his forehead, mouth slightly parted, low-pitched grunts and steaming hot breath hitting Childe's face as his hands grabbed at the harbinger's hips and delicate waist. Childe wrapped his arms around Zhongli's neck, not fighting for dominion anymore and completely leaving his body weight onto the archon. Zhongli's left hand reached up to cup the blushing cheeks of the harbinger, traveling down to his lips as he parted them. Childe didn't close his eyes, he knew it wasn't going to be a kiss, he watched in lust as Zhongli drained his spit down the young man's throat. He swallowed obediently, his entire lower body was trembling while still being hopped around by the archon.

He looked at Zhongli with half-open bedroom eyes, "Why can't I ride you? You must be getting tired." Zhongli's fingernails grew unintentionally, drawing blood from Childe's sides while his horns started prematurely forming. Childe didn't steer away from his coy, sly act as he moaned at the cuts around his ribs, "Mmh...didn't you like that, Xiansheng, why are you mad?" he took advantage of Zhongli trying to contain himself and took over, rocking his hips and throwing his head back with pleasure. "Don't you like how tight I am for you? If you transform you could probably rip me apart." Zhongli looked at him with metaphoric steam coming out of his ears, "Don't fucking--Ahh... force it Tartaglia, this wouldn't--Hmmpf--end well for you." he hissed, revealing his now pointy tongue.

The veins on Childe's dick were pulsating wildly, all of Zhongli's power was being utilized to prevent his transformation, he had no strength to stop anything Childe was doing. "Just let go... I know how badly you want to punish me." the harbinger kept teasing and for once, Zhongli listened, or maybe he just couldn't suppress it anymore. His skin darkened while amber eyes and lines along his limbs began to glow bright, his horns were so much more glorious than before, most of his lower body was covered in scales, Childe cried out as Zhongli's cock grew even bigger, forcing the walls of his insides.

The archon gained his control back with even more strength than before, he dug his nails deeper into Childe's torso, using the entry points to rock him up and down. The harbinger fought to keep his eyes open despite half of his blood being poured all over the bed and his asshole feeling like it was going to rip open. Yet he was moaning and screaming in lust. He loved the pain, he loved the blood, he loved finally being able to break Zhongli, to have him sweat and curse and go weak, even for a brief moment, it was priceless to Childe. The archon repeatedly banged against Childe's prostate harshly, delivering one last blow deep inside him that involuntarily spilt semen out of the harbinger's dick. Childe stopped himself, immediately remembering Zhongli's rule as the single drop of his seed rolled down the archon's thigh.

The dragon held the harbinger's face gently, smearing his own blood on his cheeks, "Did you just stop yourself?"

Childe almost couldn't speak, the archon's voice was even deeper and raspier, the way he spoke sent shivers down the young man's spine. "Y-yes... Not until you--say so." he stuttered. The dragon leaned forward and laid Childe down under him, placing the ginger's legs on his shoulders without pulling out. He secured Childe's strong arms

that now looked frail in comparison by holding him down by the wrists. He thrusted in and out of the harbinger, not caring about whether it was too much or not, he knew that was how Childe wanted it. His legs resting on Zhongli's darkened shoulders were shaking and spasming uncontrollably while he writhed, squirmed and moaned under the dragon. He hated obeying but he definitely loved being made to obey. Especially when it was Zhongli. Who else could literally fold him in half and rail him into the mattress?

They both knew Childe could not hold on much longer. Tears started rolling down his pretty blue eyes, the pleasure was overwhelming, all he needed at that moment was the sweet release he craved for. "Oh God." he moaned, his wet cheeks reflecting the light from Zhongli's amber eyes as his own blue pupils disappeared to the back of his head. "Are you praying to me?" the dragon pointed out the irony. "P-please... Morax... I r-really need--hngh--need to cum..." Childe whined. Zhongli reached out for the young man's cock, freeing one of his hands. "I'm impressed that you took it so well." he hissed into Childe's ear while his hand started sliding up and down, massaging the harbinger's dick and stimulating him further. "Go ahead, Ajax. Seal my ownership."

Hearing that was enough for Tartaglia, he released between their bodies and over the bedsheets while the dragon followed his lead, held him close and growled into his ear: "All mine."

They stayed in a tight embrace for a few moments as Zhongli’s body slowly transformed back into human form. He pulled out of Childe carefully as the young man’s weeping ceased. Zhongli stared down sweetly, noticing how frail, pale and small Childe looked now with his eyes closed and limbs completely relaxed. Blood ran down from his torso while his face was covered in his own drool and tears. When his breathing came about at the normal pace, he lifted his eyelids and smiled exhaustedly at the archon, “Why are you staring at me?” he asked.

Zhongli twisted his ginger curls around his finger “You look beautiful.” Childe chuckled, “I probably look like a mess.” Zhongli gave him a warm smile “A very ethereal one at that.” Childe realized his eyes were glowing but not in the way they used to. So far they seemed to want to rip the young man apart, burning fast and bright like destructive flames, but now they were illuminated like ambers, reliable, mesmerizing and protective like Zhongli’s usual self. Childe couldn’t help but reach out to stroke his cheek, then moved onto his hair, trailing down the brown as he made his way to the golden strands that draped over his strong shoulders.

Zhongli watched him carefully, unsure of how to respond. Childe involuntarily chuckled at how the man was confused once again. “Are you laughing at me, Childe?” Zhongli asked, not mad but genuinely curious. “Yeah it’s just like, I don’t know how to phrase this but you always look so confused and lost when I touch you, it’s very amusing.” Childe explained himself. “It’s nice to know you’re enjoying yourself at my expense. You see, I’m not the most affectionate being.” Zhongli answered as he lifted up the harbinger and made his way to the bathroom door.

Childe sat patiently on the archon’s lap while warm water ran down to fill the bathtub. “I mean it feels like you fuck a lot of people so you don’t want to do gentle stuff with any of them?” he rested his hand on the older man’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. “It is not a matter of wanting but a matter of needing. Mortals deeply value physical and verbal affection since it gives their limited life span meaning. To us, touch is just for satisfaction, and to be divined.” Zhongli was back on paragraph generator mode.

“Basically you just get horny.” Childe summarized. “Indeed.” the archon affirmed as he put the harbinger in the bathtub, carefully washing away the blood, spit and semen without hurting his wounds. Zhongli studied his body covered in hickeys, bite marks, fresh cuts and bruises. Childe lightly chuckled, “Looks like I survived a war.”

“That’s the price of disobedience my dear.” Zhongli grinned as he started cleaning himself.

“Can’t blame me though, what’s more fun than disobeying a God?” Childe threw his head back on the bathtub, he was beginning to regain some of his energy. Zhongli hummed, “Fair enough.” He got out of the bathtub and wrapped a towel around his waist, Childe stayed put knowing that he would be back to get him as the older man made his way to the bedroom. Zhongli threw away the sheets and brought out his favorite set patterned with abstract illustrations of Qixing flowers, laying it out neatly and changing the pillow covers. He went back into the bathroom and grabbed Childe, drying him and applying a soothing cream to the wounds as the young man hissed.

Zhongli dressed Childe in his own clothes and laid him on the fresh bed sheets. The harbinger sat up and buried his nose in the silk shirt recognizing the familiar smell, he couldn’t help but smile while the archon was getting dressed with his back turned to the bed. Zhongli sat across from him, “Do you need anything?” he asked with a warm smile. Childe held his hand, startling the archon once more “Not really, thank you for taking care of me Xiansheng.”

Zhongli looked down at their intertwined fingers, then at Childe’s face and pulled him in for a hug. The harbinger buried his face in Zhongli’s chest as he wrapped his arms around the archon tightly. They stayed in this warm embrace until Zhongli parted their bodies, “I think I enjoy this Ajax. Would you mind if I slept with you?” Childe’s eyes widened, “You were just gonna leave?!”

Zhongli’s brows raised “I…sleep on the couch when I have a guest. Is that not normal?” Childe laughed as he got under the covers, “Sleep with me, I assume the concept of spooning would rock your world.” he joked. Zhongli followed his lead, “From context I am guessing it is a form of human couple sleeping done with the assistance of-” Childe cut him off by kissing him on the lips gently. “You’re an absolute freak. Now turn around.” Zhongli obliged, turning away on his right side as Childe wrapped his arm around his waist and glued their bodies together tightly.

“Are you comfortable?” he asked. Zhongli relaxed his body and allowed it to lean on Childe’s chest, “Very much so.” Childe nuzzled his nose on the back of Zhongli’s neck. “Happy to hear. Goodnight, Xiansheng.” he sounded exhausted yet happy. The archon reached out to hold Childe’s hand wrapped around his waist. “Sweet dreams, my dear.”

#genshin impact #genshin fanfic #zhongli x childe #zhongchi #genshin smut #genshin mlm #genshin zhongli #genshin childe #genshin tartaglia

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asachuu · 5 months

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Paul "I'm not going outside for 6 years bc my partner is the only one i want to see" Verlaine doesn't actually grieve his partner trust me guys asachuu said so

Paul "I'm so sorry rimbaud now that you're gone I'm so terribly sad" Verlaine

my brother in christ asachuu can you actually read!!!!

-rimbaudthursday (sadly still blocked :( )

Um…anon…? I’ll scratch this up to an honest mistake, but…

You are aware that in the very same sentence I do acknowledge his grief post-epilogue, plus that is something I’ve never denied once, I’ve spoken about it multiple times as well, right?

Also, you are aware that I’m talking about every single thing happening pre-epilogue, in which— I’m not sure if we’ve read the same novel, but I’d like to sincerely believe you’ve accidentally skipped over what I quite obviously meant and downright said— Paul explicitly states himself that he hated Arthur, which is then further told to us on multiple occasions, and thanked Chuuya for bringing upon Arthur’s death, all which happened following his betrayal and Arthur’s “first” death…right?

To put it very simply:

Yes, Paul does indeed grieve his partner very deeply, regretting his actions more than anything, AFTER THE EPILOGUE OF STORMBRINGER.

BEFORE THE EPILOGUE OF STORMBRINGER, he does not— in fact, he does the exact opposite, expresses his disdain for Arthur in both words and actions many times, and this is what I’m referring to back in that post— I have absolutely no reason to be talking about Paul’s feelings at the very end when it’s absolutely irrelevant to covering his entire past with Arthur, in which it could not be made more clear those are not his feelings yet.

Additionally, on the chance you’re trying to make an argument of Paul carrying the grief with him up until the epilogue in which it’s made clear even to the audience— I don’t know if this is your opinion, of course, but I’ll say it regardless, just in case that’s what you were aiming at— you wouldn’t believe me saying this, but there is, canonically, at least some hesitation and grief in Paul’s mind shown to us right before he pulls the trigger on Arthur, but that’s where it ends for the time being, until the epilogue. Whether or not Paul somehow “secretly carried it around”, which…I can’t say I haven’t seen people claim already, would not only be downright impossible to tell with his constant reminders that yes, he did, in fact, hate Arthur, but also, it would change absolutely nothing about his behavior if it clearly had no influence on it— before the epilogue, I’ll remind you— when he still betrayed his partner, still expressed his joy over Arthur’s death, still spoke harshly of him on multiple occasions throughout the entirety of Stormbringer and still was the reason his late partner died sincerely believing he was never doing enough for Paul and he was the one in the wrong the whole time, among other ways he behaved extremely coldly towards Arthur that render any potential hidden guilt in his heart completely irrelevant, because none of it softened, let alone prevented a single thing he’d ever done.

Now, anon, I very much don’t find any use in being rude to anyone, but I do have to say, since you’ve been so kind and sweet to me first— and please take this in the most neutral, non-personal way you can— before you question whether I can read or not, in the case this wasn’t a simple, innocent mistake of yours at all, could you please find out the answer to this question about yourself first? While I will gladly explain what I’m talking about to you if you need more clarification on it, albeit I would be much happier to do so for a polite request rather than anything you’ve sent me so far, if you’ll deliberately ignore half of my words in the exact same sentence you must have read to even come up with this, I won’t be able to try to correct or explain it to you even if I do so fifty times, because you could easily just cherry-pick whatever you want to read yourself out of my words while discarding the whole rest again.

Nevertheless, with all that being said…to answer your question properly, yes, I believe I am able to read, thank you very much for asking. 💕

#I really don’t know what else to tell you #admittedly I just woke up so I hope I was able to clarify this properly #in case it somehow wasn’t clear before #ask #anon #bungou stray dogs #bsd fifteen #bsd storm bringer #bsd stormbringer #bsd arthur rimbaud #bsd paul verlaine #rimlaine #asachuu

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incendio22 · 2 years

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FOR THE HOPE OF IT ALL

Chapter 25: A Gaunt Family Dinner

It's a foggy morning in April when Ominis is heading to meet his family. His fake visit to St Mungos had worked out perfectly and Nurse Blainey was extremely worried about him. Everyone at school seemed to know about his medical condition and it really was the trendiest topic at Hogwarts at the moment. I overheard a younger Slytherin talking about how tragic it was that he finally found love, and now was going to die. I hate rumors like that and even though that could have been the case if he was actually sick, it was highly unlikely to die from Ominis' fake disease.

At first Imelda had been worried sick, which made Ominis eventually give in and tell her that he wasn't actually ill. He didn't tell her the full story, but he did say that he needed to leave school for some personal matters. She didn't like it, but she accepted it.

Ominis had three days to make the prophecy never come true, leave his family with his life intact and return to Hogwarts. It was a very limited schedule and a lot at stake. Lately, Ominis and Sebastian had snuck out of the castle to practise apparition, so that Ominis could transport himself quickly between the locations. He could now do it successfully, but Sebastian and I were both still struggling to master it.

Sebastian and I follow Ominis to the Forbidden Forest, where we walk in silence. We are all nervous and tense, Ominis more than the two of us. Sebastian reaches for my hand and squeezes it quickly before he lets go of it. We reach our decided location and stand still.

''We'll meet here again in three days,'' Sebastian says firmly.

Ominis nods and looks bitten.

''Please, be careful,'' I tell him with a worried look on my face.

''You know me,'' Ominis says in a confident voice. I think it's his way of processing all of this, because I highly doubt that he is actually feeling confident right now. ''I'll come back, so that I can keep giving the two of you relationship advice.''

He has been extremely good at giving the two of us advice, I have to admit that. When I struggled to understand myself, he was there. When I was in doubt, he was there. I feel sad when I think about how good of a friend he has been to me, because I feel as if I'm letting him down now that he's doing this all alone.

''Y/n,'' Ominis says. ''Please make sure Imelda doesn't forget about me.''

''It's just three days,'' I tell him. ''She'll be fine.''

''I know. But still,'' Ominis voice is low.

''I promise, Ominis,'' I tell him and give him a hug.

Sebastian and Ominis hug each other for a long time before Ominis finally says goodbye and disappears within the blink of an eye. I stand in silence with Sebastian, both in shock.

''We must tell the Keepers,'' I say to Sebastian and start walking back towards the castle.

We promised to update them when Ominis left, so they could work their magic. They still haven't told what their part in this plan is, but we figured that it might be our only chance to protect Ominis from afar.

It feels as if the day never ends and it's painful to know that Ominis is out somewhere, sitting at a table being nice to the people who hurt him most. The amount of courage that takes is immaculate. Before he left he explained that despite the pain they put him through, it's going to be painful for him to do what needs to be done. He said that just because people have wronged you, you don't get the right to destroy their lives. And while I know that he's right, I could never put myself through that. Maybe that makes Ominis a better and bigger person than me and that is something I can live with.

Sebastian and I are sitting against the wall in the Undercroft. We have barely spoken throughout the entire day. This is a day of sadness for both of us and it pains us even more that there is absolutely nothing we can do. We are well aware that the fate of the wizarding world lies in Ominis' hands, but his fate is still unknown.

''Come here,'' I tell Sebastian and pull him closer to me. ''What's on your mind?''

''I'm just so worried,'' he says in a low voice. ''And I feel as if all of this is somehow my fault. Of course I know that it's not, but still.''

''I feel the same,'' I admit. Even though it hurts me to know that Sebastian is blaming himself, I find some peace in knowing that I'm not the only one feeling like that. ''He'll be okay.''

''We don't know that,'' Sebastian argues. ''I'm just so upset because our friendship finally recovered from all the awful things last year. And if something were to happen to him, I would just blame myself.''

It kills me to know that he's in so much pain and blames himself over a prophecy that he is in no way responsible for.

''Sebastian,'' I whisper, taking his hand in mine. ''You are in no way responsible for this. You have to stop holding yourself accountable for other people's choices and actions. People have free will.''

He squeezes my hand back.

''I know,'' he says in a low voice. ''I know you're right, but that doesn't make it easier to stop blaming yourself.''

I nod understandingly. He has been through more pain than anyone should experience in a lifetime. Losing his parents, Anne getting cursed, his uncle not wanting to keep trying, Anne leaving him. He lived through so much and I just wish I could take his pain away from him. I'd take it and carry it myself if I could.

''I just miss Anne so much,'' he says. ''I've been trying to forgive myself, but it's just so hard when I know I did the wrong thing.''

''It takes time, love,'' I tell him softly.

Neither of us manages to fall asleep that night. Instead we just sit there in the darkness, holding each other and hoping that everything will work out okay.

The three days have passed and we head back to the Forbidden Forest to meet Ominis. We go there early in the morning, since we have no idea when during the day he will return. The morning turns into afternoon, that turns into night. And there's no signs of Ominis' return, making me and Sebastian extremely worried.

The night is getting colder and darker. After waiting in the forest for almost 14 hours we decide to head back to the castle.

''Maybe he didn't find his way back to our spot and headed back to the castle,'' I say, lying for myself.

''Let's hope you're right,'' Sebastian says in a low voice as we're walking through the forest.

We are standing outside of the entrance to the Slytherin common room when we hear rapid footsteps approaching us. It's almost midnight and we are definitely not supposed to be up at this hour, nor do we want to draw any suspicions to Ominis' trip.

''Mr Sallow! Miss Y/n!'' Sebastian and I turn around to see professor Weasley, who has a concerned look on his face. ''Nurse Blainey has requested the two of you to the Hospital Wing. Try to get there as quick as you can, it's rather urgent.''

Sebastian and I exchange extremely worried looks. His eyes are filled with worry.

''Professor Weasley,'' I say. ''What's the matter?''

She gives us a compassionate look and walks closer to us. I can tell she really does not want to tell what this is all about.

''I think it's best if you see for yourselves,'' she says. Now that she is standing closer to us I can see the worry in her eyes, too. ''Off you go.''

#sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x reader #sebastian sallow x you #hogwarts legacy #ominis gaunt #slytherin #fanfic #fanfiction #for the hope of it all

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cyanide-latte · 2 years

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The more I think about it, the more I feel like discussions of willingness (or lack thereof) to analyze the media you engage with, of separating art from the artist, of doing independent research, of engaging in bad faith vs in good faith, and of open-mindedness and compassion can reach a middle ground.

Maybe it's too optimistic of me but I feel like it would help if more people went into things with the mindset of not needing to analyze everything to the point they enjoy nothing and are constantly upset, but also that you should be willing to analyze even the things you enjoy. Doesn't mean you must immediately always do so, but I think more people should be willing and open to doing so.

And obviously that's not going to be easy for everyone, especially if you're either extremely attached to the media you really love, or you feel like you must analyze everything for your own safety and awareness, or both of those things simultaneously or at different points in time. Believe me, I get it; there have been plenty of times where I've actively not wanted to dissect something that brings me joy and excitement. There have also been plenty of times where I've needed to be vigilant without fail for the sake of safety and well-being, both my own and for the people I care about.

But I do believe this sort of balance can be reached if more people make the effort, you know? It feels like yet another point in time where I see people who are trying to be aware and spread awareness and do good ultimately harassing others because they have been made to feel like they need to assume bad faith. And on the internet it's hard to feel like you're going to be able to engage in good faith that someone will listen to you when you want to spread awareness of something. But perpetuating a mentality that not everyone will listen can hurt the ultimate goal of trying to be helpful and inform others who may be otherwise unaware.

I don't know; I think I'm starting to ramble a little and obviously speaking in extremes/using broad generalizations can be misconstrued because this discussion is WAY more nuanced than just what I've said here. Mostly I'm just getting these thoughts out because it's something that's been on my mind for a while now due to different things I've been seeing crop up lately, and I feel like I'm seeing yet more of the "I don't want to analyze what makes me happy because it makes me happy and being aware of any bad little thing will ruin my happiness so leave me alone" versus "if you aren't constantly aware of every little thing wrong in every piece of media you like and either acknowledging those things constantly or else not posting about the things themselves AT ALL then you're a close-minded person." It's such a tired thing. It lacks any real willingness on both sides to sit down and talk and listen to the other and hear what they have to say. The world doesn't change like that, it just stays static, and I think more progress could be made if people were willing to meet in the middle.

#anyway ignore my rambling #before anyone assumes anything this has to do with an argument that is taking place in a closed group on both FB and Twitter #the sentiment holds true no matter the circumstances let's be clear about that #but this isn't about anyone here on tumblr #i just feel like i can more freely vent my thoughts here without 30+ other people jumping down my throat #mild vent #just coffee thoughts #Cyanide speaks

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horrocious · 2 years

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MAn i just LOVE how you portray Reinhardt in your fics it drives me FUCKING INSANE

Its like, you show her flaws, her humanity, and its just so fucking raw its jus ARFFGGGHHHH

i think, unintentionally we more or less make rein a symbol bc thats what shes made herself in the story and to the characters, illumina's light, but jus showing her moments of weakness and emotion just gets me every fucking time. it reminds us shes human despite seeming p much omnipotent and it just punches me in the guts

i hjope i make sense bc im going insane and half akseep

oh man thank you so much this kind of comment brings me to life. allow me to postpone folding the laundry to ramble on incoherently about her. apologies if I get some facts wrong. unlike Victoria, I do forget things. anyway. (one more thing, sorry, there's spoilers under the cut for those of you who haven't progressed into the late chapters. OK I'll stop editing now)

she's complex and the way we relate to her is complex, given that she exists as both propaganda item and actual military commander (side note: I feel like it's worth mentioning that she gets represented to us as the be all end all of Illumina but revealed in the plot later to be beholden to other forces in the government, which makes me wonder how many people in Illumina even know who really runs their country.) and while it's kind of tempting to see this as the writers providing a "moral escape route" (i.e. well the bad things in Illumina aren't Reinhardt's fault, it's Eisen/The Committee/The Science Council!) for her I think it's more complicated.

she definitely has authority both in the military hierarchy and just by virtue of everyone's clear respect for both her as a person and what she represents. the upshot is that she's aware of e.g. the black umbrella laboratory and whatever Denier was up to* because, well, survival means making Hard Choices. wasn't her experience with Helios and Denier proof of that, after all? surviving the path to power at any cost meant exactly that. I think her objection to the human experiments in front of the Science Council is pretty telling! she knows it's wrong when she has to confront it! but because she herself was a "beneficiary" they more or less brush her off. this kind of thing is nothing new, but she's had time to see where that line of thinking really gets you. and it's not great.

that's a big deal, because her beliefs about Duty and Responsibility and Sacrifice led her here. and I think the psychological consequences of "I have given up everything, buried my friends, and committed myself to be the standard bearer for Atrocities, Inc.™️" are untenable. so she both has to be the ever-hopeful soldier leading to a triumphant future while knowing that the cause itself is extremely fraught. that manifests in her keeping up a facade both for everyone else and for herself. she needs her legend to be true. that's my read, anyway.

one more thing. you know who I think about in relation to her? the Varaki siblings. Charon has an important but not super high ranking job and thus can be as weird as he wants. he's the silly Gothic death rock train cappuccino theater man. I bet Reinhardt is insane with envy. she would love to be silly risotto exercise lady. but that's what she gave up for this. because survival means hard choices. my thoughts on how Reinhardt and Victoria serve as foils to each other will have to wait until another time because these underpants ain't gonna fold themselves. thanks for reading, and splendor Illumina.

*it isn't explicitly stated, no, but let's think. depending on how literally you take Forsakin when she calls Reinhardt "sister," they're either related or were extremely close. I'm not sure I buy that they would be that close without Reinhardt being aware of what Denier did for a day job. as an aside, I think she's speaking figuratively. one of the things that makes AS both interesting and infuriating is that kind of unexpanded detail.

#ask horrocious #alchemy stars #Reinhardt alchemy stars #this ties in to what i think the overall theme of alchemy stars is... as much as one exists #them's my sentiments for what they're worth

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magicdreemurr17 · 2 years

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Hello everyone... Magic here. I'm sorry that I haven't posted anything for the past... three months? Give or take? There's been a lot that has been going on and I wanted to address why Lost In The Echo has been put on another abrupt hiatus.

To put it simply: I am not feeling well. No, no, I don't mean to say that I caught "the rona" or anything like that. Physically, I am well (sort of). Mentally, I am not well. The past three months have been extremely stressful, both irl and online, and I had to take a break from writing (and drawing) in order to attempt to recuperate, but I keep getting things thrown my way when I attempt to get back into said writing.

If you follow me on Twitter or know me on Discord, you might know the context of what has been happening lately between a friend of mine "Crystal Flame" and Glitchtale's creator, Camila Cuevas. I won't go into extensive detail, but I will be posting a link to a video by "Hopeless Peaches" to give you the most detailed explanation possible on the whole situation (and out of respect for Crystal and the others who were done so wrongly, I would appreciate you not referring to this stuff as "drama").

youtube

People might be wondering why I jumped into this rabbit hole, and to put it simply, this isn't the first time a friend of mine has gone through something like this, and it got personal for me that this particular friend, who came clean to said other party who knew this dangerous individual, was blamed for their unfortunate experience. It makes me so obscenely angry that someone I would give my life for is having their reputation damaged by the queen of a hivemind who doesn't even deserve her fanbase after proving time and time again that she cares more about protecting the fanbase rather than her fans themselves.

Bringing up accusations against someone this popular, regardless of how much evidence you bring to the table, ESPECIALLY if their fanbase consists mostly of minors or ignorant kids, is like going to war. At the end of the day, it'll be tough, stressful, and you might not even win. What scares me most about this predicament is the kind of backlash that's likely to ensue on the parties against Camila in this situation (one of whom, I'm fully aware, has been in the line of fire of her fanbase already).

On top of all that, as if this situation alone wasn't bad enough, I'm going through some literal hell irl. I won't disclose details, but it's incredibly stressful to deal with someone who's purposely trying to damage your mental health because they have nothing better to do. Because of all this, my sleep schedule (again) has been thrown out of whack and is no longer consistent as it once was.

Bear in mind, most of Lost In The Echo's content in done solely by yours truly. I do all the writing, editing, and proofreading all by myself. Sure, I'll occasionally get friends to draw promo posters for me (mostly because I can't afford to pay another artist, let alone hire a damn editor), but for the most part, Lost In The Echo is worked on by a single person (me).

I didn't want the state of my mental health with everything going on to affect my writing, so I took a step back without saying anything, but I don't want to leave my readers in the dark forever.

I will be coming back after Christmas, hopefully by then, everything will have calmed down and I can actually have stable mental health again. I really want to write more of Lost In The Echo so I can share an Undertale story that most people in this community can love (I can't please everybody, but I'll damn well try).

Thank you for taking the time to read this and (hopefully) understanding.

Stay Determined! <3

#undertale #lost in the echo #update #where have i been #apologies #To Be Continued #Youtube

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nataliaphantomhivesblog · 3 years

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Newsflash: Dazai cares for Chuuya

Before reading any further, I will be talking about stormbringer, so spoilers ahead!! Translation credits go out to: @popopretty on tumblr, make sure to give this kind human some love and appreciation<3

Also if you want to read the first few chapters of stormbringer: @buraihatranslations is currently translating it, give them much love and appreciation as well, they deserve it!!

Honestly, I have been so obsessed with Soukoku lately and I think the reason behind this is because when it comes to Soukoku, their feelings for each other are not as easy to grasp as love or hate, it is much more profound than that. There is care, hurt, trust, resentment, companionship, bitterness, and consideration...And ironically enough, thats just the tip of the iceberg.

If we break down their individual feelings towards each other, it will be easier to understand their bond.

On Chuuya's end, his feelings are much more clear due to his expressive personality. He wears his emotions on his sleeves, he can try and hide what he feels towards Dazai but his true feelings tend to unravel easily.

He sometimes tries to mask his feelings towards Dazai by throwing insults, but his facial expressions are enough to contradict what he is saying.

Chuuya's feelings towards Dazai can be easier to comprehend. He obviously feels this certain betrayal due to the fact Dazai left the Port Mafia. Not to mention, he and Dazai have always had a rivalry relationship.

In the Soukoku wiki page, it is stated that Chuuya is aware of Dazai not experiencing a proper childhood, therefore allows him to act as childish as he can and lets him tease him relentlessly. I don't know how reliable this source is, but either way I think its worthy enough to add.

In the Dragon head conflict when Dazai was out of sight, Chuuya told Mori to forget about Dazai. That was until Hirotsu mentioned a microscope, Chuuya quickly realizes it was code language because he remembered a previous conversation where Dazai says he needs a microscope to be able to see Chuuya properly.

The moment he figured out it was a tracker, Chuuya did not hesitate to jump in and rescue Dazai. But here is the catch: No one but Chuuya knew about the microscope, if Chuuya really didn't care for Dazai he wouldn't have mentioned the microscope and kept all this under wraps, leaving Dazai in a mess.

Chuuya trusts Dazai with his life. He never hesitates to leave his life on Dazai's hands when it has to come to it. Chuuya and Dazai have known each other for years, for Chuuya to be able to trust Dazai that much is because Dazai also cares for him too, right?

The answer here is yes, Dazai cares for Chuuya. In a superficial level, it doesn't seem like Dazai truly cares, but I can assure you that he does care for him. Weather you like to think of his care in a platonic or romantic manner, the care Dazai has for Chuuya is undeniable and extremely significant for Dazai's character.

I think that stormbringer establishes this idea even further. There is one specific moment in this light novel that shows his genuine concern towards Chuuya's well being:

"There is one problem." Dazai cut off his sentence hesitantly. "It has nothing to do with the sucess rate of the plan. It is a matter we have to overcome in the end but... It may require some time to decide."

"What's with you?" Chuuya raised his eyebrows at Dazai. "Stop dramatizing it. Just hurry up and say it."

"I said earlier about this control spell to open the 'gate' that is used to reset the command inside Chuuya, right?" Dazai spoke with a strangely restrained voice. "If we use that, the logs of the command formula that were written in the past will be erased. That means...even if the memory erasure was used on Chuuya in the past, the traces of that will be erased as well."

"What?"

"I told you before right, the memory erasure command. The only way we can confirm if Chuuya is human or not is to check the history to see if the memory erasure command was ever used. It means..." Dazai looked at Chuuya with eyes that he had never looked at him before. Those eyes were serious. "If we use that control spell, the method to confirm if Chuuya is an artificial personality created by a string of code, or just a normal human being, will be lost. For good."

The time had stopped.

Chuuya opened his eyes and looked towards Dazai but his eyes were not seeing anything. The wind blew between the two of them. Even so, Chuuya did not blink.

"Verlaine became like that because he was tormented by the curse that he was not human. That only is enough of a big problem. The matter of being human or not." Dazai looked at his pocket watch, gave it a glance and continued. "I can delay the time until the plan starts for about two minutes. I will send an order for my men to wait... You can think about it alone for a while. Cuz I guess its hard for you to collect your thoughts with me around."

Having said so, Dazai turned away and walked down the stairs, leaving Chuuya alone.

Dazai fixated in his pocket watch. Two more minutes. Too short for a life decision. But he couldn't afford more than that.

Inside Dazai's head, he was planning a procedure to swith to an alternative plan in case Chuuya refused, at a tremendous speed.

This section in stormbringer is personally one of my favorites, this is a very rare moment between both of them, but especially for Dazai. Like I stated earlier Chuuya wears his emotions on his sleeves, therefore even if he tries to mask his care with insults, its still painfully noticable that he genuienly looks after Dazai. Chuuya also sometimes show a vulnerable side of himself to Dazai, especially after using corruption.

Dazai on the other hand is extremely unreadable. Its hard to understand his true intentions and if he really cares for people or only sees them as a pawn. In this moment though, Dazai was being painfully genuine. Dazai literally prioritized Chuuya over the mission. He was already thinking of coming up with an alternative plan just in case Chuuya refused, obviously the sucess rate of the alternative plan would be lesser than the actual plan Dazai had in mind, he choose Chuuya's wellbeing over a mission.

In this section, Dazai wasn't throwing jokes or witty remarks, he was being serious. Because Dazai knows how desperately Chuuya wants to be human. He knows how important being human is to Chuuya.

Dazai wasn't manipulating Chuuya by giving him the chance to decide, we can see that Dazai was literally showing a lot of hesitation when mentioning this to him, we also get to see what Dazai was thinking, and we can tell he wasn't thinking about manipulative his movements in any way. All of this wasn't coming out of manipulation, it was coming out of pure care.

After six steps, Dazai reached the stair. He stepped on the stair and started walking down. Three steps down the stair, he heard a *clang*, a cool sound of metal echoing behind him. It sounded like the metal was kicked by the sole of someones shoes. The moment Dazai realized what the sound was, Dazai turned around in surprise.

There was already no one at the top.

Dazai was dazed for a moment, then he loosened his lips and laughed.

"Trying to act cool, huh?" Dazai smiled, both annoyed and relieved. Then he turned on his radio and sent out his order. "Chuuya has sallied, everyone get ready for battle."

I personally love this part so much, relief washed over Dazai the moment he noticed that Chuuya was going to go through with the first plan, which proves my point that he wasn't manipulating him and how Dazai was under a lot of stress because he wasn't sure if the alternative plan would be as effective as his original one.

Yet he still was willing to go through the alternative plan if Chuuya refused, because Dazai values him and regards his wellbeing.

Dazai was being surprisingly gentle in this section, he was being honest. There was no ulterior motive behind his actions here, just a boy looking after his partner.

"So i'm going to send an order to my men to prepare for action... Is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay." Chuuya turned to Dazai. "Why are you asking me such a thing?"

Dazai didn't answer right away.

That was an unusual expression. It's like he was trying to say something, but he had to arrange the words in his head to decide where he should start. An expression he rarely shows.

This was right before Dazai drops the bomb to Chuuya about the memory erasure command. He was even asking for Chuuya's opinion on sending his men to get ready, this was the first time Dazai ever showed actual concern without masking it with witty remarks. You can tell that Chuuya isn't used to this.

And when you think about it, when Dazai and Chuuya have missions together, Dazai always uses corruption as a last resort and he always allows Chuuya to make the decision if they will be using it or not.

I personally belive that the main reason Chuuya trusts Dazai with using corruption is because The Sheep used to exploit his powers too much, but Dazai leaves the decision to use corruption up to Chuuya. Dazai understands the physical and mental toll corruption takes on Chuuya and therefore leaves the choice up to him.

Theres another section in stormbringer that I really enjoy, it doesn't necessairly show solicitude but I still think this should still be taken into consideration:

"You seem pretty confident that Chuuya is human, don't you?"

"I am," Dazai laughed with a sigh. "There is no way a man-made code could create such a personality that I detest so much."

Throughout the whole story, Dazai is more than determined that Chuuya is human. The main reason Dazai finds Chuuya so intresting is because of how frighteningly human Chuuya can be, because of the fact that he always wears his emotions on his sleeves, something Dazai rarely does himself. Thats personally a nice sentiment from Dazai's end, even when Chuuya struggles completely when it comes to believing in his own humanity, Dazai still can't help but see him as a human being.

Also I am aware that Dazai literally said he detests Chuuya here but he also sighed and laughed while stating this, showing us that he isn't being serious about hating him.

And its not only in stormbringer were he shows his concern towards Chuuya. In fact, in this following manga pannel Dazai is telling Chuuya that if he is willing to listen him, he will stage his own escape so that Chuuya doesn't get punnished.

Honestly, if Dazai didn't care enough for Chuuya, he wouldn't have mentioned this to him. Chuuya didn't care enough to realize that he literally unwillingly freed Dazai which would get the pm mad at him, so the fact that Dazai is literally helping him out is no doubt out of care for him. If Dazai didn't have any regard for Chuuya he would've not staged his escape or mentioned anything to Chuuya, eventually incriminating him.

There are many misconceptions when it comes to Dazai's feelings towards Chuuya, people think that he doesn't care for him due to the fact that he left the Port Mafia, leaving Chuuya behind. But heres the thing: Dazai's intentions had nothing to do with Chuuya. He left the organization for his own good, he left it to fullfill Oda's wish.

"If Dazai cared for Chuuya then why didn't he take Chuuya with him?" the reason is simple, he knows how much the PM means to Chuuya. In stormbringer it is shown that Chuuya feels as if his humanity is attached to the people he is loyal to, in this case its the port mafia. Verlaine wanted to get rid of the pm because he believed that the pm is what kept Chuuya's humanity, eventually making Chuuya believe that he is only human if he stays loyal to the pm. Dazai knows this. Thats exactly why he didn't take Chuuya with him or even explains to Chuuya why he left, he knows it would be selfish to basically rip Chuuya's sense of humanity apart.

I have a feeling that if Dazai told Chuuya about the real reason he left the Port Mafia, Chuuya will not only feel conflicted about being in the pm, but he would also have an inner conflict with himself as a human.

People also think Dazai may not really care for him because of the fact that after the fight against Lovecraft he actualy deserted him, maybe that part was truly just supposed to be seen as simple humor, but either way I want to talk about it. Chuuya's only request to Dazai was to take him back to base safe, so why did Dazai leave Chuuya behind?

I mean he has carried Chuuya back to saftey before with no problem, for example in stormbringer when Chuuya uses corruption for the first time Dazai carries him back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so that he could say goodbye to his passing friends.

The reson behind this is because Mori needs to know that unlike Dazai, Chuuya is absolutely loyal to him. Leaving Chuuya the way he did will make Mori believe that these two really are at each others throats and that Dazai is insignificant to Chuuya. Making it seem that for Chuuya, the mafia comes first before anything else.

Therefore Dazai established Chuuya's saftey within the mafia since not only does Mori want these two to be hostile with each other, he doesn't want Chuuya to eventually turn against him if he truly found out more about Dazai's true reason of departure. Then again, this isn't canon but it is a logical assumption.

Not to mention that although Dazai did leave him behind, he folded Chuuya's coat and hat before taking his leave. There is also an an extra chapter where Ozaki Kouyou was talking with Chuuya but when he left he forgot his coat, which made Kouyou came across the coat; where she noticed a badge sewed inside saying "Name: Hatrack", she smiled fondly thinking to herself that some things just never change, in this case, Dazai and Chuuya's bond.

Dazai literally took his time to sew this into his coat just to tease him, it was a simple gesture but it shows us how their dynamic will never change. No matter what these two go through, they will always share a bond that consists on teasing, trust and underlying care.

All of this actually makes that theory of Dazai planting a bomb under Chuuya's car for the sole reason that the PM doesn't find Chuuya as an acomplice who aided Dazai on his escape much more feasable.

For Dazai to just plant a bomb under Chuuya's car with no motive makes no sense because if Dazai's true intentions were to simply mess with Chuuya, he would've most likely made it clear at that time. Dazai always has an underlying motive behind his actions, and in this case it is very likely that he did that for Chuuya's sake.

Don't get me wrong, I am aware that the bomb incident could've just been a comedic moment and I shouldn't look too much into it, but there is still a posibility, right?

These two hold so much trust and care for one another, yet they also hold a lot of bitterness and resentment. In the end the good aspects of their dynamic outweighs the bad.

Either you see these two in a platonic or romantic way, you can't tell me that their bond isn't significant.

Thank you so much for reading!! I wanted to talk about this for a while because I feel like people misinterpret Dazai's feelings towards Chuuya a lot so I hope this clears up things a bit<3

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