#i'm using “it's onceler theorist summer” as an official tag bc that's toooooo good

[iiboronii]

YOUR MINDDDDDDDDDD I LOVE THE WAY YOU THINK YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND. Every time I see you worldbuild it's so magical. It's Onceler theorist summer and I'm LOVING IT!!!!!

Now for my commentary on the confneection building because of COURSE I’m enthralled by this. Before we get started, I’m super sorry for how long this post is </3 I got carried away thinking LOL. 

Unfortunately the link to the actual blueprint isn't working for me (it be like that sometimes), but I assume it's this post of Mr. Onceler's blueprint? Shoutout to Miru for still being here after 12 years btw. (AND YES WHEN HE’S BRAINSTORMING HIS PLANS??? <33333333333)

I cannot believe that man created an ENTIRE building for thneed based foods. Or just sweets maybe? In the 2012 version, that man is a FIEND for sweets, so I wouldn't be surprised if he just wanted to eat thneed based sweets and therefore made a whole building about it. Since thneed treats of all types were available in the 1972 version, I'm going to assume they were available in the 2012 version, too, and that the confneection building was named because Onceler was like "ooh look at my creative wordplay!"

I NEED to know how thneed food is made so bad now that you bring this up. Do we think truffula tufts are edible raw and unprocessed and just not very tasty? Or do we think they HAVE to be made into thneeds (much like how stinging nettles have to be cooked/heated in some way to become safe) before being consumed? What about the process of making a thneed turns it into the perfect base for making foods? SO MANY QUESTIONS-

The amount of processing a truffula tuft needs to become edible reminds me of the organic chemistry synthesis experiments I've had to do (some are sooo beautifully simple, while others had me in the lab for an extra 30 minutes). Where do we think a thneed falls in a range of "it's easy as pie!" to "I'll be working late tonight" in terms of making them edible? I imagine the process is truffula tufts -> thneed (edible but not flavorful) -> thneed based food (edible and yummy, like the Onceler burgers and whatnot). Maybe they’re sold to restaurants wholesale, too, just like a restaurant buying other ingredients. So then we’ve got the confneection building for specifically Onceler made treats that come out of his factory, and then we’ve got other places putting their own spin on edible thneeds. That is, until he buys them out and they’re now just another Onceler owned chain. But then that begs the question, can normal people turn thneeds into foods? Or is it too complicated? “Try it in soup, it adds great zest” from the 1972 version of Everybody Needs A Thneed implies that it’s possible, but do we think they’d be easy for the average person to make? Does it depend on the recipe? As for what a thneed on its own tastes like, I think you're spot on with it being absorbant of other flavors and not having much of a taste on its own. Like I said earlier, "It tastes like bread without the crust" 100% makes me think of something that doesn't taste like much on its own. I imagine it being like pizza or bread dough, relatively tasteless until something flavors it. You can sure eat it, but it's so much better when you have something else with it or when you've done something else to it. And as for the texture thneeds look hairy and are made from truffula tufts so part of me HOPES they're processed to be... Less hairy before they’re made with the intention of being eaten. Maybe they'd be good for cotton candy if they're not processed to have a more palate friendly texture? The thought of what citizens of Thneedville are doing with parts of the truffula trees for food is SO FASCINATING TO ME. Butterfly milk extract as a new flavor IS SUCH A FUN THOUGHT???? I want to see people slowly transitioning from vanilla extract to butterfly milk extract. And I've been wondering about truffula fruits FOR FOREVERRR YOU GET ME <33. Because that in itself IS edible y'know? Imagine the profit the business could make by just selling truffula fruits. I imagine that they became like coconuts in the grocery store (seen as fancy and not an everyday fruit, but accessible nonetheless). People were probably making truffula fruit pies and hoping that they’d turn out good because if not then they just wasted a slightly uncomfortable amount of money. I’ve had the idea of truffula fruit perfume of some sort for awhile, I imagine it smells like butterfly milk. Or maybe the fruits smell different and more... Fruity? THNEEDBLR IS TAKING ME OUT BTW,,, I will be thinking about Thneedblr for the next eternity. I’m sure there were people making those blog recipe posts where they tell their life story and how the recipe came to be before posting the ACTUAL recipe. And back to the idea of vanilla extract being phased out for butterfly milk extract, I can just SEE people googling “butterfly milk extract substitutes” after reading one of those recipes and seeing vanilla extract appear as the top substitute. Some food snobs are probably like “there’s a veeeery slight difference in flavor" and don't shut up about it.

AND OF COURSE I HAD TO READ YOUR POST AND EVERYONE'S REPLIES ABOUT THNEED FOODS. I'M SO IN LOVE WITH EVERYONE'S THEORIES EVERYONE COME JOIN US FOR ONCELER THEORIST SUMMER!!!!!!! I loveloveLOVED the thoughts on greenwashing. I can see how the PR people would spin this into a "you're saving the animals!" narrative and I love it (not the greenwashing but the worldbuilding aspect LMFAO). Everyone in the confneection building would be hard at work trying to make thneed ice cream completely dairy free, just so that they’d be able to make claims of their product being vegan. Since you mentioned ice cream earlier, I feel like somehow the thneed would BECOME the base? I don’t know I’m not all that knowledgeable about ice cream making, but I think they’d find a way to do it. With enough money, anything is possible!

As for the last post you linked to, I SHARE THIS PERSON’S THEORY ABOUT TRUFFULA FRUIT PERFUME. WE ARE ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH I LOVE IT HERE. I’m all for the Onceler using every part of the tree for profit. It’s all about profit but I’ve always held the belief that it’s best to use the whole resource if you can, so I really like the idea of the Onceler and his employees trying to find a use for every little part of the tree. Thinking about the trees being endemic??? Ohhh how devistating. Imagine not only getting blamed for the failing of an entire ecosystem, but wiping out a species of trees in their entirety. It's almost too painful to think about. AND HOW DARE YOU LEAVE THIS IN THE TAGS????

Here's a clickable link to the jars post those that want one (if anyone still happens to be reading). He's such an interesting man. Alcohol next to the cookie jar is SENDING ME LMFAOOO. AND THAT'S 100% TRUFFULA FRUIT SYRUP AND JAM IDC WHAT ANYBODY SAYS. His kitchen makes me think sooo hard. If thneeds didn't make it big he'd try and win his family's love by becoming a baker. Maybe he tried while at home but his family was unsupportive as always!

SORRY THIS WAS A WHOLE ESSAY but I had a LOT of thoughts about the Onceler and the confneection building. I could talk forever. So yeah in conclusion thneeds are yummy and everyone should eat them! :D

WAIT IIBORONII DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE CONFNEECTION BUILDING IN THE ONCELER'S BLUEPRINTS BECAUSE I'M SO ILL ABOUT THE POSSIBILITIES OF THE CONFNEECTION BUILDING-

ALSO just the fact that thneeds are canonically both edible and smokeable according to the 1972 Everybody Needs a Thneed song is amazing to me aksjfsdlkf

NO EXPLAIN THIS RIGHT NOW PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE CONFNEECTION BUILDING LORE IS,,, ALSO HELP THAT LIVES SOOO RENT FREE IN MY HEAD. Like I literally hear "try it in soup, it adds great zest!" in my head sometimes and I'm like "the thneed WHAT?????" And the imagery of someone smoking a thneed?? Priceless. Aaaaaah I love oncelerposting it's my favorite summer activity