#i'm unfortunatley speaking from experience

[chernobyl-liquidator-mika]

PSA for y'all do NOT- hey, hey, look at me DO NOT ingest glow stick fluid

[apricotbuncakes]

My 100% Cis, Straight(?) Coworker: Sometimes I wish I was a guy because it would make dating so much easier. I had a crisis several years ago where I broke down and cried because I thought I was truly supposed to be a guy.

My trans ass (who has been waiting for this moment for the past six years): You could join 'the darkside' like me.

All my coworkers: Suppressing Laughter

[txttletale]

In what ways does undertale's themes drop the ball? I feel like they do as well, but I only really see the criticisms you mentioned in your post by the online fandom at large.

the sans fight is cool and fun and has a sick music track. it should have fucking sucked it should have been literally on the same level as the stanley parable baby game. it should have been impossible without an autoclicker and been super fucking tedious with one. it should have been desert bus.

like i don't think that what undertale is every trying to say is 'killing video game characters is morally wrong in real life'. i think it's clearly, in chara and flowey--who are obviously positioned as Players of video games--is trying to explore what (at least to toby fox) is an unhealthy and unsatisfying way of playing games. the need to maximize the amount of 'content', the need to experience everything in a game even when it's not fun anymore. i think the way that flowey talks makes this very clear:

like obviously diegetically this kind of stuff is meant to go towards making a point of how detached flowey is from his moral reality but i think non-diegetically this is pretty clearly speaking to a way of engaging with games that toby fox thinks sucks the fun out of them. flowey isn't connected to the contents of undertale because he didn't play it for fun, he played it to extract the maximum amount of Content, to see every possible combination of events, to get all the endings, etc.

the rest of no mercy route isn't fun. killing enemies once you've levelled up at all is boring and barely interactive, walking around in circles to spawn every single random encounter is boring, you miss out on substantial amounts of content--the humour and dialogue, etc. and that's the point! i don't think the intended emotional effect of the empty misery of the no mercy route is to make you think 'i'm a bad person for killing video game characters' it's to make you think 'is this even fun? what am i even getting out of this?' or in short--

unfortunatley i think the sans fight being very cool and becoming iconic of the game kind of fumbles that very very hard becaues it does make the murder everybody route ultimately rewarding--it gives players the Content that i feel like the entire writing and metanarrative of the game is setting up to not exist, and so i think it absolutely fails to stick the landing.

[vivvaribbon]

my last days with string bean

recently, a dear friend of mine unfortunatley confirmed a running fear and suspision of mine. I am currently finishing up my last year of middle school and I will be entering highschool next year. I am a very quiet and lonely girl, I get picked on for the way I dress, act, and the things I like. Throughout the years, I have made a few friends; and they are all very dear to me. I love all of my friends and I savor any sweet moments I have with any of them. I love the idea of having friends, being able to talk to someone about whatever's on your mind, not being afraid of how they'll react, being able to bond and become closer as you talk more, I love it all. I am no good at making friends either, I have very severe social anxiety that affects my everyday life. I cannot eat around anyone, including my family, I can't ask people for help, I can't talk to people, and I'm afraid of leaving my house. In the beginning of my middle school years, I made a friend; String Bean. Obviously that's not his real name, but he is tall like a string bean, and string beans make me feel warm and happy inside when I eat them, just like when I interact with him. I met String Bean in my french class when I first started going to my middle school. I did my first year of middle school online, and experienced extreme isolation and I was bullied. I was always afraid of String Bean at first, because he seemed like the kind of person who would pick on me. But one day we were partners for a project and he began to talk to me regularly. We have been friends ever since. He has helped me in so many ways; because of him, I've learned not to assume things about other people or be afraid of other people just because of how they present themselves. He would be the first person I'd go to when I was doubting myself or was feeling hopeless. There are a few things he's said to me that have really stuck with me for a while.

"Not everything is your fault"

Is a quote that I find myself looking back on and reflecting myself on frequently. Although I still suffer from social anxiety and loneliness, it would be a lie to say I haven't improved since the beguinning of my middle school years. String Bean is a huge reason I have improved so much. However, I now find that the feelings of warmth and paramnesia have gone away when looking back on him. This feeling has become extremely bittersweet, and I've never liked bitter flavors like red bean or coffee. This year, I've gotten to speak to him very little amounts of time, we have absolutely no classes together, and due to my social anxiety I don't go to the cafeteria for lunch. I only message him and exchange brief smiles or silly faces with him in the hallways on occasion. We don't really hang out because he does lots of sports and he has lots of other friends who he hangs out with. I am too afraid to ask to hang out, we were planning to once earlier this year, but he ended up having a family emergency so that never happened.

A few days ago, we were messaging and I was panicking while we chatted. I couldn't help but tell him my fear that had been worrying and torturing me for so long, so I told him.

"I'm scared that after this year we won't ever talk any more."

He replied simply by saying "We won't" and making a joke about being popular in high school

For days on end I've been thinking about this, I know it's possible he's joking, but I have no way of figuring it out, and I'm too much of a coward to ask. He's very popular already in middle school, and I know that he will most likely be in high school too. I don't want to weigh him down and ruin his chances for having a good high school experience, so I've been trying to accept the fact I have to let go. He's not purposley leaving me so he can become popular, but I know that no matter if he intends to or not, we will drift apart. For my last few days of school, I will document my final interactions with him; so hopefully I will be able to go back to these writings and learn to appriciate the taste of bitterness in order to taste the sweet.

-vivva ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚⊹ ᰔ