#i'm trying so hard to be kinder to everyone myself included but i'm doing something wrong | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

autisticgymbro · 1 year ago

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i helped a drunk woman living in the street yesterday, and all I could think about was "what would Jesus do?" again and again and again. I wasn't trying to shake the thought away, but I also wasn't trying to be religious either. The sentence just kept going through my head. I'm not a religious person by any means, I'm an atheist. But that didn't stop my brain from making the connection between my morals and Jesus' morals. And I didn't know why.

A couple of months ago, a certain philosophy caught my eye. Stoicism. And the reason was simple. It focuses on what you can control and it throws away what you can't. A good example is "I may not be able to sleep right now, but if I take a hot shower, I might sleep after" and so on.

Stoicism was just right for me to deal with my anxiety. I stopped worrying about what people might think of me, I stopped worrying about the news and politics. I didn't care if what I liked wasn't popular or if my opinions were too much for some people. I started working out because it was something I could change in my life, and honestly this perspective has been helping me a lot. But as all philosophies I've lived by, I stretched it to see what were its limits.

And one of the loopholes I found was: if you constantly think about what you can do as a person, you will never consider collective power as an option, and many social movements might fall short because of this stoic principle.

Since then, many things have changed in my life, including my giving in to negativity. I've always felt that life is too hard and that it was surrounded by suffering, but it was hard to admit to myself that life didn't have a big meaning, that humans were not that relevant and that at the end of the day we're just hairless monkeys floating on a rock in space.

I didn't have a name for this philosophy, I honestly didn't know it was a thing, until I read this comedic moral philosophy book called "How To Be Perfect". And when the author described existentialism and how senseless it was to be negative and still care about people, it dawned on me that I knew exactly what Søren Kierkegaard meant with his communist leanings and existentialism together in one single belief.

Now, existentialism assumes that life fucking sucks. Life is suffering and agony. And I agree with that. But, to me, there is a big difference between consensual agony (waking up early, choosing to work, choosing to exercise) and non-consensual agony (poverty, abuse, addiction). Therefore, a key factor in my brand of existentialism is: because life is suffering, we need to help all beings to not suffer non-consensually as much as possible.

That means, helping the poor, feeding the hungry, comforting people, supporting the little guy, supporting people who do the same and bashing people who don't. And that inevitably reminded me of Jesus.

After I embraced my negativity, the amount of good deeds I do have skyrocketed, because I don't want people to suffer as much as they do, especially when it comes to non consensual suffering.

There is a big difference between someone that goes to the gym consensually and someone who has to do manual labor in order to not die. Both people may even use the same amount of calories but the consent is not present in slavery.

So, I started helping people. And being kinder to everyone. I started saying "thank you very much" instead of "thank you", I've started giving more tips and saying "good evening, how are you?" with the hopes that it might help people having a rough day, since every single day is rough.

I started feeding and petting stray cats. Bringing them water.

I started buying homeless people meds and food. I started giving them bills instead of coins.

And that brought an array of reactions from people. Especially my family. Straight away, I told them they shouldn't be mad at me since I'm doing their duty as christians, calling them out for their hypocrisy.

And that stayed in my head. How come the middle class feels so different from homeless people when they would look just like middle class people after a shower, a haircut and new clothes?

But yesterday, something happened.

I got out of Spanish class, ready to walk home at 9pm. I don't mind walking at night because it feels so fresh, and I love to see streets a little more empty. But someone appeared in front of my Spanish school, and I knew her.

She was a homeless woman my mom helped to buy a med months before. At the time, she was pregnant and her feet were bleeding, so mom bought her a pain killer and an anti-inflammatory.

Now, she seemed very drunk, and with no belly. She is a very small woman, 5 feet tall, less than 100 pounds. And she asked for food, although I couldn't tell right away what she needed.

I told her I'd buy her anything, and she said she wanted some yogurt to feed children that lived with her. I asked her if she had children and she said she had been pregnant 6 times and gave all of her babies to adoption. "But it's okay, I'm a drug addict and couldn't take care of my babies".

Her left eye was bruised.

So we started to buy food. I told her to choose everything, and that I'd pay for it. 95% of what she bought was for the children, the only 5% for her was a cheap liquor and toothpaste. Everything else was baby soap, diapers, yogurt, milk and fruits. She kept counting the children, 5 children, repeatedly so she could get the exact number of treats to each of them. I paid and right after, a guard took us out as if we weren't buying anything when we got more than 40 items.

After that, she told me she'd get the cart to her house and that she couldn't give the cart back to the market. I told her I'd give them the cart no problem when I walked home. So we went to her house, and we talked a lot.

She talked about her babies, her abusive husband, her addiction to drugs, how she wanted to sell the candy we bought and a lot of god talk. She was very into god, faith and honesty. After a while we got quiet.

- So what is your life like? What do you do?

- I'm an English teacher

And then she began singing a song about an English teacher in a Portuguese boat and how a man was in love with her.

We laughed and got quiet again. She asked me what else I did, "do you fuck, do you drink, do you smoke?".

- None of the above, I'm dating a girl far away, and I can't have sex with her.

- How does she give you pleasure if she's far away?

- Well, we call and text and that's it.

- I fucked a woman once. It was nice, but I didn't have an orgasm.

And I laughed again.

We got to her semi-house and it was dark as hell. All I could see was two men standing up and dogs. Lots of dogs. We got there with the cart, and they were looking at the cart and told her that the children's families were sleeping. She told them that she'd take the cart then, and she did. We walked away. But before we left, she was shivering. I knew that one of them was her abuser.

So we left as soon as we got there. And we walked to my home instead.

In many instances I had to lift her cart up on broken cement, grass and dirt. And she asked me how the fuck I was so strong. I told her I lifted weights. She asked me why I did, and funny enough I do have an answer for that. I want to be a powerlifter. So she imagined herself having to lift. We stopped many times so she could mimic a snatch. And I laughed because she was so confused over how the hell I'd lift 100kg for the Olympics.

My mom was worried about me and started calling, and I didn't want to answer because we were already close to home. Kátia kept telling me to call my mom back, because moms don't deserve to worry about their kids. I hadn't thought of it like that, because my mom never worried about me. But I called my mom back anyway. And I told her I'd be going home asap.

We got close to my home, but I knew how these things go. When a homeless person knows where you live, there's a good chance they might start depending on you, and I knew my parents would be pissed if I helped her all the time.

So I told her to wait a block away from my home. and I ran home, got normal panties, period panties, shoes, a shirt, shorts, a coat and jeans. I gave her everything and she decided to wear every piece I brought. But she couldn't put the shoes on because she was drunk from less than 100ml of the liquor. So I got on my knees and helped her. And immediately Jesus washing his apostles feet came to mind. I got mad at myself for making that association because I wasn't superior to her, and she wasn't superior to me. It wasn't humbling to help her. It wasn't to show anyone, or myself, it wasn't to give an exemple. I did it so she could put her shoes on.

We hugged. Tight. I could feel her skinny body under 4 layers of clothing, and all my anger, pity, love and loneliness started possessing me. How come no one helps these people? They don't want much. They need a safe house, light, water, and food. That's it. It shouldn't be hard. It can't be that hard. Then she touched my shoulders and thanked me. I told her I hope everything goes well.

She left with the cart, jumping and saying THANK YOU GOD! I HAVE FAITH! I AM FAITHFUL! And I went home. Thinking about how christians would burn in hell if their god was indeed living and all powerful. But at the same time, isn't god the first hypocrite? Sending his children to Earth to suffer for no reason? Fuck god.

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stormy333 · 4 years ago

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Questions

But lately, what I’ve been crying about most is myself the person I used to be and lost and the person in the present with no clue about her future.

TW; Depression, Unknown, Foul Langue, overall sadness

Hello and welcome back to the Realm of Nothing!!! I am the Queen of Nothing right? Or is that just who I pretend to be? Do I really believe that nothing is everything and everything is nothing? I know I have been so mixed with my messages lately with Sober 2.0 and well I think that is the main mixed message I am not sure. Quite frankly I am SO fucked up in my mind right now I cannot tell what’s really right and left or up and down.

I used to know exactly who I was. I was Hailey Marie (Black) Isaacs “Pastor Joe’s daughter” straight A student, never miss a Sunday, always do what’s right not what’s easy, veterinarian/teacher want to be. That is where I saw myself. I saw myself at 17 -18 with the story book romance being with the one I loved and about to walk down the aisle at Graduation Day. Then go to the university of Florida, maybe I can be a teacher and a vet who cares I will have time to work out the details right? Maybe get married around 22 or 23 then by the time I get whichever degree I want I will be ready to be a mom. But life has other ideas, right? God specifically has a different plan.

It is 2021, it’s grad year. My class so many are preparing to graduate, the displays are everywhere, every time I go into work it’s there in my face. Here’s the thing I am super proud of everyone who is graduating this year and support them fully. I also have no regrets when it comes to the decision I made, I made it for my mental and physical health and that’s hella more important than some stereotype. But here’s where I am mentally. Good for them but just because I made a MATURE or stupid (however the frick you want to see it) decision doesn’t mean it was bloody easy. You don’t know what someone is going through or their reasons for doing whatever it is they did. Which brings me back to a point I think everyone should think about including myself; Just because someone did something YOU do not freaking approve of does not make them not worth it or a bad person. Check yourself before you wreck yourself honestly. I’ve had to do a lot of that lately so trust me I'm not just shifting responsibility. Or telling you something that I would not try to put into or try to put into action myself.

Now onto more questions.... I hear that it is a normal teenage thing though, trying to find yourself. Making mistakes and learning things the hard way. Right?

Want to know something I learned recently? Some lessons are shitty. The lesson most recently learned and hardest taken was that you can so easily become the person you hate in a heartbeat. It’s dark and scary but it happens. I did that I was the person I didn’t want to be. I hurt someone pretty bad, and I can’t change it and don’t have the option to make it better. BUT I can forgive myself and move forward and be more cautious as to not do it again. Guess what though? No matter how hard you try you will never be perfect so stop trying just to be you and be a better you be kinder. Pay attention to how you feel to, because Honey it isn’t just about them. It’s about you too and there is such a thing as taking TO MUCH responsibility. Own up to your actions but know that it’s a two-way street.

Next, if you’re still with me?🔨🍷.

I always wonder why I’m the only one not in a relationship always curious why the hopeless romantic the one who is die hard true love believer why she hasn’t found someone she can actually see herself with? Simple answer she had to at the very least begin to accept things about herself, plus there is more to life than dating (no offence). I used to only want to be in a relationship it was like my only desire but now I’m like dude that would be okay and don’t get me wrong I still want that, but I want the old school lets be friends for a while and build up a bond then outta nowhere ask me out and shock me but flatter me and come tell/meet my family. Bruh lets go old school. Trust me on this I want to flatter you a bit too. But I want all this I want it to be real and mean something and not be pointless or a waste of either of our times. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is nah I don’t give a rip about a relationship right now because I wanna hang out, I wanna be a kid. I’m finally starting to feel like myself again and I want to go have some fun, go on long drives, go to the beach or camping or horseback riding or try something new or even just star gazing and yeah, I wanna share that with someone but I don’t want to rush a relationship because I want those memories to lead to the wedding or family dinner or whatever. If I am for you, I’m for the long haul. And I’d hope you are too. I want a solid foundation and hey if we go out and make those memories as just friends and we both end up friends for life but married to different people I’m good with that; let's make lifelong memories to tell our families so they can make fun of us or whatever. Sturdy foundation is important in a friendship and a relationship so let's work on the foundation and see where life takes us?

Another question I have always pondered the answer to is why, why the fuck is this on me? Why do I have to be strong? Just why? This one I don’t know the answer to, but I suspect it has something to do with the fact I wouldn’t wish this shit on anyone. Or that it builds character? Tests my relationship with the man upstairs. I’m still not sure but these are theories. It also raises questions like why do I push everyone away? If I'm such a romantic, why do I push everyone out? Ha the answer to this one I could do a separate blog on but it’d be depressing as fuck. So, I'm going to give you a simple/ less depressing answer. I think. Once someone sees what it’s really like to be with me all the sickness all the depression all the anger all of that their gonna walk away or at least that’s what my mind says so to avoid any more damage and hurt just push them away simple right? Hurt myself for a few before they can hurt me longer aye?

Anyways I think that will be all for this long depressing post. I’m sorry for the length and the sadness but its reality so welcome to my mind? I love you guys and am so thankful for those of you who read my blog it means a lot. There will likely be more like this as we walk into my dark mind and try to figure life out but nonetheless you never have to read it if you don’t want to :)

Hails

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twisted-tales-told · 3 years ago

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Your friend Ollie is unnecessarily unkind and cruel towards Soph. He might be kind to you but I don’t understand how you can stand for his behaviour towards other people. I understand not wanting to speak out as he will probably be mean to you then but why cosy up to someone who acts like that

Hey, Anon,

I can tell you're feeling a bit angry. And I could get angry back, but I'm not going to. Instead I'm going to explain some things about myself and the way I live my life.

First of all, I'm not going to assume things about Ollie or Soph. I am mutuals with both of them, I have had conversations with both of them, and their friendship or lack there of is none of my fucking business.

Genuinely, all I've seen is him do is ask people to stop talking to him about Choices. And people are allowed to want that. And I am respectful, so I don't talk to him about it.

I also want to note that both Ollie and Soph have been extremely lovely to me, and that is why I've spoken up when there's been unnecessary hate towards both of them.

And I don't know why you think cozy up is the correct terminology for building friendships, but you wanna know something? There are a lot of heartbreaking things happening in my life right now.

And this discourse, and you, are laughable.

I've talked about how I'm thankful for choices, because yes it helped me get back into writing, but it also helped me get through the worst of my mom's chemo treatments. Because that's what stories do.

The community I've built here, (which includes so many more people than Ollie and Soph) whether they know it or not, have helped me just as much. Because that's what good people do.

You don't know me, and you really don't know my life. Frankly not many people on here do because I worry about bringing people down a lot. I try really hard to make everyone feel safe, and welcome. If anything this ask tells me I've done my job in that.

I mentioned my last post would be relevant to this:

"every day i see people online being needlessly cruel and hateful over the most pointless things and it only motivates me to be kinder and more understanding out of spite"

This discourse is pointless, and I am mature enough to see that. More importantly I've got bigger shit to deal with.

Have you looked at the world recently? Have you noticed the state of it? Or have you been privileged with pointlessness.

Are you proud of yourself now?

#cunty anons #sorry for stealing your tag yaz but it feels justified

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mypokepal · 5 years ago

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[🌻] hi! i'd like to request a pokepal if that's ok? i'm a cancer enfp, so i'm p emotionally-driven, but i can be quite critical if needed. i consider myself quite empathetic?? i try to be nice to everyone, but i can be really stubborn if i believe in something. if i like something, i can talk about it for hours, and struggle to just be "half interested" in something - i give everything my all, including friendships, which can sometimes be quite draining on me. [1/2]

[2/2] [🌻] i'm interested in writing & ancient history and do/study both as a hobby, though i'm studying zoology at uni because i want to make a genuine difference. i'd love to live somewhere really warm (dry heat, maybe?) in the future, preferably with lots of nature - i really struggle in the cold. ty in advance!

Who’s the QUEEN of late responses and unfinished requests!!! Me!!!!! I’m so sorry for the wait :-( I hope you’ve been doing well and taking care of yourself during this time lil sunflower bb.

And I have the perfect partner for you! Let me introduce you to...

Alolan Raichu! I think Alolan Raichu would be perfect for you because...

(1) You either have Raichu’s full attention or none at all. This pancake loving creature exerts all its energy into anything that piques its interest slightly and everyone it holds close to its heart. Raichu will drag you along to participate in its hobbies and have you wondering if you’ve ever laughed as hard or had as much fun before you met your pal. Raichu is a magnet for adventure and I can definitely see you guys traveling through different regions and experiencing life to its fullest. There’s no better partner to bring to your ancient ruin excavations or on a safari research! When someone is as passionate and enthusiastic as you are, it’s very easy to crash and hit mental walls but that’s not something you will have to worry about with Raichu in your life. Having Raichu in your life is like having a battery pack that is always on full charge! Your daily dose of vitamins, Raichu promises endless excitement, motivation and inspiration.

(2) Raichu is a social butterfly and loves making new friends. Just watching Raichu play will leave you breathless and tired! It’s the most endearing thing when you leave Raichu to play by itself and it comes back with 4 brand new friends to introduce you to. If you had a small social circle before, expect that circle to expand by 50%! With such a unique looking Pokemon by your side, people can’t help but to approach you guys and ask questions, pet Raichu or even take a photo. Being around so many people and Pokemon all the time can be very exhausting and tolling-especially when you’re trying to keep up with Raichu’s energy at the same time! But don’t worry, Raichu’s psychic abilities makes it able to sense when your energy is lowering and when it’s time to say goodbye to friends for the day. Just as Raichu is the best partner to have fun with, it’s also the best partner to relax and unwind with at the end of the day. Raichu will emit a special psychic energy field that’s both soothing and sleep inducing as you two snuggle up in your blanket fort and ramble about whatever’s left in your mind for the day.

(3) Raichu’s attitude really depends on its trainer. Both Alolan and Kanto Raichu have immense pride in their trainer and sneers at anyone who goes against anything their trainer believes in. You can already guess that some Raichu’s can be quite aloof and immensely biased-but remember, it’s the trainers fault not the Pokemon. With that being said, if you are kind, your Raichu is kinder. Your desire to make a difference in the world will also be shared with your pal as well. I definitely see you guys running a Pokemon Daycare together while being a Pokemon team role model for aspiring trainers. Like the pancakes Alolan Raichu loves so much, Raichu is soft, warm, and leaves everyone happy and full!

Other Pokemon Considered: Indeedee

#pp #pal

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

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James & Ava

James: I'm so sorry James: I was supposed to be working Ava: Everyone's here, it'd be stupid to say I was surprised and yet Ava: it's fine though, right, because everyone is here James: If I did get caught up in regrets, this would be a good time James: because everyone may well be here but since you are, they may as well not be as far as every part of me is concerned Ava: You can't just say things like that Ava: and NOT expect me to blush Ava: at least it's hot out James: you know I don't expect anything James: least of all at this precise moment Ava: Sadly Ava: Aside from work, where have you been? Ava: No, the question is how, how have you been? James: other than the fact I can't help but notice you now or think about you since the 'then' of last seeing you in an entirely preferably context, I'm fine James: you look more tan, which means I don't need to ask how you are Ava: You are hard to miss Ava: but still undeniably gorgeous, which is really rather rude, actually Ava: I've not been kidnapped by anyone else Ava: lots of time to sunbathe and 'work', if that's what you're into James: if I blush it'll be a green screen effect of sorts, except very red, so don't try & make me, please James: you are incomparable as having the title of the only beautiful 🍅 James: which is, of course, what I'm into, along with what you just listed, as well as many things about you I easily could list Ava: As you asked SO nicely Ava: I too will be very, very good Ava: you are always unmatched with compliments and words too but beautiful 🍅 is up there as the top 😂 Ava: How easily are we talking? James: You must because this outfit has an unmistakable 😈 countenance to it & despite the fact that's less in the sense of roguishness I would like & more in the guise of a child's cartoon creation, it nevertheless still casts you as an 😇 James: thank you James: oh, the ease is almost indescribable itself, ironically Ava: I can't decide if it'd be cruel or a kindness to say you are not the only, nor indeed the most, cartoonishly dressed man here Ava: It's a shame not everything is that easy Ava: or you could regale me over a drink James: perhaps it exists to be both, or to allow you the chance of being cruel to be kind James: in the way that the best offer I can make is, that I order you a drink that we then consume at the same time James: safer but no kinder for being that Ava: Dichotomies are just where things get really interesting Ava: I can handle that James: in the world of rewrites there's one where we're here together & another where we're somewhere else entirely, where we would rather while away these warm hours James: those possibilities are interesting to me Ava: Those are more than interesting Ava: especially the way you tell them James: tell me where you wish you were Ava: Okay, though it feels dangerous to let my imagination wander, it won't want to come back Ava: not in such an uninspiring reality, and especially not if I let it go to you Ava: if we could be anywhere Ava: it probably sounds seriously unimaginative, given the open-ended possibility of the scenario, but my favourite place is my rooftop garden, off from my bedroom, it's so peaceful and hidden and mine Ava: I'd like to take you there James: It doesn't sound in the least un-anything & I can definitely work with that James: [casually but not at all casually just writes them an au life, all the while Chlo is probably like get off your phone] Ava: James Ava: that is Ava: very close to perfect James: I'll willingly accept constructive criticism until it's perfect for you Ava: I don't know how capable I am after that Ava: and it's only not perfect because it's not happening James: but we'll meet in the rooftop garden one day James: dream it if you have to Ava: I've done nothing but dream of you since Ava: but will I have to Ava: can't we carve out even five minutes of time for us to just James: I want to say yes Ava: I know James: Ava Ava: and I know that sentence ended with a but, it's okay James: I heard you say earlier that it's fine because everyone is here, maybe it could be Ava: My friends are easily distracted, definitely Ava: your wife, though? James: it's unlikely she'll miss me for five minutes Ava: yeah? James: where? Ava: Okay, I've got it Ava: we drove here, Jacob just got his license and wanted to go somewhere Ava: I'll go to get something I forgot, follow me when it's safe James: okay Ava: Sadly, he doesn't have the Twilight soundtrack Ava: but we can make do James: I don't have the voice to do such classics justice but that's not to say I won't try my best to give you something you'll enjoy listening to Ava: I've missed your voice James: I won't stop talking until you don't James: a lack of words simply isn't an option around you Ava: might prove problematic when I tell you what else I've missed Ava: but we've got five minutes Ava: we'll make the most of it James: yes, we will James: until the next five Ava: How do you do it? James: how do I do what? Ava: have so much self-control James: is that how it appears? Ava: I know, me asking you Ava: I can see the irony but, yes Ava: it is how it appears James: I've never had less control over myself or the things I would like to do James: all traces there were seem to have ebbed away when we kissed in that club Ava: I'll apologize Ava: if that's what you want James: it's not James: because I've never been more grateful to lose something either Ava: Good Ava: because I don't want to be sorry Ava: it was so Ava: and you are James: I don't want to be in control, you can have it James: or not James: whatever you like Ava: I just want you Ava: Exactly as you are, exactly as you want to be wanted James: okay, I was possibly hasty when I said that there would always be words Ava: aren't you aware of how entirely wantable you are? James: no Ava: I've got the keys Ava: come find out James: [obviously does as soon as he can] Ava: [lowkey pulling him into this car] James: [thank god there actually would be so many people there, Chloe's squad included cos we busy for a while here] Ava: [everyone's busy getting wasted you can have this, not for as long as you want but still] James: [yes because contrary to his wife's post he is not & will not be getting wasted] Ava: [you rude hoe] James: [if you only knew what he is doing bitch] Ava: [ha, just you wait sweetie, also glad you don't know rn, 'cos enjoy it lads] James: [always hooking up in cars, love that for you] Ava: [forever a sneaking mood] James: [JJ would approve] Ava: [#bonding] James: [it's gonna break their hearts when they have to go back] Ava: [I know, like how do you even just like well bye] James: [I literally always think that] Ava: [and someone always has to be the first to walk away] James: [in this instance it should be her because we all know she's the stronger one here] Ava: [yeah, you gotta girl] James: [bad bitch global like it's not killing you too] Ava: [this is all so fine, we just need to keep far, far away from wherever Chlo is and definitely give Teddy a wide berth too] James: [literally your mother's daughter rn as the world burns around you, nah it's fine] Ava: [tah for that skill mother] James: [god knows one of your children should inherit it] Ava: Can I have that drink you offered now James: yes Ava: thanks Ava: [just milling at the sidelines of the bar, so casually] James: [cannot and must not look at her which only makes it look more suspect tbh sir] Ava: [awkward, we know it's packed and this will take ages] James: [regrets that you say you don't have or do ever James but here we are, boy] James: [at least you can grab drinks for everyone you're with and pretend that's where you were some of the time] Ava: [we know no one is checking that hard, even Chlo, part-timer that she is, and that makes me sad tbh] James: [hard same] James: how many has Teddy bought for you since you've been here? Ava: just the two Ava: no Ava: three James: you better take mine as well then Ava: why? James: sibling rivalry or the fact you'll be trying to avoid him for a while, depending on from whose perspective Ava: Fair enough James: nothing feels very fair right now Ava: No Ava: also true James: would you like me to leave? Ava: No Ava: Do you want me to? James: of course not Ava: I'm not going to do anything to make this hard for you, James Ava: you know that, right? James: my life is already difficult, Ava, I should be saying that to you, making sure yours doesn't have to be Ava: You won't make my life difficult James: that isn't true Ava: How do you know? James: because Ava: Have your word not come back fully yet? James: because I've done this before Ava: not with me James: I'm involved, that's enough Ava: What do you want to say right now? James: I don't know Ava: Well, you can say it if you need to Ava: or you can not Ava: I'm fine James: how do you do it? Ava: how do I do what? James: be fine with this Ava: I like you Ava: I knew you were married Ava: what's the alternative for me James: I'm not going to point any out to you James: I don't want you to take them Ava: You know I don't want to either Ava: you haven't forgotten everything that just happened James: no, & that's why James: I like you but this is always going to be hard Ava: What's always? Ava: you haven't promised me anything but another five minutes James: Ava Ava: James Ava: You don't have to worry about me James: nevertheless, I do James: I will, because we don't get to decide how we care Ava: I know you're right Ava: and I know I care about you too and I feel the same James: I know I'd give you those five minutes now if I could James: so I want you to know it Ava: You've already answered the question you didn't pose Ava: I don't get to decide how I care any more than you do James: but you get to decide other things Ava: such as James: such as how far you're willing to take something James: or not James: if you think someone is deserving of how you care about them, or not Ava: that'd be a mutual decision, even if we got off at different points Ava: and yeah, though the jury is out on how much that helps you to stop if they aren't James: it has yet to be a mutual decision in any other aspect of my life Ava: Try it with me Ava: it's been mutual so far Ava: we want each other Ava: we have each other Ava: we both like and care about each other Ava: it's equal not the same James: okay, I'll try Ava: do you want to? James: yes Ava: Alright Ava: that's settled James: [finally does look at her like that's not risky as hell behaviour okay then] Ava: [smiling like that didn't kill you but it very clearly did like hi] James: [when you can't help smiling back cos she's such a cute babe and you have feelings] Ava: [just another filmic moment across this bar] James: [so casual so fine] Ava: [when you can't just run off again like you wanna] James: [nobody wants a drink this bad, the torture] Ava: [seriously] James: [we should say Teddy appears cos not gonna inflict Chloe on y'all ever and then he can grab him to talk before he sees her so Ava doesn't have to like the gentleman he is] Ava: [God bless you boy, soz Teddy it's not personal] James: [I would love to know why he thinks the vibe has changed between him and Ava recently/if he has even noticed lol] Ava: [at least he is a teen boy so he probably has no idea in general, like thinks she just doesn't fancy you back which is true but you know] James: [#confirmed when she throws her cousin at you at her party] Ava: [lil awks but we're fine] James: [they gonna fall in love it'll be cute] Ava: [it all works out in the end] James: [you're welcome for us not being as evil as we could be for once] Ava: [just on this one thing] James: [when you have to make awks smalltalk with your brother now who's probably wasted and you're not] Ava: [that'll be fun, just catching his eye well stealth like soz 😬] James: [the things you do for love] Ava: [gonna make one of your mates text Teddy to 'see where he is' so he'll leave James alone lol] James: thank you Ava: Bit rude he's got himself well more than three drinks 😏 James: however, potentially not the time for me to give him any kind of lecture, all things considered Ava: Perhaps not Ava: Sorry, I know it's weird James: it is, but you know I'm not feeling apologetic about it Ava: That would fall under a regret, so of course not James: I'm going to miss you though Ava: When? James: now Ava: Me too Ava: stand near me, in the next race? James: I may be good with words, but you're unbeatable in terms of ideas Ava: 😊 Ava: I try Ava: anyway, missing me is for when we can't be anywhere near each other, most of the time James: of course you do, hence Kings remains in continued mourning that they aren't your first choice James: arguably that could just be the standard atmosphere at The Vault these days, who can say? Ava: 😂 Ava: well I miss it too Ava: though probably not enough to bump it up the list James: I'll make sure to include missing things for the right reasons as one of the key messages in my book, don't worry Ava: Really, using you as a ploy when you won't even be there next year is well sneaky Ava: should've put that on my exit review James: at least they wouldn't ask me to do any further tours in the future if you had Ava: didn't you enjoy it James: the reason I did & the reason you miss The Vault's glorious atmosphere are one & the same Ava: if you put that on yours they'd definitely not ask you back James: I already have my wife's assurances that I won't be Ava: 😕 soz to next year's intake but I'm not that sorry really James: It's unlikely they'd be that unhappy, even if they knew what they were missing Ava: They would be if they really knew James: once the book comes out, I'll send them my condolences Ava: as long as you keep it out of my dedication, I'd be alright with that James: some flowers, wine or fruit, nothing too indelicate Ava: very thoughtful 😏 James: the budget can't stretch to bracelets for everyone, for which I am the least sorry I have ever been Ava: I'd like to be somewhat special Ava: and if anyone else tries it, it's definitely a scam, I'm sure of it James: I'll refuse to watch the Twilight saga with anyone else, darling Ava: Good Ava: Who else will explain all the nuances to you Ava: can't risk it James: I will not, some risks are beyond unnecessary Ava: never the novel, babe James: or the film adaptation, irrespective of any reservations the fans and critics alike may share Ava: 🤞 they don't think I'm nothing like your description of the girl James: if they do it's a slight upon my writing, heartbreaking perhaps but they are entitled to their opinion Ava: can't account for taste but lackthereof is always unfortunate James: it very much is, as this outfit I'm wearing attests James: the opposite is very much true for yours though Ava: I'm never looking to break your heart James: but? Ava: I might have tried a bit harder if I knew I was going to see you James: you look divine, radiant as ever Ava: You're so lovely James: as are you Ava: you Ava: when are you next free Ava: or how busy are you, probably a better question James: I'll get back to you, given that I'm here now when I was not supposed to be, clearly my schedule is more up in the air than I previously realised Ava: you think with it being such a calendar staple, you'd have had more notice on that James: that would involve talking to me, or wanting me have notice Ava: of course 🙄 Ava: if you were my husband Ava: or lived with me Ava: well, you understand Ava: I want to talk to you so bad James: if you were my wife you wouldn't have to drag me anywhere against my will James: because I want to spend time with you Ava: I won't make you commit bigamy to spend time with me, rest assured James: eloping would take longer than 5 minutes Ava: I know Ava: my family has a history James: yes, your brother's particular history still gets spoken about Ava: Unfortunately James: sorry Ava: His sorry to give, not yours Ava: and I'm not out here holding my breath over it James: of course, but I didn't intend to bring him up James: this situation is tense enough Ava: Yours is literally here Ava: like we said, weird, but not sorry James: okay Ava: Thank God, when you move away, one of the perks is you don't have to come to this kind of nonsense James: you're not having fun? James: I'm stunned Ava: animal abuse for gambling is what I live for James: I'm well aware of why I'm here, why are you? Ava: My friends are James: what are they? James: actual fans of animal abuse for gambling? Ava: I think they just like getting drunk Ava: and putting on nice outfits James: you can do that anywhere Ava: you don't get to wear a big hat Ava: I don't know James: perhaps they should all get married to each other, that's a basic requirement Ava: Give them a few years Ava: sure they will James: I'll be sure to check back in Ava: What's wrong? James: nothing James: I just don't like to think about you somewhere you wish you weren't James: with people who aren't the right people Ava: It's alright, we go places I like too Ava: and they aren't all bad James: happy to hear it Ava: even if they're all slightly too drunk right now Ava: so's most the crowd so Ava: fit right in James: I can get you a car, one that you won't have to wait for your friend to drive, whenever you like James: we aren't both stuck Ava: that's kind Ava: but then I would be at home Ava: no one's about so James: how tempting Ava: If only Ava: you are stuck though James: Technically, I can't leave until she tells me I can but what if I didn't? So far as she's concerned, I could still be James: fitting into that crowd of mostly too drunk people Ava: Is she that oblivious? James: she's had that much champagne Ava: Tempting is right James: if she realises, she'll call me & I'll come back Ava: Okay Ava: it isn't that far Ava: and it is hard being around you and not James: so take me to your rooftop garden James: I wanna go Ava: I don't take just anyone there, you know Ava: you're very lucky James: well I'm just happy to be on the list, however long it is James: & intend to show my appreciation accordingly Ava: it'd be ungrateful if you just stayed five minutes Ava: at least ten, okay? James: oh, I don't want that to be your lasting impression of me James: how long into Twilight does your favourite scene occur? Ava: I wouldn't wanna ruin your rep as a perfect gentleman, either Ava: although the best scene is at the end, I'll be pondering one that comes a little sooner Ava: not trying to take liberties here James: you don't want an ending yet, I understand James: me either Ava: exactly Ava: maybe we can get to the scene where Bella gets forced to go shopping with her friends and Edward comes to rescue her Ava: fitting James: another good idea Ava: we'll have to have a picnic instead of going out after though James: that sounds nice Ava: God knows what we have in Ava: could be interesting Ava: I'll feed it to you whilst you recline nonetheless James: thank you James: in that case, I'll barely taste it Ava: you will be very busy writing me poetry, yeah James: writing you as poetry, so nobody can make unfavourable comparisons when you make your acting debut, yes Ava: my drama teacher will be thrilled Ava: not that she'll be there, obviously James: I'd rather she wasn't Ava: 😂 Ava: Promise James: thank you James: she wasn't a member of my fan club Ava: What did you do? Ava: or not do James: I'm not sure I should tell you, it's not as if you need any help coming up with ideas Ava: Well now you have to tell me James: let's just say my time was not well spent, either back stage or on it, in her opinion James: at the time however, I had a great time James: as did my co-stars & most of the crew James: I'm surprised you haven't heard about it Ava: 😏 Ava: It's nothing personal, I'm sure your exploits are legendary Ava: I just don't go in for all that stuff Ava: who's who, who's dad is who, you know James: They were more fabled, as in, in need of a strong moral James: hence the cautionary tale I expected you to be well versed in James: but perhaps she's learned those are rarely effective Ava: After-school specials certainly aren't the height of theatre Ava: even if she's become more willing to branch into 21st century plays and productions Ava: I could ask around, if you like Ava: or you can tell me more in less vague terms when we're alone James: what would you like? James: to know who I was, to know who I am or both? Ava: If we only have time for the one today, I'll go with the latter Ava: but both would be nice Ava: if and when James: okay, I'll see what I can do Ava: I remember you, a bit James: oh Ava: You were friends Ava: for quite a while James: I suppose so James: hypothetically Ava: What do you mean? James: I mean, we weren't, really James: but as far as he was friends with any of us, or any of us were friends with each other, I fall into the category Ava: I suppose so James: should I ask what you remember about me? Ava: Nothing incriminating Ava: you were all the same, in that I was the kid sister who he definitely did not want around so James: I think I remember you ignoring that at least once Ava: Well, can't do what he says, obviously James: you're smarter than that Ava: even as a kid Ava: much to his annoyance 💔 James: he was easy to annoy, that I do recall Ava: Still is James: thank goodness he won't be there either then Ava: on many levels, yes, thank God James: the car has arrived though James: [deets so she doesn't get in the wrong one] Ava: 🙏 all the thanks Ava: coming James: I'm beyond happy to hear it Ava: [show up girl] James: [the 😍 are real af] Ava: [too real] James: [lowkey dragging her into this car but at least she isn't at the school gates in her uniform this time] Ava: [you know what would be evil-er than not letting them get there alone?] James: [tell me gal] Ava: [if one of her friends sees them leaving 'cos nosy hoes but they're too far away/she doesn't know who Ava is somehow so it's just like he was leaving with some bitch thought you should know, 'cos Chlo will be fuming to be so publically shamed] James: [yasss we have to] Ava: [I thought it'd be a good idea 'cos everyone knows her life a mess and her friends' clearly love it so they'd be 👀 him anyway] James: [like I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he fucked some of her friends when they were younger and he was a mess cos I feel like he didn't go to rehab and sort his shit until well after Jay was born] Ava: [we all know this group been messy, even if they're not as bad as her by now, like] James: [oh god she gonna be so raging I love it] James: [enjoy your car makeout while you can you two] James: [maybe she's a newer friend and that's why she doesn't know who Ava is] Ava: [that'd make sense, like either way, we don't need to drop that bombshell right now, but we can do the Chlo telling him to come back convo 'cos she's drunk so it'd be delightful] James: [yeah it'd make sense as well that if she's a newer friend she wouldn't know it's better not to get involved with their cheating and that whole mess, and yeah we simply must do that convo] Ava: [exactly, hence Chlo is probs crying on her rn for the scene of it all] James: [of course, nevermind the fact that you're probably fucking god knows who yourself] Ava: [honestly, what a fun time] James: [okay so he turns the car around and goes back leaving it up to her if she wants to get out and go back to her friends or go home still #awkward] Ava: [imma say she goes home 'cos Chlo probably spilled what's up before he can get back and clearly this friend is too involved and we don't need y'all being outed and them tryna fight you rn] James: [good call, what a downer though, poor Ava at least you can call Grace if you need to talk cos she knows] Ava: [no one needs that level of public shaming lmao] James: [except Chlo but not like this thank you] Ava: [hence even as wasted as she is, they'll be leaving too to have this argument a little more privately, joy of joys] James: [thank god the kids are already with her mum or wherever] Ava: [gonna be sleeping over tonight gals] James: [do you wanna pick this convo up later or like say they don't talk for a bit cos it's awkward lol] Ava: [up to you chicken, 'cos he'd probably have to start in considering how obviously shook/angered etc he would've been in the car so] James: [let;s say he leaves it til way later to the point she probably thinks he isn't gonna but I shall] James: she still doesn't know anything, you don't need to be concerned Ava: She must know something Ava: unless you made her believe her friend was lying, for some reason James: I should have said she doesn't know anything about you, who you are James: that's what I meant Ava: Okay Ava: that's for the best, no doubt Ava: are you okay? James: not really but I don't have anyone else to blame Ava: I'm sorry Ava: I assume there's nothing I can do? James: unfortunately not Ava: Yeah Ava: I shouldn't have said we could James: it isn't your fault James: I should've known better, I typically do, it's just that you aren't typical, at all James: I feel differently & I wanted things to be different so badly that I forgot they can't be Ava: How do you typically do it then? Ava: We could do that James: more carefully James: with less emotion Ava: I can do careful Ava: contrary to what today would suggest Ava: and before, probably James: like I said, it isn't your fault James: you're 17, why should you be careful, why would you want to? Ava: because I knew you were married Ava: and I want to see you James: I'll let you sleep, it's very late James: I just wanted to let you know that your identity is unknown Ava: If you need to say we can't then just say it Ava: because I don't care about either of those things James: whether I need to say it or not, I'm not sure I can & extremely sure I don't want to Ava: You can say anything to me Ava: just don't lie James: if I could see you now, right this second, I would, I haven't learned anything from this James: don't you see how dangerous that is? Ava: I see how dangerous it is Ava: if you want to stay with her Ava: why do you? James: there are two reasons & I have to go collect them both in a few hours Ava: Then I'll let you sleep James: nothing's that simple, Ava James: if only Ava: you don't want me to say anything in response to that Ava: or you wouldn't have brought them up James: you asked me why right after you asked me not to lie to you Ava: Yeah, I'm hardly meant to argue a point against it Ava: if that's how it is then that's how it is James: I don't have a choice, I've never had a choice, that's how it is Ava: Why? James: because I made mistakes that took them all away James: I'm a father now Ava: No, it's not that simple Ava: people separate, with kids as well James: it is that simple, if I want to keep seeing them, I have to be here Ava: You're their dad, that isn't as simple as that Ava: infidelity isn't a valid reason to not allow access James: if I were dealing with a rational person, perhaps Ava: You don't want to go through the courts Ava: so you're just going to stay with her and be unhappy forever James: I've got my reasons Ava: you said James: you don't understand & with respect I don't want you to have to James: my life is messy & complicated, we can't make it simple by wishing that it were Ava: Likewise, you don't have to tell me anything Ava: that's fine James: there's things that she & I have both done that mean I have to stay Ava: Why would she want you to Ava: if you cheat on her and clearly don't love her, and want to leave Ava: that doesn't make any sense James: appearances, finances, an inability to face the ordeal of starting her life over James: I don't know James: maybe she would like me to remain locked in misery with her forever Ava: Jesus James: I've not loved her for a single day, perhaps it's spite for never having done so James: or not about me at all Ava: does she love you? James: no Ava: that's horrible, James James: yes, it is Ava: how sustainable is it Ava: how long can you both live like this James: I try not to think about it, in case the answer for her is indefinitely James: but I'm sorry I dragged you into it, Ava Ava: You haven't Ava: don't apologize James: I didn't mean for this to happen Ava: I know you didn't Ava: but James: but I know, you're not sorry James: not yet anyway Ava: No, I am Ava: but I'm glad too James: I'd rather you were the latter but I can hardly expect it Ava: I am Ava: I can make you happy, even for five minutes Ava: I'll take it James: you do Ava: Good Ava: let me James: I'm trying to Ava: Just don't push me away Ava: if we have to be careful and not see each other for time because of the things in your life you can't control, that's fine Ava: just don't be the one to do it when you don't need to, okay James: it's really difficult not to when so often it feels like doing so would be better for you than anything I can actually offer & every instinct tells me that if I don't hurt you, she will Ava: Don't bother trying to tell me what would be better for me Ava: I want what you can offer, I don't care James: Ava Ava: You can think I'm stupid and 17 if you want but it won't change how I feel James: you're not stupid, that isn't what I think Ava: I care about you, James Ava: more than I care about the possibility of being hurt James: I care about you, more than I was ready for, but I'm trying James: I meant it, I do want to try & I don't want to hurt you Ava: I meant it when I said sorry Ava: I'm not trying to be more stress in your life Ava: just good Ava: but I know it's a lot, not that I planned it any more than you did James: I can handle stress, it's having something good which I'm not used to anymore Ava: Baby Ava: how can I make you feel better, like right in this moment James: if we can't see each other then I'd like to at least be able to hear your voice Ava: Okay, hold on Ava: let me get set up outside James: get a blanket, it was really warm earlier, you'll need it Ava: I've got a big sofa out here, I'll be cosy James: I don't mind if you fall asleep Ava: I don't want to, I want to talk to you 'til YOU fall asleep James: we can fall asleep together, the way we would if any of this was normal Ava: I want that Ava: too good of an idea, meant to be my thing James: it's about time I had one, don't you think? Ava: I'll allow it Ava: as I like it that much James: thank you Ava: Oh, James James: yes? Ava: just wanted to say it Ava: I'm ready now James: okay Ava: how quiet do I need to be? James: you don't Ava: noted Ava: [the call] James: [oh sweet babies, never gonna let Chlo ruin it, not soz] Ava: [deal with it, your reign of terror coming to an end hun] James: [the idea of them falling asleep together on the phone has made me die because it's so soft, goodbye cruel world] Ava: [not to make it weird or anything guys but Buster and Rio used to do that all the time so love that for you too] James: [literally had that thought] Ava: [when you're lowkey forced ldr by circumstances] James: [mhmm how annoying that'd be, like you're living so close to each other but you can't just see each other whenever you want] Ava: [literally the most frustrating] James: [at least if you're miles away or whatever you know you can't] Ava: [tea, 'cos like you could in many ways but you also can't] James: [^^^ that] Ava: [oh the willpower you'll need] James: [hence they don't last long before outting themselves because it's too hard] Ava: [^^yup and fuck you Chlo James: [you've stolen enough of his life] Ava: [time to do that convo moment though]

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teawiththegods · 6 years ago

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Mumodite! Check out my new theme! I'm working on making my blog a positive, safe place for people to visit, instead of just a strange half-witchcraft half-personal blog XD I feel like the color scheme finally represents me. In other news, I'm working on being a kinder, more patient person. (I'm often impatient/snippy because of my low-spoons :( I feel like this is a good way of honoring Aphrodite, and tbh, I'm sick of the negativity that comes with being an ass! That's why I have a new theme~

I forgot to put this in the last ask! I don't think I had space, anyway XD Maybe I've asked this before, but do you have any tips on being kinder and more patient, and on exuding a loving and positive vibe?

I mean OF COURSE I absolutely LOVE your new theme! How could i not!?!? lol!!

I understand the whole being snippy and impatient bc of low spoons! When my anxiety and depression are active I can be an absolute terror! How i combat that is first to make sure i’m taking care of myself. When you’re happy and positive you will exude that energy out. So you really should be making your needs and wellness a priority if not the top priority. This also includes basic wellness like sleep and eating habits. For me, sleep is the foundation to EVERYTHING. If i’m not sleeping properly then I’m a full on dragon person breathing fire on everyone around me. I’m also notorious for getting hangry so I make sure that I’m eating throughout the day so that I don’t accidentally tear someone apart simply because I skipped lunch lol! So make sure you’re taking care of you and doing any inner work that needs to be done!

I’ve found things like gratitude work, journaling, and shadow work to be very helpful with keeping me positive and kind when interacting with people!

The second thing is to allow myself quiet time when need be. When you are a spoonie there are going to be days that are better than others. On those not so better days, let yourself be. Don’t fight yourself, don’t berate yourself, just let yourself exist the way you are that day. Stay in and maybe limit the amount of interactions you have so that you don’t be snippy with others. I actually did this recently. I just woke up in the foulest of moods. I felt like a Disney Villain and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t shake it. So i decided to just let myself be and I canceled my plans with my friends because I just knew I shouldn’t be around people or else I’d probably curse their first born child or throw someone off a cliff into a herd of stampeding wildebeest (ugh too soon Jessie! Too soon!) And I can tell you that once I stopped fighting my bad mood, I actually began to feel more at ease. So yeah some days you should give yourself a break and just let yourself exist however way you woke up that day.

The last thing may be kind of strange but understanding the human experience as helped me to not have high expectations for others. And also I walk into conversations with a lot more compassion and understanding. Now what I mean about the human experience, is a few things actually

None of us have any idea what we are doing but we’re still trying to do the best we can with it

Human beings are flawed by nature. We are going to fuck up and we are going to make mistakes. That doesn’t make us bad, just human.

We are all struggling with something (or multiple things). None of us have been spared from pain or sadness.

As i said before, keeping these things in my mind allows me to have more compassion for people and show them more kindness. Not to mention i am also a lot kinder to myself after realizing all that!

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la-paritalienne · 6 years ago

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hi, I hope I'm not bothering you.. I wanted to know your opinion on something.. basically I'm in a shitty situation and I don't know what to do with myself.. a couple of weeks ago I happened to have breakfast with 4 of my classmates and they kept talking shit about other people in my class .. in particular about one person that I was getting a bit closer to and did nothing wrong to me.. so I found myself in this situation and I though "ok shit what do I do now"..

you’re comfortable w me publishing the whole thing right? i have some very wise mutuals so maybe someone will want to chime in, that’s why i thought it was best to post the whole thing, i hope you don’t mind that i did (if you do, just tell me and i’ll delete it of course!). i’ll put everything under a ‘read more’ just in case. (including my reply!)

I thought they were quite decent people so I started to agree with some things and in the end I let bad things slip out of my mouth.. I thought "ok I don't actually know that person that much and everyone keeps saying how bad she is so whatever.. I can't just stay silent or leave"... so I didn't do anything that day, but I felt so bad about what happened and I thought about it the entire day to decide what was the best thing to do..

I wanted to keep talking to that person but I couldn't because I talked shit about her the day before and I couldn't even look at her.. so I decided to tell her everything that had happened. I didn't want to say that the others talked shit about her too, but of course she asked and I just couldn't not tell her.. I knew this decision would mean that i'd never be able to talk to the other girls. I didn't even want to because I hate people that do nothing but talk shit about others (I know, ironic)

so nothing crazy happened, she understood the situation and we got over it.. however I felt really uncomfortable while I was with her because the other girls were probably wondering wtf I was doing with her after saying those things.. and i didn't want to tell them I had told her everything because I didn't really care about them, and I thought they were just shitty people.. but little did I know I fucked up.. then (unfortunately) me and a couple of other classmates (including 2 of those girls)

have a spare lesson once a week.. basically what they do is talk shit about others all the time and I feel really uncomfortable everytime and I just don't want to make the same mistake and I just sit there silently.. in our class there have always been these kind of problems, and everyone is aware of the fact that this happens.. but I don't think it's ok.. well so today was the breaking point of all this.. today we had to choose our class president and one of those girls decided to run for it..

during her speech that friend of mine raised her hand and asked her "why do i have to vote for a person that talks shit behind everyone's back?".. she was giving her reasons and in the middle I decided to step in and defend my friend.. nobody else agreed with us.. basically everyone is ok with everyone talking shit about them.. and she won obviously.. I didn't feel really good and I really wanted to go talk to her to explain some things..

so I went to the bathroom (where she was talking with another girl) and I explained that I understand if she thinks that I'm two-faced and hypocritical and she said "well yes I do".. i told her that I apologized to my friend after what had happened and that in that process I couldn't not mention them.. I told her everything I thought and that her behaviour makes me uncomfortable.. and that conversation was so weird.. it's like she knew exactly what to say to make me feel an awful piece of shit..

soooo... i’ll be as brief as i can bc the situation actually seems quite simple from here. also, i’m leaving on a trip later today (this is mainly to inform you that in case there’s a follow up, i’ll happily reply, but i can’t guarantee when! in a few days max, ok? but probably sooner!)

you said you could handle harsh, so here it goes.

you make it sound very complicated because it sure feels like it in your head, and i don’t want to diminish your problems, just trying to give you some perspective, alright? truth is, only one thing stands out to me in all of this: you’ve found yourself a very good friend. someone who was able to understand that you were ‘pressured’ into talking shit about her, and instead of going like ‘okay but you have a free will and the ability to shut up – or even defend me – why didn’t you??’ (that’s what i would have said in high school to someone i considered a friend but who decided to trash talk me just to win over a cool clique, tbh! not saying it’s the right thing, it’s actually less mature than how your friend reacted, probably, buy i mean, she could have told you something along those lines and not be wrong, technically... right?) but no, your friend accepted your apology, understood your point of view, didn’t blame you for a mistake you made, which is fair bc you owned up to it (which you should be proud of! shows you’re quite self-aware). she stuck with you. she’s someone who isn’t afraid to say what she thinks, also, and to stand against the popular bitch.

so like........ why do you care about everything else? the popular bitch is a bully and people will always like her best bc she’s charmed them somehow, but you... you are smart, you have your friend, you’re uncomfortable w her and her friends... so why did you even feel the need to confront her? do you need her to like you? newsflash: not everyone in high school will like you. or did you want her to understand her behaviour is wrong and change? newsflash n. 2: you can’t make her. you’re smarter, you’re kinder, you’re more compassionate, you’ll be more serene if you stop talking to her altogether. she thinks you’re a hypocrite when actually you’ve been real to everyone, including those who didn’t even deserve it (her!). so what? i mean, she was probably talking shit about you before, she will after. in a few years, you’ll never have to see her again. i’m sorry she pushed the right buttons to make you feel like shit, but you’ve only been upfront w everyone, unlike her, so why would any of her words mean anything to you? i know it’s hard, but it’s the first lesson in high school. some people are just toxic pieces of shit. stay away from them. (and those who stand by and let this happen and fall for the bully’s ‘charm’? spineless idiots at best. stay away from them too.)

let me know if you read this and don’t hold back if you have something to say, of course. ♡

#high school drama #Anonymous

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mental-health-advice · 7 years ago

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Hi there so I have bipolar NOS and severe anxiety. This is probably unrelated but I always think people are a lying to me. Even the people I think I trust. I trust my bf more than anyone but for some reason I think he's making things up, even if it doesn't seem like it. Even big things, like his grandad having a stroke. This happens a lot with everyone. If someone says something remotely implausible I think they're lying. Its uncomfortable. I have no idea why I'm like this?... Advice?.. thanks

Hi darling,

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been dealing with this lovely! I can definitely imagine it’s really difficult to constantly think that people are lying to you. Have you been lied to often in the past, by someone you thought would never lie to you? If that’s happened to you, it could explain why you’re currently struggling with this. Our past experiences often are an explanation of current habits, although not necessarily. Especially when we’re still young, we are still growing, both physically and mentally. That means that when something happens when you’re young, it can have more impact than it would have if it had happened when you were older. So if you were lied to a lot when you were younger, this can cause for you to experience the strong belief that people are often lying to you.

Like I said, this isn’t necessarily the explanation. Sometimes we struggle with something while it seems there might not really be a reason for it. This can be annoying, because it doesn’t answer our question on why we might be dealing with it. But what’s really important to keep in mind is that it doesn’t make your struggles any less valid! They’re just as valid as any other struggles.

Something that can help when struggling with thoughts like this is to try and challenge your thoughts. There are different questions that you can ask yourself to challenge those thoughts. These challenging thoughts can be:

What’s the worst that could happen? This is a tricky one, because it isn’t something you want to get stuck in as that won’t help. However, sometimes we fear something and when we ask ourselves this question, our fear seems to be bigger than the worst case scenario. For example, I fear change a lot because it’s new and scary. It helps me then to ask myself what the worst thing is that could happen, because in those situations the worst is that the new thing won’t help me. But then I can always go back to my old way of doing things. So in that case, the worst case scenario rationally isn’t as bad, even though it feels like the world ending.

What are the odds? This question is difficult in your case, as there isn’t a lot of research on how many percent of people lie, but maybe it can apply in other situations.

If it happens, will I get over it? Yes, yes you will. It will be difficult, no one will deny that! Being lied to isn’t fun at all. But you can get through those difficult times. You’ll feel bad for a while, it’s truly upsetting. But you can get through it and that’s important to keep in mind! My favourite quote applies a lot here. Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard. Often when we’re struggling, we tend to catastrophize. When we’re feeling bad, we feel like it’s impossible to get through those tough times. But, you’ve done that before, you’ve gotten through those tough times. It isn’t impossible. It’s hard, but it isn’t impossible. You can get through it.

What’s the best that could happen? Trying to focus on a potential outcome can shift your thoughts away a little from that you fear they’re lying to you. It might be a thought that calms you down a little.

What would you say to a friend who was struggling with thoughts like this? Often we can think more rationally when we aren’t in the situation ourselves. I can give advice to other people (at least, I hope it’s helpful!), but I struggle with following my own advice. My therapist asks me often what I’d say to someone who sent in an ask here at MHA. I’ll then try to imagine writing an answer, and then I can come up with something that can help me, which I couldn’t think of when I was trying to think of how to get through the situation myself. Of course I can’t always think of something, but it’s a start. We also tend to be kinder to our friends than we are to ourselves. So if you struggle with the thought that you don’t deserve to be told the truth and that’s why people are lying to you (this is just an example, I don’t know if this is a thought you’re struggling with), it can be hard to go against that thought. But if a close friend of yours said something like that, you’d probably have something to say on why they do deserve the truth and why they aren’t being lied to. And then, why are you different? Why set different boundaries for yourself than for others?

Try to think of an alternative thought. Is there an explanation to what’s happening (for example your boyfriend’s grandad having a stroke) that don’t include him lying? Yes there is, namely that his grandad’s had a stroke. Is there proof that you can give for this alternative explanation?

Something else that’s good to keep in mind is that we’re always searching for proof for the beliefs we have. So your belief is that people are lying to you. You will therefore notice small things that could be seen as proof for that. But small (or big) things that are proof for the fact that people are not lying to you will probably go unnoticed. Try to keep an eye out for this more, so that you start building up this proof. By doing this consistently every day, eventually it will start to feel more true. What can really help is to write it down, as that way it sticks around more. I read the other day that writing something down equals reading it seven times. Just a fun fact :)

Are you receiving professional help for your bipolar disorder and anxiety lovely? This isn’t something you have to deal with all by yourself! Common treatment options would be medication or therapy, although usually a combination of those is recommended. You can visit your GP / local doctor and explain shortly to them what you’ve been dealing with. They’ll then be able to refer you to someone such as a therapist, psychiatrist, or other mental health professional. You can read more about getting help here. I hope this helped at least a little bit!

Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard.

Keep fighting beautiful Love Pauline

#mental health #advice #advice blog #bipolar disorder #bipolar NOS #bipolar disorder NOS #bipolar disorder not otherwise specified #OSBD #other specified bipolar disorder #anxiety #lying #paranoia #fear of lying #relaitonships #family #illness #physical illness #mhapauline #Anonymous

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