#i'm trying not to perseverate on this too severely but it's good to learn from things and try to figure out what to do differently next time

[coquelicoq]

the major practical/pragmatic issue with my framing here is like. what if they do start to bother somebody? it's quite possible, as they are people, and sometimes people are noisy or do things that could be construed as disruptive in some way (slash some housed people are ready to be disrupted by the most mundane things possible as long as it's a houseless person doing them). especially if you don't have anywhere private you can go when you need to do something noisy. my whole argument for why my neighbor should consider not harassing these folks collapses as soon as she can justify to herself that they are bothering her. but they shouldn't be harassed regardless. there have been people living on this street before who have been noisy and at times even violent and they didn't deserve to be harassed or swept either. people are allowed to exist.

context: i just got home and there was a trailer parked right in front of my building that wasn't there when i left about an hour ago. it's not blocking anything. it's probably being lived out of. i opened the door to the building just as my neighbor was opening the door from her unit to the entryway.

her (clearly joking): that's your trailer, isn't it? me (innocently): what trailer? her: oh, you didn't notice? [she opens the building door. the trailer is visible from the door and is probably 15 feet away] i'm taking a picture. me (still innocently): oh, what for? her: [pauses] me: is it hurting anything? her: uh, my serenity? me (as though it's not rhetorical): i mean, where are they supposed to go? her: well, i don't know… me: if they're not hurting anything…i don't know. her (somewhat abashed): well, now you're making me feel like a shitty person… [closes the door] me: you're not a shitty person. i just don't know where they're supposed to go. her: yeah. me: they don't bother me, i don't bother them. you know? her: i'm a compassionate person. i just don't like it to be right in my face. me: it's hard. i think it's harder to be them, though. her: oh yeah. it does make me appreciate my life more. me: totally.

i had to pretend to be a lot more sympathetic with her than i actually am, and kind of implied other things i don't believe (e.g., that homeless people only have the right to exist in public insofar as they aren't bothering anyone), and it left a bad taste in my mouth. but ultimately, she didn't take the picture.

[writeforfandoms]

Shadows 3

Find my John Price Masterlist

Well I'm finally posting the last chapter of this, which was for the Price challenge hosted by @glitterypirateduck Pretty sure I'm a full month late now but oh well. Life happens.

You finally settle into a routine in your new life. Things aren't always easy, but you persevere.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, injury, mention of zombies, anxiety, anxiety attacks, mention of stitches, minor medical stuff.

Word count: 1.3k

Life fell into a routine after that. You stayed at the house, slowly venturing out of the house and into town. Price accompanied you at first, walking with you, quiet but watchful. 

The first time you spooked at a rabbit, you nearly cried. You'd never been so nervous, before. You'd never been afraid to simply walk to town. Random noises had never sent your heart rate through the roof. 

Turning away from Price, you took several deep breaths, willing your tears back down. There was nothing to cry about, no need to be upset. 

But you were upset, and unsettled, and tense. A tear escaped and rolled down your cheek. You tipped your head up, looking up at the trees and the sky, swallowing hard. 

No. You'd master this, and move on. It would be okay. You refused to go back now. 

Price waited until you started walking to step up next to you again. He didn't say a word, but he did bump his shoulder into yours. 

It didn't take long for trips into town to become daily. It was easier for you to go to people, especially if you knew that someone needed help. It wasn't always easy - noises still spooked you, and sometimes the open sky was too much. 

But you got up and you tried. Every day. 

That wasn't the only thing that changed. 

The walks with Price gave you time to look at him, to learn more about him. He became something more to you. Not just the man who'd freed you. Not just the man you felt truly safe around. 

He was handsome. Impressive. 

You enjoyed spending time with him. 

But you managed to keep your feelings contained until the four of them went on a supply run. 

You understood the necessity of it, and they left armed to the teeth. 

But you still worried. 

Mostly about Price. All of them, to a lesser degree, but Price more.

And it wasn't until you were trying to sleep in the too-quiet house, Gaz's girlfriend gone to stay with the MacTavishes, that you realized why. 

You were interested in Price. Romantically. 

You rolled over to shove your face into your pillow and resist the urge to scream. 

There was no way this would end well. Sure, he was nice enough to you, and he made you feel safe and protected. Sure, he was attractive. Sure, you looked for excuses to spend more time with him. 

But that didn't mean he wanted anything more. 

You were fucked. 

You couldn't settle the entire next day. Oh, sure, you focused on your work, on the people you helped. But you didn't want to. You didn't want to sit still, you didn't want to be in town. 

What you wanted, you couldn't have. So you pushed the longing down. 

If you ignored it, it would go away. Eventually. 

You'd just settled in for the night, only a couple candles lit. You didn't need much. 

The front door slammed open, and you jumped. 

“Get the kit,” Ghost grunted to someone, still outside. Gaz came in first, moving swiftly. 

“Can you help?” He asked you, already hauling out a big medical kit. 

“Who needs help?” You grabbed a pair of gloves, frowning. 

“I told you, ‘m fine,” Price grunted, even as Ghost half-supported him through the door. You pulled out a chair quickly, frowning at the blood staining Price's calf. 

“Not a bite,” Gaz told you, tracking your line of sight. “I checked.”

“Hm.” You crouched in front of Price, ignoring his disgruntled noises, and carefully rolled the leg of his pants up and out of the way. A long gash had mostly clotted by now, only drips of blood escaping from his recent movement. 

You worked quietly and efficiently, only asking Gaz if you needed something handed to you. Price was a pretty good patient, swearing quietly but not moving. 

You carefully wrapped the newly sutured area, breathing out slowly. 

“What happened?” You gathered up the trash, needing to keep your hands busy. 

“A few snuck up on me,” Price admitted, leaning back carefully. “Caught ‘em, but one of ‘em knocked me into a broken railing.”��

You nodded. “And no one got bit,” you confirmed. 

“No bites,” Price confirmed. “Checked everyone.” 

“Good.” You stood carefully, hiding your grimace. “Water and rest.” 

Price opened his mouth to protest, and you turned away. 

“Anyone else injured?” You asked Gaz, dumping the trash. 

“No, we're all fine.” Gaz looked back to you, one eyebrow raised. “You're alone?”

“Your girlfriend went to the MacTavishes.” You shrugged. “I'm sure she'd be happy to see you.” 

Gaz quirked a smile. “You're fine?”

“We'll be fine,” you agreed, ignoring Price's grumble. 

“I'll make sure he doesn't fall down the stairs,” Ghost offered. 

“He won't be going upstairs.” 

“I damn well will.” Price sat up straighter. 

“That leg needs rest. You're staying down here tonight.” You frowned at Price, refusing to back down even in the face of his glower. 

“Think you're outmatched, Cap,” Gaz said with humor, even as he backed towards the door. Soap was already there, one foot out the door. 

Price huffed. “Shoo,” he growled, and Gaz and Soap scattered. Ghost slunk into the kitchen.

“I'm serious,” you told Price. “You're staying down here and I'm keeping an eye on you.” 

He sighed, but the line of his shoulders relaxed. “Well, s’pose that's not too bad, then.” 

You huffed softly. “Good, because I'm not going to change my mind.” 

Price shook his head, though his smile was amused, even if it was small. “If you say so.” 

You narrowed your eyes briefly at him but brought him water. “How are you feeling?”

Price drank before he answered. “Fine.”

You eyed him, debating calling him a liar, but you decided against it. Instead, you made sure everything was clean, giving him time to rest and drink. 

It didn't take too much convincing to get him to settle onto the couch, where you normally slept. 

“You need to rest, too.” Price caught your hand before you could move away. 

“I will.” You didn't try to pull away from him, instead leaning closer. “But I need to keep an eye on you.” 

He smiled, just a little. “You could keep a good eye on me from right here.” 

Your heart stopped for a moment before slamming into overdrive. “Yeah?”

“Mmhm.” He tugged, very gently, on your captured hand. “Make sure I won't try to escape that way.” 

You smiled, leaning closer. “Can't have that,” you agreed. “I'd hate it if something happened to you.” 

“Nah. Not me. Can't disappoint you, eh?” His free hand rose to touch your cheek, featherlight, almost hesitant. Your eyes fluttered closed for a moment. 

“Certainly hope not.” You swallowed, gathering your courage. “I'm quite fond of you, you know.” 

“I'd hoped.” He gently guided you closer, until you were just barely hovering over him. “Was prepared to take my time, court you slow if you wanted.” 

“We can figure that out tomorrow,” you breathed, opening your eyes only to get caught in the pull of his gaze. “Provided you stay here.” 

“I see how it is,” he murmured, humor glinting in his eyes and lurking in a half-hidden smile. “Bossing me around already.” 

“Just giving you incentive to see things my way,” you replied, trying hard to tamp down your own giddy smile at the butterflies he inspired in you. 

“Oh? And how's that working for you, love?” 

You swallowed hard at how easily he used the term of endearment, heart fluttering in your chest. “Ask me in the morning.” 

Price hummed softly and kissed you. The tickle of facial hair was unfamiliar but welcome. You felt no fear, only warmth. 

It didn't take much convincing after that for you to crawl in with him, careful of his leg and the cramped space. It didn't take much convincing for him to kiss you again, and again, until you lost track of time. 

You didn't dream at all that night, tucked in tight against him.

[oraclekleo]

Hi Kleo!

Hope I can still make it to your ask game!

My MBTI is still currently INTP and my big 3 is all fire except for Aries~

So I wanted to do an exchange because I miss you so much!

I know your game said one card pull but even my cards missed you so much, they had me pull three. They're in their "All for one, one for all" era with the 3 of Wands, Tower and Chariot when I asked what sexual fantasy should you try to make come true.

You know I love you right?

You also agree that tarot readers are just channelers/messengers, right? So don't shoot me, okay??

Because the first word that came to mind was 3 some.

Like, reverse harem, "why choose when a woman's body has more than one h°le" kind of unhinged sexual fantasy.

It's like there's this flustering suggestion to try to experiment as a means of sexual liberation and expression. Like, it could be that things have been too vanila for you lately or you might be suggested to learn to just surrender and just "receive".

Gurllllllllll this is why I don't actively do NSFW readings, this is so unhinged for my sanity to comprehend!?!

*knocked out from the first card's unhinged message*

(after a few minutes of drinking half a tumbler of the iced water)

*clears throat and slaps my chubbi chiiiks silly to concentrate*

Kleo, I'll do my best to continue, because I miss you! I have to persevere!!!!

Okay, next card is the Tower card which suggests you should try corruption kink, with a mix of intense fucking to the point of mind break.

Basically, it has to be so intense, rough and life changing where your partner has to make sure you'll end up being this drooling tired mess, excuse the graphic description but..., it has to be so good that you got dickmatized.

You know the type where you'll be like, "One kid won't be so bad". Tbh, it's the type that reminds me of those smut books... I heard Haunting Adeline, rougher than 365 days. Last thing I heard was, you'll need to put "Smut authors to shame".

I'm seeing this, but with more than one partner. Tbh, I heard 3. But you're the only girl.

Lemme just...

(okay I'm back for who knows how long just to calm down)

So finally, the last card is the Chariot, I heard raw and, unplanned, public, impulsive, but not a quickie though.

I also saw outside and water... Like, a pool, lake, river, beach, just literally go for it. Gurllllllllll I can't with your reading!! This shit is insane!! Like, when your NSFW question literally went full blown NOT SAFE?! Sweetheart, this is literally insane but good luck!

The last message from my cards was,

"If anyone can do this,

it's obviously Kleo."

Let me know how this resonates with you okay??

Oh girl! This is gonna be long, soooo looooong (pun intended 🍆).

First of all, I want to apologize to my followers who actually read the reading done for me. Sneak peak into my brain isn't pretty. 🤣

Now! Darling! You... NAILED IT! 😂 I swear, nobody ever DARED to give me such a reading even when I truly craved it. I swear you were born for NSFW readings even if you clearly broke down several times during this one. You certainly have courage to practice with me 😘

Before I forget it... The GIFs! I can't... The one with chaining up... I'm dead 🤣 And my Sir Hiddleston! 🥰

Okay! Let me give a proper feedback!

I love you, too. I hope you know it but I'm saying it because everyone should know.

The idea of a harem? Absolutely spot on. I have my mental harem in my mind with all the hotties I ever had a crush on but obviously, the real version is very tempting. 😏

"why choose when a woman's body has more than one h°le" "experiment as a means of sexual liberation and expression" "try corruption kink, with a mix of intense fucking to the point of mind break" "dickmatized" "put smut authors to shame" "raw and, unplanned, public, impulsive"

I just feel so exposed! 🤣 I mean, everybody here knows that irl I don't even touch people because I don't like it but I will admit that my brain is a dark territory. 🤣 And yes, these beasts and monsters live there and I'm so sorry you had to meet them during this reading.

I mean, not that much sorry because I absolutely loved your reading. You should start practicing the NSFW readings because... lady! You have talent. You see the images, you feel, you witness it all. That's a great gift... unless you die of blushing and laughing 🤣

Although... Maybe practice with someone less unhinged than me next time. I don't know how you digged into the depths of my brain which are usually hidden even from other readers but you clearly found some shortcut. 😛

Okay! Time to do your reading and I already feel like I just can't match you here but I will try. 😈

Hello!

Thank you so much for participating in this tiny game!

Let's see!

Question: What hidden sexual fantasy you should make come true?

Deck: The Slavic Legends Tarot - illustrated by Magdalena Kaczan

Card: 8 of Wands

Oh! Who's here for some quickie! No, actually this card reminds me more of wild and raw passion. You desire to feel the unconditional and unfiltred desire, the lust that consumes you in one mighty fiery blow. You desire to be swept off your feet and tossed into the swirling tornado of sexual experience (and into bed). You want your blood to boil, your skin glistening with sweat, your heart skipping beats, your eyes rolling back, your mouth gaping and your muscles spasm in extasy. It's not a quickie but it feels like as if you ran a record sprint, leaving you gasping for air and unable to walk. And while it's not typically a part of the 8 of Wands but I see that this experience you crave leaves you happy and smiling blissfully.

Let's close it here.

Once again, thank you so much for your reading, I can truly understand how exhausting it must have been. 💖💗

[inaaontheskyways]

Pittyober, day 2: puppet

Oof, I'm sorta nervous since this is my 1st time sharing my writing on here, but I just finished this for this year's Pittyober started by @stormyykat, so I hope that y'all will enjoy!

(CW under the cut: light mentions of abuse and imprisonment)

There was no one in the Spiral, especially Valencia, who didn’t know who the Armada were. A military force spearheaded by the Supreme Commander, Kane, and his elite circle of clockworks, who for years had been crushing and overtaking all the other worlds in order to turn them into the mechanical perfections like they were. Cold, calculating, callous; beings who could not feel emotions, who couldn’t understand the hearts of mortals, because all they were concerned about was how to yield the best results no matter the means, even if they were cruel and merciless.

So it would be a terrible shock for just about anyone if they learn of the possibility that Kane might have feelings—or at least to an extent—despite the frigid attitude and behavior all clockworks were known to have. Really, though, it made the most sense, given the fact that he was built to be the epitome of man; the strongest, fastest, but above all, the most intelligent, so it was really only a matter of time that he would act just like one too. And the emotion that was the most prominent within himself was obsession, the drive to entitle and covet whatever he wanted because as the most superior of all specimens, it would only be his right as the one who carried the great burden of taking and fixing all that was wrong with the Spiral.

And there was none who exemplified Kane’s obsession more than his ward, the one he still endeavored to protect all these years, his Ariele. The young apprentice of his old creator, he was the only thing in the whole Spiral who was truly good and innocent—pure—with how kindly and gently he treated everything that he came across. From little bugs in the villa’s garden, to the art utensils he worked with, to even regarding him like he would any other flesh-and-blood person; nothing was ever superior nor inferior but rather of equal value, for they should be one in the same in his eyes. What made him even more amazing was that he would still remain positive despite his being a half-guinea pig, the lowest of the low frowned upon by every corner of Valencian society, always finding it in himself to smile and be happy even when it deeply hurt him.

“Everyone hurts inside, so they can’t help but want to hurt others as well,” Ariele had once said to the clockwork as they sat on the grass together, baby-blues still soft even when downcast, weaving several stems of flowers to form a crown that he would later place atop of his head, “I hope they realize that what they’re doing isn’t right, so that they won’t be sad anymore and learn how to make friends instead.”

That was why Kane resolved to protect him, to ensure change not just to Valencia but the entire Spiral as well, so that none of its filth would ever taint him and the purity that he held. Ariele was his perfect princess, the crown jewel of his glorious empire, and in order to ensure that he would remain so forever, he was kept all the way up in a high tower where his safety and perseverance of his purity could absolutely be guaranteed. There, he would stay and be surrounded by all that he loved, be it his favorite fairy tale books or colorful dresses with intricate stitching, never to be seen by anyone else other than his eyes only.

It didn’t matter that Ariele would try to run away, that he would cry and thrash around when he eventually got caught, that he would need to be injected medicine at times just to get him to sleep and stay still. It didn’t even matter that he would constantly go against the philosophy that he posed to Kane years ago, about realizing how much hurt he was inflicting against him every time he would act up and rebel. Couldn’t he see that this was for his own good, that everything he did was on his behalf to guarantee that nothing in the Spiral could taint his innocence, and he should really be more than grateful for all the hard work and effort that came into spoiling him.

“No, I don’t like this! I don’t want this!” the stubborn thing would sob out every single time their little game of tag would end up in the same way, tears fat and voice gone hoarse, “You can’t keep doing this to me! Letmegoletmegolet me go!”

But even then, that was alright with Kane, knowing that his princess would one day give up and come around to his ideas. He was simply just confused, couldn’t tell the difference between right or wrong, especially given how sleepy and dazed those injections tended to make him feel. He would make him see just how much he cared—cherished him all this time, despite all his short-comings as a weak, feeble-minded mortal who needed some guidance on how things should actually be.

And should he have to resort to just recreating him in his own image in order to achieve that, then so be it.

[quintential]

Ramblings of a 20 yo

I'm writing because, even though it feels like I'm squeezing my mind through a ricer like a potato and just creating- I don't know, mashed potatoes, I guess,

I'm making the choice to write. Because I can't let myself want to write all my life and keep giving up because it doesn't sound right, or it's not coming out right, or it's not good, or things like that. I can't do that to myself. 

Raina believes she is doomed, it's too late, she's fucked it all up already, etcetera. I'm here, still fighting, because I am resilient, to tell her she is wrong. She is not doomed. It is not too late.

She is 20, - i am 20 

years

old

for fucks sake,

I AM YOUNG AND ALIVE, SEE ME WORLD! I want to scream at the top of my lungs to everyone.

This is the fire in my soul that keeps me going. Is that against all odds, I have hope. I try, every day. I will persevere. The world is not easy. We hurt each other. I'm pissed at my roommate. This is ok.

This is word vomit. That's also perfectly ok. When the gates of the mind open, for the first time in a while, don't be surpised when a tidal wave of stuff comes pouring out. I am pouring out!!!

SO, there are some things of focus in my life. A to do list, shall you say.

do cool stuff alone! I want to get into san francisco. be free, explore. may go to the MOMA tommorow.

go out on dates. Even though I'm scared and they may suck, I want to try. I want to try, and try, and try.

make friends. I want to make new friends here. I will compliment people as much as I can, strike up conversations as much as possible. People want to be my friend too. I look cool, so i will start conversations when they compliment me!

make my art. I need to make art! I will make art.

forgive myself.

forgive others.

Pretty good list, huh? I am the vibrancy, the thrum. I also may have a teensy-tiny self obsession problem. I love looking at myself in the mirror, all the time, pictures of myself all the time, etcetera. People are obsessed with me too because I am strange looking and beautiful. See? Self obsession, because I am the center of my world. I want to fall in love so I can let others in too. I let people in... where are they??????

I am always filled with hurt and love always always always.

/later

filled with melancholy,

and other feelings of similar dread related to the usual "who am I " where am I " etcetera, dissasociation,

feelings of complete

aloneness,

loneliness,

it's hard to feel as though i'm apart

when i feel so different from everyone-

of course, this exists in tandem with the knowledge that everyone feels different and that what should bring us together, but...

I reflect back on my conversations with roommate last night,

unpleasant and battleing I was not good either but I she reminded me of my mother too much and I was upset angry and looking to push buttons and fuel the divide between us

and what a divide it is, she and her on one side and me on the other, rooms hand in hand and me apart. 

It's so incredibly hard to feel close to people for me. Usually,  I'm floating on clouds above-

superior and self deprecating all at once it's a bad combination I know

I miss

I always say i miss and then cannot point to when or what i miss. Perhaps it's feeling I read about and see

the silly couple giggling on the street the friends twirling hands the teammates hugging

Yet I cannot let myself be a part I will seperate my heart

sever the tendons

that pulses between us

let you bleed out, you can take care of yourself

sew myself back up

I cannot live- we - cannot live without other but I am very talented at tricking myself into believing

I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine

I cannot even get over a goddamn volleyball game. 

I need to learn I must change I have to be 

better

be

better

be

better

be

better

you cannot shame yourself into changing

can you love yourself ? Please?

You will change for the better I promise.

fuck, what's the point and i know this is getting repetitive but i can't help it that's what life is over and over and over again which is ok but whats the point there is so much bad in the world fuck fuck fuck

[fordarkisthesuede]

I got tagged by @fractualized - and I had to think about this for a while. Sorry for the delay, frac'! I pretty much felt like this all week (lol):

GIF by lostwithoutmyboswell

Ok, so we're gonna start from #5, because I decided to rate these like a loon:

#5:

Birth. Starting off on the disk horse topic of HP fanfic. Listen, regardless of how I feel about the series now (which is messy, to say the least), there's one thing I still can't help but love about it...and it's not only tiny, but half of the reasoning behind it is of my own making. It's Peeves the Poltergeist. I LOVE Peeves. He's my favorite character type - short, temperamental, powerful, 90% humor and fun, inhuman, and neither a Good nor Bad guy. I rarely used to read HP fic back in the day, but I noticed that for such a big fandom, he never had much to his name. (And what I did find was...disappointing for me.) I reread the series in 2015 for the first time in a while and did some Deep Thinking about him. What his limits are. How he's presented. Where he even came from. The bare scraps of canon and Word of God (distasteful) material pushed my buzzing brain to write about him, and eventually churned out this little origin story. I wrote several one-shots surrounding him, but this is my favorite of the bunch. In my eyes, it's simple, short, and effective in storytelling. So I like it. (^_^)

#4:

The Whole Nine Yards. Yes, my current WIP is on the favorite list. It started off as a sex-romp list, because I had too many positions and kinks I wanted John and Bruce to try. It first grew into showing Bruce/John as a couple at home, because my main fics in the Perseverance Project series don't get to show them being all lovey-dovey as much as I'd like. Then I added a few dashes of angst for character building. Then it evolved into including what AtBoM skipped over (for various reasons) - visits at Arkham showing their [growing] love and trust rebuild post-S2, and showing different sides to them.

So what we have now is: "Two guys in love met in an asylum 2.5 years ago, and less than one year after they first met, one keeps coming to visit the other. The visits' subjects are then related to current day, where they finally live together like a real couple, with all it's ups and downs, and sexy results". It's a mouthful, I know. ;D But I think it works!

It's great to explore all these things and essentially back-track a bit versus rewrite any part of AtBoM. Plus, I get to mumble about something that always interests me in this 'verse: Bruce's relationship with his parents. To go from loving them and putting them and their deaths on a pedestal to look to for inspiration to keep going on being Batman, to learning they were the biggest criminals in the city and a key reason while he's even having to be Batman... That's gotta affect how he looks at things. Like, I mentioned Bruce's dislike of his house in AtBoM and TToJ, but here it's full-force. It was a mausoleum for their memory and now it's just a means to an end. He doesn't consider it home, or even rightfully his. But John living there with him makes it a home. Their home. :')

Also, I feel like I'm playing a decorating game and a dress up game with it! Kind of like The Sims, I guess. xD John's room and summer wardrobe are fun to craft as I go. (Don't worry, you'll get to see John's classic outfit at the end. For...reasons.) Plus, soon* you'll see Bruce's bedroom revamped!

#3:

A Ghost Too Far. Disk Horse, part two. Peeves is the one thing I still wistfully sigh over and go "ah, what could have been"...all while knowing that I took the bones of my blorbo and crafted him a full body myself. It's been 7 years since I started writing this particular story, and it clocks in over 230K words. As things are now, I have no idea if I'll ever actually finish it, for a myriad of reasons. So to make a long story short (HA!):

Out of the hundreds of thousands of HP fanfics, and the handful that had Peeves as a character, I found Peeves had no proper big epic romance story of his own and decided to make him one, combining it with one big exploratory setting of How He Is, all set in 2003/2004. His destined romantic partner is an American witch (queue eyeroll), acting as a one-year-only DatDA teacher (queue harder eyeroll), who I can describe in modern** terms as a gender-non-conforming adult punk who is absolutely fascinated with ghosts. She makes it a point to study the castle ghosts, especially Peeves, as poltergeists are super rare and physical ones are apparently unheard of outside of him. She makes a deal with Peeves that he can break just about anything she owns and annoy her all he wants, in exchange for information on how he works. Which I worked out via the aforementioned HP reread and lots of Deep Thinking as literally by feeding off of (aka absorbing) magic from humans, like his "relatives" the Dementor and Boggart. Unlike them, he primarily eats high energy feelings of "anger" "sadness" and "excitement", because he was created in a castle with children who can have powerful feelings of all three very easily. Is this theory of mine presented in canon? Who fucking cares anymore, the author's dead in all senses but literal.

It might not be finished, and it might never be, but writing out this monstrosity of a theory while getting a guy like Peeves to fall in and explore love for the first time holds a special place in my heart. Because not only does Peeves reside permanently in my brain (I'm pretty sure he's the Writing Gremlin who suggests those "this is what goes painfully wrong" scenarios), but so does Dandrane, who I hand-crafted to be Peevesy's romantic partner. I love her. I owe her. Her favorite color is hot pink; because of her, I have gotten over my old feud with the color pink. I wrote her to be 30 while I was then 24; after a while, nearing/turning 30 no longer bothered me. I wrote her to be cool, confident, and a little horrible. Because we all have that bitchy little voice in our head sometimes... The desire to break something without consequences... The need to have our anger recognized rather than ignored or attempted to be placated... Dandrane is a wonderful vessel for these feelings, even after all this time.

She's my cool girl. My tall bean. My silly little flamingo. I want to put her in an enriched enclosure and watch her with a set of binoculars.

#2:

At the Brink of Midnight. My most popular fic is second-place in my heart, at this current hour. (Ha!) For reasons I'm sure you long-time readers already guessed, that I have mentioned time and again in it's author notes: this fic was FUN to make!!!

The Halloween setting! The fresh takes on Scarecrow and Poison Ivy! John recreating Joker! Bruce rescuing John! Bruce finally hugging John! THE CONFESSION SCENE! A rave scene in a graveyard!!! Batman and Joker teaming up to kick ass!!!!!

It's! So! Great!!! It's not too long, but still a big novel-length! Easy to read and get lost in! It presents an original character who carries the possibility of redemption! It hits all those story beats I craved to see for a Season 3! Hell, even now I'd be hard pressed not to expect to see Dr. Crane in any potential sequel we'd get IRL!

Are there things I'd change? Sure. But nothing major. I'm still happy with it, even 4 years later. Maybe part of my love for it is also a desire to be able to pump out 110K words within a few months again...

#1:

The Tolls of Justice!

Is it my most popular fic? Nah, it's #2. But it's my #1. The king of my heart. It took 2-and-a-half years to finish, in no small part because 2020 was a bitch. And despite the frustration at writer's block, despite the silly errors that I still need to go back and fix, and despite the time it took...God, I LOVE it.

Whenever I reread part of it, I get sucked in and read more than I meant to. I know the majority of the little notes I made, but whenever I read one of the tarot hints I can't help but go ehe he he. I read John's breakdown in Arkham, and his transformation into what is his final form of vigilante!Joker, and I still tear up. I see the theme of a writer playing God, of having a defined inescapable ending but proving that choices still matter, and just sit with it in utter delight.

I have many favorite moments: Tiffany and John's day out, the entirety of the Wayne Gala, John and Iman's investigation at the theater, Batman's descent into the Court of Owls' secret lair with Robin... But I have a favorite bit. It's the kind of thing I giggle over while kicking my legs in my seat.

So in Chapter 12, Batman and Joker are having a few moments together before the Big Battle in the high tier of seats above the main floor/"stage area", able to watch the Court of Owls' mock-trial below. In theaters, the highest tier is sometimes known as "the gods" seats.

As my version of the CoO has their whole thing built on "our God wrote down our destiny exactly and the Evil God keeps causing chaos to interfere", and considering the DC multiverses and that Batman and Joker are constantly in them, and as Bats and Jokes are generally simplified as "Order and Chaos"... They're figuratively 'gods' in "the gods" seats watching the show below. ౧(*മ് ധമ്)੭ु⁾⁾

As for WIPs, I only have 2 at the moment. I use OneNote to write all my ideas for it (when I'm actually writing them down):

As you can see, I have sections for The Whole Nine Yards (abbreviated "W9Y" in notes only) and the untitled "BtTTS S5" below. (The "After Hours" is just IRL work notes, when I had to use my personal PC for work in 2020, and "Noir "is literally a list of film noir movies I'm keen to watch. I've been really into them lately!)

Right now S5's notepad only has 2 sections - the Thinkbox and "J Tech". The Thinkbox pages are pretty much the brainstorm dumping ground...but TWNY's is actually laid out rather nicely, like this. I'd post a screenshot, but then this post would...uh, turn nsfw... (; ' o' )

Right now, the only WIP word docs are here, in my "BtTTS - The Perseverance Project" folder:

As for tagging...hm. Um... Since it was frac' who tagged me... I choose @distort-opia, if they're so inclined! (And anyone else who wants to!) Edit: I am a fool who does not reread properly. 😭 Sorry hun, you already did it! So field's wide open!!!

*at the time of this posting, TWNY Chapter 7 is still in progress. It's 2/3rds of the way done! (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

**at the time of writing the story in question, the term "gender non-conforming" was not known about as widely as it is now; basically, I knew what it was without knowing what it was called.

[thetwistedcryptid]

(made in picrew, with minor edits) [twst styled pic/spite of him in uniform soon to come]

“Every weed is a flower - just trying to make shit work.”

School: Royal Sword Academy

[Hellēnikḗ] [the dorm was founded on the perseverance of Hercules]

Full Name: Hyacinth Kovidar

Nicknames: Cinthia, Hya, Persephone

Grade/Class: Year 1 (freshmen)/Class (No.1-B)

Birthday: November 1st - Day of the Dead (Scorpio)

Age: 16

Height: 148cm (4'10")

Race: Human (??)

Dominant Hand: Ambidextrous

Homeland: Kingdom of Heroes

Club: Fencing

Best Subjects: Alchemy and Defense Magic

Worst Subject: Flying

Hobbies: Gardening, potion brewing, herb collecting, taking late night strolls, and Kendo

Pet Peeves: Bright places, crowded places, people use mistreat the environment, and fire magic users

Fears: small/closed spaces, and deep bodies of water (if he can't see or touch the bottom, it's too deep)

Favorite Food: Croquettes

Least Favorite Food: Seafood of any kind

Talent: Gardening/Botany

Unique Magic: "Full Bloom" Incantation: Spring into it! [The user can make any plant grow extremely quickly by putting their energy into it. The user can accelerate and exaggerate the growth of plant-life and then manipulate it by substituting growth conditions with their own vitality. It can turn a tiny seed into a prosperous network of thick vines in an instant. Plants will revert to their original state if their roots are severed or burned. with enough energy/training, the plant can grow up to 50x its original size!]

Trivia: The ’flyaway’ hair/hair antennae that he has, is ‘animated’ based on his mood (excited/angry/surprised, sad, flustered/in love?, scared, etc) kinda how the two riddles’ work. Flowers naturally appear/bloom when he makes skin contact with earthy surfaces, and some even bloom from his head/skin when he's happy/excited/flustered - he has no control other than this, though.. And is annoyed by it more often than not, as it makes him unable to really hide its true emotions all that well. He specifically requested all of his uniforms to be of a bigger size then what he usually wears - confident that he’ll grow into them. Eventually.. He naturally smells like different kinds of floral fragrances.

———

Character Summary: "I think you're all so good.. But I'm nothing like any of you.”

Hyacinth was born as the middle child of three - one older sister and one younger sister, by two aristocratic parents, in the Land Of Heroes. He always felt as though he didn’t fit in all that well, not being as extroverted or optimistic as his family members or as anyone else in the country. He was always somewhat pessimistic on most aspects of life, and very introverted. Which lead him to be kind of an outcast by the other children in the city they associated with, being picked on by some of them. But usually those spoiled goody two shoes princey boys were convinced that they could “change him” and often tried to force him to play games with them, usually with him playing the role of the villain or damsel in distress. Which only really put on display how others saw him - either as someone weak and indeed of protecting, or someone who stood out from the crowd so much that they were considered ‘evil’. Plus they wanted to use his giftedness in nature magic and potion brewing for things like love potions for those they deemed as their ‘true loves’.or poision antidotes (princes are often targets of assassinations afterall).

He wasn’t ever that good at standing up for himself back then, so he just went along with it. At first he thought they did it because they wanted to be friends with him, and happily partook in those games and actually kinda liked playing the role of an antagonist as it made him feel some level of power/authority, but after learning they only included him for their own ends - he shut himself off even more then before. Often lashing out at those “friends”, which only spurred angry lectures from his parents and being grounded, along with those “friends” trying even harder to force him to become just like they were. Thinking that he just needed proper “guidance” to become the image of princlyness and heroism he needed to be. He always felt so weak.. And took up Kendo in order to tone up his body, and make it so he could fight back - non magic wise - if needed. Becoming rather skillful at it. though his parents often discouraged this activity, he still went through with it. often meeting in private with a tutor that he hired with his own allowance. his parents were always very controlling, deciding for him what to wear, eat, and who to talk to. usually just kids of other nobles whom they had alliances with. they also often compared him to his sisters - claiming he should be more like them, in terms of behavior. thinking of them as the pinnacle of what a 'hero' should be, as they always did as they were told and basically had no individuality apart from most others, besides their spoiled and snarky personalities. his parents often ignored him - middle child syndrome - in favor of paying the most attention to his sisters. leaving him to basically raise himself.

After a lot of begging he was homeschooled, which allowed him some sort of safety from those prior stressful situations. afterwards really only interacted with his parents/siblings/servants, occasionally extended family. Most of the time though, he liked to be alone - spending time in nature. Wandering the foods around their home, which was located on a forested mountain side, and just.. Finding solace in the plants and creatures that lived there. He often talked to the flowers and trees about his troubles or things that he liked. sometimes asking them rhetorical questions when he needed advice. them not being able to respond to him of course, but.. It comforted him in a way. Knowing that they were always listening, and that none of them ever judged him for how/who he was. Sometimes he felt as though they could understand him.. He even gives certain plants names if he has made a bond with them. Humanizing the non human.

Around this time RSA had sent him a letter of attendance - which was accepted for him by his parents, both happening without his knowledge, only learning it happened after his spot in RSA was cemented. He was furious, but couldn’t do much about it. He didn’t want to go to RSA! He was actually enamored by NRC, and wanted to attend that school. Feeling as though he fits in better with people who share this sense of humor, outlook on life, and morals. And based on all of the.. Less than nice things he’s heard about NRC and the people who attend there - he felt like that school ticked all the boxes. But he had no choice in the matter, and his complaints fell upon deaf ears. He was soon shipped off to the Isle of Sages to attend the school, his family barely communicating with him ever since, other than requesting him to send his grades and attendance to see if he's slacking or not.

Ever since joining he is constantly trying to convince the headmaster, Ambrose the 63rd, that he should be transferred to NRC, either ranting to him in his office in person about it or sending him many complaint letters. but is always met with the same answer, that his placement in RSA wasn’t a mistake and that he was always meant to be here. Something he is very openly salty about.

[butcharium]

Thank you for your blog so much it's a h(e)aven 💔💔💔 Also I've got a small question hope it's okay I wanna get myself a suit one day but I'm literally 5'1 I don't think they make suits that small, I also have wide hips. Have you got any tips?.. And generally tips on getting "male" clothing other than t-shirts when you have wide hips and not so wide shoulders and are 5'1

I am very happy to hear that this blog can be such a space for others as well!! I made this blog because whenever I'd look up butch and lesbian stuff here, there was something I needed which I felt was missing a bit. I am very touched whenever I see that it seems like there’s others who feel seen in the content I try to collect here <3

The best advice I can give you is: have patience and perseverance! 

I have spent whole days looking at clothes, where I’ve tried on countless of different garments, perhaps cried a little bit in the fitting room, made my rounds through several stores, and ended up with 1-2 garments (but these I am usually very happy with)

ally yourself with someone you trust

it is very nice with someone who can help you find different fits and sizes, and bring moral support or simply a good conversation

be open-minded 

especially if you have trouble finding clothes which are proportionally right for you, try on a lot of various models and fits. Perhaps you don’t end up liking that particular garment, but you might learn something about what you’re comfortable in and what proportions and fits to look for, and how to recognize these. Also be open minded about what stores you go to. I’ve found good garments in stores whose “vibe” I otherwise disagree with

don’t be afraid of the women’s section

this can depend a bit from store to store or even country to country, but sometimes there are surprisingly masc gems to be found at the women’s section, and they sometimes take your proportions more into consideration

thrift shops/second hand stores etc.

good places to find unconventional fits, or fits which aren’t in vogue, but might fit you better! (I struggle with being square and fat surrounded by menswear which wants tall skinny guys, especially trousers have then been very good for me to look for in second hand stores)

learn how to sew, if only to make alterations!

if you have the opportunity to do this, it’s something I highly recommend! I can imagine that trousers which fits your waist can have a tendency to be too long in the legs, and it is nice to be able to make them shorter without having to rely solely on cuffing them. you could also make a “split” along the side seams of shirts in order to make them fit better over your hips. 

you can of course ally yourself with someone again, or send clothes to a tailor if your situation allows it, but personally at least I really enjoy knowing that I've participated myself!

more specifically I guess I can recommend looking at “shorter” garments for your upper bod, so that you have for example a jacket which fits your shoulders, and then stops just above your hips. I’ve also heard other’s recommend the boy’s section! I’m confident you’ll be able to find yourself a proper suit (and that you’ll look amazing in it)!! You can mix together different elements you find different places (and which you can collect over time), and being smaller is often easier than being bigger when it comes to making alterations to make clothes fit you!

I’m only happy receiving questions like this, and I hope I could bring something helpful!

[artistic-pandamonium]

February, 2016

Brand new to digital art, I didn't know what a stabilizer was (clearly)

October, 2020

4 years of insecurity, failure, letting go of old hopes and dreams (which I'm okay with, it wasn't meant for me), long LONG periods of art block, experimenting, and good ol' fashioned perseverance have brought me to this point.

Practice doesn't always mean drawing the same thing over and over, I haven't just been drawing pandas for 4 years straight lmao. I haven't drawn consistently the past 4 years, either. In fact, I think I only drew 3 things in 2019. I've drawn 2 things in 2020 so far. A lot of artists will tell you to just practice; which is correct, that's good advice. But I would like to expand on that. My advice to you is learn from other artists, spend time absorbing media of the style most like your own or the one you want to have (Good writers read. Good artists consume art.) or even talk to other artists if you know any! And experiment. Every single time I sit down and draw, I try something new. I don't even go in with the intention of trying something most of the time, in the middle of drawing I'll just go, "I wonder how this will look..." and I try it. I try several different things, I try new techniques I've never used before. Experimenting is a great way to hone your craft and to help you find your style. Finding your style can be tough, and your style won't always look the same every time in all honesty, because you're always improving and your tastes change! Also sometimes you don't improve, and that's okay too! Creativity isn't a straight line to success. It's a rollercoaster. Sometimes you'll have long periods where you don't draw at all, like me the majority of 2019 and 2020. Sometimes it's just Off and it's not the quality you'd like it to be. But no matter where you are on your creative rollercoaster, there is always room for improvement, new things to learn, stuff to experiment with! Keep trying! You can only get better!!

[ceejeysstuff]

Let’s SEW in!

Sewing, as we all know, is the most basic yet essential thing to do, especially if we are trying to be independent. Well, in my life, I thought that I was definitely, officially, an independent woman. But the problem is...I don't know how to sew! I'm having a hard time doing basic stitches, even if it's just buttons that I need to put on my uniform blouses. But despite that, I'm here to learn! And I am assuming that you are also interested in learning this too; that's why you're reading this, right? Well, if that's the case, let's sew!

 WHAT is sewing?

Sewing, according to the Collins Dictionary, is the activity of making or mending clothes or other things using a needle and thread. Basically, we do this when we have something to repair clothes with or even create a new one. Did you know that you can do this with bare hands or a machine? It is very interesting, isn't it?

 Types of sewing stitches

Running Stitch

This is the most basic of all sewing stitches. It works by passing the sewing needle in and out of the fabric. Depending on the project, the running stitch can vary in length, but this type of stitch is mainly used to sew basic seams and in quilting to hold the fabric layers and wadding in place. This stitch is good if you are practicing! It’ll help you learn control and, of course, patience.

 Lockstitch

This stitch is done by most common single-needle sewing machines. This stitch involves the needle passing through the fabric and interacting with a bobbin or boat shuttle beneath the fabric platform. Because of this, the end result is a strong stitch that can be used on any piece of clothing where there is a seam, such as shirts and blankets. Though, this can also be done using our bare hands. This is one of the stitches that is fun to do! You can even create shirts or blankets by using this stitch.

 Coverstitch

The coverstitch is a very popular type of stitch for multiple-needle sewing machines. This involves two or more needles and one or two loopers. One looper manipulates the thread underneath the fabric being sewn, forming a bottom coverstitch against the needle thread. Another looper above the fabric can form a top coverstitch at the same time. This leads to a firm stitch that is used in garment construction, particularly in attaching trims and sewing flat seams. If you want clean and strong stitches, this is the right one for you! If you want to start a clothing or garment business, knowing how to sew this type of stitch will greatly help you succeed!

Overlock

also known as a serger stitch, is used in multiple-needle sewing machines. It involves between one and four threads, one or two needles, and one or two loopers. The most common uses for the overlock stitch are on seams in stretchy fabrics and for protecting edges from unravelling. A common example of this is in the belt loops on a pair of jeans. If you are also planning to sell clothes, this form of stitch can also be a great help because it is good for stretchy fabrics. We all know that our customers want strong and stretchable clothes, right?

 Benefits

Knowing how to sew has several advantages, ranging from the ability to repair personal clothing and other fabrics to the ability to make a blanket if the world goes bad. Other benefits include better eye coordination, the development of a creative mind, and even dementia prevention. "Making things on today's modern sewing machines incorporates all the elements of STEM education in an artful way that builds self-esteem and perseverance," the authors add (Charnley). STEM is an important part of society because we all live in a technologically advanced world.

 Importance

Sewing is an important life skill and is the vehicle to teach self-confidence through skill-building. Sewing helps you develop fine motor skills, improves your focus and concentration, and teaches the importance of patience and self-control.

 Indeed, sewing is great fun and very important! Especially if you are trying to become an entrepreneur in the future. Having sewing skills can save us a lot in our lives. From mending to creating to designing! For sure, you’ll be a great entrepreneur just by having this basic life skill.

References:

https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/sewing 

https://samplius.com/free-essay-examples/the-benefits-in-the-art-of-sewing/

https://www.stocks.co.uk/blog/4-different-types-of-sewing-stitches

https://sewmuchfunsewingclass.com/why-sewing-is-important-for-you/

[realtalk-tj]

I'm in math 4 as a freshmen. My grade is a low F and my parents are pissed. I know I can drop 4 homework quizzes and retake a test I think I bombed, but I don't know what to do anymore. I'm slowly going into depression and becoming less and less social. I'm procratinating even more, and my life doesn't feel like life anymore, I just go through the motions everyday. On top of this, my bio grade has also gone really low. Any advice on what to do? I'm really depressed and have nowhere to go.

jResponse From Fleur:

Hi there. Sorry to hear you’re not feeling that great right now *hugs*. If life sucks this bad at the moment, then something has to change. You said you were in math 4 as a freshman. From my knowledge, there are easier levels of math that you could take. At TJ, calculus is a graduation requirement, which means that you can have a year or a semester where you don’t take any math classes at all (I didn’t take a math class my junior year after starting to take one and then dropping it in November). My recommendation: if you’re failing the class pretty bad, and if you think it’s not going to get any better/you don’t really want to deal with it right now, I’d just drop that class and next semester maybe take a lower level math class instead. By taking lower level math classes, it might help you build up your skills for the higher level classes at TJ. It might also help you learn how to study and persevere better through the most shaft classes you will probably ever take in your life. (im being honest when I say that AB calculus at TJ is easier than math 4 and college calculus is even easier. More complicated material does NOT necessarily mean a harder class). If you’re like 14 and they’re trying to throw you into a class that is harder than what I’m taking in college, I think everyone would agree that it’s not a bad idea to wait a year and build up to that ;) Also, you’ll do better the second time around taking a class over again. If you got rid of this class for now you could focus more on yourself and use the free-period you’d get to study for bio. You can also always get a tutor for bio. 

Falling a class at TJ does not mean that you are not good enough, it does not mean that you are a failure, it does not mean that you are bad at math or STEM or aren’t cut out for TJ or will not be successful in life, and it sure as hell does not mean that you need to feel like you are any less than anyone else. It just shows that any class, subject, test, assignment...etc can be made hard for anyone, even some of the most driven, high-achieving children out there like you who happen to go to TJ. 

Also, a note, there are plenty of places you can go. If you’re really depressed, there are loads of things to help you. You could go meet with the school psychologist or social worker, you could talk to a counselor, a teacher...etc. You can also call a hotline if you ever wanted to just talk to someone without barriers. There are several hotlines you can talk to about things that are just making you feel really distressed like what you’re dealing with. You can call teenline, or if you want to text you can text crisistext, you can talk to the samartians of new york...etc. I’ve used all those three, so I can tell ya that you might as well jot down the numbers for possible future use :). 

Obviously tho, if you’ve got any sort of mental health problem, even if you don’t think it’s that bad, the fact that it exists at all means that it’s a good idea to involve some of the following peeps: school psychologist, parents, professional therapist, a primary care physician, and if you wanted to involve a psychiatrist they exist too.

Let us know how you do :)