#i'm tired man i don't wanna fix it rn

[falling-hand-in-unlovable-hand]

tumblr mobile website crop my header normal (challenge impossible)

[knifegremliin]

okay. this time for real the headphone jack on my laptop broke or something. cool.

[luvfy0dor]

“Hands Under My Sweatshirt, Baby Kiss it Better ♡⁠˖” Fyodor Dostoevsky x GN!Reader ੈ✩‧₊˚

Warnings; BSD Spoilers, mentions of death, ch. 112 events, soft!fyodor

Description; Having a nightmare about your partner dying and waking up to him comforting you

A/n; i'm supposed to be doing a saq rn but I COULDNT NOT POST ON NEW CHAPTER DAY AHHHH I WANNA BE FYODORS MEDIEVAL HOUSE SPOUSE SO BAD IN EVERY LIFE TIME

ೃ⁀➷

Everything felt so real- you watched as your lover got into a helicopter with a briefcase containing an antidote, expecting a swift escape from Mersault only to be impaled by an iron rod. You watched as his eyes widened and his slender fingers wrapped around the pole. Blood trickled from both the new piercing in his midsection and between his lips while his breathing became shaky. He glared at another man in your dream who has been rendered faceless while speaking, although everything in the dream was silent so you couldn't make out any particular words or sentences.

The night terror didn't stop at your boyfriend being impaled, as a matter of fact it made you watch as the helicopter was messily flown directly into a tower and burst into flames with Fyodor still inside. You tried to hurry towards the aircraft, but it exploded before you could reach it. The blast didn't effect you, not scorching you or propelling you backwards at all, but letting you stand there and watch as all hope of getting Fyodor out of there shattered like glass. The crackling embers of fire surrounding you gradually became accompanied by a soft whisper-one that was all too familiar and thick with sleep. You were still in shock from the dream when your eyes snapped open, your legs curled inward with Fyodors chest to your back and his hand soothingly rubbing your side. "It's okay, Moya Lyubov, what happened?" He asks you, his eyebrows furrowed and his breath warm against your ear as he presses a chaste kiss to the nape of your neck. "Nightmare. You're...you're okay." You murmur, relief taking over your heart and mind. You rolled over, your body pushing his backwards a bit. "Ofcourse I'm alright. I'm not going anywhere, y/n, I promise. Was the dream about me getting hurt?" He correctly assumes, his tired gaze fixed on your own. "Mmm, worse, dying." You say, your heart finally returning to a steady pace.

"Ah, that makes more sense. You were very restless, you know." He tells you. "It's easy to tell when you have nightmares, you're like a dog. You make some distressed noises and kick your legs." He says with a grin. You sigh and close your eyes, pressing your head to his chest. "It's better than being stiff as a board though, 'cause that means you'll pick up on it and be all sweet and affectionate." You say. Your arms wrap around his torso like they would with a stuffed toy. "I'd say I'm rather affectionate regardless. You're just needy." He looks down at you and pushes your head out from his chest, kissing your forehead while his other hand slides up the back of your sweater and rests on the small of your back. You hum and twist the fabric of his tee-shirt between your pointer and thumb. "M'not needy." You roll your eyes and look up at him through your eyelashes. "If you insist." He says, closing his eyes and readying himself to delve back into a dreamless sleep. "Mhm..g'night, Fedya, I love you." You say, pressing a quick kiss to his lips that gets his eyes to open right back up. He kisses you back and smiles faintly. "Good night, Y/n, I love you too, sleep well." His arm drapes over your side with the blanket strewn messily over the both of you. Now you could sleep a little more peacefully with the reassurance of your lovers presence in your arms, and more importantly, his safety.

A/n; i speedran this tbh, so I'm sorry if it's not great. Also, would if I made like,,, a taglist would any of y'all wanna be on it because I see so many people do it and it looks cool but I've been too nervous to like say anything or ask bc I don't want people to be like "ew no wtf" THATS LITERALLY NOT GONNA HAPPEN BUT LIKE IDK I'm scared djsjjfjekekak

[whywhaatt]

"hey i'm bored" (isaacwhy x reader)

-

word count: 2.028

warnings: smut, unprotected sex, hand kink(kinda), degrading, light choking

a/n: this is my first fic😜 i didnt proof read it yet so hopefully i didn't misspell anything too badly

-

10 hours. 10 hours of sitting at this desk and playing on my computer. I've gone through almost every app or game that I have downloaded. I've checked every social media, watched the newest uploads of my friends, and I even read a random wikipedia article. It's around 2am now. I need to go to sleep. After turning off my computer, and taking my headset off and hanging it on the monitor, I walk towards my bed and grab my phone from my nightstand.

1:59 AM... god damn. I gotta fix my sleep schedule. Nahhh I know I won't. The lack of sleep is kicking in, it feels like 5 minutes go by of me just staring at my lock screen. Turns out it was just 30 seconds cus my phone automatically turned off. It takes me a minute to realize it, but the only reason I do is cus a notification pops up.

"wassup" - isaac💀

tf... it's 2am?!? Why is he texting me?

~

isaac: wassup

me: heyy

isaac: sorry it's late. im bored

me: bro i just laid down💀💀

isaac: can i come over? larry and tanner and annoying tf outa me rn

me: telling them you said that🗣️🗣️

isaac: bro pls. ion know if it's cus im tired but y'know how it is. i just need to get out of the house

me: yeah ion care, just let me know when you're here

isaac: bet

~

That was random, I guess Isaac's coming over now. He's been over before, but not like this. What if something happens? I'm probably just over thinking this. Am I shaved? Yeah, I'll be fine.

~

isaac: i'm here😜

isaac: weird emoji sorry

~

"Thanks for letting me come over, I needed to get out of the house" Isaac said, sitting down on my couch.

"Honestly, if I with all of those people I would have to leave all the time. So glad I live alone".

"Yeah well, I love them. It would be weird being away from them after this long of dealing with their shit." Isaac said, "So, what are we going to do"? I didn't think about that. I kinda just panicked for 10 minutes while he was driving here.

"I don't know, we could watch a movie or something?" I ask while tossing him the remote, "Move over, this isn't your apartment. I wanna sit". I sat down not too far away, but Isaac scutched closer and wrapped his free arm around me. His other hand had the remote in it, just scrolling through shit on Hulu.

"YO YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING CHAINSAW MAN"

"GOD ISAAC I HAVE NEIGHBORS"

"Oh shit sorry, I love Chainsaw Man. Have you seen me wearing that mask. I look so good in it man, look here I'll show you-". I had to cut him off.

"Isaac, I've seen the photo like 20 times. As much as I love how you look in it, I'm not looking at it again."

"Shut up and look at it" He holds my chin, forcing me to look at the picture on his phone. Damn. He is hot. I'm speechless. The fact his hand can easily grab my face like this, I wonder what else they can do. Looking up at him, my cheeks start to get hot a little bit. This eye contact is painful. I need this to go to more. My hand goes to the back of his neck, our faces slowly inching towards eachother. There's a pause, almost like we realized what is happening.

I close the distance. Just a light kiss, short and simple, but we both need more. Immediately, Isaac's hand pulls me in.

"God.. I-I need... you" I moan in between kisses. Isaac pulls back, and I whine at the loss of contact.

"What?"

"I can't tell if I'm just tired, but I need you so badly. Please Isaac." I am begging. BEGGING. For this man.

"You're so pathetic." He says right before kissing me again, this time more passionately, and his hand moving towards my neck. He squeezes softly, making sure it wasn't too much for me. I'm a moaning mess.

"Do you want to move to your bed?" Isaac questions before picking me up bridal style and carrying me towards my bedroom. My arms are wrapped around his neck while I'm looking up at him. I'm just looking at his eyes, he's so beautiful. He sets me down by the foot of me bed, so I'm standing with my arms around his neck. I always knew he was taller than me, but the height different is crazy. He looks twice my height, and he's still bending over to kiss me.

"Baby, go lay down. I'll take care of you". I almost moaned when I heard that. The things I would let this man do to me is insane, ever since I've met him the list has been getting longer and longer.

I'm laying down my bed, when suddenly my feet are pulled and my legs are dangling off the side. Isaac takes his sweet time pulling down my Nike shorts, teasing me slightly over my panties. I need him to hurry up and get straight to the point cus this is unbearable. Again, he slowly takes off my panties and just barely touches my pussy. The tiniest bit of contact makes me shiver and whine for more.

And like that, Isaac's eyes look up at me as he starts eating me out. He keeps looking and studying my every reaction until he gets the one he wants out of me. Remember when I asked what his hands could do? Well, I found out. As his tongue is focused on my clit, he slowly puts two fingers into my hole. I have to cover my mouth with my hand so I don't scream.

With his fingers thrusting in and out of me and his tongue working wonders on my clit, I know I won't last long like this. My eyes are stuck shut, with one hand over my mouth and the other holding his hair back. My thighs are practically crushing Isaac's head at this point.

"Isaac, I cant" I'm panting in between moans, "I'm so close". As I finish my sentence, everything stops. I whine and whimper, needing more stimulation.

Isaac moves from below my torso to standing at the foot of my bed. He slips his shirt over his head, leans down and puts me back into the spot I was before. Then continues to undress himself right before me. His body is gorgeous. I cant stop staring at him as he gets on top of me, kissing me softly. I can taste myself on his lips.

He breaks the kiss and slides my shirt over my head, exposing my chest. The cold air hit me all of a sudden, making me shiver for a little bit. It feels weird to be fully exposed to Isaac. The closest we've ever gotten to this is almost kissing on New Year's, but we both realized we've just had a little too much to drink and we backed off. I guess Isaac notices me thinking, cus he stops everything and looks down at me.

"Babe, you okay? You can tell me to stop at anytime, I want you to be comfortable" he says, it was the most serious he's sounded all night (well I guess morning). "We can stop if you'd like, I'm sorry I rushed all of this-"

"No keep going, I just got lost in my thought. Thank you for caring for me, Isaac." I pause my sentence to kiss his lips softly, "I'm having a good time". Isaac nodded and continued kissing my neck, leaving little marks every now and again. His hand creeped up, massaging my left breast, and his mouth making his way towards my right. When his tongue made contact with my nipple, I let out a slight moan and let my eyes close softly. My brain feels fuzzy, probably from the lack of sleep, but I love it. It feels like I'm high, but in the cringy "high on life" way.

"I have a condom in my nightstand" I blurt out, "but I'm on the pill so if you don't have anything you can go without it". His head perks up from my chest, looking almost as excited as a kid in a candy store.

"Really?" he asks excitedly. Yup, exactly like a kid. I nod my head yes and Isaac immediately moves to get himself into position. He lines himself up, looking up at me in my eyes, and slowly inserts himself into me. Both of our mouths fly open, releasing a string of moans and whines. Isaac was bigger than I expected, but he feels so good inside of me.

After a couple of second of staying still so I can get used to his size, Isaac starts to move. My hands move to hold on to Isaac's shoulders as he slowly moves in and out of me. I push his head down to kiss me to try and muffle my moans, but it barely does anything.

"Faster, please, please go faster" I beg, with our faces so close we're practically sharing breathes. His pace speeds up and my head relaxes back into the pillow. I can feel myself getting closer and closer by the second.

The room is filled with random moans or praises from either one of us, not being able to hear anything else. If Isaac didn't wake my neighbors earlier, then they're definitely awake now. Honestly, I could care less if I get a noise complaint.

"Isaac- Oh my- I'm- I'm getting close" I moan out between breathes. His hand moves from behind me to my neck, lightly choking me. My mouth flies open from the new pressure on my neck. Isaac, seeing the opportunity, takes over my mouth. Inserting his tongue and immediately dominates my mouth. I'm being so loud right now, and I don't care.

"Isaac, I'm about to- I'm 'bout to cum. Please Isaac. Oh my god please." I gasp out with the air I have.

"Do it. Cum for me, baby. You're so amazing" Isaac moans into my ear, loosening his grip on my neck a little. My nails digging so far into his back, they could leave scars. My head flies back, eyes rolling to the back of my head, and toes curl. A wave of pleasure rolls over my body as I cum with Isaac still going inside of me.

"Just a little bit more, baby, hold on for me. Please baby, you're doing so good for me." Isaac lets out as his hand lets go to steady himself on the bed, getting the pace back to how he needs it. While overstimulated, I try my best to hold tight for Isaac.

He's close. I can tell. Not too much longer, Isaac comes inside of me. All of his body weight crushed on top of me, feeling like a weighted blanket. A wave of praises came out of Isaac as he caught his breathe.

"Let's get you cleaned up"

-

After we took a very, very long and slow shower together, we laid down in bed together just cuddling.

"The house is asking where I'm at, Imma tell them I'm staying here for the night if thats okay with you" Isaac asks.

"Yeah, it's perfectly fine." I reply, "Random question, well two actually."

"Hit me."

"Okay so one: did you mean for this to end up like this? And was this technically a booty call or whatever?"

"Okay, first off I'm not liked that. But I realize it looks like it. Nah, I just wanted to hang out with you. It was just one of those late night and I'm bored situations"

"Okay, great, umm and two: what does this make us now?"

"Wow, umm.. hard question. I don't know. What do you want to be?"

"Maybe more than friends, I really like you Isaac." I confess, just staring into his eyes through the dark. He leans in and kisses me.

"Will you be with me?"

a/n: i hope you liked this:P my requests are currently open so make sure to leave some if you have any!!

[welovetesvkaidan]

OPINIONS ON KAIDAN EE/IF???

My honest reaction:

in all seriousness, if you wanna hear me yap about it, more under the cut

warning like, genuinely a ginormous yap, like a HUMUNGOUS, sleep-deprived yap,,, im cursed to be obsessed with skyrim + modded followers instead of touching grass

I think a lot of this is probably gonna be the same thing other people have said, so im sorry

if you feel i'm gonna be bringing up redundant points and get mad at me😓dont read

I haven't experienced and thus won't talk about the versions of EE and IF that are now separate mods from each other. I don't know anything about that.

if they're better now yayyy but this is about pre-separation

I should preface this with the fact that I've played through Skyrim 3 times with different stages of Kaidan EE/IF:

The initial Dawnguard + fixes/miscs mod

Kaidan EE/IF versions before extensive faction/NPC dialogue for Kaidan

EE/IF w/ NPC Dialogue (AKA Fratpack)

I was also part of the two different discords that were purged and created during these intervals. i don't even know if there is a discord currently?

anyway, that is to say that I have experienced the mod and it's behind-the-scenes progress, extensively so I have a pretty good idea of what I liked and didn't like

That being said, I will introduce probably my biggest problems with it: Tonal whiplash

Okay, well the most common complaint is ofc that a lot of the writing is out of character - and I agree. But it's not just ooc on paper, it's his voice too. I swear, it is very jarring hearing hushed, mild og Kaidan 2 voicelines, and then being deafened by EE Kaidan SCREAMING in my ear ALL.THE.TIME. (like... why are you yelling at me rn jeez)

Seriously. I'm not sure why they didn't just re-record everything from the original mod instead of adding more and more contradicting lines on top of the originals. It definitely could have been a standalone mod, and sometimes it almost feels like it is - because he is just so different.

My most infamous moment in my last playthrough with him happened after we defeated the dragon at Kynesgrove. His og Kaidan 2 dialogue played first, in it he shows interest and is cordial about Delphine ("I wouldn't mind prodding her mind" or whatver dialogue), THEN immediately after his Kaidan EE/IF dialogue will play, in which he walks up to Delphine and STARTS YELLING AT HER AND INSULTING HER - like they argue for quite a bit wtf. And it's like, listen, I have my thoughts about Delphine, but whether or not it was okay to yell at her isn't the problem. It would be fine - IF he hadn't just calmly told me he thought she was okay.

It is sooo confusing how he contradicts himself :(

I mean, yeah, fragments of who he is are still there, I can tell it's Kaidan, but he's warped to fit a different character. Like a con-artist Kaidan.

Anyway, besides the contradictions, it also feels out of character because of his established backstory.

Let's go over it: He's an orphan, lost his only connection to his family(his guardian) to drugs, fell into substances himself, joined a violent cult, had to escape said cult, came clean from his addictions, has been traveling Tamriel bounty-hunting, got brutally attacked by the Thalmor, rescued by mere chance. Do you honestly mean to tell me this man would be yelling, pissing, drinking, lewding, and joking his ass off?? After all that???? NO - or maybe not these levels of extreme. (maybe some other dude might, but Kaidan's characterization insists he is a brooding, keeps-to-himself man, even though he never acts like it anymore)

That man should be tired, and he did feel like he was tired in the original. He was more brooding then than he is now, usually silent, but could still have an edge of comedy/wittiness, he was smart, he had been through a lot!

In that regard, EE/IF Kaidan felt like... we are experiencing Kaidan 10 years in the past - like a Kaidan in his early 20s when he was still a drunkard low-key terrible person. He is just so energetic, always yapping - GOD he talks a lot now. ugh but most of the time it wasn't about anything, it was either inside-jokes, meta jokes, and only occasionally did we get things that added to the experience.

For example, I think most of us who have played Kaidan 2 remember at least one specific line he has said while exploring. What comes to mind for me is either "Can you smell the magicka in the air too? Smells like a rainless thunderstorm." or "Watch for the mammoth with the carvings on their tusks, that's how the giants mark their herd." Alright, both pretty nice small talk for characterization (he IS smart) and worldbuilding.

Tbh i can't really remember any iconic lines from the additions of EE/IF Kaidan... the only two lines that stood out for me were: the "elevenses" line from the clip above (started bumping into him every time he was about to say this so he would stfu... total tonal dissonance), and one he said while I looted Lucky Lorenz ("poor sod wasn't as lucky as his namesake would have you believe!") kai HOW do you know this man, and his nickname, who told you that??? (idc about it that much but its like the only other added line i remember)

I thought that maybe his ooc-iness might have been caused due to the collaborative approach of the mod, I think the mod authors created their own perfect Kaidan - and that's good for them! It takes a shit ton of work (Ik cuz i was there!!) But I think the original essence was lost with each addition. It might have been lack of direction for the voice acting too, a lot of the lines might have hit better if they weren't borderline screamed.

Okay, at some point while playing I got so tired of his constant himbo chit-chatter that I tried tuning him out and bringing other npcs from vanilla skyrim as followers. Problem: even without kaidan on your party, everything starts being about kaidan. Because the extension made it so that Kaidan either has history with/character interactions and development with different NPCs from the base game.

The main poor sods that traveled with me:

Erik the Slayer: Apparently was Kaidan's childhood friend, got inspired by Kaidan to become an adventurer. Least egregious in my opinion, they say sweet things to each other. I swear, Kaidan yells more at me than he ever did at Erik.

The Companions: dumb, dumber, and dumbest basically.. This part of EE/IF was also known as "The Fratpack" and y e a h they pretty much had Vilkas, Kaidan, and Farkas acting like immature frat boys all the time. Just,, absulutely taking away all the maturity out of these GROWN ASS MEN. im sorry, i guess i dont get the appeal. I liked it when they didn't behave like teens (Aela im so sorry, you deserved better than being part of this)

Lydia: All she does is simp for him, ALL.THE.TIME. You think she's about to have a meaningful thing to say? nope, she's checking out Kaidan's ass. Think she'll have a deep convo with another npc about one another? nope! she wants them to tell her all about Kaidan. Both the Companions and Erik will either talk down to her or have to deal with her thirst for Kaidan. i had to start leaving her home.

They also suffered from the same tonal whiplash as Kaidan, unfortunately

additionally, the mod added an "early flirt switch" - you could basically toggle Kaidan to start showing romantic affection for the Dragonborn before the amulet of mara., the interactions were good on paper, but everytime he stammered and stumbled over his words it was written in such an unnatural way... pls people don't talk like fanfics lol !!!

I did like that he gave me flowers, my inventory got full of them - but then he noticed how many flowers I had in my inventory and judged me for "picking everything i see" ugh dude you gave them to me, but also even if you hadnt... mind your business lol

Another addition was a feature that basically made it so NPCs could potentially throw flirtatious comments at Kaidan and the Dragonborn (Bishop flashbacks😨)

You can't do anything to defend Kaidan from those comments, but he WILL take it upon himself to defend your honor infront of any men, women, jarls, or criminals that even so much as find you attractive (THIS INCLUDES FARKAS AND VILKAS BTW :( ) by being rude, forthcoming, AND violent. so yea, you can guess the target audience

speaking of which, he definitely comes on too strong on you once you start the romance, and it left a bad taste in my mouth. I specifically picked the "go slow" option for the romance, and the next day or two it was him constantly complaining about having to go slow under his breath, how he wanted to do anything but slow rn... and like just, wow. :/ yikeees lmao

Maybe this is the result of "i can fix him" romance ideals? im sorry but I liked him when he was down to earth

Bonus? He comes with a campsite now, which has to be magic because its ginormous and he somehow lugs it around despite it also coming with a whole ass furnace (fine fine i'll hold my disbelief)

anyway I do like it, its basically a player house you can take anywhere (so long as kai is with you ig) also you can have a cat in there

I like that there is an MCM, I like that the MCM lets you get through the quest stages in case you get stuck

I like that he can guide you places, usually he gets stuck in a tree or rock but its the thought that counts

I think if the mod had continued in the vein as its original iteration when it was just audio/bug fixes and included these qol features it would have been better than it is now.

But it seems maybe i'm just not the target audience, and as a young woman I'm really confused as who the target audience is 😓

okay im srry rant over

if anyone else wants me to yap about other kaidan skyrim things also ask or join in cuz i like yapping about skyrim and kaidan to people!!!

[killbaned]

okay. OKAY. OH.KAY.

so.

can't get the a/c done where i took it they are taking the 178$ charge for that off the tire bill. however. i just got a call like 30 mins ago that muh fuckin tire rods on my front tires are in abysmal condition. L. they offered to just rip em off and push em back (he said they're like, locked up? i forget what specific word he used but basically they should be easy to remove/move+move in relation to the tire and mine. are not) and that they could, technically, finish the tire replacement without them.

but the alignment and balance and everything is all fucked up to hell without it so i was like well. yeah i'm not gonna just do this halfway.

it's like 420$. for two tie rods. robloxoof.mp3

i can. technically afford this? that's basically what i'm saving on the tires themselves (99$/tire versus 248$/tire) it just puts the a/c even more in question because i don't. have a quote for that yet.

i know what they were gonna charge me for an a/c check and recharge, i do not know if that includes actually fixing the damn thing bc the guy today said he didn't want to give me numbers either way when he wasn't even sure the job could be done.

anyway! guy about the tie rods said he could try and get the parts in to finish tonight but they close at six and it was already like 4:15 (i started writing this post a bit ago ooops) and like. bro i'm tired. i'm tried i'm cranky my guts are bad. i know they were backed up today anyway and i was like "look just do what you gotta do and give me a call tomorrow about it, no rush man."

dude was like "w-really? you sure?" but i think he may have been relieved as hell. but also that like customer service confusion when someone is being not just reasonable but almost out of their way nice?

joke on you buddy i just wanna exit waiting mode and get in bed and i can't do that if i'm waiting to see if you call again! i am not nice!

anyway. today has been emotionally taxing with the car thing and my health thing and the FUCKING COMPUTER thing (has been on for three hours now tho?) im about to take more pepto and i think i'm gonna feed the dogs really fucking early since i'm kinda supervising mom making her own dinner rn before i can reheat my food anyway.

[archived-yiptsu]

idk man it's one of those nights 😭

I'm so tired of constantly fighting w myself over whether to take my meds or not. like.. logically yes!! they're good!! they fix quite a few of my issues

on the other hand. I lose all motivation. like rn I've been putting off writing new chapters for my fics because I literally have zero motivation. I mean it's not the meds directly which are causing it, I've always sorta been like this. only really capable of making stuff during manic episodes or the occasional times when I feel decently okay

I dunno. logically I don't wanna sacrifice my mental health for this community but impulsively I absolutely would without hesitation

[rupkathawashere]

Every little thing around me has been exploding lately. From having to react on posts of people getting into my dream school to having to see my man prioritize others over me and make me feel like a loser. It's just getting on my nerves. Making me feel helpless.

My friend is a mess, I can't help or save her either. I'm on the verge of that stupid mountain again. It's getting super hard to keep fighting rn.

I miss you. I do. But I'm also very tired of this never ending pattern. I don't like it when you're with her but I can't even say it cause it'll hurt you. I can't get my mind out of what we did that day. Everytime you touched me, kissed my body or just held me was so fucking special. I want that forever. And that's literally what the issue is. I want you forever. I want to call you mine.

However, I can't help but think about how you see me. As a loser or burden. While she's one of the most successful people you know, I'm just a mess rotting in my bed everyday. But I try. I promise I'm trying. I'm trying to become better. I don't wanna lose you in this process. I can deny it all I want but I love you. I wanna keep loving you. I just want you to love me back, make efforts so that I can trust you again, make me feel safe so we can fix this. Please. Don't make me leave you once and for all. Please don't let me go. Hold me back please. I'll be all yours. Always and forever.

[soconfusedwithmylife]

see that was my exact problem like not that hawks cant be non angsty and good but like spinner is SO pre-wolf jacob like he is the one whining about having to tell tomura to stay off touya cause his dad gave him 20 bucks, fixing bikes with him, hating on sam uley for taking his friends away (i dont have the mental strength to sort a sam rn) but like after he transforms he is SO HAWKS, the banter, the snark, the if you dont kiss me rn i just might go kms idk, UGH. and touya is like perfect edward cause everyone thinks they are like cool as a cucumber but in their head its kermit in a washing machine while something like last resort or bring me to life plays. and like tomura and bella look a frail human but they'll do shit like casually slice their arm surrounded by vampires and everyone's like 'oh you are unhinged, actually'. idk man i feel like im letting all the shigahawks stans out there, you know? all five of them! i feel like it could work if it was like, leant more into the banter side. like kevin thought tomura was pretty and he is also fun to hang out with but like after new moon he is like 'oh!! he's crazy too!!! <333' and tomura's like 'ive done like REAL stupid shit since we met do you have some issues' and kevin's like 'oh!! you wanna fix me so bad <33' like basically, edward's angrier, jacob's slightly mellower and bella is just REALLY tired. ive invested too much on this oh my god look away loOK AWAY LOOK AWAY

I literally love you omg. See, now you're making me want to marathon all of the movies tonight.

From what I can remember of the movies, you're so right about pre-wolf Jacob being spinner. 100% such a good boy. Then hawks being post-transfermation Jacob? 🥴 Bro, I love your brain fr. I freaking cackled with the Kermit in a washing machine while last resort plays. Dead ⚰️ I'm just dead cause you're so freaking right, that it hurts lmao.

I would love to see the flip flopping between them that bella does. Like, I can totally see Touya going "adios ✌️ *fades into oblivion*" and hawks swooping in like a bird of prey to save tomura from himself.

(The 'I might just kms if you don't kiss me' and the 'you wanna fix me so bad' got my heart going ngl. I love toxic stuff like that and it fits them so well 😩)

[chrisbangs]

.

[alfredolover119]

oKAY i am back so it is time for the next random question:

top five jjk characters you would want as a sibling and top five you would Not want 👀

finally one i can answer with this guy as number 1:

1. choso. obviously this is so so so obvious. he is the best brother ever. Ever. he actually IS my brother

2. nobara. i mean c'mon she is ACHING for some good sister time. she would be the best sister ever wtf. she would help me dye my hair and we would paint each other's nails and bully each other to no end. sapphic on sapphic sibling violence etc etc.

3. geto. i think if he had siblings he would be a normal person ((idk if he has siblings i don't remember that from the manga. i don't think he did.)) aka I Could Fix Him. like if he had siblings then he would've been used to hating/loving someone, sharing the spotlight with them, etc etc. not that that is what made him go 😵‍💫😵‍💫 but. i think if he had sibling he would've had more endurance. I COULD HAVE FIXED HIM.

4. YUUTA!!! i wanna be his bro. i wanna run into him in the kitchen at 4am. i wanna ruffle his hair and make fun of him. i wanna hug him in a familial way. i know there's not a lot known about his parents n all but. idk i think we could be bestie siblings. plus rika as a curse in law? sick /pos.

5. panda. i think it would be fun to play mariokart with him. he would be such a sore loser. i would pummel him. but also he already acts like Such A Brother. man.

5 i do NOT want as siblings, in no particular order

- gojo. absolutely the fuck not. i am already a youngest sibling with two very tired out older parents i could not stand having such an attention whore as my brother. like i know it isn't all intentional on his part but. absolutely not. i would be sewer slidal. i would join geto's cult just because i would hate gojo so much. out of all the relations to have w him i think sibling would be the worst. the six eyes infinity thing would just really suck to be around. i love him but. Not like a brother

- maki & mai. does this need explanation. i am not touching the zen'in clan with a 50 foot pole. sorry girlies i'm gonna have to sit this one out.

- megumi & tsumiki fushiguro. similar reasoning. i hate toji so much and i know they do too but. they are much stronger people than me i could not go through what they did. plus tsumiki is in a coma (or... yknow. culling games etc etc idk what's going on in manga rn) so that would be very sad. and megumi would be very fun to bully but he doesn't need to be my brother for us to do that.

- noritoshi kamo. i almost put him on my top list but he's a bastard child (affectionate) so we'd probably have a half-sibling thing going on or something like that. idk i don't remember much about the kamo clan. but i deeply feel that he would not like me. also i think he has siblings in canon (?? i literally might be making this up)) and they have not fixed him so i doubt i could either 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 although that haircut in 190 was sick. maybe he is healing (saying fuck u to his family)

- nanami. he has great only-child energy. i don't know what i mean by that but it's true. i don't wanna rain on his parade.

[tojikai]

Every time I get a notification for PM I'm instantly filled with joy, fear, and despair all rolled up into one. Never stop writing please 🥹

I really wanna know what Gojo is taking to make him so bold. Because the absolute audacity that this man has had me seething at this point. STOP TOUCHING Y/N AS SHE'S SLEEPING YOU STALKER. The fact that he realizes how much his presence is damaging to y/n and yet he hasn't distanced himself for her is hilarious. (I loved the illustration with the needle) So he knows he is the problem and yet he's still there.

Wow so now we're trying to kiss people who we aren't dating as they're sleeping 😃 Also nobody asked for you to "fix y/n" she's not a project for you to inflate your little ego with. Nobody asked for your help either.

Gojo shut up. Just shut up. You sound so stupid rn. You literally need to stop talking so that others don't catch your stupid. You're at a hospital maybe you need to go get that checked out before it's too late. Actually it might be too late he seems too far gone already.

I really do love how everyone's like if only Gojo saw the damage that he caused when he left and how he destroyed y/n's life when he in fact knows but isn't doing the one thing that will help y/n to heal. I'm tired of people being nice to this man. Just leave him. Drop him from y'all's lives he's not worth it.

I think y/n getting mad is the only thing that's going to knock some sense into Gojo. I mean think about it he's either going to understand and distance himself or he's going to be upset at y/n and no longer want anything to do with her. Since he claims he knows so much about her 🙄 I mean it's a win win situation.

Give Suguru an award for being the only man we know so far in this story with some common sense. The only problem I have with him at this point is him not fighting hoetoru. Like as soon as we get a fight, hand in marriage sir. He's saying all the words I want to say. YES KING KICK GOJO OUT. We are making such beautiful progress with getting this man out of our lives and I love every minute of it. I've never felt any romantic feelings or affection towards Geto before this story and I can't say that I'm mad about it.

The fact that y/n dropped a lot of her previous behaviors and habits for Gojo but he wasn't willing to drop his feelings for a girl for high school really bothers me. Like maybe their relationship was doomed from the start because only one person was really giving in their relationship. Or maybe it's just me idk 🤷🏽‍♀️.

Oop I finally got to the end. I ju- wow. I have words at this point. I genuinely don't know what to say. I knew Gojo was stupid. I knew he was. But I didn't think it was this bad. Oh I can't wait for this next chapter. This is gonna be really good.

ooohh i bet some hot teasss gonna get spilled if satosugu like really fight LMAO geto's been stopping himself from decking satoru bc yn didn't want it to be the reason for their fight :> and yeah, it's really sad, how yn made herself better for him in those 5 years they were together, only for him to leave her for someone else :'((

[makadragontamer]

So, I am reading @deadcatwithaflamethrower OaLC for the, like, fourth time or something and I noticed a Thing and am now having Thinky Thoughts about it. It's like, two on the morning, these are gonna be a bit Rambly. Anyway.

What I noticed was that Nizar said something along the lines of "Edward black is terrified of hurting other people, I'm gonna have to fix that" (super paraphrasing, I've been up too long to check the actual line, it's somewhere in the first part) and, to my eternal delight/consternation, I, strenuously, disagree.

Delight because it makes the character feel so much more Real when you can disagree with them, especially when you know where they're coming from. Consternation because I have developed a bit of a Button regarding popular media's insistence that one must be willing/able to hurt another person to be Badass or even worth telling a story about. I, myself, am a soft spoken tender hearted fool and often find the characters I most relate to stripped of the very thing I related so much too, an unwillingness and/or inability to hurt another person, in the name of "growth".

Which is not to criticize the story, I Love it to bits and pieces, I mean, I've read it Multiple times. And beyond that, I Really get where Nizar (I really hope I've been spelling that right) is coming from, his time was Full of conflict AND he's teaching Defense AND they're literally in the middle of a war. Also, I was genuinely delighted to run across something I would disagree with him on AND that I found something new in the story on this reread. (Side note, I would Love to have this debate with Nizar, like, in person. I think it would be fun and also a Big Clash of, like, modern vs historical sensibilities. Cause, like, for Nizar, being able a willing to defend yourself was a necessary skill, you Had to have it AND (I'm pretty sure please don't yell at me if I'm wrong, but do gently correct cause I love learning, especially about history) that the 13/14 years old that Edward is in the story rn is, hmmmm, I don't wanna say closer to being an Adult, but, like, Distinctly Different to how I, a modern individual, would look at someone of that age and Immediately go A Child, so, like, while Nizar isn't exactly Happy that his class is necessary, he's less inclined to coddle and more inclined to throw them in the deep end (while waiting on the sidelines ready to dive in a help) and push for them to get comfortable with violence.) (I would also argue that a. Defense is mandatory for this year so forcing kids to get comfortable hurting people at this point when it's a required class is unfair and b. Running, as Nizar himself said, is always a viable option and, if they don't wanna run from a battle, there are all sorts of ways to be useful there Without needing to hurt someone, such as getting their friends out of danger (also, I Know that edward is a gryffindor, but Assuming that just because he's a gryff means that he Wants to fight is shortsighted and, also, discounts the bravery of those who go through life and refuse to hurt people (not that I know enough about edward as a character to state as to whether or not he Wants to work past that discomfort and be a traditional protector, it was more the fact that Nizar's first instinct was to do that and not to talk to edward about what kind of defense skills HE would want and use (though I will cut the man some slack, he was a painting, like, three weeks before or something))

Mostly this is tired excited flailing and also cemented to myself that OaLC is something I will Always come back and reread to see both what I missed the previous times and how the way my personality changes with age change the way I see and interact with the story.

It's a Really Good Story y'all

[brynfelan]

PFFFFFFT WAIT REALLY?! Listen hurt/comfort is my fav trope, I CAN KEEP GOING. NO LIES. Alright then here's another one! I think KuzuKomaHina would be interesting here, but if you're not comfortable with that then just Komahina is also great! (I'm a multishipper and my pain is immense. Gotta spread the love.) This could be either Non-despair...or Pre-despair depending on how much you wanna kill people. Heehee.

Hinata and Izuru are twins and both go to Hope's Peak, Izuru in the main course and Hinata in the reserve course. Hinata meets Izuru's hell class and they all warm up to him eventually, plus they feel bad for him. Izuru's an overgrown cat and Hinata's basically his babysitter, god bless his soul. Everything's somewhat hunky dory, because that Reserve vs Main course divide creates enough tension to be a problem. Then main class 78 is assembled, and Junko's batshit crazy and ready to drum up despair.

She still decides to try and break class 77, throw suspicion off of her and Mukuro, but there aren't any obvious cracks to be exploited within the class...until she sees the bonds they've all made with Hinata, Natsumi, and Sato. So Junko starts doing her despair schtick with those three, but mainly Hinata. I mean, mentally breaking the brother of the Ultimate Hope AND the boyfriend of one or two of the Ultimate Hope's classmates AT THE SAME TIME? That's the best first round of despair you can get, so Junko goes hard and all-in from the get-go with Hinata. She also starts with Natsumi and Sato, because their past is ROUGH and a great second round of despair for class 77.

But Hinata is her main focus. And when Hinata starts acting weird, class 77 don't know what's going on. Whether they figure out and save Hinata from Junko's plan or fall to Junko's game one by one is up to you...

multishipping is where it’s AT babeeey. i ship both hajime and fuyuhiko with ANYBODY that makes them happy, that’s it that’s my thing. and i like komahina. i like kuzuhina. kuzukomahina? that sounds IDEAL.

but oh man i love hajime and izuru being brothers? like, so much? and hajime as an honorary/adopted member of class 77b? my FRIEND this is too good.

izuru is 100% the first to notice what’s up. he lives with hajime, sees him all the fucking time, and on top of everything is the ultimate Everything. he doesn’t know WHAT’S up with hajime, but he does notice that hajime’s colder and spending less time with everybody. he blows off fuyuhiko and nagito (and they both take it VERY differently. nagito’s like “ah, it seems I’m not even good enough for a reserve course student, I am a bug!” and fuyuhiko is pissed off and basically yells at izuru to get his fucking brother in check), but then when they do see him he’s all weird and shit both fuyuhiko and nagito start hatching a plan to figure out what’s going on. izuru is in on it, because that’s his brother and he hates not knowing shit.

so uh, basically they start stalking hajime. they follow him around, take notes, like if this wasn’t his boyfriends and his brother this would be creepy as shit. slowly people start to ask where hajime is, or what’s up with him because like... dude’s usually one of the nicest motherfuckers out there and he’s gotten really fucking blunt recently. hell, sometimes he even gets mean, agreeing with nagito about him being worthless, that kinda shit and that’s when everybody really notices something is UP.

it ends up essentially becoming a class-wide thing, where they all report back to either izuru, nagito or fuyuhiko after seeing hajime. izuru is kinda the brains here, taking all the information he can get and analysing it, but it’s nothing he’s seen before ever.

and then one day, everybody’s wandering around the school grounds, and finds the stairway. when the walk through there, which is hajime’s idea, he disappears. like, off the face of the earth. it basically runs the same way as in the anime when chiaki is captured by junko, but instead he’s there willingly to show everybody he loves this beautiful thing called despair. he knows he’s going to die, and he loves it.

as shown previously though, izuru can’t be kept in one place if he doesn’t want to be there. ultimate escape artist who? anyway, when he hears junko’s voice, he knows what the fuck is up, he knows some shit’s about to go down if they don’t intervene immediately. the man manages to get them out of there, and starts running. everybody’s running with him (except for teruteru who’s complaining that he’s too short to go as fast as everybody else lmao). unfortunately, this is not anime izuru and he doesn’t know the layout of the place, but he does remember exactly where hajime disappeared and uses that to help him.

when they do find hajime, he’s basically bleeding out and he’s fucking pleased about it. he starts saying a load of really mean shit to fuyuhiko and nagito, how he hates them and shit, and it’s taking everything for fuyuhiko not to just deck him. yeah he’s dying, but he’s also being a massive douche?

most of the class carry hajime to the nurse’s office, so that mikan can stabilise him. izuru, nagito and fuyuhiko absolutely have more business in this building. using some logic that i am too tired to figure out because it’s nearly 6 in the morning rn they find junko, who blames mukuro entirely for everything going wrong. it isn’t mukuro’s fault, but that’s not the point here at all. she’s got the brainwashing video ready anyway, and starts going to play it when nagito just fuckin tackles her. this scrawy twink literally throws himself at junko at full force. fuyuhiko is restraining mukuro and izuru stops the video from playing.

back with hajime, when they were transporting him back to somewhere that he can be treated properly, juzo probably saw them and went in to try and find junko because they’ve got their whole thing. he walks in to find a skinny twink and a shortass restraining the Ultimate Despairs, and the human embodiment of a cat fucking with a brainwashing video. it would be hilarious if a student didn’t nearly just die.

either way, hajime gets stabilised but he’s still Royally Fucked Up and has to be basically restrained to stop him from trying to get back to Junko. Junko and Mukuro get fucking arrested (this will later cause media uproar because everybody loves Junko, but that’s not the focus here), and Izuru has to come up with a way to fix his brother.

I’m gonna leave that here because I need fukin SLEEP and maybe come back to it when I’m less dead but i am a sucker for a happy ending after a load of angst so for now ya get a happy(ish) ending, with everybody alive! for now!

[toriliashine]

Kokich FTE NOTES TIME

CH1: (with kayaday)

Ouma: I dont wanna die ;;;;_;;;;;

Kaede: wHELP TIME TO STAY BY HIS SIDE, I WANT TO.

You tried preventing him from doing somethingg stupid aksnbkn COME ONNN.

Why so off putting to him come onn. I'd never turn down an invitation from you kaede ;))) KIDDING THATS A LIE. king okay. self sabotager master.

Does he truly recognise her face?? Hi guys welcome to my conspiracy theory what if Kaede's twin sister is the missing 10th dice member from his motive video and THATS WHYYY. What if part of the story he told is semi-true and his sister tired to sell him out to escape trouble but then got removed from the group and tHAT'S WHY SHE'S NOT IN THE MOTIVE VIDEO WHILE THE ORIGINAL GROUP NUMBER IS MENTIONED.

He enjoys being chased.

Hey queen , wanna work with me when we escape? I see huuuggeee potential in you! I know you could do it!

Join my organisation <3. Be my agent. Join me and we could do as we please to this stupid world, we could sit on top of it and look down on everyone else, or even light it up and watch it burn together!

King just say SHEESH - it's easier akndskjnzf.

king looked at the pianist and said SHEESH - join my org, i've known u for two days max but join me rn ur great and influential and i-

Kaede: it's common sense to not believe your talent

Kokichi: how sure are you that your perception of 'common sense' is the right one? get her ass a.fsbzsjd

Okay but i seriously love their talk about common sense and reconsidering what they see as fixed, it's short but so good.

I love you Kaede queen but the grape is right. You need to reconsider stuff or ur gonna get in trouble soon :(

'You know I'm only saying this because I care about you Kaede' - OKAY GRAPE BOI, JUST SAY SHEESH. Still this is the most upfront ive seen him so far akjsn.

'but dont come crying back when things dont go your way' - cruel to be kind method. i see.

But they're really pushing the " Kokichi is the antag" thing man im aknfdks. It's chapter one we know hardly anything abt anyone and kaede, the leader and all round understander and wanter of the best in people. somehow is thinking of not liking him already? Mans has been BREATHING.

extra notes They should have had more time together!!!!

Kaede doesn't like things that don't make sense to her and Kokichi is v willing to point that out. Yet she's still a leader and still learns as much as she can about the other classmates. Their relationship growing would've been so good, having someone with a fixed mindset having to change it due to a living anomaly would have been so good.

KLsndkbs the way he didn't say 'It's a lie' after the whole, you know 'im doing this because i care abt you' - I'm.

Their dynamic had so much potential and i really wish they had more time to grow because mann

[anababypls]

Listening to Bush and flooding my system with nicotine because I'm so fucking tired rn. I just wanna go home and sleep damnit. I'm over work rn and normally I enjoy the challenge of figuring things out but having assholes yelling at you because of shit entirely in their control and out of yours wears you out man. Like honestly people should have to work customer service once in their life so they understand what it's like being on the other side of things. Like what does yelling at me do??? Like literally what is it going to fix. You're mad, now I'm mad and I still can't do anything about it. Why do people push their problems off on others like it's not my fault lol and while I'm full in for phones being declared a necessity and being subsidized somehow like I don't have that power and acting like a crazy person and yelling at them for an hour isn't going to change the fact that the policies are what they are jfc.