#i'm the worst™ . /
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The scene where WoTW and Howl were running across the yard might have been so confusing and creepy though the Megan's point of view.
Imagine sitting at home, minding your business, washing dishes or playing in the yard, and suddenly this weird-looking lady, dressed as she just escaped from some kind of really unique and rich troop, wearing a dark, gorgeous, medieval-like dress and high heels, that's almost impossible to buy at the store nowadays just... appears before your eyes.
She stands on the grass, leaning on the swing and you're already reaching for your home phone to call the police because how the hell did she find a way into your house?? Except you didn't have enough time to do it because right after that some kind of weird, physical force starts dragging you to this strange, creepy woman, and you want to tell her to go to hell with her stupid tricks, but you can't.
And you kids, waking right alongside you, cannot do anything, too. You can't all possibly be mad, can you?
An when it starts to get even weirder and unavoidable, your jobless, potential-losing piece of a brother, comes into a scene, jumping through the damn fence, dressed in the same weird-looking costume, as If he escaped the same wery troupe (seriously, If you weren't so worried about your kids and unnatural forces right now, you'd think what would happen If people saw this atrociously long sleeves and eye-burning colours), and just...runs at the mysterious woman right away, dragging away your daughter in some kind of sport-like movement. Your brother and the woman then start running across the yard in the most ridiculous way possible.
The force stops. Your brother and the woman go out of sight. You take your kids into the house and pretend this never, ever happened in your lifes.
#look I'm a big fan of “Howl tells Megan and his other fam about Ingary eventually”#BUT REALISTICALLY#this situation is like the worst possible to tell them about it#like “oh yeah this woman you saw was a really powerful witch who wanted to take captive and probably unalive you all#“... because I jilted her a year ago and she didn't like it. Now she thinks she has to destroy everything I love to get me to fight her...”#“...and also I'm a wizard in a magical fairytale other world country btw”#Like sorry but I don't think he'd do that#he's a slither-outer#after all#like he won't just tell everyone everything in their faces#ESPECIALLY when it's his respectable™ sister#(with all my love for Meg)#so it's even more interesting for me to look at the excuses he could come up with in this citation#he can be like guys I joined that magician crew without telling you#and there's was this really strange woman#and one day she's just suddenly gone crazy#and she somehow got into your yard and I run after her in my really cool stage costume and#and she... specialises on you know psychological tricks#so she was able to put this magic trick up#and ehehe I saved everyone so know we're good!#©#hmc book#howl's moving castle book#hmc#howl's moving castle#howell jenkins#megan parry
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I need a fridge magnet combining some wise and soothing Uncle Iroh fanart with one of those tea temp and time charts so I don't have to Google it every time.
#Having to be my own Uncle Iroh and brew my own tea when I'm having feelings™ is the worst#Tea#uncle iroh#post o' mine#“if such a thing is already on etsy or Redbubble or something lmk I couldn't find it”#Atla#Avatar
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I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way but i recently reread the entire familiar au (its as amazing as always!) and its so impressive to see how far you have come as a writer especially compared to the new cult au its honestly pretty inspiring
Thank you! It's truly nice to hear that I've made progress. I mean, obviously - hopefully - I would have after all this time, but sometimes the improvement is hard to see when you're so close to it.
#answers#I've been tempted at times to just take down some of my really old stuff#Because I am very 😬 when I reread it#But I think it stands as a nice relic/testament to how I've grown as a writer#In that I only roll around in agony about 90% of the time reading current writing now as opposed 575% with the old stuff#It feels like I don't know what I'm doing at any given time#But presumably I've learned SOMETHING#And my writing is not The Worst™#Funny how the baseline changes as skill changes because it's hard to remember sometimes that yes#Skill has improved!!#I say as I stare at this document with severe doubts and worry and agony#Nothing like looking at a 5k doc and going 'yeah this is only halfway to the end at BEST'#There is so much more yet to complete#Also super nice to hear that the cult thing is good to read#It's got a lot more visuals than my usual so I'm pushing my comfort zone#I am Not A Visual Person so that takes some Effort#All of these tags have been very navelgazing so here's a fun fact#If *I* can get better at writing by doing it for a long time#YOU can do it TOO and BETTER#It just takes - again - a lot of writing to get there
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Titan will LITERALLY become "the middle earth".
Like, once the Sun becomes a red giant, Saturn will not only be the middle planet of the system, but his orbit will be in the new goldilocks zone. That means Titan's orbit will also be in said zone, which sounds GREAT until you think about it.
Because what if humanity is still around by that time? I severely doubt that after billions of years they still haven't tried colonizing Titan. Once the Sun becomes big enough, even terraformed Mars would be EXTREMELY close to the star and the heat would most likely force the earthlings to abandon Mars's surface entirely. Unless they came up with some insane, sci-fi technology, but let's assume that even if they do, the heat would be unbearable. Plus, by that point Mars could have already been polluted to hell and back, so the earthlings would have to look for a new home either way.
I don't think the earthlings would see Titan as their only option. Jupiter's orbit would also be in the goldilocks zone, even if it was on the warmer side, so Ganymede and Europa could also be good options. Other moons could also become habitable, who knows! But I feel like Titan would be THE earthling colony.
And I don't think Titan would like that.
He wouldn't push the earthlings away, of course not. They're in need of a shelter (AKA a celestial body) in order to survive and Titan is their best option. Plus, Titan might even have a bit of a soft spot for humanity at that point in time, since they're Earth's life and Earth isn't around anymore. Plus, it was an earthling astronaut that discovered life on Titan's surface, even if said astronaut was forced to do it. Titan has to lend them his surface, it's the right thing to do.
But Titan has life too, doesn't he? And a few billion years is more than enough time for it to evolve, become sentient, even! But Titan won't be able to see it grow and shape it's own identity. The earthlings will be there, and they will leave their mark deeply. Sure, maybe Titan's life will develop it's own languages, cultures, holidays, even religions. But in the end, the similarities with the earthling culture would be so obvious that Titan's natives might as well be an earthling country, and not a whole other species. He will become "the middle earth" even to the creatures that crawled out of his oceans. It would be hard not to feel bitter.
To celestial objects, he was Saturn's favorite moon. To the life forms, he's a replacement for Earth. He's always in someone's shadow, nothing is his.
And I feel like he wants something that is his. I think that's why he wanted to start the moon strike in the first place. He wanted to show that he's more than the people around him, that he is strong and kind and compassionate. So people think about him as the leader of the moon revolution, the president of the moon club, the first moon to develop life. So people look up to him.
He constatly acts like he's the morally superior one that does no wrong, it's why he villainizes Ganymede and Europa in the moon club arc. Now that people are looking at him and not his titles, he wants them to see him as his best self. He's not pretending to be a good person, either! He genuinly wants to help people because that's the right thing to do.
But maybe, when millions, if not billions of earthlings are crammed on his surface like sardines, drilling and exploiting and ripping him open, Titan would wonder if it was all worth it.
#thanks for listening to me ramble <3#im making the earthlings sound like. super evil here lol#but that last part + Mars being super polluted are just worst-case-scenario stuff#i like to imagine that Computer and/or SAR will still be around since they could technically be immortal if they replaced their old bodies#and Computer is just really into being eco-friendly and preventing as much harm to Titan's surface as possible#in Astrodude's honor🥹#and do not get me STARTED on SAR i have so many thoughts on how this robot would deal with all of this and i cannot articulate any of them#i would need to beam the vibes straight into your brain#solarballs#solarballs titan#solarballs earthlings#actually is the word “earthlings” or “earthling” supposed to be capitalized or not#idk so i'm not capitalizing it#it looks correct™#raspberry stash
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if for whatever reason you ever want to read pure concentrated secondhand embarrassment on an unprecedented level I really cannot recommend the book words of radiance enough
#personal post#cosmere#stormlight archive#i CAN'T DO THIS. IT'S TOO EMBARRASSING.#genuinely enjoyable book that i like quite a lot and my favorite of the series but then. it happens. The Cringening™#iykyk#fun fact i have never actually read that scene™ even once. i know what happens and that's enough. the WORST secondhand embarrassment.#i have ever seen.#(and it comes at the end of SUCH a good scene too which is frustrating but like. i'm not doing it i'm not reading that you can't make me!)#books
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thursday quest - no physical therapy today - make and eat lunch sooooo early but i can do it!!!!! - get ready for wedding - attend wedding! yay! (: - decompress well when i get home <3
#its thursday quest#god i'm so anxious about it autism style. so many uncertainties that i simply cannot account for alone. but i'm being sooo 'brave' about it#(keeping it to myself. except for posting about it)#taxi company hasn't texted me the drivers' details yet and i emailed them to be like ummmm your policy is to pay before the day#would you like to email me the payment details so i can do that? and they were like 'we'll send the driver details soon' ummmm#there isn't much soon left!!!!!!! it's happening tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!#they're probably just not Organised™ in the way i prefer to be. which is objectively fine it's just challenging for me personally.#i do not think it's Bad but!!!!! i've never taken a taxi before <- guy who Is Scared Of Taxis Specifically but has to face#their fears because they're disabled and have no other choice.#worst case i am down the money and no-one arrives to take me home i guess :P but it'll be afternoon AND my family are there so#in theory i could just get a lift home even though that would mess up other people's plans sooooo bad. UNLESS they have already drunk uhhhh#in which case i guess i'd just ask for help calling a taxi to the place. plany of people who can do such things easily (unlike me)#it'll be fine!!! i can ask my siblings if need be bc they are so niceys and will not get mad at me for being autistic o7#My other worry is being too hot and being in a rush getting ready bc i have to eat a proper meal due to the symptoms syndromes#and we are leaving when my lunch usually is so that's a whole thing. which ALSO doesn't matter and I can do! it's just hard!#where is that post that's like 'managed mental illness can look like absence of mental illness 😅'. NOT saying being autistic is mental#illness i am saying that the specific extreme anxiety i have is for me linked to autistic issues with 'the unknown' and boy. does this#social situation also have a lot of unknown.#BUT I CAN DO IT! and dare i say even have a nice time!!!!! it's just i get so so scared beforehand but i will not express it in a way that#impacts or inconveniences anyone else!!! i can handle it by myself at my house and it'll be fine
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brother, i am in the overwhelmed city. the headache city. the holy shit i'm actually sick city. the i have no grasp on life city. i literally can't keep up with anything anymore city
#life#i genuinely feel like someone sent me to the ISS#and i was doing maintenance on the exterior#but i accidentally let go and oops i realized i'm totally untethered#just floating through space#further and further away from whatever my life once was#but at least i have dragon age i guess#i miss my blorbos though.. i miss malstarion.. but my mind struggles to like...#focus on multiple things#it's been getting bad™ bad#so sorry gamers i haven't really been talkative in DMs and whatnot#idk how many 'c'est la vie' i have in me anymore...#and the worst part is that i feel this sense of hopelessness start to sink in#because i'm scared it's just something that won't change#anyway off to see the psychiatrist again tomorrow can't wait to cry for 2 hours straight ✌️😗
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(chapter 400 spoilers)
i have been fed and i must make stupid internet doodles about it
my wife is so successful and popular (said with distress) and she is doing her best and she just wanted to do healing and said 'noooo' to murders and she cried about kacho and hates being called old and kurapika is the only one she can rely on and i'm gonna cry
more thoughts (not interesting) under the cut because this is an art blog but I am compelled to yell into the void about this chapter
man I was ready to be happy just to see Melody for one panel, but there was So Much in this chapter 🥺 feels like we're getting to see some new facets of her personality (see: Old Maid Melody lmaoo) and it's so fun
it was nice to see her and Kacho getting to interact a bit more openly - for some reason I was expecting nen-Kacho to be more of a separate entity, rather than the "brought back to life" kind of deal where she basically feels and acts like she's the same person? I like it though, I want to see her messing with Melody some more lol
I was wondering if Kurapika's goal might come up re: the fourth prince's invitation, but it seems like the immediate concern with Fugetsu takes priority, which makes sense Zhang Lei also wanting a private audience is interesting, I wonder if that could give her and Kurapika an opportunity to meet up and plan things out before she visits terrorsandwich? Before all that, though, they'd have to deal with Benjamin (assuming it's a first-rank-first-served kind of deal), no idea how that's gonna work out unless they actually pull off the Just Murder Everyone plan
also lmaooo the love confession 😂 one the one hand I feel like all her initial suspicion and mistrust towards glasses guy has to be a setup for him to actually be more honest than she expects, but I still can't help being a bit skeptical of him... both because there has to be something going on with the heartbeat thing, right?
and also, even if it is probably what's most practical for the situation, I'm not toootally sure if I love this "stop being sad and go use your powers to help us do murders" thing lol (granted kacho was very on board with both of those, too, but. idk man, maybe at least try to comfort her a little or something? xD)
that said, he is kind of risking his neck to help them, and i Am extremely in favor of anyone and everyone being in love with melody, so i appreciate him for that haha
okay, totally baseless "theory" #1: he's melody's dead sonata friend possessing the body (& therefore lying about the not believing in ghosts thing) - probably unlikely given Fugetsu is also said to be "possessed" and that looks very different, plus it sounds like that's something Melody should be able to notice? but it'd give him a genuine motive to help her out while lying through his teeth about all the details
or totally baseless theory #2: he's literally just a normal guy with a medical condition
melody: but I just don't get it, HOW can your heartbeat be so calm and steady all the time?!? kaiser: oh, cause of the pacemaker you mean? melody:
(**based on about 2 minutes of research I don't think that's quite how pacemakers work, but it's hxh universe, there could be Something)
(on an unrelated note, I also really liked Tyson in this chapter…sounds like she was basically pressured into a death battle she assumes she won't win, but she's still just out here baking birthday cakes and trying to have a good time :( rootin for her)
...and finally can I just say, even if there was a good reason for it, I think it's hilarious that Melody's reaction to someone liking her is just "hmm... 🤔 kinda sus" alternative responses to "i love you": "with a heart rhythm as precise as an atomic clock?! yeah right!"
#hxh#hunter x hunter#hxh chapter 400#hxh chapter 400 spoilers#hxh spoilers#melody hxh#senritsu#rereading this and oh god i'm an embarrassing human being lmao#but it's been long enough that there's no point editing the wall of text to try and hide my shame#“i am cringe but i am free” or something#(that's a lie i am cringe and i am constantly judging myself through the eyes of imaginary people who think i'm just the worst)#(but that's a Me Problem™ dw about it lol)
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I wish there was an app or website that would let you search for tv shows or movies based on having a similar vibe to something you've seen before. When you're in the mood for something particular but you have no idea how to find something similar or if something like that even exists
#maybe it's just me and I'm awful at finding new things to watch#but i am almost always looking for stuff that is more lighthearted and i never can seem to find anything#everything netflix suggests to me is riddled with drama or crime or horror or violence#and I'm tired™#by god am i fucking tired of seeing the worst of humanity at all times#just...give me something nice#i love comedies that have some substance like the good place or superstore or literally anything#I'm unable to find anything that looks interesting and like it won't keep me from a restful night of sleep#i hate it#the landscape of new movies and tv shows is so fucking bleak
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everyday i go online and get exposed to the worst takes imaginable and everyday i have to fight the urge not to kill
#according to the fan base malenia has one of two personalities#she’s either a cold bitch with no feeling or emotions#or she’s a raging karen who screams and shits herself when she doesn’t get her way#i guess it depends on what sites you go on#because youtube and tiktok have the worst takes on her character holy shit#just straight up vile over there chief ngl#people either demonize her to the extreme or dumb her down to this emotionless grunt who only does what her brother orders her to do#they act like she can’t think for herself and has no personality outside of Sword™#elden ring takes still continue to amaze me in 2024#i can’t wait for this dlc haha#‘every opinion is valid’ no some of yall are stupid and definitely not valid#i just don’t understand how they can look at this incredibly calm and composed person and then say she throws tantrums when she can’t win#lmao that’s YOU brother#i just know when people say that it’s because that’s how they act when fighting her#malenia is such a chill person#she speaks in this measured tone even during the second phase cutscene#but yea even when she fights us she doesn’t act like some erratic lunatic#she fights with such precision and grace#long ass rant i'm sorry#malenia: *is calm cool and collected* the fandom: she rages and screams and shouts and rages and cries and RAGES
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An oopsie was made in taking this long until my availability to write poked its head again, which makes me feel rusty as heck to write again like I used to. Are there any volunteers in a short starter (a brief para tops) to get the ball rolling? 👉🏻👈🏻
#◟༺✧༻◞ what lays behind the mantle of faux stars ┊ooc.┊#I say as I post this#when almost nobody is online#at this hour#good job me djfhgj#jokes aside#if anyone would like one it'd do me a great favor#because I do want to write but now I'm like#/how to write™/#it's the worst feeling 😔
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So, we know that Meredith has had the idol fashioned into a blade, sometime in the 3 years between the qunari attack and the beginning of Act 3.
In that time, its influence has slowly been affecting Meredith, particularly through her already existing paranoia; it pointedly starts to get worse as Orsino calls her out on seeing "blood mages in every corner" in their fight at the market. We know she has established martial law, and is acting as a de facto Viscount (a decision made in sound mind to establish control over Kirkwall), but we also know she has gotten stricter and enabling harsher punishments to those who break the law.
At this point, I like to believe that her symptoms of untreated PTSD start to ramp up. The paranoia, the hypervigilance, the startle response, the irritation/aggression. She already experienced these things, but the idol's presence ramps them up, slowly but surely; she never ingests red lyrium but it is clear that it's mere presence affects people around it. And so, over this period, her mental state is very frayed but she doesn't yet start to hear its corrupted 'song'.
That said, we know all lyrium has a "song' of the titans it is harvested from, and all templars use lyrium and therefore 'hear it', but I feel they become accustomed to it (especially veteran templars who have been taking lyrium for decades). We know it makes templars feel as if there is something missing or that they feel incomplete, but it allows them to suppress magic, and doesn't lead them astray from that duty.
This, I'm afraid, changes later in Act 3, probably a couple months or so before the end of it all. Meredith is clearly much more agitated and fails to see reason no matter what Hawke or anyone else says to her. While part of her mind and decision-making ability is still there, I like to imagine she hears the blighted lyrium's song and it is loud, and powerful, and she likely suffers from both visual and auditory hallucinations (hence the ramped up paranoia/hypervigilance) that affects how she conducts herself. Given that this has been ongoing over several years, it has affected Meredith's overall health as well: she isn't sleeping so she just looks exhausted; she's barely been eating and looks more gaunt in the face; and she just looks unwell, as if she might have a terminal illness that's slowly killing her (and honestly, it is - even if she hadn't been turned to lyrium, it probably would have driven her to suicide otherwise).
At the height of Meredith's madness, I imagine she is hearing things much like Senua in Hellblade; she still has her conscious fixed to the reality around her (hence how she reacts to Anders blowing up the Chantry), but it is what is driving her slowly insane, making her believe things exist where they don't, but it also makes her unable to believe the truth, washing her in whispered conspiracy. It's why, for example, if a pro-Templar Hawke, who supported and helped Meredith with mages is suddenly turned on at the end; Meredith seems the Champion as a threat despite evidence to the contrary, and seeks to kill them.
And in terms of the idol giving her seemingly 'magical' abilities (for the boss fight), I think it acts similar to a mage's staff, given the fact she already has lyrium in her system and can control/suppress magic - but as the idol is a corrupted item, there are... simply things that remain unexplainable. (And perhaps exaggerated a little through The Tale of the Champion - we will never know).
#HEADCANON.#v: ACT III#[ i'm not giving a headcanon explanation for Boss Fight abilities other than it's a corrupted magic item sdhfjhhsjdf ]#suicide mention#[ anyway yeah this woman is NOT sleeping more than 2 hours a night at the worst of it ]#[ pacing the halls at night in the templar tower ]#[ she looks! and is! insane! ]#[ she is so paranoid and jumpy. she is seeing the ghosts that have haunted her for years ]#[ including seeing her sister turn demon form probably while conscious rather than in nightmares ]#[ like she is Losing It™ ]
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I just gave Elliot a Geode on his birthday on accidentttt ;~; I meant to put it in the geode crusher but aaaaaaaa
#this doesn't matter but I'm sad. I'm the worst sdv spouse ever.#I did this in front of the Child™ (I just started playing again today. and I forgot their name lol slkdjf )#Mad rambles#sdv
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andre composing and playing a flute sonata for peggy is very sweet and romantic but it. it really fully is this huh. they framed it like this huh
#cannot get this out of my head#i'm obsessed with him having the Period Drama Romance™ while every other character is having the worst fucking time they've ever had#meanwhile andre is drinking sherry. performing shakespeare. baring his heart. playing the flute. quoting cicero. lounging in shirtsleeves#i love him so fucking much. worst motherfucker on earth (affectionate)#bolt watches things
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Alycia in a movie playing a cunt while serving cunt? Hell. Yes.
Oof baby I'm gonna stay defending her terrible ass too 😩 apparently her character Nikki is supposed to be insufferable so we knoooow I will be looking any haters deadass in the eye like Fuckin And???
#anon#everything I'm hearing about this movie makes so ready to see it#a dark comedy???? suspense thriller slash horror that makes you laugh and think???#bitch I need release dates#i hope she's just the worst kind of person tbh I can barely imagine Alycia playing a role like that so I am Intrigued™#and will bust#i mean what
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Again, always very confusing to me when people suffering from The Obsessive Compulsives are Antis™, like these people will not protect you. They believe thought crimes are real. They inherently hate you and WILL throw you to the wolves if they ever come to know about anything related to your intrusive thoughts or the """""weird""""" things they ask you to do in therapy to manage/cope with them.
#you know how in erp a big part of it is writing down/thinking about the actual worst case scenario? you know the scenario that#often leads to people being harmed in a permanent way? you know creating a fictional scenario where bad things happen to good#people and you are the cause of them? THE VERY KIND OF FICTION THESE PEOPLE ARE AGAINST EXISTING IN ANY FORM BECAUSE IT#'NORMALIZES' WHATEVER TF THEY'RE ON A CRUSADE ABOUT ON ANY GIVEN DAY#THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. THIS WAY OF THINKING IS /ACTIVELY ANTITHETICAL/ TO RECOVERY FROM THIS DISORDER#this is related to the 'does anyone else get Themes™ about writing' question I posed a while back and some of these people..........#if you knew the specifics of what I was writing about you would COMMIT ARSON#IT'S NOT REAL! NONE OF THIS IS REAL!! YOU ARE ONLY GOING TO MAKE IT WORSE FOR YOURSELF BY MORALIZING FICTION IN THIS WAY#I USED TO HAVE CRISES OVER SYMPATHIZING WITH AND ENJOYING VARIOUS HORRIBLE FICTIONAL WOMEN TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS DIRECTLY!!!!!!!#and ngl a lot of these arguments about why xyz is Irredeemable™ sound a LOT like my disorder.#(especially in the way they try to like...twist things into fitting into a definition of [insert type of problematic dynamic here] a la#'character raising their voice at someone one time during a high-stakes situation is abuse' or 'people who were friends as children#are Related Actually')#like. you get why. you get why this VERY disorder would think in similar ways to that right. because it tries to convince you that#everything you do is violating various human rights correct? you get why this would be unhelpful right?#IF YOU SOUND LIKE MY FUCKING DISORDER!!! YOU ARE WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!#In the Vents#okay I'm done. this just. It BUGS me.
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