#i'm stressed enough that i really should start either a rewatch or a reread of it... i think it's exactly what i need

[benevolenterrancy]

@doctorbluesmanreturns so true, so true!

The Big Bad Wolf and his commitment to self-improvement!

book titles all courtesy of @meso-mijali who is funnier than me:

Mirror Mirror: 10 Steps to the Fairest You 7 Dwarves' 7 Steps to Romance, by Doc Red Riding Hood and You: Finding Your Inner Child and Learning to Trust Again Into the Woods: CPTSD and the Self Gnolls, Trolls & Wolves: It's what's inside that matters

(+ "Meyers Briggs: we aren't astrology for STEM, honest!" which didn't quite make it in, but assume it's one of the untitled books u.u)

[writethatdown]

so I was in a pretty bad rut for a few weeks, and now I'm in a fairly better place, still not living on a full fledge but the initial fog has lifted.

rut could be from a lot of things: burnout, lack of motivation, procrastination, outside triggers, bad mental health, or the overwhelming feeling of life falling apart but too numb to act upon it. the causes of it could be numerous as well: online schooling, student stress, work stress, a certain relationship with someone not working out or being stuck at an uncomfortable environment.

so I just want to remind you that you aren't alone love. you will eventually find a way out. you just gotta give yourself time.

note: this isn't science supported or anything. it's just a bunch of thoughts I had while I was trying to get back the stability in my life. I'm not all the way successful at handling my daily routine like a pro either. if any of you have better alternative in mind, feel free to add/correct.

let yourself feel: give yourself some time to feel the sadness, cry about it, wrap yourself up in blankets, sleep if you're tired and let it all out.

remind yourself about the things that makes you feel happy and the things you love: so when your life slows down and everything seems to be distasteful, it maybe because you haven't revisited your favorite hobbies in a long time. maybe you had detached yourself from your comfort shows, books, any form of entertainment. so go back to them. remind yourself about the things which makes you, you.

change the perspective around this funk phase: now the immediate response we have when we hit a rut is the guilt of not being productive. well you see, the first ultimate aim should be to get yourself back together. what have you been shoving away for too long? maybe it's a good talk with your best friend, go talk to your support group and the people who make you feel loved. but if you're someone stuck in a place where there aren't much people to remind you that irl, read posts from the #selfcare #gentlereminders tags on tumblr or pinterest. there are so many sweet people across the internet who know how you feel and have written about the same. listen to music, vent in a diary and get yourself back.

some ideas to get some serotonin inside you: music + dance, if you haven't taken a shower in a while—change your clothes, put on some dry shampoo and deo and comb your hair with fingers. eat and hydrate. aesthetic vlogs on youtube. making moodboards on pinterest for your favorite show, band, movie, aesthetic, anything. paint, draw, doodle or color. rewatch your comfort shows, movies or series. read or reread the works from your fave genre. stretch a little. make lists of random things. watch the sunset. look at clouds and stars. write a letter to your loved one, your past self or your future self.

identify the things which went out of proportion these days: maybe you were not taking care of properly these few days. not enough hydration, food maybe? find that out and make a reminder to slowly getting back into it. not by the span of a day. give yourself a week or two if you need to it's okay!

think about what new things are to be implemented and what was not working earlier: only now you will have to focus with the problem at hand. let's say your poor organization for school led to this much frustration. it's okay. we all learn gradually. so find out how you can organize better. there's literally so many resources across each of these problems on the internet. and once you do, start really small. as said earlier, give yourself enough time to get used to it. unrealistic expectations will make sticking to habits hard.

always remember winding down and taking some time out for your soul is important as well: the thing about consistency is to always go back to our why's and values and our happy things as frequently as possible. we tend to forget about the little things which are parts of us. so take time out for your hobbies and loved ones!

I'm not sure how much of a help these had been. I hope this makes sense. getting yourself back up doesn't happen in a day. give yourself as much time as you want. please please please don't be hard on that cute little yourself. that thing which brought you down was hard enough and you fought through all of it love! so I want you to give yourself a loving pat on the back and be proud! do feel free to share your experience and tips regarding this. it'll be greatly appreciated!!

[whoslaurapalmer]

9, 16

9) what's your writing process like?

oh boy. well. buckle in

-get idea. and i say 'get idea' as in 'i am usually reading something or thinking about a character (or thinking about anything) that makes me think one specific thing about them that then makes me go, i think that would be interesting to explore in a fanfic.' (-i desperately wish i could write shorter/cuter things but a deeply-ingrained part of my writing process since college is long consideration of 'what is the point. why is it this story that matters. what does it mean what is it saying why is it here.' i'm definitely trying to work on 'shorter/soft times/just as meaningful but quieter-meaningful?' things, though! cause that's something specific to fanfic that fanfic allows you to do, because a lot of meaning and character is already there to be played around in, like you can just write a fic that's two characters cuddling or something and call it a day and it's EXCELLENT, and that should totally be taken advantage of.) -jot down, ideas, about the idea. little notes/brief vague scenes i want to work towards/lines that are going to become 'why is it this story that matters' -might rewatch/reread something from canon, if it's been a while or i want to fact check something. -FROM THIS POINT depending on how i'm imagining the length of the fic, it's either, my vague notes are enough because the fic is relatively short and doesn't move around a lot or need to accomplish Many Things, and i can just start writing it. sometimes words happen very quickly!!!!! sometimes they do not. -when i finish it, though, is completely up in the air. there's a lot of staring at my laptop, a lot of, i don't know what word comes next and that will stall me for many more months than is strictly necessary, a lot of rewriting/reworking what i already have -- which you should not do. you should just pile words up and then edit at the end, but i am a perfectionist and not always capable of doing that!!!!! -i do procrastinate a lot. often. -setting descriptions trip me up a lot, for the record. it's hard to write them well and in a way that doesn't.......show the machinery of the work. like in a way that doesn't draw attention to the fact that you set a sentence or scene up in a way where you need to describe the setting and it's what you're about to do. describing it organically (honestly describing ANYTHING organically) is something that i still find difficult and will make me stare at my laptop for a long, long time. -oh, character playlists!!!! i like to listen to character playlists if i'm writing that character or songs i think hit the vibe of the story. or a song i just like at the time. either way i'm almost always listening to music while writing. -eventually i get it done. usually it involves specifically sitting myself down to work on the thing and getting it done. but catching myself in the mood to do it helps, too. sometimes you should be in the mood to work on something specific. forcing out words isn't always great? sometimes it is because it makes me put words down and they're honestly better than i expect. but sometimes forcing words can just stress me out.

-IF IT'S NOT THAT SHORT, it needs more than just 'vague planning' and i need a much more solid idea of what's going to happen and when and why, and so much thinking about the theme, but it also depends on how much is involved in the plot. sometimes, i really need to plan something within an inch of its life because there's just stuff i have to have figured out and i have to know in order to make it go as smoothly as possible. -like, babybea fic, that followed a very straightforward structure (the beatrice letters) and i had like just a page where i wrote down a summary of each letter and how i thought babybea got there each time, and worked from there. and i had some characterization notes for her, and where i thought vfd was. -cat burglars was relatively short, but because it was built around a mystery, i had to know every detail about what created the mystery, so i just kept rewriting the plot in terms of like 'this is point a this is point b how do i get there (and where is the character growth going to happen/what will lead to that)' and figuring out something new each time until it all clicked together. -for folding mirror, there was SO MUCH to keep track of, plot-wise and character-wise, (and i had SO many false starts for the fic as i tried to figure out the best way to discuss what i wanted) that yeah i made a plot wall to help figure out plot points, why things mattered, what was the best way to get certain things done, and the order in which the scenes would play out. -for longer ones, yeah, i do have to Sit Myself Down and make myself work on it. and the more i do that the more i am actually In The Mood to try and make things happen in the fic?? because then i get really, really excited for what i'm going to write and i really want to do it. -i still sit around and stare at my laptop, though. only slightly more productively. (-if i'm REALLY stuck i will handwrite a scene. sometimes that helps.)

-i do try and leave room for editing bc editing is important. IDEALLY what you should do is read your writing out loud when you edit bc a lot of times that's the best way to catch clunky writing, but sometimes, you don't always have the space to read it out loud??? but i definitely try to make sure i reread it, at least, and at least once. by the end of a fic, though, like right before i post it, i usually HATE IT but i also feel like i've reread it enough that i've caught nearly everything i should have. building time into writing schedule/a deadline to like give it a couple days to sit and then edit it is also ideal because you hate it less. but i. usually do not give myself that much time. (-oh, editing also includes, for me, printing it out, ctrl+f-ing words in the document that i think i overused, and highlighting them in the printed version, and trying to cut some of them out when i go through and reread it and make other edits. typing up the edits and checking them off in the printed version is always very satisfying.) (i doodle a lot on the printed out version, too. the more doodles are on a page, the longer i worked on that scene, especially if it wasn't done by the time i printed it out.)

-i post it and try not to be to stressed about it. -personal satisfaction in a work is what matters the most. like i should be happy myself with the things i make without asking other people to confirm that it's good and worked out how i wanted it to. especially because like, in terms of publishing original fic, you don't get outside validation in the same way you do with fanfic. -BUT ANY OUTSIDE VALIDATION ISN'T GONNA MAKE ME FEEL BAD, THOUGH, YEAH???????????????? -fanfic especially is written with the thought of, someone else is going to read this, someone else needs to read this, even if i wrote it for me, and i want people to read this and talk about it because that is a KEY part of writing and sharing fanfic. -once someone has told me Yes, It's As Good As I Thought It Was, i reread it like i haven't just spent so much time stressing out over each individual word.

-A LOT OF THIS WORKS FOR ORIGINAL FIC TOO, it's still very much 'get idea, in some way. outline scene ideas/themes, vaguely. plan, if necessary, because some short ofic you can get through too without planning-planning. write??????'

16) do you reread old fics? is there a time in your writing you won't go back to?

oh, i definitely reread my old fics. it's embarrassing and terrible and i might just skim them because the embarrassment causes me Deep Physical Pain and Massive Psychic Damage, but i don't think there's a time i wouldn't go back to (as long as i have it, and like.....earlier than 2006, it's very hit or miss if i have it, but i remember a lot of it. and i'm missing my 2005-2008 poetry, cause i fucking forgot to save it) (save your stuff!!!! save it!!!!!!!!! save it!!!!!!! save everything!!!!!!!!!!) (i also just realized that i don't think i saved one fic from 2009 bc 2019!me, backing up her writing, didn't want to read it again!! 2022!me doesn't want to read it either but wishes she had it anyway, for the principle of the thing!!)

i think it's super beneficial to reread your old fics, even if they are embarrassing!!!! 1) it's part of your writing journey. we all start somewhere. and we all have really, really bad writing in our past because that's the only way you get better, by writing. like, no writer was immediately super great at writing. everyone has worked really really hard to get to where they are and are always still working to be even better and really old, really bad writing is part of this. 2) i try to remember that, like, when i read my old naruto fic, i thought it was SUCH HOT SHIT at the time. i thought it was great. i was so excited about it all the time!!!!! it meant so much to me to write it, and i loved writing it, and it's really, truly terrible writing but i loved it, at the time. 3) it's really great to see how much your writing has changed!!!!!! 4) it's ALSO really great to see like.......the kinds of themes you've carried with you. there's stuff i was writing about when i was younger that i'm still writing about, only better because of time and experience, but i think it's fascinating that a lot of the themes or topics were things i wrote about when i was younger, too. even if i did it really, really badly because i didn't know the right words to talk about those things. i think that's fun to realize. it doesn't make me feel like i've always been writing the same things, because i still haven't, it makes me feel like, there's things i've always loved thinking about and i can really get into them now and i think what i do now is something younger!me would be really happy to see.