#i'm still here just sick of my life and not even halfway into my 10 hour shift lmaoo

[nicistrying]

OooooooOOOOOOO I hate this job sometimes. Coming in an hour and a half early TO DO PERSONAL STUFF - shopping, buying cake for the store's first birthday, replying to messages etc BEFORE MY SHIFT STARTS - and then arriving to the delivery running late and being huge, and having skeleton staff in despite massive delivery volume, including no other supervisors except me from the start of my shift, meaning I can "take a break", but if anyone needs a manager I will have to leave my break and go do whatever needs doing. Thankfully I managed to get an extra body in and the lad I'm working with tonight is coming in a bit earlier. But like why didn't the fucking manager look at the delivery size yesterday and think oh shit I should try to get more staff in??? The deputy is on holiday and she just left her shift entirely un-covered? Why??? And like it's whatever bc I'm making extra money this week from having to do overtime but still? And like yeah I could have checked the rota before this morning and found more cover myself but it's literally not my job to do that. I don't get paid a manager's salary so I'm not doing the manager's job 🤷🏼‍♀️

[deonsx]

If They Take Care Of You When You Get Sick

Feat: Dazai, Chuuya, Ranpo, Fyodor, Nikolai

Dazai Osamu

He really is very cautious in taking care of his one and only bella, He will hug you and give you lots of kisses regardless of your sickness, we know how bad he is at cooking but what will he do in a situation where he has to cook right now?

He thought about ordering food but didn't think it would be healthy so he tried making soup on his own from the cooking videos he really gave him full attention just to look at you, he ditched his job

"My beautiful bella, if anything happens to you, I would never be able to live" He's a real drama creator “Osamu I'm fine you're exaggerating"

I can imagine him holding you in his arms and not letting you walk "My love I can walk" You were told to him, His eyes were squinting looking at you "Still I will take care of you in the best of circumstances"

While you were sleeping, the moonlight hit your face and he watched you sleep, his eyes searched everywhere, he couldn't believe that he had found that true love and that she was lying in his bed like an angel right now "My beautiful angel"

Chuuya Nakahara

He's truly a masterpiece and he's a master at these, I can tell you he's the only man with excellent taste. He cooks with show even when You sick, which makes you smile, She takes her temperature every 10 minutes, pays a lot of attention, water bag and many things, pills, injections, serums, they are all here just for you now

He does 2-3 jobs at the same time, when you don't have control at home, things are only balanced by his power. You offered to call a doctor to the house, but he refused, "I'm the one who wants to take care of you, no one else is needed"

Of course he doesn't care if you're sick to kiss you too, he just lays you on his lap and watches you sleep, You rested your head on his orange hair and you fell asleep with his beautiful harmonizing perfume "My princess, I will always take care of you"

Ranpo Edogawa

No matter how cute and frivolous your boyfriend is, everything stops when it comes to you "I'll give you candy if you get better dear" you laughed at what he said "Ranpo I'm not a kid"

"I'm sure you will love it my love"he left kisses on your head, stroked your hair with his hands and tried to tell you a fairy tale "Once upon a time a princess..." He chose a beautiful story to put you to sleep

He can be very distracted while he cooks because you are the reason for making the food here, if you leave the room he is in and try to do anything while he is cooking he will scold you "Where were you s / he while I was cooking" he really asked you with a stupid seriousness on his face

"My love I just went out on the balcony" Ranpo shook his head disapprovingly "My wisdom instinct tells me you stood up for the laundry" He's not really serious at all. "If you try to get up again, I'll have to tie you to the bed in handcuffs, honey, be nice"

Fyodor Dostoyevski

He may indeed be the most normal lover among them, but just because he's normal doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, But of course he was interested in your illness and he wasn't that indifferent. "You still have a high fever, you need to take medicine dear"

He wasn't the best at cooking, he only cooked when it was absolutely necessary, but he wanted the best for you and brought home a chef who never took his money into consideration, yet you know how rich he is "The chef will make you 4-5 different main courses, if you don't like any of them just tell me my love"

He also considered calling a doctor home but didn't want to put you at any risk afterward because he had too many enemies, He left his job halfway just for you and took the best precautions for your recovery He tried every hour to heal you with special pills and serums "I don't know if you have any medical experience?"you asked him with a laugh. "Just for you, my dear”

Nikolai Gogol

"Darling please don't die yet we'll live a long life with you" He said stroking and kissing you "Ohh I'm fine please let me mind my business" "This is not possible, my love, I hired servants for you.." he spoke to you "Servants??" As soon as you asked, the door of the house opened and two women and two men entered. "People here will take care of your food, cleaning and your illness."

Your eyes really opened in surprise, you were expecting something, but you didn't think that he would exaggerate everything so much, He did make you feel like you were a princess in a castle, he was constantly teleporting around the house bringing you a water bag, ice cloth and a lot of things

He told you about his childhood while you were lying on a bed and you memorized everything he said word for word, he was saying it to sleep you, but when he turned his head to you he saw that you were not sleeping "My beautiful love is still listening to me?”

Enjoy!

I want to write them more as a father the time he spends with his children and his wife

[kangaroosmile]

Magic hands - Hyunjin

-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-

description: While Stray Kids films a video for STAY Hyunjin has to participate in a game against Jisung. You help him afterwards.

pairing: Hyunjin x gnreader

genre: dating, slice of life, kind of sick fic in the second half, tummy rub, tummyache

word count: ~1.3

trigger warning: food, eating, eating much in short time

A/N: A while ago I was ask whether I could write a short story with a HyunjinxGnreader pairing in which Hyunjin has an upsat tummy. I accidentally deleted this question but here we are. I wrote it. So whoever asked me whether I could write it. I didn't forget you! It just took a hell lot of time. I'm sorry.

You can find more of my stories under Stray Kids Masterlist

-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-♡-

You were standing behind the camera watching the boys finish the silent post challenge, failing miserably. More than once you had to force yourself to keep silent and not start to laugh. Especially when Hyunjin met your eyes, looking helpless. The team he was in was failing. The other one too but somehow Jisung, Jeongin, Changbin and Felix were a little bit better.

You looked at the checklist one of the managers wrote and read which challenge would come next. Just in time as you finished reading someone brought in a few bowls of fresh ramen. For a moment the director stopped filming and your boss explained the next challenge to the boys. You could see the shock in Felix and Hyunjins eyes and amusement in Changbins and Chans. You couldn't read the other four faces but assumed it was something between these two emotions. You watched them play rock, paper, scissors within the two groups and smiled widely when Felix won the first round and didn't need to participate. He looked quite relieved about it and sat down to watch the other play. Your eyes wander towards Hyunjin who was staring at his hand and then at the bowls of ramen. Lightly laughing, Chan patted Hyunjin's shoulder and sat down behind the table in the middle right next to Felix. One by one the other sat down as well. Just Jisung and Hyunjin still stood. That would be an interesting battle, you thought. When the director once again stopped filming, your boss looked at you and nodded towards the tray. You rolled the tray in front of the table in the middle and placed the bowls on it.

"Are you sure, you didn't give Hyung less ramen so he wins?", Jisung teased you with a light smirk. You looked around, checking whether anybody overheard his teasing but when I didn't seem like it, you just rolled your eyes.

"You are just anxious you could lose, Jisung-ssi."

"One minute till filming!", someone shouted.

"Good luck you two", you muttered and then flitted back behind the camera. You sat down and watched as Chan explained the game to STAY. Jisung looked very determined to win.

As the game started Jisung started off strong as well as Hyunjin. For a moment it even seemed that Hyunjin would win but then he slowed down around the third bowl. When the egg timer announced five minutes Jisung was halfway through his fourth and Hyunjin had just finished his third. With a light huff Hyunjin laid back in his chair one hand on his tummy.

"You lost Hyung", laughed Jeongin, dancing around Hyunjin. "And that means we won." Changbin patted Jisungs shoulder. Meanwhile Minho, Seungmin and Chan were standing next to Hyunjin.

"I'm sorry", muttered Hyunjin.

"Nah it's okay Hyunjin-ah", Chan said with a soft smile on his lips.

"I guess I need to train you with tissues a bit more", Minho said but a wide smile was on his lips. At that Hyunjin started to laugh.

"Let's wrap everything up. We will film the outro now", shouted the director and within the next ten minutes the filming was finished. As the boys got ready to go home you finished off everything that needed to be done.

"We will meet tomorrow at 10 a.m.", the head of your team announced. You nodded and then grabbed your bag to go.

You assumed the boys had already left but when you left the studio you saw Hyunjin lean against the wall next to the entrance.

"What are you still doing here?", you ask surprised, stepping in front of him. He looked up slowly, a soft smile on his lips.

"Can I come with you?", he asked. You took a moment to think about it but then you nodded. Your place had felt strangely empty the last few days.

Together you started to walk towards your apartment which was not too far away luckily. From time to time your hands touched and every time you felt a sudden rush of warmth roll through your body. You didn't talk much throughout the walk. It has been a long day for both of you. When you two arrived at your apartment, you when to your bedroom to get into more comfortable clothes and grabbed the hoodie Hyunjin had forgotten the last time he was at your apartment.

"Thanks", he muttered, as you handed it to him.

"Do you want some tea? Or something else to drink?" When Hyunjin shook his head you nodded and walked into your kitchen to make yourself some tea. From the living room you heard quiet noises from Hyunjin. It was strange how something so little could comfort you. When your tea was finally ready and you walked back into your living room, Hyunjin had made himself comfortable. He had arranged your pillows and had a blanket over his body.

The moment he noticed you, he sat up and patted the sofa behind himself. With a soft smile, you grabbed the book you were currently reading and sat down behind him. Immediately he leaned with his back against you and laid his head on your upper body. Like this you two stayed for a whole. You were reading a book and he was scrolling through tiktok. From time to time you looked up from your page to watch a video Hyunjin was showing you.

You didn't know when you first noticed it but after some time Hyunjin started to shift softly. One if his hands were placed on his tummy but he seemed alright. Just when a little whine, one that sounded forced down escaped his lips, you stopped reading, looking at him fully. His smile had disappeared from his lips and you could see a light frown on his forehead.

"Are you alright?", you asked softly, placing your book aside.

"Don't know", he muttered, pressing his eyes together for a moment. "My tummy hurts."

"Oh Hyunjinnie", you muttered. "That's probably because you ate the ramen so fast." One of your hands found their way towards his hair.

"Probably", he agreed with a whisper.

"Can I do something for you?" For a moment Hyunjin kept silent.

"Could you", he started but stopped again. He hesitated another second.

"Do you want me to rub your tummy a bit?" Hyunjin let out a deep breath and nodded as if that was exactly what he wanted to ask. Slowly you placed your hand on his.

"You hand is cold", he muttered.

"I know. I'm sorry about that Jinnie", you answered but continued. Pushing his hand away softly you lifted his hoodie a bit up and sneaked your hand under it. For a moment you let your hand stay on his tummy. Right over his navel. His skin was warm against your cold hand and you could feel that his stomach was sticking out a bit. It was all bloated.

"Poor Hyunjinnie. It must really hurt", you whispered as you started rubbing small circles around his stomach that grew bigger with each round and then smaller again.

Hyunjin let out a low sigh and let himself lean more against your body. One of his hands found your free one and intertwined it. He had his eyes closed and tried to breathe evenly.

"You have magic hands", mumbled Hyunjin after a while his voice muffled. It seemed to you as if he was one step away from falling asleep. "You know, I love you." Surprised. That was probably the most suitable word for how you felt right in that moment. You knew that there was more between you two. You were seeing each other for nearly one year now outside of work but you had never said such things before. And it seemed as if Hyunjin was as much surprised as you were from his outburst.

"I love you too, Hyunjin", you returned and softly kissed his temple. You continued to carry his tummy till he was fully asleep.

"Sleep well", you whispered and made yourself more comfortable.

[blckbarbiedoll]

Ghost Of You (M.B.)-Chapter 10

Cannoli

2011-Chicago, Illinois 

Sunday. The one day that The Beef was closed. The one day Michael and Angie had to themselves. Well, mostly to themselves.

The sun peeked through the thin curtains and into the small room. Michael's arm was draped over Angie as her body was pulled tightly against his.

Unbeknownst to Michael, she had been up throughout the night, unable to sleep with a restless stomach. She raised her hand to brush the hair out of his face, causing his eyes to flutter open.

"Morning." He groaned.

"Morning." She kissed him softly and rested her forehead against his.

"I can't wait to spend the whole day with you right here."

"We have family dinner tonight."

"Don't remind me."

"We have to be there at four-thirty to prep the braciole."

"I know, I know."

"You love it, you big softy." She grinned.

He groaned and buried his face in her neck. "Just stay with me for a few hours." He rested his head on her chest.

"Oh my god." She gagged.

"You tryna tell me something?"

"Mikey, get up."

She didn't even wait for him to move. She pushed his weight off of her and ran into their cramped bathroom.

"You okay?"

There was no way she could respond, seeing as her head was halfway in the toilet. Mikey came over and knelt down to rub her back and moved her locs away from her face. 

"Yeah." She groaned. "I'm fine."

"That's the third time this week. You might have a bug or something, baby."

Third. More like tenth.

"Probably."

"I'll make you something to eat. You want eggs?"

"Oh, fuck." She hunched back over the toilet at the thought of food.

"Okay. I'll get you water."

🤍

"Angelina!" Donna gasped when she opened the door. She brought her daughter-in-law into a tight hug.

"Hi, DD."

"You don't look so hot." She placed her hand on Angie's forehead. "Do you have the flu?"

"No, I'm okay."

"I can get you some medicine. Do you wanna lay down in my bed?"

"No, I'm fine. Thank you."

"Okay.” She grinned. “I feel like I haven't seen you two in forever."

"You saw us last week, Ma."

"Oh, so I shouldn't be allowed to see my children so often now that they're all grown?"

"That's not what I said." He sat the box on the counter and sighed.

"Mikey!"

"Hey, Bear!" Michael hugged his little brother and kissed the top of his head. "Fuck, you're gettin' tall!"

"Can I help you make dinner?"

"'Course you can."

"Yes!" The boy ran over to Angie next and hugged her. "Hi, Angie."

"Hey, Carmy."

Half an hour later, the doorbell rang and two familiar faces joined the group in the kitchen.

"Cousin!" Richie exclaimed.

"Hey!" Nat hugged Angie before going to her brother.

"Can we get some more hands in here?" Mikey asked.

"Yeah."

"Washed hands, Richie." Angie told him

"Whatever."

"Babe, can you stir the risotto?"

Angie walked over to the pot and moved the spoon around. As she watched the mushy rice move in the pot, she quickly stepped back and headed to the bathroom.

"What's up with her?" Richie asked.

"She's got a bug. Lemme go check on her."

"I got it." Nat went to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "You okay?"

"Yeah."

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

She opened the door and found Angie sitting against the wall. She shut it and sat by her friend.

"You want some sprite?"

"No."

"It’s okay. I get really sick when I'm on my cycle too."

"I’m not on my cycle."

"Yeah you are. We're synced up."

"Sugar." Angie looked to her friend with watering eyes.

All the pieces clicked in her head. She turned towards her and gasped. "You're pregnant?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"I took like five tests. I had to shove them in my purse so Mikey wouldn't find them."

"Oh my god. You didn't tell Mikey."

"I will." She sighed. "I just don't know how he's gonna feel."

"Have you never talked about having kids?"

"Not seriously. He always said he wouldn't mind a couple, but we never had the money. We still don't."

"But you're happy, right?"

She sat there and thought about it. She thought about how good of a dad Mikey would be, how she'd give their child a different life than they had.

"I'm scared out of my fucking mind, Nat." She cried. "But I am so happy."

Nat hugged her and shed a few tears of her own. "Just to be clear, I'm the godmother?"

"Duh." Angie sniffled and wiped her eyes.

"Okay. Just checking."

🤍

Angie took small bites of the food, pairing each bite with a sip of water.  "I think you'd really like this girl, Richie." She took another slow bite.

"I'm not going out with another one of your friends."

"You know her. She used to babysit Claire Bear.”

"Tiff?"

"Yeah."

"I can't date Tiff."

"Why not?"

"She's so...amazing."

"She is. But you deserve to be happy."

"I don't know, Ange."

"She asked about you."

Richie sighed and thought about it for a minute. "Yeah. Fuck it."

"I'll give her your number."

"Fine. Whatever."

"I'm gonna grab the cannolis from Mom." Nat stood up and went into the kitchen.

"Baby, you got any Tylenol in your bag? I got a headache.”

"Yeah. It's in the living room."

He nodded and got up to grab it.

"You got a cannoli in the oven or something?" Richie asked Angie.

"What?"

"Cannoli. 'Cause we're Italian."

"First off, neither of us are Italian. Second, what the hell are you talking about?"

"You pregnant or not?"

"What? No." She panicked. "Why would you say that?"

"You're puking everywhere and you're not drinking. Plus, you went outside when I lit a cigarette earlier."

"Do not tell Mikey."

"So you are pregnant?" Carmy asked.

"Shut the fuck up. Only Nat knows. Whatever you do, don't tell Michael."

"Baby, you're pregnant?" He walked back into the room with the tests in his hand.

"Well that was quick." Richie sighed.

"I...yeah."

"How long?"

"I don't know. A few weeks."

"Why didn't you tell me?" He knelt down by her chair and grabbed her hands.

"I was scared. I still am. I thought you'd freak out 'cause we don't have the money or the time. I was so scared you'd be unhappy."

"Honey, how could I be unhappy? The love of my life is having my child." He cupped her face and grinned. "I couldn't be anything but happy. Well, maybe scared as shit, but still happy."

She bent down and kissed him while tears rolled down both of their faces. 

"Okay, the cannolis are ready!" Donna and Nat brought them in and set them on the table. "What'd we miss?"

Angie and Mikey looked at each other and grinned before turning to Donna.

"We're having a baby!"

[panicatthediaz]

Here we are, part 5. I'm not even going to try guessing how many there are gonna be at the pace this is going.

[Part 1] – [Part 4] – [Part 6]

@madaboutmunson @lamburrito @benjaminrussell @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @dijkstraspath @swiftiebuckleys @spectrum-spectre [Let me know if you want to be tagged!]

TW for homophobic language (from Eddie's father) right below the cut. It is a single paragraph, then discussed with more positive figures in Eddie's life.

Pin a String to My Chest – 5

A child's question

Eddie listened to what his dad said. How could he not? It was his dad talking, he had to pay attention.

Dad's hatred didn't make much sense, though. He kept saying that boys liking boys was wrong — "fags, all of them," he'd say with a ferocity that kind of scared Eddie — and it made them weak, made them fairies, that they "should all just die already."

Eddie, at eight years old, couldn't understand what was so wrong. Wasn't it enough if those people were happy? Did it really matter who that was with?

His mom smiled at him softly, like she always did, when he asked her. "Of course it doesn't matter," she said. "Most people fear what they can't understand, though."

Dad wasn't home then. Eddie knew not to talk a lot when he was; he didn't like how Eddie seemed to have an endless curiosity about the things around him, always asking "stupid, useless questions."

His mom had always been nicer, anyway. So he listened, stored his questions until his dad was out of the house, and then spent hours just talking to her.

Uncle Wayne had the next two days off, so Eddie was picked up bright and early (at 10 am) the next morning.

He was barely out of the door to hug his uncle when his parents started fighting. Wayne smiled tensely when he frowned, glancing back at his front door, but neither of them said anything until they were halfway to Hawkins.

Until Eddie repeated, "Does it really matter if a boy likes another boy?"

Wayne sighed, a little harshly, and Eddie shrunk into the backseat. With a glance in the rearview mirror, his uncle shook his head.

"Your dad is talkin' shit again, huh?" He affirmed, smiling apologetically. "It shouldn't matter, no," he sighed again, this time… a little sadly. "But a lot of folks are just stuck in their ways, y'know?"

"Like who?"

Wayne chuckled, like he did every time there was a follow-up question. "God-fearin' fanatics, mostly. The type that don't really wanna think by themselves, and are glad to follow the first person that'll tell 'em how to be."

Eddie nodded seriously. He didn't think he'd like someone telling him how to be. Not if that was like his dad, angry words at everything and everyone.

"I don't think you'll have to worry, kid," Wayne was smiling at him, looking in the rearview mirror. "Keep asking questions—"

"To the right people!"

"—to the right people," he chuckled at the echoing words, "And you'll be thinking by yourself no problems.

"You'll always have your ma and I to help too, kiddo."

What no one had told him was that "always" and "forever" could mean just two years.

That sometimes, sickness came too quickly and undetected to take everything that was good to him. That his father would spiral and make Eddie his new preferred target, and make his life miserable for a whole year before he was arrested.

At least Wayne took him in. Wayne didn't get rid of art supplies in the middle of the night because drawing was something that "only girls did."

Eddie wasn't even interested in boys like that! His father didn't know him very well, in the end. Not like his mom had known him. Not like Wayne still did... Hopefully...

Where was Wayne, anyway? Eddie... Eddie missed his uncle, he knew that, but... Why? What happened?

He was sure he could hear voices somewhere beyond the darkness that surrounded him, but he couldn't reach them.

[drowninginredink]

10 and 22 for the fic ask game [asoue]? :)

For 22? If I'm writing it, there is always going to be more angst than fluff. Especially in ASOUE. I mean, I've vaguely learned how to be fluffy in my adventures writing smosh fic (although I eventually got super sick of that fluff and my smosh WIPs have mostly gotten angsty again), but in ASOUE? No, if I'm writing for the "no happy endings" series, that's an excuse to go all in on the angst.

As for 10? Fuck it, let's share a whole 650 word scene from the Klaus/Lemony fic that I really like and should really go back to working on. God, talk about angst.

Klaus waited until they moved to a hotel room with a balcony to bring it up. By now, he knew that when Lemony was at his most melancholic, he smoked. Klaus wanted to save this particular observation for when Lemony was in one of his gloomier moods, and he didn't want to leave the hotel room to do so. It felt intrusive to follow Lemony all the way out the hotel doors. When Lemony was on the balcony, on the other hand, he’d never truly left. Klaus let Lemony get halfway through his cigarette before he stepped out onto the balcony. He tried to hide that he was checking Lemony’s progress, but knowing Lemony, he had probably still sensed that he was being watched.  It was a tiny balcony. There were no chairs or table, just a few feet of space and a railing for Lemony to lean over. Klaus didn’t bother to close the door behind him. He knew he should to prevent the smoke from tainting the hotel room. But closing the door was admitting to starting a conversation. Klaus didn’t want a conversation, not really. He just wanted to get the thought out of his head.  “We should have gone with you. That night, at the Hotel Denouement.”It was the first time Klaus admitted that he knew Lemony had been the taxi driver that night. Klaus hadn’t been able to see him, then, but the voice had stuck in his mind. It was calm, quiet, and gentle, the opposite of what one would expect from a man offering to spirit away wanted criminals. Maybe that was why the Baudelaires hadn’t gone with them. Its peace was too foreign. Their worlds hadn’t been calm or gentle for a long time.  Lemony didn’t answer with words, instead turning to face Klaus. He simply stared at him. There was no furrow of his brow, no facial expression to indicate agreement or disagreement. Just the turn of his head, to prompt Klaus to continue. But what was there to say, except the obvious? “If we had gone with you, Violet and Sunny would be here. And Beatrice would be with Kit. They’d all be alive.” “Or we would all be dead.” This time, it was Klaus who stayed silent, waiting for his partner to continue.  “I cannot know for sure what would have happened. I do know one thing, however; it is much easier to hide your identity when living alone. A large group is easier to track. Especially a group where one of the members is young and needs to attend school. We would not have been able to move and switch aliases frequently. I could have homeschooled Sunny, but even then, law enforcement take much more notice of children who move around frequently than of adult men. It would be difficult. I am not sure I would have succeeded.” Lemony finally broke eye contact with Klaus. He had to be finding the right thing to say, as if there were any words that could be comforting after such an admission. All Klaus’ weeks of waiting to broach the subject, and Lemony had already put it to rest. Klaus shouldn’t have been surprised.  Klaus slipped back through the balcony door, and closed it behind him. He returned to his seat, though not to his novel. He needed a moment to think. Klaus had gotten what he wanted. Lemony made sure that thought would leave his head. As was Lemony’s nature, he replaced Klaus’ speculation with the grim truth. Somehow, the life Klaus was living was the best way things could have gone, with his siblings turned to ash, and himself little more than a ghost. This existence of wandering from place to place, attached to Lemony's side, was the greatest life he could have hoped for.

GOD I just. Them. The codependence. The way they are both shells of themselves, living ghosts haunted by everything they've lost. They have no one left but each other, so even though Lemony is old enough to be Klaus' father, they cling in this relationship that isn't really romantic or platonic, just sexual and codependent and there.

[sandyrantsxo]

BSA humbled me.

For the last 9 months, I felt nothing but shame. Despite the achievements that I post on my social media, I am nothing but a fraud.

Writing this letter while ugly crying is truly such a surprise for me. I thought I'll excel here. I thought this would come off as natural to me. I CHOSE to be here. I PRAYED to be here. But then why is it hurting me this much? Why am suffering so damn much? Maybe I became too confident. Maybe I'm not really smart, I'm just *masipag* and that's it. I don't have the brains to survive in this program. Hell, 2nd semester and I'm already failing. 1st sem wasn't a breeze, though. I remember not having the energy to even wake up in the morning to attend classes. I felt doomed. It wasn't like when I was still in UB, where I felt excited to go to school. But here in DLSL? I dreaded it. There were moments where I could rather die than attend Confras and Finacre. The irony is, this institution was my dream school. This course was my dream course. I prayed for this. I really did. At 13, all I can think about is "De La Salle Lipa". I took pride in being a "Lasallian" and a "BSA student" just for those two to be the things that I hated most about myself. I couldn't see myself doing this for another 3 years. Hell, I just want this to be over with. It's so hard. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Am I dumb? Am I really *that* dumb? Or is it the course? Is it the school? Is it the professor? Is it the lack of support system? Or is it just me?

Or maybe because I kept comparing DLSL with UB? Is it because I miss UB? I miss my home? It's just so weird. I hated UB with my whole guts but now I crave it. I wish I could just crawl back into it and cry and let the ambiance hug me and nurture me and tell me its okay. Is it my friends? Do I miss them? I mean, I have friends in DLSL but it isn't really a factor that I wanna even consider. Is it the competition? Fuck, it's like competing with 10000x Roberts in here. It is physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually draining to even breathe in here. I don't like it here anymore. I wanna go home. But I'm scared of the judgment. I don't wanna be labeled as a failure.

I've been crying a lot for the past few weeks. I don't know if it's because of my period or because of my grades- could be both though. It's my first time experiencing scoring 29/60 in an exam. A fucking exam. And my quizzes are flunking out too. A 32/45 on a quiz? Fuck that. Fuck me. Fuck everything. Why is it so hard to be just as good as I was in high school? I know I'm not dumb. I'm not stupid. I may have gotten a bit lazy, but that couldn't have been it. I'm not dumb. It hurts how I have to repeat that multiple times a day. I'm so dumb. I'm so fucking dumb I hate myself.

I remember crying about not having 1 point to be considered "With Highest Honors", and now look at where I am. I'm begging to pass. *Pass*. All that in one semester. Last semester, I had second honors. Wow, right? I even assured myself that I might just survive in this program, that I might even do better than I thought I would. But fuck that. I'm failing. Do you even understand how embarassing that is? From being the top in your class, to being a mid in class? I'm just pretending that I have my shit together, but in reality, I do not.

I've reached a new low, where I wish I could just wake up and I'm 40 years old and I'm suddenly halfway through life and I only have a few years left until I die. Yes. That's a new low. I thought that the worst it could be is not seeing yourself 5-10 years from now. Turns out it could be worse. Sometimes, I find myself hoping that I'll get sick, or I could get caught in the accident so I can be confined and finally have the time to rest. Yes, it was that bad. For the first time in years, I silently prayed that I could seriously just die. Come on, let's end it. What's the point? It was that bad. I need help more than ever but I don't know how to ask for it. Hell, I don't even know what to do right now.

No, it wasn't because of the heavy workload. It was more of the emotional and mental fatigue. Unlike in UB where I'm bombarded with tasks, here you are bombarded with self-hatred, and jealousy, and confusion, and 99% of the time, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just good at acting like I know what I'm doing.

It was painful to wake up every morning, realizing what the day is gonna be. I hated how I hated where I am right now. I know I should be grateful and stuff, but honestly, I don't wanna lie to myself right now. I hate it. I fucking hate it. Why does it have to be so hard? I wish I had a single answer to any of these questions that I have in my head. I wish I could answer even just one of them.

No, I don't regret being in accountancy. I don't regret choosing ABM. I don't regret going to DLSL. I don't regret not staying in UB even if I had the chance. Because I know that I tried. What I would regret more is if I didn't try. As much as I love to take Psychology, I just don't see myself pursuing that long-term. However, I also do not see myself pursuing accountancy. So why am I still here? I don't know. Is it the ego? Probably. I'd probably just transfer to UB if shit goes south here in DLSL. Sure, I'll miss JPIA and PFC, but it's better than studying AIS and losing a scholarship. In UB, I could still try and apply for scholarship. I might lose the scholarship for 2nd year, but hopefully, I'll be a full scholar by 3rd year to 4th year- less financial burden to my parents. It just sucks that I have to here in this position right now. It sucks. Everything sucks. Just kill me at this point.

[the-firebird69]

There's a huge huge flotilla coming this way so much for them to go to the islands it's gigantic and it is being intercepted and they are not doing well. Last night we left them was 14% and thier last independent area went. It was a disaster so many people there died and people had enough of what they're saying and they were well less isolated and yelling and screaming what they were doing. If that wasn't enough came out with this big whiteboard and wrote it down and others can start doing it then all it was they're all shot a number of them got up and started reciting what they wrote there and were severely shot in the head and that was repeated several hundred times all of their area until they're dead and the more luck could not figure it out. The max are shouting it right to their face we hear you and are here to straighten it out what are you deaf you're really actually very stupid and also time to start crying and the other back saying what are you a girl they try to tell them what to do and the maximum and their gone, sometimes still yelling what you want to happen the last breath saying it. It's pitiful folks it really is I've never seen anything just pitiful in my life all I was doing is take over is provided cover for the clones. Devastated the fourth area.

They're rolling over the rest of them, and that are in their midst and the clones are plodding through them on the islands and two of them.

Don't stand a chance. In an hour they're going to be a whittled to nothing...ok, have a good idea of people left still about 30% of what the hell last year and people are irate at them and telling them to f off all sorts of stuff. About 10% are engaged right now and fights and it's because they're trying to steal stuff, it is a lot and it's a huge day. The flotilla was headed towards the east coast and West Coast half of it broke off halfway here and headed to the islands the other half kept heading towards the Easter or West Coast of these two continents the Americas and then when there are 300 miles away no there's still 500 and ships came out to meet them they started to head south about 75% of them and about 25% of what remains came in and fought and disappeared all gone and it was not a huge number of people and ships designed for war and that's the way they look at it

And out of the 40% that remained as of last night 10% went to the islands that's a really big number it's like one or two million octillion and they're out there building stuff. And they have to

About 10% of the 30% is fully engaged and 20% of the rest of it are starting to be engaged. So I said it's a good day. That is why.

Those other things going on today but that's huge that many are engaging it is giant number. They're all trying to take thier share moving fast. And the clothes took Steven seagal's wife and Brad and wife out to LA more or less and Brand and his wife were shot. Dead. And badly in the head and they will be back but they are hit pretty good and then his wife's sister was kidnapped and it's missing and the other one was shot in the head and that was granddaughter of trump and yes the girl who comes here. Little shot around 4:00 a.m. is the standard time no Pacific time. And Sarah is missing. And you see Lily in the movie is not hit yet telling him things about where she might be cuz they tried to find her. And he was mad and said I can't help when I'm doing over there and she said I noticed that .. so you might want to try the rest of us are sick of it he got a real big and left didn't say it word. To her I meant he heard it a little but inside she thought what an a****** thinks to get stuff what an a******. So there's a lot of people that will be trying to take stuff and go to the islands and it won't stop for hours days, little raid even when they are there almost completely. That is a huge day as I started to raid everywhere and signifies them as leaving. It was about 40 octillion vessels that went to Australia I have to tell you that is a lot of vessels that's a lot have they engage the max, the Max's may have fallen. Now they are doing this globally it's a lot of people and they're rigging stuff and it's on huge numbers of going after them. Giant numbers here are seeking them out. It is on there's so many that are doing it it's a giant giant Force

It's got to be my time that's what I thought and it's very heinous everywhere you go so it is changing the max see that they're a waste of time and it's starting to get organized for real and they're adding measures, not just sitting there. This is a huge day huge. Mostly because the warlock are leaving. We have completed the paving up to and are now doing inside the bridge and it's a huge amount of it in the bridge because it's wider it's about a hundred miles stretch each direction of paving because it's 50 miles but it's twice as wide and it's huge okay and just as many layers of the approaches it starts reducing on the highway it's ridiculously huge and the bridge is about 800 times as big as the Lanes. It's going to be paved in a moment and it'll cure and we should be able to move on Friday huge numbers of things are getting ready giant giant numbers of people want to go across it from thing to terriers to politicians movie stars guess what anybody you can imagine.

It's a massive horde that is raiding. But it's starting a war and they're going to cut down that's not stopping it, massive numbers are engaged and the Bullock lose most battles but so 40 to 60% losses it's not bad for them and they are going to town

It is too these people were severely mean and are to our son and they're more like and they're going to get their asses handed to them today

Thor Freya

Odds are getting better as Max get up

[itsany62]

SteveTony - Superfamily

Here are some Superfamily fics that I love. Don’t forget to leave kudos and nice comments in every fic!

What We Learn?, by nannersmelo, 1 k >, Fluff.

“Who is this?”

“That doesn’t matter. What matters is that we have your husband, so you will listen very closely-”

“My husband Tony? Tony Stark?”

"...Yes?”

“Oh well,” Steve laughed, “good luck with that.”

Intruder, by wordscorrupt, 500 words.

Steve and Tony face a rather tiny, adorable intruder in the middle of the night.

the privilege of loving you by starklystar, 7 k > words.

“Why won’t you let me touch you?”

It’s a desperate plea, half-shouted and half-whispered, Steve’s voice cracking at the end. Tony stops in his tracks, halfway to the stairs. He doesn’t dare to turn back, and he really doesn’t want to fight, or to leave, to spend the last month of his life away from his husband and their son. But Steve can’t know, can he?

-x-

Or: Tony has palladium poisoning, but he doesn't tell Steve and Peter

ah-choo by starksnack, 3 k words, Hurt/Comfort.

Peter catches a cold at the park while Tony is away for work. Steve is all out of sorts trying to care for a sick child on his own.

The Sign by nightwalker, 2 k > words, Adoption.

Tony hadn't slept the night before and he knew Steve hadn't either. They'd just laid there, side by side, listening to each other breathe and thinking their own thoughts. Somewhere around dawn Steve had rolled onto his side and splayed his fingers over Tony's heart.

Bellflower (unwavering love) by S_Horne, 1 k > words.

“Aw, man.” Tony shook his head at himself as he finally broke. He bent down and tucked his hands underneath Peter’s armpits, hoisting him up onto his hip with a practiced ease. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“No m’not.”

Tony shook his head, straightening Peter’s shirt out where it had bunched up around his chest. “You’re in one of those moods today, aren’t you?”

Peter shook his head sagely and Tony huffed a laugh. “Not. You’re just mean.”

“I swear,” Tony said, blowing out a sigh, “if your Pops walks in and you turn into an angel, you’re grounded until you’re 50.”

a little lemonade by tonystarkssnipples, 1 k > words.

Tony came downstairs after putting Piper to sleep to find Steve with about 10 pounds of lemons spread across the table. At Tony’s footsteps, Steve looked up at him with wide eyes. “The recipe says a cup of lemon juice per gallon.”

“And?”

“I don’t know how many lemons make a cup of lemon juice.”

--or--

It's summer and Steve wants to help their daughter with a lemonade stand.

Distracted by a Dime by happyaspie, 56 k > words, Homeless Peter Parker.

Peter Parker thinks he has everything figured out. Where he can eat, sleep and make a little bit of money. What he needs to do in order to continue attending Midtown High and being Queen’s friendly neighborhood Spider-man. How to keep his entire situation under wraps and most importantly, who he can trust.

Then, along comes Tony Stark with an offer he can’t refuse. The plan is to remain professional, to not get too close to the Stark-Rogers’ family. Not getting comfortable means not slipping up and saying anything that he can’t take back.

...but for Peter- things rarely go as planned...

one makes me want another by parkrstark, 12 k > words, Adoption, Angst with a Happy Ending.

Steve and Tony adopt Peter when he's 6-years-old and 10 years later, he still thinks he's living the best life with two father doting on him. Until they tell him about the new baby they're bringing home and suddenly, the attention is all on her.

steve rogers-stark: full time dad/husband, part time spider relocator by parkrstark, 1 k > words, Spiders, Fluff.

"Love, what's wrong?" He called out, waiting for a reply.

"Steve!" Tony instantly screamed back. "Come here! I need you!"

Steve quickened his pace slightly, trying to keep himself calm so he didn't worry Peter. Babies could sense that stuff. "Where is 'here', love?"

“Bathroom!"

come morning light (we'll be safe & sound) by parkrstark, 14 k > words, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending.

After a strange mission, Steve, Tony, and Peter find themselves trapped in their own living nightmares. Some memories of their past, some they hoped to keep from even each other, and some of the worst 'what if's their minds can imagine. All they have is each other until they wake up...but is that enough to survive until they figure out how?

Gelid Feint by geekymoviemom, 21 k > words, Fluff and Angst.

Gelid: icy; extremely cold

Feint: a deceptive or pretended blow

Steve Rogers’ world had completely changed since he was discovered in the Arctic Ice. Not only had he led a team of actual superheroes to defend New York against an alien invasion, he had also found love, and the family he’d never dared to dream he could have.

So when Nick Fury asked Steve on a simple mission to retrieve materials from a hidden bunker, Steve thought nothing of it.

Until the demons he’d thought he had buried within the Red Skull’s airplane suddenly reappeared, and he was forced to face the one enemy he’d thought he had vanquished.

He had cut off one head, but now two more had taken its place.

love lives on by parkrstark, 6 > k words, Teacher Steve Rogers, Alternate Universe.

Steve doesn't like picking favorite students, but when he gets Peter in his class, he can't help it when this sweet little boy becomes his favorite. He shouldn't be surprised when one day his father picks him up, and Steve realizes that he's the son of Tony Stark...the love of his life he let go back in high school. Steve wants his second chance, even if Tony doesn't want anything to do with him anymore.

maybe love is the reason why (we're seeing it eye to eye) by parkrstark, 134 k > words, undercover as a family, Fake/Pretend Relationship.

"I'm sorry. Repeat that again." Tony leaned forward in his seat from across the table. He even stuck a finger in his ear as if he was cleaning it out. "I don't think I heard you right."

Fury rolled his eyes-- or well, eye. "You and Rogers need to go undercover as a married couple in a community out on Long Island."

--

After Civil War, Tony and Steve are sent on an undercover mission as a couple to try and find Hydra informants. Somehow, they end up with Peter as their undercover son who decides to play matchmaker even if the two of them are doing their best to ignore their feelings after Siberia.

little moments like this by parkrstark, 1 k > words, Domestic Fluff.

Steve grabs the blanket and covers himself. "Stop it! My husband will kill you!"

It takes Tony only a second to realize what Steve thinks is going on and he laughs. "Steve, it's me. Tony." He tries to take the blanket off, but Steve doesn't let him.

"Don't-- take advantage of me! My husband will kill you!"

Or, Steve is loyal to no end. Even after a night of drinking Asgardian mead.

Trapped in the Shadows by geekymoviemom, 97 k > words, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Parent Tony Stark.

All Steve Rogers wanted after a lifetime of war was to immerse himself in quiet, and solitude. Opening a bookstore seemed like the perfect answer. He could escape to any world that he desired, all while keeping his past firmly behind him, where it belonged.

Until the day Peter Stark walked in.

anytime by complicationstoo, 714 words, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Established Relationship.

Steve is there, holding Tony's sleepy one year old against his chest and stirring scrambled eggs on the stove with his free hand. He's murmuring quietly to Peter, low enough that Tony can't quite make out the words, but there's a soft smile on his face as he talks.

Tony wanders further in, sneaking up behind him and wrapping his arms around his waist. He buries his face into Steve's hair, and he can hear the grin in Steve's voice as he says, "Good morning, dear.”

How To Change A Diaper by writerstrash, 1 k > words, Established Relationship, Fatherhood.

Steve and Tony deal with a wriggly, crawly baby Peter who enjoys keeping his parents on their toes.

[beckettsthoughts]

1-100. Yes. All the questions cause I'm feeling generous and cause nobody ever asks me shit, so I'll ask others instead. Ur welcome~~~

Oh man, this is amazing! Thank you so much

I’m a huge fan of answering questions, so this really means a lot to me. It took a while, meaning some of these answers are in fact relevant to early this afternoon and not right now, but everything else is still accurate. It’s going to be a long ride, so I hope you’re ready ^^

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?

There are several boys and several girls in my life, and a variety of non-binary people, none of whom I’m dating. My best friend is the #1 boy, though.

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

If I’m honest, yeah. Wouldn’t really want to be close with them again, but I can’t hold grudges. It’s just not nice or entertaining or fun, anymore, being bitter. Letting things go is the easiest route.

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

I mean, I think of cats? Which is fairly obvious. Particularly the old cat that used to live next door to us who made a home out of our garden; his name was Tigger. Perhaps also the cat I used to look after when some of my neighbours went on holiday, who was called Bill. I’m actually allergic to cats, though, so aside from Bill I’ve done my best not to get too close to them.

4: What’s something you really want right now?

An acoustic guitar. Or a polaroid camera, but I’m actually getting that this afternoon.

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?

No, it just doesn’t really appeal to me. I’ve never had crushes, and I’m content with my close friends. I’m indifferent, really.

6: Do you like the beach?

Not really. It’s nice to go for walks along the beach in the winter, but the whole atmosphere of a hot, crowded beach loses its charm after living near one for so long. I don’t like the sea, because it hurts my skin, and sand isn’t much better. The sun gives me headaches, too. I’m not very outdoorsy, one could say.

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

No. I’ve slept on a couch before, not often but a few times, but never with anyone else. It sounds uncomfortable, to be honest.

8: What’s the background on your cell?

Currently, it’s the souvenirs I bought from the Louvre. Before that, it’s always been landscapes from around the island.

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?

My own, my mother’s, my best friend’s, and a hotel bed in Paris.

10: Do you like your phone?

Yes I do. My old one was on it’s last legs before I renewed my contract and got my current phone, I forgot what it’s like to have a phone that works properly. It has a decent amount of memory, it links to my laptop and it works better than any phone I’ve had in the past. So yeah, I like it.

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

Surprisingly, yes. I really didn’t think I’d get to this point. I’ve been set on the path towards university since the age of eleven when I decided I wanted to be an author, and here I am with a ferry ticket to the mainland and an unconditional offer for a Creative Writing course. I finished my GCSEs, which were the toughest two years of my life, and I completed my A Levels, which were the best two years of my life. Back when I was fifteen I didn’t think I’d even live this long, let alone fulfil the plans I’d laid out for myself, but I think it’s happening. I’m so happy it’s happening.

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

My friend Alex, actually. I’d never had his number before I was invited into a group chat with him, so that was the last contact I made on my phone.

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?

A poodle. They’re so fluffy and they seem like really sweet dogs. I have a lot of fond memories of having toy poodles in Nintendogs, but in real life I think I’d like a miniature poodle the most.

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

Emotional pain, by far. Can’t take painkillers for a broken heart like you can for a broken bone.

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

Probably the zoo. I love art museums, I do, but I love conservation zoos a lot. I’ve been to two particular zoos several times, Durrell Wildlife Park (now just called Jersey Zoo) and also Marwell Zoo, both of which do amazing work in caring for and helping re-establish endangered species. I know zoos have a lot of ethical problems, but if you can find a trustworthy zoo that focuses on research and conservation I think it’s justifiable.

16: Are you tired?

Not really. The summer is one of the few times I can actually get enough sleep.

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

My whole life.

18: Are they a relative?

Yeah, it’s my mum.

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

Don’t have any exes, but if I did I’d probably say no.

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

Again, never had a kiss in the romantic sense. In a non-romantic sense, my mother, and I spoke to her this morning.

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

No, even if I had a “right person” I’d want to get through university at least before marrying them.

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

No answer for the romantic context of kissing, but on the platonic side again it’s my mother so again, yes.

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

Two; a woven rainbow friendship that a friend gave me and also a black faux-leather cord bracelet.

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?

Per aspera ad astra. Through adversity to the stars.

25: What’s on your mind?

The appointment I have this afternoon. I’m getting kind of anxious about it.

26: Do you have any tattoos?

No, but I would love some florals.

27: What is your favourite colour?

I don’t have a single favourite colour, but I really like pale oranges and dark purples.

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

No idea.

29: Who are you texting?

My best friend, @skyward-sheik. He asked about making an angsty vampire playlist, so now I am sending him song suggestions.

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

I’m genuinely considering ignoring most of the ‘kissing ones’, now.

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

Uh, yeah. Many times. I can’t think of a specific occasion, though, but I know it’s happened.

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

This is a complicated question, for me. I don’t technically have an opposite gender and I don’t really think in terms of opposite sex, but I have plenty of friends who differ from me in one or both aspects. Like, most of my friends, probably. I am friends with plenty of other non-binary people too, though, it’s just that most of the people I know are cis or binary trans, which is different to me.

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

I’d be surprised. Literally only one person has ever had feelings for me and that was when we were like, twelve.

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

Surprisingly often. I don’t think they’re particularly remarkable, but they’re quite bright blue. They can look especially bright, depending on my hair colour at any given time. I like them.

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

No comment.

36: Were you single on Valentine’s Day?

Always, but my best friend wished me a happy Valentine’s and I wished him the same in return.

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

No comment. Sorry, there are a lot of questions about kissing that I can’t really answer.

38: What do your friends call you?

Beckett, or Becks for short. I also get B, Bucket, and Pineapple, all of which I’m very fond of.

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?

My stepfather. But that’s like, daily.

40: Have you ever cried over a text?

Yeah, I’ve had some pretty brutal ones. I’ve spent lot of time crying over texts and messages, but thankfully not very recently.

41: Where’s your last bruise located?

My right shin.

42: What is it from?

Bashed it against a table-leg. Surprise, surprise; those things are lethal.

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

The last time I wanted to escape was on the ferry back from my last holiday. I have a phobia of sickness, emetophobia, and I started feeling seasick halfway through the two-hour journey. I rarely get seasick any more because I have over-the-counter medications for it, but my usual brand were unavailable and this new and supposedly better brand clearly didn’t do it’s job. I had to go out on deck in the freezing cold, without a coat, and stay there for the last half hour of the trip. I was shaking both from the cold and from the fear, and I honestly would have given anything right then to be on dry land.

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

I really hate phone calls. My mother is the only one who’ll call me despite knowing this. So, her.

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

My lace up boots are one of my most prized possessions.

46: Do you wear hats if you’re having a bad hair day?

I wear hats even when I’m having a good hair day. But yes, I definitely wear hats to hide it when my hair won’t behave the way I want it too.

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

Yeah, probably. I already want to buzz my hair really short at some point, shaving it completely feels like the logical next step. I’d probably only do it if it was a really huge trend, though.

48: Do you make supper for your family?

Uh, no. I make food for myself, every lunchtime, but my mum makes tea in the evenings. I don’t think they’d let me cook for them, in all honesty, I don’t have the best track record when it comes to making food.

49: Does your bedroom have a door?

Yes, thankfully. I don’t know if I’d be able to cope without one. I mean, with the amount of times people walk right in without knocking it may as well not have one, but I appreciate it nonetheless.

50: Top 3 web-pages?

Tumblr, Youtube, Google Drive.

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

Not off the top of my head. I’m sure there are people I know who hate it. I hate it, depending on the type of shopping. Shoe shopping is the ultimate adversity, I think, but regular food shopping is a close second.

52: Does anything on your body hurt?

Not really, right at this moment. I have a mouth ulcer that’s been painful for the last week or so, but it’s pretty much healed now.

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?

Yes and no, it really depends. It’ll be hard to say goodbye when I move off the island in September, though, that’s for sure.

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

Water, thankfully. I don’t drink much else.

55: How is your hair?

Pretty messy, underneath my hat. I’m going to style it properly before I go out this afternoon, though.

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?

Check my phone, drink something, and then go through my morning skincare routine.

57: Do you think two people can last forever?

Yeah, but it’s very dependent on circumstances.

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?

Yes. I was also eight years old, so it’s not much of a surprise.

59: Green or purple grapes?

Purple grapes.

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a big hug?

I expect I will hug my nan before I go down to the bus stop, so in about half an hour.

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

I wish I was in Los Angeles, always.

62: When will be the next time you text someone?

I will text my mother to let her know I’m on my way to meet her.

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?

Probably where I am right now, on my corner of the sofa. I’m going out soon, but I’ll be home by then.

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning?

Sleeping.

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

Never had crushes, but obviously I liked people in the platonic sense. Most of them I still like now.

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

Yes, and that person is @skyward-sheik. I’m also going to give this to @clarinooty, who is a veritable ray of sunshine.

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

Not yet.

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

I was thinking about the story I’d just been reading, and also about my plans and schedule for today.

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

Yes. In a work sense, this is always happening, but I’ve also experienced this with friendships before.

70: How many windows are open on your computer?

How many windows? Like 3. How many tabs though? 29.

71: How many fingers do you have?

Eight fingers and two thumbs, the whole set.

72: What is your ringtone?

Boulevard of Broken Dreams, but my phone is always on silent and do-not-disturb so I rarely hear my ringtone.

73: How old will you be in 5 months?

Nineteen.

74: Where is your mum right now?

At work.

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

Never been in love, so I can’t really answer this.

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

No, I don’t think so.

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

Most of them, yeah. I actually met my best friend just a little bit over two years ago, and look at us. There have been a couple of pretty significant changes, but I feel like the two of us are stronger than ever.

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in Year 7?

Again, doesn’t really apply.

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

No, weirdly enough.

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

I’m sure I have, when I was younger. Pretty sure most people do when they’re like, babies and toddlers. Not since then, though.

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?

In a crush sense, nobody. In a platonic sense, too many to count.

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

No.

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

I will talk to a person I like, in a friendship sense. I talk to my friends every night.

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

I don’t really get the wording of this? I guess it means who would I be with? I don’t drink, but if I did I would probably be with my best friend and our other two close friends.

85: If your boyfriend/girlfriend was into drugs would you care?

Yeah, I would. Probably not if it was just like, weed, but anything else I would be pretty unhappy about.

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

Uh, I can’t think. The last movie I saw was Wonder Woman, but there was nothing eventful that happened when I went to see it. I don’t know if our grotty little cinema could cope with eventful happenings, if I’m honest.

87: Who was your last received call from?

My mother.

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

No, I’d feel awful.

89: What is something you wish you had more of?

Money, which is the obvious answer, but also musical instruments and cool gadgets.

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?

Yeah. Way too much. I would say I’ll try not to make the same mistake again, but I’m pretty easily trusting. Having all of my insecurities thrown back in my face was the worst feeling in the world, though.

91: Do you sleep with your window open?

No, I can’t stand open windows. It’s just like, willingly inviting annoying insects into your room.

92: Do you get along with girls?

Yeah, usually I do. Pretty much all of my friends in school have been girls, because I naturally tend to gravitate towards them. They’re much nicer than most of the boys at my school were, and I found them way easier to speak to and joke about with. I have a mix of friends now, but yeah. I get along with girls.

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

No, not that I can think of.

94: Does sex mean love?

Not inherently, no.

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

No comment.

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

No comment.

97: Did you sleep alone this week?

Yes, just like I have every week of my life.

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

Yeah, I mentioned already but my best friend is that for me. He can lift my mood just by saying hi, you know?

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Nope.

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?

I don’t think I’ve made a pinky promise since primary school, meaning it was probably my best friend at the time. He’s still a very good friend of mine now, but I couldn’t possibly remember what our last pinky promise would have been about, or whether or not we kept it.

[ecotone99]

[SF] God Among Men

So, I recently watched the latest season of Black Mirror titled 'Smithereens' and really enjoyed the build up of the tension towards the CEO. Although I liked how the story turned out, I had a different expectation of how the ending would turn out. This is how I thought Charlie Brooker was going to end the story. The story jumps in at the moment Billy Bauer, the CEO of Smithereen, hangs up the phone with the members of the board. I would appreciate any feedback and advice as I am just starting to write short stories as a passion.

Based on an episode of Black Mirror Season 5 Episode 2: Smithereens. Imagine the episode playing out the same until we reach the point Billy Bauer hangs up on his staff to try and negotiate with Chris Gillhaney himself.

*Scene begins at the 10-day silent retreat right after Billy Bauer hangs up the phone with his board members, determined to reach out to Chris Gillhaney himself* Tipi pulls out a giant suitcase from the car and walks over to hand it to Billy. Billy, eager to get started, meets her halfway and grabs the case and walks back to his humble abode used to sequester himself from technology. He sits near the edge and unlocks the case to find his laptop ready for use. As he pulls it out and opens it up, he takes a moment to remember something while on call with the other board members. “Uh, what did Penelope say? Can you make a note for me? Christopher Michael Gillhaney.” Tipi pulls out her smartphone and begins taking notes per Billy’s request. “UK, user since '08, didn't log on for 18 months.” Tipi affirms her dictation while Billy is furiously typing on laptop. Then a moment occurs to Billy and he pauses to look up at Tipi. “Sorry, what's your name?” Surprised, Tipi replies with her name as Billy extends his hand with a cordial smile. “Hi, I'm Billy.” Tipi shakes his hand and feels special in this brief introduction. Despite all that is occurring, with two mens lives hanging in the balance, Billy still finds an opportunity to treat Tipi with respect and sincerity. This makes her question why so many of her friends and coworkers were frightened for her when she mentioned she was promoted to be Billy Bauer’s new assistant. Perhaps some of the rumors about him were not as true as she heard about through the office. She was excited, yet nervous, to start this new chapter in her life assisting the CEO of Smithereen. “Tipi, really the only good thing about my position is every once in a while I get to invoke God-mode.”, as Billy finishes this sentence, he presses enter on his keyboard starting a chain of very complex scripts that seem to connect through various satellites. *Scene switches to the car Chris Gillhaney is sitting in with Jaden, the Smithereen intern, sitting in the back, hands still tied* Chris Gillhaney’s phone rings, he stares at the number unable to recognize the caller. As exhausted as he feels, the realization that the moment he has been waiting finally arriving gives him a quick adrenaline rush and helps fight back the impending dread sitting at the bottom of his heart. Chris carefully presses ‘ACCEPT’ on his cell phone as he nervously puts it up to his ear. “Christopher? Is that Christopher? Hello?” Chris sheepishly replies, “Yea, I’m here.” Jaden in the back seat leans over a bit to get a better look at Chris, to somehow get an idea on the conversation he may be having with the founder of the most popular social media site in the world. “It’s me”, Chris softly speaks back into the phone, still unsure whether to believe who may be on the other line. “Hi. I'm Billy Bauer. You wanted to talk to me?” “I did. I did, yeah. I do.”, as Chris’ heart rate increases, he finds himself rushing in response, still in disbelief that he finally reached the reclusive man himself. “Okay, well, uh you got me on the line. Tell you what, why don't you let our guy Jaden there go and, uh you and I can just, you know, chat? We can talk about whatever it is you want.” “If I let him go, you'll hang up.” Chris retorted, refusing to fall for such a simple ploy. “I'm not gonna hang up, Christopher.” “I want you to listen to me!” “I’m listening. Let's just not blow up, okay? Let's just, you know, be calm and you'll just kind of tell me what it is that you want.” “I just told you. I want you to listen to me. Just fucking listen to me!” despite Billy’s words to ‘be calm’, this was definitely not the time to ‘be calm’. Not after all he has been through for the past year and a half. Now he was going to hear him out, fully, with all that he has to say. “I'm listening. There's no one else here. Okay, Chris? It's just it's you and me. You have my attention...Chris?” “Yeah, I'm just I'm just it's hard to get my thoughts in order. I've rehearsed this though, and I just..” the fatigue and stress of the day was starting to catch up with Chris and he was having a hard time staying focused. “Take your time, man. Just take your time.” “You run Smithereen.” Chris demanded, starting to feel the words he scripted coming back into his mind. “Uh-huh. Since 2008.” “I used to use Smithereen all the time” Now Chris was determined to state his message, the message that caused so much time, money, resources, and pain for numerous people involved on this day. On his last day. “Okay” “I mean, constantly. Like, my phone was glued to my hand. I was the whole cliche, you know, first thing I saw in the morning, last thing I saw at night. Tamsin was…” Chris broke off, filled with an intense pain that surged through his heart as he tried desperately to fight back the tears. The tears that still refused to stop after all this time. Jaden looks up to see a man continuing to deal with his own personal hell. He looks on and wonders how deep this pain goes. “Chris? I’m here” “Tasmin was the same,” fighting through the agony, Chris continued on, as he had to at this point. “She was my fiance. Three years ago I was driving home with her. We'd been visiting my mum. My mum was sick and we'd been visiting my mum and I was driving Tamsin back to our flat. She was asleep. She was tired and I'm just driving her home. And it was boring. I got bored. I got bored every ten seconds back then, I think, and I'm on this road. It was very quiet, straight...and my phone lights up and I check it. I just glanced at it, you know. There's this little notification thing saying someone liked a comment that I made about some photo of theirs. I just glanced at it, you know. That's all the time it took...” Chris pauses briefly, the damage still too real to him. “It took her two months to die. I was at her bedside. It was no use. The man in the other car died, too. He was drunk. He got the blame. They said it was him. Everyone felt sorry for me. Mr. Tragic.” *Scene switches back to Billy Bauer’s retreat destination* Tipi is still standing by Billy waiting for anything he may need, but her face looks like a combination of confusion, worry, and complete shock. As she looks on towards Billy, she notices him still frantically typing at his keyboard. At a slight angle, she can view his laptop screen. She notices a small window in the upper corner parsing Chris Gillhaney’s words into text and seemingly running various calculations underneath it in a massive tree like structure. The visualization is confusing to figure out, but from what she could tell, it seemed as if the program was figuring out the right responses and phrases to say back to Chris on the other line. What also amazes Tipi is that the program is replicating Billy Bauer’s voice and having direct communication with Chris without his knowledge. This was one of the many secret weapons at Billy Bauer’s disposale. For over a decade, he pooled company resources to research how to leverage machine language to not only mimic any person on earth, but to also have fluent conversations with others without their knowledge. This program passed any Turing test known to man. It even helped boost his popularity around the world as once this technology was advanced enough, Billy mostly held public interviews and meetings through phone calls. This allowed him to spend more time on more interesting endeavors rather than putting on 'public performances to the media', as he would put it. Although, those who work closely with him believe this caused him to become more detached from society. “My god, this man’s taste in music is just….ooff”, Billy spoke to no one in particular. He was sifting through, dissecting, investigating this shattered hostage taker’s Smithereen profile. He was trying to understand Chris’ mind, thought patterns, characteristics, anything he could use to end this situation, anything to help exploit him. “Mmm, no siblings, mother deceased, father still lives close by. Quite a recluse now I see. Hrmm, maybe we could…”, as Billy trailed off he started opening up a new window on his laptop and typing furiously what looks like code for a script that Tipi could not fathom to understand. Likely, most other programmers could not either. Tipi receives a phone call and leans over to Billy in a whisper, “It’s Pen.” Billy waves her off as he continues typing, in deep concentration. “She is insisting not to do this ag…”, before Tipi could finish her sentence, Billy gives a look to Tipi that stops her mid sentence. She could not quite put it into words, but the intense, brooding glare he gives up at her says something more, something worse if she disobeyed. “I am sorry, but Mr Bauer is currently indisposed at the moment. I will let him know you called the moment he has a chance.” As Tipi hung up the phone, Billy slightly nods and continues to feverishly write out what now looks like a number of scripts waiting for execution. “I killed her over a fucking dog photo!”, Chris sobs into the phone as he finally pours the deepest darkest secret of his heart out to the CEO, or so he thinks. “I killed her over that.”, as Chris finishes his story, silence takes over the phone call. As he wipes tears from his eyes, he beckons “are...are you still there? Did my fuckin sob story put you to sleep?” “I am still here, Chris,'' replies the machine language program. “I never left, I’m just listening to you, that's all. You must be dealing with so much guilt and shame from all of this. Like, you’re all alone with this burden and can’t tell anyone with what you’re going through for fear they will judge you. That they will not understand you. Judge you, like the terrible person you believe you are. Am I right in thinking this?” Chris is in shock to hear all his emotions and pain get reflected back to him so clearly and concisely, he nervously replies “y-y-yeah! It’s been just so fuckin hard, you know!?” The program picks up the subtle inflection change in Chris’ voice to realize its reaching out to him and pushes forward with its message. “And not to mention the amount of grief you must feel for the lost of your one true love.” In the background, sobbing is heard through the receiver. “That sounds so heartbreaking. You have endured so much through the fault of this app, and for that, I am truly, truly sorry for your loss. But you are not alone, Chris” “Yes, I am! I did this! It was my fault!” “You are not. I have lost someone deeply as well. Someone very close to me” *Scene switches back to the car with Chris sitting inside listening very intently* Jaden perks up upon hearing this new information from a man who very much values his privacy. Chris, taken aback, questions him, “what? What do you mean?” “I have also lost someone, Chris” “Don’t fuck with me, Billy! I won’t hesitate! I’ll shoot this fuckin’ intern right between the eyes, I swear to god! I swear if you’re lying to me!”, Chris, emotionally drained, cannot stand anymore disappointments at this point. Calmly, the program replies, “I am not, Chris. I would not lie to you. Her name was Abby. We were in love. This was before Smithereen, back when I was a freshman in college. I was deeply in love with her.” After a small pause, Chris started to become curious, “how…” “How can you know I am not lying? Go ahead, look her up”. As the program was speaking these lines to Chris, a plethora of other scripts, outside of Billy’s work, started executing. “Her name was Abby Leauril, that is spelled L-e-a-u-r-i-l. I’ll wait” Chris put the phone away from his ear and did a search. “She’s not on here, you fucking liar!” “No, she was never on Smithereen. Try searching on the web instead, Chris” Chris proceeded to open a browser and did a search on the woman and found some relevant information related to the program’s message. In disbelief he remarked, “it says here she’s dead...by suicide.” “Yes, Chris. She was chronically depressed. And no amount of therapy, drugs, or loving support and encouragement from myself could make her believe she was not alone. In the end, she took her life and I blamed myself. I blamed myself for not finding more ways to help her feel connected. And that is why I built Smithereen” “...really?”, Chris sheepishly asked, unsure of how to take such a deep, personal story from the CEO of the biggest company in the world. *Scene switches back to Billy’s location and focuses on Tipi* “Really, Chris.”, replied the program empathetically. Tipi, upon hearing this, become quite baffled upon hearing this story. She had every right to be in disbelief, since in preparation for this position, she did a deep analysis of Billy Bauer’s life in order to better serve his needs and she knows very well that Billy dropped out of college halfway into his first semester to continue writing an application he had already started in high school. In fact, Billy never really had any girlfriends, at least not until he become incredibly rich and famous. Yet, upon pulling out her phone and doing a cursory search, there she was, this obituary of Abby Leauril popped up at the first search result. How odd that such an unknown figure would have their obituary show at the number one search result. And then it dawned on her how sophisticated this machine language program could act. During their conversation, the program created a completely false person, generated a fake obituary, and, upon closer inspection, a full backstory with several other links relating to her passion for poetry, trips with friends going snowboarding, and even pictures that must have been generated as well. Such complex actions took this program mere seconds to generate and Chris had no clue how all of this was fabricated. “So, Chris, as you can see you are not alone. I also blamed myself for her death, but that was not true. There are situations in life we just cannot control and it took many years of coping, meditation, and therapy to help me realize that. Do you see a therapist, Chris?” “No, no I don’t, and it really won’t fuckin matter at this point”, Chris replied dejected and depleated. “Why do you say that?” “Come off it! Because there is no tomorrow after what I’ve done here today. Don’t play like there is any other end to this than what we know is going to happen” “Chris, what if I said I could get you out of this? No jail time, walk away scot free, would you want that?” *Scene switches back to the car* A long pause hovers over the phone call. Chris and Jaden are both stupefied upon hearing such an incredulous proposition. Billy Bauer may be the CEO of a giant corporation, but even businessmen must obey government laws. Also, Billy resides in America and could no way have any leeway over UK jurisdiction. “Chris? Chris, are you still there? I hope you did not fall asleep on me, haha”, the program chimed into the receiver, attempting to continue the rapport it was building with Chris. “But….that’s..” “Impossible? Maybe for you, but c’mon, Chris, you’re talking to Billy fuckin’ Bauer! But I can only make this work if you agree to let Jaden here go. Will you agree to that?” Hesitantly, Chris replied, “H-how can you do that? You can’t do that, can you?” “One sec, I’ll get my lawyer on the phone…”, the program replies as it generates a new voice and background information while Chris waits patiently thinking Billy is calling this other person. “Hello, this is the law office of Mr. Ray Billebu, how may I assist your call today?” a kind receptionist responds into the phone. “Hey, its Billy, get Ray on the phone, please. Its urgent” “Oh, of course, Mr. Bauer. I will put you right through” A few moments pass and another voice generated by the program begins to speak. “Hey, Billy? I’m here, what’s up?” “Have you been following the news?” “Yea, I am up to speed” “So, I am on the phone now with Chris. He’s been great to talk to, just a little down on his lucky lately. Any chance we can help him out of this situation?” “Hrmm, that’s going to be tough. I know some higher up fellas though over in the UK police department that owe me a favor. Is he on the phone? Chris? Are you there?” “Ye-yes! Yea, I’m here”, Chris stammers, almost unable to process what he was hearing on the phone. Who is this Ray Billebu? Does he really have this kind of pull? The whole situation sounds almost too ridiculous, but before he can think this through, ‘Ray’ interrupts his train of thought. “Ok, so I may be able to pull a few strings, but I already know they’re going to ask this. Will you release the hostage if I can broker you a deal?” A momentary lull hits in the car, yet it feels like an eternity as Jaden leans in slightly wondering if his nightmare may end here soon. Chris almost cannot respond given how quickly this whole scenario suddenly is playing out. And as if on cue, the program chimes in as Billy, “Look, I know this is a lot to deal with right now, but I promise you, we are going to set you up with the best therapists, psychologists, massagists, whatever! Hahaha. The point is, you have a second chance here, Chris. A real chance. Isn’t that what Tasmin and your mother would want for you now? To move on from this and to have a real fulfilling life? To forgive yourself?” As the program states this, Chris can feel his tears rolling down his face once again. He almost forgot about the recent loss of his mother. All the love and care they provided him seemed to flood back, followed by a torrential betrayal of remembering they were gone. Gone forever. But perhaps, if Billy is right, this does not have to be forever. “Al….alright. I will let him go. I was gonna do it anyways, so that’s fine. If you can get me off…..I’ll let him go” *Scene switches back to the police officer, Linda Grace, continuing to observe the hostage situation* Inside the police car, the officer next to her nudges her to get her attention. Linda looks up, and rushes to open the door to take a better look. She starts giving cautionary demands to the force to be on the lookout in case the perpetrator attempts to do something suddenly. She almost cannot believe it, but she is watching the Smithereen intern exiting the vehicle, arms raised high, walking right towards them to safety. *Scene switches back to Chris inside the car* Chris looks at the rearview mirror and witnesses Jaden getting taken in by the police officers. As nervous as he feels, there is a small gleam of hope in his heart. That possibly amidst all this madness there may actually be a road to redemption for himself. It is the first time he has allowed such a feeling and he cannot believe it came about in the strangest series of events. He did not care, as he thought about Tasmin, he realized from here on out he was going to try and do better. Do better in this world, to help people make better decisions. It would be a long hard road, but he knew that is how he would honor the memory of his dear beloved. Just then, he could hear laughing over the phone line, Billy sounded quite jovial...a bit too much so. “Hahahaha, wow, I just cannot understand how people like this pile of shit. Do you really listen to this? I mean, I have been trying to, but I just….I can’t! Oh god, it is so awful” Chris is thoroughly confused, Billy’s demeanor and cadence has taken a completely different turn. As he continues to try and understand this shift, the truth slowly starts to loom in. “Did they just say ‘my whole heart is all yours?’”, Billy questioned, to no one in particular. “Talk about some pretty weak mess. I have been trying for the past 20 minutes to get into this, but I just...wow. You really should have killed yourself ages ago just for listening to this remedial tripe. That’s probably what killed her, isn’t it? You were playing this pussy shit in the background and you all just fell asleep trying to keep up! Hahaha! And if that car didn’t do it, I bet she was already ready to slit her wrists from having to bear through this dog turd of a song. Oh. My. God….its just...so…” “What did you... what did you say about my wife?!”, Chris interrupts, his face turning more serious as the rage in his heart starts to boil up. Not realizing the full gravity of the situation he is in. “But seriously, your taste in music? Sucks. But I don’t know what else I would expect from someone who wanks it to furry porn”, Billy continued on, giving no mind to Chris’ question. “What are you...I don’t! Wank it to furry porn! Why in the bloody…” “June 8th, 2 minutes and 34 seconds. I mean, perhaps you were just curious, but let’s be honest. That’s enough time to let one go for you. And hey, I’m not judging! I am actually impressed! I figured you to be 1 minute, 130 max. Kudos, my man, kudos. Hahahah!” “Now, you listen here! You don’t get to rummage through my life like that and you sure as shit don’t get to say those things about my wife!” “Ah, but she wasn’t really your wife, right? Remember? Because you killed her before you could actually get married? I mean, c’mon man! You’re doing all this for her and you can’t even fucking remember whether you got married?! Hahaha, god, you all are such complete imbeciles! Seriously!” “How dare you say such things to me! How dare…” “No, how dare you! And, just because of that, boom there it goes.” In the background, Chris could slightly here a tap go off, almost indistinct, but definitely pressed with determined force. It almost sounded like a key pressing down on a keyboard. “You still scoping out your feedback over on the app? Why not go take another look. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.” Chris, still enraged and very perplexed by what is transpiring with his conversation with Billy, pulls his phone down and starts sifting through Smithereen’s data feed. On the screen he can see messages such as ‘Breaking News: Chris Gillhaney’s Mother a Drug Dealer’, ‘Hostage Taker’s Mum Dealt Drugs to Little Kids’, ‘Psycho Son’s Mother Killed Herself Rather Than Go To Jail’. Chris’ eyes widened as his heart rate spikes into trembling with fear. Trembling like his hands, as he can barely keep them still as he views the comments ravaging his poor mother. After a few more comments, he cannot look anymore and pulls the phone slowly back to his ear, slowly starting to feel the ominous weight Billy projects onto his victims. “Why?....why would you do this to her? She…..she had nothing to do with this”, Chris pleads for answers as tears start flowing from his eyes in shameful pain. “Why? I did this just to show you how serious I am.” Billy coldly and calmly replies. “But you didn’t have to do this. I released him. What about the deal?” “Yeaaa, that wasn’t even me.” “What are you on about? I heard you!”, Chris exclaims, desperately trying to keep mind within reality. “Oh, you did, but that wasn’t me. Yea, that was a little pet project of mine. What you heard was a fake. An algorithm. It's able to replicate my voice and was able to pool together the best psychologists, sociologists, negotiators, and mental health experts throughout all of time to figure out the best way to reach you. To figure you out. To get under your skin, so you could bend and move the way I wanted you. And it worked! Well, it always does” “But if it can do….this whatever, then why post all this God awful lies about my mum? Why?!”, Chris yelled into the phone, hoping to find some reason to this real trend of madness that was coming onto him. “Oh, this? This is just for fun! Sometimes I like to still get hands on from time to time. Honestly, I couldn’t give a shit about that intern fuck. He’s going to get fired, that’s for sure. I can’t have some idiot getting taken captive by some societal fuck up like you. That’s just….oof. So low” “But why? Why are you doing this to me? I don’t under…” *Scene switches to Billy’s location, a close up is on his face as he stands up* “Because, Chris, no one, and I mean NO ONE, gets to fuck with my 10 day silent retreat!” “Your what retr…” “You don’t get to come along and pitch your whiny, bullshit sob story for offing yourself and fuck with my week while you’re at it! There are consequences to your actions! You would’ve done yourself a lot of good by just putting that bullet in your head when your whore of a fiancee... “Hey! Hey, don’t you dare speak to her…” “YOUR WHORE OF A FIANCE and expect to just have some nice casual conversation with the CEO of the largest fucking company in the goddamn world! You don’t! Do *lightly laughs*...do you have any idea how little your life is worth to me? I know the real name of the prostitute that the chancellor of Germany uses on a daily basis. I can pinpoint within a day the moment an assassination attempt occurs throughout Russia. With a snap of a finger, I could change an entire young generations music fad into some other derivative horse garbage. Last week I gave up the identities of several members of a resistant group in a country in exchange for exclusive rights for our app to get used in the country. The stupid fucks don’t even realize we’ll own them too by the end of the year! This phone call alone made me trillions. Your pathetic porn habits are meaningless to me. Your existence is just a sputtering hiccup that should have never happened. Now, here is what I am going to do, you either go ahead and finish the job that drunk fuck up couldn’t do properly or I am going to tell the WHOLE WORLD that you organized a kiddie sex dungeon. You have 1 minute to decide or else. I hope this was worth it, you worthless piece of shit!” *Credits start to roll* *Scene shows two teenagers live streaming the car, a loud gunshot is heard in the distance. The teenager holding the phone looks slightly distraught as he slowly lowers his phone* *Scene switches to officer Linda Grace, steadily watching the car, suddenly looks more intense and steps slightly forward. She pulls out her radio to hear confirmation of what she thinks she witnessed. Next to her, another officer hears a notification go off on his phone and pulls it out to read. As he skims through the headline, he looks ghostly white as he slowly comes up to Linda and nudges her to look down. She peers over to view the screen and quickly looks up at the car with a menacing stare* *Scene switches to the board room, as Penelope, Shonelle, and Don wait nervously for feedback from Billy. They all receive a notification at once and immediately check their phones. Each of them have a distraught look over their face. Immediately after, another notification chimes in. Shonelle covers her mouth in horror. Penelope struggles to keep her composure as she reads through the entirety of the article. Don merely blurts out in frustration, “that son of a bitch did it ag...!” Refusing to allow his emotions take hold, he cuts off the sentence and instead clenches his phone with both heads, pretending they are grabbing someone else* *Scene returns to Billy’s retreat, focused on Tipi* Tipi looks on towards Billy as he walked away, carrying the laptop in one hand, when speaking with Chris personally. She is quite unnerved after hearing Billy’s inflection and tone of voice turn quite vitriolic over in the distance. Billy was walking back, already finished with his call with Chris when a couple notifications went off on her phone. She only has time to briefly read a couple of the breaking news headlines, but she was able to process “Suicide” and “Child Sex Offender”. The full spectrum of the situation suddenly dawned on her in horror when contemplating the actions she just witnessed along with these recent headlines. A surreal clarity breaks through in her mind when piecing together her cursory understanding of Billy’s character. With no peers to keep him in check, no authority to put him in his place, no morality to keep him straight, he is a God among men. One who rules ruthlessly and carelessly with ceaseless abandonment to goodwill for no other benefit than his own. He is more feared than the devil himself, for Billy is only human, yet his realness shows the sobering truth; deep within, any one of us could become him. “Water, please?”, Billy asks, in a very cordial manner. Tipi barely has time to let this recent discovery sink in before she goes on autopilot and hands him a water bottle from some place she cannot remember. “Thank you”, remarks Billy as he is packing away his laptop into the suitcase. “Let Pen know the situation is resolved and Jaden was unharmed.” “Y-yes, Mr. Bauer”, Tipi timidly responds. “Oh, and also tell her that Jaden is fired, once he recuperates, of course. Give it, uhhhhhh, a few weeks? Then let him go.” “.....yes, Mr. Bauer” Billy is very calm and loose as he is closing the suitcase with his laptop inside. He hands the case over to Tipi, without a care in the world from the look in his eyes. As Tipi grabs the handle, Billy holds onto it a bit longer, looking her peacefully in her eyes. “You’re from Chicago, right?” Tipi is taken aback, a mixture of surprise and slight fear dawns on her by him somehow already knowing her background. She slightly nods, her mind still too paralyzed from the events that have taken place recently. “Stanford as well? Top of your class? Your mother must have been so proud, especially since she raised you all on her own. College never really made much sense to me, but I always admire those who work hard to better themselves, against all odds. I am impressed with all that you managed to accomplish in your life, Tipi”. Billy looks at her and gives a warm, seemingly genuine smile towards her. Tipi, a bit flattered that despite this possible invasive breach of her privacy, that he recognizes the real value she admires in herself. Slightly flustered, she replies, “Thank you...Mr Bauer” As Billy is about to let go of the case, he proclaims, still with his affectionate smile across his face, “please, call me Billy”

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[youspoketome]

MXPX - TEENAGE POLITICS (1995)

I once bought a bright orange and navy blue Superman t-shirt in a size XL simply because it existed. It's hard to believe in this day and age, when comic book shirts are everywhere and comic book movies are breaking records every other week, but there was a time when a Superman shirt, even one with stupid colors and two sizes too big, was really exciting.

So I think that explains why I was so shocked to see Tom from MxPx wearing a Superman t-shirt on the cover of 7 Ball.

7 Ball was a magazine that covered slightly more alternative Christian music than CCM (a magazine that literally named itself "Contemporary Christian Music Magazine"). Apparently they didn't have much (read: any) budget for photoshoots though, so when they decided to put MxPx on that fateful cover, they just used an image from their newest album ON THE COVER. I took that magazine home and without even hearing them, I immediately became hugely interested in MxPx.

That summer, my dad took me to Sonshine Music Festival, a fairly large, weekend long Christian music festival in Willmar, MN. I remember the biggest draw was Petra playing on the mainstage on Friday night (I had to skip a baseball tournament in order to make it to see them), but I was also incredibly excited that MxPx was playing. By this time I had at least heard their cover of "Summer Of '69" although I can't for the life of me recall how or where. I made it a high priority to be ready for them to play, to the point that my dad and I threw a frisbee back and forth during an entire Stavesacre set, just so we'd be at the proper stage when they were finished and it was MxPx's time.

I think my dad made it halfway through the first song.

Really though, good on him for trying. He waited through that entire Stavesacre set for this band of tattooed and pierced punk rock kids to play and he gave it a go. Then he told me he was going to check out the other stages and left me to rock out on my own. Well... As much as an awkward 13-year-old who has never actually heard the band playing can rock out.

Once the set was over I was determined to buy a CD. The trouble was, as I have mentioned, I was terrible at saving money and didn't have enough cash to afford anything from their merch table. That didn't deter me though, Northwestern Bookstore had a booth set up on the Sonshine grounds where they were selling CDs. I still couldn't afford TEENAGE POLITICS, but ON THE COVER was a shorter length cover album, so it was cheaper. I could be off on the details, but I think it was $8 and I had $6. I thought for sure I'd be able to borrow $2 from my dad for a CD, but had underestimated his distaste for my new favorite band. I went home empty-handed.

That still wasn't enough to get me to give up though. Around this time I had a subscription to Breakaway Magazine (or maybe it was still my older brother's subscription then. At some point his subscription just transferred over to me.) Breakaway was a Christian magazine for teenage boys that had a couple advice columns. One of those columns focused on relationships and life, and one was more about movies and music. Every month that second column basically consisted of variations of two questions: One: "Should I listen to (insert non-Christian band here)?" (Answer: no, unless that band was Genesis. For some reason,they were ok with WE CAN'T DANCE.) And two: "My parents won't let me listen to (insert Christian band here) because they rock too hard and my parents think anything that sounds like that must be evil." The answer to this one was always essentially "have them read the lyrics, and when they see what the band is singing about, your parents will come around!" So I borrowed a copy of TEENAGE POLITICS from one of my older brother's friends and supplied my parent's with the lyric sheet.

Breakaway was wrong.

Ok, quick theology aside (it's relevant, just bear with me). In Ephesians 2:8-9 Paul writes "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. (NASB)" Christianity is not intended to be a bunch of people following a bunch of rules, it's about having a relationship with Jesus Christ and accepting His sacrifice of His life for your sin. Yes, Christians should live in a way that will be pleasing to Him, but no amount of being good is going to get anyone into heaven. To live your life putting the emphasis on a list of things you can't do instead of on salvation through Jesus is called legalism.

My grandma had a lot of legalistic beliefs. For example, she wouldn't even play solitaire, because some people use playing cards for gambling. Which is why my parents didn't really love it when they they came across "legalistic people suck. Legalism makes me sick. I wonder what makes them tick. I want to go puke on it" in that lyric sheet.

And that dashed my hopes of buying an MxPx CD.

There were multiple repercussions to this ruling. First, I very much learned the wrong lesson from all this. I had gone through all the proper channels (learned of a band in a Christian magazine, saw them at a Christian music festival, followed a different Christian magazine's advice for winning parents over) and was still shot down. So shortly after this when I was at my friend Matt's house and he showed me a new band called Green Day who sounded "exactly like MxPx," I decided to skip the getting approval step altogether (Breakaway would eventually cover Green Day in one of those "don't listen to this non-Christian band" columns). I had another friend dub me a copy of DOOKIE onto a cassette and I listened to it strictly on headphones.

Secondly, I was introduced to Tooth & Nail Records. Perusing that Northwestern Bookstore booth at Sonshine was also my first exposure to Ghoti Hook, whose first album SUMO SURPRISE would end up being one of my next CD purchases. Shortly after that I obtained a T&N mail order catalogue, which I would go over and over and over again. Crux's FAILURE TO YIELD, Blenderhead's PRIME CANDIDATE FOR BURNOUT, TOOTH AND NAIL ROCK SAMPLER VOL. 1, and I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN VOL. 1, all T&N releases, were my next four purchases after that. Somewhere in there I also got a VHS tape of Tooth & Nail music videos. Up until this point, I was looking for that Forefront Records spine, but my brand loyalty changed allegiances to Tooth & Nail almost immediately. And would stay there for another 10-15 years.

I never would buy TEENAGE POLITICS. The two CDs I bought in between Ian and Ghoti Hook were NEVER SAY DINOSAUR, a tribute to Petra that featured your usual CCM bands like Audio Adrenaline and Jars of Clay, but also featured a cover by MxPx, and SELTZER, another CCM compilation that MxPx got thrown into. They were also featured on that music video compilation and I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN, so I snuck them in where I could. At some point in the next two years my cousin ended up with a copy of TEENAGE POLITICS, and was more interested in my copy of Geoff Moore and the Distance's HOMERUN. By that point I had already almost entirely abandoned my pre-T&N CD collection so it was a no brainier to make that trade. I think it ended up being one of those rare win/win trades. I think he still breaks out the Geoff Moore from time to time and TEENAGE POLITICS is still my favorite MxPx album to this day.