#i'm sorry but you can hate me for it all you fuckin want! i'm actively prepared to recieve threats for this!

[scorittanius]

this probably sounds fuckin stupid but the amount of people i've seen recently arguing that they should get to smoke [weed in particular] everywhere and everywhere and that anyone who disagrees is some weird puritan pisses me the fuck off

like, guys. i get being frustrated about weed not being legal / some people having genuinely stupid opinions about it. however i also think that... yknow... no-smoking areas should still exist? especially in enclosed spaces like busses and trains? because being in public is a two-way transaction and you still have to be considerate of other people, contrary to popular tumblr belief? with smoking in particular since second-hand smoke exists and actively harms people, especially the millions of people with the thousands of health issues that are directly and severely affected by smoke exposure?

i genuinely don't care if you use weed, it's cool i guess and should be legal regardless both because fuck the cops, you can do whatever you want with your body forever and having the safe routes to both using and quitting legallisation provides is incredibly important! however i'd like to continue being able to do things like 'breathe' and 'not get severe thyroid flareups or damage my already quite severely secondhand smoke damaged lungs even further' whenever i leave the house, please?

[stoopidpigeonxx]

Can you do the tupar crew and their partner taking those freaky chocolates and something with spit play please (😞🙏🏽)

Also I love your content!!

Aphrodisiacs.. me likey >:-) I can do this, yes! And thank you lovey <33 I got confused and wrote the crew taking them- I hope this suffices, sorry :'3

Curly

-god dammit he knew something was wrong with those chocolates.. You wouldn't randomly offer him some without consequences. -Dude is throbbing hard and it's all your fault. -Super grabby, clingy, touchy, kinda like a dog. He's panting and groaning because he's so hard it hurts. -Almost cries when you teasingly ask him what's wrong because you KNOW what's wrong, you evil little minx you. -"I d'no, I just.. fuck, I really need to be inside of you, angel.. like right now." -If you agree to help him out, he's throwing you over his shoulder to your quarters faster than lightning. He's on a roll. -Prepare for a loooong night. You will most likely not be able to walk tomorrow and possibly the day after that. -For real, he's going at least 8 rounds. -You've never had that many orgasms in your LIFE. -and the best part.. his rampant horniness makes him the BEST sweet talker. -Oh my GOD. -"Fuck, fuck fuck, you're so warm n' tight, you're fucking perfect, shit.. I love you, I love you s'much, my beautiful girl/boy.." -"Yeaah, you like takin' it? I know, baby, I know you do." -yeah, you might have to take a couple plan b's.

Jimmy

-oh he is pissed. -Doesn't matter if it was accidental or not, he's getting your ass. -Grabs you out of nowhere and shoves your ass against him with his hand on your throat. -"So you think yer fuckin' slick, huh? Givin' me that shit that's got me hard as a rock? Well if you wanna play like that, doll, I hope you can take what you get." -Does not give any fucks. Just bends you over wherever he's got you and goes to town. -And he's rough with it. Ass smacking, choking, hair pulling. It's your fault he's this horny anyways. He wants you to regret it. -"You wanted to get fucked like this, didn't cha, slut? Well you fucking got it. You gonna take this dick all fuckin' night." -leaving you with handprints on your ass and his seed leaking down your legs. Probably just. Leaves you in a crumpled up state. And goes to bed. You can handle yourself.

Daisuke (Ftm for this one!!)

-oh you're gonna kill this poor man. -He was already horny enough as it is!! -He's so fucking that he could cum if you so much as poke his clit. -rubbing himself on your thigh while y'all are cuddling.. -he's like a dog in heat. PLEASE fuck this man. -"Please please please please, baby.. I'm gonna diee... you're killing meeeee.." -rolled over pawing at your thighs and shit. He's so fucking down bad. -EAT HIM OUT!!!! -Or just.... do anything. Like it's painful for him to be this horny. Put him out of his misery. -goes so dumb when he cums that he's babbling literal nonsense. It's so illegible. -"Ohhhh fuckfuckfuckfuck, shit, fuuuuck-! Baby- oh my god.. fuck.." -Knocks the hell out afterwards. He's tired. :-(

Anya

-you're a monster.... -she has to deal with the aching between her thighs while she's working??? -She's very polite at hinting what she wants, but it's still pretty obvious. She's clingy as hell, and pressing her hips against you a bit too hard. -"H-honey, I hate to be a bother, but, I really need your help.." -literally just a full night of the sweetest, most passionate sex ever. She's such a romantic.. -eat this girl OUT. Let her ride your face. She really needs it. -Not super vocal regarding words, but makes some really sweet noises. -Probably only gets vocal when she's about to cum. And it's mostly just your name over and over. :-3 -Girly has unlimited stamina. Even if you can't go anymore, she'll ride your thigh or something.

Swansea

-probably the most respectful out of them all. -doesn't bother you, can take care of himself, unless you're actively offering. -He tries really really hard not to go absolutely feral since he knows that would be physically hard for him. But jeez, you're so hot, and he's harder than he's ever gotten, even in his youth. -Would marathon go down on you. You taste delicious, he'd be stupid to refuse you. -"Jesus, darlin', you're the most beautiful person i've ever met.. M'so lucky to have ya all to myself." -probably doesn't go super long. He's old. He doesn't have much stamina. He'll go as long as he possibly can for you, though. He wants to make you feel as good as he does.

[inkyquince]

I need my Rook to wake up sandwiched between Lucanis and Spite. Give me that nasty demon fade threesome, fucking me stupid over the bloody corpses of our enemies.

SO, after finishing another playthrough (shut up) I am FIRM in what I believe. Which is the following:

Spite fuckin falls first, Lucanis falls harder. Spite ADORES Rook, even outside of a romance. He doesn't even show this preference for Neve (i'm vindictive and this makes me smile. Neve is my least favourite- I DONT HATE HER, LEGIT, ADORE HER, JUST OUT OF ALL OF THEM, SHE'S AT THE BOTTOM. IM SORRY BABY). Spite even fuckin says he LOVES Rook if they focus on punishing Illario. (Don't even get me started on Illario holY SHIT "you picked the wrong dellamorte" brother you have a string of failed romances, sees his cousin in his FIRST relationship and starts scream crying. im so mad he's hot). Solas offers to separate Lucanis and Spite? Lucanis tells him to fuck off WHILE SPITE YELLS THAT HE HURT ROOK. Spite adores Rook and its PLAIN to see, even hurting Lucanis because he wants to talk to Rook. Also he's a bitch to everyone when possessing Lucanis and trying to waddle out, except to Rook, he's fuckin purring and wanting scritches. He shows how much he likes Rook in like... The second interaction with Spite? Even when flatly telling Lucanis that you will kill him if he gets to rowdy? Spite moans and says "Watch about for them I WANNA TALK TO THEM, ROOK TIME"

This is a poly relationship. Brother, that's just semi canon. Fucker, HE'S THERE ON YOUR DATES, NIFFIN HIM COFFEE. He giddily gazing at Rook as Lucanis says he loves you and then sticks his nose into the coffee. Lucanis is his and ROOK IS HIS FAVOURITE, THESE ARE LINES HE FLAT OUT SAYS. Hawke fuckin joked that Justice makes sex with Anders a threesome, and that blond twink frowns at you, i feel like Lucanis would just "yeaaah.... yeah." Mostly because he FULLY admits that he can't control the wings. Those are all Spite. THEN, DURING THEIR INTIMATE SCENE, THEYRE BURSTING OUT. spITE IS ACTIVELY IN THE SEX SCENE. Brother, Spite openly says that when Neve and Lucanis are together, he is mentally OUT of there. Not interested. Plays with the Wisps. Rook and Lucanis? Brother he's activating wings and bouncing around and giggling.

I like that he fuckin SNIFFS people, like Taash. I'm sorry, there should be 20 more horny lines from him, talking about how Rook smells. Everyone would be horrified constantly (Emmerich would be SCANDALIZED, Taash goes "lol same").

IN FACT, WAIT, BACK TO SPITE IN ROMANCE SCENES- ITS IMPLIED HE'S ACTIVE IN ALL OF THEM. When Lucanis and Rook first attempt a kiss, brother is GOING IN, and then, starts, pulls back, swears and fucks off. Brother, Spite said something. It was RIGHT after a possession too. Fuck, if Rook visits Lucanis randomly in his hidey hole pantry? "Spite, could you not.... Mierda." BROTHER?? HE IS HERE. I love Spite so much, he's like a grumpy cat that has TWO favourite people, a skeleton boy he likes to paw at and a well meaning uncle he can vent to (Emmerich. God I love Emmerich).

I like that he's Lucanis but just... Purple. That's my brand babey.

Anyway, yeah no, Spite would want to get fucky with both of them and Bioware remains COWARDS for not letting us.

[hippiegoth97]

Into the Fire: An Eddie Munson x Reader Story Pt. 38

Collage by me :)

Master List

Part 37

Tag List: @keikoraven @ar-jupiter @alcielo1438 @cairro-xx @stolen-in-moonlight

@micheledawn1975 @janiejenn @rafeyscurtainbangs @melodymunson @spacedoutdaydreamer

@veemoon @sariahs-stuff @feral-pumpkin-energy @comeonatmebruh @munsoneightysixx

@morgthemagpie @josephquinnsfreckles @jenniquinn @userchai @cometzombie

@spookybabey @daggerdaggerkitten @nina6708 @sanctumdemunson @yourdailymemedelivery

@person-005 @slowandsteddie @gri959 @elegantkoalapaper @letitgoandletlive

@loserboysandlithium @costellation-hunter @leelei1980 @h-ness1944 @pretendthisnameisclever

@ohmeg @stalactitekilla @hellfirenacht @birdysaturne @oneforthemunny

@prettyboyeddiemunson @eddievanmunson @msgexymunson @rattkween86 @violetpixiedust

@bimbobaggins69 @angel-munson @eldermayfield @munsonsbtch @bimbogorewhore

@mediocredreams @bloodibambiidoll @taintedcigs @ali-r3n @emxxblog @losingmygrasponreality

Content Warning 18+ Only, Minors DNI: swearing, smoking, smut, alcohol use, fluff, light crying (happy tears only), oral sex, sexual activities in a church, grinding, unprotected sex, sex under the influence, praise/degradation, dirty talk, squirting

Word Count: 6.6k

divider by @strangergraphics

Part 38: Crazy for You

November 11th, 1989

"Quit messing with your tie, Eddie!" You scold as you realign Eddie's bow tie for the fifth time in the last thirty minutes. The wedding starts in ten, and he's been squirming and readjusting uncomfortably in his suit all morning.

"Sorry, it's just fuckin' choking me." Eddie complains, resisting the urge to reach up and rip it off once you've fixed it again.

"Oh, it is not." You tut, smoothing out the lapels of his tux jacket.

"Whatever, it's still uncomfortable as hell. And it's pink." He whines, looking himself over in the mirror. He's looking rather sharp, black always looks good on him. But the baby pink tie and cummerbund to match the bridesmaid dresses are definitely not to his liking.

"I think your manhood can survive a little bit of pink for an hour or two Eds. Don't be such a baby." You give him a warning look, knowing he's tempted to tear off the offending items altogether. This particular attire isn't exactly to his taste, but it's important he doesn't look a total mess today. "Besides, you look very handsome, baby." You soften up a little, offering a smile.

"I dunno about that. I think I look like a penguin." He scrunches his nose, undeterred by your compliments.

"You do not! You're very sexy in a tux, Eddie. I know you don't like it, but it's for Jonathan and Nancy." You wrap your arms around his shoulders for a moment, pulling his gaze away from his own reflection and down to you. His hands find your waist, and he grins.

"Sexy, you say?" He asks cheekily, focusing on all the wrong things today.

"Yes, that is what I said." You roll your eyes at him, and he scoffs.

"Alright, alright! I'll quit complaining. For them. But once this thing is over, I'm rippin' this all off." He sighs, finally deciding to be mature about this.

"That's fine, baby. But maybe don't actually rip it? It's a rental." You politely warn, you'd hate to have to pay for something he's only wearing once.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." He grumbles, giving you a little once-over. "But you are absolutely gorgeous, sweetheart." He coos, his lips turning up into a smile. You're dressed in a beautiful pink silk strapless gown that reaches your calves, with lace detailing and simple pumps and gloves to match. A bouquet of roses sits on the table next to you at the small chapel, and the other boys have been getting ready behind you in the room. Eddie was begging for your help with his tie, and who are you to deny him? Although, you suspect he just wanted to get a peek at you in your dress.

"Thank you, love. It is rather pretty." You chirp, leaving his grasp and doing a cute little twirl to make your skirt spin. "I'd better get back to the girls, make sure Nance is ready to go. I'll see you in a bit, Eds." You give Eddie a quick peck on the lips, light enough to not smudge your makeup. "Boys." You wave to the others before leaving the room. You return to the makeshift bridal suite, carefully opening and closing the door so no one gets a glimpse of Nancy just yet. "How's our beautiful bride doing?" You ask excitedly, finding Karen and Joyce fussing around with Nancy's veil.

"What's it look like?" Nancy chuckles dryly, gesturing her hands at the two older women surrounding her. She looks like a dream, in a gorgeous white gown with off the shoulder sleeves, immaculate lace and beading, with a humble train and matching veil. Her hair is perfectly styled, and flawless makeup has her skin absolutely glowing. It's like she stepped right out of a bridal magazine.

"Sorry, sweetie. We just want you to look perfect on your big day." Karen replies with a sigh, finally stopping her fiddling once the sheer material on her daughter's head appears even enough. She inspects her and Joyce's work in the mirror, and immediately starts to tear up. "Oh, you look beautiful, Nancy. I'm so happy for you." She sobs softly, trying to keep her mascara from running.

"Mom, you can't do that. You're gonna make me cry too." Nancy whines in reply, her lip trembling as her own tears threaten to spill out.

"Alright, that's enough now. Karen, why don't you and I go take our seats in the chapel? Let the girls take care of Nancy from here, okay?" Joyce says, putting her hands on Karen's shoulders to kindly lead her out of the room. She gives you girls a warm smile as she takes the other woman away, earning a grateful nod from all of you.

"You really look amazing, Nance. Jonathan is a lucky guy." You say sweetly, going over to hold her hand.

"Damn right he is! He's gonna lose it when he sees you, babe." Robin adds, taking Nancy's other hand in hers.

"You look like a princess, Nancy. I can't wait for you to officially be my sister." Jane says, joining you and placing a hand on Nancy's shoulder.

"You guys are too sweet." Nancy beams, accepting your kind praises. All four of you stay here for a moment, gazing and smiling at one another in the reflection. Four beautiful young women, on an even more beautiful day.

"Almost time, girls. Places!" Joyce pipes up, giving gentle knocks on the outside of the door.

"Be right there!" You call back, helping Robin assist Nancy with her train. You hand her the bridal bouquet, which makes you realize you forgot your own flowers in the boys' room. You don't mention it, not wanting to stress Nancy out. You'll just sneak back there really quick to get them. No big deal. "Alright, let's get you married, girl." You say giddily as the three of you lead your soon-to-be-wedded friend out of the room. Nancy takes her spot at the end of the line with Ted, who's gotten rather glassy-eyed himself.

You're about to rush back to get your flowers, when a ringed hand gently closes on your arm. "Lookin' for these, sweetheart?" Eddie asks quietly, standing in his place in line to make an entrance while holding your missing bouquet. He gives you a cheeky grin, knowing you were almost off to the races in search of them.

"Ugh, yes! Thank you, baby." You sigh in relief, taking the flowers in your hand. He locks your arm with his, the both of you clearing your throats and standing up straight. You look ahead to the other pairs who'll walk down the aisle before you. Will and Jane, Steve and Robin, to be followed by you and Eddie. You take a deep breath, rather nervous to walk and then stand in front of the extended Byers/Wheeler family. The music begins to play, and the doors to the chapel open. You see Jonathan standing at the altar with the priest, and rows upon rows of people you don't know sitting in the pews.

"You ready, angel?" Eddie leans over to whisper in your ear. He's noticed your breathing coming out a bit heavier than usual, an established tell of your nervous nature.

"Yep. Let's do this." You nod reassuringly, swallowing the immense anxiety that courses through you. All you have to do is walk without falling over, and stand still until the couple is pronounced 'husband and wife'. It'll be over in no time. And then there'll be food, drinks, dancing, and cake.

You watch on as Will and Jane head down the aisle first, following the steps that Joyce no doubt showed them. Robin and Steve follow suit, while the previous pair separate at the end of the aisle and take their places. Once the couple in front of you is about halfway, it's your turn now. Eddie carefully leads you down the small path, and you do your best to keep smiling and not have nervous, wandering eyes. Once you reach the end, you regretfully have to let Eddie go. He gives you a small look of assurance as you leave one another, his eyes telling you 'Relax, baby. It's only for a few minutes. Just stand still and look pretty, shouldn't be too hard for you.' He gives you a subtle wink as you stand beside Robin, and you feel yourself relax and smile genuinely in response.

As the ceremony begins, you're meant to be paying attention to the lovely couple in the center of the pristinely set risers, bouquets and candles. But as the priest speaks, reciting words of love and companionship, you can't help your gaze drifting to Eddie again. It appears the words everyone knows so well are affecting him too, because his own eyes soon find yours. When your stare locks for that brief moment, adoring smiles easily and willfully creep up your lips.

While Nancy and Jonathan recite their vows, you and Eddie imagine that you're saying them to each other. And you can't fight the tears welling in your eyes, overwhelmed by your devotion to your relationship, even in someone else's matrimonial moment. Because this is what you want together, more than anything in the whole wide world. To have and hold each other, in sickness and health, through all your ups and downs, until death forces you to part ways. You sniffle quietly, using a tissue you'd slipped inside your glove to dab at your eyes.

Eddie looks away, forcing himself to listen to the cue for your impending exit from the chapel to take photos in the courtyard. It comes quicker than you expect, cheers and applause erupting as Jonathan and Nancy kiss for the first time as a married couple. They're first back down the aisle to leave, followed by the six of you in the same order as your entrance. You let out a small sigh of relief as Eddie takes your arm again, very eager to get the hell out of here and enjoy the reception.

The couple hundred guests file out of the church after you, the immediate family staying behind for pictures. The photographer gets what he needs from you and the other members of the wedding party first, dismissing you after a good thirty minutes of posing and clicking of the camera in the rather nippy air. You're about to head down the street to the rec center where the reception is being held, when Eddie grabs your arm again.

"What's up, love?" You ask curiously, wondering why he wants to hang around.

"We've got a little bit before the reception starts, sweetheart. Wanna sneak off for a minute?" He suggests, biting his lip playfully. He's been thinking about doing very bad things to you all morning, wanting to bunch your pretty little dress around your waist and fuck you until all your makeup runs down your cheeks.

"Here? That's a little risky, baby." You reply, unable to help the sly grin forming on your lips. Eddie does look really good in his tux, so much so that you've been thinking about getting on your knees and sucking his cock while he's dressed so handsomely. But in a church? Isn't that a little disrespectful? A well of guilt builds up in you for a moment, thinking such dirty things around such a holy place. But, surely you wouldn't be the first people to do anything...sinful here, right?

"Don't overthink it, angel. We don't have to if you're not comfortable." He replies calmly, reading the self-imposed shame on your face. His fingers lightly stroke your arm, though. A subtle touch that can drive you to do all kinds of unspeakable things. A touch that promises to give you everything you want, if you just ask.

"No, let's do it. C'mon." You answer before you can talk yourself out of it. You pull him along by the hand, hearing a light chuckle escape him as you go back up the steps to the church. It'll be some time before they lock up, and you can always give the excuse of 'forgetting your purse' if anybody questions you. You take him to the restroom, the one place you know has a lock on the door. You pull him inside, shoving him against the door once it's closed.

"Jesus, Y/N. Need me that bad, huh?" Eddie teases, watching your hands immediately go for his slacks. You flick open the button, sliding down the zip and quickly pulling his half-hard cock out.

"Maybe a little. You just look so good, Eds. You've never looked better." You say lustfully, giving him a passionate kiss. Your tongue slips out to tangle with his, your gloved hand pumping his length to get him ready for your mouth. He groans against you, breath shuddering at your warm palm working him up. His own hands wander around your waist to grab your ass, drawing a quiet moan from your lungs. He's trying to get you going, too. But all you can think about is giving him head so good, he'll be replaying it in his mind until you get home.

"Wish I could say the same, princess. But you look gorgeous every day." He says sweetly, breathing heavily once you pull away. His eyes are blown wide with lust, but they read as overwhelmingly adoring. He reaches up to cup your cheek, stroking your flesh with his thumb.

"Always gotta one-up me, don't you?" You joke, though your heart swells at his words all the same. He's always been intensely sincere, there's never been a moment where he isn't. Not when it comes to telling you how he feels about you.

"'Course. You're my girl. My sexy, sweet, beautiful, perfect girl." He coos, leaning forward to place a far gentler kiss to your lips. You immediately melt into him, still swept off your feet by him after all this time.

"I love you, Eds." You say softly, gazing deeply into his big brown eyes.

"I love you too, angel." Eddie replies just as quietly.

You almost forget for a minute that his dick is still in your grasp, you get a bit distracted by his romantic affirmations. But it doesn't take you long to remember, and resume your careful strokes. He moans lightly at the contact, watching to see what your next move is. He wonders what you'll ask for, he's up for anything at this point. You lower yourself to your knees, carefully splaying out the skirt of your dress so it won't get dirty. You get a good look at his cock as it sits in front of your face, the head already red and swollen with need. A small bead of precum has formed in his slit, so you lean in to lick it off.

"Fuck, baby." Eddie moans, as quietly as he can manage. As much as he wants to enjoy this, he definitely doesn't want to get caught. He watches on wordlessly while you plant wet kisses to his tip, a small string of spit forming every time you pull away.

You look up at him with hooded eyes, unable to stop the wide smile that forms on your face. He's so beautifully fucked for you already. His mouth has fallen open to let out breathy moans, his pupils so wide there's almost none of that gorgeous chocolate brown visible to you. His chest rises and falls with purpose, his hands sitting restlessly at his sides. "I wish I had a camera, baby. You look so fucking hot right now." You say softly, admiring his form as you drag your tongue along his shaft.

"You're one to talk. Sittin' on your knees for me, so eager to take my cock in that pretty little mouth of yours...now that's a picture worth capturing." Eddie replies, speaking nice and low while cupping your cheek. Neither of you can manage to focus on what you’re doing. Not in the way you usually do, anyway. Every touch, every word is so full of devotion and fondness. Each second manages to be more sweet and heartfelt than the last, making your minds go fuzzy.

"Stop distracting me. We don't have much time for this, and I wanna feel you cum in my mouth." You say, almost a little frustrated that you can't maintain your concentration. You just can't help yourselves. This wonderful day of love and happiness has turned you into total saps, left wanting to completely melt into each other in a saccharine puddle on the floor.

"Sorry. By all means, continue." He gestures kindly, waiting for you to take what you want. You move things along a little, growing paranoid that someone will come banging on the door any second. You take Eddie's dick all the way into your mouth, feeling him hit deep in your throat. "Shit..." He trails off, holding back the obscene groan that begs to escape him. His hand finds its way into your hair, tangling within it just enough to guide your movements.

"Mmm." You hum at the contact, bobbing your head back and forth at a steady pace. You hollow your cheeks to suck hard on him, wriggling your tongue around wherever you can reach.

"Feels so good, sweetheart. You take me so well, such a good girl for me." Eddie praises quietly, eyes glued to his cock disappearing past your plush lips again and again. You hum around him, getting a little wet inside your panties from his words. "I love how filthy you are, babydoll. Blowin' me so good, in a church, where anyone could find us...get us in big trouble..." He pauses, swallowing hard as his breathing picks up even more. "But you like that, don't you? That we could get caught? What do you think they'd say if they found us like this? You, givin' me the best head ever, while tryin' so hard not to get that pristine dress all dirty? And me, balls deep down your throat, holding your pretty little head to take every last inch?"

Eddie spouts off these obviously rhetorical questions, each one sending a flare of pleasure between your legs. You love the thrill of possibly being found, doing something so naughty in such a 'pure' place. It's turning you on to the point of almost being unbearable. If it wouldn't make a complete mess of your nice clothes, you'd lower a hand inside your panties to finger yourself right now.

"Mm." A lustful whimper around his cock is all you can offer him, earning a dark chuckle in response.

"Can I fuck your face, angel? You feel so fuckin' good, it's insane." He asks so politely, sounding a bit whiny as his end draws near. The taboo nature of the place you're doing this in, as well as his own nasty words have pushed him much further than he expected. He wants so badly to pound his hips into you, make you choke and gag and drool all over his dick while tears roll down your cheeks.

"Mhm." You nod as best you can, wanting him to use you how he pleases. You grab hold of his thighs to keep yourself upright, bracing yourself for him to start thrusting. His hand grips your head tightly, and he slams himself all the way in with one quick motion. You breathe hard through your nose to keep from gagging, moaning a little as you feel his mound of hair brush against your face. He keeps it up, relentlessly shoving his cock as deep inside you as he can manage. Thick drips of drool fall around the seams of your lips. You scoot your lower half back a little to keep the saliva from soiling your dress. Stinging tears fall down your face, and you can tell that your panties are going to be stuck to your pussy all day after this.

"That's it baby, take it all. So hot and wet, a slutty little mess just for me..." Eddie says with panting grunts, trying so very hard to keep the noise down. The sloppy, gurgling sounds of his length pistoning in and out of your mouth are driving you both crazy. It's so filthy, but also exactly what you want to hear at this moment. "Gonna fill your throat up with my cum...you gonna be a good girl and swallow it all?" He asks, finding your cock-drunk eyes gazing up at him. You rapidly nod your head, though it's quite a struggle. "Thought so. I can see how needy and pathetic you are for it. Dyin' for a taste." He smirks, though it quickly falls away as his stomach tenses to signal his end. His balls clench, thick ropes of sweet and salty goodness flooding down your esophagus. "Fuuuuuuck." He says in a drawn-out groan as his orgasm runs its course, eyes screwing shut at the pleasure. Eddie holds you down on him until there's not a drop left, slowly pulling out of you and leaning against the door in exhaustion.

"Mmm, I love it when you do that, Eds." You sigh blissfully, getting up off your wobbly knees to stand before him. You give his chin a gentle stroke with the back of your hand, admiring the light sheen of sweat on his face, and the flush of his cheeks. His eyes flutter open at your touch, and he smiles cheerfully.

"And I love it when you let me, angel." Eddie coos, giving your swollen lips a brief peck. "We'd better get going. I sense a search party forming in our absence." He jokes, reaching down to put his spent cock away.

"Yeah, just let me fix my makeup first." You leave him to go have a look in the mirror to observe the damage. You've got big mascara tracks going past your chin, and your lipstick has come off altogether. Nothing you can't reapply in a couple of minutes.

"I'll meet you out there. I don't think it'd look so good if we walked out together." He suggests, though he hates to leave you all alone.

"Good thinking, baby. I'll be out soon, I promise." You give him a light smile in the reflection, which he returns as he unlocks the door to leave. It closes behind him a moment later, leaving you to right this mess.

Once your face is dried of oral-induced tears and refreshed with some new mascara and lipstick, you find your way out of the church. "Where'd you two get off to?" Robin asks as you descend the stairs. She'd noticed you and Eddie sneaking back inside a little while ago.

"Um, I, uh, forgot my purse." You answer unconvincingly, looking around to find the man in question. He's talking to Steve and Dustin a few feet away, a lit cigarette in his hand.

"Uh-huh, sure you did." Robin teases. "Is he keeping his shit together now? No more secrets?" She asks, checking in with you to make sure Eddie's treating you right. She's gotten rather protective of you now, which you find very sweet.

"Yeah, we're doing great. Better than ever, actually." You answer happily, opening your purse to grab a smoke for yourself.

"Good. I'd hate to have to sic Steve on him." She chuckles, though she's only half-joking. She's going to watch Munson very closely, still feeling a bit pissed with him for hurting you. Any sign of trouble, and he is done for.

"You won't need to, Rob. But I'm lucky to have a friend like you looking out for me." You giggle at her ferocity, pulling her in for a small hug.

"Any time, Y/N." Robin replies as she reciprocates the hug, giving you a gentle squeeze. "I'm gonna find Vickie, I'll see ya in a bit."

"Later." You say as she departs, leaving you on your own again. You light your cig, taking a deep drag as your mother approaches.

"Hey, sugarpuff! You look so pretty!" Mom says excitedly, getting a closer look at you than she had from her seat in the chapel.

"Thanks, Mom. So do you." You reply sweetly, gesturing at the blue floral dress and matching jacket she's wearing. It's simple, and elegant. Perfect for a day like today.

"Oh, this old thing? It was just sitting in the back of the closet." She laughs, waving you off. "Have you and Eddie been doing okay?" She asks, prompting you to roll your eyes in annoyance. "Oh, you stop that! I have a right to be concerned about you, Y/N." Mom chides.

"No, I know." You sigh, before brightening up again. "But we're fine, really."

"Just 'fine'?" She presses.

"More than fine, Mom. We're great. I won't be moving back home any time soon." You chuckle, drawing one from her as well.

"Well, good. I'm just glad you're happy, sweetie. That's all I care about." Mom says, giving your arm a loving rub before moving on to talk to someone else.

"Alright, that's all I need until we cut the cake." The photographer says, loud enough for those of you who have stayed behind to hear. Nancy and Jonathan lead the charge to the rec center, eager to sit down and eat now that the stressful part is over. Eddie's hand quickly finds yours as you follow the bride and groom. You give each other an affectionate glance, finishing your smokes as you mosey along to the next step of this little shindig.

The reception goes on without a hitch. Nancy and Jonathan give a toast, cut the massive wedding cake, and share their first dance. After that, all bets are off. Everyone heads to the open bar, chugging down a couple drinks before letting loose to the dance floor. You and Eddie in particular end up a little more than smashed, unable to pull yourselves away from each other until it's time to go home. Your hands wander over each other, bodies practically glued together with sweat and lust. You keep things PG enough, you may be drunk, but you know how to avoid making fools of yourselves.

You stumble back into your apartment, having been given a ride by your mother as neither you or Eddie are in any shape to be driving. You give her a clumsy good-bye, closing the door a little too hard. "Oops." You laugh drunkenly, turning to find Eddie lying lazily on the couch. You go over to join him, crawling over his body to lay yourself directly on top of him.

"Hey there, sweetheart." Eddie chuckles, his hands cradling your thighs as you straddle him. Your dress has ridden up to your ass, and his shirt and tie hang open.

"Hello, handsome." You giggle back, reaching for his chest to undo the rest of his shirt buttons. "I've been wanting to get you home all day, Eds."

"Oh yeah?" He teases, smiling wide as you lower your head to give him a kiss.

"Mhm." You hum against him, gliding your tongue inside his mouth. He tastes like cola and whiskey, with a subtle hint of buttercream frosting. Sticky sweet with a little sting, just the way you like him. "Fuck, you taste good." You murmur between kisses.

"So do you." He replies, grabbing your ass in his hands. You moan into him, rolling your hips to gain some welcome friction. "Careful, baby. Don't wanna stain my rented pants." He warns, his tone completely unserious.

"I'd better take them off, then." You giggle with glee, clumsily reaching between your bodies to open his pants for the second time today. He sits up to remove his jacket and shirt, tossing his tie to the floor. He kicks his shoes from his feet, and you stand up to let him take off his slacks. He's left in his boxers, a prominent tent forming in the fabric. His glazed-over eyes meet yours as you stand over him, a playful grin resting on his face.

"You gonna lose the dress, angel?" He asks, dying to see the gorgeous body that's hidden away underneath it. You just nod, biting your lip in excitement while your hands go around your back. You find the zipper, slowly pulling it down until it reaches just above your ass. The dress falls to your feet, leaving you standing before Eddie in your heels and panties, nipples hardened in arousal. You step out of your shoes, climbing back onto his lap. "You're so beautiful, sweetheart." He says softly, raising his hands up to grab hold of your breasts. He massages your flesh, gently rolling your hardened buds between his fingers.

"Eddie." You sigh lustfully at his touch, grinding yourself into him again. There's barely any barriers between you now, letting you feel every last inch of his stiff cock rubbing against your pussy. Your hands rest on his chest for balance as you continue to rile yourself up. Slowly swiveling your hips, pressing your needy cunt into him as if your second set of lips can read every curve and vein. Eddie groans beneath you as you do this, watching on helplessly as you soak your underwear as well as his own. It's such little contact, but it feels so damn good.

"C'mere, baby." Eddie beckons you back down to him, needing to feel your lips on his. You give him what he wants, allowing him to take a little bit of a lead. You snake your arms around his shoulders as he kisses you, still moving your lower half over his. His hands go for your ass, guiding you in his grip to grind harder, stronger. Thoughtless moans leave you both, getting more turned on by the second as you work in sync. Usually, he'd be trying to move things along by now. But the events of today leave you wanting to take all the time in the world, to enjoy every second of passion like it's your last.

You continue on like this for quite some time, the concept of minutes passing becoming foreign to you. Eddie's hands squish and squeeze the meat of your ass, your tongues tangling in an undemanding manner. You've been ignoring Arwen's cries for attention, not even registering her majestic leap onto the couch to perch across the back of it. She fully intends to wait for the exact moment you two are finished, as she's owed lots of love due to you being gone so long today. She averts her kitty-cat eyes once she's settled, completely uninterested in your intimate activities.

"I love you, Eds." You sigh blissfully between kisses.

"I love you more." Eddie replies, grinning against your lips.

"No way, I love you more." You retort with a giggle.

"It's not a competition, sweetheart." He chuckles, squeezing you a little harder. "But I definitely love you the most." He adds, making you both laugh. You're really fucking happy right now, content in each other's arms. This moment simultaneously feels so significant, and also perfectly ordinary. "I want you, Y/N." Eddie quietly whines, the teasing becoming too much now. His cock is unbearably hard, aching to be inside you.

"I want you too, baby." You coo to him, ceasing your grinding to take off your panties. He does the same with his boxers, finding a large spot made damp with your juices. You kneel over him, gazing into his eyes as you take hold of his dick. His breath catches at your touch. You swipe his length between your folds a few times, spreading the wetness around. "Fuck." You moan at the sensation, your free hand falling to Eddie's chest to keep from toppling over.

"Angel, please...I gotta be inside you." He begs, his fists gripping the couch as he doesn't know what to do with himself. Your sticky arousal mixing with his precum to coat his tip is driving him crazy. He's been thinking about this all damn day, reminded of the fantastic head you gave him at the church every time your bodies touched during the reception.

"I love it when you beg for me. Such a good boy." You chuckle darkly, finally giving the both of you what you want. You hold Eddie's cock firmly at your entrance, guiding his inches into you nice and slow. "Shit." A breathy moan leaves your lips at the stretch, your head falling forward as he fills you up. You keep going until you're fully seated, drawing low groans from both of you.

"Fuck, this is my favorite place to be, sweetheart." Eddie says sweetly, forcing his eyes open to look up at you. The way you feel so damn snug and warm around his cock, and the booze swirling around his mind makes it hard to focus. His hands go for your hips, fingers brushing up and down across your skin to ground himself.

"Me too, love. There's nowhere I'd rather be." You give him a warm smile, laying your body atop his to exchange a tender kiss.

Eddie allows you to take charge this time, your tongue rolling roughly into his. It's taking everything in him not to thrust his hips up, despite the desire to take things slow. He can't help it. Every time he's got himself sheathed inside you, it's like a switch flips. It makes him desperate to fuck you into whatever surface you're on, to make you scream his name until you both lose control. His hands continue to stroke your sides, though his patient motions gradually become more fidgety. Picking up on his neediness, you slowly lift yourself up along his length while still laying your chest on his. You almost let him slip out altogether, before falling back down again. More pretty noises escape your mouths through the cracks in your kiss. His tip reaches every perfect spot inside you at this angle.

"More, baby. C'mon." Eddie encourages, giving your hips a squeeze.

"Relax." You chide, still attempting to devour his already bruised lips. You set a gentle pace, rocking and swaying your hips in varying patterns. Up and down, side to side, a circular motion here and there.

"That's it, angel. Just like that..." He praises, keeping a firm hold on you.

"Yeah? Am I riding your cock real good, Eds?" You ask, pulling your lips away from his to look deep into his eyes.

"So good, baby. Keep goin'." He nods frantically. His love-drunk eyes stay on yours, his pupils piercing deep in your soul as you ride him. Hot, heavy breaths and vulgar moans fill the room, neither of you hold anything back. The closeness you feel in this moment is electric, intangible. Your insides are on fire, roaring flames stoking over hot coals in your bellies. Eddie's grip tightens, leading you in your now-predictable sequence of movements.

"I fuckin' love your cock, Eds. Feels so good when you fill me up, I can't get enough." You whine as your high slowly approaches. Your thighs are starting to burn from the positioning, but you try to focus on the slapping of skin and your growing orgasm to keep yourself going.

"Need some help?" He asks, noticing your motions becoming a little strained. You're working so hard for him, and it's definitely paying off. He's nearing the end himself, and he's more than happy to lend a helping hand.

"Uh-huh...thighs are getting tired." You huff out your explanation, hoping he'll give you some assistance. You don't want to stop, or change positions. You want to cum with him now.

"I know, princess. It's okay." He chuckles breathlessly, stilling your hips in his hands so he can thrust his own upwards.

"Fuck!" You cry out as his dick slams into your cunt, hitting your g-spot harder and better than you could ever hope to. That's the thing about Eddie, he's the only one who can truly get you there in the most efficient and powerful ways possible. You do okay on your own, but it's nothing compared to what he can give you. "More." You whimper, he's only given the one thrust as a little taste.

"You got it, babydoll." He pants, pitching his hips up into you again and again. You nuzzle your head into his neck, arms wrapped tightly around him to hold on as he rails you towards bliss.

"Eddie一 fuck! So good..." You moan and curse and squeal his name thoughtlessly, clinging to him for dear life. You're completely soaked with sweat, struggling to keep him close. You can feel yourself about to lose it, your insides giving you away.

"Gonna cum for me, angel?" He asks, almost near the finish line himself. Your walls have begun to constrict, and the most subtle little tremors work their way through your thighs.

"Uh-huh. Gonna cum. Make me cum, Eds. Please, I need it, need you to fill me up." You beg, simpering words muffled against his neck. Your nails dig into his slicked-over flesh, tears rolling down your cheeks as you impatiently anticipate the inevitable bliss.

"That's it. You're such a good girl, baby. Let go for me, it's okay." Eddie coos, stroking your hair while his words send you over the edge.

"Eddie!" You cry into his skin, your legs clamping around his middle as you lose control. Your whole body shakes from the intense pleasure, an almost pained moan tearing itself from your lungs as you cum hard around his cock. Your pussy pulsates frantically, milking him for all he's worth.

"Fuck, baby. Shit一" He groans, pelvis stuttering as he gives his final thrusts. His load spills inside you messily, quickly expelled back out with your own release. It all splashes down around your thighs, some of it running towards his stomach and chest. He stops moving, allowing you both to lay here as you float back down to earth. Your breath comes out hot and labored, and he gingerly caresses your spine to calm you down.

"Mew." Arwen meows, deeming now to be the appropriate time to ask for pets. She hops down onto your back, making you grunt at her weight landing on you. But you're far too tired to do anything about it.

"Oh, Arwen. Your mother is not a bed." Eddie scolds her with a laugh, watching as she makes a couple rotations before laying down on your sweaty skin. He contemplates moving her to the floor, but she'll no doubt bury her claws in your flesh if he tries.

"Just leave her, babe. She missed us." You mumble, awkwardly reaching your hand up to locate her fuzzy little head. You manage to find it, giving her a couple strokes. She purrs at the affection, nuzzling her cheek into your fingers.

"You spoil her, sweetheart. She'll never learn if you keep letting her literally walk all over you." He replies, petting Arwen's fluffy belly anyway.

"Don't care, she's our baby." You shrug as well as you can with a twelve-pound cat resting on your torso.

"Mew." Arwen chirps with attitude, as if to say 'see, dad? Mom said it's fine.' Her low pur rumbles through your back all the way to your chest, the sound and vibrations soothing you further into your post-orgasm sedation. Today has been amazing, to say the least. You got to spend it with all your friends, and come home to the little family you've made for yourself afterward.

"Whatever you say, angel." Eddie says with a content sigh, allowing his two best girls to have their way. It never takes a lot of convincing, he can't possibly protest after the ridiculously awesome day he's had with you. He lets his eyes slip closed, his hands still lazily working against your hair and Arwen's fur.

One word plays around inside all three of your heads, rolling you over in gentle waves. One word that makes your hearts full to the point of bursting. Bliss.

To be continued...

[voidthewanderer]

WIP Whenever!

Got myself a tag from @typosandtea thank you!

No pressure tags for @romaniwasteland @gardening--tools @secondhand-lions @meatgrinderminefield and anybody else who wants to do this! These are so much fun 🤩

Drawing:

I present to you: part of the reason why I have to wear noise cancelling earbuds when I work on art! Paperlike screen protectors are loud AF and when you also have YouTube playing, a radio in the next room over, a clock ticking, two different conversations going on at the same time, and occasionally a really loud Steam Deck being played; I get super overwhelmed and angry by all the noise.

Writing:

I’ve been actively working on Addicted, though chapter seven is still very baby stages. I keep trying to remind myself that Shae’s story is not and will never be a happy one; the “unfortunately attracted to the abuse they’re stuck in” situation. A life I’d imagine someone like Shae would wind up being in.

But this chapter is one that really highlights that and the fact that even bad guys are still people who can do normal, not bad things. Gonna throw the writing under cut for length.

Jason pulled Shae into a small shack as the rain started to pick up. He'd felt her body almost violently shaking at that point and knew he wasn't going to make any progress with her stumbling about.

Small was a bit of an exaggeration. Clearly abandoned, but it was the perfect size for a single person to live comfortably away from others. Twin sized mattress propped up on some pallets, a very dusted over loveseat. Small, cobweb filled wood stove… Best of all; dry.

Jason threw himself down onto the bed, the springs giving a pained creak at the new weight on it. Shae just stood in the middle of the room, seeming unable to process everything that was going on. She watched as the lanky man sat up, "What, you wanna keep stumbling about in the rain?"

"No, I just…" she sighed, was she seriously getting used to being around these people? Feeling bad for them? "'M sorry about your friend."

"Don't act like you didn't want it to happen."

"I'm a fighter, not a murderer."

Jason snorted, "Didn't think about all'a 'at when you fucked a ganger, didjya? That he'd wind up being a murderer like the rest'f us."

Despite the taunting, sardonic tone in Jason's voice, she didn't feel anger by it. She knew where it came from; something she was all too familiar with. Was this what the settlers got after Lorelei was found? She had some people she needed to apologize to if that was the case.

"If it's any consolation, Savino is a shitty shot when he's angry. And I know that wasn't a shotgun that was fired."

"An' the other one?" Jason's brow perked, seeming interested. That taunt never left his voice, though.

"Better shot, but more level headed; he'll only fire first if he know there's immediate danger. You know they just want to get me home. And your friend wasn't exactly a threat to them missing an eye."

Jason didn't respond, though kept his icy blue eyes on Shae. She did seem to stiffen slightly at his gaze, though he understood why; he just had that effect looking at people. The dark bags under his eyes only made them brighter… sharper… narrowed lids making the striking blue piercing.

He let the silence hang for a moment longer, deciding he hated it, "So; who's better?"

Her head tilted slightly in confusion. Fuck, that actually looked… cute. Who knew how long they'd be there for…

"Between those two an' th' boss. Who gives dick better?"

Shae nearly cleared the room in a second, smacking Jason. He grabbed her wrist, wrenching it down to drag her face to his, "The fuck's your problem, whore?"

"I'm not one of the girls from the brothel, the fuck you going on about?!"

Jason let her go, her stumbling back slightly as he shoved her arm away, "You've gotta be fuckin' kidding me."

It fell silent for a moment, the pale man staring wide-eyed. Slowly, the corners of his mouth pulled into a bitter smile, a low chuckle delving into manic laughter, "The fuck we take ya for then? 'E made it seem like ya were the woman they were fuckin' over there!"

"Why the fuck would I cheat on my partner with his married brother?! Or a ghoul for that matter?!" she shuddered the unsavory thought away, though this time is didn't feel so disgusting, "God, just the thought of that."

Jason only groaned again, "The fuck was he doin' up there with ya, then?! If he didn't fuck ya, Maxson lost his eye for nothin'."

All Shae could do was take a step back, gesturing at her new clothes, "Outside of this? And the usual arguing?"

"So he got a show an' didn't do fuckin' anything." Noted. Sinjin was self sabotaging. As much as he hated to admit it, Dusty was right. Sinjin should have fucked her in the woods. Ended things by Rock Tavern. Hell, they most likely could have. But no. Keep hiding, keep quiet. Let's keep going to Boston.

"What, realizing that him not actually thinking with his dick is killing you guys off?"

Jason tore up off the bed, squaring himself up over Shae's frame. Yes, he was only eight inches taller than her, but her shrinking back at the sudden approach made him feel taller. His face practically hovered over hers, her taking in the small details.

Up close his age was evident, though his seemingly self inflicted scarring tugged the finer wrinkles taught. The dark rings under his eyes were more red than purple; how often did he actually sleep? Despite spending most of his life in the wasteland, his skin wasn't too pockmarked or scarred outside of the aforementioned.

"Not feelin' so high and mighty now, are ya?" he hissed, his breath hot against her face.

"You're grieving, Jason," she saw his eyes widen slightly, almost shocked she knew his name, "Don't be mad at me for what he did."

Before Jason could say anything, he felt her hands on his face; one full palm cupping his cheek, the other brushing fingers along his scars. She changed the subject, "What are these? They're so… precise."

He pulled back from her touch, though tried to mirror the light touch on her own facial scars. She flinched away, expecting to be hit. He kept his voice low, "Did 'em with my previous group. Was th' only human in a group'a ghouls, felt left out with th' scarring. Don't mean anything, just thought it looked cool. One'a th' prewar ghouls told me 'bout cosmetic scarring, said 'e knew how t' do it."

Managing to finally brush his fingers along her scar, he did before cupping it within his own hand, "How'd this happen?"

Unlike his, hers were clearly from something less controlled. Four long, semi-deep gashes that had long since started to blend in with her pale complexion. He couldn't tell if she was just trying to save face or showing genuine curiosity towards himself. All he knew was that he needed to keep his guard up. She tried to run away and he'd be cooked.

"Coy-dog. There's lots of them in the area. Got into one of the chicken coops, I just happened to be the one tending that part of the farm that day. Think I was fourteen when it happened." She answered it so easily; like they hadn't just had a minor fight a few moments earlier.

She felt his thumb brush against the scarring again. What… was happening? This entire interaction felt… weird. A strange discomfort of nerves tugged at her stomach, not liking being so close to the other; yet the feeling also wasn't unwanted. Human touch… His eyes flicking over her face, studying it. She didn't know what to think. What to feel.

A ruse? A shot being taken? Guilt? More importantly for her, why the fuck was she feeling it? She didn't stab Maxson's eye out. She didn't tell him to go ponyshow to Savino and Drogo. Yet, she still felt responsible.

"Jason?"

His eyes flicked back up to hers. He took a step back, sitting back onto the bed, "Go t' sleep. I'll wake ya when th' storm passes."

"Maybe you should sleep instead?"

He snorted, laying back, "An' you think I'm gonna trust ya t' not run off?"

"Where am I gonna go? As far as we ran from that tavern, I wouldn't get close enough before you caught up."

"You think I wanna have t' travel that far back an' deal with Sinjin's wrath for being late? Absolutely not. You're gonna sleep an' I'm gonna keep watch."

[thecallofthecrow]

Because We Need A Little Controversy

I disagree - fundamentally - with the idea of cursing.

Now that that unpleasantness it out of the way, let's explore my reasoning, in the usual fashion because I'm creatively bankrupt and don't have many formats for his blog, so we're just gonna do the usual strawman argument bullshit I am known for, so strap in.

But we're witches, we curse people!

Bitch since when? I know we have deities like the Gaulish Goddess Adsagsona whose sole existence is evidenced by like, two stone tablets asking her to curse another coven, but come on people, it's 2025. We're beyond this. If you really have beef with someone over something major, you should probably talk it out with them instead, unless they are completely unwilling to cooperate with you. Then YMMV.

You don't hate anyone enough that you'd curse them? Are you speaking from experience?

99% of the people I fucking despise come from the Pagan community, so this comes from a place of knowing when not to fuck with shit because when you curse another deity's precious sapling, that opens you up to so much bullshit. We'll get into why ELSE this is a factor here in a bit, so hang in there.

In short, yes I do hate someone enough that I have considered cursing them. I grew up in rural areas where witchcraft was frowned upon heavily at best and actively discriminated against at worst. And I didn't make it a secret that I was a witch; it was basically my identity for awhile. Only recently did I get back into wearing crystals, pentacles (mine has a crow on it; so fuckin' cool), and things that show my witchy pride because I worked in (and I hate revealing things about myself) retail in this insanely rural hellpit that is 99% conservative denominational Christians of all sorts who were not gentle when they didn't like you.

I mean for fuck's sake, I had a guy scream at me across the register one time before they perma-moved me off of there because I was "too casual" with him. I worked at a bookstore, one of the most casual places on Earth. It took everything I had not to punch him in the face then and there let alone not curse him later when I got home.

The point is, yes, I hate people a lot. I have enemies, I have ops, I have people I wish would fucking die already. But do I actively go out of my way (while worshipping a death goddess by the way) to curse and harm them?

Hell the fuck no.

Edit: 2/19/25: I forgot to get back into why cursing another witch is bad so I'll do it now and I can sum it up in one word.

Retaliation.

Imagine if you will, a witch gets cursed or by the Gods hexed! Oh no! It's a very easy thing to trace it or send it back, even if not precisely and then take action.

The other option those people take is they take a wild fucking guess as to who the goddamn fuck cursed them and then send a little "greeting card" curse their way to get them to cut the shit. Then you, whyever you did it, created a circle of suffering that will chain it together until some God/dess steps in or someone finally quashes the beef. You see this between some covens (source: Larzac tablet but we don't have much information beyond Adsagsona is a scary lady). It inevitably gets messy.

Speaking of messy I really oughta have a format to keep me on topic and remind myself that I need to return to points I make earlier. Point is, curse another witch, and a curse could come back your or Gods forbid someone completely innocent in the whole ordeal. I deal with this crisis on a daily basis because there's someone I'd LOVE to curse, that I think is attempting to get one over on me but I could just be being schizo, but I choose not to because it would turn into a massive clusterfuck and the people in their lives would be more affected than them. Trust me, I have raged about this enough that I know how it feels to want revenge.

You just don't get it, this is for justice!

Last I checked, each pantheon has their own God or Goddess of Justice, and you aren't them, I'm sorry. Balancing the scales is one thing, but it is a completely different thing to enact your own sense of justice on to someone you don't completely understand at a core level.

Maybe someone at school or work is bullying you. Maybe you take abuse from random customers in retail hell like I did. Fuck, maybe even people close to you, like I've had, that actively gaslight you and torment you on a daily basis. But here's the thing; eventually, according to Threefold Law - which while I fall into the Neo-Pagan side of things rather than straight Wicca I believe fully in - they'll get what's coming to them.

It's a lot for someone in a bad spot to hear "just wait it out, the Gods or Goddesses or Universe will make sure they get what's coming to them. This is something I MYSELF struggled with growing up Wiccan then transitioning to Neo-Paganism.

I thought, "Why do I have to wait for help? Why can't I just take matters into my own hands and dispense my own form of justice?"

But that wouldn't have been right of me to do. I don't know each of my bully's situations. i don't know what the home life of some of these people is life. Hell, I don't even know my own friends half the time. But even if they wronged me in an unforgivable way, it is not my place as a mere human to decide right and wrong.

Okay you can get off your high horse now; we get it. Your "holier than thou" argument is getting annoying.

I'm not coming at a this from a lens of being "holier than thou." I'm not even asking you to forgive the people tormenting you, or even actively fight back against them. You do what you need to do to make sure they stop fucking with you, whether through magic or straight fistfights like I got into. I mean I'm the last, and as you know I fucking hate giving identifying factors about myself, guy to tell you not to do what it takes to make people leave you the fuck alone. i am just coming at this from a couple of different viewpoints.

What viewpoints could you possibly have that would make you believe cursing magic is a net wrong when you don't have all the information of everyone who has ever casted a hex or curse?

Well for one let's stick to curses for now. i know hexing is similar but let's not get lost in the weeds here.

First Viewpoint: You don't have all the information in order not to put innocent lives in the way.

Think about it; you curse someone for misfortune and their sister dies. Did their sister do something to you to deserve that? If not, can you live with the guilt of harming an innocent? Someone completely unrelated to your petty beef got hurt or killed because you took justice into your own hands. That's some Light Yagami mocking Naomi Misora as she walks away after he wrote her name in the Death Note to never be seen again type shit we're talking here.

I know this is an extreme example but intention and curses are dangerous if you are not direct with this type of shit. A lot if fledgling type witches who come in looking to get revenge come in and look on Tumblr and see post after post about diabolical curses people came up with; let alone making their own that are less directed and inexperienced.

Second Viewpoint: Who are you to judge?

I'm driving this home because it is important to the crux of my argument.

You aren't the Morrigan. You aren't Lugh, you aren't any other deity that deals with justice and right and wrong, light and dark. Who the fuck are you to decide who suffers? Who are you to decide who dies in the extreme cases? Have some fucking class.

Third and Final Viewpoint: Optics

I have driven this so hard into the ground that it might as well have popped out the other side of the ocean to people I speak with personally in the craft IRL.

Cursing someone, and then posting about or bragging about it, or even posting a curse you created on say, I dunno, a site where a lot of Witchy types show up and post all day about witchcraft is bad optics to those that hate us.

I hate to say it, but optics are EVERYTHING when it comes to our religious freedom. Witchcraft wasn't legal until after Helen Duncan's jailing in 1943 due to the Witchcraft Act 1735. In South Africa, the Witchcraft Suppression Act of 1957 is still in force. The last Witchcraft Trial in my country of origin (take a wild guess based on what I'm about to say) was Lucretia Brown in May of 1878. Then we had the Satanic fucking Panic in the 1980's - 1990's that was the cause of a lot of trouble for LARPers, political Satanists, D&D Players just looking to roll math rocks and pretend to fuck the local barmaid, and a few actual fucking witches who still remember to this day how fuckin' awful that shit was. Go ahead, ask an American Witch over the age of 60 - if you can find one in this hellscape since most of the witches I know of who talk about their experiences on YouTube are British, Irish, or too young to have lived through the American version - and they'll tell you how ass that experience was. We could have this again at any point in the near future given the phenomenon known as the Red Wave that is taking place across the world as we speak, whether you like it or not.

Our fucking rights, to practice withcraft or assemble as covens (hard pass, no offense), or even wear a goddamn necklace as a symbol of our faith could be in danger at any time, protection from a Constitution like my country (take a wild guess and you'll see why I'm such a massive fucking doomer) or not. IT ALREADY HAS BEEN IN OUR SCHOOLS, OUR COURTS, AND OUR GOVERNMENT FOR THE LAST FUCKING 300 YEARS.

You got any more doomer shit to spew before you end this tirade? I'm sick of your "holier than thou" arguments.

Socko, a random sock puppet from Bo Burnham's INSIDE special, once said, "Get with it or get out of the fucking way." If you want to curse someone, go ahead; I can't stop you for shit. you could curse me for all I know, which makes it really good that I have that Warding Book I've been meaning to sit and finish by good old Kerr Cuhulain. If you have any other book suggestions about warding I would love to hear them because from the second I set this to "Post" I'm likely gonna piss some people off.

Let me close out by saying, if after all this you still want to curse or hex (something we'll get into at another time at another date) some rando who was mean to you in school, work, or Starbucks, just remember that what goes around comes around.

And you don't want to be on the receiving end of that energy you're putting out there.

I've been Kuro, resident schizo and anti-curse dude, Blessed Be and whether you're a Curser or Anti-Curser, take care. Stay safe, and above all, don't go doing something stupid and getting yourself or someone innocent hurt.

[itskattkm]

New York New Rules Pt. 4

Warnings: Violence, Trauma, Fluff, maybe Smut, mental health, blood

Summary: Y/N meets the survivors of the last events in Woodsborrow and gets on Ghostface's list. But there is also a darkness in Y/N wich path is she going to choose

Female Y/N x Tara Carpenter

Sorry for bad writing. I'm using a translator and hope you guys can enjoy it. Also, this is going to be a slow burn

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5,

I'm 11 minutes away and I have missed you all day

I'm 11 minutes away, so why aren't you here?

I think I missed you callin' on the other line

I'm just thinkin' all these thoughts up in my mind

Talkin' love but I can't even read the signs

I would sell my soul for a bit more time

You stain all on my body like you're red wine

You're the fuckin' acid to my alkaline

Stupid. Frail. Perplexed. Fearful. Offensive. Sharp and Hurt

„Y/N you rather feel nothing again" I said to myself as I stared at the ceiling of my room. I've probably been lying here for 15 minutes because 11 minutes ran at least three times in a row. In fact, this was one of my favorite songs. But why actually? I know that I have a feeling for the darkness. But why were pain and suffering so self-evident for me? No matter which movie I watched or which series. My darling was always the villain.

There are really people who just hate them because they have the title of villain. But why are they trying not to understand? What about Katherinen Pierce from the Vampire Diaries? This woman suffered and that only because she wanted to be loved and loved? She lost her family. Her child and was hunted for centuries. The man she loved hated her and didn't believe that the love between them was real. Maleficent... rejected and hunted because she was different? Kylo Ren, Star Wars... who let a big wait on his shoulders... not to forget that Luke wanted to kill him. Wanda Maximof... one of my favorites. What was wrong with creating your own world in which you could be happy? Especially if you had lost everything you had left.

Was I the evil one? Did I want to be the bad one? Sometimes I'm not sure but the feeling I felt when Tara looked at me and asked where I was during the attack... I won't forget this so quickly because at that moment I felt like one of the bad guys. But I also felt misunderstood.

Did Tara hate me? How did Tara think about me in general? Since I've been friends with Mindy, I've met her maybe five times. And we didn't talk much to each other. Most of the time our conversations were about the university. I tried to get closer to her. However, I always had the feeling that I was always failing with her. One second I thought I had full self-confidence but then a look into Tara's eyes and my brain shuts down. I had really never felt something like that before. Especially not towards a woman.

I always stayed away from relationships or physical contacts. As soon as it went in this direction, I always pulled back and hid in my bubble. However, there were days when I would have liked to go to the next bar with my dirty thoughts and have been looking for someone for a hot night.

But as I had analyzed myself so far and with the help of Dr. Stone, I knew what my problem was.

The music in my headphones stopped. I looked at my cell phone and saw that my alarm clock that I had set after talking to Sam was now active.

Should I? Shouldn't I?

"Fuck it," I said to myself and made my way to the Blackmoore. I would prove to them all that I am not Ghostface and if they do not meet me then I will also permanently delete these people from my life.

Slowly I played with the ring on my finger. It wasn't special. I didn't like fancy jewelry either. But this ring carried good memories with it and that's why I always wore it with me. When I saw the carpenters and their friends in front of the Blackmoore, I hesitated slightly. Everyone was sitting on the benches of the university and Mindy seemed to be holding a monologue. She was the only one standing in front of them and gestured around like crazy with her hands.

"Why am I doing this to myself?" I asked myself desperately and approached the group. Drier than I thought, I said "hi" when I entered the inner circle and drew all attention to me. There was a free place next to Quinn, so I sat down with her just as she opened her mouth but Tara was faster and said "you came?" I avoided her gaze and looked coolly at Mindy who looked at me with pinched eyes " Y/N Perfect timing..."

Mindy went to explain the rules and that we were in a franchise. I really famous myself to listen to her, but the voice in my head was too loud.

Don't look at Tara. You must never look her in the eyes again. Is she looking at you? Are the others watching you? Do the others know what happened at the police station? Do they know about my state of health? Did they thought I was Ghostface?

"Am I gonna die a virgin?"

Wait a minute? My full attention was back. I looked at Ethan and then at Mindy.

"Weird overshare but that brings us to our current suspects. Ethan! A shy dorky guy who no one suspects because he's so shy and dorky"

So I wasn't the only suspect? I felt a slight feeling of relief.

" Quinn! The sexy sluty roommate"

Quinn looked at Mindy slightly irritated

"Sex positive but thanks?"

"How did you come to live with Sam and Tara?" She asked but Sam answers "we put an anonymous ad online"

And Tara replied "and her dad is a cop"

Mindy took a step towards Tara and said in an aggressive tone "and that makes it more likely that she is the killer because having a cop that is a great cover! Do you not remember how this movies work Tara?!"

Now Mindy gave everything. That reminded me too well of the many discussions we had about movies. Then Mindy even suspected her own girlfriend. Like wow… this whole thing was really serious.

"Never Trust the Love interest..." she said coolly and her look was serious. Suddenly there was a tension in the group. That sounded pretty deep... I mean in the first stab film it was also the love interest, among other things.

"Y/N!" Mindy called and smiled at me dirty. I sighed, pinched my eyes briefly and looked away from the group but Mindy came one step closer to me. "my dear friend Y/N... you are also new to our group," she began.

Did she say group? What did she mean by that? Was I part of the group?

"As your best friend, I know that you are going to therapy"

Oh no Mindy, please don't. Not again. Not again. Why me? Why?

"But you never told me why you are going to therapy... would you share the reason with us?" I avoided her eyes and looked nervously at the floor. My heart was beating so fast that I felt the pulse pounding in my ears. Again I played with the ring in my finger "Mindy she doesn't have to tell us anything..." said Tara after a short silent, low-key.

Surprised, I looked at her and our eyes met.

Relief. Relief? RELIEF!!! The first word that went through my head. Did Tara just defend me? Why had she done that? And there she was again. This gentle darkness, and the little white lights, like a light at the end of the tunnel that rested me to tell me here you are safe.

Stop it. I tore my eyes off her and stared at my ring. "okay then tell us at least where you were during the attack..." I looked at Mindy "home... and you are welcome to ask Maria when I entered the building and when I left it last. As I know her, she can even tell you the exact time" Mindy nodded in agreement to me, she knew Maria "okay. Good alibi. Nevertheless, you are suspicious. You don't like to socialize and maintain the good girl, reading books and sitting at home image"

Confused, I looked at Anika, was that something good or bad?

Anika said "that's not fair, if then we are all suspects, including you"

Mindy agreed with her and said to Sam "especially Sam" confused I looked to Sam, I had the feeling of not knowing something and because of the looks of the others I could see that I was right.

After that, I turned on the conversations of the others and tried to look at everyone unobtrusively. I started with Quinn. Quinn's emotions were neutral in order not to be completely present. Anika seemed very calm and attentive. Sam seemed tense. Chad hmmm I don't have to worry about him, he was fully focused on taking notes. I wanted to skip Tara and see Ethan directly, but our eyes met. Had she been watching me? After not even a second, I broke off the look of contact again by looking at my ring. Suddenly Quinn got up, then Anika moved to Mindy. The group disbanded.

"We have to stay together, that's the only way we are safe and can rule out who the killer is," said Mindy, "you could all come to us" said Sam and now also stood up.

Did she mean me with everyone, too? How exactly did they think of all this here now?

Confused, I asked her as if I hadn't even been present at Mindys Monologue "I don't… wait, I don't look through. What's the plan now?"

Chad replied when he got up "we're going to Sam and Tara... stay together... and try not to be killed" he didn't give me more information when he left. Chad, were you serious? Confused, I looked after the others when they were almost gone.

And then I suddenly noticed a person next to me. Before I could turn around, there was a hand on my right forearm. And then I was back in the tunnel... tried to get to the light. "Come to us tonight and we can tell you everything," Tara whispered to me, slowing down my nervous pulse. I could listen to her for hours when she talked to me like that. It was so reassuring. Warm. Pleasant. Right.

Her eyes fell on Sam when she nodded in agreement with Tara "maybe you can bring another pizza right away," she said and slightly raised the corners of her mouth. Tara pressed my arm slightly and looked at me at with bright eyes "by the way thank you for the pizza... after this hangover I needed it".

What was that feeling at once? Joy or nervousness? I had to smile unconsciously and nodded "special wishes?"

Tara snapped her finger and began to list different toppings and looked at Sam to see if she agreed with her "The main thing Jalapeños... registered" I said and stood up. "You have our address?" Sam asked again and I nodded in agreement. She raised the corners of her mouth again before putting her hands in her jacket and set off. Tara followed her.

Before my brain realized what my body was doing, I grabbed Tara's hand and hoped she would turn to me again

"Why did you help me earlier?"

And again this pure placid and sweetness to recognize in her face "what happened in the police station was just fucked up" we both had to laugh about her word choice and Tara's dimpels came to light.

Damn, how could Tara be so beautiful?

Okay, pull yourself together Y/N! How was that again with Tara? Never looking into the eyes again? Now I just wanted to sink into them and that even though I could never keep eye contact. Simp

"And I wouldn't want that either... if I imagined that someone would have done that to Sam..." she looked back briefly to the her. Sam stood a few meters away from us and waited for Tara "and see that as a leap of faith Y/L/N... don't spoil it" dryly I laughed and shook my head "I wouldn't even have a good motive" she squeezed my hand briefly.

Did we hold our hands all the time? How could I miss that? I mean... with this face you forget everything, she gave me a grin with sharp eyes and whispered "but there's always a motive" and then she disappeared.

[wispstalk]

20 questions for writers

under the cut. Thanks to @everybodyknows-everybodydies for tagging🖤

Tagging back: @nuwanders @jiubilant @ervona @ehlnofay @druidx @blossom-adventures @sylvienerevarine @throughtrialbyfire @da3drat no pressure

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Five

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

198327

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just elder scrolls. I have a feeling that's gonna be it for me. I've been tempted to write stardew valley fic lately which would perhaps be classed as "crack" (I know what that is in theory but the way people use it makes no sense to me) but I took a cursory look at the tag and I don't think the stardew valley fandom is ready for a ray fic lmao

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Well. I have five.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try 🫠 it haunts me how often I've left my beloved mutuals on read..... but if that's u and I did, I am telepathically beaming this: !!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Making out sloppy style etc etc

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

lol. lmao even

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

.....within AO3 I guess it's "Morning" but also that's set at a refugee camp? I will say the skyrim story will have a more peaceful ending but up until now fic writing has been an outlet for my thwarted rage and covid brain damage soooo

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I mean this is generally a culture of positive feedback. Someone did yell at me once for hitting martin septim with the transgender beam which is a level of no-life-havin loserdom which could be classed as "hate" but came off as pure cope and seethe

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I really bristle at the word smut sorry its too cutesy. I was a prodomme for seven years I don't do euphemisms lol. I wrote a sex scene into IITT to see how I felt about writing sex scenes. I learned that I am only interested in writing them if they serve specific functions. I have absolutely zero judgment toward anyone who wants to write about fuckin and suckin, that's just not why I'm here

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No but recently my household watched game of thrones together and my bf and his brother were cracking jokes like what if one of these medieval characters had a gundam. Neither of them read fic so I was like don't be too entertained by yourselves. I bet that has been written. looked it up on ao3 and sure as shit

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I'm not gonna lie I did find a fic where someone very obviously ripped me off but I don't wanna call them out. One specific instance where they bit my style was so clumsily applied as to be obvious, but their prose in general was fantastic so like. who care.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not as far as I know but that would make me holler

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Nope. I'm not opposed to the idea but it's hard to imagine how I'd do this given my process. I think I'd be pretty difficult to work with

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

?!? I dunno I don't have one. I put a lot of effort into writing martinhok but I could not say that one, due to how overwhelmingly heterosexual the tag is. I'm sorry but can everyone who's not a faggot please pipe down

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have my moments with the skyrim wip. I've signed myself up for something pretty complicated and challenging but I also learned that I can finish things so I'm not really worried about it. The fact of the matter is: I do not care if this is good. It matters that it is done so I can move on with my life. If parts of it are boring and overlong that's yalls problem

16. What are your writing strengths?

I get a lot of compliments on my worldbuilding. I do think a lot about the minutiae of material culture and think I have a talent for incorporating detail in engaging ways

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm a cornball. This is a corny activity. I don't really care because I'm doing it for free. Enjoy the unsolicited view into an internet stranger's terrible psyche

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I try to apply with a light hand. I'm a dumbass sheltered American and I can mostly make myself understood in a Spanish-speaking country but that's about it. I like playing around with language and the idea of multilingual societies matters to me so I include it, but I'm not a linguist so I try to work within my limits. Whether I am successful at this is up to others.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Elder scrolls. Never felt compelled until i spent a winter playing oblivion and went wow this game has an incredibly bleak narrative behind a silly aesthetic. Oops now I'm in a lore pit

20. Favorite fic you've written?

The Nature of Fire is my best prose hands down. I'm gonna be real with y'all I am desperate for people to read it. It is genuinely the best I can do at this point and if you like what I've done so far, well, whatever u read sucks compared to this fic.

[halfetirosie]

ੈ✩˚༺ I WILL PROTEC AND I WILL ATTAC!!! ༻ੈ✩˚

(Star Message 08 - 10 React-os!)

1) Yeah, I knew that this Brahe fellow wouldn't have been popular in the academic community... 😅

But it is pretty funny that the first person to recognize the name is Morvay, of all people! 😂

No shade to Morvay---I don't even fully agree with the notion that Morv ain't a smart guy. It's just, given his usual activities, it's funny to think that Morv has a lot of info that he obtained through sucking a LOT of dick! 😂😂😂

2) To quote Shakespeare, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

This guy is FOR SURE lying.

And I don't say that just because he's acting SUS AF; nobility always has thorough records of their family tree. (Hell, in a lot of fantasy stories, one can only have a family name if they're a part of nobility.) There is NO WAY this noble doesn't know of the scholar Brahe.

3) I'm sorry, but WHAT??? (⊙ᗣ⊙)

Ew ew ew ew ew!!!! I'm sorry, but I am just SO NOT into tentacles, just imagining that is unpleasant...

Also, HOW would he attach tentacles to his back??? I know Blade is a robot man, but it's not like he has openings in his back meant to attach tentacles to.

Unless the openings are under his skin, in his robot skeleton??? So he would have to rip his skin off to get to the openings???? 🤢🤢🤢

Confused on the logistics on this...

4) Well, this was unexpected!

At first I thought this was an actual alien abduction, but then I thought about it, and I figured out this was just a dream sequence.

Can you imagine if this really was a sudden abduction??? That would've been pretty funny!

Have we ever seen another character's dream sequence in an event story??? I think this is the first time---the times we've seen the illusions they experience don't count to me.

5) Is Blade just going to be fully upside-down this whole time? 😂

6) I FUCKIN CALLED IT!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

This bitch had the AUDACITY to lie to the Vice Captain's face, and now he's cowardly sneaking into the woods to try and burn the cabin down?!?!?!

That is 1) SHITTY, and 2) SO DAMN STUPID!!!

(Even if he did succeed, he would obviously be suspect #1!!! Dumbass!!!)

7) Oh GOD, it's worse than I thought!!!!

This bitch-ass nobleman was Brahe's SON!

And he has the gall to speak so horribly about his father?!

Even disrespecting him when Brahe has already died?!?!?!

Listen. I can understand holding resentment for bad parents. But from my perspective, Brahe was not irresponsible or crazy. He was just a man ahead of his time.

Being happy about his death---the death of a perfectly-fine family member---is FUCKED UP.

Fuck this nobleman! All my homies hate this nobleman!!!

8) 🔥🔥🔥 RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU WANT TO COMMIT A MURDER WITH ME!!!! 🔥🔥🔥

ME AND EIDEN ARE ABOUT TO GO BEAT HIS ASS!!!!

This dumbass lies to law enforcement, gets caught trying to commit arson, disrespect his deceased father, and NOW insults Blade & Co. to their face?!?!?!

I WILL FIND YOU, BITCH!!!! 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

9) I WILL PROTECT YOU, BLADE!!!! (⸝⸝o̴̶̷᷄ ㅁ o̴̶̷̥᷅⸝⸝)

Damn, that bitch-ass nobleman really got under his skin. Poor Blade!!! 😭😭😭

I wonder how often Blade feels like an outsider/"strange." I hope that it isn't a regular thing, since the mansion is full of people who support him; and this was just because he encountered an ignorant asshole in the wild.

10) NO, BABY!!!! DON'T EVER LISTEN TO A WORD THAT THAT BITCH-ASS NOBLEMAN SAYS!!!

This is so heartbreaking, man.... I thought that after the end of the Detectives Event, Blade would value his curiosity and intellect more...

But I guess, as is true in life, he needs more time to feel secure about that. Change is never immediate. Just like any other person, he needs to work on it---

---and he will need plenty reminders of how special he is in the meantime. ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

☆ End of report! ☆

[infoglitch]

Wtf

(the following is me over exaggerating my fury as I read this brain rot garbage)

.... You ever just get this weird feeling that you just want to walk over someone's grave when they immediately die.

Thats me right now. And said grave is WR.

Like legit why are the toxic parts of fandom so damn vocal and why they gotta be BATSHIT FUCKIN INSANE

"rehabilitation camps" mothafuckers are trying to be fucking Hitler or some shit?!

"no mentioning WK unless it's to slander" BRO WTF. Ok one, the fact you are actively saying that you are "slandering" Whiteknight is just... I'm sorry but wtf is wrong with you?! Two, People can like a ship to dislike. I personally fucking hate WR and I want to burn it to the fuckin ground, but you don't see me (i.e human garbage) attacking WR shipers just because I hate the ship with a BURNING PASSION.

"law of equivalent exchange" this shit ain't FMA knock your shit off my guy you look like a idiot trying to be intelligent.

"Church of whiterose", y'all ain't a church, y'all just butt hurt because not everyone likes WR. SUCK IT UP, it's just a damn SHIP.

And then it just gets FUCKIN worse.

... Man sometimes i hate shipping because that leads to brain dead idiots like the example shown

And to the person who's wrote these tweets and is reading this post for some ungodly reason. I want you to know you do not represent the people who enjoy and ship WR at all, I may hate the damn ship but i know damn well that there are people who enjoy it without tearing down other ships.

So take your three fuckin rules.

AND

SHOVE

IT

UP

YOUR

ASS!

[plural-affirmations]

I'm really sorry for throwing this all here and you don't have to read or post it, I just need a safe space to scream where my friends/partner systems won't see. Cw for fusion talk, I don't know if that needs a warning

I think I'm starting to fuse with our host and I'm terrified.

I'm just going to call him T for simplicity's sake (he uses they/them pronouns, I'm the only one who can call him.. him. It's a persecutor thing.) but he's been our host since for about two and a half years. I split off about a year and a half ago.

I'm technically a duplicate of him, we're from the same source character, but we're very different. He's all fuckin.. Healed and matured and moved on from his shit, and I haven't. I'm still stuck in who I was and who I am. It's a little easier to live with now, but I feel like I'm the evil alter. I'm like a dark shadow of him, all the horrible parts of himself that he couldn't carry anymore got shaved off and formed into whatever lump of flesh I became.

And I'm fine with that. I can live with that. I don't want to change. I'm surviving just fine as I am and I actually have people around me who don't care that I'm an asshole.

But more and more lately it's felt like T and I are getting muddled. Another headmate said that our souls looked tangled, I don't know how tf he saw that but he's a demon so he just Knows Thing. Someone else explicitly said we're fusing and that I'm going to disappear, but I don't know if I can trust them, because they're a persecutor too and they like to target me.

I've been trying to let go of a lot of exotrauma lately and it's hard. I'm extremely connected to my source and I didn't get a happy ending. My entire existence was based around being manipulated, and that hasn't changed since coming to the system, it's just been new faces doing the same shit. I'm a persecutor that gets targeted by all the other persecutors. I'm pretty much a living punching bag.

But I met a guy in one of our partner systems and I really like him. They've got a bunch of littles that all seem to adore me and I don't know why. One calls me her big brother. There's people who like me. I'm really trying to let myself be ok and to accept that I'm allowed a happy ending this time and that I'm not putting people at risk just by admitting I care about them, but it feels like every step toward that gets me more and more tangled up with T. Me hating myself and him is the only thing that seems to be keeping us solidified on our own.

I'm not against fusion for the whole system, I get it happens sometimes, but I don't want it to happen to me. I don't want to disappear. I finally feel like I'm able to survive my shit enough to function and I have people who would miss me if I was gone.

But honestly I think the scarier idea is that I wouldn't. That I'd be the main one who got to stay. T is in a tangled ass polycule with seven people between our system and two others. And I only really like one of them, I kind of actively hate some of the others. One of the partner system boyfriends C would probably have a full nervous breakdown if he disappeared entirely.

I don't know what to do. Either I stay hateful and cruel and go back to beating up T and pushing everyone away to keep us separated, or we fuse and I either disappear, or destroy everyone else's happiness for the sake of my own. It feels like there's nothing here I can do to win and honestly it's all starting to feel like one cosmic joke. I can't even talk to anyone, because our two closest friends are our partner systems, and I don't want to freak them out.

I'm just so tired. I want to be happy without having it blow up in my face and it feels like that's not possible.

Listen. I used to be scared of fusion of any kind. Terrified. My first fusion was super unintentional, unexpected, and frankly painful for a number of reasons. I avoided the idea of it for so long that even when I realized it would probably happen regardless, I just ignored it. And that made it so, so much worse in the long run.

When it finally came around, it hurt. I felt like I was losing one of my best friends. And I was so caught up with who my predecessors were that I didn't know who I was for almost a full year.

But you know what? It got better. I slowly started picking up on things I liked and disliked, what little differences I experienced. After finding out I loved honey mustard when I used to hate it, it almost became a game to me. "Will I like this food Cameron was fond of? Maybe I'll try makeup like Cara. Maybe I'll create something entirely new for myself." (I did, by the way. Picked up HTML for the hell of it.)

The next time fusion happened, I let it. I felt it coming on for probably about a month or so, and I remembered what happened the last time. So, I sat down and breathed. Didn't panic the same way as before.

And after thinking, it was genuinely nice! I was excited to see how I'd grow this time. What idiosyncrasies I'd pick up. Whether I would still fantasize about Pipeline Punch Monster Energy when I was feeling down.

My gender and orientation went on full-tilt, but even that wasn't as upsetting as the first!

I'm going to tell you something I wish someone would've told me:

Change is going to come whether you enjoy it or not.

Yes, things will be different. Yes, it could very well be emotional and hard at times. But if you're fusing, it's usually for a really good reason, despite if you consciously know what that reason is yet or not. Brains have a pretty good idea of what's best for your system's wellbeing. They're certainly not perfect, but they know damn well how to process complex experiences most singlets wouldn't dream of.

You're not going to disappear, and things aren't going to be nearly as bad as they might seem. I promise you, you'll come out on the other end better. And if shit really does hit the fan? You'll know for next time.

🖤💜💙💚💛

[update-blog-bp9]

I know a lot of People will judge me for saying it BUT!

Small rant! Has BIG SPOILERS, so if you don't wanna be spoiled yet, DON'T READ!

The FNaF Movie was AWESOME! Why was it awesome? LET ME EXPLAIN!

First off, I'm sorry to all the other FNaF Fans that will read this, but it HAS to be done. (I am a fan myself but yeah, been a fan since FNaF 4 came out, which has been a while ago. TvT) It was clear that the Movie will be NOTHING like the Games. I mean yeah, it could have given you more spooks (*Cough* even though I was satisfied with what I got as spooks and murders *Cough*), BUT first off, it would have been nothing more but a filmed version of what we played and nothing interesting would have happened.

Mike would have sat in the office, watched Cams, closed doors and shit, until he burned the place down or something. It was clear, from the trailers, that the Movie might NOT be ANYTHING like the Games.

For an alternate universe of FNaF, I found it awesome. You saw two sides of the coin, from the missing Children too. They can act like kids, they can have humanity still, they are still just children, but they can also get VERY deadly and dangerous (Proven in the scenes where Max and the others died brutally).

Also let us not forget that the Movie was for people of 16 years of age and that into the FNaF Fandom a lot of Teenagers and children joined (and probably still do). It was not rated R and not for 18 year olds only, so even Teenagers can watch it and not just barely legally turned grown ups. Not everyone with 18 also can take a lot of blood, so I found the Movie pretty nice, it showed both sides and it showed pretty much that the Animatronics CAN be very murderous if they WANT to be.

I know some or maybe even many of you were disappointed, but why film a Movie about something, we already KNOW? We know about the Afton Family (At least everyone who played the Games and watched Matpad), we know about the missing children and their names, who died first, who William shouldn't have killed, etc. Literally a lot of Gacha Tubers MAKE Movies about all that already, of course they change it to make it an AU, but still! Heck other fans made small FANMOVIES about FNaF, it wouldn't have been as original anymore, as you would have thought, so the changes in the Movie were awesome in my eyes.

It was something new, it was a bit more unpredictable, it had some shockers and it had blood and some gore in there too, everything I would WANT from a Movie. Why have a Movie about something, you already know and can predict everything of, that got pretty much solved so far? (I mean it isn't entirely solved yet, not all of it, but I have a feeling we are getting close)

A new thing, a new Storyline and a few unexpected events. I mean, WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT VANESSA IS WILLIAM'S DAUGHTER IN THE MOVIE?! I only realized it after she started to talk about him and that he was a VERY BAD man. I was like: "Eyoooo, WAIT A FUCKIN' MINUTE! NO WAY! I THOUGHT HE DIDN'T PULL BITCHES AND WAS LEFT CHILDLESS!" (Not that I hated Steve Raglan/William Afton. He was awesome, wish I saw more of him. Mathew really played William well. Respect.)

Or WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT, that these kids still had some humanity left and just wanted to play, until Willy Wonka told them to kill someone for him, or someone broke in and decided to trash the place? I wouldn't have! AND THEY WERE DAY ACTIVE TOO!!! No 6AM clock chime and everything is over! No! They were active and moving ALL THE TIME! MAJOR UPGRADE! You were NEVER safe from them. AND THEY COULD ALSO LEAVE THE BUILDING! Also something that in the Games NEVER was possible! I mean yeah, only GF (Golden Freddy) was out, but if he can leave the Pizzeria, so can the others, right?

So my point: Movie was AWESOME, the people put a lot of thought and care into it, the Storyline was amazing and not the same shit we already knew and predicted, it had a good balance of things (Blood x gore x humor and all that), the Characters were amazing and honetly I am proud. WE EVEN GOT A SPRINGLOCK FAILURE! EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! QWQ

This was the first Movie of FNaF,(I hope Dawko is right and we get a trilogy) which means that in the next Movie (If it comes out), we could get more of the new Storyline AND there could be more horror and if it will be a TRILOGY, then we will get WILLY WONKA IN FNAF THREE, BABYYYYYYYY!!! And THAT WILL be EPIC! After all, Springtrap might be the most BRUTAL and AGGRESSIVE Animatronic in FNaF, because of the Serial Killer traits, his hatred for Mike and Abby, he will still have the urge to kill them, so buckle the fuck up and maybe he will either also try and kill Vanessa (If she survives the Hospital and got out until then), or he will try and apologize.

Why would he apologize? Everyone who saw him stab his own daughter and paid close attention, saw that he instantly regretted it. He actually felt genuinely bad. But he had to get himself together, because of Mike and Abby. I think, if he would have had the time and chance, he would have brought her, himself, to the hospital too. It didn't seem like, he didn't care anymore, but he was in deep shit himself and had to take care of that first, to get away alive. Which, sadly for him, backfired. (Yes, I said it, William Afton showed some heart and I take full advantage of that.)

With all that said, HAVE A GOOD DAY/NIGHT!!!

[im-tempted]

The inarent barrier of entry for medical diagnosis as well as my own disillusionment with the medical field in general leads to me having very conflicting views on self diagnosis

All my cards on the table at the start of this I fuckin obviously I have some kind of diagnosis you don't get over six (there is no official number it's weird don't worry about it) surgeries on fuckin nothing I've got shit on my books and I am forever grateful that happened because otherwise I'd be super dead

BUT

That being said even without the calssism around access to medical care in the U S of A an offical diagnosis is ONE not always accurate and TWO sometimes actively harmful to have

Doctors are inherently flawed biased human beings working with less information than you have more boxes to put you in and a financial gain to keeping you in the medical system that is a system ripe for some kind of fuck up's to happen personally speaking I have had people try and diagnose me with things i don't have so I would stop talking about the actual problems I had that they didn't know what to do about

And adding on top of that the stigma around specific disabilities it's no wonder a lot of people do not want that kind of shit on their public record are employer ALLOWED to not employ you based on your medical history? Fuck no but can you stop them? Also not really

To the point of this

The idea that self diagnosis is in any way a """""""""""threat""""""""""" to a disabled community is laughable and actively harmful the biggest reason I've seen for this is ONE self diagnosis people making them look bad and TWO the stealing of resources

On the one hand I'm sorry if I'm the one who has to say this

Abled people of any kind will not respect you more for hating other disabled people that has never and will never worked

Stop

On the other hand

WHAT RESOURCES??? The ones people who DO have official diagnosis struggle to get

Ya I bet these (mostly) children and poor people are really taking all of the money away from you that they could have had if they weren't *checks notes* ...Acknowledging their own disabilities?

The stifling of any disabled peoples ability to self identify to attempt to claw some kind of health from the world is at best petty and at worst ACTIVELY hateful there is no tangable harm someone could ever do by attempting to figure out how best to articulate their own needs and the idea that it is a moral good to strip any minority of the words they need to gain access of any kind is abhorrent and never acceptable

[bumblebeesdoorwings]

wait wait hold oh Rodimus too i forgot him sorry 😭😭 hope you see this

I SEE THIS AND I AM EXCITED!!!! Time to push my unpopular-opinion-agenda on everyone who follows me!! This guy has been a LEECH on my brain lately, so I got lots to say and little sense to make!!

RODIMUS

one aspect about them i love: Despite everything he's been through, despite Nyon, despite dying, despite the WAR.. He's gotta be the only one that's handling the end of the war well in face. You know? He's got that Optimus thing going on with the positivity. Even with the dying sarcasm and adhd and unemployed vibes, he's still got that going for him. It's admirable. He's absolutely depressed, pushes everyone away despite being ''friendly'' with everyone. He's got one single best friend and he still pushed Drift away. Now when I started MTMTE I was expecting a totally different character. There is not much interaction between him and the others, he's rarely around actually. But I'll be damned if he isn't the most positive one on the ship. And I just know that helps somehow. He keeps it lighthearted and bears that agonizing weight of trauma on his own. Sheesh..

one aspect i wish more people understood about them: Despite his lack of thinking before he acts or speaks, I do think he's pretty smart to a fault. He's masking. He's literally masking. Like.. he may not understand the consequences or effect of what he does, but he isn't.. blatantly cruel on purpose? Does that make sense? He's confident and knows himself, but he's... Yeah. OH ALSO: Just because he's got a speedster frame doesn't mean he's a damsel in distress. He can take care of himself. He's not a tiny frail thing.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character: Here we go, my unpopular opinion: He's Asexual. 1000% Ace. That stuff just doesn't come naturally to him. He's not a prude, but he's not like.. actively seeking it out or jumping at the opportunity. He sees people eyeing him up and tells them where he got his paintjob, where he got his mods. He doesn't realize they're eyeing him up for other reasons. Don't tell him that either. He'll just get mad that people keep treating him like a meal rather than the leader he is. His frame is for being quick, fast, versatile. Flashy, yes, but he picked the colors to be SEEN, not drooled over. Yes, he seeks attention because he's never taken seriously, but he gets that by being loud, wild, irresponsible. Thats uh, thats it. There's no hidden meaning behind his actions or words. Maybe he's had a few flings in his past, or in current, but it ain't nearly as much as everyone assumes. Not even CLOSE. The real secret sex life of Rodimus Prime is that he's not focused on such a life.

one character i love seeing them interact with: Drift!! I love their friendship so much! It's so so soo great to see a close friendship in comics and shows. I have a best friend, an Amica, who I love and adore very much! So I see Rodimus and Drift and get excited! They're besties! They've had their ups and downs, but they're always there for each other!! When Rodimus told Magnus that he WANTED Drift's opinion? Love love loved that. That's his best fuckin FRIEND, Magnus! (Yes, he did do Drift HORRIBLY wrong on the Lost Light, I understand that and I'm very mad at him for it, but we all make shitty mistakes with friendships. This guy ain't had a friend in forever, he's self sabotaging constantly. Its no excuse but it doesn't mean he doesn't deserve a second chance at being a good friend.)

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more: Okay very very odd, but Starscream. They'd both hate it, but I think they got quite a bit in common if you break them down to their basics and I think they'd have a lot to talk about. They both have this odd... not-so-friends but not-so-enemies with Megatron, (there's some trauma there that's shared with that as well). They both want to be taken seriously and be this leader but neither can really get there and even when they do get there, its taken from them very fast. I just want to see them talk. Just sit 'em down and fuckin crack them open like eggs for frying. If Starscream went Autobot, he'd be Rodimus and if Rodimus went Decepticon, he'd be Starscream. Does that make any sense? Its odd, I know.. BUT..

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character: I love the whole 'Ratchet and Rodimus have a Uncle-Nephew type relationship', and with Ratchet ending up with Drift in the end, I LOVE the idea of Rodimus being that tag-a-long that ends up somehow squeezing himself into hang outs with them. They're his friends! He loves them! He just wants to hang with them! All the time, yes, but he's just really enjoying how happy his bestie is, and enjoys being able to mess with Ratchet and get away with it to a degree. He's always in their habsuite eating their snacks. Drift doesn't yell at him for it but Ratchet does. Disclaimer!!! I don't ship them all together, I cherish the friendships.

I can talk forever about this onion. Roddy has so many layers and so much to his character and I am obsessed with diving into him. I have SO much to say and SO little cohesiveness to say it all!!

[broareweabouttoviberightnow]

ok i think this is the last in the rumblefish watch saga:

motorcycle boy is just always DROPPIN shit on rusty just in the middle of situations. rusty james is like man I hate bein alone n motorcycle boy's like oh yeah! when I was six n u were three n dumps childhood trauma on him that he doesn't even remember. just. middle of a street.

rusty james is just always tellin ppl man I'm gonna be like my brother one day n everyone includin bitches he just met take one look at him n go uhh yeah no. good lord someone cut this man a break

motorcycle boy's ugly ass fuckin vest. ugly.

the way rusty james is so attuned to listenin for the sound of a motorcycle he hears that shit even when in a loud ass bar n fucked up.

rusty n steve are actively bein jumped n rusty looks bored outta his goddamn mind. Steve's like oh shit were dead as hell. n rusty james is like man whatever 🙄🧍‍♂️

what the hell he's floatin. WHAT THE HELL?? ok I don't think its?? supposed to be funny?? but he's floatin. past Patty's steps n u just see his lil feet kickin just outta frame. what am I watchin rn.

a toast to rusty james. a really. cool. dude.

never in my life have I seen a man look more bored while fightin. motorcycle boy please.

rusty james u still alive? no. uh I dunno.

hmmm. thinkin about how rusty james idolizes the gangs. thinkin about him meetin pony. who lost two friends to all that senseless bullshit. hmm.

Remember somethin, Stevie. Loyalty is his only vice. oh ok. so why don't I throw up. sick to my stomach. ow. aough.

DIANE LANEEEEE. THE WOMAN U AREEEE.

rusty. get a new shirt mama.

good lord this boy can't catch a break. fucked up 7 ways to heaven n everyone keeps tellin him he's stupid n never gonna be like his brother. good lord someone cut this man a break

those fish. those FUCKIN fish. what is it with those FUCKIN fish man.

the fact that the fish are the only things in color. hmmm. huh. ough.

"makes me real sorry I can't see the colors." "man I thought you weren't sorry about anythin" OUGH AOUGH

rusty james just chompin on ice n sticks n shit. mama. what are u doin'.

*their father yammerin on* "man I wish you'd talk normal"

"I think I'm gonna be like him. when I'm older." "You should pray to God not." OH. OUGH. OHHHH. AOUGH. AGHHH

THE WAY RUSTY HIDES HIS HEAD BEHIND HIS BROTHERS SHOULDER IM SICKKKKKK

I wish I could be the big brother you wanted. but I can't be what I want anymore then you can. oh. ohhhh. oh ok. oh alright. OK. yeah alright. my stomach hurts.

"I want you to take the cycle n go clear to the ocean." "are you comin with me?" "no." OHHHHH. yeah. ok. yeah ok. yeah yeah. cool. no ok.

I can't even. like. I can't even talk about the end of this movie. I'm sick. the breif flashes of color? the dyin' with a smile on his face? THE MOTORCYCLE BOY REIGNS? the framin of their father n the child? FUCKIN RUSTY JAMES N THE OCEAN? yeah. uh. I need a minute. I uh. yeah ok. I need a moment. uh

[lurlur]

Rating the NHL mascots - Part 2

Part 1 is here

Minnesota Wild

Nordy

What are you, Nordy? Officially, Nordy is a "wild animal" which is just SUPER helpful, Minnesota. Thanks. He's got a sweet face, though. I like the extra colouring that keeps him from being boring. I feel like he'd benefit from some sharp teeth though. Give the boy some ferocity. Assuming he's the kind of wild animal that can be ferocious? WHO FUCKIN' KNOWS???

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetics: 9/10

Horror: 2/10

Fuckability: 6/10

Overall, 6/10. Could be better, but the inability to commit hurts Nordy's potential.

Buffalo Sabres

Sabretooth

I may not have much in this world, but one of the things that I do have is a degree in palaeontology. This goofy looking motherfucker is not an accurate sabretooth cat and I have decided to take that personally. This is a cartoon tiger with dental issues. This is Tony the Tiger's inbred cousin. He's not OK. At least he looks relatively kind, if a little concerned.

Vibes: 5/10

Aesthetics: 1/10

Horror: 1/10

Fuckability: 1/10

Overall, 2/10. Is it too much to ask for to have palaeontologically accurate mascots in 2023?

Nashville Predators

Gnash

Is this a joke? Am I a joke to you? ANOTHER sabre tooth cat? Jesus fucking christ. OK, this one isn't AS bad. It's not good, but it's not as bad as the last entry. Actual sabre teeth, a sculpted cat head, team colours can be forgiven for mascot purposes. The lower jaw is all wrong and the stripes are conjecture at best, but the overall effect doesn't fill me with the same blind rage as Buffalo's cat. Gnash is getting by on a loaded comparison. His name is pretty cool though.

Vibes: 6/10

Aesthetics: 4/10

Horror: 5/10

Fuckability: 3/10

Overall, 4.5/10. Literally skating through because Sabretooth is SO bad and SO fresh in my memory. Take the wins where you can, Gnash.

Florida Panthers

Stanley C. Panther

Florida somehow has two mascots? I'm going with Stanley, but please do be aware of, I assume, Matthew Tkachuk's best friend: Victor E. Rat.

Stanley, here, is a panther. Of course. And he's fine. Just fine. Another big cat, underwhelming design, pretty minimal costuming. He's got a reasonably characterful face. I feel like a good performer could make him work, but in still images he's lacklustre. Sorry, Stanley.

Vibes: 6/10

Aesthetics: 3/10

Horror: 3/10

Fuckability: 6/10

Overall, 4.5/10. Middling score for a middling mascot. Maybe I should have gone with Victor...

New York Islanders

Sparky the Dragon

Got myself tied in knots about this one because the Isles have made some attempts to move on from Sparky, it seems. There's an absolutely horrifying fisherman named Nyisles that I won't ever unsee. The NHL website says Sparky, though, so Sparky it is! He's a dragon! Look at his lil wings! Good teeth, bright colours, horns for holding. What's not to love? Literally nothing. Except the fact that he's mascot for the Isles... but that's not what we're doing here.

Vibes: 10/10

Aesthetics: 10/10

Horror: 4/10

Fuckability: 8/10

Overall, 8/10. He's a dragon! I love me a dragon! I don't care!

St Louis Blues

Louie

Louie, OK. Blue, OK. Wipe clean mouth? OK, I guess. Why a bear, though? And why such a pale blue? This thing must be a nightmare to keep clean. Good ear shape, kind face, not quite hitting the bear perfection that is Carlton but a decent effort. The muzzle really is throwing me as a weird design choice. Like, OK, it does make the face more visually interesting but it also just looks like Louie has a skin problem. Does he have mange? We simply don't know.

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetics: 7/10

Horror: 3/10

Fuckability: 5/10

Overall, 5.5/10. Mostly because I'm concerned about his health. I don't want to catch mange.

Detroit Red Wings

Al the Octopus

Oh yeah, now we're talking. I actively hate this for a million reasons but it's so fucking insane that I also kind of love it! I do wish that Detroit fans would stop throwing octopuses onto the ice because that is no fate for a poor cephalopod. But look! It's a giant tentale monster! He looks MEAN! That's not just a guy in a bad fur suit! it's interesting and that's worth big points. I fully believe that Al would beat the shit out of me for no reason.

Vibes: 10/10

Aesthetics: 9/10

Horror: 9/10

Fuckability: 10/10

Overall, 9.5/10. Horrible, never stop.

Philidelphia Flyers

Gritty

Now, this is podracing! Gritty is how you do weird, undefined monster mascots properly. Gritty emerged following construction work at the Philidephia arena and is best described as a force for chaos. The eyes are wild, the energy is all over the place, the flow is spectacular, and the best part of Gritty's launch was the speed with which Philidelphia went from rejecting their new freak to declaring Gritty the new godking. Oh, you think Gritty is an ugly monster? Fuck you, we love them. Gritty is also undeniably a queer ally/icon/community leader? Hard to say exactly, but it's there. Immaculate vibes. Shame we can't say the same about everyone on the team...

Vibes: 10/10

Aesthetics: 10/10

Horror: 10/10

Fuckability: 10/10

Overall, 10/10. Gritty, hit me up. I have a short list of Flyers I need you to eat. Thanks, babe.

Ottawa Senators

Spartacat

Someone please get this lion a good haircare routine? Dear god, Spartacat. You leave the house looking like this? There's something almost endearing about how wet and pathetic this lion looks. He's just giving nothing. I want to nominate him for Queer Eye.

Vibes: 6/10

Aesthetics: 4/10

Horror: 2/10

Fuckability: 4/10

Overall, 4/10. Honestly, it's a pity fuck as well. Someone please help this lion.

Montreal Canadiens

Youppi!

What IS it? A man? Why is it so hairy? It might be a giant (lol) but that doesn't explain much at all. I HATE this. I think that's a fully body beard. You could shave that and maybe find just a normal man underneath. It's SO orange which just looks jarring with the Montreal colours. Bad. I would turn around and walk the other direction if I saw this on the street.

Vibes: 2/10

Aesthetic: 1/10

Horror: 8/10

Fuckability: 0/10

Overall, a generous 3/10. Please never make me look at Youppi! again.

Vancouver Canucks

Fin the Whale

They anthropomorphised a whale. That feels like it should be a crime. Certainly the way they've gone about it is. Fin loses points for having his dorsal fin on the back of his head and not, y'know, his actual back. He also appears to have no tail which is a real shame. Tails are a great design choice in almost every situation. I do like the sharp teeth and red tongue, though. Very suggestive. This feels like a missed opportunity. Fin could have been a lot better but they took the easy path instead of the interesting one. Boo you, Canucks design team.

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetics: 4/10

Horror: 5/10

Fuckability: 6/10

Overall, 5.5/10. I really wanted to like this more. I'm going to think about Ethan Bear for a minute to cheer myself up.

San Jose Skarks

S J Sharkie

No points for originality on the name, but for literally everything I just said about Fin? Sharkie gets it right. His dorsal fin is in the right place, he has shark elements beyond his head with those little elbow fins. Clear evidence that it's possible to make a weird sea creature/man hybrid without being boring AF. The head is a weird shape, but I'm feeling too much goodwill towards Sharkie right now to really mind. Nice teeth, too. I would have loved to have seen rows of teeth, maybe with some missing for a real hockey feel.

Vibes: 8/10

Aesthetics: 8/10

Horror: 6/10

Fuckability: 8/10

Overall, 7.5/10. A good score for a very smooth boy. Smooth in every direction.

Arizona Coyotes

Howler the Coyote

Hims feets too big for hims gotdamn shoes! I haven't ever actually seen a coyote before, so I had to go looking for a comparison. Conclusion? Why is his face so wide? I do like the very pointy nose, though. We've seen too many soft faced predators, this boy has a SNOUT. Got some lil teefies too, I like that. And a tail. I keep coming back to the feet busting out of the shoes though, like some teen wolf knock off. I kinda love it.

Vibes: 9/10

Aesthetics: 8/10

Horror: 4/10

Fuckability: 8/10

Overall, 7/10. Very good showing for a pointy faced doggo who needs new shoes.

Columbus Blue Jackets

Stinger

Help. Serously, please help me. Look at this thing. It's a bug, meant to be a play on blue jackets/yellow jackets. But I don't know what a yellow jacket is so any cleverness is kind of lost on me. This is HORRIBLE. They really went all in on making this unpleasant and I can applaud that, even as I hate it viscerally. And I do. The eyes, the butt, the rictus grin, the colour... It is offensive to mine eyeballs. I love it. One note, they should have given it another set of limbs.

Vibes: 1/10

Aesthetics: 10/10

Horror: 8/10

Fuckability: 0/10

Overall, 5/10. Awful. I can't look away.

Honourable mention to Boomer, the other Blue Jackets mascot who is just an anthropomorphic cannon. Great moustache. I wonder if Johnny Gaudreau is afraid of it.

Anaheim Ducks

Wild Wing

I do not believe that Wild Wing's designer had ever seen a duck. I'm not sure that the person who described duck to the designer or Wild Wing had ever seen a duck either. I think the description of a duck may have passed through as many as 15 people who had never seen a duck before reaching Wild Wing's designer. Oh Holly, you're so harsh. It's a duck in a hockey mask. OK, so they hadn't seen a modern hockey mask either. I like the mean expression, somehow through a mask, the Donald Duck-esque nudity, and the feet design. Almost a horse-sized duck.

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetics: 6/10

Horror: 5/10

Fuckability: 4/10

Overall, 5.5/10. You're no good, duck. You'll never be shit. You're just like your father.

Chicago Bad Team

Tommy Hawk

That's a turkey.

Vibes: 0/10

Aesthetics: 0/10

Horror: 0/10

Fuckability: 0/10

0/10. Boo.