#i'm so unwell after tonight's events

[cripsynapkinskin]

R.I.P. Agatha Harkness. You looked so hot in your swishy blue coat 😔

No but for real. Her death was foreshadowed sooo many times, especially in the earlier episodes. I'm still insane about it though

[soullikethesea]

So... I cancelled another event tonight and I regret doing that. It's like my knee jerk reaction, whenever I feel vulnerable/unwell, is to retreat.

Sometimes things are just too loud and intense for me, which doesn't help.

I went for a walk instead, did some geocaching. It's something I've gotten into recently and I find it quite fun. It makes me feel connected to other people, even when I'm technically alone.

Yoga was good, too. I felt cared for. It still means so much to me when that happens! I also cried a bit.

And I feel deeply tired. It's a week that contains less work, but I wish it was a week that was completely free. Obviously I'm grateful for the reduction, but it makes me realize how tired I actually am. There are still some intense weeks left after this one...

T told me she is going to do some outdoor activities soon and I'm so excited for her. Secretely I'm hoping that she got inspired by the Power of Fun book. It's definitely still inspiring me, with the geocaching - and I have a hot chocolate party planned later this week. :)

[snakeskins-world]

I saw that you opened your requests and I had to come and write something. I thought of this one day and it does not get out of my head, Clarissa and lesso, in their office, dancing tale as old as time from beauty and the beast.

This took a little long to post due to a sickness i got, but I was determined to post it.

Hope you enjoy!!!

A tale as old as time

(Play the song if you want, or use your imagination)

It was the Annual Evers Ball. This year, the theme was Fairytales. Every single Ever came in with a detailed dress or suit, based on the fairytale they chose. This year, the nevers joined. So, naturally, they came as the villains from the fairytales.

The ball was elegant, the fairies flew around the room, the wolf guards had been forced by the good teachers to wear suits.

The good staff were all mingling with each other. Anemone was drinking some wine. Yuba was dancing (the students avoided him). Pollux was dancing as well, drunk. Castor was sat by the wall, scowling. Princess Uma was talking with the birds on the window.

Lady Lesso stood by the wall. She wasn't a fan of dances, let alone big events like this, but as the schools were now merged, she had to attend. She scanned the hall as she noticed that Dovey hadn't attended.

"Where is that, goody two shoes?" She thought, before walking over to Anemone. The students moved out the way as the evil Dean walked through the dance floor.

"Red." Anemome greeted the evil dean. Not looking up from her wine.

"Where's Clarissa?" Lady Lesso asked, her tone saying she didn't want any snarky comments or comebacks tonight.

"Why are you so concerned?" Anemone replied, standing up and crossing her arms.

"Where.is.she?" Lady Lesso asked, her grip tightened on her cane.

"In her room. She didnt feel well." Anemone walked away, going to get more wine.

"Unwell?" Lady lesso thought. She had a feeling something wasn't right. And she needed an excuse to leave this horrid room anyway.

She walked out, going to find the Good Dean.

_____________________________________________

Several hours prior

Dovey sat in her office. It was the evers ball tonight. She felt sad. She had never gotten a fairytale. Why she chose this theme was beyond her. She sighed, slumping in her chair, she didn't want to go tonight. But it was her job as Dean.

"Clarissa, is everything ok?"

She looked up, Anemone stood by her door.

"I'm feeling a little under the weather," Dovey lied. She might be able to get out of going to the ball tonight.

"Oh?" Anemone walked forward and pressed her hand to the Dean's forhead. "You dont have a fever" She said, confused and suspicious.

The dean froze.. then she started coughing. Anemone stepped back. Before getting a glass of water. She gave it to Dovey.

"Right. Stay in your room tonight." Anemone said. "I'll send some fairies to watch over you, ok?" She asked worriedly.

"Thank you, Anemone," Dovey replied quietly, she watched her friend leave.

____________________________________________

Current time

Lady Lesso walked down the dim halls of the Good School, making her way up to the deans office. She was using her own school for reference, hoping the layout was the same. She climbed the stairs. She ignored the pain in her knee as she climbed several flights of stairs.

"This school needs fewer stairs." She mumbled as she reached the top floor. She emerged from the staircase, she walked down to the large double doors at the end of the hall. The windows letting in moonlight, illuminating the brightly coloured halls.

"Clarissa?" Lady lesso knocked on the door. She waited for a response. After a few seconds

"Come in." It was quiet, but definitely Dovey.

Lady Lesso opened the door and entered. She saw Dovey stood by the window, watching the river.

"You didn't go to the party." Lady Lesso said plainly.

"I was sick." Dovey replied

"No. You didn't want to go." Lady lesso walked forward "why?"

Dovey just looked at her, before returning her gaze to the river, she sighed.

"How did you feel...when you didn't get chosen to be the villain? For a fairytale?" She asked Lady Lesso

The evil dean was taken aback by the sudden question but quickly recovered

"Disappointed" She said "I wasn't good enough for it" she then looked to Dovey.

"I wanted a fairytale...when I was at school" Dovey said quietly

"But, I only ever helped people in theirs...I watched them get their happy endings. And I...I just envy the students, they have chances I don't." She whispered.

"Ah. I see" Lady Lesso murmured. She didnt know why, but she felt a sudden need to help the good dean.

Lady Lesso snapped her fingers, using her fingerglow, the music instruments in the deans room started playing, making Dovey look up.

Lady Lesso took a breath and held her hand to Dovey. "Will you take me in this dance?"

Dovey was shocked. But she smiled softly and took the evil deans hand. She was shocked as Lady Lesso pulled her close. The evil dean took her hand and put it on her shoulder, putting both hands on Clarissa's waist.

"This...this is Belle's song." Dovey looked to the instruments. Before suddenly the evil dean started to dance with her.

Dovey rested her head against, Lesso's chest as they danced. Lady Lesso let her, a little shocked and flustered, but she'd never admit it.

"You deserve a dance." Lady Lesso whispered as she slowly spun round with the dean, trying her best to mimic the dance she saw some of the Good students do. She stumbled slightly.

Dovey chuckled softly, the music matched perfectly. She danced till she knew the music was reaching its end. She looked at Lady Lesso and then stood on her tip toes and kissed her softly.

Lady Lesso stood there, shocked.

"Thank you. For tonight" She whispered, then let go.

A tale as old as time. Good and evil, opposite sides crave eachother, but refuse to admit.

[pbandjesse]

I really thought I wasn't going to be exhausted today. I was like I'm going to get home at 11 and the ln I'll just go to sleep normal and have a nice day off at home and get lots done. But I was a fool to think that!!

I did get home at 11. The event wrapped up pretty quickly and it was lovely working with everyone. There was a live auction and one of the prizes was a bunch of lottery tickets they stuck in a pumpkin. But the woman who won that was flying and so she didn't want the actual pumpkin so I got to keep it! Excellent. It was honestly larger then I should have been picking up but it's fine. I didn't drop it.

I got home and took a shower and was scrolling on my phone entirely to long. Just winding down. Hugging James. And eventually I was able to sleep.

It was honestly better sleep then I have had the last week. I woke up a few times but not as many and I think it's because I wasn't waking up to pee and then immediately drinking a ton of water every time because I was thirsty. But I did sleep a little better.

I woke up at 9. I don't even remember James leaving for work which made me a little sad. I was moving really slow this morning. But pretty quickly I was shocked awake because I got up and was like. Gotta plug in my phone. And immediately knocked over the new humidifier and spilled water all over my phone. Incredible way to start the day. I moved quick enough to rip my case off and dried it all off and it was fine just Jesus.

I took an excellent shower. I washed my hair and felt a lot more normal. I was sure I was full of energy and would have an excellent and productive day. But it didn't exactly work out like that.

I made the bed and wore cozy clothes. I went and had the breakfast sandwich James made me. I brought it upstairs and sat at my desk. It was a nice morning.

I would go downstairs to work on the sewing machine for a little bit. I got another color set of frog legs sewn. But I was not feeling sitting there so I gather one of my knit projects that needed sewing and brought it upstairs to work.

I did stop and checked on Crabcake. He has needed me to come and move him into the food bowl for him to eat. I think he's a little sleepy/bored as the house gets cooler. I will have to get him to walk around the room outside of his tank. Don't want him to be bored.

I would sit on the floor in our bedroom working on this floor mat project for a while. But after an hour I was just. So tired. I didn't really do much so I don't even understand why I became so overwhelmingly exhausted but it was wild. I was able to sew two rows closed and together. 3 more to go and I really wanted to finish that today but there was no way I was going to be able to keep going at that point.

I would lay down to watch a video. I was feeling very unwell and off. I was just not having a very good time. I would eventually fall asleep but it wasn't a very restful sleep. I woke up thirsty and tired and feeling weird.

I tried to shake it off. I drank water and moved downstairs and had a snack. I just wanted James to come home.

They were running late because of the event tonight. I was feeling a little better after my snack. I had the backdoor open and was working on .u temperature blanket. I have all the panels through the end of August put together now. I plan on getting all the yarn cut this week for September so I can work on that during our drive to Gabe's wedding weekend next week. Maybe I'll get October cut out too even though the total month won't be done. That's alright.

James would get home and I was not feeling great again. They came and cuddled me and it helped a little. They would make dinner. And we talked about baby. It's the 18th and the start of the 18th week. And I know I was feeling bad yesterday about everything but looking at the belly pictures I have been taking every Friday I am rounding out in the middle. So that's neat. I just really hope they are okay in there.

After dinner James would come and lay with me on the couch while they worked on editing their podcast. I was just scrolling on my phone. Eventually I would go lay upstairs because I needed different pillows. James would come up here eventually but they would go and hang a shelf on the stairwell (it didn't exactly fit so they had to cut it down a bit. Pictured above). But it should be good for displaying some of the Legos and other small sculptural things!

I would take a bath. And I put peppermint Dr Bronners in the water and so then I was so chilly after. But now I'm bundled in bed. Trying to be comfortable. I am just so tired.

Tomorrow I have a workshop at awah. I am a little confused about the layout but I'll figure it out when I get there. It should be a nice couple hours. And hopefully I am not to exhausted anymore.

I hope you all have a good night. Sleep well and be safe! Until tomorrow!

[angelgendered]

I'm going to a local 'festival' of tribute bands on saturday and while it looks like a good laugh and I'm going with good company (my step cousin who's quickly become a good friend of mine cos they get the Gender Blues, like the same music as I do, and is also obsessed with fictional gays only his are animated and mine are generally not lol) but also??? It's local. People I knew in a former life might be there. And I know that's my horrible abused brain going 'teehee everyone hates you' but I'm literally nervous??? I'm definitely not gonna be too visibly queer I don't think. Maybe just my binder under a baggy shirt? My hometown is not. The most progressive or queer friendly place either.

And I have to get the bus back alone probably at night unless I can escape just after dinner and as a lone power chair user that scares me a LOT. usually my friend is with me who is kinda like a carer to me usually when we do events but she can't make it to this one. So I'm nervous cos. Bless my cousin. He thought my 100kg+ power chair would fit in the boot of his tiny volkswagon cos 'surely it folds down?' Which. No it does not but I appreciate the gesture LOL. But he had no real clue about wheelchairs and disabled people's needs cos he comes from a v healthy family overall unlike mine where I lived with my very unwell grandparents form birth up until their deaths.

Idk

I guess this is all just to say that I'm really nervous for some reason? I feel like something bad will happen with these fascist riots and stuff going on too. I'm just. Nervous as fuck. And I guess I'm scared a bit too. I haven't been to ANY music things since before I became more disabled by my back (thinking on it that's like 10 years since I went to a gig let alone a festival day) and idk. It scares me. I'm scared my chair will mean I can't get about or enjoy the music or whatever cos I'll be worrying about my chair all day and accessibility issues.

Ah idk.

Also I need to rectify my undercut sides before they walk off and cut themselves lmao

Might have to do that tonight...

[angelicalbones]

im so nervous to go home after work tonight. I have genuine thoughts and concerns about our relationship and how he treats me but something in me snapped last night and I was just so cruel.

like i dunno he just threw at me out of no where that hes apparently made multiple attempts on his life recently and I had no other reaction than to laugh. Like are you serious? like I know why I laughed because this isn't the first time hes done this or anyone at all has done this to me to make me feel guilty for trying to call them to task and I just cant take his emotional manipulation sometimes but also like

that's cruel to do to anyone. I care for him so much and I am so fucking scared for his safety and well being 24/7. I have had to threaten him with baker acting him or making him stay with his aunt and uncle during the day before because I was so fucking scared I would come home to him dead. Of course he told me that was evil to do and he hated me for even thinking about it even tho hes the one who said "I can't do this anymore let me die"

Fuck I dont know I know I shouldnt have been so mean, I fucking lost it so severely last night but also he is so fucking mean to me all the time. At the slightest provacation it becomes him drilling into me about how I've done nothing but use him for his money and everything is my fault and he has paid for my entire life and I wouldnt be wehre I am without him and I owe him everything. Im never allowed to get a word in edgewise but if I dont speak im an idiot who is abusively stonewalling him and leaving him to suffer alone.

but if I do speak and say the wrong thing(which is literally everything) I'm a fucking moronic bitch who will never understand him and his guy friends are the only ones who actually care about him and I'm evil and want him to die alone and am a sociopathic bitch who can't connect with people ever.

last night I suggested we go out to a bar event we were invited to by his hair dresser and it spiralled into this multi hour long fight. He got so fucking angry at me for suggesting we go do something with other people when he was just screaming and crying about not knowing anyone and not doing anything with his life. I got fed up and told him fine I will go without him if he refuses to join me.

Which might have been the worst possible shit I couldve said I swear to god. The amount of times he said I was a sociopathic bitch who was abandoning him because he is mentally unwell is frankly what caused my outbursts. Just because I said I Was going to go to a bar thing we were invited to.

He then told me to fucking leave like 5 seperate times (which is like the 18th time hes done it in our relationship) so I threw up my fucking hands and cleaned out the car, and started seperating my clothes from his. And suddenly his tune fucking changed. He didn't just tell me to leave I'm choosing to. He never said leave I am deciding to run away in stead of work on our relationshipp.

Despite literally saing the words "Go back to fucking michigan" and "Then you should just fucking leave" multiple times. Apperantely that doesn't in fact mean leave it means beg for my forgiveness.

I then got in trouble for making a mess in the closet and he bitched while we hung my shit back up even tho I told him to leave and I would clean it bc he has to be a fucking martyr about fucking everything just like his dad.

God I cant fucking handle this, when we are good we are so fucking good it's like the universe personally crafted him for me. Similar tastes in media, music, humor, literally everything lines up so beautifully. But when it's bad I want to fucking kill myself . He hates everything about me and I am the worst person to ever happen to him.

I can never know which one is the real one. I'm so tired. I dont want to go home. I want to hide somewhere else forever.

[drtanner]

TANNER’S PROGRESS REPORT: JULY 15TH 2022 (FRI)

So I had intended to put my new superpowers to the test today by sitting down and writing the book, and I did write, but only to make a couple of very minor edits that I thought of during the night (which, I mean, it's impressive that I remembered them that long, so another win for the meds, I guess.)

HOWEVER.

Following on from last night's awful bullshit, I unfortunately found myself continuing to feel concerningly unwell through the afternoon and into the evening tonight, so I called 111 about it and they advised me to go to A&E, which I did, and I spent four fucking hours there while they did an ECG on me and performed blood tests to rule out there having been any cardiac events during the aforementioned bullshit. I'm pleased to report that there were not! My blood pressure is still very high though and I still feel distinctly unwell in ways that make me a little nervous. If this doesn't clear up in a few days I'll be calling my psychiatrist to talk to them about it and see if we can't find an alternative that doesn't send my blood pressure through the roof.

This is disappointing given how great my first day on these meds was. I really don't want to have to change things up but it's not worth being able to clean my house in a timely manner if my fucking heart explodes after my sixth nightly panic attack of the week! I hope this is just a case of my brain being fucky while it adapts to the new meds but fucking hell, how rancid. Terrible.

So yeah that's where I spent my evening tonight instead of writing.

[live-logs-and-proper]

Pieces falling into place.

Pairing: Malcolm Reed x OFC (event tough it's just the name. I'm not big on the y/n thing)

Warnings: fluff, hurt/comfort and some smut.

Words: 2.7K

“Are you coming to movie night tonight?” Hoshi asks while sitting down beside you.

“Nope, missed training the other day with the MACOs, Reed’s having me catch up after my shift.” You explain and she chuckles.

“Just training.” She teases.

“Stop that.” You say.

“What. You’ve been dancing around each other for god knows how long now.” You roll your eyes at her. “And I’m certainly not the only one that’s noticed.” She adds as you look at your food.

“Well, I’m not sure what y’all have noticed cause there’s been nothing to notice.” You say just as the mess hall door opens and Malcolm and Trip walk in. “I have work I need to finish. T’Pol is most likely waiting for me already.” You say before downing the last of your soda and picking your tray while standing.

“Enjoy your training.” She calls out, earning curious looks from some of your crewmates and if looks could kill yours would’ve been enough to end her right then and there.

The day goes by slowly, helping T’Pol analyse some data gathered after passing by a binary system. Your mind keeps going back to what Hoshi said during lunch, and you keep telling yourself that there’s been nothing to notice. Yeah, you and Reed had grown close and became friends since the mission had started. But that’s all you were. Friends.

“Ensign.” T’Pol’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts and you apologized. “Are you done with the preliminary analysis?” She asks.

“Yeah, I should have the report ready in a few minutes.” You reply.

“Good, when you’re done, the Captain would like to talk to you.” She informs.

“Of course.” You say with a smile that she doesn’t mirror. Not that you expected her to.

As you finish your report you go see Archer. When you get there, you’re greeted by Porthos as soon as the door opens, and you pick him up happily.

“Captain.” You greet letting the dog go and stand before the man, hands behind your back.

“At ease, ensign.” He says with a smile and you relax your stance. “How are you feeling?”

“Quite alright. May I ask why?”

“Lieutenant Reed told me you missed the last MACO-Starfleet joint training due to feeling unwell.” He explains.

Of course he did.

“I’m alright sir, I had just received some rather unhappy news of a personal nature that same evening that affected my capacity to either train or work for the remaining of the day.” You explain, not wanting to elaborate too much since you didn’t really want to discuss it. “But I’m alright now.” You reassure.

“Cassie…” This was not the Captain talking to you anymore, this was just plain worried Jonathan.

“I’m fine, John.” You reassure him, eyes meeting. “I’ll talk to you about it when I feel ready to do so.” You add and he just nods his head in understanding. “Are we finished, sir?” You ask.

“Dismissed.” He says gently and you nod at him before leaving the room.

You checked the time on the way to your quarters, you had half an hour to get ready for your training session with Reed. You changed into your gym clothes, grabbed a towel and a bottle of water, and headed to the cargo bay.

“You’re early.” Reed points out when you walk into the empty cargo bay.

“So are you.” You reply and he chuckles. “You ratted me out to Archer.” You add leaving your stuff on the floor by the wall.

“I just did what any superior would have done. I was worried about you.” He explains as you both start stretching.

“What’s it gonna be today?” You ask, changing the subject and referring to the training session.

“Self-defence.” He replies.

“You should know better than to set up a sparring class with me when I’m cross with you.” You say, half playful, half serious and he chuckles.

“Oh, so now you’re cross with me. For doing my job.” He says before lunging towards you.

You use his momentum to flip him over your shoulder, making him fall to the ground with a thud.

“Still thinking it was a good idea?” You ask as he stands back up.

You keep at it for some time, either of you ending up on the floor several times, each of you squaring a few good hits too, knocking the air out of the other.

“Now, don’t you go soft on me.” He says as you lay on the floor, trying to catch your breath, starting to feel rather frustrated.

“Just because you know my fighting style.” You san sitting and looking up at him. “I just don’t wanna bruise your ego.” You say standing.

“I’m a big boy, I think I could take it.” He urges you on and you take a deep breath as a switch inside you clicks and you let out all the anger and frustration you had been holding in for the past few days.

He manages to keep up with you for what seems like an eternity and it’s not until you’ve got him pinned to the floor looking up at you with concern and your vision starts to blur that you realize you’re crying.

You let go of him and stand in a hurry, turning your back at him and wiping the tears away.

“Cassie.” He says approaching you.

“I’m okay.” You say picking up your towel and water bottle. “Really.” You reassure, turning to look at him before leaving, letting him know you were done training.

When you get back to your quarters you take a shower, then put on some leggings, a white t-shirt and your favorite cardigan and decide to get ahead on some work for the next day.

It’s about an hour later that you door's chime goes off.

“Come in.” You say. “Hoshi, I’m really not-“ You start turning on your chair, but you stop mid-sentence when you see Reed standing before you.

“You’re not what?” He asks as you turn off your computer.

“Can’t I catch a break?” You say making him chuckle as he sits on your bed.

“What’s going on with you?” He asks, eyes searching yours.

“What do you mean?” You ask toying with the sleeve of your cardigan to avoid his gaze.

“I mean. What’s wrong?” He says. “What happened today in the cargo bay?” He adds as you finally look at him.

“I’ve just got a lot going through my head lately.” You say. “That’s all.”

“Bullshit.” He simply says and you shoot him a questioning look. “I know you well enough by now to know that’s just you trying not to talk about it.” He explains and you look away again.

You both fall silent for a few minutes as he just waits for you to tell him what’s really bothering you.

“I got a letter.” You finally say looking down at your hands, voice almost a whisper as a stray tear finds its way down your cheek, prompting you to wipe it away with the sleeve of your cardigan. “My mother died.” You add and feel your heart drop as you say the words out loud.

When you finally look up at him, there’s a tenderness in his eyes that makes your heart skip. You follow his movements as he stands and takes one of your hands from your lap, pulling you up towards him and into a hug.

Tears run freely down your cheeks as he wraps his arms around you, rubbing your back as you silently shake against him. He holds you as your arms find their way arounds him, holding him close as he buries his face in your hair. And so he waits until you start calming down.

“Does the Captain know?” He asks softly and you shake your head no. “Does anyone know?” You shake your head no again. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks, pulling apart slightly so he can look down at you.

“I don’t know. I-“ You let out a deep breath as he brushed some of the hair off your face, his touch gentle and caring as he wipes the tears away from your soaked cheeks. “I didn’t want it to be true. Reading that letter felt like a bad dream.” You explain as he cups your face, his eyes tender looking down at you.

“I’m sorry.” He says, resting his forehead on yours. “I’m so sorry.” He adds.

“Kiss me.” You whisper, one of your hands finding its way to the nape of his head. “Please.” You add, closing your eyes to keep more tears from finding their way down your face.

He complies, kissing you deep and slow and sweet. As if he were trying to kiss the hurt away, pulling you closer as he deepens the kiss. When you finally pull apart trying to catch your breath, he keeps his forehead on yours, thumb caressing your cheek as your fingers run through the hair at the nape of his head before pulling him in for another kiss. More urgent but which carried the same plea. “Help me not to think about it.”

He pushes the cardigan off your shoulders, letting it fall to the floor as your hands find their way under his t-shirt, pushing it up and making him break apart so you can pull it over his head. He starts kissing down your jaw and neck as he does the same with your t-shirt. He walks you back until your calves hit the edge of your bed making you sit. He kisses you making you lean back on your elbows before kissing down your neck and the valley of your breasts, you gasp as his mouth finds your nipple, you hand finding its way to his hair as your head falls back as he sucks and licks and bites gently before moving on to then other and doing the same, then continuing his way down your body, his fingers toying with the waistband of your leggings, kissing your navel as he finally pulls both the leggings and your underwear down your legs.

He kisses up your leg and the inside of your thigh, purposely leaving a bright red mark there and making you bite back a moan as he gets closer to where you really need him.

“Malcolm.” You warn him as he continues teasing, making him chuckle against your skin just before his tongue runs through your folds making you swear.

It doesn’t take him long to make you come, a mix of his name and moans falling from your lips as you ride your first orgasm of the night. He rests his head on your hip, hands caressing your thighs as you catch your breath.

“You good?” He asks when your breathing starts to slow down again.

You position yourself properly on the bed as he stands to take off his shoes, sweats and boxers before crawling on top of you, knees gently nudging your legs apart.

“You’re beautiful.” He whispers, brushing some hair off your face before leaning in to kiss you.

You moan into his mouth as he runs the tip of his cock through your folds, teasing your entrance. He kisses your neck as he slowly slides into you, both of you groaning at the sensation when he finally bottoms out. He stays still for a few moments, allowing you to get used to him and you relish the sensation of having him inside you.

“Move.” You choke out. “Please, move.” You repeat, fingers running through the hair at the nape of his head.

He slowly pulls out, thrusting back in just as slowly, making you gasp at the sensation. He sets a steady pace as you moan underneath him, your nails leaving crescent marks on his back. You can feel yourself climbing closer to the edge as his mouth leaves bright red marks all over your neck and chest before searching for yours to kiss you, lips claiming yours and drowning your moans as your legs wrap around him pulling him even closer, deeper.

“Malcolm. Please.” You breathe out as he rests his forehead on your shoulder, the sounds falling from his lips making your head spin.

“I’ve got you.” He says.

Understanding what you mean, his thumb finds your clit, giving you that last push you need making you come, your walls clenching around him, his name falling from your lips repeatedly. He fucks you through your orgasm, thighs quivering around his hips as his own pace starts to become erratic. It doesn’t take long until he finally stills and comes too, white ropes of cum painting your walls as he fills you up, the warmth spreading through you.

You wince at the loss of him when he pulls out. He kisses your forehead before getting off the bed and walking into the bathroom, coming back moments later with a warm, wet cloth and gently cleaning you up, sweetly kissing your hip when you wince due to the overstimulation.

After discarding the cloth, he puts back on his boxers then comes back to bed, pulling the sheet from underneath you, laying beside you and pulling you towards him before covering you both with it. You lay your head on his chest, one leg between his as his arm comes around you.

“You alright?” He says softly, hand running through your hair and you hum in reply.

You both fall silent, and you just enjoy his closeness and the warmth he irradiates, breathing him in as he plays with your hair, eventually lulling you to sleep.

When you wake up the room is dark, the only light source is the stars shooting past your window, and the only sounds you can hear are the ship’s engine’s hum and Malcolm’s steady breathing as his chest rises and falls against your back. You turn to face him, and a soft smile pulls at your lips, the frown between his brows gone and replaced by a serene expression.

“Weren’t you taught that it’s rude to stare?” He says softly, a smile pulling at his lips as he opens his eyes to look at you.

“Been holding myself back for too long.” You reply as he dives in, claiming your lips into a sweet, slow kiss. “I think I owe Hoshi an apology.” You say when he breaks apart.

“Me too.” He whispers, chuckling and kissing your neck before getting off them bed and walking into the bathroom.

You stretch, a few bones making cracking sounds, the slight discomfort between your legs making you blush furiously. You watch him as he walks out of the bathroom shortly after, hair damp from the shower and checks the time on your computer.

“I should get going. Get ready for my shift.” He says as you get out of bed a well and pull on your discarded underwear before walking up to him and wrapping your arms around him, head resting on his back. “Have lunch with me today?” He asks, turning in your embrace and tilting your head up to look at him.

You just nod before standing on your tiptoes and giving him a peck on the lips.

You let him get dressed while going into the bathroom yourself and taking a quick shower. When you walk out, wrapped in your robe and drying your hair with a towel he’s sitting on your bed putting his shoes on.

You drop the towel on the bed as he stands, and you follow him to the door before he opens it.

“Thank you.” You say, leaning against your door frame as he looks down at you.

“What for?” He asks, toying with the end of the belt of your robe.

“Everything.” You say before pulling him in for a kiss that he welcomes gladly.

You smile against his lips then chuckle as he playfully starts pushing you back into the room.

“There will be enough time for that later. Now go get changed.” You say, stopping him by putting a hand on his chest.

“I knew it!” Trip’s excited yell makes you both look towards the hall as he had just turned the corner. “Finally.”

“Trip.” Reed calls after him as he just keeps walking to wherever it is he’s headed. “Trip!” He repeats and you bite back a laugh.

“Go, we both know how talkative he gets when he’s excited.” You say turning him towards the hall by the shoulders.

He stops after a few steps, turning and coming back to hurriedly give you one last peck on the lips, making you laugh before rushing after Trip.

Today was gonna be an interesting day, you thought while closing the door with a chuckle.

[picotate]

More than a bodyguard (A ShizuTom fanfic) PART 2

(I love you too....)

A voice resonated in his head.

--

Tom suddenly awoke to a dark room. His head hurt, and he didn't know what time it was.

How did I get here? - he asked himself as he sat up. - All I remember is being with Shizuo at the bar and drinking... a lot -

What was the ocasion anyway? - he failed to remember

He got up to check past his courtains. He flinched at the bright sun outside. It was about noon.

He was closing the courtains as he wondered how he got home safely last night

- Must've been Shizuo - he thought - he's carried my drunk self home before.

He felt nauseous and unwell.

- I guess this is gonna be hangover day.

He got up to the kitchen, drank some water and went back to bed. Then he looked at the ceiling, trying to remember the events from last night. There were flashes of moments, he pictured himself singing the national anthem - again? *sigh*... why do I always do that?

He turned to the side and noticed something weird. There was a blond hair on his pillow.

Did I... bring a girl home with me?? - he thought - Did I get lucky and then blacked out? That's unfortunate

He then noticed he was wearing his pijamas, which really confused him. How did his drunk self manage to undress without collapsing on the bed mid-task? Or did the girl dress him up? Was there even a girl in the first place?

Tom looked at the pillow again. A single blond hair. As much as he tried, he couldn't remember this girl at all. He sniffed the pillow, but it didn't smell like perfume or lotion...

It smelt like...

Shizuo

A flash of a moment. A whisper. - Sleep with me tonight

Tom blushed and covered his head with the pillow. -aaaaaaaaaah- he exclaimed as he rolled around the bed - what happeneeeeeed?

Did Shizuo sleep with him? Did anything happen? Did he confess his feelings for him?

These questions really needed an answer. There's no way Tom could have a normal day if they remained a mystery.

- Should I call him?

He grabbed his phone and stared at Shizuo's number, but he couldn't bring himself to call.

Aaghhh - he growled - why did I drink so much!?

Then it hit him. The reason they were celebrating, and the reason he got drunk: Shizuo had his first blind date, and they really hit it off.

It was Tom himself that set them up, and he was happy to do so, but when Shizuo (after a lot of pressure) told Tom that they kissed at the end of the date, Tom started to feel really weird. He thought enough alcohol could make the feeling go away, but he just ended up blacking out and generally being an inconvenience for everyone, specially Shizuo.

Why am I so stupid - he exclaimed, throwing his phone away

He suddenly felt extremely nauseous, and ran to the bathroom to puke.

You earned this - he told himself as he vomited - this is what you are. A pathetic alcoholic

It was then that the doorbell rang, Tom got up quickly and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like shit

The doorbell rang again

Who is it? - exclaimed Tom from the bathroom

It's me -Shizuo's voice said

Shit shit shit shit shit shit - Tom whispered as he tried to quickly wash his face. - I still look like shit - he thought

I know you're hangover, just open up - said Shizuo

Tom nervously walked towards the door and opened it up. Light flew in as Tom covered his eyes

- I brought lunch - said Shizuo as he let himself in

That's... very thoughtful, thank you - said Tom as he closed the door - but my stomach doesn't feel good at all

- I know, that's why I brought you a gatorade and some fruit

- you think of everything

They both sat at the kitchen, Shizuo eating an onigiri and Tom munching on some fresh cantaloupe

So... - said Shizuo - do you remember anything from last night?

A few... things... not a lot really - Tom said

They sat in silence for some minutes

- I'm sorry - said Tom

Shizuo looked at Tom with a puzzled face

- I got too drunk and I know I probably made a scene - said Tom

- yeah well...Don't sweat it, I'm kind of used to it really. That's what I'm for

Tom let out a nervous laugh and looked down in shame

Thanks... - he said

No problem - Shizuo replied

They kept in silence for what seemed like an eternity

- I think I need to lay down for a while - said Tom after drinking some gatorade

Go ahead, I'll do the dishes

- Thanks again

After washing the dishes, Shizuo glanced at Tom's bed. The brunette was lying sideways, facing away from him. Shizuo felt tired. He barely got any sleep last night, his mind racing after what happened yesterday.

He assumed Tom was sleeping so he went ahead and sat con the couch.

He remembered Tom told him it was wet from spilt milk, so he quickly stood up. He touched the couch with his hand and found out it was not wet at all

- I should've figured he was lying - he said to himself.

He sat down again and stared at Tom. He felt butterflies in his stomach when he remembered what Tom told him the night before

That's why I love you

He blushed and looked away from Tom, trying to clear his head

- He was just drunk - he said to himself - I bet he doesn't even remember anything

- Sh...Shizuo... - Tom whispered

Did Tom just say something?

- What was that? - Shizuo said

- Shizuo...

He noticed Tom was talking in his sleep.

- Sleep... with... me

Shizuo blushed and his heart started pounding

- Come on...

Shizuo stood up and aproached Tom's bed. He didn't want to admit it to himself, but he was hoping for Tom to keep talking about him

- Shizuo... why...

He sat on the edge of the bed.

- I have... - Tom whispered softly

Shizuo leaned down to hear what Tom was about to say

- I have always.... - said Tom just before suddenly waking up to Shizuo's face right above him

- AAAH - They both screamed as they backed up

- I- I'm sorry! - said Shizuo - you were... You were talking on your sleep

- Was I? *sigh*... what did I say?

- uh... It was just gibberish - Shizuo looked away

- How long was I asleep?

- Like half an hour

- no wonder I feel just as tired... mind if I keep sleeping for a while?

- No, not at all, go ahead

- You can leave if you want. I think I'll be ok by monday so that we can get back to work

- Y-yeah sure. I'm gonna leave then

- Goodbye, thanks again, you're the best.

- Shizuo left and started walking home

Drunk me is more sincere

Was that the case? Or is Tom's drunk self just stupid enough to be attracted to his bodyguard?

Shizuo looked at the sky and let out a big sigh. He needed to clear his head and just continue with his life. Nothing really happened anyway.

[optimizche]

Bodyguard  (Park Chanyeol x Reader smut )

Author's note: Kindly leave your feedback! If you'd like me to expand this series with other EXO members or maybe a multi-chapter with PCY, lemme know! ❤

You're bored already.

Bored out of your mind.

This is yet another fundraiser gala, one of the countless such functions you have attended. It is all so predictable. Men dressed in custom made tuxedos, women dressed in elaborate ensembles from the latest fashion week collections.

You were bored of it all. The expensive watches, the even more expensive jewellery.

You walked in eight inch Louboutins that felt like razor blades affixed to your heels, dressed in a custom-made Versace gown. The black silk clung to your body like second skin, emphasizing every single curve and dip of your body. Your hair had been coiffed up into a chignon, done by a celebrity hairstylist whose name you had already forgotten.

A flute of champagne in hand, you walked through the crowds, wanting to escape.

Your world was perfect and polished and embellished and organized. Your whole life had been meticulously planned out for you, served to you on a silver platter. But you didn't want any of it.

You didn't want to inherit your father's multi-billion dollar empire. You didn't want to spend the rest of your life attending such tedious, cumbersome events, raising money for this disease or that social cause.

You wanted to write. You wanted to be free. You wanted the world to know of your thoughts. You wanted to express yourself. You wanted to escape. You wanted to run away. You wanted-

The touch of his hand upon your wrist jolted you back to reality. Just the slightest brush of his skin against yours felt like a bolt of lightning.

His voice was a whisper against your ear. "Are you feeling alright, Miss?"

Miss. It was all part of the charade, because your parents were nearby, your mother watching you closely even as she chatted with some Senator's wife.

You had drunk plenty tonight, your mind buzzing from the expensive booze you had downed listlessly. But it didn't slip past you that he was offering you an out. An escape.

With a quick squeeze of his hand you silently told him that you understood. He gently took the half-empty flute of champagne away from your hand as you made your way to your parents, a hint of a smile playing on his full lips.

"Mother," you adopted your best 'I'm not feeling well' voice as you approached your parents. "May I be excused? I'm feeling unwell."

Your mother looked at you with suspicion in her eyes, but didn't say anything when your father excused you from the party, allowing you to leave.

"Take her home, will you, Chanyeol?" your father addressed him, your bodyguard.

"Of course, sir," he replied, the picture of courtesy.

You placed a hand upon his arm, feeling the sinewy muscle beneath the fabric of his suit, letting him guide you away from the gala. To freedom.

"Thank you," you murmur quietly as you make your way to your limo, the November night air chilling your exposed skin as your heels click against the pavement.

"Don't thank me just yet," he says, his voice deep and velvety. Dripping with seduction.

The raw desire dancing in his dark eyes tells you exactly how this night is going to go...

In the car, the partition is drawn up, giving you the privacy you need while the driver takes you home.

It takes you every ounce of your restraint not to make a sound, even when you are in Chanyeol's arms: his lips at your neck, his hand between your legs, two fingers inside you. Knuckle deep.

You pressed your lips to his neck in order to stifle your moans, your manicured fingers clutching at his broad shoulders.

"You've gotta stay quiet for me, princess," he breathed against the shell of your ear. "Can you imagine the scandal if someone found out?"

You nod against him, biting down on your lip, hips grinding down into his hand, letting him touch you.

It felt incredible, the expert curl of his fingers within you, the tips of his digits just barely stroking that spot inside you, making you whimper. Making you wetter with every passing second.

He was teasing you just right, building up the pleasure and the anticipation. It was an unspoken promise...

I'm going to fuck you until you forget your own name.

And you wanted it. More than anything.

You wanted to forget.

The moment you were ensconced in the privacy of your bedroom, Chanyeol was upon you.

Wild and untamed.

Between frenzied kisses, he ripped away your dress, revealing the lace thong you wore underneath it.

"Didn't wear a bra, huh?" he asked, reaching out to undo your hair from its updo, freeing your locks.

"This is how I like you," he spoke, his voice sending shivers down your spine, making your toes curl within those infernal heels you were wearing.

He seemed to read your mind. "Keep the heels on, darling," he said, smirking as he pulled down your panties, shoving them into his pocket. A souvenir.

Pushing you down on your bed, he raised your legs and hooked them over his broad shoulders. You noticed that he was still fully dressed and grinned. It was his favourite way of fucking you. Him fully clothed while you were completely naked.

You watched him unbuckle his pants with one hand, his other hand reaching into his pocket for a condom.

"No, baby," you moaned, mind already gone because of the alcohol. And your lust for him. "Fuck me raw. No condom."

He groaned upon hearing your request.

"I want to feel you," you cooed. "All of you."

And when he dove into you, you were lost. He glided in so easily, you were so wet and ready for him.

"Fuck, princess..."

He hadn't drunk a single drop of booze at the gala, but as he fucked into you in quick, precise thrusts, he was intoxicated. Groaning and grunting. Sweat beading on his brow.

"Such a tight little cunt," he spoke, biting down on his lip. "You take my cock so well."

You threw your head back against your bed, crying out in ecstasy. This is what made you feel alive. He made you feel alive.

He took your breath away. He set your heart racing. He made you mindless with pleasure. He set your soul on fire.

Your first orgasm came upon you quickly, and he clapped a hand over your mouth to muffle your moans.

When you came to, he was still hard as a rock, throbbing within you, your walls fluttering around his girth.

Pulling out of you, he flipped you over onto your front.

Rough hands grasped at your hips and he pulled you up, ass in the air.

Using whatever energy you had left in you, you raised your head, turning back to look at him.

Chanyeol cupped your ass in his palms, parting your cheeks before leaning close. He spat, sending a trickle of his saliva down between your cheeks, a hand coming between your legs to massage it into your swollen folds.

"Mmmm..." you moaned. "Yes. Dirty me up like that..."

He chuckled.

After all these months of these secret trysts,  Chanyeol had learned your body. He knew exactly what you wanted, how you wanted it.

Lining his cock with your cunt, he rubbed the tip against your folds. "Daddy's little girl is such a slut for me, huh?"

You tossed your hair over your shoulder to look him in the eye. "You're my Daddy now..."

He sank back into you, his fingers digging into your hips and you welcomed him with a shuddering gasp of his name, eyes falling shut.

Chanyeol knew exactly how to unravel you, how to bring you apart. Piece by piece. By now, he knew your body like the back of his hand. He knew you like you were an extension of himself.

One strong arm came to wrap around your waist, pulling you closer, your back flush against his clothed chest, your sweat and slick staining his suit.

"You're mine, princess," he groaned into your ear, his free hand hefting your hair into a makeshift ponytail around his wrist, tugging your head back.

He was fucking you like you belonged to him.

Like he owned you.

"Yes," you moaned, biting your bottom lip. "I'm yours. I'm yours. I'm all yours..."

You knew you weren't going to last long under the heat of his passion. And neither was he, considering how he was panting and cursing under his breath, his mouth brushing against the corner of yours, your cheek against his.

Reaching back, you curled your hand into his hair. "Come inside me, Chanyeollie. I want you to fill me up."

"Fuck, babygirl..."

"I'm yours, baby," you cooed. "All yours. Just come inside me. I want to feel you. I-"

You could never finished your sentence as your orgasm claimed you suddenly, your words dissolving into a loud moan.

The steady clenching of your cunt around his cock only spurred on his own release and granting you your wish, he came inside you. Long, hot spills of his seed filled you up. Just like you'd wanted it.

"Such a spoilt little girl," he groaned, grasping your chin and turning your face to his. "Always gets what she wants..."

You chuckled, feeling truly happy and content, as you kissed him deeply.

He always made you happy.

[mittensmorgul]

I'm shook. Dean actually admitted that Chuck doesn't care, that Chuck just left and ignored all of his responsibilities. I thought Dean was pro-Chuck, I mean, he called Chuck a bestie, didn't he? I'm not sure if he really resents Chuck or he was just too depressed to think straight. I'm still shook though. (Oh, and if you're feeling unwell I hope you recover. I wish you luck. May October be kind to you.)

Aahhh, thank you. :P And yeah, I’ve been sick since Walker-Stalker Philly a few weeks ago, stupid con crud that turned into bronchitis because I am a weakling with no immune system. :D

I’ve also been debating whether I should write tonight (fic, which I have a deadline of december 2 on and I’m not even close to finished on), or if I should write a long meta on Fathers, or if I should just go to sleep and try again tomorrow. But this bit about Chuck, and how Dean feels about Chuck as an absent father figure, would factor into that meta.

I mean Dean’s always held a grudge against God since… ever probably, but at least in text as far back as 5.02 when Cas set out in search of God to help stop the apocalypse. Chuck never really grew into anything Dean could really respect any more than that, you know? Even the burden Chuck laid on him at the end of s11 wasn’t what Dean wanted. Dean had his ENTIRE LIFE ruined because of Chuck’s inability to clean up his own mess, and then suddenly Dean fixes it FOR him, and Chuck just sashays off into the sunset with Amara and again lays the entire burden for taking care of EVERYTHING at Dean’s feet… but Dean’s still just a guy doing a job. He doesn’t have Cosmic God Powers to just fix stuff when it goes wrong. How the hell is he meant to take care of the entire world?

He does try, though. Oh, how he tries. Until it crushes and breaks him.

(and whoopsie this is actually shaping up to BE that meta on fathers I’ve been thinking about, so guess how I’m gonna spend the next hour! WHEEE! *tosses fic writing plans out the window*)

I’ll start with the easiest one: Dean referring to Chuck as his bestie. In 12.04:

Gail: Do you know God, gentlemen?Dean: Oh yeah. Yeah, we’re- we’re besties.

Said with about 9 tons of sarcasm. I’d find a gif to demonstrate just how done Dean was in that scene, but he was pretty much done with EVERYTHING in 12.04. I think that nicely sums up his attitude going into that conversation.

But yes, I 100% do feel like Dean resents Chuck– for laying this burden on him and not giving him ANYTHING else. He laid this out to Chuck’s face in 11.21:

Dean: Here’s the thing, um…Chuck… And I mean no disrespect. Um… I’m guessing you came back to help with the Darkness, and that’s great. That’s, you know – It’s fantastic. Um, but you’ve been gone a – a… long, long time. And there’s so much crap that has gone down on the Earth for thousands of years. I mean, plagues and wars, slaughters. And you were, I don’t know, writing books, going to fan conventions. Were you even aware, o-or did you just tune it out?Chuck: I was aware, Dean.Dean: But you did nothing. And, again, I-I’m not trying to piss you off. You know, I don’t want to turn into a pillar of salt.Chuck: I actually… didn’t do that.Dean: Okay. People – People pray to you. People build churches for you. They fight wars in your name, and you did nothing.Chuck: You’re frustrated. I get it. Believe me, I was hands-on – Real hands-on for, wow, ages. I was so sure if I kept stepping in, teaching, punishing, that these beautiful creatures that I created… would grow up. But it only stayed the same. And I saw that I needed to step away and let my baby find its way. Being overinvolved is no longer parenting. [Sighs] It’s enabling.Dean: But it didn’t get better.Chuck: Well, I’ve been mulling it over. And from where I sit, I think it has.Dean: Well, from where I sit, it feels like you left us and you’re trying to justify it.Chuck: I know you had a complicated upbringing, Dean, but don’t confuse me with your dad.

And that’s it, really. The crux of Dean’s feelings toward Chuck. And that never really changed. Dean still had to take the burden of sacrifice on HIMSELF (carrying the Soul Bomb to Amara) because Chuck didn’t or couldn’t or just wouldn’t. It wasn’t Chuck that saved the world there, it was Dean using his words with Amara, dragging Chuck kicking and screaming into the conversation.

Okay, not kicking and screaming, more like whimpering and huddling… whatever�� :P

But Chuck told Dean not to confuse him with John, and mistake his own “complicated upbringing” for Chuck’s “parenting” of the entire universe. And yet… as above, so below. And Chuck himself “chose” Dean as his mirror.

Then we have Dean’s own complicated Father Issues, from how John raised him, to how he was forced to raise Sam. As he said in 12.22 to Mary, he was forced to not only be a father to Sam, but a mother as well. And it wasn’t fair to Dean, and he hated Mary for her deal that put him in that position in the first place. What was unsaid there, but plain as day anyway, was that he hated John for it, too.

Lizbob and I were talking earlier about how Jack was describing the fact that he WAS his mother for a while before he was born, and how the very act of his birth sucked the life out of Kelly, and how that was a horrifying metaphor for motherhood, but Dean has said it himself, of Sam. Back in 10.03, when Sam was curing him of being a demon:

DEAN: You notice I tried to get as far away from you as possible? Away from your whining, your complaining. I chose the King of Hell over you! Maybe I was just … tired of babysitting you. Or always having to yank your lame ass out of the fire since … [Dean laughs.] Forever. Or maybe … Maybe it was the fact that my mother would still be alive if it wasn’t for you. That your very existence sucked the life out of my life!SAM: This isn’t my brother talking.DEAN: You never had a brother! Just an excuse for not manning up. But guess what: I quit.SAM: No. No, you don’t. You don’t get to quit. We don’t get to quit in this family! This family is all we have ever had!DEAN: Well, then, we got nothin’.SAM: Would you say that to Dad?DEAN: Dad? Oh, there’s a prize. There’s a man who brainwashed us into wasting our lives fighting his losing battle!

Sam’s “very existence sucked the life” out of Dean’s life, just like Jack literally did to his mother, just TWO EPISODES AFTER Dean broke through to Mary with his confession about the horrors of his life, and his anger over having to be both mother and father to Sam.

And this was about the point I hit my EUREKA! moment over why the idea of Dean being forced to be a parent to Jack just pushed every NOPE NOPE NOPE button in my entire body. Because he’s JUST NOW finally letting go of feeling like his entire life had been one long forced obligation to be a parent to Sam, and now here’s this new pseudo-manbaby with frightening and potentially Dangerous Magical Abilities who needs parenting and looking after that was foisted on him against his will AGAIN.

I mean, it’s like the ultimate in Cosmically Un-Fucking-Fair.

And even the notion that Cas should be responsible for “parenting” the giant nougat-loving nuke in lost-and-found clothes just… sits so wrong with me for the exact same reason. How long has Cas been a guardian to Dean? How big was the whole “You aren’t our babysitter” theme last season? That Cas never really had time to internalize before Jack hijacked Cas’s “babysitter” instincts for his own purposes?

Yes, it’s sweet and I can see that the parallels between Jack and Cas are being written really well so far, but the cutesy Cas-as-Jack’s-Daddy stuff just physically sickens me (which is saying something considering how physically sick I am as a baseline here…). I don’t think it’s “cute.” And I’m saying this as someone who LOVES Jack as a character.

Kelly (who was literally already “dead” at the point she met Cas, and was technically– according to Jack himself– already “Jack” at that point) had sized up Cas and decided that he would make a good guardian for Jack, and that Dagon would make a bad guardian for him, and took matters into her own hands in order to make that happen. Literally took Cas’s hand without his permission, after he’d declined to touch her stomach, and then forced his hand again after literally hijacking Baby and driving Cas to the scene of her “vision.” Then literally taking Cas’s hand again to force events to unfold as they had in the vision, without regard to any of the other horrors that played out as a result– such as Joshua having been killed by Dagon, the Colt being destroyed, Sam and Dean being hurt, Cas nearly getting killed, and then zapping enough power through Cas to kill Dagon, a being of a type we’ve only ever seen harmed by the Colt and the Lance of Michael. It was clear early on that Jack had Serious Power and yet we see he has practically NO CONTROL over it.

I am soooo tempted to apply a little bit of Miriam’s description of Becky to Jack… 

He sees something he wants and just takes it without a thought for who it might hurt. He took candy from the vending machine in 13.01, but… he kinda did that to Cas, too. Even before he was born, he saw the sort of devotion Cas had to the people he cared about and even if he didn’t understand WHY, he understood through Kelly that this was something he would need for himself. So he took it, even if it might hurt other people.

Just like he flung his power out at the sheriff when she touched him while he was being assaulted by angel radio. He didn’t intend to hurt her, but he was already in pain and frightened and that’s just how his power works for him right now… as if it’s “him but not him.” Almost like it’s an independent entity that’s in Extreme Self-Protection Mode.

That’s how Miriam described Dean, as someone who takes things and breaks things no matter who it hurts. But really… that’s not Dean, and that’s not Jack either– or at least not what Jack would CHOOSE to be. But from the outside, it kinda looks that way.

So, yeah, I LOVE the idea that Sam is finally getting a turn at forced parenthood from the other side of the equation. It fits beautifully with his own arc toward self-forgiveness and acceptance of his own powers and feelings of whether or not he was inherently evil because of what had been done to him as a baby. I LOVE the idea that Sam will get to experience being a father and mother to someone going through much the same things he did all his life (albeit as an adult, which was not a luxury Dean had when he was forced into a parental role at the age of almost five).

But for Dean? I’m horrified that this has been forced on him again. And for Cas? The fact it’s not something he chose of his own free will, nor gave informed consent to before he was sock-puppeted into becoming Jack’s babysitter… yeah, I find it moderately to seriously disturbing…

And for the sake little baby Jesus, I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT JACK IS EVIL. I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT JACK IS NOT “GOOD.” Good and evil are entirely irrelevant to this conversation.

But Jack’s power did something to Kelly. And it did something to Cas. It wasn’t done with malicious intent, but IT WAS DONE TO THEM. And it’s something that severely limited their free will. We’ve seen how Jack’s power works, without his active CHOICE to make stuff happen. He’s on a fight or flight sort of level with it right now, and it just happens to be set to overkill, you know? I’m sure he’ll get a better handle on it eventually, but I think it’s also going to be a vulnerability that others may try to exploit (enter Asmodeus, or potentially AU Michael, and possibly eventually Lucifer… this isn’t going to be an easy journey for Jack).

Anyway I think I’ve wandered so far off topic of your original question, but congrats, you won the Which Question Will Result In Actual Meta award this week! :P

I think it’s been more than an hour. *checks clock* *what even is time anymore* It’s definitely been more than an hour.

[pbandjesse]

I was supposed to be at an event right now but I'm actually just home. Because the event postponed/canceled a while ago but no one told us. Oops. Ah well.

I was home all morning preparing to work a long night. I had wanted to sleep in but I was woken up by someone honking outside of our window at 730. Annoying. But it ended up being for the best because I texted James to check in about it they moved our car. They had forgotten so I quickly threw on some pants and went to mode it across the street. I had to try three spots before I found one I could fit in.

But then I couldn't fall back asleep. So I just laid in bed for another hour. I wasn't feeling incredible this morning. I didn't throw up last night but I absolutely could have. And so this morning I just felt a little unwell.

I got cleaned up and wore comfy clothes. I would change into event clothes later. But my hair looked so good and I was feeling super cute. I was actually in a great mood.

I made the bed and went downstairs to eat the omelette James made me. They put the hashbrowns inside the omelette this time (per my request) and it was perfect. I wanted to sit in the sun so I went and sat on the floor in the studio. Sweetp came and tried to steal my food but mostly he just laid next to me. He's been so lovely lately. Even when he's bitey, he just wants to cuddle all the time and be super close and I love it.

After I finished breakfast I put the dishes away. And worked on my sewing machine for a little. I made three more bears. I started a 4th but my stomach hurts so I just went upstairs to chill.

I would get enough energy to finally go through my closet storage box and folded all of my clothes. That stupid box has been open for weeks because I just threw everything in there and it wouldn't close. I had enough energy that I actually just took everything out of the closet and sorted it into piles. Tops, bottoms, dresses/jumpsuits. Then went through each pile and chose what I thought I might reasonably wear in the bedroom two months. I for sure picked to much because I used all of our hangers. Which is not ideal. So I may have to go though it all again but it was nice to get eyes on everything and think about outfits for the next few weeks. It's hard because it should be cool more often but stupid climate change had made it entirely to warm. I just want it to be fall for real.

I listened to a podcast and actually got really emotional. It was about cross burning in America and at one point these lesbians were being threatened by white supremacists and the women learned to eat fire (like at the circus) to take back that power and it was just so powerful and I was just sobbing. Pregnancy hormones haven't gotten me a ton but the couple times I have cried it's been about gay people. No idea what that's about.

I would lay down and watched videos

Charged my phone. I wanted to sleep but it never happened. I tried to put on a video and just close my eyes for 20 minutes but it was a struggle.

I got up and got dressed. I wore purple eyeshadow and that was fun. I was listening to music and was feeling really great. I didn't want to rush out of the house. My plan was to get a hoagie before going to the museum at 2. And since it was barely 1230 I would sit on the ground in the studio and finished the faces of the 3 bears I made today and then stuffed all 11 I have made in the last two days so that I could see them closed tonight. I packed those in a tote to bring with me.

I also packed ice cream in a thermos. Which ended up being such a good move.

I left here at 1. And traffic to locust point was horrible. Apparently something happened in the tunnel and they had to close it to clean debris. So everyone was taking downtown around the harbor and that make it so it took a half hour to drive 2 miles. Terrible. I even had to see a cyber truck, as of the commute couldn't get any worse.

I got to Jimmy John's at 130. I enjoyed my sandwich. And got to the museum right before 2. Excellent.

I was happy to see James. They were giving their whole intro speech in Spanish to a group of guys and I loved seeing that. When they were done I gave James a big hug.

I would sit with them for a bit. Jesse wasn't in the building yet so I took a lap around the museum. Chatted with Stanley. And eventually Jesse came over and we chatted about the night and we would go over some keys and the checklist. We still are trying to figure out a specific keyring for events but it was good going through what we could.

I would go around the museum a bit more. Ended up talking to a women who the museum has been interviewing about working in media for their new industry professionals program at the museum. She asked if I could take some pictures of her with the harbor in the background and then I went with her to the front to get the sign for the museum in the frame. She was really nice and we had some laughs about how I was just learning what my keys did and was very excited I got the window door key right on the first try.

I was starting to feel weird that the caterers weren't here yet. I am used to them chomping at the bit at 245 but it was past 3 and still no catering.

We decided that since it was corporate and it didn't start until 6 maybe they would come at 4. 2 hours before an event is pretty normal.

I sat with James for a bit when a guy came in with a donation for the museum. But the new rules are that you have to have an appointment and there is paperwork and this was a very old man. And he said he was just going to scrap it anyway. So I said I'll take it and love it. Because it's a printing press! It is missing it's rollers but it's perfect for my needs. It's so cool! I'm thrilled.

Not long after that the museum closed. I had been sitting at the desk with James sewing my bears. When Jesse and Meril came over and Jesse let me know that he got the organizer on the phone and apparently they had told Kelly that they were postponing but that had not been communicated with the new team at all. Ugh. I just had to laugh though. I mostly was just excited I got to go home.

Meril was about to start giving a wedding walkthrough and I never get to go on those. So I ran after Meril to ask if I could tag along and she was like of course. The future groom and the bride's dad were there. Mom and bride would join later. I am actually really glad I went on the tour because I learned a few things I didn't know!

Once they got back to the desk to check the calendars I would head out. I said goodbye and wished them a good wedding. And went to the car. Carrying the printing press was a little tough but not horrible. It is just solid for sure.

My 2 mile commute was another half hour. With people driving horribly and trying to go around me but I was not letting it happen.

When I was stuck sitting still for a while I would eat my thermos ice cream. Which honestly made me feel a lot better about how annoying the traffic and people was. And I got home right before 5.

I was happy to see my James again even if it had barely been an hour. We chatted for a bit but they were about to jump on a call for their podcast. And I went upstairs to change back into comfy clothes and laid down.

Where I stayed. Watching videos and chilling. James would make me a little sandwich later. And once they were done podcasting they came and laid with me. I showed them TikToks I saved for them. And they used a head scratcher on me which was very nice but started tangling my hair. Oops.

I would take a very cold shower. So it was quick. But now I am comfy in bed again.

Tomorrow I am hoping to get all those bears done and maybe work on some knitting projects. And then tomorrow evening I'm going to have dinner with Jess before we go to a scary Halloween thing. I hope it's fun.

I hope you all have a good day tomorrow. I love you all. Goodnight!!

[totallyexhausted]

Things my brain can't stop thinking about because obviously I'm not sleeping tonight

First off, any takers? If not, maybe I'll get around to it eventually.... - Yurio NEVER admits he's sick or feels unwell before a competition. EVER. - A few minutes before his skate, while Viktor is trying to coax him into drinking some water from the giant bottle Yuuri bought a few hours earlier while exchanging worried glances with Yuuri who was sitting next to the teenager because holy hell he looks SICK, Yurio after taking a minscule sip, looks down gently saying he feels really sick. He hands the water back to Viktor and stands as his name is called (this is a minor competition and doesn't count for the nationals or anything) -Yuuri tries to grab his wrist to pull the kid back, because up until about an hour ago, neither Yuuri nor Viktor had any indication the kid was sick. It either came on FAST, or like most times, Yurio was an amazing actor. - Yurio heads to the arena, except he doesn't make it that far. He doesn't even make it out of the hallway before he blacks out. -He wakes up a few minutes later with his head in Yuuri's lap as the Japanese skater runs his fingers through his hair, telling him softly to stay down, it's okay, Viktor is talking to the coordinator. -Yurio blacks out again -The next time he wakes, he feels worse. His head is killing him, and he feels like he's on fire. He notices he's back at the hotel and he can hear Viktor and Yuuri talking to each other before a cool rag is placed on his forehead. -That's all I got for that one.... I dunno maybe, -Ota makes Yurio food or they go out or something (friends/lovers whatever your choice). -all-in-all, Yurio ends up eating a lot because Ota paid or made the food for him or something. Idk. -anyway Yurio goes back to Viktor and Yuuri's apartment, where he takes residence. (1 of 2 things happen) -1, he feels sick as soon as he opens the door and as soon as he enters the apt, Yuuri and Viktor flirting on the couch, he pukes. This causes Victuuri to go into parent mode. -2, (because honestly I'm sadistic at 5am) Yurio forgot they were having a movie night or family type night (some event dinner planned) and Yuuri made Katsudon (which for the relevance of this fic, is Yurio's fav food) -Yurio forces himself to eat it because he feels bad that Yuuri went through all that work to make something he likes (mind you, he is still his angst self) -After eating the noodles, he feels SO much worse. Victuuri asks him if he's okay, Yurio just shakes his head before promptly puking everywhere.... -idk, honestly Next one? Car trip of some sort -I have no idea where they are going (maybe they are driving back from a competition) -Anyway, Viktor is driving, Yuuri and Yurio are in the back seat. Yuuri is asleep, and over the course of 4 hours Yurio also fell asleep, his head in Yuuri's lap. -At the beginning of the trip, Yurio felt fine besides a slight headache. However now he can't move without a huge wave of nausea crashing over him. they still have a LONG drive back. -basically he jerks awake, spewing vomit all over Yuuri's lap and the back seat, not even bothering to move as it soaks in his clothes and in his hair because he feels BAD. -Victuuri comfort -Viktor pulls over to the side of the road or something -Victuuri grab a hotel for the night because Yurio is so ill, he's not really responding to them- like he doesn't have it in him (Victuuri freak out maybe?)

[nerdyranchstudentplaid]

Monday 18th march 2019 K J B DAILY ONLINE NEWSPAPER

CHRISTCHURCH SHOOTING :STORYS OF HEROISOM EMERGE FROM ATTACKS

Stories of heroism have emerged from Friday's attacks at two mosques in Christchurch, New Zealand, in which 50 people died and dozens were wounded.

A worshipper says he confronted the gunman and threw a credit card reader at him.

Two police officers, one of them armed with only a handgun, chased and arrested Brenton Tarrant, 28.

The suspect had explosives in his car and was planning more attacks that day, said Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern.

She has called the killings "an act of terror". Later on Monday, her cabinet is to discuss changing the country's gun laws.

■ Who are the victims?

■ How attacks unfolded

■ More about the suspect

Investigators have been examining the bodies, which are due be returned to relatives for burial by Wednesday.

Tributes have been paid for the victims while some 34 people remain in hospital, including a four-year-old girl who is in a critical condition.

Afghan-born Abdul Aziz, 48, said he was inside the Linwood mosque, the second target of the attacker, when he heard shouts that someone had opened fire.

When he realised the mosque was being attacked, he picked up a credit card machine and ran towards the attacker. He threw the device at the gunman when he returned to his car to pick up another weapon, and ducked between cars as the gunman opened fire on him.

Mr Aziz, who was in the mosque with four of his children, picked up a gun that the suspect had dropped and pulled the trigger, but it was empty. He followed the attacker back inside the mosque, where he eventually confronted him again.

"When he saw me with the shotgun, he dropped the gun and ran away toward his car. I chased him," he told Reuters news agency. "He sat in his car and... I threw [the gun] through his window like an arrow. He just swore at me and took off."

Linwood's acting imam Latef Alabi told the Associated Press the death toll would have been far higher at the mosque if Mr Aziz, who said he had not feared the gunman, had not acted.

Two rural community police officers who were nearby chased the attacker, blocked his car and captured him. The moment was filmed by a witness, who posted the footage on social media.

"[The officers] put New Zealand first," Ms Ardern said on Saturday, adding that they would be recognised for their bravery.

'Too painful'

By Jay Savage in Christchurch

Nasir Uddin gazes through the trees in the park towards the exterior wall and golden roof of the Al Noor mosque across the road. With a police perimeter still in place, it's as near as he can get. He looks at the building with tear-filled eyes.

"Now we are very sad," he says shakily as he stands in Christchurch's Hagley Park.

A migrant from Bangladesh, Mr Uddin, 37, moved to this picturesque city on the east coast of New Zealand's South Island more than five years ago. An Al Noor regular, he would have been at the mosque on Friday if he hadn't had to work.

After hearing of the attacks, he began frantically calling people, but no-one answered. He knows at least two of his friends are dead, and is waiting for news on others.

"This thing that we feel is too painful."

■ Read more from Jay

The gunman first attacked the Al Noor mosque, about 5km (three miles) away, as people had gathered for Friday prayers. The self-described white supremacist live-streamed it on Facebook.

The video showed 50-year-old Naeem Rashid, originally from the Pakistani city of Abbottabad, apparently trying to tackle the gunman before being shot. He was taken to hospital but later died.

"There were a few witnesses who said he saved a few lives by trying to stop that guy," his brother Khurshid Alam told the BBC. "It's our pride now, but still the loss. It's like cutting your limb off."

Mr Rashid's 21-year-old son Talha - who had just got a new job and was said to be hoping to get married soon - was also killed. The family had been living in New Zealand since 2010.

Pakistan's Prime Minister Imran Khan said Mr Rashid would be honoured posthumously.

Also at the Al Noor mosque, 42-year-old Hosne Ara was reportedly in the women's area when she heard gunfire. She was killed while searching for her husband, who uses a wheelchair and survived the attack.

Farid Uddin said his wife had helped several women and children escape from the building as the attack unfolded.

"We feel proud of what she did. She died in a good cause. She did exactly what she loved and what I loved," he told the BBC.

"I lost my wife but I don't hate the killer. As a person I love him," he added. "I forgive him... I pray for him."

■ Social media's role in attack

■ New Zealand's gun laws

Police arrived at the mosque - where at least 41 people were killed - six minutes after an emergency call, Police Commissioner Mike Bush said, and the gunman was in custody within 36 minutes.

On Tuesday, Parliament will pay a tribute to the victims. Other confirmed victims include:

■ Kuwait-born Atta Elayyan, 33, who was the goalkeeper for New Zealand's futsal team

■ Khaled Mustafa, a refugee from the war in Syria

■ Sayyad Milne, a 14-year-old who wanted to be a footballer when he grew up

Brenton Tarrant appeared in court on Saturday in a white prison shirt and handcuffs, smiling for the cameras. He has been charged with one count of murder, with more charges expected to follow.

He is the only person charged with carrying out the shootings and is believed to have acted alone, according to Commissioner Bush.

Cookstown: two dead following st Patrick’s day party at hotel

Two people have died following a St Patrick's Day party at a hotel in Cookstown, County Tyrone.

A further four people were taken to hospital following the incident at the Greenvale Hotel.

The hotel was hosting a party for young people to celebrate St Patrick's Day.

The Police Service of Northern Ireland said the exact circumstances were still under investigation, but the ambulance service said it was called after reports several people were unwell.

Paramedics, doctors and five emergency crews were dispatched to the scene at around 21:30 GMT. In a Facebook post at 22:41 GMT, the PSNI asked parents to collect their children from the hotel immediately.

It had been widely suggested on social media that several young people had sustained crush injuries.

However, a journalist at the scene, Brendan Marshall, said the DJ who was performing at the event insisted to him that this was not the case.

"He confirmed that - contrary to the rumours that had been circulating - there had been no crushing and nothing had collapsed," Mr Marshall told BBC News NI.

"He told me that a number of young people had become seriously ill. He said one young person was brought to him by a friend to have their pulse checked.

"The DJ then shone a light in their eyes to check whether they were alive." There is a huge sense of shock around the town.

Reports began circulating at 22:00 GMT that people had died. The news of two fatalities was confirmed by police just after midnight.

There were distressing scenes as some people who knew those who died broke down in tears at the police cordon.

A representative of the nearby Glenavon Hotel said the PSNI borrowed its defibrillator.

Democratic Unionist Party leader Arlene Foster tweeted that her "thoughts and prayers" were "with everyone impacted by this tonight".

Speaking from outside the hotel, UUP councillor Trevor Wilson said: "I'm getting conflicting reports from people about what exactly happened, but there's clearly a deep sense of shock here tonight that an event for young people just wanting to celebrate St Patrick's night went so horribly wrong."

Colin Neill, chief executive of Hospitality Ulster, said on Sunday night: "We are monitoring the situation closely and echo the PSNI appeal to parents to make contact with their children and collect them immediately from the venue."

Reported by ken Blake from K J B DAILY ONLINE NEWSPAPER 2019