#i'm so sorry for taking months to get to this message - spoons
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ethereallyjade · 9 months ago
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Pick a Card: Where is Your F/S?
Choose a photo that calls to you and the cards will tell you a message. As always, this is just for fun. Do not take anything seriously or above legal or medical advice. If your interested in personal tarot readings and want to support me, check out my Paid Readings! Masterlist
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Images are not mine
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Pile 1
Channeled Messages: "Fly high , little one. Fly high," empty, ducks in a row, distracted, just can't get it right
Okay, this is good energy here. Where are they? They are partying. Some sort of gathering or celebration. Something that's giving them a lot of inspiration. I'm almost feeling like this celebration isn't necessarily for them, but it's kick starting them to fulfill something on their own. It's kind of opening their eyes to something they haven't seen before and it's making them feel free from something they were struggling with in the past. This idea could lead them to make a hell of a lot more money, or maybe this celebration is due to them making more money and now they feel more comfortable and stable to pursue something they've been thinking about for a while. Wherever they're at, they're feeling a sense of joy, success, and youthfulness that they haven't felt in a while.
Pile 2
Channeled Messages: indented, stopping to think, CONTEMPLATIVE, mirror image, butterfly, spoon, shiver/cold
I had to stop and brainstorm a few times before doing this reading, so your person might be very in their head right now, for better or worse. Okay, we got all cards in reverse, so it's probably for worse. They are stuck somewhere. Hopefully not literally. I keep seeing a picture of a room. Maybe they're in 'hermit mode' right now, which is funny since I didn't actually pull that card. However, instead of working on themselves and healing like the hermit typically intends, maybe they're just hiding away in fear; spiraling with thought after thought about something. It's healthy to allow yourself to feel or to need time away every now and then, but I'm seeing they have definitely overextended their stay. The cards are saying 'its time to go now'. I'm seeing a shaded, quiet room with empty bottles and candy wrappers. I'm hearing they may have spent the past few months in a constant state of alertness which caused them a ton of stress which explains why they've been hiding away, just to get a break. Sorry, to end on a sad note, but they're having a really hard time getting their energy back right now.
Note: It took me a while to shake off the energy of this pile, and immediately upon starting pile 3 I felt this huge weight lift off my head. Pile 2, your f/s is likely in a really dark place rn, I'm sorry.
Pile 3
Channeled Messages: Easy by The Commodores, sweet, light & giddy
I'm not feeling an overall negative energy here right off the bat, however the cards are suggesting that your f/s may feel very insecure right now. I think they're in a place that is blocking their creativity or feminine energy. They might be surrounded by people that are pushing them around, unbeknownst to them, and this is subconsciously making them feel insecure and unsure about themselves. I'm picking up a lot of feminine energy from this pile, which doesn't mean your f/s is necessarily a woman or anything. Maybe they're surrounded by a lot of women, but I don't think in a romantic way. I'm feeling that a woman close to them is really getting in their head and influencing them in a negative way. All in all your f/s has very good energy, I think they're a very kind and sweet person, but at the moment they aren't surrounded by those that have the best intentions.
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sea-of-dust · 1 year ago
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Hello c:
can I request Akira and Ryuji with a f!s/o who is going through her period
(I'm suffering the wrath of cramps 😭)
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This is the worst....
Ryuji and Joker/Akira x Fem!Reader
Summary: you're on your period with them trying to help you
Notes: HI Hi annon!, dw I feel ya 💀 ALSO I GOT THE OTHER MESSAGE IM SORRY I MADE YOU WAIT SO LONG 🙇‍♂️🙇‍♂️
Warnings: mentions of blood, the hell of period craps
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He has futaba he already knows what it must be like for you maybe even worse, so he brings you stuff you like in hopes you don't turn into a fire breathing dragon and spit fire (futaba)
Offers to do your homework for you or help you with it. He wants you to rest, don't stress about it too much not like he memmorised your handwriting for this exact purpose. So what if they aren't causing you that much pain you rest watch him speed run homework.
He lays his head on your stomach sometimes, this could lead to teasing unless you were actually about to make futabas story real. "Hey leave my girlfriend alone stomach" "stop qouting that!" Getting you to laugh made it worth it
He will lay with you even if you don't ask you could take a nap and wake up with him on his phone next to you. "You're awake?" Scooing over with a chipper grin on his face he shows you his phone "take a peak at this" as he shows you the video you don't notice him sneaking his arm under your torso to pull you into his chest. "Felt that" "awe" you feel him lean over you to kiss your cheek "I woulda got you this time sure of it" smiling weakly you kiss him back "not a chance"
He does cook for you during these times. The godsend of his cooking always make you forget about the pain and misfortune of these unfortunate times. "I can spoon feed you if you want" "YES"
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He looks like his brains about to explode when he learns your on your period. "Ohhh that time of the month. No biggie!" Until you didn't show up to school one day because of your cramps
He did come running to your house with pads and the plush you kept hugging when you stayed in his. "Miss l/n it's an emergency please let me stay with your daughter!" "Oh you must be Ryuji! She talks so much about you!" Her eyes water as she fondly tells him about the times you spoke about him. It was nice but what was great was sneaking away mid rant. "Y/n!" "Ryuji?!"
He takes oddly great care of you, offering you food and bringing a game with him. "You brought alot-" "well yea I didn't know what you were in the mood for so I brought everything I knew ya liked" "They're gonna last me years..." "perfect!"
Only lays next to you if you ask him to. Feels like if he moves the wrong way it'll make you uncomfortable. So when you eventually get him to lay next to you he's just a board, his mind comming up with all sorts of theories for what would happen if he even breathed wrong.
So the next day you came to school the guy was with you every step. "Ryuji your classrooms next door" "what if you pass out" "they aren't that bad worse case I end up vomiting" "what if there's no bag!" You sigh patting his shoulder "listen I'll be fine" it's gonna take the bell to ring for him to finally give in. Doesn't mean he isn't walking you home keeping an eye out for anything out of the ordinary.
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suzukiblu · 2 months ago
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Is wip Wednesday still a thing? I was gone for a couple months (and now there is so much to catch up on, though I am caught up on all my favorites lol), so I'm a bit confused/lost on what the current status quo is now or er the etiquette I guess, I don't want to be rude and just add to the piles of asks you have if you're not doing them right now
Thank you for your time! Bye!
P.S. love your writing!
Thank you, and welcome back! 💚 I had a lot of life stuff happen last month so I'm currently taking a break from WIP Wednesdays, sorry. Hoping to get back to them later but for right now the time/focus/spoons just isn't there, alas.
though I MIGHT be doing an unrelated lil' writing meme thing a little later tonight for some downtime, shhhhh
Generally speaking if you're ever wondering if I'm doing WIP Wednesday (and what the options on the list are if I am), you can check either the tag "wip wednesday" or "meme" on my blog and check the date of the most recent post that comes up. I always tag WIP Wednesday posts with both of those, so that's the easiest place to double-check without having to message me directly when I might be afk.
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sneezydarliing · 2 months ago
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happy sicktember I'm so nervous to post this for some reason 😭 sorry about no sneeze unfortunately it's a trend this month
Come when you call
sicktember day 1 | cw brief mention of mess
Rosho expected the headache, but not how bad it would be.
He knew from the moment he had woken up that no amount of vitamins would save him now. The cold had settled deep, and he was truly screwed. He had already messaged Sasara and let him know he wasn’t up to drink’s the night before, when he had coughed too much for it to be something in the air. He wasn’t delusional enough to think that would stop the comedian, though, so he heaved himself up, wincing at the way his head spun.
A trip to the bathroom revealed two things. One: he had a fever. The thermometer read a steady 100.3 no matter how many times he stuck it back into his mouth, as if the uncomfortable cold-sweats weren’t proof enough. Two: he looked like shit. Well and truly. His hair stuck up in odd places, and his face was both pale and flushed. Sasara would never let him live it down if he saw Rosho in a state like that (not that he hadn’t seen worse, at this point in their relationship), but he was just a bit too weak and tired to care. And when the dreaded knock came on his door, sending sparks of pain through his head, all he did was flop onto his small couch. Sasara had a key.
Surely enough, he comes barreling through the door, all smiles and triumph, holding up a plastic grocery bag like treasure. “I’m home!” Sasara declares to the apartment itself- which he pointedly does not live in, Rosho would remind him, if he weren’t so tired and his throat so sore.
Instead, he just mutters a raspy “Keep it down.” in response, cradling his head in his hands. If Sasara apologies, he doesn’t hear him, but he does feel an ice pack being dropped onto his lap. “You go a little crazy last night, huh?” Sasara asks with a giggle, grinning down at him. Rosho laughs a little, a painful sound that leaves him coughing a little into his sweater sleeve.
“I’m sick. Not hungover.” Sasara gives an almost-pitying noise in response. “Well, ya got me to take care of you! I’m your knight in shining armor today, so off to bed with you.” He makes shoo-ing motions until Rosho hauls himself back up with a small groan, waving off Sasara’s offering of help. Deep down, he knows arguing is useless. “I’m gonna make some soup, so don’t fall asleep on me, honey!”
On a normal day, he’d get a kick to the knee for a comment like that. Rosho just closes his bedroom door, muffling more scraping coughs that leave him doubled over and panting for a moment. He sits against his bedframe, half nestled under the blanket, and stares at the off-white ceiling for easily half an hour. It isn’t until his door opens with a creak that his stupor finally breaks.
“Rosho? Ya awake?” Sasara almost-whispers to the pitch black room, and he mumbles something inaudible in response. “I’m turning the light on, ‘kay?” The warning wasn't enough to stop the searing pain through his head, but something about it made his heart ache.
When he could finally bear to open his eyes again, sasara was sitting in front of him on the bed, bowl of soup in one hand and a raised spoon in the other, grinning. “Open up!” He said with, frankly, too much cheer for somebody feeding a grown man. Rosho swallowed the uncomfortable feeling of snot running down the back of his throat, leaving it burning. He wasn't hungry and he felt ridiculous, but he opened his mouth anyways, letting Sasara hand feed him until his stomach quickly had enough. When he laid back, letting his eyes close, and felt the bed creak as Sasara stood, he didn't call him back to lay with him like they used to, despite the urge on his tongue. It must have been the fever.
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momodoesposts · 2 years ago
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shark week, a hendery fanfic
Hendery x reader
Afab reader
Word count: 1,620
Tw: period cramps, mention of pain,curse words, hendery is a jack ass, sexual jokes, mention of oral (nothing happens), ten is a cockblock, kun is embarrassed
You groan in pain at what feels like a knife twisting in your stomach. Every month you underestimate how badly cramps hurt and regret not going to the doctor's office for prescribed medicine because you're curled up on the bed, groaning and shivering in agony. You grip the plushie that your boyfriend got you, cursing yourself for letting the pain get to you.
Suddenly the door bursts open, an excitable Hendery bursting in. You squint at him, confused at the sudden intrusion. 
As soon as he catches your eyes, he jumps on the bed and wraps his arms around you, tickling your sides. "Pookie! I missed you-!" there he goes again, using that god-awful nickname again.
You push your boyfriend off of you, glaring daggers at him. Hendery holds his hands up defensively. "Woah, who peed in your cereal?" he teases, poking at your sides again. 
"Babe, I'm just in a lot of pain, okay? So, please, for the love of god, stop-!" you shove his hands off you, resulting in him pouting at you.
"Just take an Advil or something? I want to put plastic wrap in front of Xiaojun's door; come on!" he grabs your hand and pulls you towards him, and you smack his hands.
"Leave me alone, please!" you retreat under the blankets, groaning in pain. 
He quirks an eyebrow, leaning over you and hovering his face a few inches from yours with wide eyes. "Babbyyy, what's wrong? Just tell meee."
You sigh, turning away from him. "I'm on my period."
His mouth forms an 'o' shape as he drapes his arm over your body and lays behind you, effectively spooning you. "I see…" he mumbles. "So… you're in pain."
"No shit dumbass."
He sighs. "When did you get it?"
"Today, the first day is always the worst."
"Ah, when did you get it for the first time?"
"I was eleven or twelve, why?" you question.
"Just wondering."
So you stayed there with your boyfriend's arms wrapped around you, his presence helping you cope. You were drifting off when he suddenly gasped.
"Y/N…." he whispered, turning you around to face him. He held your shoulders and stared at you with wide eyes.
"Baby? What's wrong?" you felt worried seeing his face like this.
He took a few deep breaths. 
"I-I'm 23…" he whispered.
“Yeah..?" you countered, even more, confused now.
"Babe. I'm late."
"…for what?"
"I'm twelve years late! I was supposed to get my period twelve years ago! Do you know what this means?!"
You opened your mouth to scold him, but he clasped his hand over your mouth.
“Babe, we're pregnant!" he said, eyes sparkling. "I can't wait for us to raise our first child," he pretends to wipe a tear from his eye as he puts your hand on his stomach.
"Do you feel it kicking?"
You shoved his hand off of your mouth. "You dumb ass!" you throw the plushie at him, pulling him off the bed while he yelps.
"Babe- wait-I'm sorry it was a joke-!"
You slam the door on him, locking it behind his figure. Then, with a deep sigh, you return to your bed, curling up in a ball. You lay your head down to close your eyes and go to sleep when you hear your phone buzz. 
dumbass <3
-Babbyyyyy immm sorrrryyy let me innnn
-I miss u
-pls
-I was just so excited abt our baby
- TT
You scoff at his messages and watch as more come flooding in.
dumbass <3
-u r making me sad
-come on pookie
-don't make daddy angy
-grrrr
"WONG KUN-HANG, DO NOT MAKE ME BLOCK YOUR NUMBER!" you scream at him through the door, sighing.
You lay on your back and stare at the ceiling. He could be such a pain, but you loved him. Even though he was such a stupid, stupid guy who took every opportunity to get on your nerves.
You hear a scraping at the door and over as a note slides through the bottom. In scribbled handwriting, it says, "I am sorry, really. Please let me in.", complete with an awful drawing of what you can only assume is him crying.
With a groan, you get up and open the door, staring at your boyfriend with a blank face. 
He smiles wide and barges in, arms full of what he will refer to as "supplies."
"Okay baby, just lay down and nurse Hendery will take care of you!"
"You could have been a doctor, and yet you chose to be a nurse," you question, returning to bed and staring at him.
He presses a heating pack to your belly, making sure to be gentle with you. 
"Don't underestimate the nurses of this world, Y/N, they're angels on earth and here you are disrespecting them." he wiped a piece of hair out of your face.
"Listen, listen, my sisters taught me how to care for a girl when she's enduring shark week. So I'm basically an expert." he uses his fingers to gently turn your chin to face him as he sits in bed next to you.
"You do realize I kicked you out just a few minutes ago, right?"
"Shhh," he leaned in, pressing his lips to yours, but before you could reciprocate, he pressed a piece of chocolate against your lips, making you furrow your brows before biting.
"Good girl!" he teased, snuggling into your side, taking the remote, and turning on your favorite movie. 
You didn't mind this; you were feeling better thanks to the heating pad and his snuggles. Not that you would admit it. 
"I heard that getting head relieves period cramps," he suddenly said, chin high in the air as though he was proud to know this fact.
You just stared ahead in shock, not at all expecting that.
"Come on baby, let's try it!" he began quickly kissing your jawline, trailing up and nibbling at your ear. 
You shuddered in response, a soft gasp leaving your lips as he trailed kisses down your neck, gently moving the blanket off your legs.
"Hendery, stop… the others are home, don't…." you whisper.
"What was that baby? Are you afraid I'll make you feel too good?" he said, smirking as he lowered his head between your legs, pulling at the hem of your shorts.
Though your body said yes, your mind knew the other members were home. Yet, there he was, smiling up at you.
The door creaking open made you both turn your heads toward the sound. There stood Ten, holding Louis. You can vaguely see what looks like a mortified Kun behind him, but he quickly retreats after seeing the two of you in such a lewd position.
"Oh, am I interrupting something?" he asked calmly, looking between you two.
"Ye-"
"No, not at all." you gently push Hendery's head away with your knee.
"What's up?", you asked.
Ten walks in and sits down next to you, showing off the cat he is so proud of. "Look, I got him a hat!" he says, grinning as he cuddles into your side, Louis retreating into your lap. 
"Ooh, we're watching a movie?" Ten asks, somehow making himself even more comfortable.
"No, my girlfriend and I are watching a movie."
Ten stares at the TV, "Right, and now your girlfriend, you and I are watching a movie.", he restates with a cheeky grin.
Hendery takes up his spot on your other side, petting Louis with a permanent frown. You should be leaning on him, not Ten; he's your boyfriend, him, Hendery! 
You hear another meow and see Leon opening the door, jumping up and curling up in your frustrated boyfriend's lap as Ten coos at sight. 
"This is not the kind of pussy I wanted.", Hendery groans, leaning his head back.
You and Ten shares a look before laughing at his frustration. You kiss his cheek, which he quickly redirects to his lips. The two of you spend a moment with your mouths moving against each other before Ten tells you two to get a room.
"We tried to!", Hendery says, swatting at the older boy.
BONUS
After a few hours, the two boys had fallen asleep, and you left the room to get a glass of water. You see the other members on the couch, playing a console game you didn't care to check on. As you remove the cup from the cabinet, you hear someone clear their throat behind you. 
You turn to see Kun, whose ears have turned bright red. 
"Hey!" you greet him.
He shifts awkwardly. "Listen, um, I saw you and Hendery earlier and… I just want to like make sure you know that you guys are staying safe and using protection."
You turn bright red and are rendered speechless.
"Especially if Ten is going to be joining you—"
You hear a gasp and watch Yangyang enter your room, finding the two sleeping boys. 
Next thing you know, Hendery runs into the kitchen, half asleep but ready to fight, as he holds his fists up to Kun. 
"Are you after my girl, Qian, huh?! Are you?!" he says, circling him and jumping around like a madman. "You pervert! Talking to my girlfriend about sex!"
Kun holds his hands up, looking at you for help. Meanwhile, Xiaojun and Winwin stare at the scene in shock as Ten takes a video of the scene in front of him, and Yangyang cackles.
You pull your boyfriend away, smacking him gently. 
That video would end up in the hands of Johnny, who would send it to Mark, and the next thing you knew, Sungchan was texting you asking why Hendery was so mad.
God, those boys were nosy gossips.
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punkascas · 10 months ago
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also, hi.
for all of you who have messaged me and tagged me and texted me and wanted to know if i'm okay and where i've been, a list:
i am very sorry i've been so ghosty and hiding i are bad friend i love you please forgive.
my brain decided to get obsessed (like, really obsessed; like we've not experienced this kind of fandom obsesssion since polar explorers back in 2010 — fckin 14 years ago) with the gay pirate show and that is all i want to talk about or think about autism brain goes gnaw gnaw delicious hyperfixation.
the gay pirate show re-awoke my pre-existent obsession with age of sail and tall ships and the history of that time, so clearly this calls for all the research possible as if i'm going to write a dissertation on some Grand Unified Theory of Pirates.
can you get a PhD in pirates?
the nice thing about the gnaw gnaw is i'm writing again. writing a lot and i've missed being creative and writing metas and fic, even if i haven't shared anything.
my position was terminated and i got laid off from my job. this came pretty well out of the blue for me, and it hit a lot of ouchie spots in the ptsd pinball machine that lives inside my brain. so i've been trying to work through a lot of grief and feelings of powerlessness and i have a bad habit of withdrawing when i do that.
i'm still working through the end of january, which means trying to finish several of the major projects on my plate months and months early because there's no one to pick them up once i'm gone. so work has not only eaten my face but my hands and forearms and it's started to chew on my shoulders now.
right before i was laid off, i adopted a new puppy. my 16-year-old dog died of kidney failure about a month prior. so to help distract from the grief and to always have a tiny tyrant running the hounds ragged, i got a silly floofball. he is very cute and tries to give snuggles by wiggling his entire body against my face and hair, but also possesses a single adhd brain cell and is super into biting and teething. he's figured out how to open the fridge, get up on the dining table and the kitchen counters, and jump any and all doggy gates i bring home, despite being only 4.5 kilos. like even to leave him unobserved for 90 seconds (i've timed it) is to bring destruction and tears. i love him but he is Death and i have no clue how he'll make it to a year old.
i've been in the process of trying to have a kid, and the assorted stress that comes with that, and between health stuff (i had my appendix out but there were complications that i'm still dealing with), mental health stuff (especially meds), job, pup, and other things, it's slow going and expensive and frustrating. and in general, it's just hard and shitty and draining.
i am out of spoons. even if you took every random, ugly, why-do-i-own-this, taking-up-space-but-you-never-get-around-to-donating-it coffee or tea mug from every cupboard in the world and turned it into a spoon and gave it to me, i still wouldn't break zero.
anyway, the point is: it's not you; it's me. every message and every attempt to reach out has meant the world and has helped keep my head above water.
keep reaching out please? let me know how you're doing. if you're cool with letting me babble to you about pirates, even better. i'm love you and i appreciate you and i'm grateful for you. ♥️
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dear-alex-chill · 1 year ago
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An update
Lately I haven't been active and it's spanned much longer than I intended. I originally thought it was the Team Science Zine sucking up all my energy (that zine was awesome but a beast to make) but I now realize that may have been me trying to convince myself of an untrue reality. I've been exhausted all the time with no time for me. I'm also dealing with more personal issues and being in a period of transition uses a lot of spoons. Hopefully I'll resolve some issues through therapy or other means but it's a lot to balance and I don't necessarily have the resources to take on everything. Unfortunately, art and writing has taken a backseat for the time due to everything going on. It is what it is, I hope to create again one day. However, the end of DAC as an account may be nearing.
I know I've been silent/quiet for months. I know I've not finished anything. I have few WIPs but they're limited in development and not something I want to post. Overall the Dear-Alex-Chill account is fading on all fronts and I'm not sure I want it to revive. I know my stuff rarely shows up in places, in part because of the niche I drew myself into, but also a lack of relevancy in what I produce. I honestly haven't touched digital art in a while, I do miss it. However, I'm exhausted constantly or I'm under the perception I'm too busy to do it, carving time is hard right now. I am considering leaving everything up and just sorta orphaning my account, I would never delete my writing and I don't like the prospect of deleting my art, but actively maintaining a social media like that is taxing and not something I can do right now. DAC might turn into an archive of sorts and when I'm ready I'll start anew entirely with a new name and page. Or maybe I'll come back in a while ready to get going again, I'm not sure.
Some of the lack of desire to revive was a slightly toxic culture. When things blew up around me (not really at me though but like Tumblr? Yk) I felt the need to step back and a part of me just never wanted to return. Moots, I love you guys, you're the reason I stayed so long. But sometimes it's hard to want to engage in a community of people that dislike you and that you generally dislike, it's tiresome. Wacky and Sikyu especially, you guys were awesome to talk to (I'm just mentioning you two specifically because I feel really bad for leaving you guys with no context after months of hyper-dumping hcs and ideas. Anyone I've repeatedly dmed or shared my hcs with and talked to, I do miss you all. Everyone is owed an apology but that's a lot of names to write.) It's hard to stay in a place you don't want to be, especially when you feel you're leaving those close to you, but I think it's of my best interest to step away from DT and TtS/RTA.
To my followers, I'm sorry you haven't gotten what you followed for.
To the anons and haters, cool. Have fun with your lives, I believe in karma but don't act on it, it's not my job to enforce karma, that's the universe's job.
To my mutuals/friends, I haven't forgotten you all and I do think about you. It's just hard to reply or I feel bad reaching out after so much silence. Hopefully I'll be chatty again or return to some normalcy later and I'm sorry I didn't tell any of you earlier.
Overall this just serves as a message/wellness check. I'm still here, I still lurk, but I don't really know if I want to stay active. When I decide to either orphan or revive, I'll let you all know in a new post, but for now here's what's been happening. I love y'all.
See ya later.
(yes this was on insta in slides form, Tumblr hates me uploading more than 3 photos at a time)
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slightly-edgy-and-gay · 7 months ago
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This shit was in my drafts for eternity so I am reacting to my old self.. my new answers are in brackets []
😘- it's gay. I'm gay.[No you are bi, idiot]
🐣- I'm a fucking dude so go off. (You have now unlocked war shout "Cisgay get out REEEE")[not funny, but I am still Cis]
🌈- it was a year of trying to watch straight porn to turn myself straight untill I just got tired and went "Fuck this shit I am not trying anymore!".[True]
❌- I came out as bi to my first therapist untill I completely came to the terms with the fact that I don't like pussy. [You like pussy dumbass, you were just trying to fit into a severely restrictive friend group for years]
🔢- three times. To my mom and to two therapists. [This was a lie, I never came out to my therapists, I came out to my Mom and my Brother]
👨👩🧑- no. [Online dated a couple guys, hooked around with a guy while I was out of city for college but nothing really serious, Ever]
👻- I used to go by Abdulkadir untill I was like 10. Now I use my legal name. [This is a fucking lie, Abdulkadir is my middle name but I never used it
❤- no. I don't have a crush. I am too perfect to fit in with anyone! [Ok narcissist sheesh. I have fictional crushes but no real people right now]
🧡- cum fueled dildo.[babe, you wanna call your lovers babe you edgy cum brained idiot]
💛💚- I mean I said I'm a dude. The fuck do you expect? [Ok?... what my old self wanted to say was I present masculine and my gender expression is masculine, that is still true]
💙- I am sorry. I don't have a cuckold fetish. [Not really but I am open to it.]
💜-dessert spoon [little spoon]
☀️- I prefer the term "dimwit". Sinple because more people need to say it. [I prefer queer because it roll off the tongue better than LGBT but I still stick to LGBT in writin]
😄- two bros sucking eachother off is not gay piss off. [Nah, I am not mentally all there so I wouldn't experiment with someone. It would feel like I am taking adventage of them]
😋- I'm sorry I don't want HPV in my asshole. [I did do this and holy ahit it's a bad idea, don't duck strangers, young adults]
✨- Dirk carber. [Wow, a porn star, how original. But to be clear I don't think I have a celebrity crush]
🚻- yellow because I'm a fucking cunt. [I'd say yellow but my favourite color is purple]
🤔- you can just send text messages you fucks! [As long as it is a reason to celebrate I don't see the downside personally]
💋- what the fuck kind of language is this ask in? [Silver. Silver just feels natural to me]
💍- I don't gove two shits as long as I like the dude. [I want to be proposed to because I am too insecure to take the step of proposing to someone]
🌱- winter because I have allergies and autumn is depressing [this is a lie, I do not have allergies. But winter is still my favourite]
🍄-
https://youtu.be/Hyw6kKMjp5A
[1- no, you need friends 2- hugging is way too intimate in my culture so I can't]
🏳️‍🌈- none because I don't wanna be fucking mauled! [I live in a homophobic country so none, but if I could the gay male pride flag]
💞- (author's note: this was blank) [❤️💗]
I like the improvement I showed from like 2-3 years ago. Even a month ago like these answers would be just as aggressive during my last relationship
overlapping identities tag
😘 - Do you have a label for your sexual/romantic attraction? If so, what is it?
🐣 - Do you have a label for your gender? If so, what is it?
🌈 - How long has your questioning process lasted? Is it still happening?
❌ - Have you ever come out as something and found out later that it no longer applies?
🔢 - How many times have you come out?
👨 - Have you ever dated a boy/man?
👩 - Have you ever dated a girl/woman?
🧑 - Have you ever dated a nonbinary person?
👻 - Have you ever changed your name?
❤️ - Do you have a crush? What are their pronouns?
🧡 - If you were dating someone, what would you want them to call you? (ie partner, boyfriend…)
💛 - Would you describe your physical presentation as masculine, feminine, or androgynous?
💚 - Would you describe your gender expression as masculine, feminine, or androgynous?
💙 - Have you ever been in a polyamorous relationship? Would you ever be?
💜 - Are you a big or little spoon?
☀️ - Do you prefer the term “queer” or “LGBT”?
😄 - Would you ever experiment with a friend to help you or them discover yourselves?
😋 - Would you ever experiment with a stranger to help you or them discover yourselves?
✨ - Have you ever had a celebrity crush? Who?
🚻 - If someone asked you pink or blue, what would you say?
🤔 - Thoughts on gender reveal parties?
💋 - Silver, gold, or rose gold?
💍 - Would you like to propose or be proposed to?
🌱 - Spring or autumn?
🍄 - Do you hug your friends?
���️‍🌈 - Which pride flag would you fly?
💞 - What heart emojis do you use, if any?
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mikibwrites · 5 months ago
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personal crap under the cut, massive tw for self harm and the thoughts that go along with that.
I wanted to apologize for my absence on here lately. I know you've seen me reblogging n liking sometimes, and i do enjoy coming on here when i have a couple extra spoons bc I love reading everyone's wip posts and the like. When i have even more spoons i try and go back and comment on things i've read and try to be upbeat but most of the time it feels like a lie (not the things i say in comments i MEAN those i definitely mean all the wonderful things i have to say abt your fic, it just feels like im faking a smile for the moment when im making the comment if that makes sense idk)
the truth is i'm not okay. i haven't been okay in....a long time. up until a couple of months ago i was pretty good at masking but it's like i've lost the ability to even do that. i go to work and do what i can to get thru the day. i come home and i barely speak. my husband worries, i know he does, but he doesn't know what to do. the other day at work i dropped a paper clip on the floor while trying to clip some papers together and my mind immediately went "you deserve to die a painful death". and i just thought....yeah. true.
i'm not going to do it. i know im not. mostly in life i tend to just hurt myself in ways that linger. burns. hitting myself till i bruise. stop eating. eat too much. things like that.
also i isolate. i isolate so much that i lose decades long friendships. just bc i can't find the wherewithal to respond to a message. and they end up thinking its their fault when its not. not at all. but then what else are they supposed to think when i essentially ghost them? when i have absolutely zero ability to keep up a convo even in DMs. if You're reading this (which im sure You're not bc why would you) Im sorry. I've thought about you at least once a day every day since you left. I honestly do not know if i could've done better. maybe i was always a piece of shit. You definitely deserve better. You don't want to know nor should you care what i did to myself after i read your last message. bc it is no way your fault and you should not feel anything abt it. but. yeah.
i'm talking abt this friendship i lost and i don't even know when it happened. it feels like it was yesterday. but i could have been years for all i know. time doesn't make sense anymore. i don't sleep. i don't take care of myself. i'm a shell. and yet i get up and go to work every day bc i will be homeless if i don't.
i don't even really know what i'm trying to say here. i guess maybe im trying to tell anyone i've befriended in any of my fandoms that im still here but im not like...here. and im not okay. not by a long shot. but like. i'm trying. also i see every time someone tags me and it makes me ache bc even if it's a copy/paste of a prewritten list, someone remembered i exist today, outside of what people need from me. i have given all of myself and my psyche to a job i used to love but now cannot stand. it's nice to feel acknowledged by someone who doesn't want anything from me other than to show me something they're proud of. it's nice.
so anyway. sorry for the steam of consciousness. i just. needed to say something somewhere. and also apologize for ghosting anyone. i tend to do that.
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show-pony-online · 1 year ago
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name: Show Pony
date uploaded into body: 9/26/23
satus: unknown
activity: low
danger: low
for more information contact [ @kerosene-saint ]
brief summary of the ALMOST TWO YEARS WORTH OF LORE ON THIS GUY below
((
run by a minor, my name is Pete or Javic
I don't post a whole lot cause I'm chronically ill and have a low amount of spoons forever and ever. so if it takes me a while to respond to something or if I don't make a boatload of original posts you know why
show has been a character I've been running for over a year now so I have my little specifics,
if you have any questions abt them or their back story or what they look like feel free to message me! I'm also free to do major plot points if you'd want to do that 👍 just make sure to message me an idea or several first.
please don't be rude to me.
I'm not okay with smut generally and show pony is dating Jet Star, as much as they're poly I'm not really interested in doing any kind of romance or flirting or anything atm
Basically Show was an droid originally, specifically the kind made to take care of children in daycares or schools. They were also a paper boy for Dr Death (someone who runs up and down the zones gathering information for someone). They also started dating Jet Star (the one run by Charlie infinity-on-hiii). Then they got killed by... someone????? I don't actually remember. and were taken away to Battery City. There they were turned into a sort of experimental super weapon of sorts, similar but not exactly like Alex (the droid who replaced kobra kid in the fab four line up from 2022/early 2023), who was named Maria (she/her pronouns). Then they were released in the Zones and had the mission to kill Jet Star (or maybe the rest of the fab four left, I don't remember T-T but they went and attacked Jet Star first) which didn't end up going well and they regained parts of their memory. Then for a while Maria didn't come back and so they kinda just assumed she was gone. They went through a whole transformation, going from Maria's black Bob and all white clothes to pink hair and pink and black clothes (pictured below)
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they were super epic I know I know. Anyways Maria came back and she had a whole fucking crisis over Show Pony's new look and the fact that she isn't herself really. So she ran away to the middle of the desert. Show Pony ended up tying themself to a rock and calling for tech help over their radio. They managed to get help in the form of someone willing to help remove her code, but in a firefight with dracs that person died (the blog got discontinued and we never fully cleared up the canon reason they disappeared so I'm retconning sorry). Basically when Maria didn't return back to BLind or respond to any tries for contact they knew they had failed in turning Show Pony into a different person. So they kidnapped them again and did something else, shoving Show Pony's conscious (minus Maria) into a human body. turns out that body they put them into is chronically ill and they did that to keep them from being more powerful (AKA to stop them from killing more dracs, etc.). and now we're here. Show lives in the Diner (I think?), doesn't work for Dr Death anymore, and has spent the last couple months in and out of consciousness. Oh also they look like the music video version of themself atm.
AND THAT WAS JUST A BRIEF SUMMARY OF WHAT I REMEMBER. there was for sure more to their story that I've forgotten anyways have an extra photo of what their gun looked like circa the pinkening
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I love designing ray guns :3
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aestherians · 3 years ago
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i suppose this is somewhat of a rambling question asking for advice... firstly, i am not particularly new to the concept of kin identities and theriotypes, having been in communities more centered around fictionkin in the past as i did (and still do) identify with multiple fiction kintypes, albeit i was probably present in particular groups when i was too young to particularly process it all, especially with certain group members discussing heavier topics and getting into infighting that put me off.
i suppose lack of... diligence, for equal lack of a better term, after growing apart from those retrospectively unhealthy communities made me lax in my own definitions and confirmation of my own kintypes, and while i know, psychologically, i *do* identify as these characters to cope and to support my sense of self, and am certain with no room for self-debate that they and i are one and the same in either presented canon or alternate worlds, i can't help but feel the fact i have a casual disposition about kin, use kinnie and kinning if anything for the snap they have as words that amuse me, and that i generally present socially with all the surface levity people associate with fadchasers, among the fact i don't quite feel reincarnate, just a sense of "that is me, i am you" from characters...
The fact I can rattle off this many traits that I see looked down on especially with newer psych or copekin folk (or misguided c-linkers, definitions and personal experiences depending) it just makes the idea of attempting to reintegrate, or at least find folks to talk to who won't view me as a nuisance in the current kin-centric communities *for adults* very daunting. i've gotten too old to feel like newer gen places with more of a minor crowd are a place i should be present, let alone frequent or make friends in, especially after once trying to branch out there ended with meeting a horrifically unpleasant individual that tormented me for a full year. i've just been at a loss of where I would be able to go, especially now after finally reconciling an otherkin kintype i've felt pangs about since childhood. i've been wanting to celebrate in the achievement of self-discovery, maybe make a friend or two, but i don't know if there's a place where i can be present as i am, with genuine feelings marred with vague explanations for many of my kintypes, and not be combatively invalidated as i've heard can happen, often moreso with primarily fickin folk like myself in experiences i've heard of.
i suppose this message did turn more into talking through getting a weight off my chest than asking for advice by now, but if there are any sort of suggestions you have with regards on where to poke my head in to find community with peers in my age group, or otherwise, I'd very greatly appreciate it. if being on anon compromises that because of the unfortunate frequency of trolling towards the community, i understand, and regardless i thank you for having patience to read through this, and hope you have a pleasant evening.
It’s fine to be ‘casual’ about otherkin identities. You don’t need to post about your otherkinity/nonhumanity to be valid (for lack of a better term), nor do you need to meet any other requirements than identifying as your kintype.
Though I will be honest, the language you (general you) use does impact which people will want to talk to you. If you use ‘kin’ as a verb, rather than a noun, and refer to yourself as a ‘kinnie’ a lot of older community members will paint you with the same brush as the younger ‘kin for fun’ crowd. This is not to say that you can’t find older, more mature/confident, or ‘serious’ people who will welcome you - just that it will make it significantly harder for you.
Still, it’s definitely worth it to put in the effort to meet new people. If you just start posting a lot in the main tags, regardless of what slang you use, you will eventually find people to both share your otherkin experiences with and to chat casually with (whichever you need). Just be clear about what kind of companionship you’re looking for so everyone’s on the same page.
Joining Discord servers is also a viable option, though I don’t know of any good, active, small ones. And of course there’s the Nonhuman National Park forum.
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chronicillschronicpills · 3 years ago
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Hello! I saw an old post of yours abt sex and chronic pain and I guess I wanted to see if you or anyone else would have any advice for me!
I'm unfortunately having a bad flare day- and I think a large amount of it is because my partner and I did stuff yesterday. My partner is very sweet and kind about my condition, and always asks me during if the things we're doing are okay. The thing is, I always want to try even if it hurts because I love doing it and I miss being able to do it without such awful pain.
I can't find a position that doesn't make me hurt a lot afterward. Him on top of me makes my legs and hips hurt (legs in air), me on top of him makes my hips and knees hurt, from behind makes my hips and knees hurt, and forget any of my weight being on my hands. My disability has taken over every aspect of my life and I'm so frustrated. I just want to enjoy myself for once.
If you or anyone else has some advice on positions or pain relief I would really appreciate it!!! Thank you so much 💜💜💜
SEX AND CHRONIC ILLNESS;
Hi, there love,
I swear I have a defective Tumblr and I never get any noti's from my inbox, so I'm sorry if you sent this months ago!
I'm gonna try to give my best advice and hope that my followers will also help with advice.
First of all, pretty much any physical activity can throw me into a flare so I can understand that sex can definitely have a real impact on flares. You are most definitely not alone. I can also empathise with the frustration of your disability taking a lot from you and your life. I am so happy you're partner is supportive too and I hope that you guys are great at communicating with each other about sex which is probably the MOST important thing in this. I am going to give my advice under the assumption that you guys have great, healthy communication.
Sex positions that could be worth a try, it seems as if any stretching of the hips and pressure on the knees and hands are out of the questions so here are not only some of my all-time favourites, but also should be friendly for these issues:
Lazy doggy (lying face down on your stomach with your legs together): that way you don't need any weight bearing on knees or hands, no stretching of the hips and you basically just lay face down, I like this position as it also takes little energy and it's quite easy for you or your partner to stimulate your clitoris at the same time. you can also try this position with a pillow or wedge under your hips for a different angle and extra support on your hips
Spooning sex: I find this a great position, you just lay on your side, your good side that day, and sometimes putting a pillow between your knees can help with that.
I personally don't fuck with this position but standing up sex facing a wall is also considered to be pretty easy on these joints.
This one is slightly harder to explain (its a modified missionary variant) but if you are laying on your back and you put your legs straight or bent vertically and lay them on your partner's chest (kind of like an L position with the legs up), and then he would be either standing or on his knees (so your partner would be the P and u the L; PL). This means your hips aren't stretched outward, your knees and hands don't have pressure on them, your partner does not have their body weight on you and your partner can hold onto your legs for extra support. You can add a pillow under your hips for extra support. I really hope this makes sense, and if someone knows if this has an actual name, please help!
You could also try a seated position and you could face away from him to keep the hip angle easier
other general tips;
Take MAD advantage of pillows and wedges; this could help with him on top of you if you bulk up on either side of your hips so you don't have to strain or stretch as much.
Rethink your idea of sex: some days there may be no position that is comfortable. Sex is whatever feels good for you. You don't need penetration to have sex. Have your partner go down on you or stimulate you with their hands. If you really like the penetrative feeling, buy some toys and your partner can use them on you in any position that's comfy for you. Buy lots of sex toys, to be honest, that can be super fun and accessible. You can get full pleasure and give full pleasure without vagina/penis penetration.
Something my therapist has taught me is to pace myself and practice patience with MYSELF! I can tell you probably push yourself because you always want to still try even if it hurts. For example, I don't exercise, but one day I decided to go to the trampoline park and do gymnastics (i used to do gymnastics) and then was fucked for a week. Another example, I tried to do gymnastics at home and broke my foot. Just keep throwing myself into the deep end and end up making it worse; 1 step forward, 12 steps back. So pace yourself, and practice patience, and don't be too hard on yourself. Treat yourself with kindness.
I know sex is often spontaneous, but honestly stretching and warming up could help, and maybe even during foreplay, you could get a massage to warm up and connect with your partner. Also if you know you're going to have sex, you could take some painkillers or weed (if you're into it) beforehand.
I really really really hope that a) everything made sense and b) that it would actually help! Please send me a message if you feel comfortable if this helped at all.
Please leave your most accessible sex positions in the comments or reblog with advice!
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ohheyitsokay · 3 years ago
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Omg I'm SO sorry!!! I'm the soulmates pain AU anon, I was completely aware you were the one with the milestone!! I saw the post through Molly's rb and I was almost completely sure I had opened your blog to send you the ask but alas, the Tumblr app can never give you any certainties. That long-ass message was completely dedicated to you, I still can't quite grasp how I managed to send it to scribbledghost 🙄🙄🙄 Sorry!!! Congrats again, I love you!!!!
for reference a Din Djarin x reader soulmate request where your soulmate feels your injuries and pain
hello, dear heart!
I wanted to say, before anything else, thank you. I've reread your words multiple times since you sent this, confirming they were to me, and they really mean the world to me. thank you so, so much! anyway, your idea is fantastic, I had a lot of fun with this one! I hope you like seeing what I did with your already wonderful thoughts 💕
ps it's well documented that I'm a big fan of sprawling thoughts, so please never apologize for sharing them!
warnings: mentions canon-typical injuries, a bunch of fluff. at least enough for a couple of throw pillows
>>
soulmate requests / follower celebration
<<
There's a short burn on his forearm when he wakes.
Din stares at it, wondering at the dull ache, trying to place the injury from yesterday's adventure when it hits him. Hot and golden warmth, flooding through his chest, thawing his flesh against the cold filtered air.
It's one of yours.
A burn, on his forearm.
And selfishly, indulgently, he pauses for a moment, mind slipping away from duty and expectations to dwell in the daydream of his soulmate.
First, his mind creates an image of a blurry mandalorian caretaker, gently moving around a kitchen in the covert. You stir a pot, tapping the spoon on the side before setting it down. Hearing distant calls, you turn too quickly and oh - a sliver of burn along your arm.
Din wants to help, wants to pull you away from the domestic .... danger, and he rushes forward. Your helmet turns to him and he almost sees it - before his mind can no longer produce the answers he aches for late at night.
The second image is of you, in armor as gleaming as his own, in a thick, unrecognizable forest. The hairs on his neck are at full attention, already subconsciously wanting to shout - but you don't need his help. You're breathtaking in all versions of his daydream - but watching you fight with practiced ease punches the air from his lungs. For a moment he feels self-conscious of his awkward maneuvers and slapdash fighting but then his mind pulls him back. You're protecting someone, or else you wouldn't have messed up - you never do, injuries from you are too rare - but you shove them behind you, shooting an enemy over your shoulder before your helmet snaps back. There are so many - you're surrounded - and a hot, sharp blaster bolt grazes your forearm before your fury is truly unleashed.
He runs his fingers over the burn, almost giddy at the possibilities.
Mandalorians are few and far between, but he's grateful he has a soulmate, and even more thankful you've kept yourself out of harm's way almost entirely, since you'd been connected.
As he dons his layers, the shine of his armor reflects bruises and scrapes littered across the expanse of his skin. His own, from his journey, and one beautiful little burn from his soulmate.
And then they're covered, and the armor is tied securely in place, and he leaves his daydreams in the room as the ship door slides unceremoniously shut.
-
You hiss at the burn, clutching your arm.
Great. Just what you needed - another injury to add to your impressive collection.
At least my soulmate gets a gift from me this time. You roll your eyes.
The vendor next to your stall is a sweet lady, already apologizing for her steaming pots and pans and offering you compensation.
The credits would be nice, but you could hardly justify taking anything, especially since it was your soulmate's fault your body was riddled with aches and pains in the first place.
Waving your hand, you accept her counter offer - a bowl of her perfect broth and noodles - before retreating. You sell cloth, from beautiful dyed lengths tucked away to sturdy, unstainable blacks, and it was days like today that you thanked your stars for that choice.
There's a thick pile in the middle that you perch on, sinking into the folds as your body cries at you, and you sigh over your soup in relief. The burden of waking to webbing bruises and sprawling scrapes and the more-than-occasional broken bone is eased by your stall - sitting and haggling until the sun goes down. That is, unless there's drama in the market, as it seems there is today.
In the distance you hear shouts, more than those of vendors selling meat on sticks to passing warriors and merchants - the taunts of drunkards.
Someone is coming, and you almost laugh when you see his form in the distance, because he's trying and failing to be inconspicuous. It's impossible, with his gleaming armor, but still he ducks into shadowy spots, forgetting - or maybe ignoring - their inhabitants.
"A Mandalorian has graced our market," your neighbor remarks dryly. They were respected, but it was well known that chaos followed them. You share a look, both wishing you were wealthy enough to conpletely pack up shop. If anything, a logical person would put away most of the stock and hunker down for a few hours. Weighing the odds was difficult: if you were lucky, the chaos wouldn't bother your business, and shoppers might be drawn out, hoping for entertainment and spending as they waited. If you weren't, a wayward burst of plasma or blaster fire would destroy your whole month's stock.
You looked at him again, the Mandalorian kneeling down the street. His form was... almost handsome, formidable but careful. He was light on his feet, seemingly with gentleness on his mind, and it drew you in like a moth to flame. You decided to stay, and hope for the best, your curiosity pulsing like your bruises.
And you were lucky, that day, because he ducked away not a moment later, taking the exciment with him.
Until, he came back the next day, this time on the prowl, stalking up and down the edge of Dicer's Row, one hand on his blaster and the other atop a bulky, wriggling bag. This time, you ventured to stand, folding and refolding your displays as you watched him through your lashes.
And then he made his move, and you sighed, feigning a yawn to cover your disappointment from your neighbor's knowing smile. She shouldn't be wiggling her eyebrows over the box wall between you - honestly his type were more annoying than anything. A crash from the alley confirmed it: there was no way a guy like that cared about his soulmate. The gentleness from before was surely a trick of the light.
Your whole side lit up with pain, the impact of something hard against your whole side and you groaned, settling into your mound again. Any curiosity or attraction was snuffed under your annoyance and pain, and your mood soured like fruit left unpicked on the tree.
Selfish, you thought, glaring as a chicken ran squawking from the commotion. What a jerk.
-
The next day, you tried to maintain the sentiment, huffing as he wandered the stalls.
Why does he keep coming back?
You'd have thought his time here was over when he'd dragged that lowlife out of town yesterday. But here he was, buying a crock of soup at the stall next to you, and ignoring her comments about how he couldn't eat it with his helmet on.
She had warmed to him, since he'd put money in her pocket, chattering in a way that kept him stuck for long moments.
It struck you as strange - he almost seemed too awkward to leave, like her returned generosity actually meant something to him. A man like him... surely could've just walked away.
But he stayed for awhile, nodding and looking at the spoons she carved in her free time, and you almost thought he was looking at you, too. Then he ducked his head and planted himself in front of you, and certainly he was.
For all the years you'd spent weaving words to sell your fabrics and goods, you'd never been so speechless. The Mandalorian was large, sharp, shining edges and bulky canvas packs tied to his shoulders - he seemed out of place, filling your whole stall, shuffling as he loomed over you.
He asked for soft brown things - children's clothes.
"Of course, I - I mean, yes, just over here -" you tripped over your words, caught completely off guard by the shape of him, the feel of him just an arms width away, and his request. You stumbled from your seat, nearly toppling in your hurry and his gloved hand wrapped around your arm, catching you.
"You're injured," he stated not really asking. It was... overwhelmingly intimate, him knowing, and acknowledging it, like he cared.
"Yeah, my..." you swallowed, trying not to get lost in the dark glass inches from your face. "My self-centered soulmate keeps getting himself nearly killed."
Even with your heart thumping in your chest, you couldn't keep the bite from your words, bitterness having collected over years of nursing injuries that were consequences of someone else's actions. He didn't let go of you for a moment, his helmet pulling back and tilting, like he was startled.
Then he was cautious, unbearably so, releasing his grip like a child freeing a captured creature when it was time. The topic was dropped, and he made his purchase quickly, but before he left, he paused. The Mandalorian's gloved hand ghosted over your cheek, slowly moving a hair back into it's place, and if you hadn't known better, it was almost an apology.
And then, thick cape swirling in the dust, tiny clothes in tow, he swept away, leaving you along with your whole body alight with a foreign longing.
-
Din felt as though he'd been stabbed.
Hot, hot feelings poured through his chest, spreading fast as fire as he desperately tried to sort through them.
You - you were incredible, fragile and bruised, with the most stunning, determined eyes he had ever seen. Not a Mandalorian, and you had a ... a soulmate, a fucker who left your skin littered with marks, burdening you with ...
He felt panicked, shocked, and guilty, just as he had when you'd told him. It had never occred to him that his soulmate might be there... out there, constantly burdened by his recklessness. His body screamed for attention, something he so often ignored, but this time, he was almost deafened by it.
His feet, legs, arms, chest, heart - all of them wanted him to return to you, in your little fabric stall. To... what? Truly, he hadn't the slightest idea, so his mind won out, shaking a little to try to reign in the muscles that he'd taught to obey him.
He couldn't go to you.
But, he couldn't stay away.
-
He was back in the market, and this time, he wasn't being subtle about staring at you.
Tall and ... slow, he waded through the crowds, making his was towards you like he was following a careful path.
"Can I help you?" You stood, moving almost involuntarily towards him. "Was there something wrong with my -" he was already shaking his head, hands reaching to make you shush.
Waiting, an irrational part of your mind wished he would touch you again, would place his big hands on your skin and sooth the aches that haunted your life. It was unfair, but you didn't stop it, couldn't if you tried.
Carefully, he slid a single finger to your arm, pushing up your sleeve to reveal the little burn you'd gotten.
He was being gentle. It made you want to stomp your feet, jealously welling up in your heart like bile, bitter and hot. How could it be, that someone so powerful had learned so quickly, wanted to, and he wasn't - he wasn't even your -
Then he moved again, pushing up his own sleeve and your thoughts tumbled over each other. It was intimate, even more than before, desperately trusting, as his skin near glowed in the morning light. And there was a burn on his skin, hairs singled like they'd met the edge of a pot of boiling broth.
You wanted to punch him. This man has spent years tossing his body around like he had one one spare, making your own as brittle as bread crust and - you wanted to kiss him. This man had learned after a single day, the impact of his actions, and had been nothing but kind.
The forehead of his helmet pressed into yours, and the two sides of your mind compromised.
Later, words would come - they had to.
But now, your eyes closed, and you sighed. He had the rest of your life to make it up to you - and he would, you were sure.
<<
taglist:
@fangirl-316 @scribbledghost @writeforfandoms @beautyagegoodnesssize @princess76179 @mrsbentallmadge @horton-hears-a-honk @saradika @zinzinina
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julemmaes · 3 years ago
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The One Good Thing
Rowaelin Month, Day Two
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A/N: again, I'm gonna fail all my exams because of this stupid app, I'm sure. Also, I miss the off campus boys so much I kinda made Fenrys one of them and I love the idea of the tog men as hockey players so yeah, enjoy;)
Word count: 2,581
Aelin would have killed for a second of silence.
She daydreamed of that almost noisy quiet that makes you feel every deepest thought hidden in your brain that exists only at 3 a.m., when every soul is resting and cars can't drive around the campus. And there are no children screaming at the top of their lungs or parties going on all night long.
That was what she had been promised, the flyers she'd been handed during the open days, when she had come to visit the college.
That was how it was supposed to be.
Aelin had tried so many times to ask her upstairs flatmate to hold his Twitch live streams strictly in the afternoons or mornings when she wouldn't be home, but when Fenrys Moonbeam had first opened the door to his place, the girl had known immediately that she wouldn't be able to change his mind even by paying him.
Especially since his live streams were followed by such a large audience that Aelin couldn't even begin to understand how he had managed to build an empire so big in just under a month. Surely it had something to do with the long blond hair, different from her own but just as beautiful, and the arms covered in tattoos so colourful they blind you. They had their own charm. Add to the pile the fact that he was the goalie on the hockey team, and he was the perfect mix for the guy to marry.
From what their common friends had told her, he was already earning enough to afford an off-campus home, but that he liked the comfort the college dorm gave.
A comfort that Aelin, after three years in those filthy rooms and shared bathrooms, had yet to find.
When yet another howl of celebration at yet another victory that everyone expected pierced through his floor and her ceiling, nearly drilling her eardrums, Aelin gritted her teeth so hard that for a moment she feared they might shatter.
She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and trying to whisper, "Shut," failed miserably to keep her tone under control and shrieked the second word, "up!"
A booming laugh rang out upstairs and a millisecond later a message lit up her phone screen.
From Lys: Girl, maybe you should take a chill pill, I heard you on the live stream. Are you still studying?
She tossed the phone to the side, pulling her hair up and pinning it back with a pencil.
"Fuck off." she muttered under her breath.
Lysandra was one of the few in their group of friends who never missed a Fenrys broadcast. Whether it was at eleven at night or five in the morning, she was always one of the first to join in.
Aelin often wondered if she was just doing it because Fenrys was helping her sponsor her YouTube channel, but then she remembered that Lysandra would do the same for all her friends.
She got out of bed, taking all her books and notes in her arms, pen in her mouth and holding her phone between her pinky and ring fingers. She threw open the door to her room and found herself facing a wall of muscle, slamming into her roommate's chest.
Rowan's hands snapped forward and kept her from falling backwards and when Aelin looked up at his face, she almost lost her balance again.
His face was sleepy, only one eye open as he suppressed a yawn. The imprint of the pillowcase on his cheek just another sign that he had already been sleeping.
"Are you okay?" he asked her in a hoarse voice, stepping back and letting her through, "I heard you screaming. I was coming to check on you."
Aelin grimaced, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
He shook his head, moving a hand in mid-air, "Don't worry about it." then his gaze snapped to the ceiling as another laugh from Fenrys cut through the thin material dividing their quarters. He frowned, lowering his gaze back to her, and it was at that moment that he noticed the books in her arms.
If possible, his frown deepened even more.
He closed his eyes, gently grabbing her wrist and leaning against the wall behind him, pulling her towards him.
Aelin let herself be tugged, arranging the books so that they didn't poke at either her or him in that uncomfortable hug, but she positioned her head against his chest, letting his fingers expertly massage the nape of her neck.
"Baby." he sighed into her hair. Her toes curled.
It had only been a few weeks since they had decided to start dating, a few weeks since Rowan had confessed to having feelings for her. They had exchanged a few kisses in secret from their friends, wanting to enjoy that first phase of their very fresh relationship in privacy. They hadn't done anything too steamy yet, and Aelin had more than agreed with his decision to take it slow, but one thing Rowan hadn't held back in the slightest from the first second she'd agreed to go out with him had been the pet names he'd given her whenever they were in the safety of their dorms.
Baby was definitely her favourite.
His hands slid lower, down her back, and she looked up, resting her chin on his chest and fixing her eyes in his. His gaze softened, still clouded with sleep. "You shouldn't be studying at this hour."
Aelin grunted, smacking her forehead against his chest, "But I have a test tomorrow."
Rowan sighed again, pushing her away and taking the books from her arms. "Precisely why you should be sleeping." He walked towards the common room, speaking softly and hoping Lorcan wouldn't hear them. They both knew their roommate suspected something, but he didn't have enough worries in the world for him to actually give a shit about their possible relationship, and they also knew he would never say anything to anyone. Maybe to Elide, but neither of them would bet on it. "I left you alone tonight because you needed to rest, not stay up until morning melting your brain."
She followed him like a lost dog, dragging her feet on the ground, finally feeling that visceral fatigue get the better of her.
"I can't leave the study half done."
Rowan dropped the books on the table, turning around just in time to block her before she bumped into him again and slipped the pencil out of her mass of hair, letting it fall around her shoulders.
"You're not leaving the study half done," he told her as he rubbed her arms to keep her warm, "you've spent the last five weeks studying this stuff and I'm sure you know it like the abc. You need a break." he told her.
Aelin looked up at him from under her lashes, a little annoyed that that was true, but completely distracted by the lines his fingers were drawing on her arms. She took a deep breath through her nose, puffing out her chest and thrusting out her breasts, catching the attentive gaze of her almost-boyfriend for a nanosecond.
He smiled wearily at her, "Are you sleeping in my bed tonight?"
Aelin just nodded and took both of his hands, pulling him down onto her. Rowan squinted his eyes and placed his lips on hers in a quick, chaste kiss. She hummed in satisfaction as his hands slid under her bottom and wrapped around her thighs, pulling her up. She tied her legs around his hips and rested her head on his shoulder as Rowan made his way into their tiny flat.
He lowered her onto the bed, pulling the blankets out from under her body and laying down beside her before covering them both. Aelin moved as close to him as she could, pressing her back against his chest and her butt against his crotch, tangling their legs together.
Rowan's arm wrapped around her waist as the other slipped under her head and his hand found hers under the pillow.
The second they were settled, every bit of their bodies touching, Rowan left a soft kiss on her shoulder, pulling her even tighter against him.
She smiled weakly, in a drawling tone, "Thank you."
He hummed against her skin, "That's what I'm here for."
"Don't let me die around finals time?" she asked in a teasing tone.
Rowan chuckled softly, making her back shake, "Exactly."
Aelin tried to turn towards him, wanting to trace the pale freckles that were starting to sprout on his nose now that the days were getting longer and the sun kissed his cheek every afternoon, but his arms blocked her.
"No, it's not fair for you to be the big spoon every night. I'm fucking sick of it, I want to hold you today." he muttered, the chains of sleep already dragging him towards that blissful unconsciousness.
She huffed, stopping struggling against his grip, relaxing and feeling her muscles scream with pleasure after being tense for hours on end while she studied.
She hadn't realised she'd stayed up so long, but she was terrified of failing this last exam. If she failed it she would have to wait months before she could retake it and the idea of it was getting her down more than perhaps it should have.
She started thinking about the various questions the professors might ask her the next day, repeating the answers in her mind, closing her eyes as she thought.
"Baby," Rowan grumbled, "you're talking out loud."
She hadn't realised she was biting the cuticles around her nails until his hand came to rest on her arm, pulling her hand away from her mouth. He took a deep breath, helping her turn to face him.
When she looked up at him from under her lashes, she saw the way he was fighting sleep. And she felt terribly guilty. If she was having trouble sleeping the day before an exam, that didn't mean he had to stay awake for her too.
She was about to speak, tell him to close his eyes again and let her go into the living room so she could finish going over the last few pages and then return to his room, but he put his hand on her cheek and in a soft voice asked, "What's bothering you?"
She bit the inside of her cheek, shaking her head, "Nothing."
He tried to hold back a yawn again, but couldn't this time and Aelin's guilt grew immensely inside her. "If you tell me right now what's wrong, I could help you fix it sooner. And we could get at least three hours of sleep before we have to go to class." he pointed out in an exhausted tone.
She blinked once, twice, searching for the right words.
"It's Fen. If he'd stop playing so late every night-"
Rowan quickly cut her off, closing his eyes, almost as if he could no longer physically stay awake. "Ace, Fenrys never really bothered you. You've always managed to study and ignore it. What is it that's bothering you?"
Aelin let go of a shaky breath, "It's nothing, really. We'll talk about it tomorrow."
He only opened one eye, watching her carefully as she hid her face against his chest and wrapped her thin arms around his torso.
His hand began to slowly massage her back, "If we don't talk about this now I'll be up all night worrying."
She huffed, knowing full well how true those words were. For the love of the other, she began to ramble on about the real reason she hadn't been able to focus on the textbooks.
"I don't want to tell anyone we're together yet," she confessed under her breath.
Rowan opened both eyes then, fixing them on her and giving a small nod with his chin to keep her going.
"It's not that I don't want to tell the others," she said, referring to their closest friends, "but the second they find out, the news will become public knowledge and there are some people I really don't want to let that information get to."
He nodded, understanding perfectly who she was talking about.
"We don't have to tell anyone," he kissed her forehead, continuing to talk in that position, his lips brushing against her skin with every word he spoke, "it'll be our little secret for some time more, until we figure out how to get all the puck bunnies off our backs."
Aelin smiled, lifting her chin and kissing him.
Being the captain of the hockey team, Rowan didn't exactly go unnoticed on campus. Not many people approached him during the day, especially when Lorcan was at his side, knowing full well that they would receive nothing but a rude invitation to leave, but their friend couldn't spend his life attached to Rowan's hip, and the few times the two of them had gone out alone it had happened that a horde of fans had overwhelmed them. After those afternoons, Aelin had found herself the victim of not so nice threats from unknown numbers, as had happened to Lysandra when she had first started dating Aedion.
With Manon's help they had managed to track down the senders and Rowan had been unpleasantly surprised to discover that it was one of the girls he always partied with after the games. A girl he'd always considered a friend.
Rowan had taken all the blame, feeling responsible for those attacks on Aelin and it had taken months to convince him that he had no part in the insanity of others.
They'd started limiting the dates they went on as a pair, even when they were just friends, to prevent similar things from happening again, but Aelin felt trapped.
And she knew it was the same for Rowan.
She wished she could get a place off campus, where she could retreat with him, away from the prying eyes of the world, but it didn't seem right to bring up the topic of 'let's move in together' after not even three months of dating.
Rowan rested a hand on her cheek, moving a strand of hair behind her ear, "It'll be fine. And if anyone finds out and the threats come back, we'll do something about it."
She nodded, not entirely convinced and not at all reassured.
He knew instantly, "Aelin, whatever happens, I don't care what others think. I've waited years to finally have you. I've been on the sidelines all this time, watching you go on date after date with everyone and never with me-"
"You never asked," she mumbled in annoyance.
Rowan continued as if she hadn't spoken, "I would have preferred not to be the talk of the town all the time, but I'm not going to let public opinion take away the one good thing in my life."
She opened her mouth wide, "What about hockey?"
He shrugged, looking at her, "Hockey is just a sport."
"If Lorcan could hear you right now..." she shook her head.
"But Lorcan's not here. And you won't tell him," he made her silently promise.
They exchanged another brief kiss, before they carried on talking about all the worries she had and every word that came out of his lips acted as a sedative for her fears, killing one at a time, until she fell asleep in his arms, lulled by his soft breathing on her neck.
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multistan-kpopwritings · 3 years ago
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I'm Never Leaving
➟ pairing(s): Exboyfriend; Jae Beom and Reader
➟ genre(s): Angst... maybe? Cute Fluff
➟ word count: 2.2K
➟ warnings: Jerk ex boyfriend
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You sat down at your kitchen table and set your laptop up to finish some work. As you looked over a sales report, your laptop began to signal someone was calling you on Skype. You would typically decline the call this late; however, the name caught your attention. It had been at least 2 years since you've heard from your ex. You battled with the decision to accept the call. Sadly, curiosity got the best of you and you did accept.
"Wow, hi Y/N," Luke, your ex said, "I have to admit I wasn't expecting you to accept." He smiled that old smile at you and ran his hands through his hair. You smiled and studied his face. In the last two years, he hasn't changed much. His hair was longer, but he still wore band t-shirts and a leather jacket. You'd be willing to bet he had those ripped jeans and biker boots too.
"That makes both of us," you admitted, "What's up?" You wanted to get straight to the point. He laughed and rested his arms on the surface in front of him.
"That's my Y/N," he grinned, "Always so serious."
His words made you mad. Was mad even the right word? Maybe angry, furious, infuriated, irate, or raging would have been more appropriate. How could he say you were 'his' after the way he threw you away like trash, with such little disregard.
You always had a rocky relationship with Luke. There were always kind words, then side glances with jealousy, fighting, and then make-up sex. You never knew where you stood in the relationship. Calling it a relationship was even a stretch. If you spent the night at his place, he was always careful to make sure he got you out before his roommates were up. He held all the power and loved to remind you. The last few months of the relationship seemed like a dream. Luke was kinder and more considerate. You craved something more from him, and it seemed like you were finally getting it.
The final straw was the morning after a party his friend threw. You spent the night so you didn't have to drive home so late. When you woke to leave in the early morning hours, Luke reached for you and asked you to stay. Your heart finally let go and you thought it was something special. Ha, right.
It was about 8:30 that morning when you woke again. Silently, you went to the kitchen for breakfast. His roommate, Josh, was already in there. He smiled at you after taking in your appearance.
"I wondered if one of you would be in here soon," he commented. He waved a spoon at you. "I'm glad this is becoming more of a regular thing. I like having you around." He returned to his cereal. "I didn't think he would settle down. You're good for him." You smiled to yourself and grabbed a bowl. The sound of Luke's bedroom door announced he was awake.
Luke dragged himself to the table and sat down. He was not a morning person. You instinctively grabbed a coffee mug and poured a cup. You knew he liked black coffee, so setting the mug in front of Luke, you kissed his cheek. There was no thank you, just a groan of annoyance.
You sat between the two men and took a few bites of your cereal. "Hey Luke," you began, "Do you think you could stop by my apartment today and help me move some furniture?" He glared at you over the mug and snorted.
"You don't think I could have just one day for me," he growled. The tone of his voice made you shrink back. He didn't remove his eyes from you.
"Sorry," you whispered, "I didn't think it would take so long." You got up and placed your bowl in the sink and walked back to the bedroom. You couldn't understand what you said to trigger that response.
"Dude," Josh scolded, "Harsh. You don't need to talk to her like that."
"I'll say what I want, how I want," Luke scoffed, "Not like she's my girlfriend." Those words sliced right through your chest. You leaned against the closed door and squeezed your eyes shut.
"You're such a dumbass," Josh hissed, "What if she hears you? Can't you give her a little respect?"
"Respect? Why? She doesn't respect herself," Luke reasoned, "Why should I? It's not like she'll leave me for someone else." That was all you needed to hear. He was right.
You quickly dressed and grabbed your keys. You tried and failed to fix your makeup that streaked your face from last night. Taking a steadying breath, you opened the door and made your way through the apartment with your head held high to the elevator; however, the sounds of Luke calling your name were hard to resist. It took all your energy to not turn and give in. He wanted to see respect, this was it. Until the elevator doors closed, then it was a mess. You barely made it home before you slid down the door, sobbing.
It took some time for you to realize you made the right decision, but you took new skill classes to keep you busy and dove headfirst into work. It was about a month before you were rewarded by fate. You were offered a new position in another country. Your supervisor had noticed how your work improved and felt you would be a valuable resource when opening this new branch.
For a few weeks, once a week Luke would stop by. He'd bang on the door and demand you answer, or call you repeatedly and leave messages with I miss you or I'm sorry. You don't know how long he tried to contact you. Once you moved, you changed your phone number and deleted your social media.
Now here you were again, looking at the reason for your pain and misery, but also success and happiness. You shook your head at the man on the screen and sighed. "Like I said Luke, what do you need?" You repeated your question, slightly annoyed. You studied his face while he searched for words. It looks like he hasn't slept in a while and a few deep lines frame his eyes.
"I ran into one of your friends last week," he started, "I asked about you and had to see if what they said was true." His eyes met yours and he took a deep breath. "How's work," he questioned?
"Work is great," you smiled, "They put me in charge of the sales analysis team." If he spoke to your friend, you knew what was coming. He wasn't calling for small talk about work. As if on cue, you heard a set of keys in your door. Luke must have heard them too, he sat straighter in his chair and tried to tame his unruly hair.
"Hey dove," a deep mellow voice called, "Where are you?" You turned your head to the sound and smiled. Jae Beom appeared in the kitchen with two bags in his hands. "I knew you would have your nose in some report. I picked up your favorite take-out." He placed the bags on the counter and started looking for plates and utensils.
"So it is true," Luke spoke up, "This is him?"
Jae Beom spun quickly, he was surprised by another man's voice. He made his way to your side and tilted his head to the computer. He leaned close to your ear and whispered in Korean. "Who is this? Is he a colleague?" You cupped his face with your hand and kissed his lips softly.
"This is Luke," you replied in Korean. Jae Beom raised his eyebrows and glared at the screen. He knew the stories and hated this man without even knowing him. You squeezed his arm and assured him that this would be quick. He excused himself from the room but didn't go more than two steps from the threshold. He leaned against the wall just outside, intent to make sure this didn't get out of hand.
"You could have at least stuck to English," Luke scoffed, "That was rude." You rolled your eyes and laughed. "So that's your boyfriend, huh?"
"Not boyfriend," you corrected, "He's my fiancé." You flashed your ring to the camera. "He proposed last month." Luke chewed the inside of his mouth. He narrowed his eyes on you.
"I know you hate me," he started, "But you can't marry him. I made a mistake. I need you." Jae Beom heard these words and he almost charged in to break your laptop. Your voice stopped him before he made a mistake.
"You're kidding me right," you asked Luke, "Have you lost your mind?" You took a deep breath "I don't hate you," you paused, unbeknownst to you, both men stiffened, "I did, but not anymore." You tucked some stray hair behind your ear. "You hurt me so much, and with such ease. You took from me my self-worth and importance. I felt like I was nothing. After I left you, I was so broken and afraid of everything." You paused trying to find the right words.
Jae Beom closed his eyes and leaned his head on the wall again. He remembered when you were like that. He met you just a few months after you moved to Korea. You were so unsure of everything. It broke his heart to remember you like that.
"I had to pick myself back up and rebuild what you broke," you continued, "What I let you break. So, no, I don't hate you. I hate that I let you do it. That I wasn't strong enough to see that I was so much more." You looked in the direction Jae Beom left earlier. "You know," you smiled, "I should thank you. I thrived after you." You laughed again. "I can't even take all the credit for what I've become. Jae met me when I was broken and trying to piece it all back together." You smiled fondly, and little did you know so did Jae Beom. "He was patient, kind, thoughtful, and loving," you narrowed your eyes to the man on the screen, "Everything you weren't. He helped me without hesitation or expecting something in return. Because of you, I knew what love wasn't. Because of him, I know what it is."
Jae Beom's chest tightened. He wanted to run in and kiss you. You had become such a strong woman, and he loved you more each day.
"I was stupid," Luke admitted, "I should have been better with you. For you." He fiddled with his hands. "I just wanted to see if there was a chance for us again. I haven't found someone like you, ever. I miss you."
"I'm sorry, Luke," you said, "There is no us. There never was. It was only you and me. Never us. I'm going to marry Jae Beom, and there is nothing in this world that you can say to change my mind. I'm happier than I could ever imagine." Luke opened his mouth to object, but you cut him off. "Goodbye Luke," you said quickly, "I hope you find what you're looking for. With someone else, that is." You ended the call and closed the laptop. You crossed the room and finished grabbing the plates Jae Beom left behind.
"You can come back in," you called over your shoulder, "I know you're still there." You heard the soft footsteps approach you from behind, then the smell of sandalwood. You inhaled deeply and smiled. Jae Beom wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his head on your shoulder, placing feather-soft kisses on your neck.
"Are you ok," he asked, "That must have been a surprise." You hummed as you set the plate on the counter. Spinning in his arms, you let him push you against the counter. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in closer for a kiss on the lips. Then another on his nose.
"That was nothing," you said, "Just a bump in the road." Jae Beom pulled you closed and rested his forehead against yours. "I love you," you whispered, "So, so much." You rubbed your nose against him, giving a small giggle. "Are you hungry?" Jae Beom chuckled.
"I love you too, Dove," he murmured against your lips. He had your body pressed flush against his. His hands firmly gripped your hips. "Jump," he said firmly. Effortlessly, he guided you to sit on the counter in front of him. You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him closer. He slipped his hands under your shirt and rubbed small circles on your back.
"The food is getting cold," you giggled. He hummed as he pulled you in for a kiss again. He bit your lip between his teeth and growled. Your fingers tugged his hair and pulled his lips from yours. He had a mischievous glint in his eyes as he pulled you off the counter. You squealed and held on to him tighter.
"It'll be ok," he laughed, "We can warm it up later." He peppered you with kisses. "I have a craving for something much sweeter." You groaned at his innuendo and faked a look of annoyance. He tsked at you as he kicked the bedroom door closed. He laid back on the bed, leaving you straggling his waist. "If you're not interested, I can let you go." He crossed his arms behind his head with a smug smile.
"Shut up," you slapped his chest, "I'm not going anywhere. Ever."
"Good," he smiled, "I wasn't letting go any way."
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Hot Chocolate (Birthday/Christmas Special)
Summary: Levi is bound to spend this birthday on his own, seeing that you're halfway across the globe as an exchange uni student. What he doesn't know though is that you have planned a huge surprise for him. NSFW 18+
Notes: sorry for any mistake you guyss please enjoy this
Pairing: Levi/ Reader 
Tags: f l uff, nsfw
Warnings: nsfw, the sexies
Disclaimer: I do not own the gif, I simply found it on Pinterest.
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White heavy cream fell fluidly out of the carton it was stored, squeezed by Levi's calloused hand and into the small metallic pot that he rested his other hand onto. The mixture, an aromatic, dark brown hot chocolate, lightened in color upon a few stirs of his tool. Slowly with his hand he disposed of the empty carton in the recycling bin, making sure to wipe any stray droplet of white on the counter.
He blinked as his mind went blank, forgetting the next step of the recipe but only momentarily. His thoughts once again traveled to what troubled him, but he continued with his stirring in fear of burning the beverage he was set on making. With his teeth sinking dangerously at the tip of his tongue what he needed clicked in his head. Corn flour. A quorter of a cup.
He didn't bother tasting the mixture as he lowered the fire of the stove to the minimum, he simply marched to the corner built in cupboard, hands searching furiously for the porcelain vase that held this oh so precious corn flour that would act as the stabilizing factor to his hot chocolate beverage.
Seconds later he brought the fire to an halt absurdly, never ceasing with his stirring careful as to not have the mixture stick to the pot. He didn't like his chocolate adorned with burnt flakes or the taste they brought to his mouth neither did he like cleaning the burnt pot before having to pop it in the washing machine. As his hands reached for the cups he had set beside the stove beforehand to his alchemy, he helped the thick mixture in with a spoon.
The cups were immediately transfered inside the over; an attempt to keep them from any predatory fly that could have entered the apartment before Levi had a chance to realise and in addition keeping them sheltered as they reached a drinkable temperature. Levi threw the pot into the sink next, sighing to himself as he grabbed his thick latex gloves and out them on his hands. With a twist of his hand at the handle the watered started running on his gloves hands pot making him grab his steel wool.
His hand came to his forehead, wiping some sweat as he sighed again, hanging his head low as he gritted his teeth in frustration. His eyes squinted in anger, his hands dug into the inox of his sink and his heart sink dangerously low as he felt the room run cold due to the sun quickly setting behind the horizon.
Why had he made that chocolate, it beat him. The two of you hadn't spoken in at least two days and he liked -or rather chose- to blame it on your busy studying schedule, rather than the fight the two of you had over that call two nights ago. He had been to angry to admit he was acting like a brat to you, he had been too proud to simply say that he wanted your attention, instead he had resolved his anger into grumpiness, causing your overworked mind to snap.
You were gone as an exchange student in Japan for too long and both your busy schedules and the enormous time difference had dug their ways into Levi's life very negatively. Before you he had never lonely when he was alone, but now, now that he had gotten a taste of what it was to be with you, now that you had been ripped away from him from so long, he definitely felt lonely. And angry. And it killed him that he was almost on time for your arranged video chat, when you didn't even show any sign of being in existence still.
It made his boil though, by now, it must have been the 26th in Japan and you had spent your day ignoring him, not even bothering to open his message. Had he been so cruel to you while admitting he wanted you here with him? Was it that you didn't have enough decency to let him you know you were alright? That was what he simply wanted to know, in the end.
Sighing again he ripped the gloves off his hands and grabbed his phone. His fingertip touching the button provided him immediate access to his homescreen and he quickly entered Instagram dragging the homepage down a couple of times to let it load any new activity. Internally he knew, he would have been glad if he was to see a story or a post by you, any sign that you were alright would do for him.
Of course, as if on cue to shake him of his miserable thoughts his phone rang, buzzing in his palm. His eyes fell on the small window the revealed the caller id to him. It was Erwin, naturally, as he always used to shower him with phone calls on his birthday even up until the moment he was at his front door. Levi didn't missed out on those signs of affection, it's was quite the opposite really. He cherished them deeply. Seeing how much of an impact he had on his friends' lives moved him whether he showed it or not.
And so, while holding back his saddened sigh he picked up the phone, greeting his friend through greeted teeth.
"Hey Levi, uhm, I kind of need you at the moment, am I interrupting anything?"
"No," Levi spoke, biting painfully on the inside of his cheek in an attempt to hold himself back from sprinting out on his frustration. Of course Erwin could try and hide behind his finger, Levi knew that much. The blond was aware he wasn't interrupting anything, but he was still kind enough to ask; he always was sappily kind when it came to such sensitive subjects.
"Great look, I'm on route twenty two, fifth exit, I'm out of gas can you please come to my rescue and bring me some?" Erwin paused for a moment and then proceeded to mumble through an overly amused breath "I'm sorry I'm doing this to you tonight."
"Did you take your father's run down car again?" Levi questioned.
"No... yes. I'm sorry Levi I felt like I wanted to drive his car tonight. I shouldn't have to drag you here too, I'm sorry."
"No it's fine," Levi bit back, hissing at Erwin's unhealthy habit of wanting to drive his father's antique due to its sentimental worth. But then again, he reminded himself he wasn't in a place to judge. "Give me 15 and I'll be there."
Fidgeting his fingers on the counter without throwing a second look he came in contact with his car keys. The familiar jiggling sound gritted through the air proudly as Levi pierced his finger inside the key loop, finally pressing the keys steady to his palm. With another grunt, he hang up the phone, bringing the device to the palm of his hand once again.
His mind begged him to open his texts with you again -his initial goal ever since the moment he opened his phone- just to stare at the screen or at his unopened text, his insides begged to boil with concern at the process but he figured had all night to do so, prolonging his misery could definitely wait now that Erwin was in need. And thus he simply marched to the hanger behind his front door, eager much to quickly get a hold of his warmest jacket before having to step out in the cold apartment corridor and consequentially outside in the cold December weather.
___
You forced Hange to suppress her giggles as you slipped the metallic key inside the lock to your shared apartment with Levi. With an exaggerated jump though Hange let out another scream fill the air, ignoring yet another playful rasped gaze you consequentially threw her. Laughter bubbled from the both of you as you kept on locking eyes, amused by the upcoming execution of your plan.
The plan was simple really. You had Erwin call Levi for any emergency he could come up with and only when he left the house you and Hange would sneak in, light up the aromatic candles you spent weeks picking. You would make some hot buttered rum and light the fireplace to warm up the house. Then, Hange would leave right when Erwin would call you to announce that Levi was on his way back and you'd wait for him with the biggest smile on your face.
"Okay now let's see how much time we have." You said and rubbed your hands together to warm them up. Leaning with one hand over the wall you moved the heel of your left foot on top of your right one, pressing down enough so you could wiggle your foot out of the shoe. Doing the same for your other foot, you removed your jacket and hung it behind the door.
"Erwin said it will take Levi about twenty minutes to get to him, they shall spend about ten to fifteen minutes fueling his car, but he promised he'd try his best to delay Levi if we need to. And then add another ten minutes for him to get back." Hange spoke, fixing her glasses onto her nose.
"You think I have enough time to take a bath?"
Making sure to slip her shoes off after you, Hange nodded in your direction and proceeded to set her heavy backpack on the couch. One by one she took the candles and a lighter out, eventually smirking to herself as she tried to come up with a plan on how to neatly set them around the living room.
"Hange!" Can you put those in the bedroom?" You spoke, ripping your shirt off of you before your finger came to graze the side of your mouth as your mind sunk in your thoughts.
"Ha!" Hange huffed "as if you're even going to make it to the bedroom!"
Your cheeks burned as she spoke, eyes widening slightly at how your mind told you she was completely right. Of course you and Levi wouldn't make it to the bedroom at least until later tonight. It had been months since you had last seen him and it was his birthday, you wouldn't even be able to rip yourself off of his arms. Thus you simply threw a mellow smile at Hange as you sprint to the kitchen checking to see if you had all the ingredients you'd need to make your choice of drink.
Coincidentally, you opened the oven and your eyes immediately fell on what was inside. Your expression softened as two grey toned cups shone in your orbs, the smell they emitted deliciously filling your nostrils. You smiled to your self as you thought about how your lover didn't miss out on making your traditional Christmas drink.
It was unbelievable how kind hearted Levi was, in contrary to what people thought of him, you thought. Most of the times -and simply because he didn't allow otherwise- the only thing people who weren't close to him saw was a cold demeanor, a sharp tongue and a foul mouth. It all would be too ironic if they knew how Levi was behind closed doors. Taking notice of small everyday details, sticking to his beloved routine, cherishing moments with his loved ones, remembering everything most people would ignore about others and showing his love in the sweetest yet most Levi way were only a few of his virtues.
Of course he wouldn't miss on making your favorite strawberry scented thick hot chocolate, even if you had spent the last few days not speaking to him, even if as of now he remained ignorant as to why. You assumed he believe it was about that ridiculous fight and you could admit you purposefully riled him just enough for him not to expect to see you. You were sure, seeing he had shown a previous liking in surprises like this, that his jaw would hit the floor when he'd see you.
Guilt rushed through you at the thought of you making him feel miserable even in the slightest, but Hange couldn't just have you standing there, sulking in your anxiety over how things had led up to this moment. If you wanted to make it in time for when Levi came home you'd have to rush. Hange insisted on shooing you out of the kitchen and into the bathroom, urging you to act fast, before Levi came. Sensing she was right, you settled for running to retrieve a new pair of underwear and a clean towel before jumping in the shower.
Stretching your arms to close the curtain behind you as you stepped on the white marble tiles you twisted the faucet handle to the right, letting a deep sigh escape from the depths of your chest as the hot water started running.
___
The sound of keys jiggling together filled what should have been an empty apartment, making Levi's arrival known only to you who stood inside the kitchen. He stepped inside a few seconds later, ripping his shoes off of his feet before slipping into his fuzzy slippers.
His hands immediately reached for the wipes and rubbing alcohol he kept on a stand right next to the door, silently grabbing a wipe and coating it in the strong smelling disinfectant before bringing it to his phone and keys. He spent a good minute cleaning the items meticulously only stopping when he felt satisfied to set them on the stand. He took a step to turn around with his goal to walk to the kitchen and heat up his got chocolate. Judging by the time he could still try to reach out to you before the day ended.
With a quick glance around the room, though he found himself freezing in his spot.
"Great, now I'm so shit mad I'm seeing fucking things." Levi announced -seemingly only to his own self- the moment he laid his gray orbs upon you.
"No Levi, you're not seeing things baby."
Standing up for your seat on the kitchen table you shot him an adorning look; your eyes squinted and your cheeks puffed up, coated in a sheer scarlett color. You silently watched as his eyes grew impossibly wide, flickering between you and each lit candle that showered the room in plenty of romantic golden light.
His legs were slightly trembling, his knees going weak at the sudden need to intake all of what was unraveling before him, but with his heart hammering in his whole body he only managed to part his lips before even beginning to thing if what to utter.
"Merry Christmas and happy birthday my Vee." You smiled again, mouthing the tooth rotting sweet nickname as you walked to him with open arms and a longing look on your face.
He wasted no time, even if his head was starting to buzz in confusion and uncertainty, he bucked in his stand before sprinting towards you. His hands quickly wrapped under your bum, lifting you up on him while prompting you to wrap your legs around his waist. With painfully squinted eyes his nose nuzzled up between your neck and your chest, inhaling your magnetising aura sharply as he span you around. You wrapped your arms around him tightly, embracing his head in a loving manner as you couldn't supress your bubbling giggles.
His strong grip on you wasn't ceasing, not even for a moment as he began mouthing his questions; he didn't even care that his voice was muffled by your own form.
"How- I mean when?" He spoke and only hugged you tigher onto him.
"Well, you thought I'd ever miss this day?" You placed a kiss on the top of his hairline. "I was supposed to be here days ago but my flight got delayed, so Erwin and and Hange came up with this surprise plan."
Levi's hands loosened their grip on you slowly was you tried to slide down his body carefully; this breathtaking moment could only ever last for so long, Levi figured as he set you down. Kissing you was the next task he assigned to himself, but it could only happen after he got a good look at your face.
God, he had missed you so much.
So many months had passed since the last time he had been graced with seeing you this close to him and in the moment what he was witnessing almost felt too unreal. Your tender eyes looked into his with adoration and warmth, your chest dwelled with tainted breaths as your hands slowly came to cup his sharp face.
"I'm sorry I wasn't responding at all, I really had to leave to go to the airport after that silly fight we had, I couldn't just tell you I was coming." You said and placed a kiss on the tip of his nose. "Although I was really temped to."
Levi wrapped his arms around you again and hugged you to his chest- this time he missed on levitating you if the ground, even more fiercely than he had done before. He simply huffed in amusement in the crook of your neck, mouthing a sole 'thank you' against you.
The next kiss you shared was maniac and passionate in nature. His lips didn't just graze over yours, the engulfed them. He sucked onto your tender flesh as if his life depended on it and you couldn't get enough. You found yourself grabbing his shirt, then running your hands through the short spiky hair of his undercut.
His slick hands cupped your own face as he pulled back only to catch his breath for a moment.
"I've missed you much I can't even be patient to talk with you."
"Me too" you announced, a hazed look masking your face.
You took a few leading steps to the couch, careful not to disturb the candles in the corners of the coffee table that before it, much afraid of setting everything on fire in your despairate state to have him. Your mouth launched feverishly onto his as you threw him onto the gray sofa.
Levi didn't fight it, not even for a moment. His tongue shoved inside your mouth, rolling around yours, slurping and cherishing each corner of your mouth as he took small intakes of breath through his nose from time to time. His tender hands loosened their grip on the sides of your face, the action eliciting a small whine from your occupied mouth but to was quickly gulped down by the movement of his lips that came to suck on your tongue.
You felt his fingertips travel down your clothed body, skillfully sinking underneath your shirt before restlessly traveling back up taking the cloth away with them. You only broke away from each other for a singular moment, breaths hitching and tinting the air around you, so much that you could almost ignore the way your heart sped it's throbbing in your ears. His hips bucked longingly int you from underneath, the friction already driving you crazy.
As his hands shoved longingly inside your pants you let another moan slip from the depths of your throat, though it was guickly muffled by your lover's mouth attaching on yours , making you melt into him. You felt his fingers graze ever so slightly over your still clothed crotch, painfully flicking their way through your flesh.
Roughly, he pulled back, detaching his want body away from yours while fixing his gray eyes into you. He didn't bother speaking as he tagged at the sides of his shirt, ripping the article of clothing away from him in such quick movements, as if it was the only thing getting in his way from getting close to you.
With hanger widening his eyes he stared at you again, prompting you to put your hands into him, to feel him all the while he run his hands into your form. He failed in exploring your body as he had wished though, with a shagged breath he only managed to bring you close, in a proximity that didn't even allow a kiss to be exchanged. You simply nuzzled into the crook of his bare neck, rubbing the tip of your nose in calm circles against him as you breathed hot huffs of air onto his skin.
His back was still so muscular and ripped despite his skin being so overly smooth under your tender touch, the more small trails you rubbed over him the more he sighed in greed and over exaggerated longing. Licking his lips with a constipated look on his face, he placed a tender kiss on your collarbone before traveling back up, just to teasingly rub his bottom lip over yours.
Breaking the kiss you grabbed his hand, bringing his palm close you your face. You teasingly picked his pointer finger, making sure to scratch the inside of his hand with your nails as you brought the digit to your mouth. His mouth, running ahead of his own desire to stay quiet, blurted lewd moans at your soft suckling and with all blood boiling in his body he was unable to even think about chocking down on his sounds.
He was on his back before he even knew it. It seemed like squirming was the way to go now, right underneath you as you placed kisses all over his chest and torso. With slow hands you reached for his pants, fidgeting with his zipper and buttons before wiggling your arms inside the dark denim.
Quickly, any remaining article of clothing was discharged thrown anywhere on the floor; you could worry about that later but right now you couldn't seem to be able to pay attention on anything else than each other. You had missed him, he had missed you, there was only so much that the two of you could process momentarily.
It was the high of the moment mixed with your scent that pulled him even even more as you craddled him to your chest while never ceasing the bobbing of your hips. The kisses that he sucked in you, sped up the beating of your heart against his as soft skin mingled with your own. Even that was painful to him, the extend to which he had missed you didn't leave any space for him to pull just an inch away from you, as if he wouldn't ever be able to get enough.
"My Levi, I've missed you so much." You spoke with hitched breaths, lips grazing his earlobe ever so slightly.
Levi allowed him self to eventually grunt in response letting harsh huffs of air through his nostrils while trying to guide your hips to an alt.
"Keep talking like that and I'm not going to last." He spoke, his fingering digging into your thighs to put an halt to your movements.
It didn't work -he should have known it wouldn't work- because you only slid down on him longingly and fast, sending his mind in the familiar pre orgasmic haze he so wished to momentarily be freed from.
"Who said," you paused only for another tainted moan to slip outside your lips "I want you to last?" You placed a kiss on the skin behind his ear, careful not to suck and create any loud noise that close to his eardrum.
Levi only threw his head back, his hips starting to work onto a hard, quick rhythm against you. He trembled under your words and every deep thrust, every feel of your insides on his throbbing length was only contributing to the build up in his abdomen.
He hair, sweaty as it was, stuck on his forehead as it dripped, but you paid no mind in his salty taste as you kissed your way all over his forehead and cheeks, nose and jawline, trailing your tongue on any sharp edge of him.
Your legs were shaking now and much to your best wishes you struggled with your thrusting onto him. You only managed to gyrate your hips, earning another moan of him as you ceased your movements, sweat dripping off of your own forehead as if mimicking his antics.
His hands nearly slipped from your thighs as wet as they were but he managed to get the message you were trying to convey; with jaded breaths he started thrusting maniacally from underneath you, damaging through you as pleasure dueled in both your bodies.
Yearning splashed all over his face and his grunts only got louder. Your foreheads collided as you cupped his face, noses nuzzling up, eyes staring deep into eachother.
Gentle. His ultimate indulge into you was gentle and earth shattering at the same time. His veins popped in white hot pleasure and his chest boiled with numerous erotic moans as his abdomen screamed throughout him, leaving him with barely enough time to mechanically reach just to pull out. His head hung low onto your collarbone while his head throbbed, unable to come down from his high just yet. He couldn't even move his eyes to see you, although he knew by listening to your panted breaths that you were in the same position as him.
Pushing him back to lay down on the couch, you kissed all over his face for the thousandth time tonight.
"I'd never ever miss this important day, you know." You smiled, pressing your lips to the tip of his nose.
"It's not that special, brat" he spoke shyly as he cooed into your face rubbing his upper lip to your cheek. You recognised the action; it was a habit of his to coo in such way, any overly soft thing grazing his top lip indulged him in endless calmness and you hummed to yourself in amusement to the feeling.
"I missed you."
"I know. You said that." He huffed, his lips puckering to hide the playful demeanor behind his next words. "But I don't think I heard it right, mind repeating it?" His fingers trapped your nose between them and swayed your head from side to side before moving to your naked back to press you closer to him him once again.
"You're such a tease. I love you Levi."
"I love you too," He blurred with eyes that burned into yours and proceeded to place a sweet kiss onto your sweat drenched hair "so much, you brat."
Taglist go off: @ackermans-freedom-inc @hawkssnugget @berrijam @levisbrat25 @nobody-knows-anymore @callmepromise
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