#i'm so excited for the next stage ngl

[the-saucy-wave-equation]

omg i'm crying, the postdoc i work with just told me that he wished that i had been his phd supervisor because not only do i discuss science with him, but i tell him how to improve and be better and that he's excited for me to become a supervisor and mentor so many people 😭😭😭

[ducktoo]

Syncing Dream [Aespa x M!Reader]

30. End of the Tour

Note: end of Arc 4 is here! One of my fav chapters ngl. Also 🦈anon, hope this arc was fun for u!

Masterlist here

The lights dimmed, and the atmosphere buzzed with excitement as the final concert of aespa's international tour reached its emotional high point. The LA venue was packed with thousands of fans, their cheers echoing off the walls as the group stood on stage, soaking in the moment. It was a monumental day—not just for aespa but for everyone involved in making this tour a global success.

“Thank you so much!” Karina’s voice echoed across the massive venue. “This tour has been a dream come true, and it wouldn’t have been possible without your love and support!”

The other members added their thanks, but the biggest surprise came when the lights dimmed, and a large screen flickered on behind them. The girls turned around, confused at first, but quickly realized what was happening when the familiar faces of their team began to appear on screen.

The video started with clips from rehearsals, behind-the-scenes moments, and heartfelt messages from the production crew. The girls watched with wide smiles as their stylists, makeup artists, choreographers, and even the catering staff took turns congratulating them. The atmosphere backstage was filled with a mixture of excitement and sentimentality.

Then, the teasing started.

Jihoon, one of the managers who had helped Y/n during the tour, appeared on screen with a grin. “Congrats on the successful tour, aespa! And to Y/n… man, I still can’t believe you survived that viral Supernova dance. Legendary.”

Another manager, Joon, chuckled as his clip played. “Y/n, you’re one strong and brave guy. I heard fans are still talking about your dance cover. Better watch out—they might ask for an encore!”

Minji's turn was no less short of teasing her junior. "Congrats, my junior aespa! And I'm glad you have one heck of a guy to take care of you all!"

Y/n, watching from backstage, was already starting to feel the heat rise to his cheeks. He groaned and rubbed his face, knowing exactly what was coming next.

The final clip appeared, and sure enough, it was Y/n’s turn.

Y/n’s face appeared on the screen, and the audience erupted into laughter and cheers. He wasn’t on stage, but the entire arena felt his presence through that screen. The video began with him nervously rubbing the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable in front of the camera.

“Uh, hey,” Y/n started awkwardly, glancing away from the camera for a moment. “I wasn’t expecting to be included in this video, but I guess it’s happening… so here we go.”

The crowd’s laughter intensified, and Y/n’s video was only beginning.

“So, I just wanted to say congratulations to the idi- I mean, aespa. You girls have worked incredibly hard—like, seriously, harder than anyone I know. You’ve been amazing this entire tour, and I’m so proud to have been part of this journey with you.”

As he spoke, a short montage of clips featuring Y/n played on the screen. There was footage of him frantically managing logistics, goofing off with the group during rehearsals, and—of course—his now-famous viral dance cover of the Supernova dance break. The camera had finally caught him sneaking into an empty practice room, trying out the choreography, only for Ningning to catch him in the act and film the whole thing.

Y/n’s face on screen turned beet red as the audience erupted into more laughter at the dance clip.

“Okay, this part—” Y/n’s voiceover interrupted the dance clip, “—I wasn’t supposed to go viral, but thanks to our maknae Ning, the whole internet knows about it now. And, uh, yeah, I’m still alive… barely.”

The clip switched back to him, and Y/n was visibly flustered. “So, congrats again, aespa. You deserve all the success you’ve achieved, and here’s to many more moments like this—preferably without me becoming more viral than you guys.”

The screen faded to black, but not before showing one last shot of Y/n attempting to crawl under a table backstage, clearly wishing he could disappear after all the attention he had received.

The entire venue erupted into laughter and cheers once again, and even aespa couldn’t stop giggling. Winter was doubled over, clutching her stomach as she tried to catch her breath. Karina wiped tears from her eyes, still laughing.

“Oh my god,” Winter wheezed, barely able to stand straight. “I’m never letting this idiot live this down.”

Karina nodded, playfully wiping her eyes. “Y/n, you’re a legend now.”

Backstage, Y/n was leaning against a wall, watching the screen from afar. His face was flushed with embarrassment, and all he wanted to do was dig a hole and hide in it. He could hear the crowd’s laughter from where he stood, and it only made things worse.

“Why did they have to show that video?” he muttered to himself, running a hand through his hair. “I’m never going to hear the end of this.”

-

After the concert, the group gathered backstage for some celebratory snacks. The energy was still high, but now the girls were riding the wave of their triumph. They sat around, laughing and chatting about the show while the staff and other available SM groups came in to congratulate them.

Y/n sat in the corner, trying to keep a low profile after the video fiasco, but that didn’t last long. Karina spotted him and made a beeline straight toward him, dragging Winter and Giselle with her.

“You thought you could hide?” Karina teased, nudging him with her elbow. “Nice try.”

“Please,” Y/n groaned, covering his face with his hands. “I’ve had enough teasing for a lifetime.”

Giselle grinned and crossed her arms. “Oh, no, no. You’re part of us for a long time now. You’re never going to live this down.”

Winter giggled, sitting down beside him. “You’re famous. Own it.”

Y/n let out a long sigh, peeking out from between his fingers. “Can we just pretend the whole Supernova thing never happened?”

“Not a chance,” Winter replied with a mischievous smile. “In fact, I think we should make a new challenge for the next comeback. Armageddon Y/n full dance cover, anyone?”

“Yeah!” Giselle chimed in. “We’ll film you this time too.”

Y/n groaned again, but he couldn’t help but smile. As embarrassing as it all was, he couldn’t deny how much he’d come to love the chaos. The teasing, the laughter, the bond—it was all part of the journey.

-

The plane ride back to Seoul was quiet, the hum of the engines the only real noise in the cabin. Y/n sat in his seat, eyelids heavy from the whirlwind of the last few days. After their final world tour concert, the team had celebrated, laughed, and finally packed up for home.

Of course on their business seats, he glanced around—Karina was fast asleep, head leaning against the window, while Ningning was out cold under a blanket. Giselle was watching something on her tablet with headphones in, and Winter, sitting next to Y/n, was idly scrolling through her phone.

Y/n rubbed his face, letting out a yawn. "Finally", he thought. "I can get some proper sleep." The tour had been a massive success, but the constant planning, logistics, and running around had left him mentally and physically drained.

-

The moment the plane touched down, Y/n was ready to collapse. As the group disembarked, the girls chatted about how excited they were to go home, grab some rest, and eat their favorite foods.

“You okay, Y/n? You look like you’re about to pass out,” Giselle teased as they walked through the airport, dodging the early morning paparazzi and a few lingering fans.

“I’m good,” Y/n muttered, waving her off. “Just looking forward to sleeping for a week.”

Winter, who had been quietly observing, snickered. “You deserve it. But, you know, we might have a surprise for you, idiot.”

Y/n shot her a tired, suspicious glance. “A surprise? Please tell me it’s not more work.”

Winter just gave him a mischievous smile, remembering a crucial info from Sora back then. “You’ll see.”

-

Back at the dorm, Y/n barely had time to kick off his shoes before collapsing onto his bed. He didn’t even bother to change, just falling face-first into the pillows. "Sleep", he thought. "That’s all I need."

Meanwhile, the girls were bustling around in the living room, whispering to each other.

“So,” Karina began, keeping her voice low, “we’ve been talking, and we think we should get Y/n a gift. He’s been working non-stop for us, and I feel like he hasn’t taken a break this whole tour.”

Ningning nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, let’s do something nice for him! We could get him something he’d actually use. Maybe new sneakers? Or a watch?”

Giselle chimed in, “A gift card for a spa day, maybe? He needs to relax.”

But Winter remained quiet, her gaze drifting toward the closed door of Y/n’s room. After a moment, she smirked, an idea forming in her mind.

“Or,” she began, crossing her arms, “we could skip all that and give him something… a little more personal.”

The other members turned to her with raised eyebrows. Karina’s eyes narrowed. “What are you plotting?”

Winter shrugged, pretending to be casual. “I mean… why waste money on stuff? I’ll be the gift.”

Ningning nearly choked on her laughter. “You? The gift?”

“Hey, I think he’d appreciate it,” Winter said, her voice playful but with a hint of seriousness.

Karina blinked. “Wait, you’re actually serious.”

Winter simply grinned. “You’ll see.”

-

A few hours later, Y/n was woken up by a knock on his door. Groaning, he glanced at his phone—he had only been asleep for a couple of hours.

"What now?"

“Y/n, can I come in?” It was Winter’s voice, soft and sweet, but with a hint of something… else.

Y/n sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Yeah, sure.”

Winter slipped into the room, quietly closing the door behind her. She leaned against it for a moment, eyeing Y/n with a smirk.

“You okay?” he asked, feeling a bit uneasy under her gaze. “Something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Winter said, pushing herself off the door and walking over to him. She stood over his bed, her smile turning a little mischievous. “I just wanted to… thank you.”

"…Jeong, if you break something just say it. I won't be mad." Y/n raised an eyebrow.

"Aish, I'm being serious. Representing aespa, just wanna thank you."

“…For what?”

“For everything. The tour, the hard work, the way you always look out for us.” She was closer now, standing right in front of him, her presence making Y/n’s heart race for some reason. “You’ve been amazing, and I thought you deserved something special.”

Before Y/n could respond, Winter suddenly placed her hands on either side of his head, pinning him against the wall . Y/n’s eyes widened, his heart nearly stopping at the sudden move. It has been something Y/n subconsciously dreamed of but never brought it up to the surface. He was definitely not ready for this.

Winter was dangerously close, her face mere inches from his.

“Uh… Jeong?” Y/n stammered, his mind racing. “What are you—”

“Shhh,” Winter whispered, leaning in closer. “I told you, I’m the gift. And you deserve it.”

Y/n’s brain was practically short-circuiting. This was Winter, the same Winter who usually teased him and gave him a hard time. But now, here she was, pulling a move straight out of a drama.

Did she put on perfume? Why did she smell so good?

And then, before he could say another word, Winter closed the gap, pressing her lips softly against his. It was quick, barely a second, but enough to make Y/n’s entire body freeze in place.

When she pulled away, Winter’s smirk returned, but there was a softness in her eyes now. “Surprise,” she said, her voice low.

Y/n, completely stunned, could only blink at her. “W-What was that?”

Winter stepped back, crossing her arms with a satisfied grin. “That was my way of thanking you. Consider it a bonus for all your hard work.”

Before Y/n could open his mouth to respond, the door suddenly burst open, and the rest of the girls piled in, laughing and clapping.

“Winter! I can’t believe you actually did it!” Giselle giggled, practically doubled over.

Karina was grinning from ear to ear. “You’re so bold, Winter! I thought you were joking!”

Ningning shook her head, snickering. “That was legendary.”

As the laughter died down, Y/n leaned back against the wall, still trying to process everything. His face was warm, either from the embarrassment or the relentless teasing. Maybe both. He looked over at Winter, who was now sitting on the edge of his bed, casually leaning back with a satisfied smile.

"You guys…," Y/n started, shaking his head, "this was a prank, wasn’t it? The whole ‘Minjeong being the gift’ thing?"

Ningning couldn’t help but snicker. "Of course! You really thought Winter would just do something like that out of nowhere?"

Karina grinned, clapping Y/n on the shoulder. "Come on, you know we love messing with you. We all pitched in for this. Consider it payback for all the chaos you've survived."

Giselle added with a laugh, "You should’ve seen your face. You were so flustered!"

Y/n sighed, rubbing his temples, trying to hide the sting of disappointment in his chest. "Of course it was a prank. I should’ve known." He laughed lightly, but it was clear the whole thing had gotten to him a bit more than he expected. "It does make me feel better, so thanks about that, but I don't realllly like using something like that as a prank…"

But before anyone could pile on more jokes, Winter abruptly stood up from the bed, her smile fading into something more serious. The teasing atmosphere in the room shifted slightly as she looked at Y/n.

“Ya, it wasn’t a prank,” Winter said firmly, her voice cutting through the laughter. The other girls exchanged glances, surprised by her sudden change in tone.

Y/n blinked, confused. “Wait, what?”

Winter crossed her arms, standing tall despite the redness creeping up her neck. “I mean, yeah, the girls might’ve thought it was a prank, but I wasn’t kidding. I planned it… and I meant it.”

The room fell quiet for a moment as Winter’s words hung in the air. Karina, Ningning, and Giselle looked at Winter, wide-eyed, before they exchanged knowing looks and slowly backed away, giving her space.

Y/n, still trying to understand, looked at Winter, speechless. "Jeong, you’re… serious?"

Winter bit her lip and gave a small nod. “Yeah, I am.” Her eyes softened, and for the first time that night, she looked a bit nervous. "I just wanted to… thank you in my own way. You’ve been there for us, more than you probably realize, and… well, I don’t always know how to show that. So yeah, that’s why I did it."

She held Y/n’s gaze for a moment before the tension became too much for her. Winter quickly glanced away, her tough exterior cracking as her cheeks flushed. “Anyway… I’m heading to bed.” She cleared her throat, retreating toward the door. “Goodnight. You worked hard, idiot.”

And with that, Winter left the room, disappearing into the hallway without another word. The remaining members watched her go, a mix of surprise and amusement on their faces. Ningning was the first to break the silence, shaking her head with a smirk.

“Well… that escalated quickly,” she muttered.

Giselle elbowed Karina, grinning. “I knew Winter was bold, but I didn’t know she was that bold.”

Karina chuckled. “Honestly, neither did I. Guess we can expect a nephew next year.”

Y/n, still processing Winter’s unexpected confession, sat there in stunned silence. His heart was racing, and his mind was replaying Winter’s words over and over. The girls, noticing his dazed expression, started to smirk knowingly.

“Well, looks like you’ve got something to think about,” Karina teased, giving Y/n a playful nudge.

Ningning laughed. “Or maybe someone to talk to later.”

Giselle winked. “Good luck with that.”

Y/n sighed, feeling a mix of confusion, amusement, and something else he couldn’t quite put into words. “You guys are never going to let this go, are you?”

Karina grinned. “Not a chance.”

As the girls filed out of the room, Y/n leaned back against his pillows, staring up at the ceiling. He couldn’t shake the image of Winter’s serious expression, the way her voice softened when she said she meant it.

"Maybe it wasn’t a prank after all."

And with that thought lingering in his mind, Y/n let out a deep breath, wondering what was going to happen next. For now, all he could do was smile, because whether it was chaos, pranks, or something a little more serious, life with aespa never failed to surprise him.

But first, sleep is king.

[soubeomies]

୨୧ "PARIS IN THE RAIN"

⤷ PAIRING﹕ idol!leehan x idol!fem!reader

⤷ WARNINGS ﹕smooching >3<

⤷ GENRE﹕angst + fluff

⤷ WC﹕741

⤷ AUTHOR'S NOTE﹕im so inlove with him i'd KILL to be a fish in his fishtank ngl like yes king look at me all day <3__<3

⤷ SYNOPSIS ﹕leehan had been paying less attention to you, and more to his new fishtank.

NOW PLAYING..

paris in the rain ♡ lauv

you arrived back home after a long day of dance practice for your new comeback– you loved your job. you loved performing for people on stage, and just giving it all your best. though, you couldn't help but admit that it was tiring. days of staying up late figuring out how to hit the perfect note for the song, late nights of just worrying if the comeback will go well. but, you were always oh-so-excited to come home to your beloved boyfriend, leehan.

lately he had started a new fish tank with a new species of fish he’s never had before, ocellaris clownfish. the name of the fish had been basically tattooed into your brain since was talking non stop about the new fish and fish tank. he spent countless hours sitting in front of the set up, making sure everything was going okay.

you were somewhat upset, he had started to become more and more distant ever since he started to work on this new stupid tank. it felt.. stupid. being upset over your boyfriend and his obsession with fish, you always tried to talk to him but you were worried that you’d disturb him. he looked too concentrated and serious about making the fish tank perfect, and you didn't want to make him upset.

“leehan, i’m home..” you said as you were greeted with complete silence. he was again, sitting infront of his fish tank. quiet as ever, in his own little world. you walked up to him as you took off your jacket, “hello? earth to leehan!” you said as you waved your hand in front of his face, snapping him out of his trance.

“.. y/n. can you not? i'm trying to see if the water will clear up.. if not i'll have to restart this whole tank.” he muttered as he quite literally shoved your hand away from his line of sight. his voice was low and serious, seriously? you thought to yourself. he's becoming all cold and serious just because of a stupid little fish tank.. 

you sighed as you stood next to him, “please? you’ve been so busy working on it. can you take a break? for us?” you were pleading at this point, you needed him to pay attention to you now, all you needed was to cuddle up into his arms while the both of you doze off to sleep peacefully. but you guess not, since.. well.. he’d rather fall asleep in front of his fish tank.

“y/n, i don't have time for that. i need to go to dance practice tomorrow so i have to use my free time to get this done.” he said sternly, he sighed as he muttered to himself again. “i think i have to restart this entire tank.. ugh.” 

your heart dropped at his words, does that mean he’ll spend less time with you? you thought to yourself. he got up to grab stuff for the tank as you stopped him in his tracks, instinctively wrapping your arms around his body as you held him tight. he paused as he finally looked at you, your tired eyes and your sluggish body language.

he hadn't realized how much you needed him right now, and yet he was simply just shrugging you off over some stupid fish.. he felt his shirt get soaked with your tears as you pressed your face against his shirt. his heart basically got caught up in his throat as he realized how much it hurt you, whilst mentally beating himself up about it.. he naturally wrapped his strong hands around you as he held you tighter, “bub i'm sorry..” he said as he brought up one of his hands to your head, gently running his soft fingers through your hair. offering some sort of comfort.

“can we spend some time together, please?” you say in between sobs, looking up at him, teary-eyed. he brought his thumb to your cheek as he wiped away your tears lovingly. “yes baby, yes. i'm sorry for being so cold, i swear i didn't mean it. i–i got so caught up..” he says, a tinge of guilt evident in his voice. his fingers gently caressing your cheek tracing soft and delicate movements. he tilted your head upwards to face him, he pressed his plush lips against yours, savouring the taste of your sweet lips with his cherry flavoured lips 

“i might not deserve you, but there's nothing better.”

[polydeuces]

ＳＭＳ: ｓｅｘ， ｍｏｎｅｙ， ｓｏｌｕｔｉｏｎｓ

pair: alex turner x fem! reader

summary: alex turner and reader hit the stage together in la, sparking fan frenzy and speculation about their chemistry. as they tease future collaborations, fans eagerly await what's next for this dynamic duo.

requests are open!

arcticmonkeys

liked by casualmusicfan, and 674,392 others

arcticmonkeys: Another unforgettable night in LA. Amazing crowd. We got to share the stage with this incredible talent itsy/n, who killed it tonight! Can't wait to do it again.

view all comments

itsy/n: Thanks, guys! I had a blast ! Can't wait for our next show together. 😉

casualmusicfan: OMG, my two favorite musicians on stage together! This is like a dream come true! You both were amazing I am so shocked wow!!

alexlover: we all saw the videos and pics, yall have so much chemistry its electric

ynswife: please tell me there's more coming! pleasee

mybabyyn: I'm getting major rockstar power couple vibes here. hmm?

amdaily: loved the show tonight! you guys bring so much energy to the stage. when y/n came out i think i almost blacked out. i was in the front row, and it was insane!

itsyn: You're all amazing! Your energy tonight was off the charts. Stayed tuned for more shows and maybe even a little something special from us in the near future..

itsy/n

liked by ben_chappell_, arcticmonkeys, and others

itsy/n: Last night's show was electric ⚡️ ! Performing with arcticmonkeys was a wild experience. Here's a sneak peek of our backstage-ness. We might have a little something in the works... Stay tuned.

view all comments

cornerstonefan: Are you two working on something new or not? The suspense is killing me! 😩

fluorescentave: backstage with alex? wow, i’d love to be a fly on the wall for that

tranquilityechoes: Is it just me, or do they seem like they are more than just collab partners?? I smell a collaboration AND a relationship brewing

ben_chappell_: you bring out the best in the band! amazing show, y/n.

alexturnerupdates

liked by amalways, guitardreams, and 3,000 others

alexturnerupdates: Okay, I'm calling it! Officially breaking the news! Alex Turner and Y/n L/n are definitely more than just friends. Have you seen how they with each other? 😍 The chemistry is off the charts! If you need proof, just check out their latest Instagram posts. So what do you think? Are they the new rock power couple?

view all comments

amalways: Totally agree! I've been noticing it for a while now. They would make the perfect couple!

insiderfan: The way they interact on stage and off is too cute. I ship them so hard! Please let this be true! That kiss pic has to be realll!

y/nlovesme: ngl if they're together, they might just be the hottest couple in music right now..

guitatdreams: finally, someone said it! ive been suspecting this for months. they better confirm it.

arcticmonkeys1: think they look great together! They have such a fun energy. I'm here for it! 💖"

Famous Musician and Arctic Monkeys Singer Rumored to Be Dating

article by saturn , 2024.

Famous musician and 14x grammy winner, Y/n L/n, and Arctic Monkeys singer, Alex Turner, are reportedly dating, according to multiple sources. The rumors began to swirl after the two were spotted together at the studio and at several dinners. Y/n L/n, who bears a striking resemblance to Stevie Nicks, has been making waves in the music industry lately. Her latest album, "The Tortured Poets Department," debuted at number one on the Billboard 200 chart. Turner, on the other hand, is the frontman of the popular band Arctic Monkeys. The band's latest album, "The Car," was released in 2022.

The rumors of a romance between the two have been met with mixed reactions from their fans. Some are excited about the possibility of the two musicians dating, while others are skeptical. However, there is no denying the chemistry between the two on stage. In a recent interview, L/n was asked about the rumors of her relationship with Turner. She remained tight-lipped, but did say that she "admires" the Arctic Monkeys singer. Whilst Turners reply gave insight into how he sees her as a songwriter stating, “She is an incredible songwriter and anybody who says anything else? they have issues. And maybe not a very sophisticated palette.” Only time will tell if the rumors of a romance between L/n and Turner are true. However, one thing is for sure: the two musicians make a great couple on and possibly off stage.

[missvainillapudin]

Beautiful words from a dry mouth:

Prompt: I had a rough week ngl and ended up wanting to write something about Vance Hopper being a guitarist and vocalist for some band x fem!reader, I took inspiration from the song "All my love" by Led Zeppelin for this (which is pretty obvious) and I'd like to clarify that I know what the true meaning of the lyrics of this song is, I just decided to change it a bit to implement it in the writing (STOP LET ME DAYDREAMING WITH THIS MAN)

that being said, sorry for being gone for a couple of days and for the fact that this might be a bit short, I'm experimenting...

be happy and listen to Led Zeppelin 💪

Vance Hopper x fem!reader

Timeline: 80's 90's-1986

Although the song is from the 70's it is mostly due to Vance's age (in this case it would be a Vance between 28 and 31 years old)

I hope you enjoy it!

• -Will you write a song for me?-

That was the next thing Vance's ears could perceive after a couple of shared laughs and soft sweet kisses that you had given him on his lips, chin and nose on the large bed of the expensive and well-furnished room in which they were

He took a moment before answering with a smile on his lips followed by a soft voice although with his characteristic husky tone

-You are the whole song, baby-

You rolled your eyes at his mocking attitude and harmlessly hit his chest

-Come on! You know what I'm talking about-

You complained with a soft pout, Vance let out another giggle and brought two fingers of his hand to the bridge of his nose wrinkling it slightly while closing his eyes at the same time

-Oh, yes, of course I will, at some point, when you stop being a pain in the ass-

You let out a fake gasp of indignation before hitting his chest again with your closed hand without actually hurting him, soon the room would be filled with the warmth of the sound of both of your laughter.

Vance's eyes opened after a couple of moments and his blue orbs became present under the blinding light of the spotlights that pointed at him, his hand rested on the cold and hard metal lectern that held the microphone and he observed for a few moments the excited and heated crowd that surrounded the stage where he and his band were, with the large metal balls being the only ones that stood between him and them.

-Good evening everyone, uhm...-

Vance's voice became present and resonated through the concert speakers, the people howled with excitement upon hearing it and only when Vance made a vague sign with his hand for them to calm down, their roar ceased.

The people observed him attentively, no one dared to make a single sound about it, it was not common for this calm and nostalgic attitude to be radiated by their wild and unpredictable vocalist.

-Well, this...shit-

He stepped away from the microphone for a moment, looking back and clumsily passing his hand over his lips, wiping them as if what he was about to say would dirty or hurt them in some way

-Fuck, I...I was just going to say that this is going to be very difficult for me to sing-

With that said, the familiar sound of the opening of that song that the fans knew so well began to resonate throughout the concert and the fans cheered with excitement.

Vance looked down for a moment, hiding from those bright lights above his head and the millions of eyes that were on him at this very moment, wishing that the only thing that would observe him at that moment were your beautiful sweet eyes, you had been his condemnation and probably the biggest pang of pain he had ever felt before

And yes you were, right now you were being a stabbing pain in his chest so unbearable that he was unable to breathe properly.

He still can't believe that you had to leave his side for him to write a song for you, remembering your words and complaints about it only makes him let out a sad and painful laugh and clench his hands into fists, missing having you by his side. You left him in February of this year, it was so fast that he still has a hard time assimilating it, he still wakes up dazed in the middle of the night when he doesn’t feel your head against his chest under the sheets of his bed anymore and he still unconsciously lowers the volume of his electric guitar when he’s practicing for the next tours with his band so he doesn’t wake you up with the noise, because he knows how much you love your afternoon naps, but he forgets that now he lives in a big house.

Alone.

That no matter how much he searches every room in the place you won’t be hiding in any of them waiting for him to find you and that no matter how much he calls your name you won’t answer with a smile followed by your footsteps echoing on the wooden floor, he knows it very well, but he doesn’t want to face this reality, he doesn’t want to face a world in which he lives with 7 billion people and none of them are you, he doesn’t want to face the possibility that he might forget the sound of your voice or the smell that comes out of your hair because of your shampoo, damn he loves that shit.

He is so afraid of forgetting the feeling of your hands on the back of his neck before you kiss him or the same feeling of the skin of your lips against his every time you decide to give him a piece of heaven even if it is for a few moments, he is so afraid of all these things happening that the only thing that resonates in his head is your last request to him.

"Write something for me"

Now everything seems clearer, he rushes to take a pencil and paper from a notebook and clumsily scribble some letters, some that seem dirty and useless at first glance but with great sentimental value for him

And that is how he ended up writing this, he kept his promise although late enough so that you could no longer hear it.

His lips approach the microphone in front of him again and he begins to sing the lyrics

After the song that he himself wrote in your honor, the one that seems to burn through his throat and slide upwards painfully before emerging from his lips, the audience screams excitedly and moves their arms to the beat of the music, like a great wave of their feelings at that moment that seem to accompany yours on stage.

Vance holds on tighter to the microphone and closes his eyes as he continues singing with everything he has left in those moments, your face reappears in his memory and a smile barely visible to the rest is present on him, it hurts him to have prolonged his promise so much and to have left you aside, now that he has lost you you are the only thing he has been thinking about lately, his eyes open slightly to look at the audience that listens to him with emotion and prepares to continue singing

-"All my love, all my love, oh, all my love to you now"-

He repeats the words with melancholy as the audience and the instrumental accompany him, he is being more sincere than ever at this moment on stage and he knows that he will probably never write anything like that again in his life, but that doesn't matter now, you are the only thing that is present in his head at this moment. When the synthesizer solo that accompanies him indicates that he must sing again, his lips pronounce the lyrics again and his eyes open before the audience, interrupting your figure among his memories

-"Yours is the cloth, mine is the hand that sews time..."-

The lyrics continue to repeat until the end comes, he must lower his gaze with melancholy from the spotlights when he feels his eyes begin to moisten and he clings to the microphone tightly hiding his lips and looking between it and the long blond locks of his wavy hair that fall over his forehead

-"it's, all, all, all, all, all of my love, all of my love, to you now..."-

The lights change between reddish, blueish and purple colors and the audience sways like a distant dream among the sea of people who shake excitedly, a last inhalation is taken by Vance's lungs before approaching the microphone once again and singing

-"i get a little bit lonely, just a little, just a little, just a little bit lonely..."-

He moves away from the microphone as the music fades out until the song ends and the audience screams excitedly, he and the band say goodbye to the audience and leave the stage backstage.

Vance can feel his heart pumping from the nerves and excitement that the concert has left him with and he stops for a moment to light a cigarette between the space of his fingers and his lips, he feels the sweat running down his neck when he lets the smoke out of his lips, no matter how hard he tries, he can't ignore the fact that he'll be coming back to a lonely, empty house without you in his arms anyway.

[aphroditelovesu]

Part 4: Roxanna + Reader

I have been SO excited to have these two meet, and it's finally going to happen 🥹😭!

Ngl, I think the way you've set up how Roxanna and our girl will meet is low-key brilliant and will set the stage for a lot of drama, especially if Alexander marries Roxanna before he reaches Babylon. I can't imagine Roxanna would be especially thrilled to not only go from being the sole wife to having to share but also being relegated to second. I can also imagine she'd be INCREDIBLY jealous of our girl. Not only is Reader the queen, but she also has Alexander's love, the respect and admiration of his soldiers and generals, AND is expecting Alexander's baby(s) to boot. That's a recipe for a lot of angst. I do wonder what Aslan will think of all this. I can only imagine how much fun he'd have watching everything unfold.

On the note of pregnancy, I can't help but wonder how Roxanna would or will feel about reader having twins specifically. I think you mentioned that Roxanna will not get pregnant nearly as easily or quickly as Reader can, which will only make tensions worse. Fertility struggles can be emotionally difficult to handle and our girl having TWO healthy babies (including a boy) would probably be an extra special type of 'fuck you' to Roxanna. And again, I'm sure Aslan would delight in this kind of angst.

Thus concludes my spiels for chapter 17. Can't wait for the next one! Until then, best of luck with school and exams ❤️🩷💜!

--O-

Not gonna lie, I'm also excited for these two to meet!

Roxanna has heard about Reader but she doesn't know that she is pregnant. No one knows, except Reader's friends. Not even Alexander knows and it will be a very unpleasant surprise for Roxanna when she finds out.

And Aslan is having the time of his life. I'm not gonna lie, the man is having the time of his life.

One thing is for sure: Reader's pregnancy will have complications if she stays in the past because of Roxanna. Roxanna wants the future child she will have to be the heir and we know that Reader got pregnant first.

Lots of chaos to come. Especially when the twins are born!! 🥰🥰🥰

[lunchtimebedamned1997]

Finished Alastor Asset for my 'Secret Vox Project' >:3

I'M FINALLY MAKING PROGRESS ON THIS PROJECT AGAIN! YAY!

I've actually made a lot more progress than just this, but *GASP* spoilers! XD But I already teased the rough lines of this one a while back, so I'm giving myself permission to share this little bit with y'all!

I'm too excited not to share some of the progress!

This was my first time animating something like this - especially in full color - yeesh that was so hard ngl - but - I'm pretty happy with how it came out!

I would love to do something like this in future with more detail, but I think I need to call this one done here unless it looks wrong during the compositing stage of things later on! I feel like I learned so much doing this asset, and I think I'd do a couple things different next time, but overall I think he feels alive and expressive, which is all that really matters, right? (Even for a dead man I guess XD)

(I'm also going through and retroactively tagging everything I've posted about this project with "#secret vox project" so you can find updates easier on my page. I'll probably replace that tag with the proper title once it comes out, but until then :D)

[v3nusxsky]

Tysm!!

I thought about a slightly AU, modern world but with magic. Domme Lady Lesso bored in a BDSM club (maybe sitting in the bar having a drink) and sub f!reader trying to gain her attention to serve her!

Mistress kink, Sadistic Lady Lesso, humiliation/degradation kink, impact play (maybe caning?), consensual slut shaming, orgasm denial, overstimulation ❤️

Bar Beauty|NSFW

*Authors note~ BDSM is like one of my favourite things to write about I'm ngl so I was super excited for this slightly au*

Trigger warnings~ mistress kink, sadistic lesso sub r humiliation/degradation kink impact play slut shaming orgasm denial overstimulation spit kink, public sex restraints r suspended slight in air toys

Prompt~ see ask^^^^

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

Leonora definitely had a stressful job, that much was evident, it was hard to keep a bunch of unruly boarding students in check and her methods were certainly not favourable but they worked. A lot of the time her job left her pent up and craving a way to relieve some of the frustration. Which is exactly how she found herself stumbling into this bar called Happy Hours -teasing y'all with this- watching someone do their scene and nursing her whiskey. She was purely just watching the scene with a keen eye, the poor submissive wasn't really seeming to enjoy the dominants actions, either to rough or not enough which caused a smirk to settle on the red heads lips as she made mental notes of all the things she could do to make the woman scream.

You however were hoping to find a dominant with the ability to put you in your place, scanning the club you noticed her unruly red hair and the sadistic smirk she wore as she watched the submissive on stage be punished. Everything about her, from the way she held herself to the way she looked you knew you just have to have her, or rather her to have you. It became more of a need than a want as the night trickled on. Desperately hoping she'd notice your attempts at gaining her attention.

Luckily for you, Leonora had caught a glance of you sucking on the lime of your drink. Your eyes glazed over with alcohol buzzing around in your system swirling with a beautiful emerald colour. A clear witch is what you were and that only drew Leonora to you more. So naturally she stalked towards you, purred some seductive words in your ear that had you begging the woman to let you serve here, to take her frustration of her day out on you. Of course Lesso wasn't going to accept that proposal until you god to know one another and limits that you both had. Only then if both of you were agreeable would she take you up on the stage and fuck you like the slut she can tell you are.

After a few drinks and some pleasant conversation between you both you soon found yourself begging again for her to use you. So you found yourself up ok the stage, slipping into your sub headspace, kneeling at her feet. A pleased smirk adorned her lips at the act but she wasn't about to be lenient on you tonight.  She stalked around you like you were prey, completely ignoring you and addressing the crowd forming bellow the stage, "this little slut has been desperately trying to get my attention all night. So why don't you watch her get her punishment for being nothing but a desperate whore."

"Strip slut" she demanded not even sparing you a glance as you whimpered a simple, "yes mistress." A pleased hum escaped the red head as she thought of all the things she could do with her precious little slutty toy. With a hand in your hair she tugged you to your feet and shoved you on the fuchsia sofa. "You're gonna lay here and take your punishment, move or stop counting you'll get five more", her eyes raking over your bare back.

When the first wack hit the curve of your ass you let out a strangled cry of shock, "one mistress!" The next came in a quick succession causing you to sob. Her pattern was changing all the time being spurred on by the dominants watching the show. Only when Leonora deemed you had enough hits to constitute for being a slut did she drop the cane and flip you over immediately. She ignored your cry of pain as your ass and back hit the material. You deserved your canning and she knew you knew that your pain was getting her off. A vibe was securely attached to your aching clit, "look at how wet you've gotten by a simple canning you slutty pet."

The vibrator was set to a preset edging pattern before she stripped her bottom half of her clothing to straddle your face. "Put that slutty mouth to some good use darling, spread your legs, let them see how wet you are for your mistress" which you did happily as you liked to be humiliated. You happily began to lick at her sopping cunt causing the woman to moan happily. You flickered between tongue fucking her hole as your nose bumped against her swollen clit and flicking your tongue over her throbbing bud. If didn't take long for you to be reward with a gush of wetness. You had your orgasm ripped away from you four times before she came so to say you weren't bellow begging at this point is an understatement.

You were laid on the sofa as she told you to open your mouth which you did so allowing the red head to spit in your mouth. "Take it and swallow it all pet." While you were busy whimpering in need to notice that she had taken the toy from your clit and managed to secure some restraints to your limbs and suspend you a little from the sofa. "Now anyone who wants to challenge me and think they can come and dumb down my slut is more than welcome to look at her like this, exposed and taken as I fuck her with my fingers" Leonora stated before she shoved three fingers into your fluttering hole. You howled in need begging her for mercy to please let you cum buy of course that feel on deaf ears. You were edged on her finger before Leonora donned her strap on.

"No mistress, no more. To sensitive please" you whined only to be ignored. The slight suspension providing a new angle as she rutted into you with her faux dick. Tears streaming down your face at your ruined orgasms and her brutal pace. There wasn't much you could do but take her like a slut you are. "Please please I'm sorry please Leo mistress please" you babbled as her strong thrust triggered your orgasm to crash into you. The audience got to see her pass out from the strength of pleasure and pain Leonora caused.

You were left to rock slightly until you naturally stopped. Then she lowered you to the sofa before scooping up your body and taking you into a private room. There she cleaned you up and got you food and water before sitting down to give you whatever physical attention you needed. The start of a beautiful relationship, bloomed from that one night at Happy Hours.

Word count~ 1246

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

The WIP ask game made me ridiculously excited about your stories that are in the planning/outlining/drafting stages (was already ridiculously excited about your WIPs on AO3). With the caveat that this of course could change, given your current inspiration and where you are at in the planning stages for any of those future works, which one right now would you say has the best chance of becoming your next WIP on AO3? <3

Oooooh, interesting question, Anon. I'd have to say that the odds currently favor either The Courtship of Lambs or You + Me.

I talked a little bit about You + Me HERE. It's currently planned as a multichapter story, and I have seven chapters and the prologue drafted so far (roughly 23K words). So there's already a fair amount of work done on this one. I kind of want to wait until this one is fully drafted before I start posting tho. Especially since, as I was working on the seventh chapter, something came out in terms of Katniss's characterization that I hadn't planned and now I'm going to need to go back to the beginning and edit to lay the groundwork for it. The story is made a little complex because there are excerpts from Katniss's novel in progress throughout. And ngl there's a huge part of me that actually wants to write the whole novel as an original but I digress.

I also talked about The Courtship of Lambs HERE. This one, I swear on my honor, IT IS MEANT TO BE A ONESHOT. lmao. Currently, I have about 5,500 actual written words drafted and am maybe one quarter to one third done with what I had outlined. But if you've been following my writing for any amount of time, then you know I am notoriously bad at predicting my own long winded-ness and this could wind up being a 50k ficlet. Sighs dramatically at myself.

Thanks so much for the interest, Anon!

<3 kdnfb

[smoll-stace]

I might have missed it but do you have a backstory for Ciel and Donovan

i got so excited at this ask ngl xD so I started ranting about my beans lol so i hope this answers your question even if it might be in a roundabout way. yes, indeed I do! (i have 700 posts so i can see why they are hard to find especially cause i can't tag xD) i have a few animations for Donovan that I have posted on here. and I'm working on either making a more explained version of the animations that isn't a music video but more of story format animation or a written story, depending on what i have time for in my current situation, thought that might be a long time coming since I have a very packed schedule. ToT Though I do have au animation and a few small writings that should be coming soon!

Ciel's backstory is still in wip stages, working out his emotions with his family interactions, and how i want his social life to be portrayed. But I should be having clips of his story out in the next month or so so keep an eye out if you are interested. As of yet though no gt interactions for his story. Just a lot of angst and sadge.

if you were interested in their first meeting here on earth, that story is on a back burner, but imagen quiet kid and sunshine child becoming friends, then high school sweethearts, this one I'm probably going to be writing, maybe later animating if I do want to subject my darlings to more animation xD maybe I'll add that to my new years resolutions! who knows?

here's some links to current works i have for Donovan and Ciel's backstory. :)

im now realizing how much art and writing i forget to post lol oh well

thank you for the ask! hopefully i'll be posting more of them soon xD

[moonsuke]

Latest Oshi no Ko ep actually good 😭

Ngl I’m not a fan of how they’re doing the stage play, it’s so flat and structured especially with the background transitions and the character positioning. But! They redeemed themselves with the Akane/Kana backstory! Love how they fleshed out both their past and dynamics, even including additional scenes! Really showed both characters’ depth better than the manga which is what an animation medium should do better!

Compared to the manga, the important moments are drawn out more which is nice in a way, but at the same time it kinda lacks the “in your face” impact some of the manga scenes have but it’s not that bad. Like the scene where Akane had to act with her movements to convey Saya hime's inner conflict? I didn't feel it in the anime, for the same reasons why I'm not a fan of how they're doing the stage play.

I really really like how the anime has been keeping with the “creepy/unsettling” Akane vibe though. That sudden switch to Akane right up at Kana’s face is just so scary I love it. They’re getting her right! I’ve always dislike what her fans/shippers made her out to be.

The way the anime showed Kana’s trauma too makes her even more sympathetic than in the manga lol. I think it’s because it’s more subtle. And her VA man, Megumi Han, when she was voicing child Kana’s frustration, it was so good 😭

Another thing I didn’t like though, is the long drawn out animation scenes added just for visuals. It’s the same with Melt’s. I didn’t like that abstract, artistic sequence last ep showing his transformation, and this ep they did it with Akane too, to show her growth and happiness when acting. Honestly, it does nothing for me except making me go “what… why… this is not a magical girl anime 🤡”

I know the manga has such panels during Akane’s acting but I love those more lol.

But hey, a lot of people are loving the animations so I guess to most they’re doing it right

But personally, I think the anime is better at showing the emotional scenes than the more movement and action-oriented ones. It's like what I said in Melt's episode, they did the Melt relating to Kizami scene better (than manga) but the "battle scenes" and that long animation sequence fall flat. Which makes sense since the latter is also movement focused. Same thing with Akane's. Personal opinion, but I think this anime should just play to their strength and not be too ambitious with the heavy animations :)

Still, so excited for next ep when Aqua finally makes his appearance and attempts to draw Kana out of her childhood traumas!! Akane can’t do it but ofc Aqua can because it’s Aqua 😭 Its always Aqua for Kana 😭 (oh and there’s Himekawa too lol)

Akane/Kana scenes did give narusasu vibes tho ngl

And speaking of Aqua, love the Aqua snub from Akane when SHE JUST SKIPPED OVER/REWINDED AQUA’S PART TO GO BACK TO WATCHING KANA LOL

[draiad]

FFVII Rebirth Spoilers Ahead

NGL This is going to be a big ramble but BUT I finished this game a bit ago now and I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. For anyone who is curious I ADORED it. There were a few moments I had frustrations with (Looking at you box throwing mini game) but that aside this game is still a solid 10/10 for me.

Be prepared for a lot of this to not make sense because I am typing as the thoughts come, there is no organization to them. for the TL:DR I liked the game and I am super excited for the answers we're going to get in part 3.

I cannot get over how well they handled the characters in this game. I should have expected it with how good of a job they did in Remake but they managed to absolutely blow my mind this game AGAIN.

That aside the thing I want to really focus on right now is the timeline stuff. I don't really have any solid theories as to how things are going to resolve nor do I have any set in stone mindset for Aerith's current situation but I have thoughts and ideas of how I would LIKE them to go.

I'm very curious about the timeline stuff. The characters who seem to have knowledge of other timelines vs those who don't. Its clear Zack, Biggs and Marlene are aware that there's something going on, not necessarily what but the fact that Marlene and Biggs knew of Cloud while in Zack's timeline makes me wonder what that means for Marlene in Cloud's timeline. I figure the hug from remake imparted all Marlene's with a bit of knowledge? I don't even know and I cannot wait to find out.

I also found the whispers a lot easier to deal with mentally this time around when thinking of them as extensions of Sephiroth and either Aerith or the life stream.

I may be wrong but I also feel like the weapons we saw in this game were the unwoken/larval stages of Ruby and Sapphire. I absolutely adored that sequence with Tifa and it makes me HELLA excited to see her help Cloud piece himself back together.

And then AND THEN we have that whole mess (still loved it all) with how they handled Aerith's death. I'm of two mindsets right now with what happened there. The one that I think is most likely true is Aerith is dead dead and Cloud is seeing her as some coping mechanism. I'm not 100% sold on the idea of it being Jenova manipulating him (though that would be hella dark and I would LOVE it). The other thing that I feel like may be the case is Aerith is dead but in the lifestream and is actively communicating with Cloud. Again not fully sold on it but I suppose we're just gonna have to wait and see. I think next game when we revisit things we're going to get that iconic scene of him lowering her into the water as he finally accepts the truth. Maybe after he recovers himself. All I know is its going to be so heartbreaking and good to watch as the team start doubting him while he spirals.

I think the black materia is going to be a fun game-play element to his skills in the next game too and I am super excited for some sort of Dark Knight Cloud. I feel like we're going to lose him pretty early on in part 3, I fully expect within the first couple of hours of the game the northern crater shit is going to go down and we'll have Party Leader Tifa for a while.

I can honestly say I don't know what kind of ending I want for this trilogy. Part of me wants it to be a reset, for the timeline to return to what it should. Another part of me wants it to be the happy ending for all. Either way I'll probably be happy. I think the only ending that would piss me off is someone wakes up and it was all a dream.

[cozy-sims]

I was tagged by the lovely @kestrelteens, thank you so much and sorry it took me so long to do this! ❤❤

1. What’s your favourite sims death? Definitely the satellite death, because that was so memorable I still remember the first time my sims died of that! 😅 But I also really like the death by cowplant.

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? Maxis match always.

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? No? I make them excercise to go back to thin based on the situation but I don't cheat to make them thin lol.

4. Do you use move objects? Always

5. Favorite mod? ACR 🙏 love me some messy drama!

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? The Christmas pack that was first released, when stuff packs weren't even a thing yet! I got that because my parents mixed that up with the base game! 😅 The concept of expansion packs was very foreign to most people at that time haha

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? aLIVE of course

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? Oooh, that's a great question! I think either Joy from my Rags to Riches challenge, or Ada from my BaCC.

9. Have you made a simself? Yes, but she never looks like me 😂

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? Clumsy, absent-minded, gloomy, loner, hopeless romantic

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? Red!

12. Favorite EA hair? fhairlong

13. Favorite life stage? Adult

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? It really depends but I think I'm both! But when I only build for an extended period of time I get super sick of it and don't want to touch build mode for a long while

15. Are you a CC creator? Yes? I convert stuff and recolor stuff, I guess that counts! 😄

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? No, I absolutely suck at making friends but I'd love to! :')

17. What’s your favorite game? Sims 2, closely followed by Sims 1!

18. Do you have any sims merch? Yes, I have the Sims 4 collector's edition lit-up plumbob! If that counts haha

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? I doo, but I've been on a long hiatus unfortunately :') Maybe after we'll finish the wedding preps I can come back and record something! It's here.

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? It definitely improved a lot imo, but it's not like there's a wrong and right way that you need to improve? Back then I never played rotationally, and all my families followed the same path basically: get married, have kids, work hard, die. Now my sims and stories are a bit more diverse and I really enjoy that!

21. What’s your Origin ID? cozy-klau I think? EA app won't launch so I can't check 😂 feel free to add me if you want!

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? I absolutely adore all of you talented people who dedicate your time and expertise to make this game better even after all these years! ❤ I guess you can check my resources page for recommendations, hehe

23. How long have you had a simblr? I actually don't know, my first simblr was a sideblog and then I deleted it and registered this one, but I'm pretty sure it's ben around 10-ish years now!

24. How do you edit your pictures? I change that around a lot, usually I just find a psd or an action around here and use that until I get bored of it haha. My pictures are nothing extraordinary I'd say.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? Ngl, I'm super excited about the horse pack, and I really hope some of you talented angels can convert the horses to be functional for the sims 2 🤞❤

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? Open for Business for sure ❤

I'm tagging anyone of you who'd love to do this, I'm pretty sure most ppl already did it because I'm a bit late with this!

[hpowellsmith]

I just finished playing Royal Affairs and it was so good. I love the dynamics between all the characters; the banter makes it so realistic! Javi is a whole vibe and I adore them. The slice of life parts were a nice counterpoint to the political tension in the plot, too. I was shaking through the latter part of the story until the end! Asher’s route is so sweet~ I simply had to spam my friend with messages, upon which she replied that Asher acts/speaks like her boyfriend 😅 she thinks Asher’s adorable ngl his route really reminds me of how some parents in my culture disapprove of their kids’ partners and it’s a whole gauntlet just to get them to accept the relationship hdgdjs

Also, you are definitely not a mere charlatan from the county fair, as I was rather shocked to find that Clemence is the spitting-image of my own former professor. They have similar subjects and personalities and both use the term prep work 😭

Sorry for rambling! I’m quite excited for your next work, hope you have a good time!

Oh gossssh this is so lovely to hear, thank you so so much! I appreciate the kind comments massively and I'm over the moon that you enjoyed the game. That's so funny about your teacher too!

I really enjoyed writing the scenes where the characters hung out together - I ended up adding quite a few during the beta testing stage because I wanted them to feel like they were interacting over time 💚 so I'm really happy that you liked that side of it too!

[pepperf]

2022 has been, well, let's say a continuation of the pandemic years for me. I'm a little lacking in emotional resilience these days, and I'm dragging myself over the line with the hopes that next year will be kinder. But it hasn't all been bad. I've had some amazing times with friends and family, I paddled in the sea with my nephew, I finally saw @bethanyactually again after so fucking long, and I've learned a few things. So I thought I'd do the counting my blessings thing, and look back on the good things this year.

2022 was the year that I…

Wrote nearly 200k words. That's over 500 words a day. That is two full-length novels. And I finished and posted about 130k of it on AO3, which—look, I've not been tracking it this way before now so I don't have the stats, but it's DEFINITELY a higher rate of finishing than I've had before. And @wheresmytowel deserves all my thanks for, oh, so much of that. I'm gradually figuring out what works for me in terms of completing stories, and I'm really happy with my progress on that front.

Discovered that armpit hair is cute. I'm serious. Look, I've given up shaving before, but I don't think I've stuck to my guns for this long, well, ever. But this summer, after my last trip to the beach with the family, I decided, to hell with it. And now it's all grown past the spiky stubble stage, and the beard-on-someone-who-can't-really-grow-a-beard stage, and it's kind of luxuriant and…goddamn it, it's fluffy. It is cute. Why is it always seen as a Statement or an insult, something strident and unfeminine and unkempt, when long hair is otherwise seen as an ultra-feminine attribute? I love my fluffy little pits, and legs, and bits. It's possible I'll chicken out when summer comes around again—but until then, I'll get a fond little 'yay' moment, every time I see the kitten fluff under my arms.

Decided that I didn't want the career I've got. This is a difficult one, but it's been a long time coming. A large part of why I am where I am comes from me trying to live up to the (impossible) legacy of my mother, and…okay, yes, I am also a firm believer in the value of public sector work and everyone pitching in to make the country and the world a better place. But I've been doing something along those lines for nearly 20 years now, and I'm kind of burnt out, ngl. And I'm sad to say, I might be done with the NHS. I truly believe in it, and I am loyal through and through, but…it's an increasingly hard place to work, and I don't think I have the mental stamina for it any more. Maybe once I've stepped away, and regrouped for a few years, I will come back. But at the moment, it's a really bad place to be for my mental health, and as a result of that, I'm doing an increasingly poor job of things that I used to find easy. So, I just need to stop, really, for everyone's sake, and do something different.

Started painting again. Slowly and cautiously. I started to think about it in the summer, and took some reference photos of some stuff I might like to paint—then a few months after that I got my easel down from dad's attic and took stock of my paint and brushes—then I dragged out one of my old canvases that never got properly used—and a couple of months ago I ordered some new paint—and applied a base layer to wipe off a painting that was haunting me with bad memories—and then applied another base layer to start building it up into something new…and, yeah, that's where I'm at. But it's a start, and it's more painting than I've done in a very, very long time, and I'm…cautiously excited.

Put some other tentative stakes in the ground for things I might want to do—job stuff, writing stuff, house stuff…all too much to do all at once, and it probably won't all happen next year, because I don't think I could handle that, but at least it feels like I'm not stagnating. Even if I need to remind myself of that, sometimes.

Jesus, I sound fragile. I am fragile, honestly, my confidence is easily knocked, and I'm anxious about a lot of stuff, and I feel like I keep having to gently lead myself along like a 90yo with a broken hip, and I've got things in the new year that I'm dreading (particularly job hunting, god help us—but I'm on a temp contract at the moment, so I don't have a choice). But…I'm getting there.

Here's to 2023.

[mybrokenveins3000]

It’s so refreshing to hear an honest answer!! Thank you!! I just did a foundation year so I’ve seen some of my friends go through first year and learnt some stuff from them too, I also got some advice from my brother and his girlfriend (who are just starting their masters now) while they were here over the summer. I‘ve lived in my village my whole life and I’m moving across the country to a (not huge but very new) city, so think I feel a similar sense of loss in the ending of my childhood and leaving the little village I grew up in. I’ve spent all 19 years of my life here, but I also know that there is nothing here for me in my future, and I just fucking love to learn so I know it’s the right decision. I’m doing a fine art degree too so I really cannot wait to start new projects and collaborate with other artists in a whole new space! I love hearing other people’s views in art and just in everyday life so thank you again for the response, it was really nice to hear your experience :))

OHMYGOD I'M SO GLAD I SAID SOMETHING OF SUBSTANCE :,) i ramble a lot so i appreciate your appreciation LMAO

We're kinda on the same page in terms of learning from people, which I'm glad for. I'd say we're in a good position and will be a lot more self-aware than most freshers going forward.

You and I are also in the same boat because, whilst I sometimes wish I was this young forever in my hometown, like you I know that there is nothing here for me? WE WANT TO LEARN MORE, we want to talk to people who are also passionate about art and culture, see different perspectives — going to uni in the city, learning academically and socially with the people we brush shoulders with, thats the way to do it. I feel it in my heart that it's the way to go, I have a feeling you do too. Back to that whole blank canvas, life expanding and growing like a universe thing, we kinda know that we can't do that or reach our full potential if we stayed/didn't move into this next stage of life which is bit weird to reckon with ngl. So exciting, so terrifying, so new.

Sorry I basically replied to your response with another. long response, but I TRULY AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!! Fine art students are the coolest, I'll think you have the best time, and please indulge me in all that goes on because I'M INVESTED IN HOW IT GOES FOR YOU xoxo

this is us : English + Film 🤝 Fine Art