#i'm really hoping to keep up this story consistently and any feedback is very appreciated <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[milliesfishes]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

(idk who to tag who originally came up with the questions but I found them through @the-likesofus and was curious ab my other writer moots answers so <3)

How many works do you have on ao3?

2 but I'm hoping to repost a bunch of my fics on here to there soon!

What's your total ao3 word count?

92,519

What fandoms do you write for?

At the moment I write for TBOSAS and Billy the Kid (2022)

Top five fics by kudos:

Only have 2 fics on AO3 currently but

1. I Once Believed Love Would Be Black and White, But It's Golden

and

2. Pray You Catch Me

Do you respond to comments?

Always!! I love, love receiving comments and I know how scary it can be sometimes to leave them, so I want to show my appreciation <3

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Well...𝓻𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓵𝓮𝓯𝓽 𝓶𝓮 rn but I have one coming out tomorrow that's also Billy the Kid and the ending is pretty...it's pretty angsty

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I try really hard to keep my endings happy because the nature of both fandoms I write for is inherently tragic but personally the one that warms my heart the most is either 𝓤𝓷𝓭𝓸𝓾𝓫𝓽𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮 cause it's the end of the series or 𝓸𝓻𝓭𝓲𝓷𝓪𝓻𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼

Do you get hate on fics?

I've been very lucky to receive mostly positive feedback on my work- the closest I've gotten to hate was someone commenting on how I didn't include in the TWs that my Reader would be mentioned as thin and blue eyed (which I felt SO bad about and they were very kind about the whole situation- sometimes I don't catch that stuff in editing)

Do you write smut?

I do not purely because I'm a Christian girl (don't hate me) but that doesn't mean I judge others for doing so at all like y'all get freaky go nuts <3

Craziest crossover:

I've never done a crossover fic but that could change

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, no, thankfully

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven't technically. The closest I've come is when Franci and me have done mermaid au stuff but that was completely her idea and her credit, she just let me write for it <3

All time favourite ship?

It's hard to say (anyone I write for x me lmao)

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

tbh once I deem something a wip there's no stopping me until I finish it. Having drafts lowkey stresses me out (in a good way) I've finished almost everything I've started, the only exceptions being things that were either a) had no plot point at all besides the ship or b) my hyperfixation fizzled and I lost passion

What are your writing strengths?

I feel like I'm good at angst honestly, and the other thing I feel like I consistently do well is in the plot points of my stories. Honestly my self awareness isn't that great though so I could possibly be talking out of my ass

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I've done it briefly before because Billy canonically speaks Spanish but I am not a fluent speaker in any language except English so I'd be a little cautious doing it lol

First fandom you wrote in?

The very first fandom I ever wrote in was Riverdale

Favourite fic you've written?

I'm still so proud of Pray You Catch me, but another one I love is Inamorata just cause it was so fun to write. But honestly I adore all my fics and though I'll always be self-critical they mean a lot to me because my followers have liked them so much <3

Tagging!

@francixoxoxo @runningfrom2am @a-romantics-guide-to-life @fictional-at-heart

also if you're a writer and you see this you're tagged <3

[withlovelunette]

Hello Lunette! I saw your post about needing advice on how to reconnect with your writing after an absence due to chronic illness, and while I don’t have a chronic illness, I do have chronic depression. Here are 5 tips I’ve learned over the years that have helped me when it comes to feeling disconnected from your writing. Hopefully they help!

Read a book or watch a movie that is similar to what you’re trying to write. Pay attention to how you feel as you read/watch, how the story draws you in, and what kind of imagery/language is used. In what ways is your writing similar to these stories? In what ways is it different?

Rewrite, rewrite, rewrite! Don’t even look at the old scene- just rewrite it from memory. See if anything changes in tone or verbiage.

Bounce ideas off of friends. Sometimes we just need somebody to sort through the weeds with us. Ask for their honest (but kind and constructive) feedback, and see if they have any insights that can help.

Take a notebook with you everywhere you go and jot down your ideas. Whether it’s snippets of prose or dialogue, words that evoke feeling or even journaling! Any writing is better than no writing! Plus keeping all of your thoughts in one spot will help you connect your ideas.

Get excited!!! Make writing fun! Make playlists for your story and/or characters! Make niche memes about your story only a you will understand! Be your own number one fan! Sometimes you just have to let yourself get funky with it!

I hope this helps! If you ever want to talk about your writing or get feedback on something your stuck with my messages are always open! 💛

Thank you so much for the advice!! I saw this ask when it first arrived into my inbox, but didn't get around to answering it until now; I figured other people might also be able to take something useful away from this ask so I wanted to share it :,) Luckily, I have gotten back into the swing of writing, although I'm (evidently) very far behind on tumblr. With some more experience being a chronically ill writer under my belt, these tips have been very helpful for me, particularly the 4th one. Being chronically ill (physically in my case, but this applies to other forms as well!) means you pretty much never know what your physical/mental state is going to be on any given day, so I've given up on planning my writing sessions and embraced writing more sporadically in my notes whenever I feel up for it, and then assemble it into a doc later.

I really appreciate you and everyone else who's reached out ever since I've spoken up about my health problems. Needless to say, it's been a rough (and lonely!) past year as I'm not really surrounded by other people who have any experience with chronic illness. It's a very alienating experience, but that's what makes online spaces like these very helpful; even if I mostly just lurk nowadays until I can manage to be consistent again. I hope you (and anyone else reading this) have a good writing year in 2024! :D <3

[gameminds]

Tooth Gone

I got my tooth extracted. hooray

lol but seriously. I already feel substantially better psychologically just to have it out and not have to worry about it, and it hurts less than it has when it was at its worst already anyway. I'm glad I was at least able to be on top of my shit for long enough and consistently enough that I was able to get that done.

I'm still a little short on the financial side, and unfortunately I still haven't been able to monetize streaming or writing in any way yet. But really, I'm still in a very happy hobby space with both of those, and I've been very successful with school and work in the mean time. Partially because I sold a house last year, I'm essentially getting exactly zero dollars back on my tax return. So it may be another few weeks of grinding pretty hard until the end of the semester in the first week or so of May.

This summer, I'm going to be taking 4 full credit classes, so my school schedule is going to ramp up pretty dramatically. But I'm in a place where my productivity level and focus level is at all time highs, and I'm feeling more comfortable and fulfilled than I maybe ever have. Unfortunately again, I will probably have to reduce my content output a little. But basically no one is consuming it right now anyway XD

If you've stopped by the blog or my stream, I'd love to hear from you! I've been really interested to get feedback and hear from people who share interests with me, and I'm eager to build a bigger community of people that I feel like a part of. If you read my stories and you enjoy them, please please please share them, comment on my posts about them, send me a message, anything at all to let me know you're out there! Helping me share my stories with new people is the most important way you can help me meet more writers and content creators, share queer, progressive content you enjoy with people you love, and grow my channel so that I can keep adding more stories to the portfolio! Letting me know what you like and don't like, what you want to see more of, what keeps you coming back, and how I can help you see yourself in my stories is the most important way you can let me know that you appreciate the effort I put into crafting stories that speak to people, and help me get better and better all the time!

Anyway today I'm feeling very grateful after having several very bad weeks full of a lot of pain, stress, and depression. For anyone out there who reads this blog, reads my stories, watches the stream, hangs out with me on twitter-- thank you for spending some of your time with me and my weird thoughts!

the patreon can be found through my linktree if you want to support or check out my stories-- everything on patreon except the story outlines is available TOTALLY FREE. any amount you want to contribute goes directly to supporting me as a writer and content creator.

I've been posting stories sort of scattershot between a bunch of different profiles, but this week I'm going to migrate all of them over so that they're linked on both the patreon page and my writing blog, AB sci-fi. All of the stories will also be migrated to Google Docs in the process. I may even do some updates and edits 😉

Hope all is well with all of you! Enjoy the stories!

Catch you next time-

-AB

[sockablock]

When Essek's old alter ego is suddenly asked by Da'leth to work at Soltryce Academy, nine semi-retired adventurers are thrust back into a web of danger, intrigue, and wizardly shenanigans. (Surprise, surprise! I’m back with another Shadowgast WIP)

Chapter 1: The Worst-Case Scenario

Caleb watched Essek hover back and forth like a miniature, panicked storm cloud.

“This is ridiculous! It must be some kind of joke. We haven't had any contact for years, and now he expects me to believe him? What is he playing at?”

“Breathe, Essek, breathe. You will not solve this mystery by wearing a hole in—above—the carpet.”

“What?” Essek looked down, then stopped floating. “Oh. My apologies. I’m a bit…well, you know.”

“I would be too.” There was urging in Caleb’s voice. “Take a seat, Schatz. Let me see the letter.”

Essek obliged, handing over a crumpled scroll right before collapsing heavily into his chair. The fire of a cold late-autumn evening cast their den in gold and orange light.

“Does he explain himself?” Caleb turned the scroll the right way around. “Does he say why?”

“Has Da’leth ever done that?” Essek snorted. “All he wrote was that I—rather, that Thain, had been selected. And I only have two days to respond.”

Caleb waved his hand, and a glowing orb appeared. He brought it closer to the parchment. “May I?”

“Please.”

“To the esteemed Lord Dezran Thain of Nicodranas—good grief. He really isn’t subtle.”

“Tell me about it,” Essek said.

“Perhaps,” Caleb continued, “you are aware of the ongoing investigations into the Cerberus Assembly. If so, then perhaps you have also heard that Archmage Tversky and Archmage Margolin will be leaving our ranks by the end of the week—ah yes, Beau was quite proud of that.”

“She should be,” Essek said miserably. “It’s about time. Read the next part.”

“And so it falls on the surviving members of our organization to fill these vacant roles. We believe, for the safety and stability of our country, that the next Archmages of Conscription and Dysology should come from within the Empire; however, it has been brought to our attention that adding a Nicodranian mage to our ranks could be quite valuable. Such an alliance would strengthen our ties to the Menagerie Coast, as well as assuage any concerns that the Empire is isolationist or inflexible. Therefore, as we have been friends for some time—really?”

Essek made a face. “I would not have called him my ‘friend’ in any form, but we have known each other for a few decades. Unfortunately.”

“Unfortunately,” Caleb commiserated. He smoothed out the letter and found his place again. “—I wished to have the pleasure of informing you that on behalf of the Cerberus Assembly, you, Lord Dezran Thain of Nicodranas, have been extended the honor of replacing Archmage Margolin in his secondary capacity—as the distinguished and peerless Headmaster of the Soltryce Academy. Oh. My gods.”

Essek groaned. He had his head buried in his hands.

“You Identified this already?” Caleb managed eventually.

Essek nodded. “I wish I hadn’t.”

Caleb continued to stare at the letters. The fluid, curving script seemed to blur all together. “That’s…gods,” he said again.

“Agreed.”

“I…can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now.”

Essek snorted. “Actually, if anyone could, it would be you.” Then something occurred to him. Suddenly, the hearth shone an odd color in his eyes. “This was delivered to our home. To this house, in Rexxentrum. Yours. That…bastard.”

Caleb was quick to understand. He took a deep breath, then reached over for Essek’s hand.

“Maybe it was just enchanted to find you wherever you are. Like a Sending spell.”

“I’d hate to think otherwise. That would mean—”

Caleb interrupted him out of mercy. “Every inch of our tower is warded from divination. Besides, you’ve adopted an endless array of personas. I don’t even think we’ve been seen together with you as Thain, not since the party years ago.”

“Still.” Essek rubbed his eyes. “The timing makes me think he knows something. That, and the fact that it’s for Thain, I mean—what has Thain accomplished? I don’t even remember telling anyone I was a mage!”

“That, ah…that might have been Jester’s fault. She really enjoyed adding to your personas. You needed a past, after all, otherwise you would have just appeared from nowhere.”

“So she told everyone that Thain was a famous wizard?”

“The best lies are often true,” Caleb shrugged. “Though I admit that she might have gone a little overboard. You know how much she likes to praise her friends.”

It was a testament to Essek’s troubled mood that he barely acknowledged this. Caleb squeezed his fingers. “They said…they did say you could reject them. And their political reasoning is not unsound. Maybe that is all there is to it—the Assembly needs someone to be the Headmaster, and they thought of you.”

Even after so many years of trying, Caleb’s reassuring voice still left some things desired. Essek shut his eyes.

“My love, the very idea that the Cerberus Assembly is even thinking of me is a nightmare.”

 “Fair enough.”

“I just want to know why,” Essek muttered. “Why now? Why me? What is he after?”

“I don’t know,” Caleb said. “I wish I did.”

Essek suddenly turned toward him. “I—I hate to ask this, but can you find out? You know…ask our old friend the newest Archmage.”

“Ah.” Caleb’s face gave a complicated shuffle, one common these days when Astrid was mentioned.

“If you don’t want to—” Essek hurried.

“No, no, I can…try.” He scratched his chin. “She’s just been less open, lately. She’s not…pleased by how thorough the Soul is being. Beauregard is relentless.”

“It has been seven years. That’s a lot for your kind, but probably just enough for Da’leth to finally realize they mean business—” Essek blinked. “Do you think that’s why he picked me?”

“We don’t know that he’s behind this,” Caleb said lamely. At Essek’s expression, he relented. “Alright, alright. I’ll stop suggesting otherwise.”

“It’s not unappreciated, I just prefer to be direct. It is clear that Da’leth is trying to use me again. This time, in order to hurt you and the Cobalt Soul. There is no point in believing otherwise.”

Caleb brushed Essek’s face. “No, that would require him to think he could use you in the first place. But that is impossible, because Thain does not know Widogast.”

“He does, though.”

“Yes, but is Da’leth aware of that? He cannot be.”

“I thought we put an end to that.”

“Only to statements of idle hope, not facts.” Caleb was now holding both his hands. “The truth of the matter is that…yes, perhaps the Martinet does want you for some devious plan—”

“Oh, lovely—”

“—however, any plan he has cannot be based on our connection. We have been doing this…being us, for seven years now, Essek. If he were going to play against that hand, he would have done so already. This must be something else.”

Essek huffed. “What, though? What reason does he have? I haven’t been important to the Kryn for years. I resigned, I’m virtually a stranger there, and I certainly don’t have any more secrets for sale.” He paused. “Well, ones that Ludinus would desire. I’m useless to him.”

“I highly doubt that,” Caleb said. And his voice, while kind, had a faint edge to it. “You are right in that there probably is some motivation here. It might be related to the investigation in other ways—after all, two members of the Assembly are leaving. That makes four upheavals in under a decade. And if the Soul and the crown are both pushing for the appointment of more partial Archmages, then it might very well be the case that Da’leth just wants someone he can control. In your case, through blackmail.”

“Hooray for me.”

“He probably wouldn’t, though,” Caleb said. “Since, as you said, this is a situation of mutually assured destruction.”

Essek grimaced. “I have been somewhat wishful in that department. Even with your support, it is still my word against the Martinet.”

“Our word. That includes the Cobalt Soul.”

Essek shook his head. “You’ve seen how well he’s stood up to them so far. Can you honestly say that my safety is a sure thing? Don’t lie to me, Caleb.”

There was a pause.

“Essek, I will do everything in my power to protect you.”

"I know." He patted Caleb on the hand.

Outside their tower, far away, the evening bells of the Rexxentrum began to ring. One, and then two, and then almost a dozen, loud and bronze across the dimming sky.

“There is one way to find out for sure what Da’leth is planning.”

Essek sighed. “I know. But I don’t like it.”

Caleb leaned back in his seat. “Neither do I.”

The cry of the great bells waned. In their den, all around the wall, points of magelight flared to life—flickering and purple harbingers of night.

“Will you do it?” Caleb said.

“I don’t know if I have a choice.”

“You do,” Caleb said. “The worst-case scenario is that Da’leth tries to talk, and we…deal with that.”

“We’ve been trying to deal with him for years,” Essek said. “And…maybe this is bold of me to say, but the worst-case scenario isn’t that—it’s not knowing. Maybe I can…maybe I can find the answers here. If Da’leth thinks he is controlling me, if he trusts me to do his bidding, maybe I can finally learn something to break his hold.”

“As long as he never truly controls you,” Caleb said. “That is a risk I cannot accept.”

This time, Essek was the one to offer assurance. He gently pressed a kiss to Caleb’s hand.

“You forget,” he said wryly. “I am a powerful wizard. Haven’t you heard my title?”

“Shadowhand?” Caleb said. He did not look fully mollified, but he managed a chuckle. “I thought you were retired.”

Essek smiled. “I was, my love, but now it seems that I have a new role. Starting soon...you will be sharing your home with the next Headmaster of the Soltryce Academy.”

—

✨ Ko-Fi Link in Bio! ✨ | Requests are OPEN :3

[dreadfutures]

This question has a lot of possible answers, but I really want to start writing a longfic of my inquisitor, but I don't know how to start such a big project, i suppose?

Do you have any advice?

Thank you for the ask! I'm very flattered, and I hope anything I say resonates. insert many shrug emojis. my opinions, my experiences, my criticism, whatever is contained in the rant below, isn't universal.

My advice is first to figure out what you need to finish. I don't mean to come up with an ending necessarily--rather, what will motivate you to reach the finish line? Do the introspection and get to know yourself honestly. Do you need a cheerleader? Is it having a specific ending scene in mind that will motivate you? Is it having a clear path forward (like an outline) of steps you need to make to get your story from start to finish? Is it consistent feedback? Something else? Do you need visuals and commissions to keep you happy? Do you need to RP a character to embody them?

(For me, it's consistent feedback that helps keep me motivated!)

Then, set yourself up for success. The key to writing a longfic is...writing a long fic.

There are a million reasons not to write a fic, and a million reasons to stop writing a fic. Most of them are self-derived, and so you want to set yourself up not to self-sabotage. You want to be in a position of trust with yourself where you are neither making things unduly hard on yourself, nor sucking the joy out of writing for preventable reasons. You want to trust that the reason you stop writing your fic is because you truly, honestly, no longer wish to write it because you just don't want to tell that story anymore. Not because you aren't getting attention (whatever attention means); not because you got negative feedback for an idea or character; not because you are failing to meet a Standard of Excellence that doesn't exist.

Fuck the rules of writing.

There's a million self help articles about writing best-practices. They can be a great way to see how people approach it. Maybe something will work for you! But don't treat advice as rules. Don't let anything suck the joy out of creation. Write because you want to write; write how you want to write. It can be out of order. It can be chronological. It can be outline-first, or totally improvisational. There's no right or wrong way to write a story! And you can absolutely change the way you write as you go along, if something isn't bringing you joy or helping you tell the story you want to tell, the way you want to tell it. But step one of writing a longfic is committing to yourself that you're going to treat yourself kindly, and write it for the sake of writing it. :)

If you need a cheerleader, consistent feedback, etc., join a writing community.

Whether or not you end up posting things as you write them, or waiting until you are absolutely done writing to post things--it is very hard to get consistent feedback from readers alone. Having a positive and supportive writing community that encourages consistent and ongoing sharing and mutual appreciation is a great motivator. A community is a place of mutual support, a group of like-minded people who want to see each other succeed at a common way of life.

There are many wonderful writing communities out there. Discord, writeblr, writing twitter, dreamwidth, or even the NaNoWriMo forums! REMEMBER, these spaces EXIST for YOU to USE. So stop being shy and USE THEM. Treat them as a tool, if you need to. But a community can't help you if you don't engage with it. People want to hear about your story plot, your characters' motivations, the weird research you're doing into 18th century crown molding or italian glass-works murders. Don't be a drain or a drag -- be sure to offer what you receive, too! -- but also if YOU need support then YOU need to stop lurking and YOU need to engage and YOU need to ask for whatever it is YOU need out of that space. :)

If you need organization and structure, look into classical story structures and get something on the fucking page.

You of course do not need to follow rules, but they can be helpful handlebars to getting your ideas out of this chaos of bullet points and random gushing and into something more like a story. You will find what works for you! Getting an outline down, feeling accomplished, and knowing what's ahead of you can be so important to self-motivation.

When I'm in a place where I need to outline, I usually gush into paragraphs, then break them down into bullet points of actions/events and their consequences, and then I write them on index cards and move them around until I have a plot that I like. Then, I tackle writing them according to the mood of those scenes/arcs/whatnot, and whatever my mood is at the time. But that's just my process, and my point is to find your process. :)

Write. Commit to writing. Put words in front of other words. Do not worry about if they're the right words; do not worry if they're in the right structure or right order.

If you are an organized finish-the-story-before-you-ever-post-chapter-one kind of writer (this is my approach to my original fiction) you will likely want to edit things a lot. Prune and curate and polish....when you're done. Your outline may tell you where you need to go and what your ending is, but you really truly absolutely cannot know if something works or not...if something is missing or not...until it is ALL laid out as a whole. Nitpicking and kicking yourself over the grammar of chapter 4 when you still have 12 chapters to go after that just means you will never write chapter 12. It is absolutely okay to trash everything you've written once you reach the end in that kind of process! But you want to have a bird's eye view to make those kinds of decisions, and not be toiling away in the fields season after season without seeing any kind of fruit of your labor.

On the other hand, if you're an improv writer (I post-as-soon-as-a-chapter-is-done for fanfics, and that means that what happened in the last chapter...has to make sense for what happens in the next chapter, hence the 'improv' analogy)--committing to writing can be hard. But it's the same idea as I just described. You won't actually know how you're doing, how your story is turning out, until...it's turning out.

Take off the pressure. It's fanfic.

You can edit things once they've been posted! You can rewrite! You can have different "version" and "editions" or whatever your heart wishes! It's okay! There's no right way or wrong way to write fanfic, except to NOT write fanfic!

You can have silly moments that aren't "tight, lean story telling." You can get away with including things that would get trimmed out of a traditionally published novel. You can have drabbles and spin offs and write what-ifs and take breaks, you can fuck around for a whole month and not write a single thing if you need to recharge, you can write out of order, you can post things in chunks or serialized installments, you can finish the thing wholly and post it every monday, or you can try and sit down and pants-it every saturday, or have no posting schedule at all!

You're not making money off of this. You're not trying to do Search Engine Optimization or develop a Following and become an Influencer by writing this. If that's what you want...there are WAY easier avenues than by writing, let alone by writing fanfic. Don't rob yourself of the joy of writing a cool story about a character you made up and throwing them into situations you concocted, just because there's some bar you set so high for yourself for............fanfiction.

And...don't delete your art!!!!

If you're going to delete your art by golly be sure it's not a form of self harm. So many people are like "my fic isn't getting engaged with, and that must mean it sucks and that must mean I suck, so i'm going to delete it." Well, now there is absolutely no way anyone CAN engage with it, or tell you that you don't suck, and in fact you will probably be LESS LIKELY TO BELIEVE someone when they say you don't suck because you removed any evidence that they might point to about what they liked!!!

Just post another version of the fic! Let your old readers know! Or just who cares, rewrite it and replace it. But don't delete your craft out of self harm, goddamn,

[nervousmendes]

Unsent Part 1 - Shawn Mendes

shawn x reader

a/n : so I'm finally back afer a really long break and I've been so excited to edit and post this one. I should also mention that is my first time writing angst so please be kind. any feedback would be much appreciated!

warnings : none, just 1.5k words of amateur angst and heartbreak

find more of my work : masterlist

It was a pleasant Saturday, the sun was long gone and the moonlight that spilled through the window was just enough to relax you while you worked on your research paper. Doing a PhD was never easy, and now that classes were going on in full swing, you were almost convinced that it was impossible. Your days mostly just consisted of you going to classes, working on essays, trips to the library and maybe watch a little Netflix before you hit the sack. It was a routine now, and you were always used to this life. You found your calm in the chaos whenever you could talk to your boyfriend who was touring somewhere in some city across the ocean. With your time zones never matching and him constantly traveling it was impossible to keep up with his schedule but you both did your best to stay as connected as possible.

When tour first kicked off, you missed Shawn so much. You hated the distance and you spent hours on end talking to him on facetime, blowing kisses and whining about wanting "virtual cuddles". It was a nightly ritual for the two of you to facetime immediately after his show, and since he was still in America at the time, it was easier to find a way to talk when you were both free. Even when you'd be too busy looking into your laptop screen while he was performing for thousands of excited teenagers every other night, there was some kind of warmth, some affirmation, that at the end of the day it was always going to be the two of you together until forever. Even though the physical distance made you sad, your relationship with him never seemed to burn out. Your love for each other was always so strong that the thought of being apart from each other never threatened your relationship.

But things shifted with time and the routine facetime calls went from after every show to every alternate show and then to every few days. You'd only text each other once or twice a day and it always felt like it was just for the sake of it. Sometimes you would go about your entire day and only realize before going to bed that you hadn't thought of him or spoken to him once throughout. You now knew more about him through his Instagram stories than you did from what he told you about tour. The quick ‘I love you’s exchanged before hanging up felt more mechanical than natural. Of course it hurt you, it made you feel guilty and made your heart ache at the same time, but you knew deep down that he was feeling that way too. It's not like he remembered to text you every single day either. It now turned into a subconscious competition of who would start the conversation first. Every text was thought out, typed, backspaced and rephrased. It felt like you didn't know each other as well as you once did. You would overthink not knowing whether a read receipt would do or a reply would be more reassuring. Everything seemed different, and not at all in a good way. As much as you hated to even think of it, a part of you felt that maybe you didn't love him anymore but your heart would never let you admit that.

You often went to bed not feeling sleepy at all, replaying all the memories from the initial stages of your relationship. The giddy first date, the awkward first kiss, the butterflies, the cheesy gifts and all the sneaking around. It felt like you were both different people back then. And maybe you just grew up or grew out of it, but does real love ever fade away? Does it suddenly empty itself and leave a void in your heart? How does it just make everything go away? You always thought, no you knew that he was the one. You still remember eighteen months ago at the fair, when he went down on one knee holding a huge stick of cotton candy in his hand, asking you to be "his honorable girlfriend until the end of time" and promised to never break your heart, you kissed him with everything in you right outside the Ferris wheel knowing in your heart that you already kind of wanted this forever. He had always been the one.

You both appreciated the little things, it was kind of what built your relationship with him. The reassuring glances from across a crowded room that made you uncomfortable, the hand around your waist when a distant friend would be “too nice” to you or the way his fingers played with your hair after a long, disheartening day were some of the many things you loved about your relationship with him. You always felt the need to be physically connected to him and it was almost common knowledge that Shawn's love language too was touch. You desperately missed the way his hand would automatically lace with yours while you walked together and the warmth it spread in you when his hands would go to the back of your neck to leave a tender kiss to your lips. And when one of you had a rough day, the other would kiss the stray tears away and you would both hold each other so tight until your ragged breaths would slow down and your hearts would beat to the rhythm of each other's pulse. All of that now felt like a distant memory, it was like you had him and lost him at the same time. Everything you once had with each other slipped right through your fingers. You would kill to go back in time and figure out anything you could've done differently to give this all a miss because the thought of even having to talk about the collected weight on both of your chests physically pained you. What if this was over? And even if it's not, what if there's nothing left to give? How were you going to go on knowing he's not yours anymore? While you learnt to live a life without him, you never once forgot that he would come right back to you. And now maybe he won’t and there’s nothing you could do about it. So many questions and so many thoughts ran through your head as you were still staring at the text you received about five minutes ago.

Hey I landed sometime back. On my way to Pickering. See u tomorrow?             - Shawn

No “babe”. No “honey”. Nothing about the movies he watched on the flight, or the occasional "Omg we're SO watching it together". It was a plain text just to keep you informed. Mechanical. You thought back to the last time he came home from tour, when he first showed up at your door and pushed for you to come spend the weekend with him and his family in Pickering. Gone were those days when he'd ring you up as soon as he had service on his phone again to tell you how tiring the flight was or how much he hated the food, and on hearing that you would order his favourite pizza before he got home. You read and re-read the insipid words on your screen and after a lot of thinking, with a doubtful mind, you typed out a simple response. 

Yes. Hope your flight was okay, get some rest tonight!

After humming and hawing for long enough, you hit send and patiently waited for the thumbs up he left under your text as an instant response. His lack of interest in continuing the conversation did sting, but you quickly pushed it away considering the fact that you were going to meet him the very next day and he’d clearly already had a tiring flight back to Toronto. You shifted around, pulling your blanket closer up to your face and just as you turned away and closed your eyes, the screen of your phone lit up again.

We need to talk, don't we... - Shawn

Shawn sat in his car parked outside his childhood home, right leg bouncing unconsciously and staring intently at the text he had just sent. He patiently waited for it to go from 'delivered' to 'read'. But it didn't. His bouncing leg was now shivering and the words he regretted typing out were staring right back at him. His fingers trembled over the screen, and with a shaky breath he unsent the message without giving it another thought. He took his bags and walked up to Karen and Manny at the door smiling widely as he silently thanked technology for saving him. But little did he know that your eyes were on the screen of your phone as you read those nauseating words under his contact name, and then watched the pop up disappear a minute after.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

I'm already working on part 2 and I can't wait to post it soon!! hope you liked this <3

dm me or reply to get added/removed from my taglist.

taglist : @theregoesmyherojd @shawnmendez @mendesficsxbombay @madatmendes @samaratheweirdo @mendesassemble @vinylmendes @ghostofjuls @shawnsreputation @amateurwriter27 @shawnblrficawards @shawnsprincesse

[amstories]

Newsletter #12: January 2023

Dear RNAs (kinikilig pa rin ako sa tawag ko sa inyo),

It's a brand-new year again and I'm thankful that you choose to spend another year with me. This brand-new year, I have new stories, characters, and writing goals to share with you guys.

2023 WRITING GOALS

Last year, I unofficially joined NaNoWriMo wherein I write everyday for the month of November. That solidified my writing goal for this year—to stay consistent in my writing, whether it be my story updates or the stories that I publish. That's why I'll be having regular updates every Monday this year!

Aside from that, I want to finish at least three stories this year. If I happen to finish more than that, then better, right? One of the things that I want to do this year to accomplish my goals is to participate in this year's NaNoWriMo. This is why I'm already preparing for it as early as now.

I hope I'll be able to reach all of my goals this year but nevertheless, I'm just excited to share my new stories with you this year!

2023 PROJECTS

Since I'll be updating every Monday this year (yes, every Monday of 2023), I have a total of four stories to publish.

Secrets We Can't Keep is going to be my first epistolary, so your feedbacks are very much appreciated, whether it be good or bad. But please do it in a gentle way. Constructive criticisms help me grow as a writer, so I'd accept them when you give one. You can comment on my stories on Wattpad or message me on my socials if you're shy.

Before I proceed to my next projects, I just want to say thank you to everyone who read and loved my novelette series, Karaoke Nights. My next projects are of the same kind and vibe as Karaoke Nights. I'm proud to present to you a novelette series that revolves around the commute scene in Metro Manila, Manila Commuters Club!

Manila Commuters Club has three installments: (1) Project Fate, (2) Commuting For Dummies, and (3) Crush Hour. Each has ten chapters for you to enjoy reading.

Would that be all the stories I'll publish this year? Well, despite being the planner girl that I am, sometimes the best things happen when they're unplanned. That's why I'm still open to spontaneity. So yes, you could expect more stories to be published aside from what I shared in this newsletter. (Gulatan na lang!)

52 FICLET CHALLENGE

Aside from updates every Monday, I'm also planning to post ficlets every Friday. Thus, the 52 ficlet challenge. This would really be a challenge for me since 52 ficlets is a lot.

For me to be able to keep up with the challenge, I decided to divide Ficlet Fridays S04 into four quarters: (1) January to March, (2) April to June, (3) July to September, and (4) October to December. Each quarter would have different themes:

Q1: Fluff bingo, wherein I write ficlets about my original characters from this fluff bingo.

Q2: Fanfictions, wherein I write ficlets about characters from different creators whether it be from a novel, television show, or movie.

Q3: Sides Take The Spotlight, wherein I write ficlets about my side characters. It's their time to shine!

Q4: You Make Me Sick, wherein I write ficlets about the crowds' favorite bickering housemates.

AM STORIES CALENDAR

Because of that, I'll be sharing this shared calendar with you guys so you could keep track of the things I post—story updates, ficlets, newsletters, and the likes. I'll even add some of my characters' birthday and anniversaries there.

You can join the shared calendar here. If the link doesn't work, you can scan the code below or type bit.ly/amstoriescalendar to your browsers.

Should there be any changes in my schedule of postings, you can always check the calendar for reference. You could also enter this Telegram channel for important updates and announcements. I'll keep you updated if there's any change.

Thank you for being with me for the past year(s). I hope you'll be with me again for this new year. I'm excited to spend my 2023 with you, my RNAs. Happy new year, my loves. May this 2023 be nice to each and everyone of you.

nagsusulat, AM