#i'm probably coming across as very mean here. that isn't my intention i'm just fucking. Taken aback at the sheer lack of BUDGETING and

[mountmortar]

have you guys heard the news about cohost's financial state. the more i read about everything regarding it the more ridiculous it gets

[skayafair]

Just watched some MVs and OH MY GODS Crystal is SO fucking cool.

In the beginning I thought she was crazy cool, but by the end of ep 1 that changed to "endearing" because she showed her vulnerable side - just a lost girl. Like. Somebody take care of her ASAP, with blankets and hot meals and lots and lots of kindness because this girl's been sucking it up all on her own for too long, she needs a break.

Now the endearing part has settled in and I'm back to the crazy cool because SHE IS. I admire everything about her post-amnesia personality (and have some compassion for the previous one).

Also I've seen some people saying Kassius' acting was bad or bland. I've considered it. Rewatched some clips. You know what, I'm falling more and more in love with the character and her portrayal.

Crystal may seem more "bland" compared to other characters because Edwin and Niko have very pronounced designs and I'm not only talking about the looks here, it's about the mannerisms and the lines delivery as well. They are pretty dramatic. Charles is sort of theatrical too, in a way. Basically all the characters look and act like they came straight from the comics, and I don't mean the DBD comics specifically but more in terms of how encapsulated and distinct comic characters images are usually in general.

Crystal though is the viewpoint chatacter. Despite being the psychic, driving the whole plot and having several plotlines she seems the most "normal" among them, the one we're supposed to associate with and see the events through, more or less. Her behavior is less dramatic and theatrical, more casual - I probably have low chances of coming across someone like Edwin or Jenny in real life, but I wouldn't be surprised to meet someone like Crystal. Not saying Kassius acting isn't expressive - it is, very much so, but it's still toned down compared to the others. I'm convinced it's intentional though.

And another possible reason is that Crystal is often angry or unhappy during the episodes, so to some it may seem like her whole character is limited to a few defining points, which affects the acting, too. Except it's NOT.

While rewatching I was blown by how alive and visceral Crystal felt. All the emotions were delivered the way I'd expect from an irl girl. The post was initially caused by the scene when Charles talks about their relationship and "being professional" to Niko and Edwin while Crystal is present and Kassius showed her character's discomfort SO masterfully. It's the microexpressions, it's the gesture of covering her face with her hands and the way it's done, it's her quiet remarks and intonation. Or the scene in ep 5 when Crystal tells Charles about David while sitting on the pavement in front of the butcher's shop and something in me breaks every time I see this scene because Crystal is breaking there, too. There are too many examples, basically all of her screen time. Yes I'm a fan of Crystal's why asking

So yeah. I don't like to deny other's points of view just because I don't like them, and Kassius' acting wasn't something I thought of while watching, so I took time to actually think about it. Hence why I have a full right to say: this opinion is a total bullshit 💖

And I didn't think of her acting while watching because it felt so natural that I DIDN'T have to think of it. Which tells a lot as is, I think.

So yeah. Stan Crystal everyone, she's a gem.

[respectthepetty]

I've been wondering for a while- how did you start getting into all the colour stuff?? I would love an origin story <3 what got you into your passion for deciphering colors and how did you figure out what they mean??

sorry ik it's a lot but ever since I started following you I see colors everywhere and I'm curious of where you started noticing them ((: it's so fun and intriguing to me! I'm usually more of a "foaming at the mouth for the lighting" girlie but it's been a heap of fun figuring out colors with the lights ^^

thanks for everything you do to show us your eye for color btw ♡♡ your blog is so fascinating and I love reading all your theories and notes

@overrgrown, never apologize for asking questions, but I've actually been asked this before by bengiyo. You can find my write up HERE, but the short version of that post is I've always seen colors; therefore, I've always attached meaning to them, even if the meaning was not valid.

TLWR: Appreciate the artists who work on these shows, not me.

In bengiyo's ask, I stated that when I was younger, I thought the colors were showing me what was good and what was bad. That's it. In my defense, I was a kid, so everything really was good or bad in my book with no in-between.

Even though I've always seen colors, and it comes very naturally to me, the meaning I attached to them when I was younger was very much based on who I was rather than what was being shown to me. Five-year old me thought if someone was dressed all in red that they were the devil. Adult me now knows that isn't always the case. Adult me also knows that red in American (United States) culture means something different than other cultures.

Not a flex, just a fact, but I have several degrees in languages, linguistics, and rhetoric. What they are in is not super important, but, in general, a formal education has greatly helped me infer meaning from what I'm visually seeing in the media I consume. My degrees are not in film or communications, yet I've taken undergrad and grad-level courses like Visual Media, Multimedia and Visual Communication, Language of Film, Digital Narratives, Cinematography and Lighting, Film Theory & Criticism, Queer Cinema History, Spanish Film & Feminism, and many more all because under this great big academic umbrella of rhetoric and composition lies storytelling.

And that's what this is really about - How do we tell a story? Regardless if that story is a simple flyer for a school bake sale, a 30-second commercial advertising cleaning wipes, or a 12-episode BL series, how do we get the message across? We can't just rely on ONE thing! We have to use as many things as possible! So when I'm watching a BL series, I'm just not paying attention to the words being spoken or the acting alone. No, I'm paying to the background noise. What do the clothes tell me about the character? What does his apartment tell me about him? And what do the colors mean?! All of it is important!

I've mentioned this before but I serve on a screening committee for a queer film festival. I actually got involved with the film festival as an undergrad because of one of the film courses. This has allowed me the opportunity to speak to several filmmakers about their process, and all of them have confirmed that the colors were intentional. People who deal with props and costume design have spoken to me about trying to find very specific items that reinforce the story being told. Oh, and theater is a whole different level. Because of the nature of the stage versus film, if it is on the stage, it must have a reason for being there.

Basically, people who work in visual media work really fucking hard, which you probably know since you love lighting. Most times, 12-hour days are the average, if not longer. This video does a good job of briefly covering the work that goes into costume design, and I timestamped it to begin at the part that covers colors.

I love seeing colors. I love deciphering them. I love the story they tell.

But they wouldn't be there if the hardworking people behind them didn't do their job, and those are the people who I appreciate.

So, as always, I'm thankful that you let me know I'm helping you see the beauty is in the details, but I'm really just here to admire the beauty with you.

[rawbin-hsr]

The previous anon articulated it so well bc I just saw what they're talking about and I'm honestly confused why they thought u were saying anything wrong like 😭😭 are we sure we have the same guy here? Aventurine while yes knows what being loved feels like, he's gone through enough things and changes in life that that little frame of reference won't serve him well, especially within a romantic context bc he doesn't have ANY reference.

I read what you wrote as him not really meaning to (even reread) and yeah, he wouldn't Purposely want to be abusive to his romantic partner, but it still borders on it. What a lot of ppl get wrong is that, emotional abuse doesn't have to always mean the perpetrator is fully aware of it themself.

Maybe bc I myself have bpd, but it's so easy to see. When someone's avoiding negative feelings they have about themself (jealousy, insecurity etc) they can easily externalize this blame (and for him, that's so much more likely, it's literally a defense mechanism) or even, projecting his own view of himself on how you view him only to end up upset. (And then, the random clinginess that comes after this pushing away, why would it happen if not for trying to convince you to stay even though what he keeps doing is generally not a good thing to do in a relationship?) He wouldn't have known healthy attachment, didn't grow up with a safety net to be comfortable with that, hell, he thinks people closest to him (in canon) are sort of "tolerating" him. Are we really surprised?

Like, you never said aventurine is doing it with intent or even awareness bc yea he isn't!! He'd realize some of his actions sure, but stuff like "pushing you away" is probably shit he genuinely considers good for you, and it's not even like completely wrong he's in a high and risky position. Doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt like a mf, and I think that's the biggest tragedy of it all, because he doesn't fully realize how bad his actions are from another pov, and it's not like a single Convo can get him to understand that.

Anyway, sorry that was a lot more incoherent than I thought and I was firmly stating a lot of things bc I can pull up stuff to back my claim but ALSO bc they pissed me off if u don't like something just scroll I've been doing that for years on this app I never felt the need to go yell at someone bc I don't agree with how they interpret a character 😒😒😒😒 I hope ur feeling better, rsd sucks ass I always get so overwhelmed whenever I experience it but ur intent came across very clearly actually dw

I’m literally in tears I’m so grateful multiple people are taking the time to reassure me thank you so much 🥹🥹🥹 I was really doubting myself and my own take on him, it makes me feel so relieved I’m not the only one who has this specific take on him haha I was lowkey worrying I was a terrible person for a moment there 😭

And yes, exactly !!!! I think you were very coherent in this, in fact I think you formulated what I meant to say better than I did 😭😭 Like there’s a lot, a LOT of nuance to it !!! He never does it out of malice. He just doesn’t know any better. He tries to do what’s right and what’s best for you, he’s just… kind of not good at that because his whole perspective is skewed.

I do still think they were right that I shouldn’t have used the word ‘abuse’. It’s a very loaded term, and I think abuse requires a power dynamic, which is something I think he would try to eliminate in a relationship. Like, yes, he is a powerful man and he sort of needs some leverage to stay in control (of both his own life and his relationship with you), but I think he fucking hates the idea of being “above you” in any way. (Though to be fair he still could unintentionally create an uneven power dynamic — he’s the one mostly in charge of when the two of you interact. I think he loathes himself even more when he realises that.) I think it would be best to stick to the word “toxic” because it feels most fitting from my pov

[coldresolve]

yeah, nah, fuck it. im sharing this post and then i'm just gonna link to it whenever it becomes relevant.

every disagreement i have with yall always comes back to me phrasing things in a way that sounds mean. always, always. like duh, i dont try to sugarcoat how i see things, i have realized that, in fact i do it on purpose. why? well.

i come from a culture where it's often interpreted as deceitful and/or shallow to sandwich your point in with superficial courtesy. if you spend too much time packing your point in with whatever you think will make it easier to swallow, people will start to feel like you're infantalizing them, or straight up wasting their time. being direct and honest from the get-go is seen as a sign of respect - yes, even if what you're saying could easily be interpreted as rude. say what you think, say exactly how you feel, and we'll take it from there. that kinda thing.

when i say an opinion or criticise something on here, i am treating you, the reader, like someone who is smart enough to understand the gist of my argument without being bogged down by its delivery, mature enough to recognize the difference between criticism of your work (or general trends) and criticism of you as a person, and emotionally well-adjusted enough to not pin your self-worth on the negative opinions some random guy on the internet might have of something you do/create/like.

i am showing you respect by talking to you as if you are an adult who can deal with what i might have to say. if you're not, and you can't, i expect you to have the wherewithall to not engage with me. i could at the very least respect that. alternatively, you're also welcome to disagree with my points, obviously. i'm always up for a good discussion.

but you responding to criticism like mine with defensiveness, affront, or worse, the idea that you're now justified to go after the criticiser as a person, only comes across to me like immaturity, self-consciousness, self-importance, and in some cases - deliberate or not - obtusiveness. see how that cultural divide can go both ways?

we're probably not gonna find common ground here. i'm tired of being interpreted as aggressive all the time, but i have no intention of conforming to the american ideal of social courtesy, because it makes me feel shallow, disingenuous and fake. meanwhile, you're probably not gonna be able to hear me speak without shaking the knee-jerk feeling that i'm purposefully ignoring the sensitivity of others (because objectively, i am).

so do we chuck the whole thing up to different culturally determined approaches to communicating our ideas? can we keep a shred of respect and mutual understanding and leave it at that?

or are you gonna insist that i'm immoral/rude/aggressive/callous/antagonistic/attacking people/etc, for voicing my own opinions, in my own way, on my own blog - in which case i, in turn, will feel perfectly content to just consider you an inherently silly person?

as far as i can tell, it's one or the other.

(also please please recognize the difference between using culture as an excuse, and pointing out a very real cultural divide that influences both how i communicate and how you interpret how i communicate. my point is that we're gonna keep talking past each other unless we adress the fact that we approach communication with very different goals in mind, mine being effectiveness and honesty and yours being courtesy and social sensitivity. i am also not saying that either one of these is "the right way" to communicate. don't read shit into my takes that isn't there to begin with. thx)

[forest-hashira]

i need to be honest with you guys

i really don't want to be Like That and say that i've succumbed to the whole "my writing is worthless if it isn't popular etc. etc." mindset but like. i think i kind of have. i know that my writing has worth even if nobody reads it, and for a long time i was fine with not getting much attention on my works. i was happy with what i was writing, i didn't really care if anyone else read it, because i liked it, and that's what mattered.

and then i started writing Noble Blood, not just a bunch of mini fics that had no worldbuilding and very little plot.

Noble Blood is very precious to me. i've never put as much time and effort into a project that has actually turned into anything beyond some very vivid mental images and a handful of bullet points in a google doc. Noble Blood means so fucking much to me. and as much i desperately wish it didn't, the fact that it has not done well over the last three months has really, really hurt me. i know that engagement isn't everything, and i know it doesn't signify how good or valuable my writing is, but it's also not wrong for me to wish that people would interact with it in some way, because without those interactions there's no way for me to know if anybody's even reading it at all, much less if they're enjoying it.

and beyond that, i feel like whatever little niche i may have had before is gone, or at least expanded to the point that i feel like i've been pushed out. i don't want to make anyone feel bad, so i'm definitely not going to name any names, and again i really don't want to make anyone feel bad or like i'm attacking them. that is not my intention. i am just trying to be honest about what's been going on in my head lately. but i have writer friends who used to mostly/only write smut with little to no plot and are now branching into fics with lots of worldbuilding and plot and little to no smut, and i'm happy for them! i'm glad people are comfortable and confident enough to do that, and i am more than excited to read those things as they're published, genuinely i am. but i feel like that was what i had going for me, what made what i was writing stand out from everything else. and now i feel like i don't have that anymore.

i'm not entirely certain i know where i'm going with this, or what i'm trying to say. but this has been weighing heavy on me for a while. i don't want this to come across as me whining because my stuff hasn't gone viral, or begging/guilting people into reading my works, or anything like that, and i don't want anyone else to feel like i'm upset with them or think that i feel like they don't deserve the attention their works get, or anything like that, because i don't think or feel that way; i'm genuinely so happy that people are exploring things that interest them and are enjoying writing those ideas. i just wish it was working out for me like it's working out for them.

this isn't a post to say i'm quitting writing forever (i don't think i could even if i tried to), and it's not me saying i'm going to delete everything i've posted and disappear, because i'm not going to do either of those things (though i can't say the thought never crosses my mind). I am just struggling to find a reason to keep doing what i'm doing, because my disappointment and frustration with how poorly everything i post here does has now been bleeding into the enjoyment i usually get from writing, and it's making writing feel Very Unpleasant. i don't want to quit but i don't know what to do anymore.

to anyone who does read & interact with my fics, mutuals especially, i will never be able to thank you enough for your support. it seriously means the world to me, and i owe you an eternal debt of gratitude. i love all of you from the bottom of my heart.

if you read this far, thank you for listening to my (probably pointless) rambling, and i'm sorry for taking up so much of your time. i hope life is treating all of you well, and that you're taking care of yourselves as best you can. i love you guys 💜

[sometimesiammybpd]

have you ever written a hate song about someone (or someones)? i have and it's strange. also, for the sake of transparency, i will not mention names or specifics outside of the lyrics shown (i made them vague-ish on purpose and left out names).

one of my favorite interests is writing lyrics and i can't lie and say that it didn't feel satisfying to see it on paper because it almost felt like for once, i could vocalize how i'd been feeling for months. it's not easy losing friends over and over again. it's not easy for me to move on from anything. been that way all my life and i want to say it's a battle i can win, but it absolutely does not feel like it. most people just do not understand what it's like to relive the worst moments of your life on the daily like as if it's a tv channel you can't change because someone lost the remote and you're too lazy to get up to find it. except instead of being lazy, i'm mentally destroying myself. and what makes it harder to deal with is the feeling that if i brought up the same issue again, my friends would stop talking to me. either way, it's not fun.

it's why i wrote the song that i did. i pretended like i had an intention to make it a reality but i knew even if i tried, i'd never allow myself to release it. it's just not something you put out there because i honestly don't know if i could really say i was in the right in a lot of the situations i bring up in the song. i just knew that i had to get the hate out of my body because i couldn't stand it anymore. i don't enjoy feeling that much hatred towards a person no matter what they did (or didn't) do. in the case of the people the song is about, it's incredibly complicated and there isn't really one side to take. they'd probably say otherwise and that's fair but imho, it's not that easy cause none of the issues were straight black and white. but i'm not really wanting to talk about this to make myself seem like the good person in a situation the internet shouldn't really be involved in.

a lot of the people that ended up getting written about in this song have history with me and it's not good. because to a lot of them, i was the problem for years and that's completely true. i will most likely make a proper post about changing as a person and stuff but understand that i was toxic for a very long time. not irl toxic, but online levels of toxic. so it was bad and i take full accountability for it. and most of said people originally met and dealt with me in that stage. and that also means they got more than their fair share of it, for worse. if you wanna talk about hard pills to swallow, that's about as bad as it got for me because i couldn't accept it. i don't know, it's a mess and i'm trying to watch what i do and don't say. if they somehow end up finding this post, i don't want it coming across as me trying bring back the dead or something. because no matter how many times i say it, no one believes me that i DO want to move on. but it makes it impossible when i can't even think about them without feeling a burning hatred and just . . . every fucking emotion at once. which is honestly why i tried writing that song. i just fucking wanted things to change. i wanted to be able to start the real process of letting go and closing this chapter for myself because trying to live like this is not possible.

okay so i'm going to show the lyrics, but here's the thing. please don't ask me specifics about what i wrote. i am not showing this to cause problems. this song will not ever see the light of day outside of this post. anyways.

[verse 1] i’m a ghost in this world and i am losing myself the mirror looks back at me, no one is looking back i feel like what once kept me going is now my enemy you blame yourself, i blame my self-destructive tendencies does the thought ever cross your mind like you’ve left something behind like your soul has been declined to make suffering streamlined is that something to do with me? what if it can’t become concrete what happens when i can’t handle the shit you’ve poured all over me [verse 2] nice guys finish last and yet somehow you’re behind them burning through all your money with your unhealthy obsessions $5,000 worth of debt, no job, no urge to get one stupid or suicidal, do you really not see the long run you’ve been made into her bitch, to do whatever she wants you stopped thinking for yourself, acting all nonchalant maybe that’s why you gave up, you just really don’t care you can’t see that you’re uninformed, thinking you’re self-aware

[verse 3] i bet your perception of me starts and stops at the courts the same way you flipped like a dime with your support you're living in the past like it's a kind of glory days treat your boyfriend like he's your bitch, set us all aflame tell me, what will you run your mouth about now? say kill yourself like it's just a joke, somehow you want to control everyone who's involved with you trash them behind their backs, how so adult of you  [chorus 1] i'm a ghost in your world and you're my purgatory make me relieve the worst memories like it's mandatory i’ll be the star in the sky watching your downfall cause i'm tired of the lies, the “end-alls and be-alls” my back is about to break and the cuts are still hurting the wounds continue bleeding, you continue to assure me that white noise will drown out your actions, so moronic you’re setting yourself on fire and i think it’s fucking ironic [verse 4] you got dumped and it's sad but no one wants to hear you whine they didn't cheat, you just suck and your soul’s on the decline lure in another victim, let the delusions loose “it's only been a month, i already want to marry you” will you treat her like you do your failing YouTube career? the work you stole the credit for that made it “oh so sincere” leave her to die in the rain, you’re a walking disaster to you, people are trivial cause the views are what matters [verse 5] let’s play a game of 20 questions, i’ll go first how would you feel if the roles were reversed if i started to use you like you’re just a therapist friend and then left you behind when there was nothing left to expend or what if i came to you, saying they’re all out to get me they want to destroy my relationship, would you call me crazy would you tell me the truth and tell me i’m in the wrong or would it end up how it went down, like we just didn’t belong [verse 6] blame me as if i was the reason why i made the optimist die, mr. “i’m not the bad guy” you told me it was nothing, led me to a false sense of security then ripped it out from under me, goes to show your maturity it made me start to wonder what kind of person you are all the “issues” had with others, coming out like an all-star waking up to see the blood on your clothes “maybe i’m the problem, maybe i should stop hiding in the shadows” [verse 7] sitting here with papers scattered like a conspiracy theorist wondering if it's okay to do this, am i being a realist maybe i should put the knife down and ask if you'll survive ignore what made me hate you, it's okay if i'm not alive cause when we’re all dead and buried, i’ll always have the upper hand we'll all be in hell, did you forget about your sins i’ll let lucifer himself torture me for eternity so long as you get it worse, it's like a fucked up six-part harmony

it's a lot lol. and it's honestly really hard to look at for me because if i did for some reason try to make it a reality, how well do you believe that would age lmao. and i want to say above all else, despite all the hatred i feel, i don't hate these people. and yeah that's extremely paradoxical, but it's true. i feel hatred because of how things went (again, very complicated and very none of your business) but the more i think about them, the more i realize i just don't care. i really don't hate them even if i probably should.

i don't know. the point of this is just to point out that we all handle things different ways. i default to anger and hatred because well, that's where i am right now. i go to therapy when i can and i am doing my best to understand why it goes that way and what i can do to prevent or dull it down, if i cannot outright stop it. it's not something i can just say "oh, i don't like this. i am not doing this" and then have it stop immediately. it's hard to explain that it's something you don't even feel in control of. anyways, i hope y'all can get some enjoyment of the lyrics. and if any of the people find this post, i am not trying to shit all over you so please don't take it that way. yeah, the lyrics are hateful and spiteful, but i didn't decide to release them for the sake of "eh it'd be funny to get one up on them" or whatever.

also thank you guys for reading my posts and so far liking what i have to say :)

[helloalycia]

teenage dirtbag [four] // wanda maximoff

summary: Things finally explode between you and Nate, and Pietro decides to get to the bottom of whatever is going on between you and Wanda, though in usual Pietro fashion AKA not subtly at all

warning/s: none.

author's note: this is very beefy, i must admit, but i think you'll all enjoy the outcome 😂💘

part one | part two | part three | part five | masterlist | wattpad

Dinner with the Maximoffs wasn't as strange as I envisioned. Her parents were sweet and the twins did their best to make me feel comfortable. Wanda still seemed mildly frustrated whenever Pietro and I would talk though, and I figured she may have thought I was lying when I told her I didn't like him like that. I hoped that wasn't the case.

After dinner, Wanda took me upstairs to show me her bedroom. I'm not sure how to describe it other than it seemed so Wanda.

"I'm guessing red is your favourite colour," I said when I saw the hints of scarlet in her bedroom. On her walls, in her bedding, on her pillows. Just like her car and her jacket, they were all bright and very her.

"Great observation, Sherlock," she teased with a sly smile.

I returned the smile, sticking my tongue out at her playfully, before having a walk around and coming across her massive CD collection and CD player. Her music taste was actually quite similar to mine, which I definitely didn't expect. It just made her ten times more attractive to me which wasn't good, but oh well. I was here for a good time, not a long time. And my crush on Wanda Maximoff would surely be the death of me.

"D'you have any CDs at all?" she asked, joining my side when she noticed me staring at the shelf.

I crossed my arms, glancing at her. "Don't get me wrong. I'd love to collect them, but it's just so much easier to have Spotify, y'know?"

My intention wasn't to make her laugh, but God I was glad I did when her eyes crinkled and the sound rang around the room, making my heart pinch with adoration.

After giving me some of her pyjamas, the two of us got ready and brushed our teeth before I realised she wanted me to share bed with her.

"You wanna watch some TV before bed?" she asked, clearly not registering my hesitance to slide into her Queen-sized bed.

I swallowed hard. "S-sure."

She turned on the TV at the end of her bed as I slipped in beside her, still a bit rigid as I kept a fair distance from her.

"What you feeling? Comedy? Drama? Horror?"

"Anything is fine with me," I said, still tense.

She hummed in acknowledgement before leaning down on her pile of pillows behind her, edging closer to me. My heart was hammering in my chest as her hair tickled my arm from where she was laying.

"You comfortable?" she checked in, leaning backwards so her head was upside down to see me. "I have more pillows if you need them."

I offered her a small smile, hoping it disguised my nerves. "I'm good."

She nodded before flicking through the channels and eventually settling on reruns of The Office. It took time, but I eventually overcame my initial shock of sharing bed with the girl I had a major crush on and instead relaxed, getting comfortable under the covers.

After watching some TV, we called it a night and fell asleep quite quickly, the day taking its toll on us. For once, I wasn't panicking about doing something stupid. I simply fell asleep, trying to ignore the heat she emanated from beside me.

It was a peaceful night – her bed was super comfortable – and I woke up to the sound of Wanda moving about in her bedroom.

"Shoot, I'm sorry, did I wake you?" she asked when she saw me moving about under the blankets. I tried to blink away the sleep as she continued, "I was gonna wake you soon. School starts in an hour."

I rubbed my eyes, yawning, before sitting up and seeing she was practically already dressed. That meant she would have been up for a while, meaning she would have seen me fast asleep. God, I hated when people saw me sleeping. It always felt so weird.

"It's okay," I got out tiredly, before running a hand through my hair.

"You sleep well?" she asked, spinning around in her chair, her makeup half done. "I tried my very best not to use you as a teddy bear."

She was joking, but I felt my neck grow warm at the thought and damn, it was just way too early to be flustered.

"Yeah, I slept great," I settled, feeling her gaze on me. "Thanks again for having me over."

"Anytime," she said, and something told me it wasn't just a friendly response but that she actually meant it. Maybe it was the kind smile on her lips as she said so. "Just like last night, if you wanna use anything in the bathroom, go for it."

I gave her a thumbs up, taking a moment to wake myself up a little more, before heading to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I returned to Wanda's room, I saw she'd already made the bed and had laid my clothes on top of it.

"I've got a shirt you can borrow," she said when I grabbed my jeans.

"Oh, I can just wear the same thing again, it's no biggie," I told her, already grabbing my shirt.

She pouted before grabbing a shirt from her closet. "Just hold on. You'll love it."

In no time, she came out from her closet and held out a Paramore tee shirt on a hanger towards me.

"I got it from the last concert I went to," she explained. "I thought you'd like it."

I couldn't help but smile at the thought. "Wow, Wanda. Really? You don't mind?"

She nodded, shaking the shirt as emphasis for me to take it. I did, having a look over it and smiling to myself.

"I'll wash it and give it back to you tomorrow," I promised, taking it off the hanger and holding it with my jeans. "Thanks."

"You can keep it," she said, scratching the back of her head apprehensively. "I've got loads."

"Oh, no, I can't do that," I began to deny, but she shook her head.

"It's fine, I'm giving it to you," she said, before smiling sweetly. "I'm sure you'll look better in it anyway."

Again with the warmth spreading up my neck...

"I doubt that," I quipped with a small smile.

"Go! Go get changed," she said, already pushing me towards the door. "I'll meet you downstairs for breakfast."

I snickered, letting her shove me into the hallway, before heading into the bathroom to get ready. The shirt was oversized, so there was no need to be worried it wouldn't fit. It was actually really nice, plus I liked it that extra bit more knowing Wanda gave it to me. Though I knew I wouldn't keep it. It was hers and she was just being nice.

When I finished making myself look presentable, I headed downstairs and found the twins at the kitchen counter, chatting between themselves. Their chatter ceased when I walked in, with Wanda biting her lip and looking me up and down with satisfaction.

"I was right," was all she said, making me nervous. "You do look better in it than me."

—

The day after that, I did as I said I would and returned Wanda's shirt to her, washed, folded and ironed. Knowing she wouldn't accept it without a fight, I left it in her bag when she wasn't looking during class.

I should have expected her to approach me at my locker afterwards.

"It was supposed to be a gift," she said, and I saw her pretty face reflected in the mirror hung inside my locker.

I turned around, already knowing what she was talking about.

"I told you I couldn't accept," I said politely, giving her a small smile. "I appreciate it though." She seemed disappointed which obviously didn't help with my feelings for her, so I took a leap and added, "Maybe I can get my own at their next concert. In the summer, right?"

She picked up on what I meant and smiled, stifling a laugh. Running a hand through her hair, she met my gaze and I found myself frozen in place as always, unable to look away. I wondered if she knew what she was doing when she did that, knew that she was giving me heart palpitations every time her lips turned into a playful smirk and dark eyes studied me curiously.

My eyes drifted to her lips subconsciously and she must have put on some lip balm or something, prior to finding me just now, as they looked shiny and pink and just so damn kissable. Nate was one lucky guy.

—

Having faced issues with Nate three times now (AKA the three times he happened to launch a football at my head), I'd figured I wouldn't be seeing the last of him. He was a dick, meaning he had a natural inclination to piss people off, particularly me. But I never thought he'd go for Y/BF/N.

We were chilling by our lockers, chatting about his film project, when his books suddenly got knocked out of his hands and he was shoved against the lockers. I straightened up when I saw it was Nate, looking pissed off as he had Y/BF/N's shirt bundled in his fist.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I shouted, trying to shove him off, but he merely pushed me back.

"This isn't your business," he said to me before glaring at Y/BF/N, who was quiet with panic. "You. You've been hanging around my girlfriend and I don't like it."

The colour drained from Y/BF/N's face as Nate slammed his hand to the lockers beside his head, startling him.

"I want you to stay the fuck away from Wanda!" he ordered, and students were starting to pick up on the fight that was clearly about to break out. "You fucking hear me, you nerd? Stay the fuck away!"

Poor Y/BF/N nodded his head, eyes avoiding Nate's. Meanwhile, I was angrier than Nate probably was. Y/BF/N had done nothing wrong. Maybe Nate had just seen Wanda hanging with me and because Y/BF/N was always with me, assumed the worst. Either way, this was no way to handle the situation and I was not gonna let this dick threaten my friend.

"Get the fuck away from him, Nate," I said through gritted teeth, glaring a hole into the side of his head.

Nate barely glanced my way. "I told you this isn't your business, honey."

"Five seconds," I said, standing behind him as a crowd began to form. "You've got five seconds or I'm gonna kick you."

He seemed to ignore me as he tightened his grip on Y/BF/N's shirt, only pissing me off more.

"Five," I began to count down, the grip on my books tightening with nerves and anger. "Four."

He still didn't look my way, just kept slapping Y/BF/N's face to scare him.

"Three, two, one," I said quickly, tired of giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Without waiting anymore, I kicked him between the legs with full force, watching as he instantly let go of Y/BF/N and doubled over. Everybody began to laugh, some making 'ooh' noises, but the consensus was clear – it definitely sucked to be Nate right now.

I tried not to laugh as I watched his face scrunch with pain, turning red. I was starting to appreciate my choice of wearing my doc marten boots today.

"No more balls for the guy who keeps throwing them at my fucking head," I got out, jaw clenching.

He looked up, his face crossing with realisation as he recognised me. In response, he glared in my direction, but it didn't faze me.

"Come on, Y/BF/N," I said, looking to my startled friend. "Let's go."

"What on Earth is going on over here?!" a teacher's voice rang out in the distance, and I groaned internally.

When I turned to leave, I heard Nate from behind me, grunting with dissatisfaction.

"Fuckin' dyke," he mumbled under his breath, and I paused, clenching my fists.

"Y/N, don't–" Y/BF/N tried to stop me, but I was too pissed to care.

I spun around and punched Nate square in the face, feeling good as his smirking face scrunched in pain and his back hit the lockers from the impact.

"Woah!" a teacher came out of nowhere, shoving herself between us and pushing me away from him. "What the hell is going on here?!"

I shook my hand to ease the pain on my knuckles, though the pain couldn't stop the grin on my lips as Nate raised his hands to his face, holding his busted nose. Students were going crazy, egged on by the potential fight, and for once, I didn't mind the attention. Nate had that coming for a while now.

"Everybody back to class! Now!" the teacher yelled, glaring all around her, before her eyes settled on Nate and I. "You two. Nurse's office now."

Nate glared at me behind his bloody nose and, once again, I tried not to laugh. Y/BF/N patted my back, amazement written on his face, before letting me leave with the teacher and an unusually silent Nate.

—

Kicking Nate in the groin and punching him in the face wasn't something I did to get attention, yet that's exactly what happened. Word of the incident spread around the school quite quickly, so much in fact that even students from other grades became aware of the situation and were approaching me to tell me how awesome I was. The whole thing was definitely strange, but I could tolerate it.

What I couldn't tolerate was having Chemistry after lunch and wondering if Wanda knew.

Would she hate me for punching her boyfriend? I wasn't sure. I just knew that when she walked into class and sat next to me, I felt everyone's eyes subtly watching us as if waiting for her to explode at me.

I'd been given an ice pack for my bruised hand after my visit to the nurse's office earlier whilst Nate had been treated for his broken nose (the fact that I'd broken it was hilarious to me, since I knew I wasn't even that strong). The principal had a very angry yell at us both in his office, neither of us willing to reveal the premise of our fight, before giving us detention every day after school for two weeks straight as punishment. Of course, Nate got his two weeks at a different time to mine for fear I'd punch him again (he definitely didn't like that, but he couldn't exactly say that to to principal).

I didn't bother using the ice pack in Chemistry for fear Wanda may ask what was up. I successfully managed to hide my hand and as a second surprise of the day, Wanda mentioned nothing about the incident. Not one thing about her boyfriend, about Y/BF/N, about any of it. I thought she might hint at it, trying to get me to bring it up. But she didn't which made me think she actually had no idea it even happened. Had anyone told her? Had he told her? Nah, probably not. His fragile masculinity probably caused him to change the story to something else so he didn't look like a wimp in front of his girlfriend.

Whatever it was, I was safe for now.

Thinking I'd got away with a confrontation from Wanda, I went about the rest of my day as usual. Well, that was until I was replacing some books in my locker at the end of the day and saw Wanda at her locker behind me, arguing with– yep, you guessed it. Nate.

Y/BF/N was collecting some books from his own locker beside me and we both exchanged looks as we saw the two lovebirds in a heated argument. Just when we were about to leave, someone cleared their throat from behind us, making us turn around.

Wanda was stood there, backpack hanging from her shoulder, beside Nate, who looked like he would rather be anywhere else but here.

"Hi," he started quietly, making Wanda clear her throat. He glanced at her before looking to Y/BF/N. "Look, man, I'm really sorry about earlier. I was wrong about what I said. We cool?"

I tried not to laugh at the way Nate was being forced to apologise by his girlfriend. Y/BF/N glanced to me with questioning eyes, so I simply shrugged.

"I guess...," he finally answered Nate, still a little awkward.

Nate nodded before looking to me. He still had his reservations, judging from the twitch in his expression, but for Wanda's sake, he kept his cool.

"I'm sorry for treating you badly," he said reluctantly. "With the football and just generally."

God, it was so hard not to laugh in his face right now. His nose had gauze taped to it and it made him look like an idiot. I fake coughed to disguise my smile, before meeting his gaze.

"It's, er, cool," I said, not in the mood to be an arsehole to him, even though he deserved it. I'd punched him – I think we were equal for now.

He nodded, before staying quiet. Glancing to Wanda, he waited for her to say something. She rolled her eyes and nodded for him to leave. When he was gone, she sighed tiredly.

"I only heard about what happened after Chem class," she said, mainly to me, a guilty expression on her lips. "I'm so sorry he acted like a jerk."

I chewed my lip, unsure what to say.

"It's okay, Y/N here took care of it," Y/BF/N said, smiling with amusement at me. Okay, well now she definitely knew.

"Yeah, sorry you felt you had to do that," she said with a grimace. "I guess he deserved it though."

"Kind of," I agreed, before noticing the regretful frown on her lips. "He apologised though. It's already happened. I kinda broke his nose... No point in dwelling on it."

She smiled, though it didn't reach her eyes. "Yeah..." Her eyes fell to my bruised hand before lifting it gently. I winced at the ache, but let her hold it, studying the purple bruise painted across my knuckles. "That looks bad."

It felt good punching him though, but I wasn't about to say that since it was her boyfriend I was talking about.

"It's alright," I said dismissively, shrugging. "Nate kind of got it worse. I'll live."

The pad of her thumb stroked the bruise gently and I held my breath, the feeling of her hands holding mine sending shivers up my arm. Her eyes flickered to mine, softened with guilt, before she let go of my hand.

"I should head home," she said after a pause. "I'll see you both tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow," Y/BF/N said for both of us, sensing my loss of words.

Wanda held my gaze once more, eyes half lidded as they glanced down. Before I could even question what she was looking at, she waved goodbye and left.

"She's either starting to realise what a dick her boyfriend is or she's just really into you," Y/BF/N said, patting me on the back. "Maybe both, who knows?"

—

"You definitely cheated," I told Y/BF/N once we finished yet another round of air hockey. "Nobody wins six times in a row like that!"

He laughed at my expression. "Tell me, dear Y/N. How would I cheat? The concept of the game is simple, really. It's not my fault you're terrible."

I rolled my eyes lightheartedly. "Seventh time's the charm. C'mon."

He chuckled, about to put more money in the machine, before his eyes got distracted by something behind me. "Well, would you look at that. The Maximoff twins are here."

"Very funny," I said with a knowing look. "You can't throw me off like that. We've established I'm already terrible. Now c'mon. Let's go!"

"I wish I was joking," he said, shaking his head.

I scoffed, not believing him, and turned around to prove him wrong, but I was surprised when I saw Wanda and Pietro walking into the arcade we were in. They seemed to spot us instantly, waving in our direction before approaching us.

"Fancy seeing you here," Pietro teased with a smile as they stopped before us.

I cracked a smile as Y/BF/N joined my side. "We're hanging out. And you?"

Wrapping an arm around his sister's shoulder, he tugged Wanda close to him. "Sibling bonding time."

Wanda rolled her eyes at his childishness, but I could tell she found it endearing all the same.

"Well, if you want, you can hang with us," Y/BF/N offered, and we all looked to him, myself raising a brow his way. He seemed to sense my reluctance, it egging him on as he grinned at them. "Y/N doesn't mind. Do you, Y/N?"

I swallowed hard as I looked between the twins. "'Course not."

And that's how I found myself playing arcade games with the Maximoff twins that Saturday afternoon. It was actually pretty fun, with Pietro being as competitive as I was and Wanda being the sweetest loser with everything she played. It was so adorable, but I ended up letting her win some games of skee-ball just so I could see that cute nose scrunch of hers as she realised she'd won.

"You gonna let me win like that, too?" Pietro caught on as he took his sister's place in playing against me. He had a mischievous grin on his lips and I felt my mouth go dry at what he was implying.

"You wish," I said, playing it cool, though I wondered if he cared that I clearly let Wanda win. He wouldn't read into it, right?

Pietro took his go as he spoke. "So, I heard what happened with you and Nate at school last week."

I closed my eyes, cringing at the reminder. Pietro merely laughed.

"You kicked him super hard, right?" he asked excitedly. "I heard his face went so red with anger that you could fry an egg on it! And don't forget that punch, goddamn what I would pay to have seen that!"

"Pietro!" Wanda scolded from behind us as her and Y/BF/N played air hockey. "Don't be a tool!"

I felt my face heat up with embarrassment as Pietro continued to laugh. Y/BF/N joined in whilst Wanda tried to hide the smile dancing on her lips.

"You're not even together anymore," Pietro called to Wanda between laughter. Wait, did I hear that right?

"You and Nate broke up?" Y/BF/N asked with disbelief. "Our grade's 'it' couple broke up?"

Wanda ran a hand through her hair to distract from her flittering eyes. "He treated you horribly last week. Both of you." She glanced my way before looking at her shoes. "He was a jerk. It was long overdue... Also, I would have broken up with him there and then had I known what he'd said to you. I'm sorry he said what he did."

She stared at me with apologetic eyes and I wasn't sure what to say or do other than nod awkwardly and look away. The fact that she'd broken up with him put a smile on my face though.

"I just think it's awesome," Pietro admitted, before saluting playfully to me. "Thank you for your service. I knew you were awesome, but this is a whole new level."

I sighed, attempting to hide my smile, before straightening up to play. Pietro and I played some skee-ball before I decided to have a go at the claw machine. Wanda was at the one beside me, attempting to win herself a fluffy black cat plush toy. She'd had three goes before giving up, admitting to defeat.

"Typical Wanda," Pietro teased. "Giving up when the going gets tough."

She punched him in the arm, making him jump and rub it. That elicited a smile from her, making me laugh at their immaturity.

"How about Wanda and I go and get a table in the diner next door whilst you finish up winning whatever it is you're trying to win?" Y/BF/N asked, looking to me, as if assigning blame.

"I already told you, I'm not leaving this machine until I win at least one thing," I stated stubbornly.

"The amount of money you've put into the machine won't make up for whatever you win," Y/BF/N teased with amusement.

"Just go," I said, waving my hand dismissively. "I'll be there soon."

"I'll wait with her," Pietro said, resting a hand on my shoulder, making me shrug him off jokingly. "See you soon," he added with a laugh, to his sister and Y/BF/N.

When they left, I looked to Pietro with an amused smile. "I don't need you to look after me, y'know."

He shrugged and looked through the glass of the claw machine. "I know. But I stayed to give you some advice, princess."

"Oh, really? And what advice is that?" I asked, before putting some coins in the machine to have another go.

"People usually tend to win these things for people they like, right?" he asked, nodding to the plush toys in the machine.

"Or for themselves," I corrected with a curious smile. "Take Wanda for example. How badly did she want that cat?"

He crossed his arms, smiling with amusement. "You could win it for her, y'know."

"What?" I asked, half paying attention as I attempted to grab a teddy bear.

"Win the cat for my sister and give it to her?"

I ended up dropping the teddy from the claw as I looked to Pietro with shock. He laughed at my expression, leaning against the machine.

"You do like her, right? Otherwise this is awkward," he added as an afterthought, looking down and smiling to himself.

My jaw hung open. "I– er– I never really– I don't–"

"She must definitely like you," Pietro noted, glancing at me.

I licked my lips as I found my words. "Did she," I cleared my throat, "did she say something?"

"Well, no," he said, "but she looks like she wants to murder me every time I hang out with you."

"That's just a coincidence," I said, shaking my head and looking back to the machine. "She's not–" I thought about, before shaking my head again. "No."

I appreciated Pietro's help, but Wanda definitely didn't like me like that. She was just protective of her brother and friendly to me. It didn't mean anything.

"Look, you don't have to listen to me," he said, straightening up and looking at the machine as I slotted another coin in. "But you could give it a shot. See what happens."

I glanced at him, his blue eyes watching me knowingly, a matching smirk on his lips.

"Fine," I gave in, hoping it wouldn't backfire. "Let's see what happens..."

[sirthisisa-wendys]

Investigations (Part 3): Ran Haitani x Fem!Reader

synopsis: when things are uncovered, can you handle the truth? Or are you doomed to make a mistake you can't rectify?

wc: 2.1k

tw: violence

masterlist

song recommendation:

Ran's past was a lie.

When you met him at the country club five years ago, your pasts had been explained in hushed tones and excited flurries of memories; sharing photos of the time before he was an executive of the communications company he worked in and the time before you were a journalist.

Ran said he had gone to jail twice, both for crimes he had been an accessory to as a delinquent kid, but that he'd cleaned up his act after and made his way up the corporate ladder. Nothing about gangs or being a Heavenly King in Tenjiku made it past his lips.

You had been honest, too. Your tales included the time you'd accidentally happened upon a massive gang fight, and that's how your investigative journalism skills began to bloom.

Who was fighting?

What were they going to do after?

Where did these gangs come from?

When did this argument start?

Why were they fighting?

How did gangs form in the first place?

Those were all the questions you sought out answers for that night and the next five years after, devoting your time and effort to finding the truth about everything.

"Babe?" You freeze, hands hovering over the keys at the sound of Ran's voice. You don't turn around - you can't even look at him the same these days - but he fixes that by walking over to you and turning you around in your chair. "What are you doing up so late?"

"Just doing some writing." His violet eyes search yours for the truth, but you know he won't be able to find it. Not while you're still trying to unravel his past. Ran kisses your eyelids sweetly, cupping your face in his large palms and littering his love across your face as you try your best to remain still and not confess about your research.

"Come to bed. It's late."

"I've got a few more paragraphs," you explain, motioning to the small print on your screen. "I'll be in bed soon."

But your lie is discovered shortly thereafter. It's five a.m. when Ran returns, seeing you slumped against your desk, arms cushioning your head, laptop screen blank. Instinctively, Ran pulls you out of your seat - making your notebook fall to the ground - grunting softly as he scoops you up into his arms and cradles you against his chest.

You willingly allow your husband to carry you to bed, where your two-year-old is also nestled among the sheets and pillows, thumb tucked into his mouth. And for a moment, Ran appreciates the view, seeing the two people he loved the most - besides his younger brother - laying in the bed he paid for, in the house he built, in the city he owns.

But then he remembers the slight disarray you left your things in at the desk and returns, picking up your pencil and notebook before laying them beside the laptop. Then his eyes catch "Ran's past?" written in bold, red letters, along with the words: "Tenjiku" and "Tandai" also written in the web of other words surrounding his name. "South Terano" is also on that web.

He'd have to take care of that in the morning.

And for the first time in a long time, worry bubbles to the surface of his mind, and Ran rips the sheet of paper from your notebook, tossing it into the kitchen trashcan and considering his deed done. He concealed his past to protect his family. And he's concealing the present to achieve the same goal; all for the future to be revealed later. That's how everything should be.

Right? _____________________________________________________________

"Ran," you whisper, lips running across his knuckles. His fingers cup your jaw, and his own lips press against your forehead, violet eyes darkening slightly. "It's six am. Where are you going this early?"

"I have to go into the office for a little while," he murmurs, kissing your forehead again. "I'll be back around lunchtime." Thoughts of Tandai and Tenjiku flash into your mind for a moment, but you smile at him sleepily anyway, absolutely sure these things are part of his past and not in the present.

"We'll be waiting for you, my love."

Despite all of your best intentions, though, you can't help but be consumed by the idea of Ran out, fighting, stealing, maiming... You consider asking him about these things, these concerns, but you decide against it as you're helping Kai with his lunch. If he wanted to leave it in the past, there's a good reason for it. He would have told you if it would be a problem later. Right?

Ran wouldn't jeopardize your family, your home, your life for something so... juvenile.

Right?

The clatter of keys on the counter in the living room brings you back to the present, and you perk up, your two-year-old mimicking your expression.

"Daddy!" Kai slides down from his seat and runs to greet Ran, clutching his father's legs with all his little might.

"Hey, buddy," Ran laughs, stooping to pick up his son with excitement. "How are you doing?" As son and father have a very stimulating conversation about playtime, you watch them in wonder, observing the way Ran makes his child a priority, just like he makes you a priority. But your countenance falls as soon as you see the blood spot on the bottom of Ran's lavender suit jacket. You know its blood because of the way it dried - that's no ketchup stain.

You fake a smile anyway, giving Ran a kiss on the cheek and tugging his jacket off after he sits Kai back on the tile floor.

"Hard day?"

"Kind of," Ran mumbles, and you catch the sight of a long scratch down the side of his neck. "But I made it through." You hum, taking the pin-striped jacket to the laundry room and slinging it over the side of the washer. You'd need that later.

"Need to relax?" you wonder, and Ran grins at you mischievously.

"Maybe later, after bedtime?"

_____________________________________________________________

But "later" never came.

Instead, Ran and Kai fell asleep on the sofa, watching a kid's movie, and you retreated to the office, powering up your laptop and pulling your notebook closer.

You immediately notice something's wrong, as the notes you had before were missing. Everything is gone. Not even a word of all the research you had done was there. Hadn't you written meticulous notes and names and things about Ran's past that could be interconnected? You break out in a sweat and search in every drawer of the desk, every place it could possibly be. You come up with nothing, and let out a frustrated sigh before slumping down in your seat and pulling up the computer history from yesterday. If you had to rewrite every single thing, that's fine. You'd just need more time to gather your evidence for the meeting on Saturday.

You're knee-deep in articles and police reports when you stumble across a more recent - actually as recent as this morning - article titled: "Ex-gangster found dead in meat factory". The picture of South Terano startles you, and you click on it, feeling a sense of dread as the article details how he was found hanging upside-down in the warehouse with a bullet hole in his head. And just like that, your newest lead has fizzled out. You groan, writing down "South Terano, deceased" on your notepad, then exiting the tab.

There had to be someone else you could ask. Shuji Hanma only provided you with Ran and Rindou's names, no one else.

"What's this?"

The door to the office shuts softly, and you look over your shoulder at Ran, who is walking toward you with measured steps, his eyes taking in your exhausted expression and the way you're hunched over that notepad. Again.

"What are you doing? You look tired, babe. Let's go to bed, yeah?"

Suddenly, pieces begin to click as Ran leans his hip against the desk, staring down at you in the chair with squinted violet eyes. "You threw away my notes... Didn't you?"

"What are you doing in my business, y/n?"

"Why didn't you tell me that you were in two gangs?" you counter, fingers shaking slightly. "Ran, this is something I needed to know before--"

"You wouldn't have married me if I told you." Ran's tone is cold, almost as if he's turned into the past version of himself without batting an eye.

"You don't know that." Ran leans forward, coming to eye level with you a smirking.

"I know you. And that's all I need." Ran reaches out a hand to close the laptop, still smiling and maintaining eye contact. "Now here's what you're going to do. First, you're going to stop digging into my past. There's nothing there that you need to find. Second, you're going to come to bed. It's late, you're tired. Finally," Ran cups your chin like he did this morning, except his fingers aren't so tender this time. "You're going to cut off contact with both Shuji Hanma and Taiju Shiba. I'm not really fond of either of them, and I'm not a fan of having them tell my business to my wife."

"They were only doing it because I asked."

"Taiju, maybe. Shuji isn't so eager to fuck you. I doubt he did it out of the kindness of his heart." You can't say anything to refute his claims. Ran is probably right. But you can't get one question out of your mind.

"Why are you trying to hide your past? What's there that I won't like?"

"What isn't there is the real question."

"What can you tell me about the gang that's just surfaced in Tokyo?" Ran's face slackens, transforming into a half-surprised, half-blank look that you realize is one that means he's been caught. "Oh, my fucking god," you breathe, tears stinging your eyes. "South, the fish, the murders, the crime... It's you. It's been you this whole time. I've been chasing my own husband down." Panic begins to set in, and your mind whirls around as you shake in your seat, bringing your hands up to your head. "Just tell me Rindou isn't in this," you breathe, but Ran doesn't answer you, still wearing that dumb look on his face. You let out a cry of shock, covering your mouth and trying to back away from Ran as much as you can.

The source is a lot closer than you think.

You slide down the wall, shocked into stillness as your sobs quiet, and Ran straightens up, placing his hands in his sweatpant pockets. The long nights, the early mornings, the bloodstains, the damn suits... It all led to this. Ran had never really left his old lifestyle behind. He'd gotten caught up in it, and brought you and Kai into it unknowingly.

"I never meant for it to get this... unhinged." You can't reply, tucking your knees into your chest as you stare past Ran and at the opposite wall, wondering how you'd missed the signs, the obvious signs that Ran was up to no good. "I know this is a lot to take in, but we can--"

"I can't stay here."

The words fall from your mouth and Ran flinches, shaking his head.

"No. You can't leave."

"Yes, I can," you mumble, standing and wiping your tears. "I can do whatever I need to do to keep Kai safe, and--"

"Kai is safer here than out there," Ran snaps, pointing at the window. "I'm not letting my son out of my sight. Your snooping has caused enough trouble as it is; I wouldn't have had to go and clean up this morning if you hadn't--"

"Don't blame this on me," you retort, pointing at Ran accusatorially. "You're the one who joined a gang and is still in one! What kind of role model are you for our son now?"

"I provide the best way I can," Ran grits out, clenching his fists. "You've never gone hungry, cold, or ill-clothed a day in your life while you were with me."

"I would rather die than enjoy a life paid for with blood money."

"Blood money? You really think--" You try to push past Ran, but he grabs your shoulders, yanking you back in front of him. "You're not going anywhere except to our bed."

"Let me go, Ran Haitani," you mutter, hands balling up into little fists. "Or I'll scream."

"Who will hear you? Kai?"

How had you been so foolish? Ran's lips press together momentarily as his violet eyes run over your figure, taking stock of all your five-foot-six stature. You're no match for Ran. Not mentally, and certainly not physically. Ran notices your defeat and his hands slide down to your wrists, tugging your delicate hands up to his chest.

"Everything will be fine," he whispers, drawing you close. "I'm taking care of us. Just trust me."

Just trust me.

[wolfish-trickster]

Liar

final part (I like number 7, let's end it at number 7)

Loki x female!reader

Word count: 2,9K

Warnings: angst, typos (not when drunk gods are talking, those are intentional), drunk god bros™, hangover

Tag list:@gaitwae @lucywrites02 @hard-to-be-the-bard @birdgirl90 @laramoonworld @belovedadam @mascaracoffee @serebrum @myworldgoesboomz @lokis-leah @nickkie1129 @getyoutmoon @forevernthensome

A/N: thank you so much for reading this unexpected mini series❤️

Loki swayed from one side to another. His question still hanging in the air. Thor was struggling to get back up on his feet. When it looked like he's making progress, he fell down on his knees again and had to start over.

"Has any of you ever seen them like that?" Steve whispered.

Everyone shook their heads. Your eyes remained glued to Loki. He never drank. Well, if he had to he drank fine wine or some other 'fancy' alcohol from Tony's stash, but he never drank to the point of being drunk. Only slightly tipsy.

You remember the first time you saw him drink. It was a long time ago. Tony made him. He said it will make him 'turn that frown upside down'. You saw him drain the whole bottle that day and it did nothing to him. Only tainted his pale cheeks with slight pink. You've seen him drink more than a bottle since then, but it was never enough to make him stumble through his words, or sway around like Jack Sparrow. How much did he had?

Anxiety gnawed on you again. 'He drank because of you. Because of what you told him. Your words pushed a literal god to drink his sadness away.'

"Weeeell?" Loki asked again. When Thor fell down with a thud on the floor again Loki rolled his eyes and was at least pretending to help him stand up. You swear you heard him whisper something along the lines of 'get up you outgrown lightning mouse, don't embarass me in front of her', but that could've been just your imagination.

"For god's sake, how much did you guys have?" Sam asked and Bucky stole Rex from his lap while he was distracted.

Thor while leaning on the back of the couch was counting his fingers. After a while he gave up. "A lot. We made our anescesterors proud," he bared his teeth in a proud grin.

"You mean ancestors, right?"

Thor's head turned to Nat. "Yes! We had a whoooole barrel. One for me," he hugged his brooding brother around shoulders (more like leaned on him with his entire weight) "and one for Kiki," the childish nickname earned Thor a massive shove to the side. "Do not call me dat!"

Bruce facepalmed. "Guys, what are we gonna do with them?"

Clint pulled out his phone, recording everything. "Enjoy while it lasts."

You smacked his phone away, a sudden need to protect your (hopefully still) friend's dignity roused inside of you. "You can't!" you said louder than you wanted.

Clint just shook his head. "You're no fun Y/N," and put his phone away.

You frowned at them. "I know. I know I'm no fun, and I am annoying sometimes, and weak and dumb compared to all of you. I know all of that! I don't care!"

Bucky stared up at you. "What has gotten into you doll?"

"I'll tell you what. I was a bitch, okay? I was overthinking everything ever since I had that argument with Loki. His words started something inside of my head. I started to think they were true, that when my best friend thought those things what must all of you think. And even when I knew they were lies those thoughts stayed up here," you pointed at your head, "and I hate myself for still keeping them there. And just when I thought I'll finally make up with Loki and everything will be good again I fuck up!" you wiped an escaped tear, took a breath and continued.

"It's my fault he's like this. He was drinking because of what I said. All of this is because of me," you hugged your arms to comfort yourself a little. Everyone stared at you, including the drunk brothers.

What you were letting out of your mouth probably didn't make sense as a whole. They were just your anxious thoughts getting free, they didn't care in which order. All of that stress, everything that has been rotting inside of your chest is out now. You feel a little better.

"Daaaarlin', 's not your fault," Loki interrupted your train of thoughts, reminding you that just because you talked your heart out, it didn't fix your mistake of hurting him.

"Yeah, and whose then?" you said calmly.

Loki stood up straighter while still swaying a little. "The univers! She won't let us be toge'er, thas why I haf to make up with 'er," his british accent got deeper.

You slowly walked towards him. "No Loki, this is my fault. And I'll fix it too," you took him by his arm and slowly lead him away. To his bedroom. However, he protested.

"Wait! We have to give 'er flowerz," he leaned down to Thor and yanked some of the flowers along with his golden hair from Thor's head. "Y'kno, to makup."

You shook your head and walked with him a little faster. "You don't have to. All you have to do is go to sleep now."

When the Avengers finally came to their senses Bruce shouted after you. "Hey what about Thor?"

"He's all yours," you shouted back from the elevators and pressed button leading to Loki's floor.

*

'He's heavier than he looks,' you think as you get closer to his bedroom door.

He's been leaning on you for support the whole silent (mildly uncomfortably silent) way to his bedroom. He groaned and mumbled something undecipherable here and there. You wished to be already in his room, put him in his bed and dissappear for few hours. You felt so awkward helping your friend who can barely stand after he drank because of you.

"Can you lean on the wall please?" you asked him when you both stood infront of his locked door. He unhooked his arm from around your shoulders and practically threw himself onto the nearest wall.

"Lean, not fall!"

He chuckled. "Sorrey, is the gravity," he mumbled.

You rolled your eyes and fished out a key from his bedroom door from your sweatpant pocket. When the thin metal slid into keayhole Loki threw his arms around you and gently squeezed you. "Are ya real?"

"Eeeh, yes? Why are you asking?"

"Because," he squished your cheeks together, "you're nice to me. And you're cute," he giggled.

You chuckled and removed his hands from your cheeks. "Thanks, but this isn't you. You need to sleep."

"Not me?" he asked, confusion all over his face. He ran his hand across his torso and settled on his face. "But this is my body and my face! It has to be me!"

"Yes, it is, but the acting isn't. Now come," you took his hand and gently lead him through his open door.

You pushed him to sit on his bed and wanted to walk out, but he won't let go of your hands. He studied them like a little child, turning them, looking at them from every angle. You blushed. He hasn't been this tender for a long time.

You cleared your throat. "You need to sleep. You're gonna have a massive hangover tomorrow."

His eyes left your hands resting in his and bore into yours. But they weren't as clear as usual, they were clouded and lost. "Why?"

"Eeeh, because you're drunk?"

"Why?"

"Because you drank?"

"Why?"

"Because-" no, you can't tell him. "It doesn't matter. Just sleep now," you tried to push him to his bed, but even in this state he was strong and unmovable.

"I don't wanna sleep. I need to find Univers!"

"Well, you can find your universe after you sober up."

"Noooo," he shook his head dramatically, his hair whiping around him. "I can't find my universe. YOU are MY universe," he held your hands close to his chest.

"But I need to find THE Universe! With the T'n'H'n'E infront of it," he started to ramble about Universe conspiring against him and you, but you didn't listen.

You stopped listening after he said 'you are my universe'. Did he mean it?

" 'Your' universe?" you asked and finally pushed him to lie down on his bed.

"Yea," he yawned, his eyelids became too heavy for him to keep open. "I know you hate me, but I.... I...," and he was gone. Off to the dreamland.

You stayed there for few more minutes in case he woke up and finished what he wanted to say, but no such thing happened. You could play on drumms next to him and he wouldn't move.

You softly brushed his hair from his face and covered him with his soft black blanket. "I don't hate you Loki. I never did. I just hope you'll be just as nice and calm when you sober up as you were right now," you caressed his cheek for the last time and walked to his door.

Before you closed, you looked back at him and softly whispered. "You are my universe too Loki."

*

Loki's head pulsed with pain. That's what woke him up, actually. Blindly, he felt around him with his hands, trying to find out where he was. Warm blanket, soft bed, his Asgardian armour still on. It was dirty from clay and smelled weird. Almost like.... alcohol?

'Oh,' he thought, 'that happened.'

He groaned and opened his eyes, only to instantly cover them with his palm. Light from the nearby window was stabbing his eyeballs causing him even bigger headache. All he wanted to do was get a big- no, giant cup of cold water and down it just as fast as he was doing with the alcohol yesterday.

But whenever he tried to use his magic only green and gold sparkles flew from his fingers and when he tried to stand up he got dizy and the whole room started to spin. He fell down onto his bed again. He felt as if his brother hit him with Mjolnir, his famous hammer.

If he wanted a cup of water, he will have to suffer through those few steps to his bathroom.

He reluctantly and slowly stood up and walking very close to wall he made his way for a drink. Or three, just in case.

After a long and unpleasant journey he fell onto his bed again, but not before he pulled blinds over the horribly bright window and rid himself of any dirty and uncomfortable clothes, leaving him only in his underwear.

With his head underneath his blanket, to block out any more light, he tried to remember as much of his actions from yesterday as he could.

From your room he went to gym to punch his frustration out. That's where Thor found him, interrogated him and then dragged him to Asgard to have a drink. Or a whole pub apparently. The rest is a blur. Something about garden, flowers and him and his brother crashing down to Midgard to look for someone. Who? He doesn't remember. Maybe you, since he remembered something about flowers. Maybe his drunk self thought it would be best to make up with you.

But that didn't make any sense, he had nothing to apologize for anymore. You were the one who told him those word. Where even were you anyways?

Just as he finished that thought he heard his doorknob move and his door creaked open.he slowly peaked out from underneath the blanket and in the dimness saw a familiar silhouette. You.

Carefully you put one foot infront of the other and walked straight towards him. You must think he's still asleep, that's why you're so careful. Oh, how he longed to pretend to be asleep and then jump at you and scare you. But he can't. He can't let his mischievious nature do that yet. Not when things between you two aren't like they used to be.

Instead he kept his eyes open and when you got close enough, he slightly moved. "Well look who showed up," he said.

You flinched a little. "Thank god you're finally awake. How are you feeling?"

"Horrible, to be honest," he rubbed his temples. "Why did you say 'finally awake'?"

You completely ignored his question. "Do you need anything? Water? Painkillers?"

"How about you give me an answer?"

You sighed. "You were out for two days Loki. I was starting to think you had alcohol poisoning and died in your sleep. I was checking up on you every few hours to make sure you're still with us," you confessed.

"Oh, alright. Thank you. And I don't need anything. I already obtained it," he pointed at his bedside table with three glasses of water.

"Still, your head must be torturing you. I'll bring you some painkillers," you ran outside before he could stop you.

You returned after few minutes with a small box of pills on one hand and a jar of water in the other. "So you don't have to stand up and go to the bathroom after you drink those three cups," you said and put the jar on his bedside table.

"Thank you. You are oddly kind to me," Loki pointed out.

You hummed and awkwardly stood infront of his bed, trying not to look at his naked torso. You fidgeted with the box for a while. "Just take one when you want," you said finally and put it next to the jar.

"Hey, can you tell me what happened yester- I mean two days ago? Was I and Thor a big disaster?" he asked, wanting you to stay with him.

"Well," you chuckled and scratched the back of your head. "It was a bit awkward and confusing. You and Thor appeared on the balcony and you were looking for universe for some reason."

Loki facepalmed. The pain from embarrassment was bigger than the pain his head was causing. "And let me guess, The Earth's Mightiest Heroes recorded everything, didn't they?"

You shook your head. "No, I didn't let them."

"Thank you," he smiled kindly.

You returned the smile. "Hey, can I sit here?" you pointed at the corner of his bed.

"Sure," he moved a little to give you more space. The bed dipped under your weight a little.

"I want to tell you few things," you said, your eyes watched how you fidgeted with your fingers.

"I'm listening."

"First I want to apologize for what I said. I was tetchy and I know it doesn't excuse what I said," you raised your eyes to his. "I just want you to know I didn't mean them. And I'm sorry. I would like to be your friend again. Please."

Loki bit his tongue from teasingly telling you 'no' and took a deep breath. "I would like to be your friend as well. I don't want us to argue anymore. So," he extended his arm towards you, "friends?"

You beamed at him. To him your smile shone brighter than the sun outside. You took his hand and shook it. "Friends."

"I'm glad," he squeezed your hand gently. He didn't want to let go yet. "And what about the rest of what you wanted to tell me?"

"Oh, right," you looked to the side. "You said something yesterday."

"Something offensive? If so, I apologize-"

"No! Not at all! It just..." you bit your lower lip and tilted your head, something you subconsciously did when you blushed. "Y-you said that... I am your universe," you said carefully.

Loki froze. Did he really say that? You didn't look like you were lying. Why did he tell you that? Why were you bringing that up? Did you possibly feel the same and want to be sure he wasn't kidding when he said it?

Loki must've took too long to respond, because you were trying to pull your hand from his and leave. This time Loki was fast to stop you. "I really said that?"

You gulped. "Yes, ehm did you mean it? Wait, you don't remember. Sorry," you chuckled awkwardly.

"If I said that while drunk, I meant it."

"Really?"

"Yes. I once heard 'alcohol reveals, who a person truly is', in that case I am a romantic," he winked and you giggled. He liked the fact you still giggle at his stupid jokes.

"For real now. You are my universe. My best friend. My partner in crime. And if you allow then I would like to add another title: my paramour. If you feel the same way, that is."

You smiled softly and intertwined your fingers with his. "You are my universe as well, Loki."

"Great," he lifted your joined hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to the back of your hand. "When I sober up and feel better I'm officially asking you out on a date."

"How long does it usually take for you to sober up?"

"A day or two," Loki shrugged and fell back onto his bed. His head started spinning again.

"That's too long," you said and layed next to him. "Can I watch over you while you sleep?"

"Sure thing love," he hugged you to him and kissed the crown of your head.

Bonus

"Darling, it's 2pm."

"Yes, so?"

"Aren't you supposed to take Rex out?"

"Bucky is training him."

"Oh, okay."

"You're so sweet to think of him."

"Hmmm."

*meanwhile*

Steve: hey, aren't you supposed to train him?

Bucky: *lying on the floor, Rex napping on his chest*

Bucky: uuuh, I gave him a break.

Steve: *raises one eyebrow*

Bucky: please don't tell her

Steve: only if I can join in

A/N: I was this close to write the angstiest ending, but I have a good mood today

[xuxishortcake]

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 : you are an undercover agent, still fairly new at the job & on the search for two notorious con men, who might be part of a gang in the mafia. it's your job to figure out what's going on but oh my, are they more dashing than expected.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 : switch!reader sub!jungkook dom!taehyung smut , cursing, forced into s*x , cream pie , fingering , blowjob , double penetration

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 3k

hello everyone! this officialy my second fanfic I've written, so pardon if there are any mistakes, grammar errors, etc. feedback is appreciated greatly! hope u love the fic!! ^_^

✧༺🍷༻∞　　∞༺♥༻✧

you wore a black suit that was nicely tailored to your body. you were driving around in San Francisco because you were assigned to work there for the day. all you knew so far was that you were after two con men who might've been involved in serious Mafia activity. you kept your ears on alert, waiting for more information from your agency. finally, you got an incoming call on your watch.

"hello?"

"hey y/n, it's seulgi. so I've found the house you need to go into, it's in the Presidio Hights neighborhood. I'll send you the full address. " *ding* came in the address & seulgi continued on. "the two men are Korean with the names Jeon Jeongguk & Kim Taeyhung. remember, be careful, we have no idea what these two are capable of, there's evidence pointing to them being in the Seo-bang Faction group."

"don't worry," your replied. " I might be one of the newer agents, but I've been taught well. "

"ok. we're counting on you. we have backup, but it'll take about 10minutes to get to the mansion since we don't want them to discover us. "

"gotcha. I'll call once I'm done." & you hung up the phone.

you pulled out the message with the address, put on your navigation system & started driving towards your destination.

thirty minutes later, you arrived & parked nearby the grand mansion you were to go inside of. you scouted far away with a special type of glasses to find an entry way. there was easy to open windows on the second story & you made your way to the mansion. going through the window, you stepped onto the plush, maroon colored carpet. finally inside, you walked as quietly as you could, your shoes were designed anyways to be as quiet as possible but it was better to be safe than sorry. it was surprisingly quite minimalistic with decor, the decor itself though being very ornate. you looked down the interior balcony. a grand set of marble stairs led up to the second floor & third floor. you started walking up to the third floor, there were some pretty expensive looking paintings leading up. finally reaching to the top, you walked down the long corridor. checking in each room if there were any signs of life. no luck. where in the hell were they? could it have been possible they knew somehow someone was coming & left? the final room you were about to check was the biggest, the master bedroom. the first thing you took notice of was the huge espresso colored canopy bed with a velvety crimson bed spread. there were also a few shelves with gold items & books on them. you looked through them all, to see if there was anything hidden but there was nothing. you checked in the huge bathroom, nothing. just a beautiful & large bathtub & joint sink. puzzled, you sat on top of the bed. you hadn't a clue what to do next. there weren't any new messages from the agency, so the two must've been in the house somewhere. you started to feel a sudden wave of drowsiness wash over you. was it because of the jet lag? no, this isn't normal. it was probably sleeping gas. you were now barely able to keep your eyes open & saw two figures walk into the room. {shit.} you thought, & blacked out.

what seemed to be hours later, you slowly started to regain consciousness. you were calling out to your watch to call your agency & nothing happened. you now realized you were tied to a chair & stripped of gadgets, weaponry & even your own clothes. you started to turn your chair around the room to find if there was anyone around. in came from the corridor & into the bedroom the two men you were supposed to find. they both were nicely tailored, as to be expected but the thing that had caught you off guard was their visuals. the two seemed to be in their twenties & were very, very good looking. they sat down onto a sofa that was across from you, both staring intently into your eyes.

"well," said the one with particularly long eyelashes "are you going to start talking or no? "

"yeah, we're not waiting all day for an answer. " vocalized the other, looking you up & down.

you felt absolutely mortified. not only were these men goddamn gorgeous, but you were only in the pair of black lace underwear that was concealed underneath your suit, which was now in a bundle in the corner of the room.

"I was sent here to investigate the two of you."

"by whomst?" asked the one with the long eyelashes.

you stayed silent. if these men were really part of the Seo-bang Faction group you could never let them know where you worked at, for your whole agency could be in grave danger.

"still not trying to talk hm? bring out the gun, jeongguk."

your eyes widened, trying to maintain a calm face. jeongguk went out of the bedroom. a few seconds later, he came back in with an old fashioned looking pistol, handing it over to taehyung. taehyung cocked the gun.

"now tell me, with WHOM are you working for? " he spoke watching intently.

"I'm not going to tell unless you tell me about yourself first." you retaliated.

"oh well, suit yourself." he pointed the gun & pulled the trigger.

your eyes we're closed shut & you were sweating bullets until you realized that you were still alive.

taehyung was chuckling. "oh my, you should've seen your face then, it was priceless i tell you, priceless."

"are you going to kill me?" you asked, clearly shaken.

"oh trust me, he could have" jeongguk interjected "we already knew someone was coming here, we just wanted to have some fun. there are no bullets in that so there wasn't any way to kill you with it. "

"aren't you concerned I'm trying to report about you two? your members of that gang no? "

"haha, no. I can assure you we are just simple, cunning assholes, who like to do frauds, maybe a few scams here & there, but we're not involved in some huge Mafia group."

"do you expect me to believe you?"

"yes, I guess. after all, what else can you do now that you're stuck here?"

"so...what do you want from me then?" you asked.

"like I told you, fun."

"what do you mean exactly? "

"to put it simple, a real fun, hot fuck. we haven't had one of those in a while. sure, you can get a prostitute & we have no problems getting any person that we want, but this, this is much more interesting. " jeongguk said smirking, crossing his arms.

"if you do it, we'll let you go. "taehyung added, fidgeting with the rings on his fingers.

what the hell were you supposed to do in a situation like this? sure, you had been in difficult situations before, but not like this. this....what were you supposed to tell your agency? you were forced into sleeping with two men who were possibly in the mafia? there had to be another way out of it...

"listen, unless you have super powers & can magically weasel yourself out of very tight rope, there's no other way for you to get out of this. " taehyung said almost as if he could read your mind. "so is it a yes?"

you gave a slow nod.

"hmmm, ok great. well, not that you had much of a choice anyway but I promise you won't regret it. " taehyung stated confidently. "jeongguk, untie her."

& he untied you. rubbing your sore wrists, you looked up at the man who untied you. god, he really was good looking.

"so, what now?" you asked slowly standing up.

"we need to know three things." said jeongguk. "one, are you dominant or a sub, or both? two, what is your safe word? I know technically what we are doing isn't legal, but it's no fun if you're uncomfortable and lastly, three. can you take two cocks at once? "

"I'm a switch, & hell, I bet I could take two. for a safe word...." you looked around "gold."

"ok cool, let's get started then." jeongguk said while pushing you onto the bed.

taehyung stood up from the couch & walked over. the two now standing over your smaller frame, like two foxes staring at their prey hungrily.

"you suck on him." said taehyung pointing at jeongguk. "I'll take care of you."

jeongguk started to unfasten his belt & you, still on the bed turned so you were horizontal,in a dog position. only pants down, you palmed him through his boxers. you finally pulled them down & revealed his half hard on. he was in your hand & you gave a few quick strokes & took him in vigorously. he let out a low groan, you could feel him already growing in your mouth & started to move while you were sucking. he put his hand on your head, keeping you at a steady pace. meanwhile, taehyung was behind you, on the other side of the bed, palming your ass. the feeling of the cold rings on his fingers squeezing your flesh made you gasp. he traced his fingers over to your underwear & pulled them to the side. he ghosted over your slit, collecting some of your wetness onto his fingers. gently, he prodded a finger up your pussy. slowly moving it, in & out & added another one. you moaned, vibrating against jeongguk's cock.

"oh shit, do that again." he said head thrown back a bit, holding onto your head tighter.

taehyung inserted another finger; now three fingers were knuckle deep into you. you could hear how wet you were by the way your pussy was squelching. you had muffled moans for jeongguk kept your mouth full. you had difficulty not crumbling under taehyungs touch, his hands working like magic. he pulled out of you & you whined, desperately clenching around nothing.

"pull out." taehyung said to jungkook while licking off his fingers. jungkook nodded. "y/n was it? go put that brat in his place & do not let him touch you. "

taehyung walked over to a piece of furniture, rummaged around a drawer & came back with a blindfold & handcuffs.

"put these on him." taehyung said as he handed you them.

"aw shit really?? why can't I see?" jeongguk whined, giving a little pout & took off his top.

"because you were having a little too much fun over there. plus, you like being a sub anyways."

jeongguk & you went towards the headboard. you snapped on the handcuffs & tied the blind fold on jeongguk "don't worry," you whispered to him, starting to pull off your panties & bra. "I'll take care of you real good." & it sent shivers down his spine.

you positioned him to your entrance & sank down on him. you both moaned in unison , the stretch feeling incredible. his hips had already starting to move; you bounced up & down on him, hips sometimes twirling. you gave attention to his neck & started to lick & give damp kisses.

taehyung felt his hard on press tightly against his pants & started to undress. he went back to the same drawer from before & he brought out a bottle of lube & got onto the bed. he poured a considerable amount of lube onto his fingers & sat behind you. he took to your neck & started leaving kisses & bites on it, causing you to softly moan.

"do you need to be warmed up? or do you think you can handle me now?" he asked against you, stroking his cock in anticipation.

"I mmm think I can take you." you said, moving yourself a little so you were in an angle that he could get inside of you.

"can I have the blindfold off please? I really want to see this." jeongguk said, hips grinding up into yours.

"ok, take it off of him y /n." & you went & did as he said.

taehyung didn't waste any time, he moved his cock over your unoccupied hole,teasing you for a bit, & finally slid in. you moaned out loud, tears starting to form in your eyes. taehyung felt girthier whereas jeongguk was longer, you felt so full & it was wonderful.

"fuck." taehyung groaned against your ear "you're so damn tight." & started to thrust.

you & jeongguk didn't move as much anymore because you both could feel him thrusting into you. taehyung thought he'd take it up a notch & slapped your ass. you moaned out, surprised & had tightened around jeongguk.

"oh my god, I'm gonna cum." he cried out, thighs starting to shake a little.

"I only want you to come when she does. " taehyung said as he thrusted deeper & deeper into you, slapping your ass harder, winning another lovely moan out from you.

taehyung bent over you now & cupped one hand around your tit & the other snaked down to your clit. between the deep penetration in your pussy, the thrusting in your ass, one of taes hands playing with your nipple & the other rubbing circles on your clit, you felt your climax approaching you.

"oh fuck- I'm about to cum." you moaned out, barely able to stay in position, feeling as if you were about to break.

"go then. you can go now too jeongguk." taehyung said, his own thrusts starting to get sloppier.

you clenched around the both of them, moaning out. jeongguk moaned out right after you, finally releasing, shaking beneath you. which triggered a somewhat chain reaction & made taehyung release right after, filling you up to the brim with cum. the three of you rode it all out together. cum was dripping out your pussy & ass, glistening on both of their cocks. you all were panting on top of each other, taehyung pulled out & went to grab some tissues in the drawer of a night stand. you pulled yourself off of jungkook & unchained his hands from the bed. you flopped in the middle of the bed, chest heaving with probably the most fucked out looking face ever. taehyung cleaned the two of you off & then himself, then slid right next to you, eyes starting to close. 

you had no idea how long you slept for, but you could see that it was still light out. then you remembered you were supposed to let seulgi know if the two were suspicious. "shit!" you exclaimed & hurried out of the bed. you picked up your watch from the corner of the room & frantically searched her number to call her. she picked up.

"hello? y/n are you ok?" seulgi asked with concern. "you were off the radar for hours, we were about to send some people over because we weren't get any responses from you."

"oh, no no I'm fine! I think maybe I went offline since I didn't see any incoming messages until now. " you said as you tried to make up something.

"hmmm, that's odd. did you find out anything? "

"sadly no, there's no evidence of their involvement it seems like."

"well then, I'd suggest you leave. we have another place for you to check out. tell me once you're on the road."

"ok." you replied. "I'll talk to you later on." & you hung up.

you went back to the bed & realized taehyung was gone & jeongguk was awake. "you're leaving already?" he asked, with a tinge of disappointment in his voice. he then reached his into the drawer of the nightstand & pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

"yeah. I need to continue working or they'll think something is suspicious. " you said sliding into your pants.

"awe, that sucks. do you want one by the way?" he asked, lighting a cigarette.

"no thanks, I don't really smoke." you said, collecting all your stuff & putting it onto the bed.

"well, do you want some red wine maybe?"

you paused. "sure." & sat down next to him, taking the glass of wine he had on top of the nightstand.

"by the way, you were amazing. I don't think I've had that much fun in a good while. " he looked at you with his pretty round eyes, releasing a bit of smoke out of his mouth.

"thank you. I don't think I've ever had that much fun before, ever." you replied taking a sip of the wine. "especially with someone rumored to be in the mafia."

"yeah, pretty crazy isn't it? I don't think you expected any of this at all." he smiled. "we need to do this again, if you're up to it."

"I think I would be." giving him a little smirk. "it's not everyday you find two incredibly hot guys willing to be fuck buddies. I might have to fly back to San Francisco just to fuck. "

you heard footsteps approaching the room & finally saw taehyung, standing in the door way in a cream colored robe with a glass of red wine in his hand.

"so, you're finally awake." he said coming into the room. "how was it?"

"I liked it very much. I just told jeongguk I'll fly back to San Francisco just to fuck you guys." you giggled.

taehyung laughed, getting into the bed with you two. " I hope that is true because I'd love to do this again sometime. " wrapping an arm around you.

"definitely. I have to go now though." you said disappointedly. "I'm expected to continue working."

"hmmm, that's a shame." taehyung said sipping his wine. " I need to give you me & jeongguk's number."

"sure." you two exchanged numbers. "well, I've got to go sadly; wish I could stay longer. today was very enjoyable." you said, buttoning up your blazer.

before you walked out, jeongguk called to you "I hope you can come back! " he said, him & taehyung smirking. you smirked back, waved at them & left.

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

can i say a sort of pointless rambly thing i was thinking about that i can't put under the cut bc i'm on mobile?

jk, i'm not actually asking. ramble below, not edited for clarity. the following is completely unclear and i will not fix it:

i've been thinking about how part of the reason i'm so chill about caryl is bc growing up as a queer woc 99% of my main ships were like, never gonna fucking happen bc they literally couldn't. it was like, "omg, they gazed at each other from across the room, let's analyze the homosexual subtext of this one scene for the next fifty years, that's not necessarily hyperbole." i've watched all my ships fuck other ppl/have other love interests, and i knew that my thing was never gonna be canon, so to see like, one thing being like, "one half of my ship fucked another person several years ago while pining for the other half of my ship," i'm like...#nice, bc that can and likely will be used as a plot point to get them together later on, whereas in other situations i've been in i just kinda had to deal with it. so my impulse when i see ppl losing their shit is to be like

and to be slightly annoyed, tbh, bc the ship is still on track to be canon, and it's like, literally two white heterosexuals, they're prime candidates for juicy angsty pining that actually gets a resolution.

but!

that being said, i recognize that that attitude isn't necessarily fair. for one thing, i'm not the only queer woc (or some variation thereof) in this fandom, and some ppl's impulse might be exasperation instead, bc like, "wtf, even my mayohet ship has dumb fucking drama," and that's valid as hell, and i get it.

and also, i get that, even if you didn't grow up shipping impossible ships (or mulder/scully, bc that's a brand of bullshit all its own), this has been a suuuuper drawn out process where sometimes it feels like they're legit sprinkling crumbs to keep you hooked, just to play you again, and when you are invested in something, like /rly/ invested, especially if it's a form of escapism or hyperfixation or whatever, that can be e x h a u s t i n g. and i get that. i truly do, and while i make a lot of snide comments about the fandom being bonkers, i do get where the bulk of you are coming from (unless you're one of those ppl who hate on actors and esp actresses for just doing their jobs, and attack them on social media, in which case i am very much judging you and you need to get your life together).

i also realize that in the scheme of things i'm still a newbie. i've been here, what, twoish/threeish years, whereas some of you have been here since the beginning, so i'm not as worn out as y'all. but i also think that gives me a bit of objectivity that some of y'all have (understandably) lost.

my positivity is not meant as a sleight against those of you who are feeling negative, but is more of a semi-objective viewpoint (i say semi, bc lbr, i'm invested af in this, so i definitely have bias), and to me the threads of the storyline they're crafting seem sort of obvious.

like, let's look at it, yeah? they have one season left of this show that has been on for over a decade. they need to cater to everyone to give them a satisfying ending, while still hanging on to carylers bc of the spin-off. darylrreah seems like a very calculated move, bc it gives them both something to make abcers happy, while also creating tension and suspense and pining for carylers (i think they might underestimate just how fed up some carylers are tbh, and are banking on us to hang on for one last ride, which, honestly? if they play it right will probably work.)

if they end up doing a dumb love triangle thing, which, without seeing the episode and gauging the subtext i can't confidently say if i think they will or won't, it will ultimately end in our favor. it has to, bc leah isn't going to third wheel them on the bike in the spin-off. we can say with good authority that whatever that relationship ends up being (again, idk if they'll drag it out or not) it will be temporary. which leaves caryl open to ride off into the sunset and then bone down in every state in the united states and in puerto rico for good measure.

it's a lot of cheap drama, but i really and truly do not think it's anything to worry about, and i still really and truly trust kang to not make it out of character. ik ppl still don't agree with me on that point, and i'm not gonna argue, but to me it really does make perfect sense.

and i also predict that they are gonna play it up hardcore in the promotional shit and talking dead, but when that happens, remember it's bc it gets attention. regardless of where the story is ultimately going, relationship drama gets attention, which gets viewers, which gets amc and twd producers nice and comfy with full pockets

idk. to sum up ig i just wanted to clarify that i don't mean any harm with my relentless positivity. my history in fandom has just made this seem like nothing in comparison, bc while ppl are freaking out, i'm like, "oh damn, they're actually gonna get together by the end of this, aren't they? i didn't know that could happen!" and that makes me excited instead of upset

and you definitely don't have to listen to me. maybe i'm actually wrong. maybe i'm completely full of bullshit and am just good at making things sound confident. i got a lot of As on papers in college over books i never read, i know how to bs. but i also know how to analyze, and i while i will be the first to tell you i am not the best at a great many things, i do know that i am good at critically analyzing text while taking into account the context it was written in, and imho all signs point to canon caryl. when, i'm not entirely sure, but i see it happening. if it doesn't then they severely fucked up their storytelling, and that'd just be bad writing on their part.

(if you want proof that i'm good at reading writers'/producers' intentions, consider that i watched like, 8 seasons of supernatural before giving up, and said to myself, "i think they're gonna make destiel canon, but not until the very last second bc they are rly into catering to their fans but also have to consider their dumb fanboy audience so they can't do anything crazy overtly gay," and guess who hit the nail on the fucking head on that one)

none of this is important, but it was rattling around my mind grapes and i wanted to write it down into something vaguely coherent, and where else better to do it than here. i can word vomit and then send it into the ether and pretend i never said a thing. i love this horrible website, nothing can compare

i have no real conclusion to this, it was mostly stream of consciousness, but i hope it sort of helps y'all understand where i'm coming from, and why i am as chill as i am about things. not about y'all. y'all cause me so much anxiety i get physically sick and have to legit block tags, but with the actual show content i'm zen as hell

uh

the end ig?

it feels weird even signing off on this, but w/e

-diz

[nightshade-minho]

-Blue Book- (3)

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Chan being an ass.

Over the next two days, Chan found himself spending nearly all of his time with you. You had warmed up to him a lot, but was still a little cautious. He had to build up trust...somehow.

Spending time with you was excruciatingly boring. All you seemed to do was draw, and sitting next to you while you did was getting tiring.

However, whenever he would come close to giving up, something would happen to put him right back on track- whether it was Miyoung smiling at him from across the hallway, tucking her hair behind her ear like she always did...or Minho, shamelessly asking her out for a fucking date. Right in front of his salad.

No, literally.

He watched in horror as Minho chuckled, speaking to her on the phone in that raspy voice of his that was the fakest shit Chan had ever heard.

"Yeah, okay, babe. Bye~" Minho cooed, cutting the call and putting his phone down, resuming his meal as he dug into his chicken nonchalantly.

"Babe?" Changbin asked, smirking from the opposite end of the table.

"Hmm, yeah. Got a problem with that?" Minho asked, seemingly replying to Changbin but staring right at Chan as he said it.

"No." Chan lied, voice a little shaky.

"Oh, but don't embarrass him like this, Minho. He's only been wanting to ask her out for like, two years...yet you did it in five minutes." Hyunjin said, laughing.

Chan's grip on his fork tightened. He prided himself in being a patient person, more or less...yet these two definitely had the potential to turn him into a cold-blooded murderer.

"Where are you taking her?" Jisung asked, mouth full.

"To the carnival, tomorrow afternoon. I'm going to win her one of those giant plushies. I've always been good at those games."

"How romantic~" Jisung smiled. "You know we'll be there too though, right?"

"Uh huh." Minho grinned at Chan. "Don't worry! I won't leave my best friends for a girl. We'll be right there with you, the whole time."

"Sounds great. Don't know if Chan will like that idea, though..."

Minho tilted his head, tutting.

"Channiee~ you know I'll back off if you get the book, right?"

That was it. Chan stood up, spoon and fork clattering onto his plate as he left the table, fuming. His stomach growled with hunger as he pushed open the café door, walking out onto the street with his bag slung over his shoulder.

He'd just have his dinner at home.

***

"Wow. You really pissed him off." Jeongin noted.

Minho rolled his eyes, stabbing his chicken with the fork. "I swear, he has such bland taste in girls. Miyoung is the most brainless creature I've ever met."

"Why would you put up with that, then? And why do you seem so intent on irritating him lately?" Felix asked, frowning.

"I'm not really putting up with anything. She's hot, and she has a smoking body. Brains don't matter when you look like that."

"You know Chan likes Miyoung for more than her appearance. Although I can't, for the life of me, imagine what that might be..."

"Whatever."

"You didn't answer my question."

Minho sighed, raising an eyebrow at Felix.

"I just don't like the way he's been lording over us all lately. He acts like he's our 'leader' or something. I feel like I can barely breathe around him- at least this gets him out of the way."

"See? It's a battle of the alphas, after all." Jisung guffawed, high-fiving Hyunjin.

"So this is all just some power struggle?" Felix asked, disbelief lacing his tone. "Why the fuck did you drag an innocent girl into it, then? She has nothing to do with any of it-"

"Eh, she just gets on my nerves. Two birds with one stone." He shrugged.

Felix shook his head. "You're an asshole."

He smirked. "I know."

***

Chan knew exactly where to find you.

True to form, you were on the same park bench as always, legs crossed as you listened to music with your eyes closed.

"Hey..."

You opened one eye slightly as you realized who it was. Taking the earbuds out, you smiled.

"Oh hey...I didn't expect to see you again until tomorrow morning."

"Yeah well, I kinda knew you would be here."

You patted the spot next to you, and Chan hesitantly sat down.

"Where's your book? You're not drawing?"

"It's too dark for that." You pointed out, a lopsided smile gracing your face.

"Why are you here then?"

"My mom and her date went to this fancy restaurant." You explained. "And I didn't want to be all alone at home, so I just came out here."

"Ah. This place is just as pretty at night..."

"Mmhmm."

Chan sighed as he watched you play with your hair. It was kind of cute, how you tried to mask your nervousness by occupying your hands with meaningless actions.

"So what will you be having for dinner, then?"

"Probably ramen out of a packet. I hope we still have some left..."

Chan pressed his lips together. "Would you...um, would you like to come join me for dinner? At my house?" He asked, tilting his head.

"Oh..." You blushed, looking down. "I mean, yeah, sure-"

"Great!" You looked up, the smile on Chan's face so kind that you almost teared up.

God, Y/n, get yourself together...

You had no idea why he was being so nice to you at first, and had been wary initially...but the last few days had changed that. He seemed to enjoy spending time with you, and that was somewhat of a novelty- a person showing interest in you, that is.

Chan grinned at you, grabbing your wrist as he pulled you up. "Let's go!~"

***

"This is my room."

You gasped. "Wow, it's so big!"

"Yeah." He chuckled. "It used to be a gym, I think...but my parents let me change it up."

"That's so cool." You went over to the posterboard, smiling as your eyes ran over all the polaroids and memorabilia Chan had collected over the years.

"My room isn't as personalized as yours...but this makes me want to give it a makeover." You smiled, going over to the window and marvelling at the size of it.

"Wow...you must get a lot of sunlight in the mornings..." You said in awe, pressing your nose up against the glass as you looked down.

"I do." He said, mind blank as he watched you fangirl over his room. You were so overly enthusiastic about everything...he wished he could be the same.

You turned around, that wide smile ever-present on your face. As you opened your mouth to say something else, you were interrupted by the sound of your stomach growling.

"Ah, I almost forgot. I brought you here to feed you." He winked, opening his door as he stepped back out.

"Come on, we can visit my bedroom some other time~" Your cheeks heated up at his words as he went back downstairs.

"Wait for me!" You followed him quickly as he made his way to the dinner table.

"Where are your parents?" You asked as you sat at the table.

"They're on a business trip, princess, and my siblings are at their friends'. So...we have the house all to ourselves." He winked again, and you quickly looked back down at your empty plate.

You thanked the maid as she served the food. It was pasta, and your stomach growled again as soon as you laid eyes on it.

"Wow, you're hungry, huh? Sounds like there's a baby bear living in your stomach~" He teased. You giggled, shaking your head as you took a bite.

"Oh wow, it's delicious."

"It better be, my parents don't pay her for nothing." He said, starting to eat.

There was silence for a while as the two of you filled your empty stomachs...but somehow, it wasn't awkward. Chan looked up at you from time to time, chuckling at how fast you ate.

"Slow down, babygirl."

Your eyes widened as you looked up at him. That pet name, fuck.

Chan raised an eyebrow, picking up on how affected you were by it.

"Hmm, you like that name?"

You shook your head vehemently, going back to your meal- but your cheeks never stopped burning.

He hadn't expected to see you so flustered, when he'd literally just called you a name.

Wrapped around his finger, indeed.

***

"It feels weird hanging out without Chan." Jeongin sighed, adjusting the pillow under his chin as he lay on the mattress in Felix's basement, watching as Changbin and Jisung faced off in Call of Duty.

"Yeah? I feel like it's better. I don't feel like I have to walk on eggshells." Hyunjin shrugged, prompting Minho to smile widely.

"See? He gets it."

"I don't know, Chan being here sure keeps these guys in line." Seungmin flicked his thumb towards Changbin and Jisung (the two of them mock-wrestling as the latter suspected that the former had cheated), not looking up from his book.

Changbin looked up from the headlock Jisung had him in.

"Oh shut up. Guys, I don't really understand why we pick on some random girl in school when we have our very own nerd right here." He sneered.

"There's a difference between being a nerd and having brains...something which you clearly don't know much about. I'll cut you some slack." Seungmin smirked.

"For fuck's sake, stop fighting." Jisung said as he poked Changbin's side, squeezing harder.

"Oh, the irony." Jeongin groaned, rubbing his forehead as he watched the two roll around on the floor.

Felix sighed as he buried his head in his hands, too tired to follow the conversation anymore.

What had happened to them?

***

"You should come over again."

"Yeah...I will. Some other time. My mom's expecting me, unfortunately." You said apologetically.

"At least let me walk you home?"

You paused, smiling slowly. "Alright."

The two of you walked side by side, the cool night breeze ruffling your hair.

"What are your hobbies?" You asked after some minutes of silence, curiously.

"Well. I like swimming, and also football." He paused, wondering if he should tell you more or not.

"I...I also like making music."

"Woah. That's amazing. Next time, you should show me some of your songs."

"Uh, yeah, sure. Some of them are kinda private, though..."

"That's okay. You only need to show me what you're comfortable with letting me hear." You said.

Chan smiled softly, nodding. For a second, it crossed his mind how you were willing to respect his privacy...and yet here he was, trying to violate yours by attempting to steal something that was clearly precious to you.

Miyoung. Think of Miyoung, He reminded himself.

You suddenly stopped, turning to him with a grin.

"We're here. Thanks for walking me home!"

"No problem..."

"See you later~" You waved as you walked backwards, turning around to open the gate.

"Wait-"

"Hm?" You twisted your neck to look at him questioningly.

"Uh...I was wondering, would you want to come with me to the carnival tomorrow? It'll be fun-"

"Yes! Sure!" You said, a little too eagerly.

"Great. It's a date."

"D-date?"

"Yeah." He smirked. "See you then, babygirl."

With that, he walked away, the image of your flustered face in his mind.

Miyoung would be his in no time.

[adventuresinwonderlust]

Title: “Sunsets and Slip ups”

Pairing: dom! Yoongi x sub! brat! Reader ft. Namjoon ft. Jimin

Warnings: angst, cheating, degradation, abusive parent (trigger warning!!), smut, cream pie, spit play, rough sex, unprotected sex (wrap it up folks), If I missed anything, I am sorry!!!

*Author’s Note: I wrote this part very differently, introducing you into the mind of the ‘Min Boy’ character. It’s much longer than my other fics (8300)!! Honestly, the story came together so well that I just kept going. I hope you all enjoy!!*

Rating: 18 and over

Y/N:

Your phone pings beside you causing you to stir in your bed. You roll over reluctantly, not sure if you want to start the day even though you're not really sleeping. A second ping causes you to make your decision, awake it is. ‘I have to go to away this weekend. I’ll be back late Sunday.’ The first message reads. ‘Sorry to spring this on you but I wasn’t expecting it either. Be good brat. Xo. Min.’ You jump up from under the covers and reread the text over and over. You type a response and delete it, then type another and delete that as well. “Fuck it.” You throw off the covers and pace your bedroom, opting to call. The phone rings for what feels like forever. “Hello.” He answers. “You can't go away this weekend!” “Can I call you back please?” He’s annoyed and you don’t care. “No, we can talk now or not at all, ever!” You shout. There is silence on the line, but the call hasn’t dropped. He’s probably muted you. You stop pacing and try listening more intently to no avail. “Hello!” You yell. “Your lack of patience is unsettling.” He comes back on the line. “I don’t care, you don’t just get to spring leaving on me at the last minute after I invited you to my father's birthday party. You promised you would come; said you would meet him. If you flake out on me now, I’ll never talk to you again.” “It’s my mother y/n. She’s asked to see me. I’m sorry but I have to go.” Your eyes widen and you immediately feel stupid. “Is everything alright?” “I honestly don’t know. I won't know until I get there. Look, I am sorry about missing your father’s party. I can make it up to you and to him.” “No, it's ok. Go and do your thing. Maybe one day, I’ll be meeting your mom you know? Who knows right?” Your chuckle meets with silence. “She’s much better company than my father that’s for sure. I gotta go but I'll see you as soon as I get back. Be good for me brat.” “Yoongi,” You begin but he's already hung up.

Min:

Yoongi broods over his packed bag, knowing he shouldn’t really care what y/n thinks but at the same time feeling terrible about letting her down. He did want to spend the weekend with her and meet her father. It was the right thing to do. It was the first time in a long time that he’s ever felt close to someone. He shook his head to tousle his still drying hair, zipping his bag. “Son,” He turns to face his father, “I hear you're going to see your mother.” Yoongi doesn’t answer. His father enters his room and slowly paces, looking over everything with either a shrug or grunt of disapproval. Don’t get angry, that’s what he wants. Yoongi grinds his teeth, repeating this mantra over and over. “Did you need something?” His father stands before him, arms behind his back. “I don’t need many things Yoongi, I have assured myself a comfortable life. The one thing I truly need as a father is the cooperation of his only son. I haven't always been the best father, that I can admit, but I like to think I am fair. Your mother, on the other hand, has always coddled you, made you weak, emotional. It kills me to see you so dependent on her approval, her love, especially when you know who she truly is deep to her core.” He turns to face the window. “Lee An has brought me many new possibilities. A new life, sense of purpose, and love that your mother never could but best of all she has brought me a second chance. A second son. Now having said that, your new brother will be joining us here soon and I expect you to show him around the city, make him comfortable. Booze, clubs, women and spare no expense.” He turns to Yoongi, gripping his shoulder hard, “Am I understood?” “Yes.” Yoongi growls. His father moves his hand up, wrapping it around Yoongi's pale neck and squeezes. “Yes, what?” “Yes, sir.” His father nods in approval. “I can see that fire in your eyes. Your Min blood dying to be freed. It gives me hope son, but before you say something witty or disrespectful, think of your mother and how she wouldn’t enjoy seeing you with bruises on your face.” Yoongi swallows down the angry lump in his throat as his father releases his grip and places a kiss on his forehead. “Have a safe flight son and send your mother my regards.”

Y/N:

“Please Joon, please! Give me something, I know you know more than you’re saying. You yourself have said he’s your best friend.” You sit across from Namjoon in his living room, having mustered up the energy to leave the house once the party planners arrived. “I really can't tell you anything Y/N, I'm sorry. You'll just have to ask him yourself. To be honest, I'm surprised he told you he was going to see her in the first place. He's incredibly private, even I have to drag things out of him at times.” You groan aloud which does nothing more than cause Namjoon to grimace. “Well, he is going to miss Daddy’s birthday so that’s a strike against him.” Namjoon laughs before getting up and walking to his kitchen for a glass of water. He takes a long sip and points over at you. “You're falling for him, aren't you?” Your eyes pop open and you chuckle nervously. “Not at all. I don’t FALL for anyone. He’s just interesting that’s all and you know I love a good challenge.” “Nope. I am not buying it. You haven't been this annoying since....” “DON’T even say his name aloud!” You shout. Namjoon gives you a large sly grin before taking a seat with you again. “Is he coming to you father's birthday bash?” “Absolutely not. I haven't seen or heard from him in over a year and to be honest I would very much like to keep it that way.” “I agree Y/N, I would have it no other way. Besides, Yoongi isn't the type to share his toys.” You scoff at the remark. “What exactly does that mean? No one owns me Namjoon. Wait, does he talk about us? What has he told you?” “Uh, Uh, Uh. How do they say it? Ah yes! Bro code. All I will say is keep your nose clean.” You roll your eyes at his comment. “Fuck you Joon and your bro code.” “See you tomorrow night Y/N.” He calls out to you as you let yourself out.

MIN:

Yoongi stares at the fresh bags that have formed under his eyes. His flight arrived late last night and since sleep seemed to evade him, he had opted to forgo it all together. He instead paced his hotel room, stalking Y/N’s Instagram page until the sun shone through the curtains. He should’ve been brave, sent a text or even called to tell her he missed her and wished she was lying in bed with him. He never did, the twisted voice of his father taking over to frown on such behavior, telling him to be a man, let her come to him. It was the never-ending battle of his mind. Do I give in to the darkness and be everything my father wishes me to be or can I hold onto the light my mother gave me and choose a different path? My own path? One where the two sides co-exist and I can just be me. Yoongi’s mind mulled these thoughts over in his frigid shower, his head down, allowing the water to cascade over his pulsing skull. He dressed quickly in dark jeans and a white button down, slamming a red bull in the cab on his way to his destination. Upon arrival, he looked over the unkempt lawn with a sigh. It was only 7am so he let himself into her home using the spare key she still had hidden under a fake frog on the front steps. He knew that her aide would not yet be there so they would have time alone. He couldn’t wait to see her, he had to know what was so urgent. It had been so long since they’ve seen each other, he needed answers. Yet, in this moment, even with all the anticipation and excitement that had borne itself in his chest, he didn’t have the courage to approach her, so he just stood in the doorframe leading to the backyard and watched as she danced carefreely in the sun.

Y/N:

You wake in a hurry and take off from your room to your fathers, only the sounds of your fluffy slippers shuffling against the hardwood can be heard. You burst through the door and jump on your fathers’ bed, scaring him awake. “Happy birthday Daddy!” You shout as he rubs at his eyes. You stand up and start hopping up and down singing happy birthday. He laughs aloud, “Get down Y/N. You’re going to break my bed.” You hop down onto your knees and hand your father a card and red giftbox. “Open it! Open it!” He rips open the card and reads it to himself with a smile before opening the box. His eyes light up at the sight of a golden Rolex. “Y/N, its too much!” “I saved my stipends and got it for you. I knew you wanted it. I hope you love it Daddy. You must wear it tonight at the party. There will be so many beautiful women there and they have to see how stylish you are.” He sighs. “Its perfect darling, thank you and please don’t worry about my impressing anyone tonight. I am more interested in the impression this Min boy you’ve been seeing makes.” Your heart suddenly drops. “About that, he won’t be able to make it. He had a family emergency but he says he will make it up to you.” You fathers brow furrows, “Is that so? Well, no one lets my daughter down. Tell him while I appreciate the sentiment, it isn’t needed. Besides, this must be divine intervention since I’ve invited a more suitable suitor for you.” “Daddy, he has an emergency. He would be here if he could. I am not interested in any other suitors.” “I know how boys like that think and I will not allow you to be taken advantage of, now I will hear no more of this Min boy. Besides, I thought it was my birthday, come let’s go enjoy breakfast.” Your father shuffles out of bed and heads into his restroom, leaving you feeling defeated.

MIN:

Yoongi’s smile soon fades as his mother abruptly stops dancing. He swallows slowly, removing his hands from his pocket and standing upright. “Wont you come say hello to your mother or are you still frightened of me after all this time?” She turns to face Yoongi and his eyes well with tears at her beauty. He hadn’t realized how much he had forgotten of her looks. “Come now angel, hug me.” She spreads her arms wide. He walks over to her slowly and falls into her embrace, sobbing softly as she pets his head. “Shh, its ok now. Mother has you. When did you change your hair color?” She pulls Yoongi away from her body, looking him over. “Do you hate it?” He asks. “No, I love it, your dark hair made you look too much like your father but this makes you look more like my angel.” He smiles at her response. She pulls Yoongi by the arm and over to sit with her in the shade under a large tree. “How are you angel? It’s been too long. I’ve wanted to write but they won’t tell me where you are now.” “I am good mother. It has been quite an adjustment. Father remarried.” She nods. Yoongi wonders what she’s on or not on as she continuously pets his face, arm, or head. “I heard from grandmother. He married his assistant Lee An, they always enjoyed each other’s company. He used to tell me I was crazy but I wasn’t was I angel? I was right, you see. I know things.” She whispers closely to his face and then breaks out laughing. “Mother, why did you ask to see me?” She stops laughing quickly and looks puzzled, hurt almost. “Didn’t you miss me angel? I missed you so much or have you turned against me like your father? Are you settled in with your new family? Your poor mother left with nothing.” She growls and then gasps before smiling. She goes back to petting Yoongi’s arm. “I have missed you mother but I have questions.” “No! Yoongi! No!” Yoongi and his mother turn to see her aide running towards them. “Alice! Hi! My son is here.” Yoongi’s mother waves at her. Alice comes towards them quickly, out of breath, she leans in and whispers into Yoongi’s ear. “You know you aren’t supposed to be alone with her.”

Y/N:

You’ve texted Yoongi multiple times but have yet to receive a response. He’s been on your mind all morning since you broke the news to your father that he wouldn’t be joining in on this evening festivities. “Morning gorgeous!” Your BFF enters your room. “Hey!” “Hey yourself! What’s with the long face?” “Daddy is not happy about Yoongi not being able to make it tonight. He doesn’t want me seeing him. On top of that I can’t reach him at all. Ugh. I really just want to let him have it but I’m trying to be understanding of his situation.” “And what exactly is his situation Y/N? This is the first you’re even hearing about his mother. He could be lying and out somewhere with his actual girlfriend. Don’t let him fool you with his charm or whatever it is you see in him. Tonight, is all about your dad anyway and having a good time. Screw that silly ole Min boy.” You nod, hearing what your friend was saying but upset that she’s feeding you doubt. What if Yoongi really did lie and was out with some other woman? Could you handle being made a fool again by another man? You lift your phone up and type out a text, ‘If you’re lying about your mom and fucking around with another girl so help me God Min, I’ll do everything in my power to bring you down.' You toss your phone to the side and look over at your BFF who is pretending to ignore you. “Wanna see what I’m wearing tonight?” You ask her. Her eyes light up. “Hell yes! Show me!”

MIN:

Yoongi sits in the living room now with his mother as Alice serves them tea. He feels unsettled as he carefully looks over every detail in her home. Shoes in the kitchen, clothes on the coffee table, and missing photos from the wall all have him fearing the worse. “You said you had questions. Well? Ask them love.” His mother says, settling into the seat next to him, petting him once again. He pulls away from her much to her dismay. “You’ve grown cold Yoongi. Like your father.” “Are you off your meds?” Yoongi snaps. Alice walks in, removing the clothing from the coffee table to make room for tea. “Those pills make me crazy. They fog my brain. I’m better without them but to answer your question, no, I am not off them. It’s a condition of my release. I must take them. Alice here makes sure of that. Don’t you Alice?” Alice places the tea kettle and fixings on the coffee table. She pours Yoongi's mother tea but Yoongi shakes his head when offered. His phone begins buzzing in his pocket. He pulls it out quickly and smirks at the messages from Y/N. “Girlfriend?” His mother begins rubbing his arm. Yoongi swallows hard and puts his phone away. “Yeah, something like that.” “What’s she like?” “Different, good different. I like her.” “That’s so great, angel. What’s her name?” Yoongi grows tired of the back and forth. “Ah! Why am I here mother? Why did you want to see me? Just tell me already.” Her face dropping, she turns away from Yoongi, sipping her tea obnoxiously.

“I lied to you earlier. Grandmother didn’t tell me about your fathers’ marriage. He did, himself. I spoke with your father. He says that you are going through a tough time. He says you’re angry, emotional. He says it’s my fault. I am so sorry for all that I’ve done Yoongi. You must understand how hard things were for me back then. I was sick. I didn’t know what was real or not. Your father hurt me, and I had to hurt him back. You were all that I had to use against him. I am so sorry for that. Your father thought it would be a good idea for me to give you closure. He only wishes to see you grow into the man I know you are capable of becoming.” Yoongi stands now, pacing back and forth, eyeing his mother suspiciously. “What did he offer you?” He spews. She laughs nervously. “Sit down angel. Your pacing is making me nervous.” “WHAT DID HE OFFER YOU?”  He shouts, his body shaking. “15,000 a month if I no longer contact you or see you. He is willing to take care of all my medical needs and the house needs so much work. Don’t you want your mother to be taken care of?” He scoffs. “So, 15,000? Is that all I’m worth? I suppose I shouldn’t be upset though mother, it’s more than the nothing you were originally willing to give my life for isn’t it? I’m not mad, I do want you to be taken care of because I hold more compassion than you or father ever will and he’s right, its time I came into my own. You shouldn’t contact me again, as far as I’m concerned, my mother died years ago.” He turns to walk away. “Yoongi wait,” Although he doesn’t want to, something pulls him to face her, “Don’t misunderstand that night. I was only trying to free you. If you truly care for that girl, leave her be, you’re no good. No matter how hard I tried, you’re rotten just like your father.” His mother’s normally soft features harden, and he can’t help but think about that day. That awful day, she had that same look as she grasped his neck tightly, holding his body underwater in the tub with her own, desperately trying to drown him.

Y/N:

“I want to thank you all for coming to celebrate my amazing father here tonight. Without him I would be nothing, so Daddy I hope your day was everything you imagined, and that tonight is the cherry on top. Yes, that means he’s still single ladies! Happy birthday Daddy! Cheers!” The crowd erupts into laughter and applause, sipping their drinks. You hug your father and he leans in to whisper into your ear, “My esteemed guest has arrived. I hear he is somewhere in the crowd. Go find Namjoon, I’m sure the two are rubbing elbows as we speak.” Your stomach flips suddenly at the thought of some blind date attending the party. You move through the crowd in search of Namjoon. “God this party is fabulous! I love being your friend, have I ever told you that?” Your BFF stops you in your tracks. “Have you seen Joon?” she shakes her head. “You look amazing in that dress girl! The girls are out tonight,” She laughs, “If only that Min boy could see you now. His loss.” She hands you a glass of champagne from a passing waiter that you immediately chug, still looking around for Namjoon. “Something is up, I have this feeling in my gut you know.” “You just need something stronger.” Your friend points out, dragging you to the makeshift bar. “Two double shots of whiskey neat please.” She tells the bartender. She hands one to you after tipping the gentlemen behind the bar. “Cheers!” She shouts before you both swallow your drinks in one hot wave. You breathe out quickly to keep from retching. “There he is!” You make note aloud, leaving your friend at the bar and making your way through the crowd toward the stairs to where you saw Namjoon standing at the banister, overlooking the party. By the time you make it up the stairs however, he’s walked off. “What the?” You say aloud.

“My God, Y/N, I think you are more stunning than the last time I saw you.” Your jaw drops as your ex-boyfriend Jimin approaches you. You scramble to find the words as he looks you up and down. Your skin gooses at the sight of him. He is still as gorgeous as you recall. He stands before you effortlessly handsome. Lips full, hair brushed back and parted, in an all-black suit. “Cat has your tongue huh. How have you been, Jagi? It's been so long since we last spoke or even saw each other. Imagine my surprise when your father called me and invited me to his huge birthday bash. You know I couldn’t resist seeing you right?” “Jimin, I, you can't be here. I don’t want you here.” He smiles wide at your duress. “Oh Jagi, but you're already so excited to see me.” He passes his fingertips along your spine, moving you closer to his body. “People are watching.” You raise your hand up to rest on his chest, keeping him at a distance. “You look so beautiful in this red dress Jagi, hugging every curve, did you wear it just for me?” You can't keep your body from responding to his advances as he rests his hand just above your plump ass. You swallow hard, breathing in his scent, realizing how close you are now. Your entire forearm resting on his chest now. “You hurt me Jimin. We will never, ever, be what we once were. I don’t know what Daddy told you but it's never going to happen. I’ve met someone else, someone more alluring, and honestly I really like him.” You whisper, oh so close to his lips now. He chuckles softly, licking his lips. “Just one kiss then. A sign of peace between us, closure if you will, a chance to seal what once was.” He whispers back, leaning in for the kill. Try as you may, you never could resist him. You hadn't met someone so entrancing until Yoongi and God what would he say if he could see you now? Wrapped in the arms of another man, tongue frantically swirling around his, hands tangled deep in the hairs on the nape of his neck. Could he ever forgive the sight? You know you should stop, rip away but instead you push further into the kiss, allowing him to knead your ass. When you both part you’re out of breath, staring longingly into each other's eyes. “I hope he treats you well Jagi. Better than I ever could. You deserve it.” Jimin trails his fingertips along your spine once again. “Sorry to interrupt,” Namjoon cuts in, placing his hand on your elbow, “We have a problem.”    

Min:

God she’s like heaven served up by the devil himself in that dress. Yoongi thinks to himself. He watches in awe as you confidently give your speech, offering your father away. He had hopped on a private jet back home and arrived with enough time to shower, change, and slip into your father’s birthday bash to surprise you. As he watches you walk off into the crowd, he decides to stalk you quietly, taken by your beauty. He smirks as you look around frantically and he wonders if you can feel his presence, if you could both be at all that connected. As you swallow down your drink at the bar, he follows your line of view to see Namjoon looking down over the crowd. He hums to himself, intrigued as to why you’re so excited to have spotted Namjoon at all. He watches you rush through the crowd and decides to intervene. ‘Miss me? Meet me downstairs by the bar.’ Yoongi watches as Namjoon checks his phone, looking over the crowd again and meeting his gaze. Yoongi waves as Namjoon’s turns and takes the back stairwell down to meet him.

“When did you wander in?” Namjoon asks as he approaches Yoongi. “During the speech. How’s my brat been?” Namjoon shakes his head with a chuckle. “I gotta say, I knew you two were gonna hit it off. There should be some sort of prize on my end for letting you have that room at the Lake house, but if I am being honest, she’s been fishing for information. She wants to know more about the enigmatic Min Yoongi.” “She should get in line with the rest of them.” Yoongi chuckles. “Yeah? Well, I gotta say you’ve surprised me. I didn’t think you’d ever tell her about your mother.” Yoongi shrugs. “I didn’t tell her much honestly. Just that she asked to see me. No big deal.” “Speaking of, how did it go?” Yoongi shakes his head, fiddling with a coaster at the bar. “Sorry to hear that bro. I know you were hoping to get some answers from her but I am sure….” Namjoon’s voice fades away, the sound of Yoongi’s pulse booming in his ears instead. His heart drops in his stomach as his blood runs cold. He lifts a finger in the air, pointing up at the spot where Namjoon once stood. “Who the fuck is that?” Yoongi spews. Namjoon turns around to look at where Yoongi is pointing, his eyes soon shooting open at the sight before him. He looks back to Yoongi who if at all possible, has turned paler, eyes sunken in with a look that could kill. “Um, I think that's Jimin, her uh, ex.” Yoongi’s head snaps quickly to meet Namjoon’s gaze. “Why on earth is she up there kissing her fucking ex?” “I don’t know but you gotta calm down ok. I know what you may think but they have been broken up for like 2 years or something. I’m sure there is an explanation.” Yoongi scoffs at the comment. “Oh, yes. I’m sure she just tripped and he caught her with his lips. Get out of my way.” Yoongi pushes past Namjoon now. “Wait,” Namjoon grasp Yoongi by his coat, causing Yoongi to grip Namjoon by the arms tightly, “Let me talk to her first ok. Maybe you and her can go someplace quiet so as not to cause a scene. It IS her father’s birthday after all.” Yoongi grunts angrily at the ground before releasing Namjoon. “Fine. Go.” Namjoon hurries off, leaving Yoongi's head spinning a million miles a minute.

Y/N:

“What? What’s wrong?” You stare at Namjoon, who looks frantic. “It’s good to see you too Namjoon.” “You shouldn’t be here, scum.” Namjoon snips. “I was invited,” Jimin scoffs, looking over to you, “Jagi, call me anytime. I am always available to you, but it seems I am not wanted. I guess I should be leaving now.” Jimin leans in and kisses you on the cheek before turning towards Namjoon. “It really is good to see you Namjoon. Be well.” “I’m sorry but I don’t share the same sentiment.” Namjoon responds, hardening his face. Jimin nods and walks off. “Joon, that was not what you think ok? I can explain. He just wanted…” “Maybe it’s not what I think but I have to say my piece. What exactly are you playing at? He cheated on you, broke your heart, and left you in shambles. Yet here you are like putty in his hands, giving him everything he wants, ready to serve up the same thing he did to you to Yoongi and I know that Yoongi isn't perfect but he means well and deep down he’s a great guy, better than Jimin ever was to you.” Your heart seizes at Namjoon’s words. “Well, we don’t have to tell Yoongi right now ok? What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him right? I know he’s your friend but so am I and I just need time to process everything and then I can talk to him about this. Just give me some time that’s all I ask.” “I’m sorry Y/N but your time is up.” You gulp at his comment. “Joon.” You plead as he steps to the side, still holding your elbow. Your jaw drops and heart races as you look over towards the seating area and see a familiar pale face staring back at you through his laced fingers. “Yoongi. How?” You whisper. “He was trying to surprise you. I suppose the jokes on him huh. Like I said, we have a problem.”

MIN:

Her shocked face says it all. She didn’t feel me here at all. There is no connection. I am the fool, as always. She thought she could get away with it. Yoongi’s mind races, all his insecurities flooding his psyche. She begins to approach him, taking a seat beside him. “We should talk. I know you think you know what you saw but there is so much to unpack there. I had no clue you were here, why didn’t you tell me?” “Would it have made a difference, if you knew or not? Would you have avoided the kiss all together just for my sake?” Yoongi turns to face her now. “Found an empty lounge room. I guess it's for the staff but if you guys need a few minutes to talk, there’s no one in there.” Namjoon informs. Yoongi stands and watches as Y/N gets up as well, turning to follow Namjoon. He can’t help but watch the sway in her hips, angered by the twitch in his dick caused by her skin-tight dress. “Here we are.” Namjoon says as you all reach the destination. Namjoon opens the door, allowing for Y/N and Yoongi to walk in. Yoongi nods at Namjoon and closes the door behind him, sure to lock it. As Yoongi turns, Y/N slides her body up against his. “Please don’t be mad at me baby. It meant nothing to me. He means nothing to me. It was nonsense, closure. You’re the only one for me and I even told him that. You’re all I need.” Yoongi looks over her pleading face, fighting with himself on what to believe. “I can make everything better. Make it up to you. You know I would never hurt you.” Yoongi closes his eyes tightly at her words, swallowing hard as she rubs his growing erection. He hates how his body responds to her. “Are you angry? Please, say something. What are you thinking? Do you want to spank me? Is that it?” Yoongi’s eyes pop open at her question. His body tightening to her ask. He did want to punish her, hear her desperate cries as he turns the flesh of her ass red. Make her swallow his cock down completely just so he can watch the tears swell in her eyes as she gags, drooling on his balls. Deny her every pleasure, allowing only himself the chance to feel it all. She moves in and places her soft lips against his and all he can picture in his head was her in the arms of another man. As she tries to deepen the kiss, anger ignites inside him and he can’t help but shove her back. “On your knees, Brat!” He commands. ‘Fuck the light, fuck trying to be good, where has it gotten me,’ Yoongi thinks to himself, ‘Tonight, she meets the real me.’

Y/N:

“No!” You shout defiantly. You won’t give into Yoongi’s behavior tonight. Normally you would have no trouble doing exactly as he commanded, reveling in his every explicit desire. It always turned you on, how well he tamed you, how in tune he was with your body, but lately something changed in him and he was softer, more romantic, something you had grown to love as well. You wouldn’t give in without a fight or at the very least having explained the situation fully. Yoongi didn’t respond to your defiance, instead he opts to lean against the door and watch you. “I know I fucked up ok. I should have never even allowed Jimin to touch me, let alone kiss me. I swear though, I told him about us. I told him that I really like you Yoongi and I do.” “I’m going to fuck his name right out of your mouth.” You swallow hard at his response, squeezing your thighs together at the feeling of your cunt clench around nothing. “I, I wanted you here with me. Daddy was upset, he called him because he thought that, that…” Your resolve is failing you as you scramble to find your train of thought. “That his whore of a daughter needed to be chock full of someone, anyone’s cock?” Your eyes pop open and you run towards Yoongi, slamming your fist into his chest. “Don’t talk about daddy like that. You know nothing about him.” “I know that I’m the only one you’ll be calling daddy here tonight, brat!” You shove him away from you. “I know you’re angry Yoongi. You have every right to be but please don’t shut me out. I want to be more to you than just some random girl you fuck.” Yoongi chuckles, walking over to you. He slides his fingertips along your jawline. “I wanted that too, but you ruined everything.” “Don’t say that. It was one slip up. It meant nothing. I’m sorry ok.” He nods running his fingertips down your neck and along your exposed cleavage. He takes the tiny red strap of your dress between his fingertips and twirls it before yanking it hard, snapping the fragile fabric. “Such a gorgeous little slut. Tell me, are you going to be a good girl and take everything I give you?” You moan softly, biting your lip, trying not to fall for his wicked charm. “Yoongi, please.”

He hums, drunk on the sound of you begging. He takes you by the waist, squeezing your hips before pulling you into his massive erection. “I promise I’ll be good, if you promise to forgive me.” You grind against him now. “My gorgeous little brat, you forget who’s in control here.” He spins you around quickly, his hands trailing along your breast and down your torso. You know what he needs, how to take control. You press your backside into him and yank up your skirt, before dropping onto your knees on a loveseat in the lounge. He groans from deep within his chest at the sight of you. “Do it. I know you want to.” You urge, crying out as he wastes no time slapping you hard across the ass. “Better keep it down brat, we wouldn’t want daddy to hear, now would we?” He teases, slapping you once again this time harder. You sink your teeth into your bottom lip to keep from screaming. Yoongi plants two more heavy palms on your exposed ass, panting heavily with lust each time. Your backside burns against the cool air, but you don’t care you know he needs this; this is how he speaks; this is how he expresses his emotions. “More!” You shout, egging him on, showing him that you could speak his language. You needed him to know that you needed this too and that you could be each other’s escape, if only he would let you in. He yanks your thong down, cupping your drenched sex. “I said more!” You hear him scoff right before he brings his large hand to meet your exposed cunt. The slap creating an illicit sound against your wet lips. It sends shock waves through you. “Fuck!” You yelp whilst Yoongi proceeds to spread your lips open and tease your swollen bud with two fingers. You mewl and grind against him. “God, feels so good. You always know what to do.” You praise just as Yoongi quickly winds back and slaps your cunt once more causing a sharp zap of electricity to shoot through your needy clit. You jump forward at the new feeling, Yoongi grasping your hips and pulling you back onto your knees. He begins once again to tease your clit, uses your juices to rub small circles around it. You hitch your hips back at the feeling, needing more. “More please. I need you inside me.” Yoongi obliges by sliding one measly finger into your soaked cunt. You clench desperately, “Stop teasing.” You plead. “Such a greedy cunt. Look how she gobbles at my finger. So wet, so sweet, begging for more.” Yoongi mocks. He adds another finger and you growl with pleasure at the feeling. You raise your hand up and begin to rub your neglected clit as Yoongi fingers you roughly. “Fuck! I’m so close.” You cry out. “That’s enough.” Yoongi yanks his fingers from inside you, instead slapping your hard once more on the ass. “You fuck!” You cry out. “You don’t cum until I say you do brat.” Yoongi groans, licking a long trail from your clit to your taint before slapping you once more upon your exposed cunt. You cry out once more not sure of how much more you can take. “Yoongi, my God, please. I need you.” You beg him. Yoongi gently rubs his palms over your burning ass and you wince in pain. You wait to see if he'll plant kisses along your backside like normal but instead, he squeezes your cheeks tightly causing you to yelp in pain. He hums in delight before planting himself on the couch, allowing you take in the sight of his cock pressing firmly against his zipper, begging to be freed. He bites his lip seductively watching you yearn over him. “Not until you come suck daddy’s cock.”

MIN:

She’s never looked so fucking needy and desperate to please me. Yoongi thinks to himself as she drops to her knees before him. She licks her lips in anticipation as she unbuttons his pants, freeing his aching cock from its restraint. She slowly strokes him, using his pre-cum to ease the passing of her soft hands along his shaft. He watches her with lust filled eyes as she bites her lip, twisting and twirling her fist around his cock. “Spit on it.” He demands. She swallows nervously making Yoongi smile. He wonders if this is the first time someone has asked her to do this. No matter to him, he was willing to work with her, push her past her limits, tame the needy brat inside her. He passes his thumb gently across her bottom lip before shoving his index and middle finger into the back of her throat causing her to gag. “Good girl. Now, spit on it.” She leans forward and allows her drool to accumulate at her lips before dropping a glob of spit on his reddened tip. Yoongi sucks in a deep breath as he watches her drool make its way down his shaft. He yanks her tits free, sliding down on the couch, he nestles his cock between them. He presses the soft flesh tightly against his throbbing member as he hitches his hips upward, fucking her full breasts. She places her hands over his, mouth opened, watching him through her lashes.

“Does my little slut like it when I fuck her tits?” “Yes.” “Yes, what?” “Yes, sir.” “Tsk, tsk. Not tonight I’m not.” Yoongi grasp her by her hair and yanks her head back licking unabashedly at her neck while tugging at her pointed nipple, eliciting a deep dark moan to escape her. “Yes, what?” “Yes, daddy.” Yoongi smiles against her neck, pulling her head down to meet his drooling cock. “Open wide for me baby.” She does exactly as she's told and Yoongi rewards her with a slow entrance into her mouth rather than the hard one he had planned. He allows her to relax her throat as he finds purchase there, holding her in place by her hair, as his cock throbs against her quaking esophagus. He rolls his head back at the feeling. He looks back down at her as she digs her nails into his thighs. He wonders if he should let her up for air or if she could hold on for a bit longer. She whines slightly and he presses into her further before pulling her up to his tip. She gasps for air and he groans at the sight of her all teary eyed, drool string from her lips to his cock, out of breath. “You’ve never looked more beautiful.” He tells her. “I’m so wet for you daddy. I want you so bad.” He smirks at her response. “Almost, baby, almost.” He hints, running his tip along her lips. She nods opening her mouth. She slides her tongue along the underside of his head, wrapping her lips around the tip fully she suckles at the mushroomed top, working one hand along his shaft and the other massaging his balls. Yoongi moans aloud feeling his body tense as his climax builds. If she keeps this up, he’s going to cum a lot faster than he intends to.

Y/N:

Yoongi abruptly stops you just as you are intensely working his cock. “Up.” He commands. You stand immediately, watching as Yoongi get on his feet, and pushes you onto your knees once more on the couch. He leans in and takes your ear lobe in his mouth, nibbling and tugging at it. “Do you love him?” He asks out of nowhere. “What?” He ignores you and begins kissing down your neck, biting at the sensitive flesh. “Did he kiss you like this?” He grips your hips, trailing his kisses down your back. “Yoongi, don’t do that. You're the only one I want.” You try to reassure him. “Prove it,” He moans, grabbing your sore ass and spreading your cheeks apart. He lands a slap on your already tormented rear end, “Beg me to fuck you. Make it convincing.” “Yoongi....” You start but your protest is only met with another whack across the bum. Your wanting pussy coming alive once again. “Daddy, please won't you fuck me?” You twirl your hips up at him. “No.” He slaps you hard across the ass once more, your juices flowing past your lips. “Fuck! Please, please, fuck me.” “Hmmm. Better, you're getting warmer.” He rubs his fingers along your slit, slapping down against your moistened mound. “Ah! Fuck me Min ok, stop playing games. I’m over this. Just please. I need release.” “Brattier.” He mulls, sticking two fingers deep inside you, igniting your nerve endings. You grip the couch now to keep from wailing at the feeling. “God, Please, it's not enough. I need your cock. Only yours will do. No one fucks like you. Please.” “Good girl.” He praises, shoving the whole of his cock deep within you. Your gasp caught in your throat. Yoongi takes the opportunity to shove his sticky fingers into your gaping mouth and excitedly you clamp down on them, sucking your juices from each one.

He drops his hand from your mouth to your throat, grasping tightly as he begins to drill his cock into you over and over. His moans grow hoarse and more animal like with each thrust as you feel your core burn with your rising climax. “Don't....you...cum!” He growls into your ear, keeping his tortuous pace, your pussy clenching and releasing with burning pleasure. You feel his grip get tighter around your neck as the air begins to restrict, “Yoongi”, You tap his hand to try and warn him of your oncoming climax. You don’t think you can hold on much longer. You vision becomes blurry as Yoongi cries out into the room, his release hitting him like a bus, he unloads his massive seed into you. You tap his hand once more, as you feel his seed create a heavenly slickness as it spills out of you. Yoongi tightens down on your neck once again and immediately releases, dropping his hand to attack your swollen clit as you take your first deep breath. Your body quakes in a way you’ve never felt before as your coil snaps at an unprecedented rate. You screech out, as you squirt your climax all over Yoongi’s balls. Yoongi continues to rub small circles along your bud whilst slowly thrusting in and out of you until you beg him to stop, the feelings of overstimulation too much to bear. Yoongi pulls his now softening member from inside you and you both begin to dress in silence. He hands you a few paper towels from inside the lounges bathroom and you happily take them, cleaning up the mess between your thighs. Yoongi looks down at his crotch, knowing no amount of scrubbing will fix the damage done to his suit pants so he opts to just untuck his dress shirt. “I guess ruining your suits is becoming a habit of mine.” You smile. He doesn’t respond. You walk over to him, forcing him to look you in the eyes. “Yoongi I am so sorry about tonight with Ji-, my ex. I know what I did isn't excusable but please know if I could take it back I would. I, God, I’m falling for you. I love you.” You painfully admit. Yoongi winces at your confession, causing your stomach to flip. “Don’t say things you couldn’t possibly understand the meaning of. I don’t take those words lightly and you shouldn't either. I’ve never said those words to anyone, and I don’t think I'll be starting now.” He smooths out his shirt of its wrinkles and you try hard to swallow down the lump in your throat, tears prickling at your eyes. “Yoongi, please, things have been so good.” He nods. “They have been and all it takes is one moment to fuck it all up.” He waves his hands up in defeat. You stop trying and just let your tears fall, hoping they will sway him, chip away at his cold exterior.

MIN:

It kills Yoongi to see her standing before him crying, her mascara running. She looks spent, defeated, lip quivering. It broke his heart to hear her utter the words I love you. He lied when he said he has never told anyone those words. He’s told his mother but what was that for, she only ever loved herself. Deep down inside he knew that he loved this woman before him. She wasn’t just some girl he fucked. His emotions for her ran deep. Their connection immediate, from the moment he saw her face bathed in sunlight on the terrace of Namjoon’s Lake house, he knew he had to have her all to himself. Namjoon warned him of her, that she was breath taking, “A rollercoaster.” was his exact description and he couldn’t have been more accurate. She had made him feel things he hadn't felt in a long time but tonight she made him feel something that he felt every day of his life, betrayal, and that he couldn't have. So, as much as it pained him to shut her out, he had to pull his guard up, his wall was the only thing that truly kept him from breaking. Even as she walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him, crying into his chest, he stood stern in decision. “I’m sorry but I don’t love you.” He whispered, watching her heart break before him, as he wiped away her tears. “Open it!” You both hear from the other side of the door right before it swings open. “What the hell is going on here? Who are you and why they hell are touching my daughter?” Y/N clings to Yoongi’s side. He’s almost proud to have been caught, the thought of her father setting her up with another man causing his anger to surge. “Daddy! Wait, let me explain. This is...” “I don’t give a shit who it is! I am told to investigate the sounds of screaming and what do I find? My daughter in the arms of this heathen? You dishonor me Y/N! Get over here, now!” For a moment Yoongi tugs at you, keeping you at his side, wanting to protect you from your fathers wrath. He knew all too well what you were feeling. “Its not her fault sir.” “Shut up snail! You’re unworthy of my attention nor that of my daughters.” “Daddy stop it.” She defies. “I understand sir. Good thing I’m already done with her.” Yoongi watches as both Y/N and her fathers face drop. He smirks, unbothered, making sure to shove his shoulder into her fathers on the way out of the room. “Wait, Yoongi!” She calls to him but he doesn’t turn around, this time choosing to hold onto the upper hand.

[limenysnocket]

I Despise The Way You Make Me Love You

Summary: If you piss off your friends and they don't forgive you, can they really be called your friends? Now, what happens when your closest friend pisses you off and makes you fall deeper in love with him each time he does?

Warnings: Smut, language, lots of sexual innuendos

Word count: 3,483

Request: @honorarytenenbaum

Authors note: You have no idea how excited I am to fufil my first request. If any of y'all have any more, drop it in my asks for anonymity, DM me to give me more details, or whatever the heck. I want your requests. Give them to me.

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What's a fantastic morning without the first cup of coffee that you're almost positively sure has been pumped full of laxatives and stress relief pills?

Well, it's not the morning you had planned, and it wasn't the coffee you wanted. You were at work, on your day off. Who dragged you here? Mr. Hollywood hot shot himself, Taika Waititi that absolute jackass. He came to your door at 6 a.m., invited himself inside, crashed into your bedroom, made you and partially helped you get dressed, and threw you into his car, taking you God knows where.

You were on the set of The Mandalorian where they were in the process of filming season two. You had a very cold cup of coffee in your hand and you were about to take a nice sip to hopefully get you sick enough to send you to the hospital for the day, but the cup was snatched away quickly before anything could happen. "I'll drink anything you give me, but I absolutely will not drink that, and I'm putting my ass on the line to make sure you don't drink it either," Taika said, dropping the cup in a nearby trashcan.

"Fuck you, Waititi," you growled, pinching the bridge of your nose. "Love you too, doll," Taika made a kissy face and put his hand on your lower back to guide you deeper into the film set. You swatted his hand away like it was a pesky mosquito.

"Why the hell did you bring me here?" You whisper shouted between your teeth as both of you swerved through staff. "You don't have to work or anything. I just miss you each time you take off on us," Taika pouted. Whatever, missed you my ass. He just wanted you there so you could cover for him every time he took a nap on the job.

"Taika!" You spun towards him, your hands in the air and nails out like an animal, you wanted to maul his God damn, terribly handsome face. "I was going to close my blinds, lock my doors, eat frozen pizzas, binge Superstore and wear sweatpants and a comfortable bra, God damn it! It's my fucking day off, can you take a break for, I don't know, one fucking minute!?" You looked spastic and quite angry. Even a few people stopped and stared for a few seconds. Taika wasn't phased, however. All he gave you was a shrug. "Sounds like a fun afternoon, you should invite me sometime."

Both of you were quiet, and you felt your skin bubbling. You flipped your shit. "I'm going home, alright! I'm calling myself an uber, and you better fucking not call me or come break down my door again, Waititi! I'm not doing this again!" You huffed, twirled around and went straight for the exit. This time, it managed to get the desperate Kiwi's attention.

"(Y/N), now hang on a minute, I can take you out to lunch if you stay!" He called out desperately. "Frozen Italian food sounds so much better, thank you," you snorted and shook your head. You could hear his heavy footsteps behind you, trying to catch up to you.

You couldn't bear to stand another minute with that man, so you pushed out of the small exit, just barely brushing shoulders with David as you went. As the door closed, you heard him say your name and question what you were doing here, but that stopped mid-sentence whenever he probably saw Taika riding your tail.

You yanked your phone from your pocket and started clicking onto the uber app, but your phone was snatched away as you reached the parking lot. "Give me one chance, (Y/N)! I promise to make it worth your while!" He said, trying to talk his offer up for a lunch date. "What is with you and grabbing my things, Waititi?" You growl, snapping your hand out to grab your phone back, only to have it be yanked away again.

"Call me Taika," He said, that dastardly smile still spread across his features. "I'll call you Taika whenever you've earned my actual respect and you can call me (L/N) until then, too!" You grabbed at your phone again. No dice. This was very unfair. He had quiet a few inches on you. "You heffer! Give me that back now!"

"You seem stressed. How long has it been since you've had sex?" Taika struck you with a question that covered your cheeks with a deep blush. "None of your business! Hand it over, Waititi!"

"Taika--," he corrected you without hesitation, "Tell me how long it's been and I'll give you your phone back."

You took a deep breath and folded your arms, you hated to admit such personal things, especially to the likes of him. "Three months," you let out an exasperated sigh. Taika put his hand to his chest in shock. "Really? A classy gal like you, I'd think, would be having sex at least once or twice a week! That's not even the maximum!"

You scoffed, "Stop talking it up, Waititi, it's never gonna work." You grabbed your phone from him and brushed past him, bumping shoulders a bit aggressively. He rolled his eyes and continued to follow you out further into the parking lot, carefully dodging heavy equipment that rolled by. "(Y/N), wait up! C'mon, please?" He frowned and got in front of you again. You were one click away from getting an uber.

Your jaw shifted from side to side in thought. He pissed you off today multiple times already, but you would kill to spend an afternoon alone with him. You knew, whenever he wasn't under the influence of his multiple companions, he was an extremely nice guy. I mean, he was whenever his friends were around sure. Maybe it was just your need for his undivided attention that drove you crazy over him.

You sighed, "Where the hell would you be taking me when all I'm wearing is jeans and a t-shirt? Don't you have this sort of reputation to uphold?" He was shining brightly now, the grin on his face couldn't be any wider. "Oh, darling, I would trash it all to be with you," he purred, "and, how does pizza sound?"

You cocked a brow, lips pinching together and your shoulders rolling. "Fine." He lit up brighter than a Christmas tree. "Amazing! How about we head back inside, we'll finish up this shoot, and after that, we'll see where the streets of LA take us~," he purred with a cocky wink that made you roll your eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, let's just hurry up," you sighed, speeding up your walk walk until you had your hand on the handle and had pulled open the door just by a smidge. To your surprise, the handle was yanked out of your hand as the door slammed shut in front of you. You looked up, a bit ticked off, but your inner self calmed when you saw Taika standing there, directly in front of you, blocking the door completely with his body and his eyes holding a provocative stare within them. "Three months, huh?" His voice was low and deep, just how you imagined it before bed quite a few times. "I can... You know... always take care of that for you~." He leaned down towards you, his face becoming dangerously close to yours.

"T-Taika, this isn't exactly the r-right place for that--," you stuttered then gasped softly as his lips brushed against yours. He was so close, you could smell the intoxicating scent of his cologne mixing with the soft smell of his fabric softener that wafted blissfully from his clothes. You started to lean in too, now, taking a large gulp as you did.

"Waititi, stop doing whatever the hell you're doing out there and move your fat ass away from the door!" You heard the executive producer yell from the other side of the door, before Taika was launched forward by the propelling force of the door behind him. His head jeered off to the side and all that was left in contact between you two was the rough clash of his shoulder hitting yours. He stumbled for a minute while you laughed a little, shaking your head. You slipped in, just before a rack full of heavy equipment got close to the door, and that's where you parted from the kiwi, a massive grin on your face.

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Okay, he woke you up and ruined your perfectly planned day, so you were pissed just a little bit. Now, he was keeping you longer than he should have, at work and now you were really pissed. Both of you were the very last ones in the studio and he still hasn't finished up yet. Your stomach growled, your fingers twitched and your anger was bubbling.

You were sitting on one of the sets, a main, small room that split off towards the back. It was dark, greasy, and sewer-like. It had grates everywhere that were decaying with painted on rust and fake laser holes dotted along the fake metal every once in awhile.

You sat on a convenient crate prop that was sturdy enough to withstand three people at the most. You were rubbing your temples, the overwhelming and heady stench of expensive perfume, spray paint and spray tanning solution only fueled your distress. That cocky little bastard! He knew you never wanted to be here in the first place, but here he is, keeping you locked up here by his own hand. You were two moments away from storming out, calling that uber, and forgetting about this whole catastrophe whenever there was the rapping of knuckles against tin. Your head shot up and you glared. It was Taika. You said nothing.

He seemed awkward at first, his head tilting to the side and an apologetic smile on his lips, "Well, on the brighter side, at least we won't have to worry about the lunch rush!" He laughed softly, trying to lighten the mood, but your angry aura seemed to snuff out every attempt like a candle in the wind. "Look, doll, you know I'm sorry about keeping you here! It was never my intention..." He tried to explain, his hand motions really getting to work until they paused all together, right in front of him, palms facing upwards and his fingers lightly curling in, out of stress or carpal tunnel from holding on to a keyboard mouse all day long.

"Then what was your intention, Taika? Huh!?" You shot up from your seat and just stood there, your body nearly shaking with rage. "You wake me up, you drag me out of my house, and you force me to come to work! I thought you were my colleague, not my God damn boss!" You were frustrated. You wanted an answer. His eyebrows were furrowed and he seemed to be focused on a different topic on a new level. For the first time ever, you saw him look at the floor, embarrassed.

"Answer me, Taika!" You shouted, the sound of your voice echoing along the walls. He seemed shaken up whenever he looked up. He was confused, like he hadn't even listened to you the entire time. "What?" He said a little breathily, his eyes desperately searching yours for any tiny morsel that you had the compassion to forgive him.

"What were your intentions with this whole fucking thing?" You repeated through your bared teeth. Things were intense now. Both of you just stared in complete silence while Taika contemplated his, apparently, very complex answer.

"Well?" You flinched your arm muscles up once, in a shrugging motion. His eyes were closed and he took a deep breath. Suddenly, he charged forward at you, in a fast walk, without a word, a serious expression on his face. It made you take a few steps back out of shock, and you were close to pulling out your emergency bottle of pepper spray whenever he grabbed both sides of your face with his rough hands and brought you close to him. "This," he whispered before smashing his lips on yours. Your eyes widened, your hands went to his clothes and started clawing harshly, almost begging for him to stop before you became too attached, but as the kiss went on, it became more passionate and your clawing slowed, your eyes fluttered closed and your hands went up, into his hair. Taika let the pure bliss of your acceptance sink into his memory for a few moments longer before he pulled away, his hands dropping from your head and down to his sides.

He took a few steps back, wiping the drool off of his lips with the sleeve of his shirt. "That," he muttered again, bobbing his head to truly acknowledge what he had done. "My intention was to make that happen."

You were stunned, eyes wide when they flew back open and fluttered wildly. Your hands didn't know what to do with themselves anymore, now that they weren't buried in Taika's soft locks, so they went into yours, gripping on tightly and slightly pulsing the tug. Your lips craved more, your heart thrummed madly in your chest, so hard, you thought that it was beating, like a drum, up against your ribcage.

"Taika," you manage to whisper, catching his attention, you could tell, as he looked up at you again. "Yeah?" He muttered back.

You couldn't take it anymore. Your lips needed to connect with his again, you needed to touch him once more, to feel him in any way. You just knew you wanted him. You wanted him bad. You walked right up to him, curled your fingers back into his hair and brought his lips back down on yours, desperate and needy, unlike the last kiss the two of you shared. He kissed you right back, his hands having enough consciousness to slick right down and grip onto your waist.

It was unexpected, it was needed, your friends bet it was going to happen, it was... it was.... hot.

The kiss went on much longer than the last one, and eventually got more heated as well. His tongue slid across your bottom lip and there was no hesitation to open up for him. It was like opening the pearly gates of heaven, in his eyes. He gave your lip a cheeky little nip with his teeth anyway, making you whine softly, before tangling his tongue up with yours, almost like tying a cherry stem into a knot between the two of you.

He started pushing you back. You stumbled a bit, but you got the hint and started walking backwards. His body eagerly followed yours, not willing to break the kiss unless it was for a brief moment of air. Your back was eventually pushed up against one of the orange tinted walls and that wasn't the only thing being pushed up. Your shirt was carrying a steady pace up your abdomen and getting closer to exposing your chest. You were impatient, so you suddenly broke the kiss, leaving Taika momentarily distraught, and lifted your shirt completely off so you could toss it away like trash. Taika was smirking now and continued to kiss you, this time, more hunger was induced into it.

The next time you two broke contact, it was Taika's doings. You didn't have time to really react before you were no longer facing Taika, but the grated wall, and your breasts were pushed up tightly against it as well. Little words were spoken between you two, and it was easy to tell what position he wanted you in, so you stuck your ass out there a little more. You could practically feel his smirk getting wider. He reached around your waist and found the button to your pants. While one hand focused on getting that down and away, the other worked on getting your bra unclipped. It was easy with his skilled fingers. Once your bra was gone, so we're your pants. They dropped to be around your ankles and you hastily kicked them off, as well with your shoes.

A single one of his digits hooked around the hem of your panties and started bringing them down your thighs. His eyes could practically bore holes into your body with how intensely he stared with the newfound flesh.

Your body tingled with the sound of his belt unbuckling and hitting the floor, even more so when his pants were unzipped and dropped around his ankles, well, after he had rustled his wallet from his back pocket first and picked a condom out of it. You wanted him to completely undress, like you, but you weren't in the mood to complain. If anything, this round was possibly doomed to be a quickie anyway.

His boxers were the last item to hit the floor, then it was all over. His stiff member, once the rubber condom had been swiftly applied, prodded at your soaked walls before making its quick and long past due entrance. It nearly made you scream, but before any of that could happen, Taika had one hand slapped firmly across your mouth and the other one grabbed a fist-full of one's of your boobs.

Here's the thing that Taika had completely forgotten to mention whenever this whole fiasco started. He wasn't completely sure that you both were alone in the studio. With his explanation being whispered hotly into your ear with his sensual kiwi accent, you didn't seem to care. If anything, the higher risk of being caught only made the sexual intensity even more intense. So, you were going to be fucked like that, quietly, dirtily, and somewhat publicly. He had this power of domination over you... and you loved it.

He started thrusting, slow and hard. Each time his hips would connect with your ass, your stomach would lightly slam against the grate in front of you and made it wobble out a sound that could possibly notify anyone around you about where you were. Okay, maybe the two of you were that fed up about being discrete with your actions. You both just knew that you needed this and no one was going to tell you otherwise.

He let out soft grunts and pants of your name, occasionally burying his face into your shoulder whenever he started going faster, so he wouldn't get too loud while he pummeled you mercilessly. You could feel him nipping at your skin, whenever you weren't so focused on the feeling of his stiff cock rubbing along your walls. He bit you, sucked on your neck and shoulders, covering you with his love. Well, his claim of you and your body, at least.

The rocking of his hips started getting more rough, irrational and sporadic. He was close and so were you, but he was determined to hold on until you had released all over him. Your hands held on to the grate for dear life, and it rolled along with your movements, shaking when your body pushed forcefully against it by Taika's will, and it wobbled back whenever you lurched backwards to prepare for the next world rocking thrust. This was so much better than sweatpants and The Office episodes.

It didn't take you long before you jumped over the edge and your vision blurred white. He had done it, he had given you one of the worst/best days of your life and you didn't want it to be over, but everything comes to an end eventually, even Taika himself. His thrusts slowed and he gave three, stout, powerful ruts against your ass before he released and his body pushed against yours. His hand fell from your mouth so he could hear your pants and praises that he had been missing out on the entire time the two of you went at it like mad dogs. He pulled out and almost immediately pulled off the gross condom.

You busied yourself with picking up your clothes and quietly putting them on while Taika disposed of the used rubber and pulled up his pants from around his ankles. Both of your faces were red and the lust still sparkled dimly within his and your eyes.

You both met in the middle of the room, once the two of you were collected and ready to leave like nothing had happened in that room you were standing in.

"So, am I invited to come over and crash your days off any time I like, now?" Taika cocked a brow and broke the comfortable silence with a grin and a chuckle. You laughed with him, leaning up and wrapping your arms around his neck.

"You know what?" You said, tilting your head and having a cheeky smile write itself all over your lips, "I'd love that... same time, tomorrow?"

[demonsforfriends]

Just having a quiet moment to myself to sit and think about everything that's happened in the last week or so, and reflect on what's going on in my life right now.

It's been 3 weeks now since I've been in isolation and it's been a blessing in disguise. I didn't realise how much I needed time to just hermit and be at home and not mixing with the outside world. It's been over 3 weeks since I dissociated last, and that's something of a record for me. Even though we're having money worries, the same as everyone else, anxiety levels have dropped significantly.

Last week, we hit a bit of a bump. Well, a big bump actually. While anxiety has been a lot more manageable, there's been a lot of random depressive spells, and last week out of nowhere, I hit a wall, completely snapped, and made a really irrational, split second decision to end my life, and just went out on autopilot. For a moment, I was completely overwhelmed, felt like I was the source of all that's wrong with everything, felt like everyone's lives would be better without me in it and was just completely exhausted with the state of the world.

I struggle to do and understand a lot of things. Basic things, like working out how I feel, and talking about it, and dealing and acting on a single emotion. Feeding myself when I'm hungry. Showering when I need to. Understanding people's feelings and intentions. It's so difficult and confusing to the point of tears sometimes. But at the same time, I feel so so deeply, I just can't do anything about it a lot of the time, and not for lack of trying either. When I can actually pick up on it, I can feel deeper for others than I can myself. I've speculated in the past that I have autism, and never really thought anything of it, I just brushed it off and carried on. More recently, it's felt more and more like something I need to confront and deal with. Anyway, when I was off on my little suicide mission, I had a moment of clarity and I stopped. I turned my phone back on, and listened to the voicemail that my fiancée had left me and it absolutely broke my heart. She was so scared, and hurt, and confused and could barely speak for crying and it wrote me off. For a moment, I had a flash of confusion, which quickly turned to anger and self loathing. How could she love me? I'm so obsessed with perfection, but I am so imperfect, the exact opposite of the thing I've spent my entire life chasing, and trying to be. But as quickly as the anger came on, it dissolved. All I wanted to do was go home and make her feel better. I've always said that her happiness is my happiness, and I'll probably always stand by that. I went home, had a chat with the police, went with the ambulance crew to the hospital, spoke to the mental health teams, and went home to her. I felt so much remorse. We have regular mental health check ups with each other anyway, but that night we really talked a lot, about what I want, why I can't ever do anything for myself and the general day to day struggled that I have, and ups and downs that I have, and how to deal with my autism better. She also tried to work out how to love me better, which made me kinda sad, because there's no way she could do more for me than she already does, but she vowed to stick to it nonetheless. I've always believed her when she tells me she loves me, but somehow I believe her more now than ever.

I'm so glad I didn't go through with ending my life last week. I've experienced so many beautiful moments in this last 8 days alone. Things that would seem small and insignificant to some, but have been amazing and beautiful and really meaningful to me.

The first day after everything that happened, we spent the day at home together, mostly in bed. Just being in each others company. She held me and kept me calm for most of the day. Just the pure warmth and innocence of naked skin to skin contact was amazing. Jen sleeps on the side of the bed closest to the window, and as the sun was setting, I noticed the way the skin touched her skin and outlined her body, and it was truly an amazing thing to watch, so much so that I had to capture it. Her silhouette looked perfect against the dusk sky. I had a really profound feeling of being grateful to survive the previous afternoon, else I wouldn't have lived to see that moment.

Tuesday was a really, really amazing day, start to finish. One of the best days I've had in a long long time. Once Jen got back from work, we had a parcel arrive from Ithaca, actually genuinely one of my favourite bands. When the Covid-19 lockdown started, we bought a long sleeved t-shirt from them, because A. the shirt is sick as fuck and B. just to show some love and support. To our surprise, they sent us two shirts, the one that we ordered, as well as a bonus shirt from old merch stock, as well as a sticker and a handwritten note on the back of a photo of Djamila's dog, The Ham™.

Afterwards, we got dressed and headed out to go get some food shopping, and decided to talk through the park on the way home, and came across a beautiful bed of daffodils, so of course, I had to take pictures. The one above is my favourite, of course. Jen has the most beautiful smile, especially now that I know that she's happy for real.

After we'd been home, put the shopping away and showered, we headed out again. This time, to go hunt down a good spot to try and take some good photos of the "Pink Moon". We went for a nice long walk through the woods first though. It was so quiet, all we could hear were birds singing, the water running in the stream and the ground beneath our feet.

Once we found a good spot on high ground, we sat on top of two big rocks in front of some trees, one tree in particular was a a blossom tree, and we watched the sun go down, and just sat there quietly, looking at all of the colours meld and mix in the sky.

After the sun had set, we found the best spot we could find to set up the tripod and Jen sat by for a good half an hour to 45 minutes while I tried to get the best shot I could of the moon. I am honestly so so proud of this photo, I personally think it's one of the best photos I've ever taken.

I was starting to feel as though Jen was getting bored of sitting around, while I was indulging myself, as I know I often get carried away and absorbed when I'm doing something creative, and starting to feel like I should wrap things up, but instead, she took a big interest in what I was doing, and took the time and effort to get involved in what I was doing. She came and sat with me, and asked me questions about how my camera worked, and gave it a try for herself. I remember watching her try, and adjust, and try again and I remember feeling so much love, and feeling so proud of her. No one has ever gone out of their way to involve themselves in something that I love doing the way she did, and that memory, and that picture will stick with me forever.

This is just a bonus picture of Jen, because I thought she looked really beautiful under the glow of the streetlights and the moon. 😍

The day after/yesterday, after Jen came home from work, we spend another afternoon in bed together, to have some alone time. While the sex was amazing, as it usually is, that isn't the moment that sticks out for me, it's this one, in the photo. This might be grim, or kinda gross or just too much information for some, but I don't care. Now, ever since we have been together, both of us have become more comfortable body hair, periods, and pretty much everything that our bodies do naturally and we both find it beautiful. Something I've noticed, as well, is that people don't generally tend to talk much about grooming, especially when it comes to helping your partner groom and helping your partner with self care. Well, recently, we both decided to shave together, which is something both of us had to do before to please others, even though I never really liked it. However, this time is was different. Anyway, I have quite sensitive skin, and naturally, I get a lot of ingrown hairs, this time around have had a lot and it's been very uncomfortable and at times quite painful. When we were lay in bed together, I was in a bit of discomfort with it, and without batting an eyelid, Jen picks up the tweezers, heads back down there and starts removing and relieving all of the ingrown hairs. This really sticks out to me as a really beautiful moment. She was so gentle, and I was so comfortable that I felt no pain at all. I've never met anybody who treats my body with such care and respect before as she does, and she protects and looks after it better than I do. I remember being filled with love, and I felt like it was such an intimate moment, but a gentle, innocent kind of intimacy and it was beautiful. Another moment that will stay with me for a long, long time.

Later on in the evening, we went out for another walk, this time to go and meet Jen's mother and collect some food that she had got for us. On the way there, we came across a beautiful cherry blossom tree. Cherry blossoms are both of our favourite flowers, we absolutely adore them, so I wanted to photograph them, but I'm not a tall person and the tree was very high, so I couldn't reach to get a good close up photo of the flowers. Within seconds, she gave me a piggy back and hoisted me up high so I could get close enough to take this photo. We must've looked crazy to onlookers, but it was like we were the only two people in the world.

If I had gone through with ending my life last week, I would've missed out on all of these precious moments. As I said, they may seem small or insignificant to some, but to me, they hold so much weight and meaning. All of that would've been gone, within a split second of being overwhelmed.

Jennifer Stephanie Riddell, I wouldn't be here without you. I love you, so so much, more than words will ever be able to say. I can't wait to become your wife, so that everyday for the rest of our lives, we can carry on making beautiful memories out of the little things. Every day, you give me a reason to feel love and feel grateful for being alive. I hope you realise how special you are to me, and how meaningful it is to spend my life with you, however big or small the moment is.