#i'm on the verge or another art burnout

[flyolai-brainrot]

me every time a new chapter drops:

[elitadream]

Hi guys~! ⛅👋

Long time no see! Much longer than I ever intended, in fact. Truth be told, I wanted to make a public post sooner, but I've had a lot to catch up on in terms of notifications and messages since logging back in a few days ago. I've also made some changes that I will address shortly, but first of all I wanted to thank those of you who have reached out with so much care and understanding during my absence. Adjusting has been a slow and fragile process for me -still is-, and I sadly haven't responded directly to everyone yet because of it, but I wanted to say how much I appreciate your patience and support nonetheless. 🥹 🙏

Long story short, I was gone for five months due to a huge burnout, then progressively found my spark again somewhere along the way and have since mostly recovered. It was my wonderful friend @drones-of-innocence who reached out to me outside of Tumblr, and her sense of initiative is largely the reason why I managed to make this post in a somewhat reasonable delay. 😅💖 With that said however, I must also mention that I've deleted a lot of stuff from my page and have removed most of my work from the public eye as well. This may seem quite drastic and frankly a little unsettling, but I assure you that it was a thoroughly considered and reasoned decision! The thing is that I was still getting lots of notes on these drawings everyday and… To put it simply, I didn't want that anymore. 🙇‍♀️ Experiencing popularity was very detrimental to me in the long run and I needed to put an end to it for the sake of my own wellbeing; at least for now.

Which brings me to my next point.

After mulling it over for a while, I've decided that I would not be returning as an active creator in the Mario community this time around. 👐 Making fanart for this franchise (with such a high and continuously maintained degree of involvement) had a lot to do with my health's decline and I've come to realize that I wanted to direct my focus elsewhere going forward. For that reason, there are things which I know will never be repeated again in the future, both in regards to my art and online presence in general, but that's alright. Things change, as they do and should. I'm looking forward to reuniting with folks and would be very happy to stay in touch with those of you who wish to message me privately. Like my lovely pal @istadris said, what matters most about any fandom are the friends you make in it. ☺️

And speaking of which-

@ody-and-fanatu That's so sweet of you, thank you! 💗 I'm glad you've enjoyed my contribution to the fandom. It was fun while it lasted! 💫 My visual ideas may be gone from my page, but most of my written posts and replies are still there for anyone who wants to revisit those at least, so there's that! And I'd also like to answer some of the asks I still have in my inbox at some point. Knowing that you hold my art in such high regard makes really happy! 🥰 Unfortunately, the other account that I have is reserved for my professional work and I prefer to keep them separate from one other, but the good thing is that I intend to go back to this blog occasionally. Hoping to see you around! Cheers! 🥂

@heiressofdoodles Thanks, I appreciate that! ✨ I'm honestly doing much better than I was earlier this Spring. Back then, I was running on empty and on the verge of crashing without even knowing it. Being in constant physical pain was one thing, but feeling mentally and emotionally drained on a daily basis was another entirely, and something had to be done. It took me a moment to really figure out what was wrong, but thankfully I realized very quickly what was causing it and applied the breaks with all my might. One of my main priorities now is to be more alert and respect my own boundaries to make sure that this never happens again. 🥲

@keakruiser Thank you. 🙏💐 I'm just glad to have found my footing again. Feels good to be able to create freely.^^ Hope you're doing well too!

Special thanks also to @pianokantzart, @jelly-fish-wishes, @katlyntheartist, @triniji and @wahooitsamee for their kind words. 🫂 Your graciousness and consideration means a lot to me. 💝

As for all the nice people who sent me anon comments and well wishes, I tried to summarize my thoughts as best I could in this update, but if there's anything else you'd like to say or know, don't hesitate to ask me anytime! Now that I feel like myself again, I think I'm gonna hang out on Tumblr for a little bit. I'll be excited to see what you guys have been up to in the meantime! 🤗 Wishing you all a very good day and pleasant Fall. 🍂

-elita 🌸

[citrus-cactus]

Citrus' Art Summary 2021!

Here it is, my year in art! Overall, I did more digital art this year than any other year previous, managing about one major piece per month. Finally a year when I can fill in all those squares (and then some!)! That's a-bonkers-lot for me :O

Some more reflection 'neath the cut:

I set out with the goals this year of Doing Lots of Art Digitally for practice/learning purposes and also working with deadlines in mind, kinda maybe sorta... like a real professional might? Just to try it out?? Of the stuff I finished, two were for a zine (hmm, never did post those, though you can see most of the full-color piece in February!), three were paid work (blurred/not pictured, I don't really feel comfortable sharing those), one was a t-shirt design (not pictured), one was for an art giveaway (June), 10 were sketch requests (March-May), 7 were for Tumblr events (all digimon-related; July-October), 7 are for a personal project that I really won't be giving many details about (Nov), and 10 were index-card-sized pen-and-ink practices. Oh, and if we're counting ALL creative/fandom stuff, I wrote a fanfic and made a fanmix. Phew!!

I'd like to say I enjoyed every minute of it, but some of it was sort of stressful, actually ^^; I DO have a full-time job; my self-imposed artistic workflow made it feel like I was working two jobs sometimes, and that DEFINITELY took a toll on me (particularly since I was trying to meet all those deadlines!). I also tended to get wrapped around the axle being a perfectionist a lot of the time, which led to me to spending a LOT more time fiddling with not-actually-that-important stuff than I probably should have (this is a constant struggle for me!). TL;DR, there are still TONS of things I could afford to learn about being a more efficient/less neurotic artist, and, in hindsight, I think I was teetering on the verge of burnout several times throughout the year (oops).

One positive thing I did was upgrade from MangaStudio to ClipStudio this year, and while there there are things I miss about my old setup, I really like that you can download new brushes directly from Clip, as well as some new functionality I discovered that I had never figured out previously (or maybe it didn't exist?). I also realized I need to make major improvements to my posture, break-taking, and overall drawing setup. I tend to hunch over a lot and that has made my back and shoulders pretty unhappy a lot of the time, particularly when I'm in deep-focus and work-hard mode :P

I'd also like to... draw more for myself next year? Taking requests is a lot of fun (and I still have several in my inbox that I'd like to finish, WHOOOOPS), but sketching for myself used to be something I did to relax and unwind, and I realized it's not really relaxing if I'm drawing with the intent to post for an online audience. I also really want to make more progress on my Personal Project now that I've started it properly! So I'm anticipating my perceived art output will be a lot lower next year, for all these reasons, and that’s OK! Art goals for next year involve a) working on self-care and recovering from what-very-well-may-be burnout, b) jamming as much as I can on Personal Project and things I will probably never publish on the Internet, c) WORRYING LESS about small details & audience when I DO draw/post goofy fandom stuff, and d) remembering how to draw spontaneously and for fun. Fingers crossed these are achievable goals!

In terms of my personal favorites for the year... well, that's tough! I like them all for one reason or another. I REALLY liked how my December piece turned out; I think I nailed it (I really wish I could show it!!). And I'm also really proud of how the Daisuke Kaiser comic turned out. I got to play with some fun screentone brushes, and it's an ACTUAL (short) MANGA-STYLE COMIC that I finished, for once. Finally makin' comics!! Secretly, THAT'S THE DREAM!!! My teenage self would be so proud.

It'll be interesting to see what 2022 brings!

[dellinah]

I made a new icon after 84 years bc I needed to vent I guess

It doesn't look THAT different from the old one but at least it's an anthro one which I've wanted for forever since that's usually how I imagine/portray Talita as she is literally me and unfortunately I'm a human instead of being a little fox with no care in the world LIKE I SHOULD HAVE BEEN

But instead I'm here worrying about burnout depression and my future so if you're only here for the furry art fair enough ill keep the rant in a read more

Anyway hi

I have absolutely not been doing well these past few weeks and I'd say some moments might have been close to being some of the worst in my life but I am so jaded by previous experiences that I barely notice how bad it's affecting me until it hits me at 3am and I can't sleep and I just realized I'm in it DEEP which makes me freak out even more

Apparently my way of coping with life and issues is ignoring them until the last minute and just repress the SHIT out of it until it hits me in the face (peak 'this is fine' dog meme) and that isn't working anymore bc now I am an adult whose actions have consequences

I have so much school stuff to catch up on bc I stalled a whole month that short of spending hours on end at it for the next month I don't see how I can catch up in time but my mental health does not allow that as I have been sleeping 15 hours a day and staying up all night and I am scared shitless of not making it bc I'm supposed to graduate soon so FUCK and i barely know how to start. I feel so dumb and left behind while everyone seems to have their shit put together and i canr ask for help without feeling like a parasite or like they'll judge me for it

I also have no idea what I want to do or how to go about life once I am graduated (if i graduate) and i hate it bc I am so godamn lost and I have like 2 months to figure it out

My mother has covid for the 3rd time somehow which means another wave of covid has been going on in my family but I guess I avoided that but I cant see them for a while and I also lost a 3rd person I loved and cared about to it a while back and I haven't even cried yet bc once again Im ignoring and repressing it

I had to take 2 shots at the same time for covid and influenza which knocked me out for 3 days straight and made me miss yet more school stuff and I haven't eaten an actual meal since bc I'm not awake most of the day anyway

My meds for anxiety and depression have started to have side effects after 5 or so years so fuck me i guess bc i gotta get them replaced which means a lot of trial and error and i dont have time for that rn bc once again im late as shit

I just feel like I'm falling apart and no one really knows or sees it bc I'm the one that everyone in the family goes to when there's a crisis and I kinda just wanna keep it that way but also I kinda just wanna break down sometimes too yknow but if I do then who will literally solve every problem they have bc they refuse to go to therapy and apparently nobody else can help them with anything it has to be me even when I'm busy otherwise I'm an ungrateful child

There's this weird paradox where everyone in the family sees me as immature and irresponsible and a liar but they also come to me for help and support bc GOD FORBID someone else helps them so I just dont wanna give them more reasons to see me as immature but keeping that image that everything is fine is HARD when I'm on the verge of giving up

Other than that I also have just been reflecting on past events in my life and I feel so bad about some of them. I had so many good friends that I lost bc we grew apart and I had some I lost bc I was a shitty person and I never got to apologize and I know I'll just always miss them. I was at such a good place mentally between 2013-2015 and I miss those times that I can never go back to. I was doing so well in 2018-2020 too before the pandemic wrecked it and now Im just so nostalgic for those times and I can't help but feel like I'm just gonna get worse and worse after so much lost time

But that's ok. I think it's going to be ok. I just need to kick my own ass

It's just a lot of damage control and getting over stuff even though it feels like days just pass by and I can't deal with it

So I sat down and drew this in a few hours bc I just wanted to finish something I started for once. I was happier with it before but I think it looks ok and it helped me figure out what I wanna change in my furry designs. and I guess I wanted to put myself in a sunny sunset where I'm just happy with nothing to worry about, yknow? If i cant be happy at least talita can

Hope days like that can come again soon. Problem is that it only depends on me. So... shiiiit