#i'm now realizing just how many photos of myself i've shared even though i'm super shy about showing my face pfffft

[golden--doodler]

I'm getting a teensy bit more comfortable showing my face (at least my past self's face, pfffft) so for Throwback Thursday, have some photos of my sister and me being goofy throughout the years~

Starting with some really old photos of when we were just lil' bambinos:

Here's a more recent (but still kind of old) photo of my sister and me being goofy with a couple hula dancer cutouts:

And finally ending on some more Disney World photos (I was wearing these gigantic sunglasses that covered my face so much 😭):

[scrubbinn]

Slime HRT Day 1: First Pages

I was told I should write down my experiences in this journal. I'm only really doing this because I was told I didn't have to share my writings with anyone except for emergencies, whatever that means. Today is the first day of my new life, and becoming something not human anymore.

I've seen a lot of social media about species HRT. I think it’s supposed to be “Human Removal Therapy”. There’s a lot of people online bashing it, and I'm sure someone is going to try and ban it eventually, but for right now it's pretty unrestricted. To be honest, I am fascinated by it. Becoming something inhuman seemed so, I don't know, cool I guess, but it felt distant, like it would never happen to me, or I'd be labeled a freak by my friends. It was only until my girlfriend brought it up in a passing conversation that I gained the courage to admit I was curious about it. She said I should go for it. The amount of joy I felt then and there was like a 20 ton weight had just exploded out of my chest, but in a good way! We spent the rest of the night talking about treatments and articles, I never felt so happy except then and there, to be seen like that.

My legs were shaking when I met with that doctor. I was told it was normal to be nervous, but it really felt like I was going to just have a breakdown the entire time we talked. There was a lot of psychological exams and way, WAY too much paperwork that basically said I was sure I would be happy and cool with going through with this process. The doctor was patient at least, though he was rude with how little he tried to hide the boredom of his job. Besides that, there was something about him that just made him feel like this was the last thing he wanted to do, the kind of man who’s a total pushover. We eventually got to the question I was dreading “what was I here for, what am I looking to be?” My voice just suddenly stop working right there. It's so funny how I saw an actual dragon on my way here and somehow my request seemed so much more ridiculous. That stupid doctor kept prying me to just tell him until my frustration surpassed my anxiety, and I was able to blurt out that I wanted to be a slime.

I don't know when or why, but I've always liked the idea of slimes. It's their fluidity I think. Being able to morph myself the way I want whenever I want. I mean, how can I trust I'll be happy with my body shape everyday when I can't even pick a favorite color. I spent so much time writing out my own ideas of how their biology worked, or creating a bunch of slime girls for stories I never finished writing. It took me a while to realize I wanted to be just like them, like how it took me a while to realize I wanted to be a girl too.

I thought I'd get laughed out of his office, I mean I've seen the photos and stories of people on slime HRT but it just felt different, like I was going one step too far, I was probably just super anxious, I felt so relieved when he just showed me a list of slime variants instead of laughing. There were so many different options on the list, slimes made of just gel, sap, wax, and there were so many different colors, but that was the problem, they all felt right, I wanted to be any of them.

It was so selfish to ask, but I needed to know if a slime that could change color was possible, or something that could truly transform into any kind of slime. He asked what I meant, if I was looking into becoming a shapeshifter. I shook my head no and said I wanted something like a chameleon. He took off his glasses and pinched his nose, like the weight of every request he ever had just hit him. We, kind of, argued for a while. Well it was him telling me all the different reasons it wouldn’t work or how some people had set up safe LED strips to become a slime strobe globe of different colors, but for some reason it was the one thing I didn’t want to budge on. The one thing I was certain I wanted was that I wouldn’t be certain about my final choice. I was actually ready to just punch this old man until he suddenly folded to my demands and told me he'd need time to make a new variant for something like that. Something about a membrane and chromatophores I think. He also stated, bluntly, that I still needed to pick the type of slime. Being able to switch from red to blue is one thing but there needs to be a base. 

There were a lot of good options, to the point it took me an hour to go through everything and just think about it. I was probably pushing him a bit too close to his next appointment with how long I was searching through options. It certainly makes me wonder how anyone can just know the answer right away. Eventually I had to settle on one and chose the soap variant. I was told it wasn’t actual soap, but it smelled nice and helped deal with germs. I’m not a germaphobe but I like the idea of smelling nice all the time.

After that, I was told I would be contacted eventually when my medication was ready. The wait could be best be described as brutal. There were a lot of calls I made only for me to be told it wasn’t ready yet. I thought I got scammed, like I went to the wrong place and that quack doctor was just faking everything and I wouldn't ever get to be the real me. The most I got was a message once a month saying the research was going well, if I was lucky. 

It was about a year when I got a call back from him, explaining that my medication was ready. I'll be honest, I thought he wouldn't have ever completed it and just stole $600 out of my bank account for a single appointment. I have it now though, a bottle of gel capsules. They taste awful, like shoving soap into my mouth, which makes sense thinking about it. Apparently I won't need to take my normal hormone medication after a bit. Which is good because it's really expensive to pay for both. I guess that concludes my thoughts on the first day. The doc wants me to keep writing down my physical changes but also that I write down my emotional state as well. I don't really get why that’s so important, but whatever, it’s the least I can do if I finally get to be the slime girl I always wanted to be. I can't wait to see how I turn out.

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Next

Thank you for reading through this story. While I’m sure it’s obvious, this is a story inspired by @ayviedoesthings own Dragon HRT as well as @welldrawnfish Fish HRT. I’ve loved these stories ever since they first came out. But I never felt like I had a story of my own to write until I read @sandyca5tle own slime HRT. Please check out all these people’s stories if you haven’t already, and thank you to sandyca5tle for really lighting the fire in me that made me want to try my hand at this sort of thing. I have plans to continue this for a while, not sure how long it’ll be but I want to be able to write a new segment at least one post every one to two weeks. I hope you enjoyed this, and please let me know if you have any advice on how to improve my writing. Thank you so much for reading all this, seriously, it means the world to me. 

[localcactushugger]

Is anyone else amazed that Hawks was only "undercover" with the Leauge for 6 months at the most.

Not only that, one and a half of those 6 months were spent just trying to gain enough trust to infiltrate.

I know it seems like much longer since Hawks made his Manga debut 2 years ago. But he had such a short amount of time on this mission. Hawks was introduced in the manga with his role being the "double agent". We literally have not seen Hawks outside of his "spy" role. Even when he is interacting with other characters outside of the Leauge, his "mission" is still happening in the background.

It seems Hawks made contact with Dabi right before the Hero Billboard chart, this is when he starts trying to infiltrate. His interaction with Dabi in the warehouse begins immediately after Endeavors fight with High-End:

During this time, Dabi is testing out a High-End Nomu for doctor Ujiko. Which means by the time Endeavor fights High-End, the My Villain Academia arc is already happening. Hawks is assumed to be one of the "members" Dabi is trying to recruit:

The Leauge has already made contact with doctor Ujiko, and the Doctor sends Dabi to test his High-End Nomu out on Endeavor (even though Dabi didn't know it would be Endeavor) while the rest of the Leauge battle Machia. At the time, Dabi still doesn't trust Hawks at all and he keeps the hero at arms length. While Dabi and Hawks are sharing ominous phone calls, the Leauge is hauling ass and it take's Shigiraki a month and a half to finally beat Machia. (The MLA is "defeated" too):

After a month and a half of phone calls (while the Leauge gets their asses handed to them by Machia in the background) Hawks is finally allowed into the Leauge when the battle of Dekia City is finally over. Dabi let's him in because Hawks "kills" Best Jeanist.

But there's a problem. By the time Hawks is let in, The Leagues numbers have drastically increased. They have an army at their side, multiple High-End nomu, and are now called the MLA:

Hawks blames himself, saying that he was "too late". That so many civilians would be alive now if he had been faster. He couldn't round up the Leauge when they were a small group, and now they have an army. A powerful one:

He's in too deep now. And you can see the stress on his face. I bet he never expected to be part of an army. He was simply tasked to round up the Leauge members while they were a small group, but the MLA was completely unexpected. Still, he decides to improvise and do the best he can with the shitty cards he's been dealt. It's not like he has another option at this point.

So he slips a coded message to Endeavor ASAP. Basically saying "yo, in four months shits about to go down. Ttyl I'll keep you posted lol". He can't tell the guy in person now, because to make things harder, he has camera's on his wings. (and even though he's being watched by camera's, he also gets followed by guards at the mansion):

After Hawks relays the massge, he stroles around the mansion with his bodyguard and heads towards the cafeteria. With a little eavesdropping (courtesy of his feathers) he also finds out that the Leauges plan is to "Destroy Everything" in four months:

After he relays the massage to Endeavor, he listens to the Leauges plans of destruction as his thoughts run a thousand M.P.H.

Because now "capture the Leauge" has turned into "Holy shit I now only have 4 months to take down a full fledged terrorist organization/army from the inside-out by myself while I'm being monitored 24/7 with absolutely no privacy & also a full time job as a hero + a public image to maintain. And I can only contact my fellow pro's about this mission through code because if the villains find out I'm a double agent I could be killed and Japan could be destroyed. Also some heros have even joined the MLA so who on my own side can I trust? Only a select specific few for now I guess."

If you thought things couldn't get worse your wrong.

Because around 2 months before the raid Hawks' heart (that wants to be free & has a genuine desire to help people) takes shit a bit too far when it makes him get attached to a certain powerful villain.

Hawks quckily finds out that Twice is easily the second most powerful villain in the Leauge after Shigiraki. He's an S ranked villain and he'll kick your ass with the power of friendship anyday. He's a great guy, but him and the Leauge are still planning on doing horrible things within the next 2 months. Twice is going along with it because he wants to stick by his friends, which y'know, is a cool motive. But considering that fact that the people Hawks is trying to protect ALSO have friends, and family's, this makes shit difficult and sends Hawks on some major guilt trips. (I would show all the panels of Hawks sadly smiling as Twice calls him a "good guy", but alas- Tumblr has informed me that I've reached my 10 image per post limit)

And tbh who wouldn't feel bad about suddenly getting attached to such a golden retriever of a man and then realizing you'll have to double-cross him at some point! I'm not surprised Hawks would feel this way, especially considering the fact that he never wanted to take on this mission in the first place.

Hawks is very much a people person, and he HATES lying even when he has no other option. This is a man who got "shivers up his spine" when he had to put on a serious face while handing Endeavor a book with coded messages inside. He literally felt icky and thought "this is low even for me" just because he had to use a deadly expression so that Endeavor would get the gist.

And when the Commission made their "proposal" about this mission, Hawks' first reaction was to call them out on their B.S. for asking him to put civilian lives at risk. He even admitted that he was feeling bad about sending Tokoyami away while talking to Deku, Shoto, and Bakugo. Hawks felt guilty about not being able to spend more time with his student, but considering that things with the MLA were starting to get riskier, and that Hawks literally handed Endeavor a book with a coded message inside about an uprising 2 seconds later, I can see why he wouldn't want to risk Tokoyami being around him. The fact that the camera's on Hawks' wings caught his interactions with Endeavor & the students also makes the creep‐factor worse. The MLA saw everything AND talked about it in a meeting later. Continuing to train with Tokoyami would put him at risk.

I love the complexity of Hawks' character, he's incredibly intelligent, logical, and intuitive. But at the same time throughout this entire mission his heart is constantly battling with his mind. Even when he knows he has to grit his teeth and do something shifty, his heart never fails to put up a fight with his logistics. Honestly it's been a pattern for a while that Hawks' sympathy always "Trips him up" in some way, so idk why I didn't see it coming around to bite him in the ass later.

(Tbh it's hard for me to see Hawks as a this super "Morally Gray" person that the fandom likes to paint him as because of a mission that he only spent 6 months on. I personally, kinda see Hawks as a "good person" who works for a "morally gray" agency. But that's a whole different meta)

Basically, Hawks getting attached to Twice wasn't a surprise. But considering how powerful Twice was, along with his role in the League's destructive plans (He was a lieutenant in one of the MLA's "Units") the discourse going on in Hawks' mind makes sense. By this point Hawks has already figured out all of the MLA's "Units" along with the three "bosses" that support the lieutenants of those "Units". It's noted that those "bosses" are extremely powerful and can match the strength of the heros as well. It took Hawks an entire month just to figure out all of the "Units" members. (I would show the panels explaining all of this but I'm at my photo limit)

All of these members were tasked to follow their lieutenants and bosses, and the plan was to attack all of Japans major cities at the same time. Once the cities were destroyed and chaos had set in, Redestro and feel good inc. Would distribute support items to the remaining citizens in the name of "self-defense". It would create a country full of discourse and destruction where Redestro and Feel good inc. Would rule from the shadows. But Shigiraki would be the main leader. He would become "king" and sit upon a "throne of rubble". (At least this was the MLA's plan, Shigiraki himself just kinda wants to destroy everything. But I suppose this would make things easier for him to do that.)

needless to say, the stakes have been upped excessively. But it took Hawks an entire month to gather this info.

This post is honestly just me marveling at what an M.V.P Hawks is

My guy literally only had 4 months to take down an entire terrorist organization for the inside-out. AND he was being monitored during that entire time. He figured out the MLA's intentions within the first month of being there. And it took him another full month to go into detail and figure out all the members, bosses, and lieutenants, for each of their "Units". Hawks even went as far as to immerse himself in the MLA's ideology, and he had in-depth discussions with the MLA's members. HELL HE EVEN FAKED HIS CO-WORKERS DEATH JUST TO GET IN.

AND HE PRETTY MUCH IMPROVISED ALL OF THIS SHIT!!! The original plan was to capture the Leauge when they were a small group! But by the time Hawks managed to infiltrate, The Leauge already had an army! They were a full-blown organization! And Hawks just kinda rolled with it??? He just kinda bullshitted his way through??

Like, "okay I'm now apart of an army I guess. The Leauge is now an entire organization and they're planning on destroying Japan in March. Let's see how this goes. I'll just have to make this work"???

LIKE HOW THE FUCK IS HE NOT DEAD! WHAT A FUCKING MADLAD

[daesungindistress]

I've just read about your friend. I'm concerned for her, but I'm much more concerned for the woman she's stalking. My mom had a stalker ~10 yrs ago & she ended up with PTSD due to the things the stalker did (which is similar to what ur friend is doing). I know u may not want to get involved, but if there is a way to warn this woman, u could save her a bunch of trouble & possibly even her life. I'm sorry if this ask puts u off or anything. I just don't want anyone to go through what my mom did :/

Thanks for your concern. Putting this reply under a Read More. I rambled a bit… a lot. I’m sorry.

No worries, it’s not off-putting to me because it’s a very real concern, and one that I have given a lot of thought to, myself. I would like to do something to possibly warn her or make her aware, but I don’t even know the woman’s name. As much as my friend has talked my ear off about her over the past several months, she has always been careful never to use a name. And even if I were to, say, hack into my friend’s Facebook account to gain that information (which I’m super uncomfortable even thinking about), it wouldn’t help; she’s been primarily using a fake account to “communicate with” (a.k.a. spy on) this woman, an account that’s completely unknown to me. And she’s gone now, so whoops, no more access to her computer to see if she has any login info saved (god, what an invasion of privacy. I feel gross even considering it).

There are times lately when I’ve found myself thinking, “The longer I can keep her here the longer I can keep not only her safe, but this woman she’s pursuing as well.” The thought of her possibly tearing apart that family tears me up. But soon even that wasn’t enough for me to really try to keep her around. And now that she’s out, I’d be hard-pressed to take her back. As I learned last night, she’s become unsafe to live with, simply because she’s not living in reality anymore and lacks discernment. So deep in her delusion that she fully believed it was her “crush” reaching out to her under a fake account, she gave out a lot of personal info the other day, including her income, where she works, and the city where we live, to a complete stranger on Facebook. It was only after said stranger began making increasingly gross, sexual comments to her that she realized maybe it wasn’t her crush after all.

Had it gone on much longer she could have eventually brought a predator to our door. Unlikely, but it actually wouldn’t be the first time something like that has happened (”How ‘bout that peeping tom last summer?” I wish I’d said to her. It’s as if she’s forgotten all about it. Of course she has; she wasn’t the one working with the local police along with a detective in the city’s Sex Crimes Unit to catch the guy. Nope, that was me. I was working on Carnivores the first time I saw him at my window, come to think of it… I was so angry. And yes, I do hold my friend at least partly responsible for that, though I won’t go into why because this is long enough already.)

It’s so frustrating because this has all happened before, about 2.5 years ago. It happened, not coincidentally, when she got off her meds. The only notable difference is that the person my friend had fixated on back then had at least talked to her on Facebook for a short time… before she blocked her. And even after being sent to jail, slapped with a stalking charge and a restraining order and utterly devoid of any real contact with that woman for over a year, she has continued to spy on her online and holds firmly to the belief that the woman still wants her but just can’t admit her love for a number of reasons.

My friend has always had an explanation on hand for why she was “rejected,” and it’s never been simply that the object of her affection just wasn’t interested. It’s been absolutely exhausting to hear about near daily over the last year and a half, and I’ve long since given up on trying to reason with her… until recently. (I’ll never forget the night she called me, many months after coming to live with me, crying her eyes out, sobbing, “She went back to her old girlfriend! She’s choosing her over me!”)

This woman, however, has never even replied to the one message my friend sent her months ago. And yet somehow my friend thinks they’ve been having this secret romance… Problem is, it would be incredibly difficult to prove what she’s been doing. She has always been careful not to leave a trail or any concrete evidence of her attempts to “talk” to this woman and her husband. Because there probably are next to none– no Facebook messages, no texts, no e-mails, no phone calls, no letters. Unless there are important things she hasn’t told me, a possibility for sure.

She’s essentially created her own language of symbolic imagery that she reads in the photos they’re ‘liking’ and sharing on their social media. She “replies” by ‘liking’ and sharing her own photos, believing that they’re watching her account as closely as she’s watching theirs. This is why I say these people almost surely aren’t even aware of her. I’m actually pretty good at understanding her metaphors and interpreting her often strange, seemingly random statements, but sometimes she makes these huge leaps that no one but her could ever hope to understand without a great deal of explanation. So yeah, difficult to prove. Until the day she shows up at that woman’s workplace (as she did before) and gets carted off by the police. Again.

I want to say, “She’s not violent!” because I truly believe she isn’t, but that would just be ignorant and is beside the point anyway. A stalker doesn’t have to be violent to instill fear in their victims. They just have to be there. Because no one ever really knows what they’re going to do, especially when they’re, well… ill.

I don’t know how it’s going to play out, but unless something drastic happens I fully believe she’s going to end up back in jail… eventually. She’ll lose her carload of belongings (not to mention the car itself), her credit will go down the drain again (despite my trying to help her rebuild it these last 18+ months). Maybe it will happen long before she ever makes contact with the woman she seeks. I won’t be surprised if it plays out that way. Saddened, but not surprised. A part of me almost hopes it does, if that’s what it takes to get her back on track. Better incarcerated than, you know, dead (or wreaking havoc on others’ lives).

I doubt we could get the police involved until she proves beyond a doubt to be a danger to herself or others. I don’t think she’s quite there yet… but give it time. If she doesn’t get back on her meds… Who knows. At least when she was here I could sort of keep an eye on things, much as it drove me up a wall; she shared so much with me, which was surprising given the number of times I told her I didn’t believe things were as they seemed and didn’t want to hear any more. Then the next day she’d be right back to talking about it casually like I’d never said anything. Really made my head spin sometimes.

I just don’t know.