#i'm not putting the usual fandom tags this one is getting tossed into the void

[forspringtocome]

i hate you for what you did (and i miss you like a little kid)

M | MCD | 783 words | Regulus Black & Barty Crouch Jr., Past Regulus Black/Barty Crouch Jr., Regulus Black/James Potter, no-send letter, grief, Barty is dead, this is very American but I don't care

a very spur of the moment, unedited microfic//oneshot that ao3 will never see. if its ooc its ooc, i'm projecting rn. it doesn't give any details about how he died, just that he's dead and he's too young for it to make any sense.

Dear Barty Fuckface Bee,

Fuck you. Fuck you for leaving. Fuck you for feeling like this and never once picking up the phone. Fuck you for being gone. I tried to call you – did you know that? I tried to call you before I found out. How fucked up is that? All these years and the moment I finally want to hear your voice again I can’t. I never can. Fuck you for that.

I’m happy - that's what I wanted to tell you that day. I needed you to know that I’m happy. I’m doing better, finally, and I thought you were too. I thought in our own way, we were doing better together. I wanted to hear it from you that we were. But that would’ve been a lie. It would have been a lie, and you would have told it anyways. For once I wanted the truth. But I’ll never get that now, will I? You took that from me. You took all of it. I’ll never forgive you for taking that away.

And I know it’s not my fucking place anymore. You had Evan, you had a fucking kid. You had your mom and your cousins and so many people who loved you in ways I never could. It doesn’t make it stop. It doesn’t make me miss you love you hate you any fucking less. Did you know that even after all these years, I still talked to you when I was alone in the car? I still told you about the coworkers that I hate and the guy on the interstate that never uses his turn signal. I told you about all the good things happening, and I told you even more about how I never know what to do with them. You always knew what to say when I didn’t know what to do with them.

More than anything, though? I’d argue with you. We were always good at that. I’d sit in the driver’s seat, speeding down the road, yelling at an empty passenger seat pretending that you could hear me. I’d tell you to stop stinking up my car with your fucking Marlboros and to get your nasty ass boots off my dash, and in my mind you’d never listen. You’d laugh that fucked up laugh of yours and tell me to ‘relax, sweetheart’ and I’d tell you to suck a dick. You’d laugh harder. I’d yell and scream, and you always knew it wasn’t really about you. You’d let me pick a fight just to get it out of my system. You’d always let me have that. How long have I been arguing with a ghost? How many times did I tell the thought of you to get the fuck out of my car, to never come back, to never speak to me again, without knowing you never could? Why’d you let me do that, Bee? Why didn’t you tell me? You always used to tell me.

How many miles did I drive, spitting venom at the shape of a father who will never go home to his daughter again? Was I bitching about your cigarette when they lowered your body into the dirt? Or was I picturing you singing me happy birthday in that voice I love but you always hated? Were you smiling at me with your nasty fucking teeth, or were you absent that day? I can’t remember, Bee. I’ll never forget how much I don’t remember.

So fuck you. Fuck you for letting me talk to you in the car. Fuck you for letting me tell our secrets in bed at night with the love of my life, while your baby girl cried for someone who’ll never light another candle on her fucking birthday cake. Fuck you for letting me bare your soul to James in the dead of night, while your mom cried herself to sleep not knowing what went wrong. Fuck you for telling me what went wrong, and leaving before I could do anything to stop it.

Were you there, hovering over my shoulder, when I found out? When my blood ran cold, and I blurted out your worst moment for the whole room to hear? Were you there in that room when Marlene congratulated me? When I lost all the words I wanted to scream to make it all go away? Did you hate me that night? When I cried and cried into James’ sleep shirt? When I took your comfort from the arms of someone else? Were you relieved I wasn’t alone in the end like you were? I hate that I know you were. You were always better than me.

Congratulations, Crouch. Now you’ll always be better than me.

Yours Truly, Love, Choke.

R.A.B

[lifesver]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN !

what made you pick up the muse you have ? : my friend typecasted my muse type when the victims concept art was announced. just immediately pointed out the horror jock like yep. that'll be the one u like. and then i played the tcsm beta back in may me and rae started wildly theorycrafting.... and well my demons have been winning since. i love a jock who is kind of fail but trying his best like you got me there.

is there anything you really enjoy writing ? : i'm a creep i'm a weirdo i love exploring horror and the many themes that can coexist in it. ig i like to kind of examine trauma and the healing process through the lens of the slasher genre, as well as where horror and love coincide as themes. i think there is underrepresentation in just....... letting slasher final kids have some kind of healing arc, or letting their story continue in general? seeing them before and after the things that happen to them? and i can't always do it but i do also like to kind of dive down into slasher horror and light gore and just practicing writing dynamic action scenes and what a character's thought process is like during those kinds of moments. i love an opportunity to be mean to my blorbo

is there anything you don't like to write ? : probably just anything needlessly like... melodramatic between characters? i have no interest in plots like genuine jealousy and love triangles and interpersonal shit like that, mostly because i write horror and there are so many more interesting things to focus on imo? and because not enough slasher content casts seem like they actually care about each other lmaooo. is this a callout post about gun.'s take on the friend group? perhaps.

how do you come up with your headcanons ? : dude i just receive the prophecies and act like im on twitter tossing my every stupid thought into the void.

do you write in silence or listen to music ? : tbh i usually write either in silence or in a deranged third way (writing between games of overwatch) my adhd sometimes demands that i am doing several things at the same time and sometimes i can sit down at the coffee shop put on some instrumentals and just slam some replies in

do you plan your replies or wing them ? : hmmm a bit of both? i usually have to start by winging it, which usually involves me dropping in whatever reaction dialogue immediately comes to me. kind of work around that, save and close the draft, and then think about the reply a bit until i eventually know where i'm going with it LOL

do you enjoy shipping ? : i do with friends! i'm not actually a huge like... ships person in a general fandom sense and i rarely feel any particular way until something is compelling to me in fanon, but i can ship most things if it's with a writing partner i like! simply ask rae we will be creating ships 0 people are thinking about shout out leland/connie tcsm tommy/jenny f13 and jake/adam dbd. i also usually go hard on the slowburn, and that's just like, personal comfort for getting to know my muse and my writing partner's muse, but also just think slowburn rules

what's your alias / name ? : kels.

zodiac sign ? : pisces sun, gemini moon, aries rising.

Birthday? : march 20th!

favorite color ? : a sort of pastel pink-lilac

favorite song ? : feel that it must be go your own way / fleetwood mac

last movie you watched ? : oh jesus i fear it was hellraiser: revelations

last show you watched ? : icr if it was an episode of goosebumps or true detective tbh

last song you listened to ? : putting the dog to sleep by the antlers....

favorite food ? : veggie burritos probably. or honestly like. just a really good bagel cream cheese LMFAO

favorite season ? : spring (:

do you have a tumblr best friend ? : rae and i have been in and out of these trenches for years i fear

TAGGED BY : @solarisgod thank u!!! mwah mwah <3

TAGGING : all my fellas