#i'm not just like oh i threw up i have Disorder like. this is persistent

[gayopinion]

i think i have some kind of vomiting disorder cause i'm just chilling after waking up and my body's like SINK. NOW

cyclic vomiting syndrome is my best guess which is basically just "throws up unexplainably disorder" anyways but idk what causes it..... maybe weed? sometimes i cough too hard and start dry heaving but holy shit i cannot be doing that at the function. i actually gave up alcohol (not "sober" so i still occasionally indulge) back in like march because i took ONE shot at someone's house and threw up all over their bathroom (which i cleaned and sanitized alone and the owner was super understanding) but that was enough for me to be like um clearly this is something i can't engage in easily and reasonably.

also you know who should actually not be allowed to drink? runners. most god awful people on the planet to drink with. my ex roommate LOVED literally just getting up and running away after we'd all been drinking, it was the saddest excuse for wanting to be chased ever, fuck off. i should've seen that insecurity red flag from a mile away.

ok post over

[strrvnge]

Sleepless Nights

Sherlock Holmes x Reader

Warning : absolutely non, making out(?), idiots in love trope, not one of my best works

"In the kitchen" Sherlock exclaimed and you followed the voice to the room.

"You didn't know who it was. It could be a thief" you said with a smile seeing your friend, working with some chemicals.

"With keys? Quit organized he is"

"John told me to come and check on you while he's at Shara's. How come and you're not sleeping?" You asked to take off your coat and sat on the chair opposite of him.

"How come and you're not? it's quite late for you to be walking out alone"

"I was in a date"you rested your head on your hands and his eyes only now lifted from his work.

"Oh really? Who is it? That idiot who spends all his time at the gym or that one who's obsessed with his mom?"

"You don't know him but it doesn't really matter anyways"

"Well obviously. you're here so the date must have been horrible"

"It was. I had to say my grandma had an accident to escape"

"I don't understand why you're so persistent in finding a boyfriend. Don't we have fun?" he said, taking off his protective glasses to rub his eyes.

"How long has it been since the last time you slept?" You asked, avoiding his question.

"I don't know for a while?" He rose up going to the counter to pour himself another cup of coffee.

"Define a while for me please"

"The last time you came and played monopoly with us"

"That was three days ago!"you said and quickly took the cup from his hands.

"Well I found there is a huge hole in resources on drugs made from plants so I had to do some work. Did you know reserpine that is prescribed for high blood pressure is also used to treat severe agitation in patients with mental disorders"

"I'll ignore how illegal that is and move on. Sherlock you look quite exhausted" you stopped observing his face, the dark circles under his puffy eyes. Avoiding your eyes Sherlock looked down at the floor.

"Anyways" he said quickly, clearing his throat and walking past you to the living room.

"Wait don't go"

"No I pormise I'm perfectly fine"

"Okay then. Would you mind if I stay for the night? It's quite late and I don't want to take a cub"

"Yes of course"he said, rubbing once more his eyes.

Taking his hand into yours, you removed them from his eyes, not to irritate them . With big red eyes his gaze moved from your eyes down to your hands, tangled together, making his breath catch in his throat.

"Are you sure you're not sleepy?" You asked sweetly

"Now you mention it yes I am" he quickly said, pulling his hands away.

"Great, let's get you in bed then" you said, walking to his room and he followed you like a dog from behind.

"We'll need you to change clothes. Do you have any pijamas?"

"Last time I saw them they were in the kitchen i think" he said and sat on his bed.

"Very englitenning '' you murmured looking around his wardrobe. "Oh here they are. Catch"you said and threw them his way.

"I really don't like the fabric of it. Its kinda itchy"

"Just put it on!" He rolled his eyes, huffing annoyed as he made his way to the bathroom.

"You don't have to do this, you know. I'll just read a book till eventually feel sleepy" he shouted so you could hear him.

"Please Sherlock stop whining, you need sleep" you said and glaring at you he walked out from the bathroom and went to sit on his bed.

"But I don't want to go to sleep" he pouted and you kneeled down to face him, as if he was a whiny child. His gaze instantly went to your hands as you rested them on his thigh before quickly looking up to your eyes afraid you would pull back.

You tilted your head in disbelief, the dark circles under his eyes proof of all those sleepless nights. Noticing a lint on his hair from the sweatshirt you ran your hand through his messy hair a soft purr almost a groan leaving his parted lips.

Taken back you looked at him surprised to find him already staring at you with wide puppy eyes, internally begging for you not to stop.

Tenderly you ran your hand through his messy hair, your fingers twirling his curls, his eyes slowly shutting close relishing in your affections.

You smelled like vanilla and cinnamon, a sweet and comforting scent calling him in. Your hands moved to the sides of your face, caressing them gently afraid he might pull back. Your hand was warm and soft against his skin making it impossible not to fall asleep.

His head pressed harder against your hand before his chin rested on your shoulder. You left a quiet chuckle that vibrated on your body making him hum with a shy smile on his face.

Your hand rubbed circles on his back, his body melting in your touch, his muscles becoming less stiff and tensed.His face snuggling on your neck, rubbing against your soft skin, bathing himself in your scent, feeling slowly drifting off. You were so sweet and tender, holding him in a way no one had ever done before and had always been so afraid to ask anyone.

He wasn't sure what it was he was feeling just that he didn't want you to go. Of Course a wave of shame came with it but if he could choose without the constant nagging of his internal monologue he would stay there forever. Between your arms with his head snuggled in your neck where it's safe and warm as you caressed his hair, his face, everything. He wanted to get lost in your touch, in your scent, in your warmth he couldn't hold himself back anymore. No, he was too tired for that.

"Your soft hands, your tender touch he could only imagine what your kiss would be like. and the fact that you offered them to every idiot who didn't deserve them. "He thought and shyly peaked at your face. Your plump lips how he wished they were his. To kiss sweetly at moments like this and devour them in others.

And just as he was lost in his thoughts he let himself slip for a moment and pressed a kiss on your shoulder.

Before you could even react, his hand was placed on your cheek, weakly his sleepy self turning your face closer to his, kissing you now on the lips.

He tasted like confusion and guilt. A mix of cigarettes and gray tea all dipped into a sea of indecisiveness and desperate neediness. He kissed you with force, fulfilling a long suppressed desire yet at the same time he was slow in the most errotic and exposed way, taking his time to relish all of you.

He kissed you again and then one more time before slightly pulling away to peek at your now scarlet face, wide unsure eyes waiting for your approval and perhaps even forgiveness.

He wasn't supposed to feel that way. Not for his friend, not for anyone. He wasn't supposed to fall onto the "love trap" , that false notion every foolish person stupidly believes in. No, there was no mystery when it came to love, it was a chemical reaction, the pleasure you offered him was nothing but purely physical, however the warmth you provided was something he couldn't really understand.

"Sherlock" your whisper came out almost like a whimper, a need, a request. You wanted more.

He quickly raised his head from your shoulder, suddenly waking up sitting up stiffly on the bed, like a child waiting to be punished. He knew he shouldn't want it but he really wanted you to want it, want him.

Still on your knees you looked up at him before carefully -expecting him to change his mind at any moment- bringing him by the chin you kissed him.

Sherlock's eyes were open, frowning in confusion, some of the few times he couldn't comprehend something.

"Y/N" he groaned your name as you slightly bit his lower lip giving you the chance to deepen the kiss using your tongue.

He was such a submissive kisser. A load of moans and unsteady breaths as he tried to take it all in while keeping his sanity.

your hands now sliding up his thigh as you leaned forward to reach him and he could swear his mind stopped for a second. Now he was awake.

He could feel himself become stiff in his pants, an almost profound feeling he hadn't felt for quite some time.

A hit rose up inside him, his hand wrapped now around your neck making you end the kiss to take a breath.

He looked down at you out of breath, your eyes meeting with the same type of mischievousness sparkling in them as your hands moved closer to his bulge.

Before you could even do a thing you heard the apartment's door opening and some well known footsteps getting inside.

"Guys!? You won't believe the craziest thing just happened"

Note: That's a lazy end I know but I really couldn't bring myself writing further. Perhaps I'll write an alternative ending perhaps not dunno

[justbloodcamthings]

(Boundaries anon back again.) Keith has anxiety and/or depression, yes? I know when I read through your other asks and you said that Lance was not a mentally healthy person. I'm wondering if you had to define his mental disorders, what would these be? (I'm asking questions such as these because I could not quite grasp what was going on sometimes. That is probably due to my lack of knowledge with asexuality, which btw thank you for references. They helped a lot.)

(Glad the resources helped!)

When it comes to their mental health, they’ve both got “things” going on. We see the depth of it and the effects of it in Keith the most because its his POV, but I try to shows Lance’s side as well (with varying success, I think).

I write them as follows:Keith has dysthymia, though I think now they term is Persistent Depressive Disorder (here’s a short overview of it: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/persistent-depressive-disorder/home/ovc-20166590). Unlike Major Depressive Disorder, the symptoms are milder and easier to manage, though also because of this a person can go years without being diagnosed and getting help because, “well, it’s not that bad I can deal with it”. Keith also has periods of seasonal depression that hit worse during the fall and winter months, while giving him some respite during the spring and summer. Occasionally different things can trigger a depressive episode, sometimes totally arbitrary things or things that shouldn’t be negative (i.e. the way he got snippy and avoidant when Lance came to live with them was partially because the sudden change threw him off balance). Keith ALSO struggles with issues of sensory overload (which is why he can’t always handle much of anything directly after work, he deals with a lot of noise at work and it gets to be too much and when he gets home he needs quiet to get his brain to stop buzzing and calm down. Too much sensory overload can shut him down completely), and he has some trust issues but he deals with those with a cynical outlook in an effort to pre-empt the bad feelings (this person is going to leave me eventually, they don’t actually mean it when they say they like/love me, everything is going to fall apart anyway) which doesn’t show up often but... And yes, Keith does have anxiety but it’s not as generalized, its rather pretty specific to situations (for example, meeting Lance’s family - it’s similar, even if its not the same, to how he’s met families before and he gets a resurgence of the worry and anxiety he used to feel when he was younger and getting shifted from home to home. Oh, and the whole “what is going on with Lance why am I like this why do I like him why did that have to happen?” moment was definitely a hit of anxiety). 

Lance has Generalized Anxiety Disorder, though it’s mild at the moment. It does lead to thoughts of low self-worth, worrying whether he’s ‘good enough’, worrying that he’s a failure, that sort of thing (which is honestly directly influenced by his life experiences - his anxiety began developing when he was uprooted to move to the US and its been with him ever since). He has his ways of dealing with it, and currently its not giving him any severe issues in life though there are some hiccups along the way. He’s had moments of brief depression in response to situations he’s been through (mainly during his Garrison time and directly after when he was in his lowest period of self worth), but those were fed more by his anxiety disorder and insecurities than an actual depressive disorder. He also has trust issues, and combined with the anxiety that leads him to being snappy and/or blowing up over sometimes minor things that his brain blows out of proportion. He knows he does it and he knows he should try to keep from doing it but brains are weird things and its difficult for him in the moment. He has a tendency to overdo the ‘apology’ period afterwards (though he isn’t the best at verbal apologies so he rarely actually says he’s sorry for big things, but then he over-apologizes for little things).

I hope that helps! If you are still unsure/confused by specific instances in the stories just let me know, and I can explain why I wrote them the way I did (especially in regards to Keith). One thing I can say is that I tried to write Keith’s Dysthymia/PDD as true to my personal experiences with it and that it isn’t the way you always see depression being written in stories (at least the ones I’ve read). But yeah, if you have any specific questions feel free to ask!