#i'm not going to delete the review that's the coward's way out and the comment will still be there

[asterdeer]

got another slightly mean-spirited comment on a goodreads review but that's okay because chaotic aperitifs is out and hoopla has it and i'm just going to binge-listen the nameless restaurant and chaotic aperitifs and finish the truth instead of thinking about it for the next 6 weeks

[if-confessions]

I feel like this is a stupid thing to confess and one I know is illogical, but I hope finally typing it and getting it off my chest will I don't know, lighten the worry? Get some advice? I really don't know, it's just been something that's bothered me for months now.

I'm someone whose IF experience started on CoG and I loved asking questions and interacting with the many amazing authors there. I don't really know the full details of what happened since I was on a little break off the forums during the time it happened, but whatever it was something big and some of the authors decided to move their stories to Itchio. I didn't really care about the stories moving; these people are great and their stories are going to shine wherever they go and I was all ready to just learn the new place and get back to gushing about the stories and interacting both readers and authors once again.

And then I started to see some of the asks about their moves and the many mentions of how unpleasant they at times found the readers of the CoG. There were a lot of adjectives used to describe how they saw a good chunk and none of it was complimentary. And the more I saw those mentions, the more worried I got. Was I one of those readers they found unpleasant to interact with? Was I bothering them with too many questions? Did I overstep any boundaries and was oblivious to their discomfort? And those worries ended up making me sad; was all the fun I had talking with the authors and other one-sided this whole time? Would it be better to not interact with them like before?

I know it's illogical to dwell on this and the authors have continued being kind, fun people even after the story moves; and it was not like they said all CoG reader interactions were unpleasant. But these irrational worries have stopped me talking with them like I used to in the past. And I hate feeling so scared to interact, because I want nothing more than to gush excitedly about their stories to them and talk about how great it is watching their stories grow bit by bit and what scenes/characters struck a cord with me. But nope, here I am, being a coward silently reading their stories and just watching others interact from a distance, all because of a stupid, illogical fear that the moment they see I'm one of the readers who first came across their stories from CoG, well I don't know.

Sorry for the long confession. If this isnt what the type of IF confession meant for the blog, you can just delete. Thank you either way for taking the time hear me out on something probably minor though.

Been a while since we had a long one :)

I don't really have any advice for you aside from: take the plunge and send that ask, or post that comment, or a review gushing about the game.

It's hard to deal with irrational fears, and to overcome them. There is no one solution, one fix, for them. And even with outside encouragement, the work needs to be done from within.

I think it's a mature step to have questioned yourself on whether you were part of the reason for why an author you followed may have left the CoG forums. But the next step should not be to continue dwelling on it (it sounds like you may have done enough of it). You should move forward, by interacting with a healthy and respectful manner (a.k.a. be polite and follow the creator's boundaries).

At the end of the day, the rude attitude of some readers is not a CoG-only problem. Tumblr is not immune to it... (but you have a bit more control as a creator).