#i'm not fuckimg doing okay with this

[sga-owns-my-soul]

I saw your post and I just want to express how sorry I am for you that your best friend hurt you like that. I want to tell you that you're not alone, and your feelings of hurt are a natural response to that kind of situation.

I'm sorry if I seem odd, especially since I'm saying all of this on anon. I'm just a little shy. Feel free to ignore this.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 oh my god i'm crying again now 😭😭😭 i really really needed this right now, thank you so much anon

[cnnamonrolls]

maaaan

[br-uwu-cewayne]

Okay you know what no more holding back I'm gonna say it straight and I'm gonna mean it -

Bruce Wayne Can Not Pump His Own Gas.

And i don't just mean it in a "Brucie Wayne persona choice since Gotham's in Jersey so it's what everyone expects" kinda way I mean the man has literally never pumped his own gas into a car a day in his life.

It's just. Never been relevant. You don't pump your own gas in Jersey, so he doesn't do it in his day to day.

"Partying" or on business trips out of state/country is in his Brucie mask so of COURSE he's not gonna do it himself are you KIDDING he's from JERSEY we don't do that there and also RICH that's what the CHAFFEUR is for.

Training or superheroing in other countries was/is mostly survival based in wilderness/rural areas, trekking and climbing on foot through various biomes, while grappling/parkouring/taking more inconspicuous public transportation across cities.

The Batmobile gets refueled nightly, by Alfred, once parked back in the cave.

The man can refuel a jet screaming along at Fuckimg Hell miles an hour, but he can not

physically can not

pump his own gas.

[unfortunate-copyrights]

Have an Arthur gets sick fic <3

(Also posted to Ao3)

The Soul at the Bottom of the Soup Bowl

It's not till hours after they get back to their room at Marie's that John notices something is wrong. 

Arthur had fallen asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow but since then, his breathing has become labored. His body tosses and turns like its trying to escape some imagery danger. A few quiet whimpers fall from his mouth. It is not rare for Arthur to have nightmares but when John hears his own name on Arthur's lips, he suddenly feels cold. 

“Arthur,” he tries. The man does not respond other than with a painful sounding breath.

“Arthur, wake up.” John feels the familiar pull of dread, his powerlessness stark in the darkness where he can do nothing to help his friend. 

“Please…” 

Arthur lets out another soft cry, his eyes still firmly shut. 

“It's okay. You're alright, Arthur,” he finds himself saying, as if words could help soothe either of them. 

 “I've got you,” 

John has no way of knowing how long they have been laying there. With Arthur's eyes closed, the only signs that morning has come is by the quiet shuffling of feet in the house and the slowly growing frequency of cars outside their window. 

Arthur does not wake up, but for a while, he goes quiet. John doesn't know why, but the silence is somehow worse. It reminds him of the coma. Except for then, he had Lilly coming in every morning in a predictable pattern. He was never alone for more than a few hours at a time. Now, he didn't know how long he would lay here in the deafening silence. Arthur would wake up soon, he told himself, he always did. 

A sudden knock on the door startles John back to reality. A bit of uncharacteristic hope floods his mind when he recognizes the voice that calls out.

“Hello?! Arthur!” 

“Noel!” John says, forgetting for a moment that he can not be heard. And just like that, the hope sputters out.

“Arthur! You alright in there? Marie says she hasn't seen you all day.” 

John expectes Noel to leave when there is no response but he doesn't. 

“I can hear your breathing, friend.” 

The doorknob rattles.

After another moment of silence, John hears the man sigh. A second later, something slams into the door. Then again. With the third, the door swings back against the wall. 

Noel kicked in the fucking door. 

“Hell.” The detective moves to the bed and John feels a cool pressure over his eyes. 

Noel lets out a curse.

The floor creaks as the man starts pacing. 

After a minute of this, the sound stops. 

“John?” He calls tentatively.

John has never wished for his own body more than now. What was the fuckimg point of him if he couldn't even call for help? 

“John,” Noel says again. “If you can hear me, I'm going to give you a pen and put a piece of paper next to your hand.” 

There's the sound of rustling paper before John feels a pen being put in his hand. 

He has never written anything before but this seemed like a good enough reason to try. 

He moved his hand until he felt the paper beside him. Then, he wrote as carefully as his shaking malformed hand could. 

Help him 

Noel was silent for a moment before he let out a relieved sigh. 

“Of course. It's alright, friend. He's gonna be okay. If you are able, it would help me to know some things about what happened before he fell asleep. Are you able to write yes or no to some questions?” 

John feels sick with relief. He writes yes on the paper.

“See Arthur,” he says to the sleeping man. “You're gonna be alright.”

Noel asks questions about things John would never have considered to be signs of a sickness. 

Had Arthur been sneezing? Coughing? Was he having a harder time hearing? Could he control his arms and legs like normal? Was he less hungry? Extra tired? 

The more questions John answered, the calmer Noel sounded.

“Alright,” he says after a few minutes of this. 

“He seems to just have a nasty cold. It's probably affecting him extra badly because of his injuries but he'll most likely be back to normal within a few days. I'll tell Marie, see if she has any medicine around. In the meantime, I'll get a glass of water for when he wakes up.” 

Yet another wave of relief floods through John. This time, he feels something else along with it. Noel had done what he could not. And he did it asking for nothing in return. 

Thank you

John can almost hear the smile in Noel’s voice. 

“Of course. What else are friends for?” 

Friends. John has only ever associated the word with Arthur. It was always just the two of them. No help would come from the hands of a stranger.

 But, perhaps it didn't always have to be that way. John knew now that he was not always able to protect Arthur but that didn't mean the man was beyond saving. Maybe the only way John can care for Arthur in times like this, is to allow someone else to help. 

It's a loathsome feeling, that he is not enough, but incomparable to the thought of losing Arthur. 

John will do anything for him. In whatever capacity he is needed, he will be there. 

A few minutes after Noel leaves, Marie is bustling through the doorway with far too much energy for such a normally calm old lady.

“Make sure to chop them thin,” she shouts down the stairwell before marching further into the room. John hears the table being pushed closer and then, what is probably the chair. 

“Oh, what ever will we do with you?” She tuts as she sits down next to him.

“Going out while your body needed rest that badly? It's a miracle you didn't pass out in the middle of the street. Hopefully this will help cool you down.” 

She lays something on his forehead. Cold droplets of water slide onto his eyelids. 

It's annoying not being able to wipe them away but if it brings Arthur any comfort, his discomfort is worth it. 

Marie sits there for a while, muttering to herself quietly and occasionally patting Arthur's arm. 

Eventually, she sighs.

“Better go check on that friend of yours downstairs. I doubt the young man has ever made his own soup in his life.” 

With that, the woman stood and walked out, closing the door behind her. 

“You seem to have a way of making others care about you, Arthur,” John says. “That's an important skill, I suppose.” 

Usually, John notices the second Arthur's breathing changes in the way it does before the man wakes, but now he does not catch it until slowly raising eyelids reveal the room around him. For a second, John can't quite comprehend what this means. 

Arthur lets out a little grumble.

“Mmh, John?” 

“A-Arthur…” 

The man reaches up too his forehead and pauses. 

“Why is there a towel on my head?” 

John can't make himself speak. His whole being consumed with the fact that Arthur is awake.  Awake. Awake. Awake. 

“Ugh, I feel terrible.” He throws the towel to his side.

“John?” Concern laces his friends voice when he does not respond. He sits up. 

“Is something wrong? Where are we? Do we need to leave?” Arthur starts to get up.

“N-No,” John finally manages. “No. We're alright. In Marie's apartment.” 

“Oh,” Arthur stops moving. Good, John doesn't want him to hurt himself. 

“Why…?” 

“You were sick. Are sick” he corrects himself.

“You didn't wake up.” 

Arthur is silent for a moment. 

“What time is it?” 

“Not sure, from the looks of it outside, at least mid-day.”

“Christ.” 

“How are you feeling?” 

“Well,” Arthur says after seemingly taking stock of his body.

“Not great, but it's not as bad as getting stabbed.”

John finds himself chuckling at that. 

“Better than getting shot, too?” 

“And falling down holes.” He can hear the smile in Arthur's voice. They fall into an almost relieved silence before Arthur's stomach breaks it.

“Ugh, I'm starved!” He complains. 

“I believe Marie and Noel have made you a soup of some kind.” 

“Oh, I would kill for something warm like that and— Wait, Noel is here?” 

John feels a wave of embarrassment. 

“Yes… We missed our plane meeting so I imagine he came here to check on us. Kicked in the door when no one answered.” 

“Hell. Well, I guess that's rather like him. Kind of him to stay and help, though.” 

“Yes,” John says, though that particular stone in stomach felt no better now that it was swallowed. “It was very kind.” 

“John.”

“Hm?” 

“Is something wrong?” 

Leave it to Arthur to uncover every little petty emotion he might have.

“No.” 

“John,” Arthur says again. 

“It's a good thing he was here, is all.” 

“What do you mean?” Arthur asks, as if he doesn't know. As if they both don't know extremely well now exactly how lucky they are for Arthur to have Noel. 

“Because I was useless!” John yells. 

“Because you were hurt and I couldn't help you.” 

“John…” 

Arthur was trying to calm him but it was like now the floodgates were open the words kept coming through. 

“I was so scared. And all I could do was lay there and wait for what was going to happen to happen. I could have lost you ”

“But you didn't. It's okay now.” 

“This time! But what about next time? We won't always have a pleasant new acquaintance to nurse you back to health and that's my fault! I've isolated you and I can't even protect you!” Tears start to fill their eyes and John isn't sure who's they are.

“I… I love you, Arthur.” 

“You know I love you too, John. Always.” 

“No. You don't get it. You're everything. For those hours that I wasn't sure that you'd wake up, I… You are my humanity. I can't lose you.” 

Arthur's hand slides over John's, his fingers drawing spirals over the scars there.

“I understand. I'm sorry I scared you.” 

“Don't apologize. It's not like you were trying to get sick.” 

Arthur scoffs softly. 

“Haven't exactly been doing my best to stay healthy either though.” 

“That's my job just as much as it's yours. If something feels wrong, you have to tell me. Then we can look for someone to help.” 

Arthur gives his hand a little squeeze. 

“I will.” 

John feels empty now. Hollow. 

But Arthur is here. He's awake and alive and he loves him. 

John sighs.

“Are you well enough to get soup?” 

“If you would help me get there, I would be forever in your debt.” 

A part of John heals at the idea of being useful again. 

“Of course.” 

“Thank you.” Arthur carefully climbs out of bed. John directs him towards the stairs but just before the door, he pauses 

“For what it's worth, John. You're my humanity too.” 

[propertyofkylar]

okay but imagine messing with Kylar's breeding kink: MC: I'm ovulating next week, so no sex this week so we save up our strength ok? Kylar: ................ MC: .... You came in your pants the moment I said I'm ovulating next week didn't you? Kylar: *nods ashamed*

like kylar knows in his head that if he wants to breed you the best time to do it is during ovulation. but he’s also so fuckimg horny that the loser can’t help himself

[an-theduckin]

How r u

Okay so, good news first! I manged 2 finish an essay and a monologue, and finished up another essay but writing the conclusion, so now I don't have any homework left (except for those geo flashcards that we have 2 revise but that doesnt count)!! :D

Now the bad news. There's a maths test tomorrow which will determine if we'll move sets or not. I'm dead scared for it cuz I don't wanna move sets I'm already in set 1 (top set) I don't wanna move down or anything, but lately my brain had been so foggy and I can't fuckimg concentrate and if it's still like that in the test I have no hope of staying in that set. There's also a business test on Wednesday, business is pretty easy but like I still haven't revise for it so yeah that's annoying. I'm gonna have 2 miss school on Thursday for an appointment so I'll have 2 go tell the reception lady for that and I donr wanna do that bro she's such an ass I hate her sm

[faenemy]

Hii don't mind me, just wanted to ramble abt Mark and friends series in ur ask box cuz why not :3 (you've drawn fanart of them b4 btw!)

SO LETS START OFF WITH SOME CONTEXT. Mark and friends is a completed series on YouTube made by this guy ashur gharavi, it follows the story of Mark blah blah i can't talk in this format snymore I need to go silly mode holf on. SO MARK IS GHIS 'LITTLE MONSTER' KID RIGHT, AND ANOTHER CHARACTER IS BILLY WHO IS AN ADUKT HUMAN. SO THE SERIES IS KINDA LIKE A KIDS CARTOON BUT WITH BLOOD AND MURDER. BILLY KIDNAPPED MARK AND FORCED HIM TO DO STUFF FOR CAMERA. AS THE SERIES GO ON, THERE WILL BE LITTLE HINTS IN THE FORM OF NEWSPAPER OF LIKE WHATS ACTUALLY GOING ON AND WHY HES FOING THIS. READ EVERY SINGLE BACKGROUND NEWSPAPER EVEN IF IT DOESNT FEEL IMPORTANT, THE LITTLE DETAILS ARE SOOOO GOOD. MARK IS LIKE 10 YEARS OLD AND HES LITERALLY SO CUTE, HE DONT DESERVE EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENWD TO HIM. IM NOT GONNA SPOIL THE ENDING FOR U, CUZ ITS LITERALLY SO GOOD I REMEMBWR WHEN I FIRST WATCHED IT AND THE ENDINV IS JUST SO PULLING MY HEAET STRINGS AND LIKE SUCH A TENSE SCENE YK. ITS LITERALLY SO GOOD, THERE ARE 3 COMPILATIONS OF IT (PART 1,2 AND 3) I THINK ITS LIKE 2 HOURS LONG PLEASE PLEASE WATCH IT (ONLY IF U WANNA OFC NO PRESSURE) I LOVE THE CHARACTERS SO MUCH THEYRE SO WELL WRITTEN, I HATE BILLY BUT I LOVE HOW WELL HIS CHARACTER AND MANIPULATION IS WRITTEN HES SO FUCKING CRUEL. I LOVE HOW ASHUR ISNT AFRAID TO JUST FUCKIMG MAKE HIM DO TERRIBLE AWFUL SHIT. I LOVE IT SO MJCH ITS SO CREATIVE I LOVE MARK TOO, HWS SO CUTE I LOVE DRAWING HIM. OH AND ALSO, ITS CANON THAT TWOMP TAKES PLACE AFTERRR THAT SERIES AND MARK IS FRIENDS WITH ARGOS AND MR PLANT. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THEYRE SO UGHHHHH. THE ACTOR IS EYE CANDY TOO HES SO COOL. PLEASE WATCH IT ILL GIVE U A COOKIE IF U DO (AGAIN, ONLY IF U WANNA THO NO PRESSURE) :3

SOME PICTURES ^^

(This ask wasn't proofread btw)

HI HI HI Thank you for the ask box rambles I love them <3

Definitely did not go and binge the whole series, nope, not me

ANYWAY MY RAMBLINGS AS I WATCHED AND THOUGHTS UNDER CUT

I love this little green guy!

Marks parents seem to be murdered (go figure)

I'm assuming he was kidnapped in an ice cream truck/van??

Mark is kept in a cage without an actual bed it seems, at least when he isn't on camera

Are the puppets the actual children, or do they just represent them?

Mark keeps rubbing his side/stomach, maybe where his kidney was removed??

Child star shows an actual person so kidnapper might have started as a child star?

Grandma knows her kiddo is still alive (GET HIS ASS)

Is the plant guy who killed Big Monster Mr plant?

Donovan escapes???

Cupcake monster gets killed (very sadge)

WHY THE FUCK DID THEY PUT TOMATOES IN A FRUIT SALAD??? JAIL!!!!

apparently monsters are edible, might be some cannibali going on?

Also humans are considered monsters in this world

In "cooking" the newspaper is obscured, but it seems to read (missing childs body found, but not his head) Cupcake Monster???

UPDATE DEFO CUPCAKE MONSTER NOOOOOO

No Illinois, Minnesota or Indiana

Maybe the other kids were from Minnesota and Indiana, since Mark is from Illinois?

Aight my man was defo the child star, I'm assuming he is repeatimg the crimes of big monster???

Oop so search led to Indiana, snap my prior theory lol

Big monsters cousin changes last name

Frame lasted long on that, so I assume it's important

I keep forgetting Billy's name LMAO

Big monster and sewer? Seems like an It reference

So they're near Michigan now, noted

WHY MUST YOU TORMENT ME :(((( I luv paper bag dog NOOOOOO

Mark seems more vocal and challeging billy more now

Billy straight up gave the kids psychedelics my god

Someone save the child pls

Donovan my beloved is traumatized:((((

Oooooh the photos in the background are crying now, I think those are Marks parents?

Mr plant defo killed Big Monster, king shit

OOOOOH

okay so kid star (johnny) met with big monster in the sewer, got murdered

But Billy was the one who encouraged him to, Billy was going to star in the movie before Big Monster was convicted. So he was the kid who was crying in the article because his role was dropped

NOOOOOO MARK IS ADDICTED TO DRUGS

Get HIS ASS GRANDMA

I can't read the teleprompter, get this dude some glasses.

Just remembered how Mark cannonicly has his photos taken???? And sold I think??? Wtf???

Donovan had started a charity:((( he thinks his friends are gone

The date on the newspaper in the back keeps changing

Can I fight Billy??? I think I could take him easy

Mark straight up ate a razor blade get this kid a doctor

OH MY GOSH THEY'RE GOING TO THE DOCTOR

APOLLO HAS BLESSED ME

the eye test in the back reads "Mark has one more week before I kill him" if my new son dies I riot

Can I adopt Mark

Goal list; dispose, replace, repeat

I wonder if there are other shows featuring Donovan and Cupcake Monster?

Why were they kidnapped?

Befriend that strange man??? NOOOO

Did my son just kill Billy???? HELL YEAH

RUN BOY RUN

MY SON IS SAFE!!!!

In conclusion, I would like to adopt Cupcake Monster, they are now my child. I would also like to punch Billy repeatedly :D

[elizabeth-mitchells]

how would you rank the first 10 episodes of season 1 and why?

OH I LOVE RANKING THINGS THANK YOU...

ACTUALLY I TAKE IT BACK THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE

okay. i will attempt the impossible. but i Will be very biased and this is mostly about which episodes have my fav scenes ghsjdfhghfg from best to least favorite episode. let's go!! (spoilers: this is fucking long and i did both seasons!!!)

episode 1: pilot. because ??? it's literally perfect?? what do you want me to say. flawlessly introducing all the girls' pre-crash personalities. the shaunajackie homoerotic tension. "you are beautiful in the eyes of our lord". natalie wearing purple. pit girl!!!! she's been iconic since day 1!!!!

episode 10: Sic Transit Gloria Mundi. what can i say. i like beginnings and ends. i like high school reunions. i like death scenes that will haunt me forever and ever. and i still think that "who the fuck is lottie matthews?!" is one of the best lines ever

episode 5: blood hive. listen... nothing gets to me like a possession. to this day that's still one of my favorite scenes of the whole show

episode 9: doomcoming. absolutely iconic. pure chaos. also just the name doomcoming? instantly made history. "there's no bookclub?!?!?" also the aftermath of laura lee's death! how cute they all were getting ready together! jackie and misty. shaunajackie arriving together. lottie wearing laura lee's dress :) (smiling through the pain). TAIVAN!!

episode 2: f sharp. *whispers* cunt. ← literally all i need to say. but seriously. it's nice to see them already there. but not insane yet. and of course, "hello misty... you crazy fucking bitch <3"

episode 6: saints. HOMOEROTIC BAPTISM!!!! but also shaunatai!!!! miss sophie nelisse really has been acting her heart out since day one huh

episode 7: no compass. i really thought van was so dead here 😭 but that was insane. and i liked to see the adults still chasing ppl <3

episode 3: the dollhouse. LAKE SCENE!!!!!!!!!!! and the beginning of lottie's beef with the cabin <3

episode 8: flight of the bumblebee. this episode ruined my life <3

episode 4: bear down. i mean, one episode had to be last even if love them all!!!! i do!!!!! and as much as the competition was fun to watch, i think they should've killed travis the second that he pointed that gun at nat <3

and you know what???? i want to share my ranking of season 2 too 😭 gshjdfhgjfhg so

episode 1: Friends, Romans, Countrymen. lend me your ears!!!!! another perfect episode!!! i'm still getting chills every time i listen to seventeen and cornflake girl (which is several times every day). i think nothing compares to the feeling of watching shauna eat jackie's ear. also the day i fell in love with simone kessell as lottie matthews. i literally haven't been the same since then. also the teen lottie yell!!!!

episode 4: old wounds. listen.... i don't know what they put in this episode (laura lee's ghost and lottienat bath scene and adult van) but it literally changed me as a person

episode 2: Edible Complex. ella purnell acting as ghost jackie is seriously one of the best things i've ever seen. and the jackie feast!!!!! history was made!!!!!!!

episode 8: it chooses. when i tell you that i've never, never been so stressed as i was from the moment that they start drawing cards to the moment the credits started rolling in.... i'm so serious okay? worst night of my life. i wish i could live it again (bonus points for lottie losing it at her friends confessing their many crimes)

episode 7: burial. therapy time!!! bruce the goat!!!! 🥰 nothing compares to the feeling of seeing the adults just happily hanging out (plus florence and the machine songs!). and then shaunalottie sex scene shauna beating lottie up while the adults dance around a bonfire??? 1000% rewired my brain. i collapse on the ground every time i listen to lighting crashes (again. several times every day)

episode 6: qui. i fully support sophie nelisse emmy campaign <3 unnecessarily cruel <3 they fuckimg ate that baby <3 jackie's voice <3 high school reunion!! <3 that last scene will fucking haunt me forever and ever amen

episode 10: storytelling. this episode ruined my life <3 i will defend it forever though!!!!! i swear i will!!!! i'm yellowjackets episode 2.10 number one defender!!!!! the natalie coronation scene is my favorite thing in the world. and i loved to watch the cabin burn, idk if i was the only one but i did NOT expect it!!! can't wait to see them huddling for warmth on a pile like puppies on season 3

episode 3: digestif. baby shower 🥰!!!! and i'm a simple lesbian, i just want melanie lynskey to point me with a gun

episode 5: two truths and a lie. teen nat comforted by adult lottie like adult nat will be comforted by teen lottie in a few episodes will haunt be forever. but, "i'm so sorry bestie", literally no one wanted to see that much of randy walsh

[chaoticbritishqueen]

Things I've overheard in my 3rd year if uni:

"You got confused by the concept of a bus ticket...Londoners are weird."

"wait?! you boil your fucking chicken?!"

"I'm going to casually hate crime everyone this evening. It's okay when a gay guy does it right? It's almost charming" "it is as long as you're not being racist."

"are we saying the same thing?" "Don't worry, we're both as deaf as eachother." "Wait no, I'm actually deaf." "Holyshit i'm so sorry."

"You look energised!" "I'm not energised. It's just the nervous energy coursing through my veins."

"Wait you want to fucking hang me?!"

"no more bones for you!" "I am not a womennn" "NO MORE BONES FOR YOU!!"

"Mr blue?! why not Mrs blue?! Why not Mx blue?! WHY ARE WE GENDERING THE VAPES?!"

"what took you so long?" "I fell on my arse" "What?" "An old guy told me to go home" "Ew gross"

"Most heat escapes through our heads, that's why we have hair." "What about me? I have no hair." "Sucks to be you I guess?"

"shein Paul Mitchell tried to get me to give him a lift home and called me georgouus.... what the actual fuck."

"Freshers flu left me feeling sad with a sore throat." "Me after Saturday night's." "MATE! NO!"

"Is anyone an female woman?"

"Disabilities preventing you from being a simp."

"The problem with being a trans women, is that I love thigh high socks, so everytime I wear them I give myself an errection." "That's one way to turn yourself on tbf."

"Google maps says its 12 minutes, but I'm gay, so it will take me 8 right?" "Add headphones and it will take 5."

"I didn't have a minor panic attack when writing my review."

"The doctors took my asthma inhaler from me because I kept using it to placebo myself out of panic attacks!" "Wait, like that one scene in teen wolf?!" "Not so bullshit I found out..."

"The review is due in 11 hours and here I am playing god of war... I definitely am doing good right now everyone!"

"Mens existence ruining my outfit decisions"

"Discriminating against those with confused immune systems. Don't sit on the peanut table motherfuckers."

"I'm Mexican, I know how to survive in the wild!"

"the bottle is on your side tonight!"

"That's kinda gay, not gonna lie." "I am gay?"

"I don't love my sister enough to buy her paper chase wrapping paper. A kidney? Sure! Spending more than 1 quid on wrapping paper? Hell fucking NO!"

"You're 26?! You said you were 18?!" "I wanted to see if you'd belive me." "WHY WOULD I QUESTION YOUR AGE?! THATS FUCKIMG CREEPY" "i thought'd it be funny" "HOW IS IT FUNNY?!"

"I'll bring in a knife... and toilet roll?"

"I HAVE WATER IN MY BRAIN THANKS TO YOU!!!"

"This new year we will be preying for her nipples."

"I wanted an orgy!" "What?" "NOT WITH YOU GUYS. Obviously." "I was about to say..." "Yeah you know he's gay right?"

"STOP BURNING THE MARSHMELLOW! ITS BLACK THAT'S WRONG!" "HEY! what's wrong with black?!" "YEAH! Black is beautiful!" "NOT ON A MARSHMELLOW!!"

"I am the most British person here! Obviously." "Babe, not even your white half is British."

"My Unlce is half Jamaican." "Wait what?!" "It's quite obvious I'm not the Jamaican side of the family..."

"I had to explain to my sister she's not a quater Asian... Somehow noone told her about our biological grandma despite the fact she's named after her..."

"DOCTORS STOLE MY EAR BONES!!!"

"I have to stop eating gherkins when my heart starts beating really fast!" "Are you okay?"

"okay but why does that face give me 'moisurise me' vibes?!" "Thats what apartheid-era inbreeding does to a mf"

"Imagine actually talking to a bus driver, I pretend they don't exist and walk off." "What the actual FUCK is wrong with you you cunt. YOU SAY THANK YOU TO THE BUS DRIVERS, YOU WALNUT!"

"You've got like a bubblegum rock aesthetic going on." "Is that an insult?" "NO! it's cool!"

"No offense to either of you, but you both just gave me the gay gudgement face."

"I think gravity is acting on you and your boobs separately" "I mean issac Newton was a virgin when he discovered gravity."

"HOW WAS I MEANT TO KNOW MY TIT WOULD CAUSE A BREAKUP"

"I have been resting my head on your lap for quite some time now, you don't have any boobs." "My dude, that's called a binder."

"allow me to tube my feet on the tesco floor."

"You felt my ribcage!" "It was certainly a bonding experience"

"My hand smells like it would taste so good." "Please don't eat your hand."

"FUCK THE WHITES! They have no rights." "Xbox or people?"

"I am real straight women""Yes of course you love that man sausage." "Okay, but why did that sentance physically pain me."

"Congrats, you got a new highscore in the ace test."

"I have the eyebrows in the relationship."

"I got flash banged by a whipped cream can on the weekend!" "What the fuck?!"

"FUCK APPLEJACK!" "WHY WOULD YOU FUCK APPLEJACK?!?!?!" "NOT LIKE THAT!!"

"DON'T CAPRI SUN THE BABY!"

"Mc pickle pasta"

"I’m getting silly freaky weird tonight"

"YOU CENSORED YOUR TOES?!"Those are private." "Got to pay for those, do i?" "Yes, £5 per toe. " "Im good, respect the hussle. " "You'd get friends and family discount, Pinkie toes free with the whole set."

"Everyone is naked and dancing in your kitchen... this qualifies as a good party."

"Get back to your lesbian sex party."

"THAT LOOKS IILEGAL! THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

"does an earthquake mean the world is jerking off with no pay off?"

"today is the rise of the tampon king. everyone rejoice."

"All my ex gave me was an STI scare and commitment issues."

"Lesbians all know eachother!" "Hello. I am a lesbian and you do not know me. Nice to meet you!"

"I will send you a titty pic when you finish your exam." "now I'm motivated mommy."

"I will be slayed and not in the gay way."

"Day one of guessing what time you come out of the shower." "Fail. I'm fully clothed."

[sga-owns-my-soul]

haha ignore this i need to vent

i'm so fucking done i'm so fucking mad at everyone i'm pissed at my cousin for fucking me over i'm pissed at my clients for being fucking idiots i'm pissed at my city for NEVER HAVING WORKING FUCKING TRANSIT i'm not okay i'm so not fucking okay and i don't even have my fucking headphones bc they fell out of my jacket in my cousins STUPID FUCKING CAR THAT I BASICALLY PAY FOR BUT GOD FORBID SHE DRIVE ME HOME so now i get to spend over 2 hours (after i've spent 3 hours on transit/waiting for her this morning) on public transit to get home WITHOUT my music and my clothes are ruined with cat hair from my clients today so that's fucking great and OF COURSE everything in the fucking city is delayed bc WHY WOULD WE MAKE ANYTHING EASY FOR ME NO ITS FINE ILL JUST FUCKING SUFFER TO MAKE THINGA EASY FOR EVERYONE ELSE BECAUSE GODFORBID I GET TO CATCH A FUCKING BREAK

[knucklegagging]

Broh she doesnt want me and shes never gonna. I did the thing. I asked the questions. The narcisist test.

1. What does she do when you share an emotion of how she hurt you?

She tells me how shes a horrble person and she tkes "accountability" as in she shits om herself until i wind up not just taking her back, but till im agreeing to an even more fucked up dynamic than we had before i brought up that she hurt me. Because when i try to bring up a boundary or that she hurt me it just turns into how shes suuuuuch a badperson nd she htes herself and now shes suicidal cuz i brought up that she doesnt treat me right. She is basically threatening to kill herself if i leave her. Guilting me about wanting to be treated w conistency and respect. Then telling m i desetve so much better than her and that shes trash anf doesnt deserve me blahdiblah.

2. When was the last time you did something wrong?

She couldnt think of a single time she was wrong.

3. What areyou currently doing to crete healthier dynamics with the people you care most about keeping in your life?

"I try to leave them alone but they wont let me"

Okay so either A. Youre telling me i am annoying you by talking to you cuz youre trying to give me space and let us have silence between us but i wont let you do that or b. Youre saying you dont care about me and thats why it doesnt bother you when i talk to you.

I said tht back to her. And she replied telling me not to talk how i talk and telling me *THEY* know shes not in a great place but keep wiggling their way in to check up on her. ~oh no. The fuckimg horror. It must suck having so many fucking ppl who love you. Asshat. Stop bitching about how much it sucks to have everyone care about you so much when my paraplegic ass is 29, still hasnt kissed a girl, hasnever had a girlfriend, and whose closest thing to affection was a guy shoving drugs up my ass so i was too high to feel him gangrape me w his friends for sport. Like i was an elk they were all cumming together to skin.

I have no family no friends no partner and no legs. But ye. Sure. Lets hear you complain louder about how annoying being loved is.

4. Is she always the victim? Does she turn everything around into a guilt trip or gadlight you till you're too confused to know how to get out of it?

Oh look. The same fucking story. In a different shade of fucked.

5. Has she ever given you a single compliment?

Nope. But shes told me i'm misunderstanding every time i point out she said something demeaning or disgraceful. She undermines my worth. She doesnt want me to be her distraction but shes totally fine being mine.

Theres more but i got too tired. I giveup. Everytime i start to believe in myself she pops up lik a whac a mole.

[passionfruitmango]

Gonna do a vent post, thank you if you choose to read, I respect if you choose to keep scrolling! 💖

Oh my god today is so hard. Even finding the words to describe is embarrassingly hard.

Kinda broke down to my boss this morning. I don't know if I had a full mental break but I got really close. I want to say she heard me but I also have this feeling that until I'm screaming and crying my mental health isn't taken seriously.

I'm tired of consistently starting my week having to finish someone else's job before I can even start mine, so many of the previous shifts assigned job duties have become mine (because obviously your fryer won't heat up if the vents aren't fuckimg turned on, among countless other things) and I have been telling my boss for going on a year now where this coworker needs to be talked to about improvement. This person is the type to improve in one area and drastically reduce in another. Why do they still have a job genuinely? Because my boss is more worried about finding someone to replace them than writing them up for their mistakes. Boss is "scared they'll quit" LIKE FUCKING GOOD. PLEASE. LET THEM GO.

Any time the morning shift coworker does something theyre "supposed to" it's like they find a way to do it wrong enough that it makes more work for me. What has me fucked up is this coworker ASKED ME TO TEACH THEM WHAT I WANT LEFT FOR ME WHEN I COME IN, I TAUGHT THIS COWORKER, AND THEY BLATANTLY DISREGARDED MY TEACHING UPON DOING IT THEMSELF. so why waste my fucking time? Disrespectful as fuck.

I genuinely have gotten past the point of rage to full blown dissociating. It's either that or I'm crying as I'm trying to do my job.

Could I tolerate this all if I at least got some kind of positive reinforcement from someone with a title or even a teammate? Possibly.

Am I aware I deserve better than this job has me feeling? Gods yes but we all know when you live in a small town and have been working somewhere for eons, it's not exactly easy to find another job at the same base pay youre currently at.

Idk. Boss told me they'll take it upon themself to make sure everything is done but that's not the point. That's a band aid fix and I told them that (im also almost certain we had the same discussion 6 months ago and here I am again) If I come in tomorrow and have to deal with the same shit I've been dealing with for the last year? I'm just going home. I have hundreds of hours of sick time, im going to start using them when I'm sick of the shit I'm dealing with. Ffs im not getting a prize or even a happy team of coworkers by burning myself like this. "If I don't do it-who will" headass stupid fucking expression I used to gaslight myself into thinking this is okay

ITS FUCKING NOT OKAY. I'm stressed in my personal life and need change and the fact I've had to spell that shit out to my boss countless times??? Fuck outta here I could take a month off with solid sick time and still have enough left to do it for another month. Suck my ass im done being your bitch, figure out how to fix your store or figure out how to replace an employee that ACTUALLY does their job along with the one that doesnt!!!

I feel great having let that all out via text but im still struggling so fucking much. I just want to go home and sleep. And that's bad. I know I have things to do but I can't muster the energy because I'm using it all to fake normal through my work day. This isn't living. And I want to escape. All my old vices are begging me to come home. How do you tell your loved ones you're struggling when it's like they don't hear the words as they leave your mouth?

Genuinely. I feel like my mental health won't be taken seriously until I break. Why do I have to break first?

Buy a multivitamin, use the therapy light, keep on keeping on because everyone's fight is just as bad as mine. I'm just stuck in the dumps about it.

Do I need a friend? Or will they turn me into their shoulder to cry on when I ask if they'll be mine?

Editing to add other things on my mind that I'm only irritated about when I'm already feeling low:

Its been probably a month now since I paid someone for something I still haven't recieved? Like I understand life gets in the way and external circumstances, but telling me twice that I'll be getting tracking the next day and both times I've not gotten tracking? Atp just ask if I want my money back, honestly willing to cut my losses because the person I paid has gifted me shit for the same amount I'm currently out, I'm just feeling awkward and having trauma triggered because I've already asked what's up twice. And I'm pretty sure my reply from last time is still unopened and unread. :/

On the same topic, different person I paid, commissioned some art and it's also been multiple months with no updates. I reached out to their business page thinking it was something on my end I forgot to get to, yeah they have also not checked their business page. Again, I respect life happens. But a little communication would be DIVINE. Another situation where I will most likely be cutting my losses because I have learned not to spend/give more money than you're willing to lose. But im still irritated about it.

[thelasttime]

BESTIE I FINISHED THE ALBUM AND AHHHHH

okay final thoughts: i am absolutely in love with this album and it makes me sooo emotional!!! i love the storytelling and that last song pucnched me on the gif like damnnn!! i think i would need more time to digest all the references and stuff to every single song and how it plays into the storytelling but other than that like holy shit i will absolutely be listening to more of ethel’s stuff cuz i’m in fuckimg love

yes!! the last song is one of my favorites, i'm so happy to discuss the album with you too if you wanna do a deep dive :) there's a lot of tiktoks about this album too because it's so well-done

[rxsahgrce]

Help 😭

Okay, so I'm a dancer, I go to preforming arts school and we have a show in July. I've gotten my script, I've learned the songs it's all good, but my fuckimg Jesus Christ the dance

ITS SK HARD 😭

It's like so fast I'm losing track and I've been doing this since I was 3. I have to leave when I'm 18, which isn't a long time away so if I can't do this dance I'm actually gonna cry why is it so hard

[beef-brisket]

Charlie: ...D-Dazzle?

Fuck, she didn't look for thrilled about that.

Adam: yeah- fuck... that's fuckimg weird, huh?

Charlie: I mean... it's not too weird. There's some crazy shit that happens here, Adam. Well! Thank you for giving my pet back~

Adam groaned.

Adam: You're welcome. I guess

Charlie: maybe the sins were born once the original sin happened? You birthed Ozzie the same day as seeing mum, dad and Eve together?

Adam nodded. Where was she going with this?

Charlie: that day, mom, dad and Eve sinned. That whole thing sounds like lust to me.

Adam: ...do you think I birthed him that day because your parents invented lust?

Charlie: I mean, it sounds possible. It was only you four on Earth, who else was lusting after eachother?

Adam: ...no one. Fuck...

Charlie: it's okay, Adam. I'm sorry that happened to you.

Adam: it's okay... it's not your fault... it's my curse

Charlie: But still, I'm sorry. Do you know what brings it on? Like, why Dazzle and not literally any other Hellborn?

Adam: i don't know- it just happens. And there isn't much I can do about it

Charlie: Fair enough. Okay. Well, if you feel it happening again, feel free to text me. I'll comfort you and be there for you afterward, okay?

Adam: r-really? You would do that?

Charlie: 100%

Adam: I've never had anyone there before... thanks, Charlie

Adam gave Charlie a weak smile.

Charlie: You're very welcome, Adam. Now, I can see you're uncomfortable,so I'll leave you alone to rest. Remember, messaging me if you feel anything

Adam nodded, and Chrarlie left the room. That was actually so helpful. He doesn't know if he would text her if something happens, but it's a nice thought.

Adam: fucking- ...sins... shit...

Mother of Sins Au @beef-brisket

Adam didn't understand why it happened. But when it did it was the worst fucking thing he had ever went through on his fucking life.

And he once had his foot caught in a live trap.

But when he got to heaven and his descendants were thriving on earth, it happened six times. Each time more painful than the last.

Adam would get these horrible cramps and in a matter of a few minutes to an hour he would basically give birth to...... This ugly screaming monster! It was fucking horrible! But he didn't have long to dwell on it as a hole in the ground would open and take the child away.

Six fucking times.

He always feared it would happen again.

No one knew or told him why or how this happened. As long as it was done with, Adam didn't care he just wanted his peace in heaven that he fucking earned and deserved.

[priestofberath]

Oh no! THE weased are geezed! ! They fuckimg the The weast . Yje weast yeast of the . .

Im not fuckng playing with you right mow.you gau son of a batch. IM SORRY I know that was so meanarw tou mad at me.AHH WHY ATE THE LETTERS INVADING MG MESSAGES waitnthatsbyhe Thats in the back ground thatsnjot here. That's a different post in the background. Ok it doesn't know im here. Do you hear that clicking. You do you hear it. You hear clicking. I dontcare that that isn't normal okay I'm fine I don't care listen to me ok? Listen to me I'm saying that I heaf clicking. You hear clicking. Where's that coming from huh. Where's that sound coming from. Remember that time you heard a clown horn and then there was another clown horn that was fucking nuts man that was crazy what even was that u dknt mjow i never found out what that dpwas I dunno it was crazy though like it was gamzee Makaka from league of legends. I said this purposefully. I know you did that. Why are you typing in second person. Homophobic slur. This is tumblr.hi tumblrrr hiiii okay goodbye now.