#i'm not even making up the nicknames either
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ICE BOUND (3) - M.S
summary; while sneaking around with the team captain, you both lose track of time and get caught in the very act you tried so hard to keep a secret.
warnings; smut, unprotected sex (pls wrap the willy), semi-blowjob?, dirty talk, praising, arguing, getting caught.
a/n; this is gonna be kinda long, but it is the last part of this "mini series", idek if this counts as a series lmfao, it's just multiple oneshots from the same storyline? idk, either way; i hope you enjoy it. đ
P1, P2
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Matt and I have been together for just over 4 months, and it's been everything and more. He's insanely thoughtful and caring, which is hard to believe considering the reputation hockey guys get.
Apart from the fact that Matt literally worships the ground I step on, he always makes sure I feel loved in ALL departments. If I was sad, dick. If I was angry, dick. If I was horny, dick. And I have to admit, he must be magic because it works every. single. time.
A notification pings on my phone, snapping me out of my daydreams; I know exactly who the text is from. I quickly unlocked my phone to reply to Matt's message.
He was driving over to my house right now even though he had practice. He made up some shitty excuse to my dad about how he "caught a cold" and therefore couldn't make it, but it was all a lie just to see me. It was sweet that he'd skip practice to be with me, but I wish he still went, I know how much hockey means to him.
A few moments later, I heard a knock at my front door, I catapulted myself down the stairs to go open it. I'm met with Matt's sweet smile, and it leaves me in awe. I throw myself into him, wrapping my arms around his torso, and he pulls me into him tighter.
He rests his chin on top of my head, sinking into the hug. He was wearing a black, 'ransom' hoodie and sweats, which contrasted with his pale skin and eyes.
I'm sure he wasn't impressed with my outift, I was in one of his hoodies and plaid pyjama pants; but I wouldn't be wearing anything in a few minutes, so it didn't really matter.
He breaks away from the hug, placing a soft kiss on my forehead. "How's my pretty girl?" He asks, letting the nickname he made for me roll off his tongue.
"Good, missed you, though," I reply, letting him into the house and shutting the door behind us. We move up to my bedroom, and we both pretend like we don't know what's about to happen.
"So what'd 'coach' say about you missing practice," I ask, falling back onto my bed and pulling him on with me; he climbs between my legs so that we are face to face.
"He told me to get better soon, said he couldn't practice without his 'star player'," he smirks, leaning down to invite me into a warm kiss. His lips moving against mine is the personification of heaven, and it makes my heart flutter each time they touch.
He continues to softly abuse my lips, licking and biting at them while soft whimpers involuntarily escape my lips. He then moves away from my lips and dips his head down to the crook of my neck, where he continues his work.
I tilt my head backwards into the mattress to grant him more access as I reach down between our bodies and gently grab hold of his bulge, which has formed in his sweats. A low groan flees his lips when I start palming him softly through the material.
"You feel that, baby? It's all yours," He breathes out, struggling to continue the work on my neck. I smile and bring him back to my lips so that I can keep feeling him, but it's not long before he breaks our contact again to speak, "I need your lips wrapped around me so bad,"
"Yeah?" I taunt, sitting up, causing him to also sit up. I slide off the bed and land on my knees in front of him while he moves to sit on the edge of the bed. I look up at him through my lashes as I grab hold of the waistband of his sweats.
He places his hands over mine and helps push them down to his mid-thigh. I examine the view in front of me, his large cock straining against his boxers, so much that there's a little wet patch on his boxers.
"Do I make you wet, baby?" I tease, grabbing hold of his cock still in his underwear. He leans his head back, giving me a view of his adam apple as he thickly swallows.
"You make me so wet," he agrees, his voice so low that by breathing too hard, you'd miss it. I finally pull his boxers down to where his sweats are and his cock springs free.
I spit into my hand before wrapping it around his base and slowly pumping it a few times until beads of pre-cum form at his tip. I lean down and lick him clean before bringing his tip into my mouth completely. I suck on his swollen head, releasing it only to swirl my tongue around it.
"Fuck- just like that," he mutters, tangling one of his calloused hands into my hair. Just as I'm about to place his dick back into my mouth, my bedroom door flings open.
"DAD?!" I shriek, quickly pulling away from Matt, jumping to my feet. Matt hurriedly pulls his boxers and sweats up, also jumping to his feet.
The door semi-closes after he realises what is going on, but he still stands behind it. "WHAT THE FUCK!" He yells. He's obviously livid. At this point, my face is painted red, and Matt also has blush covering his cheeks and nose.
"ARE YOU DECENT?!" He continues to yell. Oh God. How did I not even hear the front door open? And why is he back already? Did practice already finish?
"Yes," we both mutter in unison, lowering our gaze as he walks back in. I fiddle with a loose thread on my hoodie, trying to ignore the glares being thrown at us.
"Does anyone care to explain what is going on?" He asks more calmly but still very furious. I don't bother looking up, indicating Matt to speak.
"I'm sorry, coach," Matt apologises, his eyes glued to the ground. You could almost hear Matt's heart beating out from his chest, except that mine was much louder.
"I'm sorry? That's all you have to say to say after lying to me so that you could skip practice and sneak around with my daughter?!" He says, becoming more angry again, his voice bouncing off the walls.
We stood there in silence as my father's gaze tore us apart. I've never felt so humiliated in my entire life.
"Matthew, get out of my house, and you are never to see each other again, understood?" He speaks firmly.
"Dad, that's not fair!" I argue back, finally meeting his gaze. He couldn't decide who I could and couldn't see.
"I'm not arguing with you. He is leaving immediately and not coming back. He should count himself lucky he isn't already kicked from the team," He says, looking over at Matt.
Matt swallows, "I'm sorry, coach, bye y/n," he says, walking out of my room. Now that he is gone, the air is much denser, and the silence grew louder. My dad stood in front of me, not uttering a sound because the look on his face was speaking a million words.
"I'm so disappointed in you. You're going to stay in your room and think about your actions," he says, moving to also leave my room. As he grabs the door handle to close it, he mutters, "and you are to stay away from him," before closing the door shut.
The second the door closes, I hunt for my phone to shoot Matt a text. I tell him not to worry and that I'll try to explain the situation later, but he says that it won't change anything.
I feel horrible for dragging him into this mess. I single-handedly ruined hockey for him now, or at least hockey with my father.
A few hours have passed now, and my phone receives a notification. I open it to see a message from Matt. I don't have time to even read what it says before I hear a knock at my window.
I jump from the unexpected noise, and I look to see Matt crouched outside my window. I quickly go open the window to let him in.
"What are you doing here?!" I shout whispered at him, not wanting my father downstairs to hear me speaking to someone.
"Did y'really think I was gonna stay away from my pretty girl? Especially with blue balls," he laughs, bringing me into a quick kiss. I smile into the kiss, finding this all too amusing. Our kiss very quickly becomes deeper and more passionate with his hands raking up and down my body.
"Do you want to?" He asks, clearly referring to sex. I nod at his question, and he walks me backwards into my bed, making me fall onto it. While moving his lips deliberately against mine, he slips both of us out of our clothes until we're left in just our underwear.
He places gentle kisses all over my body, his hands gripping my hips, keeping me firmly in place as I squirm.
"Is the door locked this time?" He asks, looking up towards my bedroom door, I shake my head.
"Go close it, sweetheart," he encourages, pulling away from me. I stand up and go lock my bedroom door, trying to be gentle so that my father doesn't hear a thing. As I spin back around, I see Matt leaning against the headboard with his boxers pulled down and his hands firmly stroking his cock.
I timidly walk back to him and stand at his side, "c'mere, baby," he hushes, patting his thighs. I pull my shorts and soaked panties down at the same time before climbing over him to place my legs on either side of him. He rests both of his hands on my hips as I now comfortably straddle him.
He moves his middle finger to play with my folds, "shit, you're so wet. Is this all for me, hm?" he asks, slowly collecting the wetness that had formed. I nod my head and rut my hips on his hand, seeking even more treasure. "You're so impatient," he chuckles before removing his hand and bringing his finger to my lips so that I could suck it clean.
He then roughly grabs hold of me with one hand and uses the other to line his cock up with my entrance. He gives me a small tap to indicate that he's ready when I am, and I slowly sink down into his cock.
"Fuck, Matt," I moan, taking him fully, and he's already so deep. His head is slung backwards, resting against the headboard as I begin to rock my hips; I grab onto his shoulders for the minimal support they offer.
My movements become rougher and more ragged, causing the bed to creak slightly under our movements. He grabs onto my hips tighter, forcing me to move slower even though I wanted the opposite.
"Shhh, we have to be quiet, baby. Can't let your dad hear you riding me so good," he groans, his eyebrows furrowing but nevertheless fighting to keep eye contact with me.
I moan as a response and start bouncing on him instead. He notices my tits bouncing up and down in my top and lifts it up to get a better look. He brings both hands up to squeeze and play with them as I keep moving up and down but this only brings me closer to the edge.
"Matt...I'm gonna...come," I say, my movements becoming much more unsteady. My legs are becoming weaker, and I'm unable to keep up the pace. I then feel him move his hands back to my hips.
"Let me finish the job, pretty girl, you've done so good," he praises, gripping my hips intensely, forcing me to still but instantly replacing my movement by thrusting his hips up. He continuously rams into me, abusing my g-spot. I feel the heat in my lower stomach become unbearable, and I can't control it anymore.
"Fuck-I'm coming...fuck, fuck, fuck," I chant throwing my head back and grinding my hips to fuck him back. I feel his cock twitch, indicating that he's also close. I clench my pussy around him, encouraging him to shoot his cum deep into me.
"OH FUCK- baby, yes, just like that, you feel so good," he babbles, slowing his thrusts, fucking his cum into me. I collapse onto his chest, moulding our sweaty bodies into one. I'm panting heavily, trying to slow my breathing, and I feel Matt's heart beating roughly against my skin.
I finally have the strength to disconnect our bodies and look at him, "thank you, that was amazing," I smile.
"Thank YOU, you have no idea how much pain I was in," he smiles back. I give him a small peck on his lips before sliding off from him and onto my mattress. "Let me clean you up, pretty girl," he says, walking to get some tissue to clean his cum that is dripping out of my pussy and the remains of it from his dick.
He then laid back in bed with me but told me he had to leave soon because he didn't want to risk being caught by my dad again. I understood and didn't blame him; it was incredibly embarrassing the first time. We did not need a repeat.
Before I knew it, Matt was climbing back out of my window to leave. It made me sad that he couldn't stay longer, but I knew it was for the better right now.
As the night went on, I became more infuriated with the fact that my dad thinks he can control who I can see, well he can't. I finally reached breaking point, and I stormed downstairs to give him a piece of my mind.
"Why did you kick Matt out before?" I ask, trying to keep my cool. I stare at my dad, whose eyesight doesn't even wander from the hockey match playing on the tv in front of him.
"Because," he answered shortly. What kind of answer was that?? He can't just say 'because', who does he think he is?
"Because what?" I push further.
"Because he's on my hockey team, and I don't even know why you have boys in your room anyway. You're not allowed," he says, his eyes never leaving the tv.
"I'm nineteen, I'm not a little girl anymore," I say, already becoming upset with his answer. He can't treat me like a baby forever.
"You are a little girl. You don't understand boys and what they really want," he says, keeping his eyes firm on the tv. I can't believe this right now. How gullible and stupid does he think I am? I feel myself becoming more worked up over this than I probably should.
"I do understand because I'm not stupid, and I'm old enough to make my own decisions," I speak, becoming louder.
"No, you don't. Boys only want one thing, and that's to get in your pants," he says, his eyes finally meeting mine.
"Not Matt, he doesn't care about that. He cares about me," I say, swallowing harshly.
"Is that really what you think? God, you have a lot to learn," he scoffs.
"Yes, I do think that because Matt and I have been dating for over 4 months, and he's shown nothing but love for me. I'm sorry you and mom didn't work out, but that's not my fault. I'm gonna build my own relationships, and you can't do anything about it because they aren't your decisions to make. And if it bothers you that much, I'll move out!" I yell without thinking.
My mini rant made him fall silent, with nothing left to say he's just staring at me. Regret starts to seep into my thoughts. I shouldn't have brought up mom or threatened to move out.
"We'll talk about this tomorrow," he says calmly, getting up from the couch and turning the tv off. I'm left frozen in place as I watch him walk to his room. I messed up.
I eventually find the willpower to walk back up to my room, and I can't help but let tears fall. I was curled up on my bed, thinking about everything. I wondered how my relationship with Matt was going to change and how Matt's relationship with his coach was going to change, and for some reason I even thought of mom, even though I hadn't seen her in years.
I let these thoughts infiltrate my mind until I feel my puffy eyelids become heavy. I wipe the remaining tears from my cheeks and pull the blanket closer. I fell asleep to the thought of Matt holding me closer, comforting me.
-
I'm woken by the sun beating down on my face through my gap in my curtains. I slowly sit up, rubbing my eyes so that they can adjust to the sunlight in the room.
As I walk downstairs, I see someone sitting at the kitchen table. Walking closer, I see that it's...Matt?
Before I have the chance to question him, my dad walks over. All three of us now in the kitchen.
"Y/n sit down," my dad says, reading my very confused expression. I pull out the chair next to Matt, giving him a small smile, which he reciprocates.
"I've been thinking, and you're right. You are old enough to make your own decisions, and I'm sorry for the way I reacted," he speaks, his voice laced with sincerity. "But you'll always be my little girl," he adds, his eyes watering slightly.
By now, my own tears are falling. "I'm sorry too," I sob, standing from my seat and going to hug him; he embraces me warmly.
As we break away from the hug, we turn to look at Matt, who is still sitting down, now smiling.
"I can't stop you guys from being together, but I'm not ready for grandkids yet, so please just-" he pleads, being cut off by Matt.
"Neither are we, sir, don't worry," Matt chuckles. My dad gives him a nod, walking out of the room; I walk over to Matt, wrapping my arms around him.
He tries to bring my lips to his, but I quickly pull away, "nope, I still have morning breath," I laugh.
He shakes his head and roughly pulls me to him, connecting our lips. I give him a quick kiss before pulling away again.
"I love you," I whisper, looking into his eyes, scared that I'd drown in them and never be found again.
"I love you more," he says, matching my tone.
We stood there for what felt like an eternity, being lost in each other's eyes. And I pondered on the thought 'what would have happened if I never accompanied my dad to that practice session?'
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a/n; that's a wrappp. i hope you guys enjoyed this, and thank you so much for all the support on my posts. 1.2k notes on JEALOUS and 300 followers??? that's insane, but I'm so so thankful for all everything. i love you all <33.
Taglist; @idrk2292 @aalixsturns @aalicats87 @045696 @forgottxen @mattsturniolover @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut
#the sturniolo triplets#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo fanfic#matthew bernard sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo#matt stuniolo fanfic#sturniolo smut#sturniolo fandom#sturniolo nation#sturniolo tumblr
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Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 86 (Family Drama)
The next evening, before Heather and Conrad left for their date, her youngest sister, Hazel, arrived in Brindleton Bay to watch her niece and nephew.
Ash excitedly called to her from the computer as soon as she walked in the door. "Aunt Hazel, Aunt Hazel, come check out my new game!"
"Thanks for driving out here so Conrad and I can have a night out," Heather said. "The security cameras are working and Conrad's getting the kids fed before we go, so just get them to bed at a decent hour and no horror movies."
"It's just food colouring," she protested, but with Heather's stern glance she nodded obediently. "Sorry, Ashy. No Moonlight Massacre tonight, after all."
Heather changed the subject before Ash could complain. "I'm sad you won't be in town when we're in Henford this weekend to meet River and Cass' new baby boy. Dad says you don't call home enough."
Hazel laughed. "Dad tells me you don't call enough! None of us could ever call home enough. River still lives there and Dad probably thinks he doesn't get to see enough of him, either."
"Missing out on Dad guilt tripping us to visit for a political conference in San Myshuno's pretty cool, though. Ash, that's enough game time. Conrad's almost finished making your dinner."
Ash moaned, but he turned off the computer and headed for the kitchen as Hazel picked up her niece for a cuddle in her unicorn onesie. "I'm kind of glad to be out of Henford for the night to get in time with Ashy and Lava. Has that weird old dude been a problem lately?"
Heather made sure Ash was out of earshot. "Not since the restraining order," she said, the relief on her face more than evident. "And you're stuck on those nicknames, huh? I thought nicknames were too corny for you."
"It's not my fault your kids are just as cool as volcanoes, big sis."
Heather grinned. Hazel, the baby of their family, could get away with anything and dripped charm to spare, but Heather could tell something was weighing on her mind. "Are you doing okay?"
Hazel took a deep breath, setting Lavender down before she moved to the sofa. "What made you realize you wanted to be single when we were in high school?"
Heather laughed. "It was just easier than having feelings. It's still easier than having feelings, but finding the right person is better. What's wrong?"
She frowned. "What if Nicola and I got married too young? We're different people than we were as teens. When her dad died of a heart attack a few months ago, it felt like I wasn't married to the same person anymore. I know she's grieving, but what if we didn't wait long enough into young adulthood to figure it all out?"
Heather could empathize with her sister's confusion over love and relationships. Not too long ago, Heather would have found it unthinkable to offer her siblings, of all people, relationship advice, but Conrad had shown her what great love could be.
"You know I've never been very flirty or romantic, and I held on to my relationship with Malcolm too long because I didn't think I deserved any better. I'd never recommend it, but I also know Nicola's not Malcolm Landgraab. If you trust her, you can tell her the truth."
Hazel nodded. "No, she's definitely not like Malcolm."
"If you're truly unhappy, don't force it because you think you're supposed to. But if you're asking me, I think it means there's still some fight in you to keep it together."
(Lovestruck's new relationship and chemistry features went after Hazel and her new wife, and I'm rolling with it to see what happens. I cheated their relationship back up a bit - as if what Heather said encouraged her to fight a little more - and we'll see how it goes with them.
The way I said that probably gave away what might happen but pfft you don't know!)
Grateful for her eldest sister's advice, Hazel turned her attention back to Lavender, while Heather joined Ash and Conrad in the kitchen.
"Tomorrow night we'll pack some things into your backpack for your weekend at your dad's," Heather said to her son. "He'll pick you up after school on Friday and take you to his place for the weekend."
"He'll probably send their driver like usual," he shrugged. "But Ray's cool."
"What do you mean, 'like usual?'"
Ash looked at her with confusion etched on his face. "Daddy's reporting til seven on the news every weeknight, Mommy!"
Heather stared at Conrad, wide-eyed. "He told me he does those hits pre-recorded."
"He always sends Ray, and Ray always takes me to get ice cream before we get to Daddy's penthouse. Why do you look pretend happy, Mommy? I love ice cream!"
"Your mom just hasn't met Ray, buddy."
"But Mommy, he's not a stranger. He's Ray!"
Heather plastered a smile, and Conrad reached under the table to caress her clenched fist. "I'll be at school on Friday afternoon when Ray's there to pick you up at three," she said. "If he's as nice as you say, I don't want him to be a stranger to me."
Ash smiled. "Okay, Mommy, that's a good a idea."
Heather felt constantly undermined by the Landgraabs. But there was little she could say without disappointing her son, and she didn't want bitterness to affect her night with Conrad. ->
<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 1 Summary | Gen 1 Start
NOTE: Their date continues Monday but tomorrow there will be a bonus post inspired by @purplesimmer455! đ
NOTE 2: Also noting, since this is an episode where nothing much seems to be happening, there are a few subtle hints in here, too, about how Conrad is on a pedestal, especially when Heather compares him to Malcolm, even though we all know he's keeping this massive secret from her, too.
#sims 4#sims 4 gameplay#sims 4 screenshots#sims 4 legacy#sims in bloom#ts4#ts4 gameplay#ts4 legacy#ts4 screenshots#sims 4 story#ts4 story#legacy challenge#sims legacy#ts4 legacy challenge#gen 2#brindleton bay
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he looks just like a dream âïœĄïŸâïžïœĄâïœĄ ïŸâŸ ïŸïœĄâ
summary: dating headcanons w/ remus lupin
a/n: hello!! this is my most recent fic on this account and my first Marauders fic, so sorry if this is bad!! also, please keep in mind that even though i'm writing a fic about something tied to the Harry Potter universe, this does NOT AT ALL mean i like JK Rowling. i've liked her books since i was a child and have been separating the art from the artist for quite some time when it comes to this. also, i've written Remus in more of a modern situation, so keep that in mind :)
tags: @back-totheoldhouse @daemontargaryennn @o-kye @unbeleevable @mochamuff1n @call-me-frosting-or-not-idc @dangerouslyyour (this is me just guessing who would be interested in this, please let me know if you would like to be removed/added from the taglist!!)
warnings: nicknames with "girl" in them but otherwise gn!reader, mentions of crying, mentions of scars
boyfriend!remus who's memorized how you like your coffee or tea. or if you don't like either, he's memorized your favorite drink and has perfected it every time he makes it. you tell him it's not needed, that you can make drinks yourself, but he says it's worth it just to see the smile on your face.
boyfriend!remus who wouldn't dare tell you to cover up with a dress or outfit you're wearing when you go out ("any guy who tells their girlfriend/partner to cover up because it makes him uncomfortable or insecure instantly just proves he has a fragile ego accompanied by a micropenis.") and he'll only suggest a jacket if he knows it'll be cold outside. if you're happy in what you're wearing, why should he stop you?
boyfriend!remus who reads the books you're reading to have an extra thing to talk to you about and to ensure he understands what you're describing when you rant about how much you either love it or hate it. "yeah I know, I can't believe he did that!" "seriously, the way the writer set up the plot is terrific." "what was the author thinking? the plot makes no sense."
boyfriend!remus who always gives you his clothes. his soft beige knit sweater? of course you can wear it to our date. you need to borrow his beanie because it's cold outside? please do. you want to wear his shirt to bed? just keep it, he thinks it looks 10x better on you.
boyfriend!remus who takes you on all sorts of dates. library dates, lego building dates (which turn into laughing hysterically because one of you doesn't understand the instructions and the other one does understand, but can't find the right piece), cafe dates, aquarium dates, baking/cooking dates, late night walk/drives dates...the list goes on (i will happily elaborate on any of these if asked). he may or may not stalk your pinterest to find out what dates you like
boyfriend!remus who subtly shows you off to the marauders. he's usually a little bit touchy with you in public (a hand on the small of your back or intertwined with yours, his arms around your waist or shoulders, etc.), but he does it more around his friends. it's not any sort of intentional possessive thing (like "grrr my bbg is mine you can't have her raaah"), he just likes people knowing he has a gorgeous partner :)
boyfriend!remus whose room is littered in random trinkets, some of which he'll randomly gift to you. a silver pocket watch he found with intricate details because he thinks you'd like it. a rock or crystal he says looks like your eyes. a flower that he found because he remembered the one time you said "what a pretty flower" when you accompanied him on a walk. a stuffed animal he found at a yard sale because it was your favorite animal. the list goes on.
boyfriend!remus who mainly shows love through acts of service and physical touch. your shoe's untied? he's getting down on his knee to tie it. your books are a bit heavy? he'll carry all of them for you. you're not feeling good? he's doing your homework.
boyfriend!remus whose nicknames for you are mainly "dove/dovey", "baby", and "darling". he calls you "sweet girl/pretty girl" when you're sick, under the weather, or sad, "my love/my dearest" when he knows you're upset, and "sweetheart" when you're in an argument.
boyfriend!remus who would be terrified of showing a lot of skin around you because of his scars mainly because he doesn't want you to be disgusted. he knows deep down that you wouldn't, but it's a deeply-rooted fear for him.
"Remus, your friends have scars. Does that make them ugly or bad people?"
"No."
"Some of the teachers you like have scars. Does that make them ugly or bad people?"
"No."
"I have scars. Does that make me ugly?"
"Of course not, dove."
"So then why do you think scars make you ugly if they don't make anyone else you care about ugly?"
#remus lupin#remus lupin fanfiction#remus lupin imagine#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x you#remus x reader#mauraders#marauders#the marauders#marauders era#remus x you#remus lupin fic#remus lupin drabble
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right, so on the one hand, the results of that "does charlotte have a soul or not" poll would be a punch to the gut for char ( it was a NO majority ), but on the other hand, what would make her happy is to see . . . ( that is, what I'm noticing ) is how over the years, more of you guys are having your muses refer to her as "char." it's such a small detail, but it's so neat to see what was essentially shorthand only used for her in ooc context gradually begin to show up more often in actual threads / ic - dialogue.
#I'm just surprised it's changed to the point where it /is/ noticeable.#There was a point where âcharâ really as what she was called only in ooc context#Otherwise it was either Charlotte or no name mentioned at all#Which makes sense seeing as she doesn't introduce or even refer to herself as Char . She /never/ does#(She doesn't stop people who get her mixed up and consistently call her the wrong name either)#(But that's besides the point)#Which means that to call her Char... you first have to RETAIN that Charlotte's her name#Then I suppose you'd also have to /know/ her well enough to get the feeling that Char suits her as a nickname#(ie. as opposed to charlie/lottie or keeping to the full name Charlotte)#and FINALLY you'd have to be /comfortable/ !! enough to actually call her by that nickname ... not out of convenience but /bc/ it suits her#like I said - it's just this minuscule detail but it's cool to see from a writing perspective#especially to come out of collaborative rp writing#it's the whole /we/ know her as char but the characters don't unTIL they decide to and it's got that:#âmy name is so-and-so but my friends call me this-and-thatâ#EXCEPT char would rarely if /ever/ think that she'd actually be able to assert smth like that aside from being coy and facetious about it#More like âI'm Charlotte but The Primordial Void That Created and Haunts Me calls me Charlieâ#Anyways! just both me and charlotte squealing and kicking our feet whenever someone refers to her as Char ic#pretty cool pretty cool
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do you ever just have a strange relationship with your name
I hanged out with a friend and some friends of said friend and they introduced me by my given name, which, objectively, is a name I've gone by for 28 years of my life at this point, but I felt so damn detached from said name??
Idk why exactly, I haven't like. abandoned or discarded the name fully, I just prefer to go by a nickname with most of my friends, this particular friend I haven't mentioned the thing to so far and didn't feel like going "hey actually" in the moment bc it didn't feel relevant (bc like nobody's gonna use names after introduction and I probably won't even meet these people more than maybe once a year, tho will defo mention it to my friend at some point)
But yeah anyhow it was so weird to sit there and be like "right right right that's my(?) name and that person has known me by that name for like 12 or so years and it is, in fact, my name, but also no????"
#noopa rambles#it's just one letter different too dkdkdkd#and like. my family uses that name (tho I'm pretty sure my brother has used the nickname a few times??)#(even tho I can't even remember actually mentioning it to him lmao)#(so either I'm misremembering hearing him say it or he has randomly picked it up hgjfjf)#I use the official name at work and I have no plans of changing that (I think??)#yet hearing a friend use it made me go 'wait what the hell is this'#I'm but a littel noopa in this wide wide world#no but I love the nickname#the nickname is a gift#and it has no baggage#noora has baggage#who would've thunked the one school friend from middle school was right#idk what brough it up but I was complaining about the name and the r and shit#and the friend just went 'why don't you just change it then'#and I was like. as if it was that simple#I mean the immediate thoughts were my 2nd name which would make me have to explain 'it's one i'#third name is not an option bc it has an r too and the r is the root of all issues#actually bullying is the root of all issues but that particular bullying was bc of r so djdkdk#back then I also thought that changing the name would mean that the bullies won#which I still feel on some level I suppose#but also not bc the nickname comes from something that is precious to me#like. I was gifted with the name by precious friends#rather than me jus throwing the actual name out out of idk bitterness and hurt?#tldr I have a very weird relationship with my name fjfkdkd#also idk if the 'nickname is a gift' makes sense but for me it really feels like that#bc like. it feels like that the friends who originally started to use it went 'hey we see you'#it really isn't that deep but djdkdk
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every once in a while i (shrimp, bad at making comics) feel SUCH a powerful urge to make a comic, you canât even imagine
#shrimp thoughts#btw this is kinda funny but like. my name isn't technically 'shrimp'. but 'eli' doesn't really fit my... gestures to general self#it took me a while but i realized i don't really like my given name either even though i was named after my grandma (...technically.)#now that i think about it there's a couple of cases in my close family of people using a different name than they have in their ID#like it took me YEARS to realize that my aunt's name is actually not what my father calls her lmao#so i def wouldn't be the only curious case in my family. if i revealed it of course#but back to the name thing i? wouldn't even know what name i'd Want to have. i'm more comfortable with nicknames like shrimp (that i gave#myself lol) or dachshund (from my irl friends). if i wasn't paranoid i'd post a pic and ask people what name i look like kgjfhgkjfshgkjfs#which surely is a very normal thing. anyway. yeah#and this desire to make a comic of course intensifies when i pick up the xiyao zine sobsob
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I read the post on your sorcerous blog. I've tried typing a lot of things, but always back peddled. I know you're scared. I know you're worried and there's a lot going on. The most I can do is type this out.
You're a good person. You're a fun person and an interesting one. You've provided many things on this site for people who have taken an interest in your work. You've also made friends with some of those interested in your work.
You let them see a portion of yourself and some welcomed it. Some engaged with you. Learning a bit about you and invited you into their hearts. They've shared a piece of themselves with you and you grew.
Trying to type this out, I want you to be safe. I want your family to be safe. I want you to have more time with your family and go on with what you love to do. What you like to eat. What you want to try. What you want to drink, read, watch, listen to. So much more.
Some have left comments on your post. Each one hoping for the best for you. I presume some more familiar with you have typed in your dms to convey more personal conversations. How they cherish meeting you. Reading your work and talking with you.
Often, in our conversations you try to thank me for talking to you. I wish to thank you for responding to them and feeling comfortable to continue them and confide in me at times. Thank you for being you. Thank you for taking chances with writing and reading. I thank your parents and siblings for helping you become the person you are today. I thank the kids of your siblings for helping you.
Sol, I hope for things to go well for you. I hope for things to allow you and your family to remain safe. I hope I get to talk to you again.
i love you too
#I've been crying nonstop the past couple days it's so shameful I'm a grown adult I shouldn't be acting this way#I should be more calm about this I shouldn't worry the people around me#Everyone is trying to console me and I keep snapping at them I just can't pretend that this isn't happening#I can't feel anything. Nothing has a taste anymore and joy is gone from everything I've loved doing#All I can fucking do is cry and dissociate#I wish I was stronger I wish I was more reliable I wish this wasn't happening#All the airports closed. There are patrols in the streets and increased army presence#and I'm angry at the world for allowing this. at everything and everyone from the first human to invent rockets this deadly to the last#but my anger means nothing my sadness means nothing#I either run away to another country and endure the humiliation and racism. Or fight. Or#or make the most of my time and hope I'll survive#I just feel numb at this point. I'm really trying but I can't forget the grim reality#This isn't my reply to our monthly letter btw. I still want to answer the previous one first I just#I wanted to remind you that I do love you#Friends don't say it to each others much. I dislike that. I think we should be more loving with our friends#I don't even know your name nor could I recognise you on the street yet I still love you how silly is that#but it is real love. It is genuine care and affection. It exists I feel it and I smile when I read your texts#And I don't love you just for you to love me back. You're loved either way.#thank you for this. I hope I get to reply to your previous message. I hope I get to reply to many more letters in the future#I hope this numbness doesn't last. I hope my nieces and nephew get to grow up in a safe and not a war-torn country#did I ever tell you how much I adore the walnut cat nickname? thank you for blessing me with it#I just don't feel that alive anymore#i apologise for the short reply it's hard to think. I can't hear myself clearly#but hey I ate another donut today#but I don't remember the flavour#and I don't remember if i liked it or not
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pairing: gojo x fem!reader
summary: gojo satoru was the most notorious man across the land. he was the strongest soldier the north had ever produced, the most brilliant of minds, and somebody who slept his way through the noble ranks. his parents set him up in a marriage agreement with you, hoping that a tie with a ring would help save his image. you know gojo never wanted this, and you try to act as if that was normal. but soon, without you or even him realizing it, he comes to the conclusion that while he never wanted this marriage - he's beginning to want you.
warnings: 18+ mdni: arranged marriage, angst, slight no comfort, gojo is emotionally constipated for a bit, heavy making out, eating out (fem! receiving), fingering, (naoya)
word count: 19.7k (sorry)
note: inspired by this drabble. i'm so happy this behemoth of a fic is done!! art credit: _3aem
jjk masterlist + series masterlist
Gojo Satoru was the most powerful man alive.Â
Not only physically, though some people chalked him up to being half god, but his name held even more control. The Gojo family of the North was as old as the gods themselves, and theyâve been making sure itâs been kept that way. They owned so much land that you would walk to the ends of the earth and circle back around and it would probably still be theirs. They had armies of unfathomable sizes under their command, so much riches that they could probably buy an entire nation and still have plenty to spend.Â
His presence was just as large as his name created him to be. Any ball he went to, all eyes would fall on him. On the battlefield, men feared to see the flash of white hair, knowing that his strength was unbridled.Â
And his physical beauty? Most people assumed he was blessed by the gods himself. Gojo had a certain look that just made your knees weak, your heart palpitate, and your cheeks heated up. The handful of times youâve seen him from afar youâve been able to understand why all the girls (and some of the guys) yearned for his attention. His eyes were a piercing blue as if somebody had held a mirror to the sky when creating them. His hair had grown whiter with the years, as white as the snow that sunk deep into the grounds of the north. Gojo had the build of a soldier, and he towered over most people. His bulky build was intimidating, but you heard some girls whisper behind their hands about how he must look underneath all those ceremonial garments.Â
The lord of the North was power itself.Â
Which would make you, by martial association, the North's most powerful lady.
And for somebody who grew up with the same respect as a stable boy, it was all too much too soon.Â
And yes, while on paper you still had your father's last name and legacy tied to it, you werenât really a daughter to your parents. Your mother, though you had to call her by her name whenever you werenât in public, seeing how she wasnât really your mother, made sure it was kept that way. Your other three half-sisters should have been in your spot, either one of them more true to the family name than you. But seeing how theyâre already married, you were the final resort.Â
Gojo Satoru, though youâve seen him countless times (something common because of how close in ranks your families were), had only acknowledged you a couple of times. You didnât care much, never did, because that's what you were used to. After all, it was a common fact that you were what they nicknamed âthe bastard daughterâ of the West.
But it didnât seem to matter much to his parents, as they offered their son up to you in a marriage arrangement.Â
And who were you to turn that down?Â
They, his parents, assured you that their son was looking forward to this union. He was the one to offer it, they said, which you were skeptical of but werenât stupid enough to question. You knew how much Gojo Satoru was tarnishing their reputation with his promiscuous ways, but as long as he was okay with this arrangement you couldnât find any part of you that would disagree with it.Â
After all, you knew that this marriage wasnât out of love, fascination, or even a mutual understanding, but because of the strength your own family (more so your father) held, and how you were the only feasible option for a bride.Â
So, after weeks of rocking back and forth on agreements, paperwork, dress rehearsals, and grueling dancing lessons (and still no sight of the man himself), you found yourself standing at the end of the aisle, your arm linked around your fathers as a large smile plasters itself on your face.Â
Ever since you were young you had convinced yourself that the only man who would want to taint his name enough to marry you would have to be either a troll or an ogre, so that fact that your future spouse was human was better than anything you could have asked for.Â
And youâre not daft. As your heart hammered loudly against the limited space of your chest, waiting for your cue to start walking, you reminded yourself that this was just a mutual agreement. Itâs hard for people at your level to marry for love, but even then, you canât help but hope that you can make a decent friendship out of this.Â
You glanced at your father next to you, catching his eyes as he nodded once, staring ahead of him into the small crowd of just your two families, and patted your arm.Â
You still remember the music playing, the instruments harmonizing together as you took a tentative step forward, feeling warm under the eyes of people you didnât know, but you kept reminding yourself that this was the best thing that couldâve happened to you. Either you died as an old maid in the little room you had near the kitchens at your old home or got married to some warlord who wanted an entire village as family.Â
The orchids that surrounded the venue still infiltrate your nose as you think about it, the way the silk of your dress felt against your skin that had been scrubbed raw earlier that morning.Â
And there you saw him, standing at the end of the aisle. At that moment you realized how much of a mistake this was,
Because the man that stood there, the man who you were about to marry, seemed like heâd rather be dead than be your husband.Â
â
You blink out of your trance, sitting up straighter in your seat as you mindlessly stop tearing up pieces of your bread, rubbing your fingers together to get rid of the remnants of flour.Â
The dining hall was huge, far bigger than the one back home. Though you rarely ate there, you could still remember it, and it definitely wasnât as big as this. Yet, despite its size, you felt like you were a little grain of rice in its vastness.Â
The Gojo estate itself was humongous. His parents resided in a smaller house near the ocean now that youâve moved in, but you would bet that the word humble they used to describe it was anything but humbling. Youâve been here for weeks and yet you feel like youâve only discovered half of what this place has to offer.
There were guards at every corner, but at this point, youâre convinced they're just for decoration. If your husband is as decorated a warrior as they say he is, he could protect this entire estate with no help necessary.Â
You stare at your plate, at the array of food prepared just for you, different sorts of cured meats, loaves of bread, cheeses, fruits, and juices from all over, and still, you feel no hunger.Â
Months ago youâd be ecstatic to see how much your life has changed. You get new clothes that fit you, food whenever you desire, people at your beck and call. Your room is no longer that cramped space youâd been given to hide you away from the rest of your family, but twice the size of your father's old bedroom. You wake up earlier and sleep later, do whatever you want, but none of it feels deserved.
The only thing you can bring yourself to think about is how the last time you saw your husband was the night of the wedding. The look on his face when you made your empty vows to one another, his faint lingering kiss on your cheek. You can blink your eyes and still see the way he left, his jaw clenched as he ignored the calls from his parents. How, even here, rumors seemed to follow you.Â
Safe to say, you spent your meals alone.Â
Not only that, but your rooms were entirely separate as well. You were told that you had to consummate the night of your marriage, but from what youâve heard, your husband sleeps in an entirely different wing of the estate, with walls and corridors between the two of you.Â
You tried taking your mind off of things, pretending as if this was normal.Â
Most days youâd walk around, trying to familiarize yourself with the layout of the grounds. Youâd walk the gardens a couple times each week, try to memorize the way back to different places, and stay in the library the other half of the time.Â
A part of you was happy to at least be away from that miserable home, but it felt like swapping one prison for a slightly better one. Your maids were kind, of course, but you didnât know anybody here. They treat you like a lady of noble ranking, as expected from being the wife of the Lord in the North, but youâd rather be given an apron and start working around instead of this mind-numbing boredom of just sitting around.Â
You stare at your plate, chewing on a grape slowly.Â
Looking up you see the sun filtering in through the large windows, illuminating the long table that sits like an empty grave. Clicking your tongue you pick up another grape, slumping in your seat as you look up.Â
This is just the way things will be.
â
âAlina?â
You call out from your vanity, staring at your maid as sheâs picking out different earrings for you to pick from for dinner.Â
Itâs a couple of days later, and still no word from Gojo. But that doesnât mean that you havenât stopped for a single second to not think about your supposed husband.Â
You try not to care, pretend that youâre lucky that heâs not bothering you or going out of his way to remind you of this unfortunate situation, but above anything you just feel alone.Â
The maid looks up, a curl falling from her tight bun as she smiles at you in the mirror.Â
âYes, my lady?â She stands up straighter, flattening out the wrinkles from her apron tied around her waist as she begins walking towards you with the jewelry.Â
âIs thisâŠis this normal?â You crane your neck around to look at the different pairs sheâs holding up, nudging your head to the red ones that shine bright, and watch as she sets them down on your desk, resting her hand on your hip as she stares at you quizzically.Â
âWhat do you mean?â She asks as you begin taking your earrings off, putting the new ones on yourself. In the beginning, she protested, saying that a woman of your caliber shouldnât have to do such measly tasks. But the more you protested, she eventually gave up.Â
âDo husbands and wives usually sleep separately?â you say, feeling your chest contract in embarrassment at the stupidness of your question.Â
You watch as she swallows thickly, avoiding eye contact as she sets on fixing some parts of your hair.Â
Staring patiently through the vanity mirror as you watch her work, Alina wets her lips, her eyes downcast as if not wanting to answer.Â
âWas there somebody else he preferred to marry?â You decide to ask, twisting that knife that you knew was lodged in her side, one that was stopping her from talking, and watch as her eyes widen slightly in shock.Â
âIf you donât answer Iâm just going to keep asking more uncomfortable questions,â you warn and Alina snorts softly, shoving your shoulder a little bit as you crack a smile.Â
She moves around, picking up a necklace, and begins clasping it behind your neck.Â
âIâŠI donât know. Heâs always been pretty secretive and,â she looks at you briefly, âSelective. I donât mean to speak ill of my lord but it would be stupid not to acknowledge his old ways. But we never heard of a specific girl.â
Alina places a gentle hand on your shoulder, a sad smile on her face.Â
âYouâre lucky my lady,â she says, her voice hushed, âMost wives donât have the freedom to say their husbands donât care what they do. Had you married that Zenin, youâd be pregnant by now.â
You shudder out a breath, nodding once more.Â
âIâll see you after dinner, my lady,â she says, moving out of the way as you stare quietly at the floor before leaving silently.Â
â-
Tonight for dinner the cooks made you a wide array of different dishes, all from the Northern shore. There are different types of fish, each cooked in various ways. It looks delectable, a feast fit for a king.Â
You feel awful, though, seeing that you canât eat any of it.Â
The last time you had fish your face swelled up and couldnât breathe properly, so that family physician told you to steer away from it. But youâre here now, and it somehow slipped your mind to ever mention this little fact to them, so youâre awkwardly poking around some of the vegetables under the fish, looking for something to eat.Â
You pile some potatoes and carrots on your plate, scraping off any bits of fish on them as you hold this wasnât your last meal.Â
The only sound that fills the room is your fork and knife sometimes hitting the porcelain plate, and you look up every now and then as you chew, looking at the paintings on the wall.Â
Youâre so focused on a portrait of an old man that you donât even notice the figure standing at the entrance of the dining hall, not until you hear a muted curse.Â
You look up instantly, your fork and knife dropping to the plate as you stare at the man in front of you, eyes wide at the sight of your husband.Â
He stands there, blinking slowly as you stare back.Â
You could swear time has never moved so slowly before.Â
You can hear him mutter a quiet shit under his breath, not knowing if he should make this worse by turning around and leaving or if he should join you.Â
Heâs wearing a simple tunic, his face a little flushed, hairline beaded with sweat. Did he just come out of training? He must often do that, you decide, seeing how he mustâve felt comfortable enough walking in here without any clothing of import.Â
His eyes seem to track your little movements; the way your chest rises and falls in a slow movement, the way your fingers have frozen in mid-air, lips slightly parting. Your eyes dart around the room, everybody seeming to have tensed up.
You open your mouth to say something, anything, but youâve never been so moved to silence. It seemed as if years of learned vocabulary slipped your mind within an instant, and no matter how hard you tried, nothing was coming back.
Gojo looks behind his shoulder, at the large double doors he entered through, deep in thought. This would be the first time the two of you had seen each other in weeks, and his tirade of avoiding you has come to an end. It looks like an entire battle is being fought in his mind, and you donât know what to do.
Suddenly, you watch as he shakes his head, deciding to give in and join you for dinner.Â
The seconds go by like hours as he walks up to the seat at the other end of the table, staring at his seat for a brief second before he pushes it out and sits there.Â
You donât know what to do.Â
Servants and maids quickly swarm the room, setting up his plate, cutlery, food, and drinks. It was all so hectic and rushed, but you were glad that it offered some sort of noise in the drowning silence.
A part of you wants to say something about the fish but you know this isnât the right time.Â
In the flurry of movements you allow yourself to discretely look at him a little better, seeing how the last time you saw him was so brief and hurried.Â
The man radiates a different sort of aura youâve never experienced before. While your father was one of the most powerful men in the West, Gojo was the strongest throughout the majority of the North and East. His frame took up the entire chair, his muscular shoulders and arms visible even through the loose fabric that was draped over him. You feel a little disappointed, knowing that if you were a different girl youâd probably be able to enjoy all of this.Â
You try to make yourself seem indifferent, moving some of the vegetables in your plate around, but secretly just trying to shovel them down as fast as humanly possible to get out of this thick atmosphere.Â
One of the men who was setting up some of the plates in front of Gojo takes notice of this, a smile overtaking his face as you briefly look up from your plate, startled to see the man walking closer to you.
âMy lady, Iâm so happy to see you enjoying our Northern delicacy!â He claps his hands together as you stare at him with wide eyes, your mouth still full of potatoes as you try chewing faster to get it all down before he gets closer to you.Â
His eyes wrinkle around the edges, his graying mustache trimmed ever so carefully, and you can tell heâs trying to loosen up the tension, but you stare in abject horror as he stands at your foot of the table.Â
âWould you like some more?â He motions to the fish that lay untouched in front of you, and you glance over to Gojo, hoping that maybe he is focused on his meal, only for your heart to sink at the fact that he is staring at you.Â
â...y-yes,â you croak out, wiping some of the carrot remnants from the corners of your lips as you give him a wobbly smile, âItâs alright, I can serve myself,â you exclaim, trying to thwart him off as he quickly waves this aside, shaking his head as he grabs the tray, beginning to portion some hefty pieces of fish onto your plate.
You donât have the heart to tell this jolly man that this amount of fish would kill you within an instant, or even that he was wasting this all on you, so you just sit there, giving him a tight-lipped smile as you try not to breathe it in too much.Â
âIs that enough, my lady?â He asks, setting the tray down as you look at your plate now full of different sorts of sea creatures you swallow slowly, looking back up at him as you give a wobbly smile.Â
âThis is great,â you muster up and watch as an even larger smile takes over his face, and you feel awful for it, âThank you so much,â you tell him, watching as he bows lowly, excusing himself as he, and the other servants, leave the room,
Leaving you and Gojo alone.Â
Youâre grateful that heâs already dug into his meal, not looking at a struggling you thatâs moving the fish around with your fork as you try to find the last bits of vegetables you had saved up for yourself.Â
The smell itself is enough to make your stomach turn, and you wince, reaching for your cup of wine to wash some of the nausea down.
âYou have very good wine,â you say suddenly, against your will, and have an out-of-body experience as you realize what you just did.Â
Gojo looks up from his plate, a little startled as he looks at you and the goblet in your hand, his white brows furrowed.Â
He nods once, not saying anything, and you feel the strange need to continue, somehow enjoying the feeling of stabbing yourself in the foot.
âOur wine back home tasted like cow piss,â your eyes widened at your slip of crass language, âEr - not piss, um, urineâŠ?â You wince even more, feeling as if a ghost with awful intentions had taken control over your body, âNot that Iâve had cow piss - urine!â You correct yourself, âBut I imagine that if I hadâŠthat, um, it would taste like o-our wine back home...â
Heâs staring at you, unblinking, and you smile awkwardly, raising the cup to him as a sort of cheers gesture.Â
You count twenty seconds of silence in your head as you set the cup down, playing with your fork as you glance back up at him. Gojo looks as if he is regretting his decision to stay, his fingers tapping on his knife in a hurried sort of way.Â
âI donât really like wine,â you continue, feeling like the only thing that could stop you now was if somebody were to bludgeon you to death, âI like juice more. Oh, well, but I guessâŠwine is juiceâŠ?â you mutter to yourself, contradicting your own words mid-sentence, âBack home we had this mulberry juice and it tasted nice. Kind of like your wine,â heâs not even looking at you and so your words die, quieting down as you sink back into your seat, hoping it could eat you entirely.Â
âDo you like wine?â You ask, tilting your head to the side, smiling faintly, awkwardly, âOr juice? Or⊠mulberriesâŠ?âÂ
He shakes his head, still not staring at you.Â
âDid you have a good-â
âI prefer eating in silence.â Gojo finally said, raising his head slightly as he stared directly at you, watching as your mouth clamped shut.Â
Your smile grows small, eyes falling to the table to hide the embarrassment in them. You give him a brief nod, mumbling a quiet apology under your breath as you begin moving some pieces of carrot around on your plate.Â
You can hear the clinking of his utensils against his plate, wishing you could somehow fit an entire fish down your esophagus to escape this moment.Â
You give it a couple of seconds, counting the groves in the wood of the table, and rise, stomach empty, heart churning as you finally excuse yourself.Â
It only takes you minutes to find your room, quicker than last night, and allow yourself to sink against your bed, rubbing your skin raw of the rouge Alina had applied an hour earlier.Â
â-
You donât tell anybody of the awful encounter with the man thatâs legally your husband, but youâre sure that those there to observe have already begun talking about it. You try to pretend nothing happened, but Alina could pick up on your closed-off demeanor that night, her hands gentler than usual when helping you take off your garments, her eyes filled with concern.Â
âHow was dinner, my lady?â She asked, staring at you as you waved off her worries, mustering up a lame excuse of a smile as you took off your silk shrug, avoiding any sort of eye contact as you slipped into your nightly garments.Â
âIt was good,â your words are void of emotion, âI had fish.âÂ
The following days are empty of any sight of your husband, but youâve grown to find that normal. It doesnât help that you canât stop thinking about how idiotic you acted, your big mouth never knowing when to stop, tossing and turning in your bed at your excuse of an interaction.Â
You continue with your old routine of walking around the estate, sometimes trying to track down Alina and your other maids, seeing if maybe they had some free time to spend with you. You know thereâs a town nearby, the girls often talk about how they go there sometimes at night, but youâre too afraid of going out alone, not used to that sort of thing.Â
Sometimes you sit out near the fields with a book, twisting the ring thatâs searing into your finger, mindlessly taking in the words on the page. Other days you walk around the gardens, picking out some flowers for the vase in your room. On the days when youâre feeling really adventurous, youâd go near the east wing, where youâve heard Gojoâs room is, and look at what sort of things lie there. But most times you chicken out, going back near your side just as quickly as you went.
You never see him at dinner again, knowing he wasnât about to put himself through that torture again, so you go back to eating in silence, sometimes pretending that the chairs were full of people and that you were in one of those balls you longed to go to as a kid.
They seem to keep bringing fish out for you, and itâs in so many days deep that youâre in this sort of limbo where you canât tell them youâre deathly allergic to it without feeling awful for all the work theyâve put in just to realize itâs gone to waste, so those nights, tonight, for example, you try finding as many vegetables as you can.Â
The roasted asparagus and beets are lovely, but there was only so much of it. And you find yourself getting a little bit sick of it too, your stomach-churning as you try to chug as much water as you can to get rid of the dirt after-taste that the beets have.
You thank the cooks and the servants as you leave for the night, your stomach still relatively empty as you get to your room, telling Alina to leave early for the night as you get ready for bed by yourself, wanting to be with yourself just for a little bit.Â
You lay on your bed, staring emptily at the ceiling, one hand on your stomach as if gurgling, still hungry for more. You try to sleep, trying to pretend like you were at your old home, those nights when this would be normal, but itâs no use. Youâve been too spoiled at the Gojo estate, and no matter how much you try to ignore the pang of hunger, it continues to bite you back.Â
So you find yourself twisting off of the warm comfort of your bed, sitting in silence as you contemplate what youâre about to do, but give in, lighting a candle as you slide into some slippers, leaving your room as you try to find your way down to the kitchens.Â
Thankfully, itâs well into the night when everybody is asleep, so this embarrassing walk of shame is only seen by the guards on duty. You walk down the testing staircase, careful to look around the corners for anybody there, but youâre alone.Â
You make your way to the kitchens, not hard to find seeing that theyâre near the dining hall, and you peep your head inside, a sigh of relief escaping your lips to find that itâs completely deserted.Â
At your old home, your room was behind the kitchens. You grew up in a small room, nearly the size of a broom cupboard, but you made do with what you had. One benefit of this situation was that you were raised by the smell of different sorts of food, by people who specialized in the art of cooking. You knew how to make meals that nobody else in your family could even imagine, which youâre grateful for right now as you fumble around the kitchen, trying to find where they put different ingredients.Â
You rummage through the cupboards, finding some eggs, bread, cheeses, and seasonings. Youâre able to find the pots and pans a few feet away and start assembling everything for a little omelet. Â
In your hurry of trying to be quiet and careful, you somehow manage to miss the large shadow figure thatâs standing near the doorway, observing you.Â
You crack the eggs into a bowl, beating them together with a fork you found, too tired to look for an actual whisk, turning around to throw the eggshells away when a cry of surprise escapes your lips.Â
âOh!â Your heart nearly falls right out of your ribcage, your hands flying to your chest as you find yourself staring at him, cheeks heating the way they seem to do whenever youâre looking at your husband.Â
His blue eyes are tracking you, watching what you do, brows furrowed slightly as the two of you canât do anything but stare at each other.Â
âIâŠâ You canât find anything to say, looking at him and then behind your shoulder, to the things you have found, and swallow thickly, wetting your lips as you straighten your back up, suddenly aware of just how flimsy and bedroom-worthy your outfit is.
You can only stare at the ways his arms are crossed over his chest, biceps bulging, and lips pressed into a thin line. It seems like he wasnât planning on seeing you here, yet another moment in which heâs probably going to regret somehow finding you in such a large estate.
âIâm making an omelet,â you finally say, your words falling like a whisper from your lips as you point to the eggshells now discarded in the trash, âI tried to be quietâŠâ you shake your head, eyes dropping from his heavy gaze for a second as you glance back up at him, lips upturned in an apologetic smile, â...sorry.âÂ
Gojo doesnât say much, youâve noticed that, but now youâre wondering if he has some sort of impediment that stops him from speaking to specific people.Â
His chest rises briefly as he inhales, his white hair a little tussled as if he were sleeping. It doesnât make sense why heâd be awoken, though. The kitchens are a far walk from the east wingâŠ?
âI wasnât asleep,â he finally says as if reading your mind, his voice deep as you feel it rattle your bones.
You nod once, not knowing what to do with the information.Â
âWellâŠum,â you fidget with your fingers, âgood, thatâs good.â You nod once, as if that was all you were going to say, and look at the slight wrinkles in his clothes, crossing your arms over your chest, feeling naked with the way youâre not wearing any undergarments under your little nightly dress.Â
âIâll call for a cook,â Gojo murmurs, looking you up and down one final time as he turns to leave, seemingly done with this conversation.Â
You sputter, shaking your head as you watch him turn to look at you through a confused stare.Â
âNo! SorryâŠno, no need,â you say quickly, taking one step forward as if to stop him, âPlease, itâs alright. I can cook myself,â you motion once more to your eggs and little station, noting the way heâs looking at you strangely, and so you feel the need to continue talking, perhaps one of your worst flaws.
Gojo looks at you finally, his fingers tapping on his arm.Â
You notice that heâs not wearing his wedding ring, your chest filling with a strange feeling as you try to hide your ring-clad finger. âDo you not like their cooking?â He asks, and it takes a second for you to blink out of your stupor, a weird sensation in your throat as you shake your head slowly, trying to pull your eyes away from his hand.Â
âI do,â you assure him, the words falling thickly from your lips, a lump in your chest, âI just feel bad waking them up right now,â you shrug as if you werenât feeling any of these strange emotions, âAnd as I said, I can cookâŠsoâŠâÂ
He nods, seemingly not believing you, not picking up on the storm that happening inside your head at the fact that heâs not wearing his wedding ring. You have to remind yourself that this isnât an actual marriage, the ring was only for show.Â
âDid you not eat dinner?â He continues, pressing, and your eyes widen slightly.Â
Youâve always been terrible at lying, never able to do so. Even when your father's wife continued to drill you on who ate the candies from a party when you were younger, showing her your chocolate-stained fingers that you had hidden behind your back, not even a minute into the interrogation.Â
âI did,â you say slowly, rubbing up and down your arms to warm them up from the chill breeze that seems to have picked up from the open windows, âThe beets and asparagus were very nice,â you agree, not knowing what else to say without blowing this weird secret youâve been holding onto.Â
His brow raised slightly, lips pursing slightly.Â
âAnd the fish?âÂ
You swallow once again, fidgeting with the fabric of your slip, your hands, your ring, and you donât notice the way his eyes fall to the gold on your finger, darting back to your face when he notices you staring at him.Â
âIâŠâ you feel your face heating up beyond human measures, laughing awkwardly as you tug at your necklace chain, wishing that you hadnât made that stupid decision to leave your comfortable bed, shouldâve listened to your gut instead of your stomach, cursing your past self for being so rash, âI, um, I canâtâŠeatâŠfish.âÂ
Gojoâs stoic face, so sure and confident, seems to falter for a brief second.
His arms tighten over his chest.Â
â...what?â He eventually asks after a couple of seconds of mind-bending silence, his head tipping in utter confusion as you sway from side to side on your feet, chewing your lips raw as you wish the ground could open up and never spit you back out.Â
âThe fish always looks great, donât get me wrong,â you say quickly as if thatâs going to do anything, âBut I canât eat fish. Otherwise Iâll swell right up and um, dieâŠprobably,â you wince at how bad you are at talking to people, your husband especially.
He lets out a little puff of air that sounds like a shocked scoff, eyes falling to the floor as he shakes his head, not understanding what you are saying.Â
âBut theyâve been cooking fish almostâŠfour times a week?âÂ
You nod, smiling awkwardly, looking at the painting of a fish on the wall as you look back at him.Â
âThey have,â you affirm, leaning against a counter as he stays frozen in his spot at the door.Â
âAnd youâŠyou canât have fish?â Gojo questions incredulously.Â
âIâll swell right up,â you repeat with a little smile that he doesnât mirror, clearly not a man of humor, and you drop your hands to your side, â...kind of like a pufferfish.â You add quietly, looking at the ground as you say it.Â
He coughs, his hand covering his mouth as you glance up at him, only to see him trying to hide the shocked laugh that had escaped him.
âWhy didnât you tell them?â He finally continues, and you hate the way all your hard work of just saying quiet isnât working and is in fact, coming back to bite you in the ass.Â
You shrug once more, shoving a grain of rice that was on the floor with the tip of your shoe.
âThe first time it happened I figured Iâd just tell them next time, but then that man kept on giving me more fish so I felt bad and I just never said anything.âÂ
Gojo stares at you, his eyes squinting together as if he were figuring out an enigma, a war strategy that even his best generals couldnât get a grasp of.Â
You look away, feeling like a fire was being lit under your skin.Â
âAlright,â you say, clapping your hands together as your stomach grumbles once again, reminding you that it is still in desperate need of food, âIâll be done soon. And Iâll clean up,â you promise, but you doubt he even cares as you begin to inch away from him.Â
You watch as a strand of hair falls into his face, watch as he goes to move, never breaking his eye contact with you, until he looks behind you at the eggs and bread, and then to the window behind you, the moon as bright as ever.
He nods a final time, looking over you a final time before he exits.Â
You make sure heâs far gone, letting out a heavy breath as you hold yourself up by the table, eyes wide at the fact that you had spoken more than two words to the man who seemed to despise your entire existence.Â
You go back to your eggs, whisking them in silence as your mind reels.Â
â
Gojo is there, for dinner, the following night.Â
You enter the dining room to see him at the end of the table, already eating, and glances up briefly when he sees you walk in.Â
Trying to hide the shock on your face you quickly look away, finding the way to your side of the table as you look around to see what theyâve given you tonight. A sigh of fleeting relief escapes your lips at the lack of fish, glad youâll be going to sleep full of food tonight.Â
You serve yourself, piling roasted meats and potatoes onto your plate as you fill your cup with water, not trusting wine after the last time you had it in his presence, and pretend that everything is normal as you pick up your knife and fork.Â
His words rang in your mind from the last time, the fact that he ate in silence, so you forced yourself to clam up, knowing that it was probably from the best and save you from any more mortification.Â
Your eyes fleet up now and then, grateful that heâs never looking up when you do, and give yourself some time to really take him in. Maybe in another universe where everything was normal, this couldâve just been another regular thing, and you try pretending that it is.
Heâs probably only here because of a timing issue, you tell yourself, maybe this was the only time in the middle of training, state affairs, or other things that he was able to have dinner tonight. Yes, yes, that has to be it.Â
You look back down at your plate, chewing as quietly as possible, missing the way he lifted his head to look up at you.Â
â
Dinner with Gojo becomes a strange weekly occurrence.
The two of you eat in silence a couple of times a week, and every time it happens youâre so sure itâs going to be the last.Â
On one of the nights you find yourself accompanied by the man you decide that the silence is more choking than whatever it is you find yourself saying.Â
âHave you been notified about thisâŠgathering in a couple of weeks?âÂ
This gathering was something you were told about that morning by Alina. One of the smaller families allied to the North, the Tokoshiâs, had invited you and your husband to join.Â
âYes,â Gojo says, and youâre a little surprised that he didnât just give you a faint nod, âIt shouldnât be too big.âÂ
He cuts off a piece of his lamb, dipping it in some of the gravy as he glances up at you.Â
You try to hide your excitement, not only from the fact that heâs spoken to you but also from the fact that this was an actual ball you would be able to go to. You knew that marrying him meant attending more of these sorts of events, but seeing how this was your first one, it was hard to not act a little giddy.Â
âYou have a lovely library,â you speak after carefully chewing through some of your food, your pointer finger resting on your fork as your legs crossed.Â
Gojo glances up at you, those mesmerizing blue eyes finding yours from across the long table.Â
âAt my old home,â you pause briefly, wondering how he feels when you refer to his estate as your other home, âI wasnât allowed to go into our library unless my tutors asked to have some of our sessions there. So I just wanted to say thank you for letting me - um, go there,â your words quiet down at the end, looking at the roasted pig in front of you momentarily as you wonder what you were even trying to get.Â
He takes a sip of his wine.Â
âThe grounds are as much mine as they are yours,â he says, but his words sound rehearsed as if he were told to say this.Â
âEven the east wing?âÂ
You regretted it the moment you asked it.Â
Shit.Â
Gojo opens his mouth and then shuts it. You chew on the inside of your cheek, waiting for him to speak, to say something, anything, but it reverts to that same silence that floods your senses and makes you aware of every other sound in the room.
Your burst of what you attempted at comedy seemed to keep coming back instantly in your face, a form of punishment for somebody who never knew how to make uncomfortable situations better.
Suddenly, all of your appetite is lost. Stupid, stupid, stupid, you can only chide yourself, the food in front of you, no matter how good it looked, felt like it would taste like ash on your tongue. You kept feeding this burning fire that was your marriage, expecting your hay-like words to act like water.
Thereâs a thick tension in the room, and you look around, blinking slowly as you fidget with your fingers.Â
You try to go back to eating.Â
You were wrong,
That initial silence was better.Â
â-
That night you found yourself back in the kitchens.Â
Youâre wiping at your cheeks, hoping that the therapeutic motions of baking can help alleviate some of your many turmoils.Â
When you were younger, you were used to silence. People normally avoided you, and those who didnât werenât ever your age. The cooks at your old estate were kind, but they were usually too busy to entertain a little girl. You would usually help the maids out with their washing and folding, rather doing something than nothing. You would listen in on their gossip and stories, always happy to be included.Â
You assumed that it would be the same here.Â
But the maids assured you that a lady of such high rank shouldnât be meddling in such lowly tasks, and the cooks here were cooking for such a larger number of people that you knew you couldnât bother them the way you used to.Â
So you find yourself with a lot to say but nobody to say it to. The jokes and ideas that pop into your head fall flat because the old ladies who helped clean the bedsheets and used to laugh hearing them are no longer here. In those moments youâre with Alina or your other maids are sparse, and so you sometimes imagine that if you speak more when Gojo is around, he might warm up to you.Â
You also had to remind yourself that your track record with men wasnât the best either. Those fleeting crushes on some of the other boys who youâd see at balls always ended with them scurrying away from you as if you were the plague. The only other marriage offer youâd gotten was from a man who had struggled with finding a woman who could keep up with his awful ways. So the fact that Gojo Satoru, the most well-known man in the realm, didnât want much to do with you wasnât shocking.Â
And Alina was right. A lot of wives arenât as lucky to say their husbands donât care, but you wondered how it wouldâve been if he did. You exclaimed to her a couple of nights ago that you shouldâve just married Naoya, but deep inside you knew thatâs not what you wanted. A part of you knew ever since you agreed to this arrangement that you wouldnât be getting an actual husband out of it.Â
You sniffle, your eyes blurry. You donât like crying in front of people, and so you allow yourself to do so in the pale moonlight of the kitchen, the only sound other than your ragged breathing being the repeated sound of flour falling softly in your mixing bowl.Â
Baking was something that nobody ever could judge you about. You were good at it, and you knew you could do it with no error. Your cakes and pastries always turned out well, save for the minor problems you ran into as a kid, but you sometimes act like youâre baking for a group of people, about to take it out to see a sea of smiling faces who are happy to see you and your deserts.
âI thought you only cooked when they served fish for dinner.âÂ
A voice, one thatâs seared into your memory, says from behind you.Â
It takes everything in you not to jump from surprise, and it takes even more willpower not to turn around.Â
You quickly wipe at your cheeks, breathing in to make sure your voice wonât come out in bits and pieces. You keep your back to your husband, continuing to sift your flour in the bowl, a continual motion like waves hitting against the dock.
âIâm baking,â you specify, cringing at the way you sound like youâre fighting a nasty cold.Â
Gojo doesnât say anything for a beat and does nothing to move. Youâre glad he doesnât, too scared that if he saw your puffy eyes or your tear-stained cheeks heâd begin to think that you have no backbone at all. It felt almost pathetic to have the world's strongest warrior see you recover from crying alone.Â
He hums in the back of his throat at your words, and you wonder what he looks like right now.Â
âI doubt these walls have seen a lady of such high rank before,â he comments, and you look up briefly from the mountain of white building up in the bowl, âThey must whisper to themselves once you leave.âÂ
You let out a little puff of air, something resembling a soulless laugh.Â
âEveryone whispers to themselves after I leave,â you say, reaching for a whisk, âIâve heard more whispers than my own name.âÂ
He doesnât say anything for a moment, and you hope he doesnât notice the way you quickly try to wipe at the corners of your eyes.
âYou come down here a lot,â itâs posed as a question, but Gojo says it like a statement. He must have eyes everywhere, reporting to him what youâre doing. You wouldnât be shocked, but you just nod, chewing on the inside of your cheek as you begin to whisk your dry ingredients together.Â
âI hope itâs okay,â you throw in a pinch of salt as you mix, âI like the kitchen.âÂ
He let out a little breath as if he was about to chuckle, but then he got confused. You decide to spare him the endless questions that must be going on in his head, wondering why somebody in your position would prefer the kitchens rather than anywhere else.Â
âMy bedroom used to be behind a kitchen. Iâd have to go through the pantry just to reach it,â you turn briefly to grab your bowl with the wet ingredients, pouring it slowly into your flour and sugar mixture, mixing it in slowly and carefully.Â
âMy fatherâs wife wanted me out of sight. That estate had never used one of its actual bedrooms to sleep the daughter of a whore,â you can hear him inhale sharply, âI woke up to the sounds of people shouting for different ingredients, to pots and pans clanging against each other. I learned how to cook and bake when I was young, and I usually helped them cook the food my family would eat for dinner.âÂ
When your batter is all mixed through you go to find the pan you have buttered and dusted with sugar, pouring it in as you wipe off the side of the bowl that had some remnants of batter dripping from it.
âThey never asked me to, but I liked it. I liked feeling useful,â you peek over to your side, seeing him leaning against the wall adjacent to you, silent as a mouse.Â
You walk over to the other side of the kitchen with your pan, careful with the lid to the brick oven, heated with the fire you had lit an hour ago, and slide your cake pan into it, closing it shut as you stand up straight.Â
Finally, you look over at him.Â
His eyes rake over your face, lingering on the circles underneath your eyes, the redness that stained the whites of them. Heâs clad in the simple tunic and breeches he had worn to dinner hours ago, his large shoulders leaning on the wall as his arms lay crossed over his chest.Â
âI wonât go to the east wing,â you say in a whisper, your voice quiet but heavy as it falls from your lips as a promise, trying to muster up a smile but it comes out wobbly, âI was just trying to make you laugh.âÂ
His lips looked pinker than usual as if he had been chewing on them, something you often did when you were deep in thought. His white hair had been messily pushed back as if his fingers had been combing through them continuously.Â
âThese grounds are yours,â Gojo says, his words thick from his throat. His exhale and inhale mirror the way you breathe, your two chests rising as though living with the same lungs.
You shrug, a melancholy look on your face as you shake your head.Â
âMaybe if I was your wife,â your words are said without any malice, âBut Iâm just another person who sleeps here.âÂ
Gojo tilts his head slightly as if your statement had somehow wrenched itself into his mind, weighing it down. Even in the limited light, you could see the way he looked at you, an unreadable expression on his face.
âIâm sorry about all of this. I know I took away your chance to marry somebody you actually wanted, but my father told me you were okay with the arrangement. I wouldnât have agreed to it otherwise,â you twist your wedding ring around your finger mindlessly, a little habit youâve grown over the weeks here, âI never wanted to be selfish, and I truthfully never wanted a husband. I just wanted a friend.â
â
Ever since that night, you eat your meals in your room.Â
Alina protested, saying itâs not right to eat alone, but you told her not to think about it, saying how you liked the silence.Â
You mustered up the courage to ask some of the coachmen to take you to the nearby town, starting by looking around at the little shops, keeping a hood over your head in case somebody saw a new stranger.
Sometimes youâd go inside the shops, finding little trinkets that you thought your maids might like, or ornaments that might help fill up the empty spots around your room. Youâve never been able to decorate before with how small your old room was, so you decided to take advantage of its space.
When youâre walking around you sometimes see Gojo, either in the training yard or walking around with one of his advisors. There have been moments when the two of you catch each other's stares from across the room, but youâre always the first to look away, making sure youâre going in a different direction than him.Â
You knew that youâd have to talk to him eventually, especially with the gathering that was coming up at the Tokoshi manor, but each night you pretended it was another day away, instead of one day closer.Â
Your maids came bustling in and out of your room more often than usual with preparations for the night that was closing in, shoving you into different dresses, not satisfied until they found the right one.
Alina noticed your shift in demeanor, never picking and prodding at it, but silently observing. You could tell she knew something was wrong, but you didnât know how to put exactly what you were feeling in words.Â
It didnât help that the closer you got to the night of the event Gojo seemed to be everywhere you were. The gardens, the library, the field, the stables. He probably just had business to attend to, but it didnât help that whenever he saw you it looked like he wanted to say something. It also didnât help that youâd scurry away when you saw him open his mouth.Â
The weeks turned into days, the days into a day, and that day into hours and you found yourself perched uncomfortably on a chair as three different women attended to your face, hair, and accessories.Â
You watch them work silently, taking in all the jewelry and makeup that youâve been looking forward to wearing. Itâs nothing too drastic, but thatÂ
girl who longed to wear pretty things inside of you is gleaming right now.Â
ââŠLord Gojo requested for her to wear another pair of earrings,â one of your maids says, looking at the earrings Alina had picked out for you.Â
Your ears perk up at the mention of his name, watching Alina as she perks an eyebrow up.Â
âWhen did he request that?âÂ
The older lady looks at you in the mirror and then at Alina.Â
âA couple of nights ago,â she shows Alina another pair, a sapphire one that seems to gleam brightly, âhe dropped them off when she wasâŠawayâŠâ the maid trails off, noticing the fact that you were eavesdropping.
Your eyes dart away as if that would help, but she quickly changes the topic, and you huff in annoyance as Alina sends you a knowing look. Â
âYour husband is a strange man,â Alina mutters in your ear as you giggle quietly, rolling your eyes as she playfully shoves your shoulder.Â
You donât say anything in retaliation, and sit back as you put in your new earrings, grateful that they still complimented the color of your dress, and try to pretend you are going down for dinner rather than a gathering with people you didnât know.Â
Youâve been learning this entire week how to properly hold a spoon and fork, and how to cut your food appropriately. Youâve been taking dancing lessons, discovered how to properly greet people, and even learned how to gracefully enter and exit a horse-drawn carriage. All things you shouldâve probably learned earlier, but were never able to.Â
Alina helps you out of the chair when they are all done, giving you a second to look into the mirror. The dress they had wrangled you into was beautiful, your hair done in the way you liked. You thanked them all, expressing your endless gratitude for their hard work.Â
You take a deep breath as you exit the room and go out into the hall, leading yourself down the stairs and through multiple corridors, trying to calm down your palpitating heart.Â
It takes a few minutes but you find yourself at the front of the manor, standing alone and looking around, trying to see if you were at the wrong place. But in the distance, you can see the coachmen and the carriage, the door shut, still waiting for you.Â
You take a tentative step forward, nearing the entranceway that leads outside, but feel a soft touch hovering above your elbow.Â
Itâs strange how he usually finds you before you find him, but as somebody whoâs trained to know and find things before others do, you suppose it makes sense. You glance to your side, already expecting to see those cerulean eyes as you look up.Â
Gojo looks good, somehow better than usual.Â
Heâs clad in dark blue garments, intricate with Northern design, and your eyes look up and down his entire body. His usual muscular build seems to be outlined by the stretch of his overcoat, the way the fabric is sitting snugly over his chest.Â
He seems to be doing the same, though. You can feel his gaze drop to your dress, to the way your lips are a little redder than usual, your hair done in a way that suits your face. His eyes linger on your ears, and thereâs a small, barely noticeable tug to the corners of his lips.Â
âReady?â Gojo asks, the first time heâs spoken in a couple of weeks, and you hum.Â
He takes his hand away from your elbow as he rests it on the small of your back, and you feel heat travel from his fingertips through the fabric, through your corset, your undergarments, and straight to your skin.Â
They bring the carriage out a little closer, a coachman opening the door for you. You brace yourself, heaving your dress upwards as you go to grasp the rail on the side.
But Gojo moves swiftly, offering you his glove-clad hand as you look over at him in surprise, taking it after a moment of hesitation, and haul yourself inside.Â
Itâs far bigger than the one you usually take to town, and you settle for a corner on the left-hand side near the window. The walls of the carriage are lined with this sort of fabric that feels like itâs lighter than a cloud, colored the traditional blue of the Gojo family. Youâd guess it could fit at least an entire family comfortably, so youâre not too worried about the underskirt of your dress taking up too much space.
You watch Gojo follow you in. He looks around, having to duck his head (and a lot of his back) as he sits in front of you, pushing the strands of hair that had fallen into his face.
The two of you sit in awkward silence, your gaze settled on the door that they shut after Gojo entered, and your eyes quickly fall to your hands resting in your lap, neatly folded.
The carriage starts a little bit later, the wheels humming to life as the coachmen yip at the horses to start. The sudden rocking movement that youâve become familiar with sways you side to side, and suddenly you're totally aware of the fact that youâre alone in a limited space with the man youâve been avoiding for the better half of two weeks.Â
You can feel his stare boring into the side of your head, can hear the way his breathing is coming out strangely as if he wanted to talk, but kept stopping himself off before he could say a word.Â
âDid you like the earrings?â Gojo finally asks, and you glance up, eyes narrowing for a second in confusion as realization suddenly comes rushing in.Â
âHm? O-oh, yes!â You quickly stutter out, your hands flying to your ears as if you forgot they were there, âYes, thank you. They were beautiful. They kind of looked like the inside of a belly button,â you say.
Your husband blinks, brows furrowed slightly as you think about what you had just said, eyes wide in shock. Â
âErâŠwell, gods, no, not bellybuttons,â your head falls to your hands as you shake your head profusely, âSorry, they donât look like belly buttons-âÂ
But you stop when you hear a small laugh from him, quiet as he looks away for a second, a tiny slightly visible grin on his face as he looks back at you.Â
âDid you know that sometimes,â his eyes are a little upturned as if he fighting back an actual smile, âI make a bet with myself about what youâre going to say?âÂ
You smile slightly, your head cocking to the side.Â
âHave you ever won?âÂ
Gojo chuckles, and your eyes suddenly fall to his hand, at the way heâs fidgeting with his ring, his wedding ring, the same way you seem to do whenever youâre thinking about everything and anything all at once.Â
âNot once.âÂ
You grin, and though you still feel this heavy weight of unspoken things resting in the middle of you two, you decide not to acknowledge it at the moment. Things unsaid, unheard, weaved through the air, tying you and him together like a tapestry.Â
You fidget with your skirt, looking out the window at the moving scenery.Â
Gojo breathes deeply through his nose, his pointed finger tapping on his thigh.Â
âIâve been meaning to talk to you,â he finally says, and your eyes dart away from the trees and the sky to look over at him.Â
His bottom lip is caught underneath his teeth, his blue eyes shining with a different hue. He takes up a lot of room with just his size alone, but it looks like heâs trying to make himself seem less intimidating, less of a warrior, and more of aâŠperson.
You donât say anything, opting to stay quiet to see what it is that he is trying to formulate into words.Â
âThat night,â Gojo twists his ring back and forth with his thumb, âIâŠâ Itâs weird to see somebody so sure of themself struggle to speak, and your brows crease in the middle, not knowing what it was he was trying to get at.Â
âI wanted to tell you that you too had a right to a good husband. Somebody who didn't rush you into a marriage because of his own mistakesâŠsomebody you wanted.â
Where is he going with this?
You suddenly feel your throat dry up, swallowing thickly as Gojo looks out the window momentarily before looking back at you.Â
âMy parents never told me who Iâd be marrying,â Gojo explains, his voice hoarse, âI figured out the day of the wedding,â he twisted his wedding ring, looking at the way it shined, âAnd I wanted to hate you,âÂ
His words punch you square in the gut, but you can only bring yourself to keep on looking at him.
âI wanted to hate you so much because it would be easier to act like this wasnât my fault if I couldâŠbut,â he sighs, his chest rising and falling, âI donât think itâs possible to hate you.âÂ
Your lip trembles slgihtly, a sheen over your eyes. What is he doing?
âIâve been raised in a way most people our age arenât. My parents wanted me to be the strongest so was put into training since I was four, and I think this entire time Iâve been trying to approach you like aâŠmilitary strategy. You were this map in my head that no matter how I approached it nothing made sense. But that night, in the kitchen, everything finally did.âÂ
Your eyes flitter downwards so that he couldnât see the waver in them
âYou didnât deserve how you were treated in your old life, nor this new one,â his hand covers his chest, and you feel lightheaded, âAnd I promise to you Iâll do everything in my power to make this one better. If you donât want me as a husband, than as a friend.
âIâd like to be your friend, if youâd allow me,â he whispers thickly, his voice heavy. He fidgets with his fingers, moving them together and back out again, and you notice how he does this a lot whenever youâre near.
Your heart is beating so quickly that you feel like it's going to stop, and your mind is working so hectically that you donât know what to think. This is the same man who looked at you as if you had torn down the moon and stars when he saw you the first time, the man who never seemed to be that interested in what it is you had to say. The very same person who wouldâve rather married a broomstick than you.Â
âŠright?Â
And yet heâs here, asking to be your friend. Something that nobody has ever asked before, something that people wouldnât ever dare to murmur out loud to you. He had no beneficial gain from doing this, no ally that he would please if he offered to be your friend.
Your heart twists because why does he look like he cares about what you say? His eyes are creased slightly around the edges, his lips pressed together as if he were preparing for whatever outcome it was to what you said.
Nobody has ever told you those things, the things that made years of pain and hurt strummed into one beat that your heart never wanted to drum to. This man, your husband, Gojo, was supposed to be another cog in that old machine, one that hummed and spurred like it was about to eat you alive.Â
But the more you look at him, the more you let your unspoken words speak in silence for you, you realise that he isnât lying.
You open your mouth to speak but are cut off when the carriage comes to a sudden halt.Â
The two of you look at each other and then to the door, watching as it opens up, greeted to the sight of a large manor with multiple people walking in hand in hand. You swallow your bile, not knowing what to say, deciding to flee instead of face him like you shouldâve.Â
â
The gathering itself was far more boring than you imagined it to be.Â
You and Gojo had the mutual understanding to act moreâŠwell, like a couple, than you actually were. You didnât comment on the way his arm circled around your waist a couple of minutes into making your rounds talking with people or the endearing way he referred to you as my wife.Â
Youâre glad that he doesnât do anything to talk about what he had told you in the carriage whenever the two of you were alone, acting like nothing was wrong and everything was normal as he inquired about your day.Â
You told him brief things, still trying to shove his words out of your mind, but it was no use. Iâd like to be your friend, your mind kept repeating, and you were too scared of brining it up in case he had changed his mind in between those minutes of quiet.
People you had never seen before congratulated you on your new marriage, their brows raised in that excited way as they motioned to your stomach, hinting at a special little someone who might be joining your lives soon.Â
âSoon!â You said with a curt laugh, glancing momentarily at Gojo only to see him already looking at you, a light blush dusting his cheeks.
He made sure not to stay with people who were strangers to you for too long, not wanting to bore you to death, and allowed you to take in more of the well-lit and vastly decorated manor.Â
Though its size was incomparable to the Gojo estate, it was still massive. The Tokoshi family had been a family with the Gojo one for centuries, so there was no question that the riches they had amassed over the years by being trading partners with them had culminated in this.Â
Gojo told you earlier in the carriage, before everything else, how the young Tokoshi couple were good people. They liked to throw parties a couple of times a year, inviting only a select few. He liked them far more than a lot of the other people he had been forced to grow up with over the years.Â
You look at the dining hall, at the corridors with openings that allow you to look outside without the glare of glass. His arm never left your body, holding you close to him as he let you walk around, your mouth hanging open slightly as you craned your neck to look at everything. Candles were lit everywhere, the bouquets of different assortments of flowers decorating the stone flower holders carved into the walls.Â
You mentioned to him in the privacy of the carriage, that you hadnât ever been able to experience a party of this sort of caliber before. You could see how he wanted to ask more questions, but you could see the answers already formulating his head as to why.
âWe probably look like one of those couples where the wifeâs dying and the husband takes her out to see the stars one last time,â you whisper to him, still looking around in a stunned sort of way at the beauty of it all.Â
Gojoâs head ducks down a bit, trying to hide the chuckle that had broken out and made its way onto his face. He coughs into his fist as if that was the issue, but you look over at him to see the humor in his eyes.Â
âDid you lose your bet again?â You ask, glancing at him from the corner of your eyes as he looks like heâs fighting the grin thatâs threatening to take over.Â
âIâm always losing that bet,â he tells you.
Though he doesnât do anything to bring up his conversation, you can see it in the way he looks at you, as if heâs still teetering on an edge, wanting to know what you were thinking in that frazzled mind of yours.Â
You decide to push past it.
âCan I get in on it?â You ask, turning slightly so that you face him, very aware of the fact that his hand hasnât moved from its spot on your waist.
You try not to think about it, reminding yourself that itâs just for show, but you canât stop the feeling of heat that travels wherever it is he seems to touch you. His hand is larger than an average one, his fingers moving mindlessly up and down on your corseted stomach.Â
âDo you need the extra coin?â His voice is carrying a strange toneâŠis he teasing you?Â
But again, you try not to think about it, itâs all for show, (you also try not to think too much of the fact that youâre pretty separated from everybody else).
âNo, I just need coin,â you explain, fixing one of the medallions on his chest that had been slightly slanted, âI have nearly nothing left.âÂ
Gojo moves barely away from you, his eyes searching yours as if to find the joke.Â
âHave you run through my family gold already?â His voice is still toying, but now itâs filled with a little confusion.Â
âNo, of course not,â you snort, rolling your eyes as you tilt your chin up to look at him better, âI havenât touched any of your gold. I just ran through mine.âÂ
His brows quirks upward, mouth parting slightly.Â
âYouâve emptied the gold your family sent up?âÂ
Itâs your turn to be confused.Â
âWhat gold?â You ask, moving away from him, his hand falling to his side, and you suddenly miss his warmth.Â
You remember your father talking about how the Gojo family had rejected your initial dowry, saying something along the lines of outlandish practices, but aside from that, you werenât told about any other sort of money that was supposed to be sent with you.Â
He pinches the bridges of his nose, sighing deeply.Â
âThe gold that they sent with you? It wasnât supposed to be a lot but it was supposed to suffice for the journey here.âÂ
You blink owlishly at him.Â
âWhat gold have you run through?â He specifies, plastering on a fake smile when he catches the eyes of somebody behind you, but then focuses his stare back to you.Â
âWellâŠâ you shrug, âMy gold.âÂ
Gojo looks like heâs about to make a new bet, one thatâs with every time youâve almost given him an aneurysm trying to figure out your strange riddles and rhymes that are supposed to be actual words.Â
âI used to make some gold at my old home,â you explain, keeping your voice low in case somebody was somewhere that you hadnât seen, but realizing that Gojo was lost, you continued, âThe stable boy gave me some of his salary if I took care of the horses and cleaned the stables. Sometimes heâd give me extra if I could haul in the large bags of hay.âÂ
He scoffs, shaking his head slightly.Â
âWhy?â That seems to be a question heâs been asking lately.Â
You shrug again, feeling his hand circle back around your waist as some people come near you,Â
âI needed new clothes and my shoes had holes in them. My fatherâs wife didnât let him give me much, so I tried to fill in the gaps.â
You smile at one of the couples that are coming near you, going back into your other persona as you begin chatting with them. Gojo pulls you in tighter to his side, staying silent. You donât notice the way he hasnât stopped staring at you, nor the way his heart seems to have churned so painfully in his chest.Â
â
The night progresses and you find yourself inside the dining hall, being shown to your seats by one of the maids, finding your name next to Gojoâs on a name card.Â
The two of you sit down, watching the people the file in, the sound of laughter filling the room, the clinking of china against each other filling in the rest of the silence. You take it all in with a smile, looking every and at everyone.
âI hope Iâm not embarrassing you,â you whisper as you lean closer to Gojo, an apologetic smile on your face as you sit further into your seat, âThis is all just so new to me.âÂ
You donât see the ways his eyes soften, his hand inching closer to yours as he shakes his head.Â
âYouâre not embarrassing me,â he murmurs back, leaning his head closer to yours, wanting his words only to be heard by you, âIâm glad youâre enjoying this.â The smile that makes its way onto your face could power the universe, and Gojo feels like the wind had been knocked from his lungs, far worse than in training when somebody's foot slams into his chest.Â
âI am!â Your enthusiastic and hurried words are hushed, but he can still hear the way youâre trying to hide your joy. The small talk is horrific,â he laughs a little bit, âbut still I love it.âÂ
He opens his mouth to speak but is cut off by the sound of a knife hitting glass.Â
âEveryone! Give me your time, just for a moment!â Miyo Tokoshi, whom you spoke to briefly, stands up, his chair behind him.
All eyes in the room fall on him, people still smiling, their teeth glimmering in the light.Â
âI cannot express my joy to be in a room with you all tonight,â he says, looking around the room, making sure he saw everyone for a split second. âAnd my wife and I couldnât be more ecstatic to host the first gathering of the season!â
You look at the woman sitting next to him, Lana, who you had also met momentarily, is gleaming at him, her face full of genuine adoration. She, along with everybody else, claps, laughing joyfully.Â
You wonder if this is what a real husband and wife should look like, and you look briefly over to Gojo, your mind reeling with the charade the two of you have been playing this entire night.Â
âAnd we couldnât be happier to welcome the first couple of the year,â he exclaims, pointing his glass over to you and Gojo, saying your name and then your husbands as he claps his hand softly against his wrist, âMay every moment you spend together be better than the last. We wish the two of nothing but a lifetime of happiness and prosperity.Â
Gojo raised his glass to him, his hand grasping yours as he lifted it to his lips, planting a kiss on the back of it.Â
You feel like youâve stopped breathing with the linger of his lips on your skin, the last time that happened on the night of your wedding, and watching him grasp it even tighter when he sets it back down, weaving his fingers through yours.Â
Stop, you chide, raising your glass as well, a shaky smile on your face, itâs just an act.
He winks at the two of you, nodding once more as he focuses his stare somewhere down the table, obstructed by where you are sitting.
âAnd to the future couple! Naoya and Freya!âÂ
Gojo turned his head immediately to look at you, watching the color drain from your face, and before you knew it, the man, Naoya, was standing up, a hand over his chest in faux gratitude as he thanked the host.Â
You could never mistake that hair, the feline look in his eyes as he scanned across the room, a slimy smile on his face. You watch as it grows even wider when he finally catches his prey when he finally sees you, and you feel nauseous, like youâre about to throw up all those little crackers they had given you earlier that evening.Â
The hand holding yours squeezes, knowing he canât say anything right now, and you swallow thickly, eyes darting over to his as you feel your head about to sway.Â
Naoyaâs here. The man you turned down for Gojo.Â
The rest of Tokoshiâs speech is muted to you. It feels like your head is being held underwater, and you feel sweat dotting your forehead, your chest, and your palms. You can feel Gojoâs eyes on the side of your head and can tell heâs trying to tell you something silently.Â
The clinking of glass brings you out of your haze, looking up mindlessly as you haphazardly clink yours against Gojoâs, rubbing a hand down your face as if that would help.Â
You're grateful for the flurry of movements and noises, everybody talking to somebody, the people beginning to serve themselves the wide array of food places in front of them.Â
Gojo squeezes your hand one more time, and you finally look over at him, trying to muster up a smile but with how queasy you feel and the way your head spinning, it probably looks like youâre about to be sick all over him.Â
âIâll be okay,â you say through clenched teeth.Â
Gojo nods, his thumb rubbing up and down your hand in a soothing way. Itâs just for show.Â
âIâm sorry my palms are sweating,â you laugh mirthlessly, and he squeezes it again, youâre sure heâs only doing this because of the extra attention of the two of you ever since they realized you and Naoya were in the same room, âyou donât have to keep holding it.âÂ
âDo you want me to let go?â He asks, and you stop poking around at the turnips on your plate.Â
No.Â
âN-no,â you croak out, desperate for his touch thatâs grounding you, âNo, please.âÂ
Gojo nods, his thumb not stopping its comforting motion of moving up and down.Â
âDonât worry,â he mutters, leaning closer to you as you duck your head so that your ears are near his lips, âMy hands get sweaty too.âÂ
You laugh quietly and it sounds like wind chimes. You look at Gojo and watch as his lips tug upwards into a soft smile, one you had never seen before, and one you thought you never would.Â
â
You tried to hide away the rest of the party, but Gojo didnât seem to mind.Â
When it was time to leave you accepted the gracious hug of the hosting couple, promising them that youâd come back for a more private dinner, and let Gojo lead you out into the courtyard where all the carriages were held.Â
You slept the entire ride home, not wanting to mess anything up by taking, and youâre happy that Gojo didnât bother you. You felt groggy when you returned to the estate, grateful for Gojoâs steady hand as he helped you out of the carriage. The two of you looked like you wanted to say something, but couldnât, so you bid each other good night and went your separate ways.
Separate except for one brief moment.Â
You were walking away and up the stairs when you suddenly stopped, remembering what it was that you wanted to tell him. You call out his name, watching as he turns, white brows slightly furrowed.Â
âIâŠâ you start but realize you didnât exactly have a plan for what you wanted to say. He gives you his patience, not looking annoyed or frustrated when you try to think of the right words to string together.Â
âIâŠI would like to be your friend too,â you finally say, and watch as a smile forms on his face, his pink lips tugging upwards in a way that made his eyes shine, the way your earrings did in the candlelight.Â
He rakes his hand through his snow-white locks, pushing them away from his face.Â
âIâll see you at breakfast then,â Gojo says, and you dip your head down in a small smile.Â
You give him a small wave, disappearing as you round the corner.
And since then, you found him joining you not only for breakfast or the sparse dinners but for any meal he possibly could.Â
Gojo talked more, about anything and everything, and you did the same.Â
You realized that he was actually an open person the closer you got to him, seeing that he too was capable of laughing and making jokes, his teasing eyes growing more frequent the closer your chairs got to the dinner table until you eventually just sat side-by-side, growing tired of shouting at each other across its length.Â
On the days he wasnât busy with strategizing or talking to other lords, heâd walk around the estate with you, telling you stories from his childhood, the times heâd run amock around the halls. Other times the two of you would go into town, looking at the different stores together.Â
You could tell he was trying, could see it in the way he glanced at you from time to time to make sure that you were doing well.Â
Heâd accompany you to the library if you asked him to, and youâd go down sometimes to the training yard just to see him. Gojo would never tell you how much he tried to show off when you were there and knew he never had to. You could see the way he tried to appear even stronger when fighting with one of the other men, the poor soldier coming out with bruises and cuts all over his body.
Over many weeks, you find yourself looking forward to spending time with him, and a part of your cracked self begins mending itself again.Â
It felt like after years of searching for somebody, somebody found you.Â
On one of the nights when his sparring had gone on for far longer than it usually does, you decided to head down to the training yard after your night bath, tugging on a large robe over yourself as you walked the familiar stone steps down to where you knew he was.Â
You could hear them before you saw them, a cacophony of fists hitting skin, groans, shouts from one another. There was a little perch from where you could watch what was happening below, and you usually hid yourself in a corner so that they wouldnât see you.Â
Youâd rest on a pillar, arms crossed over your shoulder as you looked at the men below. Gojo was always easy to find, the flurry of white hair a tall-tale sign of where he was. You had watched him before, but you never got tired of it. You found it almost inhuman the way his movements seemed to flow like water, the way his hits were precise and direct.Â
Gojo truly was the best warrior the North had ever seen, and sometimes you forget that youâre married to a man who brought down entire armies with just his bare fists.Â
You watch as he jests with one of his friends, his chest rising a little bit at an irregular pace, slightly out of breath, but happy to be there. He turns to one of the guys behind him to say something, but his eyes immediately track upwards to the figure trying to stay hidden, you and a wide smile break out on his face.Â
He waves at you, and it gets the attention of the other men there. They all turn to see where you are, their boyish grins and calls making you roll your eyes at their antics, your face heating up slightly as you wave back at them.Â
Gojo says something to the person next to him, and you hear the man shout at the other ones to wrap it up for the night. Some of them wave goodbye to you as they begin exiting, going back to their common rooms.Â
You make a move to lean slightly over the railing, your arms crossed over the wood as you peer down at the ground where Gojo remained alone, finding him to already be looking up at you.Â
âCare to come down?â He juts his chin at the staircase to your left, the one that leads down to the courtyard, and you nod, disappearing behind the stone pillars as you take the steps leading downwards.Â
Youâve been here a couple of times, as per your own request. You wanted to see what they did during training, what the training yard actually looked like from the ground. You lift the ends of your dress up slightly as you near the bottom, rounding the corner to see Gojo standing in the middle.Â
Heâs waiting for you, his eyes tracking your movements as you come near to him.Â
His nose twitches slightly, his eyes squinting as he lifts his head in the air, suddenly picking up the scent of something unusual.Â
âWhatâs that smell?â Gojo asks as you come to him, his eyes looking over your body as if it were emitting from you.Â
You scoff, appalled, and then suddenly remember that Alina had applied some lavender oil to you after your bath.Â
âIf itâs a good smell then me,â you cross your arms over your chest, nose wrinkling in disgust as you take in his smell of sweat and grime, âIf bad then you.â
Gojo snorts, coming closer to you as he continues sniffing, exaggerating the sound. You step away from him slightly, the smell of sweat overpowering, and he takes notice of this.Â
âWhat?â He inquires, annoyed that you are moving away from him, and he takes a step closer.Â
âWhat do you mean what?â You tease, moving again as he tries to smell the air, âYou smell like an army of unshowered men. I just took a bath.âÂ
Gojo seems offended at this, trying to move back closer to you but you side-step him, apparently serious about this.Â
âYou really wonât let me come near you?â He sounds like youâve kicked him down, his cheeks stained pink from earlier, and you laugh slightly, shaking your head.Â
âI really wonât,â you affirm, shoving the back of your wrist to him to show him that what he was smelling was in fact you, âSee? Lavender oil.âÂ
Gojo just seems to be getting more annoyed the more you try to evade him, his blue eyes swirling with an idea as you look at him in worry.Â
âNo, the smell is coming from somewhere else.â He argues, changing his footing so that he stands right in front of you and you let out a shocked laugh, not expecting this as you take a step back.Â
You donât know where else he can smell the lavender oil. Alina dotted it to your wrists and your neck, but surely canât differentiate the difference in locationâŠright?Â
âCome here,â he almost whines, âIïżœïżœïżœm not going to rub off my smell onto you.âÂ
You laugh again out loud, picking up the skirt of your dress as you try to outrun him slightly.Â
âYou will!â You insist, motioning to the sheen of sweat on his body, âYou reek of sweat. I swear itâs just lavender oil!âÂ
He groans, his eyes rolling to the back of his head at this inconvenience.Â
âYouâre killing me right now,â Gojo dramatically grabs his chest, âYou wonât let me smell this strange aroma and itâs killing me,â his face breaking into a little pout as you laugh even louder, shocked at how petulant he was being. Your laughing seemed to spur him on even more, running towards you as you ran backward, hoping you didnât trip on the fabric of your dress.Â
âYou have a plethora of bottles of lavender oil in your own room,â you argue, âthis isnât something innovative that youâve never smelled before.âÂ
Gojo shakes his head, and your heart flutters at the way his smile is so playful and teasing, the way some of his hair falls into his face in that messy way when heâs usually training and not caring about his appearance.Â
âItâll only take a second,â he reasons and you shake your head no, your eyes both shining with playful laughter.Â
The courtyards lead out into the large fields of the Gojo estate, and you look behind yourself at the opening. Itâs night, thereâs nobody around. Nobody would judge you for running away from your sweaty husband.Â
You look back at him, see the gleam in his eyes, and know that heâs not going to back down.Â
He can see the thoughts forming in your head, can assume them before theyâre even created, and so heâs straight on your heels as you sprint away from him, a large smile on your face as you squeal out loud.Â
âPlease!â You shout over your shoulder, running down the little hill as the moon lights the way for you, âI just took a bath! Leave me alone!âÂ
You can hear the grass rustling beneath your feet, your screams of laughter contagious as you try to outrun the fastest person ever, and try not to slow yourself down by looking over your shoulder to see where he is.Â
But after a couple of seconds of running you realize that the only footsteps you hear are your own, and you pause momentarily to look behind you and are surprised to see that heâs not there.Â
Did he not come after you?Â
You look around the field, the large blades of grass looking like waves that move with the wind, and whip your head around every time you hear a twig snap.Â
You're a little bit further away from the manor itself, and the only thing you can see besides its large stone walls are the torches lit outside. You can make out the guards who are standing outside, but no sign of Gojo.Â
You try to catch your breath, confused as to where he couldâve gone when a force stronger than a horse running at full speed slams into your side.Â
The scream you let out echoes around the field, and you brace yourself for the harsh impact of hitting the ground. With your eyes squeezed shut you wait for the flash of pain, but peek them open to see Gojo framing your head with one of his hands, his body shielding you from the impact as he lays on top of you.Â
âHowâŠ?â You scream, your chest moving up and down with your fit of giggles, trying to push him off of you, âYouâre a beast!â You cry out, moving your head to the side as he laughs along with you, his chest rumbling with the movement.Â
You shove his face away with the palm of your hands, shoving your wrist into his nose as if that would satiate him.Â
âI took a bath you behemoth!â You whine, thinking about the dirt and mud that must be staining your skin and dress right now, âAre you so void of any good fragrance in your life that you must hunt me down for it?âÂ
Gojo tsks, shaking his head as he swats your wrist aside.Â
Heâs also slightly out of breath, most likely because he ran across and entire field from another entranceway that you werenât aware of to catch you off guard, and youâre suddenly very aware of just how close to two of you are together.Â
His hand is still cradling your head, the other one holding your hips. Truthfully he doesnât even smell bad, which is frustrating that itâs just another one of his many talents.Â
He judges your jaw up with his nose, and you helplessly comply, your heart hammering wildly as he leans in closer to the skin of your neck, taking in a whiff as he looks back up to you, his eyes gleaming.Â
Gojoâs hand on your hip moves up slightly to hold your waist, not hard, but to stop you from squirming around.Â
âIt smells different here,â he nudges your neck with his nose again, and your breathing hitches, âSmells sweeter.âÂ
You swallow thickly, blinking slowly as you crane your neck slightly upwards to give him more room. Itâs like your body is moving on its own, and youâre not to sure how you know what to do, but you just do.Â
âThatâs not possible,â you try to argue, trying your best to keep your voice from wavering, âYou just lack the nose for good oils.âÂ
Gojo laughs lowly, shaking his head at your antics as he braces his knees on either side of your thighs, caging you in.Â
âI have a very keen sense of smell,â he boasts and you snort, looking away as he pinches your hip to which you yelp.
His hand moves away from your head and to your shoulder, to where your nightgown had slightly slipped off and runs a thumb down a patch of your skin where it was slightly raised, a faint scar on your collarbone.Â
âWhereâd you get this?â His voice is slightly hushed, and you look down from your chin to where he is talking about.Â
 âHm?â You look around, see that heâs pointing to the tiniest little scar, and chuckle slightly, âOh, that?â Your eyes squint as you try to remember, âI tried to climb up a tree once when I was little and fell.â Gojo huffs out a little laugh, his eyes still focused on your skin as you chew on the inside of your cheek.
âIt probably looks far worse compared to anything you have,â you say sarcastically, âThe family physician kept saying I wasnât going to make it through the night.âÂ
He scoffs, rolling his eyes at your antics as he raises himself, moving away from you as he sits back down on the grass. You miss his warmth, the way his heat radiated onto you like a furnace.Â
âI donât know how you keep surviving between your inability to consume fish and your near-death occurrences,â Gojoâs voice holds a teasing tone and you smile, moving up so that youâre facing him.Â
You rest your weight back on your hands, kicking your legs out in front of you as your skirt flows around the grass. A while ago you wouldâve felt improper sitting like this in front of anyone, but you donât seem to care all that much when itâs Gojo.Â
âI showed you my battle would,â you say, putting one leg on top of the other, âWhatâs your worst one?â You ask, tilting your head to the side in questioning.Â
Gojo purses his lip, thinking.Â
You imagine that heâd tell you or probably motion to where it was, but a second later you watch, shocked, as he tugs his tunic upwards, your face heating as he rises it slightly so that you can see a part of his stomach.Â
You hate how utterly built he is.Â
His skin is pulled taught over the smooth stomach of his abs, his chest huge with pure muscle, his arms, bulging through the sleeves. Itâs something you thought youâd get used to, something you told yourself to stop ogling at, but never could.
But you shift your focus to a large scar that runs across his chest, from the bottom of his hip under his arm. It still looks relatively new, and the scar itself still pink. You could see the way it was jagged, not one smooth line, and gods, fuck, why do you want to touch it?
âWell,â you try to think of something witty to say, seeing the way heâs looking at you as if waiting for it, âClearly not as bad as mine, but it comes in as a close second.âÂ
He throws his head back as he laughs, his muscles contracting as he does so. You feel flushed, not able to look away from the scar, knowing that you were merely compensating for not knowing what to say.Â
âI know,â he says eventually with a shrug, looking down as he surveys the scar, âItâs not as bad as it couldâve been.âÂ
You pout slightly, thinking.Â
âDoes it hurt?âÂ
He looks up at you, at the way you canât take your eyes away from it, and shakes his head.Â
âNot anymore,â he sits up a little straighter, closer to you as you watch him move, âSometimes I can feel it sting, but itâs barely noticeable.âÂ
You beg to differ.Â
The two of you donât say anything and a part of you has decided that silence is bad for you. Because before you can really think about what youâre doing, you push yourself upwards, leaning in closer to him as you try to get a better look at it.Â
He doesnât say anything, but if only you could see the way he could barely use his lungs to breath right now youâd make some sly remark about how the best warrior of the North was growing shy from just a look.Â
But suddenly youâre not looking anymore as you shuffle in a little closer, your fingers reaching upwards to touch the skin.Â
You can hear the wind move around you, the grass rustiling as your fingers run across the scar. His abs flex at the coldness of your hand, but he doesnât tell you to stop. Youâre studying it intently, wondering what sort of weapon couldâve caused this.Â
Gojoâs size dwarfs over yours, but you donât seem to mind. Your lips as slightly pursed as you take it in.Â
âDid you fight a bear?â You finally ask, peeking up to look at him.Â
Youâre startled by the way the flush on his cheeks has grown even more red, or the way you canât see the blues in his eyes anymore. Has he always looked like that?
Gojo shakes his head, taking in a shaky breath, looking at the top of your head as you go back to looking at the scar.Â
âNearly,â he tries to joke, but his voice is weak, laced with need, âBut I doubt a bear would even want to be compared to the man who gave me the scar.âÂ
You look up, your brow quirked in curiosity.Â
âWho?â You ask, shocked at how quiet your voice came out.Â
Gojo smiles, but it doesnât quite reach his eyes. His tongue clicks against his teeth, his hand rising up to grab yours, pulling it away from his chest. He canât bear to have you touching him like that anymore, not trusting himself to restrain the pure desire that bubbling inside his veins.Â
âNaoya,â he says hushed, watching as your lips part and eyes widen.Â
Thereâs a beat of silence, a moment when you think you can hear your heart beating in the same rhythm his is.Â
Your hand curls into itself, shock taking over your features as your eyes drop to his scar and then back up to him. You find yourself wanting to say everything and anything, but canât somehow find the words that youâre looking for. Gojo beats you to it, thankfully.Â
âIâve been having this recurring dream ever since I fought him of that same moment over and over again when he cut me open. But itâs changed, recently,â He sits up straighter, so close to you that your chests are almost touching, âAnd I keep seeing him marrying you, what wouldâve happened if you had said yes.â
âAnd gods, fuck,â he ducks his head down, raking an agitated hand through his hair, making it even more messy, âIâŠâ He chokes on his breath, looking back at you, and suddenly you see the glossiness in his eyes, the way that tears brim his waterline.Â
And suddenly you see the Gojo Satoru, the Lord in the North, the most powerful man alive, cry.Â
âI keep reprimanding Naoya in my head about how awful he is, about how Iâd kill nearly every person alive if he ever touched you, b-but I was just as awful. I think about the first time I saw you, about the first weeks you were here. I think about how you mustâve felt, how alone you were. Every dayâŠâ he wipes messily at his cheeks, his lips wobbling, âEvery day I wake up and think of you. I think about your face, your smile, your eyes, your lips, the way your nose scrunches, that line between your brows when you're confused, and every night I go to sleep hoping that this was all an awful dream and I havenât ruined your life, but then I wake up, and it starts all over again.âÂ
âI know Iâm a selfish man,â Gojo says with a wet chuckle, his cheeks wet with tears, âI know I shouldnât, but I want you to myself, I want you forever. I want to be your friend, I want to be the person you sleep next to, the person you go to when you want to talk about your little stories. I want to hear your jokes and I want to see you laugh. I want to hold your hand, I want to put that ring on your finger every morning, and I want to propose to you each night.â
He shakes his head, swallowing his cries down, the moon lighting the tear tracks that start from his eyes and end at his chin.Â
âBut I know you donât want that. You told me that you wanted a friend, butâŠâ he shrugged, his smile sad, aching, longing, âI think along the way of being your friend I realized I wanted to be your husband too.âÂ
âI understand if you want to leave. Iâll tell my parents the truth, theyâll understand. I have a house ready for you near the sea, one away from your family, where you can start over.âÂ
The wind rustles the hills, and you look at the field, watch the way it moves in tandem with the life around it.Â
You can feel the tears forming in your eyes, and know that even if you blink them away itâll do nothing to actually hide them. Thereâs a burning feeling in your chest, one that youâve never felt before, one that rings with Gojoâs words.Â
You run your fingers through the grass, looking up at him with a certain fire in your eyes.
âWhat if I donât want that?â
He blinks slowly.Â
âI,â Gojo sniffs, nodding profusely, hoping you donât see the way he crumbles, âI understand, I promise I do. The house is a couple days-âÂ
âNo,â you cut him off firmly, wiping your palms furisuly across your cheeks, to rid them of the pesky tears, shaking your head, âWhat if I donât want that?â You move up to him, reaching your hand down his tunic, your fingers moving against is chest as you dig out the gold chain thatâs wrapped around his neck.Â
The one that holds his ring, the one he told you about one night that keeps it safe whenever heâs training.Â
âWhat if I want this?â Your voice is cracking, and you tug the chain tighter.
âWhat if I want all those things? What if I want you to love me?â The ring shines in the moonlight, mirroring her pair thats wrapped around your finger, âI want to be your friend,â you stress, your brows strewn together as tears overflow from your waterline, âAnd I want to know what things you like. I want to walk with you all around the earth and walk back home again. I want to sleep next to you. I want to make you laugh, and I want you to make me smile. I want you to be my husband so that I can be your wife,â you cry out, your chest heaving up and down as he wraps his arms around your back, pulling you into his lap as he tries to quickly wipe your tears away.Â
âI want you too, Satoru,â you whisper, broken with your wet sniffles, a wet laugh escaping your lips when you see him crack at the way you said his name with so much care, your thumbs gliding across his cheeks.Â
You slide closer into him, your legs splitting across his huge thighs as he hugs you tenderly to him, his head resting on your chest so that he can hear your heartbeat, make sure that this wasnât just another dream.
âI donât deserve you,â he murmurs against your bosom, looking up at you with glistening eyes.Â
âThen fight for me,â you whisper, your hands on either side of his face, âGive me all those things. Give me more,â you smile when his arms wrap around your waist a little tighter, his hands holding you up, âAnd Iâll do the same.âÂ
He nods, holding your hand that was still holding onto his ring to his chest, one hand moving to your back, and in the mess of tears and broken laughs the two of you seem to move together, meeting each other in the middle as your lips find each other in the dark shadows of night.Â
You gasp when his lips capture yours, and he moves towards the sound, wanting to hold it, keep it forever.Â
Gojo moves slowly, knowing that this is your first time, and cups your jaw, helping you move along with him as you lips slot and lock against each other. Itâs messy and with no order, your chin staining with sweat as you moan against him, feeling delirious without the touch of him.Â
You know this isnât the easiest position for him, but he doesnât seem to mind. He groans against you, his eyes squeezing shut, trying to memorize your taste in case the world ended tomorrow and this was his last meal.Â
âIs this-â You cut him off when you swoop in again, his laughter cut short by your needienss, the way you paw at his chest, your hands winding up to his hair as you tug harshly on the soft strands.Â
He moans at this, at the way you grind mindlessly on his thigh, your need for each other bleeding out into the open.Â
âI love you,â he murmurs against you, kissing down your chin and then back up to you, his tongue swiping against your lips, savroing your whine, âI love you so much,â he says to everybody, hoping even those on mountains oceans away could hear, âI love you, my wife,â and you giggle, eyes bright when you hear those words.Â
âSay it again,â you ask, your nails drawing little shapes on his nape, and you see him break into a smile.Â
âMy wife,â he repeats with a peck to your cheek, âMy beautiful wife,â he kisses the tip of your nose, smiling at the way it scrunhed up slightly, just the way he adored, âMy wife,â he kisses your jaw, âMy wife,â your giggling nonstop and he hopes to bottle up the sound and hear it on his deathbed.
His hands travel back down to your hips, adusjsting you slightly so that you wouldnât feelt he embarrassing hardening of his dick just from kissing you, and moves his lips down to your neck, hearing the way thereâs a hitch in your laughter.Â
âWhyâd you stop?â he nudges his nose at that spot pf your neck that still smells like lavender, his favroite scent in the world, âHm?â Gojo hums against that spot, licking a wet stripe up it, sucking at the skin, feeling the way you arch into his chest.Â
âY-your reeking s-scent infiltrated my nose,â you murmur, biting on your lip as he pinches your waist.Â
âYeah?â Gojo continued to tease you, sliding the sleeve of your dress down, giving you more access to the skin of your collarbone, âWant me to stop?âÂ
âNo!â You cry, totally against your better judgement, moaning when he sucks another mark into the skin, biting it, and then presses a soft kiss to it as an apology, âPlease, please, donât stop.âÂ
He chuckles darkly, shifting you around so that you are lying back down on the ground, his body framing yours as he continues tugging down your dress, going slow in case you ever wanted him to stop.Â
His fingers are quick at untying the string that holds you bodice together, unravelingit all until it falls off and heâs greeted to the sight of your heaving chest, the way your naked breasts rise and fall.Â
Gojo blinks for a moment, forgetting how to move.Â
âW-what?â You ask, a little self-conscience as he continues to stare at your chest, âDo they look wonky?â You move your hands to cover up but a deep gutteral growl escapes his lips, pinning your hands back.Â
âBeautiful,â he bites out, moving his head down, pressing a wet kiss in between the valley of your breasts, âYou look like a fuckinâ statue,â he says, âYouâre s-so beautiful.â Gojo repeats, and you canât protest with the way he praises you, nor the way his lips hover over a nipple, finally leaning in fully as he sucks on it.Â
âF-fuck!â You cry out at the sensation, your fingers lost in his hair as you keep him there, back arching off the ground, âThat, that feelsâŠgood,â you canât speak, not with the way his tongue slides across your nipple, pressing little kisses around you areola.Â
His other hand goes to your other one, making sure sheâs not feeling lonely, his thumb flicking over your sensitive nipples as you whine even louder.Â
Gojo switches and you feel your breath shudder in an embarrassing whimper, your eeys squeezing shut when he bites at you, wanting to mark you up for those wretched gods to see and feel humanly jealous over.Â
âSo soft,â he murmurs against your skin, almost in awe, âfeels like silk.âÂ
You wouldâve had a witty joke about this, you know you did, but you canât fathom to think about anything other than the way his lips feel on your tits, the way he seems like heâd die had he not been here sooner.Â
But he then raises his head, and you whine in protest. Gojo almost break at the way youâre looking up at him, the way yor lips tremble from sheer desire.Â
âWant more?â He presses, his hands, warmer than the fire thatâs burning in your belly, trailing down, down to where your dress was slightly parting, âHere?âÂ
âY-yes, fuck,â you moan, parting your legs to make room for him, not knowing what this feeling was but knowing that he was the only one who could soothe it, âNeed it so bad Sa-satoru,âÂ
His eyes roll back, swallowing his primal groan at the way you plead for him, and nods, pressing a kiss against your stomach before his hitches the fabric upwards, sliding down your body so that his face is closer to that heat.Â
You know you should feel more shame, but you feel like youâre going to die if your husband doesnât do something soon.Â
Gojoâs hand travels up your calf, trailing up your thigh, and suddenly stops.Â
You go to beg, plead, for him, but cut yourself off when his lips find your inner thighs, pressign wet and messy kisses to them, getting dangerously close to where you felt like you were leaking.Â
âYouâre divine,â he whispers against your skin, hands wrapping around your thighs as he pulls them apart, âFuckinâ divine.âÂ
His lips suddenly find there, you glistening cunt, and you mewl out for him.Â
âSatoru,â your chest is heaving like you canât find any air, âT-there, please, there,â and fuck the way youâre begging him is so sweet that he canât find it in himself to tease you.Â
His fingers seperate your wet lips, groaning when he sees just how much youâre dripping, and licks a tentative stripe upwards, your surprised gasp at how good it felt going straight to his cock.
Gojo carefully slides a finger through your tight walls, feeling the way you tighten around that, and lets his lips travel to your clit, pressing small kisses to it before he begins to suck. You clench around him, and your toes curl at the way he begins to pump it in and out, your essence soaking his skin.Â
âSo wet sweetheart,â he groans swapping his finger for his thumb at your clit, his tongue diving into your walls as he nearly cums from your saccharine taste alone, âS-shit, fuck, you taste like fucking heaven.âÂ
Your thighs tighten arund his head, but he craves the feeling, his tongue eating you out at such a fast pace that you begin to wonder if you need this more or him.Â
âO-oh gods,â your grips his head tightly, canât find the sympathy in yourself to feel bad, ââToru, oh, oh my, donât stop!Â
That coil in your stomach grows more taunt with each second.Â
He alternates, adding in another thick finger, feeling the way you try to stretch for him. He glides in and out of you with ease, but he wonders what youâd look like on his thick cock, how youâd preen as he split you open with his girth.Â
âSweet,â he moans against you, his voice vibrating against your pulsing walls, âYouâre so fuckinâ sweet.âÂ
You nod at something, whatever he just said, not fulling understanding anything around you as he continue to stimulate your clit, sucking on it, his teeth gliding across it with a little bite, and you moan out even louder.Â
âIâŠâ you canât think, canât breathe, âF-fcuk, âToru, something, somethingâs happening,â you donât know what this feeling is, this electric, all-consuming feeling thatâs zapping through your body, making it numb yet aware of everything at the same time.Â
âI know, I know,â Gojo praised you, one of his hands holding your stomach down, the added pressure making you whine, âYouâre doing so good for me, youâre there, come on come for me,â his hand travels up your body, finding yours as he weaves your fingers together.Â
âShit, shit,â you mewl, âIâm coming, fuck, c-coming!â You cry out, your back arching off of the ground as your legs grow slack around his shoulders, your walls pulsing around him as that string tightens for the final time and then finally breaks.Â
You can see white as your eyes rolls back into your head, squeezing his hand as tightly as you can, your yes dotting with tears. Your climax was all consuming, making you gush around his fingers and tongue, seeming to be never-ending, your body shaking in his hold.Â
Gojo presses one final kiss to your cunt, licking off your release from his fingers, groaning at the taste, and lets you catch your breath.Â
When youâre finally able to crack your eyes open, you peek them over to Gojo, seeing the way he tilts his head back, your cum still glistening on his chin and cheek, and whine out in embarrassment.Â
âWhat?â He asks, eyes teasing when you go to hide your face in your hands.Â
âI canât,â your words are muffled, âI canât believe I justâŠâÂ
Gojo kisses your forehead, wiping some of the tears from your eyes away as he kisses your brow bone.Â
âHow do you feel?â He asks, his eyes scanning over your body, glistening with sweat, and you take in a gulp of air.Â
âGood,â you say finally with a soft smile, âReally good.âÂ
You look from his little grin, one that you peck at, your thumb rubbing up and down his jaw, and then look down, to the obvious bulge thatâs hiding behind his training trousers.Â
Youâve never seen a cock before but fuck heâs massive.
âWhatâŠâ you trail off, sitting up slightly, and he helps balance you, âWhat about you?â you paw at his stomach, right before it leads down, and he lets out a shuddered whine.Â
âAs much as I-â he bites his tongue, feeling like heâs going to cum if you continue to look at him like that, âAs much as I want toâŠnot here,â he looks around at the field, shaking his head as a definite no, âNot here.âÂ
You go to protest, but he stops you, biting your fingers gently as you yelp, shoving his head away with little force as he chuckles.Â
You let him wrap your dress around you again, tying some of the knots so that it doesnât open up when youâre standing, and let the silence wash over the two of you calm your beating down heart down.
He plays with the ring around your finger, and you watch as the ring around his neck moves with his little breaths.Â
âI want to sleep in your bed,â you say, and his blue eyes find yours.Â
ïżœïżœYouâre crazy if you donât think Iâm letting you sleep anywhere else,â he says in a shocked sort of way and you laugh, looking over to the side for a brief moment, and then look back at him.Â
âDo you really love me?âÂ
Your words as whispered, but it feels like the wind picked them up and scattered them all around the field, around the river, the ancient stones, and right into Gojoâs heart.Â
âI really love you,â he whispers back, kissing your eyelids, in between your brows, your forehead, the back of your hand, and murmurs the words, âmy wife,â to nobody and to everybody at the same time.Â
You smile, pulling him down by that necklace of his so that you can plant a soft kiss against his lips. Â
#gojo x reader#gojo x reader smut#gojo x reader angst#gojo x you#gojo x you smut#gojo angst#satoru x reader#satoru x reader angst#gojo satoru x reader#jjk x reader#jjk x reader smut#jjk x reader angst#gojo satoru smut#gojo x reader fluff#satoru x you#jjk smut#arranged!gojo
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the way the new family member from tcm looks like my actual father lmfao
#đ#I'm already scared of that man I don't need to buy the game and have a virtual version try to kill me#my mamaw actually once called the cops after a family vacation and told them my dad tried to kill me five different times in broad daylight#she was of course a schizophrenic off her meds so#one day I might share all the similarities between my family and the sawyers it's actually hilarious#and by that I mean depressing....they've got cannibalism on us that's about all I can think of off the top of my head#my mom's nickname growing up was even sissy đ#anyway....is his name hands sawyer or hands slaughter I must know#and maria.....................that makes my head hurt to think about so I won't#can't believe she's up there dirty talkin grandpa either. do what you gotta do I guess
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idk just thinking about how you burst into your home damn near slamming the door shut, only for toji to stop it with the large palm of his hand before he smoothly walks in behind you. you're on 10 right now, stomping and shouting around the house (while your husband follows like a lost puppy) until you make your way to the kitchen yelling something about how it was "totally unnecessary to punch him" honestly toji didn't even know what the hell you were going on about, i mean he wasn't even listening. he silently convinced himself that it wasn't his fault- no it was definitely yours that he couldn't focus on the sweetness of your voice. i mean he just couldn't stop himself from trailing his eyes down to your ass, sinfully watching from his stance at the doorway as it jiggled with each hard step you took. "you can't keep doing this shit man-" your words go in one ear and out the other, again wasn't his fault, he can't help but think about is how fucking sexy you look right now. lace tussled into a slight mess, lip gloss smeared across your puffy lips because of how much you opened your fat ass mouth out of anger, and that dress ? oh that dress is what gotten you in the situation in the first place, the way it hugged your frame perfectly, mapping out each of your curves in all the right ways. had you not wore it like he told you to he wouldn't have had to beat his boss ass for staring at you a little to long. lashes that had been ripped off are still in his car, sitting prettily right on his dashboard, he couldn't care less in fact he was glad you took em off ecstatic even, toji loved to see you natural, toji thought you were so god damn fine
"what ?"
...did he say that out loud ?
"nothin'" he muffled out "are you even listening? see this the shit i'm talking about-"
toji wanted nothing more than to bend you over the kitchen island and shut your big ass mouth with each deep stroke he gave you, dick hitting deep in that gummy area that always turned you into mush whenever he found it, but alas he didn't, he knew you were angry, just didn't know why. aren't you glad he protected you from the preying eyes of his boss ? did it cost him his job ? maybe.. but it doesn't matter because it was all for you, his lovely wife. "here asshole" toji finally snapped out of his head when he felt you shove something against his chest before walking off. noodles ... you made him-
"a cup of noodles ?" he questioned following you out the kitchen "you didn't eat at the party." the scar on his pretty lips decided to rise. oh how sweet you were, even after being so pissed at his possessiveness you still cared enough to make sure he ate before the night was over but there was still one problem.. "you didn't either" "i'm not hungry." once you reach the bottom of the stairs he stops dead in his tracks "baby- where you going ?" "to bed." no hug ? no kiss goodnight ? no invite ? oh he fucked up.
smut! under the cut (18+)
"now do you forgive me?" voice comes muffled from beneath you as you ride out your nth climax of the night your husband had been sucking and licking into you for hours drawing out orgasm after orgasm. and shit were you ovulating? because you just can't get enough. "fuck" you roll you head back in pleasure riding the sweet sensation of his nose repeatedly brushing against your clit
*smack!*
"i asked you a question mama" you moan loudly at the combination of the nickname and his tongue thrusting in and out of you hitting that special spot each time. "y-yes baby" you grind down to match the rhythm of his tongue as he begins to play with the fat of your ass tugging and gripping tightly, encouraging you to move your hips faster "'m sorry baby, so so sorry" his lips wrap around your rednend clit while he stuffs two fingers into you. at this point you were so overstimulated but you just couldn't stop riding his face even if the world was ending. bringing a hand to his hair you push it back unveiling those gorgeous green eyes. toji looks up making eye contact with you, you begin feeling the tension that was building up about to finally burst (again) "i didn't mean to upset you" he wraps his fore arms around your things getting you to grind down even harder against his perfectly fat nose "i-it's okay toj- fuck you're so deep" "i just don't like when other boys stare at you" he couldn't even bring himself to call his boss a man. a man would never violate a women's privacy like that, basically eye fucking her while she's out with her man. you felt everything, every touch, and god you were so hot, moans were leaving your mouth left and right as you felt him continue sucking, his fingers thrusting into you so desperately as if they were asking for forgiveness too.
this was gonna be a longggg night .
#fushiguro toji x reader#jjk#jjk toji#toji#toji fushiguro#toji fushiguro x reader#toji x reader#toji fushiguro imagine#toji x you#toji smut#jujutsu kaisen toji#jujutsu toji#toji fluff#toji fushiguro x y/n#fushiguro toji#toji fushiguro smut#smut#toji x black y/n#toji x black reader#black!fem!reader#x black reader#black reader smut#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader smut#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x fem reader#thingstedtalk
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I want to see all the carnival AU bios again, but finding Zooble's is too hard, even when using the search. I hope there's a more organized way to view them.
(Trying to come up with nicknames that said characters would give my characters.)
CARNIVAL AU MASTERPOST + BOUNDARIES
Augh... I never know how to organize stuff! But here is a mini master post of the TADC Info Cards (edited):
The Main Cast (Minus Zooble :C)
Zooble ( Plus Zooble!!! :3)
Shiny Cards âš
Lesser AI
THE GLOINKS!!!
Level layout
OFFICIAL COMIC:
The Entire Comic has also been dubbed by @volticglitch !! If you're not a reader, You can watch their dubs instead!! Here is the dub
Your best friend!
Jesterly duties
The hallway
Crying
First clue
Special event!
Foul language - a silly
Excuse me?
Leave!
A word with Bubble
Let it Settle
CONCEPT ART:
Characters Relationship Chart ( Bonus, OC relationship Chart!)
The Tent
The Funhouse
Cutscene
Pomni expressions
Character design
Meet Pomni
ALT character skins (Bonus, Maid skins because of course I did)
Pomni expressions AGAIN!!! (and a bonus)
The Jester's Circus tent (and a bonus)
References
Shape language ramble
LOREEE:
Neck pieces
Neck pieces (prt 2)
Neck pieces (prt 3)
Silly Frilly
Toxic Positivity Duo
Quick Ragatha Doodle
The Rabbit
Non-sentient Pomni
Pity Laugh
First act of violence
First and only visit
DOODLE DUMPS:
First look
Meet Jax
Meet Ragatha
Meet Kinger
Meet Able
Zooble's room
Theatre shinanigans
Thanks for listening
Jax Doodles
Ragatha doodles (Feat. Kaufmo)
Caine doodles
Queenie?
Colored doodles
Eye popping
Jax Ko-fi request!
SILLIES!!:
The "Sillies!!" Section is moved HERE becuase the mastpost couldn't take any more links!
âââ ââąÂ°âBOUNDERIES/FAQâ°âąâ âââ
"Can I make OCs In Carnival?" - Yess!! Multiple people already have and they make me so happy! do whatever, as long as you're happy and having fun!! " Can I make NSFW?" - Yas and slay, just be sure to warn and spoiler it, etc. etc. be responsible when posting NSFW! " Can I make Fanfics?" - Yes and please show me!! that would be lovely!! " Can I dub/voice your stuff?" - Yes but, I have only one rule... show me pleaaasseeee pls pls pls đ„șđ " Can I ship the characters/self ships/ OC x Canon?" - Aughh.. this is gonna suck to explain cuz its a lot to ask.. You're allowed to ship any ship! My only boundary is that it doesn't include either Pomni or Caine being with others who are not eachother! For example: Ragatha x Jax â
Pomni x Jaxâ Kinger x Queenieâ
Kinger x Caineâ As long as the ship does not include Pomni or Caine individually, I'm all aboard!! I respect Jax x Pomni shippers, as well as Kinger x caine shippers, I just don't like them myself and don't want to accidentally stumble upon them in the tag! I do apologize if that's a lot, it just makes me uncomfy! Bounderies can be very tight! :')
#The amazing digital circus#the amazing digital carnival#carnival au#pomni#caine#zooble#gangle#kinger#Ragatha#Jax#tadc#tadc fanart#the amazing digital circus fanart#queenie#kaufmo#able
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đđđđđđđđđ'đ đđđđđđđđđ đđđđđđđ
âcw: rough, blowjob, degrading nicknames, hair pulling, tie leash, fem!reader
âa/n: this came into existence after i watched the new episode and i realized this mf is insane and actually has some wild ass kinks
you hated how the world pictured kento. he wasn't just some bored and tired man who hates his job. he was more than that. he was insane. if only there was a way to show them that.
"On the knees." Nanami ordered, the cheetah print tie circling around his big, rough hand.
You did what he asked to. Not that your body had a privilege to betray your lustful brain and deny. He wrapped his tie against your neck and secured it with a distanced but tight knot. Tight enough to yank when needed. You couldn't meet his eyes in embarrassment, maybe a little fear too. This was a side he kept hidden to the world, only portrayed if he either loved them or wanted to kill them.
"Take my cock out, my sweet slut." Your fingers struggled to unbuckle his expensive belt. He wouldn't help, you knew it. Once you got the metal out if it's loop, you aimed for the buttons, then the zip. Your sweet fingers dug through his underwear to find his cock. It felt so big in your hand always, and it wasn't even completely hard yet. You started giving it slow pumps and heard him curse under his breath. you waited for his next command, for him to tell you what to do but it never came. Instead what came was a hand that cupoed your jaw, forcing you to lock eyes with him.
"I'm going to use this beautiful face as my cocksleeve, yeah? You'd let me, right?" Your core wet, your mind hazy at his words. He didn't need to ask. You know it was just a formality and a dessert that came with the gentleman personality. But he was anything but a gentleman in the bedroom. Calling you names. Using you to his satisfaction. But he knew you liked it because he's the one feeling your pussy tighten when he calls you a "slut."
Nanami's hand traveled to the back of yiur hwad where he grabbed a fistful if your head. You gulped in preparation about what had to come. You opened your mouth and Kento slammed his dick inside you. It slid fast through your tongue but you could taste the hint of his precum.
"Fuck. So good for me," he said, beginning to thrust. "You like when I fuck my frustrations on you." You did. "your mouth is my cumdump, right? you're such a good little slut who always sucks my anger out of me." People out there constantly think how is he always so calm. He's not. The truth is here. He comes home and fucks his anger away. And you count yourself lucky to be his fucktoy because holy shit, the way he fucks you makes you feel like you've found heaven on earth. It's sinister. The darkness in his eyes. They consume you. But ironically, the pleasure that he gives you can only be compared with heaven.
"Shit! I am closeâsss agh!" he felt the back of your throat vibrate which sent excitment down his balls. "fuckfuckfuck" he cursed as he yanked your hair back to look at your doe eyes. Soon, he caught up to his high and all you could make for a sound was consumed by his thick load shooting deep inside your throat. He was so deep you didn't even get to taste them. Nanami pulled out, the remaining beads of his cum lacing your lips.
"Such a good little slut. my exclusive cumslut," he cooed running his thumb over your lips, glistening with your sakiva mixed with his released. "ready for me to fuck your brains out, fuckdoll?" Like you'd ever say no.
#nanami smut#nanami x reader#jjk smut#jjk x reader#nanami x you#nanami x y/n#nanami kento x reader#nanami kento smut#jjk drabbles#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#tw.degradation
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CHEER FEVER !
SYNOPSIS! : nerd gojo and his pretty cheerleader girlfriend!
WC:(4k)+ warnings : college au, shy nerd gojo, cheerleader reader!, semi public,nicknames, pussy eating (sweetheart, baby),jealous gojo thatâs all for now!
satrou wasnât the jealous type of person in general, truth be told he couldn't help but feel that way when his pretty little girlfriend is a cheerleader catching the eye of a particular jock on the field while you were warming up with the rest of team, in your old fashionedâuniform with you pom pom before tonightâs game started with the rest of your teammates.
âsatrou you okay, youâve seem kind of out of it a little?â you pouting on him, crossing your arms over chest a little uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach, you knew him better than anyone even himself.
the question caused satrou to raise an eyebrow in curiosity, though he only gave a nonchalant shrug in response, "hm? oh, yeah, iâm fine i guess." satrou tried his best to hide his jealousy, though he failed utterly as his girl had seen right through him.
âyou sure? I can walk you too class, while i finished up practice for the game.â
the offer from his you seemed to put satrou on ease, as his eyebrows no longer wrinkled and his frown turned into a small smile, "that would be nice of you." satrou replied, not really sure of what else to say. it's not like he can just outright admit that he's jealous, that would be just downright pathetic.
âof course Iâll see you after practice thenâ you waved him off, going back to the track with her cheerleading teammates.
satrou waved goodbye towards his you, watching you run back towards your teammates and practice without any further incident. her bubbly personality seemed to always brighten up his day, even when he was feeling a little down. it's almost as if everything went right with her around.
he watched the football team take a break, taking a moment to scan the crowd and observe everything going on around him. he let his eyes wander around the stadium, only to eventually settle on toâa familiar sight from your school. toji was, without a doubt, one of the best quarterback players on his team, and satrou had heard many praises his skill and talent over the years. his athletic ability and dedication were something to be envious of.
his star quarterback status was nothing to sneeze at either, making him a very desired figure among the female students at their school. satrou would hear stories about how the girls would fawn over him every time he stepped on the field.
toji's handsome gaze met yours, his green eyes locking in on yours and not relenting. he smirked at you in a teasing way, his confidence and charisma oozing from his pores as he walked over to you. he had a cocky and flirtatious look on his face, which only seemed to highlight his attractiveness.
as toji stepped off the field, he looked around toward where the cheerleaders were practicing. his eyes quickly met with yours, and he gave you a subtle wave, smiling in your direction. it seemed like the entire field and bleachers turned their heads to him now, as most of their eyes were glued on toji, staring intently, making it easy to see how attractive of a figure he was.
he was annoyed at the whole situation, his anger growing with each word that exchanged between you two. "who does the jock think he is? he thinks he can just walk up to you and expect you to just fall head over heels for him? he's lucky i'm not beating his ass right now."
toji's appearance certainly didn't help with your frustration surrounding himâhe was handsome, beefy, and confident enough to walk up to you without even a care in the world. he had the entire stadium in a trance. the cheerleaders all fawned over him as he made his way toward you.
some girls even shouted his name to get his attention, hoping they'd be the lucky ones to be blessed by him. satrou watched the entire scene play out, finding himself growing increasingly irritated with toji's existenceâbiting the inside of his cheek.
not having much better to do with the half-time break, you decide to walk into the locker room to pick up something from your locker, taking the few free minutes you had to get some things in order before the game resumes. you weren't aware of just how long you spent in your locker when you suddenly felt a familiar presence approaching from behind you.
you were so involved in getting your stuff in order, you didn't notice toji. the arrogant-quarterback from the school's football team approaching from behind you. he leaned in towards you and let out a subtle chuckle, leaning his arm against the locker behind you and placing his body close to yours.
toji's smirk grew wider when he noticed the annoyed tone in your voice, his eyes shining with amusement as he stepped a little closer to you, putting him in your personal bubble. "do I really need to say?" toji replied, not taking his eyes off of you for a single momentâtrying to woo you with his small talk wanting to get into your pants, plus you knew it really and wouldnât give him that attention.
"I'm not dating you, forget it."you weren't amused by his actions at all, and instead, you were irritated and disgusted by his flirtatious antics.
the words that came from your lips made his smirk fade away in an instant, you putting him in his place had caught him by surprise. a small frown appeared on his lips as he stepped back from you, his hands coming out of his pockets, "I get that you're already dating someone, but that doesn't mean you can't have a little fun once and awhile, right?" he asked, a cocky smile returning to his lips.
honestly did he really think you were going fall for his charms and popularity status? what a joke.
the mention of satrou name had toji's eyebrow shooting up in surprise, though he didn't look very impressed by the information. he couldn't understand why a beautiful girl like you would lower yourself enough to date a nerd, especially when the jock sitting in front of you is offering himself to you like that. toji narrowed his eyes at you. "are you kidding me? you seriously prefer dorks over jocks?"
"yeah? why are you surprised at that?" you scoffed at his remarks clearly not impressed by his performance to try and seduce you, it was pointless almost.
toji's cocky smirk faded away once more at the blunt answer that came from your lips, your lack of embarrassment and straightforward tone made it clear that you were not flirting with him whatsoever, he was just wasting his time. "oh is that so? cause i highly doubt it." he said sarcastically, taking a step closer to you, once again, invading your personal bubble.
you donât respond only giving him a blank look.
even though you had made your rejections perfectly clear, toji was stubborn, refusing to accept that the beautiful girl in front of him was not into him. he stepped even closer to you as you attempted to walk away, now placing his frame in front of you. "oh come on darling, i know you like me. i can tell by how much you seem to look my way all the time."
âtrust me, i donât.â
the sound of the pa system announcing that the game would start back up in a few minutes filled the stadium and the players with energy. you didnât hesitate to follow the cheer leaders back towards the field, not letting toji get into your head and ruin your spirits.
however, toji wouldnât give up so easily, as he quickly followed close behind you and tried to engage in conversation with you again.
despite his flirting antics, you chose to brush it off and ignore him. you've had enough of his ego and his attitude, and all you wanted to focus on was your team winning tonight. you continued walking, trying to block out his voice and the way he kept on trying to be close to you.
after a few minutes, you made it to the field where the cheer leaders were all practicing their performances for the game.
you felt your annoyance and anger build up as toji once again tried to engage in conversation with you. he was persistent and annoying, and he wouldn't take a hint no matter how many times you brushed him off. it was truly the most irritating thing you've experienced today?
was he really that desperate?
the sound of the pa system announcing that the game would start back up in a few minutes filled the stadium and the players with energy. you didnât hesitate to follow the cheer leaders back towards the field, not letting toji get into your head and ruin your spirits.
however, toji wouldnât give up so easily, as he quickly followed close behind you and tried to engage in conversation with you again.
satrou narrowed his eyes towards your direction, upon seeing that toji was still trying to engage in conversation with youâeven after he was repeatedly told to go awayâwas enough to set him off.
he pulled you into a tight embrace, not letting toji get a word in edge-wise. however, this was only followed up by an uproar of gossip among the students, who began to crowd around you, toji, and satrou, creating some sort of chaotic scene.
the sound of their whispers filled the atmosphere, and the attention of the students shifted away from the game and towards the three of you in the middle.
the crowd continued to grow bigger and louder as the students started speaking among themselves, all wanting a glimpse at what was happening. toji, satrou, and you were now the main attractions, and the whispers quickly turned to gossip and rumors.
with the situation now growing out of hand, you could hear a few of the students snickering and laughing at the scene, making snarky remarks about all of you. people from all over the stadium gathered around to watch the scene unfold. it became almost impossible to hear anything over the sounds of the growing chatter coming from the crowd.
satrou was standing next to you, a fiery glint in his eyes as he glared at toji, not backing down from the situation.
a few whispers started spreading among the crowd when it became clear that satrou was confronting toji and was about to start a fight. some people in the crowd got up from their seats, hoping to see the action as it unfolded. some students started chanting "fight!" as they eagerly awaited the two to start brawling.
satrou blue eyes narrowed at toji, his tone becoming deadly and sharp as he responded with a few words. "so are you going to keep flirting with her like a pathetic dog or do you want your teeth knocked in?" satru kept his attention on toji, his grip on you becoming tighter with each word he spoke.
you saw satrouâs eyes flicker a dull red for a moment and a wave of heat radiating from his body. he had been angered by toji's insult enough to want to punch him in his face, but he couldn't lose track of what was important here.
he wanted to punch the jock into the ground for his comment and the way he would never leave you alone.
toji spoke up in response to satrou remarks, his demeanor and tone becoming more frustrated as he spoke. "as if a twinkie like satrou could actually punch me, I'm surprised he hasn't taken her out on a date yet." toji's cocky grin returned to his face once again, his expression becoming even more snarky.
this was getting out of hand fast.
satrou continued to trade insults towards toji, his anger and temper escalating even more as he spoke. "you're an idiot if you think you can be so pathetic as to walk up to another's man's girl and flirt with her right in front of them." the crowd around you grew louder and louder, many people cheering for satrou while they watched the two argue.
tojiâs smug smile only grew wider as he responded, his words becoming more sarcastic and arrogant. "look, twinkie, i'm just doing what any other jock would do. you should be thankful that i let you have her for so long." the crowd of students grew even louder at toji's comment as he continued to smirk smugly at him, trying to get under his skin even more with his words.
gojo clenched his fist practically turning white from his comments even hearing toji's smug remark, and his patience was running thin at this point. he finally lost it. gojo suddenly swung his fist like lightning as it connected straight to toji's jaw with a loud smack. it was enough to make toji's whole head whip back, his eyes widening in shock as gojo fist landed right on his cheek.
"you'll be sorry for hitting me, twinkle," toji sneered, a smirk still plastered on his face despite the bruise now forming where satrou had punched him.
the crowd was still in an uproar, many of them cheering for satrou while others were trying to instigate another fight. the guard still held satoru and toji at different sides of the building, making sure they couldn't get their hands on one another any longer.
you followed satrou as he was being escorted to the other side of the building. you didn't want to even look towards toji at this point, as you were annoyed with his incessant flirting and harassment directed at you.
satoru was still hot-headed and angry after their altercation, as he kept muttering curses and insults under his breath when he wasn't addressing the guard. he seemed like he was having a hard time keeping his temper in check.
you saw satoru finally letting himself relax. sitting down on the bench next to you and taking your hand in his. his expression softened, and his body language relaxed as he slowly let go of his tension. he was relieved that it was over and that no one had gotten hurt in this whole ordeal.
satrouâs grip on your hand was tight and comfortingâfeeling the tension still lingering from the encounter thatâs was moments ago. he looked over at you with a relieved expression, and his mind was focused on having you by his side and calming his nerves.
you're taken aback as satrou grabs your arm and pulls you away to the vacant locker room, where you two had some privacy. he wrapped his your arm was tight and firm, but not in a rough manner as he dragged you along.
once you were inside the locker room, satrou closed the door behind him and pulled you close to him in a intimate manner.
he slender arms looped around you, his breath becoming a little heavier as he pulled you closer. he didn't need to say anything else to tell you that he wanted you right now, his whole aura was telling you that.
your bodies were pressed up against each other, and his lips were hovering dangerously close to yoursânothing more than to let out that pent up energy thatâs lingering inside of himself.
âcanât believe that asshole.â satoru mumbled against your lips, kissing the inner curves of your mouth. his slender hands roamed over your body squeezing your waist pulling you closer to his board chest fitting togetherâtwo puzzle pieces together as one.
âyour nerd of a boyfriend canât satisfy youâ tsk let me prove him wrong? hm baby?â he states in a mocking tone a small smirk plastered on his lips, knowing his words were a complete joke to him. satrou knew you inside and out and knew the right ways to make you cum wether it be from his fingers alone or his tongue every time, never fails to make you fold underneath himâlike pure putty in his hands.
your body felt warm and euphoric as satrou's lips moved along the corner of your mouth, sending butterflies fluttering in your stomach. your breath grew shorter and shorter with each kiss to your neck and each inch closer to your lips. his tender kisses felt like a sweet and gentle massage, making your body tingle with euphoria.
your whimpers were like music to his ears, filling him with an intense urge to take whatever he wanted. he was fully intent on taking complete ownership of your body with his touch.
âtoruâŠcome on the game starts back in a fewââ
âthe game can wait, but I canât.â
shortly, your back is pressing against the cold tilted of the locker rooms as satrou wet kisses the nap of your neck trailing down turning into more sloppy ones leaving a trail, you desperately tried to close your thighs together feeling your growing auroral through the fabric of your sparkling bedazzled outfitâfeeling a hint of warmth coursing through your body.
satoru smile faded slightly noticing your shift of movement tilted to the sideâmumbling against your tummy stopping completely for a moment.
âwhatâs the matter baby? hm? donât you want me to eat your pretty pussy?â he teased at the last words playfully, his cheek still nuzzled into your softness of your tummy, feeling the warmth of his slender fingers gently squeezing and resting lazily on your sides.
âi-i do..â you stammer out desperately trying to keep your thigh closed together trying to hide the wet spot in the fabric of your cotton panties, it was stupid to even try to hide it you knew it. only desperately wanting him as bad as he wanted you.
âhm? didnât catch that baby. you want to speak up for me?â he taunted that cheesy smile of his plastered on his face knowing your embarrassed about couldnât help but to tease you a little bit more, his slender fingers lifting your skirt bunched up the fabric pulled itself up slowly.
âtoru..i-iâŠâŠneed you pleaseâ you confessed softly warmth spreading through your body once more, causing satoru smirk to deepen at your words trailing his sloppy kisses down to stomach tracing along the waistband giving it a gentle tug as it loosens falls down your thighs to the floor.
âthatâs my girl.â satoru cooes, swiping his calloused thumb across your sensitive nub. his gaze lands on your cunt, nuzzling in between your soft thighs hearing his breath hitched. satoru thick lengthy fingers toyed with your clit, pinching the sensitive nerve causing you to jolt against him.
âtoruâŠcâmon..â
âso impatient baby hm. gettinâ wet fâ me barely even touch you.â
satoru mumbles, tugging and toying at your clit. his glossy lips glinting in the dim light teasing you into utter bliss causing you to writhe around at the stimulation.
your hands tugged at loose white strands of hair causing him to groan against your thighs, his tongue alternating between swirling around your clit and sucking on the sensitive nudâfeeling the heaven through arching your back perfectly. not caring whom heard you throughout the walls of the locker room.
âsatoru..!..ngh..please..â
âfuckâŠbaby yâer close already? bet that jock canât eat you out like this huhâŠâ
your moans mingled together throughout the room bouncing off the walls, as satrou continued to tease your cunt with his tongue eating you out as if your were his last meal on earth his face stuffed with your cunt.
âanswer the question baby.â
ân-noâŠtoruâŠ.mph!fuckfuck..â
you writhing around against his face tightening your hands on his hair throwing your head, if it wasnât for holding your thighs over his shoulders keeping you steadyâknowing your legs wouldâve given out on a instant.
satoruâs hands held your thighs open for him, the flat of his tongue slurped up your slick probing deeper inside of cunt you could only buck your hips against his face, trying to gain more stimulation from him but he had other plans.
only to, suddenly removing himself nuzzled between your thighs covered in your ecstasy and salvia dripping down his chin, with that same teasingly smirk lingering causing you to whine and scrunch your brows together in frustration. you didnât honestly think you were going cum so easily with a teasing bastard like him huh?
âsatoruâŠw-why..did you stop??â your breathing was still heavy and your skin glowed in the dim lighting of the locker room. sweat started to bead up on your forehead, and you still felt a hazy from the stimulation. you were grew rather frustrated and wanting to reach your orgasm to have it decided by your lover.
âsorry babe, but the game starts back in a few minutes.â he hums but you could practically hear the tease in his voice, placing you on your feet. you mumbling a few curses underneath your breath huffing, feeling you stumble forward you catch yourself.
satoru smiles back with a cheeky and teasing smirk as he watches your annoyed expression when he pulls away. he then unlocks the door, giving you no chance to respond or continue any further action, even though you were very tempted to do so. he laughs and winks at you before stepping out of the locker room, leaving you all by yourself inside.
you straighten out your uniform and make sure your appearance was looking proper before stepping out of the locker room. you didn't see satru anywhere, but you assumed he was already at the game. he did say that the game was starting in just a few minutes, and he was always one to be right on time. you made your way towards the game, looking for satrou amongst the other students who had already taken their seats.
you began to get concerned about satrouâs sudden disappearance, worried that he might be in trouble. he had gone missing without a trace after you two left the locker room, and his whereabouts were completely unknown at this point.
you searched all the crowd of students, searching for any sign of satrou but came up with nothing. you began to get increasingly worried with each passing moment, wondering where he could have gone so suddenly without a word?.
just when you thought things couldnât get any worse than this. where the hell did he go?
oh great.
a wave of concern washed over you as satrou still hadn't shown himself by the quarter of the game, which only caused worries of where he could have gone to creep up on you. you were worried and stressed, not knowing if he were hurt and unable to show himself, or somewhere else. your annoyance grew with each passing second, until you suddenly heard toji's voice behind you.
"looking for someone?" toji asked, looking at you with a smug grin on his face. his friends all stood close to him, smirking as they looked at you. one of them even had the nerve to let out a chuckle, clearly enjoying how annoyed you were at the moment. itâs as if they were mocking your concern for satrouâwas nowhere to be seen still. âI wouldnât worry much about him, the nerd show sooner or later. or not.â
âwhatâwhy?â
âyou ask way too many questions, relax. we have a game to finish. see you out there sweetheartâ
you started at them confused, wanting to run after them to question them more but it was too late they were already heading to the fieldâbut you shouldâve expected them not take this matter seriously.
you only hoped gojo was okay somewhere.
@screampied @hoshigray @shaguro
#jjk smut#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x y/n#jujutsu kaisen smut#gojo smut#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x reader#jjk x you#gojo x you#gojo x y/n#gojo satoru smut#gojo satoru x you#satoru x you#jjk imagines#jjk x reader smut#jujutsu kaisen x you#gojo satoru x y/n#jjk fic#anime x reader smut#satoru smut#satoru gojo smut#jjk#satoru gojo#gojou satoru x reader#satoru gojo x y/n#satoru x reader#jujutsu kaisen satoru#jjk gojo
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Not Now (PT. 2)
[Platonic! Yandere! Neglectful Batfam Ă Gender Neutral! Sibling Reader]
[Warnings: Mentions of Neglect, Mild General Yandere(ish) Behavior, Arguing, Awkward Tension(?), No One is Having a Good Time, Angst, Implied Past Injuries (To Reader)]
(When I say arguing I do mean it this time. Might be a bit more OOC? Dick is living up to his nickname. This is longer than the first part, just fyi - and by a good 4k or so words. Again, take your time and remember to take breaks!)
Didn't tag anyone on this post since both this part and the first are posted back to back :] Regardless, enjoy!
Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3 (PT. 1). [Series Masterlist]
àčÛ©ÛÛ©àčââââââââââââââââââââàčÛ©ÛÛ©àč
"I⊠I just don't think it's a good idea. It doesn't feel right, and- and IâŠ" You couldn't think of much else to say. All the reasons you had felt too personal, and you didn't feel comfortable telling Dick any of them. Not out here, and certainly not while he was in the suit. Though even if he wasn't, you weren't sure that it'd make you any more willing to tell him anything.Â
After all, you wouldn't even share the date of your birthday if he asked now, with or without the suit.
"Yeah, but why? It doesn't make sense to not go to either place just because you have a âbad feelingâ or anything. Even then, you'll be safe, and that's what really matters." That didn't feel like it was the case. Your safety doesn't feel like a priority over him just being able to keep an eye on you, and being able to pull anything he wants to without any prying eyes.
Though it was with that thought, did you wonder when you began to see Dick as someone so untrustworthy that you considered him to be on the same level as a thug out on the streets. Just far more dangerous and capable.
"Look, I just-" You sigh harshly, looking back at Dick as the fire in your chest rose, building up as it poked at your ribs and flesh. Begging for more air, more room to grow. "I'm going to the park. If you're not coming then that's fine by me, and if you're not okay with that, then there's nothing I can do about it." You state, looking forward as you pick up your pace.Â
Dick fumbles over his words before he hurriedly matches your pace, "Wait! Let's try and think this over-"
"Why? Even if we're out in the open, you're still a vigilante. If you can defend and look after an entire city, then surely you can protect one person, right? Not to mention that I can take care of myself." You huff, still keeping your eyes forward even as they narrow. You add, "Besides, again- not many people are out tonight. And if anything- seem to be rushing home, because of whatever is going on. We'll be fine."
"Sure. Yeah. I can handle it- but wouldn't it be smarter to just be inside anyway? That way it's less likely for anything to happen. You have to think rationally-" You swiftly cut Dick off again, really trying to put your foot down and stand your ground here.
"I am thinking rationally. You're a skilled vigilante that's been trained under Batman, and have only improved in skill and technique over the years. If anything goes wrong, and I can't handle it, you can. Not to mention that you have a way to contact the others if things really do go sideways, and you're in the suit. I didn't think I needed to say anything else." You sigh, lightly scratching the cup in your hands with your nail.
"Also, if you haven't noticed, even criminals and thugs are running home. It's like some kind of quarantine or lock down is going on. Some random person eavesdropping on us doesn't seem like it'll be a problem. Let alone with all of the noises that seem to be 'persuading' people to go home."
Dick could only sigh himself before saying, "Alright- okay. Fine. But like you said, I'm still in the suit."
"And?"
"And someone could see, and think that you're a close tie to me or something. You could be put in more danger."
"Are you actually worried about that now? You've been walking beside me this entire time when you didn't have to, and it's only now that you're worried about me being seen with you in the suit?"
"How else are we supposed to have this conversation? And I'm sorry for being worried about your safety, and well-being in the future for being seen with me." You could practically hear the eye-roll in Dick's voice despite knowing that he didn't actually do it. When did he get so sarcastic?
"That's not the issue, and you know that. We could've figured out some other way to have this talk, and you didn't have to walk beside me this entire time." You shot him a glance, causing Dick to sigh again.
"What if something happened while I was up top, and I couldn't react fast enough because I wasn't next to you? Someone could've tried something if I wasn't there, especially because you'd appear to be by yourself."
"So⊠remind me again, who's the paranoid one?"
"Y/n, I'm being serious." Dick states.
"I know. I'm being serious too, and I'm just saying that it's kind of ridiculous to be worrying about that now when it's already been a few minutes." You huff, "And I don't know what you expect me to do about it. I'm not the one in the suit, y'know. Why don't you just go and change somewhere?"
Dick rubs his nose bridge, getting annoyed but not trying to show it as he says, "Fine. I can do that, but at least come with me." He looks at you expectantly as his hand drops from his face. You couldn't help but raise a brow at his words.
"Why?"
"So that I can keep an eye on you� And if anything happens while I'm changing- I'll be able to jump in and help much faster?" Dick said, confused. Talking as if he was stating the obvious, and maybe he was in a way, but you didn't see why he's so adamant about being close to you enough where he could easily protect you or reach you if needed.
"But wouldn't that kind of go against the point of you changing�"
"What do you mean?"
"If I wait somewhere and Nightwing walks off, only for you-know-who to pop up after a little while, and we walk off together, wouldn't that be weird? Or at least hint at a certain something?" You point out, a little confused and surprised that you even had to explain this to Dick.
"C'mon, I won't be that obvious. And even then, no one will be able to figure it out."
"You say that like every other villain or wannabe in Gotham isn't some genius or anything. They're criminals and all that, but they aren't entirely stupid."
Dick sighs, though it came out more frustrated than he wouldâve liked as he ran a hand through his hair once again, "Still, I'd just like for you to at least be close by. I don't want anything to happen to you, and I want to be able to help out as soon and as quickly as I can if anything does." He explains, getting a little closer to you.
"Please, Y/n. Just come with me."
You shake your head, your shoulders feeling far too heavy, and the flame in your chest was much too hot for you to even think about it. You knew Dick wasn't happy about it when he gave you a little room, but still kept close. As if hoping you'd change your mind, despite already knowing the answer.
"I'll just head to the park, and wait a few minutes. I'm not defenseless and can handle myself for a while, and it's not my fault that I could be in more potential danger because someone thought it was a good idea to come see me, and follow me around while in their suit. You can figure it out, and live without me for a few minutes." You huff harshly, adding, "If you aren't there after that time? I'm leaving. That's all." Once again, you pick up your pace, only to be stopped by Dick as he rushes in front of you.
"Wait- hold on. Are you sure about this? I don't think it's a good idea- and how long exactly will you be waiting? Where are you going if you leave? Are you going back to the apartment? Are you going home?" You don't like how hopeful Dick looked when he asked you that last question, but you push your discomfort to the side, and stand your ground.
"I'm an adult, and I'm a L/n. I'm sure about this. You can think whatever you want, and like I said- I'll be waiting a few minutes. If you're not there by then, I'm going to leave." You narrow your eyes at Dick, piercing him with your gaze as you said, "I've made my choice and I'm sticking to it. If you're not happy about it, or don't agree, then you can leave and I'll go on with my night. I'll wait at the park, and that's that." You state one final time before making your way around Dick, and continuing to walk forward. Luckily, he didn't try to stop you again, and if anything â seemed to stop following you entirely.
All you heard was a low scoff from behind you, and the rush of wind.
When you glance back, Dick was gone, and it was only then did you realize how heavy the air felt. Releasing the breath you didn't know you had been holding, you clutch your chest. Your heart aches, and yet you manage to push on.
Tonight wasn't exactly going well for you, but that almost tipped you over the edge.
You were beginning to hate many things about tonight, along with Dick. It almost made you think that maybe you were lucky back when he hardly ever noticed or talked to you. It made things easier, after all, and of course now that you've had your longest conversation with him â things were only getting harder.
Every word he said made him seem bigger, or pushed you down as an attempt to make you smaller. His reasoning could go from making complete sense, to being outright idiotic and paranoid. With each action of his being either too small or way too much.Â
Dick, in that way, was too much.
You could chalk up some of your discomfort and nervousness to your lack of experience with Dick, and being around him. Of course some of his antics and habits would seem strange to you â since you were never able to see much of them, and those that you did notice were from a far, and never up close. You weren't able to experience them yourself, not until now. Though that almost made you grateful for all the times he turned you down or ignored you, seeing as now you could only see how much of a handful he is to deal with.Â
Maybe that could've changed if you were more familiar with him, but it was too late for that now. Even if you did wonder how this whole thing would've gone if you did know him. If you were more familiar with how Dick acted, and had actually managed to spend time with him. If Dick was more familiar with you, and how that'd change this whole situation⊠but, again, it was much too late for that. If he really wanted to know you, he would've taken one of the chances you gave him over the years, and yet he didn't. No one did. No one except for AlfredâŠ
You hope he's okay, at least.
Shaking your head, you push your thoughts to the side. There was no use thinking about 'what if's, not when such thoughts and possibilities kept you in the manor for so long. Not when your mind used them against you, and had you keep that pathetic hope you once desperately clung onto. You promised yourself you wouldn't do that anymore, and so you took a breath, and tried to stop them from coming in. They always slip by, but you try to ignore them. Especially since they caused you so much trouble that could have easily been avoided in the past.
You took a small sip of your coffee, only to pull it away and look at the cup strangely.Â
It was⊠bitter. More so than you remember, and it immediately struck you as odd. Since, Jessica always managed to make your coffee the exact same way every time, and even if she did make some mistakes here and there, the change was never this significant or noticeable. Not like it was now, with the taste lingering on your tongue, almost trying to further stain your taste buds and remain there for as long as possible. As if trying to permanently ingrain itself in your mouth.
You couldn't help but cringe a bit. Maybe getting coffee really was a bad idea after allâŠ
Sighing, you just continue on and brush the weird occurrence to the side. Whatever, you have enough things to deal with and worry about now. There wasn't much you could do about the coffee, and if anything, maybe that just went to further show how horrible your night is going thanks to Dick.Â
Though, you wouldn't push it that far, even if your opinion of him was definitely souring by the minute, but the thought was pretty funny to think about, at least.
The night felt calm for once, and itâs only now, with you by yourself, do you realize how much you needed this.
Sure, Gotham was potentially going to hell, and you might see Dick again in a few minutes, but you don't have to worry about that right now. Just here, in the streets, did you have⊠normal problems. Problems unrelated to a family you no longer wanted to involve yourself with, that also just so happened to be made up of vigilantes. Problems that didn't involve your musical career, and how your rise to fame was becoming both an inconvenience, and a bit of an issue. Problems that⊠just about everyone has dealt with one way or another.
Your coffee didn't taste quite right, you felt exhausted despite having only walked a bit, and your social battery was just about to hit its limit. The air was just a tad too cold for the clothes you were wearing, you had a strong desire to crawl into bed and sleep like you had nothing else to worry about, and really â besides yourself and making a few dumb mistakes, the only thing you really had to worry about here was getting mugged. Maybe even jumped, at a push.
Yet, such things got a light, airy laugh out of you. You felt so at ease by yourself, and during the most dangerous hours of the night, no less. Despite everything, you couldn't help but find a bit of humor in it, and such a little thing even made you feel better. That uncomfortable heat in your chest dying down, and almost going away entirely as you cooled off.
As funny as it was, you felt safer and so much more at ease without the person that was so adamant about wanting to do all of these things, to protect you. How could you not laugh at the irony?
Suddenly, the bitter taste on your tongue didn't feel so bad anymore.
Walking along Gotham streets when it was so quiet still made you feel a bit uneasy, but for the time being you were able to find some small peace with it. After all, who knew when you'd get another breather like this? Especially with whatever business Dick had with you. Vigilante and hero work wasn't exactly known to be light and easy, after all.Â
So, you took this moment as it is. Finding odd little details in the night that helped you relax as much as you could before things continued.
Honestly, you didn't think you were ready for whatever Dick was about to talk about or mention, but you doubt any of it could surprise you. After all, in a city where a villain breaking out of the local prison or asylum every now and again during the week was normal, it was hard to be surprised by things related to such occurrences. Since, it even felt like someone was trying to blow up the place at least twice a month, and robberies were so common that it was a wonder that anyone had any fortune left to protect at all.
Though it did still make you curious about whatâs going on.Â
Obviously, it couldn't be any good, but it just seems too⊠quiet to be anyone that Gotham had already seen before. Seeing as the usual villains and whatnot always made some kind of mess, or made things as extravagant and entertaining as possible. Almost like a certain clown that loved to try and run circles around a certain bat.
Regardless of that, however, you were still more curious about why Dick â or any of the others, really â had bothered to seek you out at all. Sure, the first thing that came to mind was that they need you for something, rather that be for help or something else entirely, but that's only because it made the most sense to you. Why else would they try to find out where you live? You couldn't think of another reason. Though, again, maybe that was because they had ignored you for so long? Even then, you can't think of anything else.Â
Besides help and such, nothing else made any logical sense to you. There is no other reason. There couldn't be, and if there is â you couldn't think of it. They couldn't just be here for you. They almost weren't capable of it. You're sure, since they have made it very clear a long time ago. You were just too naive and blind to see it at first, but now you did, and you don't plan on becoming blind to that againâŠ
Nevertheless, you continue on your little path.
Now that Dick wasn't with you, your journey to the park was short, and much more peaceful and quiet. It was almost calm in an odd way, but you appreciated it all the same.
The park held that strange feeling of abandonment and emptiness that most of Gotham seemed to have tonight â thanks to whatever was going on â but you manage to ignore it for the most part. Making your way around the park, your pace was slower and your breath was a bit heavier. You felt like you were prolonging the inevitable, and such a feeling spawned so much dread that you almost choked on it. However, you manage, and instead try to find a good place to sit and wait for the time being.
Sure, it would be easy to leave and just go on with your night, but you did want to stay true to your word even if only a little. It's the least you could do, since this would be the last thing you'd ever do for any of them, anyway.Â
Besides, you were better than them in that way â following through with what you said, instead of saying a âmaybeâ that'll never come, or a ânext timeâ that'll never arrive. Always stuck to a tomorrow that was always just out of reach.
Your words held meaning, unlike theirs.
Moving on, you eventually found a good spot. It was closer to the center of the park, and the moon could be seen as clearly as it could be with all of the clouds passing by, and building up. The air had an odd moist and damp feeling to it, and it made you think that it might rain after all, seeing as you remember hearing something about it earlier in the day. Yet, that just gave you all the more reason to hope that this whole thing would be wrapped up soon. Though whether that happened with Dick not showing up, or him making good time and keeping things short and simple, you didn't care.
Even if you did hope that he just wouldn't show. For both his sake, and your own.
Settling down on a park bench off to the side of the path, you took a big breath, before letting it all out. You still don't have a good feeling about this, but you'd take all the little victories you could. Since, you managed to avoid going to the manor and clock tower by some miracle, and even got Dick to leave you alone for a little while. Even if a small part of yourself did wish that you had pissed him off enough for him to leave you alone, you wouldn't count on it. He seemed oddly stubborn about sticking around, or to at least keep you around him, and though it made you feel uncomfortable, it unfortunately meant that there was a chance that he'd actually show up again.
You'd pray if you had any faith left, but you don't. Not at the moment, and certainly not with that possibility hanging over your head, just waiting to drop and crush you under its weight. Though for now, you'd try to not think about it as you look around, taking in the dark scenery instead.
The darkness of the night shaded over the park in an ominous, beautiful way. With the trees looming over you, and their leaves providing more shade than necessary. As if trying to protect you from the moon's stare as much as they could. The clouds slowly crawled over the sky, waiting for the perfect opportunity to drop all they were carrying â and leave the burden for Gotham to hold. They covered what could be made out of the blank, pitch black void that was the night sky, with the moon trying its hardest to shine through. To take a glimpse of the chaos below, and judge you in its silence.
A loose breeze drifts by, causing you to shiver thanks to its added chill over the night's natural coolness. The sounds of nature were hardly audible, as if even the insects have been silenced by whatever is going on, and the only thing you could hear was that constant, sickening snapping and cracking of broken bones, and that popping from joints getting dislocated. Even if such noises were much fainter now, thanks to the spot you've chosen, they still managed to reach you here, and dominate all other noises that tried to make themselves known, with its echo.
You could only sympathize with their desperation to be heard, to be noticed â only for the violence to cover all of their efforts. Maybe you'd even pity them, but you already felt foolish over your emotions, and feeling sympathy over noises was silly enough. You have already made enough humorous and dumb choices tonight, so you'd at least try to not make another. Even if you bothering to actually wait here, instead of leaving right away, is dumb enough.
You don't know if it was hilarious or sad how many stupid choices youâre making in one night, and all because of the people you are trying to leave behind. People you were so sure would never bother to look for you or even give you a single thought, and yet here you are now. Waiting for one of them to show up â only because suddenly he couldn't leave you alone. Almost like he couldn't afford to, and now you couldn't help but debate over the humor and sadness of that.
Of course it had to be now, it had to be tonight, that one of them showed up - but you don't know what exactly you're expecting. After all, if one of them were to try and show their face to you despite everything, it would be at the worst time possible. It felt fitting in an odd way, so maybe it was only right that things went down like this. That life throw one of the biggest âfuck you's it could at you, during a time where you are trying to recover. To heal. To get better.
Of course he just had to show his face when you were done with him â with them, and their whole family. It had to be now, when you're trying to move on, did an effort have to be made. It couldn't be while you were in the manor - when you were trying to do the same.
⊠Maybe you should've let him bust open the door to your apartment after all, and just ran away while you still had the chance.Â
Yet, as if knowing you were thinking of walking away while he still wasn't around, Dick finally appeared and made himself known with a little whistle.
You turn your head and face him, his appearance almost making you laugh, but you didn't have it in you to do so. Much too exhausted and fatigued to even try, and your feelings were too mixed up to even consider the thought. Though you did have to admit, he did look a little funny.
Dick almost looked out of breath, but he still manages a smile when you turn to look at him. The clothes he wore looked strangely baggy, and you could've sworn that you saw the smallest glimpses of various price tags that were tucked away sloppily. Which made it look like he really was in a rush, and⊠well, you didn't know how to feel about that. Yet, in that same moment, you caught the tiniest bit of his suit right under the shirt he wore. Further âhintingâ at the fact that Dick had been in such a hurry that he didn't actually bother to change, and instead opted to cover up his suit.
His mask was off, at least, and for a moment you wondered where he put it until you noticed him subtly stuffing something in his pocket. Which is funny as it is concerning.
Dick wore an oversized coat that he left open, with a collar shirt underneath that had two of the buttons unbuttoned, along with sweatpants and shoes that didn't quite look his size. All in all, he looked like a mess, but Wayne's look good in everything for a reason, you suppose.
âMade it just in time! I told you I would, didn't I?â Dick chuckles, still holding onto the coffee you had given him earlier with one hand. The smile on his face quickly grew into a playful smirk, and you didn't know if you should find it weird or oddly scary how much closer he seems to be to the side of him you've only seen at a distance before. The side you have seen at galas or with his family, occasionally. A side you didn't have any personal experience with until now, and the dread you felt from before only grew at that.
âUm, no, you didn't-â You try to point out, only for him to cut you off.
âWell, it probably just slipped my mind, but I'm here now!â He muses, and you canât help but find his tone off putting considering how things ended off a few minutes ago. He both looks and sounds way too happy for someone who was so annoyed with you before.Â
âI didn't keep you waiting, did I?â Dick steps closer, making his way over to you casually. Not a single trace of his previous demeanor could be found.
You can't help but move a little further away, and bite your tongue. You hoped he would've, that he did, but unfortunately he did make good time. Since, from the moment you sat down, Dick appeared only a minute after, and had it not been for his messy outfit, you would've thought that he had planned this whole thing out â down to the very last second.
âNoâŠâ You drag on, looking away once again, trying to hide the disappointment in your voice.
Yet, despite the implications of it, Dick couldn't help but find it⊠cute, in an odd way. Causing him to exhale softly, his smirk dying back down into a smile. Blue hues shining as they look down at you.
He moves to sit down on the bench â noticing a spot next to you, but deciding to sit beside you instead. Still remaining close, but not getting in your space entirely, since he felt like you both weren't at that point just yet. There was an armrest between the both of you, and he felt as if that'd be enough for now. Even if he did want to move closer, he decides that this was the least he could do for having been ignoring your discomfort and clear nervousness thus far.Â
While he still couldnât fully bring himself to acknowledge or accept it â since he still doesn't want to think about it â he at least wants to try and do this small thing for you.
Though, the space between you and him would never be big enough for you to be comfortable. Since just knowing he was around, and that you were in his space, already made you feel a certain way, but he didn't have to know that. Not that you would tell him, anyway.
Dick took this little opportunity to take a slow, long sip of his coffee. The drink not quite to his liking, but he wouldn't complain since you seem to like that little diner, and the last thing he wants is for your opinion of him to get worse, so he kept his mouth shut. Besides, it wasn't even that bad anyway, especially knowing that it came from a place that you enjoy going to.
Silence was quick to fall over the both of you again. Yet, this time, Dick didn't exactly have a problem with it.
Even if you weren't looking at him, he could still see that little twinkle in your eyes that the faint bits of moonlight were able to show and make clear. How your hair matched you just right, and the way you did it and took care of it completed your look even more. Along with how even the little things on your person said so much, yet so little, about who you are now. About who you have become after all this time.Â
A sense of endearment and sentimentality suddenly washes over Dick, and he can't help but feel as if it were just yesterday that you were introduced to the whole family. Though he still couldn't quite describe the look in your eyes then, as there was an unmistakable hint of excitement and unfounded joy that lingered when you first met them all. When you first met him.Â
You were such a little thing back then, and you have grown so much since. Dick still can't help but think about it even as he finally pulls the cup away from his lips, and sighs, content.
You were so small, and little. Your face round and youthful, hands soft and delicate - just like everything about you at the time. The world and the people in it were still so new to you, and you looked just about ready to explore it all. To see every little thing you could, and learn about everything that you found. âWonderâ was the first word he thought of when he saw you that day, and looked at your expression. It was full of that child wonderment.Â
Yet⊠look at you now. Grown, and significantly taller than you were before. Face matured and settled, but still did have a youthful look to it. He notes how your hands did seem to be a bit rougher, and instead of delicacy, he found a gentleness that was always there â but is more prominent now. That look of wonder gone, and now replaced with something more. Something complicated and complex in nature, and yet simple all the same. There's a sense of turmoil but⊠he couldn't look much deeper than that. He can't bring himself to.
Point is, you have clearly changed.Â
Sure, he noted how you looked different and everything before, but now that same conclusion felt different in a strange way. Though maybe that was because he wasn't only looking at you now, but seeing you as well.
Dick doesn't just see the change in your clothes, and how your voice has changed its tempo and volume, but some other things as well. Maybe that's because he's able to connect some things he's learned about you over the course of the entire day, back to you and how you showed yourself now. How those details presented themselves in your appearance and mannerisms.
Itâs a lot to take in, sure, but in this moment of silence - Dick found himself slowly absorbing all of this information, taking it all in and finding ways to love you through it. Even if the changes made a particular fact all the more clear â despite the time he has missed, he did genuinely love the person you have become. He does now, at least.Â
Despite everything he has done to you, or lack thereof, you have managed so much on your own. Despite him and the family not being around when they could've, when they should've, you managed to pave your own path and face all the challenges it brought by yourself - from what Dick could tell anyway. Even if he wasn't fully aware of all you have gone through in his absence, and he knew that as well â youâre still here. You're sitting beside him, looking at the scenery of the park, coffee cup in hand, and just⊠living in this moment with him.
Dick didn't know when such small things made him feel so happy or content, but in this moment, with you, it's like all he could feel was happy and put together, in a weird way. He doesn't know how to describe it, but now that he's here with you, in your space and presence, he feels⊠whole. Complete. Like all the missing pieces he didn't even notice were gone, all fell into place when you were around. With you here with him, he feels the happiest he's been in a long while, and he couldn't even begin to explain why.
He's only really known you for a day, but it already felt like he's spent a lifetime with you.
âHey⊠Y/n?â He spoke up, breaking the silence between the both of you, looking back at the coffee cup in his hands. âI just want to say that⊠I'm happy you're here, and that you let me see you.â He begins, slowly looking back at you, an easy but pleasant smile on his face. It was easily the most natural one he's shown you tonight, and his clear unannounced happiness, no matter how light, made the pit in your stomach grow deeper and wider.
Why is he looking at you like that? And why did it hurt to see it now? Why did it relight the fire in your chest, and make it burn - the flames barely tickling your chest from the inside? Why did you feel like this? What did you do to cause him to wear such a smile?
Why now? What was going on?
âI know we haven't talked much, or really hung out, but this⊠this is nice for what it's worth, and I'm happy that I get the chance to spend this time with you despite everything.â The small bits of moonlight shined in his eyes, almost making Dick appear better than he was. More friendly, charming, and brighter than you saw him as. You couldn't stand the sight. Your dread growing much too big for you to keep looking at him.
So, you look away. Hoping that Dick would get whatever kind of message you were trying to send - and yet, even if he saw it, he didn't bother to decipher it. Words tumbling out of his mouth before he could think them over, too deep in his own feelings to see yours. Though he doesn't seem to mind as he said the words that began to fill his heart, and let them out into the open air. The wind whisking them away, and shoving them into your ears.
âYou⊠mean a lot to me, and I know that, again, we havenât really done much together, or really spent the most time together either, but- you matter to me. Youâre important to me, and Iâm sorry that was never made clear before.â He blurts out, heart aching and swelling at his own words, but Dick just couldnât help himself. He feels like he needs to say something, to say this, and he doesn't want to have to wait any longer to say it. Even if you donât like him or saw him a certain way, he wants to at least say this. To tell you his truth - his new truth. A truth that is becoming more clear to him as the seconds pass. Seconds he spent with you. âI know that Iâve messed up- a lot, and I know that it isnât just me that made things turn out like this, but I at least want to let you know that I do care about you. I justâŠâ Dick ran a hand through his hair, pausing for a moment as countless words he wanted to say float around in his head, but he just didn't know how to say them. Or even say them in a way that would get you to understand, or at least hear him out.
He looks away for a moment before looking back at you. Hand dropping and folding around his cup once again. âIâm sorry, for everything. For missing your concerts and performances, and just- everything. I shouldâve been there, and even if I was busy, that isnât an excuse. I shouldâve made time for you, I couldâve, and yet it just always slipped my mind and⊠I shouldâve never done that to you. You didnât- you donât deserve to go through that, you didnât have to, and yet you did, and Iâm just.. so sorry that now is the time that Iâm realizing this. You⊠you deserve so much more than what we gave you, and Iâm sorry if that made you feel any less than what you are- because you are amazing, and wonderful, and bright-!â
âYouâre.. youâre a lot of things, and I really couldnât list them all since Iâm still slowly seeing it all for myself. Though even then, weâd be here for a while⊠wouldnât we?â Dick chuckles lightly, a tinge of endearment in his tone, with a hint of a softness that was slowly becoming more and more apparent as he went on. His expression softened even more, and yet all you could feel was dread and anger that grew with each sentence that fell out of his mouth.
Was he messing with you? Was Dick trying to make himself feel better about everything, or just mess you up even more? Maybe both?
Why was he saying all of this now? Why tonight? Why now of all times? His words⊠they couldnât be true. They canât be. If they were, if they are â then why did he wait so long? How come he didnât realize anything sooner? Why couldnât he realize it sooner? Why now? Why right this minute, when you were almost ready to let go?
Why is he trying to give you hope over a future, a dream, a wish you never thought would come true? That they, indirectly or not, made you believe would never be made into a reality? No matter how much you did, and sacrificed for them behind the scenes? Was he trying to trick you? Did he really believe that youâd allow yourself to become blind again? That you could actually take the little words that heâs saying to you at face value, after all this time? After all of your wasted effort?
Did he really think that he could salvage what little remained of your nonexistent relationship with him, with just a few words and soft smiles? That you would just suddenly be willing to let him back into your life, after you spent the last year or so just trying to make it so that once you left, youâd never have to turn back? After everything he and the others put you through?
You understood that they were busy. That protecting Gotham and Bludhaven were more important to them than youâd ever be. That they care more about their work and their own lives than they never will about anything youâd try to say to them - you understood that well. It was almost impossible not too with how long youâve had to deal with it, and come to terms with everything over the few months youâve given yourself to truly soak everything in and reflect. The one time you gave yourself a breather to process all that's happened over the years you wasted on them, and think about how you are going to move forward in your life. How youâre going to deal with the family moving forward, or if youâd ever bother to deal with them at all. Though, you're still in that process, and had yet to really think about what youâd do moving forward.
Yet, Dick just had to show up while you were in that process. He just had to show his face after so long, and do this to you. Torment you with his words, and cause further conflict inside of you that you donât need. Causing more heartache and pain that you didnât want, and yet he just had to keep going, he had to keep talking. He couldnât just walk away again like he had all of those other times when you were fighting to spend time with him, to just mean something to him. Dick just had to show up, and lie to your face about this. He just had to finally notice you, and hurt you more.
âIâm⊠Iâm just really glad I got to see you is all Iâm trying to say, I guess. And that I missed you too, in all honesty.â
So he keeps going, it seems. He just has to say that, like youâd believe him. Like youâd truly think that he cared about you more than the criminals in Gotham did. Like he wasnât just lying to your face in an attempt to try and hurt you more. To crush what little part of your heart you still had given to them, and destroy it entirely.Â
Honestly, now it was like he's trying to get you to hate him. To rid of the memories where you used to look up to him, and really tried to see him as your older brother until the reality of it all crushed you. Until reality forced your eyes open, and made you realize the little you had, and the little he cared.
Your own anger was beginning to blind you, and your hatred grew within you - though you hardly found a part of yourself that cared anymore.Â
Even if Dickâs words are true to him, they aren't to you, and thatâs all you cared about. Since, as far as you know, they were never true until he suddenly felt bad, and this whole thing started.
However, you still try to remain civil. Just taking in a breath, and sighing before looking back at Dick. Exhaustion becoming more evident, anger and hatred beginning to bloom â but you manage to tuck it away for now. No matter how frustrated Dick makes you, you could keep your composer. You could keep yourself together, and by God would you try no matter how much you want to just get up and leave. No matter how much you want to think that he wasnât worth the time or energy. At least, not anymore.
âDick, just tell me why youâre here.â You say, getting straight to the point and seemingly completely ignoring what he said before. Not taking his words to heart, no matter how much they sting and add fuel to the flame growing in your chest.Â
Dick looks at you confused, a little taken aback by your response, but just pushes it to the side. Only raising a brow, managing to keep up his smile, âWhat do you mean? I told you already, silly.â He chuckles a bit, his words already pinching at your skin.
âIâm here to see you.â
âBullshit.â You immediately thought, but donât say out loud. Not yet, anyway.
âItâs obvious that somethingâs going on, I mean- do you hear the sounds echoing throughout Gotham? Or, hell, how quiet it is besides said noises?â You ask, tone shifting with every word that spilled out of your mouth, undertone unclear, but Dick didnât like it. âYou donât have to explain whatâs going on, but please, just tell me how or if I can help so that we can both go on with our nights? I know you donât have time for this. Both of us donât.âÂ
Dick can only furrow his brows in response, his confusion growing the more you spoke, but also worried about the tone youâre using with him. A tone that was growing increasingly harsh.
âWhat are you talking about? I never said I needed your help with anything, and didnât I already mention that the others are handling the situation?â Dick said, genuinely confused, and yet that only seems to make the flame in your chest burn brighter.
âThen what are you doing here? Why are we even talking right now if you donât need anything from me?â You ask, voice rising in volume a bit before you bring it back down. The little stings Dickâs words left on your skin turning into a grip around your heart.Â
âIâve already told you, Y/nâŠ. I just wanted to see you.â Dick said again, growing a little more worried now.
âYes, but why? What made you want to see me so badly that you even went out of your way to find out where I live?â You couldnât help but ask, frustration growing but so did your desperation. Over what, you donât know, but all you knew was that you want this to be over. You want to go home. You want to be away from Dick. From them.
Even if your home probably wouldnât feel as safe anymore now that they knew where it is, and you knew that too, but couldn't find it in yourself to care. Anywhere that wasn't in the immediate vicinity of Dick felt better than being here, with him at arm's length.
âI need a reason to see my younger sibling now? I canât just come visit them?â Dick asks, still worried and confused, yes, but an odd tone of sarcasm seemed to develop under his tongue.
âAfter months of no contact? After all thatâs happened?â You say as a meaningless, humorless laugh escapes you before your voice drops and cements itself, âYes. Yes you do, because youâve never visited me before. Youâve never gone out of your way like this, not even to see me in my own room. So why now? Why tonight? Why come see me?â
Your words stung Dick, and you can tell with how he flinches a bit at your words, if only for a brief moment. He even cringes a little, as if they have physically hurt him, but you didnât react much. You want to know why, because it made no sense to you, and by God did you deserve an answer.
There is no reason why he shouldâve come to see you, none. You arenât related to him, and even if you are by law, heâs never treated you like family in the past - just someone else who lives in the manor, but over time you began to believe that he started to forget that too, with how heâd grow increasingly surprised by seeing you in person when he'd occasionally visit.
You meant nothing to him, last you checked. So what was so important that he and the others needed to find out where you live, and seek you out like this? What was going on?
From how you look at Dick, he can tell you wanted to know. That you want a ârealâ answer, one that youâd accept, anyway. Along with the fact that you arenât going to take your words back, finding them to be nothing less than true, and even if they are, they donât hurt any less. Especially considering how far heâs come today. How much heâs seen, and how his view is beginning to change. How you were growing on him without even knowing it, making him realize that some of it isnât even you to begin with. Though there wasnât much he could do about that, not right now. Not with you getting worked up like this, and not with how he's beginning to hurt too.
The truth hurt, it almost always did. Never sparing anyone, and almost acting as a sword rather than weight. A dagger than another page, but paper cuts did exist for a reason â he supposes.
âI.. I know that it might seem hard to believe, considering everything, but that really is all there is to it.â Dick says, trying to explain as he clutches onto the coffee cup in his hands, âI just want to see you because I was worried, and I⊠I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Thatâs all.â
âThen what about the others? Why find out where I live? Whatâs with all the noise?â Your desperation was becoming a little clearer as you spoke quickly, the questions falling out of your mouth as your heart began to squeeze tightly. The smoke that the fire in your chest was creating, started to reach and fill your lungs little by little with each passing second.
âThe others are busy taking care of the city, and how else am I supposed to see you? You werenât answering any of my or Timâs calls or texts. WeâŠâ Dick drags on a little before just sighing, looking dejected, âI was worried about you- I am worried about you. I thought something happened, and I had to know if something did. Is that so wrong? Can I not check on my younger siblings anymore?â
âThat's not what I meant, and you know that.â You point out straight away, but did falter the slightest bit when he mentions how you were ignoring them trying to contact you earlier. However, you didn't back down. âAnd both of you just started contacting me today. I didn't have any time to answer either of you before you showed up at my door.â
âReally? You had absolutely no time at all to pick up the phone? Not even send a quick message, or even read our texts?â
âI was busy? And was doing something else, so I couldn't get to the phone right away.â
âFor several hours? Y/n, you've got to be kidding me.â Dick chuckles out, obviously not believing you, which ticks you off even more.
âWhat, so I can't do other things? I have to be at your every beck and call, now?â You scoff, rolling your eyes. âNone of you have ever contacted me first, so I'm sorry that I didn't have any time to respond to whatever you both had to say. I have my own life to deal with, you do know that, right?â
âThat's not what I-â Dick cuts himself off, just letting out a sigh before speaking again after thinking over how to reword what he wants to say, âLook, just- what was so important that made it so you couldn't answer the phone?â He asks instead, searching your expression for something, and furrowing his brows when he couldn't find it.
â... That's none of your business.â You answer instead, narrowing your eyes at him a little. Whatever you did in your life, he didn't have to know. He doesn't have the right to know, not anymore. You may have been willing to offer him this one chance to ask something from you to help with whatever is going on, but that was all, and where your generosity ended. It wasn't a chance to reconnect, or to rebuild what never was, and still isn't.Â
If there's anything that this whole situation has told you, it's that you shouldn't have tried in the first place - and that maybe, just maybe, you should've left sooner. That was clear to you now.Â
â...â It's like Dick could tell things were getting worse this way. He didn't know what was causing it or how, but he could feel it. Especially with how you were growing increasingly upset, and how he was as well.Â
So, he tried to settle down a little and just took a breath. At this rate, he could only dread how things would get, and so he at least tried to change the direction of things a bit. Yet, he still couldn't help himself either. Maybe he didn't deserve to know, but he did want to ask.Â
âLook, just-â he tries to find the words to say, to not make this whole thing worse than it already is, and settles on a simpler question. One he figures you can handle, one he hopes does what he wants it to do. âCan you at least tell me why you keep ignoring me when I say that I'm here to see you? Or at least why you just⊠brush it off?â Dick manages to say, eyes never once leaving you, but for a different reason this time.
He just wants you to open up, but how could you do that when he kept you out for so long? When he locked that door so long ago, and forgot where he left the key? Leaving him to never know of the chair you left right under the handle.
â... What do you-â
âYou know what I'm talking about, Y/n, just⊠please.â Dick almost pleads, which makes you uncomfortable. Causing you to press your lips into a thin line once again, âI don't want this toâŠâ he doesn't want to say it outloud. He couldn't bring himself to. Especially when he doesn't want it to be true. To be made into reality.
âI just want to know, Y/n. So please, just tell me? Because I don't understand why you keep avoiding it, or just don't acknowledge it at all.â Dick says instead, which causes you to grow quiet in the process.Â
â...â
You couldn't think of anything to say, just being able to look at him before glancing away and taking in a breath of your own. You couldn't bring yourself to answer the question because - what were you supposed to say? What are you supposed to say? The truth? Or make up a lie? Though even if you picked one or the other, would it be for yourself? Or for Dick?
You didn't know, and a special kind of uncertainty came with that, jabbing your gut and making the flame within you crackle harshly. You hate this. You hate this more than what their inaction did to you, and almost as much as the realization that it's because of them that you're in this position to begin with.
âWhy do you think?â You begin, emotions and thoughts swarming in your head and squeezing your heart. You want to not care, to brush it all off as you have before, but only find yourself hurting despite everything. Why does your chest hurt so much? Why did it feel like something was pressing against it, threatening to pierce it? âWhy do you think that I'm âignoringâ it or just⊠dismiss it?â
Dick hates how you look away, and the swirl of emotion he saw in your eyes when you looked at him before. Which only made his own emotions grow like a heavy weight, threatening to fall on him. To crush him, and only leave the tiniest parts of himself behind. Parts that still hung onto that false hope he made himself.
He knew, or at least had an idea, but he ignored it. Dick wants to hear it from you, even if he doesn't know what he's hoping for with that. He knows of his faults, and yet not the entirety of them - at least, that was the impression he was getting from all of this.
He isn't blind, but there are only so many things he could let himself see before the ugliness of it all rears its head at him, and snarls. Before the quiet part that he refuses to glance at, becomes loud.
âI⊠I don't know,â Dick manages to say after a moment, still looking at you as he searches for something, anything that will point things in a different direction. Something that will give the little hope he has anything to cling on to.
Something he doesn't find.
He takes in another breath, âCan you please just⊠tell me? I do want to know, I really do- so just, please. Tell me why you keep ignoring what I'm saying?â
âI'm not-â You cut yourself off, speaking before you could come up with a response, the words tumbling out of your mouth quickly before you caught yourself and take in a slow, uneven breath. âI'm not ignoring what you're saying. I'm not, but- justâŠâ You drag on before finally letting out a sigh. Some of the tension freeing itself from your body, but not enough for it to let you truly calm down or relax.Â
âWhat do you expect me to do? To say?â You finally manage to voice it outloud, to ask as you look back at Dick briefly. With the moon trying its hardest to peek through the clouds as they begin to fill and crowd the sky. âYou haven't checked up on me in all the years I was in the manor, and, hell, I doubt you even know where my room is-â
âI know where it is.â
â- and even if you do, that doesn't change what happened. Or, really, what didn't.â You narrow your eyes at Dick's sudden words, but don't comment on them as you continue, voice wavering slightly, âYou've⊠never checked up on me before, or even asked me if I was okay- we barely even greeted each other, and I didn't see you around all that often. I didn't get to. So I'm sorry if it's hard for me to believe that you just suddenly care, or want to check up on me after all this time.â You say, still biting your tongue and holding yourself back from sharing more than you should. From giving more than you already have.
â...â Dick's lips press into a thin line before he goes to speak again, âI understand that, but⊠why can't that change now? Why can't I care about you now?âÂ
âIt isn't about what you can and can't do, Dick. Nor what can be changed now or not, it'sâŠâ A quick, small groan escapes you as you try to gather the words you want to say, and finally let them out when you do, âit's what I'm used to, Dick. That's just how it is.â
Finally, dread made its way into Dickâs heart as well, âSo⊠that's it? You're just âused to itâ? And I can't change that?â
âI donât know, can you?â You asked sarcastically in a dead tone, already tired of all of this, and yet the fire in your chest continues to burn ever so brightly. âYou havenât really done a good job of that thus far, if that's what youâre trying to do. Iâll say that much.â Your words hurt, you could tell right away. The way he looked at you said everything, but you didnât try to look deeper than what presented itself on the surface.Â
âThis isnât some kind ofâŠ. âreconnecting sessionâ, stuff like that doesnât really matter. I thought something serious- something important was going on, or had happened, thatâs why I bothered with⊠all of this.â You point out and explain, only watching as the expression on Dickâs face morphed into something else. Something you couldnât decipher, but didnât like looking at. A face that made your stomach twist, with dread pouring out of every crevasse it could manage.
âAnd why would you think that? I donât remember saying anything that would hint at that, and even then I wouldâve said it outright.â
âYou suddenly appeared at my door in the suit, and at some point was banging on it. How could I not think something was going on? Or that you didnât need something from me? That something serious wasnât happening? Especially when I donât remember telling any of you where I live-â
âOkay, okay. I⊠I get it,â He didnât, at least maybe not to the extent one would hope he would, but he didnât want to argue. Not here, and not with you. Especially not when he was really beginning to see you. âBut still⊠I want to change that. I want to make it up to you and fix things. Is that so bad?â
â...â You had no response to that, but even if you did, what could you say? You had imagined countless instances like this, but those situations werenât real â this one was. In those scenarios, you always had something to say, rather it be good or bad, and you always knew what to do. Yet here, now that it was actually happening, you had nothing. You didnât know what to do or say, and even if you did have some things you wanted to just let spill out, you kept them in. You didnât want things to get worse either, but the more Dick talked, the harder that became.
Why couldnât he just be the person from your thoughts and dreams? The person you always saw him as until now?
âI justâŠâ Dick tries to gather his thoughts, not exactly liking your silence but trying to push on anyway. He finally had a chance, and heâd be damned to not take it. âI want to make things right, and yeah, maybe it's late- really, um, late, but I still want to try.â He manages to say, taking a small, quick breath before he continues, an easy smile trying to settle on his face.
âYou deserve better, and I want to be better for you. Things may not be the same, and sure, it might be a bit awkward-â He chuckles slightly in between his words, â-but I think that we can⊠work it out if you just give it a try. Give me a chance-â
âBut I did.â You manage to say, cutting Dick off. He has to fight for his smile to not falter immediately, unaware of how your heart pounded harshly in your chest, the fire it held growing and clawing at the bars of its cage that was your ribs and flesh. Scorching your lungs, and the smoke causing your throat to close, making it harder to breathe.
â... What?â Dick said, partially confused but still trying to at least seem optimistic. A weight of its own beginning to press down on him.
â... What do you think I did all of this time?â You ask, looking away for a moment, glancing up at the covered moon before looking back at Dick, âWhat do you think I did all of those years I spent at the manor? Before I decided to move out, and be on my own?âÂ
â...â Dick didnât have an answer, not one he said right away, anyway. Not one that wouldnât make him look bad, but he didnât know what was worse. Staying quiet when he knew a part of it, or saying the part he knew and risk being wrong, revealing how he still didnât know the full picture despite everything. Despite getting a glance into a life he knew he wasnât involved in, and feeling more guilty all the while.
However, you decide that his small bit of silence was enough of an answer, and just as Dick opened his mouth to say something, you spoke again. âMost of my time in the manor Iâve spent trying to give you chances- to give the others a chance. Trying to give opportunities to just do something, try anything, and⊠well,â You look away fully this time, caressing the coffee cup in your hand, itâs dying warm doing little to help you, causing you to draw your attention to the shaded greenery of the park instead.
âWe both know how that turned out.â
If your words didnât hurt him before, they definitely did now. Even as Dick fought to keep that smile of his up, it was pointless. You were right, and he knew that. Even if he didnât know the true extent of your words, he was at least aware of the times where youâd try to get them to see you perform, to hear your songs and listen to your music that had gotten you this far. He knew that much, and yet he still couldnât help but try. He wants to mean more to you, to do what he hasnât done up until this point, to truly be your older brother, to be your family - despite how long heâs been unable to do that.
âI⊠I know, and Iâm sorry.â Dick could only say that much, even if it did little in the long run, and a part of himself could tell that his words only made whatever you were feeling worse as you inched away from him, the sight of the small action breaking his heart even more.
âMaybe that doesnât mean much, but itâs true. Iâm just⊠sorry that things turned out this way. That we- that I never noticed how hard you were trying until now, and even if it is late, I want to be honest and say that Iâm sorry.â He adds, finally managing to look away as well as he looked down at the cup in his hands, thoughts swarming and eating away at his heart. Even if they were going too fast for him to process them all, they hurt him all the same and caused his worry to grow. âIâm sorry for everything, for never noticing what was going on or the extent of it, or appreciating the effort you tried to put in for our attention, for just not⊠being around. You deserve better- and I want to give that. I want to give you want you deserve and finally be-â
âStop.â You said under your breath, voice wavering as you take in a shaky breath. Yet, even as it falls upon deaf ears, and Dick couldnât make out exactly what you said, he still pauses for a moment before speaking again.
â... I just want to fix things, Y/n.â Dick says instead, but it doesnât make you feel any better, nothing does.Â
âYou mean a lot to me.â You just want him to stop.Â
âAnd maybe thatâs⊠weird to hear with everything thatâs happened. But it is true, and Iâm sorry I never made that clear before.â You want him to stop lying to you, to stop trying to make you feel better. Youâve been doing fine on your own without him, without them, and so the only thing you wanted now was for Dick to stop and leave. To act like he had before, and go back to ignoring you.
âSo⊠letâs change that, okay? I⊠I want to spend more time with you.â You want him to shut up. You want it so bad that it hurts to hear him talk as he goes on and on. His voice ringing in your ears to a point youâre convinced that theyâll bleed if this continues on for any longer. If he continues to talk for any longer.Â
âIâm being honest, I really want to try and be your-â
âStop⊠please, just- just stop.â You manage to say, voice small and wavering as you try to take in another breath. You want to be unbothered, unhurt, painless, and numb, but you canât and you donât know why. You thought you had gotten used to this, and you had, but to hear that - to hear the words youâve wanted to hear for so many years - that hurt more than anything else. The pain was indescribable, and its result only made that fire grow, the flames scratching at your chest even harder, and your heart bleeding as a result.
Suddenly, all the progress youâve made over all the months youâve been away feel useless now. Reduced to nothing in Dickâs presence as his words stripped down your walls in the most violent, volatile ways possible.
Once upon a time, you fought to have a single conversation with him that lasted more than just a few short exchanges, and now youâd do anything to have that back. For him to go back to the Dick you grew up with, the one you fought to even have to look at you for more than a few seconds.
âYou canât do this to me.â You said without thinking, voice weak and shaky as you scramble to keep yourself together, to hold back tears that you refuse to spill â refusing to shed any more over them. Refusing to let all of your progress go to waste just like that.
You were happy, you have been happy these past few months, and you refuse for that to be taken away from you.
âWhat? Y/n, what do you mean-â Dick tries to speak, but you donât give him the luxury, not after this. Not after what heâs been doing to you.
âYou canât do this to me,â You repeat, trying to breathe and fight past the smoke building in your lungs, nearly gasping for air as your teeth begin to grind, âyou canât- you just canât. So stop⊠please just..â You try to take in another breath, no matter how small it is or strangled it feels.
âJust. Stop.â
â...â Itâs like no matter what Dick tries to do, things end up becoming worse, and he hates that he doesnât know why. He can't understand why.Â
Clearly heâs hurting you, he could see that no matter how much he doesnât want to, but he doesnât know what heâs saying thatâs hurting you. He doesnât know what heâs doing thatâs causing you to become so upset.Â
After all, donât you want this? Donât you want him to try? For your efforts to be reciprocated? Donât you want to be family too? For him to try and be what heâs supposed to have been all of this time? Donât you want him to try and be your big brother?Â
You couldnât have given up yet, right? There was no way you could have. You couldnât have given up after all you have done, after all the awards and such he saw that youâve earned over the years â awards that were still in your room. You couldnât have given up. That's impossible, thereâs no way. No one would throw all of that away, right? No one would do all that you have, only to just put it all behind them - not anyone that Dick could think of at the moment.
⊠He hated how he thought of it anyway. How the thought creeped into his mind, and remained there. Letting his dread and worry grow as reality began to sneak its way into his brain.Â
Dick doesnât want to think about it â let along consider the idea, but this isnât about him. This isnât about what he thinks or feels.
This is about you, and despite his words, he hates that he had forgotten that already.
âY/n,â He calls out to you softly, really trying this time, and you hate that detail with all of your heart, âcan you just please tell me whatâs wrong?â Dickâs words make you physically pause, even causing your rushing thoughts to come to a halt. They repeat in your head once more, and you can only think one thing.
Is he seriously asking you that?
âI know that youâre upset, but I want to work through this with you. So, just tell me so I can help, okay-?â
âStop- God, just please stop, Dick.â You manage to say, already getting slightly choked up before you manage to shakily exhale, trying your hardest to keep it together as your heart squeezes and your chest tightens. You canât bring yourself to look at Dick, but your teeth grind as you scramble to keep the flames eating up your body from the inside, trapped and hidden away.
âYou canât do this to me,â You say more desperately than you wanted to, a few tears developing that you fight back violently to keep them from spilling, your own teeth getting crushed and feel as if they were beginning to chip and break with how hard theyâre grinding against each other. âYou canât- you canât-â You struggle to get the words out, nearly gasping for air as that sickening, thick smoke threatens to escape your lungs.
âYou canât do this to me, you canât give me hope.â You finally say, voice straining as your breath trembles. When you finally do look at Dick, neither of your expressions are good ones. Both filled with mixes of emotions, but his was more deep and almost controlled, while yours was frantic and ever changing.
â... What?â
âAfter all of this time, after everything- everything Iâve been put through. Everything Iâve been trying to move on from-â You struggle to breathe momentarily, but manage to get yet another gasp of air before continuing, âyou canât just try and give me hope like that. You canât. You just- canât.â
Now itâs Dickâs turn to pause as he processes what you said, each word making the weight in his chest sink deeper and deeper until it reaches his stomach. The very thing he seems to dread is becoming more real with every minute that passes and he hates that more than anything. He wants to ignore it, to push past it, but how can he do that when itâs right in front of him? How can he do that when something worse could be laying underneath everything?
He doesnât want to think about it, and so he doesnât and tries to tuck it away as he goes on to say, âBut⊠why? Why canât I give that to you? Why canât I try to help you?â
âDick, please, for the love of god just-â You want to say it, you really do, but manage to hold yourself back with the little self control you have, and simply just take in the biggest breath you can manage, and sigh just as deeply. âNevermind, and just- you know what? Weâre⊠weâre done here.â You say instead. Placing your coffee cup on the bench, not even caring that you barely finished the drink, and move to stand up.
âWhat? Wait- what?â Dick asks, sitting up and tensing when you stand, but not making a move just yet, even if it was clear that heâd do something. What, you donât know, but you didnât notice anyway as you were too focused on yourself and getting out of this situation.
âWeâre done here, what else do I have to say?â You donât look back at Dick, instead continue to try and steady your breath. Trying to calm yourself down, and finally do something to quell the burning flames inside your chest, âThis isnât going anywhere, and we arenât discussing anything important, so⊠letâs call it here. Iâm leaving.â You say outright, being blunt this time as you make a move to step away-
Only to be stopped when Dick suddenly grabs your wrist, his grasp a touch too tight.
âHold on- who said you get to decide that?â Dick asks, having sprung up to grab you as swiftly and quickly as he did, a flash of panic showing on his face before he pushed it aside and swallowed his nerves. He tries to manage another smile, even if it doesnât reach his eyes yet again, âLetâs just talk about this, okay? Thereâs no need to overreact.â
âOverreactâŠ?â You glance back at him, physically feeling as all of your previous progress to calm yourself was quickly diminishing, the fire only roaring to life at Dickâs words, and itâs like he could feel it too with how his smile faltered the smallest bit before he tried to pick it up again.
âOkay- maybe not overreact, but we can still talk about this⊠canât we?â He says instead, as if realizing his mistake once you point it out. Scrambling for something, anything.
You donât say anything right away, your chest only hurting even more, âAnd talk about what, exactly?â You ask, just barely being able to hear the clouds overhead groan in displeasure, âWhat is there to talk about? We have nothing to discuss, and so we should just end things here.â
An airy laugh escapes Dick, almost as he canât believe what youâre saying, and yet he continues to stare at you. All he does is raise a brow, his heart pounding as that weight in his stomach drops further, âAbout⊠everything?â He says, as if a little unsure of how to word it, but keeps going anyway, âAbout the family, about us, about you- everything! What isnât there to talk about?â He counters, furrowing his brows a little.
He knows you want to leave, but he canât bring himself to let you go. Not when he doesnât know when heâll have this chance again. Not when heâs so close â but to what, he doesnât know anymore. All he knows is that it deals with you, and thatâs enough for him.
â... But there isnât anything important to talk about.â You point out as if it was obvious, raising a brow of your own as you look back at Dick, ignoring how the longer Dick held onto your wrist, the heavier your dread became. Nearly making it impossible to breathe despite how you were trying to act now, âAgain, I even bothered to do any of this because I thought something was going on or that you needed something from me, and I turned out to be wrong, so thereâs no other reason for me to be here.â You try to be logical, or seem that way, anyway. You try to give whatever bullshit reason you can, saying anything that you hope would just get Dick away from you and just let you go.
â...â Dick hated your words with a burning passion he didnât even know he was capable of feeling, and the breathy laugh of disbelief that escaped him only furthered his own change of heart, âSo Iâm not important to you? Our family isnât important to you? Because of everything thatâs happened? So our effort to change everything isnât important to you? It matters that little to you now that youâve lived on your own for⊠what, a few months?â
âWhat are you talking about? Youâre asking me that as if you know me, and- news flash, you donât. So get a hold of yourself- and let me go already!â You yank your wrist away from Dickâs grasp, pulling it back towards you harshly.
The moment your wrist leaves his grasp, his hand twitches, but he manages to hold himself back and just let his hand fold into a fist as it falls back to his side. His eyes pinned on you once again, never leaving you, âWhy canât I get to know you now? Why canât that change, Y/n?â He asks, his own tone changing without him noticing, making it sharper than he meant it to be, âWhy canât you just let me in?â
The visceral hatred those words spawn in you is hotter than words can describe, and felt as if it was burning right through your chest, melting your muscles and organs down to nothing. You not only struggled to breathe, but it hurt to even take in the smallest breath. ââWhyââŠ? Youâre asking me, âwhyâ?â A small, airy, pathetic laugh escapes you, a look of disbelief clear on your face.
âOh, I donât know, maybe itâs because of the years that have passed? That every attempt Iâve made to do what youâre asking me right now- was ignored until I didnât try anymore? Until I go off and try to actually live my life, that you ask for me to let you in? For things to change?â You almost spat out, barely managing to take in a steady breath, âI donât know, Dick. I donât know what you want me to say.â
Dick could barely pull himself together. Everything was falling apart, and even if he could see that, he could barely get a grasp on his own emotions that he was failing to calm down. He wants you to understand, and he wants to understand you too, but god was everything making it so hard. He just couldnât understand why you were being so stubborn about this, and why you wouldnât just hear him out.Â
So, in the midst of his own frustration, he tsked and spoke without thinking.
âI havenât done anything to you! Why are you acting like this?â The moment those words left Dick, his eyes widened and he scrambled to recover, âWait, I didnât mean-â
âIsnât that the point?â You cut Dick off, the smoke finally escaping your lungs as you furrowed your brows, chest tightening as more unwanted tears began to build, âThat you did nothing? That you- and everyone else didnât do a goddamn thing?â
âYou try to act like I owe you something. Like I owe you this. Like I owe you my time, but you know what? You really donât, because back then? I clearly didnât deserve yours. I wasnât worth your time, and now, years later, you think that I owe you mine? That you can just say whatever the hell you want to my face, because I dared to try and be respectful and civil and do all of this shit for you?â There was no holding back anymore, not when Dick dared to say something like that to your face when youâve been trying so hard to act calm and civil around him. To give him a chance to say his piece and leave.
The one time you tried to do something for them, for him, after months of being away from all of them, and he dared to say something like that to you?
âThen think again. Because unlike before, I have some god damn self respect and wonât stand for your bullshit anymore.â You spat out as the sky above growled even louder, âYou donât get to say that to me, Grayson.â
Yet, despite your words, a single measly tear manages to slip past your defenses and slowly, painstakingly roll down your cheek. The clouds above seem to have taken that as some sort of sign, as a few small drops of water fell from the sky and hit the pavement under your feet.
Dick pauses after that, if only for a moment as he looks over your expression before sighing. âOkay- fine, Iâm sorry. I didnât mean to say that⊠but,â he took a short breath before saying, âthat still doesnât answer my question, Y/n.â
â...â All you could do was stare at him. Another pathetic, airy laugh escaping you all the while. He really was unbelievable.
âWhich one? The one where you asked why things canât change? Why I wonât âlet you inâ? Or why Iâm âacting like thisâ?â Dick clenches his hands into fists, squeezing them before he lets go.
âWhy canât things change, why canât the relationship between us change?â You hate the tone he used and how the look he gave you expressed and showed more than words could describe. A certain desperation in his eyes that you wish didnât exist, that you didnât notice.
âYou never showed me that it could change. That it would always stay the same as it has for the past few years-â
âBut why does back then matter? Why canât we focus on now? On this?â He gestured between the two of you, âCanât we just- I donât know⊠move on from that?â You didnât know if you wanted to laugh, or actually allow yourself to cry, especially when a few more raindrops fell from the sky. He couldnât be serious, could he? Did Dick actually just say that, and to you of all people?
âMove on?â You say, a few more tears spilling despite your efforts to stop them, their touch burning your skin and sinking into it like acid, âYou want me to move on from that? Move on from the years of my life that you werenât a part of? To just forget all thatâs happened?â
âYou donât have to forget⊠maybe just, push it aside so that we can work on this! On usâŠâ Dick says, dragging on a little before he takes in another quick breath, âIs that so bad? Donât you want to be family-?â
âYou donât get to say that to me.â You immediately cut him off the moment Dick even tries to mention family again, âYou donât get to say what I want or what I have to do- after everything Iâve done for you! For the others-! You donât get to say that to me anymore!â
âY/n, please, just calm down-â
âNo! You donât get to do this to me! To say all of this shit to my face-â You struggle to speak, your words catching in your throat and nearly choking you, but you manage to continue. To continue to say your part, and finally say the words your heart has been longing to say, to give yourself this much, to finally feel this out, âDo you even know how much Iâve done for you- all of you? How much time I spent doing all of these things I thought you guys liked just so that I had a chance to hold a conversation with any of you? To just mean something? To actually be part of the family, only for no one to show up-?â
âNo one asked you to do those things! No one asked you to do anything!â Dick snaps, but immediately tries to reel it back, âI understand that things didnât work out before, but Iâm here now, arenât I?â
Your brows furrow even more, and your teeth grind so hard that it feels like theyâre chipping away, âNo one had to ask! Hell- none of you ended up caring anyway! It was a waste!â You shout, voice raising the more you talked, tears mixing with the drizzling rain, âIt was for you- I did everything I could think of to just talk to you, and now you want me to do more for you? After everything Iâve already done? After all the effort that was put to waste because of you?â At this rate, you knew you werenât talking to just Dick anymore. Instead, he acted as an extension, in your mind. An extension to something bigger, something greater than himself. Something more than he was.
Dick falters, but just sighs again, âNo one told you to do all of that,Y/n]. You didnât have to do anything but just try to-â
âTry to what, Grayson? Try to what?â You cut him off, eyes swirling with untold emotion as your gaze pierces into him, âGo on, tell me what else I had to do. What I shouldâve done.â
â...â Dick looks at you for a moment before speaking again with a small huff, âYou couldâve tried a different approach, or maybe, talked to us?â
â...â You donât know what you want to do more; try to strangle Dick, cry harder, or leave again after trying to kill him. âYou did not just say that.â You manage to laugh out, but itâs broken and far from genuine. The humor in it long gone, and all that was left was a sickening, uncomfortable emptiness where it once remained.Â
âWell, Iâm just saying-â
âYou did not just say that shit to me when youâve been the one shooting down every conversation Iâve tried to have with you. You- the person whoâs supposed to be the âfamily manâ, and weâve barely even talked. And let me tell you now, Iâm not the one who hasnât been trying to talk or avoiding it.â A pained smile crept up your face as you laughed breathlessly in between your words once more. Not even caring anymore as you let the fire burst from your chest, and have its ashes and smoke spill out of you.
Dick narrows his eyes and furrows his brows a bit, ââAvoiding itâ? What the hell are you talking about? I havenât been avoiding you-â
âThen please explain where the hell youâve been all of my life until now? Why you could never follow through with what youâd always tell me? Why you come to me now, when I gave you years to do or say anything?â
âI⊠I was busy, okay? You know that,â He tried to lighten his tone with a chuckle but it did little to help, and only showed his own strain, âI donât always have time to come to Gotham-â
âBut you make the time to do it anyway. You make time to visit, especially when it comes to Damian.â When Dick falls silent again for a moment, you take in a shaky breath and sniffle slightly, feeling awful in every sense of the word, âI guess I just wasnât worth it, right? I wasnât worthy of your oh so precious time, but everyone else was. Something else was.â Your expression darkens slightly as your strained smile drops completely.
âThereâs always something else, right? Something else to do, someone else to see. You could make time, alright, but just couldnât for me.â
âThatâs not what Iâm saying, Y/n.â
âThen please, enlighten me, what are you saying, Grayson?â Dick hates every time you say that, every time you refer to him by his last name. It feels like there's a deeper meaning to it that he refuses to see, and just hearing you call him that instead of anything else only forces him to remember that. To remind him of his own faults, both past and present.
Maybe he'd wonder how he keeps messing things up or why he keeps saying everything besides what he actually wants to say, but he's too deep in his own feelings to even think about that. Even if the answer laid within the action itself.
âSaving the city- having to look after Bludhaven and Gotham sometimes, and even the world on occasion- doesn't really give anyone a lot of time to do certain things. You know I'm not over all the time, and that I'm not always⊠y'know.â
âDick Grayson?â
âYeah! And justâŠâ he took a breath before sighing once again, âAll I'm saying is that a different approach could've been taken.â You hate how every word he said only seemed to validate concerns you had in the past. Thoughts that still liked to linger every now and then when you caught yourself still thinking about what could've been, and if certain things happened, would that really change anything?
It's funny that only now were you truly beginning to think otherwise.
âSo⊠what?â You say in a dry voice, âAre you saying that I shouldâve been just like you? Just like the others- and give up my dream, what I wanted to do- give up my passion, because at least then I would be able to talk to you? Because I would have a higher chance of even seeing you?â
âThat's not what I mean, Y/n, and you know that-â
âNo. No I don't. I don't know that, and honestly? I have no idea what the hell youâre even trying to tell me right now besides that I shouldâve tried harder. That I didn't do enough, because clearly- spending all of my time trying to do things for you, to accommodate for the whole fucking family that couldn't even stand for me to be in their presence for even a few seconds-â You took a shaky breath, more tears spilling out and escaping you, more falling than you would've liked, âthat's not enough. Wasting my life away and trying to do everything I could to the point where it put my health at risk- that wasn't enough. I shouldâve just dropped everything and followed everyone else instead of trying to find an alternative, because there was no alternative, right? Is that what you're trying to say?â
For once, Dick was speechless and had nothing to say, and his silence only made you hurt more. It's like you were waiting for what felt like the inevitable.
âWhat else am I supposed to do, huh? What else haven't I done? Is nothing else good enough for you? Is that really the only way I could've been with you? To see you, to actually talk with you and all the others? To be part of the family? Is that what it would've taken?â You're nearly gasping for air at this rate, with every word you say only carving deeper into your heart, and getting harder to say as you struggle to voice them aloud. Nearly choking on both your words and tears, and yet you push on.
âDid I really have to give up on my passion- my dreams to have a better chance to be something to you?â
âY/n, that's not what I mean. Doing it wouldn't have gotten in the way-â
âYou know that's bullshit! You act like the line of work you do doesn't take over your life! Like you don't think about it everyday- like you aren't constantly in danger!â At this point you're shouting and you barely even realize it, tears flowing freely now as they burn into your cheeks and crash down on the pavement below, âIs it so bad that I don't want that? That I don't want to put my life at risk? That I don't want to live your life?!â
âMaybe you enjoy that. Maybe you like that chaos and constantly putting your life on the line- but some people don't! Maybe you're made for that kind of life, but I'm not! I want to live my own life without having to be even more worried about my own well-being and safety!â
âY/n, please- calm down! I don't want to fight, I-â Dick took a quick breath, his own heart squeezing as he tries to remain stable, to remain calm. Even if it felt like he was watching his whole world crumble before him, each tear you shed stabbing into him, and every word that spilled out just twisted the knives as they dug deeper into his chest and body. âI understand what you mean, but you have to realize-â
âRealize what? That everything I did was for nothing?â Thinking it was one thing, but saying it out loud was another. The words weighed heavy on your tongue, and the more you tried to say them the more choked up you became. âThat all of my effort was in vain, and I shouldâve given up while I was ahead? Because that's the impression I'm getting right now-â
âThat's not what I meant, Y/n. I⊠I didn't mean it like that.â
âBut how else could you have possibly meant it? How else am I supposed to interpret that?â You laughed again, but it was just as sad and pathetic as the last, âYou can't expect me to just know these things, Grayson, especially considering everything and just-â You felt like you were going to tear your hair out, like you were going to collapse and truly break. Yet you managed to stand, and speak again no matter how weak your voice is.
âYou were never there for me, none of you were.â Your hands are shaking and your face burns, voice cracking in every way possible, and you hate this feeling. Yet above all else, you hate how he made you feel like this, âI could show up at the manor, bloodied and bruised, and no one- no one would notice or bat an eye. I could be wearing a cast and have crutches, and yet not a single person besides Alfred would see it or comment on it. I could be at the hospital and no one would show up, not one of you-â
âWait⊠what-?â Dick tried to speak, but you wouldnât let him, you couldnât.
âYou were never there when I needed you. You never checked up on me, you barely even noticed me-â again, you suck in another breath, barely able to take it in, âdo you know what Iâve had to deal with on my own? How much it cost me? How much it hurt me-?â
âWait, wait- hold on! Youâve been hurt?â Dick managed to cut you off, âI⊠I never heard about this.â
âOf course you haven't!â You couldn't help but laugh, more tears spilling and leaving scars on your face with how badly they burned into your skin, âYou hardly even noticed, how can you expect to hear about it?â
âYou didn't tell me- you didn't tell anyone! How- how am I supposed to know about these things when you won't even tell anyone? When you won't tell me?â Dick can feel himself begin to tear up, but he keeps it all down. He was frustrated, and even if it wasn't directed towards you, he couldn't keep his big mouth shut. Even if by the looks of things - you couldn't either, even if that was for a different reason.
Maybe you both were one in the same, but different in some ways. Dick would feel stupid if he noticed it, but of course he couldn't â not at the moment. Not with how things are going.
If only he noticed that sooner. If only he had done a lot of things sooner â then both of you wouldn't be in this position. You wouldn't be in this position.
Yet, he couldn't help himself. Both of you couldn't, in a way.
âI can't read your mind, Y/n! I'm not even at the manor half the time- how am I supposed to notice? You can't just expect me to suddenly know-â
âBut you visit enough for the others? For any one of them you'd come rushing over, especially if it was for Damian-â
âAt least he tells me when he gets hurt!â
âAre we talking about the same kid right now? God, and here I thought that he was your favorite.â
ââFavoriteâ?â Dick chuckled out humorlessly, feeling something in him break at your words. âI don't have any favorites-â
âThat is such bullshit, Grayson, and you fucking know that.â You couldn't help but sneer, everything you tried to keep inside finally rearing its ugly head as the lid you tried to put on your emotions flew off, leaving you feeling nothing but unapologetic rage. âYou play favorites all the time, but I wouldn't know that, would I? I'm probably your least-â
âDon't say that. You're not. You never were.â
âRight! Yeah, you're right. After all, I'm not even on the list, am I? How can I be the least when you barely even acknowledge me-?â
âI didn't-â Dick just cuts himself off, sighing before he continues, not being able to stop the scoff that slips past, âI didn't mean it like that. You're important to me, Y/n, how many times do I have to say that? It's like you're trying to put words in my mouth at this rate.â
âWell, excuse me for not believing you considering that, oh, I don't know, I've been ignored by you for years? That-â
ââIgnoredâ? I havenât been ignoring you, no one has-â
âReally? Are you really trying to say that now-?â
âI understand that you're frustrated, okay? That you have all the reason to be mad- but no one has ignored you. I haven't ignored you-â
âBULLSHIT! That is bull-SHIT!â You scream before you even notice the words had left your mouth in the first place, âYou would have said that before it that was the case! And even then- how the hell do you explain this entire shit show? How do you even dare to try and explain where the fuck ANY of you have been?! Because people can only be so ignorant and stupid until others begin to think it's intentional and you're doing it on god-damn purpose-!â Broken, harsh chuckles escape you - slipping in between your piercing words, ones so rough and dry that it scratches your throat just to let them out. The disbelief was heavy in each and every one of them, utterly devoid of any humor, and yet they were so unbelievably empty simultaneously.
You could feel your heart breaking even more, but you weren't the only one. Not that it mattered, as with each piece that was chipped off, you could only register the little sounds of you coming apart. Everything else was muffled, and almost completely blocked out. With your only focus being on him, on them.
âJust because something looks a certain way, doesn't mean that it's really like that. I told you, it isn't that easy. Like I said before- I haven't been avoiding you, let alone ignoring you! I wasn't trying to do anything like that-â
âIt doesn't matter what you tried! What you're trying to do! Don't you see? What matters is what it felt like to me-â
âBut you wonât let me change that! You won't let me try and change things- itâs like you want it to remain the same-!â
âYOU DON'T GET TO SAY WHAT I WANT! NOT AFTER THIS- NOT AFTER EVERYTHING! You donât get to say shit like that- you don't know me! You don't know what I've been through-! So stop talking like you understand me!â
âBut you won't let me in! You won't give me the chance to understand! How can I expect to know anything when you're giving me nothing to work with?!â
âHow about you take a fucking hint, Grayson. Can't you read the room?! You're a cop for crying out loud! And was trained by the best detective the world has to offer- so it's not my fault you're acting like you're stupid!â
âYou're not another case, Y/n! You're family, youâre my sibling! Not something that needs to be solved! Is it really so hard to just tell me anything and not push me away when I'm right here?!â
Your words catch in your throat momentarily, but you try to push past that and force something out, not caring if it was made of broken glass or venom. Yet, just as you go to speak, and the first letter escapes your lips â Dick finally breaks too.
âSHUT UP! Just Shut. Up. And ACTUALLY listen to me for one second! Please! For the love of-â Dick can't help but scoff, running a hand down his face, and covering his mouth with it. Looking away as he does so, brows furrowing.Â
He wants to say something, think of anything that he wants you to hear and understand clearly - but nothing comes to mind. Nothing you'd truly hear him out on, anyway. Nothing he's already mentioned to you. Nothing that would make this better. Even as he goes to try and say something, all that comes out is a mess of half finished words that he can't make comprehensible, especially not in a way that'll have you listen to him where you won't try to bite at him again.
So, he falls silent. You both do.
Your eyes widening at the sudden shout, before your gaze hardens and you glare at Dick through your tears and agony. His silence makes you angrier, but his loud response does shut you up momentarily.
âWellâ fine, if you want me to be quiet so badly, then I'm leaving.â You manage to say after a moment, voice wavering and becoming weaker â now spent thanks to how you've been using it up until this point.
Still, your words immediately snap Dick out of whatever trance he was in, and cause his head to snap back in your direction, with his eyes locking onto you once again â though they widen a little before he tries to calm down, and take in one last breath. He scrambles to say anything, especially as he sees you turn to leave, and see your words through.
âW-wait, hold on, I-â he presses his lips into a thin line, thinking briefly before continuing, âCan I at least walk you home? It isn't safe-â
You pause in your movements, âNo. Just-â you don't look back, you can't bring yourself to, but you do just barely glance over your shoulder â though not enough to actually see him again. Dick can't see your eyes anymore, but he can still see the tears streaming down your face. âJust leave me alone. All of you.â
Dick tries to reach out, to stop you one last time â but he hesitates, and just lets his hand fall back to his side. Instead, opting to watch you leave while he stands there, left hurt and alone. His eyes eventually find and land on the coffee you had left behind on the bench, and he finds himself staring at that once you're out of sight.
He has to hold back from running after you, and following - if only to just make sure that you'd reach your apartment in one piece - but he manages. It's the least he could do, after all, and besides, he doubts he'd be able to do that without making you hate him even more. He's gathered as much from all of this, and really - from the looks of things, he had a lot more to consider than he had originally thought. All of them did.
⊠It's only as you walk away and the distance between you and Dick grows bigger, with both of your words beginning to settle - that you both notice the clouds once light cries have turned into ugly sobs, with each tear being shed heavier than the last, thunder roaring and echoing in the distance, lightning striking the earth with a deafening clap. It was only then that both of you even noticed that the light drizzle from before had turned into pouring rain, and that there was more than just the two of you in the world. Something that felt heavier than it shouldâve, but felt appropriate at the same time.
Regardless, you continue to walk away, and once again, never look back as you commit to your decision no matter what may happen afterwards, or the consequences that may follow. Just like that one day back in the manor, you move on and go on with your choice, just knowing what you want in that moment and seeing no reason to deny yourself â especially when you want the same thing you wanted that night, when you just want to get away. You donât know what happened tonight, but all you knew is that you didnât want to be a part of it anymore, so you just left, and maybe you wouldâve felt a little grateful that Dick let you go if you had noticed to begin with â since your mind was more focused on just putting as much distance between you and him as possible.
Your phone vibrates in your pocket, and itâs only then that you remember that you still had it on you â not that you knew why youâd leave it anywhere or forget it, but itâs something you noticed nonetheless. You fish it out of your pocket as you walk, and wipe some of your tears away with the back of your hand, sniffling lightly as you check the notification. Jessica had left you a voicemail â several, actually. You couldnât imagine why, but you didnât try very hard to think of a reason, and instead just opened your phone to listen to it.
[âHey, hunâ, itâs been a while, you okay? If you donât call in the next twelve hours or so then Iâm calling the police- even if most of them are useless as hell, I know more of them will look, since they know who you are and all that. But I swear if that asshole did anything to you then heâs got another thing coming, and I know you donât like to fight, but please, for the love of god, just sucker punch that creep in the face if you have to. He looks like he could use one, and an extra hard one at that.â She takes a moment to sigh, clearly frustrated - which her tone made very clear - but you could sense a little worry, âBut, seriously. Just get back to me when you can, and you better be safe, alright? Listen to my other voice message if you havenât already, talk to you soon, bye.â]
Just hearing Jessicaâs voice made you feel a bit better, and some of what she said got a little laugh out of you. She always tried to look after you, and with what just happened â you couldnât be more grateful for it.
So, you did as told, and listened to the other voice message she had left you, curious as to what she had wanted you to know about.
[âHey, itâs Jess, darlinâ. I hope youâre not still with that guy, but if you are then just remember what I told you, okay? Well, anyway, Cece came by, and is waiting for you in the diner, and barely awake at that. So just come by and pick them up, since- well, Iâd send âem home on their own but honestly I doubt theyâd be able to make it there themselves. Iâm a little surprised they were even able to reach this place- but you get the jist. Come by, but if youâre still with that guy? I can wait, just hurry up because a girlâs gotta get her beauty sleep. See you, bye.â]
⊠Oh, well, guess you had to make a stop on your way home, then. You wanted nothing more than to curl up in your bed and just sleep, but itâs not like the walk to the diner was long anyway, and besides, it was on the way back to your apartment, so you couldnât really complain.
With that, you made a turn and headed towards the diner. Still processing and taking in everything as you do so â but when you feel more tears begin to well up, you push it to the side, and tell yourself that youâll handle it later. No matter how short or long that interaction was, it drained you, and you desperately needed rest. Maybe it wasnât the most healthy decision to make, but you couldnât handle doing anything else right now, so itâd have to wait. Besides, with how tonight went, you definitely didnât want to think about Dick and the others at the moment â they didnât deserve it, anyway.
Thankfully, you reached the diner in no time, and itâs only when Jessica stops you at the door do you even realize that your soaked⊠which makes sense but you feel a little embarrassed when she points it out nonetheless, and says how she loves you but doesnât want to have to clean the floor again when her shift has been over for about a half hour. Cece was sitting at the counter, and perks up when you enter, giving a sleepy smile before standing up and making their way over to you. Both of you thank Jessica as you take your leave â but not before you wish her a good night and say your usual goodbyes, even if she does make a point about how you and her will talk later. Hell, she even sneaks in how you almost looked like her after her breakup with Michael which⊠ouch, you can only imagine how awful you really look if that was the case â but it also only fully confirmed that you were talking to her about what happened no matter what.
Still, you were grateful that she left it at that, and didnât pry anymore as she finally let you and Cece go home. The walk to the apartment â or, rather, the short run there â since you and Cece ended up sharing their jacket as cover from the rain, and they had a funny idea as you both held it over your heads, and⊠well, one thing led to another â and it's safe to say it turned out to be rather eventful. Ending with you and Cece laughing in front of your apartment building once you reached it, huddled in front of the small entrance â Cece ending up being partially soaked despite their best efforts, and of course, youâre beyond drenched.
Once you reach your shared home, Cece, despite barely being awake, basically shoves you into the shower once you're both a little more settled, and you just do as told â more than a little tired yourself in numerous ways, and definitely not in the mood to argue. When youâre clean and in a new set of clothes, you and Cece talk a little. They try to ask why you had been out, but you just say you ran into someone â though it wasnât anyone important, and that it wasnât something to worry about â with them just accepting that answer, much to your relief.
The rest of the evening becomes a bit of a blur after that, with you and Cece just talking some more here and there, sharing a few laughs that really helped brighten your mood and made you forget all about what had happened. The pain becomes dull, and that bright fire in your chest finally dies out - leaving behind a warmth that wasnât burning or suffocating, but instead comforting and painless. One you welcomed graciously and with open arms as you felt yourself relax more and more.
Eventually, Cece turned in for the night, and as they headed back into their room, you did one last check of the apartment â making sure all the windows were not only locked, but that the curtains were closed. Going as far as to check the front door a few times just to make sure that it was really locked. Even if none of what you did would really stop any of them from getting in - it put your mind at ease a little, and really, thatâs all you could hope for.
With that, you finally settled into bed, and fell asleep faster than you had in years.
For once, you hoped youâd never wake up as your worries and fears felt so far away, and reality was out of reach â even if it laid just beyond your closed eyelids. As much as you hoped for a better morning, more than anything, you hoped that youâd just sleep the week away if you could help it. God knows you needed the rest, or at least it felt like you did.
â----------
Dick had no such luxury.
The night became a blur after you had left, and he barely remembers even meeting up with the rest of the family once everything was said and done. He couldnât tell how long he had been standing in that park all by himself, thinking of everything you had told him and looking at the little pieces of your existence that still remained behind.
All he knows is one thing led to another, and now heâs here â sitting on top of a roof with everyone else both simultaneously chastising him and trying to discuss what they should do now. Though Dick couldnât bring himself to pay attention, since the events that had unfolded moments prior replayed in his mind like a broken record, torturing him slowly as his brain reminded him of all of the mistakes heâs made tonight. He canât understand why he said half of what he did, especially because he didnât mean it. He didnât mean to blow up like he did â especially in front of you, and when you were clearly hurting and frustrated on top of that. The only thing Dick wanted to do in that moment was stop both of you from arguing, and it seems that his mouth ran off to do just that before he could think of a better way to do it. Now leaving him like this, and things worse off than they were before.
Point is, Dick felt like shit, and he knew he deserved it. Though the rest of the family definitely werenât helping him out in that regard.
âHow the hell did you even fuck this up, Dick?â Jason asks, his tone so heated it sounds like it couldâve come from the depths of hell itself â and all just to burn his older brother.
âI knew I shouldâve gone instead, this wouldâve never happened-â Tim canât help but mumble to himself, arms crossed as he sighs, frustrated â but not completely at Dick. If there was a moment for him to really believe he shouldâve kept your address and apartment number to himself, it was definitely now.
âWait- so⊠what do we do now?â Stephanie asks, concerned over what happened, and that Dick hasnât really said anything about it to them â even if all of them can tell it went poorly.
Damian just sighs, his arms crossed as well as he looks at Dick before looking to the others, âTake matters into our own hands, obviously.â
âWhile I agree that something should be done, is it really a good idea to act now?â Barbara pitches in, not entirely sure of what Damian was talking about, but not liking the implications of it all the same. Something about it just didnât feel right to her, nor did the look he gave her.
âOf course. Now that theyâre presumably heading to their apartment, we can just-â before Damian can finish what he was going to say, Cassandra covers his mouth, cutting him off swiftly which annoys the little Robin enough to shove her hand away and give her a scrutinizing look, âwhat?â
Cassandra just shakes her head, and instead begins to sign something, basically saying how they donât know if you're even at your apartment, and by the time they find out where you actually are, itâll probably be morning. Even mentioning how since you know that they know where you live, you probably wouldnât even be there anymore. Which just causes Damian to huff in response. She had a point, and he knew it, but he wasnât going to admit it out loud.
Still, despite that Jason spoke up again, âActually, I agree with the little twerp. Nowâs a good a time as any to get them home.â
â... You can't be serious, right?â Barbara asks, now getting a little concerned over what Jason meant as well, and the half-shrug he gave did little to reassure her or calm her nerves that were slowly beginning to rise.
âWhy not? Theyâre still out there doing god knows what- who knows where in the dead of night,â he points out, giving Barbara a little glance, âit anything, I just see more of a reason to get them before anything else happens.â
âJason, do you even hear yourself right now.â
âWhat? Is it a crime to be worried for my god damn family now?â
âJason.â Bruceâs voice pierces through the air, cutting through the tension before anyone else can speak up or give their two cents. Almost as if just his voice alone was enough of a barrier between those who wanted to get you home, those that didnât, and the few who didnât know where they stood at the moment.Â
Regardless, itâs enough for Jason to stand down, if only temporarily as Bruce turns to Dick â whoâs still out of it, and staring at the ground just before his feet.
âDick,â Bruce calls out, which only gets him a subtle glance, with Dick not even bothering to pick up his head â or maybe he just couldnât, no one could tell except for the one person among them who was much too fluent in body language. âWhat do you think?â He asks simply, narrowing his eyes a little when his eldest son grows quieter somehow.
Dick fidgets with the coffee cup in his hands, its warmth long gone, and yet he still runs a finger or two along the side as if it was still there. He doesnât know why he grabbed it, but now he almost couldnât find it in himself to let it go. It was yours, after all, if only for a brief moment â and even if all it did was serve as a reminder of his faults, it reminded him of you, and right now? Thatâs all he could ask for. Dick canât explain it, but itâs like by holding the cup and having it with him, he had a small part of you with him. Since, sure, while you had left it during your⊠âdisputeâ with him, it had come from a place you liked and he could only assume that it was just how you liked your coffee. It was silly, but holding it made him feel close to you, and thatâs all he wanted at the moment. To be close.
⊠It takes him a beat or two before he responds, and even then he seems unsure of himself â but remembering what had transpired minutes ago is enough to set his mind straight.
âI think⊠we should give them some time, and⊠a bit of space too for a while.â Dick manages to say hesitantly, tapping the cup lightly as he still holds onto it.
That seemed to quiet everyone down for a moment, until Stephanie eventually asks the question on everyoneâs mind.
âJust how badly did things go, Dick?â
He couldnât answer that, he didnât want to, so he remained silent. However, Cassandra could tell, and found herself just as divided as she felt the moment she first saw him. She didnât know what she wanted to do more â throw Dick off the roof, or go looking for you herself. Maybe sheâd try to do both if Bruce wasnât right there.Â
âSo, what? Do they hate us now or something?â Jason says sarcastically, but with how Dick tenses a little his tone turns harsher, â... You canât be serious.â
âDick- please tell me you didnât screw things up that badly. Please tell me that you didnât make things worse!â Tim almost begs, desperate to be wrong and hoping that his eldest brother hadnât made things worse â that there was still a small chance.
Sure, they didnât expect things to go great, but none of them really believed that they would go so horribly!
âLook, just-â Dick takes a short breath, looking at the cup in his hands in quiet defeat before glancing away, âI think we should give them some time to themself is all.â
Jason can only scoff as he crosses his arms, âI knew I shouldâve gone instead, they wouldâve been home right now.â
âI believe me and father wouldâve handled the situation much better,â Damian states, as if it would lead to the only positive outcome should he and Bruce had gone instead.
âI knew I shouldâve kept my mouth shut and just gone over by myself- stupid! Stupid! Stupid!â Tim curses under his breath, looking away as he continues to mumble to himself â expression growing increasingly darker and the air around him shifting into⊠something indescribable.
Cassandra seemed just about ready to rip something apart, and Stephanie was getting nervous from how the others seemed to be reacting, only able to stutter out a small, âG- guys? Maybe we shouldnât be talking about this right now-â
âI agreeâŠâ Barbara chips in, her own concerns only growing as she looks at the family, but tries to help Stephanie out nonetheless, âWhatâs done is done, and we should be trying to figure out what to do from here on out.â
Damian scoffs, âRight, like that will be easy with brother being silent about everything.â Dick could only look away in response, taking a small sip of the coffee in his hands, finding a little bit of comfort in its taste. It was cold, and wasnât how he usually got his done â but itâs how you liked it, and that was enough from him to like it too.
A small argument seemed to spawn from that alone, with some now going back and forth yet again on what to do â Cassandra, Jason, and Damian pretty adamant about wanting to bring you home, with Barbara, Stephanie, and Dick more keen on waiting and giving you space â even if Dick was definitely more quiet about his stance, still thinking about⊠whatever was on his mind. Tim didnât seem to engage much in the arguing either, and instead seemed to be dealing with his own thing as he kept mumbling to himself, leaving Bruce to be stuck listening to all of the nonsense until he finally got fed up with it.
âQuiet down, all of you.â He states firmly, voice cold and harsh as he shuts everyone up without even moving an inch. His eyes seemed to judge all of them as he looked at everything before sighing, and making the decision for everyone.
âWeâll give them time, and stand down for now.â He says, his tone alone indicating that there would be no arguing on this. What he said was final, and everyone would be smart to follow along with it, no matter where they stood. Still, he turned to look down at the city, and caught the faintest glimpse of your apartment building in the not-so-far distance. âbut if anything happens, then weâll act accordingly.â
#yandere batfam#platonic yandere batfam#gn reader#yandere dc#platonic yandere#yandere x gn reader#yandere batfam x reader#yandere dc x reader#yandere dick grayson#yandere dick grayson x gn reader#it's finally here in full!#total wc is around 37.5k words#so the 1st part is around 16.5K~ words#and this part is around 20K-21k~ words respectfully#ngl i lost a bit more of my sanity writing this chapter#i was so naive when i called chapter 2 my longest post...#not series
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"đ đđđđ đđđđđ?"
â genre: fluff
â pairing: sylus x reader
â contains: mutual pining, sylus down bad, yucky vulnerable feelings (jk i love him so much for this reason), reader in denial (sorry guys), poorly proofread
â word count: 1.03k
â authors note: i'm taking a crack at this. but omg that scene where he tells mc there is no love purer than his after he asks if she finally realizes how he feels about her? COME ON. HOW CAN I NOT LOVE HIM?? had to write something inspired by that dialogue because it was so????? i'm definitely going to reference to some other stuff he has said in the game that made my heart flutter because?????
"there is no love purer than mine."
is a statement that has been replaying in your mind over and over again since that day.
you couldn't help but wonder if sylus lacks self awareness because how can you actually pinpoint his feelings when every conversation the two of you engage in seems like a ploy for his own entertainment.
every pointless banter. every teasing remark. every sickeningly corny nickname that unfortunately sounds like honey whenever it left his lips. maybe you ignored his childish attempts at flirting because you were too busy ignoring the ticklish feeling it gave you in your heart down to your toes.
sylus may make your eye twitch or send a small twinge in your brain with every smartass comment he feels he has to belch out: but maybe that's part of his charm. he mainly gets away with it with a face like that.
but your developing feelings for sylus was far more emotional than it was physical.
maybe it was the way he was always ready to lock in when it really came down to it.
the two of you being around each other always ended up with you or him being hurt. sometimes both. and if not either of you, chaos ensued. maybe a building was blown up instead. it was fun but it was times like those when you learned about sylus in a slightly more intimate way. it took a few deep gashes and heavy panting, near death experiences and stitches. but he needed your help. you liked that he could at least admit that. he saw you reliable enough to call on you when he was most vulnerable. and he helped you in the same way, despite protest.
he likes to hold hands. but it's not just his fingers intertwined but more like your hearts tangle more than your fingers. it was nice...he may mean it to be authoritative but there is always an underlying sense of comfort in his fingertips.
maybe he was a vampire. as you had previously joked. silver hair. red eyes. that inexplicably gorgeous face. pale skin that would automatically show any trace of lip gloss or lipstick that he would have obtained by getting a bit too close while attempting to tease you. that allure that often times makes your head go numb before you're brought back to reality by another witty comment.
you were more than enthralled by him; you realised as you laid in bed a few nights ago.
now he just makes you nervous. why would he say that?
there is no love purer than his?
and it's all for you?
it all feels like too much.
he calls and you stare at the caller ID before choosing to nervously accept the call. not before you start a petty argument.
but even among his arrogance, and the chirp in his voice when he engages with you, he's still sickening sweet. slipping in how strongly he feels about you in between every other colourful retort of yours or so. gosh. could he not?
after you pathetically stutter through a smartass comment of yours, his amused chuckle has you fighting the urge to chuck your phone. so you just hang up instead. maybe you just need to go outside. that should calm you down.
the warm yet slightly humid summer night air hugs itself against your slightly trembling form, a small fire lit in your heart as you walk down the empty sidewalk in pyjamas.
no one is around. all the stores are closed. it's just you and the street lights as you murmur about all the things you don't like about him in an attempt to kill the light in your heart, this light giving you an odd sense of pleasure. to no avail, your rambling on seems to make the light grow. and a small buzz on your leg.
in your pocket.
he's calling again.
you stare at it this time. its like you think the loving feelings pouring from your pores will tap the accept button for you. this doesn't last long before you shake your head and put the phone back in your pocket. you continue walking, eyes kept on the sidewalk as you weigh the pro's and con's of accepting such feelings.
*thud* you've hit your head on something.
the familiar scent in your nostril already tells you what- more like who it is.
it's obvious he used his evol to just appear in front of you. or else you would have seen his shadow underneath the streetlight you're under before your forehead met his chest.
the mere thought of it being him before even seeing his face is enough to get your stomach to flip, so you flip yourself in the other direction. then he wraps his hand around your wrist but he never seems to forget to add the electrifying part.
your free hand twitches as he intertwined his beautiful fingers with yours, the linking of both your pointer fingers keeping you together.
the silence among the song of cicadas makes you bite your tongue, anticipating a smart, playful retort. and yet amidst your baited breath nothing.
your heart beats in your ears as his warmth lingers on your fingertips. the two linked fingers generating the most heat.
"gosh, would you stop tormenting me already?" you whisper.
"is that what you think this is?" his voice echoing in the street.
you're both silent for a moment. yet neither of you make a motion to separate the linked fingers.
"your love...in it's purest form..."
another silence.
"it belongs to you." he finishes
you turn to him, still staring at the pavement.
"my love....." you began.
he seems to be holding his breath as you fidget in front of him. you attempt to make your slippers overlap or something to that effect as your palms get sweaty.
"is just as pure as yours." you breathe out in something like a scoff.
even now you're trying to challenge him
"and i want you to have it."
 when you utter that last bit, you look him straight in the eyes.
he exhales and accepts it with no hesitation.
in his arms, where both your hearts tangle.
© syllikins 2024
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Wolverine x f!reader
FUCK OR NOTHING
Summary: When you met Logan, you made a deal, that only involved intimacy without any deeper feelings. However, one day it changed and your whole relationship was definitely not up to par anymore.
Warnings: MDNI 18+, strong language, nicknames (bub, baby), praise kink, âfriends with benefitsâ, fingering, unprotected sex ( p i v )
You don't even remember when you and Logan made this deal. You've been doing this for weeks, maybe months, and you love it. You agreed to fuck together but without any emotions or feelings involved, just sex. You both agreed that this would be the best way to avoid unnecessary problems or disagreements. Everything was perfect.
Every day you always looked forward to the evening when you would knock on Logan's door and in no time, you would be naked, full of his massive cock. You couldn't argue with the fact that he was extremely good at fucking and he always managed to make you cum, something that many men before him couldn't done. He was charming, not only with his pelvis, but also with his heart.
You couldn't admit it, but aside from fucking, you adored the small talk afterwards, when you were lying next to each other covered with a warm blanket, entwining your fingers and talking about your day or, conversely, Logan's. These were the moments where you were both skating on thin ice, when it came to catching deeper feelings. Either way, your agreement was still valid, until that fateful day.
It was late at night. You knocked on the door like you always do, eagerly waiting for Logan. When nothing came from the other side for a long time, you furrowed your brows in confusion but decided to knock a second time. When nothing happened again, you were ready to knock for a third time, but the door suddenly opened.
"Not today" was all he said before he closed the door again, leaving you in shock. After regaining your composure and blinking few times, you knocked on his door in frustration again. He opened the door with an annoyed sigh, giving you a stabbing look.
"I said not today" he wanted to close the door again, but this time he couldn't. You quickly put your foot between the door and the doorframe, not allowing Logan to fully close the door. He sighs again and rub his forehead, as you open the door and enter without permission. "Hey what's wrong?" your frustration was gone in an instant and replaced with pity.
He squeezed his face and shook his head, before opening his eyes to look at you. You felt like he was looking right into your soul, something was definitely going on. "Nothing, I'm just not in the mood today" normally, you would've understood that and walked away, but Logan seemed like he really needed someone and not just for sex.
"You can talk to me" you touch his arm to make him relax, but he flinched. That hit you a little, but you were more worried about Logan than your own feelings right now. He looked...you couldn't even tell what was going through his head, but he didn't look okay.
"Please just, leave me alone" he sat on the barstool and dropped his head into his hands. You were frozen and thinking, whether to leave him or keep trying to help him. On the other hand, you've known Logan for a while and when he says he wants to be alone, he really wants to be alone. As much as it hurt you to not being able to help him, you slowly walked towards the door with a sigh.
"Alright...just if you need something, you know I'm here" you said with the expectation that these would be the last words before you leave, but they sure werenât. "Wait" you quickly stopped and spun on your tiptoes to face him. "We uh we gotta stop with this" he moved his hand in the air, indicating the two of you, more specifically your deal.
You felt a chill running down your spine as those strong words left his mouth. He said that like it was nothing and that may've hurt you even more. "What?" you furrow your eyebrows and slowly walk closer to Logan, who couldn't even look at you. "Look I-" "What do you mean we gotta stop this?!" your voice started getting more indignant and angry.
You stared at him blankly, before you got close enough to him, but he still didn't have the balls to look you in the eye. "I think it'll be better that way-" "Why?" you answered impulsively and your blood really started to boil. Logan seemed annoyed by your constant questioning but you couldn't care less. "Did I do something? Did I say something wrong or-" "You didn't do anything wrong"
Logan sighed tiredly as he shook his head, he was fed up. "Then why? Why do you want to suddenly throw this away, when it suited both of us for so long?" your voice slowly turned soft, but still with a hint of frustration. "There's a reason..." his answers only confused you more. "What? Tell me" you sat opposite to him and reached out for his hands. He tried to avoid them, but in the end he let himself be conquered by your touch.
"JustâŠplease, we'll deal with it another time" "Why not deal with it now? I'm here, you can tell me" your constant probing made Logan lose his temper and therefore he burst forth in rage. "I broke the deal okay?!" he finally looked you in the eyes, but not the way you wished he would. It took you a moment to realize what he meant by that. "How?" you asked slowly and carefully.
"You know damn well..." Logan broke the eye contact and looked down. You could tell he was blushing, which kinda caught you off guard but thanks to that, you immediately realized what he was referring too. "Oh god" you responded quietly and dramatically. "Y-you caught feelings for me?" very carefully you leaned closer to Logan expectantly, but it seemed to upset him.
He shook off from your grip and stood up. He felt really under pressure which was another reason for his red face. "Please just go" you gave him puppy eyes, even tho you knew he wasn't looking at you. You find it cute, that he couldn't say it out loud he likes you. Too bad he doesn't know you feel the same way.
"Logan" you stood up and slowly walked over to him. He was still trying to look away from your presence, but he couldn't last long when you were getting real close to him. "I already broke the deal a long time ago" you place a hand on his chest, feeling his heart pounding. His eyes softened and he looked surprised by your words. He didn't say it out loud, but his face said really? So you nodded and smiled.
He was out of his words. A million thoughts were running through his mind and he couldn't form a meaningful sentence. âI should've told you earlierâ you began to doubt and drop your head. Logan immediately comforted you and forced you to look up at him, as he grabbed your chin and pulled it. "Hey, you said it at the perfect time" he smirked and before you could smile back, he gave you a comfort kiss.
It wasn't a kiss like the previous ones that took place during foreplay and heated up the room. This one was charming, honest and lowkey careful. The main proof that there were deeper feelings between you than they should. It was long kiss. but it was followed by another comforting one that showed you the way home, and that home was Logan.
You felt his hands on your weist, firmly grabbing it and giving it a light squeeze, as he let his tongue enter your mouth. The atmosphere started getting tougher as the loving gentle kisses slowly drifted into hungry and lustful fighting with each others tongues. Despite the appearance that suggested how gentle those kisses were, they were now full of fire and passion.
Logan's hands were traveling and exploring every part of your body, even though he knew it perfectly long time ago. He knew where are your imperfection, marks or where you are most insecure, but thanks to him you love yourself more and more every day. He knew where are you most sensitive, where are you most ticklish and which places could send you to the edge simply and easily.
His hands suddenly ended up on your ass, squeezing it so hard, that there'll be definitely a massive bruise. When it comes to sex, Logan doesn't know the word slow or gentle. He harshly picks you up by your ass, obviously, and puts you on the counter you were just sitting next to a few minutes ago. Since you were already prepared for this, you were wearing just a loose short dress with no panties, because why bother wearing underwear if it's going to disappear in no time anyway?
Logan attacked your neck, bitting it and sucking it, even though you forbade him this act because of work, today was an exception, which he maliciously used. He rolled your dress up, messaging your thighs. His dick was twitching inside his pants, as he heard your typical whimper sounds. Even though it was the umpteenth time he heard them, he always adore them.
His hand on your thighs was deathly slowly approaching the place where you needed him the most. You were already throbbing around nothing, your wetness was dropping on the counter and you felt like if he won't thrust anything into you in no time, you'd faint.
Of course, Logan sensed this with his instincts and decided not to trouble the two of you. He gently started rubbing your folds as he left purple bruises all over your neck. You were moaning his name and tugging his soft hair, as your hips moved forward to his hand, craving for more. He chuckled, hot breath tickling your neck, before he moved his face in front of yours.
"What would you like hm?" he asked pathetically, even though he knew the answer very well. He really slowly started inserting one finger into you, making your breath catch in your throat. You wish he would move faster. "P-please" you bit your lips and moved your hips towards his finger to fasten the process, gaining another chuckle from Logan.
"What? Say it bub" he loved teasing you, especially in this state. It turns him on and you could tell that his tent in his pants was almost tearing the fabric already. "I want you" you quickly breathe out and shut your eyes tightly. "Really? How do you want me then" his cocky smirk, which you fortunately couldn't see, would probably make you furious, but in a hot way.
In a normal circumstance, when he wouldn't have his finger inside you, you would be tired of his commands already and just tell him to fuck off, but this wasn't a normal circumstance. "Inside me" that was enough for Logan to finally start acting like a man. He didn't mess with you at all, he stuck two fingers into you at once and aggressively curled them. You throw your head back and smile, as your teeth were still deeply sunk into your lips. You were finally getting what you wanted the whole day.
"Oh you fucking love that, don't you?" Logan giggled as you nodded, moving your hips in a rhythm of his fingers. The speed of his fingers was incredible and he was touching exactly the most sensitive points that made your body twitch. With every twitch you squeezed your face and let out a soft quiet moan.
Logan was on the edge. Even though he wasn't fucking you, he felt that way. Your face was enough for him to cum. He had to look away to last at least a little longer. "Logan!" you tightly tugged his hair as you felt the tightening feeling between your legs. "C'mon baby, cum for me" he smiled, looking down at his fingers inside your pussy, which was tightly clenching around him. You couldn't hold yourself anymore and with a few more curls, your whole body tensed and you felt the hot warm feeling in your lower stomach. You jaw fell open and together with a loud moan you relaxed and climax on Logan's long fingers.
You ride yourself off on his fingers as he still curled them, but at a slower pace. "Good girl" he whispered, you trying to catch your breath while he tried not to cum in his pants. He knew you wouldn't laugh at him and it wouldn't be awkward, but his desire to cum into you was unyielding.
He gave you some time to calm down. When you did, he wasted absolutely no time and harshly started unbuckling his pants. You helped him, taking off his shirt before he flashed you with that divine body. Even though you've seen him so many times that he's even started appearing in your dreams, every time you see his abs your mouth starts filling with saliva.
You greedily touched his sweat and heat coated body while Logan was impatiently fighting with his belt. When he finally manage to take it off, the sound of heavy fabric touching the floor makes your eardrums tickle. Your heart raced as you looked down to see his impossibly huge cock twitching and begging to be fucked. His balls were so filled and he really needed you now more than ever. You swallowed loudly and looked back up into Logan's lustful eyes, which were dark as the night sky.
He tilted his head, making your core start pulsating again. "Is that what you want?" you nodded impatiently. "Are you sure?" he grinned and leaned closer, so that your noses were almost touching. His hands rested on the counter, his body covering yours as a large shield. You nodded again, this time more eagerly. As long as he loves to provoke you, he can't resist you or your perfect pussy, that never fails to make him cum.
Without a blink of an eye, his lips were on yours, hungrily kissing you, while he adjusted his pelvis so that he penetrated you without problems. He knew your body so well, that he didn't even have to keep his eyes open, to insert himself exactly, where he is supposed to. A squeak moan left your mouth, still full of Logan's tongue, as you felt your walls expand around his cock. He entered easily as your wetness and cum worked as lubricant.
Logan wanted real badly to keep tasting your lips, but the deeper he was inside you, the harder it was for him to focus on that. When he was already immersed almost to his base, he bit your lips before leaving them for good and drop his forehead to yours. His hot breathing started being more frequent and stuttering. Your hands quickly find his back and without hesitation started leaving deep and bloody scratches.
He huffed as you were destroying his back. He really loved you. He started moving his hips, slowly at first to build the heat up, but before long he couldn't control himself anymore. He was pounding his full weight into his hips, looking at the place where you two connect.
"Ah fuck yeah" he whined, his nostrils big and you started beeing overwhelmed by his unreal speed. He was hitting your g-spor already and you knew you won't last long. You never do with Logan. "L-logan" you moan his name, just adding points to his ego but your sweet voice hits him right into his twitching dick. "Ah baby, you have no idea what you're doing to me" he grabbed the back of your head, pulling you closer to his face as he desperately tried to catch his orgasm.
The sloppy wet sound surrounded the room and the air around you smelled like sex and passion. Logan could feel your heart beating abnormally fast and your skin surrounded by goosebumps. Your core hugging tightly around his length, making it harder for Logan to hold himself. You didn't need words to tell, that you were both coming. Drops of sweat fell from Logan's forehead onto you as his husky voice warmed your eardrums.
"Fuckfuckfuckfuck..." Logan squeezed his face and dropped his head, as he gave you one last hard thrust, before emptying himself. He shot everything into you, finally releasing what he was holding all day. You whine as you felt his warm seed inside you, dripping from your core and covering your entire pussy, while Logan's dick was still fully inside you. He tried to catch his breath and wake his senses back. "Are you okay?" he cupped your cheek and suddenly, the hungry wolf eyes were replaced by a cute puppy look.
You nodded, smiling as you close your eyes but there was still something here that Logan will not just let go. You didn't cum, yet. After a while, he started moving his hips again. Your eyes widened and you looked at him confused, but when Logan started brushing your clit with his middle finger, you were in heaven.
The combination of being full and gaining pleasure from provocation of your clit was sending you right to the edge. You bit your lips, trying so hard not to be loud but you failed, as the warmth in your lower stomach started to accumulate. Your legs started shaking and eyes rolled back, as you felt the unyielding urge to pee. A few more moves from Logan's pelvis and his finger and boom, you lose yourself.
Your jaw fell open as you moan so loudly that even the neighbors definitely heard it. Logan smirked in satisfaction as he accomplished his mission and saw your chest rising and falling rapidly. "Good girl, good fucking girl" he kissed his way from your neck to your mouth, trying to calm your breathing as quickly as possible. After both of your pulses calmed down, Logan carefully pulled out of you, causing a groan from both of you, and helped you jump off the counter.
You were a bit clumsy, your legs still shaking from the previous two orgasms you just gained. Logan chuckled, holding your wrist to keep your balance. "Hey hey hey easy there" He carefully helped you to his bed. He immediately laid down next to you and you took advantage of it. Using Logan's body as a pillow, you lay on his chest, entwining your leg over his and closing your eyes. Logan hugged you, letting a loud satisfied breath out as he watch your calm face that was squished just a few seconds ago, trying to be quiet.
âLogan?â you asked with your eyes keep closed, your voice sleepy. âHm?â you took a moment before you answer. âAre we officially together now?â by this question, you caught Logan off guard a bit. He cleared his throat. âAre we?â he he didn't want to admit it first, because he was afraid that he would be too fast on you or that you would refuse him, but luckily none of this happened. "Yeah...we are" you said, making Logan smile. He gave you a soft kiss into your hair, before both of you fall asleep.
You never expected to date Logan. With a man you met by chance and promised that under no circumstances will feelings arise between you. Well but here we are, an example that anything is possible.
#smut#wolverine x you#wolverine imagine#wolverine fanfiction#x men wolverine#wolverine xmen#wolverine x reader#deadpool and wolverine#wolverine smut#logan wolverine#wolverine#logan howlet x reader#logan howlett x you#logan howlett xmen#logan howlett x reader#logan howlet smut#logan howlett smut#logan x reader#logan howlett#marvel x reader#marvel smut#marvel xmen#marvel#hugh jackman x y/n#hugh jackman x you#hugh jackman x reader#hugh jackman smut#hugh jackman
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